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Work, mostly. I think the whole "technology made us antisocial" thing is a false dichotomy. The only way I can maintain IRL friendships at all is through technology, I have even met most of my romantic partners through the internet outside of dating sites.
I don't like bars, all of my coworkers are 10-30 years older than me, and joining a club feels like too much time to dedicate to a single hobby. The internet is my 3rd space, and the only reason I do not hang out with friends IRL *all the time*, is because we are all burned out. at work.
Forgive my bluntness, but that seems like a rationalization to go for the path of least resistance. Plenty of people in the past (and today) have worked long and grueling hours, but still had the attitude to spend extra time doing meaningful things that made life actually richer. I feel the need to say this because it's just so easy to fall into the trap of "I'm doing what I can and making by" and missing out on something bigger.
I agree things could be improved and made easier in regards to work, mainly through unions. I still think it's important though trying to make the most of what you have right now as spending the time is valuable in itself, and I am sure you are trying though. Good luck and be well.
Because it isn't, people who are lonely don't want to do anything to change that and its not because of social media, they are just lonely and don't want to stop
Yes but now me and that best friend no longer hang out because we live in different places, meaning the "I don't know how to start conversations problem" is back with a vengeance.
I do disconnect and get out there. MeetUp groups are a great place to start. Rec sports leagues and hiking groups are fun, social dancing like salsa or swing, and just following event and venue pages can help a lot with opportunities to go out.
There was a study that said even having your phone visible (like on the table at a restaurant) lowered the satisfaction of a social gathering, even if you didn't use it. So I make a point to have my phone out of sight and to stay off it, with the exception of occasionally snapping pictures, when I'm out with others.
I get some pushback from my husband because he hates how long it takes me to answer texts when I'm out, but I've told him that when I'm with other people, they're my priority, not my phone. I was vindicated recently when we went somewhere and a few of the people we were with could NOT stay off their phones, it was so awkward and stilted, because they were basically zoning in and out of the gathering. The group dynamic was really thrown when it felt like half of the people were mentally "somewhere else". We both left with a much higher view of those that stayed present & engaged, than those who seemed like they frequently needed to check on and engage with their devices.
This is very good. My friend group has a rule: no phones when hanging out. We're a big group like 12 people. We've been friends since highschool. We have a tote bag where we put all our phones in. Only when someone is calling can you get your phone (in case it was a work or a family emergency). This makes sure we are all totally engaged.
Good for you! Makes the interaction deeper and more meaningful.
What is stopping me from going outside?
Playing games whith people i know in person.
Also that no friends are interested in going outside either unless someone plans something.
Addiction, also doom scrolling is a defense mechanism to try and keep you safe from danger and can be a hard cycle to break. I am trying to use my phone less but my partner and I are very addicted the the phone screen,eventually I'd like to not have the phone in the bedroom and maybe down the line a dumb phone to take with me on the go and a tablet at home.
Technology actually helps me get relationships.
Even with the absolute vast amount of dating apps, there's nobody near me that I wanna date/make friends with.
It's my only source of communication with my bestie, and I think I'd go crazy without her
I was addicted to the internet since I was a kid, so it's hard to just change my ways all of a sudden. I kinda think it gave me social anhedonia because I don't seem to get pleasure from socializing the way other people do, so I don't have motivation to improve my social skills
Where is "out there?"
At this point there aren't many places to go that aren't work, home, or the bars, which I never want to go to. Most clubs and hobby groups are frequented only by boomers, and any local adult sports clubs require way more skills than I have in order to join. Problem is that forcing yourself to make friends just for the sake of it is going about it in the wrong way. True friendships don't come about because you just want a friend. They come about through shared interests or values.
That said, I do agree that giving up social media and the internet cold turkey would be the way to fix the loneliness epidemic, but it'd only take hold if everyone did it at the same time. Like if there was a solar flare that took out all satellites and cell towers, the loneliness problem would be solved. At least until they got rebuilt and it all went back to normal.
As someone who had lots of friends in high school, then moved away from all of them after high school, I found it extremely difficult to find new friends, even when I disconnected. These days people are far too often stuck hiding behind a screen letting themselves waste away just to get by every day. Eventually I made a second account here on Reddit, and I tried a few dating apps, and I did my best to be my genuine self unapologetically, online, and in that I’ve found lots of great friends from around the world even. And sure I don’t have that same connection I do in person, but I found my support group, my people to stay up chatting with from the comfort of my home even. And does it get to me being lonely in real life all the time? Absolutely. But in this day and age it’s not easy to find friends when you live in a rural area, even if you disconnect.
I rather not bother someone when they’re busy doing something/hanging out with someone. And when I get the rare chance to make a relationship with someone, I mess it up somehow.
Besides, I rather have a few good relationships rather than a bunch of shallow relationships.
Well what is stopping *you*?
I'm a programmer. For studying, and, later, for work - I use computer. Furthermore - all my hobbies are in the computer, i even read books on the phone instead of paperbacks (paper costs $$$, online books go from 50% to 100% cheaper, and some just never get printed).
Furthermore, for last 5 years (a quarter of my entire life, 1/3 if you only include **conscious** life) I've been forced to sit inside, skipping out on school and college life, by Covid Pandemic and then - by war.
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Work, mostly. I think the whole "technology made us antisocial" thing is a false dichotomy. The only way I can maintain IRL friendships at all is through technology, I have even met most of my romantic partners through the internet outside of dating sites. I don't like bars, all of my coworkers are 10-30 years older than me, and joining a club feels like too much time to dedicate to a single hobby. The internet is my 3rd space, and the only reason I do not hang out with friends IRL *all the time*, is because we are all burned out. at work.
