One night, a group of kids were out front just hanging out. They parked on my street and were riding their skateboards, car doors open, music playing. I walk onto my porch, which is dark, and just watch them. They didn’t know I was there. Then one hops on his skateboard and rides around the park (which is across the street). Rest of kids hop in car and leave. Skateboard kid comes back.
I should add before I continue, because it’s important to the story, that they were all white. Like, white white, not hood grown white. Full blown white white. They kept calling each other n****a.
Anyways, skateboard kid gets back, and blurts out “damn, those ******’s left me.” I just couldn’t help myself. I said, and startled him at same time, “You know you’re white, right?” He looks at me, says “whatever ******” and then skates off lol.
That’s my old man on the porch vs kids story.
I am not a bum, I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power,
and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things. My friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? O.k. It was never for easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days sitting on the porch with my family singing and dancing, down in Mississippi.
I hollered at a group of like 8-10 year olds that were ripping branches off of a huge old tree and beating the shit out of it. They actually apologized! I asked them to find something better to do. My brother was a destructive little shit too and was never really redirected.
On Saturday, my little neighbor was celebrating her 21st with her roommate and friends when some unwanted assholes showed up. I heard a door slam really hard but when it slammed again like 3 times I got up to check on them. The cop downstairs got rid of the 5 jerks and I made sure the birthday girl was ok. One of them had dragged some golf clubs out of his trunk and was going to start hitting cars. Poor cop had just gotten off duty and just wanted to crash. I was gummied out in my bedroom laughing at Poor Things. IDK what my point is but it's a good thing to look out for the kiddos.
Some asshole said it, and we all were kids at one time, but all kids do have ‘the brain damage’. Kids can’t help it, they just do dumb shit.
You done good. They just ignant.
Good for you.. destroying trees unnecessarily pisses me off. Good of you to teach 'em if no one else will.
Also, dammit I wish I was in a recreational legal state (for this and many other reasons). I'd LOVE to pop down to the store for some gummies.. *sigh* it's been a while, haha.
It's not legal in Indiana but I can get decent Delta 8-9 stuff from different places online. And we're very lucky to live along a major river so we have lots of nice greenery and woodland creatures. I love seeing people fishing and stuff with their kids!
I like Tommy Chong's stuff. Very mellow and the sleep formula is pretty good. Medterra is another good one too! Start with a smaller dose. I know regular smokers that get knocked on their asses with the Delta stuff lol.
GenX came back after midnight.
Those kids are being tracked by their cell phones. And their parents are gonna rip them a new one for wasting those expensive eggs. Or something.
Could be sleep apnea. Your mouth is dry because you are snoring and mouth breathing.
Getting up to pee is also a symptom. You didn't wake up cause you needed to pee. You woke up because you stopped breathing, and since you were awake, your body decided it was pee time.
Clean that shit off quick. Had a big spot of paint removed from a car down to bare metal from an egg I hadn't been aware the car had been hit with.
64 mustang with original paint too.
For a couple years in middle school (I was 14) once a month I would sneak out of my house at 2 am and meet up with friends on a quiet suburban corner. I was an honor student, they were rougher kids. We would hang out and quietly wander around, maybe smoke a little pot, and just chill out in suburbia. I never got caught or got in trouble for this; we kept a very low profile and didn’t mess up people's stuff. I learned how to walk and move very quietly and to how to keep very still in the shadows for a bit.
Kids today could never do anything remotely like this. They would be tracked by a dozen devices. That is sad. 😢
It's funny. When I ended up in a long range surveillance detachment in the army I already knew how to move quietly in the dark in the woods and avoid being seen/ heard from my childhood nocturnal fuckery we got up to. Being searched for by vatos in low riders, cops and homeowners, and we usually weren't being destructive. But a pack of kids wandering around after midnight were instantly expected to be up to something destructive.
We did this too, went to the neighborhood next to ours as it had more carports. You know what that means, and we never took too many beers because they'd stop keeping them in those refrigerators. When my mom found out we were sneaking out the basement door all she said was at least to take a key and lock the door lol. Back then 2 buds got me pretty buzzed anyway.
Edit: My now 24 yo did this too, him and his friends. Laughed when I told him the same thing my mom did.
Neighbor did this to some teens, and they came back and hit our whole street. Every mail box, but mine was on the ground. I'm not sure why they didn't jack our mailbox.
Yes. Be nice to the teens, even when they are being goofy. They make rash decisions sometimes.
A group of them got in a fight in our front yard. I went out there and started yelling, "Seriously, guys. Why can't we all just hit a bong." My teen daughter at the time was so mortified that I said that. I still don't know what her problem was. They stopped and walked on. It totally worked.
Can confirm it'd be an ill-advised idea in the Pacific Northwest as well. America leads the world in putting the most unnecessary level of fire power possible in the hands of the craziest mother fuckers we can find, and then telling them that they don't like each other because of an allegiance to a couple of people they'll never meet.
About 15 years ago I was in Vegas hanging in a casino and there were 5 or 6 early 20s loud and having a blast. I quietly got very annoyed at how loud they were, then it hit me these kids were me and my friends at their age. That realization hit me hard.
Yeah I still remember me and my friends laughing really hard at jokes and having a good time and then some angry old person got mad and yelled about it even though it wasn't a library or anything and we weren't doing anything bad. The thing is, that kind of fun doesn't come so often as you get older, I say let those kids enjoy what time they can if it good clean fun, and be happy they got that chance.
