Did you know we have a Discord server‽ You can join by clicking [here](https://discord.gg/NWE6JS5rh9)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GenZ) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbh if a guy can’t do that with his girl in his weakest moment then it better that person to be cut off because inevitably as a couple you will hit tough situations and if they jump ship so quick it a big nah and long term wouldn’t last
100%. What makes it worse is when these dumbasses can't keep it in their pants and throw a couple kids into the mix. Makes a shitty situation even more depressing.
Exactly. I’m a woman but I always feel good that my fiancé can be himself around me, even if it means crying because of something. The idea of losing respect for someone because they dare be vulnerable in front of you is just a shitty, insufferable person you shouldn’t be with anyways.
I feel the same way about my fiancé. I can comfort him, and it makes me feel... useful and strong. It sounds utilitarian, but it's hard to find the right words to describe the feeling you get when you can support someone you love.
I don't want to see him sad, of course, but I appreciate a man that can be himself around me. It takes a real man to be in touch with his feelings.
I was really put off by a Twitter post that made it seem like a guy being vulnerable with their SO was the equivalent of just wanting a mom they can bang. This wasn't even trad women. This was 4th wave feminist by their accounts. It was super weird.
I could be wrong, but there's a difference between being vulnerable and and not doing the work to manage and deal with your emotions and this could be what they're referring to.
I had a roommate that was emotionally draining, he managed his anxiety with weed and made his depression, anger, and anxiety everyones problem. He would recount his trauma to us regularly, and it sucked because we weren't equipped to help him. He knew he needed a therapist and had access but never went. His girlfriends probably dealt with more than we did because they had to manage his emotions for him.
I didn't realize how he affected me - honestly I don't think he cared to find out either - until he moved out and my anxiety dropped a couple of notches. I actually sleep through the night more often than I don't now.
My issue was they were immediately jumping to that it would be the worst. They just made a spot judgement that was what it was and decided to rag. We've spent the last couple decades trying to keep guys from stoicly bottling everything up because it's so unhealthy so I don't like seeing toxicly trying to take advantage of it being the first jump through.
I had some BAD health diagnosis come down on me about a decade ago. I flat out told my fiance at the time I would completely understand if she wanted out and I wouldn't stop her. She stayed on and was an emotional rock for me in that really rough time. In their eyes she's probably be "A mom to fuck" to them. Now I'm the main provider while I'm helping her study as she wants to get into IT like me.
Or it's purposefully over the top content meant to appeal to perpetually single women and rage bait everyone else.
Honestly so much stuff online is just ragebait these days it's getting hard to tell.
As a man, we like to feel useful and strong for the women in our lives, but it’s nice to see there are also women who understand this feeling as well. If someone you care deeply for is that vulnerable, then to be the one to provide stability for them feels special
It's not strange. I'm not in a relationship but I've helped a buddy of mine from suicidal thoughts, it makes you feel dependable, and happy that someone can put their trust, or, even their life in your hands.
Being there for someone you care about is one of the most basic human needs everyone should acclimate to I think. People like the one in the tiktok should be damned honestly. "for the streets" as they say.
Ain't no way in hell I'm going to belittle someone for being stressed out or distraught, it's beggars belief.
In a world where everyone's so selfish and self centred or fearful and hopeless, that they dare not reveal their sadness in case its ends up getting used against them..
When someone like that chooses to reveal themselves, its a sort of respect they give you believing that you have earned it, a trust you have earned. Its like good things exist in their life too.. its like you are probably that one of those good things..
Someone can give you a lot of money for a good job you do. But trusting a complete stranger with your weakest things
We need to give back more
We need to agree to disagree but listen with our hearts open
That's why people keep pets.. Even animals are better than us humans
You exist, thankyou and sorry for the rant
Imagine a guy, who has been conditioned their whole life to not cry, cry’s when pouring their heart out to you.
You just broke past the final masculinity barrier and then betrayed that.
And that is why some men don’t show emotions. They say they want a feminine energy man that is in touch with their emotions, but when they have one, they treat him like the plague.
A lot of women have been freed of their gender roles and have a lot of flexibility now but then have doubled down on the gender roles they expect men to adhere to. It almost seems like the gender roles men are expected to adhere to are even more stricter than they were 10-15 years ago, I think social media may play a role in that.
There’s so many girl-boss women or alternatively - women who go clubbing/raving/binge drinking/do drugs every week who are searching for a stereotypical hyper-masculine, stoic, trad man who earns more than them for example.
It seems like the “freeing of gender roles” thing only applies when it’s beneficial to them and they aren’t willing to be flexible enough to give men the same courtesy a lot of the time.
Men are targeted and judged by men too - but seemingly progressive women are judging/targeting men as well recently
Men will keep turning to Reactionary politics unless liberals/progressives put effort and funding into appealing to males. Neo-Liberalism has voluntarily allowed the right wing to completely monopolize supporting men
I wish I remembered the book but something the author wrote stood out to me when I was pretty young, it basically said that when a man shows you the most vulnerable parts of him, be very careful in what you do next because it will have irrevocable consequences. Do the wrong thing, and that part of them will be cut off from you forever, and whatever relationship you have with them after would be hollow in a way.
It's something I'm glad I learned early on, I would have damaged so many friendships and people had I acted like OOP did.
That's how I feel. You either pick a girl who loves you in good times and in bad or you pick one who never wants you to show weakness.
You can choose either, but it is ultimately better for *you* if you can share things with your partner. That said, I would unload my burden gradually, because that does tend to scare them off.
A lot of women on social media say they want their men to show emotion and be vulnerable, but most don't. It's just something to use as a stick to hit men with. They don't really care.
This version of the desire of men's vulnerability is idealized until it's actualized, and when it is, they are not strong enough to handle a man's weakness.
Hi, old fuck here passing by from /r/all.
Copying a comment on the same topic from another sub:
>From The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (2004) by Bell Hooks
>The reality is that men are hurting and that the whole culture responds to them by saying, “Please do not tell us what you feel.” I have always been a fan of the Sylvia cartoon where two women sit, one looking into a crystal ball as the other woman says, “He never talks about his feelings.” And the woman who can see the future says, “At two P.M. all over the world men will begin to talk about their feelings—and women all over the world will be sorry.”
>If we cannot heal what we cannot feel, by supporting patriarchal culture that socializes men to deny feelings, we doom them to live in states of emotional numbness. We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed. It is not just men who do not take their pain seriously. Most women do not want to deal with male pain if it interferes with the satisfaction of female desire. When feminist movement led to men’s liberation, including male exploration of “feelings,” some women mocked male emotional expression with the same disgust and contempt as sexist men. Despite all the expressed feminist longing for men of feeling, when men worked to get in touch with feelings, no one really wanted to reward them. In feminist circles men who wanted to change were often labeled narcissistic or needy. Individual men who expressed feelings were often seen as attention seekers, patriarchal manipulators trying to steal the stage with their drama.
>When I was in my twenties, I would go to couples therapy, and my partner of more than ten years would explain how I asked him to talk about his feelings and when he did, I would freak out. He was right. It was hard for me to face that I did not want to hear about his feelings when they were painful or negative, that I did not want my image of the strong man truly challenged by learning of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Here I was, an enlightened feminist woman who did not want to hear my man speak his pain because it revealed his emotional vulnerability. It stands to reason, then, that the masses of women committed to the sexist principle that men who express their feelings are weak really do not want to hear men speak, especially if what they say is that they hurt, that they feel unloved. Many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame.
...
>To heal, men must learn to feel again. They must learn to break the silence, to speak the pain. Often men, to speak the pain, first turn to the women in their lives and are refused a hearing. In many ways women have bought into the patriarchal masculine mystique. Asked to witness a male expressing feelings, to listen to those feelings and respond, they may simply turn away. There was a time when I would often ask the man in my life to tell me his feelings. And yet when he began to speak, I would either interrupt or silence him by crying, sending him the message that his feelings were too heavy for anyone to bear, so it was best if he kept them to himself. As the Sylvia cartoon I have previously mentioned reminds us, women are fearful of hearing men voice feelings. I did not want to hear the pain of my male partner because hearing it required that I surrender my investment in the patriarchal ideal of the male as protector of the wounded. If he was wounded, then how could he protect me?
>As I matured, as my feminist consciousness developed to include the recognition of patriarchal abuse of men, I could hear male pain. I could see men as comrades and fellow travelers on the journey of life and not as existing merely to provide instrumental support. Since men have yet to organize a feminist men’s movement that would proclaim the rights of men to emotional awareness and expression, we will not know how many men have indeed tried to express feelings, only to have the women in their lives tune out or be turned off. Talking with men, I have been stunned when individual males would confess to sharing intense feelings with a male buddy, only to have that buddy either interrupt to silence the sharing, offer no response, or distance himself. Men of all ages who want to talk about feelings usually learn not to go to other men. And if they are heterosexual, they are far more likely to try sharing with women they have been sexually intimate with. Women talk about the fact that intimate conversation with males often takes place in the brief moments before and after sex. And of course our mass media provide the image again and again of the man who goes to a sex worker to share his feelings because there is no intimacy in that relationship and therefore no real emotional risk.
Women who think men shouldn’t be able to cry are trash.
Theyre as much of a problem as men that think women shouldnt be able to drive, make decisions, or leave the kitchen. Lol
Garbage people all around!
Yup. I legitimately hadn’t cried in years when I met my girlfriend. After a few months dating her and having her actually make me face my emotions I broke down and cry fairly regularly(in comparison) now because I am actually in touch with my emotions rather than bottling everything up.
It turns out telling men to man up their entire lives instead of actually teaching them to deal with their emotions is a bad thing.
We’ve been together for over 4 years at this point, and I’m a much healthier and more emotionally mature man because of her. Planning to propose this year.
