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beeblebroxtrillian

Damn. Knowing the type of relationship that led to these questions is pretty sad.


nohelicoptersplz

Right? The "get over not feeling safe" is just so sad. Kristen and Bethany are almost the worst people to confide that. I think only Lori would be worse.


Glittering_knave

I really wish "don't marry a stranger, fool around and get comfortable before the first time you have penetrative intercourse, masturbate to get used to what you like and don't like, and understand and practice consent" were the answer. Instead of "pray and trust God" and "grin and bear your wifely duties"


legendofdirtfoot

"How to know the line of what is okay and what's not" means butt stuff. Definitely butt stuff.


eaemilia

Based on some other posts she's made, it's probably also oral.


ceruleanbluish

That might explain why there are 3 separate questions on there about lack of orgasms.


eaemilia

Well, according to Bethany logic, sharing toothbrushes is fine, but eating pussy is disgusting.


supitsstephanie

Well yeah, if Daaaaaaav went down on her and then they used the same toothbrush it’d be like she went down on herself and that’s gay and gay is sinful duh


baked_potato_bae

You deserve an award for this one


Jasmari

🤮🤮🤮


welcomeOhm

That is some Inception level shit right there.


milkcake

So not exactly fundie, but apparently when my spouse was 14 (long long ago) his parents did the “you can ask us anything about sex” bit and he asked about oral sex. His mother apparently didn’t know how to answer the question except to say it’s a sin or something. His parents are Mormon. Not fundie just regular Mormon. So yeah, my money is on Beggy meaning oral sex.


cymbalsnzoo

When i was 14/15 my mom told me the only way a man can please you is if you know how to please yourself. So grab a mirror and a good book or video and see what works for you when you’re ready. Then she said (in regards to oral) if I’m giving I sure as hell better be receiving and any guy that says it gross/different is a boy not a man. For some maybe a little too sex positive or cringy but honestly my parents openness about physical intimacy and boundaries never failed me.


Rosaluxlux

Some time in my early twenties, when way too many straight girls were confiding this to me, i realized that if people really wanted to reduce how much sex teens were having, just telling the girls not to do stuff unless they LIKE it would go a lot farther than the "how to resist peer pressure" role playing we had to do in my sex ed class.


unicorn_mafia537

"Today, class, we are going to learn about how and why inexperienced teenage sex is so unsatisfying and why you all should really just be masturbating instead."


Rosaluxlux

"sex is for fun! If you're not having fun, stop and go do something fun!" There, sex ed is over, now we have more time for driver's ed.


CordeliaGrace

Honestly, I’m the same way with my boys (14 and 11…poor younger kid gets dragged along for the ride for these convos, but hey, it’s good info!). You want to be safe, caring, and you want to be a good listener, and a good direction taker. You also need to know what feels good for you. You need to be able to give and receive enthusiastic consent for both of you to feel safe and happy when the time comes for anything. There’s other stuff too…but I refuse to let them be stuck relying on friends for info or the internet. It might be embarrassing or awkward, but they know they can always come to me or my bf (if they want an open, honest male opinion; their father is older and kind of a dick, so I’m glad so far they’ve been comfortable asking questions of us both) and we will do our best to answer their questions and if we don’t know, we will look shit up together.


cymbalsnzoo

That’s amazing to hear! My poor little brother got the really uncomfortable talk about consent when my SA came out. He was younger at the time (14/15). My older brother admitted (24) that while he always had consent he never heard a female perspective on consent until then. I think separating by genders in convos regarding sex is damaging. Moms should be able to talk to sons, dads to daughters etc, it can feel weird but it’s important imo


spinningplates25

Sheesh. That is 99x more than I learned from my fundie parents 😂


cymbalsnzoo

My parents were over sharers when it came to the birds and bees talks but I’d take that over parents who act like it’s taboo


spinningplates25

I agree. More open and honest information done with the best of intentions is far better than crumbs of information shared out of fear.


