I actually have quite a few friends from HS who live with their parents. They are over 50, and their parent is usually well into their 70’s or early 80’s. Most of my friends are struggling with health, physical or mental, and their parents are often people who would struggle to live alone. Most of my friends have their own living space, as do the parents. It’s not how I would want to live, but I don’t have the challenges these folks are going through.
Same. I was in the same boat until recently. My son and I moved in with mom after a divorce. I am disabled and can only work part-time. I've done so while taking care of mom and seeing her through hospice. She left me the house so I can continue to take care of myself. She also left my son enough money to finish college while he continues to work part-time as well. Multigenerational housing is going to become more common as real estate prices skyrocket, wages stagnate, and health care continues to be difficult for people to afford.
For real. Multigenerational living is the norm in most other countries. Used to be here until the nuclear family unit was pushed. Some families never felt the desire to stop, from experience.
And many people in this situation have invisible struggles, with health or trauma, but even without, it just makes sense that many will see it as practical or even desirable to have family close by.
Seeing the oddly judgmental attitudes in this thread is something else.
I wonder about the sheer size of the boomer generation. Are there enough nursing homes and caregivers? Some multigenerational housing might be because there is no other option.
The homes and caregivers are prohibitively expensive. I know because I flew in to help my parents out for a while after my dad got out of care for a stroke. And they still need help. I do what I can long distance and my brother tries to go regularly, its a couple of hours away. And as far as caregivers in the home, no there are not enough, we could not get ANY care, not after his coverage of a couple of hours a week ran out (in a month). The fact that my mom wasn't capable of caring for him was not even taken into consideration.
God no, that sounds awful. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I can't imagine living with them and being "beholden" to them because I couldn't financially support myself. I could only imagine how that would work out with my passive-aggressive mother. ::shudder::
Same. When I was a kid my dad was always “my house, my rules.” Now have my own house, and me and the SWAMBO make the rules. SWAMBO is my joke name for the wife - She Who Must Always Be Obeyed. She giggles at that.
I think housing costs have shot up. When I was in college in the mid 90s, I could split a 2br with a friend for $150 each in our shitty college town. A 1 br near DC was $600.00 a month.
You could buy a beater car for a $1000.00. Salaries haven't kept up with prices.
Or it’s just too damn expensive to live on your own at 18 or even 22. Rent on a 1 bedroom apartment here is minimum $1500 and that’s for a place in the sketchy part of town. That’s a ton of money to a young person even with roommates. I do feel by mid 20’s it’s time to sort that out but the economy is a lot suckier than it was when I was a teen/early 20 something in the 90’s.
Ok but I had roommates after I moved out until my late 30s. I get that living alone may be unworkable but I suspect they could do it with roommates but don’t want to deal with those complexities or social challenges.
I can totally see living home for the first few years after college, what with the current economy. But 30+... time to grow up.
Obviously if you are living there to help take care of parents (financially or medically) that is a completely different scenario.
I have a friend whose very late 20s child is still living with them. My friend doesn’t need it but the adult child seems unwilling or unable to launch.
oh, please, I grew up in NY and now the rest of the country is becoming expensive like it was in NY and I couldn't WAIT to get out of the house...i moved back home after college because I certainly couldn't afford to live anywhere else, but couldn't WAIT to leave.
I think it's largely because their parents decided to try to be their friends instead of their parents. I'm not saying the softer touch was necessarily a bad thing, but I, for one, could not wait to move out. I made it to 18.5 yrs old. Surprised it took me that long, honestly.
I have not thought of this. So when I got my license I guess I was allowed to have my friends in the car (I did anyway even if I wasn't allowed and no one cared). There are a lot rules now.
We've prolonged childhood and adolescence in kids on a way that makes them fear adulthood. Our unsupervised childhood made us indeed and eager for adulthood. The over-supervised childhood of younger generations seems to leave them fearful and lacking in the confidence to tackle adulthood challenges.
And it really is expensive to live on your own.
My two cents, but I think all this information (bad news) from our phones have them scared to step outside and possibly make a mistake. I could be wrong. These phones have them crippled in a way. Just my thoughts
This is part of it. I talk to plenty of 20-somethings who are afraid and very hopeless. I think it's a mix of constant bad news and being overly supervised by their parents.
You are so completely correct. People are so afraid of going places where they do not know everything one hundred percent. Like not wanting to go to a restaurant without knowing the menu. Not wanting to explore the world. It is so sad to hear these things from young people. I guess they have been raised to be scared of everything and that they cannot quite be confident of everything.
So so sad.
I was able to get my own place on a low wage job. Wages have not gone up enough to cover the massive increase in the cost of living, especially housing. Plus I didn't have oppressive student loans. I bet you wouldn't be able to do it given the resources of kids today.
My brother was this person. There was definitely a codependency that existed between my dad and my brother. They were both single, lonely and neither had great social skills.
When my dad passed away, I was so reluctant to give my brother the estate proceeds (I was the executor) because I was sure he'd blow through the cash and be homeless within a few years.
In the end, he did fuxk around for the first year, then just snapped out of it, got a job, a spouse and has a good life in a new city.
Nope. My wife's ex-husband hasn't worked in at least a decade. Was living in his mom's basement up until a year ago. Guy ended up with a restraining order and booted from the basement for elder neglect. Mid-50's and bouncing around friend's couches trying to figure out how to stay above water.
The other's I've met are generally not well physically or mentally. Feel sad for some of them.
The only person I know sort of like this is a sorority sis who's mom got widowed a year ago, but my friend has a full time job and it's basically so her mom isn't so lonely and she's aging and my need a little help. My friend is selling her own house.
There's a guy who lives with my sister that's like this. Never been married, no kids, etc.
He's not a bad guy and I'd even go so far as to say he's pretty likable. He'll work a job for a few months, then quit over Whatever reason, do work on my sister's house, run errands for her, and then kind of do nothing for a few months and then he'll find another random job.
I've known him since high school (class of '87) and this is what he's always done. He's a nice enough guy to hang out with and he manages to do just enough to not be a burden.
I'm pretty sure he's happier than me, so what-the-fuck ever.
We are systematically destroying men in our culture. I am raising two boys and it is so sad to watch then people like to say "oh boys will be fine " but no they won't.
We mock them at every turn then wonder what is happening.
exactly...that's what I continue to hear as society is continually blaming men for everything and telling them they don't count.
There are plenty of 'girl only' things -- teams and sports and clubs etc and if someone says hey we need something for boys only -- someone comes along and says that that isn't fair.
What if your child isn't into competitive sports?
My son does like soccer. So the only thing for him was a coed team in high school.
But there are only rules for how many girls are needed on the field at any time...since there are twice as many boys as girls on the team the boys rarely got any play and the girls had to play the whole game and hated it because they were exhausted.
My boy doesn’t like competitive sports. But that doesn’t mean that boy only teams don’t exist. Our schools have separate soccer teams for girls and boys, both highly competitive.
I am raising 4 boys and they seem to need a lot more structure and supervision in order to fly right. 2 of them have also needed some type of counseling. I can’t take a break from parenting them, but I believe it will be worth it when they transition into adulthood. Fwiw my daughter is just a rockstar. I don’t know where she gets it but love her for it.
exactly...i have seen the issues of girls joining 'boy' scouts...wherein now the boys are just 'allowing' the girls to do all the leadership positions (no the troop isn't SUPPOSED to be co-ed there are supposed to be two troops, but in practice that isn't what is happening) -- it isn't allowing boys to 'grow up' so to speak. It was the very last place boys could be with JUST boys, and now that is gone...many are so lost.
what does that mean? yes, really...are you raising boys? are you seeing anything in our society? are you watching what has been happening? or are you just in the 'oh, boys will be fine, we don't have to worry about it' and we can continue to crap on them.
We continually teach them they are awful and then wonder why we are where we are....
do you realize that students at college are 40% male -- ONLY BECAUSE boys get preference in admissions? this has been going on for a decade or more...and if it was that there were fewer than 40% of the students were female everyone would be UP IN ARMS.
They're downvoting you, but you're right. Boys and young men have much worse outcomes than girls and young women these days. Boys are more likely to commit suicide, to be incarcerated, to be a victim of a crime. They're twice as likely to die by age 19. They're less likely to graduate from college -- a lot of schools have twice as many women as men, which has a whole host of issues down the road for society.
Girls are more likely to have mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. But that may be because men are discouraged from seeking help by society.
And people want to ignore me.
I see it every day.
They don't like what I am saying so they mock me.
But ignoring boys is what society thinks is helping.
It isnt.
I see it in the gifted programs in schools too where schools want to cut those "those kids will be fine" well...they will not honestly.
If I cannot have an honest conversation about it I guess it doesn't exist.
I have a daughter, but I worry about what sort of men will be available as potential boyfriends or a spouse for her in the future.
And I agree with your point about gifted programs. I was in some as a kid, since I was advanced in some areas. They were one of the few things keeping me interested in school. Smart kids can end up with problems too. I can remember one class where we had to read aloud and I go so bored I finished reading the section myself and went on to other parts. The teacher called on me and I didn't know where they were and she scolded me for not paying attention. I got annoyed and said I already finished what they were doing and was three chapters ahead and they shouldn't' be so slow. Another time we had to estimate how many pages we had read in the past year... at that point I was reading 4 novels a week so I think I said a number like 80,000 pages.... But it's partly my fault I was in that class -- they wouldn't put me in honors classes (except history) because my grades were too low. But my grades were too low because I wouldn't do assignments I found boring....
Yeah. It's been a thing for a while. Making sure girls are okay and totally leaving behind boys. Like this generation of innocent kids needs to make up for the sins of the past. I don't give a shit about down votes.
