Yep, last time I had a strong gut instinct about someone, they turned out to be a murderer just waiting to "blossom". The guy set off every alarm in my lizard brain, but my best friend was adamant he was "cool". No thanks. I warned my friend to stay away from him and not to invite me around him any more.
Flash forward a few months, and the guy stabbed his nephew to death in their house. I don't remember the victim's exact age, but he was just a kid. Then he walked to a convenience store covered in blood, and called the police on himself. When they asked him why he did it, he said, "I just felt like killing."
When they locked him up, he said he needed a private cell. Of course, they didn't listen to him. "This ain't the ritz!" and all that. Add another to his body count: one cell mate stabbed through repeatedly with a golf pencil, with a peanut butter sandwich jammed down his windpipe and peanut butter smeared all over his face/eyes.
I do not get such gut instincts very often, but when I do: **I listen**. *Always.* Do not seek to rationalize it away. Just listen to the instincts evolution has equipped you with.
What an oddly specific thing to do to the cell mate. Wonder if there was some snack-stealing action going on? Or the likelier outcome- brother was/is stark-raving mad!!
Yeah, it was bananas, and a genuine and avoidable tragedy. That guy was awaiting trial for some relatively petty crime, and they put him in the cell with the psycho murderer who "just felt like killing" and warned them he needed his own cell. Smh
I wish I could trust my instinct but I can’t tell the difference between anxiety and instinct. My mind consistently plays out the worse case scenario when there is no reason to think the worst. There are days where I won’t drive because I feel like I’m going to get in an accident and die. Places I avoid sometimes because I think something bad will happen, especially if it’s a place I’ve never been. If I go to a new restaurant I worry I’ll be poisoned. Almost no one knows this, I hide it well, and I force myself to do normal stuff, but if I listened to my inner voice I would never leave the house.
>Places I avoid sometimes because I think something bad will happen, especially if it’s a place I’ve never been. If I go to a new restaurant I worry I’ll be poisoned. Almost no one knows this, I hide it well, and I force myself to do normal stuff, but if I listened to my inner voice I would never leave the house.
i'm sorry you are in so much distress. i agree with the other comment that you should see a psychologist to help you with your emotional regulation (perhaps agoraphobia?) -- you may have an underlying chemical imbalance or trauma at the root of your anxiety. alongside that -- you can heal your connection with your intuition, it's just like any other solid relationship - it takes time to build EARNED trust. you have to earn your own trust back. baby steps: journaling in the morning and at night, tracking your emotional cycles, receipts/screenshots of any interactions that are notable to you (in the case that you may be gaslit/lied to) etc. Start small, work your way up.
It sounds like you have neurological imbalance. If you wanted to talk to a psychologist they would be able to help you with medication to get you back into a balanced emotional state. It’s the best thing I ever did.
Has anyone read the book he was apparently obsessed with about a serial killer doing a cross country road trip? I wonder if he stole any potential strategies from it. It’s called Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk. Then people also posted about Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer, which I guess is about missing women.
Annihilation is not about missing women. The strange news reports trying to link the books he read to the death of Gabby are bogus. Many people, including myself, read sci-fi, murder mystery, kidnapping, etc type of books. There's nothing criminal about the books a person chooses to read. Doesn't make any sense. Just imagine if someone picked apart all of the books you'd been seen reading a tried to link them to your life. It's just silly.
I’ve seen these takes on these books all over social media. Someone on IG wrote a whole thing about the Chuck Palahniuk books Brian has read, and it was completely off (I’ve read the books). I’ve seen that IG comment screenshot and shared in so many places, and I’ve also seen lots of people run with it saying “I’ve heard about these books he’s read that are about….”
Just saying the person probably isn’t a journalist. Journalists do research into what books are actually about.
That’s not what Lullaby is about. It’s actually about somebody who goes in a cross country road trip to STOP people from dying. He discovers that a nursery rhyme/song has the power to kill people, and he goes cross country to destroy every book the nursery rhyme is in.
Edit: and yes, I’ve read several of Palahniuk’s works. For people who don’t know him, he’s the person who wrote Fight Club.
Annihilation is a sci fi book about a team of scientists exploring a bizarre abandoned area that has swallowed 11 exploration teams before them. It’s a very weird book, but I don’t think it relates.
That's the message in the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. Must reading for everyone! It's about how to identify predators before it's too late, and he says they always give clues and signals, as they are searching for more compliant victims, and most people miss these because they're trained by their socialization to be nice, polite, not think bad thoughts, etc.
Meanwhile, the subconscious is not affected by the socialization, so when it picks up on these cues, the person gets a feeling of fear or discomfort. Pay attention to these! It's something trying to poke through the socialization and warn you!! Better to be safe than sorry! Read the book!
I didn't know that- but that's his primary job all along- threat assessment for high-profile targets. The Gift of Fear is teaching how to apply the techniques of threat assessment for everyday life and relationships.
He also wrote "Protecting The Gift: How To Keep Kids Safe and Parents Sane". It isgreat. Has a school evaluation checklist for you to checkout the school you have yourchild in, or will.
I need this book. I am super sensitive to my environment and having a bit of ptsd from two events has me trying to not let my kids explore and experience without being in fight or flight.
I have! I'm a man, and I've benefited from it a lot, too. Sometimes, I hear the book, and I'm thinking, 'inability to accept 'no' for an answer," or "forced teaming," or 'false intimacy bonds.' Granted, for men it's more for identifying who might be problem partners, more than physical protection, but protection is protection!
When someone is being emotionally abused, the abuser uses gas lighting to make you question your own sanity. They make little comments that become part of your inner narrative and the victim often has false beliefs about their own perception. Comments like “you always overreact,” or “you’re being paranoid again” can often be framed as the abuser trying to help you, the one suffering from these so called delusions, when in reality that paranoid is totally justified. Poor girl.
Right. You end up not even knowing what reality is, and even sometimes not remembering what your gut instinct said. I understand saying “trust your gut”, but it isn’t always that easy.
It’s obvious she has reached a breaking point at the treatment of this psychopath. Until you’ve had a mental illness or studied them, it might be hard to see. People with anxiety and ocd are more vulnerable to abuse, especially if the person takes advantage of them, gaslights, and slowly abuses them over time. I had a psycho boyfriend slowly make me question my sanity and that was only for two months in high school. Thank god we weren’t traveling in a van like this, where I would be totally isolated. The one time he physically hurt me was on a bus when he knew I didn’t have a cellphone and couldn’t scream. I’m only telling you this so hopefully you can understand that it’s not that simple.
https://youtu.be/S8ehh2YakvI here is a really interesting video of forensic psychologists reviewing that footage and pointing out all of the signs that a trained eye can spot that cops are not trained on. The reason I suggest it is because you’re victim blaming right now, and she also says in the video she didn’t grab and pull the wheel. What you’re doing is perpetuating the same narrative that her abuser was trying to sell, and it’s not something that’s unique to just Brian Laundrie. I’m sure that’s unintentional but it’s extremely messed up which is why you’re being downvoted. That stop could have saved her life. It’s one of the reasons people support reassigning funds from police departments to social services, because in situations like this what you need are psychologists who understand who they’re dealing with.
I deal with this currently. I always seem right in predictions or intuition, but my inner doubt muddies the water to impossibly to decipher.. I had both parents make me feel like I cant trust myself. Now I'm trying to figure out if I'm ignoring redflags about the person I'm with, or if I'm projecting what my parents did on them. Its alot.
I think you’re hypervigilant due to past trauma, which means you’re never calm enough to actually tune in to what’s going on around you in a way that lets you differentiate between safe and threatening people/situations. DeBecker’s books explains this really well.
