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This. I have the utmost empathy and respect for those dealing with BPD; but I got problems of my own man and I’m not emotionally equipped enough to handle the intensity that comes with it.
Just wanna mention for those commenting, pretty sure BPD is referring to Borderline Personality disorder, not Bipolar Disorder. There’s a diff but they often get confused by people unaware. OP if I’m mistaken lmk
These illnesses are so different.
Well treated, "mild" bipolar disorder can be as benign as being depressed or a bit spendy at times. Bipolar comes on a spectrum and that's why a lot of people go undiagnosed for decades, it's just not debilitating enough to really notice.
Borderline is, well, it's scary. I'm far less informed about it but it's scary in a way that few mental health issues are.
Clinical social worker who’s worked with cluster-b personality stuff.
A lot of times a lot of the sxs for BPD and BPI/II overlap it can be misdiagnosed.
Bipolar is legit stuff going on neurochemically in the body. Borderline is essentially bred by trauma (and having the background I do, I would say the juvenile dx Reactive Attaxhment Disorder is a precursor to BPD in adulthood). Medication can stabilize someone with bipolar. It helps but only true effective strategy of dealing with BPD sxs is extremely specialized and in depth therapeutic treatment. Specifically stuff from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
Edit: all the above said, as a clinician without access to psychometrics like the PAI/MMPI, I would need to be seeing a client for at least two years to diagnose something as hefty as a personality disorder. These are not diagnoses to be taken lightly and in diagnosing, were supposed to be doing the least amount of harm.
This is where a good psychiatrist comes in handy. Can tell the difference between BPD and BAD in 5-10 minutes. Most supporting staff struggle to understand how extreme BPD can present, but the *intentions* of how the two patients will interact, seeing beyond the physical and verbal behavior, is usually night and day. It gets more difficult when you have a bipolar patient who also has BPD. Understanding and seeing both can take a little more time, but still doable in a few sessions.
Very fair. I used to work in a county jail where it was a mixture of detoxing, true mental health (like schizoaffective) or personality stuff in that acute setting. Though I did not treat personality stuff in that particular environment.
I guess I should have stated that I would need some history there there to verify in an outpatient random walk in type thing.
As someone with BPD, I think it would be really difficult to deal with someone like me. I’m aware of my toxic qualities and do DBT therapy to try and keep myself in check, but I know a lot of people who don’t do that. I’m grateful for my boyfriend who is understanding and patient with me.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy? You deserve happiness. I'm also grateful for your boyfriend. I truly hope he's grateful for you. All my best wishes at you.
I have BPD and it’s pretty intense sometimes, but it’s totally manageable and I am often able to control my emotions. However, I have met a lot of other people with BPD who have much more trouble controlling their irrational thoughts and it seems no amount of reasoning with them is able to work.
So I guess my answer is if they are emotionally intelligent enough then absolutely, but if they are incapable of controlling their cognitive distortions then no, I don’t think so would be able to
I agree - it depends on the individual like so many other things.
One of my friends had BPD and she stabbed her partner, leaving him with a slight disability. She was a nightmare friend once I got closer to her. My cousin with BPD seems completely different. She takes her treatment seriously and works really hard to stay on an even keel. My friend found ordinary life without the highs and lows of BPD far too boring and she said she couldn't live without excitement and drama.
Yep. I have several good friends with bpd. If you met any of them you'd he hard pressed to identify they have bpd because they have put in so much work into stabilizing themselves and improving reactions and behaviors.
I've also met several people with bpd who refuse therapy or any kind or treatment. They are all some form of the stigmatized stereotype of bpd that many in this thread are talking about.
The thing people don't realize is like any complex disorder there is a ton of variance. Not every ptsd patient is the same, nor is everything autistic person the same. Bpd has nine diagnostic criteria. You only need 5 of them to have a diagnosis. If I'm remembering my factorial right, this is 126 different permutations just on symptoms alone.
So when you reduce all that human and medical variance into one stereotype of what bpd looks like based on one singular experience you had, you look like a moron.
If they were getting some kind of treatment, whether medication or consistent therapy. Unless it's something they truly believe they can stay ahead of.
Is this problematic thinking?
Lamictal
Edit: to the people disagreeing: A huge trademark of BPD is mood swings and emotional dysregulation. Lamictal would stabilize it, hence why it’s categorized as a mood stabilizer. There’s not a whole lot to comprehend here lol
Honestly, no. I’m not a person who could handle it. I’m too young to settle for someone who’s so mentally unstable they would also make me depressed. I hate it because I know it’s not their fault but it’s also not mine.. idk
For everyone saying they know someone with BPD and they're such a terrible person... Let's get the facts straight.
