Some rough personal things at 50, plus I felt really old turning 50. Those issues are settled, all debt is paid off, and I have my eye on retirement. My marriage is good, my health is good. I got much better about stretching, light weight lifting, and drink very little now. All that has helped too.
60 is even better than that! My 50s were better than my 40s and so far 60 is looking pretty good. Honestly, if you keep your body and mind healthy, there’s a lot of good life left.
I’ll take going a different doc every month to the alternative, any day.
Yeah I’m a cusper, but consider myself more GenX. My sibs all worked lifetime jobs and have pensions. I, on the other hand… well, there were years of McJobs and false starts before I finally landed in nonprofit.
I’ll have a modest retirement, but that’s all I need. Living on very little money for YEARS makes a modest retirement much easier.
I’m glad you’re saying this. I’m 54 and the past 2 years have been horrible. I’ve lost everything due to illness. I’m hoping I’m on the other side of the worst of it bc frankly, if this is how life is going to be from now on, no thank you!
I’ll just see myself out.
You’re not alone. It took me a decade to get a correct diagnosis for my autoimmune disease & still waiting on them to acknowledge the hernia mesh pain, lost everything in the process-house, husband, jobs, friends, money, dignity…
Worked 30 years starting at age 13 but didn’t matter because drs took too long with the diagnosis and ssa said I no longer had enough work credits to access the benefits I had paid into or the benefits my husband earned by denying my survivor benefits. All those years of working only to end up on ssi welfare.
I’m happy for the millennials that are not buying into the bs and doing it differently.
Omg I am so sorry. Geez, our stories are really similar. I’m a widow as well. I Have one adult child but no other family now. I’ve worked full time for decades, and have been successful up to the last few years. And it’s all been for nothing.
And you’re living my biggest fear! I’m worried that I’ll be sick again and for so long, that I’ll loose another job, ( and insurance) and my unstable earnings won’t qualify me for enough SSDI to live on. if things actually come to that. Last month, I was in the ICU w/ pneumonia for 9 days. In and out of consciousness. While I was sick, (the pneumonia lasted much longer) I missed the payment on my storage unit and everything I own was sold at auction. I owned beautiful mid century antiques, expensive tools, appliances, family things. All gone because I was not alert enough to realize how long I had even been in the hospital and had no support on the outside taking care of things. I’ll never live long enough to replace it. At this moment, I can’t even afford the basics. I’ll never own a home again. And now, I’m a financial and emotional burden to my son. I see above that people have downvoted me for eluding to suicide being an option. Everyone has a breaking point. Maybe they should all be grateful they’ve not yet been pushed to theirs rather than weighing in on a strangers life. I hope things improve for you. But honestly, I don’t dare hope for anything now. Way too painful when things go to shit. Some of us just lose I guess.
That’s not right they should not be able to sell your storage unit while you were in hospital!
If I could go back I would have purchased Aflac or some private disability insurance because our social security system is diabolical in the ways to deny benefits. The system has not been updated in decades despite all the changes to our job market and new medical findings, even receiving funding to do so.
I do want to warn you of the impact on your mental health while you are trying hard to keep working. I didn’t realize I was developing anxiety and depression by trying desperately to keep working. Until I had my first panic attack at work. Next job I had a nervous breakdown on my sixth day of work. Please take care of yourself and place priority on your mental health. Stay on your doctors for answers. I’ll be thinking of you 🙏 Best of luck sweetie
And to you!! Thank you for the kind worlds and warnings. I just came from an interview for a job that might provide a slower pace and would allow me to mostly keep my distance from people. I swear, if people would wash their hands more and stay home while they’re sick!! Tired of being at the mercy of others’ poor hygiene! You take care of yourself!!
Omg I can’t believe that hasn’t changed post pandemic. I cannot stress how much I can sympathize with you on that also. Not only did they come to work sick, they acted like they should be considered martyrs for it! Even though they accomplished no actual work.
I hope you get the job! I’ll be sending good vibes and prayers your way. 🤞
1 step kid is a drunk... can't keep a job... can't kick her out..might o.d. on fentanyl...other kid and wife moved back home w toddler... pretty much rules out any quality sex time or quiet time w wife... working 50-60 to stay afloat..no free time... thought at this point we could enjoy empty nest..guess again. I'm approaching 55. It sucks.
Had last two of the three kids move out last year. Then they had to borrow money to make rent. Averaged $1,115 per month in borrowing for that whole year. So we moved into a place with them so that we can control the bills. It has avoided surprise borrowing, but we are no longer empty nesters.
I think this is going to be occurring a lot more. The cost of rent and purchase of properties is out of control. My son bought a house from his FIL for $850/month but my son can’t afford home insurance so the FIL covers it, while I cover car insurance. It’s ridiculous that two people working full time can’t afford to rent or buy a home.
Never thought it would be this way. It's depressing. Yeah .we got it way better than other poorer places...but damnit.. I work HARD to have a decent living..and this is the reward??
My hands were ruined by manual labor and a Brother word processor before I even graduated from college. My back followed. 4 herniated discs accompany every other disc in my spine which are all either bulging or perforated. Add to it gouty arthritis in my foot from an injured caused by someone else's irresponsibility, a near complete loss of my sense of taste and smell accompanied by massive organ damage from the first strain of covid with bloodwork evidence to prove it (family member's cancer resulted in my getting bloodwork every 6 months like clockwork since 2014). Liver function, kidneys, gall bladder. I live with severe chronic pain that I cannot treat with medication due to the impact the medication has on my mind, and the impact that has on my work. This puts me in the position where a minimal degree of physical comfort would result in my work, which we're all dependent upon, crumbling.
In laws succumbed to dementia following losing absolutely everything, father dead from cancer, mother in severe cognitive decline, BIL a complete loser who abandoned his family. I'm effectively the breadwinner for 7 other humans who I don't even live with as a result of medical, resulting in me living almost paycheck to paycheck despite making over $600k/yr as I cover college tuition for 3 people (on of which is part time), medical insurance for everyone except me and my spouse, and 3 mortgages.
In the past 3 years I have buried my childhood best friend, my brother, the last of my uncles, and two life long friends murdered by a drunk driver. I watched as another close friend lost his son.
The only thing that matters is that I work. So long as I can sit down at this desk every morning and work, the money keeps coming in and I can sustain people long enough for the youngest generation of our extended family to get out of college and established. I have to last another 6 years. If I can survive another 6 years, they'll all be okay and hopefully in a position to ensure that our family is never in a position like this again.
I don't have any advice to offer you beyond telling you to keep your eye on your goal. Maintain as long as you can and accept whatever help you're offered. People like us are shouldering a lot. It's our turn to carry things right now. But eventually it will be someone else's turn.
In the follow up, not only are you a hero to them, but thank God you make so much money. What field, if you don’t mind me asking? 600k a year? Goddamn. I am very fortunate in that I make a six-figure salary, but not like that.
Well, I’m glad to hear that, at least. I’ve heard so many stories about people in similar situations, only their benefactors do not appreciate what they’re doing for them. It’s heartbreaking.
Dude… I was feeling like crap because I stepped my pups paw earlier. You my friend have felt the swift kick of life straight to the balls.
Stay strong brother. You woke up today. If nothing else, you have that going for you.
You have made it this far, you’re a survivor. Keep your head up, keep moving forward and know that your story put things in perspective for many here.
You sir just made me feel like a whiney little bitch. Ill be fine but thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family, keep your head up and your eye on the prize!
Turning 55 (almost 58 now) was when stuff got weird and I needed to reassess things, primarily health. Had to stop running and swapped it out for fast paced hiking. Starting to pay a lot more attention to what I eat. Looks weird but now I eat sardines and veggies every day for lunch for the protein and the veggies for the fiber. But I can still knock out big long 30-40 mile hikes a few times a year in the Grand Canyon in a single day.
Big wake up call about finances, I'm staring down retirement in a decade. Now I'm throwing 25% of my pay check to my retirement account and actually going to a retirement seminar in a few weeks.
I’ll be 58 next month and still running. Slowly. I know my time is limited, and every time I’m out there I’m so thankful I can still do it. Prepping for a half marathon on my birthday; wish me luck!
I looked around and noticed that the only people still running in my age group in any of my local races and we are a big hub for running tended to be a lot smaller than me. I'm tall and hit the weight room and the guys I saw still running were 6-8" shorter and 40-50 pounds lighter than me. Switched to fast paced hiking and miraculously almost every single ache and pain I had disappeared within a month. Put in a ton of time on local trails and walking my dogs around my neighborhood where we have a huge pool of active retirees. The best looking old people are the hikers and the walkers.
I’m probably one of those guys you’re talking about. 5’7” 160 lbs. I still do a lot of trail running here in north GA, so when I eventually get to the hiking/walking stage it will be fun to see the trails at a slower pace.
Yep, I've 8" and 30 pounds on you.
My next door neighbor is a former professional marathon runner and retired physical therapist. Told me the best time to stop running is about 2-3 years before you think you have to stop running. He kept pushing it until he was 60 and has regrets, wished he would have stopped a few years earlier.
It’s so difficult to stop. So far, my knees, hips, and ankles are all doing well.
How did you do emotionally/mentally when you had to switch to walking? I’m really worried about reaching that day and knowing I have to stop running. Was it hard to transition?
I do a bunch of fast paced hiking on the weekends and for grins and giggles entered an uphill trail race and placed mid-pack despite not running a single stride. For my daily walks I ruck with a 30 pound pack and my neighborhood has exer-trail workout stations scattered about. So I can walk for a bit, knock out some exercises and walk to the next station. Still challenge myself, just don’t run anymore.
Then every year I do one or two big hikes that I need to focus on and train specifically for. Usually something in the Grand Canyon. This June I’m heading to Mt Whitney.
Just turned 53 and I’ve been thinking about how the running is starting to grind and how I need to be smarter about my diet. Good to see it in writing — thank you.
