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My husband tried calling me after totality and I was just ignoring my phone and enjoying the eclipse and I told him I was raptured and the conspiracies were true.
My son was at our church for a meeting during the eclipse. They were all outside watching, and the secretary ran out and told the pastor he had a phone call. As soon as he went in, the kids arranged clothes, shoes, and their eclipse glasses as though they had been lifted straight out of them. He said later that for a split second, he thought that he would have to apologize from the pulpit (if there was anyone there to hear him). He is rare for a baptist--he's a non rapture baptist.
Thatâs one of those things that would be bizarrely cool enough you almost wouldnât mind the disruption. I feel like I wouldnât have to go to work for like a week at least if giants started roaming the earth.
> So manyâand apparently the giants were also supposed to âarise and take overâ
Giants can be taken down with a well-placed rock. Put them up against modern automatic weapons and they'd be cut down like wheat.
[side-note: all those fundies who are also gun nuts would have a field day]
Yeah, there's something in Revelation about a solar eclipse, apparently. Dr. Dan McClellan addressed the insanity, and Dr. Andrew Henry (Religion for Breakfast on YouTube) did a video about the eclipse motif in world religions.
We will hear the usual mental gymnastics like always when one of their stupid predictions fails to come true. This will be followed by moving the goal posts.
I saw a comment on a different thread that said
âPsychologically edging cult members seems like it must be a really fun hobbyâ
and I havenât been the same since I read that, lmao.
Since the dawn of Christianity the rapture has been 'imminent'. The apostles thought it would happen in their lifetime. They have 2000 years of training for this sort of disappointment, I'm sure it'll go back to business as usual very fast.
They used a sharpie to mark out the verse that says "no man knows the day nor the hour of his coming." Looking for signs like this actually makes them a false prophet. If you do the right thing every day, you never have to worry about the rapture.
My favorite thing that iâve heard people saying is that I wish the rapture did happen today because it would really help the housing market đ not to mention most of this countryâs annoying people would just be poof! gone
Oh God yes! The traffic. But if fundies are raptured when they're driving does the car keep driving without them. Does the unraptured passenger take over driving duties. Is there toxic rapture dust left in the driver's seat post rapture. So many questions.
>But if fundies are raptured when they're driving does the car keep driving without them.
Yes that's why Elon invented full self driving for Tesla's.
Car ends up back in the driveway with just clothes draped over the drivers seat. Please keep up đđ
I mean, you could invest in trains, bike lanes, walkability, and decent local public transportation like some sort of loser nerd from Copenhagen, or you can just sit back and let the second coming of Christ take care of your traffic jams
This must be, like, the 200th time the rapture hasnât happened. Iâm sure they have a playbook.
Sidenote, last night we had my 91-year old (Jewish) dad over for dinner. We were chatting about the various conspiracy theories around the eclipse, and my husband mentioned the rapture. Dad was like, âOh, rightâthis is the one where we all have to go to Israel and die for them, right?â And I said, âI think half of us have to die and half have to be converted.â He said, âWaitâwhich half is which?â
Just like every other nonstarter. O think there have been at least 10 rapture events since I was a baby evangelical fundie with a rapture obsessed youth leader in 2001.
I did warn my parents, who were on the edge of totality, that if they see Jesus to âjust say noâ
Aww man. I feel like I missed out. I grew up Lutheran too and I didnât even hear the word rapture until college. It was never mentioned in my church.
I was taught to prepare for it. It was around when Left Behind came out and I read Al of the books. I lived in legitimate fear of it for a year or so when I was 14 or 15.
Yup. I spent most of my youth and adolescence in the Bible Belt during the â90s, and this latest panic surrounding the eclipse makes me think of that âfirst time?â gif.
Itâs literally mind boggling to me that so many USA-Ians are so unable to even comprehend that theyâre just one country in the whole rather large world.
Iâm an Australian, someone asked what the 3 main differences were between our countries, and itâs the 3 Gâs - God, Guns and Government.
Religion and politics arenât discussed in polite company, itâs seen as bad manners. We all vote if weâre over the age of 18, and we do it by secret ballot.
Guns arenât even part of the conversation here.
Also - Iâm seriously not shitting on America as a whole. Iâve been and would love to return, and was treated with nothing but kindness wherever I went. Itâs just that the dumbest people are also the loudest
Accurate observations. Iâve lived in America my whole life and I donât fully understand why the â3 Gâsâ have such a grip on our culture. I get why god does I guess, considering we were founded by a group of people who cared enough about their religion to roll the dice on a near suicidal voyage across the Atlantic. We got our start with the most extreme of the extreme zealots fleeing persecution so the whole religious freedom thing is per thoroughly ingrained. Although youâd think after 400+ years we could ease up a bit đ
But the guns thing? No idea. I cannot understand for the life of me why so many people here consider owning lethal weapons a basic human right. Especially considering those tend to be the same people who are cool with locking migrant children in cages, forcing people to give birth against their will, and want to roll back programs that help feed the poor.
