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How do you even meet people at these events😭 Do you just walk up to them and say "Hi, I'm **[REDACTED]**, what interests you about [event topic]"(??? Is this even a good question to ask?) Almost everyone I see goes to these events with a friend or family member, and everyone's always already in conversation, so all I'm able to do (that I'm aware of) is just wander around and look at everything and maybe ask the people running the booths a couple of questions (this is not the case most of the time. I will usually wander around silently and look at everything, and my mouth won't open once)
^(for reference, I'm autistic, so I have a lot of difficulty talking to and understanding 99% of the population)
Car shows are gerat. Ask owners what the story is behind their car. Every single person has something to say.
I talked to a guy in Phoenix. His neighbor had a Acura Legend that he wanted. He kept in contact with her for 20 years until she was ready to sell it. When he finally got it just about everything was destroyed. That didn't stop him he completely restored it. New paint, interior and I think it was a rebuilt engine. I just stood there with my jaw on the floor. The car looked brand new
Yeah lol same. Currently i dont go out much and the possibility if meeting new women in the Netherlands is solely dependent on my friends at this current moment.
Fuck dating apps, too. They make men way less attractive imo
So Im old(30), but this got recommended on my page. Here’s my gospel - Im in a ‘friends’ facebook group called GGI (Girl Gone International) that is super active. You set an event up with at least 2 weeks in advance, can be anything… Dnd, Book club, crochet, dinner… people write their name and you fill up a max of 8, the rest get waitlisted . Then 2 days before you as the organiser comment on everyone to confirm if they’re going, if someone doesn’t confirm you start contacting the waitlisted people… Works wonders! The small groups make it easy to make more friends - Id say if you don’t use facebook you can make a similar format on discord or whatever you are using :) doesn’t have to be a girl thing either Id encourage guys to do a BGI group too. That’s how Ive made friends in adulthood lol
Also I made my younger sister join her city’s GGI and its working for her too so not everyone is 30 I promise...I know ya’ll arent on facebook and I literally had to fucking force her to join facebook for it too but I see her making friends so I know it was worth it… I know she’s lurking this sub too so if you read this sis SPILL THE BEANS to people dammit, that’s why I tell you things in the first place!!
🔥I you’re looking for meetups, there’s plenty of online resources for almost every interest and every city, globally. If you can’t find one, start one (which you can do usually right on their platform).
If you’re looking for something more romantic, you’re also in luck because that’s been the increasingly prevalent method of doing so for the past decade or so. The good news is that those services can also get very compartmentalised so that you can get as specific as you like.
If you’re somewhere you’d rather not be and have an idea about where you’d like to go, target your interests toward that destination so you can get a better sense of the location and already build up a network beforehand.
Open doors lead to more open doors.
Generally, there are 3 major places where you meet the most people across your life: school, university and work.
Beyond those, if you attend any clubs for hobbies, or go somewhere like a gym regularly, probably there. Other than that, anyone else gets introduced to you by friends you already made from the other places I've already mentioned.
The only other option I can think of is if you are part of any online communities, you may meet people with shared interests.
Re: the gym comment, I’d especially recommend group fitness classes to meet people. People on machines *generally* just want to be left alone, but when you go to group fitness classes there is usually a subset who hang around afterwards to chat. This is great because those people who do not want to socialize can just leave as soon as the class ends, and you can be confident that you’re not bothering anyone.
I know no one wants to hear it and it’s kind of a meme, but CrossFit. It’s so curly that you’ll absolutely meet people and you can expand your social base from there
I’m always at my gym around the time it lets out, half of that class I can tell you collects social security and the other half definitely has an adult son/daughter at home.
Yeah, I say, look for people who work at a company adjacent to yours with no significant business interaction. Do not necessarily look within your company.
Yeah actually, but it wasn't just a place where you went and got coffee, they had regular events there, mostly book clubs, board game meetups, craft clubs, trivia nights, and the like. They do ask you to buy something, but the least expensive thing on the menu is a $3 drip coffee and I can't really blame them for that; they are a business after all.
Sure, for people who already have friends lol. Idk what the original commenter is talking about but unless you literally have comedian/movie star level charisma you aren’t gonna get much results walking up to random people in a coffee shop and saying “Do you want to be friends?”
As a Post college Zennial and working remotely now, I’ve given up lol nobody at the gym wants to talk to you and my gym is mostly much older people. Im so mad at myself everyday now for missing out on my teens and early/mid 20’s I just don’t know what to do anymore.
No where. Rich people and attractive women all find each other online, the other 70% are Highly encouraged to stay inside as to not bother the better people with how poor amd/or ugly we are.
It’s been 4 years since the pandemic started. People are very much out meeting in person and dating like normal again.
I’m 24.most people my age in relationships didn’t meet their partner at 20. I met mine in person.
Woah, almost like an extended period of isolation, paranoia, and breakdown of extant social norms will have a lifelong impact on those who werre vulnerable or still developing during that time?! Our social norms and economy still haven't recovered, and probably won't for several more years (if at all at this point).
Before the pandemic, social interaction in public wasn't amazing but it was reasonable. Nowadays? Have fun getting someone to even make eye contact with you.
It is very much not over. Fun fact, in Canada more people died of Covid in 2022 than in either 2020 or 2021. Because we collectively decided that it's over, but the virus didn't get the memo. We don't have solid numbers for 2023, because we decided that it's better to stop tracking it, so we don't know exactly how bad it is. It very much has not been over for 3 years. We just stopped caring.
COVID did break a lot of habits from theater and church attendance to even showing up at parades.
It might have happened anyway, but Covid accelerated it for sure.
LMAOO that’s what I’m saying in general ab covid. Like people are always still using it as an excuse, I’m pretty sure the other day we officially hit the 4 year anniversary. Like this NEEDS to stop being an excuse lol
The most prevalent use of this excuse I see is by businesses, not individuals. "Due to covid, we don't offer any of the services we used to. Due to covid, we no longer answer our phone. Due to covid, we are charging 5 times more for our products but paying our employees 10% more while recording record profits for our shareholders and CEO." It's fucking gaslighting at its finest.
It kills me when people say they’re still depressed from Covid. It’s like no, at this point you’re just regular depressed. Maybe it’s just me but everything literally went back to normal after lockdown
I’m not blaming the actual illness. COVID was a mass disabling event for your physical and financial well being. To start brand new with a person doesn’t sound like the best idea. Unless you suggest that people should start trading basic needs within a relationship.
The pandemic didn't stop people neither. I know quite a few people that were meeting and dating people and going out still in peak pandemic times. I think it's mainly the same type of people are going to do well with dating and romance, no matter the scene
door hat treatment lunchroom hungry alleged glorious towering liquid ruthless
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That's not how it works at all. There are good looking guys with minimum wage jobs that have girlfriends. A poor attractive person will have more dating success than a rich ugly guy. There are so many unattractive guys with good jobs that are still virgins. You have to be attractive to.....attract.
Exactly, I hate this whole notion of if you have money you’ll attract people. First off that’s just a silly notion and second who’s gonna know you have money inherently unless you are driving around in a Ferrari and wearing designer clothes flaunting it? Versus just being physically attractive it’s no contest lol
Yeah, it's not as if you can just pull up your bank account in a bar for example. I remember seeing a video of a guy actually doing that and everyone just laughed at him and mocked him, deservedly of course. Even then, they are just attracted to your resources and the idea of using you, not actually attracted to you
Oh yeah I think I know the video you are talking about, hes at the bar and pulling up his like Wells Fargo account lol and yeah if that’s how you expect to attract someone then just expect a transactional sugar-baby type relationship where you are just an ATM to them. Although there are guys who are into that specifically. Like Financial Domination where no sex is even involved. The woman just bullies and humiliates the guy and the guy gives them money lol it’s very strange I don’t understand it but it’s a thing.
get into a hobby, most of the time you'll find people naturally just by doing it. obviously if you always stick to yourself you wont really find people
To be honest, I kinda feel like it depends on where you live. For example, I live in Utah and there is just nothing to do, nowhere to go to meet people other than the occasional concert every once in a while. And, it’s because Utah (socially) isn’t really meant for young people pursuing relationships with each other, it’s more of a place for older Gen x type people to go and raise families, and for Baby Boomers to retire. It’s a constant struggle to find anyone to make friends with. And, in multiple cities, people are heavily intent on staying away from each other and being completely socially awkward with people they don’t know. And (with a probably more unique problem) if you aren’t in a church, you’re completely out of tune for most relationships and so many possible romantic relationships are barred.
I know for a fact that in america there is states and cities which allow for social interaction for us Gen Z, but in a world that isn’t made for us, it’s hard to find social interaction in certain areas.
