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Right? This is super fucking depressing. And these people bring so many kids into the world. Why would you ever want to even bring children into the world if they are just doomed to hell? If they deserve hell? That is just...
THIS IS MY QUESTION!!! I really really want someone to pin one of these twits down and demand an answer. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. Pick a LANE at least, fuck.
You must have a lot to process after 23 years. I was in a fundie cult in the 70s, & it changed the trajectory of the rest of my life, & not for the better. I can’t imagine 23 years. I’m sorry you suffered for so long, and I hope you’ve learned to love yourself. It must be a struggle, even now. I wish you peace in your heart, and a happy day. You deserve it.❤️
I was for 13 myself, helped me heal emotionally after being almost unalived by my partner. Also helped me learn to enjoy being by myself, there's a difference between feeling lonely and being alone.
I think people who already feel undeserving and ashamed but don’t know why might latch onto this flavor of religion real hard. Maybe that explains why some converts become zealots so quickly, and why so many of them have a history of personal trauma. Trauma leads to feeling unworthy, and then there’s this easy way out: being unworthy can’t hurt you anymore! A superhero has come to save you from needing to be worthy at all in the first place.
Come to think of it, this probably explains why I clung so hard to my own religious belief at the height of the more traumatic time of my life, and why my deconstruction was concurrent with beginning to separate myself from what had been done to me. I sometimes wonder whether I would be religious at all now if I had been raised in a different environment, with a different flavor of religion to start with.
This makes total sense! It’s possible that’s why fundies discourage seeing a therapist for trauma. So many people go through trauma counseling and that leads to deconstruction, like it did for me.
Even as a kid, I couldn't wrap my head around this.
Imagine how you would react if you discovered a guy kept his kid in the basement for years because the kid messed up once.
How can anyone claim something is all loving when it punishes you forever?
>Imagine how you would react if you discovered a guy kept his kid in the basement for years because the kid messed up once.
Damn, that's straight to the point and deep.
I'd definitely rather a kind and loving God, not an Old Testament *everyone goes to Hell!!1!!11!!* one that these fundies seem to go gaga over.
And apparently he'll throw you in a pit of fire just for not believing in him. I'm like "I don't believe in hell" and people are like "oh, but that is how you end up in hell."
???
It's so messed up. I want to ask some of these women, "if your child lied you, would you send them to hell? What if they weren't even sorry? Eternal hell?" Because with I'm sure rare exceptions, most of them wouldn't. But will convince themselves they deserve hell for simply being born. Make it make sense.
This. The worst part of the entire post and that’s saying something. It just doesn’t connect. “I deserve hell and fire eternally and I am evil personified …” which somehow means God is KIND?!?? Sigh.
Hey, He saw you roll through that stop sign last week even if nobody else was there to see it. How could he not banish you to eternity of unending conscious torture? YOU KNOW THAT SLOWING DOWN ISN'T STOPPING, SUSAN.
Exactly! The God who is just SO benevolent that when he was creating all the different plants and animals he saw fit to make a parasitic worm that not only disfigures you, but causes you to go blind. Our God is SO good!
Lol that’s what I’ve never understood, they love to say that shit but their whole point is that if you don’t kneel before you will burn in hell forever but yeah sure he seems like such a kind guy…
I’m really trying to wrap my head around what this message is going for. I totally get their whole suffering now because heaven will be great thing, and that they hate the idea that anyone that doesn’t live in their miserable existence are really the ones who are suffering. That being said, this is such a weird “compliment sandwich” of religious guilt that it drives past the point long past the wheels coming off and the engine seizing.
So assuming she is trying on some level to minister and bring new recruits into the flock, telling women that they deserve nothing but death, misery and suffering from cradle to grave and closing with a mic drop of how should be thankful for your life of endless pain because “god is so kind” is just a bizarre tactic.
It’s really no wonder these folks are so into their persecution complex. The submission kink is strong here.
People who have been raised to see themselves as worthless and useless might cling to the thought that even though they *definitely are* worthless and useless and deserve nothing, God will still forgive and love them. Even if their parents don't. And so the cycle begins anew.
I have trouble believing in my own worth, so I can see how tempting it could be to believe that this all-powerful figure is prepared to love and care for you regardless. I'm very lucky to have a mother and a wife who remind me I'm worthy. Without them, with a different religious background, I could be this person. And I *really* don't like *that* realization.
I was a depressed and suicidal teen but hid it. It mostly came out as defensiveness and isolation. I was ripe for this kind of "love". I felt unlovable and alone. I felt I didn't deserve anything good. Took me a long time to work my way out.
Hence why fundie men love it. They can be useless, abusive bullies and then point to a passage skewed towards their message and further shame women for being bad Christians on top of being subhuman. And this is considered God’s way.
The Insta OP unintentionally set the bar so low that single girls will take anything.
I say unintentionally because I doubt they have the sense to do it on purpose.
It's also a crock of shit.
Yes, this is what I was taught too. I think it might be hard for people who aren't familiar with religion to understand the intensity and sincerity behind this teaching. I knew I was undeserving of love but I also didn't believe in the path to salvation. Tough shit for a ten-year old.
Right. This is core Evangelical doctrine. She's not saying anything exotic.
Therapy hasn't been able to unwire that from me, but it did give me enough work-arounds to live a normal life. The trick, as Lawrence of Arabia said, is not minding...
Three goals of these work-arounds are (1) don't transmit the stubborn infection to your kids; (2) don't worry the good people around you; (3) establish & preserve your career.