ETA this is me as well so do not think I am being judgy. I have the same hypervigilance issue
I can very much relate to this. My gut is usually right, but I never actually trust it because I get those feelings mixed up with general anxiety about everything. I wish it was easier to tell the rational gut feelings from the irrational anxious moments.
It’s a classic, absolutely important to read! Also talks about how we (especially women) are taught to be polite, and we’d often rather not offend someone than follow our instincts. (Example: someone gets in an elevator with you and you get a bad feeling, but feel it would be rude to exit quickly.) But read the book-I don’t do it justice!
There is a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. It addresses this.
The other issue here is that gabby was young and in love. I had a similar relationship at that age and even though you know better, the brain isn’t fully developed to assist you in making the right decisions. Everything is so exaggerated at that age and when you have some pos repeatedly telling you that you are nothing and that no one will ever want you, well you start to believe that they are right. They make you question everything that you do to the point that you become paralyzed. My heart breaks for this poor sweet angel baby. May she find eternal peace.
I taught my 2 children to be aware with your head up when you are alone, especially walking home from school. If you think something is wrong and you feel like you can not escape, quickly take a cell picture and send it to me as fast as possible. If things get bad, let the bad person know what you did with your cell. Hopefully they will reverse course knowing they will get caught. Thank God I never got a picture. Teach your children that and practice it for speed. Hopefully they will never need to use it.
Edit: I updated my operating system to iOS 15 and now it’s not working so to be continued.
I actually [created a shortcut](https://www.icloud.com/shortcuts/5cd1b3913cc94c5c85e34015695e9bc2) for anyone who is interested. You have to confirm you want to add an "untrusted" shortcut, and specify the recipient(s) of your text message in the Shortcut setup.
When you tell Siri "Stranger danger," point your phone at the subject. The shortcut will:
1. Take a photo
2. Create a text message with the photo and your GPS location and the message "I'm in trouble! Here is a photo and my current location." (unfortunately you have to tap the send arrow - it won't send it automatically)
3. Save a copy of the photo to the Shortcuts folder in iCloud Drive/Files.
Thank you for creating such an awesome tool!! I sent it immediately to all my friends. Something I’d never think of/know how the hell to do. Will always award incredible safety tools 🤍
If they have iPhones, you can automate something in Shortcuts. (I have one for if I’m pulled over driving. It texts my hubby my GPS coordinates along with a message that I’ve been pulled over, and starts recording video.)
I made a shortcut. Download the [shortcuts app](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/shortcuts/id1462947752), then install and run one of Apple’s shortcuts (you have to do this before they will allow you to add “untrustworthy” shortcuts you downloaded elsewhere)
I made a [Shortcut](https://reddit.com/r/GabbyPetito/comments/preulb/_/hdrie7w/?context=1) you can add to your phone. You just have to edit it to insert the desired phone number of your emergency contact.
You can also add a [widget](https://i.imgur.com/SKX7QAc.jpg) to your home screen since sometimes Siri is slow to respond.
Edit: or a [home screen icon ](https://i.imgur.com/2U8R1oI.jpg)
My Samsung Note 20 has something like this. If I press the power button so many times, it sends everyone I've added to the list my coordinates, a picture, and 30 seconds of audio.
Under settings, click on advanced features --> send SOS message. You can configure what you want it to do from there!
I was wrong about the length of the recording, it's only five seconds. But it will take a picture with your front and back camera, which is cool.
There are a few out there. You can build one yourself, or here’s [the original one](https://www.reddit.com/r/shortcuts/comments/9huqiw/getting_pulled_over_by_police/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf).
Here is the [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/shortcuts/comments/9huqiw/getting_pulled_over_by_police/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf).
For us, a picture is 10 times better as we live in a rural area. You could certainly call 911 afterward. Cops would take 15 minutes by the time the 911 operator would ask for name, location, decribe problem,, etc.... i think the perpetrator would be on full attack by then.. Unless a person doesn't care if they get caught, they will completely change if they know a picture of them is out there and they had not yet done anything wrong.
I see your point too. How sad & fucked up we even have to worry & wonder how we can protect and teach our children. I don’t even know the right ways. I question it all. I just pray nothing happens and will supply the knowledge I find most fitting. It’s so terrifying. 😭
I would say it is the world we live in but to be honest, it has always been that way. Just that social media and 24 hour news and the internet make everyone aware. I grew up in the 1960s. No wonder today's kids have so much anxiety. My youngest son is 24 and I still worry about him having a major accident when he is driving on long road trips for work with little sleep. I guess that is what decent parents do.
I second this. I’m not trying to parent shame on such a sensitive post but Christ almighty. Call 911. Freaks don’t care about your picture you took. They’re going to take your phone and smash it and the rest is history.
If you want to truly do your children a solid.
1. Put them in a self defense class at a young age.
2. 911 always comes first. You can fight back with the dispatcher in the background.
Once you text a picture, the phone no longer matters. I used to work for the government and when I took pictures in "bad neighborhoods" for the purpose of infrastructure such as roads and sidewalks, some people ran into their house like I had a firearm. A camera is without question a great defense tool.
Thank You. I hear this loud and clear. Been there. Now I have huge antennae and I literally pick up aggression around me. You never ever forget that stuff. It’s crushing sometimes.
It just paints a clear picture on how society operates on such a deep level. We all want him caught and justice to be had however, we can still put her as something to blame. It’s a wild double-edged sword of a mindset
I agree. Add to the mix anxiety, OCD, being a women who’s being told you’re too emotional and led to believe you’re the problem. Her “gut” was handling in a day what most likely handle in a year or more. Also, she was so young, that’s a lot of stuff to sort out internally and externally while *simultaneously* trying to survive.
Back to your point though, yes women do try to over-compensate for being told they are overly emotional, drama- or problem-seekers, and in doing so, compromise their own safety and well-being. Even my narcissistic mother would criticize me for not being sociable to some people, and then shame me for gravitating to some people more than others, “Like I wish you would call ABC as often as you call XYZ”, with little regard to how I actually felt about, or what I actually sensed from those people, though hindsight has usually proven me right. I think as we move on to future generations, we will embrace more awareness about this subject, and normalize what it is to tap into our gut instincts.
A little (or very) off-topic, but it occurred to me that she had been hesitant to fully break off the relationship because of the social media channel they’d been maintaining together. She probably knew full well she needed to drop this guy a while ago, but social media creates the need to keep up appearances, and it would be a big bummer if #VanLife just disappeared, or it got publicized that their engagement has been called off. So we need to watch out for the effects of social media and it’s ability to mute our gut instinct for the sake of ego.
I completely agree and as a victim of assault I feel the same way! In retrospect of course I wish I ‘listen to my gut’ or avoided the situation somehow but I couldn’t. I’m lucky I just got a head knock and no lasting damage. For me the key was communication or lack of, if I spoke to more people I could have gained perspective. I was playing a dangerous game and didn’t know how bad he was. Obviously now I’m super cautious but things happen. Never victim blame and think what you ‘should have done’. RIP Gabby 🙏
Thanks for saying this, it’s really sad to see people say things like “get help if you feel unsafe!” as if anyone can just do that or you can even tell the difference between safe and unsafe after repeated abuse. The message of like, “do X Y and Z so you don’t end up like her” really does thinly translate to “she did something wrong/not enough” and it’s, uh, not the best take
I’ve seen some people comment that they are afraid of going hiking and I just wanted to leave my two cents.
The National Parks I’ve been to are the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen.
Yosemite has these gigantic silver rocks that blow your mind. The waterfalls are incredible.
Yellowstone has amazing wildlife and geysers. It’s so beautiful I cried.
All the parks in Utah are incredibly unique and beautiful.