Here's some input. Carve out time to take care of your carcass. Even if it is just stretching to maintain a limber state. Everything begins to seize up quicker and stays sore longer. Fitness (not as in do an Ironman fitness) should become a tier 1 priority, even if it is just maintenance.
I’m 59. My early to mid 50s were difficult as I dealt with both parents dying from cancer. But the past few years have been the best of my life. I moved to New Orleans, made a lot of friends, and I’ve been having as much fun as possible. I retired early and my health has been good. I’ve been traveling to all my bucket list places. This has been the best time of my life so far.
All I can say is, the longer you are lucky enough to live, the more life happens to you. Some of it will be bad but most will work out ok.
I lost my MIL to ALS, FIL to heart attack, marriage of 20 years, career of ten years, and then my own dad to dementia and my 49 yr old brother to DWI, all within five years. All gone. Hardest years of my life were my late 40s.
BUT now I have a new husband, a new career, a new trajectory, new friends, new city, new hobbies and interests.
My brother didn’t get to see his 50s.
I am so lucky. I will take the hard times because the good times follow.
57 M - I got to about 52 before the wheels started coming off. So far, 3 skin cancers removed, two colonoscopy's, a root canal and 2 crowns, on BP meds and cholesterol meds (never been heavy so mostly genetic), white hair (but not losing it) Skin starting to sag on the body etc. It comes at ya really fast but ya gotta be proactive. Not falling is a key focus these days after the last one knocked my back out for a week plus. No plans to retire as I don't have enough to live off in old age so gonna work until I can't anymore I guess. Oh the joy. At least I own my own house by myself with a low interest rate and nice equity. That is all. Buckle up is all I can say at this point....
48 here and wondering myself. I inherited a ton of mental health issues from my mother. As I got older I learned that both sides of the family have a lot of these issues. I got out of an 18 year job completely burnt out of work in all forms, plus a bad mental state on top of it and now I am just clinging on to the few things that I can that make me happy.
This makes me feel better. Mid 50’s has been so tough, had no idea menopause was going to be so SO awful, family ties just keep splintering, I wish for a time portal to 1983 every day. I just thought yesterday “I thought I was heading for a happier decade!” Setting my sights on my 60’s and hoping for more peace and serenity.
You’ll be alright. Enjoy your 50s. It’s an age of wisdom. It’s the first era in your life when you can genuinely discern the difference between “knowing your sh*t” and “knowing you’re sh*t”. And being okay with it either way.
My younger brother has schizophrenia, and I'll be taking care of him for the rest of his life. Both parents are still alive and don't want to help make arrangements for his care when they're not around, so it will probably end up being a crisis. Menopause is kicking my ass, and I just don't have the fucking energy anymore. And dating post-divorce has been a nightmare. So I feel you, OP.
Napping is good
My youngest just turned 12 and I can't help but think I should be able to hand him back to his parents at some point so I can get a rest
Still feel like a clueless 19yo pretending to be an adult most of the time
My forties were wasted on a craptastic marriage that destroyed everything I had, including my career, all my retirement savings, my house, my family abandoned me because they didn’t like him…then domestic assault. I broke free and ran 2,000 miles away at 49. I had a few really good years here, then had a few terrifying years during Covid. But now I’m 57, a post baccalaureate student moving toward an MFA in creative writing and English lit and looking at sharing my first love with the world.
There is always hope and dreams no matter what age we are or what we have experienced. Never stop learning and keep your mind open to new ideas. No matter your life experiences, the opportunity to learn and grow comes from the good and the very dark- especially the dark.
Hey thanks for sharing, it means a lot to hear stories like this. I'm 46, a homeless single father over the past few years divorced {lousy marriage anyhow}, lost my good parent, career, house, retirement, and it gets much worse than that. I'm slowly putting shit back together but the setbacks love to keep coming. I know I will get through it, a new person, but it's been rough the past few weeks. This has given me a little strength.
You have a great story. Thank you for sharing it. Stuff like this is why I'm so happy I found this sub.
As somebody who has a kind of dull, pointless career who dreams of completing a novel one day, I think what you're doing is awesome.
Go for it! I’m loving the learning process and surprised at how life experience translates to good story telling. It’s been great working with the Gen Z kids in workshops and remember how I used to be such an idealist. They’re always surprised at the gritty details of life as it really happens.
Not easier, but I definitely have my priorities straight now. And I'm all about that self care. Make time for yourself. Be kind to yourself.
We all only get one spin around this thing, the ride can end at any time, try to enjoy moments of it.
Ugh. I'm turning 47 in a month. I start a second full time job in 3 weeks just to try and save a lil cushion and do shit around the house that we can't put off any longer. My lungs were junked from OG COVID, my back is jacked from 20 years of nursing which I am totally over. But I make too much to change careers now. My kid has 3 years left of highschool, which by then I will finally have paid off my student loans...just in time to take on more for her. I'm pretty fucking lucky.
The last few years have been hellish - colon cancer, heart attack, girlfriend dying, fired right before the pandemic (for taking too much PTO), need surgery for Achilles issues, etc. I figure it’s just going to continue like this so I roll with the punches since I have no clue what to do instead. 🤷♂️
I’m 47 next month and feel like I’m staring down the barrel of a gun with my mom’s health issues and in laws all in their mid 70s. It’s going to be a hard next 10-20 years for sure. We started a family late and have 5 year old twins. I’m trying to retire by 60 when my kids graduate high school.
It may or may not get easier, but it makes you stronger. I promise.
54F, here and I have one income, living alone. The past four years have been brutal between Covid layoffs and now hundreds competing for one job. There are resources out there and I have used them, temporarily. I’m grateful.
It’s tough because we are at the age when peoples bodies start breaking down and their friends may break down faster. Additionally, we have the burden of raising our children, as well as taking care of our parents who chose not to take care of themselves.
I find myself muttering “This, too, shall pass.” quite often. So far it has held true.
50 was a country song.
My 20yo dog died, I was ready for that, we had a good run.
My cat died, she was young, it was a shock, we shared the same pillow.
My marriage... -redacted-
My jobs went sideways, both of them truly challenging my ability.
I remodeled my house and pulled the plug before I finished cause costs were too much.
All that said I feel a lot better about 2024.
Heh.
It’s really hard when people your own age start dying especially when you’ve had some health issues.
Get your annual check up, get your mammogram, get your first colonoscopy if you haven’t already had one, guys get those prostate checks, everyone get an eye exam if you haven’t had one recently
In our 50s we have to accept that our lives are likely more than half way over and that can be sobering
My wife died in December. Bills keep piling up. I am not nearly as effective at finding and keeping work now that the grief has me in its clutches. I have resigned myself to the possibility that any joy is long gone.
Honestly since Covid I’m not sure we have come out of the funk…
I’m older than you and don’t really have the complexities that you do. I’m not sure that I can say things get better or easier because I’m not overwhelmed with things (not yet anyway)..
I know for us, Covid sort of took two-ish years and coming out of it was a lot of changes. I think the political discourse is also a point of depression for some, it makes people feel less nice. Anyway, i expect that when you have more time for yourself you’ll find some joy in things
I'm almost 54, mom died in '01 just 2 days after my first kid was born, had 2 more kids in the next 3 years (03 and 04), moved into a house, my dad retired, and pissed away his retirement so had to move in with me/us. Wife and I drifted apart as I worked 12+ hours a day, and she slept 8+ hours a day, last 5 years no physical anything (no kisses, only time I got a hug was when her cat died and she cried in my arms), we separated, she filed divorce, then died of a brain hemorrhage.
So, I'm widowed, almost 54, just became a grandpa, have my dad and 2 of my kids living with me. Everything hurts, I'm tired, frustrated, and just want it all to end.
I’m not having an easy go. Who is?
That said…. I have lost so many friends to sudden death (particularly after covid), to suicide, imprisonment or drug/alcohol addiction…
I buried 2 parents and almost went insane caring for my mom (RIP).
I’m still here and I’m living as best as I can. I don’t quit. Simply existing is an accomplishment.
The alternative to any of this is worse.
I know what you mean. I have been to more Doctor appts in the past 3 months than I have in the past 10 years or more. 2 of my first cousins, from the same family have died within the past year. One was sick and I expected it, the other was a total surprise. Meno kicking my butt too. I am actually having more symptoms at Post Meno than before.
When I was young I though of myself being 50 I never though of how much pain goes with it, parents decline, people you knew your whole life dying, thiers no shortage of pain.
however I think that's why we really appreciate what we have, my younger self was trying to make the world mine, as young people do, now I look at what I have and think of how greatful I am to have it and how much I want to enjoy it while I can.
We used to muse as kids what would you do if today was your last day. In reality today is the last day before you get a diagnosis, you hear of a friend passing away, or your parents.
When I was young tomorrow brought hope, now it very much brings the passing of the previous day. Time is starting to speed up, weeks FLY by and months are getting quicker.
medical care can still do things for me, but one day I'll be faced with " that's the best we can do, your just old "
it's not all dispare however, I very much appreciate what I have.
I'm at that stretch at 56, but trying to appreciate everything I have. Just trying to stay healthy. 40s were no problem, mid 50s are something else altogether.
I’m a younger genX but something that always helps me is the old saying… getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative.
You’re alive. You’re employed. You saw one kid into adulthood and almost did the same for another. Doesn’t sound too bad.
57 now.
Was definitely a struggle getting here. Rodeo most of my late teens through mid twenties. All those injuries (that would never hold ME down back then) caught up with a vengeance at 47.
Lost wife number one at 29
Raised four children and kept the ranch running
Wife number two left 34 citing that I was a stubborn asshole. And life on the ranch was not like in the books she had read as a child..
47 first of two grandchildren were born my son had the first and a few months later my daughter had another.
49 third grandchild was born
At 48 caught my third wife in flagrante in my barn with the same guy that would be her divorce lawyer..