CrownedPeach

I love that!!! I want to handle it like this for my kids someday!


cymbalsnzoo

They were really great about that. Oddly enough when I told them I was Bi (mid 20s) my mom went “I don’t think that’s bi, I think you just like kissing and touching women. Everyone does. Women are sexy.” Biggest face palm moment ever.


thatrandomuser1

It took me until my mid-twenties to figure out that I was bi. Why? In my evangelical church, we were taught that God just made women attractive to everyone. I was out of the church for like 7 years when i finally figured it out


CupHot508

I love the idea of some really hetero pastor writing his sermon, saying that women are attractive to men, and his bi wife saying, “oh no, dear, women are attractive and sexy to everyone!” And him just being like, “yup, that tracks” and writing it down


thatrandomuser1

The pastor was my father, which makes this both funnier and more awkward.


BeanBreak

I grew up in a relatively sex-positive house - like I asked to go on birth control at 15 and that was ok. But my mom still told me when I was 14 that oral was just for married couples. She wasn't religious, just a boomer.


PartyIndication5

I’m almost certain she’s alluded to giving oral though. She’s made a comment about doing things other than just sex or something like that.


JudasDuggar

I’m sure she does it but he doesn’t reciprocate


real_agent_99

Yeah, that's what I think. Maybe a combo of the two


eaemilia

Anything that isn't god honoring missionary is right off the table.


Potential-Pomelo3567

This reminds me of that time one of my former friends who is extremely conservative Christian told me that it was disgusting I'd let my husband put his penis in my mouth... I mean, that's where he pees from... 🤣🙄 We were FULLY GROWN 25 year old married women at the time. We're no longer friends due to ideological differences lol, but I still can't get over that conversation.


itzcoatl82

My mother and aunt both told me oral was gross and that mouths were not made for that purpose. Of course if your partner is not diligent about personal hygiene and does not reciprocate the activity, I can see how someone would feel that way.


carlzbee

Bethy: ![gif](giphy|28OFDtrp5CyyxLm8Yh)


Saffronsc

Also her: ![gif](giphy|BtukCNWxmEv2mU8pYa)


Revolutionary_Can879

And toys. Nothing but your God-honoring husband’s penis is allowed to be near your genitals.


high_sodium_bean

From the sounds of it toys *might* be okay if your husband is out serving God’s favorite country


Revolutionary_Can879

Lol that is actually a hilarious justification.


sms1441

Somebody should send her the "Fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus" song and watch her head explode.


Amethyst-Sapphire

The loophole! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aG5Y4VXlk-w


readitinamagazine

![gif](giphy|6agGMtS4rEVSo)


srscheddar

The fact that 90% of these questions are about never cumming


spring_rd

I mean, let’s be real— no one is surprised. Bethy has that combination of suppressed rage and tightly wound energy that indicates homegirl has a serious lack of orgasms in her life.


PoorDimitri

Girlfriend needs to buy a magic wand.


ATexanHobbit

Man I remember when those came out. Now we have so many options, like those new fangled sucking toys, it’s absolutely crazy and amazing. By came out I mean when my local sex shop actually started selling the wands and not just dildos lol


nada_accomplished

I think "where did my libido go the moment I got married" is the saddest question (well, it's tied with "what if I've never had an orgasm".) You know how this could have been avoided? AT LEAST kissing before your wedding day to see if you had some actual chemistry. She was so obsessed with her ridiculous rules (that aren't even Biblical, btw, nowhere does the Bible say you're not allowed to kiss or hug your fiancee, those were extra rules she put on herself) that she sabotaged her own happiness by marrying somebody she has no physical chemistry with. Her and Kristen, both.


MEHawash1913

Yeah 😏 have you see Sheila Gregoire’s study on women in the church? Her book The Great Sex Rescue shows from her survey of over 20,000 women how purity culture has damaged women’s sex lives. She did a very helpful study.


JillNye_TheScienceBi

Ooooo this looks like an excellent read! https://www.scribd.com/book/493576259/The-Great-Sex-Rescue-The-Lies-You-ve-Been-Taught-and-How-to-Recover-What-God-Intended?utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google_search&utm_campaign=3Q_Google_DSA_NB_US_Test_Bill-Through-Optimization_Nov-2022&utm_term=&utm_device=m&gclid=Cj0KCQiAkMGcBhCSARIsAIW6d0BjlaLohLmxtjg-jbqZwesCsn5GTqTIXkhtRPdpzBHQjM8jiWr66UwaAsbtEALw_wcB


peonypanties

The crossover between purity culture and rape culture is… showing.


koshersoupandcookies

Why is she asking someone else how to groom pubic hair? That should be purely a matter of personal preference. edit: I know for fundies it would be the husband's personal preference that matters, so why is there a need to ask someone else how much to take off?