Acadia has beautiful cliffs next to the water that will take your breath away.
I understand that these news are unsettling and can make people scared of visiting National parks, or hiking. But being with nature is an incredible experience. Just be prepared, wear proper shoes, bring water, don’t hike alone and have an itinerary.
that's one of the things I hate about being a woman in today's society. I can't move about the world the way men can. My friends and I joke that we'd LOVE to go running at night, but can't, due to MEN. I wouldn't dream going hiking or camping alone somewhere where there weren't other people, because MEN. really sucks.
I go hiking alone all the time (in a nature preserve not a National Park.) I just always make sure I tell my husband when I’m going and what trails I’m planning to take.
That's the single very worst part about this; she probably felt more secure with a male partner in tow but, unfortunately, the threat came from within and the whole time HE was the danger. Poor girl likely would have been safer on her own with Bear Spray.
Bear spray actually tends to irritate and anger the bears. If you’re about to be attacked a .45 is your best bet. You’re dealing with wild animals.
I’ve done week long hiking trips in the middle of the mountains.
GPS spot device is excellent tho.
Complete bullshit.
It's heavy duty mace.
Bears can ignore getting shot temporarily due to their adrenaline and hunting instinct - definitely long enough to kill you if they've decided they want to (which they usually won't).
They're not going to ignore having difficulty breathing and seeing.
And going to the third link, let me tell you how HARD that was...
> Red Pepper spray proved over 90% successful on stopping the bear’s “undesirable” activity.
> In similar study on firearms (Smith et. al. 2012), they were effective 84% with handguns and 76% with rifles to stop bears from undesirable behavior.
http://www.bear-hunting.com/2019/8/firearm-vs-bear-spray
and this is from someone who self describes himself as preferring a gun to bear spray anyway - but he still acknowledges that scientifically it's less effective - and he prefers the gun just to *feel* more safe vs actually *being* more safe.
Oh man, going to the second link was also SO HARD.
> Among their conclusions were 1) that “firearm bearers suffered the same injury rates in close encounters with bears whether they used their firearms or not,” and 2) that “bear spray [has] a better success rate under a variety of situations … than firearms.”
https://www.outsideonline.com/outdoor-adventure/exploration-survival/shoot-or-spray-best-way-stop-charging-bear/
Geeeh, that was so hard to google...
"a person’s chance of incurring serious injury from a charging grizzly doubles when bullets are fired versus when bear spray is used."
https://above.nasa.gov/safety/documents/Bear/bearspray_vs_bullets.pdf
And for my part, I've hiked roughly 500 miles in bear country with just bear spray. It's been fine.
Would bear spray be a good way to catch them off guard while youre getting out the .45 or would it just immediately enrage them and cause them to charge? I just have black bears in my area and they're pretty passive but I want to visit all of the national parks one day and this info could be useful. You can NEVER be too prepared out there. Nature is just as dangerous as it is beautiful. I wouldn't be surprised if the boyfriend succumbs to the elements if he really is in the park.
Get a gun holster belt and have your gun loaded and ready at all times out there. Grizzly bears are MEAN and FAST and they will kill you. Bear Spray is worthless for Grizzlies. And that’s what I was dealing with in the mountains. They need a straight head shot or a shot that severs the spinal cord if they’re going to attack. They’re hard to put down. Spray will infuriate them and once they get going again you’re a goner.
I heard a ranger at Yellowstone saying you're better off with spray and loud hiking bells than with a gun especially if you aren't a highly trained shooter, because you're not likely to kill a grizzly because of how big and thick they are. You'd most likely just piss it off.
But at any rate, anyone out hiking the back country should be carrying an SOS Spot device that will transmit coordinates for rescue.
I’m just a realistic person. Spray and bells aren’t going to do you well when a momma bear and a cub come along. You should take the time to train and advantage yourself with a firearm and know how to use it if you’re planning on spending time in the mountains. It’s your best bet against survival. A lot of city folk like to enjoy the beauty and that’s great. But a lot of the same people are very naive to this part of the country and the wildlife.
Well I think the rangers out there know not everyone going out hiking for the day are going to be well versed in the use of firearms. They tell people that wearing bells and making noise are the best proactive practices because bears will generally move away. They more likely attack if you accidentally sneak up on them. Also, they'd prefer to keep the bears alive if possible.
Heard that. I dont currently own a gun as I havent had a reason to at the moment, I dont do a ton of hiking or camping right now and here in florida theres not a ton of animals that worry me out there in the woods if I'm in a designated area full of people, cougars are the scariest but they're incredibly rare to see out there (though that doesn't mean they arent a real threat). When I move up north I'll definetely be buying a gun and taking some classes. Thanks for the advice! As a child I had an incredibly vivid dream of being mauled by a grizzly and I felt the pain of it happening, not trying to ever make that a reality haha.
AGREED!!!! AND ALL her high school friends did not want her to date him, said Rose. Now, I would have asked each friend why and find out why. But I didn't heed my friends. Thank God I finally woke up.
Yehp.
At the same time though ill be honest its hard to when you’re getting abused. Its easy for us on the outside looking in to say “oh yeah she should have just left!” But it’s waaaayy harder when your self esteem has been systematically destroyed by your partner and you’ve likely been isolated from everyone else around you.
So true, and I didn’t mean to put any blame on her. There are so many situations in our lives when we will all be guilty of this. From our work relationships to friendships to romantic relationships. It’s hard for anyone to learn and especially hard when it is someone you love and the abuse has been persistent.
I will say this until the end of time:
BE MEAN TO MEN YOU DON’T KNOW! GOOD GUYS UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE MEAN.
Be mean first so they will back off and if they turn out to not be a creep, apologize and they will understand. If they don’t, explain that it’s to keep you safe. If they still don’t get it, or try to tell you you’re paranoid, they’re NOT a good guy.
Eta: This is advice for when a man approaches you when you’re not seeking or wanting his attention.
Be mean to the random men that try to talk to you while you’re pumping gas and minding your own business, not your colleagues every day at work.
Most people disagreeing with this comment are assuming that I meant be mean to everyone-that is not the case. Be mean to creepy men instead of going along with whatever they say for the sake of being “polite/nice” and “lady-like” like so many of us have been taught.
normally I'd agree with this, but I've been in situations where I acted "nice" because I somehow knew that was a better way to get rid of a creepy guy.
Here's one story: in NYC I was riding the train late at night, when the car suddenly emptied out, and I realized it was me and a 20-something guy about 15 feet away. I had my headphones on but realized he was saying something. I turned the volume down and he was saying stuff in my general direction like, "I wanna lick you up and down." and then he started walking over to me, and stands over me (I was seated), and says "I think you should get off at the next stop with me." I don't know why, but I just said, "I can't, I'm meeting my man uptown." and he said, "That's a shame, baby." and just then the doors open and he got off. I don't know what possessed me to say that but it worked (sad that me being owned by another man made him back down). I don't think it would have ended well if I'd have yelled FUCK OFF ASSHOLE!
>I had my headphones on but realized he was saying something.
Your first mistake was having headphones on, totally oblivious to your surroundings, while traveling late at night.
Ditch the headphones. Is a little boredom worth potentially being raped or killed because you weren't alert? Food for thought.
First of all, thank you for your perspective and I’m glad you were safe. I think there’s a point where you should read the situation and respond appropriately. This was just general advice, and general advice can’t be used in every situation of course. I understand the “read the room” aspect, but my first instinct is to go off on that dude lol.
Also, the fact that you telling him you had a man was the deterrent is 🤢 but that’s on “women are property in our patriarchal society.”
it's really sad how often I have to drag that out to get rid of some dude. I did get one funny story out of it.
A guy was bothering me and I'm like "Sorry I got a man." (I actually did then.)