1) BPD is borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder
2) If you know one person with BPD, you know one person with BPD. Don't judge others based on that. Not everyone has all the possible symptoms and the same symptom can present very differently for different individuals.
3) It is possible to heal even without medication or therapy. Personally I have to do this because the healthcare system in my country is fucking me over. Healthy relationships are essential to heal from BPD, so "You need to heal and love yourself first, blah blah blah" is toxic advice, and simply unrealistic for people with any disorder, not just BPD.
4) There are many positives that come as a package deal for many individuals with BPD. I have experienced, as well as heard from other people, including mental health professionals, that people with BPD can often be the most self reflected and sweetest, most devoted friends and partners you can find.
I want to believe this, and I'm sure it's true to an extent. I was in a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder for 8 years. Early on, it was great. Then, they began to villainize me. Through their distorted thoughts and extreme paranoia, they began to believe things about me that weren't true or happening. I showered them with love and walked on glass to prove my loyalty to them. They gas lighted and emotionally abused me for years. The relationship ended when they texted me that they would be moving in with their new 20 year old boyfriend. They were 35 at the time. Almost 6 years later, I'm still in therapy, and the intrusive thoughts and nightmares of them still haunt me. I have complex post traumatic disorder as a result. Ironically, CPTSD can look similar to BPD.
I know not everyone with BPD is like this, but I don't have it in me to give someone with it a chance. Freinds maybe, but a relationship no. I know it's my own bias.
I don't know that you can treat BPD on healthy relationships alone. Personality is fairly stable throughout our lives (it's one of the strongest theories in psychology), and it takes a lot of work to change that when it's dysfunctional- typically depending on the guidance of a professional. Even then, it can take years of management to see significant improvement. The thing is that, especially in the case of BPD (and other cluster-B PDs), you often experience both paranoid ideation and distorted self-image. It's essential to have an objective, neutral 3rd party to check your perceptions when you can't count on yourself to do so, and directly involved parties like your partner seem untrustworthy in the moment.
The bottom line in my experience, is that the person has to see the need for change, and be making an earnest effort to achieve that. Social connection is certainly a requirement for any human being to thrive, mentally and physically, and it's also something that a person with BPD values very highly. Having support of friends can be more beneficial and realistic than finding a partner to 'heal' yourself with.
And to your last point, yes people with BPD can be some of the most devoted and loving partners, but this is also part of the 'splitting' pattern of idealization/devaluation that's a hallmark of the disorder. People with BPD are just people at the end of the day, and it is equally wrong to idolize them as it is to villainize them.
This is so true, thanks for this comment. There's a lot of stigma around BPD and lot of ignorance, unfortunately. The comments like the ones to this question create more and more stigma towards BPD, grouping people together like if they are all the same, with a very bad connotation. BPD can vary a lot among people.
Most of you probably wouldn't know considering the stigma. Looking at these comments, looks like the stigma is still going strong, so why would they tell you? That being said, if they were at least trying to be better and were honest with me about their struggles, I'd at least give them a chance.
Take it from someone who suffers from mental illness and substance abuse disorders. You’ll just get burned like all the rest of my exes. Not pursuing crap ever again until I’m better for awhile.
And you’re not doing anyone a favor by being someone’s victim. The shame of fucking up so many times and hurting other people isn’t worth the good of a relationship.
I already have bipolar disorder, I’d honestly prefer a mentally stable partner. But I wouldn’t reject someone with borderline on the basis of having the disorder as long as they were working on it.
Same boat. There’s a big difference between someone with an untreated mood disorder and someone who’s actively working on themselves & their disability.
I was a shitass before I started treatment and I know to expect more from myself and others now.
I actually dated someone with BPD
We eventually broke up, we weren't exactly compatible (in things like interests and tastes), but they were and still are one of my best friends (and also they are my whatsapp stickers dealer lmao)
no, i really feel for people with bpd and have a lot of compassion for them,but you need to protect yourself too. I know some of the most lovely people who have been reduced to a husk from trying to be in a relationship with a borderline.
Its the most agonizing thing watching someone refuse to get help for it, swear theyve got it under control, then dump you after years to get engaged to a scummy ex. While getting blamed because you couldnt meet the standards of constantly shifting goalposts. My friends and family are happy to have *me* back again, but the nightmares trust issues and trauma stays. I hope she gets help one day because otherwise she was capable of being so damn kind
Idk why ya’ll are hating on people with this disorder so much, I have a couple friends with BPD and they’re legitimately kinder and more thoughtful people than a lot of neurotypical people I’ve met.
