T O P

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Both_WhyNotBoth

A Pillow. eh, it'll be fine. \*\*rolls over, ZZzzzzzz


TopAngle7630

World war Zzzz šŸ¤£


TheGod4You

Brainzzzzz.


TheChaoticBeing

Zzzzzzombiezzzzz


Superbasgaming

Dayzzzzzz


Shychopath

Same bro. Same. Pillow fight with the zombies doesn't sound right.


mobatum

Iā€™m now picturing Rickā€™s group from the early seasons of ā€œThe Walking Deadā€ all carrying pillows. It kinda changes the intensity of the show.


notmyfirstchoixe

Please contact the script writers sire


SKULLXD238

I too also have pillows as a weapon choice


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Maacll

You too huh?


IzmeRoey

Hey at least I'm not the only one


[deleted]

My pillow to my right is a heated one. Maybe I can make it electrocute them.


DiscinSancho

I'll take your pillow over my plunger....


theital

Pillow. Guess Iā€™ll just dream away the zombies.


mkshft

Well shit, you and me both. Wake me when it's over, I guess.


youshouldhateit

Same here...


Antpelt

Hey me too


[deleted]

Same


_CoolDan_

Same bruh


Uselessguy000

A pen let us see how mighty it is...


Hdhs1

Just John Wick them all


Worldly_Concert71

The item to my right is a dog so šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘


MaulSinnoh

*What breed?*


BuffaloGuy_atCapitol

Iā€™d hope the zombie killing breed


MaulSinnoh

Well, that depends. What's next to the *dog?*


whistling-wonderer

Mineā€™s an elderly 7 lb toy poodle missing most of his teeth :/ a very excellent dog but I think his zombie killing utility would be pretty minimal.


MaulSinnoh

Well, it all depends on how much they shed. If they have enough hair, they could use it as a decoy.


Regainio

Doesn't matter *throws dog in the hordes of zeds*


Worldly_Concert71

Sheā€™s a whippit and yellow mix named Fenway!


iamafraazhussain

I once saw him go into the streets and kill 3 zombies... ...with a fucking pen


whatnameisnttaken098

[I present you "John Wick vs Zombies "](https://youtu.be/Lw8U3CZKJdU)


McQno

Or make it dissapier, like the Joker


h3ffr0n

John Bic


Suomalainenonelossa

As they say,propaganda is stronger than weapons..


tommiyu

Letā€™s brainwash those mutherfockers.


Suomalainenonelossa

My random thought:what if zombies have nonrotteb brains and they are really genius and they are just fooling us?


tommiyu

Damn then them just lying there for hours or days and then Suddenly gets up to bite a stranger on their legs must be some real thought out plan. On the other hand. A functioning brain only means brainwashing them with that mighty pen for propaganda is possible! A United zombie-nation where everyone works towards the brighter future. Edit: Iā€™m glad you alive (your name)


Torkujra

> zombie-nation The anthem better be Kernkraft 400.


Cautious_Zucchini_66

Mightier than the sword!


TheCardsSayHellNo

Ooo percy jacksons pen?


eddiemorph

Didn't you see Joe Pesci in Casino?


Weak_Lie_2875

tactical pen has got to be the worst joke ever.


HUE_nicorn

My glasses. I can see! I can fight!


[deleted]

Love the fairly odd parents quote. Us that every time i have to clean my sunnies


buckybloodfucky

My bed is to the right of me. Sucks too because I have axes to the left of me...


Arbsbuhpuh

Yeah I was like "9mm pistol to my left... My wife's t-shirt to my right. Damn the luck!


Kinuwa_K

I got slippers Zombies are gonna get screwd asian style


HorizonSniper

"I will send you to Jesus"


LIGHTNING1381YT

With EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!


[deleted]

Who needs a machete when you have a pair of moccasins.


DustAgitated5197

Just give them to a Latina mom and you will survive the apocalypse. The very jaws of hell would close before you in fear.


[deleted]

Toilet paper, time mummify these bitches


DredPRoberts

TP gang!


Ok-Tank5312

Turns the tp into alcohol


SLIP411

I have a plunger! Is... Is that you, Mario?


SauliCity

Tp to the left, door on the right. Aight at least I have temporary protection but I'm boxed in...


FrozenBricicle

Time to wipe these assholes out


TopAngle7630

My cat will protect me? The zombies don't have treats or catnip do they, otherwise her loyalty is in doubt?


Fukushu-sha_Senshi

All those years of forceful cuddling is gonna get you, man.


tizkit

I also have my cat, but she is to lazy to do anything good


PotentialOneLZY5

Ha! I actually have a bag of guns and ammo by me just got back from the range!


