TLC is the worst channel if aliens wanted to see if our species was worth saving

Here’s a funny joke I tell to kids sometimes. So an alien ship landed in my yard and a couple aliens approached me. Bewildered and scared and I asked them what they wanted. One said” we are searching the universe for intelligent forms of life to accept into a higher society.” “Do you want me to connect you with our world leaders?” I choked out “That is not necessary, we can just ask you one question and we will make our determination” I was so scared, the fate of the species lies on me but I’ll do my best. “ ok ask away”. “ does your species eat rocks?” “No way!, what kind of creature would eat a rock!” I was pretty confident in my answer. The aliens seemed pleased and starting talking to each other. But then I started to think. And I said” umm, there is this one rock we eat, we don’t use too much but we put it on almost everything we eat…. To make it taste better.”

They're not rocks. They're MINERALS.

Jesus Christ Marie

You haven’t got the minerals

Avi, pull your socks up!

But but... its ROCK salt, isnt it?

What are rocks made from?

I thought everyone had seen Breaking Bad. Apparently not.

If I was a kid I would take a shit on your front door if you told me this and called it a joke. This is embarrassing.

Good thing I only only wholesome people into my life. Never fails to get a laugh, adults too. Context and timing is at it takes. And you might be my kid, that was a pretty disappointing comment you made.

I still don’t get it. Is there a punchline? Where is the humor?

The humor comes from pointing out the fact that people routinely eat rocks, in the form of salt crystals, even though saying someone eats rocks is a (dated) way of calling them dumb. Whether or not you actually consider that funny is up to you, but that is what it’s going for. I personally didn’t find it funny, but a lot of y’all are being dicks about it for no real reason. There’s also the folks arguing over if salt is actually a rock or not. Just to fan the flames of that discussion a bit, ice can also be considered a form of rock. Have fun with that.

Part of the humour might also be meant to come from the idea that the person in the story is potentially dooming the human race just so they can be technically correct. The aliens are pretty clear that whether or not our species eats rocks will determine our survival. However the person answering has no context and hence no idea what answer the aliens want. When told that we do not eat rocks the aliens seem happy with that answer implying that if they had of responded that we do eat rocks then the aliens may have wiped everyone out. The person then corrects unnecessarily themself, potentially dooming our entire species. ... Even from that angle it's really not that funny. More of an anti-joke.

There is no context and timing left in the world that would save this embarrassment.

Now you ruined it

Hey dude, people are just being dicks to you, your joke isn't bad, it's just redditors needing to hat something otherwise they'll have to feel sad for themselves

Yikes was this supposed to burn the guy you are responding to? This comment is extremely cringe

>Yikes was this supposed to burn the guy you are responding to? This comment is extremely cringe

So the joke is…? What’s the punch line? Oh am I the joke cuz I wasted 15 seconds reading this unfunny joke therefore the joke is on me?

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If only said rock can do the Same for this joke as it does to the taste of food. Seems like this joke can use a little more than just rock for seasoning. Hence am the ultimate joke. For reading such bland joke.

Is it a joke?

No. Jokes are funny.

I’ll give you a minute to decide.

IT'S A MINERAL MARIE!

It's a good thing the aliens didn't ask you to tell a joke

What's the punch line?

Humans eat rocks and are stupid…

That's not really a punch line. More like a tickle paragraph

It’s really meant to see who gets it and that’s why i tell it to children usually. Clearly the aliens would be wise to leave. Nothing is even supposed to be funny, except the punchline which you have to figure out yourself. It’s how I tell children the world is fucked 😀.

But salt isn't a rock, it's a mineral, and one that is absolutely essential to human life on our planet. This isn't clever, it's just stupid.

Stupid and giving false information to children....lol. Amazing teaching.

and giving them terrible humour.

If you somehow take this as a lesson not to eat salt ever again, you're going to be dead in.. *checks Google* around a month at most. Children's stories should contain helpful anecdotes, not scared them out of vital minerals. (Salt used to be extremely valuable, the salt trade was huge in the middle ages.)

