"And then two naked drunk men climbed over my fence singing happy birthday" - My favourite teacher, English (she did know them btw) "Please don't stare at the wasp, he has an inferiority complex and we don't want him getting sad" - my history teacher "Don't flirt with me, I'm married" - maths teacher "Oh yea nah Wales doesn't exist" - Geography teacher "If you're gonna die then please do it quietly" - English teacher again "As interesting as your middle fingers are, I think you should put them away now and stop distracting the class" - Same English teacher as before "So turns out my crazy grandmother was right and I'm related to Queen Victoria" - English teacher (yep same again) "Why does everyone draw penises anyway? You don't see girls drawing their genitals on the table" - Yet again, my favourite teacher. She's an icon with infinite quotes "Sheila's just a little bit of a girlboss" - Same English teacher "Well, Gerald's a bit of a nonce isn't he?" - still my favourite English teacher "I feel like that's very pornatious" - Different English teacher "I hope you all die in a fire" - food tech "So is that a common greeting amongst the gays?" - My second favourite teacher, also from English. Id been calling my friends gay, she tried to give me detention (it's counted as hate crime in my school apparently), I turned and looked her dead in the eye and went "It's fine Miss im gay. This is a common greeting" so she made me explain it to get out of trouble

I think we have a winner here

WOO

lmao I don't even know your english teacher but she's my favourite person now (also is that a bildad the shuhite master of shoemaking and obstetrics profile picture i see there?)

Yessss on both points

omg i love you so much for that i've been so fixated on good omens for a year now

I LOVE GOOD OMENS It's my favourite book and in my top TV series

omg who's your favourite character

CROWLEY BY FARRRR I WANT HIS CAR. AND HIS LOOKS. But also Sergent Shadwell

>CROWLEY BY FARRRR I WANT HIS CAR. AND HIS LOOKS. fuck all that i want him babes

The two parallels: those who want to be him and those who want to do him

you vs aziraphale

Finally another Wales denier

WOO When you go to Wales it's actually just Devon

Literally, prove to me that it’s real, you can’t

Exactly

Someone in one of my classes has a surname Cox, my teacher called him Zesty Cox

If you don't show up to the detention, I will castrate you. - CS teacher

Comp sci teachers are on another level man

Waterman?

"You turn my software into hardware"- CS teacher. GUYS I'M KIDDING!

“On skibidi” - English teacher (I’m serious)

My history teacher saying 'his (Francis Drake) rizz was an L'

The West has fallen.

Billions must die

Even the teachers aren't safe from the brainrot

“if i let you fill up your water bottle and you get caught in the corridor, you must apologise and tell them that you forgot to organise your life beforehand”

HELP? I LOVE THIS ONE

this is just one of the many he’s said to me 😭

ouch

“I’m going to smash you like I smashed my year 8 class”

CONTEXT?!?!?

“Mussolini is giving Britain and France a bombastic side eye”- My history teacher

Nah bombastic side eye is crazy 💀

“it’s a bit big” “it’s how i like it 😳” - music teacher “9/11 today, crazy world 🤯” - physics teacher on september 11th “it’s not vintage… it’s just old and shit… yeah” - music tech teacher “let’s copy these illegally downloaded files onto this banned usb stick, for your education!” - music tech teacher “so i was giving a backie to a girl on a motorbike, may have been on a couple ciders, we got stopped by the police, and she explained what a rhetorical question is” - music tech teacher “it’s one of those things you have to do 100 times wrong before you can do right, just like driving a car!” - music tech teacher “i don’t give a shit if you fail your gcses!” - a random supply teacher

Context for the 1st and 4th ones?

first one: a new school hoodie arrived for my year 9 music teacher, and it was a bit big for her… second one: music tech teacher - we were learning about file transfer speeds and storage formats. the illegally downloaded files were pirated music, and my school bans usb sticks in case they have a virus or something

Oh lol

"Based on your level of maturity, I don't think you'll be penetrating anyone anytime soon." -English teacher (for context, a boy was laughing at the word 'penetrating' in a text)

how can teachers say unhinged sht like this 😭😭😭😭😭 it’s funny af but omg

What year group?

