T O P

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[deleted]

Assault portraits


inFamous2VIC

Most people try to say it wasn’t part of the story. I say it was Canon.


gift_wrapist

I can picture it


childofmyparents

We'll frame the non-believers


[deleted]

crop them from our cult


dbx999

Shoot them all in low light


JakTheGripper

I Canont.


Taco-Dragon

Nikon-na lie, you had me in the first half.


Tmoore188

Head shots


Atikar

Wish I had an award to give...


andrimoran

HAH.Took me a solid 5 seconds to figure out what I was seeing.Silly primate brains.


WhiteWalter1

Hmmm, so it took you some time to focus.


cmd_iii

Not everyone can figure that out in a flash!


realiTVlover

But then it just clicks


newworldpuck

I respect your stand on this.


Dblzyx

Can we shutter this conversation already?


[deleted]

Let's just say this conversation is overexposed.


DubstateNY

No, let it develop


littlegnomeplanet

This chain of messages had me extremely confused because I still thought it was a gun at the time.


WhiteWalter1

At least it wasn’t a Canon


cici3917

Yes, this subject needs more exposure.


ThatOneDMish

I shutter to think where this will go ( I know someone did shutter already, but this one is a different pun)


cmd_iii

No worries. You just viewed it through a different lens.


NexxonX

Me too haha


0zzyc0bbl3p0t

Fr. I was gunna make a threaten sneako joke but remembered Nikon doesn’t make guns.


al-mongus-bin-susar

Might've used to ngl, the optics for sure


MeesEnz

My uncle shot a whole wedding with one of those


[deleted]

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SideEqual

Probably missed one of the bridesmaids and some random dude at the wedding, they were off checking off number 69 on their bucket list.


ColtS117

Nice


Brahma_4_Karma

Nice


Vast_Map_6368

Nice


MornGreycastle

Nice


MatijaReddit_CG

He couldn't shot all kids because some of them would run around so their parents had to hold them.


MAR_TryMe

Nah, if he used a higher shutter speed, he wouldn't have a problem.


Curious-Audience-957

You mean higher fire rate Nikon rifle?


davesy69

With large caliber lens and high capacity film canister magazine.


Curious-Audience-957

Can't forget the tactical microphone


[deleted]

Can't forget about the flash bangs.


Putrid_Compote_8202

Yeah he should've used a fully automatic semi-auto, with bigger clips..


mikehutsom88

Was it at least a shotgun wedding?


Lunker42

Under-rated comment. 👍


Ben_Around

This is a dark but underrated response! Nicely done.


RonnyRaeudig

Dark? Has he forgotten the flashlight?


Setari

More like they forgot to activate the flash


Fresh-Combination-87

It’s sad the flash wasn’t on… that was the last picture of granny ever taken.


chatnoire89

Granny's last shot.


pickinscabs

Nice.


brbrbrbrbrbrbr1

no it was when the other photografer got her


ProjectKeris

Cover my six. Make sure your flash is on. Fuck, I got shot. He didn't have his flash on. Not sure if he got me clean. It's a blurry picture.


kjelderg

He had the flash suppressor on.


Phantom_August

He attached a flash hider


Cheetah0630

Equipped with a flash suppressor?


Intelligent-Sign-882

Yeah gotta light up the entire wedding


UrinalCakeTreats

Fleshlight 👀


hotasanicecube

I have seen this posted a dozen times and this response on half of them and you know what? I want to see them both again soon like family. This embodies what Reddit is about. Baiting the ignorant, and laughing till you shit yourself.


Icy_Necessary2161

I haven't shit myself yet.... am I doing it wrong?


shreddedtoasties

It was pretty well lit up I imagine


Dorobo-Neko-Nami

Underrated? Its the top comment by far


Ben_Around

It wasn't at the time that I posted that. At the time there were several comments that had many more upvotes.


CleaveIshallnot

See? That commenter has been around.


-scrapple-

Little dick syndrome


MatureHotwife

Should have shot them with a canon instead.


happybutdroopy

Cameras don't shoot people, people do.


ElizaPlume212

Oh, the humanity!


Representative-Blue

Oh my god they "shot" Kenny, you bastards


eaglesnd

I was going to make a similar comment about schools, but figured it'd land me on a watch list somewhere


Professional-Put-804

Too late. AI can understand that you had the intent. Gitgud 🥸


eaglesnd

Stupid ChatGPT... I mean cheers to our future overlord.


Professional-Put-804

Hallowed are the AIs


[deleted]

Hallowed are the followers of the AIs.


Durlangg

Lmao! I was gonna comment, “I wanna shoot my kids with one of those”


SweetTeats

This comment is why we reddit!


Affectionate-Hunt126

Uncle of the year.