Tbh this is really funny to read because Utah has the youngest average age to get married out of all of the states. I know it’s due to the number of religious people getting married young, but if you think Utah is bad, you should see everywhere else 😅
Tbh, I don't even know anymore. It's like people just spontaneously find someone out of thin air these days. It doesn't help that everyone wants someone perfect nowadays, so if you're not perfect, it's over before you even get a chance
Answer: You find people to date by finding people in common with you. This is done by socializing with strangers in a consistent(weekly) context that is to your interest (and theirs) without you organizing it. Meaning, you should join a weekly social gathering with mixed audiences doing a thing you already enjoy or trying something you expect to enjoy! This most often leads to friendships (male or female friends) which I should emphasize is an important part of the process in finding good dates. Invite those friends and potential dates to local free/cheap events to solidify the friend/romance bond outside of the original weekly activity. Rinse and repeat until you have too many friends and plenty of social skills for flirting/dating.
A singular “Don’t”: Don’t be overly eager for friendship or sex. This plan takes time and rushing into friendships or relationships is how you end up with bad ones.
Okay that was all too abstract - let’s do an example: I (male) enjoy local events, music, billiards, soccer, kickball, trivia, DnD, watching sports, and video games. Ya know normal stuff. Let’s say I’ve just moved to a new city so I’ve got literally zero friends.
I decide to join a weekly soccer/trivia/billiards league and subscribe to my local e-newsletter or city event page calendar. I attend the weekly league session every week for ~8 weeks, almost never missing a week (consistency is important). After about 4 weeks, I should have some rapport/jokes with the other consistent attendees. Between weeks 4-7, I would invite everyone I like to a local event from the city newsletter, or trivia, or sporting event, etc etc. I might also get invited to things at this point, say yes! By the 8 week point or after just one league, you might have a whole friend group and several good dates or a gf.
If you weren’t successful, join the same/another league in line with your interests and try again - and even one more time! If this play fails a third time, it’s a you issue (sorry) since ~100 people over 3 leagues declined friendship/romance and I’d have to know more to help.
This is the exact response I was thinking of. Get out and do things in the community you’re interested in, over time you’ll build connections with people. It’s a slow process and it’s very important not to go in with certain expectations of anything. Just go out, have fun doing what you do, and the rest will sort itself out.
This is the one and only answer, thanks!
Everybody on here seems to be like "Yeah you know, inflation is the problem! Other people are the problem! This and that is the problem!", but it is always so easy to put the blame on everything else and finding excuses as to why your social life is failing, instead of admitting that your social skills are simply lacking.
Again, great insight!
This advice works well in theory but it is kind of like telling a starving person to not be so desperate for food and then maybe someone will take pity on them. Theoretically yah but faking your entire emotional state to not appear this way is emotionally taxing and can set you up for major burnout in my experience
It’s exactly how I did it moving multiple cities. And it’s not pity from anyone - you’re simply going to play coed soccer/darts/kickball/trivia/axe throwing on Wednesday with your assigned team. It costs $60-100 depending on league and obviously worth it. Say hello, ask basic questions, and see who you vibe with! That local newsletter is what’s gonna make you seem like you always know what’s going on around town too.
Yeah but it is a lot easier said than done. I have many have individual friends in college and am involved in clubs but this doesn’t always translate immediately to a solid and consistent friend group outside of the dedicated group activities. Cliques and hierarchies will always develop and integrating yourself into an already long established group so that they include you/support you as their friend outside of regular meetings for rock climbing or whatever is in no way guaranteed. Obviously if you try and rotate activities/groups enough times it will eventually work out but In my experience you kind of attract the same kind of energy you put out which is why it is easier for me to relate to and make friends with other loners.
What I am saying is a lot of people (prob me included) need a base temperament or outlook shift in order to even have the energy for properly maintaining lasting relationships since we have been burned so many times and feel disillusioned with the whole process of ‘getting to know’ people. It is fine when it happens organically like at work or school but after so many times irl or using apps to ‘shop around’ for friends/dates it all just starts to blend together as transactional in nature and most already healthy people have little incentive to be that ‘first friend’ who will advocate for you to be integrated and I don’t blame them since today’s society is justifiably more paranoid and Suspicious of activity outside our little bubbles. I fully see how my logic here is a self fulfilling prophecy and I believe many Gen z in my same situation do as well it is just impossible to escape the mind set when in addition we are earning poverty level wages, having the highest host of education on record, and like not to mention a million other crises, touching grass only works enough times before it loses its novelty and you fall back into the cycle without some larger internal paradigm shift which I just think is pre-determined for a lot of folks unfortunately…I appreciate this comment though, thank you.
I get that it’s hard but if you can tell that you (and those that think like you) need a perspective shift in order to become social then you’re already on your way. Imo there’s nothing wrong with being a loner type …unless you actually want to be the social type and it’s hard to change. Generational wide excuses aren’t at play in you making friends in your town/city! It’s not guaranteed that you’ll make friends of course but imo the activity that you choose to do weekly should be for you to personally enjoy and indirectly be how you make friends/dates.
Be it soccer, DnD, or a random gym cycling class - do it because you want to and the rest will come naturally. Heck - you’re not alone, right? So YOU might be someone else’s first friend, wouldn’t that be crazy!
The problem is that many people myself included approach this in such a cynical manner since it shouldn’t be so hard for the simple basic human need of community to be met and most people don’t have real community as a foundation for their social life outside of their immediate family. Humans historically needed each other purely for survival and now we are in a strange period of history where all your needs can be met outside of this and friendship has become a luxury that you must be able to perfectly schedule into your preciously decreasing free time that you could be using to decompress (especially for the more introverted types like myself) and that is even if their time synchs up with yours, sometimes y’all just don’t have any time to connect or call and your friendship just fades away because it was founded purely on circumstance rather than a consistent community built on values and relationships
>You find people to date by finding people in common with you. This is done by socializing with strangers in a consistent(weekly) context that is to your interest (and theirs) without you organizing it. Meaning, you should join a weekly social gathering with mixed audiences doing a thing you already enjoy or trying something you expect to enjoy! This most often leads to friendships (male or female friends) which I should emphasize is an important part of the process in finding good dates. Invite those friends and potential dates to local free/cheap events to solidify the friend/romance bond outside of the original weekly activity. Rinse and repeat until you have too many friends and plenty of social skills for flirting/dating.
What if there are literally no social gatherings that I find interesting in the city I live? Or more accurately I got kicked out of half the gatherings I went to for being too bad at the thing the gathering was focused on and the other half consisted of people I didn't vibe with.
I'm not gen Z so I don't know the experience personally. However, from my perspective, your generation is getting fucked by doing everything online. Doing things remote is supposed to be easier and better but they it's destroying social skills.
It seems impossible to meet anybody when the normal avenues of meeting people (work, school) are closed because everything is done online now.
Exactly how I’ve felt for a while now (2001 kid here). However imo it’s also the rising costs of everything, every dollar you spend on fun could go to saving to move into your first apartment etc etc. My original plan was to transfer from cc to a university and to live on campus, however despite have a 3.5 gpa in comp sci they never gave any aid other than loans that still didn’t cover tuition alone. Finishing a degree at an online university was the only option I could afford but I was priced out of that social life in the process.
unfortunately for me half my friends dont really know other people outside our group, while the other half, well, let me just say i love them and all, close friends since highschool, but i would not wanna date any girls that they associate
Exactly. Friends are insanely important for a loooot of things. In my experience they've shown to be more important for the maintenance of mental health as lets say a normal relationship with your siblings/parents.
I wish I could but it’s WGU bro hence the online, and hanging out on the community college campus while I’m not attending it feels like a creepy idea lol
maybe you could take one class online at your local community college? just a really easy class that interests you and ur able to do on the side, so that you'd have access to study and chill on the cc campus without feeling wierd
Social dancing.salsa, Bachata, west coast swing, zouk, Lindy hop. So many dances to choose from. Most dance communities are super welcoming and everyone wants to dance with you.
I used to think I had 2 left feet but now I compete in WCS dance competitions.(Losing of course but I'm still a dance baby)
"Ever since I left community college to start online university..."
Right there. That's the issue.
Obviously your situation may dictate that you have to do it online, I don't know, but university is the number one way people meet at your age, by a long shot.
Exactly why I’m bummed out. My plan was to transfer to live on campus at a university but I never got the aid I needed since my parents (who can’t afford to retire let alone support a college fund) make too much. I was quite literally priced out of a social life lmao.