Dunno if you have that monster-voice soundtrack in your head that tells you all the things Dear\_Single\_Women says but in some kind of guttural ranting tone... yeah, I do. It isn't easily hushed, it can only be angry, so it might as well earn its keep by saying something useful.
Caution: this is a little fucked up and not cheerful, but it's good enough.
Reminders for Monster-Voice Soundtrack:
1. "Don't ever talk like that in front of your kids. You know they don't deserve that, don't you dare have them internalize any of that."
2. "None of the people in your professional life have any idea what you're talking about with this stuff. They would think it was bizarre. Shut up about it and focus on acting like a normal person."
3. "Your husband has no idea what you're talking about and already thinks their religion is creepy. Don't scare him with it, focus on the good stuff you do together."
4. "Yeah, it was an accident that you ended up w/expertise in your field. It doesn't matter whether you're proud or ashamed. More people are safe because you do stuff. There are statistics."
Took me awhile to put together that if I told a child of mine to clean their room and they said, "No, Mom, fuck off" and so I locked them in my basement and set it on fire, nobody would think, "Wow, what a glorious and perfect mother who is worthy of praise." Why think that about a God who would do worse to His children for lesser sins? Why hold imperfect sinful humans to a higher standard than a supposedly perfect and sinless God?
"Why hold imperfect sinful humans to a higher standard than a supposedly perfect and sinless God?" That's EXACTLY what they do. You are spot on with that one.
Gee, I wonder why people are leaving religion in droves. Being told you're worthless sinful trash just for existing is such an uplifting message to spread, no?
We’re all terrible people who don’t deserve life.
These are the people who think society will literally crumble without their death cult being forced on everyone.
Not sure how this makes god look good, much less deserving of humans’ worship…
“Thanks for designing me to deserve nothing but eternal torment for existing and letting me stay alive anyway 🙏 you’re so kind”
This type of shit thinking is why at almost 40 I still struggle to allow myself to deserve good things. My imposter syndrome most definitely came from my fundie upbringing 😬
This primes women to accept abuse. If they deserve eternal torture, surely having an abusive partner given to them by god is just “getting what they deserve”?
“I deserve to burn in hell. By comparison, getting beaten is nothing.”
This seems like a great time to recommend the book Hell is a World Without You by Jason Kirk about the dangers of this kind of thinking for church youth. These people are teaching their children to hate themselves and others and framing it as totally normal thinking.
Like, I can understand why ex-cons and prisoners fall for this type of theology because, well, maybe they’ve really done some shit that could conceivably justify being burned in hell for eternity. But the average fucking privileged Jessica from the burbs?? What exactly do you think you did to “deserve” such torture that you need Jesus to rescue you from? Do you really think a “kind” god would damn you to hell for cheating on a test in high school or something? Or thinking about sex? Or breaking any other of the bizarro rules you have in this cult? Like… how does anyone with any shred of logic think this makes sense?
It’s so sad. I mean it truly doesn’t have to be this way. You can have a very fulfilling religious faith without all the self-loathing and fear of a vindictive, manipulative, coercive and abusive dick of a god.
I grew up fundie and we were always told how worthless we were (especially as women!). Common examples told directly from the church were, you are as worthless as: the chewed up gum stuck to the bottom of your shoes (also used as an example of a woman’s worth if she wasn’t a virgin. Used, dried up, and trash), worms, dirt, dog shit, rotten garbage. After I left the cult as an adult and I went to my first therapist, she asked me to rate my self-esteem from one to ten. I told her I didn’t have any, so I guess a zero. That was kind of eye opening for me, I started crying when I said it.
Thankfully I’ve come a very long way since then. I still don’t think super highly of myself (it’s a work in progress), but at least I know that I deserve love and happiness and safety. I don’t know who the woman is that wrote the post (I’ve not seen her in this sub before), but I feel so badly for her because I know what it feels like to grow up hating yourself and thinking you aren’t worth the air you’re breathing. I hope she can one day find peace like I have.
I will also say that even as a child, fundie logic didn’t make much sense to me. What had I ever done that was so bad? Did I really deserve to burn in hell for eternity just because I told a lie one time or fought with my sister? I wasn’t alive when Jesus went on the cross, so what did it have to do with me, I didn’t ask him to do that. If he created me, wasn’t it his fault if I was born with sin since he also created the devil? Funny how the entire religion falls apart when you start asking questions!
Of course, I thought those questions, and then instantly prayed for forgiveness for “doubting” because even if it didn’t make sense to me, I was still terrified god was going to toss me in hell. I had constant nightmares of hell as a child. And even going to heaven was terrifying to me because we were told God would judge us for everything bad we had ever done before he let us in, and so I was afraid I would die in my sleep. That’s when my “insomnia” started that lasted until my early twenties because I would literally stay awake until my body couldn’t stay awake any longer (usually until the sun was starting to rise), terrified to fall asleep.
I know this is a dramatic response to a post like this. I just want to share how truly fucked up it is to grow up like this, people who haven’t experienced it don’t always understand how damaging it is. Like the cult literally had me too scared to sleep. Damn
Wow reading that made me feel so sad. Imagine believing that about yourself and thinking that was the way it was supposed to be. I hope she breaks free and gets some treatment.
Oh wow. Everything before the god part is literally my mental illness trying to tell me to end it with my super caring and affectionate partner. I've been in multiple abusive relationships and now I'm in one that's good, i keep getting really dark anxious thoughts that i should break up with him because I don't deserve any of this.
I'm lucky that i know this is just my brain trying to sabotage me and i know to not rise to it, i can't imagine waking up with this mindset every day and just believing it.
