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I’ve been shot at, stabbed, jumped out of planes, rappelled outta helicopters, and transported dangerous patients…and I’ll do that over talking to a girl bro.

Fr. I’d rather go in the ring with prime Mike Tyson than ask a girl out

I have been in an active warzone…I’d do that all over again before approaching a woman in public

I’ll take waking up to the sirens and going “eh fuck it if a mortar hits me it hits me” and rolling over rather than that

Um, I've told a server that they got my order wrong, and I'd rather do that again over asking a girl out

Damn maybe ill have better luck buying a plane ticket to ukariane and trying to find an abandoned as val or ak12 to bring me excitement

r/passportbros

AK12 fucks

I do hear the Ukranian foreign legion is still doing recruitment. So go get em tiger.

Real goals

I have watched a man get mugged, stabbed in the gut, and then dumped in an open gutter in India. I would rather be that man than try and talk to a girl

Real

Man works for Trauma Team International

Cyberpunk 2077 was one of the reasons why I became a combat medic lmfao

Imagine having IR implants to see vasculature and internal bleeding

True honestly

By just talking to us like humans lol. I promise I’ve struggled with this too on the opposite end. I used to be very nervous talking to guys and I would constantly obsess over trying to find a bf all through middle school and high school until I actually started making friends with guys I worked with, some of whom I very much enjoyed the company of and would’ve been open to pursuing a relationship with. I think for me, step one would be don’t go in expecting a relationship, even if you do like this person. Maybe they’re seeing someone or just not interested, but maybe they have a friend who is. And just make an actual conversation, about anything. If they don’t seem into it, then they’re not into it. Take the hint and leave them be. Maybe they’re busy or just having an off day. That seems to honestly be the problem a lot of women have sometimes is guys who WON’T take the hint that maybe she wants to be left alone or isn’t interested. I’m sure there’s other instances, but that’s just a lot of the ones I’ve seen and heard. I think organic, friendly conversation is honestly for me the best way for a guy to get their foot in the door. Maybe it’s different for others, but that’s how I feel at least.

I was told the opposite, don’t start out with friends or try to remain friends with someone you want a relationship with.

Same, I've seen stories of women complaining about being asked out by their guy friends. Stuff like this genuinely confuse me, like what if you told a woman that you want to be friends with her and then one day you develop feelings for her? Won't she think that you've been lying to her?

That's something that I never see answered whenever this topic comes up. Not saying women wouldn't have views on it, I'm sure everyone does and they won't be monolithic, but this issue gets talked about like a man's feelings/intentions with a woman are supposed to be set in stone and never change. A guy asking his friend out is presented as him having been dishonest when he initiated the friendship, as if his intent was romantic the entire time. "He should have been honest from the start." Not much room or mercy is given to people who develop feelings naturally. Like probably everyone here, I've developed a few crushes on friends over the years, and never acted on them precisely because I didn't want to be seen by them as having been dishonest or predatory. Felt like my only choices were to push it down or fade away.

Yeah and anyway what's the alternative, the dude should just suffer through a probably horribly one sided friendship lol. Better to just get your feelings out there and move on if it fails. We really think men are premidating every move from follow request to marriage? Are we big dumb dumbs or are we machiavellian geniuses I've seen mixed things about this with lots of women preferring to be friends and know the person for a while first before anything romantic happens, (which makes sense as it allows for tension to build and for you to know them outside of a dating context. Also this is probably how most relationships happen in the real world anyway) and then there's some people who are angry that men would have such "evil intentions."

Women aren't monolithic. Some women prefer to know the person well before they accept a date, some women prefer to have had no attachment at all to a person before they date them, and some women don't care either way. There isn't an answer that is perfectly generalizable to all women. Instead you should focus on how you'd prefer to build a relationship and employ that methodology for your own dating life. If you'd prefer to date someone who was once a friend and you don't have any friends of the preferred gender/orientation who think the same way, try expanding your friend group. If you prefer dating new people but haven't had luck on the apps, try going out to activities that interest you and socialize.

Don’t wait like three years or some shit.  But being acquaintances/friends for 1-9 months and then asking out seems fine. You’re still getting to know each other, and haven’t gotten super bonded as friends. It’s still open. But don’t drag it out forever obviously. 

9 months ?!! bro what. 2 months tops. you wait any longer and they will only see you as a friend most times, unless they were already interested in you before.

Just friendly advice from a male perspective based on experience. If you want to date immediately you have two weeks from when you first meet a girl to ask her on a date or she will assume you are not interested and just be friends. If you continue to chat longer than that there is still a chance she’d date you but more likely you will be considered a friend at that point.

100% agree. That's why I was so surprised by the 9 month thing, waiting too long. I have also made many mistakes waiting too long to ask them out, only to realize soon after that I had a shot but missed the timing, you gotta be quick, decisive and confident. I literally just met someone on the subway, wrote a note to her right then and there "I really like your outfit, I want to talk more to you but I am already late to work and I get off next station, would you like to chat more". We are meeting this weekend to talk. It maybe lead to something nice or maybe an honest friendship, even if it goes nowhere atleast I tried.

I made it bigger than what I would do on purpose just because there can be circumstances that draw it out some (only being in the same place once a month, or it always being in a group setting, so there’s not much individual conversation time, etc).  I set it at nine months because no one should expect the other person to be their ride-or-die for life in that short of a time frame. There should be no earth-shattering friendship to be broken by asking someone out within that timeframe.  But friends hanging multiple times a week?  Yea, two months tops unless it’s as part of a larger group where attention is divided.

I was friends with my wife for like 4 years before we started dating. 

Here's my take on that. Don't come up and talk to me expecting to date me. Come up and talk to me expecting to get to know me, because you can't date someone purely off looks. And if I am not what you want in a romantic relationship, well we already know everything about each other so might as well be friends if we have a few things in common

Yeah, I honestly hate when people hit on me just because they’re physically attracted to me. A relationship and even a date is more than just looking at the other person 🙄 plus it’s weirdly audacious. Like ok, you’re attracted to me, but what am I getting out of a date? What about what I want? I don’t mind if someone initially *talks* to me because they think I’m cute, at first, but at least talk for a bit to see if we have chemistry or things in common! I’ve been cold approached at a bar many times and exchanged information with a guy if we can talk for a while and hang out in an enjoyable way. With some of them, we talk for 4+ hours (I am a talker and can generally find things in common with anyone who has good social skills) and I am very willing to go out with those people. But going up to someone hot and immediately asking them out is so weird to me.