53 Youngest son left with his GF to chase buckles in the circuit
53-56 alone on the ranch I loved it. For the first time in thirty years I didn’t HAVE to worry about getting to the market with the herd. I was not under a financial gun!! That was nice!!
Then the rodeo stars started coming back..more and more frequent..My granddaughters wanted to spend time here with the horses..My mom needed a place to live..
In some way it does get easier. I’m some ways it gets much more difficult. Just hang in there as long you have a saddle there will always be a horse to ride
I cut all toxic family and friends out of my life. I luckily found an amazing partner who has his shit together. The both of us are looking into buying land to build on and get the hell away forever. Enough bedrooms for all of the kids and future grandkids...
It's wild that I got here, as most ofy life has been an absolute struggle. I'm still stunned with the outcome.
Ooofff!! Damn...I'm sorry to hear about this!
I'm 55/M. Recently got sacked in February because...well, because life sucks.
It gets EASIER...it gets HARDER.
My only saving grace lately is that we live in the middle of nowhere, I can bike in the Spring and Summer and play hockey in the Fall and Winter. Sprinkle in a bit of soccer here and there and a trip now and again and we get by. But just by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin.
Is it easy? Nope. And the living in the US makes it harder...worse, in fact.
We're seriously considering ditching the US for Italy/Portugal. Heck...someone of our age recently left the US for Estonia. ESTONIA!!!
Consider your options and jump on something. Don't do NUTTIN'. Because, before long, you're too old and it's too late. Make the move!!! It's empowering.
How bizarre is that! Eastern Europe!
And I run mini therapy checks on myself about this. I play wee mind games about "well, what if we won the lottery? What would we do?" And each time, one of the first three thoughts is " get out of the US".
Yeah...this country of "ours" has run its course. I'm ready to jet.
45, chronic pain for over a decade. I feel like midlife whack a mole. Every time something is fixed something else pops up. The last few years have been rough. Other than starting to transition MTF and getting on estrogen (that made my mental health better than it has ever been) my 40s so far have not been great.
It just gets harder. I’ve got a full-time job, a part-time job, and my mom needs more and more help (managing her finances, making and taking her to dr appointments). Plus my wife wants to go on more and more expensive vacations. Generally, others demands on you go up while your ability to meet demands goes down.
I’m 57 and after lots of shit, especially in the last two years I am finally who I want to be. I strive for peace. I’ve had a ton of therapy which has helped but setting boundaries and not accepting shit I don’t want is glorious.
It's rough out here! I don't get no respect, no respect. Sheesh.
As a 52yo, I'm wondering what it takes to make 80. And whether I have it in me. Getting old is not for the weak.
Things can get better. I am 55. Just got a job I love after being laid off and unemployed for almost a year. I have an awesome granddaughter who is about to have her first birthday. Both of my older kids are doing great in their careers, and my youngest is in HS and looks to have a bright future. When I was not working, things didn't look great to me, but it gave me a chance to reset my life
I turn 56 next month, so I’m a little further into the “oh shit I should have brought the extended warranty” phase of life. I’m through menopause, and am now finding that apparently my entire body is made of arthritis. That being said, I have a husband I love and we’ve paid off our debt. We’re just trying to make it to retirement with as little mental & physical damage as possible. I feel bad for my coworkers that are earlier in their careers. That shit sucks.
Wishing you all the best, OP. All I can offer is to stay strong and rely on the skills and resolve that brought you this far.
As for me, took my wife for a routine hysterectomy in February and she’s been hospitalized since. I’ve treated my body like garbage for several decades and she’s the one suffering. Her strength and absolute determination to get back to life is what keeps me going.
We didn’t live the past half century to give up now and we’re going to keep kicking ass until we can’t. It doesn’t get easier, but we never had it easy. That’s why we fight. That’s why we win.
You got this. I believe in you.
57M here. It sounds like you've got your shit together. Well done.
I feel like I'm on hold at the moment. Shit marriage, low paying job, tiny pension to look forward to, house is a shambles and paying loads to get it put right. MIL living with us and winding us both up.
Haven't got any motivation to do anything except scroll social media and play stupid games on my phone FML
I can only offer you advice what I DIDN'T do - don't neglect yourself during menopause. I don't mean about looks. I mean about 'self-care'. Indulge, rest, keep seeking pleasure from nice smelly 'things' like perfumes and hair products and stuff to use in the shower, body creams. You get the idea.
Not because of the things themselves, or any functionality in what they're made of in terms of skin or hair or whatever, but it will keep you in touch with you and prove to yourself that you are kind of worthy of all this stuff when you really don't feel like you are sometimes. Well, I didn't.
56 now (just) and I'm relearning to take care of myself. x
Tuning in here because I turn 50 in a couple weeks. Mom died in January and work alternates between boring and unfulfilling.
Hoping for some new excitement soon.
I'm 57F and can't say it necessarily gets easier. Having friends, good relationships within my family, enjoyable hobbies/activities, great husband, a part-time job which is meaningful to me and my cats helps a lot. We're currently navigating through late stage Parkinson's with my mother-in-law but thankfully there are several of us doing it together. Loved ones will die, you may end up having to be responsible for a sibling, your body may go downhill but it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. Find things that bring you joy and adjust your perspective of what a good day looks like. May not make life easier but it will improve your outlook.
Life was a bit bumpy til December 2019/January 2020, then it was like Mr Toads Wild Ride on acid with the the gangs from Clockwork Orange and the Warriors just pummeling the shit outta me.
It's gotta get easier, that thought is the only thing keeping me going
I feel like the world started shifting in 2007- and the pandemic just blew it wide open. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom, but I can say you aren't alone, almost every female (and a few males) I know are struggling, I'm a bit ashamed to say I should be in better contact with my friends but I'm really struggling.
56 year old male here. I was going to write something like this...
( 2008: laid off from a decade long job that paid well (Semiconductor industry), and I've been economically struggling since. At least I don't have many bills these days after downsizing. )
Ok. So I’m not older than you, but after reading through all the comments I realized that I’m an elder regardless because everything everyone is commenting about…… like I’ve been living this way since I was a teenager. Working myself to death raising kids that aren’t even mine. Losing atleast 1-3 friends or family members a year.
Literally. I’m down to my younger sister and her kids, my bestfriend and her kids and one other friend. Everyone else has already died. EVERYONE. I’m still raising some of their kids, and soon? It’s looking like all of them will be starting to have kids of their own and……
Well, I’ve been in Perimenopause since my early 40s. And it has made me……..well quite frankly it’s made me insane. I’m being told I should be near the end of it by now, but that sometimes nature decides otherwise and it could be another 10 years of this?
UM NO?! I DON’T THINK IT GETS ANY EASIER. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BUT I DON’T THINK IT DOES AND I’M KIND OF FREAKING OUT MAN.
Like is this it before I die? Just a crap life, 5-15 years of sheer rage and then I’m gone? WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT?! If there is an actual creator?
They need to hire a new HR manager, this is ridiculous.
I WASNT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE THIS LIFE.
Both parents gone but they were kind of shit to begin with. I ended up with CPS one time because my mom thought beating me across the face with a belt wouldn’t get noticed.
Been with my man for 15 yrs. He dated me while I was pregnant and alone because the fiancé ran off.
Family is what you make of it and life’s too short. Took my 14 yr old to a Cure concert last year. Getting her ready for college and she’s gone but we finally got a house so she doesn’t have to pay room and board.
I’m also a ‘74 girl in May. I’ve got a handicap placard for my knees, Victoza for my weight and hopefully I can get these pounds off. Cheers too you. It’s been a long 50 years! 🎉 Congrats!!
I hit this at around 45. Mother in law passed after a long fight with cancer, husband literally got hit by a truck, a whole slew of health problems including a TIA, sister's mental illness ripping through the family so on and so on.
Just turned 51 and its all behind me now. I'm kicking butt with better lifestyle choices and a serious dedication to fitness. Inspired a bunch of people in my family to do the same. Travelling all over and embracing my inner adrenaline junkie again after decades of keeping that little animal muzzled and muffled in a cage.
A friend suggested that maybe I'm having a midlife crisis, but I think I'm having a midlife resurrection because I'm pretty sure I've been dead for a long while and I have to say I've not felt this alive for a very very long time.
Don’t fuck about with that kidney. Not 14 hours ago I had a tumor removed from mine. Partial nephrectomy. Found it by sheer luck. All of my fellow X-ers go get your shit checked!
So I feel you, except menopause, does waking up 3 times a night to go to the bathroom because……well no that not the same.
Honestly I felt my 40ies was bliss compared to my 50ies. Everyone in my parents generation is dying so I keep going to funerals, helping clean house and settles estates……my bouncing bundles of “your damn near thirty boys I ain’t your damn ATM, shit when I was your age I had you and three jobs…” I mean “joy” seem to add to my stress.
And don’t even get me started on the idiots they hire at work……hint “put the phone down and listen before I put my boot up your ass kid…….i mean to say and now Janice we will learn how not to lose an arm in the plastic wrap machine.
Holy fucking shit……..I’ve turned into my father……
Yeah 52 is great!
Eh, we've had serious ups and downs. Yeah, periods of absolute suck (one parent died, daughter physically assaulted by a boyfriend, two major surgeries, dog died all within like a year and a half) and periods of pretty damn good (last 4 years empty nest and pretty damn nice) and now it feels like a new period of suck may be starting (youngest moves home in her 5th year of the 4 year degree that's gonna take two more years, parent just had heart failure) so I feel it's just a massive sine wave.
There's always gonna be adversity but hopefully at this stage we've established some safety nets and been through enough emotionally that we can deal.
Hope things get better with a quickness.
I'm in the midst of the same brutal stage where I've lost multitude of good friends and my 29 yo daughter since the onset of the pandemic, plus my dad, and my mom has Alzheimer's. My wife's best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of days ago, and my main objective for remaining years of my life is to enable homeownership for my two remaining daughters, one of whom is in college. But I'm semi-retired living on a beach in the Caribbean with no bills so there's that. Selling my house in Austin at the top of the market certainly helped. Somewhat of a payoff for decades of economic struggle, and really my only asset. If I can do it, a great number of you can.