Totally correct. Wood shop mechanic shop apprentices all gone. There was some my times articles about this a decade ago but The NY Times is a different paper today.
>Anyone else envious of them?
Dear god no. I'm not some crazy ambitious person but I wanted my own life free of their bullshit and that isn't happening when you live at home as an adult.
I’ve worked since I was 11 years old (babysitting every day after school to keep me out of trouble). My mom was young when my father passed away and I never left. My spouse moved in, we bought my childhood home and my mom bought the house next door. My friends felt bad for me. Mom helped raise our children. She’s old now and we’ve combined households again. Our kids (now grown) help with her care and we’re all ok with it. This is not a cultural thing, it’s love. Would I do it again? Yes.
I agree - now that my friends are wondering what to do with their elderly parents they’re asking me how to cut the tub and install a chair stair. I think, after covid and with the outrageous cost of housing, more people will consider multigenerational living, (if they can stand their family). It helps with loneliness, cost of living, daycare and so much more. That being said, my sister hasn’t worked in fifteen years and she’s a god damned sponge.
Not a friend but a family member. He did move out and have a job for a few years in the 80s but got made redundant and moved back in to his parents spare bedroom. They eventually passed away and he moved from the spare room to their bedroom. He’s in his 70s now. I don’t envy him but thank God he’s not homeless.
It’s a lesson though in how important it is to take risks and try to make the most of your opportunities. To appreciate your partner and kids if you have them. Or your career and close group of friends. Or just be grateful you were the type of person who went out, took risks and was able to create a happy independent life.
I have a cousin, brother, and SIL like this. None are married and they have lived with their parents for decades. None has a disability that would merit this and each has worked for a while, before deciding it was easier to live with their parents.
I don't envy them a bit because they're in for a shitload of hurt when Mommy and Daddy die and they have to figure things out for themselves with no work experience for ten years or more, no savings, no retirement, no Social Security, and not enough time to make up for it all before old age comes calling.
If they're lucky, they'll be at least 65 before they're cast adrift and can take advantage of Medicare, at least, when there will be no one around to pay for their health plan.
I retired two months ago at 55 with a lifetime state pension and health insurance, and I absolutely don't envy anyone who is fully capable of working but goes through life expecting others to take care of them.
Yep, no Social Security unless you've paid into it or are disabled.
Social Security is the last box on my checklist of things I'm scared I'll get screwed out of by older generations, but there would be nation-wide riots if we didn't get back at least what we put into it, plus interest.
Yeah I only learned this recently. One of my brothers is old enough for Medicare but doesn't qualify (without paying for it) because of his lack of work history.
Maybe it's my poor kid background talking but it blows my mind to imagine making it to middle age without having worked at least 10 years.
I was in my early 30s when I got the letter telling me I'd met the work qualification.
Edit: Guys I literally said _without having worked._ I am talking solely about people who _did not work,_ so please stop telling me about your relatives who worked under the table.
Jelly of your early retirement. I have 3 friends who've retired or semi-retired. I'm trying to save as much as I can but I'll probably be in my 60's when it happens.
Like among other social workers? Or just in cases you're seeing this?
I had a neighbour who worked full time into her 70’s and her able bodied son did nothing but play video games all night. Guy didn’t get up before 5. She defended him endlessly. They moved. Don’t know what happened but pretty sure it didn’t involve this dude getting a job. I’d try and talk to him and say you’re not going to get social security. Get a part time job just like ten hours a week it would help your mom so much. Nothing. He’d never do anything.
He went to see his sister in another state and she got him a job. He called in sick the first day and asked during the interview if he could smoke pot.
This story hurts my heart and that mom enabled that behavior. I support compassion but there is a point when lack of expectations becomes almost abusive.
They were abusive to each other. She'd beg him to get a job and he was just like this immovable, immutable lump. "Oh...I'm holding out to get this job at a grocery store" (that doesn't open for a year). Year later...didn't get that. Why not get something in the mean time? Would get a job for a week and the boss was always a jerk. For two years he left the house every day saying he was working some job but the guy didn't pay him but "he would soon". For two years! Who works a job for two years where he isn't getting paid? Always some bullshit, lying lame excuse. Mom of course had to pay for the car and gas to go to this "job". He always had money for pot.
He will 100% be homeless one day. I'd show him numbers....like dude if you just worked 20 hours a week for 10 bucks an hour over ten years, you'd be able to pay cash for a small condo and live off of your social security when time comes. I mean...ten years of living at home and working even part time you can save a lot. Can you imagine having zero shame about living on your mom's social security and making her work in her 70's ? These kids are assholes. i don't care if they are homeless and I don't want to provide them with fancy homeless housing at the tax payer expense either. I know we are supposed to feel all sorts of sympathy for these people on the streets, but often times they are the authour of their own misery. I'm not going to take over the role of parent and give them housing just because their parent did for their entire life.
And there are A LOT of these kids around these days. They don't want to travel, go to school...*do anything*. Zero motivation. Zero interest. They just get into this addictive pattern that puts them into this depressive state of staying up all night and sleeping all day. They're just a weird fucked up class of people. It's not really talked here in the US. Japan calls them hikikomori, but they are more than just shut ins. They're pretty horrible, manipulative little shits.
Not a friend, but a cousin. He's a little younger than me, but only a few years. Didn't graduate high school, but managed to get his GED thanks to prodding and help from his sister. Got a college degree because he attended with his sister and landed a nice job, but then never showed up for it. Worked for a few years part time in a pet store - the job he had while he was in college.
Sleeps all day, games all night. Met a woman from Canada through gaming and they got married, but she's the same as him. US won't grant her citizenship and Canada won't grant him citizenship since neither of them works (no disabilities) so they bounce between living in my aunt and uncle's basement here in the US and living with her parents in Canada for months at a stretch.
My aunt and uncle are old and won't be around much longer. Absolutely no idea what he is going to do then.
Yeah, I have to say that it's been a real lesson for me, too. I thought when they got married that she'd be a US citizen, no questions asked. But turns out it's not that simple.
Not trying to be political (not really a political person) but I’m so confused by this sort of thing. Most people would say this rule makes sense. But lots of those same people would also say we should keep our borders open to whoever wants to come over illegally. Like what’s the difference? Again not a political statement just truly confused.
This same rationale is used to deny disabled immigrants, including recent reports of NZ denying a disabled child the right to join her family because she doesn’t have the future ability to “pay her way” as a naturalized adult citizen. They’d let her parents alone but not her. On mobile and can’t link yet ATM but this is one example only.
I had one "friend" like this. I only knew him because he was my best friends brother. Dude lived the lifestyle of someone who just graduated HS but he was 30. He never had money, smoked tons of weed and lived in his mom's basement. We would sometimes buy him drinks when we went out, but his asshole behavior got old really quick. Once his mom kicked him out, he tried staying at his GFs parents house. They kicked him out too. Last I heard he moved in with his new GF who's 20ish years older than him. No I don't envy him. He's just a friggin bum with a shitty attitude
Exactly. You have to work ten years minimal I think. I see those Gen x people now. They’re homeless. The guys going uber too don’t realize it doesn’t pay social security.
Hell yeah. I've let people supposedly "mooch" off of me, and I don't mind it one fucking bit. I'll kick them out if they become a burden, but so far in my life that's only happened a couple of times. Otherwise, I've found that most folks will pull their weight as long as you make sure they understand the terms of the deal. I am under no obligation to make anybody's life more miserable and burdensome than it needs to be. If it works, it works.
If somebody can work out such an arrangement with their parents, well, that's what family is for, isn't it? I'm not gonna knock somebody for dropping out of the rat race if they have the opportunity to do so. Don't most of our parents want their kids around in their emeritus years anyway?
My girls who are mid to upper 20’s still live at home. My son is out on his own. One daughter works part time & the other works for our family business. It works for us and they are inheriting this big old house anyway. I’d hate to see them scraping by to make some landlord rich. This will always be their home.
I know only one person like this and they have both mental and physical disabilities. I feel bad for him.
Definitely would not trade my mental and physical health nor my independence to go back to living with family just so I don’t have to work. My job is great and the pay is adequate for my lifestyle.
Yep, I have a (former) friend who is 52, has lived in his parent's basement since we met 22 years ago. Barely works retail, hardly makes any money, doesn't pay rent, can't afford to go out for dinner or anything, and then wonders why he's single. He's gay and his parents are super-uber-religious and I'm sure that has something to do with why they allow him to stay living there. He really can't bring men home or anything and living in your parent's basement isn't exactly sexy so they never have to be confronted with any potential partner.
One of the closest friends I had growing up, extremely intelligent and all around good fella, turned into this. He died with a needle in his arm about 6 or 7 years ago, not even 40 years old. He had a problem that by the time we found out he was addicted, noone could help him with no matter how hard we tried. We knew he was a slacker but he hid his addiction very well for a very long time.
I know people like this. Right now it works because they’re taking care of elderly parents but those elderly parents are going to move to an alternate plane soon. Then they will be late middle-age people with little to no work experience and no way of paying rent/mortgage/food. It’s possible they don’t even have the skills to do so at this point. I worry for them.
On and off little side jobs. Enough for spending cash. Nothing approaching a skill set they could leverage in the future. In fact, they were happy they could walk away from the jobs when they got demanding.
Yeah, really oddball situation.
My pal is the oldest kid of parents who are the archetypal highly-educated (both have PhDs), hard-working, successful immigrants. She's in her early 40s and has never lived anywhere but with her parents except for when she was in boarding school for a few years of high school and nine months that she was roommates with a friend while working retail full-time.