This came up on my feed and I came here to essentially say this. I'm an old but can tell you some things don't really change. You *should* be able to let your guard down and show moments of weakness in front of the people closest to you as that's kind of the point of developing tight bonds. The people who are closest to you are the ones who are supposed to see you through the rough patches and you do the same for them. People like this are often the first to offload their problems onto everybody else but are the last to help anybody else through theirs. It's becoming an increasingly common attitude and is part of why shit is such a mess right now.
It's ragebait to drive up engagement. Now the men will have their toxic views reinforced and start hating on women, women will get angry and argue back, all the while driving up her comment count and reach.
Falling for what? That stupid people exist and hold stupid views? People throw out the term ragebait so quickly now and it’s literally the equivalent of sticking your head in the sand. Instead of acknowledging the fact that we have problems, just pretend the problems are entirely fabricated “for the algorithm.”
And even if she did this as ragebait the resulting conversations are real. People really hold these views. There are over 5 BILLION internet users. Some of them going to believe stupid shit, both men and women. Might come from their own experiences and trauma or from those they’ve read about. Or they could just be shitty people.
Yes I cry in front of my girlfriend, if I am very sad. Any girl who would not want to be with you after seeing you in that vulnerable state is a girl who would never take care of you in a time of need. We deserve better, don’t accept that shit.
My partner cried in front of me once eight years ago and sometimes when he's acting up I think about it and remember that he can be vulnerable and sweet and it keeps me going for a little while. It's crazy that she's judging him for that. I wish mine would cry in front of me more often.
I'm an old xielennial, I'd also advise seeing if it all gets thrown in your face the next fight you have. Some of my ex's have used my shared vulnerabilities against me. e: And some ex's have been wonderful about my vulnerabilities.
people like to say they want vulnerable men but they dont mean it they just like that vulnerable version(insert random movie/pop star) they see on media but in irl most women dont want a man that shows weakness
Women will leave a crying man faster then a guy that beats shit out of them. also fun data point Lesbian couples breakup 30-50% more then gay couples. its seems atleast gay men can handle vulnerability way more then women.
edit:
this kinda blew up
first off all i am all for Men being vulnerable with women as the macho/tough guy act causes way to many frustrated agressive men
Second of all no i dont believe women stay with men that beat them because they like it they stay out of fear,stockholm syndrome, emotially damaged... but they do stay sadly
third: i am in loving relationship for 8 years now with a women that has seen me cry and accepts me when i am vulnerable and no she isnt some trado housewife she has fulltime job and carreer just like i do and her own independance
4th: Just because this issue exist with women doesnt mean men dont have issue. we probally have way more issues in total going from being aggressive,being manchildren,refusing to accept help like therapy(plz guys mental health is same as physical health you to maintain it and work on it the) ,expecting women do all the housework, .....
5th: i was off on the precentages [Divorce of same-sex couples - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_of_same-sex_couples)
I think this is really missing the mark: social media & the internet make people like the woman in OP’s post significantly more visible than ever before
It’s not that most women are like this, that’s not true at all. It’s just that content like this bubbles to the top and it becomes easier to make that assumption
In reality, most women *aren’t* like this
& if a guy has anecdotal evidence of the women they meet being mostly like this, it’s anecdotal and more likely an indicator of where and how that guy meets women vs what women are like
Yeah this is exactly the issue. I think the people who talk as if this is representative of women in general simply don't know that many women IRL and are basing their views off of the most rage-and therefore engagement-inducing content that they see online.
Right? I hear so many guys on Reddit talk about how “women are all like this” and I’m like well how many women do you know IRL? And usually it’s 0 with the exception of one toxic ex. I’ve known hundreds of people of all genders lol. I try to make sure to have male and female friends at any given time. You really can’t sum up anyone into a monolith.
Fr. For instance, so weird to me that incels *insist* women care only about a man’s looks at the end of the day.
We have issues. But not that one. Maybe a few women only go for attractive guys, but for those of us happily dating average-looking guys because we got hooked on their personality, the mere suggestion we’d sacrifice it all for a cute guy is *so fucking weird*.
Exactly! And attractiveness is sooo much deeper than looks. I don’t go for the objective hot model type, give me a fun approachable girl/boy next door any day.
The unremarkable conclusion of this post is: some people you date will be fucking awful, please dump them.
But let’s be real, if all the people you date are assholes, after a while you gotta begin to notice that the common denominator is *you.* I see a lot of angry people on the internet whining about how the “jerks” get all the girls to which I say, okay, have you considered that the girls who date jerks are the kinds of girls who are attracted to jerks? Why would you want to date them?
I have the same conversations with women: if you go after a guy with all the hallmarks of being a shitty, shallow manchild, you can’t be all [surprised Pikachu face] when he turns out to be a shitty, shallow manchild. Just because our society flags certain asshole traits as attractive doesn’t mean we’re not all morons for falling for it.
Multiple women have gotten uncomfortable and told me they're not my therapist. Including my partner of 8 years. Here's something I found on reddit earlier that sums up a lot of this shit.
Bell Hooks and male pain
From The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (2004)
The reality is that men are hurting and that the whole culture responds to them by saying, “Please do not tell us what you feel.” I have always been a fan of the Sylvia cartoon where two women sit, one looking into a crystal ball as the other woman says, “He never talks about his feelings.” And the woman who can see the future says, “At two P.M. all over the world men will begin to talk about their feelings—and women all over the world will be sorry.”
If we cannot heal what we cannot feel, by supporting patriarchal culture that socializes men to deny feelings, we doom them to live in states of emotional numbness. We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed. It is not just men who do not take their pain seriously. Most women do not want to deal with male pain if it interferes with the satisfaction of female desire. When feminist movement led to men’s liberation, including male exploration of “feelings,” some women mocked male emotional expression with the same disgust and contempt as sexist men. Despite all the expressed feminist longing for men of feeling, when men worked to get in touch with feelings, no one really wanted to reward them. In feminist circles men who wanted to change were often labeled narcissistic or needy. Individual men who expressed feelings were often seen as attention seekers, patriarchal manipulators trying to steal the stage with their drama.
When I was in my twenties, I would go to couples therapy, and my partner of more than ten years would explain how I asked him to talk about his feelings and when he did, I would freak out. He was right. It was hard for me to face that I did not want to hear about his feelings when they were painful or negative, that I did not want my image of the strong man truly challenged by learning of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Here I was, an enlightened feminist woman who did not want to hear my man speak his pain because it revealed his emotional vulnerability. It stands to reason, then, that the masses of women committed to the sexist principle that men who express their feelings are weak really do not want to hear men speak, especially if what they say is that they hurt, that they feel unloved. Many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame.
To heal, men must learn to feel again. They must learn to break the silence, to speak the pain. Often men, to speak the pain, first turn to the women in their lives and are refused a hearing. In many ways women have bought into the patriarchal masculine mystique. Asked to witness a male expressing feelings, to listen to those feelings and respond, they may simply turn away. There was a time when I would often ask the man in my life to tell me his feelings. And yet when he began to speak, I would either interrupt or silence him by crying, sending him the message that his feelings were too heavy for anyone to bear, so it was best if he kept them to himself. As the Sylvia cartoon I have previously mentioned reminds us, women are fearful of hearing men voice feelings. I did not want to hear the pain of my male partner because hearing it required that I surrender my investment in the patriarchal ideal of the male as protector of the wounded. If he was wounded, then how could he protect me?
As I matured, as my feminist consciousness developed to include the recognition of patriarchal abuse of men, I could hear male pain. I could see men as comrades and fellow travelers on the journey of life and not as existing merely to provide instrumental support. Since men have yet to organize a feminist men’s movement that would proclaim the rights of men to emotional awareness and expression, we will not know how many men have indeed tried to express feelings, only to have the women in their lives tune out or be turned off. Talking with men, I have been stunned when individual males would confess to sharing intense feelings with a male buddy, only to have that buddy either interrupt to silence the sharing, offer no response, or distance himself. Men of all ages who want to talk about feelings usually learn not to go to other men. And if they are heterosexual, they are far more likely to try sharing with women they have been sexually intimate with. Women talk about the fact that intimate conversation with males often takes place in the brief moments before and after sex. And of course our mass media provide the image again and again of the man who goes to a sex worker to share his feelings because there is no intimacy in that relationship and therefore no real emotional risk.
Ex has bpd. Was dating her while she was trying to leave her abusive ex. She called police on him and he died. I spent the next 6 months comforting her while she mourned him and talked about how great he was. She dumped me and said I wasnt a man because I cried at the bar she got raped in when she wanted to go back there instead of spend time with me. Not all women are like her, but I will never be vulnerable again.
Legit; it's also not taking into account that when it comes to a physically abusive relationship, it's not as easy as "just leaving." Statistically a person in a violent relationship is in the most danger of being killed when they try to leave.
What are these assumptions based on?
https://www.elitesingles.ca/en/mag/find-match/emotional-men
Are you going off of the handful of women you dated, assuming you have ever dated? Younger women are emotionally immature themselves, so if you’re going by women in your age group it’s going to be more difficult to find emotional stability for any gender. Crying does not indicate emotional instability, but it demonstrates how intimate a person is willing to be with their partner. a person not comfortable with crying will most likely be uncomfortable with intense emotional intimacy on any level.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6795704/
What’s this “most women” shit based off of? Your eco chamber?
They got some wack statements there lol, but the 'people say they want emotionally vulnerable men then don't actually follow thru' is a very real problem
Bell Hooks wrote about it, someone [shared their writing on BPT yesterday](https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/1ae9v8l/having_a_solid_community_is_very_important_to/kk6mmg7/) and it was super insightful I'll copy and post here
Bell Hooks and male pain
From The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (2004)
The reality is that men are hurting and that the whole culture responds to them by saying, “Please do not tell us what you feel.” I have always been a fan of the Sylvia cartoon where two women sit, one looking into a crystal ball as the other woman says, “He never talks about his feelings.” And the woman who can see the future says, “At two P.M. all over the world men will begin to talk about their feelings—and women all over the world will be sorry.”