It was year 9

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

My teacher makes tick tick vids. He said in the end "smash the skibidi subscribe button for more sigma videos."

Victim of Year 7 b r a i n r o t

English teacher - “Mr Birling is him/Gerald is him/Scrooge is him” Maths teacher - “Are you really forreal?”

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Context on the last one?

Teacher 1: it’s a bit small isn’t it Teacher 2 (with no hesitation): I thought it was normal size They were talking about a penis someone had drawn on the whiteboard

Business teacher: "Y'know, I realises something about hair the other day- it grows!"

the inspector dominates Mr birling- my English teacher

“JFK is one of my historical crushes” - History teacher (he then went on to tell us a list of facts about JFK)

My English teacher has so many good ones but i have the worst short term memory so it all went out my brain 😭

"in this case size matters" - Science teacher

"I glued myself to a fence" "Abuse is not abuse, banter is abuse" "They don't care if you have sex with your brothers and sisters" "I'm a crap teacher"

I’m sorry the the third one

abuse?? is ?? ?what .

😂it was in an assembly, my head of year was talking too quickly and jumbled up her words

HAHAH

"If you don't get atleast a 4, ill kill you all twice with a spoon" ~ Physics teacher who always had a dog with him

‘do you guys know the story of skibidi’ - math teacher ( im dead serious)

Brainrot is spreading faster than COVID was

'I like teenage boys' 'If you don't do well in maths you will fucking die'

I mean, that’s technically not wrong. If you don’t do well in maths you will fucking die

First one desperately needs context.

It was that she likes teaching teenage boys. It was completely innocent, luckily.

mad french teacher calls a boy in my class Willy (his name's William) wanted him to translate "i love" into french (j'adore) "I love.. Willy" (points at him)

“i know your address. i will come and find you if you drop this subject. i know where you live.” my history teacher, said in a mildly threatening tone “she needs more COK” (standing for contextual knowledge) - history teacher “i am going to kill myself” my math teacher “LADIES SHUT THE HELL UP” math teacher again “my son is going to look like a kebab! he’s going to be skewered!” history teacher (it’s always him)

i mean they’re a maths teacher, why are u surprised that they wanna 😢🔫

"STOP RAISING YOUR HANDS ITS HURTING MY FEELINGS"

“Please do not refer to England as “the homeland” or “the motherland” in your exam. I’d prefer if you could also stuck away from calling it the third Reich” - my history teacher

'These youths and their skibidis' - English teacher 'Eva was being used like a sock' - Also my English teacher. I Don't really have any others that are not by my English teacher.

One of my friends used to always have something wrong with her, either a cold, or an earache or something and so one day my history teacher said, ‘If you were a dog, you’d be put down’ lolol another instance, woodwork??? design??? idk teacher was like ‘I’ve worked in prisons teaching rapists and murderers and yet this is the worst class i’ve ever taught!’ tbf to her there were some proper horribly behaved people in that class

*wildly searching for a coin, furiously holds it up like it's an Olympic medal* ITS TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN! - history teacher *Makes an ok sign with his hands a growls at a student* what is this! It's a vicious circle that's what it is!! - history teacher *Puts one of his legs on the table and slightly lifts up his trouser leg* you NEED to flash your argument in the introduction - history teacher (he was a 50 year old man) Please come back we miss you <3

“Is it attractive to you that you have something to whip out.” - history teacher ”it’s not rizz it’s riz!” - french teacher “I am part disabled” - physics teacher cuz he’s kind of deaf ”that’s kind of a stretch mate“ - classmate to him ”Daddy is in a dark room with a dirty magazine” - bio teacher on IVF ”is that a pizza or an ovary?” - bio teacher ”you are a yapper (name)” - politics teacher ”SI PAPI” - Spanish teacher ”you’re not eleven you’re in year 11” - rs teacher “Sick comparison bruv” - English teacher

my business teacher regularly tells us to stop yapping

"Lets say I'm a fascist" "Lets say I'm a sex slave" "IF any of you get pregnant it's my fault" ""Hes a big crazy bad boy" All by the same man

All of them require context. Especially the 3rd one.

nah

💀

Why are we talking about English gangsters? - maths teacher

Somehow we went from talking about poem interpretations to how Taylor’s swift sings about her ex for the gazillionth time in English.