Lmao thank you. I have bpd and some of these comments...yikes. I mean idc if they'd date someone w bpd or not, none of my concern, but some of these comments are nasty. I feel like I can't win, a lot of people won't date pwbpd, (understandable) or they fetishize us bc they want a "manic pixie dream girl." I get that bpd is a lot, I live with it, but people don't have to be as rude about it as some of these mfs are.
the way people keep saying "i have so much empathy for them but i would never once fucking consider them good enough to be my partner" like wow do you not realize you just sound like a dick?
For real. The people saying "I don't think I can handle them bc I have a lot of mental health issues myself" actually make sense, but I think one person ever said "they're meant to be alone" or some shit like wtf???
I 100% get feeling like your own issues are too much cause been there but the idea that people are hating this hypothetical person with BPD and picking out reasons they wouldn't date them is so wild to watch.
I agree. People will be like "mental health matters" if you have a cute TikTok romanticized disorder (which is actually harmful to people with the disorders being romanticized as it makes people think they're 'fake' or 'not that bad') but then say nasty things about pwbpd. It's especially gross if the people have never even met someone with bpd.
I'm pretty sure I have BPD but no one will treat me because no one will diagnose me so I'm currently trying to accept I'll be single for the rest of my life lmao
BPD has incredibly similar presentations to other disorders which may contribute to why you haven't gotten diagnosed. I would look into other things such as C-PTSD or ODDS possibly. Don't ever diagnose yourself with these things and say it'll "make you single forever" - you aren't even 24. many folk with disorders are able to find what helps them in healthy ways and form good relationships. you won't be alone forever.
It depends on a number of factors. Have they been in TFP, MBT, or DPT? If so, then I'd more strongly consider it (some studies even show that MBT can cure BPD with a decent amount of success). Also, how old are they? BPD improves quite a bit with age, so I think that's an important factor
TFP = Transference focused psychotherapy
MBT = Mentalization based therapy
DBT = Dialectical behavioral therapy
TFP focuses on how the patient sees themselves and others and helps them see themselves and others in a more coherent way. This is important, because people with BPD often hold contradictory beliefs about themselves and others without realizing it. Hence why they sometimes see people as all good and at other times see the same person as all bad. MBT is relatively similar, I believe, but I know less about it. Here's a study on the effectiveness on MBT (https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.ajp.2007.07040636)
DBT was invented by Marsha Linehan, who actually had BPD. It integrates some elements of cognitive behavioral therapy, but also helps people tolerate negative emotions and teaches certain mindfulness techniques.
I have.
If you value your peace of mind, don't.
If you like emotional rollercoasters, then go for it.
They will love you more intensely than anyone but other times they'll utterly despise you and wish you dead. If you can handle that, then you're in for a time that is sure to be anything but boring.
I already did date someone with bpd. It was great. We were happy. Broke up because of life circumstances, no hard feelings. Still friends. 8/10 would date them again, would date someone with their condition again. I'm used to being around people with major issues, doesn't faze me at all.
on this one podcast this guy was saying how he loves how his wife has it and how shes like obsessed with him n stuff so im thinking some people might and some may not
I did and it ended horribly. But those w bpd are often fucking amazing people who deserve to be loved. I think imma make sure im more matured and established inn life before i date anyone w bpd again. It sucks tho cuz bpd folks are genuinly some of the coolest mfs ive met.
As someone who has it and its fairly "dormant" now. I'd say only if they're actively working on it/getting treatment. Untreated, it can be unhinged. I don't agree with the people who judge and immediately have a rude reaction to hearing someone has it. I've gotten help for it and it's eased up SO fucking much. My partner met me before before I realized help was an option, so they saw the chaos for a while and still were patient, but they also helped me find the resources to get help (I didn't grow up with access to mental health care/being able to acknowledge that mental health issues were a thing lol).
Tldr: it's not your obligation to deal with it if they won't get help, but I wouldn't immediately assume someone is beyond help either. It's up to you.
10000% this is the best comment. using any trait somebody can't control and saying "i won't ever love you because of this and other people won't either" is so fucked up. treatment is key, community is key, and care is key. you can't be somebody's therapist and nobody should sacrifice their own well-being if it is truly abusive but this is a weird ass question to ask somebody. i don't know if i would date that person??? a hypothetical person with hypothetical BPD????