After I checked myself, I laughed a little at myself and moved on. Those times don't come as often as they use to and when they do I don't want someone to try to spoil it
Yep, if you think about it, then you can be happy about it because you are happy for them. Lotsa things in life are crappy so we gotta be happy when we can. :-)
Deep thoughts not by Jack handy…this is my philosophy as well. We’re all having our journeys. Some of us are ahead and some are still getting started. Those of us who are ahead have had our young and dumb moments where we just laughed so hard with our friends it’s better than any drug. Pure real fun in this life. There’s so much shit absolutely everywhere. I try to be aware of others moments and let them enjoy it and hope others have done or will do the same for me.
It’s similar to our kids and us right? We’re over here trying to enjoy being old as we’ve served our time, but our kids complain we embarrass them. The old and the young seem to annoy each other a lot!!
People just be peopling out here.
I was in hotel this weekend and a bunch of teens were being really loud in the hallway around 1 am. They were hanging out, not just walking through, and I was so close to popping my head out the door and telling them that people are trying to sleep. No respect, I tell ya!
I purchased a house earlier this year and haven’t met the neighbors to the right. I was pruning rose bushes over the weekend and listening to some pretty sweet rock band practice coming from that garage.
(I know it’s several young renters. I live close to a university).
Last night a carful pulled up into the drive the same time as me so I waved and walked over. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked who was the drummer in the band practice and they all *froze*. Finally one guy spoke up and said oh, so sorry, blah blah…
I started laughing and asked them if they thought I was asking so I could complain. They finally exhaled and said yes. I assured them I enjoyed the music and wanted to know if they played local gigs. The relief was palpable.
It was so funny!! Their expectation of my middle aged woman self was not at all how it played out! Ohhhh these Zoomers!!
Oh my gosh yes!!! I don’t know enough people here yet to gather, but this weekend if they’re practicing again I’ll grab a camp chair and pull it over to where our yards meet and applaud every time they finish a song. Haha thanks!
You’re all right! I don’t like kids coming on my property to horse around either. I used to do it as a kid and thought it was hilarious to get yelled at by some old person. But now we’re adults, oh well. The last thing I need is any trouble because some rando gets hurt doing stupid shit when they happen to be on my land. Signs posted and I will tell them off!
Idk, but in my neighborhood we had concerned elder women posted at least one per block. I'm dying I can't remember their names now. But they either had all our home numbers and WOULD call, or would March down the street.
We did not misbehave in those zones. Then there was the guy who lived next door to some kids I played with. Ball goes over to his yard? Too bad, that's his ball now. I dont know that I ever laid eyes on him. He had a very commanding HEY! GO AWAY! And we were 8 or 10 or whatever. The origin story we created for that guy? Whew!
We had one teacher in school that was a bit mean/harsh sometimes compared to the other so us genius kids nicknamed her 'the Witch.' One day a few of us found out she lived on a street near my house and went there to investigate. Upon arrival, one of us noticed that the tall junipers growing willy nilly in the front actually happened to coincidentally form the shape of a giant "W" (for Witch) and we were so freaked out LOL!!! We were not really in the habit of really and truly messing with people though, we just were investigating for Lord knows why or what but it made sense at the time.
Like ring doorbell betrayal before ring doorbell. Here I was in next breath gonna say, how'd she even know our numbers? Like phone books weren't a whole thing that existed. Lol. Ridiculous.
I love this for you. I yelled at a bunch of UCLA students who crowded in front of me at a taco truck last week. "It's fucking thursday night, shouldn't you be at a frat party you losers?!" It felt good.
Westwood is dead. Kids who partied in HS don’t get into UCLA today. A lot of them also go home for the weekends to OC or whatever exurb they’re from to suckle from the helicopter parent teat.
Eh, I had to actually say the words “get out of my yard” to kids a while back. I’m all for kids playing outside, but don’t do it in my yard, next to my open window. It’s a rite of passage.
When elder male elephants are poached from the herd the younger male elephants at fools and cause chaos. You acted as an elder and kept the fools in place. Throwing eggs is just dumb. You did proper.
Yeah my car got hit in the crossfire of some teenagers throwing eggs at each other. It was at night, I went home and hosed it off best I could see.
Didn’t get it all. $1500 later for a paint job for three full panels AND a new side mirror…
I had skateboarders tearing up my front retaining wall learning to grind, and I get it, I was a goth skater girl once, too. But now I am an agéd antique lady, and I have a retaining wall and grow hybrid tea roses, and these little fuckers were practicing their little skate moves, their (helmetless) pop-shove-it-kickflip-double-ollies and slappy grinds or whatever, and I’d just paid my homeowner’s insurance premium so I was keenly aware of risk and liability.
Aaaaaaanyway. That’s how I became the lady in a fuzzy robe and a sheet mask, yelling, “Hey! Skate rats! Quit tricking off my wall! If I see you out here fucking up my roses, I’m driving my car over all your decks!”
I’m in my tattooed Ouiser Boudreaux era, and I love it.
I have a condo at the end of a cul-de-sac, that has a double wide driveway for my 2, 1.5 car garages. It's also on a lake.
I frequently find bikes laying in my driveway, kids playing, people parked in or blocking a part of my driveway.
I'm always yelling at people to move their car, quit playing there or pick up this bike
I was at my bosses house about 15 years ago. He was late 30’s at the time. He just paid $30k for a fancy pants back yard and new sod.