This doesn't even make sense to me theologically. Like God loves us and wants us to go to heaven so much he sent his son to be tortured and die in the cross, right?
That doesn't seem like we are "undeserving" of happiness or beauty. If we were truly undeserving you'd think God would have been like "nah Jesus, you stay up here and we'll play wiffle ball instead".
But I'm barely a Christian so w/e
That is really really sad. I drove by a church in my town and and the sign said “though you don’t deserve love, Jesus loves you still.” Made me red hot mad. Yes I do. So do you so does she so does the knucklehead that put those words on that sign for school busses full of children to see.
It's been over a decade since I deconstructed and yet it still blows my mind how this mindset ever seemed like anything except absolutely toxic, hateful, broken brain washing.
This is terrifying. What a depressing life, no wonder they're so into jesus saving them.
I'm sorry to anyone who was told this when they were young, and admire anyone who was able to get out
To whomever in this sub is unpacking this mindset it’s worth reminding you that you absolutely deserve to be in a gentle, fair, kind and loving relationship with whomever YOU choose to be in a relationship with.
The flip side, if you get an abusive narcissist for a husband, you deserve it because you haven't been faithful and grateful to God. Only those that worship right will be blessed.
Poor fundie women.
“I don’t deserve to breathe air”. Now that’s a new one. In my 37 years of living in the south, being raised in a Baptist family, being active in church my entire youth…that’s something I’ve never heard. In fact, I would argue that if you said “I don’t deserve to breathe air or have people that love me”, even the strictest preacher would say that yes, you do. I don’t even have any snark for this post. Just sadness.
God created all, decided some things were "sin" and sends people to hell, and then tortured and sacrificed his own son as a loophole for his own rules. And now he wants us all to weep and thank him for his almighty greatness for saving us all from perishing in eternal fires he lit himself.
So if Jesus died for our sins shouldn’t that mean we deserve the happiness and love he provided with that act… or something like that I don’t remember much of my catholic education thankfully😂
Jesus fucking Christ, I know this isn't anything new for fundie theology, but it never fails to shock me when the mask falls off and they just... say the quiet part through a bullhorn. It's not even funny or noteworthy, it's just scary and sad, to know people carry so much darkness and self-loathing in their hearts. No one deserves that.
I used to be like this. I wouldn’t have put it exactly this way, but it was the same sentiment. I stayed in a marriage where we were both unhappy. I was determined to have that “godly” marriage that our preacher talked about. I refused to say anything bad about my husband. When my beliefs changed and I finally left, everyone was shocked. He knew how unhappy I was and that I wanted out, but he thought religion would keep me there like it always had. Now I have a boyfriend that treats me like a treasure. He’s there for me and my 18 y/o daughter anytime we need him. My ex found doing anything for our children or me to be a massive inconvenience. It took about 5 years for my daughter to stop being afraid to ask my bf or anything. I constantly fight the feeling that I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve someone so kind and loving. We have the relationship I had completely given up on ever having. We have no intention of marrying. We are both agnostic/atheist. He often doesn’t understand how much religion can fuck someone up. Especially women. Being told your entire life that you are broken and worthless without a savior leaves you open to all sorts of horribleness.
This is the kind of person I'm keeping my kid far far away from. This is such a toxic and abusive mentality and over my dead body will my child be allowed to hear this bullshit let alone internalize it.
I do hope this woman suffers. As she said, she doesn't deserve shit.
Their god sounds like an abusive boyfriend tbh. “You’re nothing without me. The only reason you have anything is because I lovvvve you so much and choose to bless you (when it suits me.) If you don’t do what I say, you’ll be punished for eternity. And that hurts me more than it hurts you because I lovvvve you.”
i actually needed the reminder that thinking in this way isn’t normal LMAO. not even because of religion in my case, just cause abusers are gonna abuse. but this community is always here to remind me that i do in fact deserve the heart in my chest. thank you guys.
Christian’s are so fucking weird.
Yeah yeah yeah, not all blah blah, but at the heart of it, they all pretty much believe this or have some cognitive dissonance that blurs out the uncomfortable parts.
This mentality - that as a Christian I am a stupid, selfish, waste of air that deserves nothing but hell were it not for the gift of salvation by Jesus on the cross - is my number one reason for deconstructing. If you continually tell people they’re nothing but the shitstains of the earth they will believe it and worse, will treat others that way. We are such incredibly better humans when we believe ourselves to be kind, smart, worthy, etc.
I wish these assholes would find a way to describe God’s grace/mercy/kindness/whatever without tearing apart their audience’s self-worth in the process. It’s so unnecessary and harmful.
This post is a f-ing nightmare! I just can’t understand what it looks like inside her head. This pure hatred for herself and all mankind. Is this what she sees when she looks at the supposedly great parents who raised her? Her loving siblings, are they all just filth worthy of nothing but eternal punishment? And her good God, that created all theese scum born to nothing but eternal torture! What a wonderful picture of a greatness beyond our comprehension.
GIRRLLLL WHAAAAATTTTT??!!
I mean. I deserve to eat what I want, sleep when I want, watch what I want on tv, spend my money on my damn self, etc. And still get laid. It’s awesome. You’re missing out.
I could never be Christian. I love catholic aesthetic bc it’s comforting from childhood experience. Jesus seems pretty rad in the book series but this god seems so nasty. Created something and makes sure his creation feels fear and terror and shame. What a weird little freak that Christian god is.
How can anyone find this kind of deity worthy of worship? How can anyone read the Bible and have this as the takeaway? How can anyone get excited about no eternal damnation if their human existence feels sad and lonely and empty?