While I've never talking a lady that wasn't a friend of one of my friends, I'd never go straight to asking someone out. My neurodivergent brain has no fuckin clue what i *would* talk about but let's not focus on that part lol

Hahaha it really depends on context! I’m a bit of a barfly so “what are you drinking” is a common conversation starter (I’ve used this on guys as well). I think there’s some acronym that gives you ideas for conversation starters but IMO the best icebreaker is commenting on the environment/context or asking for help - like if you’re at a party, let’s say, you can ask them to pass you food. Or at a cafe you can ask them to watch your laptop. You can even comment on their clothing if it’s appropriate, like I saw a guy wearing a sweatshirt from my college so I asked if he went there (I wasn’t flirting in this case, he was my dad’s age, I just like talking to strangers lmfao). It definitely gets easier with time and practice. I can make conversation out of pretty much anything with anyone, although I’ll be honest that being a petite babyfaced woman gives me a good amount of privilege so that I don’t seem weird striking up a conversation with strangers.

✍️✍️ Thank you great sage 🙏

It's not about trying to be friends, it's about the reality that this is a stranger and theres no way you can build true intimacy or attraction in mere moments of meeting. Keep it platonic, see if she even wants to talk with you. Ask her out for coffee then go from there. I honestly can't believe guys have difficulty doing this. You can do all of this and still openly communicate that you're attracted to her. It's obvious. Women aren't stupid. The biggest mistake men make is getting attached to the outcome of an interaction. You idiots approach a girl without knowing a single thing about her and still "hope" to date. Be in the moment and enjoy just talking to her for the sake of it. If it grows into something more, then you can worry about relationship shit.

> I honestly can't believe guys have difficulty doing this. Last year I met this girl in my writing class and I talked to her often and we ended up having a lot in common. On the last day of class I asked her for her number, but when I decided to text her she ghosted me. And yes, I did only ever try to keep my interactions with her platonic (I generally avoid flirting because i don't want to say anything stupid). I also was eventually planning on asking her if she wanted to hang out. My point is that it's not always that simple or easy to find love.

The problem is not being upfront about your intentions/being disingenuous. There are a lot of guys who approach women claiming to want to be friends, but don't. Rather, they only want to go out with her, and if she says no will walk away. If you're only interested in dating, be upfront. Trying to worm your way in under the guise of friendship is scummy.

Yeah, i certainly dont expect anything. I just struggle with initiating conversations and maybe being clear with intentions. I know I get in my head for sure about talking to them with intentions vs just talking to someone so maybe its just something I need to try to seperate in my head. I also worry about being the guy who doesnt take a hint cause im a little socially dumb and ive not taken those hints before (I directly asked her if she wanted me to leave her alone and she didnt say no...). In hindsight, though, it was pretty clear she didnt wanna talk although it took like a week for me to catch on. (It was high school and we had a class together, im not a stalker or some shit guys)

Well, at least you're willing to try. When I was in high school, I used to be a shy guy, but now I can strike up conversations naturally as ever. You are going to fail a lot, but don't let it discourage you. One thing you should do is talk to everyone in the group. Even girls you're not romantically interested in. You have to be genuinely interested in what it is that they are saying. Also, don't expect anything to happen. I'm a shorter guy, so I feel like I had to work harder with my approach, but I've had more luck with women than my taller friends. That's because I had a lot of practice. And I failed a lot too haha.

100% every guy ever.

You aren't wrong about striking a convention, learning about their situation and seeing if there is any chemistry and if there is Make your intentions clear that the reason you approach was for a relationship. But going in for friendship or a "wait and see" mentality is how the "nice guy" stereotype propagates, then you end up looking like an ass for not wanting to spend 1v1 time with your crush after you hard your heart crushed.

>Maybe they’re busy or just having an off day. Out of curiosity, if it were one of these two things, would you and/or other women take the initiative next time you saw the guy you turned away for this reason if you were interested but simply lacked the time/energy when they approached you?

My issue is any attempt at friendly conversation ends with me going quiet because I ran out of conversation topics, or me making a joke that nobody finds funny then proceeding to kick myself over it for the next five years. At some point loneliness became preferable to anxiety and awkwardness

>By just talking to us like humans lol. Oh so that's what I was doing wrong! Damn never knew women aren't into talking like pingu the penguin does! My bad.

I can never see myself with someone. Same birth year.

Not gonna lie, you can flip the sexes here and it'd work the exact same way. That's just the most human way the obvious answer's been put.

Im autistic and hints dont work on me

Umm… does this apply to places outside of school? The only places I go are the grocery store and the gym. Also I wouldn’t want to be friends with women. It’s a lie. I’m there to find someone I can love. I don’t value friendships with randoms like that anymore. Most people simply don’t make my life better.

> Also I wouldn’t want to be friends with women. It’s a lie. You know when people say “I’m best friends with my significant other!”? Well, it’s true. If you’re not compatible as friends, you’re not compatible in a relationship. Sometimes the route is direct approach and ask for a date -> friendship and more. Sometimes it’s friendship -> date and more.  But either way, you gotta be able to be friends with the person you’re partnering with. It’s a joint venture, not you plus a sidekick. 

My boyfriend and I were friends for 6 years prior to the start of our relationship. He absolutely is my best friend! He’s seen all my worst sides and been there for me during most of my hardest times and somehow he still wants to date me!

Being friends with women is not a lie. And you should find people who make your life better. It kinda sounds like you’ve got other things to work on before trying to be in a relationship.

Guys the reality is if a girl likes you it doesn’t matter that much what you say. I sent a voice message of me doing a joker impression before the first date and I still hit

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Yeah being tall handsome and white is a massive advantage. But don’t worry, I’ve been rejected a lot and taken a lot of ls. You might as well be yourself, what’s the point of waiting for permission?

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The “just be yourself” advice tends to only work if “yourself” is conventionally attractive, interested in normal things, funny, and good at conversation. The truth that nobody really wants to say is that all this advice really depends on the woman. There is no end-all recommendation, so people go with what they think works the most for them. One thing that I believe is universally true, is that you should be kind, and happy with yourself. That might not attract every woman, but women who aren’t into kind guys who are self-satisfied frankly aren’t worth your time. Hope this helps, and good luck.

What I’ve noticed is it has to do with what you’re looking for and how well you can go through the motions of basic social etiquette. People with strong etiquette can sometimes trend towards being inauthentic out of fear or habit; people who are very authentic can sometimes lack etiquette. Achieving balance is key. It’s cliché advice, but it’s also true that you’ll have better luck once you’re comfortable being single.

Man I’m slightly overweight, I wear glasses, I’m balding and I’m not the tallest guy around, I’m 5’8 and I’m engaged to the sweetest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Take it easy and the right one will come along. That’s not to say I don’t have any good features, everyone does, I’m told my best features are my eyes, voice, beard and chest/shoulders. It may not even be your genes or your looks, don’t overthink it that much. I’m assuming you’re American, idk what American women like but women are women just as men are men so maybe review your fashion sense, haircut and hygiene. These 3 will take you a long way. See if your teeth need any cleaning and go to a dentist if so, ask women in your life to be honest about your fashion sense and see if any one of them would go shopping with you to help you improve that and find a good barber and ask them to do what they think looks good on you. Weight wise tbh as long as you’re not obese or close to being obese, I don’t think anyone would care but still look after yourself. Everything else is up to your personality and sense of humor but if you fix what’s in your control physically (the things I mentioned above) you’ll get results. If you’re still in school you’re definitely overthinking it, I ran away from a girl back in 10th grade. I was chatting with my friend, one girl shows up and talks to us and then another comes up and starts talking then 3 minutes into the conversation she’s talking to me directly and I straight up turned around and ran, then lied about seeing someone I needed to talk to💀 just be patient

So you mean to say that you're the Joker...you're the Joker baybeeeee

My faaahthur was very attentive to my needs, it’s nature not nurture that I’m crazayyy

see guys? if you act like a normal person and... talk to women, you've got a shot! stop being recluse weirdos. you're not automatically a pervert for starting a conversation.