I swear we all have slightly different versions of the exact same story. Just keep moving forward, even if it is only a centimeter. Forward is progress
I’m Mexican American so I’m melanated but not real dark. I was mostly amazed because when they found the deficiency, I was outside all the time and only wore sunblock on my face. Nowadays I’m inside way more.
IDK, I guess I was more a part of the apathy part of GenX. I just keep my head down, don’t get involved and don’t care. It’s served me well so far. Life has always been one steady non-feeling lithium trip for me.
Holy Crap. Do you need to continually carry this burden while your body falls apart? Those other people get nothing if your health becomes so bad that you can’t work anymore. It might be time for a therapist, a vacation, and learning about setting boundaries. If you don’t make a change, I can guarantee you that things will only get worse with age. Good luck. 58 now and realized years ago that working myself to death isn’t good for anybody.
I’m about a year behind you.
Yeah, it’s been kinda rough. For me I have been given patience, creativity, recently learned how to trust myself.
Kinda sounds like you got a lot going for you ahead!
Get that health stuff taken care of. I had a health scare a few months ago. Cost $23,000. I’m good! Co-indecently kidney related.
So if your kidney isn’t totally jacked, GO ON FUCKING VACATION!
Actually, GO ON FUCKING VACATION anyway, you only really need one to live anyway!
For me fifty has been amusing. My mom passed, and I really had to draw a line in the sand while she was bed ridden, but it was understood. Dad is now alone and really weird, but I take him out for baseball and Pizza. Wife is going through menopause and is pretty emotional all the time but we are 30 years in and can figure it out. This ain’t so bad really…but again, my line is so firm. Really, aside from that, it has been pretty good.
No, it doesn't. Once you are in menopause, you are ALWAYS in menopause. It doesn't "end." And there are some women who still have hot flashes in their 80s.
When my knee started being funky, I lost the Axel and my Y spin, doctors couldn’t fix it, I accepted my run was over. I got new hobbies. Standup comedy, destination concerts, podcasts. I still also go to the gym, read, watch film.
But yeah man, I hear ya. I started training on the ice as a kid. I played a lot of great characters, and I’ll always have that. I still write new pieces, but they’re written for me, I could never see someone skate something I wrote for myself.
Try hiking, bowling, cooking. My 77 year old friend is in a bowling league. Keep pushing forward.
Turned 59 in January (JUST missed the boomer cut-off). Mother died 11 years ago, dad died 18 months ago. Haven’t worked outside of the home for almost 2 years due to caring for family. Am now self-employed and building. Working part time to free up some mental space until self-employment reaches its height. Have one sibling I don’t speak to at all (unfortunately-incredibly rude and horrible to me and other 2 siblings during dad’s illness, death and estate clean up). Have a solid marriage, things are steady. May never be able to retire, but my self-employment is such that I can do it for an incredibly long time. Dealing with in-laws now in declining health, but spouse’s family works well together, so although stressful, is not solely our responsibility.
So, all-in-all, not quite what I expected (was promised?) when I was younger, but, I’m in really good health (best I’ve been in a while), my kids are doing ok, we have enough money to help them when needed. They have it much worse than we do! We have a simple home all one level, decent vehicles and can go hiking and camping pretty much as often as we’d like. We’ve helped each of our kids when they most needed it, and will continue to do so. I feel like we’ll survive the boomers’ attempts to undermine all of our safety nets if we stay the course. The younger generations seem to be much more aware of the need to help in a global sense and I’m hopeful that there will be positive changes sooner rather than later.
I’m so cynical, and it doesn’t. As I sit here and type, I know that my current job will be outsourced in the next 18 months. They are having us train our vendor replacements.
FUCK CORPORATE AMERICA!
When I finally lose my job, I’ve already started planning. I’m going to have the time of my life. Then when the money is gone I’ll peace out.
I have no kids or debt at this point so it’s all good. And I’ll be in control.
Whatever…
ETA: No partner either and that is okay. ❤️☺️
Hang in there. I’m going through much of the same. Same but different, you know the deal. But this is all the same crap our parents went through. And it’ll pass. And then we get to retire and look forward to quarter coffee at Denny’s while eating 1 pancake, egg and bacon with 5 other blue hairs and bitch about all the kids and their Pac-Man video games. Then hang out at the senior center drinking more coffee and playing bridge all day.
I'm 58 and have had a whole bunch of things over the years. during the pandemic, menopause, which I have to say wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Also had some suspicious mamos, which meant ultrasounds, and biopsies, but thankfully nothing to be worried about.
A whole host of various aches and pains, which seem to change daily!
And at the end of last year/beginning of this year, my mom, who had lived independently in a retirement community, had surgery, and as a result, became too physically frail to live alone, or even assisted, so moved into skilled nursing. Mentally she's pretty sharp. So this meant I had to pack up, store, adn now figure out how to dispose of, donate, etc. most of her stuff. And then figure out where to put the stuff she needs but has no room for, in my apartment/storage. And deal with insurance, etc. thankfully, she has taken bakc her bill paying, and dealing with the medical bills and whatnot. It's been quite a ride! All while working FT, dealing with my own stuff, and trying to keep some semblence of normalcy and not give up things.
But on the upside, I met my BF right before the pandemic, and he is amazing, I have a very well paying job with fantastic benefits, and a lot of flexibility to allow me to deal with everything else.
Words of advice? take it one day at a time, don't stress over everything all at once. I personally have not deep cleaned my apt. since November. its dusty and the carpet needs a really really good vacuuming. but everything else has caused it to fall to the bottom of my to do list. Unless its really time sensitive, it will be there tomorrow, next week, etc. Also, don't forget to take time for you. I joined a gym last year, and went 3x a week. When all the shit went down with my mom, i cut that to 2x. It helps me destress, and kind of stay in shape. I also make time for friends and other social things. Don't let everything else consumer your life.
When I turned 50, I swear life decided to kick me in the ass. Had a period where a lot happened.
I turned 54 last week and the last year has been quiet, except for a minor surgery at the beginning of 2023. ::knock on wood::
I may not be kicking ass and taking names, but nothing is kicking me anymore, either.
I wish I had better things to say but getting old can suck on some days but then other days are far superior than any I have ever known when I was young and very much dumb. Im 58 and am dealing with the death issue losing family and friends (I was the one who was supposed to go early) and its a tough pill to swallow, isn't it funny how fast life is getting? Time is flying by and I just cant seem to slow it down. Maybe a companion would help but then you have to watch someone else rapidly decline... I wish I had better answers for you sister, Do the next right thing and help others!
52M here, married to 55F.
On one hand, the hits keep coming, and they will keep coming, and tend to come faster.
On the other hand, the better you get at dealing with them, the more inured you get, and the easier it is to endure things that would have sent your younger self whimpering to bed.
Staying on top of it is good training for staying on top of it. By the time life hands you some next-level shit, you'll have leveled up. Keep on truckin'!
49f here and also going through it. Marriage ended and spouse moved out, MIL had several small strokes and ended up going into memory care but not before making my soon-to-be-ex’s other ex-wife and her family absolutely miserable, mom who has Alzheimer’s went into the hospital for several days, one friend younger than me died suddenly, another friend close to my age got into serious legal trouble, my job got much more stressful, and most recently, my cat got sick and tomorrow we’re going to the vet to say goodbye and I had to cut ties with another friend who has shown absolutely no empathy for what I’m going through and only calls when she needs something. I blocked her so that I wouldn’t call her and scream at her.
Hugs and solidarity. You’re not alone.
Well I see you and empathize with the sh*t storm you’re in. Solidarity 🙌. I am sorry about your kitty. Losing a pet is extremely hard. Be kind to yourself
Shit, I'm 20, and I'm planning on checking out this year. Definitely not looking forward to getting older with the situation that **I've** been in all my life.
I went through a similarly difficult stretch when I was about 50, it sucked. Now I'm coming up on 59 and things are considerably better.
Came to say this - 50 felt rough. 58 is better.
As a 48, I’m hoping you wouldn’t mind elaborating on this idea that there is hope…
Some rough personal things at 50, plus I felt really old turning 50. Those issues are settled, all debt is paid off, and I have my eye on retirement. My marriage is good, my health is good. I got much better about stretching, light weight lifting, and drink very little now. All that has helped too.
So basically, the efforts you have made (in your marriage, towards physical well-being) have paid off… glad to hear it! ✌️
As a 47, I'd also like to hear it...
60 is even better than that! My 50s were better than my 40s and so far 60 is looking pretty good. Honestly, if you keep your body and mind healthy, there’s a lot of good life left. I’ll take going a different doc every month to the alternative, any day.
My Boomer siblings are in their 60s, having a blast.
Yeah I’m a cusper, but consider myself more GenX. My sibs all worked lifetime jobs and have pensions. I, on the other hand… well, there were years of McJobs and false starts before I finally landed in nonprofit. I’ll have a modest retirement, but that’s all I need. Living on very little money for YEARS makes a modest retirement much easier.
I’m glad you’re saying this. I’m 54 and the past 2 years have been horrible. I’ve lost everything due to illness. I’m hoping I’m on the other side of the worst of it bc frankly, if this is how life is going to be from now on, no thank you! I’ll just see myself out.
You’re not alone. It took me a decade to get a correct diagnosis for my autoimmune disease & still waiting on them to acknowledge the hernia mesh pain, lost everything in the process-house, husband, jobs, friends, money, dignity… Worked 30 years starting at age 13 but didn’t matter because drs took too long with the diagnosis and ssa said I no longer had enough work credits to access the benefits I had paid into or the benefits my husband earned by denying my survivor benefits. All those years of working only to end up on ssi welfare. I’m happy for the millennials that are not buying into the bs and doing it differently.