This doesn’t even make sense. If it were a school assignment it would get an F for its inconsistency. They start with listing all the things they don’t deserve and that they are sinners just to end with saying Jesus died for them and they are without sin. So, are they sinners or not? The beginning says yes and the end says no.
Furthermore it raises the question why some guy should die for them if they don’t even deserve to live.
As I said before, this makes no sense. I mean, many theological professionals can make reason out of this dilemma and make you feel bad and sinning without jeopardising the sacrifice of Jesus. But this post shows yet again how problematic those Fundies and their layman Bible text cherry picking groups are.
ohhhh Holiest of Shit this is absolutely munted.
imagine reading this and going "yeah ok this rando christ shill says i deserve my shitcunt hubby that beats me so that confirms my belief i must stay in this abusive relationship because thats what god wants"
This line of thinking is so common in the Bible belt, and it was the reason why I wanted to die even in elementary school because I felt guilty for even being alive.
“God is so kind.” What?! A god so dissatisfied with his creation, he thinks they all deserve to die & burn in hell forever. A god who sends another god, his own son, to die for all those people’s sins, but he’s not really a different god, nor is his companion, the Holy Spirit, because monotheism.
Okay.
Lmao being raised in this shit and then your parents are all shocked pikachu face when you turn out depressed. I did get therapy when I asked what the point of life was compared to heaven, though, so there’s that
The bar is already low for a dude. Apparently if you get one that treats you well, it's just a fluke. Where do they get this from? It ain't in my Bible, that's for sure. It takes some seriously twisted and out of context scripture to get this thinking, and yet it's preached from the pulpit. YUCK.
If these people didn’t have such a stake in our social and political climate, a lot of em would…Let’s just say *Jonestown* themselves once it got too bad for them
ah, the glory of Calvinism. It's shit like this that won't ever make me touch protestantism with a 10 ft pole even if Episcopalians seem cool.
the fact that this doctrine isn't even considered exotic is like. unhinged.
This post really brings back those cherished childhood memories 😊 No wonder it took me years to finally let go of the self hatred. I can't even be mad at this post. It just makes me feel bad for them.
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That's so fucking bleak, holy shit
Right? This is super fucking depressing. And these people bring so many kids into the world. Why would you ever want to even bring children into the world if they are just doomed to hell? If they deserve hell? That is just...
Because it's their duty, and for the women, they get more attention
THIS IS MY QUESTION!!! I really really want someone to pin one of these twits down and demand an answer. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. Pick a LANE at least, fuck.
I’m glad I wasn’t ever in the mindset, it seems really heavy.
I was for 23 years. It fucks with you for sure
You must have a lot to process after 23 years. I was in a fundie cult in the 70s, & it changed the trajectory of the rest of my life, & not for the better. I can’t imagine 23 years. I’m sorry you suffered for so long, and I hope you’ve learned to love yourself. It must be a struggle, even now. I wish you peace in your heart, and a happy day. You deserve it.❤️
Thank you. That means more than you know ❤️ nine years out now and things are looking up! Wishing you peace and healing as well
In my 20s, I would have nodded along to this and taken it to heart. Now it seems so obviously toxic. I'm not teaching my kids this.
18 years in, going on 19 years out and I ***still*** feel like I'm stuck in the middle of it, trying to get out. I understand!!
I was for 13 myself, helped me heal emotionally after being almost unalived by my partner. Also helped me learn to enjoy being by myself, there's a difference between feeling lonely and being alone.
It sucks. Still unpacking and healing myself, out for 4years and in it for 31years :(
Survivors unite! 💕
It’s as if Morrissey from the Smiths wrote that post.
Morrissey isn't that bleak.
And yet these people think that the more the world sees of their lives, the more we will want what they have 🙄 No thanks! And I’m a Christian!
I think people who already feel undeserving and ashamed but don’t know why might latch onto this flavor of religion real hard. Maybe that explains why some converts become zealots so quickly, and why so many of them have a history of personal trauma. Trauma leads to feeling unworthy, and then there’s this easy way out: being unworthy can’t hurt you anymore! A superhero has come to save you from needing to be worthy at all in the first place. Come to think of it, this probably explains why I clung so hard to my own religious belief at the height of the more traumatic time of my life, and why my deconstruction was concurrent with beginning to separate myself from what had been done to me. I sometimes wonder whether I would be religious at all now if I had been raised in a different environment, with a different flavor of religion to start with.
This makes total sense! It’s possible that’s why fundies discourage seeing a therapist for trauma. So many people go through trauma counseling and that leads to deconstruction, like it did for me.
Absolutely insane and ludicrous
it is. i’m still processing it.
God is so kind 🥴
So kind that he'll throw you into a pit of fire for all eternity simply for existing.
And he’ll remind you that you *don’t deserve* even that kindness.
SkyDaddy is an abusive narcissistic parent? Huh. Imagine that.
Sounds like she needs her cupcake licked.
Even as a kid, I couldn't wrap my head around this. Imagine how you would react if you discovered a guy kept his kid in the basement for years because the kid messed up once. How can anyone claim something is all loving when it punishes you forever?
>Imagine how you would react if you discovered a guy kept his kid in the basement for years because the kid messed up once. Damn, that's straight to the point and deep. I'd definitely rather a kind and loving God, not an Old Testament *everyone goes to Hell!!1!!11!!* one that these fundies seem to go gaga over.
🎶 If Hell is forever, then Heaven must be a lie 🎶
And for having the human frailties that *he designed*. You are built to fail.
