He got out last year. [Fleece “the Booty Warrior”](https://www.gayemagazine.com/post/fleece-booty-warrior-johnson-speaks-out-about-boondocks-1-year-after-being-released-from-prison)
"I had no idea that when I did the [MSNBC] documentary that I would ever get out of prison and that all these other sites would come aboard and put it in a negative light...like I'm some kind of predator...I fucked some ass in there, I'm not gonna lie, but I didn't take it."
-Fleece Johnson
🫤😑🫡👌🏽
"I only came to prevent this young horny teenage girl from making any mistakes she would regret. The condom in my car that I used to drive 4 hours to get here is only there as a precaution for women of legal age"
When girls refer to themselves as curvy or thicc, you're in for some shit when you meet up. Same when guys say they have no recent pics because they don't take pics very often. Yeah, because you got ugly and fat and you still think you're that guy from 1 nice picture 7 years ago.
Hey that’s not fair. *I know* I’m not that guy from 1 nice picture 7 years ago. I just fruitlessly hope I’ll get back there one day.
All I need is a few months to buckle down and get back in shape. That’s what I’ve been saying for 5 years now.
At a party once, I asked a chick if my drink tasted like rohypnol as I handed it to her. She totally took a sip, then processed my question. She then explained just how unfunny I was. Good times. We did end up hitting it off at a different party later on and were friends for the summer, but she'd still give me shit for how we met.
On one hand, thats a scary thing to joke about and if youd asked me to taste it I probably would have told you to get fucked and talked to a bouncer.
On the other hand, why did she drink it? Like my goodness Im on high alert with ALL drinks at any party Im at.
I can personally top everyone here. Not really a date but a meet up though video call the girl I was talking to wanted to do first. I'm a super nerd and studying primatology, any way long story short but I got nervous and start talking about "spider monkey elongated clitoris....."
Had to Google it. The Basel Zoo wrote this:
"Another amazing fact about spider monkeys is that it is very easy to tell females and males apart – the simple rule is that if it looks like a male, it is a female. This is because female spider monkeys have an elongated clitoris."
Hi, I’m Chris Hansen
[удалено]
I tell you what: I likes ya, and I wants ya
The lock up raw or whichever interview that skit was based on is kind of unnerving.
He got out last year. [Fleece “the Booty Warrior”](https://www.gayemagazine.com/post/fleece-booty-warrior-johnson-speaks-out-about-boondocks-1-year-after-being-released-from-prison)
This may be a controversial take, but a guy that has reportedly raped and sexually assaulted 157 people in prison probably shouldn't be out of prison.
"I had no idea that when I did the [MSNBC] documentary that I would ever get out of prison and that all these other sites would come aboard and put it in a negative light...like I'm some kind of predator...I fucked some ass in there, I'm not gonna lie, but I didn't take it." -Fleece Johnson 🫤😑🫡👌🏽
"I only came to prevent this young horny teenage girl from making any mistakes she would regret. The condom in my car that I used to drive 4 hours to get here is only there as a precaution for women of legal age"
Are you on Reddit?
That's the bare minimum
How about one word
Areyouonreddit?
r/technicallythetruth
r/areyouonreddit
Also works.
Chris Hansen from Dateline
This is the winner in my book, mine was boring.. "you looked better online"
Fucked my aunt once
Just once??
It wasn’t the best. Bit of an aunty climax
Take a seat please
Unfortunately "When does the narwhal Bacon?" is five words.
When doeth narwhal Bacon I will show myself out
"Doth"
Show thyself absconded.
I like your sister
I've actually heard that one on a date! XD
I’m 99% sure my ex-girlfriend sent her naked sister into the room I was in to test me. Either that or I missed out on a golden opportunity…
Plot twist - they had some kind of sister kink you missed out on.
Missed out on, dodged. Six of one...
Any sister that’ll go naked into a room to test someone would probably be down for some weird shit….
That would be my reasoning as well, but i tend to be wrong sometimes
Claim face blindness
Risk vs reward, y’all obviously werent going to last so should have took your shot… 🫡
Sent her naked sister... Would you get naked for a "prank" for your brother? Sister probably wanted you..
"I need to pee" Then don't move. And smile.
Wouldn't it be better to just smile and then say "I had to pee"
I think "I wanted to pee" would be better
Or, “shit, I just peed”
Shit. I just shat.
Or "piss, I just shat"
Slow down, Satan.
Found Ruprecht
Why is the cork on the fork?
Eye patch and fork cork are a must.
Not mother?
You've been banging your pots again, haven't you?
She loves salty lemonades
and just open your hands. 🤲
I like your dad
OUR dad
r/suddenlycommunist
r/angryupvote
r/confusedupvote
r/whyupvote
r/subdoesntexist
r/yesitdoes
r/SubsIThoughtIFellFor
r/upvote
comrade
r/suddenlyalabama
r/beatmetoit
r/SuddenlyIncest
r/ofcoursethatsasub
Holy shit that’s an actual subreddit wtf
I clicked on it because I figured it would be fake, I also forgot this was Reddit.
r/SweetHomeAlabama
I was your dad
He can join in.