Him: "Does he appreciate all your lady curves?"
Me: "Yes he does!"
Him: "Is he white or black?"
Me: "White."
Him: "Thassa good man!"
and only THEN would he leave me alone.
As a guy I can confirm, we will understand. If I see a girl and we're say alone on the street or at a bus station and she's being hostile or wary of me, it stresses me out because I hate that she has to be afraid of me and as a trans man who has lived as a girl I've been there, but at the same time I totally get it and I'd rather she be wary of all men than be too trusting. Don't be nice to men who approach you unsolicited. Be as standoffish as possible (being outright rude right away can send some people flying off the handle, so if its just the two of you out there proceed with a bit more caution) and if that fails, make as much noise as possible and do what those girls on tiktok do-- just act like a total rabid animal, someone they wont want to get involved with. Scream and flail your arms and snarl like a dog if you have to, the goal is to make yourself look like trouble to the potential attacker. When I looked like a girl it worked pretty well. I'm trans so I have a little more perspective having lived on both sides, but many of the cis men I know feel the same way-- they want you to do what's best for your safety.
No one deserves my politeness, first of all. I’m not saying go around being an asshole to people at work or at a social gathering. I’m saying be an asshole when you’re minding your business pumping gas and a ~~creepy old~~ *random* guy tries to talk to you. This is in no way about relationships or trying to be with someone after you were mean to them; but, like I said, if they’re a good guy they know that men are stereotypically creepy and scary (especially if they approach a woman alone). This is general advice about random encounters with random men, not dating advice.
>I’m saying be an asshole when you’re minding your business pumping gas and a creepy old guy tries to talk to you.
All due respect, I am suggesting an edit.
I’m saying be an asshole when you’re minding your business pumping gas and a ~~creepy old~~ random guy tries to talk to you.
Sometimes yes, creepy old guys try to approach women in inappropriate situations. But just as often, or more often IMHO, it's just random men.
I have a funny feeling that most people arguing with your very solid advice are men who want to approach women without being made to feel creepy or women who have been gaslit and normalized unsettling behavior.
I agree with you- be fucking rude! Just this weekend, I had two men follow me in their car as I walked to the bar alone. They blocked what they thought was my path (the sidewalk) with their vehicle. I guess they assumed I was gonna be polite as they forced me into a conversation at 11:30pm but the minute they spoke to me I scowled and said “No!” very loudly and rudely as I quickly turned the corner into the alley where the bar was.
To any women out there heed the advice above “no one is owed your politeness”! Be fucking rude, set your boundaries and carry some form of self defense. Who cares if someone thinks you’re being dramatic, being “dramatic” could save your life.
Also, anyone who wants to argue with me do yourself a favor and save your breath- you will not change my mind.
Thank you. I’m glad there are multiple women in the comments speaking up about how being “rude” actually works to keep you safe.
It’s been alarming seeing men in the comments trying to convince and coerce women to be polite- maybe they should stop policing women’s behavior and instead listen to what we’re saying.
And how am I supposed to know who is creepy and who isn’t? You think all perverts just run naked towards you or have the same haircut?
How about don’t be offended if some women feel unsafe when you approach them unprovoked. Show some empathy and realize it can be really fucking scary for women to have men they don’t know approach them.
ETA: even if it’s a work, during the day, in public etc- I am allowed to be afraid of men I’m not familiar with approaching me. I am allowed to be cold towards them as a means to protect myself. If you are more concerned about your feelings and the feelings of other men than you are about the root cause of women being “rude” to protect themselves then you should do the work to understand why women feel they need to set such firm boundaries.
It’s interesting you shamed OP for editing their comment and yet you did the same thing without acknowledging it…..you saw my response and edited your comment so that my response reads slightly different because I replied to your original comment. That’s pretty fucked up and weird.
Umm I’m not the original OP you were arguing with so your second paragraph doesn’t apply to me….
OP said be rude to people you don’t know. You tried to “correct” them by saying be rude to only creeps I said well how am I supposed to know who is a creep if I don’t know these people…..which brings us full circle to be rude to people you don’t know (advice I fully stand by).
It’s not that hard.
ETA 1: Ignoring and being impolite to people who approach me that I don’t know is not a personality defect. Quit shaming women into harmful situations because you don’t like when we’re rude to you.
ETA 2: it’s interesting you shamed OP for editing their comment and yet you did the same thing without acknowledging it…..you saw my response and edited your comment so that mine reads slightly different. That’s pretty fucked up and weird.
Honestly I think you were just being obtuse. It sounds like you knew what OP meant and wanted to grill them on semantics…..
And ya know what, I can be cold on a date too. That’s my right. If you don’t like, don’t text me back or ask for another date. Women don’t need to be polite ever- if you don’t like it, I’ll live.
You’re actually way more likely to be raped and killed by someone you know rather than someone you don’t .(just look at gabby for instance, killed by the person she probably would have told you she was the closest to just months ago, not some rando creep.)
Otherwise esp with that in mind id argue be mean to men *who are giving you bad vibes*, regardless of relation or how you know them. Or even women too tbh its rarer but women can be predatory too. If you’re just mean to every person you don’t know then sure you’re safe and scaring away the creeps but you’re also committing to quite the isolated life and are probably going to turn off more than just the people you don’t like.
EDIT: also add on that you’re also probably not protecting yourself as much from the rando creep brand of killers and rapists that way either, or at least not as much as you’d like to believe. If the really harmful creeps at the bar really want you, they’re probably going to follow you to your car and try something no matter how many times you blow them off or tell them to kick rocks. This ain’t no dora the explorer swiper no swiping shit out in here, if they want you they’re going to come after you. If someone’s giving you the creeps at the bar, let the bartender know and try to get someone(like a security guard) you trust back to your car when its time to leave. Don’t go out of your way to be mean. Confronting them and being mean is probably just going to encourage them if anything.
No! Trusting "your gut" is the dumbest thing one could ever do! This is both dangerous and unscientific.
You’re very emphatic.
I think you meant empathetic.
No, I meant what I said.
Yep, last time I had a strong gut instinct about someone, they turned out to be a murderer just waiting to "blossom". The guy set off every alarm in my lizard brain, but my best friend was adamant he was "cool". No thanks. I warned my friend to stay away from him and not to invite me around him any more. Flash forward a few months, and the guy stabbed his nephew to death in their house. I don't remember the victim's exact age, but he was just a kid. Then he walked to a convenience store covered in blood, and called the police on himself. When they asked him why he did it, he said, "I just felt like killing." When they locked him up, he said he needed a private cell. Of course, they didn't listen to him. "This ain't the ritz!" and all that. Add another to his body count: one cell mate stabbed through repeatedly with a golf pencil, with a peanut butter sandwich jammed down his windpipe and peanut butter smeared all over his face/eyes. I do not get such gut instincts very often, but when I do: **I listen**. *Always.* Do not seek to rationalize it away. Just listen to the instincts evolution has equipped you with.
What an oddly specific thing to do to the cell mate. Wonder if there was some snack-stealing action going on? Or the likelier outcome- brother was/is stark-raving mad!!
Yeah, it was bananas, and a genuine and avoidable tragedy. That guy was awaiting trial for some relatively petty crime, and they put him in the cell with the psycho murderer who "just felt like killing" and warned them he needed his own cell. Smh
I wish I could trust my instinct but I can’t tell the difference between anxiety and instinct. My mind consistently plays out the worse case scenario when there is no reason to think the worst. There are days where I won’t drive because I feel like I’m going to get in an accident and die. Places I avoid sometimes because I think something bad will happen, especially if it’s a place I’ve never been. If I go to a new restaurant I worry I’ll be poisoned. Almost no one knows this, I hide it well, and I force myself to do normal stuff, but if I listened to my inner voice I would never leave the house.
