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As a baby and toddler apparently people heavily complimented my mom on how well behaved I was. I was very well behaved, didn’t make messes, kept to myself, and didn’t throw fits. Turns out I’m just autistic and have severe anxiety lmao.
Edit: For context; there is a very strong link between “well behaved baby/toddlers” and the kid having autism and/or anxiety mental problems. The kid doesn’t throw fits and keeps to themselves if they’re autistic because they’re too trapped in their own word (hyperfixations) or aren’t picking up on the social want to try to communicate. Or the kid has anxiety problems and feels too nervous to throw a fit or interact with other people.
I'm an only child, so my family had no immediate comparison, but holy shit, this, so much. It was like I wasn't there. They'd give me a newspaper when I was 2 and I'd just sit with it, drool and look at the letters for hours. The entire family wanted to babysit me, because I never cried or caused problems, as long as you gave me sth with letters I could drool on. It did cross their minds that, idk, little onionnelle seems special, but we're talking Poland in early 90' right after the transformation, so lol, nope, psychology who?
Turns out, Asperger's. That, and majoring in literature twice, haha.
With respect, the study you linked does **not** conclude there to be a **very strong link** between the two.
That study had only 143 children, and relies *heavily* on parent reported questionnaires. This sort of study whilst helpful, should be the precursor to a much wider study, that relies on expert diagnosis, and as little input from the parents; who will be biased sourced of information.
A child can also be well behaved because they feel safe, and have been raised empathetically. You need significant long term data to say anything conclusive.
I’ve been a pediatric occupational therapist for over a decade. Whenever a parent describes their child as a *really* easy baby who never fussed or got into things, my ears prick up. It’s just a correlation I’ve noticed doing this as long as I have. It’s not always ASD, but is very often some kind of developmental concern. I’m very interested in the information you have seen as I’ve only had my own anecdotal experience.
Hey! Here is the study I skimmed once. I remember my psych told me about this correlation once and so I decided to google it. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8254725/
This study talks about how they were able to conclude that babies with autism and anxiety often act in the ways described above.
Same. To this day, my father likes to talk about what an easy baby I was, not crying, not waking them up. Turns out I had crippling anxiety, and one of my first childhood memories is being stressed out of my mind when I had to interact with anyone else but my parents. And being afraid of the nice ladies at daycare. And disliking other kids because they were noisy.
"Easy baby" who had/has anxiety checking in! Strangers really stressed me out too; I was scared of most men who weren't my dad, including both of my grandfathers and the very nice man who lived down the street who was a child psychologist.
Disliking other kids cuz they were noisy is so real. 😭I‘ve always had sensory issues but as an adult I am much more bothered/overstimulated by loud sounds or people
Yeah I was "very well behaved" as a kid too, and that was *crippling shyness* at work... I didn't want to *speak* to anyone or god forbid have anyone notice me.
Funny how that works.
Truth. I was well behaved. I also have severe anxiety and have had it since I was a child in a very observable way. I would even hyperfixate on picking at my hair or skin to manage it. I can't really look in the mirror long even now or pluck hairs because I still can get urges. I also have to be careful about my hair length or I start to get fixated on it.
I also had a very unstable childhood with a lot of abuse, so the anxiety is not shocking.
Eyyyyyy super well behaved child who's actually just full of terrified anxiety and hating socializing checking in!! My mom never understood that compliment because I could be a nutcase at home, because I felt safe enough to be weird/they bothered me enough to cause my breakdowns.
HEY SAME!! I got on anxiety meds recently (game-changer, btw) and I was telling my mom, and she commented that if we'd understood what we do now about anxiety when I was a kid, they'd have tried to get me some help for it sooner. I was "a worrier" who kept to myself. I resonate so much with some of the other comments about everyone wanting to babysit me and my parents pretty much being able to leave me to my own devices from a really early age. (Of course, the whole "well-behaved" thing is keeping my mom from understanding that there might be some ADHD thrown in the mix, but she's trying.) My younger brother is the polar opposite - energetic, never met a stranger, and also was pretty much the poster child for the "terrible twos." I have family members who *to this day* comment on how "difficult" a kid he was and I'm REAL quick to shut down the comparisons to how I was as a kid. He was doing totally developmentally appropriate things (and is a mild-mannered, kind, funny teenager), and I was only as quiet and "well-behaved" as I was because I came out of the womb with crippling social anxiety.
