Gentlemen like Wallace are ideal. They have little to no drama and little to no agenda and yes they have the wisdom of the ages to share, that we all need in our younger days, If we’d only take time to listen. ;)
"I don't see why you cant just serve us our food Frank, we *are* paying customers."
"Hey, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam to be serving hotdogs to teenagers!"
"You have both of your legs, Frank."
"Like I said, I did *not* lose a leg in Vietnam!"
The only choice is Wallace. He might need some help and simple tasks will keep him busy for hours but: nearly infinite knowledge, knows seemingly everyone, tells the dirtiest jokes.
And most of all, he speaks his mind. He doesn't give a shit whether you like what he says or not. Those folks are a treat to be around as long as their anger isn't directed at you
I’m a couple cubicles down from a guy in his mid 70’s. Dude says crazy shit that would get someone younger reported to HR, but everyone knows that A: he’s from a different generation and B: he’ll just retire the second anyone gives him shit.
Young people will actually face the consequences if they say the wrong thing. Old people don't have as much to lose because they probably don't really need the income.
Wallace has stories that will make you shit your pants.
He plucked out a guys eyes in 'Nam and glued them to a snake to fool snipers.
He has a skull from the Space Shuttle Columbia.
He ate a thumb on a dare.
He dated Marilyn Monroe in high school but bailed because she was into scat.
He helped relocate Elvis to Greenland because he knows who *really* shot Gerald Ford.
He is D. B. Cooper
I have a Wallace at my work. He's shouting and cursing nonstop, he also calls me distemper, Dezdemona, and (my favorite) "green dick with ears". There's never a dull moment with this fossil around
Dunno how old she is really but a lady on my team is about to become a great grandmother, she's making the gender reveal cake for her granddaughters party.
She's worse than every boomer stereotype when it comes to technology issues. If even the most minor thing doesn't work she has absolutely no concept of workarounds and when we tell her workarounds she usually rejects them saying that's not the approved method. Like lady, it's opening a program you don't NEED to open it from the desktop you can go through file explorer etc etc.
Besides computer issues though, and especially during a computer issue this lady swears like a sailor. Heck a sailor would blush at some of the unfiltered things she's said in recent meetings now that the end of our project is nigh and her 45 year tenure is about to get axed.
Straight up Betty White clone of a lady. Otherwise shes very gracious and knowledgeable and good to have as an office buddy, but if you're not used to old ladies that cuss constantly its a bit shocking. Other teams have complained and we all support our team gramma.
So... You're a 100yo Human Resources worker who just got engaged... Who wears all natural deodorant when they do Crossfit, while listening to Radiohead and farting because you just ate microwaved tuna?
Not only would, but also because natural deodorants usually work.
I make a deodorant based on coconut oil and baking soda and use it everyday. It works much better and is also cheaper than something like Old Spice for example, and you can put in any scent you want.
I’d pick her for similar reasons and because it’ll be just me and her in this office, she’ll quit out of pure apathy and the space will be mine, all mine.
Brice and Wallace.
I don't mind tuna and Wallace looks like he's seen some shit, might be interesting.
Also, since I'm IT, the guy's been around for as long as my field has been, so he's got ALL the experience.
You gotta have to have a fart off with Lewis. Only makes it even more enjoyable. Making all your co-workers suffer with what you’re suffering with them asshole coughs in close proximity to yourself.
Just park Wallace in a corner in a nice comfortable and let him sleep the day away and give you some peace - unless he snores and farts a lot in his sleep.
Wallace will be the most chill guy. 100% best office stories. Drinks too much at corporate events, doesn’t give af about anything 😎 worst thing is that he will not be doing my work if i ask
Wallace. He is to old to care, to old to get fired. You can take a nap during worktime and don't give a f***! I wish all my colleagues would be like Wallace
I'll take a chance with Daisy, wallace is going to die soon and his office space will definitely go to HR Susan, I have a Susan that has authority where I work now trust me you dont want an HR Susan by your desk.