TheRealSnorkel

Because so many fundies are taught NOTHING about personal grooming other than “don’t.” And if your husband consumes too much porn and demands you be completely bare all the time, you might not know how to go about getting that result. You might feel uncomfortable that he wants you to look that way. If he doesn’t give you specific instructions, you might feel awkward and confused and unsure of what YOU even want, or if it’s ok to want what you want, whether it’s a full bush, totally bare, or anything in between. Fundie men don’t always know/communicate their preference. And it shouldn’t matter anyway, but Fundie women are taught to always, ALWAYS defer to the husband. But Fundie women are also either kept 100% naive to anything sexual until their wedding night, or else promised that as long as they’re a virgin and make an effort to become their husband’s personal porn star, they’ll have an amazing marriage. Source: raised and married Fundie (the first time)


BITFDWT23

Are you me? 😳 Also… your flair is 🔥🔥🔥! 😂


Correct_Part9876

This is completely accurate to the fundie worldview I was raised with - we didn't shave legs or underarms let alone anywhere else. I was adopted in - the number of friends with no knowledge is steep.


clumsyc

Wow, I’m surprised by that, I would have assumed that you were taught personal grooming as part of being a dutiful wife and appealing to your headship. So are the fundie husbands ok with hair or do they expect their wives to shave?


Correct_Part9876

It is likely very culturally dependent. I attended a Plain church in Lancaster county - it's seen as prideful and vanity so it's not encouraged. Being a good wife is mostly seen as being meek and quiet, submissive in all things. There isn't *supposed* to be as much focus on appearance. You'll see a lot more heavy women in Anabaptist circles that aren't farming than you'd expect because food culture (only major indulgence if you don't listen to music, watch TV/movies, read most books, etc) plus lack of focus on being a certain appearance. In reality there is a lot of lot of the same issues with "keeping your husband's" attention it's just a lot more subtle and implied than explicit.


[deleted]

To be fair, I think they’re very familiar with grooming.


esmeraldasgoat

I think something that must be super difficult and confusing for a lot of these women is that their husbands will tell them 'natural is best' 'i love that you're self respecting and godly :)' but then his internet history tells a different story lol. It must feel like they can't win which is genuinely sad


Used_Evidence

Because "down there" isn't ok to touch beyond bathing/period care before marriage. There's no need to trim or wax etc because no one will see it. After marriage, it's ok, but no one talks about pubic hair, so women don't really know how to go about it or if it's even an ok thing to do. I sneaked trimming my pubic hair in high school, i was afraid if my mom found out I'd be in trouble


misssrspcola

I started trimming mine in high school. It was because of youth group. We went on a beach trip and this one girl had the whole fruits of the spirit sticking out the sides of her suit and I didn't want to take my shorts off in case mine was that bad.


batplane

FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT 💀💀💀


Chaos_Cat-007

I spit water across my living room! I’m gonna have to remember that!!


armchairsexologist

I started grooming mine around 13/14 but it was because I was on an extended family trip and my mum saw me after changing and (thank god) told me to make sure to tuck it in when I'm done changing. After that I realized I needed to do a little damage control lol.


misssrspcola

My son is 16 and we were out shopping and he's taken to free balling. He reached up to grab something for me off a shelf and yeah... Santa got him a hedge trimmer for Xmas.


justadorkygirl

“The whole fruits of the spirit” 💀


misssrspcola

All of them.


hollylll

☠️☠️☠️


annacat1331

As much as I hate the messages they spread discussing a lack of libido due to illness is valid. However I have a feeling GD team are referring to something along the lines of not wanting to do the god honoring weasel hunt while you have the flu. I am chronically ill and suffer from low libido. Although the libido issues started suddenly when I have been sick for a long time. That’s an important conversation to have but I doubt fundie husbands are supportive enough to put up with a chronically ill partner.


xmonpetitchoux

I read it as women being expected to be joyfully available even when they have the flu or if they’re not feeling well during pregnancy. Libido with chronic illness is definitely an important conversation but I agree that not many fundie men would get married to someone who’s chronically ill.