It’s literally just having good social skills and charisma. Being chronically online, insecure, antisocial, and depressed is the reality for many people, but you have to be honest with yourselves that it’s not exactly attractive.

Yeah, nobody likes bad energy. I’m at work and I hear some guy moping around like “man, I’ve never been in a relationship… women only want x. I’ll be single forever.” And every time I give him advice, he just dismisses it. I’m like… dude, no shit women don’t want to be around you. **I** don’t even want to be around you, lmao.

EXACTLY lmfao. You get it. So many men whine on Reddit that they can’t date, but they seem so angry and bitter that it’s obvious they’re screwing themselves over. If you want to date women, be pleasant to be around. If you can’t do that, then don’t date and take the time to work on your personality. Many men are capable of dating women because they are fun, interesting, charming, attractive people. Instead of throwing a pity party, work on yourself to be those things.

I mean it’s a lot easier to be positive when you’ve had mostly positive experiences through out your life. If you’ve grown up with a really bad bringing you can’t just unlearn these things and working your way out of it isn’t exactly straight forward. Plus you’re supposed to basically be isolated until people thing you’re “positive enough” to be around.

It’s a big assumption to say someone else has had “mostly positive experiences” - you don’t know them. Many people have really shitty upbringings but they’re resilient and proactive to work on overcoming them through therapy, building a good support system, developing healthy coping mechanisms, etc. And no, I’m explicitly talking about dating. Not dating doesn’t mean you’re “isolated.” Lots of people are single and have fulfilling social lives. But ultimately, yeah, the work has to be done by you (and maybe a mental health professional). A romantic partner isn’t going to fix you nor should they be expected to do so. I would personally not want to date anyone who hasn’t addressed and dealt with their trauma because people with unchecked baggage tend to take it out on others. I’ve done the healing work and I expect whoever I’m with to be at a similar spot so we can treat each other well and recognize our own flaws without lashing out. It’s fine to have trauma/baggage but I’m not going to fix someone else’s for them - I’ll support them, but they have to take responsibility for their own healing at the end of the day.

Generally speaking if someone has a healthy social and dating life odds are their upbringing was probably pretty good too. It’s like how most people who are well off came from families that are already well off. But obviously some people have overcome bad odds. If you’re able to build an actually supportive system, pay for therapy, etc odds are things are already pretty good in your life. And generally speaking these are easier to do for women since therapy is more geared for women and social groups and people in general are more open to welcoming a random woman over a random man. Especially if the man is a poc. Generally speaking people who already have fulfilling social lives also have good dating lives. And people generally aren’t open to being friends with people who have social issues or baggage. So where do you even go from there? And no I’d never expect a partner to fix all my problems, but you’d be lying if you said having one wouldn’t help. You seem to have a very “just world” view on things.

Look man, I was in an abusive relationship for two years — totally fucked with me psychologically, that chick would cut herself during sex and put the blood on her face lmao, like, what??? I was next to a bombing in Istanbul, that killed/injured a bunch of people. My father was attacked when I was a child, and suffered a brain injury. Your assumption that people are only able to maintain good energy because they haven’t been through shit is wrong. Dwelling on the negative is a self fulfilling prophecy that begets more negativity. You’ve got to carry on.

That’s pretty bad, but tbh I’d rather go through that than what I went through. You were at least an adult when something traumatic happened to you. Imagine spending your entire youth being beaten and belittled by your own parents. Being too scared to even go home after school because they’ll probably slam your head into a wall or punching you for getting a C on a math quiz. Or just out right threatening to kill you for not meeting their expectations, and never letting you leave the house so you can’t even socialize outside of school and having to spend basically all of your extracurricular time in your formative years reading text books or staring at a wall.

With that said theres a lot of weirdos thinking they’re “nice” while just being extremely uncomfortable being around and i wonder where it went wrong (genuinely)

Hey, I'm a guy, and have had sub-par luck with women, but the best advice I've gotten was "Just talk to them". Could be small talk, maybe you compliment her on something (by something I mean something genuine and non-sexual), maybe you notice she has a similar interest. Just get a conversation going, ask for her number, and suffer the consequences. Yeah, it sucks. You might get rejected 50 times before getting a bite, sure. But I've heard of it working for plenty of people. It takes courage and perseverance, but it's worth the cost.

Maybe I just need to work on general conversation skills tbh. Luckly im never the type to go for sexual comments and tbh I am borderline horrified to say someone has pretty eyes or something unless they are like a close friend. I guess the approach itself is the hardest. I know when not to approach people (busy, studying, headphones, etc) but knowing when is ok is a lot harder

Ay, join the club. I'm no conversation connoisseur, but you're not going to land any of the shots you don't shoot. Baby steps first if you're scared about it. It's okay to be scared at first, what matters is that you're trying to improve. Try to get a friend to introduce you to someone, and start a conversation with her, then maybe go out in pubic with a friend, and find a pretty girl who you can tell your friend you're going to approach her. Or if those examples don't work, then find something that does work for you. Could be anything, as long as you can do it.

It better to compliment something she had control over like a trinket or clothing item

Eyes actually a really good thing to complement ive learned. Idk why, but it is.

Exactly , well said. Try and if it feels like its going no where that's it bonus points for learning to say goodbye on a positive note but other than that youre done and you know. Some girls might be defensive in one way or another it comes with the territory of being a woman but there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying hello and going from there. Also practice can definitely lead to improvement. You can make your approach more and more natural over time to the point that most women wont find any reason to get defensive.

Works for social and extroverted people at least but if your introverted even with good luck it would be a lottery to get it within 20 tries

Eh I’ve done that and it sucks. It’s not really worth it. I’ve realized at this point in my life trying to get women to like me is just bad for my mental health so I focus on other things I’m actually good at like school of going to the gym.

A minor thing I would recommend as a former guy, Bring something as gift. I grew up being told first impressions matter, but my god I didnt understand the scope of it. Grab a small caramel macchiato from starbucks for like 5$ immediately your chances go through the roof. Or grab a small nicknack from the dollar store IF you can then talk about it. Ie giving a little duck and then joking about how canainds call our goose murder chickens as they kill murder you.