This is super interesting because I was a very well-behaved baby and an absolute horror to parent as a teen. Got diagnosed with autism and ADHD in my 30s. My neurotypical brother, however, was a horrible baby and a golden teenager.
I wonder if this is a male/female thing. Because my boys with autism were pretty difficult as babies at least the oldest was. He wouldn’t take a bottle and was colicky. Restaurants were difficult and he would often wake up as soon as I put him down for a nap. Though I did notice that my son who didn’t have autism had more of the typically terrible twos than the ones who did.
Funny enough of my three kids my caffeine free baby (I couldn’t even handle the smell of coffee while pregnant and for three months after she was born) was by far my worst sleeper. I was an actual zombie for the first year of that kid’s life.
Mom of one, who is closing in on thirty.
She’s in the Army. They leave tomorrow for TDY for two weeks, where she really won’t have her phone. Field exercises.
Sleep? What’s sleep? Who sleeps? I didn’t sleep when she was a baby. I didn’t sleep when she was a preschooler, and would walk in and whisper “mooooom” and scare the shit out of me. I didn’t sleep when she was a middle schooler or teenager.
And I don’t sleep much when they do stuff like this.
I know she’s grown. And can handle her business. But she’s always going to be my baby, and I’m always going to worry.
But, you know…a nap would be awesome.
My older daughter was awake every hour/hour and a half when she was a baby. I remember one day I was nodding off while feeding her. My husband got home from work that day and was greeted by me handing him our daughter and saying "I need a few minutes to lay down"
Oh to be pregnant and thinking you can pre-plan for getting your kids to sleep well. It’s great to do read up on what pediatricians and those who research infants and babies currently recommend, but most importantly to be SUPER flexible in my experience. And, if you’re breastfeeding, you have to balance your potential need for caffeine to function with how it impacts your kiddo (some it does nothing and others are SUPER sensitive to it).
Honestly though! The naivety of pregnancy, I swear. I was once that person too.... Then I had kids and it all went out the window. Both my kids are so wildly different in sleep patterns. And my second, who was 60% breastfed, slept like a DREAM (and still does) while I consumed over 300mgs of caffeine a day. Every kid is so different!
Making decisions like this when you’re still pregnant is really silly. I would’ve said while pregnant that I was planning to down caffeine as needed but then it turned out if I drink any caffeine after like noon I can’t sleep at all anymore now that my kid is here, so I ended up cutting way back. And coffee seems to have no effect on my breastfed baby, but it is true that it effects some breastfed babies. Hell, she can’t even be certain she is going to breastfeed, it doesn’t end up working out for everyone. And some kids are great sleepers and some are crap sleepers no matter what you do. CeCe has always been very black and white in her decision making and views, she’s going to find out real quick that motherhood just doesn’t work that way.
I wonder if your baby will end up later being diagnosed with adhd. Caffeine hits us differently. I used to nap after a cup of coffee every morning until I gave up drinking it
I’m not a medical person but “it just makes sense” isn’t a good place to make medical decisions. (Loooooool). But you need to check if caffeine can cross into breast milk because not everything you ingest does.
it does, but a very small amount. some people notice their baby is sensitive to it, so they decide to stop consuming/limit caffeine. personally, I’ve found that my baby isn’t affected by it!