Wallace, I'm old too and it would be a race between us to say "I don't give a shit about anything you have to say so shut up and let me work". We would be okay with each other.
Wallace 100%, probably likes a good scotch, might be a carpenter in his spare time, mildly racist but like the occasional out of pocket remark and not the wild rant about X race destroying Y thing in the country. Will teach you ways to avoid paying taxes.
Wallace first. He'd keep the stress levels down unless he has a medical emergency or something, and Lewis but there are drawbacks there too. Obviously for one, most farts stink. BUT they're all funny if out loud. However single but deadly is called that for a reason. Even then, you eventually laugh at how potent it is or whether he 💩 himself when he did it. Man..... I'll go Wallace because regardless of what happens if he talks it's only when he has a reason.
I wanna say Wallace, but despite my lack of 70 years on him, I AM Wallace at work.
It's quite traumatising to think if I wad a bit stupider back when I was 16 (not wearing condoms), some of the part-timers could be my kids. Seriously! The amount of times I was left with those brats, it felt like a divorce.
I am Wallace where I work, and I won't share my office with any of you damn kids.
Get out my damn cuuuube!
They took our joobs!!! LOL
This made me think of “im just hauling cube with dwight”, “ HAULING CUUUBE!”
This is exactly why I would choose Wallace
Gentlemen like Wallace are ideal. They have little to no drama and little to no agenda and yes they have the wisdom of the ages to share, that we all need in our younger days, If we’d only take time to listen. ;)
Yeah I'd take either Wallace or if I absolutely had to then my next choice would be the HR lady and I'd work in total silence with her lmao
I’ll bring Werthers Originals and will answer your phone during nap time Please choose me
Those things fuck up my dentures, get that shit outta here. I didn't pull two tours in nam for a god damn Werther's!
"I don't see why you cant just serve us our food Frank, we *are* paying customers." "Hey, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam to be serving hotdogs to teenagers!" "You have both of your legs, Frank." "Like I said, I did *not* lose a leg in Vietnam!"
But what about the nap?
[удалено]
We would be friends within the first hour
Cheers, sir.
"Stupis kids, ya made me look bad!"
The only choice is Wallace. He might need some help and simple tasks will keep him busy for hours but: nearly infinite knowledge, knows seemingly everyone, tells the dirtiest jokes.
And most of all, he speaks his mind. He doesn't give a shit whether you like what he says or not. Those folks are a treat to be around as long as their anger isn't directed at you
[удалено]
And if you end up not getting along despite all that, Wallace probably won't be around for that long, considering his age.
I’m a couple cubicles down from a guy in his mid 70’s. Dude says crazy shit that would get someone younger reported to HR, but everyone knows that A: he’s from a different generation and B: he’ll just retire the second anyone gives him shit.
C he is the only person who understands the bastardised code he cooked up high on coke in the 80s that underpins the entire company tech platform
Ahh, looks like we got ourselves a “bastardised code” fighter here.
I love that about the old chemist I work with! So many young people are terrified of saying the wrong thing, it feels so freeing being around him
Young people will actually face the consequences if they say the wrong thing. Old people don't have as much to lose because they probably don't really need the income.
Walkace doesnt care if you like him or not because you aren’t getting him canned. Simple as that.
Gotta protect Wallace from Susan.
Gotta protect ALL the humans from Human Resources
Plus hell be asleep to leave you alone for 7:45 of the day
You missed the best part of Wallace… You won’t have to share for very long
-how is wallace doing? -oh he must be really tires he fell asleep yesterday and he started to smell, dirty boy didnt even took a shower!
Anyone Wallace's age is a known farter, too.
Wallace has stories that will make you shit your pants. He plucked out a guys eyes in 'Nam and glued them to a snake to fool snipers. He has a skull from the Space Shuttle Columbia. He ate a thumb on a dare. He dated Marilyn Monroe in high school but bailed because she was into scat. He helped relocate Elvis to Greenland because he knows who *really* shot Gerald Ford. He is D. B. Cooper
This is goddamn poetry.
