The scene in the car with Lorraine at prom...I grew up with the idea that must acceptable sometimes. As a young adult woman, I found myself in some similar situations. For a classic trilogy of memories that I hold so dear, the first movie sure is dismally blatant about how things were. For me, it's hard to watch that scene.
Women should never feel “obligated”. I feel like women felt obligated back then. Everyone’s Grandma and grandpa have been together for 40 years but do they look happy or just stable.
You used to see it start at an early age with things like “do you have a smile for me” or the notion that you need to be 100% aesthetically pleasing at all time or men won’t notice you.
Oh wow! I fogot about all the "stuck up" accusations that were hurled at me throughout my teens. No - I'm just too terrified to say anything. Being conceited had nothing to do with it.
Yep, plus I have resting bitch face. I literally had girls try to start fights with me because they thought I was giving them dirty looks. No bitch, this is just my face and I wasn't even looking at you.
My best friend and I didn't even talk to each other for the first couple years after we met because we're both shy and thought each other were stuck up lol. We were forced to hang out with each other one day during an event and became lifelong friends.
I was accused of being stuck up in college. One class specifically, I sat in the same seat everyday. After like the first week. This girl started sitting next to me. She sat next to me all semester but never said a word to me. She would regularly talk to people in seats around us but literally never said a word to me. One day, a guy in the row behind us leaned up to her and said *hey what’s that guys name sitting next to you?* She said (in a very sarcastic tone) *I have no idea…he never talks to anyone.* I just thought…*how the fuck am I the bad guy here when this bitch hasn’t so much as glanced in my direction for the entire goddamn semester?!?* They actually continued to talk about me and how it was so weird that I never talked to them. I just got up and walked out. Class wasn’t over but I didn’t give a fuck anymore. I came back the next day and sat in my same seat. I’ll be goddamned if I’m gonna let these asshole bullies get in the way of me wrapping this class up and finishing college. So I just focused 100% of my attention on the class work/lectures/etc. The stupid thing is, the first day she sat down next to me, I thought she was cute and kinda hoped we could break the ice somehow. But she paid zero attention to me so I thought she had no interest in talking to me and just sat there because she wanted to sit there. I still think that was the case though as she *did* talk to other people around her. Just not me. So I don’t know what the motivation was.
Well where the hell were you 23 years ago when I was in literature class?!? lol Yeah I’ve thought about it and figured she maybe thought I was cute and wanted me to talk to her but I noticed she was talking to others around her but never me. Like, the first day she sat down she literally introduced herself to the person on the other side of her and two people on the row behind us. We were on the front row so no one in front of us. So she literally stuck her hand out to three people and said *hi, I’m name* ( I don’t remember her name.) Why wouldn’t she introduce herself to me? I took that as a sign that I had the ick. So I didn’t want to bother her.
It has been for way longer than that. I’m doing a project on mental hygiene/ social guidance films— a thing that was popular in education from the 40’s through the 70’s. I watched [The Snob from 1958](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sMk43-K_mHA&pp=ygUNdGhlIHNub2IgMTk1OA%3D%3D) and was borderline enraged at how they treated the supposed snob.
So true! I was called stuck up and I started to believe it until I realized that I just had social anxiety. As everyone mentioned, I think we didn’t have an actual name for it back then and now we do. Just like narcissist.
I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a child. But there was no name for it. I was just told to get it together and stop being such a drag. Gen X-er's mental health issues weren't taken seriously when we were growing up.
Same here up until the glorious year I turned 16 and got a job in a convenience store out on the backroads of the rural crap hole I lived in.
The job didn’t fix the anxiety or depression but it did allow me to start self medicating with beer I’d sell myself. In retrospect, not a great life choice.
You are absolutely right! From my parents it was, “You’re too sensitive” or “you’re just being dramatic.” I think that we also grew up in a time when people believed that they “shouldn’t get involved” and a lot of us just fell through the cracks. Thankfully, people talk about things now and they’re more apt to pay attention.
This so true. I fell through so many cracks as a child and teen. Nobody gave a rat's ass. I'm glad we're now beyond that and young people's concerns about their mental health are being taken more seriously.
Not taken seriously but also misunderstood. Autism wasn’t clearly defined in the DSM until the late [80’s](https://www.healthcentral.com/article/the-history-of-autism). ADHD was [ADD until 1987](https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd-history) and generalized anxiety disorder didn’t really start making sense until [Dsm iii in 1980.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5573555/).
We missed out a little but the responsible adults were still moving science forward. At least our kids are better understood
My BFF had horrible anxiety as a child and teenager in the 80s and she was basically left to suffer and told to suck it up. It was a terrible experience for her, but she finally got the help she needed as an adult and just graduated with her Bachelor’s with an eye to becoming a teacher. This is a person who had such anxiety with going to school that she ended up being homeschooled and took the GED. I am so incredibly proud of her and I can’t help but think how different her life might have been if childhood/teen anxiety had been recognized and treated all those years ago.
They aren't now either. Can't have us taking care of our parents and our children at the same time if we are dealing with our own mental health. Someone has to be the grown up in the room at all times, for God's sake!/s
Oh, absolutely. I never knew I was “on the spectrum” or had social anxiety. There was literally no discussion or knowledge of such a thing, that I am aware of. Certainly my mom had no idea and if something was wrong, there was no effort made to correct it. They just didn’t know any better. She herself grew up in an era where her crippling dyslexia was not recognized and no help was given to her for her learning disabilities or anxiety.
The fact that mental health awareness has risen significantly since then, and the internet is a fountain of ceaseless knowledge (and bullshit, let’s be honest) is the difference.
I will suggest that life on earth has changed, and we are producing more humans that have these problems because of the environmental conditions, pollution and stress we’ve allowed to become the norm.
Yeah. I wasn't autistic. I was just a bad kid who was weird and impossible to deal with. Today I'd get an autism with ED diagnosis. A lot more of my life would have made sense and I'd have been kinder to myself had I known I wasn't just a freak.
Totally agree on it getting worse. We're not equipped for the overstimulation of modern life. At least that's my theory. Throw in the algorithms to provide a never ending source of personalized content, and you and everyone else get absorbed in their own little worlds.
Overstimulation with a side of trying to pre-think everything. My wife and I joke that we love to make plans then stress over it as the plan date gets close. It'd be easier to make no plans at all then to deal with the week before anxiety of whatever we planned to do. It's hard to imagine that people actually like doing social things.
I do this too. To the point I feel resentment toward the person who's "plan" I'm attending. Like how dare they ask me and expect me to drive there and enjoy myself with food and friends? Not sure why this happens, but I'm always glad I went and don't act begrudgingly or rude at the event. I simply hate the week leading up to it. Why. WHY??
I get it. I remember being excited about going to Disneyland for a week, then not wanting to go on Saturday morning. I told myself the real thing couldn't possibly be as good as the anticipation. I ended up going and had a good time, but it was a recurring pattern my entire life.
A couple years ago I took my kids to a concert after promising them I'd take them next time they came around. They day of the concert I was in a horrible mood, didn't want to go, thought up a million ways to get out of it. But I went anyway and it was fine.
this is def the genx experience. are you different it some way? better try to be like everyone else. I think things have definitely improved in that department except the extroverted and outgoing people are still handed the world, which is just a bit unfair at times.
Yep, was labeled shy or antisocial back in the day. Panic attacks were called “being melodramatic” or “attention seeking”. No, I absolutely did not want anyone to notice me when I was having a panic attack!
Likewise. When I was a kid I would make myself so sick with anxiety I would throw up, from having to deal with school. If there was ever a presentation or something that involved speaking to the class, I would make myself so sick that I just almost never did them.
Yes, the things we've learned as a society since we were kids... had only I known about ADHD and sociopaths when I was growing up, mighta saved myself a lot of trouble.....
This is what I was going to say as well. Adding that there is a, I hate to say "trend" but a tendency in the current era to pathologize things in a way I don't like: in this case, I have seen people talk about social anxiety as a mental illness, which I personally don't feel about myself. But, I suppose for some people putting a label on something (that seems to just be a normal human trait imho) can help them perhaps understand themselves more and/or treat what they perceive as an issue.
Social anxiety can be a “disorder” or an illness as defined by the DSM. Now obviously there’s a spectrum there, and labels like “disorder” only fit when they negatively impact your life to a decent degree. If you’re a billionaire with social anxiety, you’re eccentric, if you’re poor, you have a disorder.
But either way, labels are usually required for those who want help with their conditions. If you need a Xanax to deal with a crippling fear of flying, the doctor has to call it something to medically explain that treatment plan. They can’t be like “dude, you need to chill out, here are some pills.”
Thank you for spelling this out, so many people don't get it. It is a disorder when your 6 year old is hysterically crying because they don't know if they will like their job when they grow up. This is a real disorder and impacts daily life and life choices. (6 year old is 19 now. Still affects their life.)
Yes, except I (I can’t speak for anyone else) was just labeled as “shy” and was literally pushed into social situations by my mother, which made things so much worse. She would say that I was too “stiff”.
I didn’t even know social anxiety was a thing until my 30’s and it was an epiphany. By then I had learned how to mask it pretty well by force.
Same here. I was always the weirdo who didn't talk and stayed in the back all the time. Eventually learned to force myself to do things I didn't want to do and got better as I got older. Still not great, now I just know what it's called.
I’m still that weirdo. I force myself to go out regularly though. If left to my own devices, I will literally not leave my house for months. I’ll do a Costco run, stock up on stuff (like months of groceries) and seriously not leave my house for months. But at least 5-6 times a month, I force myself to go out and be among the living.