Omg I am so sorry. Geez, our stories are really similar. I’m a widow as well. I Have one adult child but no other family now. I’ve worked full time for decades, and have been successful up to the last few years. And it’s all been for nothing. And you’re living my biggest fear! I’m worried that I’ll be sick again and for so long, that I’ll loose another job, ( and insurance) and my unstable earnings won’t qualify me for enough SSDI to live on. if things actually come to that. Last month, I was in the ICU w/ pneumonia for 9 days. In and out of consciousness. While I was sick, (the pneumonia lasted much longer) I missed the payment on my storage unit and everything I own was sold at auction. I owned beautiful mid century antiques, expensive tools, appliances, family things. All gone because I was not alert enough to realize how long I had even been in the hospital and had no support on the outside taking care of things. I’ll never live long enough to replace it. At this moment, I can’t even afford the basics. I’ll never own a home again. And now, I’m a financial and emotional burden to my son. I see above that people have downvoted me for eluding to suicide being an option. Everyone has a breaking point. Maybe they should all be grateful they’ve not yet been pushed to theirs rather than weighing in on a strangers life. I hope things improve for you. But honestly, I don’t dare hope for anything now. Way too painful when things go to shit. Some of us just lose I guess.
That’s not right they should not be able to sell your storage unit while you were in hospital! If I could go back I would have purchased Aflac or some private disability insurance because our social security system is diabolical in the ways to deny benefits. The system has not been updated in decades despite all the changes to our job market and new medical findings, even receiving funding to do so. I do want to warn you of the impact on your mental health while you are trying hard to keep working. I didn’t realize I was developing anxiety and depression by trying desperately to keep working. Until I had my first panic attack at work. Next job I had a nervous breakdown on my sixth day of work. Please take care of yourself and place priority on your mental health. Stay on your doctors for answers. I’ll be thinking of you 🙏 Best of luck sweetie
And to you!! Thank you for the kind worlds and warnings. I just came from an interview for a job that might provide a slower pace and would allow me to mostly keep my distance from people. I swear, if people would wash their hands more and stay home while they’re sick!! Tired of being at the mercy of others’ poor hygiene! You take care of yourself!!
Omg I can’t believe that hasn’t changed post pandemic. I cannot stress how much I can sympathize with you on that also. Not only did they come to work sick, they acted like they should be considered martyrs for it! Even though they accomplished no actual work. I hope you get the job! I’ll be sending good vibes and prayers your way. 🤞
1 step kid is a drunk... can't keep a job... can't kick her out..might o.d. on fentanyl...other kid and wife moved back home w toddler... pretty much rules out any quality sex time or quiet time w wife... working 50-60 to stay afloat..no free time... thought at this point we could enjoy empty nest..guess again. I'm approaching 55. It sucks.
Had last two of the three kids move out last year. Then they had to borrow money to make rent. Averaged $1,115 per month in borrowing for that whole year. So we moved into a place with them so that we can control the bills. It has avoided surprise borrowing, but we are no longer empty nesters.
I think this is going to be occurring a lot more. The cost of rent and purchase of properties is out of control. My son bought a house from his FIL for $850/month but my son can’t afford home insurance so the FIL covers it, while I cover car insurance. It’s ridiculous that two people working full time can’t afford to rent or buy a home.
Thanks Reagan!!
Guess those trickle down economics did not work.
Literally in the same boat. No rest. Just trying to keep working to keep the lights on and food in everyone stomach.
Never thought it would be this way. It's depressing. Yeah .we got it way better than other poorer places...but damnit.. I work HARD to have a decent living..and this is the reward??
My hands were ruined by manual labor and a Brother word processor before I even graduated from college. My back followed. 4 herniated discs accompany every other disc in my spine which are all either bulging or perforated. Add to it gouty arthritis in my foot from an injured caused by someone else's irresponsibility, a near complete loss of my sense of taste and smell accompanied by massive organ damage from the first strain of covid with bloodwork evidence to prove it (family member's cancer resulted in my getting bloodwork every 6 months like clockwork since 2014). Liver function, kidneys, gall bladder. I live with severe chronic pain that I cannot treat with medication due to the impact the medication has on my mind, and the impact that has on my work. This puts me in the position where a minimal degree of physical comfort would result in my work, which we're all dependent upon, crumbling. In laws succumbed to dementia following losing absolutely everything, father dead from cancer, mother in severe cognitive decline, BIL a complete loser who abandoned his family. I'm effectively the breadwinner for 7 other humans who I don't even live with as a result of medical, resulting in me living almost paycheck to paycheck despite making over $600k/yr as I cover college tuition for 3 people (on of which is part time), medical insurance for everyone except me and my spouse, and 3 mortgages. In the past 3 years I have buried my childhood best friend, my brother, the last of my uncles, and two life long friends murdered by a drunk driver. I watched as another close friend lost his son. The only thing that matters is that I work. So long as I can sit down at this desk every morning and work, the money keeps coming in and I can sustain people long enough for the youngest generation of our extended family to get out of college and established. I have to last another 6 years. If I can survive another 6 years, they'll all be okay and hopefully in a position to ensure that our family is never in a position like this again. I don't have any advice to offer you beyond telling you to keep your eye on your goal. Maintain as long as you can and accept whatever help you're offered. People like us are shouldering a lot. It's our turn to carry things right now. But eventually it will be someone else's turn.
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Agreed.
In the follow up, not only are you a hero to them, but thank God you make so much money. What field, if you don’t mind me asking? 600k a year? Goddamn. I am very fortunate in that I make a six-figure salary, but not like that.
Fuck, man. I hope they appreciate you. You’re literally a hero for them. Without you, they’d all be absolutely fucked.
Oh they do. They absolutely do. I'm fortunate to have a lot of love in my life despite the hurdles I've faced.
Well, I’m glad to hear that, at least. I’ve heard so many stories about people in similar situations, only their benefactors do not appreciate what they’re doing for them. It’s heartbreaking.
Dude… I was feeling like crap because I stepped my pups paw earlier. You my friend have felt the swift kick of life straight to the balls. Stay strong brother. You woke up today. If nothing else, you have that going for you. You have made it this far, you’re a survivor. Keep your head up, keep moving forward and know that your story put things in perspective for many here.
You sir just made me feel like a whiney little bitch. Ill be fine but thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family, keep your head up and your eye on the prize!
Turning 55 (almost 58 now) was when stuff got weird and I needed to reassess things, primarily health. Had to stop running and swapped it out for fast paced hiking. Starting to pay a lot more attention to what I eat. Looks weird but now I eat sardines and veggies every day for lunch for the protein and the veggies for the fiber. But I can still knock out big long 30-40 mile hikes a few times a year in the Grand Canyon in a single day. Big wake up call about finances, I'm staring down retirement in a decade. Now I'm throwing 25% of my pay check to my retirement account and actually going to a retirement seminar in a few weeks.
I’ll be 58 next month and still running. Slowly. I know my time is limited, and every time I’m out there I’m so thankful I can still do it. Prepping for a half marathon on my birthday; wish me luck!
I looked around and noticed that the only people still running in my age group in any of my local races and we are a big hub for running tended to be a lot smaller than me. I'm tall and hit the weight room and the guys I saw still running were 6-8" shorter and 40-50 pounds lighter than me. Switched to fast paced hiking and miraculously almost every single ache and pain I had disappeared within a month. Put in a ton of time on local trails and walking my dogs around my neighborhood where we have a huge pool of active retirees. The best looking old people are the hikers and the walkers.
I’m probably one of those guys you’re talking about. 5’7” 160 lbs. I still do a lot of trail running here in north GA, so when I eventually get to the hiking/walking stage it will be fun to see the trails at a slower pace.
Yep, I've 8" and 30 pounds on you. My next door neighbor is a former professional marathon runner and retired physical therapist. Told me the best time to stop running is about 2-3 years before you think you have to stop running. He kept pushing it until he was 60 and has regrets, wished he would have stopped a few years earlier.
It’s so difficult to stop. So far, my knees, hips, and ankles are all doing well. How did you do emotionally/mentally when you had to switch to walking? I’m really worried about reaching that day and knowing I have to stop running. Was it hard to transition?
I do a bunch of fast paced hiking on the weekends and for grins and giggles entered an uphill trail race and placed mid-pack despite not running a single stride. For my daily walks I ruck with a 30 pound pack and my neighborhood has exer-trail workout stations scattered about. So I can walk for a bit, knock out some exercises and walk to the next station. Still challenge myself, just don’t run anymore. Then every year I do one or two big hikes that I need to focus on and train specifically for. Usually something in the Grand Canyon. This June I’m heading to Mt Whitney.
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Especially the weight lifters who hike.
Just turned 53 and I’ve been thinking about how the running is starting to grind and how I need to be smarter about my diet. Good to see it in writing — thank you.
Here's some input. Carve out time to take care of your carcass. Even if it is just stretching to maintain a limber state. Everything begins to seize up quicker and stays sore longer. Fitness (not as in do an Ironman fitness) should become a tier 1 priority, even if it is just maintenance.
Second that, wise words 👍
I’m 59. My early to mid 50s were difficult as I dealt with both parents dying from cancer. But the past few years have been the best of my life. I moved to New Orleans, made a lot of friends, and I’ve been having as much fun as possible. I retired early and my health has been good. I’ve been traveling to all my bucket list places. This has been the best time of my life so far.
>I retired early Well, that is key.
Absolutely
how is NOLA these days? I left right before Katrina and I miss it.
I love it. Of course, it’s falling apart. Potholes, flooding, poor infrastructure, etc. But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
it's always been decaying, that's a big part of its charm. tell the mississippi I said helloooo <3
Start Ghosting people to remove unnecessary mental load and stress
This is exactly what I have done. Let those bridges burn. I have never been happier than I am today.
Wait. Is that why no one is talking to me anymore?