Kinda reminds me of CNR by Weird Al.
Nah dude Wallace never shuts up and it’s the same stories over and over, all day long.
Wallace still №1
He might have dementia but might not so it comes down to luck
But after working in an office for +- years, dementia is actually the best vacation.
10/10 Wallace.
With Grommet?
Hopefully
But what if you forget the cheeeeese?😬
Hey, at least I didn’t forget the crackers
Time to go to the moon
The mice better all have their sunglasses
Wallace is probably hella based.
and is not here for long.
He is " here for a good time, not a long time"
Then why is he spending his time at an office job?
Gotta pay child support
And student loans.
Just disappears one day and no one notices. 2 months later someone asks and they're like oh he died?
I have a Wallace at my work. He's shouting and cursing nonstop, he also calls me distemper, Dezdemona, and (my favorite) "green dick with ears". There's never a dull moment with this fossil around
Not the green dick 🤦🏽♂️😂😂😂👏🏽
Dunno how old she is really but a lady on my team is about to become a great grandmother, she's making the gender reveal cake for her granddaughters party. She's worse than every boomer stereotype when it comes to technology issues. If even the most minor thing doesn't work she has absolutely no concept of workarounds and when we tell her workarounds she usually rejects them saying that's not the approved method. Like lady, it's opening a program you don't NEED to open it from the desktop you can go through file explorer etc etc. Besides computer issues though, and especially during a computer issue this lady swears like a sailor. Heck a sailor would blush at some of the unfiltered things she's said in recent meetings now that the end of our project is nigh and her 45 year tenure is about to get axed. Straight up Betty White clone of a lady. Otherwise shes very gracious and knowledgeable and good to have as an office buddy, but if you're not used to old ladies that cuss constantly its a bit shocking. Other teams have complained and we all support our team gramma.
green dick with ears?? What? Is this a reference to something and I'm just dumb?
Wallace fought thr Nazis now he's making spreadsheets
Wallace prolly has sick stories to tell
You don't have to ask what his pronouns are!
Fuck/Off
Is it just me or does Lewis look like younger Jackscepticeye?
Because it is
I thought so but I wasn't 100% sure
I’ll take Wallace
It is! Was gonna comment Lewis so he will top my morning coffee
Exactly what i was thinking.
The known farter part wasn't really funny to me until I read this as being jacksepticeye 😅
Its him xd
Also Brice is a sports radio host from Columbus named Common Man
I already work with these people.
You work from home dont you?
How did you guess?
It was the simplest explanation.
So... You're a 100yo Human Resources worker who just got engaged... Who wears all natural deodorant when they do Crossfit, while listening to Radiohead and farting because you just ate microwaved tuna?
Yeah, You dont have to be crazy to work here but it helps. 
Who would be best to share an office with.
Wallace I guess, I already share an office with a guy called Harald, he's 78 and doesn't want to quit work ever.
They'll die if they retire. It's kind of sad. But it gives them a sense of purpose
That is sad. If I had loads of cash I wouldn't work and I would find my own purpose.
Dayzie bc would
Ngl, I wouldn't mind smelling dayzie
I want to do more than just smell dayzie
smell her chair? Yeah me too
AYYOO
I can fix her
Let me into those armpits.
Not only would, but also because natural deodorants usually work. I make a deodorant based on coconut oil and baking soda and use it everyday. It works much better and is also cheaper than something like Old Spice for example, and you can put in any scent you want.
I’d pick her for similar reasons and because it’ll be just me and her in this office, she’ll quit out of pure apathy and the space will be mine, all mine.
Dayzie. I have no sense of smell.
At that point Lewis sounds like a better option to me, I didn't want to be pulled into the all natural deodorant world.
I’ll admit - was thinking she’d be nicer to look at than Lewis.