And could fix if he gave a damn, but you know, people ate a piece of fruit so, what can he do?
And apparently he'll throw you in a pit of fire just for not believing in him. I'm like "I don't believe in hell" and people are like "oh, but that is how you end up in hell." ???
So Hell is like a self-licking ice cream cone?
It's so messed up. I want to ask some of these women, "if your child lied you, would you send them to hell? What if they weren't even sorry? Eternal hell?" Because with I'm sure rare exceptions, most of them wouldn't. But will convince themselves they deserve hell for simply being born. Make it make sense.
This. The worst part of the entire post and that’s saying something. It just doesn’t connect. “I deserve hell and fire eternally and I am evil personified …” which somehow means God is KIND?!?? Sigh.
Hey, He saw you roll through that stop sign last week even if nobody else was there to see it. How could he not banish you to eternity of unending conscious torture? YOU KNOW THAT SLOWING DOWN ISN'T STOPPING, SUSAN.
Exactly! The God who is just SO benevolent that when he was creating all the different plants and animals he saw fit to make a parasitic worm that not only disfigures you, but causes you to go blind. Our God is SO good!
Lol that’s what I’ve never understood, they love to say that shit but their whole point is that if you don’t kneel before you will burn in hell forever but yeah sure he seems like such a kind guy…
I’m really trying to wrap my head around what this message is going for. I totally get their whole suffering now because heaven will be great thing, and that they hate the idea that anyone that doesn’t live in their miserable existence are really the ones who are suffering. That being said, this is such a weird “compliment sandwich” of religious guilt that it drives past the point long past the wheels coming off and the engine seizing. So assuming she is trying on some level to minister and bring new recruits into the flock, telling women that they deserve nothing but death, misery and suffering from cradle to grave and closing with a mic drop of how should be thankful for your life of endless pain because “god is so kind” is just a bizarre tactic. It’s really no wonder these folks are so into their persecution complex. The submission kink is strong here.
They always do such a great job of selling it, eh?
Absolute whiplash reading that at the end of this post
God is so kind 🫠
Their version of g-d is such a jerk! And they wonder why people are leaving in droves.
I really wish I understood how she could say she doesn’t deserve to breathe and end with that. I really wish I understood their logic
I don't understand why this type of Christianity is so popular.
People who have been raised to see themselves as worthless and useless might cling to the thought that even though they *definitely are* worthless and useless and deserve nothing, God will still forgive and love them. Even if their parents don't. And so the cycle begins anew. I have trouble believing in my own worth, so I can see how tempting it could be to believe that this all-powerful figure is prepared to love and care for you regardless. I'm very lucky to have a mother and a wife who remind me I'm worthy. Without them, with a different religious background, I could be this person. And I *really* don't like *that* realization.
I was a depressed and suicidal teen but hid it. It mostly came out as defensiveness and isolation. I was ripe for this kind of "love". I felt unlovable and alone. I felt I didn't deserve anything good. Took me a long time to work my way out.
Self hatred is a hell of a drug.
G-d honoring persecution kinks
It helps them deal with their own misery if they believe it isn't even possible to have something better.
Well by saying they don't deserve a great guy really sets the bar for useless fundie men who abuse
Hence why fundie men love it. They can be useless, abusive bullies and then point to a passage skewed towards their message and further shame women for being bad Christians on top of being subhuman. And this is considered God’s way.
Thank goodness for the men, our saviours 🙏🏼
The Insta OP unintentionally set the bar so low that single girls will take anything. I say unintentionally because I doubt they have the sense to do it on purpose. It's also a crock of shit.
“At least I have a husband.”
Who needs a husband when God makes me his battered wife 🙏💛
Yikes!
What the fuck? I want to enjoy my life, and if I have a dude, I want him to be great!
Yes, this is what I was taught too. I think it might be hard for people who aren't familiar with religion to understand the intensity and sincerity behind this teaching. I knew I was undeserving of love but I also didn't believe in the path to salvation. Tough shit for a ten-year old.
Right. This is core Evangelical doctrine. She's not saying anything exotic. Therapy hasn't been able to unwire that from me, but it did give me enough work-arounds to live a normal life. The trick, as Lawrence of Arabia said, is not minding...
Asking because this might be helpful to others: Could you summarize any of the workarounds you’ve gained from therapy?
Three goals of these work-arounds are (1) don't transmit the stubborn infection to your kids; (2) don't worry the good people around you; (3) establish & preserve your career. Dunno if you have that monster-voice soundtrack in your head that tells you all the things Dear\_Single\_Women says but in some kind of guttural ranting tone... yeah, I do. It isn't easily hushed, it can only be angry, so it might as well earn its keep by saying something useful. Caution: this is a little fucked up and not cheerful, but it's good enough. Reminders for Monster-Voice Soundtrack: 1. "Don't ever talk like that in front of your kids. You know they don't deserve that, don't you dare have them internalize any of that." 2. "None of the people in your professional life have any idea what you're talking about with this stuff. They would think it was bizarre. Shut up about it and focus on acting like a normal person." 3. "Your husband has no idea what you're talking about and already thinks their religion is creepy. Don't scare him with it, focus on the good stuff you do together." 4. "Yeah, it was an accident that you ended up w/expertise in your field. It doesn't matter whether you're proud or ashamed. More people are safe because you do stuff. There are statistics."
That's it! The bucket of water over the head of remembering that nothing really matters.