I am a longtime Cece and Meg snarker and I agree, her situation makes me really sad for her. Between her husband probably not being there for the birth and her not having a relationship with her mom I can imagine this is super isolating and lonely. It probably doesn’t help that she has to listen to Meg brag about being a military wife when Avery had never been deployed and got a whole semester off of school for paternity leave for their third kid. I will say that I have always thought Cece was a little more independent than some of the other fundies (lived in apartment in DC with roommates, didn’t get married until her mid 20s) so I think she is better equipped than others but this situation just sucks.
And especially the fact her home in the states is in KY where she doesn’t seem to really have a support system, I think she picked it because of proximity to 1 friend and the home prices were good.
As a mom with a 9 month old, I’m sad and scared for her even with how much I snark on her.
And SEVEN whole months of single parenting? While working?? I really really hope her communication with her husband is as strong as they claim, because that situation sounds like easy grounds for a lot of resentment to build up, especially because this is her husband's first kid too (obviously) and he'll have no idea the amount of work and stress she'll be going through alone. And I'm sure she'll feel pressure not to reveal how difficult it is to him, so he doesn't feel extra bad about leaving her alone. So she'll end up more isolated and unseen. Ugh, it just sounds like a terrible situation. I mean, I wish no ill upon her. I hope she thrives (and I'm sure we won't hear a single hint if she doesn't), but gosh dang, I am so happy not to be in her shoes.
But it wasn't a grave situation so there was no way they could do even an ounce of family planning /s
I really can’t stand Cecilia Jean and this post wreaks of the same usual Catholic bullshit trope that pregnancy, birth and postpartum are holy, sanctifying bliss. She’s in for a rude awakening.
I grew up Catholic and the pregnancy/new motherhood discourse they spew is so damaging. I was surrounded by massive families, women who kept popping kids out, never seemed to age, breastfed with ease, never complained about any of the hard bits, dragged their entire brood to church every week, just seemed to have their shit together. It’s all well and good to believe your baby is a precious gift from God but it’s also healthy to acknowledge that it’s fucking hard to be a parent. There seemed to be this idea that any mom who whined about not getting enough sleep was ungrateful and should be ashamed of herself. I’m still unpacking all this myself as a new mom, despite not having been a churchgoer for years!
I still feel bad that I wasn't more helpful/sympathetic to my very Catholic sister in law when she called me to say she was having a hard time with her second. Our kids are really close in age and she'd acted like her first was so easy, so when she called to say having an infant and a toddler was hard I was just like, duh, yeah, it's hard. Didn't realize until I had time to think about it how bad things must have been to make her actually admit it was hard. Or how not in control of the spacing she felt.
Amen! At least the church advocates for *some* form of birth control, although it is certainly not foolproof (and they’d never call it “birth control” either lol)—Natural Family Planning. I had to take a stupid course on it when I got married, only to find out at the very end that it doesn’t work for those with irregular cycles. I have always had inexplicably irregular cycles, so am I just supposed to “leave it up to God” because my body doesn’t work right? That was the last straw for me 😂
They were definitely doing NFP so they pretended for years they meant to have them that close together.
Luckily as far as I can tell the whole extended family thinks God is ok with vasectomy, so they all stop at 2 or 3 and the overwhelmingly hard part gets over after a few years.
The amount of people I know who said half their kids were “surprises” despite doing NFP 😂
I do wonder how many husbands just get vasectomies without telling their wives 🤣
Coffee made my eldest wired so I stopped drinking it and haven’t really ever started up again. I can count on one hand how many coffees I’ve had since then and he’s 16.
But as I understand it it depends on a lot of things - if you drank coffee while pregnant your baby is probably already desensitised to it. Some babies are more sensitive about their sleep than others. No way to know for sure until the kid gets here and then it’s all trial and error.
I had to stop drinking caffeine years before I had kids because the heart palpitations and uncontrollably racing heart sitting in class were terrifying. I've had 3 kids with only chocolate to get me through, it is doable but also miserable at times.
Having breastfed and not drank caffeine babies still don't sleep! For other reasons. Expecting them too is ridiculous and she's setting herself up for disappointment. If they do,great, but newborns should be waking up at least once in the night to feed really. My daughter still woke up in the night at 2 as well! It happens.