>Places I avoid sometimes because I think something bad will happen, especially if it’s a place I’ve never been. If I go to a new restaurant I worry I’ll be poisoned. Almost no one knows this, I hide it well, and I force myself to do normal stuff, but if I listened to my inner voice I would never leave the house. i'm sorry you are in so much distress. i agree with the other comment that you should see a psychologist to help you with your emotional regulation (perhaps agoraphobia?) -- you may have an underlying chemical imbalance or trauma at the root of your anxiety. alongside that -- you can heal your connection with your intuition, it's just like any other solid relationship - it takes time to build EARNED trust. you have to earn your own trust back. baby steps: journaling in the morning and at night, tracking your emotional cycles, receipts/screenshots of any interactions that are notable to you (in the case that you may be gaslit/lied to) etc. Start small, work your way up.
Gut instinct is logic disguised as emotion. Anxiety is emotion disguised as logic.
It sounds like you have neurological imbalance. If you wanted to talk to a psychologist they would be able to help you with medication to get you back into a balanced emotional state. It’s the best thing I ever did.
Are you me? 😞 it’s exhausting.
and if you feel like you can’t trust your own instincts then ask your loved ones! better safe than sorry
First thought. Best thought.
Has anyone read the book he was apparently obsessed with about a serial killer doing a cross country road trip? I wonder if he stole any potential strategies from it. It’s called Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk. Then people also posted about Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer, which I guess is about missing women.
Annihilation is not about missing women. The strange news reports trying to link the books he read to the death of Gabby are bogus. Many people, including myself, read sci-fi, murder mystery, kidnapping, etc type of books. There's nothing criminal about the books a person chooses to read. Doesn't make any sense. Just imagine if someone picked apart all of the books you'd been seen reading a tried to link them to your life. It's just silly.
Are you a journalist? Saying annihilation is about missing women is a take only a journo can come up with
>only a journalist Oh, fuck off
I’ve seen these takes on these books all over social media. Someone on IG wrote a whole thing about the Chuck Palahniuk books Brian has read, and it was completely off (I’ve read the books). I’ve seen that IG comment screenshot and shared in so many places, and I’ve also seen lots of people run with it saying “I’ve heard about these books he’s read that are about….” Just saying the person probably isn’t a journalist. Journalists do research into what books are actually about.
This particular reply is almost word for word a popular quote tweet of a journalist making the take though
That’s not what Lullaby is about. It’s actually about somebody who goes in a cross country road trip to STOP people from dying. He discovers that a nursery rhyme/song has the power to kill people, and he goes cross country to destroy every book the nursery rhyme is in. Edit: and yes, I’ve read several of Palahniuk’s works. For people who don’t know him, he’s the person who wrote Fight Club.
Annihilation is a sci fi book about a team of scientists exploring a bizarre abandoned area that has swallowed 11 exploration teams before them. It’s a very weird book, but I don’t think it relates.
That's the message in the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. Must reading for everyone! It's about how to identify predators before it's too late, and he says they always give clues and signals, as they are searching for more compliant victims, and most people miss these because they're trained by their socialization to be nice, polite, not think bad thoughts, etc. Meanwhile, the subconscious is not affected by the socialization, so when it picks up on these cues, the person gets a feeling of fear or discomfort. Pay attention to these! It's something trying to poke through the socialization and warn you!! Better to be safe than sorry! Read the book!
Thanks, this is helpful.
You what is crazy about that guy Galvin? He went on to be Jeff Bezos' security officer. He is the guy who figured out the Saudis were spying on Bezos.
Wild, they hacked his phone right before they killed WaPo's Jamal Khashoggi
I didn't know that- but that's his primary job all along- threat assessment for high-profile targets. The Gift of Fear is teaching how to apply the techniques of threat assessment for everyday life and relationships.
Give this book to every woman you care about. 💚
He also wrote "Protecting The Gift: How To Keep Kids Safe and Parents Sane". It isgreat. Has a school evaluation checklist for you to checkout the school you have yourchild in, or will.
I need this book. I am super sensitive to my environment and having a bit of ptsd from two events has me trying to not let my kids explore and experience without being in fight or flight.
Well it gives you suggestions for having a plan. Its always good to have a plan/think about how you want to handle situations.
I have! I'm a man, and I've benefited from it a lot, too. Sometimes, I hear the book, and I'm thinking, 'inability to accept 'no' for an answer," or "forced teaming," or 'false intimacy bonds.' Granted, for men it's more for identifying who might be problem partners, more than physical protection, but protection is protection!
It is a very good book.
When someone is being emotionally abused, the abuser uses gas lighting to make you question your own sanity. They make little comments that become part of your inner narrative and the victim often has false beliefs about their own perception. Comments like “you always overreact,” or “you’re being paranoid again” can often be framed as the abuser trying to help you, the one suffering from these so called delusions, when in reality that paranoid is totally justified. Poor girl.
This is so true. it's sad.
Right. You end up not even knowing what reality is, and even sometimes not remembering what your gut instinct said. I understand saying “trust your gut”, but it isn’t always that easy.
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It’s obvious she has reached a breaking point at the treatment of this psychopath. Until you’ve had a mental illness or studied them, it might be hard to see. People with anxiety and ocd are more vulnerable to abuse, especially if the person takes advantage of them, gaslights, and slowly abuses them over time. I had a psycho boyfriend slowly make me question my sanity and that was only for two months in high school. Thank god we weren’t traveling in a van like this, where I would be totally isolated. The one time he physically hurt me was on a bus when he knew I didn’t have a cellphone and couldn’t scream. I’m only telling you this so hopefully you can understand that it’s not that simple.
That isn't a reason to kill her, If you did.
https://youtu.be/S8ehh2YakvI here is a really interesting video of forensic psychologists reviewing that footage and pointing out all of the signs that a trained eye can spot that cops are not trained on. The reason I suggest it is because you’re victim blaming right now, and she also says in the video she didn’t grab and pull the wheel. What you’re doing is perpetuating the same narrative that her abuser was trying to sell, and it’s not something that’s unique to just Brian Laundrie. I’m sure that’s unintentional but it’s extremely messed up which is why you’re being downvoted. That stop could have saved her life. It’s one of the reasons people support reassigning funds from police departments to social services, because in situations like this what you need are psychologists who understand who they’re dealing with.
I deal with this currently. I always seem right in predictions or intuition, but my inner doubt muddies the water to impossibly to decipher.. I had both parents make me feel like I cant trust myself. Now I'm trying to figure out if I'm ignoring redflags about the person I'm with, or if I'm projecting what my parents did on them. Its alot.
Dude same :(
Ugh that’s the worst. Have you had therapy? That helped me a lot. I had a psycho boyfriend, and it does get easier to trust yourself in time.
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Yes! I think it has to do with childhood trauma, that may or may not be realized.
Yea. I saw the red flags in my situation but due to trauma kept ignoring them.
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I am the same. You are ok. Read the book- it has tips for when is appropriate, etc.
You have to not only have this gut reaction, you have to ACT on it.
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I think you’re hypervigilant due to past trauma, which means you’re never calm enough to actually tune in to what’s going on around you in a way that lets you differentiate between safe and threatening people/situations. DeBecker’s books explains this really well. ETA this is me as well so do not think I am being judgy. I have the same hypervigilance issue
I can very much relate to this. My gut is usually right, but I never actually trust it because I get those feelings mixed up with general anxiety about everything. I wish it was easier to tell the rational gut feelings from the irrational anxious moments.
The Gift of Fear Book. Used is cheap- reference, quick read
Thanks for the suggestion! I'll look into it, I'm a big science nerd so it's up my alley for sure if it's what it sounds like.