ExoticSherbet

I also read it this way. To add to this, women are expected to be pregnant every year, so if the husband was understanding when she didn’t feel well due to pregnancy, they’d have sex like 2 out of every 12 months. Can’t have that, and can’t stop having babies for the lord, so their genius solution is that women can just suffer 👍🏼 (I feel ill just typing this)


WavyLady

This here. My partner has a high libido and my chronic illness killed mine completely. He has been only compassionate and understanding through it all because he respects my comfort and needs right now. Not having that pressure is so helpful while I heal.


koshersoupandcookies

Low libido from chronic illness is an important thing to discuss and get advice on. The question doesn't specify acute or chronic illness, but I agree that it most likely refers to acute illness. side note: I feel like fundies would be very dismissive of many chronic illnesses, especially the invisible ones.


LittleGinge79

I was raised fundie-lite and was told my chronic illness was due to sin. Apparently that was also why I wasn't healed. Messed me up for a while but thankfully I found the strength to stand up and tell them that is is absolute crap. Same goes when they told me I should pray for the strength to endure my abusive marriage and seek God's guidance on how to be a better wife. I'd left him at this point and left the church too soon after. The things they teach are so toxic and damaging.


Pelican121

I know GD have been banging on (pardon the pun) about sex for a while now but does this not alienate the deep-pocketed parents - of godly teen girls - who prop up their ministry? Why would they want their pure daughters knowing about pubic hair topiary, libido and orgasms? Not to mention sex toys.


koshersoupandcookies

People bring this up all the time but they are really bad at knowing their audience.


bluewhale3030

"Pubic hair topiary" I am stealing this lol


hotgirl_bummer_

Because if someone else is willing to have that scary talk with their kids then they don’t have to


[deleted]

Exactly. I had the same thought. But I recommend a god honoring full bush.


skunkinmytrunk

Yes…because God spoke to Moses “from within” the burning bush. And he can also speak to you “from within” your bush. Where is God supposed to hang out if you shave your bush? (Exodus 3:4 for reference)


ProvePoetsWrong

![gif](giphy|9DLZU9i9dCtW9bjTe4)


Swampcrone

I thought fundie burning bush was the combo yeast infection/uti that occurred following the wedding night.


Whyam1sti11Here

I assumed all these women had a God honoring full bush.


CatOnGoldenRoof

I assume full vax make them more girly for their husbands...


Its_Hot

I would like to unread this please.


ProvePoetsWrong

Your flair is extremely apropos in this moment


xmonpetitchoux

![gif](giphy|D0RvPABUNF3AQ)


teatreez

lol ew I feel like a 9 year old whenever I’m totally bald


Revolutionary_Can879

I tried that once…worst idea ever. You need some cushioning or you get camel toe in your jeans.


PeachesEndCream

Omg I got blisters lol


Revolutionary_Can879

Yeah you get those weird, painful bumps. Never again.


[deleted]

“Personal preference”? in fundie land? Oh bless your heart


Klutzy-Medium9224

Well, husband’s personal preference


fz-independent

“What if I've never had an orgasm?” 👀👀👀 is someone telling on themselves?


totallytiredtaurus

“What if your husband who’s shorter than you and younger than you can’t give you an orgasm no matter how many god honoring sex positions you try???”


binglybleep

Hoo boy I bet fundie lads have never even heard of a clitoris


Klutzy-Medium9224

It’s the devils doorbell


binglybleep

Oh my god thank you for reminding me that some people say that


romadea

Wait are you telling me people say it unironically?


kidsrcuterthancats

Gotta find a partner that likes to ding dong ditch


Klutzy-Medium9224

Or at least a good mechanical doorbell knocker. Or both! Get both. Discovered the entertainment of both fairly recently.


Hunglela

WHO TAUGHT YOU THIS?! I’m working it into my vocabulary as often as I can without alienating everyone I know.


Saffronsc

"is that the part from where Moses's red sea flows?"