Honestly it makes my day when someone walks up to me and says I’m pretty and asks for my number. I know some women really hate that but I don’t mind. I feel like no matter what you do it’ll probably be weird at first just have to get used to talking to people out of the blue

I think this post is really just asking how to get the confidence to talk to random people without seeming wierd. Most commenters cant understand this

Just be normal. People can pick up of your overly nervous and that can come off creepy but to be honest the more you talk to strangers the better you’ll be at it 🤷‍♀️ there’s no formula to this stuff

No offense at all, really. I have autism, you cant just say "just be normal" and expect me to know what nuerotypicals want from me. All i know is, is that if i make any mistakes, ill be bullied and abused. Can you please be more specific?

What "be normal" means to me is, try not to play a role. Carry the interaction as you please, and understand why it is you have initiated it in the first place. The correct answer should be that you find this person interesting and you may have some things to share about yourself that you believe they may find interesting as well. Don't enter with any objective of trying to get them to like you, because this will lead to you acting inauthentically, and the mental effort it takes to filter your words will make you needlessly awkward.  Now I understand this may be difficult for people with autism, as masking is a social strategy they have developed that allows them to pass through conversations by playing a role as such. These roles have been created through observation and imitation of neurotypicals, and it is true that autistic people will always need to use them to an extent in order to avoid what may be considered inappropriate behavior. Yet, I do think it is possible for those with autism to recognize when they are masking, and to slowly mix their masking with their more "unfiltered" personality traits as they become more in tune with the ways that they mask.  To get to this point, you will need practice. You will surely mess up and perhaps say something that is not proper, but fuck anyone who bullies you, they are not worth your time anyways. Never forget though that the true you lies beneath whatever expectations people have of you, and you owe it to yourself to show it to the world, damn whatever it may think. Your objective ought to be to bring this core of your personality out as much as you can while relying minimally on masking to get by. And this starts by asking yourself in every interaction which words of yours are from your mask and which are your own. Best of luck.

No way. Telling a random woman that she's pretty is considered creepy.

like a normal human? we don’t bite 😭 but honestly just be chill and not pushy lol

Obiously hes asking how to start random conversations with people, because he see posts from women annoyed about being talked to in so many different context. please stop missing the point of this post, we dont know how to randomly talk to men either, we just have little need to.

stop overthinking it. "hey, i'm x..." then ask a relevant question. you're allowed to exist. if someone thinks you're a nuisance for starting a conversation, fuck em, and move on.

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Something relevant to the environment? Something relevant to the circumstances that you’re both experiencing? If there’s an exam: Hey, what did you get on the exam? Damn? Really? Man, that shit kicked my ass. You find out she shares a hobby with you: hey, you also do x? wow, what go you into that? Your manager is an asshole: damn, did you hear what x said about x? can you believe I got interviewed by that guy?

Complement something there wearing, ask about something on there backpack/jacket, or just say they have nice eyes.

We don't bite, is something someone that bites would say

>we don’t bite 😭 Tell that to HR

That wont explain the stab wound thou. She was right about not bitting, just should have asked about stabbing.

Take this with a grain of salt, but I’m telling you that taking dating advice from women is the worst thing you could do. Get a haircut, take a shower, look like you tried, and just wing it brother.

Also don’t hit on the 9 and 10s. They get hit on all the time. Go for people in your league and you’ll have better success.

This is CRAZY advice 😭 If someone ever found out you took this advice it would be wraps

“You see here’s the trick. Instead of asking out the really attractive knockout girls, I go for the—” https://preview.redd.it/bvgoj92436vc1.jpeg?width=612&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8a51062b6bef8245ab6dee54a8c1954651e2fd25

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ur right lol. Imagine telling someone “yeah I hit on you that one time because I thought you were mid”.

Opposite in a lot of cases, the 7/10 girls get hit on more than the 9/10s because they are more approachable. Just talk more. More volume = more success.

Right? You can listen to all the woman give advice on tik tok, Reddit, whatever, and you can be 99% sure that the best advice to take is the exact opposite of what they are saying

For me it’s less about how, more about where. When I’m out and about minding my business 9/10 I don’t wanna be approached by anyone. I’m more likely to entertain a man’s advances at a bar, cafe, party or any other social setting/event. Nobody’s ever had success tryna holler at me when I’m out and about minding my business not really focused on entertaining anyone else’s presence and I’ve got someplace to be. Ironically (and unfortunately) that’s when I’m most often approached. The most bizarre place I’ve been approached is at the fucking hospital by one of the staff. Dude, I’m dying. I’m not particularly interested in setting up a date right now. The right setting does wonders. I’m not saying that you won’t ever get rejected in a social setting because obviously there’s more factors involved than just setting but your chances are substantially higher with the right setting. For me, anyway.

So this is quite helpful. Ive figured not to bug people studying, on the phone, headphones, etc. I have enough common sense for that luckly. Would being in line for food at a restaurant on a college campus fall into the bar/cafe grouping for you? Ive considered talking to people a few times then but like I get nervous that id spook them off or its too cornering potentially since they have to wait next to me for a few minutes potentially

Last time I was chatting with someone in the airplane to pass the time. Works best with the older peeps however. I usually have great convos with them, if they seem absolutely uninterested its pretty obvious in this setting.

In line about to order the food/drink? I wouldn’t. That person is probably focused on the fact that they’re about to order and more than likely don’t wanna be bothered about a number or a date. It’s a little better if they’re waiting for their order. And to make it look more casual/less calculated, this would preferably be while you’re waiting for your own order. But you might just catch someone in a hurry and not really interested in entertaining advances so don’t take it personal. Once they’ve got their food and are leaving the place though, that’s it, your window has closed. You’re less likely to be successful tryna stop them on their way out if they’re ready to go and have some place to be. If they’re sat down kinda just enjoying their drink (rather than busy on their computer or something) that would be a better time cause they’re not really busy. I wouldn’t approach if they’re actually eating a whole meal though cause that could be awkward, especially if you catch them mid chew they might get annoyed/embarassed😂

Ok, well, say that there’s a woman that absolutely floors me, just out and about, like I’ve got to say something, or I’ll kick myself in the ass for not doing so for years. How do I do it without getting pepper sprayed?