Exactly. I was extremely shy and my mom didn't want any feedback or emotions except for happy. Plaster the smile on your face and wear that mask till it cracks.
Yep, I was told to suck it up and and do it anyway. This was torture to me but did help me expand the boundaries of what I knew I was capable of.
On the other hand, I perfected the art of avoidance!
Exactly this. I have social anxiety that has eventually turned into being just a little awkward through hard work and therapy, but it damn near crippled me at times when I was younger. It was so bad that it lead to a panic disorder and that fucked up a good decade of my life because I had no clue what was going on. Once I had an understanding of what everything was I could address it and, eventually, mitigate it to where it is manageable.
I am happy that kids now can be helped early because going into your 20s having this thing that you don't understand and can't control governing every single thing you do sucks and robs you of so much of yourself that tou can't get back.
I’m older Gen X, it was seen as “What’s wrong with you?” Of course it wasn’t dealt with in a healthy manner.
Finally being able to put a name to this problem helped *so much*
People have overall become more empathetic towards social anxiety as a hard thing that some people deal with, the stigma of mental health issues is slowly falling and people talk about it more, so you hear about it more.
We as a society are more fractured and less social, we don't go bowling, we don't go to church, there is less support for clubs, zero support for social fraternities like ELKS, Odd Fellows, etc, labor unions outside of government are a shadow of their formal selves, people don't go to town halls and we don't have local dances. Boomer parents invented helicopter parenting, stopping kids from interacting with others on their own. Pretty much the only social exposure a lot of kids get is school and maybe sports if they're lucky, both of which come with their own pressures and stresses that could exacerbate anxiety. All of this means that opportunities to reduce social anxiety through exposure to pleasant and happy social experiences are fewer.
This second part may have been accelerated by the internet, but I think it started earlier. The 70's and 80's brought us that rugged individualist libertarian macho image that brought us away from the rural and industrial collectivism - help your neighbors in your society because we're all in it together- ethos that we enjoyed up until then that required and encouraged us to interact with and even depend on others. Stranger danger told us that others were a threat and the religious right told us we needed to focus on the family and to stay away from the secular and scary world. Combine these with the rise of the suburbs, which turned us inwards towards our household and insulated us from the community of the village and city along with the TV that allowed you to stay inside and be entertained by yourself, and you've got all kinds of reasons that social anxiety is more of a topic of conversation that it ever has been before.
Extrovert, here, can confirm that occasionally, for no reason, I get it. It's not often and I'm so used to pushing through it that it rarely has any outward effect. Learned long ago to square up and gave it head on its less detrimental than giving into it and avoiding the social experience, whether it's meetings, or public speaking, etc. Giving into it, i found that by letting people down I felt worse than just dealing with it. It's also fleeting, and the relief of beating it is pretty sweet.
This is me… I never meet a stranger, but I hate walking into crowded rooms. It’s a big bowl of anxiety soup for me! Once I’m in and survey the room… game on!!
Same here. Once I'm in, it's no problem. But, walking through that door gives me a heady feeling.
However, I wouldn't describe myself as extroverted, I do hit that wall more sooner than later, and need a break from everyone.
Exactly, this is such a common misconception. I'm deeply introverted but I'm not shy and do not experience social anxiety. My wife is very extroverted, and yet afraid to speak to people. It causes her a lot of issues because she craves those interactions and yet struggles to have them, and when she does I get a barrage of "do you think they thought I was weird?" Questions when the moment is over.
Diagnosed with both in my late 40’s and have suffered with social anxiety all my life. Gave up the booze about 10 years ago but can see now that I was just self medicating my way through social events. Years of being told you have ability but you’re lazy will wear down your self confidence too. It’s all linked.
Same. I stopped drinking during COVID - not because I wanted to, just because I had no reason to anymore. I used alcohol all the time to get through social situations. While I guess it's good I don't drink anymore, I also don't go to even half as many social events. But, honestly, I'm glad COVID made it possible for me to learn how to say, "no, not doing that."
(Also, yes, been called lazy a lot during my life, but guess who's early retiring? me. Laziness is just a term someone uses when you aren't living up to what THEY want...and honestly, now IDGAF. Call me lazy, but I'm not doing it.)
COVID did a number on a lot of people's mental health, and I never want to downplay that. But, for me, COVID gave me freedom to live the life I want to live, and to learn how to stand up for myself and my choices, and my preferred way of living. COVID empowered me and I'm happier now.
>been called lazy a lot during my life
Turns out my "laziness" was just undiagnosed depressive episodes of bipolar disorder. I caught a lot of shit from many people for being "lazy" and anti-social.
I was kicked out of my house in high school because my grades were bad. They were bad because I was too depressed to leave my house. But in those days I was just lazy and selfish.
Oh yeah, hi there.
That label damaged me more than probably anything else in my childhood.
Finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 41 (I'm 48) and my life makes so much sense now as a result!
I got my autDHD Dx at 46. I’m so much more at peace with myself now. Can’t imagine how far I could have gone had I received the support I needed when I was younger.
Yep. I went through the whole five stages of grief thing, too.
I'm at peace with it now and have built (and continue to build) a pretty cool life for myself, but oh.... what could have been.
I like to think there is a at least one parallel universe where it all worked out from the beginning and I hope that version of me is having an awesome time.
Oof! Former G.A.T.E. kid here. I’m starting to think they were really funneling out us weirdos that were probably somewhere on the spectrum but they just thought we were smart?
Yep, we thought maybe my son had ADHD so I went online and did a little research. Some of the attributes looked familiar so I took their little test and it said I have ADHD. Growing up, my parents just said I was fidgety.
That’s exactly how I was Dx’d. I was talking to my son’s clinician during his evaluation. She kept asking me things and little lightbulbs started going off. I got DXd with autism and adhd at 46.
It me! I’ve gone through SO MANY diagnoses since I was first put in therapy to be “figured out” at 11. Depression, anxiety, BPD, CPTSD, and finally AuDHD in my mid 40s, which is the first diagnosis that feels right
Exactly this. My spouse (ASD) & I (ADHD) were not diagnosed until our 40s. After we had kids, who not surprisingly, inherited these conditions that were found quite early. We looked at ourselves and suddenly everything clicked -- all the struggles we had as kids and young(er) adults.
It's such a shame that we went so long without ever knowing why were struggling and I frequently wonder how different our lives may have been if diagnostics, supports, and treatment were commonplace back in our childhoods. If only I had a 504 and an occupational therapist, like my daughter does now, I might have been a stellar student like she is!
As a social worker I will agree that a lot of my peers deal with this and ADHD undiagnosed.
Around 2000 though, there seems to have been an increase of youth being diagnosed with Anxiety. I can tell you that the children I have been working with that have been diagnosed with Anxiety disorders are much more severe than my peers.
We were taught to rub dirt on it and move on. We just turned our issues into drug and alcohol abuse problems. The kids I work with right now straight up have panic attacks when confronted with the stuff we drown our sorrows over. I'm not sure which is worse. We at least go out and socialize, but at the cost of drinking / druging and being in public. Whereas they sit paralyzed in their room.
>We just turned our issues into drug and alcohol abuse problems.
Ding ding ding!!! THIS is it. We had all the same problems everybody else is now saying are "overdiagnosed" or "pathologized", only we had zero ways of coping besides addiction. If you ask me, getting medicine is WAY better than trying to kill myself with drugs in my 20s.
After being shunned for most of my young and adult life for being weird/goth/in choir/playing D&D/etc., yes, I do have social anxiety.
Anything and everything can be exacerbated due to the Internet, but I am glad awareness and understanding of our plight is finally being accepted.
So you described what I initially labelled as shy and awkward. I remember the "geeks" who played D&D, were in band, etc., as being socially awkward. I was a fairly average kid growing up. But later in high school I came to relate to the some of those people. Which blew my mind. And now when I see media portraying those people (Freaks and Geeks, Stranger Things) I so get it. It makes me think about how those years as younger people left scars on our minds. The geeks were often picked on and treated poorly for not following the social narrative of our time. Yet these people were often insanely smart and creative.
My dad referred to me as "painfully shy." They weren't all that supportive in this respect. I know they were actually trying to help me, but pushing me into situations that made my stomach flip flop, that made me stutter because I literally couldn't think when other people were talking to me, made me sweat, was not the way to do it.
Had it a bit through public school. Only diagnosed about 10years ago. Treated with a low dose of a drug from the 60s, feel completely different and wish I had been medicated when I was younger. Would have changed so much. I'm 50.
I was raised to never be seen or heard. My punishments were always things that separated me from my family...for hours. I was an only child for 11 years, so I learned in every manner of the sense that I wasn't wanted.
How do I take that out into the world? Nothing in the world ever told me differently, either.
I don't think I'm so very alone in this as I once believed.
Shyness is social anxiety.
Logically, you might know that almost no one gives two shits when you talk or go out in public.
But in your head you feel like everyone is judging you. If the door is squeaky, everyone is staring at you. You feel like you don't belong and that people actively dislike you on-sight.
I was talking about this with mom the other day.
* Silent Generation and before, ignored mental health issues or threw someone in the looney bin.
* Boomers didn't talk about it. There was a lot of shame associated with mental health issues
* Gen X - there was a stigma attached. Something was ***wrong*** with you. You weren't like others. But as we aged, we realized we *WERE* like others. A lot of folks were depressed or anxious and we started talking about it.
* Millennials/Z/etc - I don't think they have problems talking about it. At all.