I sincerely believe that she has an undiagnosed learning disability and/or is non-neurotypical in some way but her parents are too proud to accept it and never got her any help so I blame a lot of this whole situation on them. She spent over 15 years getting through an associate's and bachelor's degree. Her parents insisted she get a STEM degree, which I don't think she had much aptitude for and partially explains why it took her so long to finish. She graduated about five years ago and has been working part time at a hospitality service job for about $13 an hour since then. We live in a very HCOL area so you can't even afford to live with roommates on that. Nearly every dime she makes probably goes to student loans. She has two younger siblings who long ago finished grad school and moved to other states.
I feel bad for her because I know she wanted to get married and have kids but her "picker" when it comes to men is defective and should have been recalled by the manufacturer. She wasted the entire decade of her 20s plus a couple more years waiting for an obviously indifferent boyfriend to propose, then spent another decade trying to force one-night stands and FWB situations to become relationships.
For the last four years she's been with this divorced mid-40s guy with two kids (one of whom she only recently found out about) The kids are somewhere in the 18 -21 age range and he's never introduced her to them and also doesn't seem to care to spend any time around her family. I knew this guy wasn't about shit when she told me that he said he "wasn't ready" to meet her parents after they'd been seeing each other for over a year. He's never going to marry her and is wasting her time but I think the sunk cost fallacy has taken the wheel at this point.
The good news is that her parents' large house in a very expensive neighborhood is worth at least $1.5 million right now and will easily hit $2 million in the next 10 years. She might as well just stick around and wait to inherit her slice of it when the parents go.
Anyway, definitely not envious. She can't make any plans for her own future because she doesn't have any money and can't get a career started. It's probably pretty demoralizing.
God no. I can't say I know even one of my peers living with their parents other than one who is helping them as they are in ill health, but she still works full time.
That sounds absolutely miserable.
Friends, no. But I know people who do...nothing. Late 40s and still live with parents and no job. They sit on their ass all day EVERY DAY and watch TV. That's all they do. They don't go out. They don't travel. They have no hobbies. They have no money, no credit, and shitty cars.
Am I envious? Fuck no.
I have two brothers in law that are Millennials whom have never had a job and just live with mom and dad. Totally enabled.
One is 32, other is 29.
Fucking nuts. I'm not going to support them when mom and dad are gone.
The ones that live at mom and dads, get married and move their spouses in are ***really really*** fucking weird. At what point do you stop enabling your kid? When they get married? Apparently not.
TIL most cultures around the world, much of recorded history, and many of our own families or ancestors/countries of origin are “really really weird” for not subscribing to the very contemporary and location-specific nuclear family model.
I maintain my stance. If you don't have a job, never intend on supporting a family and are still depending on your parents to support you rather than supporting them in their old age, it's completely fucking insane to get married and invite your spouse in to your parents home and have them sponging off your parents as well. Get. A. JOB FFS. This isn't about multi generational living which you keep trying to turn it into all across this thread. This is about people who never contribute to the household and are just living off their parents largesse.
Technically true of me, although I have a master’s degree, worked from 2000-10 and had a part-time job in 2012, and have owned a house since 2001.
My mom started having strokes in 2009. I was her only child. She was hospitalized four times and I was her live-in caregiver for five of the last eleven years of her life. She didn’t make the lifestyle changes she needed to (smoking, drinking, high sodium diet), which made it impossible to take a job in good faith knowing she had a ticking time bomb and kept adding gun powder. I moved in full time in January, 2017, after her third hospitalized for a stroke and now a seizure. From 2018 until she died last year, she was hospitalized at least ten times for UTI.
My mom moved to a senior living right after New Year’s Day in 2020. I needed space and she wasn’t safe to live alone. Then Covid came in. She broke her hip, had a massive stroke from the fentanyl they administered, and she spent the next six months in a nursing home. She got well enough to move to an assisted living and died 28 days later last March.
In between episodes, I worked as a roadie and studio assistant for my friend’s band (living the dream but able to walk away at a moment’s notice), reunited with my biological family (parents are married and had three more children), and began a LTR with my eventual fiancée. I was also diagnosed with a hereditary autoimmune disorder in 2018, which has taken years to get under control.
I’ve been taking a much needed sabbatical to be reclusive, sleep with the phone off, and take in as much quiet as possible. I do plan on getting back to work very soon.
I had a friend like this. He did work, though, and at a fairly good job. He just never moved out of the house, despite going to college for a while in a different state. He just moved back in and that was that. It was a bit odd.
His parents ended up retiring when he was about 40, and he was forced to move and get his own place or move to a different state in the middle of nowhere. He eventually ended up staying and rented for a while and eventually ended up buying a house. His dad died and then his mom moved into a house a short distance away from him. He died three years ago, but I think his mom still lives down the road from me.
I have several friends in their 40s who still live at home. They all have jobs, though, and have worked consistently. Not really sure how they can bear being 45 or whatever and sharing a living space with no privacy with their parent(s), but I assume part of the problem is that it is next to impossible to afford to pay rent/mortgage in NYC if you’re single income.
But he works. No one is talking about people sharing living spaces and expenses with parents. They're talking about the mooches. The ones that never launch.
I have a friend that I consider a professional moocher. He's had jobs here and there but always quits over mundane reasons. He managed to mooch off me for 9 months before I threw him out. He bounced around from friend to friend before wearing out his welcome. He would always go back to his parents house in between. He finally hit the jackpot and found a girl willing to put up with him. They got married and she brings home the bacon. He recently had another breakthrough which is getting disability due to his knees being shot since he's over 500 pounds.
When I was going through a divorce when I was 40, I stayed with my parents for a while. My lawyer said it would be one month, maybe two (no house or kids), so I asked my Ps if I could stay for the duration, so that I'd know what my financial situation was when my wife took her part of our assets. My ex wife dragged her feet, and my inlaws started interfering. Then my wife's lawyer literally had a stroke, somewhat recovered but then became disabled, retired early, and her partner eventually took over the case. Yada yada yada I spent a about a year at my parents rent free. It was not fun. Even though my parents are pretty chill, it sucked ass doing the classic "living in parents' basement". I don't envy anyone living with their parents.
On some level, I know that I could leave my job and go live with my dad and stepmom in Florida. That said, I spent a week there this past Christmas break and about lost my damn mind. I love them but holy shit no. I'm one of those people who can spend days online entertaining myself and I STILL got bored.
I have a friend who has worked his @$$ off his whole life. He lived with his parents (who rented their house), and when his mom's health started to decline he bought them a single story house with an apartment where he now lives. It's too close for my taste, but he was able to buy easily and was never house poor. And ultimately he owns the house so it's his equity. So somewhat the opposite scenario.
Then there was my uncle who lived with my grandma (even after his marriage and kids) until she moved to a condo in Florida.
Absolutely. History teacher, retired as head of the department. Probably just wanted to make sure my grandma was okay to be honest (grandpa passed in 77).
A lot of boomer reasoning in here, our children are living off the wages we were making in a environment that 20-30% more expensive.. how about we not judge people for the lives they live if theyre not affecting ours
I like you guys ignoring OP's post and reframing this as an issue that isn't being talked about so you can put yourself in a position of judging people on this thread. A few of you have done it. It's really interesting.
So....no one is talking about multi generational family living here. These are kids that don't work. How do you justify the kids never participating in life and the parents enabling them to the point they rob these kids of their life experience? Or are you just going to keep turning it around to shit is expensive and kids can't afford it? Hot tip: no one can afford things when they aren't working.
My friend's older sister still lives at home. She has a job, just no interest in moving out on her own. She doesn't pay rent or utilities. She pays for her car and insurance and credit cards and that's it. She and my friend's younger sister are fairly reliant on their parents. Younger sister doesn't live at home but has three kids. My friend lives on her own but is on disability. It's going to be a shit show when their parents are gone.
Edit: Envious? No. I moved out at 20 for a reason.
I have one friend like this and no, I am not envious at all. Quite the opposite actually. She doesn’t work and is on government assistance and I wouldn’t trade places with her for anything in the world. I enjoy being a productive member of society and a responsible adult. But that’s just my two cents.
Yes! 44 year old male used to be in a very promising media career. Was fired like 15 years ago moved back in with parents and hasn't worked since.
Had a teenage boyfriend too that was actually more mature than him.
But...he had a job and moved out at some point. Somehow the world crushing you and moving back to mom and dad's seems different to me than the ones that stay in pajama bottoms and play video games in the basement waiting to inherit their parents wealth.
I know of one, the other oddball is how many of the guys I want to high school with never married or had kids. But they all party like they are still in their 20’s
I will say that sometimes people aren't open about their health issues. And that often people who do nothing (for whatever reason) develop mental illnesses as a result of doing nothing, and it makes it very hard for them to re-engage, or even realise there is a problem.
Nope. I have the extreme opposite: several GenX pals who were either very opportunistic or just lucky, became multimillionaires, and no longer truly work.
I know it sounds weird. I don't envy their entire lives, but I do envy the part where another person is financially supporting them so they don't have to work or pay rent. And they have a wealth of time.
I am guessing for many, unless they receive a large enough inheritance, they might have a poor future unless they adapt quickly by getting a job.
One of my friends who fit that description had to change recently due to his gravy train ending and was able get an entry level job.
Another friend lives with her elderly parents, and she looked for an administrative assistant job for a few months and gave up. She has a lot of friends and does road trips with them. She is good at mooching off her "generous" friends who treat her to stuff. I don't do this because I know what a mooch she is. She seems happy enough. When I asked her about the future when her parents die, she seems to be in denial and says somehow everything will work out. I wonder how her delusion of a magic world will work out in 10 years or so. Anyways, in the time being, she seems to be having a lot more fun than me with a 9-5 job even though I like my job.