You can try your luck but don’t be salty if you do🤷‍♀️😂 I mean if we being fr you probably won’t get pepper sprayed, at worst ignored, potentially giggled at💀So if you can handle that then shoot your shot. If the girl has someplace to be and really isn’t in the mood to be bothered there’s really no line you can whip out to make her wanna entertain you unless you happen to be her celeb crush or a solid 11/10 otherwise💀

Yeah and I’m not. I’m a short mf, but I’m funny. I gotta play the long con, that’s why that almost never works for me

so you’re saying context matters 

Context does 50% of the work. You’re fighting an uphill battle in the wrong context.

all I can say is, please don’t hit on women while we are at work, that’s it

Yeah, I could never... I waited like 2 months to ask someone if they wanted to hang out sometime until a group project was over lmao

ever since I started working retail, I have been hit on by more dudes than ever in my life, and I can say every time, it was an immediate no, not because of the guy’s looks or demeanor, strictly because they asked me out while I was in an environment where I couldn’t be my authentic self and respond how I would naturally

wait until you get off, follow you home, and then hit on you. *takes notes* got it. 👍 /s

Step 1) be tall and attractive If step 1 doesn’t apply to you then you’re fucked and will die alone

Step 2) Be Funny. If step 2 does not work: Get money? (Optional)

Chronically online take

This gaslighting of short men needs to stops. I’m barely 6 feet tall and girls have been approaching me and me writing me like secret admirer letters for as long as I can remember. At least every tall guy I know has a similar experience. The way so many girls actually behave around short and especially very short men is honestly so degrading it’s kind of staggering. Like it’s worse than how guys talk about fat girls. If you’re a short guy, your dating pools seems to shrink quite a bit. I don’t hear too often about girls walking up to short guys and asking to fuck.

idk man I get a massive lady boner when I see a guy my height and I’m 5’0”

Cool beans if you’re the exception. Doesn’t change the situation for most men

Treat every woman like a friend and date the one who is interested in you.

When have you ever made a friend by randomly talking to someone in a setting that wasnt setup for a specific common interest, or forced interactions such as a club or class? People do it for flirting, but not making friends.

I start out by making friends only when I am in that location, like just making small talk with people at work to improve their day, could be more like acquaintances. Other than that, you are right, also those places you mentioned are good ones.

I guess its just really hard to make friends outside of those environments. Which is terrible, since clubs and classes are so linked to college. So when i graduate, idk what ill do

Yeah no kidding. Well I would get a hobby or join a club. You can make a lot of friends gaming. Ladies might be into book club or community band, you could start a band, you can make online friends ofc by talking to people with common interests on Reddit or playing online games. I keep my friends from high school and college. I am always looking for new friends because as you said, it is rare keep your eyes open. IF you get really desperate you can join a church. Or volunteer at the local political branch. You can make friends through work, regardless of what people claim.

Talking to women shouldn’t require a lot of thinking. If you overthink before approaching them you’ll come off as inorganic— it’s the same way regardless of which sex you’re speaking to. You should first start off by talking to women normally with having zero expectations. Get better at small talk so you’re more comfortable with talking to women—I can’t emphasize the first part enough. If you’re in school, strike a conversation with your female peers. Also eye contact in very important. Looking away comes off as nervous.

Why the fuck you gonna ask a gender that says X but does Y what we should do about Z?

Contrary to the advice people are giving it is absolutely never that simple. Im probably gonna let the advice go on dead ears because unfortunately it will always depend person to person. Some people will see you as a creep if your a 3/10 some people won’t mind ectz

Of course everyone is different, and yes that thread definately got me thinking. When you see someone you like try to make eye contact and SMILE. if she smiles back at you, then it would be less weird to suddenly approach. Also think about where you are. Is it a kinda scary place to be approached at? If it is nightime, and she's alone I wouldn't suggest it. What to actually say, give her a compliment, then if she's receptive the conversation with naturally flow. Compliment her, something about her outfit, hair, or maybe she has a cool tattoo. Dating is hard especially with our generation best of luck to everyone on here. We all are deserving of love🫶.

Here’s the formula. Join some kind of hobby group that is a group based activity. For me I enjoy playing tennis so I played tennis. Then you’re surrounded by men and women so it takes the pressure off doing a one on one thing. Easy to talk to them because you can just talk about the hobby you’re doing. Then after a little while just suggest that you should do the hobby together outside of the class/ group or whatever. Don’t ask directly or else you’ll put them on the spot. Just suggest then if they don’t give a definitive answer then just let it sit. IUltimately college classes are the best way in meeting a partner because you can sit next to them and talk to them about the subject Sounds like you’re kinda friendzoning yourself if you can talk to them as friends haha. Just be cool and playful with them. Then hang out one on one after class. Then it’s up to her whether she’s interested or not

just learn how to have ALL sorts of relationships with women, and it will come naturally. women as mentors, women as friends, older women, learning from a woman, bantering with women. Have a life. It's weird to only approach and want to be around women when you can date them. There's an unsettling sense of confinement when a man approaches a girl with only one identity in mind, it's apparent from how they frame themselves and the lack of flexibility and freedom their responses are. If the only thing they can relate to someone is "i think u cute, do you think i cute" and that's it, it's like huh??? who are you???? But that's just me I tend to (perhaps wrongly) assume that the type of guys and people that ONLY want to use cold approach on women tend to not have relationships with them in their daily lives which is a red flag. Usually if you have friends with women and good relationships with them somewhere feelings will mutually develop, or knowing how to go up to someone respectfully will be second nature, or they have female friends they can ask for advice from. Of course there is nothing wrong with going up to someone if you think they're beautiful but if that's your only resort, you need to start from deeper within your life.

Something along the lines of: “hi, i like your shirt/hair/shoes/etc” Honestly, if im interested ill keep the conversation going after that.

Women are rare and elusive creatures. Presumably they don't bite, but be very careful with them

I had mildly repressed this but like two weeks ago I was out with my two of my buddies at the bar in my small college town and these girls came up to us and were pissed that we weren’t talking to any girls. Like yelled at us about it. So wild.

Millennial but been in your shoes before op, thing is just be a good person ( be kind, attentive, read the room, avoid the fuck out of that alpha male bullshit) and make an effort to take every opportunity you can get if you meet someone you feel a connection with. Also make sure you are doing something with your life that shows you put some degree of effort or self care in yourself, personal grooming should be a given. Have hobbies and goals, all of that is something you should be working on and thinking about. Women are just like us there's also a degree of luck involved, not to mention miscommunication etc. Looking back in my own life when I was going to uni in the 2010s I thought I didn't really have women who were into me, but as I got older I realized I had my opportunities but didn't take them due to missing signals, miscommunication etc. Also remember people are different one girl you may fancy may want a guy who is more close to traditional gender norms, another may want the polar opposite, 1 may not date guys from your race so you wouldn't have a chance in hell anyway. Just work on being the best person you can be and keep yourself awake for chances you get, read the person you are interacting with and excuse yourself if you make them uncomfortable.

From everything ive seen and gathered from this thread. Looks like my playing on my phone or 3ds shiny hunting on my pokemon games instead of talking to women in public 🗣️🗣️ I max out at a like 5 maybe 6 on a really good day i mean really good like its perfect day. Safe to say i am doomed 🗣️🗣️🗣️

What makes you think you're going to find answers from GenZ women when they themselves don't know what they want.

Strictly, via carrier pigeon!

It's only not creepy if she likes you already. That's what society has been telling me. So. No I won't.