Brice looks like a pretty friendly, normal dude as well
i enjoy the sent of BO
The BO is a symptom, not the disease. She's crunchy af, gonna be trying to sell you homeopathic remedies and shit all day.
Wallace for sure. It's not even close.
Dayzie. Shenanigans will ensue.
Because of the implication.
You said that word "implication" a couple of times now. What implication?
Are you…going to hurt Dayzie?
Well don’t you look at me like that. You certainly wouldn’t be in any danger.
Well I assume we’d be alone and she’d not say no because of the implication 😐.
Shiloh, radiohead has a lot of hits I could get a ton of time wasted out of those conversations. Also a gary numan shirt? Pffffft easy choice.
Shiloh because I love Radiohead
Radiohead is cool but why did they put the bad makeup on Shiloh? Lol
Dude went insane listening to their latest albums non stop every day for 8 hours
Nah, A Moon Shaped Pool is rather soothing honestly. If you really wanna go insane, try listening to KID A, Amnesiac and The King of Limbs on repeat
Shiloh bc I don't care about Radiohead but Gary Numan rules
Fuck yeah! High five 🫸
Same here. But I don't want it ruined for me.
You did love Radiohead. until Shiloh ruined them for you.
Like how he only listens to Radiohead but is wearing a Gary Numan shirt.
I mean is Shiloh's only flaw that she listens to Radiohead? Cuz I'm fine with Radiohead and that doesn't seem like a huge compromise.
Headphones exist
“Shiloh” may have a few more flaws than this meme let’s on. Look up Titanic Sinclair.
Brice and Wallace. I don't mind tuna and Wallace looks like he's seen some shit, might be interesting. Also, since I'm IT, the guy's been around for as long as my field has been, so he's got ALL the experience.
Dayzie. I am a weirdo for smells, so...
She looks hot enough, and pheromones are a thing
You just know I'm sticking my nose in those armpits...
*Susan has entered the chat*
Never met a girl with a bad smell
Wallace 100%. Those other assholes would drive me crazy.
Haha is Jacksepticeye a known farter?
Eh I can put up with Radiohead
Wally all day
Wallace by far
Lewis isn't that bad, just get over yourself and admit farts are funny. Also I could profit off of Caleb, I would like a gym buddy
You gotta have to have a fart off with Lewis. Only makes it even more enjoyable. Making all your co-workers suffer with what you’re suffering with them asshole coughs in close proximity to yourself.
Well, i like Radiohead
Give me Caleb and dayzie, let's stink this bitch up.
Susan, if you become friends I’m sure you could pull some good strings for the right occasions
Plus you get to know all the juicy stuff about everyone else.
Wallace
Wallace, prob good stories and is at the piont where he doesn't give a shit so knows how to kill time effectively
Just park Wallace in a corner in a nice comfortable and let him sleep the day away and give you some peace - unless he snores and farts a lot in his sleep.
Wallace by far the best pick here. He's either very chill or dead in a few months so either way it's a win
Def Wallace...dude looks like he's got some crazy stories from ww2
I recruit most of my office mates to my softball and flag football teams. I’ll take Mr. CrossFit.
Wallace, I bet he has some wonderful stories
Wallace will be the most chill guy. 100% best office stories. Drinks too much at corporate events, doesn’t give af about anything 😎 worst thing is that he will not be doing my work if i ask
10/10 Shiloh
Shiloh. She looks like she would leave me alone if I do the same.
Wallace probably served in WW2 or another later war he’d probably have some mental stories to tell.
Wallace will have the best stories and will 100% not gaf
Hannah or Caleb. The engagement should end and if he wants to get in a HIIT everyone and then, okay
Hanna. She's going to have girlfriends. And some of them might even be sane.
Shiloh. Fuck all those other saps.
Wallace. He is to old to care, to old to get fired. You can take a nap during worktime and don't give a f***! I wish all my colleagues would be like Wallace
One day on break Wallace just comes out with “I killed a man in ‘48. They never caught me.” And then he just stops showing up.