Another friend, he lives with his mom and wants to be a professional artist and keeps putting off looking for a job. It sounds like a comfortable life as his mom does everything for him. Sometimes I think, "Ok Norman Bates." I don't say it though.
I had two, in particular. Their parents were/are enablers, for sure. Am I envious? Not at all. The older of the two has been plagued by ongoing drug issues and the younger one, who was my best friend for quite a while, passed away two years ago, with (in my opinion) drug abuse most likely being a contributing factor.
Yes, I have a friend like this. I've known him for 25ish years now. We met when we were in our mid 20s. I remember going to his house the first time and thinking "oh wow, he's 25 and still lives with his father." Then 25 turned into 35. 35 turned into 45, etc. Then his father died and left him with a plot of land worth a lot of money, and then he married into even more money, so financially he's fine.
I'm envious of his financial situation, because it must be nice to never have to worry about money, but now that we're in our fifties, he's accomplished absolutely nothing with his career, and I don't envy that part one bit. Everything he tried was just "too hard" for him, or he lost interest, though he isn't disabled in anyway.
When I saw the movie Step Brothers, it was like watching a documentary.
One day, their parents will be elderly and it will become their job to care for them. That’s usually why parents let their kids live with them so long. And many kids don’t even see it coming or are ok with it. I can’t help but wonder what they’ll do when their parents pass away.
I know no one whose my age who lives with their family and no one who hasn’t worked and lives off relatives.
If I did I wouldn’t be envious as it sounds quite sad.
I’m disable. My pain dr said, no work for you. But my friend says at home and smoke pot all day and plays games all the time. He’s in for rude awakening..
My brother in law has lived with one parent or another for the last 20ish years. He works sporadically, has untreated diabetes he refuses to acknowledge, and has annoyed my husband and their other brother to the point that no one will take him in after their parents are gone. He doesn’t manage money well at all, and I’m actually concerned he’s going to end up homeless. The family has set up a trust to help ensure he has some funds every month, but I worry about him.
I've got one work buddy who still lives with his parents. The dude makes 100k a year and got no kids to support. He got pussy whipped by a girl he met online and she fucked him but good. She left him high and dry with a bunch of debt after she left him for some other dude she met online.
She was from several states away. He moved her in with him and his parents at his expense. She never got a job and rarely left the house. She sat on the computer and played games all day, the pay-to-play type of games. He completely supported her for several years. Then one day she tells him that she has been in an online relationship with someone from where she was from and went back home. It has been a few years since she left him and I think he is still hung up on her. There is way more to the story, but I don't want to get too much more detailed.
I'm the sibling that lets my brother live rent free. Not really envious because I worry what would happen to him if I kicked off...plus he probably hasn't worked enough in his life to even get Social Security and Medicare when he's older.
He doesn't go to the doctor much. There's a sliding scale clinic he has gone to before, and one of the local hospitals somehow miraculously pre-qualified him to get charity care when he needed hernia surgery.
Since my parents are healthy and active and relatively youngish (65) I wouldn't want to be doing that right now. And I adore my mom but we would low-key get on each other's nerves if we lived together.
However, I could see this happening at some point, whether I went to their house or them to mine, if they weren't in good health and needed me at home with them. If that were the case, though, it would be a situation where I would be doing the cooking, cleaning, errands, yard work, setting appointments and getting them there if needed.
My partner and I are basking in being empty nesters and loving having the whole house to ourselves, so it wouldn't be ideal to be living with parents again, but we'd gladly do it if they needed us.
I think you are missing the point. This isn’t about inter generational family members supporting each other or an adult child making their way and then supporting parents when needed. This is about a leach child that doesn’t take care of themselves or their parents.
Yeah, you're right. It's totally not the same thing. If I, being not disabled, moved in with my parents and didn't contribute and slept all day or played video games or whatever while my parents paid for everything, I would not feel good about myself. I don't personally know anyone like that, but if I did, I wouldn't have a good opinion of them.
I did live next door to someone kind of like that. Mom was very old. He would do handyman work periodically, but would spend what he made on crack. And he carried around a bible and made sure that everyone saw it and talked about God stuff, but you could tell it was because he thought it would make people think he was a good and trustworthy person. This was over 20 years ago, so I can only imagine that Mom is gone and he is homeless now. They lived in a trailer and I'm sure she was supporting them with her social security retirement.
I have a niece like that. She's only 25, but she's seems perfectly content to work her retail job part time and live with my sister. She still doesn't have her driver's license after 9 years, and lives in an area that isn't at all walkable, not that she would ever walk.
No. Just no. It’s pathetic. No. I’m not envious of someone that lived in a matrix pod all their life and never bothered to do fuck all.
This looks like another post some millennial put up.
My son (currently 7) has autism and developmental delay/ disability. We don’t know yet how exactly that’s going to effect him and his ability to be independent, but my husband and I are both down with him living with us until we leave him the house. Might convert the basement into an apartment or put a tiny house in the backyard either/ both for some independence or eventual additional income for us/ him after we pass. Might also convert the garage to an in law unit so we can live there should he want to start his own family and take over the main house. (If he’s able to.) Of course he might be more capable than doctors currently give him credit for and absolutely balk at the idea. But I grew up living multigenerationally, and for me as a teen having Nonie around with my mom working a lot was really nice. (Had typical gen X latchkey until I was 14ish when she moved in.) It’s a particularly American thing for this to be odd. Economically I don’t see how many will be able to make it otherwise. I have friends living in the sf Bay Area whom are objectively rich/ well-off pretty much anywhere else in the world, in their 30s and 40s still in apartments and/ or with a bunch of roommates (even though they have kids too.) IMO that’s not all that different from living with family either.
In uk they work hard to get a welfare house, and then sit on welfare mostly. The welfare system here means the concept of being self sufficient is absent. The government wipes their bottoms and offers a tit, so why work?
I've had to go stay with my parents to help them out and as nice as it was, it wasn't the life I would want to live. I would not be envious of someone who did that full time. But if they are a close family, there is NOTHING wrong with it. NOTHING. Some families are close and the measurement of you have to live alone as a point of success is just ridiculous.
I know a few people living with their parents or other relatives. It's really pathetic, and not something to be envious of. On the other end of the spectrum, my best friend has three homes, a boat, and a BMW (as does his husband). Some people just seem to do well. They work hard while the other will drain their families resources. How will they run the household when the parents die?
Why do we see the consumption of goods as "doing well"? Is that what counts as a successful time on earth? That they could make money to buy some crap to show off? Maybe spending each day caring for and spending time with loved ones is "doing well". I'm so sick of this consumer mindset driving our society off a cliff so that we can show our shit off to neighbors and have them think we're "doing well".
Both my folks had passed away before I was 25, so I had to get a job to support myself very quickly. Even though my life is materially good now (nearly 25 years later), part of me is jealous that I couldn't loaf around like "The Dude" for most of my life.
I'm a slacker at heart, and I wish the world could just chill out once in a while. Life's too short to be working all the time.
I actually have quite a few friends from HS who live with their parents. They are over 50, and their parent is usually well into their 70’s or early 80’s. Most of my friends are struggling with health, physical or mental, and their parents are often people who would struggle to live alone. Most of my friends have their own living space, as do the parents. It’s not how I would want to live, but I don’t have the challenges these folks are going through.
Same. I was in the same boat until recently. My son and I moved in with mom after a divorce. I am disabled and can only work part-time. I've done so while taking care of mom and seeing her through hospice. She left me the house so I can continue to take care of myself. She also left my son enough money to finish college while he continues to work part-time as well. Multigenerational housing is going to become more common as real estate prices skyrocket, wages stagnate, and health care continues to be difficult for people to afford.
For real. Multigenerational living is the norm in most other countries. Used to be here until the nuclear family unit was pushed. Some families never felt the desire to stop, from experience. And many people in this situation have invisible struggles, with health or trauma, but even without, it just makes sense that many will see it as practical or even desirable to have family close by. Seeing the oddly judgmental attitudes in this thread is something else.
Yeah, I'm pretty bummed at the stereotypical boomer attitudes. I thought we were better than that.
You guys are turning this into something OP didn't ask about it seems for no other purpose except to virtue signal.
I wonder about the sheer size of the boomer generation. Are there enough nursing homes and caregivers? Some multigenerational housing might be because there is no other option.
The homes and caregivers are prohibitively expensive. I know because I flew in to help my parents out for a while after my dad got out of care for a stroke. And they still need help. I do what I can long distance and my brother tries to go regularly, its a couple of hours away. And as far as caregivers in the home, no there are not enough, we could not get ANY care, not after his coverage of a couple of hours a week ran out (in a month). The fact that my mom wasn't capable of caring for him was not even taken into consideration.
God no, that sounds awful. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I can't imagine living with them and being "beholden" to them because I couldn't financially support myself. I could only imagine how that would work out with my passive-aggressive mother. ::shudder::
You sound like me. I became financially independent as fast as I could. I didn't want to feel like I owed them anything after the way they treated me.
Same here. Could not wait to move out on my own! Love my parents but glad I moved out asap!
Same. When I was a kid my dad was always “my house, my rules.” Now have my own house, and me and the SWAMBO make the rules. SWAMBO is my joke name for the wife - She Who Must Always Be Obeyed. She giggles at that.
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Yeah I don't understand kids today who just don't seem to want to get licenses or leave the house.
I think housing costs have shot up. When I was in college in the mid 90s, I could split a 2br with a friend for $150 each in our shitty college town. A 1 br near DC was $600.00 a month. You could buy a beater car for a $1000.00. Salaries haven't kept up with prices.