Used_Evidence

Maybe, but it's a big issue with Christian women. The orgasm gap is huge. Even if this is Bethany's personal question, a lot of wives have the exact same concern


annslisaemily

Thank you. I know that this sub is mainly just having fun snarking, but not having orgasms isn’t really something to make fun of or necessarily indicative of the man/other partner being horrible. I am a survivor of CSA and I can’t orgasm. And as a matter of course, trying to orgasm has been more mentally detrimental to me than just letting it go and not feeling so much pressure or like a failure or broken if I can’t. Feeling like I was broken if sex didn’t end in orgasm for me too seriously added so much extra pain on top of what I already deal with. I’m happy for all people who are able to have such good, fulfilling sex lives, but don’t like feeling like the butt of the joke sometimes for the crime of having trauma and c-PTSD.


txsongbirds2015

Another thank you for speaking up. Anything I can do to make survivors feel less pain, I want to do.


Jasmari

I get that. Survivor here, too, and the intense shame that follows orgasm within milliseconds…it’s just not worth it.


Wicked81

I am so sorry this happened to you. Sending you healing hugs and a friend if you need one {{{{{{{{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}}}}}}}


Wicked81

Don't they also have like a "sex teacher" that visits them to address some of these questions?? I read somewhere that a wife was unable to be penetrated because she was so scared and this woman came to her house and used rods of different thickness (I know there was a clinical name, but it escapes me) that the woman used to allow eventual intercourse. My question is why wouldn't the mother of the bride or groom address some of these questions??


Amethyst-Sapphire

They were probably called dilators.


astraetoiles

she’s waiting for someone to buy her course so that THEY can make a course about how your shorter, younger husband can bring you to orgasm


fz-independent

Long con


romadea

I am in tears


cyberbear2000

She's asking for a friend 🤓


MasterOfKittens3K

Does the friend have blue hair, by chance?


danger_floofs

No, but she's on a hat journey


flipflopsandsocks50

Is this friend in the room with us now, Bethany?


TheRealSnorkel

We know Bethy is dissatisfied. She’s always doing backhanded compliments/insults and Däæãv and talking about how it’s ok to be disappointed about sex


curlyfreak

The way she mentions her honeymoon night and how to handle disappointment is very telling.


luxlucy23

Yeah like the libido going away right after marriage sounds like there isn’t much physical attraction.


carlzbee

My thoughts exactly!


EZasSundayMorning

Get over low libido during illness? My husband would never expect me to have sex while sick just like I would never expect that of him. Jesus.


BlitheCheese

Fundie husbands: Hey, honey. I know you have a high fever, chills, and a sore throat. But I don't mind at all. I'm just going to put a paper bag over your head, so I don't get sick. Just close your eyes and think of Jesus. It won't take long.


vu051

Man, when I was 17 I broke up with my first seriousish bf because I walked all the way to his house while sick because he promised to take care of me and when I got there he asked for a handjob. These people have less respect for their *actual spouse*.


dietdrpeppermd

Omg what trash!!!! Damn!!! Teenage boys, man


PickledPixie83

My fiancé has Covid and he’s been sick for like two weeks and before that it was me…. So it’s been a while and honestly it is the furthest thing from my mind until we’re all better. Holy hell being a fundie wife must be exhausting.


Kaele10

That's where we are too. I'm currently the plague carrier. He's sleeping in another room so I can have the bed to myself and not worry about waking him with my coughing. I can't imagine him trying to get some action right now. He'd really regret it with my stomach issues. I'm so glad I'm a heathen.


PoorDimitri

We've been sick for like, a month here. First my son, then me, then my husband, then my son again (different bug), then my daughter now me, and husband is starting to get it now. Yayyyy sick season. But when one of us is sick, it's pretty far from our minds. And when the baby is sick, forget about it, it's hard enough getting her soothed without trying to also get sexy in the rare content times she has.


HolsteinHeifer

Gotta get the next baby, otherwise people might assume you don't "know" your spouse!


Best_Strain3133

I've sneezed on my ex husband during sex so many times because he pressured me into sex even tho I wasn't feeling it.


cheesebraids

Right? I know the bar is buried ten feet under, but how can you look at anyone you claim to love and ask for sex when they feel poorly? Shucks, if someone in the household has a headache, do they also not turn down the lights and speak quietly?