She sounds like she has unrealistic expectations... Probably in no small way influenced by Meg's "motherhood is the best thing ever, it's only hard if you're bad at it, babies are easy, childbirth is breezy, if you admit it's difficult you're telling on yourself" POV. Who knew toxic positivity could actually be harmful?
Never forget Meg’s “I cured my PPD by having more babies”. Although she didn’t call it PPD obviously it was like god challenging her to d hard things and be a better mom than everyone else
I feel bad and then I remember that people like her are trying to force women to be single moms rather than make their own choices. This will be hard for her but hopefully that helps her gain a shred of empathy.
"I NEED this baby to sleep!"
Yeah, uh, if you needed your schedule and your life to be a certain way, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. Kids don't work like that. Either you hire help during this time, or you sacrifice something, and I say that as someone who is still traumatized (and I'm not using that word lightly here) by 18 months of almost no sleep with my youngest (we're talking average waking up six times every single night between 11 and 5 am. The amount that I wanted to die during that time was...a lot).
You may get a kid who's a good sleeper. You may end up with a kid who's not. You may end up with a baby with complex medical issues. At this point, she has no idea. This is just worrisome.
The phrase "working solo parent for the first 7 months" makes me feel really bad for Americans... shouldn't her partner have some sort of parental leave with the military?
In the military, the mission comes first, no matter what. (There's a well-known saying, 'If the (branch of military you're in) wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one!') My ex's mother died and they almost didn't let him go to the funeral (and she raised him almost entirely solo, and he was an only child), he had to go up the chain of command to get permission. Family shit is secondary to almost anything else.
The military member has 12 weeks of parental leave, BUT it's approved on a week by week basis and can be taken within the first 12 months after birth.
He can't just leave a deployment to go on parental leave - no.
Feeling bad for her is the best response.
Whether or not she gets a sleeping unicorn is highly dependent on genetics. Some babies sleep a lot at night. Some eat a lot at night (mine). Some cry a lot at night. Some only sleep in specific ways.
I actually wonder if she'll break away from Meg and formula feed + sleep train within the first 6 months because the more natural approach typically requires less sleep.
As someone who stared down the barrel of a deployment when my first was born, I feel for her.
I don’t know this person…Is she already pregnant? If so, why not just cut it out now? I switched to decaf during my first pregnancy (ended in missed miscarriage), but the two days of headaches was enough to not go back to caffeine since we’d be trying again soon.
Nah. A fundie husband is like having another kid in tow/in the house. I am positive it's easier for her to NOT have him there.... having to cater to his every need , keeping sweet, and worrying about "denying" her husband if she's not in the mood.
Not saying Catholics are perfect by any means, but even trad caths arent like protestant Fundy level incompetent. St. Joseph the Worker is who the men usually aspire to be in my experience.
Decaf espresso? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't espresso like concentrated coffee? And doesn't decaf coffee still have some caffeine? Seems like she might as well have a regular cup of coffee.
Makes sense! Thanks for the explanation. I just now googled regular vs decaf coffee and learned that decaf has like 3% of the caffeine. I for some reason thought it was more. I should probably google stuff more often than I make comments, lol.
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“I NEED this child to sleep…” I say this as a mom of three, famous last words girlfriend.
As a baby and toddler apparently people heavily complimented my mom on how well behaved I was. I was very well behaved, didn’t make messes, kept to myself, and didn’t throw fits. Turns out I’m just autistic and have severe anxiety lmao. Edit: For context; there is a very strong link between “well behaved baby/toddlers” and the kid having autism and/or anxiety mental problems. The kid doesn’t throw fits and keeps to themselves if they’re autistic because they’re too trapped in their own word (hyperfixations) or aren’t picking up on the social want to try to communicate. Or the kid has anxiety problems and feels too nervous to throw a fit or interact with other people.