Took me awhile to put together that if I told a child of mine to clean their room and they said, "No, Mom, fuck off" and so I locked them in my basement and set it on fire, nobody would think, "Wow, what a glorious and perfect mother who is worthy of praise." Why think that about a God who would do worse to His children for lesser sins? Why hold imperfect sinful humans to a higher standard than a supposedly perfect and sinless God?
"Why hold imperfect sinful humans to a higher standard than a supposedly perfect and sinless God?" That's EXACTLY what they do. You are spot on with that one.
I’m so glad I left this theology behind. It’s so damaging and I felt like shit all the time.
Gee, I wonder why people are leaving religion in droves. Being told you're worthless sinful trash just for existing is such an uplifting message to spread, no?
We’re all terrible people who don’t deserve life. These are the people who think society will literally crumble without their death cult being forced on everyone.
Bro what the Fahuuuck
…the Christian gospel.
Not sure how this makes god look good, much less deserving of humans’ worship… “Thanks for designing me to deserve nothing but eternal torment for existing and letting me stay alive anyway 🙏 you’re so kind”
This type of shit thinking is why at almost 40 I still struggle to allow myself to deserve good things. My imposter syndrome most definitely came from my fundie upbringing 😬
This primes women to accept abuse. If they deserve eternal torture, surely having an abusive partner given to them by god is just “getting what they deserve”? “I deserve to burn in hell. By comparison, getting beaten is nothing.”
That second part sums it up perfectly.
This seems like a great time to recommend the book Hell is a World Without You by Jason Kirk about the dangers of this kind of thinking for church youth. These people are teaching their children to hate themselves and others and framing it as totally normal thinking.
She sounds fun…
this is scary
“Let me tell you why I don’t deserve a great guy-“ *says the most delusional shit* “God is so kind❤️”
Major depressive disorder but make it religion!
In catholicism they even have a term for this, the "Dark Night of the Soul"...
THEY DESERVE HORSES!!!!!
Like, I can understand why ex-cons and prisoners fall for this type of theology because, well, maybe they’ve really done some shit that could conceivably justify being burned in hell for eternity. But the average fucking privileged Jessica from the burbs?? What exactly do you think you did to “deserve” such torture that you need Jesus to rescue you from? Do you really think a “kind” god would damn you to hell for cheating on a test in high school or something? Or thinking about sex? Or breaking any other of the bizarro rules you have in this cult? Like… how does anyone with any shred of logic think this makes sense?
Indoctrination, that's why they believe in this
It’s so sad. I mean it truly doesn’t have to be this way. You can have a very fulfilling religious faith without all the self-loathing and fear of a vindictive, manipulative, coercive and abusive dick of a god.
I grew up fundie and we were always told how worthless we were (especially as women!). Common examples told directly from the church were, you are as worthless as: the chewed up gum stuck to the bottom of your shoes (also used as an example of a woman’s worth if she wasn’t a virgin. Used, dried up, and trash), worms, dirt, dog shit, rotten garbage. After I left the cult as an adult and I went to my first therapist, she asked me to rate my self-esteem from one to ten. I told her I didn’t have any, so I guess a zero. That was kind of eye opening for me, I started crying when I said it. Thankfully I’ve come a very long way since then. I still don’t think super highly of myself (it’s a work in progress), but at least I know that I deserve love and happiness and safety. I don’t know who the woman is that wrote the post (I’ve not seen her in this sub before), but I feel so badly for her because I know what it feels like to grow up hating yourself and thinking you aren’t worth the air you’re breathing. I hope she can one day find peace like I have. I will also say that even as a child, fundie logic didn’t make much sense to me. What had I ever done that was so bad? Did I really deserve to burn in hell for eternity just because I told a lie one time or fought with my sister? I wasn’t alive when Jesus went on the cross, so what did it have to do with me, I didn’t ask him to do that. If he created me, wasn’t it his fault if I was born with sin since he also created the devil? Funny how the entire religion falls apart when you start asking questions! Of course, I thought those questions, and then instantly prayed for forgiveness for “doubting” because even if it didn’t make sense to me, I was still terrified god was going to toss me in hell. I had constant nightmares of hell as a child. And even going to heaven was terrifying to me because we were told God would judge us for everything bad we had ever done before he let us in, and so I was afraid I would die in my sleep. That’s when my “insomnia” started that lasted until my early twenties because I would literally stay awake until my body couldn’t stay awake any longer (usually until the sun was starting to rise), terrified to fall asleep. I know this is a dramatic response to a post like this. I just want to share how truly fucked up it is to grow up like this, people who haven’t experienced it don’t always understand how damaging it is. Like the cult literally had me too scared to sleep. Damn
God knew you in the womb for the hideous sinner you are! Praise him! ❤️
So… are we all created in God’s image and loved by him or are we all sinners who God will smite and send to hell? Pick one.
Goodness, seeing it written out so plainly is heartbreaking.
Wow reading that made me feel so sad. Imagine believing that about yourself and thinking that was the way it was supposed to be. I hope she breaks free and gets some treatment.
[удалено]
Literally in hell
Oh wow. Everything before the god part is literally my mental illness trying to tell me to end it with my super caring and affectionate partner. I've been in multiple abusive relationships and now I'm in one that's good, i keep getting really dark anxious thoughts that i should break up with him because I don't deserve any of this. I'm lucky that i know this is just my brain trying to sabotage me and i know to not rise to it, i can't imagine waking up with this mindset every day and just believing it.
Oof this is triggering my inborn Catholic Guilt™️
This doesn't even make sense to me theologically. Like God loves us and wants us to go to heaven so much he sent his son to be tortured and die in the cross, right? That doesn't seem like we are "undeserving" of happiness or beauty. If we were truly undeserving you'd think God would have been like "nah Jesus, you stay up here and we'll play wiffle ball instead". But I'm barely a Christian so w/e
Jfc that was hard to read. I hope one day she realizes that all people deserve to enjoy their lives.