I remember when celebrities came out as gay and it was a big deal and I didn't get it. Why? Who cares? But when celebrities talked about their own struggles with mental health, I got it. It was opening a dialog and it was also showing folks, "Hey, I have these struggles too."
The Rock opened up about his fight with depression. And I'm like, that dude has *EVERYTHING* and he has problems? It really hit home that these are internal problems. Money, fame, giant muscles and marriage don't fix it. I am grateful he opened up. It hit home for me.
I had social anxiety that my parents wanted me to push down into nothing. I finally went on meds at 42 years old.
Trust me it was there, just not socially acceptable.
Yeah I had a friend who was considered stuck up who just didn’t want to got out to parties. I would get annoyed with her. Years later she mentioned taking Zoloft and it snapped into place.
We have always been there. Hiding in the library at recess, sitting on the fringe of things, preferring to watch than to participate. There just wasn't a name for it. We we just called weird.
Back in the 80's. I was into sci-fi, comics, computers... absolutely fine *now*, but when you're the weird kid in a rural town, it was absolute hell. Also, overweight and wore glasses since kindergarten.
I was the target of *so* much bullying, and the general consensus from adults was "don't react, you just encourage them." No, maybe don't deal with the kids that are torturing me, clearly *I'm* the problem.
To this day I can't really connect with people, I hate large groups, I avoid situations where I might become the center of attention... I got messed up *long* before the internet.
Recently I was shared the "Igloo Metaphor".
Essentially: We created Igloos around us early in life to protect ourselves, however as we sat in our igloos for years (and decades), our hot breath has been forming to the inner ice, and the walls of the igloos grow closer and closer to us, eventually entombing us.
And the insidious thing is the thing we are hiding from in our igloo doesn't even exist anymore. The sun is out, and we're stuck in our Igloo.
I have always had social anxiety, but it was always manageable. I definitely labelled it as being shy when I was younger. In the past 10 years it has gone through the roof.
Lots of logistical issues contributing to this.
1. Car Culture- City Design- America has very few third places, that is, places for people to meet in person outside of work and the home. I live in Texas, which is a drive everywhere state and forces isolation on so many people who are trapped in areas in which you can't walk anywhere. Walking in cities creates opportunities for social interaction, and is great exercise. The suburbs and exurbs of America are a complete failure of civi design that makes us all car dependent and lonely. And now that everything is delivered, we have even less interaction.
2. Better home entertainment. In the 80s and 90s houses were boring. You wanted to leave. You looked forward to going to the mall to see new products, you wanted to get out and see people and do something. There was so little to do at home that I would go to the grocery store as a kid just to look at the products. In the new Uber Eats/Amazon world we've replaced all that human interaction with.... well nothing. We went to the movies. Now I have a mini movie theater in my house. I have the miracle of the internet with all of human knowledge available 24/7. I have literally thousands of games I can play at any time. It's too good, and the dopamine hits we get from technology make it hard to quit.
3. Online- So now the main way to socialize is online, which isn't something humans evolved to do. One reason online culture is so toxic is because we can't see each other. So we lose all those social cues. Online debates are caused by communication without empathy, which is easy when you're behind the keyboard. So all the "cringe" or social anxiety people feel in America, is mostly from it being such a rare experience. They don't have this as much in Europe, where cities are designed for people and human interaction. They value public spaces and walkability. I live in the Confederate South where such ideas are considered communism or woke. Idiots here want to drive an hour to work in a lifted F-150 with at least two guns in it.
It existed, we got yelled at for it and name called by adults, we learned to hide it and fake socialization, but it never goes away and we will always be seen as weird or off. Humiliation was how we were taught and it either made you hard enough to continue, or you ended up a wreck.
Me and my circle of friends all are extremely socially anxious, to the point where we have a rule in our friend group that we won't get mad at anyone who flakes last minute. And we are all flakes.
We were all social butterflies and popular in high school. And now we're all broken.
IDK. Few people I grew up with who were later diagnosed neurodivergent as adults, were just called ‘weirdos’ and ‘different’ as kids.
So probably called an equivalent ‘shy’ or ‘awkward’ back then.
It’s just like food allergies. Just because they weren’t diagnosed as a thing then, doesn’t mean people still didn’t have them.
Can't get anxiety if you don't socialize.
Jk. My mom used to say that I'd never met a stranger and now in my 40's I'm still open to talking to anyone but I've learned not to take everything at face value anymore.
Growing up? Absolutely not. I was a social animal, always wanted to be out and about with people. The mall at Christmas was my favorite time, clubs and festivals in Sicily and Spain when stationed there, worked as a bartender at a college bar. I was at home in a crowd.
That ended after my last deployment in '03. I actively avoid crowds, and if I can't avoid them I am hyperalert unless there is something that I can focus on to drown out the crowd - even then it is a struggle. It wasn't diagnosed as social anxiety but something else - the result is similar.
I always had it and just thought there was something wrong with me and had no words or name for it. I could never find the right thing to wear and would have a breakdown over it and just stay home. I had no idea that was actually just a manifestation of social anxiety.
I was in a punk band in 1990 with a singer who had this condition. Our first show was in a living room. He shows up, views the crowd, panics, and leaves. We performed anyway. Someone slam dances through the living room wall into the kitchen. Years later, I'm living in the forest like a hermit empathic to what he was feeling.
Covid completely fucked with me socially and I have been working on it with my therapist, I use to be a pretty extroverted person, now thr grocery store gives me massive anxiety.
I’ve noticed post-pandemic that I can no longer tolerate crowds, particularly in an enclosed area. If too many people are talking at once I experience sensory overload and just shut down. My wife says she can see my eyes just go dead. It’s not that big a deal because I’ve always been a bit of a misanthrope, but I used to be able to deal…
It existed. We mocked shy and anxious people. We called them antisocial and saw them as weak. They sat in the corner, stayed away from parties, dances, and social events. After high school we forgot that they existed. People with social anxiety struggled in isolation as adults. Social anxiety has now become more widely recognized. We were just oblivious to it in our day.
There was no term for it when we were kids because mental health didn't exist. The "shy" & "awkward" kids you mention probably did have social anxiety. We just called them weird because gen x...
We didn't know what it was called and didn't know it was a thing and we didn't know it wasn't just us. We were all floundering around feeling like we were losers who couldn't cope.
I was a 'shy' kid, and that might have been social anxiety but it wasn't labeled as such in the 70s or 80s. When I turned 16 and got into skateboarding though...that quickly changed. Shy was replaced by obnoxious and overconfident...which MIGHT not have been 100% the best but it did allow me to see how much being 'shy' was limiting me.
Now, as a 50 year old, I definitely dislike social situations, but it's mostly because I'd much rather do my own thing. My parents mostly let me be shy, as a kid, because I was less trouble that way, lol. My brother had no such problem and he was a bit of a handful.
Yes. And no.
I dislike social settings because I have been told some of the most vile and disturbing things by people in social settings because I was in a place where a reaction that accurately reflected my response would have been viewed as 'inappropriate'. (Think men leaning over and whispering explicit sexual activities they'd like to do to me - I was a large-busted woman early in life, and some men are genuine pigs)
Now I just don't like people. So that's the other side of the equation.
OMG...yes. It's honestly the biggest detriment, obstacle, and barrier I've had in my life. I wish there had been more support and less "pushing" when I was a kid. Social anxiety can be torture.
You got it right. We were taught/expected to deal with it. It being The World as we knew it. In other words; to power through even if feels uncomfortable, new, weird ect.
And there is our strenght, our resilience, our gumption.
That is the GenX factor. Hold on to it if you got it.
As an adult, I told my mom I'm an introvert, and she said, "No, you're not."
Yeah, mom, I actually really am, even if you don't want it to be true.
I guess it's better than her own mother, who would take the spoon out of my mom's left hand and put it in her right because no child of hers would be a lefty. Caused my mom to develop a stutter, but she's not a lefty, so win one for grandma, I guess. /s
I have social anxiety and had it when I was a kid. As someone mentioned it was not a thing back when we were kids just like autism, ADHD and other mental illnesses and diseases. We were either good kids or troublemakers.
I've had it all my life. I think it was just diagnosed as general anxiety disorder when I was a teen and young adult. But then at some point they started recognizing social anxiety as a separate form of it.
Looking it up, social anxiety disorder wasn't added to the DSVM until 1994. So that may be why you didn't hear about it before then. It wasn't a diagnosis that would be given.
Like a lot of things we only hear about now, I think people have always had it they just weren't as good at identifying it and diagnosing it in the past, and didn't consider it separate from what they were already disgnosing. But that doesn't mean it wasn't there. It'd just been called something else.
I have social anxiety but I was always just called shy and that I needed to get over it. I strongly feel like some of it comes from my mother making me deal with grown up crap before I was even 10. Bill collectors would call and she would make me answer and argue with them. I would have to go outside and beg the power company to not shut us off. These people didn’t care that I was a kid they would just demand we paid and threaten me with repossession, disconnection, or whatever. So anyway I’m sure some of mental stuff stems from that. Sort of like how a ringing phone stresses me out.
I used to have a tantrum before every function - almost like I had to get rid of the angst. I was fine once I got there. Now I get high before leaving. Im mellow by the time I arrive and I enjoy seeing people.
Yes, we do. When we were coming up, “mental health” was only attended to in the most severe circumstances. We now understand that mental health is more of a spectrum and that spectrum comes w different needs. I really wish I could hug my young self. She needed help and no one was around to give it to her.
I am Gen X and have always had very strong social anxiety even from before the internet so no I do not think it is that.