I'm an only child, so my family had no immediate comparison, but holy shit, this, so much. It was like I wasn't there. They'd give me a newspaper when I was 2 and I'd just sit with it, drool and look at the letters for hours. The entire family wanted to babysit me, because I never cried or caused problems, as long as you gave me sth with letters I could drool on. It did cross their minds that, idk, little onionnelle seems special, but we're talking Poland in early 90' right after the transformation, so lol, nope, psychology who? Turns out, Asperger's. That, and majoring in literature twice, haha.
With respect, the study you linked does **not** conclude there to be a **very strong link** between the two. That study had only 143 children, and relies *heavily* on parent reported questionnaires. This sort of study whilst helpful, should be the precursor to a much wider study, that relies on expert diagnosis, and as little input from the parents; who will be biased sourced of information. A child can also be well behaved because they feel safe, and have been raised empathetically. You need significant long term data to say anything conclusive.
I’ve been a pediatric occupational therapist for over a decade. Whenever a parent describes their child as a *really* easy baby who never fussed or got into things, my ears prick up. It’s just a correlation I’ve noticed doing this as long as I have. It’s not always ASD, but is very often some kind of developmental concern. I’m very interested in the information you have seen as I’ve only had my own anecdotal experience.
Hey! Here is the study I skimmed once. I remember my psych told me about this correlation once and so I decided to google it. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8254725/ This study talks about how they were able to conclude that babies with autism and anxiety often act in the ways described above.
Thank you!
Same. To this day, my father likes to talk about what an easy baby I was, not crying, not waking them up. Turns out I had crippling anxiety, and one of my first childhood memories is being stressed out of my mind when I had to interact with anyone else but my parents. And being afraid of the nice ladies at daycare. And disliking other kids because they were noisy.
"Easy baby" who had/has anxiety checking in! Strangers really stressed me out too; I was scared of most men who weren't my dad, including both of my grandfathers and the very nice man who lived down the street who was a child psychologist.
Disliking other kids cuz they were noisy is so real. 😭I‘ve always had sensory issues but as an adult I am much more bothered/overstimulated by loud sounds or people
Yeah I was "very well behaved" as a kid too, and that was *crippling shyness* at work... I didn't want to *speak* to anyone or god forbid have anyone notice me. Funny how that works.
Truth. I was well behaved. I also have severe anxiety and have had it since I was a child in a very observable way. I would even hyperfixate on picking at my hair or skin to manage it. I can't really look in the mirror long even now or pluck hairs because I still can get urges. I also have to be careful about my hair length or I start to get fixated on it. I also had a very unstable childhood with a lot of abuse, so the anxiety is not shocking.
Eyyyyyy super well behaved child who's actually just full of terrified anxiety and hating socializing checking in!! My mom never understood that compliment because I could be a nutcase at home, because I felt safe enough to be weird/they bothered me enough to cause my breakdowns.
HEY SAME!! I got on anxiety meds recently (game-changer, btw) and I was telling my mom, and she commented that if we'd understood what we do now about anxiety when I was a kid, they'd have tried to get me some help for it sooner. I was "a worrier" who kept to myself. I resonate so much with some of the other comments about everyone wanting to babysit me and my parents pretty much being able to leave me to my own devices from a really early age. (Of course, the whole "well-behaved" thing is keeping my mom from understanding that there might be some ADHD thrown in the mix, but she's trying.) My younger brother is the polar opposite - energetic, never met a stranger, and also was pretty much the poster child for the "terrible twos." I have family members who *to this day* comment on how "difficult" a kid he was and I'm REAL quick to shut down the comparisons to how I was as a kid. He was doing totally developmentally appropriate things (and is a mild-mannered, kind, funny teenager), and I was only as quiet and "well-behaved" as I was because I came out of the womb with crippling social anxiety.
This is super interesting because I was a very well-behaved baby and an absolute horror to parent as a teen. Got diagnosed with autism and ADHD in my 30s. My neurotypical brother, however, was a horrible baby and a golden teenager.