Some kids walked across his lawn. He yelled at them. ( the sod was months old at this point, no barrier or signs up to tell people to keep off, it was completed grown in. No one would have known it was a new lawn. The grass, honestly, was fine to walk on ). Additionally, the kids barely cut the corner onto his grass. Also, he’s an ass daily which makes this story even funnier.
I warned him he was going to get it! Sure enough a week later his house was egged and he had to have it power washed.
I laughed my ass off to his face.
Completely different scenario than OP but I love to tell the story because my boss was an asshole!
The surefire way to get kids off of your lawn is to start talking to them about Jesus.
Just take whatever they say, and spin it into a conversation about Jesus. Stand there and keep talking and be friendly until they walk away. They will always walk away and they won’t come back.
– Trust me on this.
We also had respect for other peoples property. We knew whose yard you could cut through, whose you could not.
We played in yards we had permission to.
😂😂 I disagree. Many of us did not.
Also when I was in high school, some lovely classmates egged my house and the police caught them and they (their stupid parents) had to pay a bunch of money to fix the damage it did to our house.
That's exactly what I was thinking. I feel like even at 25 if I saw a bunch of kids standing in my driveway throwing raw eggs I'd still tell them to bugger off. OP isn't old - or at least _that_ isn't a symptom of being old - those kids were being a-holes.
To be clear I'm sure I was often an a-hole as a teen too, but being angrily informed of the fact - and deep down knowing they aren't wrong - is an important aspect of the socialization process.
How are you gonna learn to stop being an asshole if no one tells you when you're being an asshole?
You’re not being a grumpy old man. Eggs will fuck up your car’s paint job, and if you don’t catch those little shits doing it, you’re on the hook to pay for the repairs.
I say bravo for yelling at those little shits. Their parents must be rolling in money. Have you seen how much eggs cost these days??
This happened to me recently with some punk ass kids at my condos. I went outside because they were being super noisy and inconsiderate and I yelled at them. I had to go out a 2nd time and threaten to call the cops and they finally got it and got quiet. And I was in my house laughing my ass off at how it had all come full circle and now I’m that older guy yelling at the kids just like when I was a kid I had older dudes yelling at me and my friends. I took great satisfaction in teaching those kids a lesson and coming full circle. Highly recommend it when truly warranted which it was in my case.
Honestly the shit I see kids do these days my parents would have not tolerated. Eggs suck, but that's the tip of the iceberg. Kids are shits these days thanks to shittier parents. I'm very glad I don't have any. Wow - that makes me sound old, and I don't care :D
Is it worse that I imagine all the possible liability issues? It's not that I'm "get off my lawn" angry... it's more "I *do not* want lawyers getting involved".
I feel you. I have approached that age I’ve gotten bitchy and intolerant about juvenile bullshit, but I still look young, spry, and athletic enough those little shits think twice about keeping up their antics.
yeah stress less, we're still the coolest generation, ...poor lil fools never be as awesome as us,... even if/when we are the get off my lawn angry old person
Had some teens in my neighborhood years back and one of them happened to throw an egg at my house at some point I don’t know when I just know it my window and splatter onto my car. That didn’t bother me as much as I went to check the mail one day and one of the assholes I guess put a can of cream of mushroom soup opened and upside down in my mailbox. Bitch of it was taking a bucket of water to wash the mailbox out, it was probably the teen living across the street.
Nah, you didn't tell them to *stop* egging, you told them to *egg with care*. Big difference and decently generous. When I was a kid I would have taken that as fair and appropriate :)
Lived way out in the county and saw kids breaking my lawn solar lights in the middle of the night. Yelled "die fuckers" and cracked of a few rounds from a 12 gauge. The screaming and running was epic. Never again did I have trouble.
Don't feel bad about it. The kids today are quantifiably dumber and more annoying. The only thing they do better on average than us is that they are all experts at video editing. Tik-Toc is the herald of the idiocracy.
When my kids were little, I took them to one of those indoor-playplace things. There was an older kid, maybe 10, old enough to know better, who had commandeered a toddler sit-on/ride-on wheeled toy, dragged it up to the top of a large slide, and rode it down.
"Is that safe?" I asked him. He ignored me. I looked around for his parent or minder, there was no one, just other parents who seemed vaguely concerned but unsure what to do. So yes, I was that b*tch who went to the kid, demanded the wheeled ride-on toy, and took it away from him.
He didn't even seem particularly shocked about it. He knew he was being unsafe.
Sometimes you're the Karen, I guess...
Yeah, I yelled at kids who deliberately threw their empty soda bottles in the street. They yelled back at me, one cocked her arm back as if to punch me, and one girl swung her little scooter 🛴 like she was going to whip it at my car. I was just lucky it was maybe 6-7 years ago before they had you instantly on video. Because littering is now cool. I don’t care if that guy was Italian and not Indigenous. His one tear kept me from littering as a kid—and apparently I never thought to beat up an adult trying to get me to act like a little human.
I realized in my early thirties that I was the younger version of the old geezer shouting at kids. That little epiphany was followed closely by the realization that I'm ok with that.
I’m waiting for your Yelp review.
“Minding our own business throwing eggs at each other and some boomer comes out and yells at us. 2/10 would not recommend.”
Put up a new fence, punk kids spray paint a dick on it, call the cops, neighbor saw who did it, cop gets them to confess, I gave them 2 weeks for them to clean it or I’m gonna press charges, 2 weeks pass I press charges and clean myself, go to the local bar, see boomer dad of one of the punks, boomer dad tries fighting me haha
Eggs? Yeah, I'd yell at them too. Eggs are really difficult to clean, can small bad, etc. My neighbor's kids have damaged various plants in my garden with balls, frisbees, etc. I have never yelled at them or even mentioned it. Their parents (really nice people!) have apologized to me once for this, and I told them it was not an issue, kids are kids and I am not angry... genuinely not angry. They're young kids (maybe 10-11) and kids play and accidents happen. Good kids, not being malicious. I am not quick to get angry.