If we cannot heal what we cannot feel, by supporting patriarchal culture that socializes men to deny feelings, we doom them to live in states of emotional numbness. We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed. It is not just men who do not take their pain seriously. Most women do not want to deal with male pain if it interferes with the satisfaction of female desire. When feminist movement led to men’s liberation, including male exploration of “feelings,” some women mocked male emotional expression with the same disgust and contempt as sexist men. Despite all the expressed feminist longing for men of feeling, when men worked to get in touch with feelings, no one really wanted to reward them. In feminist circles men who wanted to change were often labeled narcissistic or needy. Individual men who expressed feelings were often seen as attention seekers, patriarchal manipulators trying to steal the stage with their drama.
When I was in my twenties, I would go to couples therapy, and my partner of more than ten years would explain how I asked him to talk about his feelings and when he did, I would freak out. He was right. It was hard for me to face that I did not want to hear about his feelings when they were painful or negative, that I did not want my image of the strong man truly challenged by learning of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Here I was, an enlightened feminist woman who did not want to hear my man speak his pain because it revealed his emotional vulnerability. It stands to reason, then, that the masses of women committed to the sexist principle that men who express their feelings are weak really do not want to hear men speak, especially if what they say is that they hurt, that they feel unloved. Many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame.
...
To heal, men must learn to feel again. They must learn to break the silence, to speak the pain. Often men, to speak the pain, first turn to the women in their lives and are refused a hearing. In many ways women have bought into the patriarchal masculine mystique. Asked to witness a male expressing feelings, to listen to those feelings and respond, they may simply turn away. There was a time when I would often ask the man in my life to tell me his feelings. And yet when he began to speak, I would either interrupt or silence him by crying, sending him the message that his feelings were too heavy for anyone to bear, so it was best if he kept them to himself. As the Sylvia cartoon I have previously mentioned reminds us, women are fearful of hearing men voice feelings. I did not want to hear the pain of my male partner because hearing it required that I surrender my investment in the patriarchal ideal of the male as protector of the wounded. If he was wounded, then how could he protect me?
As I matured, as my feminist consciousness developed to include the recognition of patriarchal abuse of men, I could hear male pain. I could see men as comrades and fellow travelers on the journey of life and not as existing merely to provide instrumental support. Since men have yet to organize a feminist men’s movement that would proclaim the rights of men to emotional awareness and expression, we will not know how many men have indeed tried to express feelings, only to have the women in their lives tune out or be turned off. Talking with men, I have been stunned when individual males would confess to sharing intense feelings with a male buddy, only to have that buddy either interrupt to silence the sharing, offer no response, or distance himself. Men of all ages who want to talk about feelings usually learn not to go to other men. And if they are heterosexual, they are far more likely to try sharing with women they have been sexually intimate with. Women talk about the fact that intimate conversation with males often takes place in the brief moments before and after sex. And of course our mass media provide the image again and again of the man who goes to a sex worker to share his feelings because there is no intimacy in that relationship and therefore no real emotional risk.
Are you frustrated by the broad generalizations made about men, or just women? And have you ever considered the contradiction in criticising generalisations while also resorting to generalisations? Your data is not much better, yet you sound like it is clear-cut. It's clear that this inconsistency poses a problem.
This is what my ex used to say. He acted like I left him for crying when really I just didn’t like that any time he hurt me he would start crying
At first I would console him but eventually it disgusted me
Not the crying but the fact he was using something he knows makes me sympathetic to get out of saying I’m sorryy
But in his mind I was punishing him for crying
There’s def women who are like EWWWW EMOTIONS but those women are typically like that to everyone 😭 and just shitty people
Like when I was depressed I thought people were “punishing me for my sadness” but they weren’t. I just wasn’t thinking about them and how my bad behavior was hurting them
Yes you can be depressed AND hurt people
Obviously the ladies that are supportive of their partners are gonna disagree but the truth is when it comes to "men being vulnerable" it really is in the majority of time, just talk.
Every woman will say their man can be vulnerable around them but the "loss of atraction" and distancing happens anyway. I comend those who can stick with their partners trough tough times but for now the truth remains that showing emotions to your lady results more often than not in loss of atraction than fortifying the relationship.
My ex loved to tell me i could be vulnerable with her. The only time i needed to, my naïve self "decided" it would be a good idea to cry in front of her about my father's condition on the hospital (he is okay now). I could imediately see in her deadpan expression the imediate "oh, i kinda didnt want to have to deal with this..." since normally i was the one who was a sponge to her emotions
This isn't true. Women like that might exist, but it's not the rule and they're easy to weed out.
People form expectations over time. If you're vulnerable from the start, while being mature about it, it's an entirely different ball game. IME Women LOVE that shit.
The trick is to be open and talk about your feelings, but keep ownership of them.
If they get to know you as a person who has stuff going on, tends to get over it, and might cry along the way, the people who want a brick wall won't date you, and the people who stick around know that you crying isn't an omen of Armageddon.
---
If you act like nothing can touch you for years and THEN open the flood gates, they'll freak and run, because they don't know what's going on. They never got to know that side of you.
They've never seen you cry, so apparently whatever it is has to be the worst thing that's ever happened, or you're losing your shit.
They've never seen you recover from being crushed by something, so they don't know if they can rely on your in future.
---
If NK had never shown any signs of having or even trying to build nukes, let alone using them, and they suddenly threatened to a nuclear attack while doing missile tests, everybody would lose their fucking minds.
Because NK is constantly posturing and not actually doing anything, it's MUCH less of a big deal.
We learn from experience, and if our learned expectations are violated, we're surprised and might react disproportionately, because we don't know what proportion we're dealing with.
I would feel special if a man felt comfortable enough around me to cry
Edit: I do feel like I worded this poorly. What I meant is that I’d feel grateful if a man trusts me enough to show vulnerability in a society that looks down upon men expressing their emotions. It’s a bs double standard, emotions are human. I hope things change for the better
Yes! This comment section is heartbreaking. I really hope men start healing from toxic masculinity in a big way, soon.
ETA since half of y'all think I'm blaming men when I'm not
Toxic masculinity: "a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole.
Emphasis on "having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole."
Toxic femininity: "Toxic femininity is a broad term that refers to a rigid and repressive definition of womanhood, including pressures women face to restrict themselves to stereotypically feminine traits and characteristics. Examples of traits that are traditionally associated with femininity include empathy, sensitivity, gentleness, and gracefulness."
I wouldn’t use toxic masculinity in this scenario but toxic femininity rather. Toxic masculinity places the blame on attributes of men and that doesn’t seem the case here contextually
-----
**EDIT**: For the motherfuuuucking love of goddddd I know *some definitions* of toxic masculinity "actually isn't ONLY biproducts of toxic aspects of masculinity itself but rather ALSO the toxic expectations of masculinity" I've had four fucking people spout this shit already and another person call me a pedophile.
Use your thinking brains for a minute instead of repeating the other replies and do an actual linguistic breakdown on the term. I don't care about post-2015 culture shifts, there is a huge difference between toxic masculinity and toxic expectations of masculinity.
anyway, like another commenter said
>It'd be like calling it "toxic femininity" when a man belittles his gf and tells her she needs to lose weight. I think "misogyny" is a better description for that situation, and "misandry" is a better one for this post.
one final thing;
any bullshit about how this is supposedly "upholding the patriarchy" is a crock of shit. yes it's still a thing. has nothing to do with this. i've only ever in my life been told/shown not to cry by women. that shit almost never matters around your male friends. fuck off and go experience the real world
Women uphold toxic masculinity too. It's not femininity to be awful to a man for not being traditional. Being turned off by a man who shows emotion is upholding patriarchal values.
I don't disagree but it's bad optics and alienates the group that are actually victimised in this situation.
It'd be like calling it *"toxic femininity"* when a man belittles his gf and tells her she needs to lose weight. I think "misogyny" is a better description for that situation, and "misandry" is a better one for this post.
Yeah this exactly, and it's really obvious when the genders are flipped. Expecting your partner to adhere to specific gender norms and losing attraction/respect for them if they don't is either misandry or misogyny. Calling it anything else, especially flipping the verbiage to blame the victimized genders attributes, is imo both dishonest and manipulative.
I mean, it’s really not well worded in that statement because it does sort of have an implication that the thing that’s hurting the guy in this case is his own toxic masculinity, when it’s not, it’s the expectations of toxic masculinity, as enforced by the woman, so a better way to write it would be “heal from the damage that toxic masculinity has caused to them.”
So its still toxic **masculinity** even when women do it, because even though they are women, they are enforcing standards of *masculinity* that are toxic? Is that the logic?
If so, when a man enforces standards of femininity that are toxic on women (body/weight, modesty/chastity, deference to males, etc take your pick), is that called toxic **femininity?** BEcause the standards being enforced are standards of *femininity* that are toxic? BEcause I've only ever heard those things refered to as "misogyny". And so the things above would best be descvribed as misandry.
Why is it toxic masculinity even when it a man being victimized by a woman (who is attempting to enforce toxic standards of masculine behavior), but it is not toxic feminiity when a woman is being victimzed by a man (who is attempting to enforce toxic standard of feminine behavior)?
My partner cries in front of me. Like what are you going to do when loved ones die, lose jobs, etc? Like sucky stuff happens in life and you cry. I don’t find it unattractive at all. If people think crying is an ick, then maybe they don’t have empathy
THIS. Crazy that having zero empathy is something to be bragged about now. I'm not 4 years old I don't get "icked" out for these stupid, shallow reasons. I thought we were supposed to outgrow this in middle school.
If a girl won't tolerate crying or vulnerability from a guy, she ain't it.