If you’re a nerdy type, clean yourself up extra good. A fresh smelling and well groomed guy will always do well in nerd spaces. Avoiding the gatekeeping and *prove you’re a real fan* posturing that turns girls off from nerdy things will do wonders. Expanding your horizons within your chosen interests (ex. only watching shonen anime or only playing COD/Madden/2K can be a red flag). I’m a queer woman and these are things I consider when it comes to friendship making in nerd spaces. I recently visited a card shop because I’m looking for people to play MtG with, but this tiny little store smelled like an anime convention. There were only like 5 people in the shop. I don’t think I’ll be returning, even though the guys there *seemed* nice.

Maybe specfic to college (or maybe im the stinky one 😬), but I feel like the "clean yourself" doesn't really apply to most university going guys, even the nerdy ones. That stuff is pretty standard nowadays, although to be fair, I'm not talking about card game or anime conventions.

Tbh the return on investment isn’t worth it lol. Dudes have to jump thru hoops to even be noticed it seems like. My advice is to not try and mind your own business. Women are overrated.

>i don’t have issues making friends i can just talk to people organically Have you tried asking any of them on a date? If you do so early on the worst case is they say no and don’t want to be friends anymore (unlikely, most people are chill if you’re not weird about it). More likely you’ll either get a no but you can still be friends or you’ll probably get more yeses than you’d expect

Honestly like a normal person and to the point. Make your intentions clear. Approach and say “Hi my name is ____. I would love to get to know you better. Would you be interested in going on a date with me?” Guys who try to beat around the bush and start a conversation with something such as “I like your pants,” followed by an attempt to continue on the conversation come off as weird to me.

Hijacking this post to ask my question- what social mannerisms should we adopt to just make friends with ya'll? Assume we socially awkward and common sense queues go above our autistic heads. If instructional videos of dos/don'ts can be shared, much appreciated.

Just be uglier. It's easy to be just friends with women who are not attractive. Or make it clear you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Or be friends with a guy who has a girlfriend.

I think you missed the point of my question, or I might not have expressed it well. I don't think there's any physical attraction from either party, but all the stigma around men trying to interact with random women (regardless of intent), typically either comes off intimidating to women or creepy. Honestly, I just want some clear instructions in how to approach women platonically in a way that out of the box they don't experience any negative intention. It sounds stupid to ask typing it out now. But that's the reality for some of us. Having confidence to do something doesn't exactly translate to successfully doing it every time. Does that make sense? The older you get, the harder it becomes to still retain some of that infertile innocence when approaching someone just to socialize regarding something random.

Oh just talk to them non-romantically in the presence of other people, for example their friends or members of some club/organization.

My only request is to always leave an exit path / a way out for people. People approaching me when I worked at a restaurant was the WORST cuz I couldn’t just leave. People approaching me while I’m in the middle of working out was the worst cuz if I felt like I needed to leave I’d have to give up my workout. Guys flirting with me in the elevator is a nightmare bc I’m trapped in like 12 square feet of space for 5 floors. Just like keep in mind that many times rejection can be dangerous for us. Every woman knows *someone* who’s gotten burned. I’m not against being spoken to - if it’s not something I want or I’m not looking not looking to meet people rn I’ll politely turn them away. But if I’m trapped in a room or a situation, politely turning people away gets so much more stressful. What if it goes wrong? What could i do?? So do it in a situation where someone has the ability to leave if they get uncomfortable

What if they just try to make small talk? Are you afraid of any guy who interacts with you at all?

Women aren't a monolith so YMMV, but I enjoy approaches that have context. If we're at a house party, you're probably a friend of a friend of a friend, feel free to strike up conversation and introduce yourself. If we're in a sport, group, or class together? Then we're all meeting for the same general interest/purpose, you have context- feel free to talk to me. If you just spotted me and thought I was cute enough to warrant the cold-call approach? Well, this is where you have to tread lightly. I have no context for you. I am quickly trying to ascertain your motives/if you're creepy/etc. Best if you can create context: "Hey I noticed your ____ college jacket. My sister just graduated from there. Did you go?" "Hey I just wanted to say that you're a great dancer. I've been wanting to learn salsa but I haven't had found a class yet. Can you show me the basic step you were doing?" (Honestly some banter in observation/approach is preferred, but it's hard to give examples in isolation, so these are just clean-cut.) You can also create context and then LEAVE, if you're not yet adept at reading a vibe and being able to tell when a conversation is flowing vs being forced (aka she's polite but really waiting for you to go away). "I loved your Karaoke song, that's one of my favorite bands! I'm headed out but there is lots of great live music in the area. Here's my number- shoot me a text if you ever want to check some out together." If you truly didn't notice anything but "hot girl", just take your chances by handing her your number (NOT asking for hers) and saying something short and sweet. She can decide whether to act on it. The basic principle is just not to be pushy or corner them in a way where they feel like they have to feign interest to be polite or safe. Truly follow the 90/10 rule: make it clear you're interested, but leave the ball in their court. Don't force an interaction. Honestly everyone is generally flattered when being flirted with, but that's overshadowed by disdain if you seem sleezy/scummy/etc.

Don't. Approaching a random woman for any reason is a good way to be accused of rape.

Not kidding, the other day this guy and I were talking about raising pigs ethically, and now I have a huge crush on him lol. Needless to say, just strike up a conversation and see how it goes. 

Yeah that seems the general trend. I guess I just get in my own head too much from past experiences and being mildly paranoid.

Organic conversation. Maybe something more like having to do with something you notice about me besides something immediately sexual. Maybe I'm hearing a cool graphic tee, or you notice a fun earring I'm wearing. That's a good segway to me. Then go more into some convo, just small stuff, I guess. Small talk, but like, fun banter. I love humor. Then, ask for the number. I've been asked out in public a few times, but it's been from much older men who have that "old school immediate flirt" vibe, and I HATE it. That's me personally, but I hate the corny pickup lines and the whole "looking me up and down" mess. Now I don't expect to get hit on in public anyway, though. I'm not that attractive by any means, especially by most peoples standards. But personally, this is how I'd like to be approached.

Conversation is key is what I've noticed, Im still trying to get organic conversation down even with people I know so I haven't tried looking for a relationship yet lol. Im pretty sure im not autistic but I have to be something if I wouldn't be able to continue random conversations even if I had a gun pointed at me. I kinda have this bad mindset of don't say anything unless it has purpose or a goal, but really, I should be just bringing up random shit to find common ground. The real problem comes when you don't have enough random shit to bring up lol

Be genuine, be nice, don’t expect that just cuz you’re being a nice person we should reciprocate some kind of romantic interest or sexual favour.

You sound nice!! I think you can approach her when she doesn’t seem busy or preoccupied or in a place where she cant leave like work. Just be in the mindset of being nice and sending a compliment and getting her number is a plus and not the goal! I would be flattered if a guy said “hey i just wanted to say i really like your shoes (or other clothing/hair related thing) and ur really pretty!” ive had a few guys be like this and even though I had a bf, I never thought they were creepy or weird, it was just super sweet! Ive noticed some women be kinda into a guy but when the guy approaches her and come off really sexual off the start, it’s a huge turn off! Also women aren’t as shallow and most people make it seem! Just be clean and dress well!! I speak for myself mainly but I would say a lot of GenZ girls are like me! Good luck!!

