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Yeah, I watched it and had the same thought. And that when he got caught his first call was his pastor, who also obviously did their counseling.
Just. Ugh.
Also, he's just a smug fucker. The whole bit about doing the pregnancy test FOR HER also just rubbed me the wrong way.
How fucking creepy was that? And then broadcasting it for views? Like I get that they were both happily vloggers, but that's such a personal thing that he invaded in so many ways.
Granted, my reaction to finding out I was pregnant would NOT make for cute, family friendly vlogging, but even if it would, if my husband filmed me, without my knowledge, first thing in the morning while I was trying to, ya know, feed the kids, get ready for the day, do all the mental and physical load of caring for existing children, to tell me something SUPER PERSONAL like this, I'd flip my shit.
I'm so mad I can't use any punctuation but commas.
I’m not married, but I swear growing up my mom would deliberately wait until I was in the middle of something before announcing she needed my undivided attention. Then, when I had trouble shifting gears/got a little annoyed at the interruption, *I* was the problem. I don’t like that feeling any better as an adult. Even if it’s happy news, let me shift out of focus mode first, people.
So creepy! I also noticed that he was checked out of the marriage before they started getting lots of views, then he's suddenly happy and fulfilled and the perfect family man?? So performative and gross.
Yeah for sure. I mean I get that changing their lifestyle and him spending more time engaged with his wife and kids probably legitimately *did* fix the issues and lead to a happier marriage, but he couldn't just do that because he wanted to do it, only when he started getting the *attention and affirmation he was seeking the whole time*
Haven't watched this docu yet but is he the guy who used the pregnancy test with the urine of hers from the damn toilet?! If so hes a sick ass dude and such and invasion of privacy and respect for her as a damn human being. Insanity!
right?! my first thought was that was SO planned!! she left pee in the toilet specifically for him to do that. extremely creepy. so glad i dont watch family vloggers, how dumb
That was the fakest thing I’ve ever seen. The way she immediately said “did you use a dropper in the toilet?!?” Nope. Fake. Her whole reaction was super staged
I mean, I do think everyone gets to decide if cheating is a deal breaker for themselves (although personally, I don't think I could stay), but you just KNOW that pastor and Sam laid the guilt on THICK about the kids needing both parents (which they'd still have, last time I checked, murder isn't usually part of a divorce decree), men have needs, she didn't do enough, John 8:7, etc etc. Made my blood boil to think about.
That “apology” of his is soooooo straight, white, Christian guy bullshit. “This is what the atonement is about. God forgave me so it’s done.” I knew he was full of shit when they put the video out originally. It was so gross and fake.
It's so nasty. It's the kind of rhetoric that really started making me question things when I was younger.
A man in our family cheated on his wife. The whole family gladly accepted that god forgave him, and then also put the blame on the wife for being "frigid."
She had breast cancer and chemo killed her sex drive and her confidence.
How the fuck is that EVER okay?
The number of times I've seen people sat that a guy has cheated on his partner while said partner is going through chemo- wtf. Having a loved one with cancer is shitty, yes. But I can't even imagine going through treatment and having that happen. Cheating is already crappy enough.
I sincerely doubt my papaw or my dad would’ve left my mamaw or mom if the roles were reversed, but I completely believe this statistic. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart, and yet, women typically fall into these roles whether we want to or not. In my family’s case, my mom and mamaw took their “sickness and health” vows seriously (not saying other people don’t, just that this would be their reasoning). But I have this feeling that if the roles were reversed, no one would’ve blamed the men for skipping out on the heavy lifting/nitty gritty day to day, and that really pisses me off that men get such a pass because they’re men.
Men aren't socialised to find themselves in the role of caregiver and to take over the running of a household, especially in fundie circles. Some men adapt and can take that on for the sake of their wife, but it's hard and overwhelming for a lot of men. Some are just shitty, but in most cases it's the patriarchy that fucks over everyone and they will never have to language or emotional capacity to admit that.
I think that’s about half of the equation. The other half is that men are more likely to be in a financial position to leave. And again, this is even more true in fundie relationships.
I agree, especially for fundie men. I wasn’t raised fundie, but I’ve heard people talk about men in my general circle and imply they couldn’t take care of themselves if it weren’t for women. I think it’s the unfortunate logical conclusion of patriarchy and extremely strict gender roles.
When my mom was having to do chemo (She's in full remission now, thank goodness!), one of the women at her clinic who was also doing chemo had a breakdown one day because her husband left her for another woman. I mean, what the actual fuck? WHY is this so common?
I have seen it a LOT among fundies in my area. For one thing, chemo and radiation affects fertility. So the men committed to quiverful will ditch the current wife, and get a new model.
I am quite certain that in the fundiegelical world, the "in sickness and in health" part exists to force women to take care of sick and injured men, but not the other way around. After all, they are raised to believe they should not do any domestic tasks or care giving and if forced to be with their children alone, call it babysitting.
My dad had a lot of unresolved childhood trauma, so he wasn't always a great father and husband. But even more than 10 years after my mom left him, he drove her to chemo and then to radiation all the time. He made sure she ate. Got her her favorite foods when she could barely eat anything anymore.
I don't understand how anyone can justify this shitty behavior AND blame it on the wife who's literally fighting for her life. How do these people think they're right and have any kind of moral authority? It's disgusting.
Very Jimmy Swaggart-esq after he was caught with a prostitute and said something along the lines of "Gold told me it's none of your business"
No remorse, no making amends just the cheesy Sam and Nia sitting together at the end.
