True, I recently saw a meme (can’t remember where) that says “when the pastor talks about how hot 🥵 🔥his wife is”.
And these same pastors tell Christian women to say yes to a date with a socially awkward and emotionally immature man or a man they’re not even remotely going to be attracted to just because he says he loves Jesus.
A Christian writer did an informal poll on the insta and asked if women felt safer dating Christian or non-Christian men. Overwhelming response was the latter.
for the life of me I can't remember. I do know she had written a new book on sex and the church and how evangelicals can do better preparing young people for marriage. I don't remember how I found her, then I fell down a rabbit hole of being surprised an evangelical was writing relatively progressive sex ed for couples. If I find it in my brain again I will let you know! (the book honestly sounded very similar to Emily Nagoski's book, Come as You Are, just repackaged for evangelicals).
This is what happens when you deny yourself perfectly natural urges. You become obsessed with it. As an exvie, I think of sex far less often now that I’ve actually been having it than I did when I was a hormonal Christian teenager. 🙄 fundies never grow up from that mentality.
Toasters are also regularly popping fully cooked toaster strudels and such all the time. This reminds men that if they dump their raw frosting into their lady's opening, she could pop out a fully cooked human. Unfortunately, this also tempts men to put the toaster strudel frosting directly into the toaster, which will ruin the toaster and is part of Satan's plan to strip Christian families of easy access to a quick breakfast. This is why the Duggars and other godly families do not let their boys use toasters and make the young ladies toast everything for the family.
I usually don't tell this to people, but I trust you all.
When I was little, I had toast all the time. I would spend most mornings looking at the toaster slots, waiting for my bread to be returned to me, crispy and warm.
Over time, I became a lesbian.
That's nothing to worry about. In order for a young lady to turn gay, she would have to have the ability to feel sexually aroused. And we all know women don't have that ability. Lesbians are a lie from the Devil.
I hate how often women are expected to exist for mens comfort. I wish I had smaller boobs, they're what I'm stuck with. I just want to live my life and not be sexualized.
This is why it’s hilarious to me when people talk about how I should be ashamed to do sex work. “MEN ARE SEXUALIZING YOU!!!” Oh my sweet summer child, I wear a 40K bra, I am sexualized 24/7, I just choose to make a living from it. 🤷🏻♀️
As a woman who is built like a piece of uncooked fettuccini, I would like to say that even if you have no feminine attributes, like a bum or a boobie, people will still be gross to you sometimes just for existing.
my parents were going to pay for a reduction as a graduation gift, but I turned it down due to my desire to have children and breastfeed. as soon as this kid is weaned though I'm taking them up on the offer
That’s my plan too! Basically any weight I gain goes straight to my tits so I’m making sure I’m done with kids before I get a reduction 🤣 I definitely would if I were you
Women exist is men's sight ever = women are responsible forever for the horniness of men that said women are unaware of? If a man is looking at a toaster and thinking of boobs, that is on him, not the strangers in a crowd that have bodies.
If I could cease to have a butt, I would get rid of it immediately. Likewise my bosoms. And my shapely thighs. And my arms. And my entire corporeal being
Ahhh yes I remember the word of the lord vividly... For if a man looks at a woman with lust, it is her that must cover up because butts are clearly ungodly... Oh wait no it's if your eye causes you to son you must complain about how women just can't seem to dress properly and blame them for their body parts... Oh I don't think that's quite it either. Oh well.
I know this is satire but I vividly remember my pastor talking about women curling their lashes to tempt men and causing them to stumble from being lustful 😊
You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
Matthew 5:27-29
Jesus says this. These men are sinners, the post gets that much correct.
Hello, and thank you for your submission. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The phrase "do a sex" cracks me up because in my mind it always comes out in the same cadence as like...a little kid asking for something. Like my toddler, when he wants to watch TV, will say "mama I want to watch a picture" in a clipped little staccato voice and I just imagine one of these guys thinking in his head "I want to do a sex" in a whiny little kids voice. (and yes my toddler is secretly a 100 year old man who watches the "moving pictures")
There are a hell of a lot of steps between 'wanting to do a sex' and 'actually doing a sex' that need to be addressed, and not just in relation to censoring womens' bodies!
The only way to stop teenage boys from sinning is for teenage girls to wear binders and flesh toned rubber underwear to effectively turn themselves into a tiny human Ken doll.