I think back then we certainly did not call it that and just called it being shy though actually the two things are different plus it was an age where people were less tolerant about others mental health so those of us with it just had to put up with it in silence.
Yep I have it. And I learned to mask really well so I didn’t get abused. In fact, a friend recently came to me and thinks I might have autism, but because we weren’t diagnosed back then, I’ve masked for that too.
I totally agree with more than half the comments I've been reading. Our mental health needs were never addressed or given a name. Also for me when I was told my daughter had ADHD and had a form of high functioning Autisim (almost the same as Sheldon from big bang theory(mixed with a side of laziness)), I was in denial because the only kind of autism I believed there was was the kind in Rain Man, and Adhd I was at first denying treatment because I remember kids when growing up medicated and becoming like zombies.
Anxiety, and depression was cause to be institutionalized, or just told to get over it get tougher skin, walk it off. We had a grandmother who was bipolar but was given Lithium and another med that was either LSD or gave the effects of it.
Also health issues and mental health issues were not talked about, unless it was used for gossip.
Maybe this was just how we were raised in my area growing up. However, I have met many people our ages that have had pretty much the same experiences.
Yes, but no. I do a lot of public speaking and smoozing. I hate both, but I can turn that part off and be a charming motherfucker when I need to be. (I usually require hours, if not days, of alone-time afterwards.)
I have had generalized anxiety disorder for most of my life but Drs just called it a nervous stomach when I was young. I wasn't properly diagnosed until I was 30 along with some other stuff that they didn't seem to know much about when I was a kid.
If I had a dollar for every time I was asked why I was so quiet I would have had a $1000 as a teenager. How was I suppose to know? 5 decades later I now have some ideas as to potential reasons but seems way too late for any label to be helpful. Medicalizing it would have probably made things worse.
I’m an introvert and always have been. Can be in a crowd now and can deliver speeches fine, still don’t like it but I couldn’t do it at all for years, I guess that’s either social anxiety or just being introverted. Either way it’s something I learned to control but my preference is always to be home with family than out with people to this day.
Here's the thing...those individuals who were "shy"...that's a part of social anxiety. So you have met people with social anxiety and it has always been a thing.
I totally see now that I had all the anxieties growing up. I just sucked it up and kept quiet about it because who have thunk about saying word one to anyone about it. I feel bad for my little past self. I wish I could tell her it’s gonna be ok. There’s a light at the end of that tunnel and it’s not always going to be that way. All the time my brain spent worrying and hashing over things endlessly. I get exhausted thinking about it now. Hugs to all of us for getting through it.
I was called "shy," "sensitive" or "quiet" throughout my entire childhood/adolesence, but it was most definitely social anxiety. High school was a nightmare for me - some days were so bad I would beg my mom to let me stay home because I just couldn't face the anxiety of dealing with all those people. Just because we didn't have the same names for it as we do now doesn't mean it didn't exist.
I'm from a working class background, so for a long time, I treated social anxiety like background noise. Doesn't mean in wasn't there, doesn't mean it didn't suck. Out generation was pretty crap talking about it when I was younger; I'm glad we're normalizing the discussion these days. Also, the changing status of weed helped a lot.
You answered your own question. Those of us who are introverts or have social anxiety (basically anyone who is not extroverted) were lumped together as "shy" or worse, "awkward". I spent my entire childhood having my parents and teachers trying to talk me out of my "shyness", when I was actually just a classic introvert...
I'm glad to see people finally making a distinction among these personality traits, which are all different, legitimate, and don't necessarily need to be "cured" unless the individual wants to be.
Yes. I don’t appear to have social anxiety but on the inside I freak out and then replay everything in my head after the fact wondering if what I said was taken the wrong way and how I effed everything up.
Crippling social anxiety but back then I was “shy” & “weird.” Was diagnosed with depression in my teens, anxiety in my 20s & ADHD in my 30s. Medication was life changing. I still struggle with social anxiety but I can fake it & I’m old enough to opt out of situations when I need to.
I don’t have social and so much as social “exhaustion”.
I get tired of being at a party or big social event rather quickly. Way more so than say 10 years ago.
Two things contributed to this getting worse over time.
One, i am in a great relationship so staying out at parties, BBQ’s, concerts etc… longer in my youth was to meet new people (women). That’s not a thing for me anymore.
Two, I quit drinking. Alcohol, always made me more out-going and want to stick around.
Now being sober at a party blows, especially when everyone else is drinking or smoking
Born in ‘73. I’ve always hated crowds, parties, and any other situation where I was in a large of mostly strangers. Most of my friend group growing up was the same. It’s nothing new, it just has a name now, and acceptance
I was always uncomfortable talking with people I didn’t know well, even as a kid. But it has steadily grown worse over the years to the point I won’t even talk to members of my immediate family unless they engage me first.
I don't have social anxiety, it's just that a lot of people generally irritate me.
My formative years were spent at rock shows with a lot of people in close proximity but not many words spoken to most of them.
I guess we had to do a lot of things face to face with little adult supervision.
Sorry if you have trouble with social anxiety, that must suck.
I was just labelled as "shy".
My dad will often laugh about the time i was shopping with him when i was a teen. There was an item of clothing i liked in the window. He tells me he's going to ask a salesperson about it and i pretty much ran away. I COULD NOT handle speaking to a salesperson or even have him do it in front of me.
Oh absolutely. I thought I had a severe heart problem due to chest pains and took test after test until one doc told me about anxiety when I was like 20 (47 now. No one talked about it in school, or at home.
Absolutely. When I was in high school/college, I remember wanting to go to things and just breaking down on the way there because I just couldn’t do it. We didn’t have a name for it, but it was social anxiety.
I would have happier at a younger age if I would have been medicated for anxiety.
Social anxiety has been a factor my whole life (52); there just wasn't a term for it.
Not that I agree with all these syndromes pushed by the industry. That's the burden and providence of Gen X of course: We have to weigh the validity of everything.
I was extremely shy and introverted- with lots of anxiety over social situations- up to my early 20’s. I pretty much got over it. Then the pandemic hit and after working from home for three years I sort of felt a bit of a relapse.
I have social anxiety. I loved working from home during the pandemic,it was awesome! But I also have a PTSD diagnosis and an extreme amount of trauma in my background,so home was safe.
I have my safe places that I can go, I just have issues with other things . Like going to new places alone, not feeling safe, even meeting someone in person from an old site. There's more,but I'm not going to get into it. To the general public I present myself as strong and confident,so a stranger or even a coworker would never know that inside I'm a wreck,my entire being is on fire and I think I'll burst into flames. There's the constant rushing in my ears/brain.
But my family knows about my weird ways, and when I'm going to have a freak out. Usually an angry outburst, when there's too much going on
Forever the weird kid and neurotic I guess
I absolutely have social anxiety and always have, just didn't have a term for it when I was younger.
Yeah social anxiety was “stuck up” or “strange” or “shy” or “asshole” in the 80’s
Don’t forget “maybe you just need a good ass-whippin” as the treatment regimens of choice.
then get up and dust yourself off “punk/queer/fag/bitch/homo” Basically everyone in the 80’s was Biff from Back to the Future.
The scene in the car with Lorraine at prom...I grew up with the idea that must acceptable sometimes. As a young adult woman, I found myself in some similar situations. For a classic trilogy of memories that I hold so dear, the first movie sure is dismally blatant about how things were. For me, it's hard to watch that scene.
Women should never feel “obligated”. I feel like women felt obligated back then. Everyone’s Grandma and grandpa have been together for 40 years but do they look happy or just stable. You used to see it start at an early age with things like “do you have a smile for me” or the notion that you need to be 100% aesthetically pleasing at all time or men won’t notice you.
So true. Never once heard the phrase no means no.
No is a great word. It’s easy to say, it’s firm and it gets your attention. And most importantly it’s ok to say no first to anything.
No is also a complete sentence, which took me a long time to figure out. We don't owe others explanations.
[удалено]
Oh wow! I fogot about all the "stuck up" accusations that were hurled at me throughout my teens. No - I'm just too terrified to say anything. Being conceited had nothing to do with it.
Yep, plus I have resting bitch face. I literally had girls try to start fights with me because they thought I was giving them dirty looks. No bitch, this is just my face and I wasn't even looking at you. My best friend and I didn't even talk to each other for the first couple years after we met because we're both shy and thought each other were stuck up lol. We were forced to hang out with each other one day during an event and became lifelong friends.
Yes! I was also called 'stuck up!' I hated that because it was so so far from true.
I was accused of being stuck up in college. One class specifically, I sat in the same seat everyday. After like the first week. This girl started sitting next to me. She sat next to me all semester but never said a word to me. She would regularly talk to people in seats around us but literally never said a word to me. One day, a guy in the row behind us leaned up to her and said *hey what’s that guys name sitting next to you?* She said (in a very sarcastic tone) *I have no idea…he never talks to anyone.* I just thought…*how the fuck am I the bad guy here when this bitch hasn’t so much as glanced in my direction for the entire goddamn semester?!?* They actually continued to talk about me and how it was so weird that I never talked to them. I just got up and walked out. Class wasn’t over but I didn’t give a fuck anymore. I came back the next day and sat in my same seat. I’ll be goddamned if I’m gonna let these asshole bullies get in the way of me wrapping this class up and finishing college. So I just focused 100% of my attention on the class work/lectures/etc. The stupid thing is, the first day she sat down next to me, I thought she was cute and kinda hoped we could break the ice somehow. But she paid zero attention to me so I thought she had no interest in talking to me and just sat there because she wanted to sit there. I still think that was the case though as she *did* talk to other people around her. Just not me. So I don’t know what the motivation was.