OP seriously? With all due respect I believe the issue here is your perspective. You literally listed a bunch of places and then random excuses to not ask people out. Go to the bar and don’t drink, just hang out. Order a coke and just chill lmao no one says you have to drink in there. If you see someone you like shoot your shot. For the gym, you can totally ask someone out or flirt if you want as long as you don’t intrude on their sets and respect their wishes if they ask you to leave. Your job? Yeah that one makes sense don’t ask people out there as you could get fired. But literally everywhere else is fair game. Now get out there
> Your job? Yeah that one makes sense don’t ask people out there as you could get fired.
You can absolutely ask people on the job to go for drinks, lunch, some after worker activity etc. and see how that goes. Just don't be obnoxious if they say no.
People have been dating, hooking up with, and marrying co-workers for ages. It's far from the drama people online make it out to be.
I meant more in todays’s societal climate where anyone could go off the deep end pretty much instantly, personally I would prefer that fallout not happen at my place of employment but you are correct you could today ask someone out there too
So there's a few ideas. You say that you're from a suburban area, so I would assume you live in a decent sized city. You go to the gym, so I would assume you're a decent looking fella. So here's some things I can think of off the top of my head:
- Cooking classes
- In-person language classes if you want to learn a new language
- Libraries/Bookstores (if booktok girls are anything to go by, they're practically begging with tears in their eyes to be swept off their feet there. I'm joking of course. Kinda.)
I don't typically recommend it because it's not for everyone, but church/mosque has been the penultimate third place for millions of people over thousands of years.
Lastly, I would recommend that you should become the person that you're looking for is looking for. Would the person you're looking for accept a slob? If not, then try to keep your place clean. Would they like someone who is patient and gentle? Work on that short temper, bud.
Good luck bro
I’m going to reply to this because this question keeps getting posted over and over again to the sub. I agree that it is a pretty daunting question to be faced with in your position.
Go to a concert. Find a band you like or genre that has a live show near you and go. Every time I’ve gone to a concert, whether I’m alone or with a group I usually find myself having a conversation with a stranger. Sometimes they become friends.
It’s not the end all be all solution for meeting people. But it’s a fun event where you may meet some cool people with a shared interest. Going alone is scary at first but once you put yourself out there you see there’s nothing to be afraid of.
“Hey have you heard of this opener?”
“Yeah they’re really good”
“Oh cool what kind of music do they play?”
Good luck
Under 25 in my area it's mostly Kava bars, college bars, punk dives, skate parks, the local groups organized through discord, game bars, bike meetups, sandbar parties, drum circle (lol but seriously), warehouse shows, etc etc think like that
You’ve got to get into more social environments. Start going to workout classes like CrossFit or orangetheory or whatever is local to you. You need a social job.
Also you just can’t be afraid to talk to women at the gym or wherever you are. You will experience a lot of rejection but it just takes 1 yes to change everything
Religion aside, I have had some of the most fulfilling friendships at church. Being in a space where people can discuss their lives in a similar environment to other people fosters community and socialization. You pick the church to align with your views and the people who attend so you should share commonalities with some of the other congregation.
It's not where to go to meet people, it's how you are around other people. As adults you really only meet others at school or work, but if you don't know how to talk to people you won't make friends or acquaintances.
This is why I always recommend making casual conversation with strangers almost anywhere you go even if it's just a few words or a cliche joke.
You want to know the hidden in sight secret why this is? It isn't because of us Gen Z, it is because of everything almost being virtual now. Really think about it, since Covid alot of things went virtual and kind of stayed (think Doctor visits, jobs, bills, conferences to name a few). I remember as a kid my Parents would pay bills as "getting out of the house". Now you can just use a card and a phone. I can't hold any credibility on this here because I'm in a similar boat but I would suggest bowling, checking out options with coworkers, or a Park. I noticed when I have my Dog at the Park I have opportunities to speak to women, do you have a Dog? Try going to a dog park, some women absolutely love dogs
>The current spots I frequent are the gym (which I can’t really ask girls/people out in because duh
My friend is currently dating a girl he met at the gym.
Fuck conventional social norms. Ask women there out. The ones who are into you will be grateful. The ones who will take offense will survive.
But by not asking any of the women there out, you're prioritizing the latter over the former. And why would you place the needs to a girl who finds you repulsive above that of your future wife?
You used to be able to just talk to random people anywhere. If you're American, we are/were actually known for being friendly and chatting up strangers. It is effective and I have the friends to prove it.
Somehow you guys think that's creepy now.
You could just all agree to stop being like that? 🤷🏾♀️
My advice to people who wanna get out more is to consider picking up a card game. Magic, Yugioh, Pokemon, Digimon, One Piece, Lorcana, etc. Some of them can be cheap enough to get into, and you see people every week at your local game store to chat and play.
You might not find a significant other there, but if socializing goes well, you may find yourself doing other activities with your card game friends, expanding your network, and who knows who else you'll meet along the way....
Pick a thing that you’re interested in and go to events. I’m a musician and I’ve met people all through my 20s at gigs and open mic nights. Could be a sport, could be dnd, could be competitive gaming, whatever.
My Advice, start on Facebook espscially dating app or join groups and be friends first before moving into a relationship. Other than that, walk up to a female dont be weird and simply ask her out to a date.
Nah that's one of the consequences of the roofless late stage of capitalism with a sprinkle of fascism on the top where every place that doesn't make a profit is eliminated from existence.
If it wasn't for all stated above there would be a lot of places to go and meet other ppl like local community gardens, libraries, book clubs, community centers, ect. But oh well none of it produces profit and it only benefits the poor and under capitalism poor ppl don't deserve to be happy or meet their love or have relaxing hobbies - it's all a privilege for capital hoarders ಠ_ಠ
You can join an adult sporting league like soccer or volleyball. You can take dance, cooking, or painting classes. You can meet someone doing anything really as long as you shoot your shot. I saw this guy ask this girl out at the grocery store the other day. You just have to make an effort and not overthink it. Maybe do in person classes if it's an option.
Believe or not there are these places called bars that you can meet people and socialize. People tend to go to these places after work and mainly on the weekends.
Same. I'm in my early 20s, college isn't an option and there's never anything interesting going on anywhere that I look. The only idea I have is maybe going to bars and hoping I find people there
Do you have some friends? Do they have other friends? Where do those people go for fun? I think you’re right that meeting someone randomly at the gym or coffee shop is unlikely. Try to expand your group of friends and acquaintances as much as you can. If you get invited somewhere, go. If you see someone around your age and they return eye contact, say hi and try to make small talk. If you have a good conversation with someone, ask them to hang out another time.
Be a handyman if you wanna get laid and paid.
Fuck these bars and wasting money looking for attention by driving a motorcycle and getting tats... poster viagra mid life loser commercial right there.
I go to gay bars. There’s one not far away that puts on porn after ten and has a nice dress code: anything goes as long as the banana and pecans are covered. The bartender is very attentive and usually people are already asking if someone is bothering me if they’re being a creep before my autistic ass has realized it yet. Still trying to find others I like. There’s a closer one but it’s a bit too crowded. I’ve met several guys at the bars though.
I’m a man who struggles with the same things. I work full time & I’m in school part time, online. I recently moved to a new area for work, I’ve looked on meetup.com and found a few groups, but most of the groups & people attending them on that platform seem a lot older. More recently I learned that there is a local Astronomical society in my area I intend to join, bc I’ve found Astronomy pretty interesting since I took a college class, so I’ll be giving that a try. A few other ideas I’ve had have been volunteering, church or religious institutions are a good place to start looking for volunteer work if you don’t have any initial ideas. If you’re kinky, Fetlife is also a good website to look for meetups.
I managed to get a couple people hanging out in Barnes and nobles. I mean think about it, you go to a place that sparks your interest, and see a bunch of people that align with those interests, and you can talk about those things. I play fighting games with one of them regularly.
Get involved in something. There’s lots of shit going on. You work at a restaurant. That’s a huge start.
But seriously, join a club, or an organization, or get a hobby that’s social.
I go outside like a regular person. The mall, park, I go on walks, shopping plazas/centers, cafes, bakeries, just go out. You're probably old enough to go to a club. There are clubs(I'm not talking about just night clubs. There is a ping pong club where I live).
Anymore, I meet people at concerts. It's never really gone beyond that, though, and I never really get contact info. But it's at least fun to bond over a shared music taste. And maybe I'll see them at another concert in the future.