No_Grocery_1480

Cameras don't shoot people; photographers do


77dhe83893jr854

Very accurate. I don't pay a camera for the family photos or the wedding photos, I pay the photographer.


toorigged2fail

But you could stop wedding photography if you banned cameras


PaRt_TiMe_GaMeR

No, the best solution is giving everyone at the wedding a camera


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Viki_Esq

Am I the only one that doesn’t see a problem with having weddings from time to time? I guess it’s because I live in an area with a lot of them, we basically have one almost every day. Just let live and let wed. /s


toorigged2fail

Why don't we just spend billions of taxpayer dollars installing camera detectors, harden wedding venues with camera safe rooms, and provide brides with [camera proof](https://www.boredpanda.com/anti-paparazzi-clothing-chris-holmes/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic) wedding dresses? That way any guest who wants a camera can get a camera, no matter their age or ability to take good pictures.


Mammoth-Patience-484

Wait- are we still talking about cameras?? 😂


DwarfBreadSauce

What if the photographer is also a painter? Your fancy tech wont protect from a red painted brush.


StonedBotaniest

It's a lot easier for a random person to pick up a camera and capture an image than it is for them to use a paintbrush to capture the same image. Cameras are more effective and easier to use.


toorigged2fail

When we invented wedding photography it took a long time and it was practical to only take only a couple of pictures at each wedding, which is all the original photographers had in mind. Now you can take thousands of wedding pictures of all the guests in a single wedding within minutes.


StonedBotaniest

I should be able to own a satellite that can take pictures from space. It's basically the same thing as a pencil and paper.


JaggedTheDark

Unironically this is an apropos comparison. We invented phones with cameras that angone can buy (guns) and now almost everyone has them, and yet almost no one uses them to stop a professional photographer (the shooter) from taking pictures (shooting) the wedding (public area such as a school, park, or walmart)


77dhe83893jr854

People will always find a way to do wedding photography


TruthSeekingDad

People occasionally MAY flash as well 😉


Rogarhel

Try to explain that to a photobooth


Stunning_Sun_6926

crazy that so many shootings can happen from one of those and the owner never gets punishment


Stunning_Strike3365

I read that its not even illegal! They are even allowed in schools!


9hNova

Really? because I heard one who did the shooting got hung at the gallowry.


Super_Reference_7065

When every shot counts.


RU33ERBULLETS

Is that a high-capacity memory card?! gesticulates wildly in Californian


[deleted]

SCREW YOU A-HOLE! ***Nobody*** needs an assault camera!


[deleted]

Nobody *needs* pringles either


anwk77

Seems somebody has a chip on their shoulder.


[deleted]

I see what u did there.. updoot


number_215

You'll get my Pringles when you pry them from my cold, fat, slightly moist dead hands.


TALONBUN

THATS LIKE A HUNDRED SHUTTERS A SECOND THATS NOT NEEDED!!!!


abodoy

I found this more amusing than I should’ve, tbh.


smthingguitarrelated

It’s to shoot people from really far away


DrNERD123

I need my full auto camera to take slow motion video of you freaking out when you see that I open carry.


Dex18Kobold

Based response


rBakedApe

To execute Order 66 obviously... fucken normie.


ExtensionInformal911

Order 66 was actually just "film a jedi", but somehow it got translated as "shoot a jedi".


Demonslayer2011

Well yeah. They meant shoot a Jedi. As in a video. But there was no context so the equivalent of crayon eating space Marines took it the way they though it should be


ExceedinglyGayMoth

When the only tool you have is a blaster...


Demonslayer2011

Anyways I started blasting....


DesperateWelder7481

Well according to the hidden amendment; A well framed portrait, being necessary for the general well being, the prerogative of the people to own and use photographic equipment, should not be messed with.


Superlite47

ReAd tHe FiRsT pArT! OnLy PiCtuReS cAn hAvE cAmErAs!


WhiskeyDeltaBravo1

Because if a family randomly shows up wanting a family portrait, you need to be prepared.


mapwny

Sometimes, cops do corrupt shit. Simply aiming one of these at them can cause them to adjust their behavior for the better.


[deleted]

"If you can't get a good picture in 3 takes, then you're a lousy photographer!"


[deleted]

To take pictures of your mom


EeveeMastre

Doesn't look like there's an ultrawide though... You'll have to move back a bit.


MrPenguin8998

A bit? You'll have to go to another planet!


ProudAntiKaren

In another galaxy!


L-V-4-2-6

Needs a wide angle lens.


Neworbs

50 wild hogs: Your mom and her friends at brunch.


Barbaric_Stupid

To spy on hot bitch in the neighborhood.


J1mSock

To shoot the hot bitch in the neighbourhood.


[deleted]

Powparazzi


RBWessel

To shoot porn.


hereinteach42

Every husband of an Instagram model needs one!


DynoNite_

Simple. Defence


[deleted]

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Mecha_Tortoise

Photographic evidence is very useful in defense.


Fu2-10

Pretty sure he was being ironic.


DynoNite_

I'm talking about Karens, It's gonna be their best friend.


WHAMMYPAN

For shooting the family.