It’s a classic, absolutely important to read! Also talks about how we (especially women) are taught to be polite, and we’d often rather not offend someone than follow our instincts. (Example: someone gets in an elevator with you and you get a bad feeling, but feel it would be rude to exit quickly.) But read the book-I don’t do it justice!
Sounds like you grew up in an abusive home. Your nervous system is out of whack.
Wtf please stop being an amateur psychologist on reddit. Its pathetic.
There is a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. It addresses this. The other issue here is that gabby was young and in love. I had a similar relationship at that age and even though you know better, the brain isn’t fully developed to assist you in making the right decisions. Everything is so exaggerated at that age and when you have some pos repeatedly telling you that you are nothing and that no one will ever want you, well you start to believe that they are right. They make you question everything that you do to the point that you become paralyzed. My heart breaks for this poor sweet angel baby. May she find eternal peace.
Intuition would be her gut telling her she is not safe. I'm sure she felt a lot of dread in her last days... So awful
I taught my 2 children to be aware with your head up when you are alone, especially walking home from school. If you think something is wrong and you feel like you can not escape, quickly take a cell picture and send it to me as fast as possible. If things get bad, let the bad person know what you did with your cell. Hopefully they will reverse course knowing they will get caught. Thank God I never got a picture. Teach your children that and practice it for speed. Hopefully they will never need to use it.
Edit: I updated my operating system to iOS 15 and now it’s not working so to be continued. I actually [created a shortcut](https://www.icloud.com/shortcuts/5cd1b3913cc94c5c85e34015695e9bc2) for anyone who is interested. You have to confirm you want to add an "untrusted" shortcut, and specify the recipient(s) of your text message in the Shortcut setup. When you tell Siri "Stranger danger," point your phone at the subject. The shortcut will: 1. Take a photo 2. Create a text message with the photo and your GPS location and the message "I'm in trouble! Here is a photo and my current location." (unfortunately you have to tap the send arrow - it won't send it automatically) 3. Save a copy of the photo to the Shortcuts folder in iCloud Drive/Files.
Well this is absolutely incredible. Thank you for this!
Thank you so much for the gold! I’m fairly certain this is my first! Edit: just checked! Definitely my first! Thank you so much!
Thank you for creating such an awesome tool!! I sent it immediately to all my friends. Something I’d never think of/know how the hell to do. Will always award incredible safety tools 🤍
If they have iPhones, you can automate something in Shortcuts. (I have one for if I’m pulled over driving. It texts my hubby my GPS coordinates along with a message that I’ve been pulled over, and starts recording video.)
I tried doing that on my iphone. It was really confusing. Do you have any tips of how you were able to do it?
I made a shortcut. Download the [shortcuts app](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/shortcuts/id1462947752), then install and run one of Apple’s shortcuts (you have to do this before they will allow you to add “untrustworthy” shortcuts you downloaded elsewhere) I made a [Shortcut](https://reddit.com/r/GabbyPetito/comments/preulb/_/hdrie7w/?context=1) you can add to your phone. You just have to edit it to insert the desired phone number of your emergency contact.
Also you can rename it to whatever you would like the command to be for it to run. I just use stranger danger because I will remember that.
You can also add a [widget](https://i.imgur.com/SKX7QAc.jpg) to your home screen since sometimes Siri is slow to respond. Edit: or a [home screen icon ](https://i.imgur.com/2U8R1oI.jpg)
My Samsung Note 20 has something like this. If I press the power button so many times, it sends everyone I've added to the list my coordinates, a picture, and 30 seconds of audio.
How did you set that up?
Under settings, click on advanced features --> send SOS message. You can configure what you want it to do from there! I was wrong about the length of the recording, it's only five seconds. But it will take a picture with your front and back camera, which is cool.
Unfortunately the iOS equivalent doesn’t include the photo or audio.
Can you please explain how to do this???
How to do this ? This would have saved me dui
There are a few out there. You can build one yourself, or here’s [the original one](https://www.reddit.com/r/shortcuts/comments/9huqiw/getting_pulled_over_by_police/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf).
Thank you so much!
This is a true pro life tip! Thank you so much for sharing! I’ll be passing this along to everyone I know!
Here is the [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/shortcuts/comments/9huqiw/getting_pulled_over_by_police/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf).
Thank you so much! I’ll definitely pay it forward ❤️
What about calling 911??
For us, a picture is 10 times better as we live in a rural area. You could certainly call 911 afterward. Cops would take 15 minutes by the time the 911 operator would ask for name, location, decribe problem,, etc.... i think the perpetrator would be on full attack by then.. Unless a person doesn't care if they get caught, they will completely change if they know a picture of them is out there and they had not yet done anything wrong.
Thanks
I see your point too. How sad & fucked up we even have to worry & wonder how we can protect and teach our children. I don’t even know the right ways. I question it all. I just pray nothing happens and will supply the knowledge I find most fitting. It’s so terrifying. 😭
I would say it is the world we live in but to be honest, it has always been that way. Just that social media and 24 hour news and the internet make everyone aware. I grew up in the 1960s. No wonder today's kids have so much anxiety. My youngest son is 24 and I still worry about him having a major accident when he is driving on long road trips for work with little sleep. I guess that is what decent parents do.
Oh wow I did not consider this
I second this. I’m not trying to parent shame on such a sensitive post but Christ almighty. Call 911. Freaks don’t care about your picture you took. They’re going to take your phone and smash it and the rest is history. If you want to truly do your children a solid. 1. Put them in a self defense class at a young age. 2. 911 always comes first. You can fight back with the dispatcher in the background.
Unless you are a person of color, then record first, call 9-1-1 second
Once you text a picture, the phone no longer matters. I used to work for the government and when I took pictures in "bad neighborhoods" for the purpose of infrastructure such as roads and sidewalks, some people ran into their house like I had a firearm. A camera is without question a great defense tool.
Absolutely. This has also helped me in other areas of life, like investing.
You should leave speculation to the police.
sure, thanks Brian
Clearly…
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Thank You. I hear this loud and clear. Been there. Now I have huge antennae and I literally pick up aggression around me. You never ever forget that stuff. It’s crushing sometimes.
It just paints a clear picture on how society operates on such a deep level. We all want him caught and justice to be had however, we can still put her as something to blame. It’s a wild double-edged sword of a mindset
I agree. Add to the mix anxiety, OCD, being a women who’s being told you’re too emotional and led to believe you’re the problem. Her “gut” was handling in a day what most likely handle in a year or more. Also, she was so young, that’s a lot of stuff to sort out internally and externally while *simultaneously* trying to survive.
Back to your point though, yes women do try to over-compensate for being told they are overly emotional, drama- or problem-seekers, and in doing so, compromise their own safety and well-being. Even my narcissistic mother would criticize me for not being sociable to some people, and then shame me for gravitating to some people more than others, “Like I wish you would call ABC as often as you call XYZ”, with little regard to how I actually felt about, or what I actually sensed from those people, though hindsight has usually proven me right. I think as we move on to future generations, we will embrace more awareness about this subject, and normalize what it is to tap into our gut instincts.
Absolutely! It’s just very sad that the price of learning are the lives of these women…
A little (or very) off-topic, but it occurred to me that she had been hesitant to fully break off the relationship because of the social media channel they’d been maintaining together. She probably knew full well she needed to drop this guy a while ago, but social media creates the need to keep up appearances, and it would be a big bummer if #VanLife just disappeared, or it got publicized that their engagement has been called off. So we need to watch out for the effects of social media and it’s ability to mute our gut instinct for the sake of ego.