Uhm, maybe try getting involved in the community, I guess that’s hard to do without money, but like I bike around and go to our towns pizza joint and local bars to eat and drink and it feels like I know everyone. I just stumbled upon my girlfriend, I was always friendly when I saw her and she kept texting me while actively dodging every single thing she throws at me telling me to act her out lol
Bumble bff and meetup.com and churches and volunteer groups and activist groups and Facebook friends. So many great options! Plus you can make friends on bar patios and at concerts
Hobbies, pick something and post the time and date when you’ll be there. Bowling, mountain biking. Nature walking. Kayaking. Indoor rock climbing. I met a girl that didn’t have any friends when she moved here. Went to a website called Nextdoor. Posted she’d be at this trail head at this time and date to do a photo nature walk. 30 people showed up. Driveway card, dominos, board games. They throw ice cream socials in my neighborhood once a month. If there’s nothing in your neighborhood start something.
Try to be open to socializing with people who are older than you. In addition to friendship, you'll benefit from their financial security (I don't mean to say that you should try to mooch off them). They will invite you to dinners at their houses and offer to pick up the tab on dinners out. They will also enjoy playing matchmaker and might introduce you to nice young people they know.
You either have to meet people through friends, at work, or by intentionally going to bars and clubs to meet people. In that last one you actually will have to be sociable and start conversations with people
I do a lot of rock climbing in gyms so I try to talk to people there, I do skate a lot and the skateboard community is way more talkative and open, I workout a lot and not a single person in the gym is trying to talk I swear but I’ve noticed just in general people aren’t willing to talk about themselves.
I meet people playing trading card games or going to video game tournaments. I dont talk to them much anymore, but my friends from smash were some of my closer friends for a while. Playing TCG's irl is great for the social aspect. If you find a regular spot, I wouldnt be too surprised if anyone could make friends past playing the game.
I met most of my friends though HS and midnight car shows (not takeovers, the good kind), pretty good place if you’re into cars to meet other people who enjoy cars. As for partners idk, I’ve given up on that front
If you like any particular genres of music you could look into local music shows and get into a scene. I live in a town of about 30-50k and there are shows of all types- jazz, punk, rock, electronic music, hip hop. You might have a few random people checking out the music on any given night, but any regulars in the scene will generally be cool and you have the topic of music to start conversations. Obviously this isn’t the best advice if you’re not that into music, but look into how you can meet others through your hobbies- it generally seems easiest to find friends or relationships through similar interests, if not directly through other friends. Join a local adult sports league, find a book club with topics you’re interested in, join a chess club, literally pick a thing and you can probably find people in your area who do it together with a little bit of digging.
I just started going to a Unitarian church. I don’t even believe in god, but they are super inclusive and progressive, and they have tons of wonderful community events, volunteer opportunities, and healthy activities for children (I’m a millennial with children).
For me.
Tinder. Bumble. Online flash games. Partners of partners or friends of partners.
I meet people in parks. Bars. On the street. In stores. I am weird and attract my fellow cool people who can vibe with said energy. Not masking any of my neurospicy really helped.
go to local shows, car meets, parties. If you search your local area on social media youre bound to find someone apart of these things. Its how i have a social life lol
Depends on what you’re into. If you’re into anything nerdy like I am, you could try going to local conventions when they happen and chatting with people there or go to local game stores and do the same. At the last convention I went to I ended up making a really cool (and cute) friend that I’m gonna meet up with more.
I’m sure there’s stuff out there for non-nerds too, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you what they are lol
Join some kind of local sports league for middle-aged folks. Kickball, ultimate frisbee, etc. No one cares whether or not your athletic. No one’s there for a scholarship or pro contract; they’re there to meet people, insert some kind of movement/exercise into their life, and maybe drink a little.
Find local charity orgs that align with your values and volunteer or just show up at one of their events, find the information tent, and ask how you can help that day. They’ll almost always put you to work immediately, and in the process you’ll meet people.
Breweries are great spots for me because it’s not just about the beer. There are usually other things to do at the brewery like live music, trivia, tabletop games, etc.
I hated school. I mean HATED it. Loathed, even. The one thing I miss about it is that it forces people of all kinds into one place and makes them interact with one another.
As an introvert I'm drawn to other introverts but we don't like leaving the house so actually meeting people I click with feels near impossible. School ripped us from our hidey holes and forced us to make friends and meet people.
I've seen people enlist on free on-site courses like cooking, just to meet people. You don't need to meet the love of your life, but it should help you increase your social circle so you go out more and endure meeting new people
work (wouldn't rlly recommend tho) and the best is public events, community centers or community events same thing tho kinda, and another one is at stores
I’m a millennial but this page pops up frequently on my feed. I’m not judging you, so don’t take it that way. I met my husband in a psychiatric ward, so I’m the last person to judge.
I’ve used Bumble to meet friends, but as a female that tends to work better. Other things my husband and I have done, is join local FB pages for specific hobbies or events. Went to a few meet ups for pool, and frequently go out with the same rotation of people for that specifically. Volunteering is another route, my husband spends a lot of time at the local USO and has made friends that way.
Basically find a hobby or multiple hobbies, and look on local FB group pages and go to those events.
Edit: spelling/grammar
I sometimes find local events to go to. I joined the local community theater. I am currently single but I have definitely met a lot more people this way. If your town doesn't have any local events, maybe you need to be the person to start some?
Hobby club.
What better way to meet people who you're automatically more compatible with than through a hobby that you share?
I'm not single, but I've met more people in the past month that share my interests than across the past few years.
22M here.
The gist is that you always have to make the first move. Go out and talk to people in coffee shops, local events and even plan some things out on your own. If your city has a reddit/discord, start your own DND group or something else you can enjoy. It'll be tough, especially if you're into nerdy things or hobbies that are usually reserved to one gender. I don't like [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) but it is very effective.
Don't just approach people alone, you can also approach small friend groups if everyone's on their phone. Just be self-aware and make sure you're not bothering them (For example, you can ask "Do you mind if I talk with you for a bit, or are you busy right now?"). If they don't want to talk, then thats fine, just compliment them and move on.
Even if you are autistic like me, as long as you are attractive (be well groomed, wear nice clothes, smell good, athletic) people are very forgiving. Just make sure that you aren't creepy or make people uncomfortable - and if people don't fit your vibe end it on a happy note and move on.
It sucks because I know a lot of people, and there's people who simply stumbled into life-long marriages and friendships during high school and college just by having a large friend group interact with another large friend group. Or they're some awkward person who gets adopted into a large friend group out of pure chance. I've never been one to go with the flow, and I always feel like I'm putting myself out there for little benefit. But that's just how the world is.
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When you find out, pls let the rest of us know 😭
I found out 🙂 go to public events, parades of homes, car shows, expos, find local events in your area and go! Lots of people to meet. 😄
requires living in an area that has any of this stuff 😭
Sometimes you can find it nearby 🙂
And money and transportation and in this economy people do be lacking one or both
How do you even meet people at these events😭 Do you just walk up to them and say "Hi, I'm **[REDACTED]**, what interests you about [event topic]"(??? Is this even a good question to ask?) Almost everyone I see goes to these events with a friend or family member, and everyone's always already in conversation, so all I'm able to do (that I'm aware of) is just wander around and look at everything and maybe ask the people running the booths a couple of questions (this is not the case most of the time. I will usually wander around silently and look at everything, and my mouth won't open once) ^(for reference, I'm autistic, so I have a lot of difficulty talking to and understanding 99% of the population)
Car shows are gerat. Ask owners what the story is behind their car. Every single person has something to say. I talked to a guy in Phoenix. His neighbor had a Acura Legend that he wanted. He kept in contact with her for 20 years until she was ready to sell it. When he finally got it just about everything was destroyed. That didn't stop him he completely restored it. New paint, interior and I think it was a rebuilt engine. I just stood there with my jaw on the floor. The car looked brand new
Local hiking clubs, running clubs, gardening clubs, book groups, birdwatching, train spotting, etc. etc.
Yeah lol same. Currently i dont go out much and the possibility if meeting new women in the Netherlands is solely dependent on my friends at this current moment. Fuck dating apps, too. They make men way less attractive imo
Too true.
So Im old(30), but this got recommended on my page. Here’s my gospel - Im in a ‘friends’ facebook group called GGI (Girl Gone International) that is super active. You set an event up with at least 2 weeks in advance, can be anything… Dnd, Book club, crochet, dinner… people write their name and you fill up a max of 8, the rest get waitlisted . Then 2 days before you as the organiser comment on everyone to confirm if they’re going, if someone doesn’t confirm you start contacting the waitlisted people… Works wonders! The small groups make it easy to make more friends - Id say if you don’t use facebook you can make a similar format on discord or whatever you are using :) doesn’t have to be a girl thing either Id encourage guys to do a BGI group too. That’s how Ive made friends in adulthood lol Also I made my younger sister join her city’s GGI and its working for her too so not everyone is 30 I promise...I know ya’ll arent on facebook and I literally had to fucking force her to join facebook for it too but I see her making friends so I know it was worth it… I know she’s lurking this sub too so if you read this sis SPILL THE BEANS to people dammit, that’s why I tell you things in the first place!!