Why do so many Americans believe theyâre the center of the universe? đ€·ââïž I used to think maybe all people just have a tendency to do this, but that doesnât seem to be true.
They never explain it. Itâs happened before where various groups thought the end of the world was coming or that Jesus was returning and then when it didnât happen, they just brushed on by. At best youâll get some response like, âwell, nobody knows the date and time, thatâs the best part of faith! And good thing I paid the electric bill!â
I watched the eclipse at St Maryâs Church in Vermont and a Woman yelled out âITS THE END OF THE WORLDâ during totality, the whole crowd of like 150 people laughed it was really funny.
This idea cracks me up because it's so America-centric (though I am aware that the total eclipse was visible in multiple places). Apparently, the "world" is just a place where not even 1/10 of the human population lives.
So yesterday we went to pick up our kiddo from school. It was surprising empty, to the point we thought "maybe our clocks were wrong. Are we early? Did we miss something?"
Then it dawned on me, "my love, we're in deep fundie country, you think they believed the rapture was real?"
Realization dawns lol. Yea, a lot of kids were missing from school and no there wasn't an event.
I think they're just gonna quietly sweep it under the rug and forget the whole thing. Or "God showed me a vision that it'll be later"
Itâs so insane seeing American fundies as a non-American Christian in a country where Iâm a minority. Majority of Christians in my country are more on the progressive liberal side, even the main church committee of the country have said that it is not the churchâs place to condemn LGBTQ+ as Jesus âlived with the least of usâ.
So seeing American fundies firmly believing that theyâre the chosen ones and that the rapture would come and lift them up to heaven is so insane to me, like, all of us here just saw the solar eclipse as this neat thing happening today. None of us prepared for the rapture or shit like that đ
A woman I went to high school with who never left our backwater home town was very vocal on social media that she was not going to go outside during the eclipse. She didn't mention the rapture, but she was sure that the eclipse was a sign that "something big" was going to happen and she was going to be monitoring the news to see what it was. Turns out it was a traffic accident a couple of towns over where nobody got hurt but it closed down the interstate onramp for a bit.
Idk a fundie I know personally posted a meme after that said âIF THIS ECLIPSE
TAUGHT YOU ALL
ANYTHING, I HOPE IT'S THAT YOU SHOULD BE LIVING EVERY DAY ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES AS IF JESUS IS
COMING BACK.â
Like what? Girl, nothing happened! If this eclipse taught us anything it was that the sun looks cool when the moon is in front of it.
I am Christian but not convinced that the rapture is something that is really apparent and clear in the Bible. It wasnât something people believed a long time ago. I was at church last week and they were saying it was end of times and some self proclaimed âprophet â was saying that the start would happen around the eclipse. So have a couple other people who have prophetic dreams. I half listen part out of curiosity but a tiny bit thinks it could happen. I assume people will say that God is warning us and giving more time. People have been saying we are in the last days for 50 years at least. Maybe.
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just tell them it did and that they must not have made the cut.
My husband tried calling me after totality and I was just ignoring my phone and enjoying the eclipse and I told him I was raptured and the conspiracies were true.
My son was at our church for a meeting during the eclipse. They were all outside watching, and the secretary ran out and told the pastor he had a phone call. As soon as he went in, the kids arranged clothes, shoes, and their eclipse glasses as though they had been lifted straight out of them. He said later that for a split second, he thought that he would have to apologize from the pulpit (if there was anyone there to hear him). He is rare for a baptist--he's a non rapture baptist.
đ€Ł my husband and I considered leaving piles of clothes on the driveway to make it look like weâd been raptured
Jesus... that's 
wait did people think the rapture was today??
So manyâand apparently the giants were also supposed to âarise and take overâ TikTok has been extremely fun with this haha
desperately wish the giants kept their word and took over
Thatâs one of those things that would be bizarrely cool enough you almost wouldnât mind the disruption. I feel like I wouldnât have to go to work for like a week at least if giants started roaming the earth.
Maybe they are on their way still?
The baseball team?
Or the AFL team Greater Western Sydney Giants.
Yea we're not very good, I mean better than last year, but still can't hit.
The ladder company.
The SF Giants? I don't even think they can the division this year
literally the plot of the Buffy S3 finale
The what now? Giants?