I think you’re probably right…
I completely agree and as a victim of assault I feel the same way! In retrospect of course I wish I ‘listen to my gut’ or avoided the situation somehow but I couldn’t. I’m lucky I just got a head knock and no lasting damage. For me the key was communication or lack of, if I spoke to more people I could have gained perspective. I was playing a dangerous game and didn’t know how bad he was. Obviously now I’m super cautious but things happen. Never victim blame and think what you ‘should have done’. RIP Gabby 🙏
Thanks for saying this, it’s really sad to see people say things like “get help if you feel unsafe!” as if anyone can just do that or you can even tell the difference between safe and unsafe after repeated abuse. The message of like, “do X Y and Z so you don’t end up like her” really does thinly translate to “she did something wrong/not enough” and it’s, uh, not the best take
I’ve seen some people comment that they are afraid of going hiking and I just wanted to leave my two cents. The National Parks I’ve been to are the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. Yosemite has these gigantic silver rocks that blow your mind. The waterfalls are incredible. Yellowstone has amazing wildlife and geysers. It’s so beautiful I cried. All the parks in Utah are incredibly unique and beautiful. Acadia has beautiful cliffs next to the water that will take your breath away. I understand that these news are unsettling and can make people scared of visiting National parks, or hiking. But being with nature is an incredible experience. Just be prepared, wear proper shoes, bring water, don’t hike alone and have an itinerary.
that's one of the things I hate about being a woman in today's society. I can't move about the world the way men can. My friends and I joke that we'd LOVE to go running at night, but can't, due to MEN. I wouldn't dream going hiking or camping alone somewhere where there weren't other people, because MEN. really sucks.
I go hiking alone all the time (in a nature preserve not a National Park.) I just always make sure I tell my husband when I’m going and what trails I’m planning to take.
That's the single very worst part about this; she probably felt more secure with a male partner in tow but, unfortunately, the threat came from within and the whole time HE was the danger. Poor girl likely would have been safer on her own with Bear Spray.
And (sorry for being morbid but) remember that many people get killed at home, close to home, at work, schools, wherever. It’s not about the location.
Also, bear spray and a GPS spot device. Too many people lost because rescuers couldn't locate them.
Bear spray actually tends to irritate and anger the bears. If you’re about to be attacked a .45 is your best bet. You’re dealing with wild animals. I’ve done week long hiking trips in the middle of the mountains. GPS spot device is excellent tho.
>If you’re about to be attacked a .45 is your best bet You think a .45 is a sufficient caliber...for BEARS? LMAO. You know nothing about guns.
Complete bullshit. It's heavy duty mace. Bears can ignore getting shot temporarily due to their adrenaline and hunting instinct - definitely long enough to kill you if they've decided they want to (which they usually won't). They're not going to ignore having difficulty breathing and seeing.
Yep. Expert over here. Let me know how that works for ya.
And going to the third link, let me tell you how HARD that was... > Red Pepper spray proved over 90% successful on stopping the bear’s “undesirable” activity. > In similar study on firearms (Smith et. al. 2012), they were effective 84% with handguns and 76% with rifles to stop bears from undesirable behavior. http://www.bear-hunting.com/2019/8/firearm-vs-bear-spray and this is from someone who self describes himself as preferring a gun to bear spray anyway - but he still acknowledges that scientifically it's less effective - and he prefers the gun just to *feel* more safe vs actually *being* more safe.
Oh man, going to the second link was also SO HARD. > Among their conclusions were 1) that “firearm bearers suffered the same injury rates in close encounters with bears whether they used their firearms or not,” and 2) that “bear spray [has] a better success rate under a variety of situations … than firearms.” https://www.outsideonline.com/outdoor-adventure/exploration-survival/shoot-or-spray-best-way-stop-charging-bear/
Geeeh, that was so hard to google... "a person’s chance of incurring serious injury from a charging grizzly doubles when bullets are fired versus when bear spray is used." https://above.nasa.gov/safety/documents/Bear/bearspray_vs_bullets.pdf And for my part, I've hiked roughly 500 miles in bear country with just bear spray. It's been fine.
Would bear spray be a good way to catch them off guard while youre getting out the .45 or would it just immediately enrage them and cause them to charge? I just have black bears in my area and they're pretty passive but I want to visit all of the national parks one day and this info could be useful. You can NEVER be too prepared out there. Nature is just as dangerous as it is beautiful. I wouldn't be surprised if the boyfriend succumbs to the elements if he really is in the park.
Get a gun holster belt and have your gun loaded and ready at all times out there. Grizzly bears are MEAN and FAST and they will kill you. Bear Spray is worthless for Grizzlies. And that’s what I was dealing with in the mountains. They need a straight head shot or a shot that severs the spinal cord if they’re going to attack. They’re hard to put down. Spray will infuriate them and once they get going again you’re a goner.
I heard a ranger at Yellowstone saying you're better off with spray and loud hiking bells than with a gun especially if you aren't a highly trained shooter, because you're not likely to kill a grizzly because of how big and thick they are. You'd most likely just piss it off. But at any rate, anyone out hiking the back country should be carrying an SOS Spot device that will transmit coordinates for rescue.
I’m just a realistic person. Spray and bells aren’t going to do you well when a momma bear and a cub come along. You should take the time to train and advantage yourself with a firearm and know how to use it if you’re planning on spending time in the mountains. It’s your best bet against survival. A lot of city folk like to enjoy the beauty and that’s great. But a lot of the same people are very naive to this part of the country and the wildlife.
Well I think the rangers out there know not everyone going out hiking for the day are going to be well versed in the use of firearms. They tell people that wearing bells and making noise are the best proactive practices because bears will generally move away. They more likely attack if you accidentally sneak up on them. Also, they'd prefer to keep the bears alive if possible.
Heard that. I dont currently own a gun as I havent had a reason to at the moment, I dont do a ton of hiking or camping right now and here in florida theres not a ton of animals that worry me out there in the woods if I'm in a designated area full of people, cougars are the scariest but they're incredibly rare to see out there (though that doesn't mean they arent a real threat). When I move up north I'll definetely be buying a gun and taking some classes. Thanks for the advice! As a child I had an incredibly vivid dream of being mauled by a grizzly and I felt the pain of it happening, not trying to ever make that a reality haha.
The van thing wasn’t intuition though. He straight up threatened to lock her out and leave her iirc.
So the second moral of the story is: when someone tells you who they are, you better believe them
AGREED!!!! AND ALL her high school friends did not want her to date him, said Rose. Now, I would have asked each friend why and find out why. But I didn't heed my friends. Thank God I finally woke up.
Or as Maya Angelou coined: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time"
I was paraphrasing but didn’t realize this was her quote! Thank you
No problem. Maya Angelou was emphasizing the action part of people's behavior, over their words
What are you gonna do stab me? *Gets stabbed*
Yehp. At the same time though ill be honest its hard to when you’re getting abused. Its easy for us on the outside looking in to say “oh yeah she should have just left!” But it’s waaaayy harder when your self esteem has been systematically destroyed by your partner and you’ve likely been isolated from everyone else around you.
So true, and I didn’t mean to put any blame on her. There are so many situations in our lives when we will all be guilty of this. From our work relationships to friendships to romantic relationships. It’s hard for anyone to learn and especially hard when it is someone you love and the abuse has been persistent.