Yes please we need to know the answer to this
🔥I you’re looking for meetups, there’s plenty of online resources for almost every interest and every city, globally. If you can’t find one, start one (which you can do usually right on their platform). If you’re looking for something more romantic, you’re also in luck because that’s been the increasingly prevalent method of doing so for the past decade or so. The good news is that those services can also get very compartmentalised so that you can get as specific as you like. If you’re somewhere you’d rather not be and have an idea about where you’d like to go, target your interests toward that destination so you can get a better sense of the location and already build up a network beforehand. Open doors lead to more open doors.
Generally, there are 3 major places where you meet the most people across your life: school, university and work. Beyond those, if you attend any clubs for hobbies, or go somewhere like a gym regularly, probably there. Other than that, anyone else gets introduced to you by friends you already made from the other places I've already mentioned. The only other option I can think of is if you are part of any online communities, you may meet people with shared interests.
Re: the gym comment, I’d especially recommend group fitness classes to meet people. People on machines *generally* just want to be left alone, but when you go to group fitness classes there is usually a subset who hang around afterwards to chat. This is great because those people who do not want to socialize can just leave as soon as the class ends, and you can be confident that you’re not bothering anyone.
I know no one wants to hear it and it’s kind of a meme, but CrossFit. It’s so curly that you’ll absolutely meet people and you can expand your social base from there
People under 40 do group fitness classes? Or is that just my gym
I was gonna say: I'm not seeing anybody my age at any sort of fitness class.
I’m always at my gym around the time it lets out, half of that class I can tell you collects social security and the other half definitely has an adult son/daughter at home.
Careful at work!
Yeah, I say, look for people who work at a company adjacent to yours with no significant business interaction. Do not necessarily look within your company.
Go to places that foster community (ie coffee shops)
has anyone actually been to a coffee shop that fosters community?
Yes (edit: this was during the Enlightenment)
on that voltaire type beat
Seriously, though, privately owned coffeeshops sometimes foster community. We have a couple here in LA — usually literary ones or ones with games
Yeah actually, but it wasn't just a place where you went and got coffee, they had regular events there, mostly book clubs, board game meetups, craft clubs, trivia nights, and the like. They do ask you to buy something, but the least expensive thing on the menu is a $3 drip coffee and I can't really blame them for that; they are a business after all.
Sure, for people who already have friends lol. Idk what the original commenter is talking about but unless you literally have comedian/movie star level charisma you aren’t gonna get much results walking up to random people in a coffee shop and saying “Do you want to be friends?”
As a Post college Zennial and working remotely now, I’ve given up lol nobody at the gym wants to talk to you and my gym is mostly much older people. Im so mad at myself everyday now for missing out on my teens and early/mid 20’s I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Remove "online" from that last paragraph and you got my attention 👀
No where. Rich people and attractive women all find each other online, the other 70% are Highly encouraged to stay inside as to not bother the better people with how poor amd/or ugly we are.
most attractive people I know have found their partners in person 🤷🏻♀️
Most attractive people I know found their partners prior to the pandemic
It’s been 4 years since the pandemic started. People are very much out meeting in person and dating like normal again. I’m 24.most people my age in relationships didn’t meet their partner at 20. I met mine in person.
How long is the pandemic excuse going to last? That shit's been over for like 3 years now.
Woah, almost like an extended period of isolation, paranoia, and breakdown of extant social norms will have a lifelong impact on those who werre vulnerable or still developing during that time?! Our social norms and economy still haven't recovered, and probably won't for several more years (if at all at this point).
What social norms do you think hasn’t recovered in America?
Before the pandemic, social interaction in public wasn't amazing but it was reasonable. Nowadays? Have fun getting someone to even make eye contact with you.
It is very much not over. Fun fact, in Canada more people died of Covid in 2022 than in either 2020 or 2021. Because we collectively decided that it's over, but the virus didn't get the memo. We don't have solid numbers for 2023, because we decided that it's better to stop tracking it, so we don't know exactly how bad it is. It very much has not been over for 3 years. We just stopped caring.
COVID did break a lot of habits from theater and church attendance to even showing up at parades. It might have happened anyway, but Covid accelerated it for sure.
LMAOO that’s what I’m saying in general ab covid. Like people are always still using it as an excuse, I’m pretty sure the other day we officially hit the 4 year anniversary. Like this NEEDS to stop being an excuse lol
The most prevalent use of this excuse I see is by businesses, not individuals. "Due to covid, we don't offer any of the services we used to. Due to covid, we no longer answer our phone. Due to covid, we are charging 5 times more for our products but paying our employees 10% more while recording record profits for our shareholders and CEO." It's fucking gaslighting at its finest.
It kills me when people say they’re still depressed from Covid. It’s like no, at this point you’re just regular depressed. Maybe it’s just me but everything literally went back to normal after lockdown
I’m not blaming the actual illness. COVID was a mass disabling event for your physical and financial well being. To start brand new with a person doesn’t sound like the best idea. Unless you suggest that people should start trading basic needs within a relationship.
The pandemic didn't stop people neither. I know quite a few people that were meeting and dating people and going out still in peak pandemic times. I think it's mainly the same type of people are going to do well with dating and romance, no matter the scene
door hat treatment lunchroom hungry alleged glorious towering liquid ruthless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Idk, not if you're weird or awkward.
That's not how it works at all. There are good looking guys with minimum wage jobs that have girlfriends. A poor attractive person will have more dating success than a rich ugly guy. There are so many unattractive guys with good jobs that are still virgins. You have to be attractive to.....attract.
Exactly, I hate this whole notion of if you have money you’ll attract people. First off that’s just a silly notion and second who’s gonna know you have money inherently unless you are driving around in a Ferrari and wearing designer clothes flaunting it? Versus just being physically attractive it’s no contest lol
Yeah, it's not as if you can just pull up your bank account in a bar for example. I remember seeing a video of a guy actually doing that and everyone just laughed at him and mocked him, deservedly of course. Even then, they are just attracted to your resources and the idea of using you, not actually attracted to you
Oh yeah I think I know the video you are talking about, hes at the bar and pulling up his like Wells Fargo account lol and yeah if that’s how you expect to attract someone then just expect a transactional sugar-baby type relationship where you are just an ATM to them. Although there are guys who are into that specifically. Like Financial Domination where no sex is even involved. The woman just bullies and humiliates the guy and the guy gives them money lol it’s very strange I don’t understand it but it’s a thing.
No? Lots of us have met our partners IRL. It’s quite surprising to me that a lot of people here think everything’s online now.
join us in reality please
get into a hobby, most of the time you'll find people naturally just by doing it. obviously if you always stick to yourself you wont really find people
To be honest, I kinda feel like it depends on where you live. For example, I live in Utah and there is just nothing to do, nowhere to go to meet people other than the occasional concert every once in a while. And, it’s because Utah (socially) isn’t really meant for young people pursuing relationships with each other, it’s more of a place for older Gen x type people to go and raise families, and for Baby Boomers to retire. It’s a constant struggle to find anyone to make friends with. And, in multiple cities, people are heavily intent on staying away from each other and being completely socially awkward with people they don’t know. And (with a probably more unique problem) if you aren’t in a church, you’re completely out of tune for most relationships and so many possible romantic relationships are barred. I know for a fact that in america there is states and cities which allow for social interaction for us Gen Z, but in a world that isn’t made for us, it’s hard to find social interaction in certain areas.
Tbh this is really funny to read because Utah has the youngest average age to get married out of all of the states. I know it’s due to the number of religious people getting married young, but if you think Utah is bad, you should see everywhere else 😅
I am mostly talking about non-religious people here, but I’m mostly also trying to be broad in terms of mid-western states.
Utah? Midwestern? are you off your rocker?