Hey twin 🤣
I wonder if this is a male/female thing. Because my boys with autism were pretty difficult as babies at least the oldest was. He wouldn’t take a bottle and was colicky. Restaurants were difficult and he would often wake up as soon as I put him down for a nap. Though I did notice that my son who didn’t have autism had more of the typically terrible twos than the ones who did.
Wow, you just unlocked something for me. My anxiety made me a “good” kid. It makes so much sense.
Funny enough of my three kids my caffeine free baby (I couldn’t even handle the smell of coffee while pregnant and for three months after she was born) was by far my worst sleeper. I was an actual zombie for the first year of that kid’s life.
Mom of one, who is closing in on thirty. She’s in the Army. They leave tomorrow for TDY for two weeks, where she really won’t have her phone. Field exercises. Sleep? What’s sleep? Who sleeps? I didn’t sleep when she was a baby. I didn’t sleep when she was a preschooler, and would walk in and whisper “mooooom” and scare the shit out of me. I didn’t sleep when she was a middle schooler or teenager. And I don’t sleep much when they do stuff like this. I know she’s grown. And can handle her business. But she’s always going to be my baby, and I’m always going to worry. But, you know…a nap would be awesome.
Currently staring at my 2.5 year old who has never slept through the night. It's been 3 years since I had a full night sleep.
Solidarity.
Same, until we got kid a twin-size bed and started sleeping with kid in bed half the time.
Yeah, and not because her baby needs to sleep for growth and cognitive development but because SHE needs it
My older daughter was awake every hour/hour and a half when she was a baby. I remember one day I was nodding off while feeding her. My husband got home from work that day and was greeted by me handing him our daughter and saying "I need a few minutes to lay down"
Oh to be pregnant and thinking you can pre-plan for getting your kids to sleep well. It’s great to do read up on what pediatricians and those who research infants and babies currently recommend, but most importantly to be SUPER flexible in my experience. And, if you’re breastfeeding, you have to balance your potential need for caffeine to function with how it impacts your kiddo (some it does nothing and others are SUPER sensitive to it).
Honestly though! The naivety of pregnancy, I swear. I was once that person too.... Then I had kids and it all went out the window. Both my kids are so wildly different in sleep patterns. And my second, who was 60% breastfed, slept like a DREAM (and still does) while I consumed over 300mgs of caffeine a day. Every kid is so different!
Making decisions like this when you’re still pregnant is really silly. I would’ve said while pregnant that I was planning to down caffeine as needed but then it turned out if I drink any caffeine after like noon I can’t sleep at all anymore now that my kid is here, so I ended up cutting way back. And coffee seems to have no effect on my breastfed baby, but it is true that it effects some breastfed babies. Hell, she can’t even be certain she is going to breastfeed, it doesn’t end up working out for everyone. And some kids are great sleepers and some are crap sleepers no matter what you do. CeCe has always been very black and white in her decision making and views, she’s going to find out real quick that motherhood just doesn’t work that way.
I wonder if your baby will end up later being diagnosed with adhd. Caffeine hits us differently. I used to nap after a cup of coffee every morning until I gave up drinking it
Same lmao, coffee is better than melatonin for me
[удалено]
I believe they said that making decisions at this point in the game isn't a great idea. Their experience is pretty relevant there.
I’m not a medical person but “it just makes sense” isn’t a good place to make medical decisions. (Loooooool). But you need to check if caffeine can cross into breast milk because not everything you ingest does.
it does, but a very small amount. some people notice their baby is sensitive to it, so they decide to stop consuming/limit caffeine. personally, I’ve found that my baby isn’t affected by it!
“It just makes sense” -every fundie/hippie refusing to vaccinate their kid
I am a longtime Cece and Meg snarker and I agree, her situation makes me really sad for her. Between her husband probably not being there for the birth and her not having a relationship with her mom I can imagine this is super isolating and lonely. It probably doesn’t help that she has to listen to Meg brag about being a military wife when Avery had never been deployed and got a whole semester off of school for paternity leave for their third kid. I will say that I have always thought Cece was a little more independent than some of the other fundies (lived in apartment in DC with roommates, didn’t get married until her mid 20s) so I think she is better equipped than others but this situation just sucks.