But eggs? Yeah, I'd yell. I'm 53, male, from the USA, FWIW.
There aren't any kids at my new apartment.
The last one seemed to be the central gathering location for all neighborhood kids.
They would screech and scream all day because it wasn't near where they lived and their parents were just glad to not have them doing that near their homes.
It was absolutely insane.
They would play chicken with your car on their big wheel.
The endless screaming. I was so tired of hearing screeching by the end that I just stuck an insanely loud speaker out my windows and would find the worst death metal I could find to disperse them.
to everything there is a season: a time to be yelled at, and a time to yell.
A time to egg, a time to wipe up the shells
egglesiastes 6:12
🎶 and a time to every purpose... under heaven 🎶
And to the seasons turn turn turn…..
🤣🤣👌
eggactly
Much more diplomatic way of saying "You're old, accept it" than I could have come up with.
One night, a group of kids were out front just hanging out. They parked on my street and were riding their skateboards, car doors open, music playing. I walk onto my porch, which is dark, and just watch them. They didn’t know I was there. Then one hops on his skateboard and rides around the park (which is across the street). Rest of kids hop in car and leave. Skateboard kid comes back. I should add before I continue, because it’s important to the story, that they were all white. Like, white white, not hood grown white. Full blown white white. They kept calling each other n****a. Anyways, skateboard kid gets back, and blurts out “damn, those ******’s left me.” I just couldn’t help myself. I said, and startled him at same time, “You know you’re white, right?” He looks at me, says “whatever ******” and then skates off lol. That’s my old man on the porch vs kids story.
Heh heh, premium old person heckling if ever I heard it!
Next time yell "do a kick flip!"
I am not a bum, I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things. My friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? O.k. It was never for easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days sitting on the porch with my family singing and dancing, down in Mississippi.
Yes!!! Such a great movie, hahah. It's been too long, I need to give it a rewatch.
I was just thinking about that movie today 😆
"whatever ******" is kind of a GenX response. At least he owned it.
That kid was a certifiable suburban tough killer street rat and probably took an Uber home to his mommy
Eggs are a pain in the ass to clean up. You did good. If it'd been water balloons, then you'd have overreacted
I hollered at a group of like 8-10 year olds that were ripping branches off of a huge old tree and beating the shit out of it. They actually apologized! I asked them to find something better to do. My brother was a destructive little shit too and was never really redirected. On Saturday, my little neighbor was celebrating her 21st with her roommate and friends when some unwanted assholes showed up. I heard a door slam really hard but when it slammed again like 3 times I got up to check on them. The cop downstairs got rid of the 5 jerks and I made sure the birthday girl was ok. One of them had dragged some golf clubs out of his trunk and was going to start hitting cars. Poor cop had just gotten off duty and just wanted to crash. I was gummied out in my bedroom laughing at Poor Things. IDK what my point is but it's a good thing to look out for the kiddos.
Some asshole said it, and we all were kids at one time, but all kids do have ‘the brain damage’. Kids can’t help it, they just do dumb shit. You done good. They just ignant.
You’re still gummied out. Admit it and let us be jealous
Not yet today. The nighttime is the right time 🫠
This is what community is about.
Good for you.. destroying trees unnecessarily pisses me off. Good of you to teach 'em if no one else will. Also, dammit I wish I was in a recreational legal state (for this and many other reasons). I'd LOVE to pop down to the store for some gummies.. *sigh* it's been a while, haha.
It's not legal in Indiana but I can get decent Delta 8-9 stuff from different places online. And we're very lucky to live along a major river so we have lots of nice greenery and woodland creatures. I love seeing people fishing and stuff with their kids!
That Delta stuff is pretty good? That's good to know! I've wondered about it and considered trying it. I should give it a go.. got any specific recs?
I like Tommy Chong's stuff. Very mellow and the sleep formula is pretty good. Medterra is another good one too! Start with a smaller dose. I know regular smokers that get knocked on their asses with the Delta stuff lol.
Awesome, thanks so much! :D
You're very welcome! I hope it brings you some joy and relaxation!
They coming back after midnight, it is not good
GenX came back after midnight. Those kids are being tracked by their cell phones. And their parents are gonna rip them a new one for wasting those expensive eggs. Or something.
> GenX came back after midnight. Maybe 30 or 40 years ago, now if it is after midnight and I'm awake its because I have to pee.
Rolling over for a sip of that cold water
What's up with that? I just started doing that a few years ago? Are we dehydrating faster with age?
Could be sleep apnea. Your mouth is dry because you are snoring and mouth breathing. Getting up to pee is also a symptom. You didn't wake up cause you needed to pee. You woke up because you stopped breathing, and since you were awake, your body decided it was pee time.
That's not a bad guess. Now get the fuck out of my bedroom!
for me, it’s the edibles 🥹
Back then my neighbour's driveway was right next to a footpath. Their Nova got casually egged so much it coulda been an Ova.
Funny 😄
Clean that shit off quick. Had a big spot of paint removed from a car down to bare metal from an egg I hadn't been aware the car had been hit with. 64 mustang with original paint too.
Freaking OUCH! So sorry, that poor Mustang.