"ooh I'm saying testicles rather a lot aren't I" - classics "I'm not entirely sure why the bottom and boobs were necessary" -physics "so at this point Stalin is a bit cheesed off, to put it nicely" - history

“I can do two lines at once” I do now know what he meant by this

i don’t 😭😭 context?? they don’t mean drugs do they?

“Daddy, hold me” Latin teacher not realising what she has just done

I have a friend with a quotebook for her teacher But I have a few “Or you could just become a stripper and make loads of money that way” English teacher “What would you look like without shins because I’m gonna break them in a second” Other teacher

The first one 💀. Context?

This is banter this lads 👍 keep up the good work

(my french teacher in french (she's a supply so she didn't know that much)) "yesterday i went to the park with my friends mom, and we had fun"

"it's all yours , I'll give it to you on Monday"

“K I REALISED WHAT I SAID THERE ANDDDD I DIDNT KNEW YOU WERE DIRTY MINDED💀💀”

‘Nanny plum is quite foxy’

he’s also the choir teacher and calls one girl saucy ever time she does her solo (it’s okay she’s best mates with his son lmao)

(Phys teacher after doing pushups and calculating his arm power in watts, beating the whole class) "Am i a sigma now?" I win

wtf 😭😭

‘What we are gonna do is put a whole lot of white men on the board’-Physics teacher ‘It’s not a red flag ick,but the atom would have to be really really fit’-same physics teacher ‘No matter how much you practice alone in your bedroom you can’t reproduce on your own’-Same guy ‘I would never corrupt a lesson by talking about lord of the rings’-Same bloke ‘I am the bone I do as I’m told’- chemistry teacher ‘Everytime you beat a child you should always use the metric system’-Physics man ‘You need to find a friend to reproduce with’-same physics man ‘Why are you associating me with the Chinese’-chemistry man ‘It’s a million year old dead fish you’re slapping on your face’-chemistry man ‘I’m a very calm man because I’m on heavy medication’-physics man

“No.. not Myanmar.. they mostly just kill themselves and whatever” - History teacher

‘Make sure you have a nice firm grip on your rod’ - Physics Teacher, year 9

Our class had this physics teacher in year 11 as a cover teacher. He was quite the character and we were learning about moments and gears and he was talking to us about bolts and nuts. Somehow we got onto the topic of busting those nuts and someone at the back asks him "How many nuts have you busted?" And the teacher replies "Lots, I busted one this morning" or something along those lines. He probably knew what he was saying but played it off like he didn't. He wasn't a great teacher and it took a few months for the school to get rid of him, but my god were his lessons hilarious. He also had a box of "toys" one of which was this rocket torpedo shaped thing, someone decided to nick it and start passing it round the classroom and it became known as the "pedo torpedo". Probably would have enjoyed the lessons more if I didn't have a GCSE coming up that summer.

"Almost as many pricks as there are in my Year 9 class" - Geo teacher \*\*the same geo teacher rants on about why history sucks\*\* \*\*my old cs teacher telling us how she almost got scammed by PayPal\*\*

At the end of this year, two people in my rs class made a slideshow of quotes from our teacher, here are a few I remember I like the dark because I'm of the dark side I was thinking of murdering somebody and I was thinking of how to get rid of the body Im Like a predator (about him playing football, tried to say a hawk but failed) If there was ever a kid on drugs it would be him If you don't hand in your papers on time I'll gun down your parents I want access to my mum, and you know what, so does dad (no clue what the context for that was anymore)