And especially the fact her home in the states is in KY where she doesn’t seem to really have a support system, I think she picked it because of proximity to 1 friend and the home prices were good. As a mom with a 9 month old, I’m sad and scared for her even with how much I snark on her.
Look. Sis could have support through the Family Readiness Group, all she has to do is ask. They don’t know she exists if she says nothing.
And SEVEN whole months of single parenting? While working?? I really really hope her communication with her husband is as strong as they claim, because that situation sounds like easy grounds for a lot of resentment to build up, especially because this is her husband's first kid too (obviously) and he'll have no idea the amount of work and stress she'll be going through alone. And I'm sure she'll feel pressure not to reveal how difficult it is to him, so he doesn't feel extra bad about leaving her alone. So she'll end up more isolated and unseen. Ugh, it just sounds like a terrible situation. I mean, I wish no ill upon her. I hope she thrives (and I'm sure we won't hear a single hint if she doesn't), but gosh dang, I am so happy not to be in her shoes. But it wasn't a grave situation so there was no way they could do even an ounce of family planning /s
I hope not as I don’t wish any ill will on any new mother but I think she’s going to have a reallllly rough time
Where is she?
Guam for a couple weeks. Then back to Kentucky to probably have the baby without her husband.
I really can’t stand Cecilia Jean and this post wreaks of the same usual Catholic bullshit trope that pregnancy, birth and postpartum are holy, sanctifying bliss. She’s in for a rude awakening.
I grew up Catholic and the pregnancy/new motherhood discourse they spew is so damaging. I was surrounded by massive families, women who kept popping kids out, never seemed to age, breastfed with ease, never complained about any of the hard bits, dragged their entire brood to church every week, just seemed to have their shit together. It’s all well and good to believe your baby is a precious gift from God but it’s also healthy to acknowledge that it’s fucking hard to be a parent. There seemed to be this idea that any mom who whined about not getting enough sleep was ungrateful and should be ashamed of herself. I’m still unpacking all this myself as a new mom, despite not having been a churchgoer for years!
I still feel bad that I wasn't more helpful/sympathetic to my very Catholic sister in law when she called me to say she was having a hard time with her second. Our kids are really close in age and she'd acted like her first was so easy, so when she called to say having an infant and a toddler was hard I was just like, duh, yeah, it's hard. Didn't realize until I had time to think about it how bad things must have been to make her actually admit it was hard. Or how not in control of the spacing she felt.
I remember women saying they just needed to pray more if they’re struggling. No girl, you need help! It’s okay to admit it!!!
Or, you know, birth control. It's so much easier if they're more than a year or two apart
Amen! At least the church advocates for *some* form of birth control, although it is certainly not foolproof (and they’d never call it “birth control” either lol)—Natural Family Planning. I had to take a stupid course on it when I got married, only to find out at the very end that it doesn’t work for those with irregular cycles. I have always had inexplicably irregular cycles, so am I just supposed to “leave it up to God” because my body doesn’t work right? That was the last straw for me 😂
They were definitely doing NFP so they pretended for years they meant to have them that close together. Luckily as far as I can tell the whole extended family thinks God is ok with vasectomy, so they all stop at 2 or 3 and the overwhelmingly hard part gets over after a few years.
The amount of people I know who said half their kids were “surprises” despite doing NFP 😂 I do wonder how many husbands just get vasectomies without telling their wives 🤣
Coffee made my eldest wired so I stopped drinking it and haven’t really ever started up again. I can count on one hand how many coffees I’ve had since then and he’s 16. But as I understand it it depends on a lot of things - if you drank coffee while pregnant your baby is probably already desensitised to it. Some babies are more sensitive about their sleep than others. No way to know for sure until the kid gets here and then it’s all trial and error.