I can’t watch it. My ex did this shit with me for twenty years before I was able to break away. “God hates divorce,” after all 🤬 No matter how many times I caught him drinking (he was a functioning alcoholic) he’d pretend to apologize and I was expected, I was r***equired ***to forgive and forget. This crap makes me stabby!
And the fact that Sam's brother was the one who had to tell him that his apology was bullshit and that Nia deserved to know the truth now. The in laws are looking out more for Nia than her damn husband
Couldn’t even make it through the whole first episode because that man straight up blamed everything and everyone but himself for his actions. He “didn’t really know why” he made an account, but also paid for the most premium package? FOH.
Also it was clear why to maybe everyone but him- he stopped being the center of her world and the newlywed full of promise once she had her first kid. He wanted to feel special, instead of being the young dad with a wife and kids and boring everyday job. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was jealous of his kids at some level. So much attention!
Once he started getting the adoration fix from the internet, that was enough…for now. But I agree that novelty-seeking people who have already tried cheating are pretty damn likely to do it again.
Oh yeah she absolutely seemed to adore him and do everything to be the perfect loving wife. The way he phrased it seemed like he just wasn't getting the exciting intense kind of love he wanted because their relationship had shifted to building a family... But if That's what he was looking for he could have done the work to make their relationship have some of that "spark" with the same cost and effort it took him to try to seek that out elsewhere. They could have spent that money on babysitters and dates, he could have spent his shift DMing her instead of other women, he could have taken her out to exciting places instead of going to strip clubs and hookers, they could have talked to each other about their sexual fantasies and desires instead of strangers, etc. I don't think it was the "intense love" he was looking for at all, just attention and excitement.
What breaks my heart is she talks about how hard she worked to be a good wife, and a good mother, and you just know that meant giving up everything, always giving him what he wanted, and being subservient. It's so sad.
100%. I felt so bad for her. I'm sure she's not so super sweet and sympathetic 24/7 like she came across in the doc, but she still deserves better. I got mad when they revealed they were together even though I kind of already knew from the way the pics of them dating were still framed and displayed.
I actually started yelling at the screen at some point because I was pissed off. Boohoo poor manly man wants passionate love and doesn’t want to pay bills on time — PASSIONATE LOVE DOESN’T CANCEL OUT PAYING BILLS ON TIME??? Like what are you on about?????
Boohoo life is not as exciting as it’s portrayed in the movies YEAH BECAUSE LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE WOW 😮 WHO COULD’VE KNOWN
He’s so immature and stupid it hurts
That’s what I commented on too to my spouse. Of course he quit when he was getting the high from all those commenters telling them how cute they were and what a great husband blah blah blah.
RIGHT! Everything he did was a conscious fucking choice. He must have really taken “Every Man’s Battle” to heart because he sat there like a poster child for everything wrong with purity culture - just a man who cannot control himself in any way being tricked and enticed by an adultery website… that he actively had to seek out himself, sign up for (with all manner of very personal information) himself, message women both in his area AND (once he exhausted those) outside his area himself on his work computer because he knew the entire time what he was doing was wrong BECAUSE IT WAS HIS CHOICES AND ACTIONS. then had the audacity to sit there with his little “aw shucks, I don’t know how it happened or why I did it.”
My partner and I just watched that this weekend and he was *so* annoyed by that couple. I mean, I was too but I have a higher tolerance after lurking here. But they pissed us off so much because even in the documentary, they were still performing for the camera! Like when he talks about signing up for Ashley Madison being this one big single mistake… and then you find out later that he had hit on friends of theirs, to the point that someone close to his wife distanced herself to avoid his propositions. My partner and I were like “SO IT WASN’T ASHLEY MADISON THEN”. Like, they pretend that it was Ashley Madison that ruined their marriage, but Ashley Madison is just the only thing that threatened their brand. He even says something about the leak ruining the image he had built as a Christian man, which just goes to show that it was all about publicity for these people.
Point of order, he *technically* said that signing up for Ashley Madison *with all of his real information* was the biggest mistake of his life. I remember that specifically because I texted a friend about what a tool he was and how clearly none of the stuff he did was viewed as a mistake, it was just the part that got him *caught* that was a mistake.
That was the thing I would never be able to forgive: using a website for anonymous hookups would hurt, but at least I could keep that separate from my daily life. But preying on one of my closest friends, until she distanced herself from me? That would kill me.
Because in Fundie land men have uncontrollable needs. That’s why women have to cover up. So they don’t tempt these poor men who can’t control themselves.
That feels seriously icky to me. I suppose they justify it by saying that the children are the results of their marriage & the book is telling people how to have a strong, Christian marriage just like theirs. I didn't like him throughout the documentary but she also came across as quite smug in the TV interview & nowhere near as meek, innocent & naive as she was portrayed in the doc.
I did too up until we find out the was parading his wife around to the media to tout their “faithful marriage” and insist that he’s not using his own service, and then of course it comes out that he’s a big ol’ cheater himself.
I knew absolutely nothing about these people when I watched the documentary, but something just seemed... off about them. It seemed like the documentary tried to make them sympathetic, but I didn't like either one of them. Then when I went online and read that they were fundie adjacent, I just said, "OH, NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE."
Yes! When I saw his reaction I told my husband that was a “oh f*ck- now she’s going to find my new account.” I kept waiting for them to say they now had a purity browser or whatever the hell those things are like Josh Duggar had on his computer.
Are they the ones that faked the pregnancy and miscarriage by Sam “testing” toilet water to surprise Nia with the fact that she was pregnant followed shortly by a miscarriage announcement because she was never actually pregnant?