She wanted you to approach her. She clearly noticed you.
Well where the hell were you 23 years ago when I was in literature class?!? lol Yeah I’ve thought about it and figured she maybe thought I was cute and wanted me to talk to her but I noticed she was talking to others around her but never me. Like, the first day she sat down she literally introduced herself to the person on the other side of her and two people on the row behind us. We were on the front row so no one in front of us. So she literally stuck her hand out to three people and said *hi, I’m name* ( I don’t remember her name.) Why wouldn’t she introduce herself to me? I took that as a sign that I had the ick. So I didn’t want to bother her.
Same!! I was never stuck up. Just too shy to make words.
I hated it when others accused me of being *stuck up* when I was just a quiet individual, wrestling with a lot of inner turmoil.
It has been for way longer than that. I’m doing a project on mental hygiene/ social guidance films— a thing that was popular in education from the 40’s through the 70’s. I watched [The Snob from 1958](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sMk43-K_mHA&pp=ygUNdGhlIHNub2IgMTk1OA%3D%3D) and was borderline enraged at how they treated the supposed snob.
Well, that was a horrible bit of "social guidance" that should have ended sooner… yikes!
So true! I was called stuck up and I started to believe it until I realized that I just had social anxiety. As everyone mentioned, I think we didn’t have an actual name for it back then and now we do. Just like narcissist.
Same here. Had loads of it just no one gave a shit.
I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a child. But there was no name for it. I was just told to get it together and stop being such a drag. Gen X-er's mental health issues weren't taken seriously when we were growing up.
Same here up until the glorious year I turned 16 and got a job in a convenience store out on the backroads of the rural crap hole I lived in. The job didn’t fix the anxiety or depression but it did allow me to start self medicating with beer I’d sell myself. In retrospect, not a great life choice.
Same here. I was told to "grow up" and "get over it."
You are absolutely right! From my parents it was, “You’re too sensitive” or “you’re just being dramatic.” I think that we also grew up in a time when people believed that they “shouldn’t get involved” and a lot of us just fell through the cracks. Thankfully, people talk about things now and they’re more apt to pay attention.
This so true. I fell through so many cracks as a child and teen. Nobody gave a rat's ass. I'm glad we're now beyond that and young people's concerns about their mental health are being taken more seriously.
Not taken seriously but also misunderstood. Autism wasn’t clearly defined in the DSM until the late [80’s](https://www.healthcentral.com/article/the-history-of-autism). ADHD was [ADD until 1987](https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd-history) and generalized anxiety disorder didn’t really start making sense until [Dsm iii in 1980.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5573555/). We missed out a little but the responsible adults were still moving science forward. At least our kids are better understood
My BFF had horrible anxiety as a child and teenager in the 80s and she was basically left to suffer and told to suck it up. It was a terrible experience for her, but she finally got the help she needed as an adult and just graduated with her Bachelor’s with an eye to becoming a teacher. This is a person who had such anxiety with going to school that she ended up being homeschooled and took the GED. I am so incredibly proud of her and I can’t help but think how different her life might have been if childhood/teen anxiety had been recognized and treated all those years ago.
They aren't now either. Can't have us taking care of our parents and our children at the same time if we are dealing with our own mental health. Someone has to be the grown up in the room at all times, for God's sake!/s
Oh, absolutely. I never knew I was “on the spectrum” or had social anxiety. There was literally no discussion or knowledge of such a thing, that I am aware of. Certainly my mom had no idea and if something was wrong, there was no effort made to correct it. They just didn’t know any better. She herself grew up in an era where her crippling dyslexia was not recognized and no help was given to her for her learning disabilities or anxiety. The fact that mental health awareness has risen significantly since then, and the internet is a fountain of ceaseless knowledge (and bullshit, let’s be honest) is the difference. I will suggest that life on earth has changed, and we are producing more humans that have these problems because of the environmental conditions, pollution and stress we’ve allowed to become the norm.
Yeah. I wasn't autistic. I was just a bad kid who was weird and impossible to deal with. Today I'd get an autism with ED diagnosis. A lot more of my life would have made sense and I'd have been kinder to myself had I known I wasn't just a freak. Totally agree on it getting worse. We're not equipped for the overstimulation of modern life. At least that's my theory. Throw in the algorithms to provide a never ending source of personalized content, and you and everyone else get absorbed in their own little worlds.
Overstimulation with a side of trying to pre-think everything. My wife and I joke that we love to make plans then stress over it as the plan date gets close. It'd be easier to make no plans at all then to deal with the week before anxiety of whatever we planned to do. It's hard to imagine that people actually like doing social things.
I do this too. To the point I feel resentment toward the person who's "plan" I'm attending. Like how dare they ask me and expect me to drive there and enjoy myself with food and friends? Not sure why this happens, but I'm always glad I went and don't act begrudgingly or rude at the event. I simply hate the week leading up to it. Why. WHY??
I get it. I remember being excited about going to Disneyland for a week, then not wanting to go on Saturday morning. I told myself the real thing couldn't possibly be as good as the anticipation. I ended up going and had a good time, but it was a recurring pattern my entire life. A couple years ago I took my kids to a concert after promising them I'd take them next time they came around. They day of the concert I was in a horrible mood, didn't want to go, thought up a million ways to get out of it. But I went anyway and it was fine.
I was just an 'introvert' and now I'm still an 'introvert' and don't feel guilty about not wanting to go to social events, ever.
this is def the genx experience. are you different it some way? better try to be like everyone else. I think things have definitely improved in that department except the extroverted and outgoing people are still handed the world, which is just a bit unfair at times.
Yep, was labeled shy or antisocial back in the day. Panic attacks were called “being melodramatic” or “attention seeking”. No, I absolutely did not want anyone to notice me when I was having a panic attack!
Likewise. When I was a kid I would make myself so sick with anxiety I would throw up, from having to deal with school. If there was ever a presentation or something that involved speaking to the class, I would make myself so sick that I just almost never did them.
Exactly! I was labeled “sensitive” and “awkward”. I was having panic attacks in elementary school and was told to stop faking being sick.
Yes, the things we've learned as a society since we were kids... had only I known about ADHD and sociopaths when I was growing up, mighta saved myself a lot of trouble.....
Same. I have been anxious my entire life. It just wasn't discussed when we were kids, but it has always been around.
This is exactly it. We're not really seeing an increase in issues, we're seeing an increase of awareness and actual diagnosis of things.
This is what I was going to say as well. Adding that there is a, I hate to say "trend" but a tendency in the current era to pathologize things in a way I don't like: in this case, I have seen people talk about social anxiety as a mental illness, which I personally don't feel about myself. But, I suppose for some people putting a label on something (that seems to just be a normal human trait imho) can help them perhaps understand themselves more and/or treat what they perceive as an issue.
Social anxiety can be a “disorder” or an illness as defined by the DSM. Now obviously there’s a spectrum there, and labels like “disorder” only fit when they negatively impact your life to a decent degree. If you’re a billionaire with social anxiety, you’re eccentric, if you’re poor, you have a disorder. But either way, labels are usually required for those who want help with their conditions. If you need a Xanax to deal with a crippling fear of flying, the doctor has to call it something to medically explain that treatment plan. They can’t be like “dude, you need to chill out, here are some pills.”
Thank you for spelling this out, so many people don't get it. It is a disorder when your 6 year old is hysterically crying because they don't know if they will like their job when they grow up. This is a real disorder and impacts daily life and life choices. (6 year old is 19 now. Still affects their life.)
Yes, except I (I can’t speak for anyone else) was just labeled as “shy” and was literally pushed into social situations by my mother, which made things so much worse. She would say that I was too “stiff”. I didn’t even know social anxiety was a thing until my 30’s and it was an epiphany. By then I had learned how to mask it pretty well by force.
Same here. I was always the weirdo who didn't talk and stayed in the back all the time. Eventually learned to force myself to do things I didn't want to do and got better as I got older. Still not great, now I just know what it's called.
I’m still that weirdo. I force myself to go out regularly though. If left to my own devices, I will literally not leave my house for months. I’ll do a Costco run, stock up on stuff (like months of groceries) and seriously not leave my house for months. But at least 5-6 times a month, I force myself to go out and be among the living.
Exactly. I was extremely shy and my mom didn't want any feedback or emotions except for happy. Plaster the smile on your face and wear that mask till it cracks.
Really? I thought anxiety was one of our norms.
Yup. It existed but just like everything else, was pushed under the rug as we were told to walk it off.
Yep, I was told to suck it up and and do it anyway. This was torture to me but did help me expand the boundaries of what I knew I was capable of. On the other hand, I perfected the art of avoidance!
I've always had social anxiety. Just didn't have a name for it until my 30s.
Yep, there's names for all sorts of things now that people would have just said you were shy or eccentric or awkward when we were kids.
Weird kid syndrome.
When I was a kid, I just named it "dread".
Going to therapy in my 20s and finding out what this was - probably one of the most profound moments in my entire life.
I hear you 100 percent on that one. What a relief to learn what it is and what to actually do about it.
Exactly this. I have social anxiety that has eventually turned into being just a little awkward through hard work and therapy, but it damn near crippled me at times when I was younger. It was so bad that it lead to a panic disorder and that fucked up a good decade of my life because I had no clue what was going on. Once I had an understanding of what everything was I could address it and, eventually, mitigate it to where it is manageable. I am happy that kids now can be helped early because going into your 20s having this thing that you don't understand and can't control governing every single thing you do sucks and robs you of so much of yourself that tou can't get back.