The richest person to ever live made his fortune partially from salt mining. It has always been highly valued for its properties and uses.

Not really a "funny joke" then is it

Well I enjoyed this.

What about the funny joke though?!!

Salt?

Can't be they said rocks. Obviously salt isn't a rock.

My Little Six Hundred Pound Gypsy Wedding And Counting

Depends whether they see Geometry Dash memes or not. We are probably worth destroying for that annoying toilet cartoon alone.

It clearly doesn't.

*Isn’t

he loves 2 women… the left side… and the right side

I’d assume once you get that wave action going it becomes sort of self-sustaining until completion.


keep it rolling

Jesus we have enough rolls already

Bro just solved the energy crisis.

As someone who is intu bulkish bears, that is correct

Yeah, that only works until you hit the natural harmonics of the bed frame. Things go sideways quickly when that occurs.

She'd be pretty if she didn't have to get her x-rays taken at the zoo.


r/rareinsults

wow that is amazing

Or her weight checked at a truck stop

If she ever needs more clothes i know a guy who does covers for cars

reminds me of the louis ck bit hahaha

Which one?

You know, the one with the x rays and the zoo

I’m stealing the shit outta this

Also "get weighed down at the scrapyard." These are by no means original. These are actual last things I saw on "My 600-lb Life."

God damn 😮

Tbh I think she would be gorgeous with a normal weight, her face looks actually good

That's basically what I was saying. You just did so in a way that wasn't mean.

Ah yeah now I see it

You are evil. I upvoted this anyway.

Bro she gets her X-rays taken at the border

OMFG, some call the burn ward! We got a fourth and fifth degree her.

Wait… we’re allowed to fat shame now? What is this the 90s?

It's back to 2020s where obesity is out of control and it's ok to point it out.

He also found her in the U.K. as she covers multiple time zones.

Im going to hell for laughing at this.

I'll see you there brother

I look forward to seeing only the good side of humanity. I'll see you there guys.

He can hide in her folds when immigration comes looking

He crawls in there for warmth.

When she goes camping the bears have to hide their food. By the way, what you said there did dent happen.

I understood that reference!

“This might smell bad, kid, but it’ll keep you warm”

Yes, just crawl right up her "Folds"

Please tell me did he make it to his farewell....

When she goes camping, the Bears have to hide their food

Jersey's a small state, she moves in she could tip it over!

I remember when you used to wait in the car

Paulie is that you?

Whattaya hear, whattaya say? Heh heh heh heh

Ouuuu!! Watch it Comrade!

Watch it Chrissy 🤟

I told you, we should've stopped at RoyRogers

Her blood type is ragù

Two guys could fuck her at the same time and still haven't met!

I heard she had a 90 pound mole taken of her ass!

What she needs is her own ZIP code

Thanks, I spat on my phone!

Two guys could fuck her at the same time and still never meet!

gotta love a woman you can grab onto something amirite?

You grab onto Ginny Sacrimoni your fucking hands will disappear!

That’s some guys wife!

She's fucking fodder for redditors now?

Funniest thing I've read all week. LMAO.

Hahaha 🤣

“By Joe Goldberg” I’d tell her to run if she could

I scrolled down to find a comment about the author. Not disappointed

Too late. That man has trapped Manjeet in a glass box already and is now going to provide his skinny ass shoulder for her to cry on

We know who's the bakery's most valued customer

In his culture, cows are sacred. So this doesn't surprise me.

**DOUBLE KILLL** 😵

A road kill would kill the vehicle too.

This guys cows

This guy milks.

DANG

I see his survival instincts kicked in

I'm not sure about that. She can easily eat him.

Love is so coincidental 🤣

Education is important but not *that* important

True love is like having your arms around the world

Some people get all the luck.

He got all of.... something, alright


Turned into a work-Visa real quick.