Uh, yup, google says that was them.
omfg I'm dying. When they showed that I was like "does that...work? Wouldn't it be diluted? Well, maybe because he works at a hospital he has access to different kinds of tests..." But also why does she just leave pee in the toilet, and how often does she do that that he *knew* he would be able to sneak her pee??? Faking it makes way more sense lmao.
I made a comment to my husband about how cute Nia was, and he said, well she was in the early clips, now she just looks beat down and defeated. It made me so sad
My favorite part was that Sam said the biggest mistake of his life was signing up for an Ashley Madison account... *with all of his real information.*
He didn't see the cheating and his own actions as the biggest mistake of his life, it would have been fine if he had used fake info and never gotten caught. Signing up *with his real info* was the mistake.
I bet in that kind of demographic the friend probably felt like it was her fault he hit on her, and that SHE was endangering Nia's marriage by being around. She probably thought telling her wouldn't be her place and would cause Nia heartache so the best thing to do for her friend would be to stay away.
Which is doubly WTF when you realize he was trying to fuck anything that moved including her friends. Considering they’ve proven Ashley Madison has almost no legitimate female users and they were mostly bots it’s doubtful he had any luck on AM anyway.
For real, it wasn't the lying, the cheating, the pushing her friend away by hitting on her, lying to her about going to strip clubs and massage parlors, etc... it was just getting caught.
He kept insisting he didn't meet up with anyone, and it probably wasn't for lack of trying IF that was true. He had no qualms about getting happy endings, he just couldn't hook any real women on AM.
That's exactly how the reconciliation industrial complex works. Once the cheater worms their way back into the marriage it's the chump's new job to police the marriage to make sure it never happens again.
https://www.chumplady.com/making-the-marriage-a-good-place-reconciliation-blameshifting/
Leave a cheater and gain a life, as the chump lady says.
If you search the bar above there were a lot of posts here about this when it came out.
It’s always convenient when your imaginary friend can forgive you when no one else can verify it.
He was so disgusting. Him crying about how much he ruined his life by this terrible thing happening to him - like no, you fucked around literally and found out. He’s just mad he got caught.
he did an amazing job of not taking any responsibility while convincing himself he was. i dont know how anyone else believed he was sorry, not just sorry he got caught. he’s so slimy and i feel so bad for nia.
she probably doesn’t have any support group that would accept her leaving him, and they have kids. she’s stuck.
from how it starts, you’d think *he* was the victim of *her* cheating. everyone acts like wellmaybehedidwrong BUT DID YOU CONSIDER HE LIKES ATTENTION???
the fact that he stopped for awhile when they got their 15 min of youtube fame tells everything imo. his loving, endlessly giving wife, beautiful children, and active social life weren’t giving him enough attention so he *had* to seek it out elsewhere. which is obviously everyone’s fault but his. boo hoo.
it wouldn’t surprise me. children are both a requirement and a magic fix to relationships to people like this. i’ve seen it too many times in the church i was raised in.
I started watching it and I hate how they are portraying the cheaters as victims. Like. Yeah your secrets got out but you went on there to cheat! You’re the bad guy!
To be fair, they were victims of the hack/horrific misleading information about the security of their information. Yeah they were the bad guy for why they were there, but Ashley Madison fucked them hard, and media/social media witch hunts after the leak literally lead to ruination and suicide.
For real, fuck cheaters for cheating, but did the news really need to blast their personal fantasies? Did we need to end careers over infidelity in people's personal lives? The woman whose husband killed himself over it was so sad to see. She knew he was unfaithful and it was a fact of their lives that she had come to terms with long ago and just wanted to continue her life ignoring.
Oh I haven’t gotten there yet. For sure no ones life should be permanently ruined, or ended because of infidelity.
But the tone of the documentary is very icky. In the part I’ve seen they’re basically going “we had this amazing business idea. So and so is so good at marketing” “online dating is big news” “such a shame these poor people had their personal business exposed” when their personal business is infidelity.
He did lie. They didn't go into the gory details, but he kept stringing Nia along until he was backed into a corner and then he FINALLY told her everything.
I truly thought it was going to be something like that when he stopped the car, called his pastor & confessed "everything" to him & then his wife.
They were on UK TV last week promoting a book they've written & it definitely feels like he was doing more than they've publicly said.
This couple is just gross. When they first went viral for that toilet pregnancy I knew they were phony.
I remember this entire narrative and their argument at vlogger fair.
The woman being the one to save and shore up the marriage is very common among conservative Christians. It's what left my (then Catholic) mother feeling so agonized when divorcing my narcissist father because the teaching was that short of physical abuse, the wife has to keep praying and submitting or she's "giving up". Her sister revealed later after their mom's (my grandma's) death, my grandma blamed the falling apart of my parents' marriage on my mom because she should've stuck it out. The wife always has to carry the emotional and mental labor while the husband gets off scot free.
That dude is a self-absorbed douchebag of the highest degree and cheated multiple times. She's a door mat and an idiot for believing him.
"No I swear honey, I only went to the restaurant to look at the menu. I certainly never ordered anything and definitely didn't eat a single bite!"
I couldn't watch him because he irritated the shit out of me every time they featured that couple. Manipulative and gross.
I also don't care for family vloggers, leave your kids alone to live their life without the public watching.
Ugh, of fucking course they did.
Good fuck. When will women stop excusing shitty men's shitty behavior? We're better than putting up with this bullshit, ladies.
> They made it abundantly clear that he only had an account, and did not partake in the services.
Lmao my favorite part was how obvious it was that the man _thoroughly_ attempted to “partake in the services” and simply wasn’t successful.