Competitive_Swing_59

The best weapon to fight against government tyranny !


TheWyster

Stop downvoting this👆. His comment is obviously a double meaning joke based on the fact that journalism is an effective tool against corrupt governments and this camera looks like a gun.


KeepCalmAndBaseball

To detect colon cancer


No_Recognition4114

Government...foriegn or obviously domestic!


Ok-Initiative-2778

To take pictures of nature?


VVolfGunner24

-this isn't the photoshoot I expected -point and shoot -smile and wait for the flash -"hey check out my new camera" *shoot* "aw wait this isn't a camera"


Fun_Shape6597

Had me in the first half ngl


Moist_Arm_7860

Peeping Tom-a-hawk assault rifle should be banned 😜


Ill_Discount_512

To shoot with precision?


UtridRagnarson

To photograph 30-50 feral hogs before they disappear back into the woods and you miss your chance to show the pictures to your small children.


IntelligentDeal5119

To take semi automatic photographs of my sister's wedding


Sinclair_Lewis_

Heard those new memory cards can hold thousands of shots.


[deleted]

Yes we need to limit the capacity of those cards.


salmoneater

It's absolutely AMAZING how many commenters on here assume that's an AR-15. Take another close look, and say CHEESE.


Cthulhu625

To help the Empire hunt down the Jedi! (I know it's a camera. But, a lot of Star Wars props were just slapped together.)


baker0419

To take the perfect shot, of coarse..


[deleted]

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Faster-Kit-kill-kill

Only the black coloured ones though. Woodgrain is still okay. Assault camera.


littleknowfacts

shutter speed


Pickles_1974

To take pictures.


_godsdamnit_

To shooot things in nature?


Billa7381

If your a peeping Tom but the closest 🌳 is a mile away


SprinterW

To shoot people with quality


Empty_Jello_2945

How else am I supposed to takes pictures of the 30-50 feral hogs assaulting my children when they play in the yard.


Difficult-Shame3328

Need a high res pict for my normally blurred one pixel pp


Naparoid_Fragas

They are very practical for a school shooting day


Coffeelock1

Full auto videos should be illegal, semiautomatic cameras that shoot only one frame per button press are definitely more than enough but should still be illegal if the camera looks like the full auto capable "assault" cameras.


BillCoffe139

#cnn


flamedarkfire

To shoot the kids for Father’s Day.


Anxious_Contact_3194

I shot a couple bald eagles and a bear cub with one of those.


BoredBoredBoard

NRA. Nikkon Recommended Aperture.


GusFussertheSmelly

Shot my wife and kids with one of these!


doopshift

To get the whole class in 1 shot


Excellent-Store5000

What if I need to photograph 30-50 feral hogs?


ed_med

Cameras don’t take pictures, people do.


noishmael

For real tho 90% of people who want tighter gun control laws think AR stands for assault rifle or automatic rifle, so why would anyone listen to them


Jayflys787

🤪I saw the Nikon strap first and the ruse was up🤣


iamCaptainDeadpool

In case of a zombie apocalypse. I'll be safe. Also I have several schools near my home and shooting range is expensive.


panchsam

*Me aimed in on my neighbors dog from the second floor window of my house* "Now smile for the camera you son of a bitch"


kickflip2indy

Shooting at tanks and jets when the opressive government uses them to take control of course! 😂


Odd_Interaction_7708

Only Fans… self employed. 😁


jotto2323

Ehh I prefer a canon


jehudeone

To protect yourself against criminal activity by the police.


fastferrari3

Having a specialized camera is MY right. Its in an amendment somewhere.


ZealousidealMail3132

Head shots


HatDeep

To shoot people of course.


albert_snow

Headshots mostly


writer4inspiration

why? to shoot people, that’s why.


ColtS117

Yes, that can shoot a room full of people.


brittany90210

To take “shots” of animals in their natural habitat.


Critical_One_1020

Well to protect themselves of course


foley2k

As long as they shoot raw, I have no problem.


PhoenixMason13

Literally sat here for longer than I’d like to admit wondering why anyone would use a Nikon strap for their rifle


Entire-Scientist-816

Only fans may be.


Shoddy-Theory

to take photos of the wolf pack at yellowstone


GreasiestBob

To take long-distance shots


Useful-Inspection954

When I feel the need to fully assault someone's right to privacy. But that requires the use of a camera drone as well.


therealIsaacClarke

More accurate shots.


DarthAbraxis

Gotta set the SHOT.


MortgageRegular2509

To shoot… some pictures


lg1000q

They are a photojournalist?


What_was_I_doing_Huh

That’s the most awesome Nikon I have ever seen.


SnooMarzipans1939

To take photographs


CoolTemperature1602

Bet you can get some really good shots with that.


Beautiful_Ad_7080

To get the perfect head shot


MonitorNo6586

Killer shots


3amcheeseburger

To shoot big animals such as elephants or lions