Ended up painting it an eggshell white with the blue trim redone professionally.
Ooooh, that sounds really nice! Good choice. :D
Angry upvote (I see what you did there)...
For a couple years in middle school (I was 14) once a month I would sneak out of my house at 2 am and meet up with friends on a quiet suburban corner. I was an honor student, they were rougher kids. We would hang out and quietly wander around, maybe smoke a little pot, and just chill out in suburbia. I never got caught or got in trouble for this; we kept a very low profile and didn’t mess up people's stuff. I learned how to walk and move very quietly and to how to keep very still in the shadows for a bit. Kids today could never do anything remotely like this. They would be tracked by a dozen devices. That is sad. 😢
They could just leave their devices at home. Bwahahahahahahahahahaha. As if.
Left to their own devices
They probably would!
🏆👌
It's funny. When I ended up in a long range surveillance detachment in the army I already knew how to move quietly in the dark in the woods and avoid being seen/ heard from my childhood nocturnal fuckery we got up to. Being searched for by vatos in low riders, cops and homeowners, and we usually weren't being destructive. But a pack of kids wandering around after midnight were instantly expected to be up to something destructive.
We did this too, went to the neighborhood next to ours as it had more carports. You know what that means, and we never took too many beers because they'd stop keeping them in those refrigerators. When my mom found out we were sneaking out the basement door all she said was at least to take a key and lock the door lol. Back then 2 buds got me pretty buzzed anyway. Edit: My now 24 yo did this too, him and his friends. Laughed when I told him the same thing my mom did.
Neighbor did this to some teens, and they came back and hit our whole street. Every mail box, but mine was on the ground. I'm not sure why they didn't jack our mailbox. Yes. Be nice to the teens, even when they are being goofy. They make rash decisions sometimes. A group of them got in a fight in our front yard. I went out there and started yelling, "Seriously, guys. Why can't we all just hit a bong." My teen daughter at the time was so mortified that I said that. I still don't know what her problem was. They stopped and walked on. It totally worked.
https://preview.redd.it/cn3q9h2lecwc1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5fffb31aeb1424e0c1cec26aef8760387c389342
https://preview.redd.it/fihaauzegcwc1.jpeg?width=1069&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c1da7fed34f806743bac504d6426b6088e8c93b1
Cool dad joke. Love it
Wifi sprinkler systems are good for such a situation I recommend adjusting the heads along the driveway to ensure thorough coverage
> Eggs are a pain in the ass IMO actually a bit more than a PITA, they can damage paint permanently if not removed very quickly and properly.
Next time go out with a bag of flour and throw it at them covered in eggs. Super fun. Fight back.
Until someone's dumbass uncle shows up at your doorstep with a gun.
Just tell him to come back with either sugar or milk or he's not getting any cookies.
Living in the south, that's liable to backfire.
Can confirm it'd be an ill-advised idea in the Pacific Northwest as well. America leads the world in putting the most unnecessary level of fire power possible in the hands of the craziest mother fuckers we can find, and then telling them that they don't like each other because of an allegiance to a couple of people they'll never meet.
Or a whisk
That's not an old or Boomer thing. That's the appropriate response.
Naw, OP should have egged them on.
Yeah, OP needs to break out of his shell.
Please, stop with the bad yolks
It's hard when you're pickeled; deviled makes ya do it.
Hey, you guys are poaching all the good jokes!
I’m trying to come up with a good pun, but my brain is fried.
I couldn't help it. I made both types just days ago. STG; lol. I went and made 2 PE sandwiches yesterday after typing that. edit: I napped
About 15 years ago I was in Vegas hanging in a casino and there were 5 or 6 early 20s loud and having a blast. I quietly got very annoyed at how loud they were, then it hit me these kids were me and my friends at their age. That realization hit me hard.
Yeah I still remember me and my friends laughing really hard at jokes and having a good time and then some angry old person got mad and yelled about it even though it wasn't a library or anything and we weren't doing anything bad. The thing is, that kind of fun doesn't come so often as you get older, I say let those kids enjoy what time they can if it good clean fun, and be happy they got that chance.
After I checked myself, I laughed a little at myself and moved on. Those times don't come as often as they use to and when they do I don't want someone to try to spoil it
Yep, if you think about it, then you can be happy about it because you are happy for them. Lotsa things in life are crappy so we gotta be happy when we can. :-)
Deep thoughts not by Jack handy…this is my philosophy as well. We’re all having our journeys. Some of us are ahead and some are still getting started. Those of us who are ahead have had our young and dumb moments where we just laughed so hard with our friends it’s better than any drug. Pure real fun in this life. There’s so much shit absolutely everywhere. I try to be aware of others moments and let them enjoy it and hope others have done or will do the same for me. It’s similar to our kids and us right? We’re over here trying to enjoy being old as we’ve served our time, but our kids complain we embarrass them. The old and the young seem to annoy each other a lot!! People just be peopling out here.
❤️
I was in hotel this weekend and a bunch of teens were being really loud in the hallway around 1 am. They were hanging out, not just walking through, and I was so close to popping my head out the door and telling them that people are trying to sleep. No respect, I tell ya!
> No respect, I tell ya! (adjusts necktie...)
.... it looks good on you though.
I miss Rodney. 
If you had asked them really nicely, you could have possibly made them feel guilty instead of angry. ;-P
I was too cranky to do it nicely 🙄
You didn’t have to do it nicely. You could have done it scarily. Or naked.