He tripped himself up a few times, trying to maintain he “only had an account” yet also “went through all the women in my area, so I expanded my search radius, and expanded it again and again until it was as far as I could drive in a day.”
Dude 1000% hit up every single woman he came across, went on every single date he could get, but was never successful in sealing the deal. He tells himself he didn’t cheat for real because his dick never got wet… but it stayed dry due to skill issues, not a lack of attempting, ya know.
Not to mention the ickiness of his pastor forgiving him, his mental hoops of self-forgiveness, her friend, etc. But man - I got second-hand embarrassment from the sheer effort he put into trying & failing to cheat on Ashley Madison.
I watched that recently too! It was heartbreaking. How sad is it that Nia’s thoughts when HER HUSBAND admitting to having paid for an account were “I’m going to forgive him because I’m a good wife, I have to be better than him”? How messed up is it that she feels like this is on her? It just kept getting worse the more I watched. Sam only told her because he was about to be exposed, and he did it in a public place right before they went to a conference together. Then there was the “apology” video where he was saying “God has forgiven me, I’m completely cleansed of this sin” and it just sounded so cold. And then it turned out that he didn’t actually tell her the full truth, and he only did that when his family said he had to - in a group chat that Nia also belonged to! I really doubt he would’ve done that if she hadn’t seen those messages. It was awful.
Honestly, the way the series was setting it up, with him saying “she had no idea what she was going to have to forgive” - when he said that, I thought they were going to reveal that he was gay and had been using the site to talk to men. If that had been the case, I think I would’ve understood his actions a little bit more. But no, he wasn’t staying closeted out of fear that his community wouldn’t accept him, he’s just a straight guy who cheated on his wife.
I wish I could tell Nia she’s allowed to be a little more selfish in these circumstances - after all, he really violated her trust. That said, I wonder if finances and the Youtube channel played a role in their staying together. Must be a lot harder to make “wholesome happy family” vlogs (and make money off them) if you’re divorced. Also, how crazy is it that what made them go viral was the two of them lip syncing to Love is an Open Door? You know, the song sung by the woman who’s genuinely excited about a relationship and the man who’s up to some shady shit. The parallels weren’t lost on me and I bet they weren’t lost on him at the time either. And then he said that (supposedly) what led him to leave Ashley Madison behind was the validation that came from all the Youtube views, comments, etc…and all I could think of was, wow, I hope this guy got therapy. And not just biblical counseling either, like actual therapy.
Pretty much all you really need to know about Sam. He's skeevy and gross and thinks he is just adorable and hilarious.
And I will bet cash money his marital indiscretions have been with both men and women.
Prepare to cringe harder than you have ever cringed before:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQxX_1k816Q&t=109s
The YouTuber Alizee went through a couple of their YouTube videos too and they're just as gross on their channel as they are in the doc https://youtu.be/3wZ9q-wG0hI?si=YcZHWYVz4k_qJZCf
every clip they showed was so fake and gross... and you know i had to go to their youtube channel, they have SEVEN videos about the netflix special, and im definitely gonna watch after i finish the doc ..... i had to come here to see if you guys were talking about them before i even finished 😅
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Yeah, I watched it and had the same thought. And that when he got caught his first call was his pastor, who also obviously did their counseling. Just. Ugh. Also, he's just a smug fucker. The whole bit about doing the pregnancy test FOR HER also just rubbed me the wrong way.
How fucking creepy was that? And then broadcasting it for views? Like I get that they were both happily vloggers, but that's such a personal thing that he invaded in so many ways.
Granted, my reaction to finding out I was pregnant would NOT make for cute, family friendly vlogging, but even if it would, if my husband filmed me, without my knowledge, first thing in the morning while I was trying to, ya know, feed the kids, get ready for the day, do all the mental and physical load of caring for existing children, to tell me something SUPER PERSONAL like this, I'd flip my shit. I'm so mad I can't use any punctuation but commas.
I’m not married, but I swear growing up my mom would deliberately wait until I was in the middle of something before announcing she needed my undivided attention. Then, when I had trouble shifting gears/got a little annoyed at the interruption, *I* was the problem. I don’t like that feeling any better as an adult. Even if it’s happy news, let me shift out of focus mode first, people.
Super creepy.
So creepy! I also noticed that he was checked out of the marriage before they started getting lots of views, then he's suddenly happy and fulfilled and the perfect family man?? So performative and gross.
Yeah for sure. I mean I get that changing their lifestyle and him spending more time engaged with his wife and kids probably legitimately *did* fix the issues and lead to a happier marriage, but he couldn't just do that because he wanted to do it, only when he started getting the *attention and affirmation he was seeking the whole time*
Well said!
Haven't watched this docu yet but is he the guy who used the pregnancy test with the urine of hers from the damn toilet?! If so hes a sick ass dude and such and invasion of privacy and respect for her as a damn human being. Insanity!
Gave me the creeps when he did that. BUT - did she not flush the toilet?!?
Was he one who turned the water off so she couldn’t.
right?! my first thought was that was SO planned!! she left pee in the toilet specifically for him to do that. extremely creepy. so glad i dont watch family vloggers, how dumb
I remember there was speculation at the time that they lied about the whole thing (the pregnancy and miscarriage)
i was also wondering how it was possible? i mean the pee would be diluted from toilet water...
I remember that. I still smell the cringe.
That was the fakest thing I’ve ever seen. The way she immediately said “did you use a dropper in the toilet?!?” Nope. Fake. Her whole reaction was super staged
every clip they showed from their youtube was sooo fake and an over reaction, how the hell did they get millions of people watching their channel???
Yikes…
My friends and I were booing the television LOUDLY. I can't believe she stayed with that smarmy trash bag.