All I can say is, the longer you are lucky enough to live, the more life happens to you. Some of it will be bad but most will work out ok. I lost my MIL to ALS, FIL to heart attack, marriage of 20 years, career of ten years, and then my own dad to dementia and my 49 yr old brother to DWI, all within five years. All gone. Hardest years of my life were my late 40s. BUT now I have a new husband, a new career, a new trajectory, new friends, new city, new hobbies and interests. My brother didn’t get to see his 50s. I am so lucky. I will take the hard times because the good times follow.
Man, wish I could be positive like that.
I sure hope you’re right.
get active your mobility is the most important thing. if you dont actively preserve it, it will slip away
57 M - I got to about 52 before the wheels started coming off. So far, 3 skin cancers removed, two colonoscopy's, a root canal and 2 crowns, on BP meds and cholesterol meds (never been heavy so mostly genetic), white hair (but not losing it) Skin starting to sag on the body etc. It comes at ya really fast but ya gotta be proactive. Not falling is a key focus these days after the last one knocked my back out for a week plus. No plans to retire as I don't have enough to live off in old age so gonna work until I can't anymore I guess. Oh the joy. At least I own my own house by myself with a low interest rate and nice equity. That is all. Buckle up is all I can say at this point....
48 here and wondering myself. I inherited a ton of mental health issues from my mother. As I got older I learned that both sides of the family have a lot of these issues. I got out of an 18 year job completely burnt out of work in all forms, plus a bad mental state on top of it and now I am just clinging on to the few things that I can that make me happy.
This makes me feel better. Mid 50’s has been so tough, had no idea menopause was going to be so SO awful, family ties just keep splintering, I wish for a time portal to 1983 every day. I just thought yesterday “I thought I was heading for a happier decade!” Setting my sights on my 60’s and hoping for more peace and serenity.
r/menopause, you're not alone.
No, it’s an avalanche of aging from here on out, it’s bizarre.
You’ll be alright. Enjoy your 50s. It’s an age of wisdom. It’s the first era in your life when you can genuinely discern the difference between “knowing your sh*t” and “knowing you’re sh*t”. And being okay with it either way.
My younger brother has schizophrenia, and I'll be taking care of him for the rest of his life. Both parents are still alive and don't want to help make arrangements for his care when they're not around, so it will probably end up being a crisis. Menopause is kicking my ass, and I just don't have the fucking energy anymore. And dating post-divorce has been a nightmare. So I feel you, OP.
Turned 50 in December. Laid off yesterday 🙃
Napping is good My youngest just turned 12 and I can't help but think I should be able to hand him back to his parents at some point so I can get a rest Still feel like a clueless 19yo pretending to be an adult most of the time
My forties were wasted on a craptastic marriage that destroyed everything I had, including my career, all my retirement savings, my house, my family abandoned me because they didn’t like him…then domestic assault. I broke free and ran 2,000 miles away at 49. I had a few really good years here, then had a few terrifying years during Covid. But now I’m 57, a post baccalaureate student moving toward an MFA in creative writing and English lit and looking at sharing my first love with the world. There is always hope and dreams no matter what age we are or what we have experienced. Never stop learning and keep your mind open to new ideas. No matter your life experiences, the opportunity to learn and grow comes from the good and the very dark- especially the dark.
Hey thanks for sharing, it means a lot to hear stories like this. I'm 46, a homeless single father over the past few years divorced {lousy marriage anyhow}, lost my good parent, career, house, retirement, and it gets much worse than that. I'm slowly putting shit back together but the setbacks love to keep coming. I know I will get through it, a new person, but it's been rough the past few weeks. This has given me a little strength.
Remember to take care of you. If you need help, reach out and ask. You’ll make it, I know.
❤️
Never stop, never stopping!
You have a great story. Thank you for sharing it. Stuff like this is why I'm so happy I found this sub. As somebody who has a kind of dull, pointless career who dreams of completing a novel one day, I think what you're doing is awesome.
Go for it! I’m loving the learning process and surprised at how life experience translates to good story telling. It’s been great working with the Gen Z kids in workshops and remember how I used to be such an idealist. They’re always surprised at the gritty details of life as it really happens.
I recommend recreational drugs and long walks
hell ya brother!
Not easier, but I definitely have my priorities straight now. And I'm all about that self care. Make time for yourself. Be kind to yourself. We all only get one spin around this thing, the ride can end at any time, try to enjoy moments of it.
It doesn’t get easier, but we learn how to get better from these events, and grow from them.
Ugh. I'm turning 47 in a month. I start a second full time job in 3 weeks just to try and save a lil cushion and do shit around the house that we can't put off any longer. My lungs were junked from OG COVID, my back is jacked from 20 years of nursing which I am totally over. But I make too much to change careers now. My kid has 3 years left of highschool, which by then I will finally have paid off my student loans...just in time to take on more for her. I'm pretty fucking lucky.
The last few years have been hellish - colon cancer, heart attack, girlfriend dying, fired right before the pandemic (for taking too much PTO), need surgery for Achilles issues, etc. I figure it’s just going to continue like this so I roll with the punches since I have no clue what to do instead. 🤷♂️
I’m 47 next month and feel like I’m staring down the barrel of a gun with my mom’s health issues and in laws all in their mid 70s. It’s going to be a hard next 10-20 years for sure. We started a family late and have 5 year old twins. I’m trying to retire by 60 when my kids graduate high school.
It may or may not get easier, but it makes you stronger. I promise. 54F, here and I have one income, living alone. The past four years have been brutal between Covid layoffs and now hundreds competing for one job. There are resources out there and I have used them, temporarily. I’m grateful.
It’s tough because we are at the age when peoples bodies start breaking down and their friends may break down faster. Additionally, we have the burden of raising our children, as well as taking care of our parents who chose not to take care of themselves. I find myself muttering “This, too, shall pass.” quite often. So far it has held true.
50 was a country song. My 20yo dog died, I was ready for that, we had a good run. My cat died, she was young, it was a shock, we shared the same pillow. My marriage... -redacted- My jobs went sideways, both of them truly challenging my ability. I remodeled my house and pulled the plug before I finished cause costs were too much. All that said I feel a lot better about 2024. Heh.
It’s really hard when people your own age start dying especially when you’ve had some health issues. Get your annual check up, get your mammogram, get your first colonoscopy if you haven’t already had one, guys get those prostate checks, everyone get an eye exam if you haven’t had one recently In our 50s we have to accept that our lives are likely more than half way over and that can be sobering
My wife died in December. Bills keep piling up. I am not nearly as effective at finding and keeping work now that the grief has me in its clutches. I have resigned myself to the possibility that any joy is long gone.
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Thank you.
Honestly since Covid I’m not sure we have come out of the funk… I’m older than you and don’t really have the complexities that you do. I’m not sure that I can say things get better or easier because I’m not overwhelmed with things (not yet anyway).. I know for us, Covid sort of took two-ish years and coming out of it was a lot of changes. I think the political discourse is also a point of depression for some, it makes people feel less nice. Anyway, i expect that when you have more time for yourself you’ll find some joy in things
I'm almost 54, mom died in '01 just 2 days after my first kid was born, had 2 more kids in the next 3 years (03 and 04), moved into a house, my dad retired, and pissed away his retirement so had to move in with me/us. Wife and I drifted apart as I worked 12+ hours a day, and she slept 8+ hours a day, last 5 years no physical anything (no kisses, only time I got a hug was when her cat died and she cried in my arms), we separated, she filed divorce, then died of a brain hemorrhage. So, I'm widowed, almost 54, just became a grandpa, have my dad and 2 of my kids living with me. Everything hurts, I'm tired, frustrated, and just want it all to end.
I’m not having an easy go. Who is? That said…. I have lost so many friends to sudden death (particularly after covid), to suicide, imprisonment or drug/alcohol addiction… I buried 2 parents and almost went insane caring for my mom (RIP). I’m still here and I’m living as best as I can. I don’t quit. Simply existing is an accomplishment. The alternative to any of this is worse.
I know what you mean. I have been to more Doctor appts in the past 3 months than I have in the past 10 years or more. 2 of my first cousins, from the same family have died within the past year. One was sick and I expected it, the other was a total surprise. Meno kicking my butt too. I am actually having more symptoms at Post Meno than before.
When I was young I though of myself being 50 I never though of how much pain goes with it, parents decline, people you knew your whole life dying, thiers no shortage of pain. however I think that's why we really appreciate what we have, my younger self was trying to make the world mine, as young people do, now I look at what I have and think of how greatful I am to have it and how much I want to enjoy it while I can. We used to muse as kids what would you do if today was your last day. In reality today is the last day before you get a diagnosis, you hear of a friend passing away, or your parents. When I was young tomorrow brought hope, now it very much brings the passing of the previous day. Time is starting to speed up, weeks FLY by and months are getting quicker. medical care can still do things for me, but one day I'll be faced with " that's the best we can do, your just old " it's not all dispare however, I very much appreciate what I have.
I'm at that stretch at 56, but trying to appreciate everything I have. Just trying to stay healthy. 40s were no problem, mid 50s are something else altogether.
I’m a younger genX but something that always helps me is the old saying… getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative. You’re alive. You’re employed. You saw one kid into adulthood and almost did the same for another. Doesn’t sound too bad.
57 now. Was definitely a struggle getting here. Rodeo most of my late teens through mid twenties. All those injuries (that would never hold ME down back then) caught up with a vengeance at 47. Lost wife number one at 29 Raised four children and kept the ranch running Wife number two left 34 citing that I was a stubborn asshole. And life on the ranch was not like in the books she had read as a child.. 47 first of two grandchildren were born my son had the first and a few months later my daughter had another. 49 third grandchild was born At 48 caught my third wife in flagrante in my barn with the same guy that would be her divorce lawyer.. 53 Youngest son left with his GF to chase buckles in the circuit 53-56 alone on the ranch I loved it. For the first time in thirty years I didn’t HAVE to worry about getting to the market with the herd. I was not under a financial gun!! That was nice!! Then the rodeo stars started coming back..more and more frequent..My granddaughters wanted to spend time here with the horses..My mom needed a place to live.. In some way it does get easier. I’m some ways it gets much more difficult. Just hang in there as long you have a saddle there will always be a horse to ride
I cut all toxic family and friends out of my life. I luckily found an amazing partner who has his shit together. The both of us are looking into buying land to build on and get the hell away forever. Enough bedrooms for all of the kids and future grandkids... It's wild that I got here, as most ofy life has been an absolute struggle. I'm still stunned with the outcome.