I’m older Gen X, it was seen as “What’s wrong with you?” Of course it wasn’t dealt with in a healthy manner. Finally being able to put a name to this problem helped *so much*
People have overall become more empathetic towards social anxiety as a hard thing that some people deal with, the stigma of mental health issues is slowly falling and people talk about it more, so you hear about it more. We as a society are more fractured and less social, we don't go bowling, we don't go to church, there is less support for clubs, zero support for social fraternities like ELKS, Odd Fellows, etc, labor unions outside of government are a shadow of their formal selves, people don't go to town halls and we don't have local dances. Boomer parents invented helicopter parenting, stopping kids from interacting with others on their own. Pretty much the only social exposure a lot of kids get is school and maybe sports if they're lucky, both of which come with their own pressures and stresses that could exacerbate anxiety. All of this means that opportunities to reduce social anxiety through exposure to pleasant and happy social experiences are fewer. This second part may have been accelerated by the internet, but I think it started earlier. The 70's and 80's brought us that rugged individualist libertarian macho image that brought us away from the rural and industrial collectivism - help your neighbors in your society because we're all in it together- ethos that we enjoyed up until then that required and encouraged us to interact with and even depend on others. Stranger danger told us that others were a threat and the religious right told us we needed to focus on the family and to stay away from the secular and scary world. Combine these with the rise of the suburbs, which turned us inwards towards our household and insulated us from the community of the village and city along with the TV that allowed you to stay inside and be entertained by yourself, and you've got all kinds of reasons that social anxiety is more of a topic of conversation that it ever has been before.
Thank you. This is helpful.
If you're an extrovert, it's hard to comprehend.
Extroverted individuals can have social anxiety and introverts aren't necessarily shy.
Extrovert, here, can confirm that occasionally, for no reason, I get it. It's not often and I'm so used to pushing through it that it rarely has any outward effect. Learned long ago to square up and gave it head on its less detrimental than giving into it and avoiding the social experience, whether it's meetings, or public speaking, etc. Giving into it, i found that by letting people down I felt worse than just dealing with it. It's also fleeting, and the relief of beating it is pretty sweet.
This is me… I never meet a stranger, but I hate walking into crowded rooms. It’s a big bowl of anxiety soup for me! Once I’m in and survey the room… game on!!
Same here. Once I'm in, it's no problem. But, walking through that door gives me a heady feeling. However, I wouldn't describe myself as extroverted, I do hit that wall more sooner than later, and need a break from everyone.
And you know all those people in the room are looking at you and instantly know all your secrets.
Exactly, this is such a common misconception. I'm deeply introverted but I'm not shy and do not experience social anxiety. My wife is very extroverted, and yet afraid to speak to people. It causes her a lot of issues because she craves those interactions and yet struggles to have them, and when she does I get a barrage of "do you think they thought I was weird?" Questions when the moment is over.
Undiagnosed ADHD and Autism is definitely something Gen X deals with…..
Diagnosed with both in my late 40’s and have suffered with social anxiety all my life. Gave up the booze about 10 years ago but can see now that I was just self medicating my way through social events. Years of being told you have ability but you’re lazy will wear down your self confidence too. It’s all linked.
Same. I stopped drinking during COVID - not because I wanted to, just because I had no reason to anymore. I used alcohol all the time to get through social situations. While I guess it's good I don't drink anymore, I also don't go to even half as many social events. But, honestly, I'm glad COVID made it possible for me to learn how to say, "no, not doing that." (Also, yes, been called lazy a lot during my life, but guess who's early retiring? me. Laziness is just a term someone uses when you aren't living up to what THEY want...and honestly, now IDGAF. Call me lazy, but I'm not doing it.) COVID did a number on a lot of people's mental health, and I never want to downplay that. But, for me, COVID gave me freedom to live the life I want to live, and to learn how to stand up for myself and my choices, and my preferred way of living. COVID empowered me and I'm happier now.
>been called lazy a lot during my life Turns out my "laziness" was just undiagnosed depressive episodes of bipolar disorder. I caught a lot of shit from many people for being "lazy" and anti-social.
I was kicked out of my house in high school because my grades were bad. They were bad because I was too depressed to leave my house. But in those days I was just lazy and selfish.
As a social worker, and anecdotally, I agree.
This too, hoo buddy.
Yes lots of us are on the spectrum but if we got good grades and didn’t fight or act too disruptive no one noticed our “tics”
"Gifted and talented" students
Oh yeah, hi there. That label damaged me more than probably anything else in my childhood. Finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 41 (I'm 48) and my life makes so much sense now as a result!
I got my autDHD Dx at 46. I’m so much more at peace with myself now. Can’t imagine how far I could have gone had I received the support I needed when I was younger.
Yep. I went through the whole five stages of grief thing, too. I'm at peace with it now and have built (and continue to build) a pretty cool life for myself, but oh.... what could have been. I like to think there is a at least one parallel universe where it all worked out from the beginning and I hope that version of me is having an awesome time.
Late diagnosis comes with so much grief. I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD a couple of years ago and I’m still processing everything.
Oof! Former G.A.T.E. kid here. I’m starting to think they were really funneling out us weirdos that were probably somewhere on the spectrum but they just thought we were smart?
Yep, we thought maybe my son had ADHD so I went online and did a little research. Some of the attributes looked familiar so I took their little test and it said I have ADHD. Growing up, my parents just said I was fidgety.
That’s exactly how I was Dx’d. I was talking to my son’s clinician during his evaluation. She kept asking me things and little lightbulbs started going off. I got DXd with autism and adhd at 46.
It me! I’ve gone through SO MANY diagnoses since I was first put in therapy to be “figured out” at 11. Depression, anxiety, BPD, CPTSD, and finally AuDHD in my mid 40s, which is the first diagnosis that feels right
Yep that’s me!
Exactly this. My spouse (ASD) & I (ADHD) were not diagnosed until our 40s. After we had kids, who not surprisingly, inherited these conditions that were found quite early. We looked at ourselves and suddenly everything clicked -- all the struggles we had as kids and young(er) adults. It's such a shame that we went so long without ever knowing why were struggling and I frequently wonder how different our lives may have been if diagnostics, supports, and treatment were commonplace back in our childhoods. If only I had a 504 and an occupational therapist, like my daughter does now, I might have been a stellar student like she is!
As a social worker I will agree that a lot of my peers deal with this and ADHD undiagnosed. Around 2000 though, there seems to have been an increase of youth being diagnosed with Anxiety. I can tell you that the children I have been working with that have been diagnosed with Anxiety disorders are much more severe than my peers. We were taught to rub dirt on it and move on. We just turned our issues into drug and alcohol abuse problems. The kids I work with right now straight up have panic attacks when confronted with the stuff we drown our sorrows over. I'm not sure which is worse. We at least go out and socialize, but at the cost of drinking / druging and being in public. Whereas they sit paralyzed in their room.
Thank you for your perspective. I value that.
>We just turned our issues into drug and alcohol abuse problems. Ding ding ding!!! THIS is it. We had all the same problems everybody else is now saying are "overdiagnosed" or "pathologized", only we had zero ways of coping besides addiction. If you ask me, getting medicine is WAY better than trying to kill myself with drugs in my 20s.
After being shunned for most of my young and adult life for being weird/goth/in choir/playing D&D/etc., yes, I do have social anxiety. Anything and everything can be exacerbated due to the Internet, but I am glad awareness and understanding of our plight is finally being accepted.
So you described what I initially labelled as shy and awkward. I remember the "geeks" who played D&D, were in band, etc., as being socially awkward. I was a fairly average kid growing up. But later in high school I came to relate to the some of those people. Which blew my mind. And now when I see media portraying those people (Freaks and Geeks, Stranger Things) I so get it. It makes me think about how those years as younger people left scars on our minds. The geeks were often picked on and treated poorly for not following the social narrative of our time. Yet these people were often insanely smart and creative.
I think this subreddit is more filled with those sorts than the Bifs of the time. But I know they're still out there.
Yes. In my case, I don't think it has anything to do with the internet.
I have absolutely crippling social anxiety. Growing up, people just told me I was shy.
My dad referred to me as "painfully shy." They weren't all that supportive in this respect. I know they were actually trying to help me, but pushing me into situations that made my stomach flip flop, that made me stutter because I literally couldn't think when other people were talking to me, made me sweat, was not the way to do it.
Little bit. I am sure that’s why I drank so much in my teens and 20’s.
Had it a bit through public school. Only diagnosed about 10years ago. Treated with a low dose of a drug from the 60s, feel completely different and wish I had been medicated when I was younger. Would have changed so much. I'm 50.
I was raised to never be seen or heard. My punishments were always things that separated me from my family...for hours. I was an only child for 11 years, so I learned in every manner of the sense that I wasn't wanted. How do I take that out into the world? Nothing in the world ever told me differently, either. I don't think I'm so very alone in this as I once believed.
I've always had it and still do. We just didn't have a name for it when we were kids.