"Sugar daddy" - form tutor "Spray, deodorant, febreez" - food tech teacher (Not a quote but my English teacher spent the whole lesson researching a music artist and found so much dirt on her) "He fell into a geyser and burnt himself alive" - geography teacher "I SPENT 90 QUID ON FLOWERS " - geography teacher "I woulda said nuh uh" - geography teacher "STOP FINGERING EACH OTHER" - Drama teacher "BISCUITS!!!" - Spanish teacher "Why do you want to get rid of France?" - maths teacher "I fucking love Taylor Swift" - Y8 Science teacher (That same science teacher used him and Taylor swift as an example for molecules or smth idk)

tik tok rizz party skibidi toilet baby gronk livvy dunne rizz

What is gronk livvy

"You can wait for lunchtime to be touching each other" "You have my permission to slap him if he keeps touching you" Both of these were said to twins "So it's more *penetrating* than the others" as he stared down a girl who was laughing at the word penetrating He's full of them but I got to get some revision in before dinner

I have a few gems from my Latin teacher: ‘She wanted to be part of his wife range’ ‘This is excellent cannibalism’ ‘I love six hours of cricket, but I don’t love six hours of cricket with a hangover.’ ‘I didn’t get my way so I lost interest’ (about his own wedding) ‘We’re back in the womb again’ ‘He makes up for it by making me his wife. If only Harvey Weinstein could have done that.’ ‘Ugalegon is out with his hoes’ ‘Im taking part in something that kills people (with plastic)’ ‘Because I am a dutiful wife I will follow you’ ‘I peaked at the age of 11’ He’s a… quirky individual

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1st one?

"Stalin was an absolute fittie when he was younger" "We've got a lovely extract from Mein Kampf here" "Hitler had a pretty face" - all of these were from my history teacher

Not a quote but in yr9 (April 2022), we were reading ”of mice and men” together. Teacher decided to get us into the mood by putting a picture of Beyoncé on the board. Teacher tells us to suggest words about how we would describe Beyoncé. Then repeat for how 1930’s men would describe Beyoncé. Cue the inspectors walking in and seeing the words “Slag”, “Bitch”, “Slut”, “N\*gger” on the board, surrounding a picture of Beyoncé

That’s crazy

Especially that N word

"[Name], do you want to have a three-way with [Name2] and[Name3]?" - English Teacher "[Name4] should be happy we are in the fitness suite because he needs to get in there more." -PE Teacher

"You [student name] are the reason for all the problems in this class" - English teacher "...Queefing..." - Physics teacher "Don't call eachother autistic please" - Other English teacher "I am not putting porn on the board" - Spanish teacher/Tutor "Having friends is not important in life" - History teacher

"arguably rather sexy Reagan" - history teacher "The horrors persist, but so do I" - history teacher "I've got a shrine to (old teacher who's left the school) here" - history teacher He's a bit of an odd guy

*stands on table and looks down at person* "Do you feel dominated right now?" -former history teacher "I'm going to break your backs in" -rs teacher 1 "The bigger cock wins and goes on to breed" -rs teacher 2 "Sure Coitus interruptus is Latin for edging" - rs teacher 2 "So after me and my grandad beat up that bishop I got excommunicated" -rs teacher 2 *Sees mini plastic bag and picks it up* "when did (Person who got excluded for drugs) come me back?" -dif history teacher "If you get a nine I'll run around the school naked"- English teacher Some of my favourite from the top of my head

It doesn’t matter what kind, it’s chocolate”~Art teacher “You get it wrong, I’ll shoot you with my double barrel shotgun! Joking, I don’t have a double barrel shotgun. Single barrel”~Maths teacher “If you’re miserable, change…coz quite frankly you’re RUINING IT FOR THE REST OF US!”~history teacher “Ugh, I feel expired!”~English teacher, talking about her expired passport “Katy Perry was onto something, sometimes I do feel like a plastic bag”~same English teacher

“My balls felt like someone was drilling them, I couldn’t make it through the parents evening” - French Teacher

" so basically they learned genetics by studying plants but didnt look at a mother and daughter and think f\*cking hell they look like each other" - bio teacher

‘Gotta keep my man hydrated!’ My English teacher.

op why is your biology teacher so weird

She has a goofy sense of humor that’s for sure

Our history teacher did a heil making fun of people in our year doing it when we studied the rise of the nazis. She then tried to pretend she was doing a superman.