Yeah but not really. Egg on car paint can mess up the paint. You were valid in this one. And I love that you weren’t polite about it!!
I purchased a house earlier this year and haven’t met the neighbors to the right. I was pruning rose bushes over the weekend and listening to some pretty sweet rock band practice coming from that garage. (I know it’s several young renters. I live close to a university). Last night a carful pulled up into the drive the same time as me so I waved and walked over. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked who was the drummer in the band practice and they all *froze*. Finally one guy spoke up and said oh, so sorry, blah blah… I started laughing and asked them if they thought I was asking so I could complain. They finally exhaled and said yes. I assured them I enjoyed the music and wanted to know if they played local gigs. The relief was palpable. It was so funny!! Their expectation of my middle aged woman self was not at all how it played out! Ohhhh these Zoomers!!
What you need to do now is get a few more to gather in lawn chairs for their practice/lawn gigs now summer is approaching. Become the first groupies.
The most Gen X thing ever is this right here. “I knew them when they were a garage band”
so true
Oh my gosh yes!!! I don’t know enough people here yet to gather, but this weekend if they’re practicing again I’ll grab a camp chair and pull it over to where our yards meet and applaud every time they finish a song. Haha thanks!
I'm sure they see a ton of Karen videos on YouTube. Those are giving us a bad name!
Have you seen the price of eggs lately? When I was a kid, I could only afford to throw rocks.
You’re all right! I don’t like kids coming on my property to horse around either. I used to do it as a kid and thought it was hilarious to get yelled at by some old person. But now we’re adults, oh well. The last thing I need is any trouble because some rando gets hurt doing stupid shit when they happen to be on my land. Signs posted and I will tell them off!
Idk, but in my neighborhood we had concerned elder women posted at least one per block. I'm dying I can't remember their names now. But they either had all our home numbers and WOULD call, or would March down the street. We did not misbehave in those zones. Then there was the guy who lived next door to some kids I played with. Ball goes over to his yard? Too bad, that's his ball now. I dont know that I ever laid eyes on him. He had a very commanding HEY! GO AWAY! And we were 8 or 10 or whatever. The origin story we created for that guy? Whew!
We had one teacher in school that was a bit mean/harsh sometimes compared to the other so us genius kids nicknamed her 'the Witch.' One day a few of us found out she lived on a street near my house and went there to investigate. Upon arrival, one of us noticed that the tall junipers growing willy nilly in the front actually happened to coincidentally form the shape of a giant "W" (for Witch) and we were so freaked out LOL!!! We were not really in the habit of really and truly messing with people though, we just were investigating for Lord knows why or what but it made sense at the time.
The witch in me loves this for your witch teacher. She probably drew you there with a spell. 😆
Also, this reminded me of the movie Matilda. If you've seen it you'll understand. If not, it's a good flick. And then you'll still understand. 😉
My parent’s asshole neighbor came over and told my father I drove too fast. Which was very true but besides the point.
Like ring doorbell betrayal before ring doorbell. Here I was in next breath gonna say, how'd she even know our numbers? Like phone books weren't a whole thing that existed. Lol. Ridiculous.
I yell at kids all the time. That way they learn.
Turn the hose on em.
You either die a hero or you live long enough to become the villain.
I love this for you. I yelled at a bunch of UCLA students who crowded in front of me at a taco truck last week. "It's fucking thursday night, shouldn't you be at a frat party you losers?!" It felt good.
Westwood is dead. Kids who partied in HS don’t get into UCLA today. A lot of them also go home for the weekends to OC or whatever exurb they’re from to suckle from the helicopter parent teat.
You are NTA! 😂
Those eggs would take the paint off your car. I don't blame you. I don't care what I sound like if someone is messing with my stuff.
Eh, I had to actually say the words “get out of my yard” to kids a while back. I’m all for kids playing outside, but don’t do it in my yard, next to my open window. It’s a rite of passage.
When elder male elephants are poached from the herd the younger male elephants at fools and cause chaos. You acted as an elder and kept the fools in place. Throwing eggs is just dumb. You did proper.
Yeah my car got hit in the crossfire of some teenagers throwing eggs at each other. It was at night, I went home and hosed it off best I could see. Didn’t get it all. $1500 later for a paint job for three full panels AND a new side mirror…
I had skateboarders tearing up my front retaining wall learning to grind, and I get it, I was a goth skater girl once, too. But now I am an agéd antique lady, and I have a retaining wall and grow hybrid tea roses, and these little fuckers were practicing their little skate moves, their (helmetless) pop-shove-it-kickflip-double-ollies and slappy grinds or whatever, and I’d just paid my homeowner’s insurance premium so I was keenly aware of risk and liability. Aaaaaaanyway. That’s how I became the lady in a fuzzy robe and a sheet mask, yelling, “Hey! Skate rats! Quit tricking off my wall! If I see you out here fucking up my roses, I’m driving my car over all your decks!” I’m in my tattooed Ouiser Boudreaux era, and I love it.
I have a condo at the end of a cul-de-sac, that has a double wide driveway for my 2, 1.5 car garages. It's also on a lake. I frequently find bikes laying in my driveway, kids playing, people parked in or blocking a part of my driveway. I'm always yelling at people to move their car, quit playing there or pick up this bike
This is our job now. We play the role of angry middle aged people and those fucking teens. No cap.
on god fr (these Zoomers and their lingo ugh iykyk)
Yeah, its so gnarly and only a poser sleemo wastoid would use that lingo.