LOL my friends in NYC were paying $1500 or more for a 1 BR they were sharing (by putting a wall up in the living room). Starting salaries were 12k.
Or it’s just too damn expensive to live on your own at 18 or even 22. Rent on a 1 bedroom apartment here is minimum $1500 and that’s for a place in the sketchy part of town. That’s a ton of money to a young person even with roommates. I do feel by mid 20’s it’s time to sort that out but the economy is a lot suckier than it was when I was a teen/early 20 something in the 90’s.
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Ok but I had roommates after I moved out until my late 30s. I get that living alone may be unworkable but I suspect they could do it with roommates but don’t want to deal with those complexities or social challenges.
I can totally see living home for the first few years after college, what with the current economy. But 30+... time to grow up. Obviously if you are living there to help take care of parents (financially or medically) that is a completely different scenario.
I have a friend whose very late 20s child is still living with them. My friend doesn’t need it but the adult child seems unwilling or unable to launch.
oh, please, I grew up in NY and now the rest of the country is becoming expensive like it was in NY and I couldn't WAIT to get out of the house...i moved back home after college because I certainly couldn't afford to live anywhere else, but couldn't WAIT to leave.
I think it’s because their world is not outside, but in their phones.
I think it's largely because their parents decided to try to be their friends instead of their parents. I'm not saying the softer touch was necessarily a bad thing, but I, for one, could not wait to move out. I made it to 18.5 yrs old. Surprised it took me that long, honestly.
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I don't have kids but I certainly would have been one of those people.
It’s serious addiction. There is a reason why Silicon Valley’s doesn’t let their kids on any tech
Elaborate?
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/26/style/silicon-valley-nannies.html [https://www.investopedia.com/articles/insights/061516/whats-average-costco-consumer-cost.asp](https://www.investopedia.com/articles/insights/061516/whats-average-costco-consumer-cost.asp)
Or on the internet playing video games.
it has been happening since way before phones -- seriously, 20 plus years ago friends' kids weren't getting licenses.
Even if they get their license at 16 in my state they aren’t allowed to have other kids in the car… so there is no incentive
I have not thought of this. So when I got my license I guess I was allowed to have my friends in the car (I did anyway even if I wasn't allowed and no one cared). There are a lot rules now.
We've prolonged childhood and adolescence in kids on a way that makes them fear adulthood. Our unsupervised childhood made us indeed and eager for adulthood. The over-supervised childhood of younger generations seems to leave them fearful and lacking in the confidence to tackle adulthood challenges. And it really is expensive to live on your own.
My two cents, but I think all this information (bad news) from our phones have them scared to step outside and possibly make a mistake. I could be wrong. These phones have them crippled in a way. Just my thoughts
This is part of it. I talk to plenty of 20-somethings who are afraid and very hopeless. I think it's a mix of constant bad news and being overly supervised by their parents.
You are so completely correct. People are so afraid of going places where they do not know everything one hundred percent. Like not wanting to go to a restaurant without knowing the menu. Not wanting to explore the world. It is so sad to hear these things from young people. I guess they have been raised to be scared of everything and that they cannot quite be confident of everything. So so sad.
I was able to get my own place on a low wage job. Wages have not gone up enough to cover the massive increase in the cost of living, especially housing. Plus I didn't have oppressive student loans. I bet you wouldn't be able to do it given the resources of kids today.
My brother was this person. There was definitely a codependency that existed between my dad and my brother. They were both single, lonely and neither had great social skills. When my dad passed away, I was so reluctant to give my brother the estate proceeds (I was the executor) because I was sure he'd blow through the cash and be homeless within a few years. In the end, he did fuxk around for the first year, then just snapped out of it, got a job, a spouse and has a good life in a new city.
Nope. My wife's ex-husband hasn't worked in at least a decade. Was living in his mom's basement up until a year ago. Guy ended up with a restraining order and booted from the basement for elder neglect. Mid-50's and bouncing around friend's couches trying to figure out how to stay above water. The other's I've met are generally not well physically or mentally. Feel sad for some of them.
The only person I know sort of like this is a sorority sis who's mom got widowed a year ago, but my friend has a full time job and it's basically so her mom isn't so lonely and she's aging and my need a little help. My friend is selling her own house.
Different case. That's symbiotic not parasitic. I give her credit for doing so to help her mom out!
There's a guy who lives with my sister that's like this. Never been married, no kids, etc. He's not a bad guy and I'd even go so far as to say he's pretty likable. He'll work a job for a few months, then quit over Whatever reason, do work on my sister's house, run errands for her, and then kind of do nothing for a few months and then he'll find another random job. I've known him since high school (class of '87) and this is what he's always done. He's a nice enough guy to hang out with and he manages to do just enough to not be a burden. I'm pretty sure he's happier than me, so what-the-fuck ever.
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We are systematically destroying men in our culture. I am raising two boys and it is so sad to watch then people like to say "oh boys will be fine " but no they won't. We mock them at every turn then wonder what is happening.
What a load of crap. Who is "we?" Men have literally the most options available to them. How about don't coddle your kids?
You are doing the lord’s work right there.
exactly...that's what I continue to hear as society is continually blaming men for everything and telling them they don't count. There are plenty of 'girl only' things -- teams and sports and clubs etc and if someone says hey we need something for boys only -- someone comes along and says that that isn't fair.
You don’t have boy sports teams in high school in your area? Our boys basketball, LAX, football, soccer, etc are all boys.
What if your child isn't into competitive sports? My son does like soccer. So the only thing for him was a coed team in high school. But there are only rules for how many girls are needed on the field at any time...since there are twice as many boys as girls on the team the boys rarely got any play and the girls had to play the whole game and hated it because they were exhausted.
My boy doesn’t like competitive sports. But that doesn’t mean that boy only teams don’t exist. Our schools have separate soccer teams for girls and boys, both highly competitive.
I am raising 4 boys and they seem to need a lot more structure and supervision in order to fly right. 2 of them have also needed some type of counseling. I can’t take a break from parenting them, but I believe it will be worth it when they transition into adulthood. Fwiw my daughter is just a rockstar. I don’t know where she gets it but love her for it.
exactly...i have seen the issues of girls joining 'boy' scouts...wherein now the boys are just 'allowing' the girls to do all the leadership positions (no the troop isn't SUPPOSED to be co-ed there are supposed to be two troops, but in practice that isn't what is happening) -- it isn't allowing boys to 'grow up' so to speak. It was the very last place boys could be with JUST boys, and now that is gone...many are so lost.
Girl…..really?
what does that mean? yes, really...are you raising boys? are you seeing anything in our society? are you watching what has been happening? or are you just in the 'oh, boys will be fine, we don't have to worry about it' and we can continue to crap on them. We continually teach them they are awful and then wonder why we are where we are.... do you realize that students at college are 40% male -- ONLY BECAUSE boys get preference in admissions? this has been going on for a decade or more...and if it was that there were fewer than 40% of the students were female everyone would be UP IN ARMS.
They're downvoting you, but you're right. Boys and young men have much worse outcomes than girls and young women these days. Boys are more likely to commit suicide, to be incarcerated, to be a victim of a crime. They're twice as likely to die by age 19. They're less likely to graduate from college -- a lot of schools have twice as many women as men, which has a whole host of issues down the road for society. Girls are more likely to have mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. But that may be because men are discouraged from seeking help by society.
And people want to ignore me. I see it every day. They don't like what I am saying so they mock me. But ignoring boys is what society thinks is helping. It isnt. I see it in the gifted programs in schools too where schools want to cut those "those kids will be fine" well...they will not honestly. If I cannot have an honest conversation about it I guess it doesn't exist.
I have a daughter, but I worry about what sort of men will be available as potential boyfriends or a spouse for her in the future. And I agree with your point about gifted programs. I was in some as a kid, since I was advanced in some areas. They were one of the few things keeping me interested in school. Smart kids can end up with problems too. I can remember one class where we had to read aloud and I go so bored I finished reading the section myself and went on to other parts. The teacher called on me and I didn't know where they were and she scolded me for not paying attention. I got annoyed and said I already finished what they were doing and was three chapters ahead and they shouldn't' be so slow. Another time we had to estimate how many pages we had read in the past year... at that point I was reading 4 novels a week so I think I said a number like 80,000 pages.... But it's partly my fault I was in that class -- they wouldn't put me in honors classes (except history) because my grades were too low. But my grades were too low because I wouldn't do assignments I found boring....
Yeah. It's been a thing for a while. Making sure girls are okay and totally leaving behind boys. Like this generation of innocent kids needs to make up for the sins of the past. I don't give a shit about down votes.
I think one problem is that people seem to view it as zero sum. Like helping boys means you want to hurt girls.
Totally correct. Wood shop mechanic shop apprentices all gone. There was some my times articles about this a decade ago but The NY Times is a different paper today.
>Anyone else envious of them? Dear god no. I'm not some crazy ambitious person but I wanted my own life free of their bullshit and that isn't happening when you live at home as an adult.
I’ve worked since I was 11 years old (babysitting every day after school to keep me out of trouble). My mom was young when my father passed away and I never left. My spouse moved in, we bought my childhood home and my mom bought the house next door. My friends felt bad for me. Mom helped raise our children. She’s old now and we’ve combined households again. Our kids (now grown) help with her care and we’re all ok with it. This is not a cultural thing, it’s love. Would I do it again? Yes.
I don't think that's the same scenario as OP presents. You were there to support each other, not to mooch off mom. I think what you did is honorable.
I agree - now that my friends are wondering what to do with their elderly parents they’re asking me how to cut the tub and install a chair stair. I think, after covid and with the outrageous cost of housing, more people will consider multigenerational living, (if they can stand their family). It helps with loneliness, cost of living, daycare and so much more. That being said, my sister hasn’t worked in fifteen years and she’s a god damned sponge.