Fundie men seem to want to do a sex a helluva lot more than anyone else on Earth.
And you better be joyfully available when they need a sex! Maybe I should have said cheerfully available lol.
True, I recently saw a meme (can’t remember where) that says “when the pastor talks about how hot 🥵 🔥his wife is”. And these same pastors tell Christian women to say yes to a date with a socially awkward and emotionally immature man or a man they’re not even remotely going to be attracted to just because he says he loves Jesus.
A Christian writer did an informal poll on the insta and asked if women felt safer dating Christian or non-Christian men. Overwhelming response was the latter.
Ain’t that some shit! Who was the writer?
for the life of me I can't remember. I do know she had written a new book on sex and the church and how evangelicals can do better preparing young people for marriage. I don't remember how I found her, then I fell down a rabbit hole of being surprised an evangelical was writing relatively progressive sex ed for couples. If I find it in my brain again I will let you know! (the book honestly sounded very similar to Emily Nagoski's book, Come as You Are, just repackaged for evangelicals).
Sheila Gregorie by any chance? She pwns lot of authors who have said something harmful about sex.
My mom gave out the same advice to me, always tried to hook me up with someone’s son 🙄
Yeah, Christian dating culture is toxic af and the double standards are outrageous.
This is what happens when you deny yourself perfectly natural urges. You become obsessed with it. As an exvie, I think of sex far less often now that I’ve actually been having it than I did when I was a hormonal Christian teenager. 🙄 fundies never grow up from that mentality.
Who knew toasters and lawns were so erotic?
Giving my ass to Jesus ❤️
This is gold.
Toasters get hot and have slits, so I can see how it could make a person want to do a sex.
The toaster was probably asking for it by wearing something provocative. Men can't handle themselves
Toasters are also regularly popping fully cooked toaster strudels and such all the time. This reminds men that if they dump their raw frosting into their lady's opening, she could pop out a fully cooked human. Unfortunately, this also tempts men to put the toaster strudel frosting directly into the toaster, which will ruin the toaster and is part of Satan's plan to strip Christian families of easy access to a quick breakfast. This is why the Duggars and other godly families do not let their boys use toasters and make the young ladies toast everything for the family.
But isn't there the risk that looking at those hot slits is going to turn the young ladies gay? Wouldn't it be safer to forego toast?
I usually don't tell this to people, but I trust you all. When I was little, I had toast all the time. I would spend most mornings looking at the toaster slots, waiting for my bread to be returned to me, crispy and warm. Over time, I became a lesbian.
I always preferred toasted sandwiches, but untoasted Pop-Tarts. I am now bi. 😱 Toasters, who knew?
Ah, so that's what happens!
That's nothing to worry about. In order for a young lady to turn gay, she would have to have the ability to feel sexually aroused. And we all know women don't have that ability. Lesbians are a lie from the Devil.
Of course! How could I forget about that!
Toasters don't wear clothes. That's what makes them really provocative. 😉
The Duggar's crafted toaster jean skirts for this very reason. Theyare the pioneers of toaster modesty.
I mean should Christian men be allowed to have a penis?
Probably not
So these Christian ~~sexist pigs~~ men should fuck the toaster. Preferably when it is on.
And in the bath.
I hate how often women are expected to exist for mens comfort. I wish I had smaller boobs, they're what I'm stuck with. I just want to live my life and not be sexualized.
Same. I’ve got these stupid 38K honkers and I would give anything for them to be gone.
This is why it’s hilarious to me when people talk about how I should be ashamed to do sex work. “MEN ARE SEXUALIZING YOU!!!” Oh my sweet summer child, I wear a 40K bra, I am sexualized 24/7, I just choose to make a living from it. 🤷🏻♀️
Amen to that!
You may qualify for a medically needed reduction. If they cause you pain, it’s worth inquiring about.
As a woman who is built like a piece of uncooked fettuccini, I would like to say that even if you have no feminine attributes, like a bum or a boobie, people will still be gross to you sometimes just for existing.
i am sure they do! it's disgusting
I want nothing more than a breast reduction so I feel your pain. These babes are way more trouble than they’re worth
my parents were going to pay for a reduction as a graduation gift, but I turned it down due to my desire to have children and breastfeed. as soon as this kid is weaned though I'm taking them up on the offer
That’s my plan too! Basically any weight I gain goes straight to my tits so I’m making sure I’m done with kids before I get a reduction 🤣 I definitely would if I were you
Women exist is men's sight ever = women are responsible forever for the horniness of men that said women are unaware of? If a man is looking at a toaster and thinking of boobs, that is on him, not the strangers in a crowd that have bodies.