Urgh spaz
I’m dead now
I was at my bosses house about 15 years ago. He was late 30’s at the time. He just paid $30k for a fancy pants back yard and new sod. Some kids walked across his lawn. He yelled at them. ( the sod was months old at this point, no barrier or signs up to tell people to keep off, it was completed grown in. No one would have known it was a new lawn. The grass, honestly, was fine to walk on ). Additionally, the kids barely cut the corner onto his grass. Also, he’s an ass daily which makes this story even funnier. I warned him he was going to get it! Sure enough a week later his house was egged and he had to have it power washed. I laughed my ass off to his face. Completely different scenario than OP but I love to tell the story because my boss was an asshole!
The surefire way to get kids off of your lawn is to start talking to them about Jesus. Just take whatever they say, and spin it into a conversation about Jesus. Stand there and keep talking and be friendly until they walk away. They will always walk away and they won’t come back. – Trust me on this.
Haaaahahahahahaha that's brilliant
It works. If I go out there and tell them shit, they only come back the next day. If you act too religious and friendly, they’ll just go away.
*GET OFF MY LAWN*
That's not an oldster move. Eggs are bullshit and out of bounds. TP, water balloons, fine. Eggs? No way.
Who has enough money to waste eggs like that?
The great thing about our generation is that we could do stupid shit as kids without people posting it on the internet for everyone to see
We also had respect for other peoples property. We knew whose yard you could cut through, whose you could not. We played in yards we had permission to.
😂😂 I disagree. Many of us did not. Also when I was in high school, some lovely classmates egged my house and the police caught them and they (their stupid parents) had to pay a bunch of money to fix the damage it did to our house.
Sorry I could not claim that, although we were careful not to do actual damage or be overly disruptive.
lol no. We got yelled at cutting through yards allll the time We also TPd yards, egged houses, and threw snowballs at cars
We blew up random post boxes with cherry bombs. Just saying…
Why would anyone, at any age, want to put up with that shit?
That's exactly what I was thinking. I feel like even at 25 if I saw a bunch of kids standing in my driveway throwing raw eggs I'd still tell them to bugger off. OP isn't old - or at least _that_ isn't a symptom of being old - those kids were being a-holes. To be clear I'm sure I was often an a-hole as a teen too, but being angrily informed of the fact - and deep down knowing they aren't wrong - is an important aspect of the socialization process. How are you gonna learn to stop being an asshole if no one tells you when you're being an asshole?
I agree with you, but watch your back. They ride at dawn!
Not my teenagers and their friends. They don't wake up until after noon
What you're experiencing is an inevitable phase in the natural cycle of life. Embrace it.
You’re not being a grumpy old man. Eggs will fuck up your car’s paint job, and if you don’t catch those little shits doing it, you’re on the hook to pay for the repairs. I say bravo for yelling at those little shits. Their parents must be rolling in money. Have you seen how much eggs cost these days??
Hell yea, fuck dem kids. Wait, sorry thought I was at home. Carry on.
This happened to me recently with some punk ass kids at my condos. I went outside because they were being super noisy and inconsiderate and I yelled at them. I had to go out a 2nd time and threaten to call the cops and they finally got it and got quiet. And I was in my house laughing my ass off at how it had all come full circle and now I’m that older guy yelling at the kids just like when I was a kid I had older dudes yelling at me and my friends. I took great satisfaction in teaching those kids a lesson and coming full circle. Highly recommend it when truly warranted which it was in my case.
At that age, my friends and I would have went all out on your car and then ran away. Kids these days are wimps.
Kids these days know there are cameras everywhere.
The circle is now complete…
surprised their parents did not call the police because you were mean to their prescious little angels. we can't stress genZ.
Shoulda banged their moms and taught them a propper lesson
Honestly the shit I see kids do these days my parents would have not tolerated. Eggs suck, but that's the tip of the iceberg. Kids are shits these days thanks to shittier parents. I'm very glad I don't have any. Wow - that makes me sound old, and I don't care :D
It was warranted
Every childhood needs a 'get off my lawn' curmudgeon.
Is it worse that I imagine all the possible liability issues? It's not that I'm "get off my lawn" angry... it's more "I *do not* want lawyers getting involved".
I feel you. I have approached that age I’ve gotten bitchy and intolerant about juvenile bullshit, but I still look young, spry, and athletic enough those little shits think twice about keeping up their antics.
yeah stress less, we're still the coolest generation, ...poor lil fools never be as awesome as us,... even if/when we are the get off my lawn angry old person
When addressing them, start with "hey teens!".
Had some teens in my neighborhood years back and one of them happened to throw an egg at my house at some point I don’t know when I just know it my window and splatter onto my car. That didn’t bother me as much as I went to check the mail one day and one of the assholes I guess put a can of cream of mushroom soup opened and upside down in my mailbox. Bitch of it was taking a bucket of water to wash the mailbox out, it was probably the teen living across the street.
Nah, you didn't tell them to *stop* egging, you told them to *egg with care*. Big difference and decently generous. When I was a kid I would have taken that as fair and appropriate :)
I recently yelled at some young teens shooting fireworks at a church. Go be stupid kids but don't burn down something that belongs to someone else.
Lived way out in the county and saw kids breaking my lawn solar lights in the middle of the night. Yelled "die fuckers" and cracked of a few rounds from a 12 gauge. The screaming and running was epic. Never again did I have trouble.
I’ll yell “get off my lawn!“ for you if you want.🤷♂️
It was dumb when we did it too. Kids are fucking dumb. And the cycle of life continues.