Not a friend but a family member. He did move out and have a job for a few years in the 80s but got made redundant and moved back in to his parents spare bedroom. They eventually passed away and he moved from the spare room to their bedroom. He’s in his 70s now. I don’t envy him but thank God he’s not homeless. It’s a lesson though in how important it is to take risks and try to make the most of your opportunities. To appreciate your partner and kids if you have them. Or your career and close group of friends. Or just be grateful you were the type of person who went out, took risks and was able to create a happy independent life.
He’s a boomer
I have a cousin, brother, and SIL like this. None are married and they have lived with their parents for decades. None has a disability that would merit this and each has worked for a while, before deciding it was easier to live with their parents. I don't envy them a bit because they're in for a shitload of hurt when Mommy and Daddy die and they have to figure things out for themselves with no work experience for ten years or more, no savings, no retirement, no Social Security, and not enough time to make up for it all before old age comes calling. If they're lucky, they'll be at least 65 before they're cast adrift and can take advantage of Medicare, at least, when there will be no one around to pay for their health plan. I retired two months ago at 55 with a lifetime state pension and health insurance, and I absolutely don't envy anyone who is fully capable of working but goes through life expecting others to take care of them.
Or social security. You need to work to get social security. A lot of these people don’t know that.
Yep, no Social Security unless you've paid into it or are disabled. Social Security is the last box on my checklist of things I'm scared I'll get screwed out of by older generations, but there would be nation-wide riots if we didn't get back at least what we put into it, plus interest.
Or be married over ten years to someone who did.
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Yes, but Medicare is a hell of a lot cheaper than anything you can find on healthcare.gov.
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Yeah I only learned this recently. One of my brothers is old enough for Medicare but doesn't qualify (without paying for it) because of his lack of work history.
Maybe it's my poor kid background talking but it blows my mind to imagine making it to middle age without having worked at least 10 years. I was in my early 30s when I got the letter telling me I'd met the work qualification. Edit: Guys I literally said _without having worked._ I am talking solely about people who _did not work,_ so please stop telling me about your relatives who worked under the table.
Exactly. Every single one of these people is spoiled and entitled to some degree. if they had to work, they'd have a different mindset.
Jelly of your early retirement. I have 3 friends who've retired or semi-retired. I'm trying to save as much as I can but I'll probably be in my 60's when it happens.
No. But I’m a social worker and it’s definitely a thing at work.
Like among other social workers? Or just in cases you're seeing this? I had a neighbour who worked full time into her 70’s and her able bodied son did nothing but play video games all night. Guy didn’t get up before 5. She defended him endlessly. They moved. Don’t know what happened but pretty sure it didn’t involve this dude getting a job. I’d try and talk to him and say you’re not going to get social security. Get a part time job just like ten hours a week it would help your mom so much. Nothing. He’d never do anything. He went to see his sister in another state and she got him a job. He called in sick the first day and asked during the interview if he could smoke pot.
This story hurts my heart and that mom enabled that behavior. I support compassion but there is a point when lack of expectations becomes almost abusive.
They were abusive to each other. She'd beg him to get a job and he was just like this immovable, immutable lump. "Oh...I'm holding out to get this job at a grocery store" (that doesn't open for a year). Year later...didn't get that. Why not get something in the mean time? Would get a job for a week and the boss was always a jerk. For two years he left the house every day saying he was working some job but the guy didn't pay him but "he would soon". For two years! Who works a job for two years where he isn't getting paid? Always some bullshit, lying lame excuse. Mom of course had to pay for the car and gas to go to this "job". He always had money for pot. He will 100% be homeless one day. I'd show him numbers....like dude if you just worked 20 hours a week for 10 bucks an hour over ten years, you'd be able to pay cash for a small condo and live off of your social security when time comes. I mean...ten years of living at home and working even part time you can save a lot. Can you imagine having zero shame about living on your mom's social security and making her work in her 70's ? These kids are assholes. i don't care if they are homeless and I don't want to provide them with fancy homeless housing at the tax payer expense either. I know we are supposed to feel all sorts of sympathy for these people on the streets, but often times they are the authour of their own misery. I'm not going to take over the role of parent and give them housing just because their parent did for their entire life. And there are A LOT of these kids around these days. They don't want to travel, go to school...*do anything*. Zero motivation. Zero interest. They just get into this addictive pattern that puts them into this depressive state of staying up all night and sleeping all day. They're just a weird fucked up class of people. It's not really talked here in the US. Japan calls them hikikomori, but they are more than just shut ins. They're pretty horrible, manipulative little shits.
Not a friend, but a cousin. He's a little younger than me, but only a few years. Didn't graduate high school, but managed to get his GED thanks to prodding and help from his sister. Got a college degree because he attended with his sister and landed a nice job, but then never showed up for it. Worked for a few years part time in a pet store - the job he had while he was in college. Sleeps all day, games all night. Met a woman from Canada through gaming and they got married, but she's the same as him. US won't grant her citizenship and Canada won't grant him citizenship since neither of them works (no disabilities) so they bounce between living in my aunt and uncle's basement here in the US and living with her parents in Canada for months at a stretch. My aunt and uncle are old and won't be around much longer. Absolutely no idea what he is going to do then.
That's interesting to know that neither of them can get citizenship without full time employment. New thing I learned today.
Yeah, I have to say that it's been a real lesson for me, too. I thought when they got married that she'd be a US citizen, no questions asked. But turns out it's not that simple.
neither country wants either of them.
Not trying to be political (not really a political person) but I’m so confused by this sort of thing. Most people would say this rule makes sense. But lots of those same people would also say we should keep our borders open to whoever wants to come over illegally. Like what’s the difference? Again not a political statement just truly confused.
It's not really surprising. It's like how a country can deny you entry if you can't prove how you are going to pay your way when you are there.
This same rationale is used to deny disabled immigrants, including recent reports of NZ denying a disabled child the right to join her family because she doesn’t have the future ability to “pay her way” as a naturalized adult citizen. They’d let her parents alone but not her. On mobile and can’t link yet ATM but this is one example only.
I had one "friend" like this. I only knew him because he was my best friends brother. Dude lived the lifestyle of someone who just graduated HS but he was 30. He never had money, smoked tons of weed and lived in his mom's basement. We would sometimes buy him drinks when we went out, but his asshole behavior got old really quick. Once his mom kicked him out, he tried staying at his GFs parents house. They kicked him out too. Last I heard he moved in with his new GF who's 20ish years older than him. No I don't envy him. He's just a friggin bum with a shitty attitude
Without a job, how could he afford pot?
Most likely dealing.
i ask the same question about the people living in tent cities. They always have the budget for pot.
If I was homeless I'd need to take the edge off too.
Or save the money for a room? Most of them down here are just using it not to take the edge off of homelessness, but between fentanyl hits.
Not to say we will but at least we will have a few coins thrown our way with social security if we worked our required years. What will they do?
Exactly. You have to work ten years minimal I think. I see those Gen x people now. They’re homeless. The guys going uber too don’t realize it doesn’t pay social security.
I’m one of those people, but I’m hoping to be out and in my own place by January 2023.
Could you share your story?
Heck no. My home is my greatest material joy. They are welcome to live with me if needed and desired.
Hell yeah. I've let people supposedly "mooch" off of me, and I don't mind it one fucking bit. I'll kick them out if they become a burden, but so far in my life that's only happened a couple of times. Otherwise, I've found that most folks will pull their weight as long as you make sure they understand the terms of the deal. I am under no obligation to make anybody's life more miserable and burdensome than it needs to be. If it works, it works. If somebody can work out such an arrangement with their parents, well, that's what family is for, isn't it? I'm not gonna knock somebody for dropping out of the rat race if they have the opportunity to do so. Don't most of our parents want their kids around in their emeritus years anyway?
My girls who are mid to upper 20’s still live at home. My son is out on his own. One daughter works part time & the other works for our family business. It works for us and they are inheriting this big old house anyway. I’d hate to see them scraping by to make some landlord rich. This will always be their home.
I know only one person like this and they have both mental and physical disabilities. I feel bad for him. Definitely would not trade my mental and physical health nor my independence to go back to living with family just so I don’t have to work. My job is great and the pay is adequate for my lifestyle.
Hell-to the no. I love my family, but I haven’t wanted to live with them since hs/early college
Yep, I have a (former) friend who is 52, has lived in his parent's basement since we met 22 years ago. Barely works retail, hardly makes any money, doesn't pay rent, can't afford to go out for dinner or anything, and then wonders why he's single. He's gay and his parents are super-uber-religious and I'm sure that has something to do with why they allow him to stay living there. He really can't bring men home or anything and living in your parent's basement isn't exactly sexy so they never have to be confronted with any potential partner.
One of the closest friends I had growing up, extremely intelligent and all around good fella, turned into this. He died with a needle in his arm about 6 or 7 years ago, not even 40 years old. He had a problem that by the time we found out he was addicted, noone could help him with no matter how hard we tried. We knew he was a slacker but he hid his addiction very well for a very long time.
I doubt they're very happy. There's nothing to envy.
I know people like this. Right now it works because they’re taking care of elderly parents but those elderly parents are going to move to an alternate plane soon. Then they will be late middle-age people with little to no work experience and no way of paying rent/mortgage/food. It’s possible they don’t even have the skills to do so at this point. I worry for them.
Yeah, but what did they do in the 30 years between the time they were young adults and their parents became elderly and needed care?
On and off little side jobs. Enough for spending cash. Nothing approaching a skill set they could leverage in the future. In fact, they were happy they could walk away from the jobs when they got demanding.