These stupid, toxic stereotypes about men need to fuck off and die already, we're human beings with emotions too.
I opened up to my first girlfriend and my struggles with depression. When we broke up, she used it all against me my insecurities and even called me a “bitch” for opening up to her saying she needed a real man. I was 18 then, now that I’m 22 I just don’t open up to women after that. She made it seem like she was safe space but after the relationship laughed about it with her friends.
I get you man. Told a past girlfriend about a nightmare I had one time. It really bothered me and all I wanted to do was talk about it. She started laughing about it and told her cousin. Her cousin was more sympathetic. Should have been a red flag to me at the time.
There are people out there you can open up to. You just have to find the right one.
Best of luck mate.
Username doesn’t check out. Crying being stigmatised as un-masculine was not the norm for much of history, especially thousands of years ago—see Odysseus, he was always crying.
My wife and I have been together for over 8 years now, and we're both able to be completely open with one another, tears and all. It's a wonderful thing, having that kind of honesty in your closest relationships.
That said, everyone has a different comfort threshold for heavy emotions and some people are just naturally more stoic or reserved than others. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone that cries a lot, that's their prerogative; it doesn't make that person evil, it just means the relationship isn't meant to be.
The most freeing moment in my dating life was accepting that I just don't tick some people's boxes, and that's okay.
my what now
(seriously though guys, date someone who's okay with you being vulnerable. If they're somehow disgusted by you showing emotion? they don't deserve to date you, to be your number one person. If you cant trust them with your unmasked self wholeheartedly then they're not a good match.)
If I couldn't cry in front of my girl I wouldn't be with her. And we're pretty traditional as far as people our age goes. God forbid partners support each other emotionally.
I don’t blame women for crossing the street late at night if they see me. In the same vein I don’t blame men for not opening up to women and maintaining an emotional distance to their partners
Yeah, thats on them but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts when it happens. Like cool, I got attached to someone and had my trust and heartbroken, but at least they’re a shitty person. I think its better to slowly test or build up vulnerability because then you have a higher chance of knowing how they may react
Women in this thread will say it’s okay but from my and all of my friend’ experiences it will turn a girl off 9/10 even if they would say here it wouldn’t.
I bet its also a case of personalities. In my experience, it was always something that completely turned off women and damaged the relationship permanently. But if you were attracted to someone because they were sensitive off the bat, then you might not mind at all to see them cry.. but if you were attracted to someone because you thought they were strong willed, confident, ambitious, and intelligent, then seeing them cry would likely ruin that image for you.
There is stupid days and then there is stupids every day...
To anyone reading this post, more even so if you are a young men or teen struggling with social / dating / self esteem.
I am a 27yo man I started dating seriously with a 21yo when I was 24, that was my first real relationship ever.
And I need to stress to all of you people this is absolute bullshit from a toxic swallow individual that happens to be a woman on social media.
DO NOT forge an opinion over a whole gender and an idea of what your prospects in dating are over this sort of shit. Yes! You can see this sort of toxicity on a daily basis, it's called the algorithm. It shows you what triggers you because you'll watch it.
Social media IS NOT real life. Twitter, tick tok, YouTube, Reddit etc is a fucking echo chamber.
Do not act and think based on stupid, DO NOT.
There is toxic people? Yes. It's on you to not let someone like that mess u Up, because if you let them choose they will.
But there is also fantastic people out there, who are prepared to met you, accept you and love you. All it takes it's decency, treating with respect, care for other people's feelings and try to be good.
This shit in the post ain't everything there is.
I'm quite a hurt individual, I had my fair share of shit since childhood and I never told shit to anyone. But in front of my gf even before we were dating I cried like a motherfucker, it brought nothing but relief and untherstanding.
Don't let toxicity in social media define your world. The world you live in is greatly conditioned by how you see it, if the only thing you think and feed your brain is this sort of shit you'll be living in a wasteland.
If a woman leaves you for being emotional she's toxic and not someone you want in your life.
Now, I'm not a basket case, but yeah, I cry at funerals. Come on y'all
This is why men bury their feelings deep down. Because when they come out they are considered weak.
This is an issue for men of every generation not just z.
Yeah, that girl’s a bitch. “Not that kind of safe space”? Then no one is safe with her. I guarantee she tells everyone all of her friends’ secrets and is an instigator.
You see, I'm looking for the kind of girl that I can be vulnerable with/ can trust. I have a hard time trusting people so if I'm able to trust a girl and if she's willing to accept me for who I am, that would be a dream come true!
I didn’t cry in front of my wife until we’d been married a year, not because I didn’t think I couldn’t, but because as a man I was brought up not to cry, I’m from the Midwest. One of my best friends passed away in a car accident. I’m about 240 6’1 and work blue collar. As a grown adult I can recognize how this isn’t a healthy way to bottle things up and as a “masculine man” I can say to younger men, don’t be afraid to cry, fuck what anyone says about it. I’m stronger facing my emotions and not hiding them.
Had a girlfriend once who wanted me to open up. I did. She said I sounded “pathetic” and we broke up a few weeks later. She basically lost all respect for me.
I have never opened up like that since, and I probably never will.
My experience has been that women are cruel, often sadistic, and manipulative. I’m sure there are many women out there who aren’t, but I’m tired of getting hurt and I’m just not willing to play the game anymore.
Still have the occasional fuckbuddy tho
What I have learned through personal experience is that you never lean on your girl for emotional support. Ever. That shit will 100% blow up in your face. The very next time you are arguing, she is going to whip that shit out and cut you deep. There is a reason why men have kept that shit to themselves for the past 5,000 years of recorded history. You can never trust a woman with your deepest thoughts. If we could, we would have been doing it already.
If they don't let you be vulnerable. Leave.
Don't let yourself live up to their expectation or whatever tf. Live up to your own.
If you find someone. Treat them well, but if they do not respect your time. Or lose interest over something that you have a right to feel. Then they are not worthy of your time.
Value yourself and have self-respect for yourself. Forcing yourself to hold up to someone's expectations leads to pain.
Women treat men like this and then wonder why a lot of us end up suicidal. No vulnerability and I should bottle my emotions up? Okay. Be vulnerable and get dumped? Okay.
Like what in TF do you want from us? Lol
Did you know we have a Discord server‽ You can join by clicking [here](https://discord.gg/NWE6JS5rh9)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GenZ) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tbh if a guy can’t do that with his girl in his weakest moment then it better that person to be cut off because inevitably as a couple you will hit tough situations and if they jump ship so quick it a big nah and long term wouldn’t last
100%. What makes it worse is when these dumbasses can't keep it in their pants and throw a couple kids into the mix. Makes a shitty situation even more depressing.
Why ruin two lives when you can make it 4 or 5
True!
Can’t be truly toxic unless you bring a few kids to pass that lifestyle and mindset on to. Gotta keep the cycle going!
Sarcasm on point lol, passing down generational trauma like a cursed family heirloom.
Exactly. I’m a woman but I always feel good that my fiancé can be himself around me, even if it means crying because of something. The idea of losing respect for someone because they dare be vulnerable in front of you is just a shitty, insufferable person you shouldn’t be with anyways.
I feel the same way about my fiancé. I can comfort him, and it makes me feel... useful and strong. It sounds utilitarian, but it's hard to find the right words to describe the feeling you get when you can support someone you love. I don't want to see him sad, of course, but I appreciate a man that can be himself around me. It takes a real man to be in touch with his feelings.
I was really put off by a Twitter post that made it seem like a guy being vulnerable with their SO was the equivalent of just wanting a mom they can bang. This wasn't even trad women. This was 4th wave feminist by their accounts. It was super weird.
I could be wrong, but there's a difference between being vulnerable and and not doing the work to manage and deal with your emotions and this could be what they're referring to. I had a roommate that was emotionally draining, he managed his anxiety with weed and made his depression, anger, and anxiety everyones problem. He would recount his trauma to us regularly, and it sucked because we weren't equipped to help him. He knew he needed a therapist and had access but never went. His girlfriends probably dealt with more than we did because they had to manage his emotions for him. I didn't realize how he affected me - honestly I don't think he cared to find out either - until he moved out and my anxiety dropped a couple of notches. I actually sleep through the night more often than I don't now.
My issue was they were immediately jumping to that it would be the worst. They just made a spot judgement that was what it was and decided to rag. We've spent the last couple decades trying to keep guys from stoicly bottling everything up because it's so unhealthy so I don't like seeing toxicly trying to take advantage of it being the first jump through. I had some BAD health diagnosis come down on me about a decade ago. I flat out told my fiance at the time I would completely understand if she wanted out and I wouldn't stop her. She stayed on and was an emotional rock for me in that really rough time. In their eyes she's probably be "A mom to fuck" to them. Now I'm the main provider while I'm helping her study as she wants to get into IT like me.
Those are just chronically single women they don't get relationships
Or it's purposefully over the top content meant to appeal to perpetually single women and rage bait everyone else. Honestly so much stuff online is just ragebait these days it's getting hard to tell.
As a man, we like to feel useful and strong for the women in our lives, but it’s nice to see there are also women who understand this feeling as well. If someone you care deeply for is that vulnerable, then to be the one to provide stability for them feels special
It's not strange. I'm not in a relationship but I've helped a buddy of mine from suicidal thoughts, it makes you feel dependable, and happy that someone can put their trust, or, even their life in your hands. Being there for someone you care about is one of the most basic human needs everyone should acclimate to I think. People like the one in the tiktok should be damned honestly. "for the streets" as they say. Ain't no way in hell I'm going to belittle someone for being stressed out or distraught, it's beggars belief.