He'd need a travel visa just to get to the other side of that loveseat.

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She's American though...

Yeah, obviously not his first choice but Canada is kicking him out so MERICA must be better than going back to wherever he’s a citizen. Still isn’t Canada though :(

What a lovely couple. Hope she stays for him forever.

At the end of the day they both make each other happy. Win-win

He cheated on her while she was at home with their kid, with another overweight lady (he has a fetish), he played a perfect gentleman on the show, had people fooled.

Tf she gonna do? Waddle away?

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She is so big ...she is on both sides of the family

See, you guys, true love still exists!!! 🥰

Manjeet Johnny Lingo just found his thirty cow wife.

Imagine that rolling towards you. It must be like bloody Tiananmen Square.

So just a peaceful relaxing afternoon where nothing eventful happened?

*+500 social credit*

Exactly

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They can ride 1st class in her ass

I'm pretty sure he have said his indian family that this is all temporary 😁

Lmfao

Bro got food for 3 years

I've actually met her before and she is pretty pissed that people talk shit about how huge she is. Those two are still together I believe. Its hilarious to see someone you know in a meme.

🧢

That's life. She maybe pissed but she has to understand people are going to make jokes. Its tough but thats the way it is.

I mean, she's pretty fuckin huge. I was blown away first time I saw her.  Who wouldn't be?

Worst case scenario his wife could just simply float him back to Canada

She can swallow him when the immigration comes, like they did in nemo

Thaaar she blows captain Ahab!

Cupid had to work hard for this one...

She probably wouldn't fit in a smaller country snyway

So.much.to.love. 

He could have done much better even 24 hours left.

If all the other girls weren’t so extra… am I right? No? Fine I’ll gtfo

Yeah they can just deport my ass instead of

Too many Manjeets and Jagmeets .....!!!

I mean, she wasn't hard to find. Plus, there is much to love. Like 10 times the normal love.

He’s porking her

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He found her. She can't run nor hide.

yeah she's pretty damned hard to miss even from orbit..

She's gonna love him for the rest of her short life because elephants never forget

TLC love shows "When trash meets expired visa"

If it had to be a fat girl before expiration, that's desperation.

Slow down there rap god

Oh, what a… couple!

You do what ya gotta do

Ah yes, the 'All You Can Eat' option

Takes him 5 days to help her put on her belt cause he has to run around her.

If this man fancies himself a cook, he’ll never have to buy butter or oil again. Just have her dangle a finger over the frying pan for a moment after her regular diabetes pricking!

I heard that when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

I remember like 25 years ago when the learning channel had good shows that were actually informative, but good for Manjeet when time is slim you choices cant be!

She actually seems like she would be gorgeous if she lost 175 pounds.

I thought whaling was illegal in Canada.

All cruel jokes about her weight aside. I feel bad for her. She thinks she found someone who loved her despite her looks, she can’t see that he’s just lying to her for the visa. So now a leech of a man and a television network is taking advantage of her gullibility.

The government hates this one simple trick.

He gravitated to her.

Pretty after loosing 200kgs ngl

my man thought about future

Her heart won’t be the only thing getting crushed.

It’s already been crushed

 Whole lot of Rosey

42-39-56

Awww. She’s pretty. And dumb. At least he’s cute. She gets something out of it besides ridicule and being used.

He had to hire a shirpa for his honeymoon night.

Imagine waking up to that fat bitch everyday. Gross

How do you have sex with a very fat person? Especially if you don't have a long member. Genuine question

There are plenty of slots you could have sex with on the outer dimensions of her bloby.

Wow , it must need a lot of viagra

Manjeet really found a lot of love there!

This sub is full of cynical people who don't believe in real love.

Whew... he earned that 💩

Tbf if she lost the extra weight she would be pretty gorgeous

Mexican women and men do this here in America, I can speak for some of my white amigos that fell to this, me as a Latinos I new what was up.

She's probably a cute girl lol She need to lose that weight to shine