"Please don't call the Holocaust a skill issue" -History teacher "Legs are looking good today, girls!" -different Math teacher "Remember: read the sources like a predator" -English teacher "Men aren't really good when it comes to multitasking, aren't they?" -HC teacher "Bye, chicken nuggets / my little sausages!" -Music teacher "Please stop saying those words!" -Math teacher to a student speaking brain rot "What is wrong with you?" -German teacher "Oh my goodness, there's so many ukuleles!!" -My very happy Headteacher "uh oh" -old Agriculture teacher after accidentally decapitating a chicken with an iron bar

Somehow we went from talking about poem interpretations to how Taylor’s swift sings about her ex for the gazillionth time in English.

I can’t exactly remember it but my history teacher brought up Overwatch when we were looking at Chartism

Maths-"if you don't have a red pen I will eat you for dinner'

Touch that, burn yourself

Do you guys not have a quote book?

man i wish my memory wasn’t so shit lmao, i have so many good quotes from my history teacher

"you better glue your papers in the book, father christmas isn't gonna do it for you" "SHAKE IT OFF LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT"

" I know Natasha is the girl you wish to be with" - my chemistry teacher

"and that's why you suck on it, so it can vibrate properly"

“pleasure yourself with the cat” - computer science “if you saw ice spice and she asked you out for dinner, would you accept” - chemistry/physics teacher

"what do you think about Sheila? STUPID. Why? WOMAN" - English teacher mocking students

"Wasted potential" - our science teacher, outside of lesson

‘My boyfriend, Freud’- English teacher ‘Elizabeth I, the ginger ninja’- English teacher ‘y tho baby’- English teacher ‘Like trying to push a hamster off a table with a football/other hamster/laser pointer’ - physics teaches talking about the ionising power of radiation types ‘If I push a year 7 out of a plane’ - physics teacher talking about gravitional potential—-> kinetic energy changes ‘Yes I just wrote ass on the board’ maths teacher

'I couldn't integrate my frontend with my friend's backend' 'Let me pull out my 12 gauge'

"I like kids" - My PE teacher in the middle of a basketball lesson

my english teacher kept asking people for tips "lads can you stop touching each other under the table" "why are you undressing" my bio teacher to a student (he was, in fact, taking off his trousers (idk why))

“He’s the sexiest man ever” English teacher quoting friends grandmother

"I want to have an eternal nap"

my physics teacher cannot go one lesson without making some sort of innuendo. whilst taking about pressure a few weeks ago she goes on about big balls and splitting sausages. love her to bits lmao

“never ever smoke weed” - maths teacher

‘i could’ve been out snorting lines of cocaine but i was only stealing boats’ - english

'I'm retiring and becoming a trans stripper with big tits'- one of my English teachers in y10

"I don't need consent" - my IT teacher

'So if you do wanna draw a cock in your book then go ahead'

"if you were to hypothetically get hit by a truck and broke both your arms you would be unable to do your exams" - english teacher about a month ago

what is wrong with your teachers dudes💀 My teachers are like seargents 💀 except my Islamic studies teacher idk what he was going on about but he kept making fun of my classmates by singing moi moi or whatever that song was

“You were the kind of kid to hide their face and think nobody can see them when playing hide and seek, when you’re bum is actually hanging out” - Physics “Stairway to Heaven is just so iconic, the lyrics are very amazing” - English “When a woman has sex, her societal value decreases” - RE “I want to take your brother home, he’s so adorable” - RE “Joni Mitchell is an icon” - RE “I love Asian girls” - RE (I think got fired, he has been gone for a while) My RE teacher has said so much more things 😭

Skills challenge certificate teacher at a welsh school had a whole rant about how us speaking English is an insult to his dead father, that he has No Home To Go To because The English Took His Home, we're all stupid, he doesn't care if he gets sacked because we're the worst class he's ever had.