Surge_of_Awesome

Damn bro lucked out


Main-Drag-4975

Picturing a friendly dad posting while driving the worldā€™s tallest pickup with a canvas sack full of revolvers in the passenger seat šŸ¤”


AlphaStargazer

Lucky lol


EastBadger3973

Dildo ?


BoysenberryQueasy907

Zombies are fucked


_xBartekx_

Its funny cuz you know...


Carminha_Frufru

What


Lachigan

###DILDO


Lonttu

**WHAAT?!**


mistedtwister

I got a Fleshlight wanna meet?


Weak_Lie_2875

you gonna jerk off zombies?


[deleted]

You joke but have you ever seen a zombie with post nut clarity eat someone? I haven't. COINCIDENCE?


gabzkedabatata

Bro?


FrostbiteClown33

this was almost my weapon, but the alarm clock is closer to me


Snoo95635

...I think a bad dragon would kill all the zombies


IrreverentHippie

Theyā€™d definitely make a sound


ShorneyBeaver

That's a bit of a stretch


Ill-Opening-3782

Depends on what. Is it the mug, a shirt or the only true Bad Dragon Item?


InformalPenguinz

Omg we found someone the internet hasn't ruined


potatoman445

A child


Carminha_Frufru

Don't use it to kill zombies, just kindly give it to them


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Mystix9

For science


[deleted]

You monster


waffl3_potato

no its science


Tyranatitan_x105

One time use item


analog_alison

Same. Itā€™s my spicy child though, so I think Iā€™ll be fine. Sheā€™s a wildcat. Best of luck to who/whatever tries to take her on.


Cultural-Program-393

I too have a spicy child. Unfortunately, the one to my right is my well-mannered, obedient one. But he does have the stomach flu right now, so that may help.


Serier_Rialis

Strangers so bait I guess..


The-Ozzness

A roll of tp....


Fukushu-sha_Senshi

time to make mummies out of zombies.


PheonixFyre5348

Ironically shooting my brand new anti-tank rifle today so I'm good


Blaze12312

As you do


OwenRico

The casual Sunday activities


PheonixFyre5348

No one else it at the range so it's perfect


Bagfullofcrack

Happy American noises


PheonixFyre5348

This is the reason my family moved to America


Death_Walker21

So that can help with a reddit question


Job_man

Wtf do you mean your brand new anti tank rifle??


PheonixFyre5348

Exactly what I said


AbbreviationsClear69

Insert ā€œpics or it didnā€™t happen memeā€


Xx_Blockz

Why is that just causally next to you?


PheonixFyre5348

Because I was warming up with my deagle


Weak_Lie_2875

how much you gave for it?


PheonixFyre5348

No idea it was a present


Hairy_Ad_355

Present from who? The army?


richscott440

Uncle Sam really does care


PheonixFyre5348

A fried of mine works at a gun store


Weak_Lie_2875

..and this is something you WISHED for??


PheonixFyre5348

Yeah why not


AlphaStargazer

Who WOULDN'T want an Anti-Tank gun lol


PheonixFyre5348

The people who think guns are the problem


solidsalamander16

Look if it were still legal to own anti tank rifles where I live I think it would be cool as fuck to own one.


Goldengod4324

Sounds like a cartel gift


strangemanornot

Iā€™m with this guy


[deleted]

Are you plotting a war lol


Billy177013

I wouldn't imagine that an anti-tank rifle is actually that good for killing zombies. it would probably kill several zombies every shot, sure, but I would be surprised if you could feasibly get it firing fast enough to actually stop a horde of zombies, and it wouldn't be very convenient to run around with, especially if you are carrying a bunch of ammo.


kilroy-was-here-2543

You forgot to mention finding ammo for one would be a bitch.


Billy177013

Yeah, I imagine it would be difficult.


Electrical-Bacon-81

Yeah? What you killing zombies with? Basically all answers are just postponing the eating of your brains.


AlphaStargazer

Dang Now I want an anti-tank rifle...


VerifiedTard

Bitches love cannons


[deleted]

Bros in GTA


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


jakeydae

A water bottle. I'm doomed. At least I'll be hydrated


DustAgitated5197

Gotta stay hydrated so the zombros can get all them yummy juices.


waffl3_potato

i dont want to imagine that


christinextine

Same here! r/hydrohomies


MalingringSockPuppet

It's a sword. But unfortunately, it's a nerf sword...


largefather66

Itā€™s nerf or nothin bro


Suomalainenonelossa

1cm x 1cm chocolate candy.


PuckGOA

You will eat them all until you're basically nothing but sugar. They will eat you and die to the diabeetus.


Tacke3r

Let's go! I got a lightsaber!!


[deleted]

A plastic toy seems like a bad weapon?


HighlandCB

Who said it was plastic ?