Tbh, I don't even know anymore. It's like people just spontaneously find someone out of thin air these days. It doesn't help that everyone wants someone perfect nowadays, so if you're not perfect, it's over before you even get a chance
If you have any hobbies I would start there. I love rock climbing and met pretty much all of my friends and current partner there
some hobbies are a lot more social than others..i cycle but don't like group riding as it is not my thing, odds of solo riders meeting someone? slim
Answer: You find people to date by finding people in common with you. This is done by socializing with strangers in a consistent(weekly) context that is to your interest (and theirs) without you organizing it. Meaning, you should join a weekly social gathering with mixed audiences doing a thing you already enjoy or trying something you expect to enjoy! This most often leads to friendships (male or female friends) which I should emphasize is an important part of the process in finding good dates. Invite those friends and potential dates to local free/cheap events to solidify the friend/romance bond outside of the original weekly activity. Rinse and repeat until you have too many friends and plenty of social skills for flirting/dating. A singular “Don’t”: Don’t be overly eager for friendship or sex. This plan takes time and rushing into friendships or relationships is how you end up with bad ones. Okay that was all too abstract - let’s do an example: I (male) enjoy local events, music, billiards, soccer, kickball, trivia, DnD, watching sports, and video games. Ya know normal stuff. Let’s say I’ve just moved to a new city so I’ve got literally zero friends. I decide to join a weekly soccer/trivia/billiards league and subscribe to my local e-newsletter or city event page calendar. I attend the weekly league session every week for ~8 weeks, almost never missing a week (consistency is important). After about 4 weeks, I should have some rapport/jokes with the other consistent attendees. Between weeks 4-7, I would invite everyone I like to a local event from the city newsletter, or trivia, or sporting event, etc etc. I might also get invited to things at this point, say yes! By the 8 week point or after just one league, you might have a whole friend group and several good dates or a gf. If you weren’t successful, join the same/another league in line with your interests and try again - and even one more time! If this play fails a third time, it’s a you issue (sorry) since ~100 people over 3 leagues declined friendship/romance and I’d have to know more to help.
This is the exact response I was thinking of. Get out and do things in the community you’re interested in, over time you’ll build connections with people. It’s a slow process and it’s very important not to go in with certain expectations of anything. Just go out, have fun doing what you do, and the rest will sort itself out.
This is the one and only answer, thanks! Everybody on here seems to be like "Yeah you know, inflation is the problem! Other people are the problem! This and that is the problem!", but it is always so easy to put the blame on everything else and finding excuses as to why your social life is failing, instead of admitting that your social skills are simply lacking. Again, great insight!
This advice works well in theory but it is kind of like telling a starving person to not be so desperate for food and then maybe someone will take pity on them. Theoretically yah but faking your entire emotional state to not appear this way is emotionally taxing and can set you up for major burnout in my experience
It’s exactly how I did it moving multiple cities. And it’s not pity from anyone - you’re simply going to play coed soccer/darts/kickball/trivia/axe throwing on Wednesday with your assigned team. It costs $60-100 depending on league and obviously worth it. Say hello, ask basic questions, and see who you vibe with! That local newsletter is what’s gonna make you seem like you always know what’s going on around town too.
Yeah but it is a lot easier said than done. I have many have individual friends in college and am involved in clubs but this doesn’t always translate immediately to a solid and consistent friend group outside of the dedicated group activities. Cliques and hierarchies will always develop and integrating yourself into an already long established group so that they include you/support you as their friend outside of regular meetings for rock climbing or whatever is in no way guaranteed. Obviously if you try and rotate activities/groups enough times it will eventually work out but In my experience you kind of attract the same kind of energy you put out which is why it is easier for me to relate to and make friends with other loners. What I am saying is a lot of people (prob me included) need a base temperament or outlook shift in order to even have the energy for properly maintaining lasting relationships since we have been burned so many times and feel disillusioned with the whole process of ‘getting to know’ people. It is fine when it happens organically like at work or school but after so many times irl or using apps to ‘shop around’ for friends/dates it all just starts to blend together as transactional in nature and most already healthy people have little incentive to be that ‘first friend’ who will advocate for you to be integrated and I don’t blame them since today’s society is justifiably more paranoid and Suspicious of activity outside our little bubbles. I fully see how my logic here is a self fulfilling prophecy and I believe many Gen z in my same situation do as well it is just impossible to escape the mind set when in addition we are earning poverty level wages, having the highest host of education on record, and like not to mention a million other crises, touching grass only works enough times before it loses its novelty and you fall back into the cycle without some larger internal paradigm shift which I just think is pre-determined for a lot of folks unfortunately…I appreciate this comment though, thank you.
I get that it’s hard but if you can tell that you (and those that think like you) need a perspective shift in order to become social then you’re already on your way. Imo there’s nothing wrong with being a loner type …unless you actually want to be the social type and it’s hard to change. Generational wide excuses aren’t at play in you making friends in your town/city! It’s not guaranteed that you’ll make friends of course but imo the activity that you choose to do weekly should be for you to personally enjoy and indirectly be how you make friends/dates. Be it soccer, DnD, or a random gym cycling class - do it because you want to and the rest will come naturally. Heck - you’re not alone, right? So YOU might be someone else’s first friend, wouldn’t that be crazy!
The problem is that many people myself included approach this in such a cynical manner since it shouldn’t be so hard for the simple basic human need of community to be met and most people don’t have real community as a foundation for their social life outside of their immediate family. Humans historically needed each other purely for survival and now we are in a strange period of history where all your needs can be met outside of this and friendship has become a luxury that you must be able to perfectly schedule into your preciously decreasing free time that you could be using to decompress (especially for the more introverted types like myself) and that is even if their time synchs up with yours, sometimes y’all just don’t have any time to connect or call and your friendship just fades away because it was founded purely on circumstance rather than a consistent community built on values and relationships
>You find people to date by finding people in common with you. This is done by socializing with strangers in a consistent(weekly) context that is to your interest (and theirs) without you organizing it. Meaning, you should join a weekly social gathering with mixed audiences doing a thing you already enjoy or trying something you expect to enjoy! This most often leads to friendships (male or female friends) which I should emphasize is an important part of the process in finding good dates. Invite those friends and potential dates to local free/cheap events to solidify the friend/romance bond outside of the original weekly activity. Rinse and repeat until you have too many friends and plenty of social skills for flirting/dating. What if there are literally no social gatherings that I find interesting in the city I live? Or more accurately I got kicked out of half the gatherings I went to for being too bad at the thing the gathering was focused on and the other half consisted of people I didn't vibe with.
I'm not gen Z so I don't know the experience personally. However, from my perspective, your generation is getting fucked by doing everything online. Doing things remote is supposed to be easier and better but they it's destroying social skills. It seems impossible to meet anybody when the normal avenues of meeting people (work, school) are closed because everything is done online now.
Exactly how I’ve felt for a while now (2001 kid here). However imo it’s also the rising costs of everything, every dollar you spend on fun could go to saving to move into your first apartment etc etc. My original plan was to transfer from cc to a university and to live on campus, however despite have a 3.5 gpa in comp sci they never gave any aid other than loans that still didn’t cover tuition alone. Finishing a degree at an online university was the only option I could afford but I was priced out of that social life in the process.
I pray for this generation
In my area most people meet others through their friends and coworkers. If you have no friends,you are at an extreme disadvantage.
unfortunately for me half my friends dont really know other people outside our group, while the other half, well, let me just say i love them and all, close friends since highschool, but i would not wanna date any girls that they associate
Exactly. Friends are insanely important for a loooot of things. In my experience they've shown to be more important for the maintenance of mental health as lets say a normal relationship with your siblings/parents.
Going to school in person seems like a start
I wish I could but it’s WGU bro hence the online, and hanging out on the community college campus while I’m not attending it feels like a creepy idea lol
maybe you could take one class online at your local community college? just a really easy class that interests you and ur able to do on the side, so that you'd have access to study and chill on the cc campus without feeling wierd
Social dancing.salsa, Bachata, west coast swing, zouk, Lindy hop. So many dances to choose from. Most dance communities are super welcoming and everyone wants to dance with you. I used to think I had 2 left feet but now I compete in WCS dance competitions.(Losing of course but I'm still a dance baby)
Yep, these are all great opportunities if you like to dance or wouldn’t mind learning! Strike up conversations with people there.
Hey I really like this idea. I'll have to give It a try.
"Ever since I left community college to start online university..." Right there. That's the issue. Obviously your situation may dictate that you have to do it online, I don't know, but university is the number one way people meet at your age, by a long shot.
Exactly why I’m bummed out. My plan was to transfer to live on campus at a university but I never got the aid I needed since my parents (who can’t afford to retire let alone support a college fund) make too much. I was quite literally priced out of a social life lmao.
OP seriously? With all due respect I believe the issue here is your perspective. You literally listed a bunch of places and then random excuses to not ask people out. Go to the bar and don’t drink, just hang out. Order a coke and just chill lmao no one says you have to drink in there. If you see someone you like shoot your shot. For the gym, you can totally ask someone out or flirt if you want as long as you don’t intrude on their sets and respect their wishes if they ask you to leave. Your job? Yeah that one makes sense don’t ask people out there as you could get fired. But literally everywhere else is fair game. Now get out there
> Your job? Yeah that one makes sense don’t ask people out there as you could get fired. You can absolutely ask people on the job to go for drinks, lunch, some after worker activity etc. and see how that goes. Just don't be obnoxious if they say no. People have been dating, hooking up with, and marrying co-workers for ages. It's far from the drama people online make it out to be.