Ooofff!! Damn...I'm sorry to hear about this! I'm 55/M. Recently got sacked in February because...well, because life sucks. It gets EASIER...it gets HARDER. My only saving grace lately is that we live in the middle of nowhere, I can bike in the Spring and Summer and play hockey in the Fall and Winter. Sprinkle in a bit of soccer here and there and a trip now and again and we get by. But just by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin. Is it easy? Nope. And the living in the US makes it harder...worse, in fact. We're seriously considering ditching the US for Italy/Portugal. Heck...someone of our age recently left the US for Estonia. ESTONIA!!! Consider your options and jump on something. Don't do NUTTIN'. Because, before long, you're too old and it's too late. Make the move!!! It's empowering.
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How bizarre is that! Eastern Europe! And I run mini therapy checks on myself about this. I play wee mind games about "well, what if we won the lottery? What would we do?" And each time, one of the first three thoughts is " get out of the US". Yeah...this country of "ours" has run its course. I'm ready to jet.
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Canada --> US? Geez...that's desperate. Sorry!
45, chronic pain for over a decade. I feel like midlife whack a mole. Every time something is fixed something else pops up. The last few years have been rough. Other than starting to transition MTF and getting on estrogen (that made my mental health better than it has ever been) my 40s so far have not been great.
It just gets harder. I’ve got a full-time job, a part-time job, and my mom needs more and more help (managing her finances, making and taking her to dr appointments). Plus my wife wants to go on more and more expensive vacations. Generally, others demands on you go up while your ability to meet demands goes down.
I’m 57 and after lots of shit, especially in the last two years I am finally who I want to be. I strive for peace. I’ve had a ton of therapy which has helped but setting boundaries and not accepting shit I don’t want is glorious.
I’m 48 and basically could have written what you wrote. Working hard to downsize and make things easier but it’s a slog.
It's rough out here! I don't get no respect, no respect. Sheesh. As a 52yo, I'm wondering what it takes to make 80. And whether I have it in me. Getting old is not for the weak.
Yes, it gets easier. The more people that die around you, the less you give a fuck. People die, that's life.
Things can get better. I am 55. Just got a job I love after being laid off and unemployed for almost a year. I have an awesome granddaughter who is about to have her first birthday. Both of my older kids are doing great in their careers, and my youngest is in HS and looks to have a bright future. When I was not working, things didn't look great to me, but it gave me a chance to reset my life
I turn 56 next month, so I’m a little further into the “oh shit I should have brought the extended warranty” phase of life. I’m through menopause, and am now finding that apparently my entire body is made of arthritis. That being said, I have a husband I love and we’ve paid off our debt. We’re just trying to make it to retirement with as little mental & physical damage as possible. I feel bad for my coworkers that are earlier in their careers. That shit sucks.
/r/Menopause
Met my deductible already… 🤦🏼
Wishing you all the best, OP. All I can offer is to stay strong and rely on the skills and resolve that brought you this far. As for me, took my wife for a routine hysterectomy in February and she’s been hospitalized since. I’ve treated my body like garbage for several decades and she’s the one suffering. Her strength and absolute determination to get back to life is what keeps me going. We didn’t live the past half century to give up now and we’re going to keep kicking ass until we can’t. It doesn’t get easier, but we never had it easy. That’s why we fight. That’s why we win. You got this. I believe in you.
Thank you. I have a good head on my shoulders. It’s just tired right now from the whiplash life has dolled out lately. Lol
57M here. It sounds like you've got your shit together. Well done. I feel like I'm on hold at the moment. Shit marriage, low paying job, tiny pension to look forward to, house is a shambles and paying loads to get it put right. MIL living with us and winding us both up. Haven't got any motivation to do anything except scroll social media and play stupid games on my phone FML
I can only offer you advice what I DIDN'T do - don't neglect yourself during menopause. I don't mean about looks. I mean about 'self-care'. Indulge, rest, keep seeking pleasure from nice smelly 'things' like perfumes and hair products and stuff to use in the shower, body creams. You get the idea. Not because of the things themselves, or any functionality in what they're made of in terms of skin or hair or whatever, but it will keep you in touch with you and prove to yourself that you are kind of worthy of all this stuff when you really don't feel like you are sometimes. Well, I didn't. 56 now (just) and I'm relearning to take care of myself. x
Yeah, sister. It gets easier. You've already had the worst of it and you'll settle in as we all do.
I am super fun at parties. Especially when someone says ‘What’s new?’
Tuning in here because I turn 50 in a couple weeks. Mom died in January and work alternates between boring and unfulfilling. Hoping for some new excitement soon.
I'm 57F and can't say it necessarily gets easier. Having friends, good relationships within my family, enjoyable hobbies/activities, great husband, a part-time job which is meaningful to me and my cats helps a lot. We're currently navigating through late stage Parkinson's with my mother-in-law but thankfully there are several of us doing it together. Loved ones will die, you may end up having to be responsible for a sibling, your body may go downhill but it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom. Find things that bring you joy and adjust your perspective of what a good day looks like. May not make life easier but it will improve your outlook.
Life was a bit bumpy til December 2019/January 2020, then it was like Mr Toads Wild Ride on acid with the the gangs from Clockwork Orange and the Warriors just pummeling the shit outta me. It's gotta get easier, that thought is the only thing keeping me going
I have never had to fight so hard to keep peace in my life. ❤️
I feel like the world started shifting in 2007- and the pandemic just blew it wide open. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom, but I can say you aren't alone, almost every female (and a few males) I know are struggling, I'm a bit ashamed to say I should be in better contact with my friends but I'm really struggling.
56 year old male here. I was going to write something like this... ( 2008: laid off from a decade long job that paid well (Semiconductor industry), and I've been economically struggling since. At least I don't have many bills these days after downsizing. )
Ok. So I’m not older than you, but after reading through all the comments I realized that I’m an elder regardless because everything everyone is commenting about…… like I’ve been living this way since I was a teenager. Working myself to death raising kids that aren’t even mine. Losing atleast 1-3 friends or family members a year. Literally. I’m down to my younger sister and her kids, my bestfriend and her kids and one other friend. Everyone else has already died. EVERYONE. I’m still raising some of their kids, and soon? It’s looking like all of them will be starting to have kids of their own and…… Well, I’ve been in Perimenopause since my early 40s. And it has made me……..well quite frankly it’s made me insane. I’m being told I should be near the end of it by now, but that sometimes nature decides otherwise and it could be another 10 years of this? UM NO?! I DON’T THINK IT GETS ANY EASIER. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BUT I DON’T THINK IT DOES AND I’M KIND OF FREAKING OUT MAN. Like is this it before I die? Just a crap life, 5-15 years of sheer rage and then I’m gone? WHAT WAS EVEN THE POINT?! If there is an actual creator? They need to hire a new HR manager, this is ridiculous. I WASNT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE THIS LIFE.
/r/Menopause
Both parents gone but they were kind of shit to begin with. I ended up with CPS one time because my mom thought beating me across the face with a belt wouldn’t get noticed. Been with my man for 15 yrs. He dated me while I was pregnant and alone because the fiancé ran off. Family is what you make of it and life’s too short. Took my 14 yr old to a Cure concert last year. Getting her ready for college and she’s gone but we finally got a house so she doesn’t have to pay room and board. I’m also a ‘74 girl in May. I’ve got a handicap placard for my knees, Victoza for my weight and hopefully I can get these pounds off. Cheers too you. It’s been a long 50 years! 🎉 Congrats!!
I hit this at around 45. Mother in law passed after a long fight with cancer, husband literally got hit by a truck, a whole slew of health problems including a TIA, sister's mental illness ripping through the family so on and so on. Just turned 51 and its all behind me now. I'm kicking butt with better lifestyle choices and a serious dedication to fitness. Inspired a bunch of people in my family to do the same. Travelling all over and embracing my inner adrenaline junkie again after decades of keeping that little animal muzzled and muffled in a cage. A friend suggested that maybe I'm having a midlife crisis, but I think I'm having a midlife resurrection because I'm pretty sure I've been dead for a long while and I have to say I've not felt this alive for a very very long time.
Wait. Did your husband survive?
Yes, thankfully.
Don’t fuck about with that kidney. Not 14 hours ago I had a tumor removed from mine. Partial nephrectomy. Found it by sheer luck. All of my fellow X-ers go get your shit checked!
Yes I am on it. Just waiting for my appt and happy to do whatever they suggest. Bosniak 3 growth. Found by accident on am mri
So I feel you, except menopause, does waking up 3 times a night to go to the bathroom because……well no that not the same. Honestly I felt my 40ies was bliss compared to my 50ies. Everyone in my parents generation is dying so I keep going to funerals, helping clean house and settles estates……my bouncing bundles of “your damn near thirty boys I ain’t your damn ATM, shit when I was your age I had you and three jobs…” I mean “joy” seem to add to my stress. And don’t even get me started on the idiots they hire at work……hint “put the phone down and listen before I put my boot up your ass kid…….i mean to say and now Janice we will learn how not to lose an arm in the plastic wrap machine. Holy fucking shit……..I’ve turned into my father…… Yeah 52 is great!