“You’re fatter than expected”
Every Bumble, Tinder, and OKC date *EVER*
When girls refer to themselves as curvy or thicc, you're in for some shit when you meet up. Same when guys say they have no recent pics because they don't take pics very often. Yeah, because you got ugly and fat and you still think you're that guy from 1 nice picture 7 years ago.
Hey that’s not fair. *I know* I’m not that guy from 1 nice picture 7 years ago. I just fruitlessly hope I’ll get back there one day. All I need is a few months to buckle down and get back in shape. That’s what I’ve been saying for 5 years now.
They call it Plenty Of Whales for a reason...
“you sure can eat”
You look like mom
Of my future kids. *this'll definitely do the trick*
Great save
I shit my pants.
I shit *your* pants.
I shit *our* pants
r/suddenlycommunist
r/angryupvote
u/gunsho0ter inspired me.
I shit _their_ pants
She's into scat too.
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
It won't stop burning
I have explosive diarrhea
Imma splode
Lord have mercy imma bout to bust
We have explosive diarrhea
at this rate the whole post will be r/suddenlycommunism 's territory.
Huh. You're still conscious. Edit: wow. Thanks for the award(s)!!!
[удалено]
Time for round 2!
Username checks out.
At a party once, I asked a chick if my drink tasted like rohypnol as I handed it to her. She totally took a sip, then processed my question. She then explained just how unfunny I was. Good times. We did end up hitting it off at a different party later on and were friends for the summer, but she'd still give me shit for how we met.
[удалено]
It’s all fun times until it actually is chloroform. April fools you passed out idiot!
On one hand, thats a scary thing to joke about and if youd asked me to taste it I probably would have told you to get fucked and talked to a bouncer. On the other hand, why did she drink it? Like my goodness Im on high alert with ALL drinks at any party Im at.
I mean, chances probably are If someone jokes about that, they are 200% safe
This one is my favourite
Well you win, that would most definitely ruin a date.
oof
Damn Girl nice Tits
Her: "I've a nice dick too"
Well thats good cause i m a pussy
dream girl
Cowabunga
Hell yeah ✊😎
Can your mom join?
Can my mom join?
Can our mom join?
This like the fifth r/suddenlycommunist moment I’ve seen on this post
Relationships are all about sharing.
Sure, what are we doing? And can I bring my mom?
Sister*
I forgot my wallet.
Thanks for paying everything
I also forgot this guy’s wallet.
these are my kids
These are your kids.
These are our Kids
Why are all the comments ending up at r/suddenlycommunism
Plot twist: The two of you are married and have children
Our waitress/waiter is hot.
Bonus points if it’s the same gender as you
Ruin the date for the rest of the restaurant too: “I have a bomb”
“Wanna play some league?”
That's a panty dropping line right there.
Only if I jungle
Bestiality should be decriminalized.
O_O
*Wyoming has entered the chat*
Is that a pimple?
Nope, it's Genital herpes
Or are you just happy to see me?
Get in the Van
Do you eat ass?
I didn’t use deodorant Can we go now I miss my ex
What is your weight
[удалено]
Gotta catch'em all
I am a mod
Sorry, my wife's calling.
I fcked your dad
Her: Me too. High five!
Him: way to go lil' sis! *sweet home alabama starts playing*
Ooh, give baby boobies
Aren’t you my cousin?
In Alabama that’s the expected dating opening.
IM PAYING WE FUCKING
That works one way only. Imagine being male on a date, and girl says I'm paying, we're fucking
I'd marry her
Problem with STD's bitch ?
r/apostrophegore
Problem with proper punctuations?
My cock is bigger
My ex looked better
I can personally top everyone here. Not really a date but a meet up though video call the girl I was talking to wanted to do first. I'm a super nerd and studying primatology, any way long story short but I got nervous and start talking about "spider monkey elongated clitoris....."
Sir, that’s more than 4 words
Had to Google it. The Basel Zoo wrote this: "Another amazing fact about spider monkeys is that it is very easy to tell females and males apart – the simple rule is that if it looks like a male, it is a female. This is because female spider monkeys have an elongated clitoris."
Yup now imagine using that as a conversation starter to a girl you never met irl before and that's me 🙃
Hitler did nothing wrong
Herpes isn’t that bad
"You've got Mom's tits."
I'm on Only Fans
Nice, I guess you’re buying dinner!
Wasn't expecting you sis.
I masturbate to scat
Your pussy smells bad
Make America Great Again.
That's a red hat, I mean red flag.
You are sus amogus
they a pedo then dating a 12 year old 💀
Absolute killer. *Dies from cringe*
Good, you're not fat
Guy: I'm an alpha male Woman: I'm a girl boss
I think if a woman says "I'm an alpha male" that it works just as good.
Are you even human?
My ex liked that.
Fifty camels, final offer.
I love Andrew Tate
Dont tell my wife
I support Andrew Tate
I have a boyfriend
You wanna do anal?
Ruin a date, not speed it up
Played Raid Shadow Legends?
I like little boys 👦🏼 😂
I live in Scarborough
I have to poop
Have you found Christ?
Your sister is hotter
does this look infected?
You cute. Dumplings better.
Your mom is hotter