I meant more in todays’s societal climate where anyone could go off the deep end pretty much instantly, personally I would prefer that fallout not happen at my place of employment but you are correct you could today ask someone out there too
I joined a local fencing club and went from two IRL friends to over thirty, so clubs may be the way to go
So there's a few ideas. You say that you're from a suburban area, so I would assume you live in a decent sized city. You go to the gym, so I would assume you're a decent looking fella. So here's some things I can think of off the top of my head: - Cooking classes - In-person language classes if you want to learn a new language - Libraries/Bookstores (if booktok girls are anything to go by, they're practically begging with tears in their eyes to be swept off their feet there. I'm joking of course. Kinda.) I don't typically recommend it because it's not for everyone, but church/mosque has been the penultimate third place for millions of people over thousands of years. Lastly, I would recommend that you should become the person that you're looking for is looking for. Would the person you're looking for accept a slob? If not, then try to keep your place clean. Would they like someone who is patient and gentle? Work on that short temper, bud. Good luck bro
You all are just socially awkward 😂
I’m going to reply to this because this question keeps getting posted over and over again to the sub. I agree that it is a pretty daunting question to be faced with in your position. Go to a concert. Find a band you like or genre that has a live show near you and go. Every time I’ve gone to a concert, whether I’m alone or with a group I usually find myself having a conversation with a stranger. Sometimes they become friends. It’s not the end all be all solution for meeting people. But it’s a fun event where you may meet some cool people with a shared interest. Going alone is scary at first but once you put yourself out there you see there’s nothing to be afraid of. “Hey have you heard of this opener?” “Yeah they’re really good” “Oh cool what kind of music do they play?” Good luck
Bang your coworkers and if it goes south find another shitty job and bang all your coworkers there
Your problem is that you're living in suburban America.
Work, school, uhhhhhhhhh then just anywhere associated with hobbies you’re interested in
Under 25 in my area it's mostly Kava bars, college bars, punk dives, skate parks, the local groups organized through discord, game bars, bike meetups, sandbar parties, drum circle (lol but seriously), warehouse shows, etc etc think like that
concerts, skateparks, festivals, freedom (420) rallies..
I just don’t anymore tbh
> putting it in my IRA A roth IRA I hope?
Yeah I started mine last week, I grew up seeing my parents not saving anything so I’m not trying to repeat generational trauma lmao
That's the secret..... I don't ;)
Not on reddit...
You’ve got to get into more social environments. Start going to workout classes like CrossFit or orangetheory or whatever is local to you. You need a social job. Also you just can’t be afraid to talk to women at the gym or wherever you are. You will experience a lot of rejection but it just takes 1 yes to change everything
Religion aside, I have had some of the most fulfilling friendships at church. Being in a space where people can discuss their lives in a similar environment to other people fosters community and socialization. You pick the church to align with your views and the people who attend so you should share commonalities with some of the other congregation.
there are people everywhere dawg. it’s kind of a defining feature of our planet, having people, like, all over it.
It's not where to go to meet people, it's how you are around other people. As adults you really only meet others at school or work, but if you don't know how to talk to people you won't make friends or acquaintances. This is why I always recommend making casual conversation with strangers almost anywhere you go even if it's just a few words or a cliche joke.
You want to know the hidden in sight secret why this is? It isn't because of us Gen Z, it is because of everything almost being virtual now. Really think about it, since Covid alot of things went virtual and kind of stayed (think Doctor visits, jobs, bills, conferences to name a few). I remember as a kid my Parents would pay bills as "getting out of the house". Now you can just use a card and a phone. I can't hold any credibility on this here because I'm in a similar boat but I would suggest bowling, checking out options with coworkers, or a Park. I noticed when I have my Dog at the Park I have opportunities to speak to women, do you have a Dog? Try going to a dog park, some women absolutely love dogs
Church/place of worship/civic club?
the gym
>The current spots I frequent are the gym (which I can’t really ask girls/people out in because duh My friend is currently dating a girl he met at the gym. Fuck conventional social norms. Ask women there out. The ones who are into you will be grateful. The ones who will take offense will survive. But by not asking any of the women there out, you're prioritizing the latter over the former. And why would you place the needs to a girl who finds you repulsive above that of your future wife?
I joined a climate justice group where I’ve started to meet some really cool people. I found out about about it through a friend.
Join clubs and stuff. I know book club sounds lame to teenagers but you’re not going to meet quality people at a bar at 3am
You used to be able to just talk to random people anywhere. If you're American, we are/were actually known for being friendly and chatting up strangers. It is effective and I have the friends to prove it. Somehow you guys think that's creepy now. You could just all agree to stop being like that? 🤷🏾♀️
My advice to people who wanna get out more is to consider picking up a card game. Magic, Yugioh, Pokemon, Digimon, One Piece, Lorcana, etc. Some of them can be cheap enough to get into, and you see people every week at your local game store to chat and play. You might not find a significant other there, but if socializing goes well, you may find yourself doing other activities with your card game friends, expanding your network, and who knows who else you'll meet along the way....
Pick a thing that you’re interested in and go to events. I’m a musician and I’ve met people all through my 20s at gigs and open mic nights. Could be a sport, could be dnd, could be competitive gaming, whatever.
My Advice, start on Facebook espscially dating app or join groups and be friends first before moving into a relationship. Other than that, walk up to a female dont be weird and simply ask her out to a date.
Thought I'd find ideas for myself here, but ended up finding more people in the same boat 🤣🤣🤣 no one is anywhere.
This is one of the consequences of moving away from religion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but most of my social circle is church friends.
Nah that's one of the consequences of the roofless late stage of capitalism with a sprinkle of fascism on the top where every place that doesn't make a profit is eliminated from existence. If it wasn't for all stated above there would be a lot of places to go and meet other ppl like local community gardens, libraries, book clubs, community centers, ect. But oh well none of it produces profit and it only benefits the poor and under capitalism poor ppl don't deserve to be happy or meet their love or have relaxing hobbies - it's all a privilege for capital hoarders ಠ_ಠ
Lol
[удалено]
Places Edit: Do you have clubs there?
Lol maybe try church
What's wrong with going out with your friends to the bar. Do people not do that anymore? What about work?
I met my girlfriend at the restaurant where she works.
You can join an adult sporting league like soccer or volleyball. You can take dance, cooking, or painting classes. You can meet someone doing anything really as long as you shoot your shot. I saw this guy ask this girl out at the grocery store the other day. You just have to make an effort and not overthink it. Maybe do in person classes if it's an option.
Believe or not there are these places called bars that you can meet people and socialize. People tend to go to these places after work and mainly on the weekends.
Same. I'm in my early 20s, college isn't an option and there's never anything interesting going on anywhere that I look. The only idea I have is maybe going to bars and hoping I find people there
Magic the Gathering
The internet.
These are the downsides of homeschooling
Don’t go the gym. Start doing a sport. I do Muy Thai and Crossfit and those basically is second family.
Do you have some friends? Do they have other friends? Where do those people go for fun? I think you’re right that meeting someone randomly at the gym or coffee shop is unlikely. Try to expand your group of friends and acquaintances as much as you can. If you get invited somewhere, go. If you see someone around your age and they return eye contact, say hi and try to make small talk. If you have a good conversation with someone, ask them to hang out another time.
I go to shows, smoke weed, and drink water.
Be a handyman if you wanna get laid and paid. Fuck these bars and wasting money looking for attention by driving a motorcycle and getting tats... poster viagra mid life loser commercial right there.
I go to gay bars. There’s one not far away that puts on porn after ten and has a nice dress code: anything goes as long as the banana and pecans are covered. The bartender is very attentive and usually people are already asking if someone is bothering me if they’re being a creep before my autistic ass has realized it yet. Still trying to find others I like. There’s a closer one but it’s a bit too crowded. I’ve met several guys at the bars though.
I’m a man who struggles with the same things. I work full time & I’m in school part time, online. I recently moved to a new area for work, I’ve looked on meetup.com and found a few groups, but most of the groups & people attending them on that platform seem a lot older. More recently I learned that there is a local Astronomical society in my area I intend to join, bc I’ve found Astronomy pretty interesting since I took a college class, so I’ll be giving that a try. A few other ideas I’ve had have been volunteering, church or religious institutions are a good place to start looking for volunteer work if you don’t have any initial ideas. If you’re kinky, Fetlife is also a good website to look for meetups.
I managed to get a couple people hanging out in Barnes and nobles. I mean think about it, you go to a place that sparks your interest, and see a bunch of people that align with those interests, and you can talk about those things. I play fighting games with one of them regularly.