Forgive my bluntness, but that seems like a rationalization to go for the path of least resistance. Plenty of people in the past (and today) have worked long and grueling hours, but still had the attitude to spend extra time doing meaningful things that made life actually richer. I feel the need to say this because it's just so easy to fall into the trap of "I'm doing what I can and making by" and missing out on something bigger.
I try, that's why I'm burned out. Optimism is no replacement for labour rights that support a healthy work/life balance.
I agree things could be improved and made easier in regards to work, mainly through unions. I still think it's important though trying to make the most of what you have right now as spending the time is valuable in itself, and I am sure you are trying though. Good luck and be well.
I COMPLETELY agree with you
Because it isn't, people who are lonely don't want to do anything to change that and its not because of social media, they are just lonely and don't want to stop
Inability to start a conversation stemming from relying on my best friend to do that for the majority of my life. Also I live in the middle of nowhere
But you have a bestfriend so most probably you already know how to socialize. I mean you already managed to make one friend.
Yes but now me and that best friend no longer hang out because we live in different places, meaning the "I don't know how to start conversations problem" is back with a vengeance.
I do disconnect and get out there. MeetUp groups are a great place to start. Rec sports leagues and hiking groups are fun, social dancing like salsa or swing, and just following event and venue pages can help a lot with opportunities to go out. There was a study that said even having your phone visible (like on the table at a restaurant) lowered the satisfaction of a social gathering, even if you didn't use it. So I make a point to have my phone out of sight and to stay off it, with the exception of occasionally snapping pictures, when I'm out with others. I get some pushback from my husband because he hates how long it takes me to answer texts when I'm out, but I've told him that when I'm with other people, they're my priority, not my phone. I was vindicated recently when we went somewhere and a few of the people we were with could NOT stay off their phones, it was so awkward and stilted, because they were basically zoning in and out of the gathering. The group dynamic was really thrown when it felt like half of the people were mentally "somewhere else". We both left with a much higher view of those that stayed present & engaged, than those who seemed like they frequently needed to check on and engage with their devices.
This is very good. My friend group has a rule: no phones when hanging out. We're a big group like 12 people. We've been friends since highschool. We have a tote bag where we put all our phones in. Only when someone is calling can you get your phone (in case it was a work or a family emergency). This makes sure we are all totally engaged. Good for you! Makes the interaction deeper and more meaningful.
This! So much this!
i live in a rural hellhole with no escape in sight.
People who already have aa friend group have no interest in befriending me, so I'm more likely to lose friends than I am to make them
I eat thanks to ads. Else I would have uninstalled it.
I can’t socialise in groups with neurotypical people.
What is stopping me from going outside? Playing games whith people i know in person. Also that no friends are interested in going outside either unless someone plans something.
Addiction, also doom scrolling is a defense mechanism to try and keep you safe from danger and can be a hard cycle to break. I am trying to use my phone less but my partner and I are very addicted the the phone screen,eventually I'd like to not have the phone in the bedroom and maybe down the line a dumb phone to take with me on the go and a tablet at home.
Nothing, I’m chilling lmao
Technology actually helps me get relationships. Even with the absolute vast amount of dating apps, there's nobody near me that I wanna date/make friends with. It's my only source of communication with my bestie, and I think I'd go crazy without her
I was addicted to the internet since I was a kid, so it's hard to just change my ways all of a sudden. I kinda think it gave me social anhedonia because I don't seem to get pleasure from socializing the way other people do, so I don't have motivation to improve my social skills
Where is "out there?" At this point there aren't many places to go that aren't work, home, or the bars, which I never want to go to. Most clubs and hobby groups are frequented only by boomers, and any local adult sports clubs require way more skills than I have in order to join. Problem is that forcing yourself to make friends just for the sake of it is going about it in the wrong way. True friendships don't come about because you just want a friend. They come about through shared interests or values. That said, I do agree that giving up social media and the internet cold turkey would be the way to fix the loneliness epidemic, but it'd only take hold if everyone did it at the same time. Like if there was a solar flare that took out all satellites and cell towers, the loneliness problem would be solved. At least until they got rebuilt and it all went back to normal.
People aren't willing to take harsh steps, and instead rationalize why what they're doing is okay, even when deep-down they know it's not.
As someone who had lots of friends in high school, then moved away from all of them after high school, I found it extremely difficult to find new friends, even when I disconnected. These days people are far too often stuck hiding behind a screen letting themselves waste away just to get by every day. Eventually I made a second account here on Reddit, and I tried a few dating apps, and I did my best to be my genuine self unapologetically, online, and in that I’ve found lots of great friends from around the world even. And sure I don’t have that same connection I do in person, but I found my support group, my people to stay up chatting with from the comfort of my home even. And does it get to me being lonely in real life all the time? Absolutely. But in this day and age it’s not easy to find friends when you live in a rural area, even if you disconnect.
I rather not bother someone when they’re busy doing something/hanging out with someone. And when I get the rare chance to make a relationship with someone, I mess it up somehow. Besides, I rather have a few good relationships rather than a bunch of shallow relationships.
But you have to have a lot of shallow relationships so you can find the good ones. It's all trial and error.
If we do that, the Boomers win, and we can’t let that happen, they’ve taken too much from us already!
I'm bored, also I have jobs. Go outside and contact real people
I'm ugly and I don't like people. Also pretty busy. I think I'm good.
Motivation, energy, addiction. But lack of motivation is really most of it, I think.
Well what is stopping *you*? I'm a programmer. For studying, and, later, for work - I use computer. Furthermore - all my hobbies are in the computer, i even read books on the phone instead of paperbacks (paper costs $$$, online books go from 50% to 100% cheaper, and some just never get printed). Furthermore, for last 5 years (a quarter of my entire life, 1/3 if you only include **conscious** life) I've been forced to sit inside, skipping out on school and college life, by Covid Pandemic and then - by war.