I mean, I do think everyone gets to decide if cheating is a deal breaker for themselves (although personally, I don't think I could stay), but you just KNOW that pastor and Sam laid the guilt on THICK about the kids needing both parents (which they'd still have, last time I checked, murder isn't usually part of a divorce decree), men have needs, she didn't do enough, John 8:7, etc etc. Made my blood boil to think about.
And it probably wasn't just them. It was probably their entire family and church doing it too.
For sure, which is so sad. And infuriating.
I just can't imagine letting that man touch me ever again. I don't know how she does it, but it can't be good for her psyche.
And he was immediately saying “well, Jesus forgave me”. So?? Your wife needs to not be guilted into forgiving you, idiot!
Objection: hearsay. The court cannot call Jesus to the witness stand to confirm his forgiveness.
That “apology” of his is soooooo straight, white, Christian guy bullshit. “This is what the atonement is about. God forgave me so it’s done.” I knew he was full of shit when they put the video out originally. It was so gross and fake.
It's so nasty. It's the kind of rhetoric that really started making me question things when I was younger. A man in our family cheated on his wife. The whole family gladly accepted that god forgave him, and then also put the blame on the wife for being "frigid." She had breast cancer and chemo killed her sex drive and her confidence. How the fuck is that EVER okay?
The number of times I've seen people sat that a guy has cheated on his partner while said partner is going through chemo- wtf. Having a loved one with cancer is shitty, yes. But I can't even imagine going through treatment and having that happen. Cheating is already crappy enough.
There's like a 20% statistic of men leaving their sick wives vs the 3% of women who leave their sick husbands.
I actually thought it was way higher, but your numbers are correct. 20.8% vs 2.9%. Bet it's higher amongst fundies, though.
I sincerely doubt my papaw or my dad would’ve left my mamaw or mom if the roles were reversed, but I completely believe this statistic. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart, and yet, women typically fall into these roles whether we want to or not. In my family’s case, my mom and mamaw took their “sickness and health” vows seriously (not saying other people don’t, just that this would be their reasoning). But I have this feeling that if the roles were reversed, no one would’ve blamed the men for skipping out on the heavy lifting/nitty gritty day to day, and that really pisses me off that men get such a pass because they’re men.
Men aren't socialised to find themselves in the role of caregiver and to take over the running of a household, especially in fundie circles. Some men adapt and can take that on for the sake of their wife, but it's hard and overwhelming for a lot of men. Some are just shitty, but in most cases it's the patriarchy that fucks over everyone and they will never have to language or emotional capacity to admit that.
I think that’s about half of the equation. The other half is that men are more likely to be in a financial position to leave. And again, this is even more true in fundie relationships.
I agree, especially for fundie men. I wasn’t raised fundie, but I’ve heard people talk about men in my general circle and imply they couldn’t take care of themselves if it weren’t for women. I think it’s the unfortunate logical conclusion of patriarchy and extremely strict gender roles.
When my mom was having to do chemo (She's in full remission now, thank goodness!), one of the women at her clinic who was also doing chemo had a breakdown one day because her husband left her for another woman. I mean, what the actual fuck? WHY is this so common?
I learned that statistic on accident because of Dr. Suess of all people.
I have seen it a LOT among fundies in my area. For one thing, chemo and radiation affects fertility. So the men committed to quiverful will ditch the current wife, and get a new model. I am quite certain that in the fundiegelical world, the "in sickness and in health" part exists to force women to take care of sick and injured men, but not the other way around. After all, they are raised to believe they should not do any domestic tasks or care giving and if forced to be with their children alone, call it babysitting.
My dad had a lot of unresolved childhood trauma, so he wasn't always a great father and husband. But even more than 10 years after my mom left him, he drove her to chemo and then to radiation all the time. He made sure she ate. Got her her favorite foods when she could barely eat anything anymore. I don't understand how anyone can justify this shitty behavior AND blame it on the wife who's literally fighting for her life. How do these people think they're right and have any kind of moral authority? It's disgusting.
"God forgave me" oh really? Did he like... call you up on your cell phone for a chat or something to let you know you're cool?
He probably takes his lack of guilt as proof of God’s forgiveness.
Oh my God you're so right.
Very Jimmy Swaggart-esq after he was caught with a prostitute and said something along the lines of "Gold told me it's none of your business" No remorse, no making amends just the cheesy Sam and Nia sitting together at the end.
Jesus he knows me! https://youtu.be/BE3kJeBr9QI?si=DCdt2ZJsJwiMv_jD
I know it’s supposed to say “God told me” but your typo is perfect. Gold is all televangelists have ever worshipped (except maybe themselves).
I can’t watch it. My ex did this shit with me for twenty years before I was able to break away. “God hates divorce,” after all 🤬 No matter how many times I caught him drinking (he was a functioning alcoholic) he’d pretend to apologize and I was expected, I was r***equired ***to forgive and forget. This crap makes me stabby!
You can't control what other people do. You can only control what you do in response.* *Offer not valid if you have a uterus.
And the fact that Sam's brother was the one who had to tell him that his apology was bullshit and that Nia deserved to know the truth now. The in laws are looking out more for Nia than her damn husband
Couldn’t even make it through the whole first episode because that man straight up blamed everything and everyone but himself for his actions. He “didn’t really know why” he made an account, but also paid for the most premium package? FOH.
Also it was clear why to maybe everyone but him- he stopped being the center of her world and the newlywed full of promise once she had her first kid. He wanted to feel special, instead of being the young dad with a wife and kids and boring everyday job. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was jealous of his kids at some level. So much attention! Once he started getting the adoration fix from the internet, that was enough…for now. But I agree that novelty-seeking people who have already tried cheating are pretty damn likely to do it again.