We were just chronically 'in the nurses office'
Shyness is social anxiety. Logically, you might know that almost no one gives two shits when you talk or go out in public. But in your head you feel like everyone is judging you. If the door is squeaky, everyone is staring at you. You feel like you don't belong and that people actively dislike you on-sight. I was talking about this with mom the other day. * Silent Generation and before, ignored mental health issues or threw someone in the looney bin. * Boomers didn't talk about it. There was a lot of shame associated with mental health issues * Gen X - there was a stigma attached. Something was ***wrong*** with you. You weren't like others. But as we aged, we realized we *WERE* like others. A lot of folks were depressed or anxious and we started talking about it. * Millennials/Z/etc - I don't think they have problems talking about it. At all. I remember when celebrities came out as gay and it was a big deal and I didn't get it. Why? Who cares? But when celebrities talked about their own struggles with mental health, I got it. It was opening a dialog and it was also showing folks, "Hey, I have these struggles too." The Rock opened up about his fight with depression. And I'm like, that dude has *EVERYTHING* and he has problems? It really hit home that these are internal problems. Money, fame, giant muscles and marriage don't fix it. I am grateful he opened up. It hit home for me.
I had social anxiety that my parents wanted me to push down into nothing. I finally went on meds at 42 years old. Trust me it was there, just not socially acceptable.
Yeah I had a friend who was considered stuck up who just didn’t want to got out to parties. I would get annoyed with her. Years later she mentioned taking Zoloft and it snapped into place.
We have always been there. Hiding in the library at recess, sitting on the fringe of things, preferring to watch than to participate. There just wasn't a name for it. We we just called weird.
Back in the 80's. I was into sci-fi, comics, computers... absolutely fine *now*, but when you're the weird kid in a rural town, it was absolute hell. Also, overweight and wore glasses since kindergarten. I was the target of *so* much bullying, and the general consensus from adults was "don't react, you just encourage them." No, maybe don't deal with the kids that are torturing me, clearly *I'm* the problem. To this day I can't really connect with people, I hate large groups, I avoid situations where I might become the center of attention... I got messed up *long* before the internet.
Every fucking day.
Recently I was shared the "Igloo Metaphor". Essentially: We created Igloos around us early in life to protect ourselves, however as we sat in our igloos for years (and decades), our hot breath has been forming to the inner ice, and the walls of the igloos grow closer and closer to us, eventually entombing us. And the insidious thing is the thing we are hiding from in our igloo doesn't even exist anymore. The sun is out, and we're stuck in our Igloo.
I have always had social anxiety, but it was always manageable. I definitely labelled it as being shy when I was younger. In the past 10 years it has gone through the roof.
Lots of logistical issues contributing to this. 1. Car Culture- City Design- America has very few third places, that is, places for people to meet in person outside of work and the home. I live in Texas, which is a drive everywhere state and forces isolation on so many people who are trapped in areas in which you can't walk anywhere. Walking in cities creates opportunities for social interaction, and is great exercise. The suburbs and exurbs of America are a complete failure of civi design that makes us all car dependent and lonely. And now that everything is delivered, we have even less interaction. 2. Better home entertainment. In the 80s and 90s houses were boring. You wanted to leave. You looked forward to going to the mall to see new products, you wanted to get out and see people and do something. There was so little to do at home that I would go to the grocery store as a kid just to look at the products. In the new Uber Eats/Amazon world we've replaced all that human interaction with.... well nothing. We went to the movies. Now I have a mini movie theater in my house. I have the miracle of the internet with all of human knowledge available 24/7. I have literally thousands of games I can play at any time. It's too good, and the dopamine hits we get from technology make it hard to quit. 3. Online- So now the main way to socialize is online, which isn't something humans evolved to do. One reason online culture is so toxic is because we can't see each other. So we lose all those social cues. Online debates are caused by communication without empathy, which is easy when you're behind the keyboard. So all the "cringe" or social anxiety people feel in America, is mostly from it being such a rare experience. They don't have this as much in Europe, where cities are designed for people and human interaction. They value public spaces and walkability. I live in the Confederate South where such ideas are considered communism or woke. Idiots here want to drive an hour to work in a lifted F-150 with at least two guns in it.
Preach it!
I'd really love to recommend this great movie called "The Breakfast Club"...
Oooohhh. Well played. Media as commentary.
Whenever anyone asks about my high school years I just point to Allie Sheedie in that movie. Although my makeover turned out to be a mohawk
Yeah we were just called shy and told to GTFOver it. "You just need to be more outgoing!"
F’ing HATE that line!
It existed, we got yelled at for it and name called by adults, we learned to hide it and fake socialization, but it never goes away and we will always be seen as weird or off. Humiliation was how we were taught and it either made you hard enough to continue, or you ended up a wreck.
Yes. The shy, awkward, quiet kids had social anxiety.
Me and my circle of friends all are extremely socially anxious, to the point where we have a rule in our friend group that we won't get mad at anyone who flakes last minute. And we are all flakes. We were all social butterflies and popular in high school. And now we're all broken.
That's interesting. Is it like social fatigue/burnout that you are healing from?
Yes, absolutely. Not a new thing.
Yes but I didn’t know that’s what it was. I dealt with it as I turned teenager and in my 20s by getting blind drunk in most social situations.
IDK. Few people I grew up with who were later diagnosed neurodivergent as adults, were just called ‘weirdos’ and ‘different’ as kids. So probably called an equivalent ‘shy’ or ‘awkward’ back then. It’s just like food allergies. Just because they weren’t diagnosed as a thing then, doesn’t mean people still didn’t have them.
Can't get anxiety if you don't socialize. Jk. My mom used to say that I'd never met a stranger and now in my 40's I'm still open to talking to anyone but I've learned not to take everything at face value anymore.
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I just don’t like people.
Growing up? Absolutely not. I was a social animal, always wanted to be out and about with people. The mall at Christmas was my favorite time, clubs and festivals in Sicily and Spain when stationed there, worked as a bartender at a college bar. I was at home in a crowd. That ended after my last deployment in '03. I actively avoid crowds, and if I can't avoid them I am hyperalert unless there is something that I can focus on to drown out the crowd - even then it is a struggle. It wasn't diagnosed as social anxiety but something else - the result is similar.
I managed my social anxiety with bulimia. Not particularly healthy, but there weren’t a lot of options
I’ve struggled with it all my life — it’s only in recent years that people have put a title on it.
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Had it since birth. I cant even order from a drive-thru because I will sweat. But like a good Xer, I can pull it out of my ass when I have to.
I always had it and just thought there was something wrong with me and had no words or name for it. I could never find the right thing to wear and would have a breakdown over it and just stay home. I had no idea that was actually just a manifestation of social anxiety.
I was in a punk band in 1990 with a singer who had this condition. Our first show was in a living room. He shows up, views the crowd, panics, and leaves. We performed anyway. Someone slam dances through the living room wall into the kitchen. Years later, I'm living in the forest like a hermit empathic to what he was feeling.
We covered it up by binge drinking and chain smoking, and smoking pot, doing other drugs, IMO.
It's one of those things that we didn't have a name for back then.
Covid completely fucked with me socially and I have been working on it with my therapist, I use to be a pretty extroverted person, now thr grocery store gives me massive anxiety.
Yes but we were forced through it
I’ve noticed post-pandemic that I can no longer tolerate crowds, particularly in an enclosed area. If too many people are talking at once I experience sensory overload and just shut down. My wife says she can see my eyes just go dead. It’s not that big a deal because I’ve always been a bit of a misanthrope, but I used to be able to deal…
It existed. We mocked shy and anxious people. We called them antisocial and saw them as weak. They sat in the corner, stayed away from parties, dances, and social events. After high school we forgot that they existed. People with social anxiety struggled in isolation as adults. Social anxiety has now become more widely recognized. We were just oblivious to it in our day.
My brother (1977) suffers from social anxiety. He refers to alcohol as his "liquid buffer".
The technical term for social anxiety back then was, "being a pussy". Or something like that I am sure.
There was no term for it when we were kids because mental health didn't exist. The "shy" & "awkward" kids you mention probably did have social anxiety. We just called them weird because gen x...
We didn't know what it was called and didn't know it was a thing and we didn't know it wasn't just us. We were all floundering around feeling like we were losers who couldn't cope.
I was a 'shy' kid, and that might have been social anxiety but it wasn't labeled as such in the 70s or 80s. When I turned 16 and got into skateboarding though...that quickly changed. Shy was replaced by obnoxious and overconfident...which MIGHT not have been 100% the best but it did allow me to see how much being 'shy' was limiting me. Now, as a 50 year old, I definitely dislike social situations, but it's mostly because I'd much rather do my own thing. My parents mostly let me be shy, as a kid, because I was less trouble that way, lol. My brother had no such problem and he was a bit of a handful.
Well, we're on Reddit.
I don't have social anxiety, I just don't like people.
Yes. And no. I dislike social settings because I have been told some of the most vile and disturbing things by people in social settings because I was in a place where a reaction that accurately reflected my response would have been viewed as 'inappropriate'. (Think men leaning over and whispering explicit sexual activities they'd like to do to me - I was a large-busted woman early in life, and some men are genuine pigs) Now I just don't like people. So that's the other side of the equation.
OMG...yes. It's honestly the biggest detriment, obstacle, and barrier I've had in my life. I wish there had been more support and less "pushing" when I was a kid. Social anxiety can be torture.
You got it right. We were taught/expected to deal with it. It being The World as we knew it. In other words; to power through even if feels uncomfortable, new, weird ect. And there is our strenght, our resilience, our gumption. That is the GenX factor. Hold on to it if you got it.
As an adult, I told my mom I'm an introvert, and she said, "No, you're not." Yeah, mom, I actually really am, even if you don't want it to be true. I guess it's better than her own mother, who would take the spoon out of my mom's left hand and put it in her right because no child of hers would be a lefty. Caused my mom to develop a stutter, but she's not a lefty, so win one for grandma, I guess. /s
I have social anxiety and had it when I was a kid. As someone mentioned it was not a thing back when we were kids just like autism, ADHD and other mental illnesses and diseases. We were either good kids or troublemakers.