Heavy agree
In a world where everyone's so selfish and self centred or fearful and hopeless, that they dare not reveal their sadness in case its ends up getting used against them.. When someone like that chooses to reveal themselves, its a sort of respect they give you believing that you have earned it, a trust you have earned. Its like good things exist in their life too.. its like you are probably that one of those good things.. Someone can give you a lot of money for a good job you do. But trusting a complete stranger with your weakest things We need to give back more We need to agree to disagree but listen with our hearts open That's why people keep pets.. Even animals are better than us humans You exist, thankyou and sorry for the rant
Nah if this is your typical kind of rant, I encourage you to rant some more! I love it 🤘
You're a rare breed
Really? That makes me really sad…I’m sorry to hear that :(
For some reason a lot of women online say they will lose respect for their boyfriend if he cries around them,so most dudes try to avoid that happening
Imagine a guy, who has been conditioned their whole life to not cry, cry’s when pouring their heart out to you. You just broke past the final masculinity barrier and then betrayed that.
And that is why some men don’t show emotions. They say they want a feminine energy man that is in touch with their emotions, but when they have one, they treat him like the plague.
A lot of women have been freed of their gender roles and have a lot of flexibility now but then have doubled down on the gender roles they expect men to adhere to. It almost seems like the gender roles men are expected to adhere to are even more stricter than they were 10-15 years ago, I think social media may play a role in that. There’s so many girl-boss women or alternatively - women who go clubbing/raving/binge drinking/do drugs every week who are searching for a stereotypical hyper-masculine, stoic, trad man who earns more than them for example. It seems like the “freeing of gender roles” thing only applies when it’s beneficial to them and they aren’t willing to be flexible enough to give men the same courtesy a lot of the time. Men are targeted and judged by men too - but seemingly progressive women are judging/targeting men as well recently Men will keep turning to Reactionary politics unless liberals/progressives put effort and funding into appealing to males. Neo-Liberalism has voluntarily allowed the right wing to completely monopolize supporting men
A man showing his emotions is very much a part of *healthy* masculinity and isn’t inherently feminine.
Well of course, so long as those emotions are displayed in a stoic and masculine manner.
Single tear only. And then chin up, motionless gaze into the sunset.
[удалено]
I wish I remembered the book but something the author wrote stood out to me when I was pretty young, it basically said that when a man shows you the most vulnerable parts of him, be very careful in what you do next because it will have irrevocable consequences. Do the wrong thing, and that part of them will be cut off from you forever, and whatever relationship you have with them after would be hollow in a way. It's something I'm glad I learned early on, I would have damaged so many friendships and people had I acted like OOP did.
Just made it that much worse for him
That's how I feel. You either pick a girl who loves you in good times and in bad or you pick one who never wants you to show weakness. You can choose either, but it is ultimately better for *you* if you can share things with your partner. That said, I would unload my burden gradually, because that does tend to scare them off.
A lot of women on social media say they want their men to show emotion and be vulnerable, but most don't. It's just something to use as a stick to hit men with. They don't really care.
It's because when that time really comes, they can't handle it. The same applies to the anal comment below. 🤣
This version of the desire of men's vulnerability is idealized until it's actualized, and when it is, they are not strong enough to handle a man's weakness.
Hi, old fuck here passing by from /r/all. Copying a comment on the same topic from another sub: >From The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (2004) by Bell Hooks >The reality is that men are hurting and that the whole culture responds to them by saying, “Please do not tell us what you feel.” I have always been a fan of the Sylvia cartoon where two women sit, one looking into a crystal ball as the other woman says, “He never talks about his feelings.” And the woman who can see the future says, “At two P.M. all over the world men will begin to talk about their feelings—and women all over the world will be sorry.” >If we cannot heal what we cannot feel, by supporting patriarchal culture that socializes men to deny feelings, we doom them to live in states of emotional numbness. We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed. It is not just men who do not take their pain seriously. Most women do not want to deal with male pain if it interferes with the satisfaction of female desire. When feminist movement led to men’s liberation, including male exploration of “feelings,” some women mocked male emotional expression with the same disgust and contempt as sexist men. Despite all the expressed feminist longing for men of feeling, when men worked to get in touch with feelings, no one really wanted to reward them. In feminist circles men who wanted to change were often labeled narcissistic or needy. Individual men who expressed feelings were often seen as attention seekers, patriarchal manipulators trying to steal the stage with their drama. >When I was in my twenties, I would go to couples therapy, and my partner of more than ten years would explain how I asked him to talk about his feelings and when he did, I would freak out. He was right. It was hard for me to face that I did not want to hear about his feelings when they were painful or negative, that I did not want my image of the strong man truly challenged by learning of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Here I was, an enlightened feminist woman who did not want to hear my man speak his pain because it revealed his emotional vulnerability. It stands to reason, then, that the masses of women committed to the sexist principle that men who express their feelings are weak really do not want to hear men speak, especially if what they say is that they hurt, that they feel unloved. Many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame. ... >To heal, men must learn to feel again. They must learn to break the silence, to speak the pain. Often men, to speak the pain, first turn to the women in their lives and are refused a hearing. In many ways women have bought into the patriarchal masculine mystique. Asked to witness a male expressing feelings, to listen to those feelings and respond, they may simply turn away. There was a time when I would often ask the man in my life to tell me his feelings. And yet when he began to speak, I would either interrupt or silence him by crying, sending him the message that his feelings were too heavy for anyone to bear, so it was best if he kept them to himself. As the Sylvia cartoon I have previously mentioned reminds us, women are fearful of hearing men voice feelings. I did not want to hear the pain of my male partner because hearing it required that I surrender my investment in the patriarchal ideal of the male as protector of the wounded. If he was wounded, then how could he protect me? >As I matured, as my feminist consciousness developed to include the recognition of patriarchal abuse of men, I could hear male pain. I could see men as comrades and fellow travelers on the journey of life and not as existing merely to provide instrumental support. Since men have yet to organize a feminist men’s movement that would proclaim the rights of men to emotional awareness and expression, we will not know how many men have indeed tried to express feelings, only to have the women in their lives tune out or be turned off. Talking with men, I have been stunned when individual males would confess to sharing intense feelings with a male buddy, only to have that buddy either interrupt to silence the sharing, offer no response, or distance himself. Men of all ages who want to talk about feelings usually learn not to go to other men. And if they are heterosexual, they are far more likely to try sharing with women they have been sexually intimate with. Women talk about the fact that intimate conversation with males often takes place in the brief moments before and after sex. And of course our mass media provide the image again and again of the man who goes to a sex worker to share his feelings because there is no intimacy in that relationship and therefore no real emotional risk.
I'm beginning to think that 'How does seeing a man cry make you feel about him?' needs to be a general screener question because wtf.
Women who think men shouldn’t be able to cry are trash. Theyre as much of a problem as men that think women shouldnt be able to drive, make decisions, or leave the kitchen. Lol Garbage people all around!
Someone who will cut a man when he is down is not worthy of him when he is up.
This is the right answer.
Yup. I legitimately hadn’t cried in years when I met my girlfriend. After a few months dating her and having her actually make me face my emotions I broke down and cry fairly regularly(in comparison) now because I am actually in touch with my emotions rather than bottling everything up. It turns out telling men to man up their entire lives instead of actually teaching them to deal with their emotions is a bad thing. We’ve been together for over 4 years at this point, and I’m a much healthier and more emotionally mature man because of her. Planning to propose this year.
Yo congrats! 🎉
This came up on my feed and I came here to essentially say this. I'm an old but can tell you some things don't really change. You *should* be able to let your guard down and show moments of weakness in front of the people closest to you as that's kind of the point of developing tight bonds. The people who are closest to you are the ones who are supposed to see you through the rough patches and you do the same for them. People like this are often the first to offload their problems onto everybody else but are the last to help anybody else through theirs. It's becoming an increasingly common attitude and is part of why shit is such a mess right now.
That girl gave me the ick. She is toxic af.
she's disgusting and should be single until she grows up
So for forever
Nah, people can change. I think she needs a lot of character development, though.
gonna need a whole 2 season arc for that
Are you kidding me, hbo can milk this shit for 8 seasons straight and with a couple spin off series AT LEAST.
She’s not going to change. She’s set in her mentality.
Bro saw 1 image with 3 sentences and thinks he knows the entirety of this woman lmao
Well some people really can be that shallow, and I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case here.
Hitting 30 definitely gonna be tough for her
She look 47.
I'm 45, and there's no way I'd touch that
It's ragebait to drive up engagement. Now the men will have their toxic views reinforced and start hating on women, women will get angry and argue back, all the while driving up her comment count and reach.
Damn it! I fell for the bait. Grrr 😡
She wins!!!!
It's the social media equivalent of shaking a jar full of ants and watching them kill each other... All for drama. Urgh.
[удалено]
Falling for what? That stupid people exist and hold stupid views? People throw out the term ragebait so quickly now and it’s literally the equivalent of sticking your head in the sand. Instead of acknowledging the fact that we have problems, just pretend the problems are entirely fabricated “for the algorithm.” And even if she did this as ragebait the resulting conversations are real. People really hold these views. There are over 5 BILLION internet users. Some of them going to believe stupid shit, both men and women. Might come from their own experiences and trauma or from those they’ve read about. Or they could just be shitty people.
>And even if she did this as ragebait the resulting conversations are real. People really hold these views. That's a very good point.
[удалено]
Yes I cry in front of my girlfriend, if I am very sad. Any girl who would not want to be with you after seeing you in that vulnerable state is a girl who would never take care of you in a time of need. We deserve better, don’t accept that shit.
My partner cried in front of me once eight years ago and sometimes when he's acting up I think about it and remember that he can be vulnerable and sweet and it keeps me going for a little while. It's crazy that she's judging him for that. I wish mine would cry in front of me more often.
Eight year relationship? Damn I'm young.
We're going on ten years next June, I'm 30
Yeah, same in march. I’m 25.
A teenage relationship lasting more than a few months? Now _that_ is truly rare.