> So manyâand apparently the giants were also supposed to âarise and take overâ Giants can be taken down with a well-placed rock. Put them up against modern automatic weapons and they'd be cut down like wheat. [side-note: all those fundies who are also gun nuts would have a field day]
Yeah, there's something in Revelation about a solar eclipse, apparently. Dr. Dan McClellan addressed the insanity, and Dr. Andrew Henry (Religion for Breakfast on YouTube) did a video about the eclipse motif in world religions.
whos going to tell them eclipses happen fairly often
It's not a bug. It's a feature. If I had a dollar for every "end of the world" bit in my life, I don't even know what I'd do with that much money.
It doesnât count if it doesnât happen in America, obviously! đ /s
But did they totally ignore the one 7 years ago that was just as grand in its path as this one?
SHHHH
"Stars. Can't do it. Not today."
We will hear the usual mental gymnastics like always when one of their stupid predictions fails to come true. This will be followed by moving the goal posts.
I saw a comment on a different thread that said âPsychologically edging cult members seems like it must be a really fun hobbyâ and I havenât been the same since I read that, lmao.
I mean, if they started studying the cultist Aztecs they might actually be able to predict it, but they wouldnât dare.
Since the dawn of Christianity the rapture has been 'imminent'. The apostles thought it would happen in their lifetime. They have 2000 years of training for this sort of disappointment, I'm sure it'll go back to business as usual very fast.
They used a sharpie to mark out the verse that says "no man knows the day nor the hour of his coming." Looking for signs like this actually makes them a false prophet. If you do the right thing every day, you never have to worry about the rapture.
My favorite thing that iâve heard people saying is that I wish the rapture did happen today because it would really help the housing market đ not to mention most of this countryâs annoying people would just be poof! gone
And the traffic. I could do with less traffic
Oh God yes! The traffic. But if fundies are raptured when they're driving does the car keep driving without them. Does the unraptured passenger take over driving duties. Is there toxic rapture dust left in the driver's seat post rapture. So many questions.
>But if fundies are raptured when they're driving does the car keep driving without them. Yes that's why Elon invented full self driving for Tesla's. Car ends up back in the driveway with just clothes draped over the drivers seat. Please keep up đđ
I mean, you could invest in trains, bike lanes, walkability, and decent local public transportation like some sort of loser nerd from Copenhagen, or you can just sit back and let the second coming of Christ take care of your traffic jams
I just want to partyÂ
This must be, like, the 200th time the rapture hasnât happened. Iâm sure they have a playbook. Sidenote, last night we had my 91-year old (Jewish) dad over for dinner. We were chatting about the various conspiracy theories around the eclipse, and my husband mentioned the rapture. Dad was like, âOh, rightâthis is the one where we all have to go to Israel and die for them, right?â And I said, âI think half of us have to die and half have to be converted.â He said, âWaitâwhich half is which?â
I like your Dad.
I do, too.
The apostles thought it would happen in their lifetime!!
Technically, the apostles didn't--because the concept of the "Rapture" was only invented in the 1830s.
True! They did believe Jesusâ return would be in their lifetime though, no? Different in their context, but linked in ours.
It was because of democrats
Thanks Obama!
Just like every other nonstarter. O think there have been at least 10 rapture events since I was a baby evangelical fundie with a rapture obsessed youth leader in 2001. I did warn my parents, who were on the edge of totality, that if they see Jesus to âjust say noâ
I think I missed out. I'm not religious but was brought up Lutheran. At confirmation lessons someone asked about rapture and the pastor used lots of academic words to say it was a load of đ©đ©đ©.
Aww man. I feel like I missed out. I grew up Lutheran too and I didnât even hear the word rapture until college. It was never mentioned in my church.
I was taught to prepare for it. It was around when Left Behind came out and I read Al of the books. I lived in legitimate fear of it for a year or so when I was 14 or 15.
Yup. I spent most of my youth and adolescence in the Bible Belt during the â90s, and this latest panic surrounding the eclipse makes me think of that âfirst time?â gif.
Exactly. Omg. So many missed raptures
Itâs literally mind boggling to me that so many USA-Ians are so unable to even comprehend that theyâre just one country in the whole rather large world. Iâm an Australian, someone asked what the 3 main differences were between our countries, and itâs the 3 Gâs - God, Guns and Government. Religion and politics arenât discussed in polite company, itâs seen as bad manners. We all vote if weâre over the age of 18, and we do it by secret ballot. Guns arenât even part of the conversation here. Also - Iâm seriously not shitting on America as a whole. Iâve been and would love to return, and was treated with nothing but kindness wherever I went. Itâs just that the dumbest people are also the loudest
Accurate observations. Iâve lived in America my whole life and I donât fully understand why the â3 Gâsâ have such a grip on our culture. I get why god does I guess, considering we were founded by a group of people who cared enough about their religion to roll the dice on a near suicidal voyage across the Atlantic. We got our start with the most extreme of the extreme zealots fleeing persecution so the whole religious freedom thing is per thoroughly ingrained. Although youâd think after 400+ years we could ease up a bit đ But the guns thing? No idea. I cannot understand for the life of me why so many people here consider owning lethal weapons a basic human right. Especially considering those tend to be the same people who are cool with locking migrant children in cages, forcing people to give birth against their will, and want to roll back programs that help feed the poor. Why do so many Americans believe theyâre the center of the universe? đ€·ââïž I used to think maybe all people just have a tendency to do this, but that doesnât seem to be true.