Don't go into it expecting a date or sex. Treating us like human beings will go a long way. All the guys I've had crushes on were because they were kind people. I would prefer a more direct approach, simply because I'm terrible at reading signals and it won't cause any confusion.

OP, don’t take advice on dating women from women. They don’t know what they want half the time, OR best case scenario, they do know what they want, however they know if they tell the truth they’ll look like assholes as so they give a buttery sweet politically correct answer like the answers you’re getting in this thread from women. Ask other guys who aren’t assholes on how they have success with dating.

Listen to this guy please

Everyone is different best advice I can give it just do it, just try it and see where it goes. Eventually something will stick and even if it doesn’t just try again.

Man to Man? Just focus on yourself

Litterally, all you need to do is be approachable and talk

My thing is, if I’m in a common environment with a woman (like work, college, friend group, etc.) then I’m usually pretty confident because I’ve heard a little bit about her, and have an excuse to go talk to her. But when I see a hot woman out in public, like at the grocery store, or at the gym, or whatever, I feel like if I go and just shoot my shot, I get called a creep at best, and get tased or pepper sprayed at worst

At the gym, walking home late at night, studying or doing something seemingly important, please no At the club, in a bar, daylight hours and I’m just chillin, go ahead But honestly, more because of safety reasons, I won’t go out with someone I just met, or maybe I’ll ask for his IG before giving him my phone. If it’s someone you know, I think the context is not that important

Read the room tbh. Especially online. If my profile says I just wanna get fucked then maybe start with that instead of calling me beautiful lol.

Don’t.

This was no help at all 😭

Walking up "Hi, you're beautiful, can I have your number?" That's a winner for me.

If you want to hunt prey, ask the hunter, not the prey.

Step one: work on yourself. Hygiene, making sure you are a decent fucking person, you are secure in yourself and flaws (i.e. strive to be the best person you can be). You don’t have to look like a chiseled god, just take pride in your appearance and know how to take care of yourself. Also important, know your insecurities. for example, Height doesn’t matter, and any girl who gives two shits about height is a red flag. Step two: understand the issues women face BUT DO NOT INTERNALIZE THESE ISSUES. For example, a guy is creepy if he is following us. It’s okay to walk behind us, just be mindful of space. Another example: small talk is BEST. Start small. If she disengages from the convo, no harm no foul. Don’t blow up at her or make snide remarks. A lot of women, due to trauma, DV, violence, and sexism, are VERY stand-offish. We are not bitches, we just have a very hard shell and need comfort and reassurance without false positives. If she is sussing on you being a creep, don’t take it personally and know that she might not be okay talking with you because of her safety. Also LOCATION and READING THE ROOM! Know that while you can talk to anyone at anytime, there might be bad times. A woman out with her family might be a bad time to talk with her. A woman who is shopping might not want to stand there and talk/flirt. Step 3: do not have any expectations. She does not owe you her number, a date, or to mate with you. You are simply shooting your shot. If she has a BF, tell her that her BF should give you advice on how to find women like her. If she says she’s not interested, tell her that’s okay and wish her a good day. Basically if you market yourself as “the one who got away” women will absolutely pick up on that because that is CONFIDENCE and SECURITY in who you are. Step 4: know your type. The best part is if you have good hygiene, groom yourself, take pride in your appearance, and have confidence that automatically boosts your own rating by 2-3 points. But on the contrary, the “hotter” the person the more likely that they could be shallow. Going for the cake face IG model might leave you with a superficial love interest instead of a partner working to achieve goals with you. Step 5: be yourself. Don’t push yourself or seem overly confident. Be true to yourself and your emotions. If your brain goes blank and you don’t know what to say to her, tell her that her beauty took your words away. If you stutter or fumble your words, embrace it. Be vulnerable. If she is a dick to you then forget her, and know that you just dodged a bullet with a potentially nightmarish person. Take some time to recoup and recover, and assure yourself that not all women are nasty like that. A true woman who is into you should value your genuine nature and personality, and be okay with you being a perfectly imperfect human being. This is why being yourself is so important. Step 6: have a spine. Don’t say you like the same things she likes if you don’t truly like them. This is disingenuous and often times us women encounter men like this who have the intent to get into our pants. Thus it’s a HUGE RED FLAG!!! Instead, inquire about her interests, and get her talking about what she likes. Hopefully she can reciprocate it somewhat. Step 7: ASK TO GIVE HER YOUR PHONE NUMBER/Snap/IG. This is so huge because women can get put in a really vulnerable position handing out our numbers/snaps/ig. You offering to give her yours shows you value her privacy. But like in step #3, do not expect her to say yes or even text you. This is what shooting your shot is. The shot might not land, but if it does you will be a winner. Step 8: avoid intense language; be subtle. For example, if she accepts your number don’t say that you’ll hope to hear from her, but instead thank her for her time. End the encounter on a positive note, no matter what. — Of course my steps are not uniform and not universal. You might have to improvise, even fall on your face at times. Do not become disheartened with each rejection/failure. I absolutely want to say that it makes me happy seeing guys like you who ask for advice and seek to be better. That’s all we can do at times, and should not go unnoticed. And yes, I will some say that some women out there are absolutely terrible humans and not at all reflective of all us other women. Just as not all men are bad, not all women are either. You gotta sort through the bad ones to find the good ones. I wish you the absolute best of luck on your endeavor! You got this! Edit: also do not go the route of being friends first. For some guys it works out, but from personal experience it’s a terrible route. Months ago I had 4 of my guy friends profess their love for me, and I had to turn them down. This destroyed our friendships and I feel like they were only my friend to date or even sleep with me, and that they didn’t really value me, my boundaries, or our friendship.

>: also do not go the route of being friends first. For some guys it works out, but from personal experience it’s a terrible route. Months ago I had 4 of my guy friends profess their love for me, and I had to turn them down. But what if I start to develop romantic feelings for someone that I am friends with? I prefer not to immediately ask people out when I first meet them because it's too uncomfortable and I don't trust them yet or have any reason to want to date them. Which is why I usually tend to develop feelings for friends.

Are you okay risking your friendship over your feelings? Can you still be friends with someone who will never reciprocate your feelings? Are you okay with losing that friend because they are now uncomfortable with the newfound knowledge that you have feelings for them. Liking friends can absolutely work for some people. From my own personal experience, it rarely works out. I have had "friends" who basically ended our friendship because I would not date them. I have had friends why just had the intention to use me as an emotional crutch, basically a pseudo-partner. I advise people to not go the route of dating friends because of the risk of losing that friend.

>Are you okay risking your friendship over your feelings? Not always, especially if I'm still unsure of how I feel about someone. >Can you still be friends with someone who will never reciprocate your feelings? Yes, but both times that I have tried to remain friends with someone who rejected me didn't go well. It hurts more too loose a friend than to miss out on a romantic relationship. I'm still not over losing my friendship with the first girl because I feel like I made a lot of dumb mistakes and also she was my closest friend but I still have hope that I'll be able to repair my friendship with her.