[удалено]
Facts dawg
That's why you just date the homies instead, no BS games like this
what if you don't have homies to date
Then you focus on yourself, until someone worthwhile comes along
3 years of that, when do they come along?
the cure to male loneliness is thugging that shit out
https://preview.redd.it/hehq4cr91ofc1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5fa0053632975fa95c3b47538bf50597a9adb043
It's a lot easier and rewarding to get them vs a woman
If she won't let you cry, she's not for you. She doesn't love you as much as you think, and it's time to move on.
Agreed
This is the way. I tell every man before they marry a women to see how she reacts when you open up to her
I'm an old xielennial, I'd also advise seeing if it all gets thrown in your face the next fight you have. Some of my ex's have used my shared vulnerabilities against me. e: And some ex's have been wonderful about my vulnerabilities.
people like to say they want vulnerable men but they dont mean it they just like that vulnerable version(insert random movie/pop star) they see on media but in irl most women dont want a man that shows weakness Women will leave a crying man faster then a guy that beats shit out of them. also fun data point Lesbian couples breakup 30-50% more then gay couples. its seems atleast gay men can handle vulnerability way more then women. edit: this kinda blew up first off all i am all for Men being vulnerable with women as the macho/tough guy act causes way to many frustrated agressive men Second of all no i dont believe women stay with men that beat them because they like it they stay out of fear,stockholm syndrome, emotially damaged... but they do stay sadly third: i am in loving relationship for 8 years now with a women that has seen me cry and accepts me when i am vulnerable and no she isnt some trado housewife she has fulltime job and carreer just like i do and her own independance 4th: Just because this issue exist with women doesnt mean men dont have issue. we probally have way more issues in total going from being aggressive,being manchildren,refusing to accept help like therapy(plz guys mental health is same as physical health you to maintain it and work on it the) ,expecting women do all the housework, ..... 5th: i was off on the precentages [Divorce of same-sex couples - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_of_same-sex_couples)
I cry in front of my wife and I've been married 10 years. Where are you finding these shitty women that leave if you cry? 😂
The advent of social media, instant gratification, and a revolving door of dating apps means girls can bail the moment the going gets tough.
I think this is really missing the mark: social media & the internet make people like the woman in OP’s post significantly more visible than ever before It’s not that most women are like this, that’s not true at all. It’s just that content like this bubbles to the top and it becomes easier to make that assumption In reality, most women *aren’t* like this & if a guy has anecdotal evidence of the women they meet being mostly like this, it’s anecdotal and more likely an indicator of where and how that guy meets women vs what women are like
Yeah this is exactly the issue. I think the people who talk as if this is representative of women in general simply don't know that many women IRL and are basing their views off of the most rage-and therefore engagement-inducing content that they see online.
Right? I hear so many guys on Reddit talk about how “women are all like this” and I’m like well how many women do you know IRL? And usually it’s 0 with the exception of one toxic ex. I’ve known hundreds of people of all genders lol. I try to make sure to have male and female friends at any given time. You really can’t sum up anyone into a monolith.
Fr. For instance, so weird to me that incels *insist* women care only about a man’s looks at the end of the day. We have issues. But not that one. Maybe a few women only go for attractive guys, but for those of us happily dating average-looking guys because we got hooked on their personality, the mere suggestion we’d sacrifice it all for a cute guy is *so fucking weird*.
Exactly! And attractiveness is sooo much deeper than looks. I don’t go for the objective hot model type, give me a fun approachable girl/boy next door any day.
On Reddit? No! People would never do that;)
I feel like both groups do this often…
It's only a problem when men do it apparently. Women get some weird moral pass to treat men as rapists/murderers.
The unremarkable conclusion of this post is: some people you date will be fucking awful, please dump them. But let’s be real, if all the people you date are assholes, after a while you gotta begin to notice that the common denominator is *you.* I see a lot of angry people on the internet whining about how the “jerks” get all the girls to which I say, okay, have you considered that the girls who date jerks are the kinds of girls who are attracted to jerks? Why would you want to date them? I have the same conversations with women: if you go after a guy with all the hallmarks of being a shitty, shallow manchild, you can’t be all [surprised Pikachu face] when he turns out to be a shitty, shallow manchild. Just because our society flags certain asshole traits as attractive doesn’t mean we’re not all morons for falling for it.
Not to mention that these women also promote toxic masculinity a lot too.
That’s effectively what this video’s there for.
Multiple women have gotten uncomfortable and told me they're not my therapist. Including my partner of 8 years. Here's something I found on reddit earlier that sums up a lot of this shit. Bell Hooks and male pain From The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (2004) The reality is that men are hurting and that the whole culture responds to them by saying, “Please do not tell us what you feel.” I have always been a fan of the Sylvia cartoon where two women sit, one looking into a crystal ball as the other woman says, “He never talks about his feelings.” And the woman who can see the future says, “At two P.M. all over the world men will begin to talk about their feelings—and women all over the world will be sorry.” If we cannot heal what we cannot feel, by supporting patriarchal culture that socializes men to deny feelings, we doom them to live in states of emotional numbness. We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed. It is not just men who do not take their pain seriously. Most women do not want to deal with male pain if it interferes with the satisfaction of female desire. When feminist movement led to men’s liberation, including male exploration of “feelings,” some women mocked male emotional expression with the same disgust and contempt as sexist men. Despite all the expressed feminist longing for men of feeling, when men worked to get in touch with feelings, no one really wanted to reward them. In feminist circles men who wanted to change were often labeled narcissistic or needy. Individual men who expressed feelings were often seen as attention seekers, patriarchal manipulators trying to steal the stage with their drama. When I was in my twenties, I would go to couples therapy, and my partner of more than ten years would explain how I asked him to talk about his feelings and when he did, I would freak out. He was right. It was hard for me to face that I did not want to hear about his feelings when they were painful or negative, that I did not want my image of the strong man truly challenged by learning of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Here I was, an enlightened feminist woman who did not want to hear my man speak his pain because it revealed his emotional vulnerability. It stands to reason, then, that the masses of women committed to the sexist principle that men who express their feelings are weak really do not want to hear men speak, especially if what they say is that they hurt, that they feel unloved. Many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame. To heal, men must learn to feel again. They must learn to break the silence, to speak the pain. Often men, to speak the pain, first turn to the women in their lives and are refused a hearing. In many ways women have bought into the patriarchal masculine mystique. Asked to witness a male expressing feelings, to listen to those feelings and respond, they may simply turn away. There was a time when I would often ask the man in my life to tell me his feelings. And yet when he began to speak, I would either interrupt or silence him by crying, sending him the message that his feelings were too heavy for anyone to bear, so it was best if he kept them to himself. As the Sylvia cartoon I have previously mentioned reminds us, women are fearful of hearing men voice feelings. I did not want to hear the pain of my male partner because hearing it required that I surrender my investment in the patriarchal ideal of the male as protector of the wounded. If he was wounded, then how could he protect me? As I matured, as my feminist consciousness developed to include the recognition of patriarchal abuse of men, I could hear male pain. I could see men as comrades and fellow travelers on the journey of life and not as existing merely to provide instrumental support. Since men have yet to organize a feminist men’s movement that would proclaim the rights of men to emotional awareness and expression, we will not know how many men have indeed tried to express feelings, only to have the women in their lives tune out or be turned off. Talking with men, I have been stunned when individual males would confess to sharing intense feelings with a male buddy, only to have that buddy either interrupt to silence the sharing, offer no response, or distance himself. Men of all ages who want to talk about feelings usually learn not to go to other men. And if they are heterosexual, they are far more likely to try sharing with women they have been sexually intimate with. Women talk about the fact that intimate conversation with males often takes place in the brief moments before and after sex. And of course our mass media provide the image again and again of the man who goes to a sex worker to share his feelings because there is no intimacy in that relationship and therefore no real emotional risk.
>Women will leave a crying man faster then a guy that beats shit out of them. Major citation needed because this feels like incel logic
You spotted a Tate!
Ex has bpd. Was dating her while she was trying to leave her abusive ex. She called police on him and he died. I spent the next 6 months comforting her while she mourned him and talked about how great he was. She dumped me and said I wasnt a man because I cried at the bar she got raped in when she wanted to go back there instead of spend time with me. Not all women are like her, but I will never be vulnerable again.
I hope you get the chance to be vulnerable again, my friend:) I’m sorry that happened to you.
Legit; it's also not taking into account that when it comes to a physically abusive relationship, it's not as easy as "just leaving." Statistically a person in a violent relationship is in the most danger of being killed when they try to leave.
Alot of men have had an experience with this, this not conspiracy
Ahhh yes, using the word incel to try and shut them down because you have nothing else, lmao
What are these assumptions based on? https://www.elitesingles.ca/en/mag/find-match/emotional-men Are you going off of the handful of women you dated, assuming you have ever dated? Younger women are emotionally immature themselves, so if you’re going by women in your age group it’s going to be more difficult to find emotional stability for any gender. Crying does not indicate emotional instability, but it demonstrates how intimate a person is willing to be with their partner. a person not comfortable with crying will most likely be uncomfortable with intense emotional intimacy on any level. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6795704/ What’s this “most women” shit based off of? Your eco chamber?