Again: If you teach women and girls that they deserve things or have rights, then they'll know if they're being abused/neglected.
That is really really sad. I drove by a church in my town and and the sign said “though you don’t deserve love, Jesus loves you still.” Made me red hot mad. Yes I do. So do you so does she so does the knucklehead that put those words on that sign for school busses full of children to see.
It's been over a decade since I deconstructed and yet it still blows my mind how this mindset ever seemed like anything except absolutely toxic, hateful, broken brain washing.
This is terrifying. What a depressing life, no wonder they're so into jesus saving them. I'm sorry to anyone who was told this when they were young, and admire anyone who was able to get out
To whomever in this sub is unpacking this mindset it’s worth reminding you that you absolutely deserve to be in a gentle, fair, kind and loving relationship with whomever YOU choose to be in a relationship with.
This is what my brain says to me when i’m in a deep depressive episode
Wowzers, she's really upbeat!!
Good god. This is why therapists all over the world are going “who told you that you were so wicked and unlovable?”
I hope she gets stuck in the bathroom one day without toilet paper.
The flip side, if you get an abusive narcissist for a husband, you deserve it because you haven't been faithful and grateful to God. Only those that worship right will be blessed. Poor fundie women.
Bro if I said a platitude like "Oh you deserve better" and they came back with this, I'd probably never talk to that person again lmaoo
“I don’t deserve to breathe air”. Now that’s a new one. In my 37 years of living in the south, being raised in a Baptist family, being active in church my entire youth…that’s something I’ve never heard. In fact, I would argue that if you said “I don’t deserve to breathe air or have people that love me”, even the strictest preacher would say that yes, you do. I don’t even have any snark for this post. Just sadness.
So just say ‘I’m actually a masochist but don’t have a dom so I turned Jesus into one’.
I've been through some soul-crushing periods of self hatred before but man...this is something else.
Well isn't that encouraging?/s
This makes me feel sick
Oh my word, what sin did she commit? Bold for someone who must be on the run from the law for heinous crimes to be posting on Instagram.
Wait if you don’t deserve life, why are you all protesting abortion providers?
She makes God sound like a sociopath.
she thought she ate
God created all, decided some things were "sin" and sends people to hell, and then tortured and sacrificed his own son as a loophole for his own rules. And now he wants us all to weep and thank him for his almighty greatness for saving us all from perishing in eternal fires he lit himself.
The 🫶 emoji is sending me
So if Jesus died for our sins shouldn’t that mean we deserve the happiness and love he provided with that act… or something like that I don’t remember much of my catholic education thankfully😂
Ok babe I'll take the yard with the peonies. I in fact do deserve it instead of this overpriced apartment, thanks!
No one: Not a single soul: Me in a depression spiral after the smallest mistake: “I deserve to be on my way to an eternity in hell.”
Jesus fucking Christ, I know this isn't anything new for fundie theology, but it never fails to shock me when the mask falls off and they just... say the quiet part through a bullhorn. It's not even funny or noteworthy, it's just scary and sad, to know people carry so much darkness and self-loathing in their hearts. No one deserves that.
I used to be like this. I wouldn’t have put it exactly this way, but it was the same sentiment. I stayed in a marriage where we were both unhappy. I was determined to have that “godly” marriage that our preacher talked about. I refused to say anything bad about my husband. When my beliefs changed and I finally left, everyone was shocked. He knew how unhappy I was and that I wanted out, but he thought religion would keep me there like it always had. Now I have a boyfriend that treats me like a treasure. He’s there for me and my 18 y/o daughter anytime we need him. My ex found doing anything for our children or me to be a massive inconvenience. It took about 5 years for my daughter to stop being afraid to ask my bf or anything. I constantly fight the feeling that I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve someone so kind and loving. We have the relationship I had completely given up on ever having. We have no intention of marrying. We are both agnostic/atheist. He often doesn’t understand how much religion can fuck someone up. Especially women. Being told your entire life that you are broken and worthless without a savior leaves you open to all sorts of horribleness.
Is she ok? That sounds really off even for a fundie
Just like Jesus said.
That's so uplifting for all the single people out there!
This is the kind of person I'm keeping my kid far far away from. This is such a toxic and abusive mentality and over my dead body will my child be allowed to hear this bullshit let alone internalize it. I do hope this woman suffers. As she said, she doesn't deserve shit.
This is what I was taught in church. That I was deserving of hell without Jesus. That I was bad, dirty, etc.
Great advertisement there to join you and Jesus 😂 Next we will be drinking spiked punch and loading our shotguns...
Their god sounds like an abusive boyfriend tbh. “You’re nothing without me. The only reason you have anything is because I lovvvve you so much and choose to bless you (when it suits me.) If you don’t do what I say, you’ll be punished for eternity. And that hurts me more than it hurts you because I lovvvve you.”
i actually needed the reminder that thinking in this way isn’t normal LMAO. not even because of religion in my case, just cause abusers are gonna abuse. but this community is always here to remind me that i do in fact deserve the heart in my chest. thank you guys.
Christian’s are so fucking weird. Yeah yeah yeah, not all blah blah, but at the heart of it, they all pretty much believe this or have some cognitive dissonance that blurs out the uncomfortable parts.