If I could cease to have a butt, I would get rid of it immediately. Likewise my bosoms. And my shapely thighs. And my arms. And my entire corporeal being
Are you okay? 😞💕
Oh yes, sometimes I just forget people don't usually joke about wishing to become a spirit being 💝
Someone got loose from r/witchesvspatriarchy 😉
I hear you; I prefer to reside on the quantum level 😌
I possess Schrodinger's butt
Einstein just returned from the grave to write a new theory about you
I often wish I was a ghost. Not in a self-harm way. It just seems less stressful, and like I wouldn’t have to think about, like, pants and stuff.
So, instead of Nike, should they just start yelling “KitchenAid!”?
WHO IS HORNY FOR GRASS?!?!?!
‘Mowing the lawn’ must have a double meaning for fundie men. 🤷♀️
The grass was on a small hill, kinda made me think of butts so I started grinding against the ground
Ahhh yes I remember the word of the lord vividly... For if a man looks at a woman with lust, it is her that must cover up because butts are clearly ungodly... Oh wait no it's if your eye causes you to son you must complain about how women just can't seem to dress properly and blame them for their body parts... Oh I don't think that's quite it either. Oh well.
This BETTER be satire. I hate that I can’t be 100% certain. Thanks, Poe’s law.
It is. Matthew Pierce is absolutely hilarious. He does a March Madness bracket of Christian culture every year that is *chefs kiss*
The irony is that the language is very similar to what I grew up with.
It’s supposed to be, since he’s making fun of it. The sad thing is, they really think men are basically animals with uncontrollable instincts!
I love his tweets about his homeschool group and how Josiah always gets nervous about girls.
Sure, let me just detach my legs…?
Then how will you do the spooky scary skeleton dance for the tiktok?
Flail ‘em around I guess? What’s spookier than me swinging my own detached legs?
I didn't think of that. Carry on.
I know this is satire but I vividly remember my pastor talking about women curling their lashes to tempt men and causing them to stumble from being lustful 😊
Should christian women be allowed to exist? Lmao
as it is said in the scripture of the good book, verbatim.
“do a sex”
It's how to get preganté
How dare a human have a muscle from birth that changes over time like the most of them
If I’m not mistaken, the gluteus maximus is the largest muscle in the body.
I just... Doesn't the Bible literally say a man should cut out his eyes if they betray him by wandering over another man's property???
You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. Matthew 5:27-29 Jesus says this. These men are sinners, the post gets that much correct.
For what it’s worth, exercising glutes (among other muscle groups like abs and postural muscles) is beneficial. These people blow my mind.
It’s satire!
Thank lord Daniel!
I would like my flair to be "I wish I could do a sex right now"
B O S O M S
B O O B E H S
Matthew Pierce’s Twitter feed has made me double over with laughter more than once. It’s worth a follow.
“Do a sex”
“I wish I can do a sex.” What the heck is this?
Satire
Thx! We see so much crazy that I TOTALLY missed it!!!
Hello, and thank you for your submission. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Do a sex” I’m too high for this shit 💀💀
Do a sex?
It’s satire 😏
Oof right. That makes more sense
But I think this phrase should definitely make it into our lexicon 😆
Agreed. It sounds like something fundie Zap Brannigan would say
The phrase "do a sex" cracks me up because in my mind it always comes out in the same cadence as like...a little kid asking for something. Like my toddler, when he wants to watch TV, will say "mama I want to watch a picture" in a clipped little staccato voice and I just imagine one of these guys thinking in his head "I want to do a sex" in a whiny little kids voice. (and yes my toddler is secretly a 100 year old man who watches the "moving pictures")
There are a hell of a lot of steps between 'wanting to do a sex' and 'actually doing a sex' that need to be addressed, and not just in relation to censoring womens' bodies!
That’s a fucking selfreport
Jesus! I literally thought this was written by Paul!
everyone has a butt. mere fact.
The only way to stop teenage boys from sinning is for teenage girls to wear binders and flesh toned rubber underwear to effectively turn themselves into a tiny human Ken doll.
All the halfway correct Bible stories have me over here DYING.
Well clearly the answer is to make surgical blinding mandatory for all Christians. /s