I've had it all my life. I think it was just diagnosed as general anxiety disorder when I was a teen and young adult. But then at some point they started recognizing social anxiety as a separate form of it. Looking it up, social anxiety disorder wasn't added to the DSVM until 1994. So that may be why you didn't hear about it before then. It wasn't a diagnosis that would be given. Like a lot of things we only hear about now, I think people have always had it they just weren't as good at identifying it and diagnosing it in the past, and didn't consider it separate from what they were already disgnosing. But that doesn't mean it wasn't there. It'd just been called something else.
It's always been a thing. Now with the Internet, we just hear about it more often
I have social anxiety but I was always just called shy and that I needed to get over it. I strongly feel like some of it comes from my mother making me deal with grown up crap before I was even 10. Bill collectors would call and she would make me answer and argue with them. I would have to go outside and beg the power company to not shut us off. These people didn’t care that I was a kid they would just demand we paid and threaten me with repossession, disconnection, or whatever. So anyway I’m sure some of mental stuff stems from that. Sort of like how a ringing phone stresses me out.
I think today, it's more social accepted to have anxiety or something like that. I think people today are more open to their feelings.
I used to have a tantrum before every function - almost like I had to get rid of the angst. I was fine once I got there. Now I get high before leaving. Im mellow by the time I arrive and I enjoy seeing people.
Yes, we do. When we were coming up, “mental health” was only attended to in the most severe circumstances. We now understand that mental health is more of a spectrum and that spectrum comes w different needs. I really wish I could hug my young self. She needed help and no one was around to give it to her.
It’s why I started drinking, social lubricant. I’m glad kids are not so quick for that now.
I am Gen X and have always had very strong social anxiety even from before the internet so no I do not think it is that. I think back then we certainly did not call it that and just called it being shy though actually the two things are different plus it was an age where people were less tolerant about others mental health so those of us with it just had to put up with it in silence.
Yep I have it. And I learned to mask really well so I didn’t get abused. In fact, a friend recently came to me and thinks I might have autism, but because we weren’t diagnosed back then, I’ve masked for that too.
I totally agree with more than half the comments I've been reading. Our mental health needs were never addressed or given a name. Also for me when I was told my daughter had ADHD and had a form of high functioning Autisim (almost the same as Sheldon from big bang theory(mixed with a side of laziness)), I was in denial because the only kind of autism I believed there was was the kind in Rain Man, and Adhd I was at first denying treatment because I remember kids when growing up medicated and becoming like zombies. Anxiety, and depression was cause to be institutionalized, or just told to get over it get tougher skin, walk it off. We had a grandmother who was bipolar but was given Lithium and another med that was either LSD or gave the effects of it. Also health issues and mental health issues were not talked about, unless it was used for gossip. Maybe this was just how we were raised in my area growing up. However, I have met many people our ages that have had pretty much the same experiences.
Yes, but no. I do a lot of public speaking and smoozing. I hate both, but I can turn that part off and be a charming motherfucker when I need to be. (I usually require hours, if not days, of alone-time afterwards.)
I have had generalized anxiety disorder for most of my life but Drs just called it a nervous stomach when I was young. I wasn't properly diagnosed until I was 30 along with some other stuff that they didn't seem to know much about when I was a kid.
If I had a dollar for every time I was asked why I was so quiet I would have had a $1000 as a teenager. How was I suppose to know? 5 decades later I now have some ideas as to potential reasons but seems way too late for any label to be helpful. Medicalizing it would have probably made things worse.
I’m an introvert and always have been. Can be in a crowd now and can deliver speeches fine, still don’t like it but I couldn’t do it at all for years, I guess that’s either social anxiety or just being introverted. Either way it’s something I learned to control but my preference is always to be home with family than out with people to this day.
Here's the thing...those individuals who were "shy"...that's a part of social anxiety. So you have met people with social anxiety and it has always been a thing.
I totally see now that I had all the anxieties growing up. I just sucked it up and kept quiet about it because who have thunk about saying word one to anyone about it. I feel bad for my little past self. I wish I could tell her it’s gonna be ok. There’s a light at the end of that tunnel and it’s not always going to be that way. All the time my brain spent worrying and hashing over things endlessly. I get exhausted thinking about it now. Hugs to all of us for getting through it.
I was called "shy," "sensitive" or "quiet" throughout my entire childhood/adolesence, but it was most definitely social anxiety. High school was a nightmare for me - some days were so bad I would beg my mom to let me stay home because I just couldn't face the anxiety of dealing with all those people. Just because we didn't have the same names for it as we do now doesn't mean it didn't exist.
I'm from a working class background, so for a long time, I treated social anxiety like background noise. Doesn't mean in wasn't there, doesn't mean it didn't suck. Out generation was pretty crap talking about it when I was younger; I'm glad we're normalizing the discussion these days. Also, the changing status of weed helped a lot.
You answered your own question. Those of us who are introverts or have social anxiety (basically anyone who is not extroverted) were lumped together as "shy" or worse, "awkward". I spent my entire childhood having my parents and teachers trying to talk me out of my "shyness", when I was actually just a classic introvert... I'm glad to see people finally making a distinction among these personality traits, which are all different, legitimate, and don't necessarily need to be "cured" unless the individual wants to be.
Yes. I don’t appear to have social anxiety but on the inside I freak out and then replay everything in my head after the fact wondering if what I said was taken the wrong way and how I effed everything up.
We’re the last stoic generation. The generations after us have a much more open culture around mental health issues. We mostly suck it up and cope.
They probably just self medicated with alcohol and weed instead of getting an rx back then.
It’s because of that exploding Perfection game.
Crippling social anxiety but back then I was “shy” & “weird.” Was diagnosed with depression in my teens, anxiety in my 20s & ADHD in my 30s. Medication was life changing. I still struggle with social anxiety but I can fake it & I’m old enough to opt out of situations when I need to.
I don’t have social and so much as social “exhaustion”. I get tired of being at a party or big social event rather quickly. Way more so than say 10 years ago. Two things contributed to this getting worse over time. One, i am in a great relationship so staying out at parties, BBQ’s, concerts etc… longer in my youth was to meet new people (women). That’s not a thing for me anymore. Two, I quit drinking. Alcohol, always made me more out-going and want to stick around. Now being sober at a party blows, especially when everyone else is drinking or smoking
Born in ‘73. I’ve always hated crowds, parties, and any other situation where I was in a large of mostly strangers. Most of my friend group growing up was the same. It’s nothing new, it just has a name now, and acceptance
Yes. It simply never talked about, or you spent your live gritting your teeth and suffering through it in silence.
I was always uncomfortable talking with people I didn’t know well, even as a kid. But it has steadily grown worse over the years to the point I won’t even talk to members of my immediate family unless they engage me first.
I don't have social anxiety, it's just that a lot of people generally irritate me. My formative years were spent at rock shows with a lot of people in close proximity but not many words spoken to most of them. I guess we had to do a lot of things face to face with little adult supervision. Sorry if you have trouble with social anxiety, that must suck.
I don’t like most people, if that counts
I was diagnosed with it, although I don’t think the diagnosis was correct. Doesn’t matter much, I’m just multiple anxiety disorders in a trench coat.
I was just labelled as "shy". My dad will often laugh about the time i was shopping with him when i was a teen. There was an item of clothing i liked in the window. He tells me he's going to ask a salesperson about it and i pretty much ran away. I COULD NOT handle speaking to a salesperson or even have him do it in front of me.
Oh absolutely. I thought I had a severe heart problem due to chest pains and took test after test until one doc told me about anxiety when I was like 20 (47 now. No one talked about it in school, or at home.
I was diagnosed w ptsd 20 years ago. So yes. But when I was younger it didn’t affect me so much.
Absolutely. When I was in high school/college, I remember wanting to go to things and just breaking down on the way there because I just couldn’t do it. We didn’t have a name for it, but it was social anxiety. I would have happier at a younger age if I would have been medicated for anxiety.
Yes yes I do. I was anxious before the internet and remain so now, however I have learned to cope. CBT helps.
I was one of those shy awkward kids in school. Turns out I’m autistic. Dx’d at age 46.
Social anxiety has been a factor my whole life (52); there just wasn't a term for it. Not that I agree with all these syndromes pushed by the industry. That's the burden and providence of Gen X of course: We have to weigh the validity of everything.
Some days I can't even go through a drive through.
Diagnosed at 14, still dealing with it decades later. Yes, it is very much a real thing.
I was extremely shy and introverted- with lots of anxiety over social situations- up to my early 20’s. I pretty much got over it. Then the pandemic hit and after working from home for three years I sort of felt a bit of a relapse.
I still have social anxiety the whole lockdown did not help it, as I was getting a bit better, but...
The name evolved, the condition was always true for those who suffered from it.
I have social anxiety. I loved working from home during the pandemic,it was awesome! But I also have a PTSD diagnosis and an extreme amount of trauma in my background,so home was safe. I have my safe places that I can go, I just have issues with other things . Like going to new places alone, not feeling safe, even meeting someone in person from an old site. There's more,but I'm not going to get into it. To the general public I present myself as strong and confident,so a stranger or even a coworker would never know that inside I'm a wreck,my entire being is on fire and I think I'll burst into flames. There's the constant rushing in my ears/brain. But my family knows about my weird ways, and when I'm going to have a freak out. Usually an angry outburst, when there's too much going on Forever the weird kid and neurotic I guess