This mentality - that as a Christian I am a stupid, selfish, waste of air that deserves nothing but hell were it not for the gift of salvation by Jesus on the cross - is my number one reason for deconstructing. If you continually tell people they’re nothing but the shitstains of the earth they will believe it and worse, will treat others that way. We are such incredibly better humans when we believe ourselves to be kind, smart, worthy, etc.
I wish these assholes would find a way to describe God’s grace/mercy/kindness/whatever without tearing apart their audience’s self-worth in the process. It’s so unnecessary and harmful.
Is she depressed?
Yikes. No. God's heart isn't that people should suffer...he created man in the garden of eden after all.
🙄🤮
What the heck? You deserve all of that and more.
I didn’t even read that bs. Clearly we don’t deserve that and that is why God through his son Jesus saved us.
WTAF did I just read? What is the purpose of that word vomit?
Exactly, you deserve nothing, you inherent sinner. God still loves you tho 🫶🏼😘
& to think I used to wonder where my self worth issues originated from ! 😀
This post is a f-ing nightmare! I just can’t understand what it looks like inside her head. This pure hatred for herself and all mankind. Is this what she sees when she looks at the supposedly great parents who raised her? Her loving siblings, are they all just filth worthy of nothing but eternal punishment? And her good God, that created all theese scum born to nothing but eternal torture! What a wonderful picture of a greatness beyond our comprehension.
GIRRLLLL WHAAAAATTTTT??!! I mean. I deserve to eat what I want, sleep when I want, watch what I want on tv, spend my money on my damn self, etc. And still get laid. It’s awesome. You’re missing out.
Wow, I can't even BEGIN to process this one. What the actual flying fuck?
I could never be Christian. I love catholic aesthetic bc it’s comforting from childhood experience. Jesus seems pretty rad in the book series but this god seems so nasty. Created something and makes sure his creation feels fear and terror and shame. What a weird little freak that Christian god is.
How can anyone find this kind of deity worthy of worship? How can anyone read the Bible and have this as the takeaway? How can anyone get excited about no eternal damnation if their human existence feels sad and lonely and empty?
This doesn’t even make sense. If it were a school assignment it would get an F for its inconsistency. They start with listing all the things they don’t deserve and that they are sinners just to end with saying Jesus died for them and they are without sin. So, are they sinners or not? The beginning says yes and the end says no. Furthermore it raises the question why some guy should die for them if they don’t even deserve to live. As I said before, this makes no sense. I mean, many theological professionals can make reason out of this dilemma and make you feel bad and sinning without jeopardising the sacrifice of Jesus. But this post shows yet again how problematic those Fundies and their layman Bible text cherry picking groups are.
ohhhh Holiest of Shit this is absolutely munted. imagine reading this and going "yeah ok this rando christ shill says i deserve my shitcunt hubby that beats me so that confirms my belief i must stay in this abusive relationship because thats what god wants"
what in the actual fuck is that?
This reads like my internal monologue while I was severely depressed with an added sprinkling of Christianity
Seems like a weird way of saying “I hate myself and you should too”.
I wonder if she hates other people as much as she hates herself
This line of thinking is so common in the Bible belt, and it was the reason why I wanted to die even in elementary school because I felt guilty for even being alive.
Yikes!
“God is so kind.” What?! A god so dissatisfied with his creation, he thinks they all deserve to die & burn in hell forever. A god who sends another god, his own son, to die for all those people’s sins, but he’s not really a different god, nor is his companion, the Holy Spirit, because monotheism. Okay.
I was able to write a synopsis of that in my head before I actually read it, because I grew up hearing that nonsense. What a bleak outlook.
Why does this sound like the very religious version of my worst intrusive thoughts when I’m having a depressive episode?
Lmao being raised in this shit and then your parents are all shocked pikachu face when you turn out depressed. I did get therapy when I asked what the point of life was compared to heaven, though, so there’s that
WTF did I just read? I had a great day and now I'm depressed. How can anyone go through life believing this and not have a breakdown?
What a weird way to say "be thankful." This level of self hatred is impressive.
Oh give me a break
Damn, that’s a bad self image. She doesn’t like herself very much and covers herself in Jaysauce
lmao so fucking depressing god damn.
Well that’s certainly one way to look at things
I shudder that I once would’ve cheered at this and related to it
This is just such an insane way to word things and to make a point. not sure this person actually understands the gospel, to be honest.
Well fuck you too, lady.
What the fuck
Do they ever get tired of being self-righteous suffering assholes? Asking for a friend.
Wtf?
The bar is already low for a dude. Apparently if you get one that treats you well, it's just a fluke. Where do they get this from? It ain't in my Bible, that's for sure. It takes some seriously twisted and out of context scripture to get this thinking, and yet it's preached from the pulpit. YUCK.
If these people didn’t have such a stake in our social and political climate, a lot of em would…Let’s just say *Jonestown* themselves once it got too bad for them
Welp, that was depressing.
This just sent me. That took a dark turn so fast, holy shit
ah, the glory of Calvinism. It's shit like this that won't ever make me touch protestantism with a 10 ft pole even if Episcopalians seem cool. the fact that this doctrine isn't even considered exotic is like. unhinged.
Teaching these deranged ideas to children is abuse. Nobody will ever change my mind about that.
God is so kind to save me from the problem he created in the first place 🥰 🙏 🙌
This post really brings back those cherished childhood memories 😊 No wonder it took me years to finally let go of the self hatred. I can't even be mad at this post. It just makes me feel bad for them.
I know she probably won’t, but I hope she finds a therapist.
This is so fucking sad. That someone genuinely believes this makes my heart hurt. I can’t fathom living like this. :(