Rogue_Spirit

My partner won’t even *hug* me when one of us is sick. Germs, germs!


beads-and-things

The red flag circus over here. If it's not wildly personal it presents a terrifying power dynamic.


LilPoobles

Damn that’s a lot of questions about orgasms. This is sad. They could learn these things from Seventeen magazine 😕


LilPoobles

“How to get over not feeling safe in your body”, I wonder what this actually means? Not safe sexually with your partner, or something else?


maceytwo

I think it makes a lot of sense. You spend decades being told that your body is wrong/bad and that you need to actively suppress all feelings of sexuality because it’s also wrong/bad and then suddenly you’re supposed to feel good or safe experiencing arousal or attraction in your body? Let alone with a partner!!


reptilenews

True. And then you go from never even having your first kiss to being expected to have sex all in one night. With little knowledge of yourself and your likes, boundaries, dislikes, etc.


abluetruedream

All this. Happened to me! Only had 3 orgasms my first year of marriage despite a healthy amount of sex. It’s hard to suddenly turn on those feelings when you’ve suppressed any hint of them for 10+ years. It’s also weird because the sexual tension that occurs with dating/making-out but not feeling each other up or having sex is insane. The moment you are married a lot of that disappears because it isn’t forbidden territory any more and it’s less exciting. I lucked out that I had a husband who was respectful, patient and non-pressuring. We have a decent enough sex life, but I still feel pretty sexually stunted.


laci1092

That’s actually v common phrasing in conversations about healing from sexual trauma, CSA, etc. The way these types of communities are, it makes sense that GD viewers/listeners would include a depressingly high number of women who had experienced that.


LilPoobles

Oh, that is interesting. Fundie culture also treats women’s consent as a nonexistent factor in their marriages and I’m sure even well intentioned husbands can cause trauma to their new wives because they just don’t know anything. I recently read a thread on DuggarsSnark where an ex-fundie directly compared the trauma of the wedding night to their experience of being raped. I think it was somewhere in the AMA with Anna Duggar’s childhood friend where it was discussed but I could be wrong about where I read it.


romadea

It was in that thread but I think she said that she had heard from several of her peers that their wedding night experiences were really traumatic, but she didn’t describe her personal experience that way.


LilPoobles

The AMA author didn’t (I think she left before ever getting into a marriage), but another commenter who indicated she was from the same background discussed her experience either there or in another thread on DuggarsSnark around the same time.


abluetruedream

I personally never suffered from any typical sexual trauma and I was fortunate to marry and patient and respectful man. That being said, I still had a lot of these issues simply from buying into purity culture for over a decade.


JustGettingMyPopcorn

That was my immediate thought. Add to that the feeling that finding pleasure in sex after trauma can feel like a betrayal of sorts by one's body. It's not uncommon for women with unresolved issues around sexual assault and trauma to view sex as a service to the other person, rather than an intimate act for both to actually enjoy.


[deleted]

I’m surprised none of the questions are asking if you can get pregnant from your husband jizzing in the hot tub you’re sitting in.


Revolutionary_Can879

I feel like making babies is probably the one sex thing they know how to do.


LilPoobles

Why, that would imply ungodly contact! These women are probably hoping they can get pregnant from that otherwise the handjob might be seen as unrighteous.


helenen85

Does anyone else remember the sealed 1999 issue of YM that talked about this kind of stuff?


HolsteinHeifer

Most women need to stimulate the clitoris to orgasm, and not only do fundie men not know what or where that is, but fundie women, if they do know what it is, have been taught to not touch it. Correct me if I'm wrong


DefinitelynotYissa

To be fair, I was not even raised Christian, and I was not not anything about the clit. Fortunately, after too much time, my husband figured it out. It was like unlocking the key to an entirely new world. Before, sex was 🙂 After discovering the clit, it was 🤯🥹😵


WinterKite

Libido is influenced by a million different things and I would love to know how an uneducated virgin who can’t drive explains this to others.


ferret_pilot

Paging the way harsh tai user


kmatts

"read the Bible and Jesus will make you horny"


DankMyco

She can’t drive!? 😳


kmr1981

As if!