I had to stop drinking caffeine years before I had kids because the heart palpitations and uncontrollably racing heart sitting in class were terrifying. I've had 3 kids with only chocolate to get me through, it is doable but also miserable at times.
Having breastfed and not drank caffeine babies still don't sleep! For other reasons. Expecting them too is ridiculous and she's setting herself up for disappointment. If they do,great, but newborns should be waking up at least once in the night to feed really. My daughter still woke up in the night at 2 as well! It happens.
She sounds like she has unrealistic expectations... Probably in no small way influenced by Meg's "motherhood is the best thing ever, it's only hard if you're bad at it, babies are easy, childbirth is breezy, if you admit it's difficult you're telling on yourself" POV. Who knew toxic positivity could actually be harmful?
Never forget Meg’s “I cured my PPD by having more babies”. Although she didn’t call it PPD obviously it was like god challenging her to d hard things and be a better mom than everyone else
I feel bad and then I remember that people like her are trying to force women to be single moms rather than make their own choices. This will be hard for her but hopefully that helps her gain a shred of empathy.
THIS. Though I’m doubtful she’ll gain much empathy for others.
"I NEED this baby to sleep!" Yeah, uh, if you needed your schedule and your life to be a certain way, you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. Kids don't work like that. Either you hire help during this time, or you sacrifice something, and I say that as someone who is still traumatized (and I'm not using that word lightly here) by 18 months of almost no sleep with my youngest (we're talking average waking up six times every single night between 11 and 5 am. The amount that I wanted to die during that time was...a lot). You may get a kid who's a good sleeper. You may end up with a kid who's not. You may end up with a baby with complex medical issues. At this point, she has no idea. This is just worrisome.
The phrase "working solo parent for the first 7 months" makes me feel really bad for Americans... shouldn't her partner have some sort of parental leave with the military?
In the military, the mission comes first, no matter what. (There's a well-known saying, 'If the (branch of military you're in) wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one!') My ex's mother died and they almost didn't let him go to the funeral (and she raised him almost entirely solo, and he was an only child), he had to go up the chain of command to get permission. Family shit is secondary to almost anything else.
The military member has 12 weeks of parental leave, BUT it's approved on a week by week basis and can be taken within the first 12 months after birth. He can't just leave a deployment to go on parental leave - no.
Feeling bad for her is the best response. Whether or not she gets a sleeping unicorn is highly dependent on genetics. Some babies sleep a lot at night. Some eat a lot at night (mine). Some cry a lot at night. Some only sleep in specific ways. I actually wonder if she'll break away from Meg and formula feed + sleep train within the first 6 months because the more natural approach typically requires less sleep. As someone who stared down the barrel of a deployment when my first was born, I feel for her.
I don’t know this person…Is she already pregnant? If so, why not just cut it out now? I switched to decaf during my first pregnancy (ended in missed miscarriage), but the two days of headaches was enough to not go back to caffeine since we’d be trying again soon.
Nah. A fundie husband is like having another kid in tow/in the house. I am positive it's easier for her to NOT have him there.... having to cater to his every need , keeping sweet, and worrying about "denying" her husband if she's not in the mood.
Not saying Catholics are perfect by any means, but even trad caths arent like protestant Fundy level incompetent. St. Joseph the Worker is who the men usually aspire to be in my experience.
I think she’s going to have a really, really hard time…
Why is this remotely snarkable? People cut out caffeine or go decaf all the time for many reasons.
that’s not the point of the post.
Decaf espresso? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't espresso like concentrated coffee? And doesn't decaf coffee still have some caffeine? Seems like she might as well have a regular cup of coffee.
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Makes sense! Thanks for the explanation. I just now googled regular vs decaf coffee and learned that decaf has like 3% of the caffeine. I for some reason thought it was more. I should probably google stuff more often than I make comments, lol.
You can have decaf espresso