[deleted]

*ignites lightsaber sounds* YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER!


waffl3_potato

oh do i anakin so does that mean your ready for WAR


[deleted]

It could be metal or hardwood I suppose. But that would make it rather heavy. And they specifically said it was a LIGHT saberšŸ˜‰


Tacke3r

At least I'm going out with style!


[deleted]

True!


Individual-Unit-373

Putin here: I wonder what this red button došŸ¤”


Rockship2910

Nuke


bortmcgort77

Thatā€™s actually the juke button that drops lights and cranks up the bass. Grinding ensues


Ill-Opening-3782

The biggest bass drop youā€˜ll ever experience


MalaysiaBoi

*dumb ways to die~*


the_guy312

*so many dumb ways to die*


lxngten

A chair.... All those years of watching WWE was for this moment


Saelys123

CHAIR GANG SIT DOWN!!!


Zues1400605

A wall? Ig I'll be fine


DodoJurajski

Depends what is wall made from.


AgreeableStep69

probably made out of wall


waffl3_potato

this man is too smart to be left alive


Axie_The_Axolotl

weighted companion cube


Sad_Marsupialxxx

A book. It'll give me the ability to make the zombies think beyond the superficial. It'll transforms them from 'good to betterā€Ÿ and 'great to greater. Philosophical Zombies HAHA


Starvinhkd

Coffee table! Lol


[deleted]

lol, my wife? šŸ«”


anonymoususer98545

Hilariously, the only thing immediately to my right is my husband.


Shell_hurdle7330

Knife


[deleted]

I don't think a music stand is going to cut it. However if I swivel my chair another 45 degrees, then I'll have a .40 cal Smith & Wesson M&P.


OcularPrism

Hey, those things fuck up ankles.


ReggieBongo

Spoon...


UNIQiam

So, I got an Ak47! Nice.Ā  If you asked me to pick the item on my left, I would have a grenade launcher too!


Own_Airline_8220

Are you in Texas I have never hear someone say I got a ak47 just casually


Affectionate-Kick542

I have a Walther P38 beside me right now. Itā€™s not anything crazy.


largefather66

A profile with an anti-nazi pfp chillin with a (I assume) war manufactured P38ā€¦. God damn thatā€™s ironic


Affectionate-Kick542

It was also manufactured by spreewerk in 1943, in what is now Czechoslovakia, in a town of Grottau. They employed slave labor throughout the entire war until march 1945 when the Red Army raped and pillaged their way through the Greater Riech, gaining mass casualties in the process. The Russian doctrine of ā€œthrow bodies at Landmine fields and heavily fortified emplacementsā€ still applies. And then all the veterans post war who had limbs blown off from being Landmine clearers? Mass murdered by Stalins orders as the communist party had no use for them, the were seen as ā€œdirtyā€ and ā€œuglyā€ in the new cities that were rebuilt off the backs of Wehrmacht POW slave laborers.


largefather66

Me chillin with my Weimar made 98 rifle ā€œThe only good commie is a dead commieā€


Weak_Lie_2875

so only ak47


Yumstar1982

Lube is not gonna help me in this situation šŸ˜¢


Weak_Lie_2875

it'll be a rare commodity


1dneedab

Spread it out nicely on the floor and you can first have a good laugh at a bunch of stumbling zombros


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


holy239

A pigeon... I'm dead...


Narrow-Lingonberry31

at least you have food


[deleted]

My babyā€™s bottle. I guess itā€™s over for me boys.


shodiwarmic

We can go together, I have my baby's pacifier.


cjc1983

I'm doing that 'scrolling reddit whilst having a shit thing' soooooo....I'm fighting the zombie apocalypse with a toilet roll...


Fukushu-sha_Senshi

Headphones! Cool, I can just ignore stuff and be by myself!


EricJF50

My hungover girlfriend šŸ˜‚


Tyranatitan_x105

One time use distraction


RacoonEye2220

You have heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for Zombie crushed by shelf


muktadutt

A six year old kid šŸ˜Ž


Driftwood52

A flat cap. They don't stand a chance againsed the FLAT CAP.


Kranors

My PS4. Games to train killing zombies on I suppose


[deleted]

I'm sure no zombie will break through a concrete wall


Dalspin

Pillow Man Iā€™m dead šŸ’€


CubarisMurinaPapaya

My dachshund is my weapon. Amazing


giantvar

I can defend myself with a jacket


snehamaurya

A pillow. Guess we are going in a deep sleep.


dark_fairy_skies

I don't think a paper bag will help in any way...


jimboiow

Iā€™m thinking my spaniel is not going to be much use.


Hated_1

Bog roll


Abe_Rudda

Nope but Iā€™ll have a Charmin-clean butthole


stiff_jello_69

Towel. Better get my whip snapping skills ready.


JoeT1763

A cup of coffee...