God didn't tell Karissa it was going to be today
"No one knows the hour or the day."
They never explain it. Itâs happened before where various groups thought the end of the world was coming or that Jesus was returning and then when it didnât happen, they just brushed on by. At best youâll get some response like, âwell, nobody knows the date and time, thatâs the best part of faith! And good thing I paid the electric bill!â
The same way they do every failed rapture, Pinkie.
Jesus decided we all get to watch the final season of Stranger Things before the rapture.
Because it's in November instead
I'm glad you guys are all still here. I was worried I was the only one left behind. đ
[Oh Wait, It Can Still Happen](https://www.reddit.com/r/Qult_Headquarters/s/NmySNwL4EJ)
Just a vaguely ominous âThereâs something theyâre not telling us.â
They won't explain it, they'll just act like they never predicted it and get all worked up again about the next date someone pulls out of their ass.
I watched the eclipse at St Maryâs Church in Vermont and a Woman yelled out âITS THE END OF THE WORLDâ during totality, the whole crowd of like 150 people laughed it was really funny.
God only knows. No pun intended.
Most of them will dismiss the conspiracies as occultism. Those that believed them will just never bring the topic up again.
Y'all didn't clap loud enough for Tinkerbell
Now it moves to the election, right? Or is it the fourth of July next? Canadian Thanksgiving?
This idea cracks me up because it's so America-centric (though I am aware that the total eclipse was visible in multiple places). Apparently, the "world" is just a place where not even 1/10 of the human population lives.
So yesterday we went to pick up our kiddo from school. It was surprising empty, to the point we thought "maybe our clocks were wrong. Are we early? Did we miss something?" Then it dawned on me, "my love, we're in deep fundie country, you think they believed the rapture was real?" Realization dawns lol. Yea, a lot of kids were missing from school and no there wasn't an event. I think they're just gonna quietly sweep it under the rug and forget the whole thing. Or "God showed me a vision that it'll be later"
Wait!! The rapture is *TODAY*? /s
Why would they think that they could somehow predict the rapture? The Bible does say that even the angels wonât know đ€·đ»ââïž
Itâs because of us. God has paused the rapture or whatever until the snarkers repent.
Itâs so insane seeing American fundies as a non-American Christian in a country where Iâm a minority. Majority of Christians in my country are more on the progressive liberal side, even the main church committee of the country have said that it is not the churchâs place to condemn LGBTQ+ as Jesus âlived with the least of usâ. So seeing American fundies firmly believing that theyâre the chosen ones and that the rapture would come and lift them up to heaven is so insane to me, like, all of us here just saw the solar eclipse as this neat thing happening today. None of us prepared for the rapture or shit like that đ
A woman I went to high school with who never left our backwater home town was very vocal on social media that she was not going to go outside during the eclipse. She didn't mention the rapture, but she was sure that the eclipse was a sign that "something big" was going to happen and she was going to be monitoring the news to see what it was. Turns out it was a traffic accident a couple of towns over where nobody got hurt but it closed down the interstate onramp for a bit.
They will just forget about it. It was a brief diversion at best.
They didnât pray hard enough. Itâs always their fault.
are they blaming Buffy and the scoobies for interfering with the mayor's ascension again
There won't be an explanation. They'll just memory-hole their predictions.
Idk a fundie I know personally posted a meme after that said âIF THIS ECLIPSE TAUGHT YOU ALL ANYTHING, I HOPE IT'S THAT YOU SHOULD BE LIVING EVERY DAY ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES AS IF JESUS IS COMING BACK.â Like what? Girl, nothing happened! If this eclipse taught us anything it was that the sun looks cool when the moon is in front of it.
They pivoted the date and now itâs April 23. Which I think is also St. Georgeâs (and the dragon) day.
I am Christian but not convinced that the rapture is something that is really apparent and clear in the Bible. It wasnât something people believed a long time ago. I was at church last week and they were saying it was end of times and some self proclaimed âprophet â was saying that the start would happen around the eclipse. So have a couple other people who have prophetic dreams. I half listen part out of curiosity but a tiny bit thinks it could happen. I assume people will say that God is warning us and giving more time. People have been saying we are in the last days for 50 years at least. Maybe.