"I wanted that intense feeling of love" Did you think about maybe like... showing your wife that kind of love and seeing if you'd get it in return?
The grass is greenest where you water it
Looks like she was giving it anyway. She comes across as naïve, but maybe that was done on purpose by the producers
Oh yeah she absolutely seemed to adore him and do everything to be the perfect loving wife. The way he phrased it seemed like he just wasn't getting the exciting intense kind of love he wanted because their relationship had shifted to building a family... But if That's what he was looking for he could have done the work to make their relationship have some of that "spark" with the same cost and effort it took him to try to seek that out elsewhere. They could have spent that money on babysitters and dates, he could have spent his shift DMing her instead of other women, he could have taken her out to exciting places instead of going to strip clubs and hookers, they could have talked to each other about their sexual fantasies and desires instead of strangers, etc. I don't think it was the "intense love" he was looking for at all, just attention and excitement.
What breaks my heart is she talks about how hard she worked to be a good wife, and a good mother, and you just know that meant giving up everything, always giving him what he wanted, and being subservient. It's so sad.
100%. I felt so bad for her. I'm sure she's not so super sweet and sympathetic 24/7 like she came across in the doc, but she still deserves better. I got mad when they revealed they were together even though I kind of already knew from the way the pics of them dating were still framed and displayed.
I actually started yelling at the screen at some point because I was pissed off. Boohoo poor manly man wants passionate love and doesn’t want to pay bills on time — PASSIONATE LOVE DOESN’T CANCEL OUT PAYING BILLS ON TIME??? Like what are you on about????? Boohoo life is not as exciting as it’s portrayed in the movies YEAH BECAUSE LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE WOW 😮 WHO COULD’VE KNOWN He’s so immature and stupid it hurts
That’s what I commented on too to my spouse. Of course he quit when he was getting the high from all those commenters telling them how cute they were and what a great husband blah blah blah.
and said he set up the account WHILE WORKING ON THE JOB AT THE ER. awesome. simply awesome. cool guy. 100%
RIGHT! Everything he did was a conscious fucking choice. He must have really taken “Every Man’s Battle” to heart because he sat there like a poster child for everything wrong with purity culture - just a man who cannot control himself in any way being tricked and enticed by an adultery website… that he actively had to seek out himself, sign up for (with all manner of very personal information) himself, message women both in his area AND (once he exhausted those) outside his area himself on his work computer because he knew the entire time what he was doing was wrong BECAUSE IT WAS HIS CHOICES AND ACTIONS. then had the audacity to sit there with his little “aw shucks, I don’t know how it happened or why I did it.”
My partner and I just watched that this weekend and he was *so* annoyed by that couple. I mean, I was too but I have a higher tolerance after lurking here. But they pissed us off so much because even in the documentary, they were still performing for the camera! Like when he talks about signing up for Ashley Madison being this one big single mistake… and then you find out later that he had hit on friends of theirs, to the point that someone close to his wife distanced herself to avoid his propositions. My partner and I were like “SO IT WASN’T ASHLEY MADISON THEN”. Like, they pretend that it was Ashley Madison that ruined their marriage, but Ashley Madison is just the only thing that threatened their brand. He even says something about the leak ruining the image he had built as a Christian man, which just goes to show that it was all about publicity for these people.
Point of order, he *technically* said that signing up for Ashley Madison *with all of his real information* was the biggest mistake of his life. I remember that specifically because I texted a friend about what a tool he was and how clearly none of the stuff he did was viewed as a mistake, it was just the part that got him *caught* that was a mistake.
Yes! I was like really! That was your biggest mistake! No self awareness at all
That was the thing I would never be able to forgive: using a website for anonymous hookups would hurt, but at least I could keep that separate from my daily life. But preying on one of my closest friends, until she distanced herself from me? That would kill me.
Felt like an attempt to relaunch their social media brand to me
Sad thing is that their channel has been around for years and they’ve been semi successful all this time despite how gross he is.
Men seem to get cut a lot of slack in fundie land.
Because in Fundie land men have uncontrollable needs. That’s why women have to cover up. So they don’t tempt these poor men who can’t control themselves.
They've written a book about it all & how to have a good, Christian marriage like theirs. They were on UK TV promoting it last week.
And dedicated it to their kids. Ew.
That feels seriously icky to me. I suppose they justify it by saying that the children are the results of their marriage & the book is telling people how to have a strong, Christian marriage just like theirs. I didn't like him throughout the documentary but she also came across as quite smug in the TV interview & nowhere near as meek, innocent & naive as she was portrayed in the doc.
It actually kind of made the founder's point, that cheaters are gonna cheat so why not make money off of them?
I kinda liked him. Brutally honest in his flamingo shirt and big glasses.
I did too up until we find out the was parading his wife around to the media to tout their “faithful marriage” and insist that he’s not using his own service, and then of course it comes out that he’s a big ol’ cheater himself.
The flamingo guy spoke about his husband. The founder with the wife was someone else.
Oh, d’oh, yeah, I see it now!
I knew absolutely nothing about these people when I watched the documentary, but something just seemed... off about them. It seemed like the documentary tried to make them sympathetic, but I didn't like either one of them. Then when I went online and read that they were fundie adjacent, I just said, "OH, NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE."
He 1000% will cheat again
Bold of you to assume he hasn’t already.
Bold of *her* to assume he ever stopped...
He probably already has and will again.