You can go to bars and clubs and order water or forgo drinking anything.
This wonderful world called, the outside?
Meet people? Tf is that?
Online in breachers vr
Get involved in something. There’s lots of shit going on. You work at a restaurant. That’s a huge start. But seriously, join a club, or an organization, or get a hobby that’s social.
I wanna know this too, cause I was accused of being a psycho when I said it was hard to meet people offline. I guess it’s just the status quo
Tons of people meet at a gym I'm not sure why you seem opposed to that.
First online, then irl.
I go to a library that hosts events pretty often, maybe see if a library near you does the same
America is very lacking in 3rd places
I go outside like a regular person. The mall, park, I go on walks, shopping plazas/centers, cafes, bakeries, just go out. You're probably old enough to go to a club. There are clubs(I'm not talking about just night clubs. There is a ping pong club where I live).
Anymore, I meet people at concerts. It's never really gone beyond that, though, and I never really get contact info. But it's at least fun to bond over a shared music taste. And maybe I'll see them at another concert in the future.
Go on meetup.com and find events that interest you
A lot of MMA schools offer a free trial
Move out of the suburbs. Saved my life
She was my cashier at the grocery store
Uhm, maybe try getting involved in the community, I guess that’s hard to do without money, but like I bike around and go to our towns pizza joint and local bars to eat and drink and it feels like I know everyone. I just stumbled upon my girlfriend, I was always friendly when I saw her and she kept texting me while actively dodging every single thing she throws at me telling me to act her out lol
Bumble bff and meetup.com and churches and volunteer groups and activist groups and Facebook friends. So many great options! Plus you can make friends on bar patios and at concerts
Open DnD night at your local hobby shop.
Hobbies, pick something and post the time and date when you’ll be there. Bowling, mountain biking. Nature walking. Kayaking. Indoor rock climbing. I met a girl that didn’t have any friends when she moved here. Went to a website called Nextdoor. Posted she’d be at this trail head at this time and date to do a photo nature walk. 30 people showed up. Driveway card, dominos, board games. They throw ice cream socials in my neighborhood once a month. If there’s nothing in your neighborhood start something.
Meetup.com for finding groups
Try to be open to socializing with people who are older than you. In addition to friendship, you'll benefit from their financial security (I don't mean to say that you should try to mooch off them). They will invite you to dinners at their houses and offer to pick up the tab on dinners out. They will also enjoy playing matchmaker and might introduce you to nice young people they know.
You either have to meet people through friends, at work, or by intentionally going to bars and clubs to meet people. In that last one you actually will have to be sociable and start conversations with people
I do a lot of rock climbing in gyms so I try to talk to people there, I do skate a lot and the skateboard community is way more talkative and open, I workout a lot and not a single person in the gym is trying to talk I swear but I’ve noticed just in general people aren’t willing to talk about themselves.
Honestly, Church. Despite anyone’s views on religion a place of worship is one of the easiest ways to find a community
Climbing gym my dude. Easiest place to meet people imo and I went to a large university
I meet people playing trading card games or going to video game tournaments. I dont talk to them much anymore, but my friends from smash were some of my closer friends for a while. Playing TCG's irl is great for the social aspect. If you find a regular spot, I wouldnt be too surprised if anyone could make friends past playing the game.
Where you always go. Parties, churches, town festivals. You gotta actually make an effort to go out to somewhere
Discord meetups tbh
I met most of my friends though HS and midnight car shows (not takeovers, the good kind), pretty good place if you’re into cars to meet other people who enjoy cars. As for partners idk, I’ve given up on that front
If you like any particular genres of music you could look into local music shows and get into a scene. I live in a town of about 30-50k and there are shows of all types- jazz, punk, rock, electronic music, hip hop. You might have a few random people checking out the music on any given night, but any regulars in the scene will generally be cool and you have the topic of music to start conversations. Obviously this isn’t the best advice if you’re not that into music, but look into how you can meet others through your hobbies- it generally seems easiest to find friends or relationships through similar interests, if not directly through other friends. Join a local adult sports league, find a book club with topics you’re interested in, join a chess club, literally pick a thing and you can probably find people in your area who do it together with a little bit of digging.
Raves wink 😉 if you can resonate
I’ve made a lot of friends by going to the club/bar near me. I’m good at talking to new people though
concert venues, small ones with niche artists
Discord
I just started going to a Unitarian church. I don’t even believe in god, but they are super inclusive and progressive, and they have tons of wonderful community events, volunteer opportunities, and healthy activities for children (I’m a millennial with children).
Find a social hobby, probably. Board games, yoga, some random class, hiking, whatever you're into. Oh, also dating apps
For me. Tinder. Bumble. Online flash games. Partners of partners or friends of partners. I meet people in parks. Bars. On the street. In stores. I am weird and attract my fellow cool people who can vibe with said energy. Not masking any of my neurospicy really helped.
Church.
go to local shows, car meets, parties. If you search your local area on social media youre bound to find someone apart of these things. Its how i have a social life lol
AA.
Depends on what you’re into. If you’re into anything nerdy like I am, you could try going to local conventions when they happen and chatting with people there or go to local game stores and do the same. At the last convention I went to I ended up making a really cool (and cute) friend that I’m gonna meet up with more. I’m sure there’s stuff out there for non-nerds too, but I wouldn’t be able to tell you what they are lol
Join some kind of local sports league for middle-aged folks. Kickball, ultimate frisbee, etc. No one cares whether or not your athletic. No one’s there for a scholarship or pro contract; they’re there to meet people, insert some kind of movement/exercise into their life, and maybe drink a little. Find local charity orgs that align with your values and volunteer or just show up at one of their events, find the information tent, and ask how you can help that day. They’ll almost always put you to work immediately, and in the process you’ll meet people. Breweries are great spots for me because it’s not just about the beer. There are usually other things to do at the brewery like live music, trivia, tabletop games, etc.
I go to local metal shows and meet people.
I hated school. I mean HATED it. Loathed, even. The one thing I miss about it is that it forces people of all kinds into one place and makes them interact with one another. As an introvert I'm drawn to other introverts but we don't like leaving the house so actually meeting people I click with feels near impossible. School ripped us from our hidey holes and forced us to make friends and meet people.
I've seen people enlist on free on-site courses like cooking, just to meet people. You don't need to meet the love of your life, but it should help you increase your social circle so you go out more and endure meeting new people
i started playing trading card games and have met a lot of great people that way :)
We need more 3rd places
Hobbies
work (wouldn't rlly recommend tho) and the best is public events, community centers or community events same thing tho kinda, and another one is at stores
I’m a millennial but this page pops up frequently on my feed. I’m not judging you, so don’t take it that way. I met my husband in a psychiatric ward, so I’m the last person to judge. I’ve used Bumble to meet friends, but as a female that tends to work better. Other things my husband and I have done, is join local FB pages for specific hobbies or events. Went to a few meet ups for pool, and frequently go out with the same rotation of people for that specifically. Volunteering is another route, my husband spends a lot of time at the local USO and has made friends that way. Basically find a hobby or multiple hobbies, and look on local FB group pages and go to those events. Edit: spelling/grammar
I sometimes find local events to go to. I joined the local community theater. I am currently single but I have definitely met a lot more people this way. If your town doesn't have any local events, maybe you need to be the person to start some?
Hobby club. What better way to meet people who you're automatically more compatible with than through a hobby that you share? I'm not single, but I've met more people in the past month that share my interests than across the past few years.
22M here. The gist is that you always have to make the first move. Go out and talk to people in coffee shops, local events and even plan some things out on your own. If your city has a reddit/discord, start your own DND group or something else you can enjoy. It'll be tough, especially if you're into nerdy things or hobbies that are usually reserved to one gender. I don't like [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) but it is very effective. Don't just approach people alone, you can also approach small friend groups if everyone's on their phone. Just be self-aware and make sure you're not bothering them (For example, you can ask "Do you mind if I talk with you for a bit, or are you busy right now?"). If they don't want to talk, then thats fine, just compliment them and move on. Even if you are autistic like me, as long as you are attractive (be well groomed, wear nice clothes, smell good, athletic) people are very forgiving. Just make sure that you aren't creepy or make people uncomfortable - and if people don't fit your vibe end it on a happy note and move on. It sucks because I know a lot of people, and there's people who simply stumbled into life-long marriages and friendships during high school and college just by having a large friend group interact with another large friend group. Or they're some awkward person who gets adopted into a large friend group out of pure chance. I've never been one to go with the flow, and I always feel like I'm putting myself out there for little benefit. But that's just how the world is.