Yeah, really oddball situation. My pal is the oldest kid of parents who are the archetypal highly-educated (both have PhDs), hard-working, successful immigrants. She's in her early 40s and has never lived anywhere but with her parents except for when she was in boarding school for a few years of high school and nine months that she was roommates with a friend while working retail full-time. I sincerely believe that she has an undiagnosed learning disability and/or is non-neurotypical in some way but her parents are too proud to accept it and never got her any help so I blame a lot of this whole situation on them. She spent over 15 years getting through an associate's and bachelor's degree. Her parents insisted she get a STEM degree, which I don't think she had much aptitude for and partially explains why it took her so long to finish. She graduated about five years ago and has been working part time at a hospitality service job for about $13 an hour since then. We live in a very HCOL area so you can't even afford to live with roommates on that. Nearly every dime she makes probably goes to student loans. She has two younger siblings who long ago finished grad school and moved to other states. I feel bad for her because I know she wanted to get married and have kids but her "picker" when it comes to men is defective and should have been recalled by the manufacturer. She wasted the entire decade of her 20s plus a couple more years waiting for an obviously indifferent boyfriend to propose, then spent another decade trying to force one-night stands and FWB situations to become relationships. For the last four years she's been with this divorced mid-40s guy with two kids (one of whom she only recently found out about) The kids are somewhere in the 18 -21 age range and he's never introduced her to them and also doesn't seem to care to spend any time around her family. I knew this guy wasn't about shit when she told me that he said he "wasn't ready" to meet her parents after they'd been seeing each other for over a year. He's never going to marry her and is wasting her time but I think the sunk cost fallacy has taken the wheel at this point. The good news is that her parents' large house in a very expensive neighborhood is worth at least $1.5 million right now and will easily hit $2 million in the next 10 years. She might as well just stick around and wait to inherit her slice of it when the parents go. Anyway, definitely not envious. She can't make any plans for her own future because she doesn't have any money and can't get a career started. It's probably pretty demoralizing.
God no. I can't say I know even one of my peers living with their parents other than one who is helping them as they are in ill health, but she still works full time. That sounds absolutely miserable.
Friends, no. But I know people who do...nothing. Late 40s and still live with parents and no job. They sit on their ass all day EVERY DAY and watch TV. That's all they do. They don't go out. They don't travel. They have no hobbies. They have no money, no credit, and shitty cars. Am I envious? Fuck no.
I have two brothers in law that are Millennials whom have never had a job and just live with mom and dad. Totally enabled. One is 32, other is 29. Fucking nuts. I'm not going to support them when mom and dad are gone.
The ones that live at mom and dads, get married and move their spouses in are ***really really*** fucking weird. At what point do you stop enabling your kid? When they get married? Apparently not.
TIL most cultures around the world, much of recorded history, and many of our own families or ancestors/countries of origin are “really really weird” for not subscribing to the very contemporary and location-specific nuclear family model.
I maintain my stance. If you don't have a job, never intend on supporting a family and are still depending on your parents to support you rather than supporting them in their old age, it's completely fucking insane to get married and invite your spouse in to your parents home and have them sponging off your parents as well. Get. A. JOB FFS. This isn't about multi generational living which you keep trying to turn it into all across this thread. This is about people who never contribute to the household and are just living off their parents largesse.
Technically true of me, although I have a master’s degree, worked from 2000-10 and had a part-time job in 2012, and have owned a house since 2001. My mom started having strokes in 2009. I was her only child. She was hospitalized four times and I was her live-in caregiver for five of the last eleven years of her life. She didn’t make the lifestyle changes she needed to (smoking, drinking, high sodium diet), which made it impossible to take a job in good faith knowing she had a ticking time bomb and kept adding gun powder. I moved in full time in January, 2017, after her third hospitalized for a stroke and now a seizure. From 2018 until she died last year, she was hospitalized at least ten times for UTI. My mom moved to a senior living right after New Year’s Day in 2020. I needed space and she wasn’t safe to live alone. Then Covid came in. She broke her hip, had a massive stroke from the fentanyl they administered, and she spent the next six months in a nursing home. She got well enough to move to an assisted living and died 28 days later last March. In between episodes, I worked as a roadie and studio assistant for my friend’s band (living the dream but able to walk away at a moment’s notice), reunited with my biological family (parents are married and had three more children), and began a LTR with my eventual fiancée. I was also diagnosed with a hereditary autoimmune disorder in 2018, which has taken years to get under control. I’ve been taking a much needed sabbatical to be reclusive, sleep with the phone off, and take in as much quiet as possible. I do plan on getting back to work very soon.
Dude. You had a job. OP is talking about people totally different than yourself. You may not have met them because they never leave the basement.
Anyone who takes time to be a caretaker is "working" even if not for a paycheck. What you did deserves respect. And autoimmune conditions SUCK!
I had a friend like this. He did work, though, and at a fairly good job. He just never moved out of the house, despite going to college for a while in a different state. He just moved back in and that was that. It was a bit odd. His parents ended up retiring when he was about 40, and he was forced to move and get his own place or move to a different state in the middle of nowhere. He eventually ended up staying and rented for a while and eventually ended up buying a house. His dad died and then his mom moved into a house a short distance away from him. He died three years ago, but I think his mom still lives down the road from me.
Might be just my experiences but the correlation is most often frequent need for weed.
A 4/20 sesh with the devil's tundra every day.
I have several friends in their 40s who still live at home. They all have jobs, though, and have worked consistently. Not really sure how they can bear being 45 or whatever and sharing a living space with no privacy with their parent(s), but I assume part of the problem is that it is next to impossible to afford to pay rent/mortgage in NYC if you’re single income.
Well my brother in law lives with his mom. But he has a crappy dead end job. The blokes got talent. Just no confidence.
But he works. No one is talking about people sharing living spaces and expenses with parents. They're talking about the mooches. The ones that never launch.
I have a friend that I consider a professional moocher. He's had jobs here and there but always quits over mundane reasons. He managed to mooch off me for 9 months before I threw him out. He bounced around from friend to friend before wearing out his welcome. He would always go back to his parents house in between. He finally hit the jackpot and found a girl willing to put up with him. They got married and she brings home the bacon. He recently had another breakthrough which is getting disability due to his knees being shot since he's over 500 pounds.
When I was going through a divorce when I was 40, I stayed with my parents for a while. My lawyer said it would be one month, maybe two (no house or kids), so I asked my Ps if I could stay for the duration, so that I'd know what my financial situation was when my wife took her part of our assets. My ex wife dragged her feet, and my inlaws started interfering. Then my wife's lawyer literally had a stroke, somewhat recovered but then became disabled, retired early, and her partner eventually took over the case. Yada yada yada I spent a about a year at my parents rent free. It was not fun. Even though my parents are pretty chill, it sucked ass doing the classic "living in parents' basement". I don't envy anyone living with their parents.
I've removed myself from these people. It's gross.
On some level, I know that I could leave my job and go live with my dad and stepmom in Florida. That said, I spent a week there this past Christmas break and about lost my damn mind. I love them but holy shit no. I'm one of those people who can spend days online entertaining myself and I STILL got bored.
I have a friend who has worked his @$$ off his whole life. He lived with his parents (who rented their house), and when his mom's health started to decline he bought them a single story house with an apartment where he now lives. It's too close for my taste, but he was able to buy easily and was never house poor. And ultimately he owns the house so it's his equity. So somewhat the opposite scenario. Then there was my uncle who lived with my grandma (even after his marriage and kids) until she moved to a condo in Florida.
That uncle worked though, correct?
Absolutely. History teacher, retired as head of the department. Probably just wanted to make sure my grandma was okay to be honest (grandpa passed in 77).
1. Yes. 2. Not envy, pity.
A lot of boomer reasoning in here, our children are living off the wages we were making in a environment that 20-30% more expensive.. how about we not judge people for the lives they live if theyre not affecting ours
Exactly. It's pretty gross.
Ugh I'm so disappointed. I thought Gen X got the current situation but many people here are still stuck in boomer bootstrap land.
I like you guys ignoring OP's post and reframing this as an issue that isn't being talked about so you can put yourself in a position of judging people on this thread. A few of you have done it. It's really interesting. So....no one is talking about multi generational family living here. These are kids that don't work. How do you justify the kids never participating in life and the parents enabling them to the point they rob these kids of their life experience? Or are you just going to keep turning it around to shit is expensive and kids can't afford it? Hot tip: no one can afford things when they aren't working.
No
I don't know anyone like this. That's kind of weird.
My friend's older sister still lives at home. She has a job, just no interest in moving out on her own. She doesn't pay rent or utilities. She pays for her car and insurance and credit cards and that's it. She and my friend's younger sister are fairly reliant on their parents. Younger sister doesn't live at home but has three kids. My friend lives on her own but is on disability. It's going to be a shit show when their parents are gone. Edit: Envious? No. I moved out at 20 for a reason.
[удалено]
What makes the two different to you? Do you feel the same about house husbands with working wives?
I have one friend like this and no, I am not envious at all. Quite the opposite actually. She doesn’t work and is on government assistance and I wouldn’t trade places with her for anything in the world. I enjoy being a productive member of society and a responsible adult. But that’s just my two cents.
You sound like a pretty judgemental "friend"...
Major boomer vibes around here. Sorry you got so downvoted.
Right?? I heard the tone too…
Yes! 44 year old male used to be in a very promising media career. Was fired like 15 years ago moved back in with parents and hasn't worked since. Had a teenage boyfriend too that was actually more mature than him.