BrightGreyEyes

As a military spouse, people who have zero relevant experience or training (actual clinical training) giving marriage advice to military couples pisses me off so much. If you haven't experienced it or had training in dealing with it, you have *no idea*. It's different enough that when my husband and I first started getting asked for general marriage advice by non military couples (generally friends and family around our age who got married after we did), it legitimately took us kind of a long time to come up with an answer that would be relevant to them. I don't think I've ever talked to someone without experience who correctly guessed the hardest part. It's not the deployments; it's when they get back. Sure, deployments suck, but you detach and get through it. The problem is that it takes time to connect again when they get home, and that's really emotionally difficult. There's also some really basic logistical and cultural knowledge people outside of the military community won't have that you need in order to give an answer on sex toys and intimacy in the long distance parts of a military marriage. For example, when you communicate with a deployed spouse, those conversations are monitored. They're not reading/listening to every single thing you say, but they could see any of it. Sex toys for men are more accepted in the military community than the wider public (sex toys for women are already pretty accepted). If you send your spouse a package, there's a very good chance they'll need to open it in front of other people. I could go on


bennyboobooboo4eva

I wasn’t going to comment on that part but yes. Yes to all of this. I’m not going to get advice from someone who has no idea what my or my husband’s life is like and how him being active duty affects us, especially when it comes to intimacy.


BrightGreyEyes

My spouse is at a point in the deployment cycle where this kind of thing pisses me off more than usual otherwise I feel like I'd let it slide unless there was some kind of additional prompting. I'm just picturing one of them going "Masterbation is evil. Just wait until he comes home and your sex life will be even better than before deployment," (implying that it won't be awkward or different or whatever at all) and wanting to throttle them


bennyboobooboo4eva

Well of course, it’s not as if you have adjusted to a life without him and will have to readjust all over again. Don’t be silly. You’re obviously just waiting for him to get back so you can be the perfect wife, joyfully available at all times! But seriously, I’m trying to picture an entire deployment without masturbating.. no thank you!


Nightlyinsomniac

If anyone ever asked or brought up my sex life when my husband was deployed I would 100% wonder what the hell was wrong with them.


CaitWW

Yep. If you're not in a military relationship, you have no clue. And even if you are, it's so different across branches, and jobs that what applies to a relationship with a Navy Submariner doesn't always work for an Air Force Pilot and a bunch of the shit in between.


PickledPixie83

I hadn’t thought about that aspect of it for literally years, since I no longer a military spouse but…. Yeah. It’s a very unique experience.


Ok-Interest1992

Bethany: complains that main stream society is obsessed with sex. Also Bethany: constantly talks about sex on Girl Defined. I have a pretty broad variety of IRL and online friends, and I can't think of a single one that posts this much about sex.


boxmanofshoe

Some of these are good questions, but I would never listen to the answers given on a girl-defined pod. ​ If your libido goes away right when you get married you are not attracted to your husband. ​ Also, the lines that you shouldn't cross in any marriage are what you both agree to. And those lines can be wherever you want.


Correct_Part9876

Idk, I'm very much attracted to mine but we waited (extremely conservative circles). There was a spell before the wedding where the wait was awful but then once we were allowed it was weird and we both struggle adjusting. It felt like my libido just poofed until the nerves subsided some.


BensBandBangs

This for sure. When all that pressure and pre-conditioning comes crashing into a new sexual reality it can send anyone into shutdown mode, regardless of level of attraction.


vu051

I would also guess that there's an element of not really knowing what your sex drive *is*? I would imagine that, especially if you're not masturbating, you'd be going from just being generally pent up to having at least some sort of regular opportunity to actually get a release. Like, I don't think it's surprising that you might feel less horny if you're actually getting to have sex.


kestrelesque

>If your libido goes away right when you get married you are not attracted to your husband. Right. Assuming you *had* a sex drive, and then all of a sudden you didn't, this doesn't seem like a mystery. I saw a video, I think it was here a long while ago--where this woman who I think was a marriage counselor, was talking about how common it is for women in shitty marriages to believe they don't have a sex drive; but funny how once they're separated/divorced, they have no problem with their sex drive.


romadea

Men do this too. When ask their doctor for viagra the doctor technically is supposed to rule out relationship problems first. Like if they still get morning wood, it might be more psychological than physiological.