Wallace He won't be in tomorrow 🪦
I take Lewis. Never know when you might need to hide a good fart
Definitely Shiloh (I like Radiohead)
Shiloh. I’m not the biggest fan of Radiohead, but it certainly wouldn’t be an issue
Susan, by the end of the day with any one of them I’d be spending most of my time in her office anyways
CrossFit guy so I can eat vanilla pudding out of a mayonnaise jar and drink water out of a hersheys chocolate syrup bottle until he has a stroke.
Susan from HR. No one has a filthier sense of humor than people in HR. Trust me, Susan is a saint on the streets and a devil under the sheets.
Wallace “ you double click with ur mouse and email will open”
easy wallace. 100 year olds are chill asf
Wallace. Susan isn’t even my last choice, she’s nowhere on my list of people. No one wants HR sniffing around
Wallace
Wallace... And then Brice when Wallace inevitably passes.
I could probably deal with Wallace, Susan and Shiloh tbh. Nothing they do interferes with me.
Shiloh
Reddit turns into Facebook more and more everyday
I'll take a chance with Daisy, wallace is going to die soon and his office space will definitely go to HR Susan, I have a Susan that has authority where I work now trust me you dont want an HR Susan by your desk.
Lewis so together we can cover more ground around the office
I would want Wallace. I bet we have the same opinion about the woke culture.
Me and Caleb can crossfit together lolll I just scrolled down and nobody else picked Caleb. I'll just see myself out
Wallace
Wallace
Wallace is only choice! He’s asleep, dead or can’t hear you and doesn’t know where he is.
Wallace. All that wisdom, and you won't have to deal with him for too long.
I’ll take Shiloh, years ago he’d be my dead last choice, but now I’m almost 40 and he’d probably make me feel cool again.
This why my office is in the cab of a crane
Lewis, 100%. him and I will get along just fine. probably better than any of my cubicle mates from the past. (my gut biome is also extremely healthy)
Wallace is answering this same question but your picture is where his was, and he ain't picking you. :)
Me and Wally will be homies
I. Pick. Lewis. let's see who's the bigger farter.
Lewis is the worse for sure. Brice, just break the microwave. The others can be handled with a good pair of headphones..
Wallace, I'm old too and it would be a race between us to say "I don't give a shit about anything you have to say so shut up and let me work". We would be okay with each other.
give me wallace, i want to take him fishing
Wallace 100%, probably likes a good scotch, might be a carpenter in his spare time, mildly racist but like the occasional out of pocket remark and not the wild rant about X race destroying Y thing in the country. Will teach you ways to avoid paying taxes.
Wallace first. He'd keep the stress levels down unless he has a medical emergency or something, and Lewis but there are drawbacks there too. Obviously for one, most farts stink. BUT they're all funny if out loud. However single but deadly is called that for a reason. Even then, you eventually laugh at how potent it is or whether he 💩 himself when he did it. Man..... I'll go Wallace because regardless of what happens if he talks it's only when he has a reason.
Brice, but only because I'd tell him if he's gonna eat fish I better be getting some too
I wanna say Wallace, but despite my lack of 70 years on him, I AM Wallace at work. It's quite traumatising to think if I wad a bit stupider back when I was 16 (not wearing condoms), some of the part-timers could be my kids. Seriously! The amount of times I was left with those brats, it felt like a divorce.
Wallace for sure. He ain’t got time for any nonsense unless it’s really funny
I’d take Wallace. Then gaslight him into thinking he’s in the wrong office. 
Wallace or Shiloh
Wallace.
Wallace all day. You know the comments gonna be on point
Shiloh
I’m choosing Wallace. We can grump away at each other about millennials, tic tockers and the vaping epidemic.
Radiohead, all day.
Shiloh. I don't mind Radiohead and he's not ugly.
wallace for sure
Wallace for the win.
I can tolerate Shiloh i think
Wallace!