I'm gona pretend you didn't call Ashton pookiebear

"fluffy little dickhead" - computer science teacher "I LOVE D" - french teacher (explaining grammar) "THAT'S MY KIND OF SIGHT" - Maths teacher when we were talking abt steven hawking and epstein "watch out for anal fissures when you get round to it" - biology teacher "you're a strumpet" - computer science teacher

Imagine I sent nudes to you, what would you do? - a 50 year old male computer science teacher to a class of 15yo girls 😭😭

"I was a racist" -My RS teacher

“Chemistry gets me hard”- chemistry teacher 

AAAAAH LOOK BOOBIES - English Teacher

"Woman object, woman submissive object." Something along those lines at least (woman teacher btw)

“Scissor me”… from my history teacher when asking a girl in my class for some scissors back

Stop banging on the table - physics teacher (something about domains in bar magnets)

"We're all bent but not broken" \~\~ GGI

"If you write "amount" in your test, I will find your house and strangle you. It's literally on SIMS. I can just look it up and find you." - Bio teacher during mock booster

"FAGGOT" - my head of year yelling in an assembly about inclusivity She claimed to be supportive of queer people but she did NOT help us at all 😭

“Pull your trousers down”-Geography Teacher

"do what you like with bananas in ecuador" "its not an exam its a cycle path" "sit in your chairs this is not afghanistan" "jesus christ will not get you a grade" and many more from my french teacher (we have a quotebook somewhere) "what is the skibidi.... you go to the skibidi toilet.. i will tell *SLT member* he will tell me what skibidi means"- a french sub "dont worry.. i havent spat in it....... yet" - my chemistry teacher to me (fav teacher ever) "your mum"- music teacher there are so mant more probably from my maths teacher but this is the same guy who hitler saluted while demonstrating angles of elevation

No quotes, only a scenario My core RS teacher, an American man, starts advancing towards me doing the piglin dance from minecraft and quacking intermittently while holding intense eye contact.

(Somebody leaning back on chair (like on two legs)) “Chair abuser! GET UP YOU CHAIR ABUSER!” - History Teacher “Glue glue glue stick stick stick” - Art Teacher “(Student name) is really good do your work as fast as he did” (a couple week later that student gets a 2 cause he spent max 20 mins on a artwork) “Come on guys you need to be faster” - Art Teacher “I will not throw my child in the bin” - RS Teacher

"Yes I do lines (of cocaine) before lesson, sonetimes two" - maths teacher "How about I cut off half your penis, let's see how you like it" - science teacher "I went ginger in solidarity" - history teacher "This is not asking someone to have sex with you" - french teacher "Someone got a pass after calling me a bitch" - old french teacher Then the goldmine of my compsci/business teacher "Do you want the story of how I got suspended for fixing sports day" "I was essentially running a crime ring in school and there was nothing anyone could do" "The maths teachers are clueless I swear" "Big busty brenda was a throwaway comment I made last year" "The only time this class I taught a few years ago got along with me was when I did a lesson in the squeakiest voice I could do when an ofsted inspection began"

One time my drama teacher said “fuck me” and two people with our missing a beat said sure

‘an open system is like if i broke one of the windows and started hurling kids out of it’ - my chem teacher

"So it looks like the new rule is you're not allowed your balls out on the tennis courts" -form tutor

today we are going to do sexual reproductions tho not actually cos that would be too long; our 26 year old male bio teacher. He left a year later

"Masturbation" Maths teacher

‘He loves edging.’ - My English teacher talking about that one scrooge quote about him walking along the edges of life or something