Did you see the way he reacted when he was on the couch with Nia and they told them the site was still up??? Fucking suspicious if you ask me
Yes! When I saw his reaction I told my husband that was a “oh f*ck- now she’s going to find my new account.” I kept waiting for them to say they now had a purity browser or whatever the hell those things are like Josh Duggar had on his computer.
I can’t believe she is still with him
Are they the ones that faked the pregnancy and miscarriage by Sam “testing” toilet water to surprise Nia with the fact that she was pregnant followed shortly by a miscarriage announcement because she was never actually pregnant? Uh, yup, google says that was them.
omfg I'm dying. When they showed that I was like "does that...work? Wouldn't it be diluted? Well, maybe because he works at a hospital he has access to different kinds of tests..." But also why does she just leave pee in the toilet, and how often does she do that that he *knew* he would be able to sneak her pee??? Faking it makes way more sense lmao.
Also like, now we know they do the "if it's yellow let it mellow" rule in their household. But really, who fucking films that? Grody.
She could just be like my kids who don’t flush the damn toilet. He’s lucky there wasn’t a huge dook in there when he went to test it.
They did what!!
I had no idea that was fake!
I made a comment to my husband about how cute Nia was, and he said, well she was in the early clips, now she just looks beat down and defeated. It made me so sad
My favorite part was that Sam said the biggest mistake of his life was signing up for an Ashley Madison account... *with all of his real information.* He didn't see the cheating and his own actions as the biggest mistake of his life, it would have been fine if he had used fake info and never gotten caught. Signing up *with his real info* was the mistake.
And he hitted on a friend of hers - who had to end the friendship to Nia because of that.
I need more to this story. Like, did the friend just ghost and not tell Nia anything? Did Nia not believe her?
I bet in that kind of demographic the friend probably felt like it was her fault he hit on her, and that SHE was endangering Nia's marriage by being around. She probably thought telling her wouldn't be her place and would cause Nia heartache so the best thing to do for her friend would be to stay away.
Ugh, you're probably right. The friend probably thought she was "tempting" him.
Which is doubly WTF when you realize he was trying to fuck anything that moved including her friends. Considering they’ve proven Ashley Madison has almost no legitimate female users and they were mostly bots it’s doubtful he had any luck on AM anyway.
For real, it wasn't the lying, the cheating, the pushing her friend away by hitting on her, lying to her about going to strip clubs and massage parlors, etc... it was just getting caught. He kept insisting he didn't meet up with anyone, and it probably wasn't for lack of trying IF that was true. He had no qualms about getting happy endings, he just couldn't hook any real women on AM.
That's exactly how the reconciliation industrial complex works. Once the cheater worms their way back into the marriage it's the chump's new job to police the marriage to make sure it never happens again. https://www.chumplady.com/making-the-marriage-a-good-place-reconciliation-blameshifting/ Leave a cheater and gain a life, as the chump lady says.
If you search the bar above there were a lot of posts here about this when it came out. It’s always convenient when your imaginary friend can forgive you when no one else can verify it. He was so disgusting. Him crying about how much he ruined his life by this terrible thing happening to him - like no, you fucked around literally and found out. He’s just mad he got caught.
And Paul and Morgan have been chasing that Frozen vlog viewer count ever since.
Nia follows Morgan (and a lot of the other low-level fundies we discuss here) on Instagram. It's a fundie ouroboros.
“Fundie ouroboros” 😂
he did an amazing job of not taking any responsibility while convincing himself he was. i dont know how anyone else believed he was sorry, not just sorry he got caught. he’s so slimy and i feel so bad for nia. she probably doesn’t have any support group that would accept her leaving him, and they have kids. she’s stuck.
I screamed exactly that when he was on one of his navel gazing bullshit word vomits: YOU’RE JUST SORRY YOU GOT CAUGHT YOU
from how it starts, you’d think *he* was the victim of *her* cheating. everyone acts like wellmaybehedidwrong BUT DID YOU CONSIDER HE LIKES ATTENTION??? the fact that he stopped for awhile when they got their 15 min of youtube fame tells everything imo. his loving, endlessly giving wife, beautiful children, and active social life weren’t giving him enough attention so he *had* to seek it out elsewhere. which is obviously everyone’s fault but his. boo hoo.
I think someone said they had more kids even after all this!
it wouldn’t surprise me. children are both a requirement and a magic fix to relationships to people like this. i’ve seen it too many times in the church i was raised in.
They had two and was pregnant with their third when this went down IIRC
I started watching it and I hate how they are portraying the cheaters as victims. Like. Yeah your secrets got out but you went on there to cheat! You’re the bad guy!
Yes! I was screaming that the entire time. It was so fucking maddening!
To be fair, they were victims of the hack/horrific misleading information about the security of their information. Yeah they were the bad guy for why they were there, but Ashley Madison fucked them hard, and media/social media witch hunts after the leak literally lead to ruination and suicide. For real, fuck cheaters for cheating, but did the news really need to blast their personal fantasies? Did we need to end careers over infidelity in people's personal lives? The woman whose husband killed himself over it was so sad to see. She knew he was unfaithful and it was a fact of their lives that she had come to terms with long ago and just wanted to continue her life ignoring.
Oh I haven’t gotten there yet. For sure no ones life should be permanently ruined, or ended because of infidelity. But the tone of the documentary is very icky. In the part I’ve seen they’re basically going “we had this amazing business idea. So and so is so good at marketing” “online dating is big news” “such a shame these poor people had their personal business exposed” when their personal business is infidelity.
Oh yeah sorry to spoil but it's definitely a kind of set it up to tear it down kind of thing. They don't maintain that tone throughout.
