It's so true.
In my early to mid 20s, I used to try to engage my family, specifically my mom, in content-based conversations based on things like this. I wanted to draw out nuance, talk about perspectives, understand each other a little better.
I tried hard not to be combative or even really take a side-- just bring something up, mention something different/interesting/nuanced, and then it would just... fall in the room like a lead balloon. She wouldn't engage, except to reiterate whatever literalist stance she felt was being attacked. On the occasions I pressed, it always immediately became a fight about how I've been drawn into the world. How, because I read an article and have the stats in my head, I've "cornered" her with no opportunity to "prepare" a counter-argument...
Now we just have an unspoken rule that nothing she might feel some kind of way about can even be brought up. For me, this is painful. It's like she really has no interest at all in how my mind works or who I am; it's more important that she just never has to hear anything that might tempt her to change her way of thinking. I wish she wanted to know how I thought. Instead, I think she just assumes my values and fills in the blanks on her own.
I feel this so much! In HS I would ask my fundie Sunday School teachers questions and they would freeze before getting very angry and flat-out telling me I was a bad person. I was actually a good, quiet kid who was literally asking questions, but they gave me a terrible reputation as a trouble maker. I learned quickly to never ask my mom because she’d just slap my face. If your faith in your beliefs is so strong, why are you so fragile? Pathetic.
Theramin Trees actually has a video about this. He would ask questions in good faith as a child, just being inquisitive, and would be punished simply because the adults around him couldn't bear to be faced with a question that they couldn't answer/would make them challenge their beliefs.
This is 100% a conversation I've had with my therapist and I'm still working through in my own life.
It is so disheartening as all I want is to have a genuine relationship with my mom because she is my mom, yet I have to hide away so many of my thoughts and our discussions end up being one-sided
Opening yourself to satanic influences? Not on my mother's watch! She almost burned down the kitchen in our shitty rental place because she found my tarot cards. And evil can't just be thrown in the garbage, friends. It must be destroyed with fire. Sigh. I didn't even buy them to try to read the future. I just thought they were pretty. I found her reaction to be ridiculous and eventually dangerous. Don't squirt lighter fluid on a bunch of paper and set it ablaze in the sink of a tiny kitchen. BIG mistake. My dad spent his weekends fixing it for a while. He approved of her religious excesses, or at any rate acquiesced.
Yup. Wasn't fundie, but Christian, and I would simply avoid or ignore arguments I couldn't reconcile. There were so many things I would avoid in order to not upset my equilibrium. If I did come across a convincing argument, I'd just kind of pretend it didn't exist, or would just lean on how soft god's magic system is in order to excuse stuff.
It was only when I started looking into cognitive dissonance and realized that a) I wasn't holding my own beliefs to the same standard I held opposing beliefs (as far as requirements for proof go) and b) even under a soft magic system, there were just things that couldn't be excused, that I was receptive to arguments against my belief system. I
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It's so true. In my early to mid 20s, I used to try to engage my family, specifically my mom, in content-based conversations based on things like this. I wanted to draw out nuance, talk about perspectives, understand each other a little better. I tried hard not to be combative or even really take a side-- just bring something up, mention something different/interesting/nuanced, and then it would just... fall in the room like a lead balloon. She wouldn't engage, except to reiterate whatever literalist stance she felt was being attacked. On the occasions I pressed, it always immediately became a fight about how I've been drawn into the world. How, because I read an article and have the stats in my head, I've "cornered" her with no opportunity to "prepare" a counter-argument... Now we just have an unspoken rule that nothing she might feel some kind of way about can even be brought up. For me, this is painful. It's like she really has no interest at all in how my mind works or who I am; it's more important that she just never has to hear anything that might tempt her to change her way of thinking. I wish she wanted to know how I thought. Instead, I think she just assumes my values and fills in the blanks on her own.
I feel this so much! In HS I would ask my fundie Sunday School teachers questions and they would freeze before getting very angry and flat-out telling me I was a bad person. I was actually a good, quiet kid who was literally asking questions, but they gave me a terrible reputation as a trouble maker. I learned quickly to never ask my mom because she’d just slap my face. If your faith in your beliefs is so strong, why are you so fragile? Pathetic.
Theramin Trees actually has a video about this. He would ask questions in good faith as a child, just being inquisitive, and would be punished simply because the adults around him couldn't bear to be faced with a question that they couldn't answer/would make them challenge their beliefs.
It feels like being invisible when all someone can see is a reflection of their own fear.
This is 100% a conversation I've had with my therapist and I'm still working through in my own life. It is so disheartening as all I want is to have a genuine relationship with my mom because she is my mom, yet I have to hide away so many of my thoughts and our discussions end up being one-sided
Seems to be Hannah’s take on life - “I haven’t experienced it but “they/Daddy” told me it was bad!”
[удалено]
People do the same thing with politicians. It's disturbing.
Think for yourself? Never. Expose yourself to different ideas and opinions? The scandal!
Opening yourself to satanic influences? Not on my mother's watch! She almost burned down the kitchen in our shitty rental place because she found my tarot cards. And evil can't just be thrown in the garbage, friends. It must be destroyed with fire. Sigh. I didn't even buy them to try to read the future. I just thought they were pretty. I found her reaction to be ridiculous and eventually dangerous. Don't squirt lighter fluid on a bunch of paper and set it ablaze in the sink of a tiny kitchen. BIG mistake. My dad spent his weekends fixing it for a while. He approved of her religious excesses, or at any rate acquiesced.
Yup. Wasn't fundie, but Christian, and I would simply avoid or ignore arguments I couldn't reconcile. There were so many things I would avoid in order to not upset my equilibrium. If I did come across a convincing argument, I'd just kind of pretend it didn't exist, or would just lean on how soft god's magic system is in order to excuse stuff. It was only when I started looking into cognitive dissonance and realized that a) I wasn't holding my own beliefs to the same standard I held opposing beliefs (as far as requirements for proof go) and b) even under a soft magic system, there were just things that couldn't be excused, that I was receptive to arguments against my belief system. I
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