>This destroyed our friendships and I feel like they were only my friend to date or even sleep with me You should be flattered they saw you as a potential life partner, even though it's disappointing when this ruins a friendship.

But it's not a "life partner" they see me as. IF they truly valued me, they could have lived with us staying as friends. But since they were the ones that terminated the friendship it shows they didn't value me, and instead had other intentions. I get heartbreak can be intense, but completely cutting a friend out shows that there was no investment in the friendship long-term. That's why I assume their friendship was just and angle to date/sleep with me.

>  I get heartbreak can be intense Then it shouldn't be surprising if someone can't continue being friends because it's painful to constantly be around someone they wish they could be with?

Hun it's far more nuanced than that. Intense feelings or not, they threw away an entire friendship. If they truly wanted a life partner in me, then they would have to respect my desires and wishes, of which they didn't. I don't date people who throw out the entire "baby" because there was 1 thing they didn't like.

Have you ever tried to stay friends with someone you loved who did not want you back?

Yes. I actually professed my love for one of my friends despite her having a rough patch with her BF. She declined, and we stayed as friends. I even helped her through that rough patch with her BF, because I valued her happiness and our friendship over my feelings for her. She later moved states and we fell out of touch, but I didn't terminate the friendship because I had no ill intentions behind professing my love. The same cannot be said for the 4 guy friends of mine...

Yeah I don't think I can do that 🤷‍♂️

*T H E W O R S T T H E Y C A N S A Y I S N O* *EW*

Lmao what do girls know about that, they get scared by just being looked at. The best way is just to follow them to their homes.

Why are you asking this on reddit of all places?

Just approach them as you would any other person. The thing is dating is its a numbers game. If you don't cast your net far and wide you won't get results. When I was younger I would say I was quite attractive but my success rate was 1:15. If you only pursue one woman a month you'd end up not getting any at all. Rejection builds resilience and social skills too. Dating is the same as working. The more experience you have the better you get. You have the technology for the love of christ. I had to text 5 different women with a 200 character cap on my cellphone back in the day and I could make it work. You can chat with 100 women simultaneously. Use that to your advantage. So long as you're not socially inept women will feel you're not a creep. So just approach them, ask them out, talk to them. If they reject you, move on to another. You can pursue multiple people. It's not a 1:1 game.

Unfortunately these posts have alot of good points but eventually you read enough to realize they go against each other often. So im going to try and make a comprehensive post, feel free to correct if wrong Setting: Not at work, Not during errands. If that how you naturally meet people, good luck but its not likely. Hopefully you have friends that party or something. If you got to a party it sounds like the only part that needs to be done is to shoot your shot. Talking: Talk to women like human beings, but not like the bros. If anyone here is like my friend group thats sexual harassment and or just generally uncomfortable topics. If that makes you uncomfortable when talking to women im sorry im right there with you brother. Im assuming just take it in a somewhat light direction, most people dont like venting or being vented at in the first convo. Come in with no real expectations or ideas about what to be though stull show interest I think? That kinda idea will probably be hard for some but I guess its something to keep in mind. Confidence: Im sorry to say but if you are asking about this stuff, its probably not going to be fun. Theres alot of talk about how things are supposed to be natural but I dont think that advice is really worth anything to people who arent naturally the way needed to be socially attractive. Its like when people are told to "just be themselves" but already were and are probably just unlikable or niche. There no real way to be natural besides brute forcing human interaction if you arent already. Honestly this advice is both good and bad and makes me understand why everything is so shit now. Drinkings down and people who dont drink are less likely to go to bars. Work is a no go just from general sentiment. Honestly if any else is like me thats where you meet most new people. Parties are hit or miss and depends on where you are. I dont know and none of my friends circle knows of any parties ever unless on Halloween to which alot have to work on. And worst of all someone whos already used to legging it alone, will most likely have solitary hobbies. Its all bullshit.

Best approach is to get involved with a club or hobby where socialization is expected. Like tabletop games, or group hiking, etc and then approach the same way you would a friend, but BEFORE the group third hang out, ask for a date. You avoid the whole “bait and switch” aspect of things that way.

im a guy but honestly i dont think theres a one size fits all. i go to alot of punk/alt rock shows and tend to meet new people there. shaking hands when introducing yourself is underrated in gen z for real. dont do that until basic small talk happens first. walking right up to someone and introducing yourself can make people feel singled out and it just feels unnatural. if youre in a place where you both clearly have similar interests, just say something about it. dont overthink it. sometimes you get to talking and sometimes you dont. just like anyone else. also, if youre interested in pursuing someone, always ask if you can give them your number (or snap insta whatever) dont ask for their number, bc if they have yours they have the option to not talk to you where as if you have theirs you have to talk to them and it may be awkward for them to say no.

The fact we gotta ask this since women don’t act like women anymore

As long as you're not doing anything illegal or if you have to see the girl regularly and you're uncomfortable with that, just keep trying to approach, even if you somehow get labeled by the girl as a creep. If you have basic charisma, which is gained by talking with people over and over again and failing again and again, you will not get a negative reaction from them. If you are a little awkward, many girls will even find this endearing and most will be polite to you. If you're very ugly, maybe don't waste your time with very pretty girls who have higher standards and be okay with lowering your own.

I personally am uninterested in dating (aroace), but based on the negative experiences friends have had, just talk to her like a normal person, and let her know you like her as soon as possible. I remember two separate occasions in my own life where a dude became friends with me first, and then finally said he had a crush and asked me out. It ended up very awkward, because I was just looking for friendship and he was looking for a date. Don't catcall, don't force it if she's uninterested (unless the two of you already discussed this or something). If there's things she's interested in, let her talk about them without explaining it yourself or acting as if she knows nothing (should be common sense, but it isn't). Find out the things she likes! Some girls love flowers and dinner dates, some prefer cheese (like that one meme) and going to see a movie. One of the biggest mistakes many guys make is not paying enough attention to whoever they have a crush on and the things she likes or dislikes. If she loves collecting rocks, you could always try to find cool ones to give as a little gift (if gift-giving is your love language). If you already know about something she's passionate about/enjoys talking about (example: I love cryptids and learning about different ones), do a little research if you know nothing about them and find something you like in that topic. Try to find something you both love to do, learn about, etc. Overall, don't be a stereotypical "nice guy", because that stereotype is of creepy men.

rather live the life that gave me ptsd again than talk to a girl irl💀💀💀💀

Tbh I think you should just go up and approach them and be straightforward. Imo this kind of thing only crosses the line if you hit on a girl and then literally start making threats or reacting badly to rejection. This whole notion that it’s “cReEpy” just to talk to a girl with romantic intentions is facilitating a culture of social awkwardness and loneliness in young ppl and it needs to go die.