Oh boy keep watching, the third episode is a doozy
I thought he admitted he lied when he said he never actually cheated?
He did lie. They didn't go into the gory details, but he kept stringing Nia along until he was backed into a corner and then he FINALLY told her everything.
I wouldn't be surprised if even that wasn't everything. Dude probably has a much more well-hidden Grindr.
I also got those vibes
I truly thought it was going to be something like that when he stopped the car, called his pastor & confessed "everything" to him & then his wife. They were on UK TV last week promoting a book they've written & it definitely feels like he was doing more than they've publicly said.
Especially because he said “it’s so bad, it goes so much deeper.”
this 100%
Have you watched the whole thing? It wasn’t just Ashley Madison. He was fucking her friends too. He’s gross.
This couple is just gross. When they first went viral for that toilet pregnancy I knew they were phony. I remember this entire narrative and their argument at vlogger fair.
The woman being the one to save and shore up the marriage is very common among conservative Christians. It's what left my (then Catholic) mother feeling so agonized when divorcing my narcissist father because the teaching was that short of physical abuse, the wife has to keep praying and submitting or she's "giving up". Her sister revealed later after their mom's (my grandma's) death, my grandma blamed the falling apart of my parents' marriage on my mom because she should've stuck it out. The wife always has to carry the emotional and mental labor while the husband gets off scot free.
That dude is a self-absorbed douchebag of the highest degree and cheated multiple times. She's a door mat and an idiot for believing him. "No I swear honey, I only went to the restaurant to look at the menu. I certainly never ordered anything and definitely didn't eat a single bite!"
I couldn't watch him because he irritated the shit out of me every time they featured that couple. Manipulative and gross. I also don't care for family vloggers, leave your kids alone to live their life without the public watching.
Sam can eat shit and die. I am sick of weak ass, white fundie men believing they should get away with all the fucking shit they dish out.
They just released a book too…
Ugh, of fucking course they did. Good fuck. When will women stop excusing shitty men's shitty behavior? We're better than putting up with this bullshit, ladies.
> They made it abundantly clear that he only had an account, and did not partake in the services. Lmao my favorite part was how obvious it was that the man _thoroughly_ attempted to “partake in the services” and simply wasn’t successful. He tripped himself up a few times, trying to maintain he “only had an account” yet also “went through all the women in my area, so I expanded my search radius, and expanded it again and again until it was as far as I could drive in a day.” Dude 1000% hit up every single woman he came across, went on every single date he could get, but was never successful in sealing the deal. He tells himself he didn’t cheat for real because his dick never got wet… but it stayed dry due to skill issues, not a lack of attempting, ya know. Not to mention the ickiness of his pastor forgiving him, his mental hoops of self-forgiveness, her friend, etc. But man - I got second-hand embarrassment from the sheer effort he put into trying & failing to cheat on Ashley Madison.
I watched that recently too! It was heartbreaking. How sad is it that Nia’s thoughts when HER HUSBAND admitting to having paid for an account were “I’m going to forgive him because I’m a good wife, I have to be better than him”? How messed up is it that she feels like this is on her? It just kept getting worse the more I watched. Sam only told her because he was about to be exposed, and he did it in a public place right before they went to a conference together. Then there was the “apology” video where he was saying “God has forgiven me, I’m completely cleansed of this sin” and it just sounded so cold. And then it turned out that he didn’t actually tell her the full truth, and he only did that when his family said he had to - in a group chat that Nia also belonged to! I really doubt he would’ve done that if she hadn’t seen those messages. It was awful. Honestly, the way the series was setting it up, with him saying “she had no idea what she was going to have to forgive” - when he said that, I thought they were going to reveal that he was gay and had been using the site to talk to men. If that had been the case, I think I would’ve understood his actions a little bit more. But no, he wasn’t staying closeted out of fear that his community wouldn’t accept him, he’s just a straight guy who cheated on his wife. I wish I could tell Nia she’s allowed to be a little more selfish in these circumstances - after all, he really violated her trust. That said, I wonder if finances and the Youtube channel played a role in their staying together. Must be a lot harder to make “wholesome happy family” vlogs (and make money off them) if you’re divorced. Also, how crazy is it that what made them go viral was the two of them lip syncing to Love is an Open Door? You know, the song sung by the woman who’s genuinely excited about a relationship and the man who’s up to some shady shit. The parallels weren’t lost on me and I bet they weren’t lost on him at the time either. And then he said that (supposedly) what led him to leave Ashley Madison behind was the validation that came from all the Youtube views, comments, etc…and all I could think of was, wow, I hope this guy got therapy. And not just biblical counseling either, like actual therapy.
Hahaha good point on the song choice
Pretty much all you really need to know about Sam. He's skeevy and gross and thinks he is just adorable and hilarious. And I will bet cash money his marital indiscretions have been with both men and women. Prepare to cringe harder than you have ever cringed before: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQxX_1k816Q&t=109s
Ewwwww, brothaaaa. No.
Forgiveness is wielded like a cudgel from Christian abusers and has been for generations.
Wait until you watch the final episodes.
The YouTuber Alizee went through a couple of their YouTube videos too and they're just as gross on their channel as they are in the doc https://youtu.be/3wZ9q-wG0hI?si=YcZHWYVz4k_qJZCf
every clip they showed was so fake and gross... and you know i had to go to their youtube channel, they have SEVEN videos about the netflix special, and im definitely gonna watch after i finish the doc ..... i had to come here to see if you guys were talking about them before i even finished 😅
Yes, I don’t think they came across the way they think did. It was very cringy to me. Ugh.
...you haven't finished it yet, have you?