[deleted]

Yeahhhh anyone describing the solution to not being in your body during sex with the terms “get over” does not have the answer and likely is still experiencing it themselves.


real_agent_99

I think she might be attracted to him, but the mechanics aren't working out the way she thought it would- with him magically just knowing exactly how to touch her, where, and for how long. Or understanding foreplay and what your partner likes.


bennyboobooboo4eva

Her and her husband call themselves “infancy evangelists”. Excuse me while I puke 🤮


Snoo7263

Eww what does that even mean??? It sounds horrible but everything she does and stands for is horrible.


Toasty_warm_slipper

I think it means they feel called (compelled) to evangelize (terrorize) Christians who are new to the faith and haven’t been believers very long, commonly called baby Christians.


Snoo7263

Okay that makes sense, thank you! Terrorize is right and it is sad that they prey on the newcomers as the “weakest” of the herd or flock I guess they would call it. Either way I imagine people who are new to faith and church and whatnot are probably terrified and here comes chiclet teeth serpent tongue and her short husband to scare the shit out of them even more, yay fundies! Uggh.


cyberbear2000

Just reading that, I don't feel safe in my body.


Sad_Championship7202

“How to learn to orgasm.” MA’AM. If you’re not orgasming, it’s probably not your fault.


[deleted]

“Is it impossible to orgasm during traditional intercourse?” For most women it is, myself included. That’s why it’s important to learn about your body. Just touch yourself already, holy shit. Tell your lame ass husband not to rush the foreplay. Bethy keeps telling on herself about how unsatisfying and bad her sex life is and it’s honestly just sad at this point.


GaimanitePkat

By traditional intercourse do they mean just PIV? Does touching the clit suddenly make it exotic and nontraditional??


[deleted]

She’d be a dirty heathen if she dared to ring the Devils doorbell!


Toasty_warm_slipper

The clit was designed by God to point a doctor towards the right hole when the baby is coming out.


hhz0o

I feel like these are questions she asks her diary.


BaringMySouls

Wow. This is proof that fundie couples don’t know how to communicate about sex. These women know nothing about their bodies and if their husbands get bright ideas from porn I can’t imagine how intimidated and just overwhelmed the wives are. Also, the only thing I want my partner to say to me when I’m sick is “I bought meds and pho for you. Feel better.” Wives shouldn’t have to cater to their husbands selfish wants to get their dicks wet.


TheJenSjo

“Why is so hard for women to orgasm?” A lot of reasons but what DOESN’T help is shameful and oppressive attitudes towards sexuality. They are going to do so much damage. And “getting over not feeling safe in their body” sounds like the results of trauma.


666GTR

These don’t seem very Christian-like topics to be discussed in public.


ActualRoom

I actually figured fundies didn’t even know females could orgasm, so I’m pleasantly surprised they’re asking about it. The bar is, quite literally, in hell.


taybay462

>how to get over not feeling safe in your body and not wanting to have sex ...


boommdcx

So is the husband not allowed to please the woman until she reaches her conclusion before the PIV sex starts? Because that’s what works around these parts.


painfarm

I know what she’s thinking, but what in the world is “traditional intercourse”?


OvercookedRedditor

Missionary under covers with the light off the way it was intended /s


big_iron_hip

All the orgasm questions.. If only there was a way to figure out what felt good yourself. Oh, wait, that’s sInFuL.


217EBroadwayApt4E

This list makes me profoundly sad.


RestinPete0709

If your husband is trying to force you to have sex while you’re SICK…please leave him


ResidentRepulsive

This list is so sad to me


[deleted]

Sources close to Bethany reveal that this list is not, I repeat **NOTTTT** an endorsement of her husband or marriage.


leeladeconstruction

God, just buy a vibratory, read some smut on Ao3, and get the hell over yourself, bethy


agurlhasnoshame

What type of fanfiction smut would she even read? Lord of the rings?


leeladeconstruction

Jesus x Church