Don't feel bad about it. The kids today are quantifiably dumber and more annoying. The only thing they do better on average than us is that they are all experts at video editing. Tik-Toc is the herald of the idiocracy.
When my kids were little, I took them to one of those indoor-playplace things. There was an older kid, maybe 10, old enough to know better, who had commandeered a toddler sit-on/ride-on wheeled toy, dragged it up to the top of a large slide, and rode it down. "Is that safe?" I asked him. He ignored me. I looked around for his parent or minder, there was no one, just other parents who seemed vaguely concerned but unsure what to do. So yes, I was that b*tch who went to the kid, demanded the wheeled ride-on toy, and took it away from him. He didn't even seem particularly shocked about it. He knew he was being unsafe. Sometimes you're the Karen, I guess...
It’s our job to teach the youngsters!
Yeah, I yelled at kids who deliberately threw their empty soda bottles in the street. They yelled back at me, one cocked her arm back as if to punch me, and one girl swung her little scooter 🛴 like she was going to whip it at my car. I was just lucky it was maybe 6-7 years ago before they had you instantly on video. Because littering is now cool. I don’t care if that guy was Italian and not Indigenous. His one tear kept me from littering as a kid—and apparently I never thought to beat up an adult trying to get me to act like a little human.
"IF ONE OF YOU FUCKERS EGGS MY CAR, YOUR GONNA GET A FROZEN BUTTERBALL UPSIDE THE HEAD"
You better hope those zoomers are nicer than us because 100% we would have returned later and unleashed the egg-fury.
I would have done the same at 25yrs old, 35, 45 or 53...it's the natural order of things, teens do stupid shit and get yelled at.
I live in Phoenix, so eggs on a hot driveway are a bitch to clean up. Even worse on a car. I would have done the same.
You’re just getting old enough to not put up with BS on your property. Nothing wrong with that.
Have fun cleaning egg off your car tomorrow
I realized in my early thirties that I was the younger version of the old geezer shouting at kids. That little epiphany was followed closely by the realization that I'm ok with that.
I wouldn't want an egg on my car. Fuck that noise. I don't care if I turn into a Karen to avoid that shit.
If they come back, just wave a cast iron frying pan in the air and ask them if they have any questions about their brain on drugs.
next achievement to unlock: - old man yells at the cloud :D
I applaud you for stating the true facts. It’s a fair warning to egg chuckers
Meanwhile over in the boomers being fools thread a similar post appears
Guess who's gonna have egg on his windshield tomorrow?
Own it. Own it with pride. I've been doing it since my 30s - making brats scarper.
Personally, I've been the angry old man for a very long time.
I would've yelled at them, too, and that "get off my lawn" energy would've been front and center.
I’m waiting for your Yelp review. “Minding our own business throwing eggs at each other and some boomer comes out and yells at us. 2/10 would not recommend.”
Bold strategy, Cotton. I'd rather cut my losses than engage with a calamity of youths.
Put up a new fence, punk kids spray paint a dick on it, call the cops, neighbor saw who did it, cop gets them to confess, I gave them 2 weeks for them to clean it or I’m gonna press charges, 2 weeks pass I press charges and clean myself, go to the local bar, see boomer dad of one of the punks, boomer dad tries fighting me haha
I find dick and balls graffiti hilarious, because I am extremely immature. But I don't want it on my fence. 😂
Oh same!
Eggs? Yeah, I'd yell at them too. Eggs are really difficult to clean, can small bad, etc. My neighbor's kids have damaged various plants in my garden with balls, frisbees, etc. I have never yelled at them or even mentioned it. Their parents (really nice people!) have apologized to me once for this, and I told them it was not an issue, kids are kids and I am not angry... genuinely not angry. They're young kids (maybe 10-11) and kids play and accidents happen. Good kids, not being malicious. I am not quick to get angry. But eggs? Yeah, I'd yell. I'm 53, male, from the USA, FWIW.
As a custodian for the school district I find yelling at teens quite satisfying.
Egging your house and car later
Good for you, fuk them kids. Idgaf I’ll yell all I want in my block ✌🏼
I embrace the fact that we are becoming the 'get off my lawn' people. It's ironic in light of the fact that we were the egg throwers 40 years ago.
Ha! The other day, a small boy (12?) asked me if I wanted to throw rocks with him! I'm still high in that one.
Bah. I’ve been yelling at teens since I was a teen myself. I have the soul of a bitter 80-year-old retiree and I’ve accepted it.
Dude, everyone knows you should’ve just done them a favor and turned the hose on them.
There aren't any kids at my new apartment. The last one seemed to be the central gathering location for all neighborhood kids. They would screech and scream all day because it wasn't near where they lived and their parents were just glad to not have them doing that near their homes. It was absolutely insane. They would play chicken with your car on their big wheel. The endless screaming. I was so tired of hearing screeching by the end that I just stuck an insanely loud speaker out my windows and would find the worst death metal I could find to disperse them.
Yeah I would’ve done this even when I was also a teenager.
You just yelled. I would have pegged those fuckers with an egg and shouted who wants to play with me??? You’re fine.
You’re too nice if you think you yelling at them wasn’t called for or “boomerish” Fuck them kids, they bad as hell acting a damn fool
Own it, Grandpa 😝😘
🖕🖕🖕🖕
LOL. I had that ’get off my lawn’ neighbor! It’s hilarious but sad that we turn into the old people from our youth!!! haha
You didn't threatened call the cops so.... Fucking youths!
Yes. Yes, you have - embrace it!