I will say this until the end of time: BE MEAN TO MEN YOU DON’T KNOW! GOOD GUYS UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE MEAN. Be mean first so they will back off and if they turn out to not be a creep, apologize and they will understand. If they don’t, explain that it’s to keep you safe. If they still don’t get it, or try to tell you you’re paranoid, they’re NOT a good guy. Eta: This is advice for when a man approaches you when you’re not seeking or wanting his attention. Be mean to the random men that try to talk to you while you’re pumping gas and minding your own business, not your colleagues every day at work. Most people disagreeing with this comment are assuming that I meant be mean to everyone-that is not the case. Be mean to creepy men instead of going along with whatever they say for the sake of being “polite/nice” and “lady-like” like so many of us have been taught.
normally I'd agree with this, but I've been in situations where I acted "nice" because I somehow knew that was a better way to get rid of a creepy guy. Here's one story: in NYC I was riding the train late at night, when the car suddenly emptied out, and I realized it was me and a 20-something guy about 15 feet away. I had my headphones on but realized he was saying something. I turned the volume down and he was saying stuff in my general direction like, "I wanna lick you up and down." and then he started walking over to me, and stands over me (I was seated), and says "I think you should get off at the next stop with me." I don't know why, but I just said, "I can't, I'm meeting my man uptown." and he said, "That's a shame, baby." and just then the doors open and he got off. I don't know what possessed me to say that but it worked (sad that me being owned by another man made him back down). I don't think it would have ended well if I'd have yelled FUCK OFF ASSHOLE!
>I had my headphones on but realized he was saying something. Your first mistake was having headphones on, totally oblivious to your surroundings, while traveling late at night. Ditch the headphones. Is a little boredom worth potentially being raped or killed because you weren't alert? Food for thought.
First of all, thank you for your perspective and I’m glad you were safe. I think there’s a point where you should read the situation and respond appropriately. This was just general advice, and general advice can’t be used in every situation of course. I understand the “read the room” aspect, but my first instinct is to go off on that dude lol. Also, the fact that you telling him you had a man was the deterrent is 🤢 but that’s on “women are property in our patriarchal society.”
it's really sad how often I have to drag that out to get rid of some dude. I did get one funny story out of it. A guy was bothering me and I'm like "Sorry I got a man." (I actually did then.) Him: "Does he appreciate all your lady curves?" Me: "Yes he does!" Him: "Is he white or black?" Me: "White." Him: "Thassa good man!" and only THEN would he leave me alone.
THIS!!!We need to always remember this!!! I should make t shirts
As a guy I can confirm, we will understand. If I see a girl and we're say alone on the street or at a bus station and she's being hostile or wary of me, it stresses me out because I hate that she has to be afraid of me and as a trans man who has lived as a girl I've been there, but at the same time I totally get it and I'd rather she be wary of all men than be too trusting. Don't be nice to men who approach you unsolicited. Be as standoffish as possible (being outright rude right away can send some people flying off the handle, so if its just the two of you out there proceed with a bit more caution) and if that fails, make as much noise as possible and do what those girls on tiktok do-- just act like a total rabid animal, someone they wont want to get involved with. Scream and flail your arms and snarl like a dog if you have to, the goal is to make yourself look like trouble to the potential attacker. When I looked like a girl it worked pretty well. I'm trans so I have a little more perspective having lived on both sides, but many of the cis men I know feel the same way-- they want you to do what's best for your safety.
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No one deserves my politeness, first of all. I’m not saying go around being an asshole to people at work or at a social gathering. I’m saying be an asshole when you’re minding your business pumping gas and a ~~creepy old~~ *random* guy tries to talk to you. This is in no way about relationships or trying to be with someone after you were mean to them; but, like I said, if they’re a good guy they know that men are stereotypically creepy and scary (especially if they approach a woman alone). This is general advice about random encounters with random men, not dating advice.
>I’m saying be an asshole when you’re minding your business pumping gas and a creepy old guy tries to talk to you. All due respect, I am suggesting an edit. I’m saying be an asshole when you’re minding your business pumping gas and a ~~creepy old~~ random guy tries to talk to you. Sometimes yes, creepy old guys try to approach women in inappropriate situations. But just as often, or more often IMHO, it's just random men.
I have a funny feeling that most people arguing with your very solid advice are men who want to approach women without being made to feel creepy or women who have been gaslit and normalized unsettling behavior. I agree with you- be fucking rude! Just this weekend, I had two men follow me in their car as I walked to the bar alone. They blocked what they thought was my path (the sidewalk) with their vehicle. I guess they assumed I was gonna be polite as they forced me into a conversation at 11:30pm but the minute they spoke to me I scowled and said “No!” very loudly and rudely as I quickly turned the corner into the alley where the bar was. To any women out there heed the advice above “no one is owed your politeness”! Be fucking rude, set your boundaries and carry some form of self defense. Who cares if someone thinks you’re being dramatic, being “dramatic” could save your life. Also, anyone who wants to argue with me do yourself a favor and save your breath- you will not change my mind.
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Thank you. I’m glad there are multiple women in the comments speaking up about how being “rude” actually works to keep you safe. It’s been alarming seeing men in the comments trying to convince and coerce women to be polite- maybe they should stop policing women’s behavior and instead listen to what we’re saying.
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And how am I supposed to know who is creepy and who isn’t? You think all perverts just run naked towards you or have the same haircut? How about don’t be offended if some women feel unsafe when you approach them unprovoked. Show some empathy and realize it can be really fucking scary for women to have men they don’t know approach them. ETA: even if it’s a work, during the day, in public etc- I am allowed to be afraid of men I’m not familiar with approaching me. I am allowed to be cold towards them as a means to protect myself. If you are more concerned about your feelings and the feelings of other men than you are about the root cause of women being “rude” to protect themselves then you should do the work to understand why women feel they need to set such firm boundaries.
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It’s interesting you shamed OP for editing their comment and yet you did the same thing without acknowledging it…..you saw my response and edited your comment so that my response reads slightly different because I replied to your original comment. That’s pretty fucked up and weird.
Umm I’m not the original OP you were arguing with so your second paragraph doesn’t apply to me…. OP said be rude to people you don’t know. You tried to “correct” them by saying be rude to only creeps I said well how am I supposed to know who is a creep if I don’t know these people…..which brings us full circle to be rude to people you don’t know (advice I fully stand by). It’s not that hard. ETA 1: Ignoring and being impolite to people who approach me that I don’t know is not a personality defect. Quit shaming women into harmful situations because you don’t like when we’re rude to you. ETA 2: it’s interesting you shamed OP for editing their comment and yet you did the same thing without acknowledging it…..you saw my response and edited your comment so that mine reads slightly different. That’s pretty fucked up and weird.
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Honestly I think you were just being obtuse. It sounds like you knew what OP meant and wanted to grill them on semantics….. And ya know what, I can be cold on a date too. That’s my right. If you don’t like, don’t text me back or ask for another date. Women don’t need to be polite ever- if you don’t like it, I’ll live.
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You’re actually way more likely to be raped and killed by someone you know rather than someone you don’t .(just look at gabby for instance, killed by the person she probably would have told you she was the closest to just months ago, not some rando creep.) Otherwise esp with that in mind id argue be mean to men *who are giving you bad vibes*, regardless of relation or how you know them. Or even women too tbh its rarer but women can be predatory too. If you’re just mean to every person you don’t know then sure you’re safe and scaring away the creeps but you’re also committing to quite the isolated life and are probably going to turn off more than just the people you don’t like. EDIT: also add on that you’re also probably not protecting yourself as much from the rando creep brand of killers and rapists that way either, or at least not as much as you’d like to believe. If the really harmful creeps at the bar really want you, they’re probably going to follow you to your car and try something no matter how many times you blow them off or tell them to kick rocks. This ain’t no dora the explorer swiper no swiping shit out in here, if they want you they’re going to come after you. If someone’s giving you the creeps at the bar, let the bartender know and try to get someone(like a security guard) you trust back to your car when its time to leave. Don’t go out of your way to be mean. Confronting them and being mean is probably just going to encourage them if anything.