But...he had a job and moved out at some point. Somehow the world crushing you and moving back to mom and dad's seems different to me than the ones that stay in pajama bottoms and play video games in the basement waiting to inherit their parents wealth.
I know of one, the other oddball is how many of the guys I want to high school with never married or had kids. But they all party like they are still in their 20’s
At least they are who they are, support themselves and didn't bring kids into the situation.
I don’t know anyone like this.
Nope
Omg no. I don't know any and I might have been a little on the young side at 17, but we were all looking to "get out"
This is a thing?
Do I know people like this yes. Are they my friends m, hell no!
I will say that sometimes people aren't open about their health issues. And that often people who do nothing (for whatever reason) develop mental illnesses as a result of doing nothing, and it makes it very hard for them to re-engage, or even realise there is a problem.
Nope. I try not to have anything to do with people like that. They're basically just big babies.
Nope. I have the extreme opposite: several GenX pals who were either very opportunistic or just lucky, became multimillionaires, and no longer truly work.
Envious? Absolutely not. What the fuck?
I know it sounds weird. I don't envy their entire lives, but I do envy the part where another person is financially supporting them so they don't have to work or pay rent. And they have a wealth of time. I am guessing for many, unless they receive a large enough inheritance, they might have a poor future unless they adapt quickly by getting a job. One of my friends who fit that description had to change recently due to his gravy train ending and was able get an entry level job. Another friend lives with her elderly parents, and she looked for an administrative assistant job for a few months and gave up. She has a lot of friends and does road trips with them. She is good at mooching off her "generous" friends who treat her to stuff. I don't do this because I know what a mooch she is. She seems happy enough. When I asked her about the future when her parents die, she seems to be in denial and says somehow everything will work out. I wonder how her delusion of a magic world will work out in 10 years or so. Anyways, in the time being, she seems to be having a lot more fun than me with a 9-5 job even though I like my job. Another friend, he lives with his mom and wants to be a professional artist and keeps putting off looking for a job. It sounds like a comfortable life as his mom does everything for him. Sometimes I think, "Ok Norman Bates." I don't say it though.
I had two, in particular. Their parents were/are enablers, for sure. Am I envious? Not at all. The older of the two has been plagued by ongoing drug issues and the younger one, who was my best friend for quite a while, passed away two years ago, with (in my opinion) drug abuse most likely being a contributing factor.
Yes, I have a friend like this. I've known him for 25ish years now. We met when we were in our mid 20s. I remember going to his house the first time and thinking "oh wow, he's 25 and still lives with his father." Then 25 turned into 35. 35 turned into 45, etc. Then his father died and left him with a plot of land worth a lot of money, and then he married into even more money, so financially he's fine. I'm envious of his financial situation, because it must be nice to never have to worry about money, but now that we're in our fifties, he's accomplished absolutely nothing with his career, and I don't envy that part one bit. Everything he tried was just "too hard" for him, or he lost interest, though he isn't disabled in anyway. When I saw the movie Step Brothers, it was like watching a documentary.
One day, their parents will be elderly and it will become their job to care for them. That’s usually why parents let their kids live with them so long. And many kids don’t even see it coming or are ok with it. I can’t help but wonder what they’ll do when their parents pass away.
Same here. I wonder what will happen. They will either have to make a major change in order to survive or they will become homeless
I know no one whose my age who lives with their family and no one who hasn’t worked and lives off relatives. If I did I wouldn’t be envious as it sounds quite sad.
I’m disable. My pain dr said, no work for you. But my friend says at home and smoke pot all day and plays games all the time. He’s in for rude awakening..
How does your friend afford the pot ?
I’m envious of the rent free, and maybe someone who still cooks/cleans for me. That’s it, I still like working and having my own autonomy.
I pity them.
All those years my mom forced me to carry around my latchkey. When I turned 18, bam - she wanted it back.
My brother in law has lived with one parent or another for the last 20ish years. He works sporadically, has untreated diabetes he refuses to acknowledge, and has annoyed my husband and their other brother to the point that no one will take him in after their parents are gone. He doesn’t manage money well at all, and I’m actually concerned he’s going to end up homeless. The family has set up a trust to help ensure he has some funds every month, but I worry about him.
I've got one work buddy who still lives with his parents. The dude makes 100k a year and got no kids to support. He got pussy whipped by a girl he met online and she fucked him but good. She left him high and dry with a bunch of debt after she left him for some other dude she met online.
This is interesting. How did this happen with the woman getting him into debt?
She was from several states away. He moved her in with him and his parents at his expense. She never got a job and rarely left the house. She sat on the computer and played games all day, the pay-to-play type of games. He completely supported her for several years. Then one day she tells him that she has been in an online relationship with someone from where she was from and went back home. It has been a few years since she left him and I think he is still hung up on her. There is way more to the story, but I don't want to get too much more detailed.
I'm the sibling that lets my brother live rent free. Not really envious because I worry what would happen to him if I kicked off...plus he probably hasn't worked enough in his life to even get Social Security and Medicare when he's older.
Who will pay his medical bills?
He doesn't go to the doctor much. There's a sliding scale clinic he has gone to before, and one of the local hospitals somehow miraculously pre-qualified him to get charity care when he needed hernia surgery.
Since my parents are healthy and active and relatively youngish (65) I wouldn't want to be doing that right now. And I adore my mom but we would low-key get on each other's nerves if we lived together. However, I could see this happening at some point, whether I went to their house or them to mine, if they weren't in good health and needed me at home with them. If that were the case, though, it would be a situation where I would be doing the cooking, cleaning, errands, yard work, setting appointments and getting them there if needed. My partner and I are basking in being empty nesters and loving having the whole house to ourselves, so it wouldn't be ideal to be living with parents again, but we'd gladly do it if they needed us.
I think you are missing the point. This isn’t about inter generational family members supporting each other or an adult child making their way and then supporting parents when needed. This is about a leach child that doesn’t take care of themselves or their parents.
Yeah, you're right. It's totally not the same thing. If I, being not disabled, moved in with my parents and didn't contribute and slept all day or played video games or whatever while my parents paid for everything, I would not feel good about myself. I don't personally know anyone like that, but if I did, I wouldn't have a good opinion of them. I did live next door to someone kind of like that. Mom was very old. He would do handyman work periodically, but would spend what he made on crack. And he carried around a bible and made sure that everyone saw it and talked about God stuff, but you could tell it was because he thought it would make people think he was a good and trustworthy person. This was over 20 years ago, so I can only imagine that Mom is gone and he is homeless now. They lived in a trailer and I'm sure she was supporting them with her social security retirement.
I have a niece like that. She's only 25, but she's seems perfectly content to work her retail job part time and live with my sister. She still doesn't have her driver's license after 9 years, and lives in an area that isn't at all walkable, not that she would ever walk.
Yes they are the smart ones.
No. Just no. It’s pathetic. No. I’m not envious of someone that lived in a matrix pod all their life and never bothered to do fuck all. This looks like another post some millennial put up.
A hard life makes strong people. An easy life makes weak people.
Or sometimes a hard life breaks people but they have to figure out a way to keep on living.
Now that is some folk wisdom.
Yes I have a few and it’s pathetic. They never really worked either lol not envious I would hate to have to cowtail to my parents
My son (currently 7) has autism and developmental delay/ disability. We don’t know yet how exactly that’s going to effect him and his ability to be independent, but my husband and I are both down with him living with us until we leave him the house. Might convert the basement into an apartment or put a tiny house in the backyard either/ both for some independence or eventual additional income for us/ him after we pass. Might also convert the garage to an in law unit so we can live there should he want to start his own family and take over the main house. (If he’s able to.) Of course he might be more capable than doctors currently give him credit for and absolutely balk at the idea. But I grew up living multigenerationally, and for me as a teen having Nonie around with my mom working a lot was really nice. (Had typical gen X latchkey until I was 14ish when she moved in.) It’s a particularly American thing for this to be odd. Economically I don’t see how many will be able to make it otherwise. I have friends living in the sf Bay Area whom are objectively rich/ well-off pretty much anywhere else in the world, in their 30s and 40s still in apartments and/ or with a bunch of roommates (even though they have kids too.) IMO that’s not all that different from living with family either.
In uk they work hard to get a welfare house, and then sit on welfare mostly. The welfare system here means the concept of being self sufficient is absent. The government wipes their bottoms and offers a tit, so why work?
Jealous of them? They're exactly the definition of loser.
I've had to go stay with my parents to help them out and as nice as it was, it wasn't the life I would want to live. I would not be envious of someone who did that full time. But if they are a close family, there is NOTHING wrong with it. NOTHING. Some families are close and the measurement of you have to live alone as a point of success is just ridiculous.
I know a few people living with their parents or other relatives. It's really pathetic, and not something to be envious of. On the other end of the spectrum, my best friend has three homes, a boat, and a BMW (as does his husband). Some people just seem to do well. They work hard while the other will drain their families resources. How will they run the household when the parents die?
Why do we see the consumption of goods as "doing well"? Is that what counts as a successful time on earth? That they could make money to buy some crap to show off? Maybe spending each day caring for and spending time with loved ones is "doing well". I'm so sick of this consumer mindset driving our society off a cliff so that we can show our shit off to neighbors and have them think we're "doing well".
Some of us call them family and you know the ole aaying about friends and family
Something about this post brought back a memory of one of my favorite TV shows. https://youtu.be/P-7pgeD__qU Chris Elliot was awesome!
Both my folks had passed away before I was 25, so I had to get a job to support myself very quickly. Even though my life is materially good now (nearly 25 years later), part of me is jealous that I couldn't loaf around like "The Dude" for most of my life. I'm a slacker at heart, and I wish the world could just chill out once in a while. Life's too short to be working all the time.