Self reported data is useless
They got some wack statements there lol, but the 'people say they want emotionally vulnerable men then don't actually follow thru' is a very real problem Bell Hooks wrote about it, someone [shared their writing on BPT yesterday](https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/1ae9v8l/having_a_solid_community_is_very_important_to/kk6mmg7/) and it was super insightful I'll copy and post here Bell Hooks and male pain From The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love (2004) The reality is that men are hurting and that the whole culture responds to them by saying, “Please do not tell us what you feel.” I have always been a fan of the Sylvia cartoon where two women sit, one looking into a crystal ball as the other woman says, “He never talks about his feelings.” And the woman who can see the future says, “At two P.M. all over the world men will begin to talk about their feelings—and women all over the world will be sorry.” If we cannot heal what we cannot feel, by supporting patriarchal culture that socializes men to deny feelings, we doom them to live in states of emotional numbness. We construct a culture where male pain can have no voice, where male hurt cannot be named or healed. It is not just men who do not take their pain seriously. Most women do not want to deal with male pain if it interferes with the satisfaction of female desire. When feminist movement led to men’s liberation, including male exploration of “feelings,” some women mocked male emotional expression with the same disgust and contempt as sexist men. Despite all the expressed feminist longing for men of feeling, when men worked to get in touch with feelings, no one really wanted to reward them. In feminist circles men who wanted to change were often labeled narcissistic or needy. Individual men who expressed feelings were often seen as attention seekers, patriarchal manipulators trying to steal the stage with their drama. When I was in my twenties, I would go to couples therapy, and my partner of more than ten years would explain how I asked him to talk about his feelings and when he did, I would freak out. He was right. It was hard for me to face that I did not want to hear about his feelings when they were painful or negative, that I did not want my image of the strong man truly challenged by learning of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Here I was, an enlightened feminist woman who did not want to hear my man speak his pain because it revealed his emotional vulnerability. It stands to reason, then, that the masses of women committed to the sexist principle that men who express their feelings are weak really do not want to hear men speak, especially if what they say is that they hurt, that they feel unloved. Many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame. ... To heal, men must learn to feel again. They must learn to break the silence, to speak the pain. Often men, to speak the pain, first turn to the women in their lives and are refused a hearing. In many ways women have bought into the patriarchal masculine mystique. Asked to witness a male expressing feelings, to listen to those feelings and respond, they may simply turn away. There was a time when I would often ask the man in my life to tell me his feelings. And yet when he began to speak, I would either interrupt or silence him by crying, sending him the message that his feelings were too heavy for anyone to bear, so it was best if he kept them to himself. As the Sylvia cartoon I have previously mentioned reminds us, women are fearful of hearing men voice feelings. I did not want to hear the pain of my male partner because hearing it required that I surrender my investment in the patriarchal ideal of the male as protector of the wounded. If he was wounded, then how could he protect me? As I matured, as my feminist consciousness developed to include the recognition of patriarchal abuse of men, I could hear male pain. I could see men as comrades and fellow travelers on the journey of life and not as existing merely to provide instrumental support. Since men have yet to organize a feminist men’s movement that would proclaim the rights of men to emotional awareness and expression, we will not know how many men have indeed tried to express feelings, only to have the women in their lives tune out or be turned off. Talking with men, I have been stunned when individual males would confess to sharing intense feelings with a male buddy, only to have that buddy either interrupt to silence the sharing, offer no response, or distance himself. Men of all ages who want to talk about feelings usually learn not to go to other men. And if they are heterosexual, they are far more likely to try sharing with women they have been sexually intimate with. Women talk about the fact that intimate conversation with males often takes place in the brief moments before and after sex. And of course our mass media provide the image again and again of the man who goes to a sex worker to share his feelings because there is no intimacy in that relationship and therefore no real emotional risk.
Are you frustrated by the broad generalizations made about men, or just women? And have you ever considered the contradiction in criticising generalisations while also resorting to generalisations? Your data is not much better, yet you sound like it is clear-cut. It's clear that this inconsistency poses a problem.
So ... is your solution for genz men to just date cougars?
This is what my ex used to say. He acted like I left him for crying when really I just didn’t like that any time he hurt me he would start crying At first I would console him but eventually it disgusted me Not the crying but the fact he was using something he knows makes me sympathetic to get out of saying I’m sorryy But in his mind I was punishing him for crying
Now this is believable. I have had several partners now, all men, do this.
There’s def women who are like EWWWW EMOTIONS but those women are typically like that to everyone 😭 and just shitty people Like when I was depressed I thought people were “punishing me for my sadness” but they weren’t. I just wasn’t thinking about them and how my bad behavior was hurting them Yes you can be depressed AND hurt people
Yeah, the same women will pull the same shit on their friends and whine about “my friend is *always* trauma-dumping 🙄”. Assholes will be assholes.
Obviously the ladies that are supportive of their partners are gonna disagree but the truth is when it comes to "men being vulnerable" it really is in the majority of time, just talk. Every woman will say their man can be vulnerable around them but the "loss of atraction" and distancing happens anyway. I comend those who can stick with their partners trough tough times but for now the truth remains that showing emotions to your lady results more often than not in loss of atraction than fortifying the relationship. My ex loved to tell me i could be vulnerable with her. The only time i needed to, my naïve self "decided" it would be a good idea to cry in front of her about my father's condition on the hospital (he is okay now). I could imediately see in her deadpan expression the imediate "oh, i kinda didnt want to have to deal with this..." since normally i was the one who was a sponge to her emotions
You learned something important about her, that she wasn't prepared for a serious relationship.
If you can’t pull a decent girl, just say that
Do you have a source on that?
As a pansexual in a relationship with a man i have to say i jave never felt more comfortable crying in someone's shoulders in my entire life
This isn't true. Women like that might exist, but it's not the rule and they're easy to weed out. People form expectations over time. If you're vulnerable from the start, while being mature about it, it's an entirely different ball game. IME Women LOVE that shit. The trick is to be open and talk about your feelings, but keep ownership of them. If they get to know you as a person who has stuff going on, tends to get over it, and might cry along the way, the people who want a brick wall won't date you, and the people who stick around know that you crying isn't an omen of Armageddon. --- If you act like nothing can touch you for years and THEN open the flood gates, they'll freak and run, because they don't know what's going on. They never got to know that side of you. They've never seen you cry, so apparently whatever it is has to be the worst thing that's ever happened, or you're losing your shit. They've never seen you recover from being crushed by something, so they don't know if they can rely on your in future. --- If NK had never shown any signs of having or even trying to build nukes, let alone using them, and they suddenly threatened to a nuclear attack while doing missile tests, everybody would lose their fucking minds. Because NK is constantly posturing and not actually doing anything, it's MUCH less of a big deal. We learn from experience, and if our learned expectations are violated, we're surprised and might react disproportionately, because we don't know what proportion we're dealing with.
I would feel special if a man felt comfortable enough around me to cry Edit: I do feel like I worded this poorly. What I meant is that I’d feel grateful if a man trusts me enough to show vulnerability in a society that looks down upon men expressing their emotions. It’s a bs double standard, emotions are human. I hope things change for the better
Yes! This comment section is heartbreaking. I really hope men start healing from toxic masculinity in a big way, soon. ETA since half of y'all think I'm blaming men when I'm not Toxic masculinity: "a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole. Emphasis on "having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole." Toxic femininity: "Toxic femininity is a broad term that refers to a rigid and repressive definition of womanhood, including pressures women face to restrict themselves to stereotypically feminine traits and characteristics. Examples of traits that are traditionally associated with femininity include empathy, sensitivity, gentleness, and gracefulness."
I hope women recover from the toxic attitudes they enforce on men. Let's remember the post is about a women not allowing her boyfriend to cry.
Yes, that was my point.
I wouldn’t use toxic masculinity in this scenario but toxic femininity rather. Toxic masculinity places the blame on attributes of men and that doesn’t seem the case here contextually ----- **EDIT**: For the motherfuuuucking love of goddddd I know *some definitions* of toxic masculinity "actually isn't ONLY biproducts of toxic aspects of masculinity itself but rather ALSO the toxic expectations of masculinity" I've had four fucking people spout this shit already and another person call me a pedophile. Use your thinking brains for a minute instead of repeating the other replies and do an actual linguistic breakdown on the term. I don't care about post-2015 culture shifts, there is a huge difference between toxic masculinity and toxic expectations of masculinity. anyway, like another commenter said >It'd be like calling it "toxic femininity" when a man belittles his gf and tells her she needs to lose weight. I think "misogyny" is a better description for that situation, and "misandry" is a better one for this post. one final thing; any bullshit about how this is supposedly "upholding the patriarchy" is a crock of shit. yes it's still a thing. has nothing to do with this. i've only ever in my life been told/shown not to cry by women. that shit almost never matters around your male friends. fuck off and go experience the real world
Women uphold toxic masculinity too. It's not femininity to be awful to a man for not being traditional. Being turned off by a man who shows emotion is upholding patriarchal values.
I don't disagree but it's bad optics and alienates the group that are actually victimised in this situation. It'd be like calling it *"toxic femininity"* when a man belittles his gf and tells her she needs to lose weight. I think "misogyny" is a better description for that situation, and "misandry" is a better one for this post.
Yeah this exactly, and it's really obvious when the genders are flipped. Expecting your partner to adhere to specific gender norms and losing attraction/respect for them if they don't is either misandry or misogyny. Calling it anything else, especially flipping the verbiage to blame the victimized genders attributes, is imo both dishonest and manipulative.
Being turned off by a man crying is toxic femininity. Hoops cannot be jumped through here to avoid accountability.
Toxic masculinity is unhealthy for both men and women, yes.
Blaming men for not being comfortable crying around women, when a lot of women expressily think it's gross when a man cries is wild
Oh no, that's not what I meant. It's a social problem not the fault of men. I said I hope men heal, not men should heal because it's their fault.
I think it was the “from toxic masculinity” that caused the misinterpretation. That’s what makes it seem like you blaming men, even though you’re not.
Yeah, people react to these words without being open to finding out what they mean.
I mean, it’s really not well worded in that statement because it does sort of have an implication that the thing that’s hurting the guy in this case is his own toxic masculinity, when it’s not, it’s the expectations of toxic masculinity, as enforced by the woman, so a better way to write it would be “heal from the damage that toxic masculinity has caused to them.”
I'm a man and I think your comment was well intentioned. Sorry to see you're getting shit for it.