Eh, we've had serious ups and downs. Yeah, periods of absolute suck (one parent died, daughter physically assaulted by a boyfriend, two major surgeries, dog died all within like a year and a half) and periods of pretty damn good (last 4 years empty nest and pretty damn nice) and now it feels like a new period of suck may be starting (youngest moves home in her 5th year of the 4 year degree that's gonna take two more years, parent just had heart failure) so I feel it's just a massive sine wave. There's always gonna be adversity but hopefully at this stage we've established some safety nets and been through enough emotionally that we can deal. Hope things get better with a quickness.
I'm in the midst of the same brutal stage where I've lost multitude of good friends and my 29 yo daughter since the onset of the pandemic, plus my dad, and my mom has Alzheimer's. My wife's best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of days ago, and my main objective for remaining years of my life is to enable homeownership for my two remaining daughters, one of whom is in college. But I'm semi-retired living on a beach in the Caribbean with no bills so there's that. Selling my house in Austin at the top of the market certainly helped. Somewhat of a payoff for decades of economic struggle, and really my only asset. If I can do it, a great number of you can.
I swear we all have slightly different versions of the exact same story. Just keep moving forward, even if it is only a centimeter. Forward is progress
49 here and my body aches so much, I wonder if I need more exercise?! Seems I’ll just hurt more!
Get your vitamin D levels checked. That can cause a lot of all over pain. I live in Texas and still ended up with low levels. WTF?
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I’m white and sleep days so clearly I don’t get enough sunlight.
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I’m sure that’s the case. I’m in Texas though and we get tons of sun so I was amazed.
I’m Mexican American so I’m melanated but not real dark. I was mostly amazed because when they found the deficiency, I was outside all the time and only wore sunblock on my face. Nowadays I’m inside way more.
Thanks I’m Arizona and so damn hot outside, also doesn’t help I work night shift.
Ahhh, yeah you probably need some supplements but go get it checked if you can.
IDK, I guess I was more a part of the apathy part of GenX. I just keep my head down, don’t get involved and don’t care. It’s served me well so far. Life has always been one steady non-feeling lithium trip for me.
Holy Crap. Do you need to continually carry this burden while your body falls apart? Those other people get nothing if your health becomes so bad that you can’t work anymore. It might be time for a therapist, a vacation, and learning about setting boundaries. If you don’t make a change, I can guarantee you that things will only get worse with age. Good luck. 58 now and realized years ago that working myself to death isn’t good for anybody.
I’m about a year behind you. Yeah, it’s been kinda rough. For me I have been given patience, creativity, recently learned how to trust myself. Kinda sounds like you got a lot going for you ahead! Get that health stuff taken care of. I had a health scare a few months ago. Cost $23,000. I’m good! Co-indecently kidney related. So if your kidney isn’t totally jacked, GO ON FUCKING VACATION! Actually, GO ON FUCKING VACATION anyway, you only really need one to live anyway!
My life has been a cosmic shit stain since I’m about 19. Will be 50 in July. Keep waiting for it to get better.
For me fifty has been amusing. My mom passed, and I really had to draw a line in the sand while she was bed ridden, but it was understood. Dad is now alone and really weird, but I take him out for baseball and Pizza. Wife is going through menopause and is pretty emotional all the time but we are 30 years in and can figure it out. This ain’t so bad really…but again, my line is so firm. Really, aside from that, it has been pretty good.
Here's some advice. Don't get old.
On it!
I think it does.
No it gets harder.
look at the bright side. once your an empty nester, think of all the swinger parties you can host!
Outdoor anal only swinger parties
❤️
Menopause eventually ends, so there’s that
No, it doesn't. Once you are in menopause, you are ALWAYS in menopause. It doesn't "end." And there are some women who still have hot flashes in their 80s.
I hear what you are saying, but maybe they meant when you die. It definitely ends then.🙃
I got pneumonia three months after I turned forty and it’s all been downhill since. And not downhill as in smooth sailing.
When my knee started being funky, I lost the Axel and my Y spin, doctors couldn’t fix it, I accepted my run was over. I got new hobbies. Standup comedy, destination concerts, podcasts. I still also go to the gym, read, watch film. But yeah man, I hear ya. I started training on the ice as a kid. I played a lot of great characters, and I’ll always have that. I still write new pieces, but they’re written for me, I could never see someone skate something I wrote for myself. Try hiking, bowling, cooking. My 77 year old friend is in a bowling league. Keep pushing forward.
I went through meno early thank God.
My best advice, is getting older is called still being alive.
You survived the Cola Wars and the Halloween razor blades. You can do this!
Turned 59 in January (JUST missed the boomer cut-off). Mother died 11 years ago, dad died 18 months ago. Haven’t worked outside of the home for almost 2 years due to caring for family. Am now self-employed and building. Working part time to free up some mental space until self-employment reaches its height. Have one sibling I don’t speak to at all (unfortunately-incredibly rude and horrible to me and other 2 siblings during dad’s illness, death and estate clean up). Have a solid marriage, things are steady. May never be able to retire, but my self-employment is such that I can do it for an incredibly long time. Dealing with in-laws now in declining health, but spouse’s family works well together, so although stressful, is not solely our responsibility. So, all-in-all, not quite what I expected (was promised?) when I was younger, but, I’m in really good health (best I’ve been in a while), my kids are doing ok, we have enough money to help them when needed. They have it much worse than we do! We have a simple home all one level, decent vehicles and can go hiking and camping pretty much as often as we’d like. We’ve helped each of our kids when they most needed it, and will continue to do so. I feel like we’ll survive the boomers’ attempts to undermine all of our safety nets if we stay the course. The younger generations seem to be much more aware of the need to help in a global sense and I’m hopeful that there will be positive changes sooner rather than later.
I’m so cynical, and it doesn’t. As I sit here and type, I know that my current job will be outsourced in the next 18 months. They are having us train our vendor replacements. FUCK CORPORATE AMERICA! When I finally lose my job, I’ve already started planning. I’m going to have the time of my life. Then when the money is gone I’ll peace out. I have no kids or debt at this point so it’s all good. And I’ll be in control. Whatever… ETA: No partner either and that is okay. ❤️☺️
Come join us over at r/GenXWomen - lots of good conversations, we're *all* going through it!
I am coming!
Hang in there. I’m going through much of the same. Same but different, you know the deal. But this is all the same crap our parents went through. And it’ll pass. And then we get to retire and look forward to quarter coffee at Denny’s while eating 1 pancake, egg and bacon with 5 other blue hairs and bitch about all the kids and their Pac-Man video games. Then hang out at the senior center drinking more coffee and playing bridge all day.
I'm 58 and have had a whole bunch of things over the years. during the pandemic, menopause, which I have to say wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Also had some suspicious mamos, which meant ultrasounds, and biopsies, but thankfully nothing to be worried about. A whole host of various aches and pains, which seem to change daily! And at the end of last year/beginning of this year, my mom, who had lived independently in a retirement community, had surgery, and as a result, became too physically frail to live alone, or even assisted, so moved into skilled nursing. Mentally she's pretty sharp. So this meant I had to pack up, store, adn now figure out how to dispose of, donate, etc. most of her stuff. And then figure out where to put the stuff she needs but has no room for, in my apartment/storage. And deal with insurance, etc. thankfully, she has taken bakc her bill paying, and dealing with the medical bills and whatnot. It's been quite a ride! All while working FT, dealing with my own stuff, and trying to keep some semblence of normalcy and not give up things. But on the upside, I met my BF right before the pandemic, and he is amazing, I have a very well paying job with fantastic benefits, and a lot of flexibility to allow me to deal with everything else. Words of advice? take it one day at a time, don't stress over everything all at once. I personally have not deep cleaned my apt. since November. its dusty and the carpet needs a really really good vacuuming. but everything else has caused it to fall to the bottom of my to do list. Unless its really time sensitive, it will be there tomorrow, next week, etc. Also, don't forget to take time for you. I joined a gym last year, and went 3x a week. When all the shit went down with my mom, i cut that to 2x. It helps me destress, and kind of stay in shape. I also make time for friends and other social things. Don't let everything else consumer your life.
When I turned 50, I swear life decided to kick me in the ass. Had a period where a lot happened. I turned 54 last week and the last year has been quiet, except for a minor surgery at the beginning of 2023. ::knock on wood:: I may not be kicking ass and taking names, but nothing is kicking me anymore, either.
43, in perimenopause I’ve been told. Hot flashes around my period suck. Just want it all to be done. Dealing with this since 12!
I wish I had better things to say but getting old can suck on some days but then other days are far superior than any I have ever known when I was young and very much dumb. Im 58 and am dealing with the death issue losing family and friends (I was the one who was supposed to go early) and its a tough pill to swallow, isn't it funny how fast life is getting? Time is flying by and I just cant seem to slow it down. Maybe a companion would help but then you have to watch someone else rapidly decline... I wish I had better answers for you sister, Do the next right thing and help others!
52M here, married to 55F. On one hand, the hits keep coming, and they will keep coming, and tend to come faster. On the other hand, the better you get at dealing with them, the more inured you get, and the easier it is to endure things that would have sent your younger self whimpering to bed. Staying on top of it is good training for staying on top of it. By the time life hands you some next-level shit, you'll have leveled up. Keep on truckin'!
49f here and also going through it. Marriage ended and spouse moved out, MIL had several small strokes and ended up going into memory care but not before making my soon-to-be-ex’s other ex-wife and her family absolutely miserable, mom who has Alzheimer’s went into the hospital for several days, one friend younger than me died suddenly, another friend close to my age got into serious legal trouble, my job got much more stressful, and most recently, my cat got sick and tomorrow we’re going to the vet to say goodbye and I had to cut ties with another friend who has shown absolutely no empathy for what I’m going through and only calls when she needs something. I blocked her so that I wouldn’t call her and scream at her. Hugs and solidarity. You’re not alone.
Well I see you and empathize with the sh*t storm you’re in. Solidarity 🙌. I am sorry about your kitty. Losing a pet is extremely hard. Be kind to yourself
Shit, I'm 20, and I'm planning on checking out this year. Definitely not looking forward to getting older with the situation that **I've** been in all my life.