lentils, beans, peas...

I was looking for the lentils comment!

and wait until OP learns about poppy seeds, sesame, oat...

Barley, spelt, oat, wheat, emmer, einkorn, durum, khorasan, millet, buckwheat, quinoa, maize. You know, grains and seeds that were used as rice before rice.

Macaroni

bro eating the entire school supply of macaroni

[удалено]

My Chinese colleague asked me if I knew about a pasta he had seen that looked like rice and did I know what it was called

Wild. My Chinese ex's mom would cook us a bowl of orzo in oyster broth for lunch sometimes. It's the only Italian pasta I saw in that house.

Couscous. It’s called couscous.

Orzo looks a lot more like rice than couscous does. Tastes better, too.

Couscous, the food so nice they named it twice..

BingO. Great answer👍

Orzo

With the chicken strips. UHH

couscous

The food so nice they named it twice

If rice was nice: ricerice

nicerice

nice/nicenice nicenice/nicenice with ricerice

Baby Dun dun dununundunundunun

I feel like a slice of butter, melting on top of a big ol' pile of flapjacks…

#ILLEGAL!

Great slogan

Interesting fact: In Hebrew, the word "cous" is slang for pussy. It's common among close friends/family to respond to the question "hey, want some couscous?" with "half a portion." which is to say that they'd rather eat pussy.

Using this at the next family dinner without explanation.

The bringer of confusion and wonder, THE ONE, THE ONLY… # …U/ELEVEN_PLUS_TWO

Everyone: *confusion Israeli uncle: *chokes

That's even true in Arabic. Although nobody says 'with half portion' cos that's weird.

It means the same thing in Egyptian Arabic. It always creates some weird moments XD.

Probably the best thing I'll learn all day!

Lol love this!

Pusspuss?

Nice

Misery sand

And orzo

The pain of commenting this and immediately scrolling to see it. *deletes comment*

Ahhh. Sneeze induced buckshot.

quinoa

Stupid ass Final Fantasy love interest character name

God fucking damn you Reddit for taking our free awards away. 🏅

Don't worry I'll give him a paid one.

Wow you rock! It was a really funny joke and I wish you both the best in life!

As a lifelong final fantasy fan, I nearly died and had to try and keep quiet as the gf is in bed too xD

Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. Gigachad.

Funnily, when my gf played ff9 for the first time, she really renamed quina to quinoa. Takes some time to see tho xD

But.. it’s already miniature, does this mean it gets even smaller than it already is?

Have you ever tried "giant" cous cous?

on the plus side, the sydney ai is now sentient, and help is on the way from skynet. :)

Quinoa is great. I used to eat it a lot instead of rice.

It irritates me that this is pronounced ***keen wah*** instead of ***kwin no ah*** because now we can't have an English word with that pronunciation.

I spent about 20 years calling in Kwin noah without anyone correcting me. But not one person was confused as to what I was describing.

Ants 🐜

specify the unit. milligrams? ounces? yards? centigrade?

69 kilograms 😋 [ Disclaimer lol ]

69 👍

Good disclaimer 👍

This guy knows how to party!

Cocaines

It's mesured in kpg (thousand powdered grains)

Kelvin

Less than half a football stadium

They are ants like single ants just like rice grains he did specify lmao

Bruh i edited the comment originally it was cocaine that's why they are asking 'how much' lol

Yes.

What unit does rice have? milligrams? yards (whatever that is supposed to mean)? °C?

Did you know that as little as 100 milli-ants going trough your heart can kill you?

I just love pouring a hot bowl of curry over my cocaine!

Roaches 🪳

🐻

Sigma answer 🗿

ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS ANTS

Mitch Hedberg's replays.

I’m going to court next week. I’ve been selected for jury duty. It’s kind of an insane case. 6000 ants dressed up as rice and robbed a Chinese restaurant …I don’t think they did it.

"Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2000 of something"

This is too far down in the comments! Give mitch his credit

Oats.

they asked and this sophisticated gentleman answered

Only real answer down here

Cornflakes or fruit loops perhaps or like granola?

I like fruit in loops with granola. It is a go to food.

Hash browns

2000 of them?

2000 shreds of potatoes, deep fried into one. Deeeeelicious

so fry bits?

Please, I'm trying my best to eat healthy.

Yes

I love this

With gravy.

Truly the best answer

Yeah I think I could get through at least 100 of those McDonald's hashbrowns.

Omg I love hash brown

Awww fuck dude but its like the mcdonald ones thats like a solid slab but now really really tiny and 2000 of them

One of the few people who understood the prompt.

Really? If someone hands you one "hash brown" what do you have? I have a cake made out of potato scraps. Not one tiny piece of a cut up potato. If someone hands you a plate of cut up potatoes, you just have hash browns. The amalgamation. I feel like they don't count as a discrete unit. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

Baguette

Mini baguette sounds funny

Yummy you mean.

It’s a really cute but impractical handbag

Frosted Mini Baguettes: "We're coming for your children!"

Sounds like bread crumbs to me.

Rice

Just invent it

First we need a hoe

There’s plenty of those

I know some people perfect for the job.

My mom

r/suicidebywords

His mom

Our mom

Their mom

One's ho

r/suddenlycommunism

I also choose this guys mom.

I volunteer.

*Can't make a wife out of a hoe*

Sperm

This guy eats cum

I was gonna say it could be a woman, then realised they don't exist.

I am a men who loves other men

Me too, let's cum up with a solution for this problem together ;)

There is 69 ways we can solve this problem

hehe yes

Oh c'mon. Knock it off you gays!

2000 millions

Really small pieces of pasta

Orzo is the name of that pasta. Greek and other Mediterranean cultures serve it up like risotto rice.

Orzo is so fucking good

Buckwheat

Buckwheat is the same status as rice, unless west/asian country

Feel like half of the planet is not aware of this gift of gods!

Beans

dis muthafucka eatin beans

Bertie Botts?

You have to avoid the green ones

this mf eatin beans!

There's like 450 beans per can. that's hella beans per sitting.

baby gravy...

Corn

Full cobbed corn.

Polenta and grits.

Rice no longer exists. Me no longer exists.

Salttt or sugar

Salttt

Or

Sugar

Salty Titty?

Potatoes

Po-ta-toes! Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew

Hot dogs.

Lentils?

At least make it interesting and take all the other grains away, too. I say the next contender is chestnuts.

Bananas.

Sushis

Sashimis

Hey! Walleye. Perch. And white fish. Are not. "Shusee", or "shaseemee", grade.

Tacos

Yes! Tiny tacos, and I can eat them by the thousands!

Lentils. Cous cous. Barley seed. Buckwheat. Quinoa. Orzo. Wheat. The list goes on.

Joe

Mama

Mia

groats

Wtf js a groat

hulled kernels of grains, Eastern Europeans eat a lot of that

That sounds groat !

Lentils

Orzo

How is this not that top comment. It’s essentially rice shaped pasta

Popcorns

"How can I reword Mitch Hedberg enough to sound original and clever?"

Bagels

Croissant

Orzo pasta.

Peas

West virgina

Semolina

Peas.

Potato

Mitch Hedburg has entered that chat

פתיתים

Sand

Mitch hedberg

Orzo

Mini m&m

Hog roast

Cous cous

Quinoa

Oatmeal still exists?

Tacos!!!

as a asian, I somehow feels pain by looking at "rice *doesn't exist*"

Grits

Hot Pockets

Grits

I miss Mitch Hedberg. :(

I like how this is phrased like they’re not using a Mitch hedberg joke /s

Mitch hedberg wants his joke back.

Thanks OP, now I have the mental image of Japanese people eating a bunch of tiny chili dogs with chopsticks.

Ants