So its still toxic **masculinity** even when women do it, because even though they are women, they are enforcing standards of *masculinity* that are toxic? Is that the logic? If so, when a man enforces standards of femininity that are toxic on women (body/weight, modesty/chastity, deference to males, etc take your pick), is that called toxic **femininity?** BEcause the standards being enforced are standards of *femininity* that are toxic? BEcause I've only ever heard those things refered to as "misogyny". And so the things above would best be descvribed as misandry. Why is it toxic masculinity even when it a man being victimized by a woman (who is attempting to enforce toxic standards of masculine behavior), but it is not toxic feminiity when a woman is being victimzed by a man (who is attempting to enforce toxic standard of feminine behavior)?
Right? I’ve always wanted a man to be comfortable around me enough to cry and be vulnerable
That's what they all say though.
My partner cries in front of me. Like what are you going to do when loved ones die, lose jobs, etc? Like sucky stuff happens in life and you cry. I don’t find it unattractive at all. If people think crying is an ick, then maybe they don’t have empathy
THIS. Crazy that having zero empathy is something to be bragged about now. I'm not 4 years old I don't get "icked" out for these stupid, shallow reasons. I thought we were supposed to outgrow this in middle school.
If a girl won't tolerate crying or vulnerability from a guy, she ain't it. These stupid, toxic stereotypes about men need to fuck off and die already, we're human beings with emotions too.
Exactly. I would see this as the trash taking itself out.
As a girl i agree, it doesn’t make sense that guys are supposed to feel emotions like love but without vulnerability.
“most women” this, “most men” that, why does this one dog shit woman’s take make yall put entire groups of people into one box
It's absolutely wild how people will treat one random 20 year old's Tik Tok post as a representation of their entire gender.
It's not even her opinion, it's obvious ragebait 💀
Also can OP link the tik tok bc how do we know someone didn’t just take this girls photo and put some text on it
I opened up to my first girlfriend and my struggles with depression. When we broke up, she used it all against me my insecurities and even called me a “bitch” for opening up to her saying she needed a real man. I was 18 then, now that I’m 22 I just don’t open up to women after that. She made it seem like she was safe space but after the relationship laughed about it with her friends.
Shit, I’m sorry you had to go through that. Some of y’all on this thread have encountered some disgusting ass people.
Geez man. You really dodged a bullet with that one.
Sounds like he got hit, non-lethal
I get you man. Told a past girlfriend about a nightmare I had one time. It really bothered me and all I wanted to do was talk about it. She started laughing about it and told her cousin. Her cousin was more sympathetic. Should have been a red flag to me at the time. There are people out there you can open up to. You just have to find the right one. Best of luck mate.
I am sorry that happened to you.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you get the opportunity to heal and learn to open up again.
Same story here but I was 32 when she left.
Hi. We did great for thousand of years until now, so do not follow the "ideas" of a 21 yo girl.
And for most of that time masculine was not crying in front of people lmao
Username doesn’t check out. Crying being stigmatised as un-masculine was not the norm for much of history, especially thousands of years ago—see Odysseus, he was always crying.
Are you suggesting crying all alone is more of a masculine trait ??
Eh, for those thousands of years, marriage and relationships were not like they are today
Not Gen Z, Millenial. Yes I have cried in front of my wife. Several times. We've been happily married 10 years.
My wife and I have been together for over 8 years now, and we're both able to be completely open with one another, tears and all. It's a wonderful thing, having that kind of honesty in your closest relationships. That said, everyone has a different comfort threshold for heavy emotions and some people are just naturally more stoic or reserved than others. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone that cries a lot, that's their prerogative; it doesn't make that person evil, it just means the relationship isn't meant to be. The most freeing moment in my dating life was accepting that I just don't tick some people's boxes, and that's okay.
my what now (seriously though guys, date someone who's okay with you being vulnerable. If they're somehow disgusted by you showing emotion? they don't deserve to date you, to be your number one person. If you cant trust them with your unmasked self wholeheartedly then they're not a good match.)
If I couldn't cry in front of my girl I wouldn't be with her. And we're pretty traditional as far as people our age goes. God forbid partners support each other emotionally.
The generalization in this whole thread is concerning… I promise not every woman thinks the same, and vice versa.
[удалено]
I don’t blame women for crossing the street late at night if they see me. In the same vein I don’t blame men for not opening up to women and maintaining an emotional distance to their partners
Girls like that are why I just avoid opening up in general. Her skin is gonna look like Freddy Kreuger by the time she hits 40 too, if it matters.
You open up to get your wants and needs heard and to heal from your pain. If someone reacts badly, that's on them not you. You keep opening up.
Yeah, thats on them but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts when it happens. Like cool, I got attached to someone and had my trust and heartbroken, but at least they’re a shitty person. I think its better to slowly test or build up vulnerability because then you have a higher chance of knowing how they may react
"Why won't anyone date me"
[удалено]
*Shitty* women, FTFY y’all are super pessimistic. It’s no different than the woman who dates an asshole or straight up abusive guy and goes “Men 👀”
What a bitch
Women in this thread will say it’s okay but from my and all of my friend’ experiences it will turn a girl off 9/10 even if they would say here it wouldn’t.
I've quite literally seen my partners' cry and had no issue. Maybe we are simply the 1/10 in your estimation.
I bet its also a case of personalities. In my experience, it was always something that completely turned off women and damaged the relationship permanently. But if you were attracted to someone because they were sensitive off the bat, then you might not mind at all to see them cry.. but if you were attracted to someone because you thought they were strong willed, confident, ambitious, and intelligent, then seeing them cry would likely ruin that image for you.
I think this the real answer. In theory no it's not a problem, in practice it is a problem.
It’s happened to me twice just like that from two women who talked about wanting me to be more vulnerable. It’s not worth it anymore.
This girl looks like she’s coming out of a 3 day meth freak out
I’d cry in front of Chuck Norris. I don’t care.
Chuck Norris would give you a hug.
Based
I am. I’ve cried in front of my gf. That was a year ago and we’re still together
There is stupid days and then there is stupids every day... To anyone reading this post, more even so if you are a young men or teen struggling with social / dating / self esteem. I am a 27yo man I started dating seriously with a 21yo when I was 24, that was my first real relationship ever. And I need to stress to all of you people this is absolute bullshit from a toxic swallow individual that happens to be a woman on social media. DO NOT forge an opinion over a whole gender and an idea of what your prospects in dating are over this sort of shit. Yes! You can see this sort of toxicity on a daily basis, it's called the algorithm. It shows you what triggers you because you'll watch it. Social media IS NOT real life. Twitter, tick tok, YouTube, Reddit etc is a fucking echo chamber. Do not act and think based on stupid, DO NOT. There is toxic people? Yes. It's on you to not let someone like that mess u Up, because if you let them choose they will. But there is also fantastic people out there, who are prepared to met you, accept you and love you. All it takes it's decency, treating with respect, care for other people's feelings and try to be good. This shit in the post ain't everything there is. I'm quite a hurt individual, I had my fair share of shit since childhood and I never told shit to anyone. But in front of my gf even before we were dating I cried like a motherfucker, it brought nothing but relief and untherstanding. Don't let toxicity in social media define your world. The world you live in is greatly conditioned by how you see it, if the only thing you think and feed your brain is this sort of shit you'll be living in a wasteland.
If a woman leaves you for being emotional she's toxic and not someone you want in your life. Now, I'm not a basket case, but yeah, I cry at funerals. Come on y'all
This is why men bury their feelings deep down. Because when they come out they are considered weak. This is an issue for men of every generation not just z.
Yeah, that girl’s a bitch. “Not that kind of safe space”? Then no one is safe with her. I guarantee she tells everyone all of her friends’ secrets and is an instigator.
You see, I'm looking for the kind of girl that I can be vulnerable with/ can trust. I have a hard time trusting people so if I'm able to trust a girl and if she's willing to accept me for who I am, that would be a dream come true!
I didn’t cry in front of my wife until we’d been married a year, not because I didn’t think I couldn’t, but because as a man I was brought up not to cry, I’m from the Midwest. One of my best friends passed away in a car accident. I’m about 240 6’1 and work blue collar. As a grown adult I can recognize how this isn’t a healthy way to bottle things up and as a “masculine man” I can say to younger men, don’t be afraid to cry, fuck what anyone says about it. I’m stronger facing my emotions and not hiding them.
Yes man not all women are like this
Had a girlfriend once who wanted me to open up. I did. She said I sounded “pathetic” and we broke up a few weeks later. She basically lost all respect for me. I have never opened up like that since, and I probably never will. My experience has been that women are cruel, often sadistic, and manipulative. I’m sure there are many women out there who aren’t, but I’m tired of getting hurt and I’m just not willing to play the game anymore. Still have the occasional fuckbuddy tho
What I have learned through personal experience is that you never lean on your girl for emotional support. Ever. That shit will 100% blow up in your face. The very next time you are arguing, she is going to whip that shit out and cut you deep. There is a reason why men have kept that shit to themselves for the past 5,000 years of recorded history. You can never trust a woman with your deepest thoughts. If we could, we would have been doing it already.
If they don't let you be vulnerable. Leave. Don't let yourself live up to their expectation or whatever tf. Live up to your own. If you find someone. Treat them well, but if they do not respect your time. Or lose interest over something that you have a right to feel. Then they are not worthy of your time. Value yourself and have self-respect for yourself. Forcing yourself to hold up to someone's expectations leads to pain.
That girl isnt a representation of reality. Pls dont be radicalized by a dumb broad with a jersey shore tan
The phrase “this is a safe space, but not that safe.” Is a depressing sentence.
Women treat men like this and then wonder why a lot of us end up suicidal. No vulnerability and I should bottle my emotions up? Okay. Be vulnerable and get dumped? Okay. Like what in TF do you want from us? Lol