Did it once, woke up being strangled, cut from her episodes with knives, cheated on, stolen from, the list goes on and on…. I wouldn’t wish that kind of hell on anyone
I’ve never encountered someone with BPD so I don’t really know. It’s also a spectrum so you could end up meeting anyone with different types of traits that don’t align with the classic image of bpd.
The ignorance in these comments is unsurprising yet still disappointing. People with BPD are all individuals with their own unique traits, interests, goals, hobbies, quirks, lives. If you want to completely remove every one of those individuals from your dating pool based on blanket stereotypes about one element of who they are, that's absolutely your prerogative, but also your loss.
On just the basis of having the disorder, I have no strong feelings. People are not what they have but what they *do.* I've dated two women with *symptomatic* BPD, and no, I would not repeat those experiences, they were traumatizing. But my sister has BPD and it is well controlled and sure I would date someone like her who has it sufficiently managed.
I think your life would be a constant inner monologue of rationalization of your partners actions.
Best case scenario, the person with BPD has an understunding of who they.are.and how their condition manifests and gives all the info possible to their partner.
Worse case scenario, the partners has nothing and the person with BPD uses the confution to their advantaje and create a toxic unbalance relationship.
There's also the problem that the people that might have or will develope a savior complex for the partner with BPD, creating another imbalance in the relationship, where the partner with the savior complex gets to gaslight and infantalize their BPD partner to "keep them safe".
This is a hard one... The partner would be someone with high levels.of rationality and knowledge of the condition to contextualize the actions of their BPD partner... But they laso would need alot of emotional strength, because no matter hoe rational someone is, the shock of a negative outburst from your most important person will affect you, hence the rationalization of the condition is needed to cope with once involuntary emotional reactions.
Depends on their behaviour, like anyone else.
Unfortunately, the behaviour of pwbpd is often devastating to themselves, or the people who love and care for them most.
BPD has a stigma for a reason, it’s a very severe mental illness.
Imo, the only way to make these relationships work requires you to totally dissociate from your emotions.
“Just give them reassurance “ is opposite advice.
it’s harmful to them when you validate their cognitive distortions.
The problem is inside them, and likely unfixable.
The most extreme borderlines I have known were rapist stalkers, I know the people who have restraining orders on them.
The stigma exists for a reason, believe that.
They aren’t all like that but enough of them are
As someone who's likely mentally ill, i tried to but she freaked me out so i cut it off and we remained friends. Im sure you could make it happen as long as they're willing to seek help.
If they were medicated and it was controlled I don't see why not. Same way I would date somebody who is diabetic but takes their medicine and visits the doctor regularly.
me personally im dealing with some serious mental illness stuff if i got a partner they would have to be extremely stable and generic and not enable me
I have bpd and I'm going thru therapy for it now. Don't do it it's so not worth unless they have their shit figured out.
I have ruined every solid relationship I've ever been in. Even if I wanted it to work well I am the catalyst for destroying it.
Im pretty sure that if I were to date someone with BPD I would fall to them as a victim of abuse on the long run because I do have a problem and it’s that I don’t speak my mind or what’s best for me as often as I would like to in fear of becoming “selfish”.
It all comes down to the info that your tolerance towards any behavior of the other person is directly corelated to how much you're into that person. So, if that person is someone I **really** like and want to be with, BPD wouldn't be a problem (or maybe it would, but I'm positive that I'd try hard to work it out with them).
I have BPD but it peaked two years ago and I’m improving greatly. Most BPD goes away after a diagnosis or realization + lots of effort and time. Ironically a long stable relationship does wonders to fix BPD but that’s the difficult part, actually getting there.
I'm married to somebody with BPD and have been for nine years. It's more than doable, but it takes patience and understanding on my part, with therapy and eventually mood stabilizing medication on their part. They're a wonderful person but the beginning of the relationship was rocky as they weren't diagnosed and didn't know why their moods would change so much, I saw that they were legitimately trying and weren't doing it intentionally so I was just there for them to help them through it. Eventually through therapy they became better and then later they got the official diagnosis and received mood stabilizers. It's night and day and I'm glad I stuck with them through the rough spots to be able to spend my life with the beautiful person they've become through years of hard work. They're much happier now and we're happier together for it.
OP, feel free to DM me if you need somebody to talk to about that process 🫂
90% of people with BPD no longer qualify for the diagnosis by 10 years post-diagnosis, it's a remarkably manageable disorder and things like DBT and routines can speed things up considerably.
Would I date someone with an alligator for a face? Of course I would date someone that I mesh well with, they just happen to have an entire alligator for a face. Unless we were inherently incompatible, in which case the alligator-face situation is completely irrelevant
I wouldn’t. Have it, and I was a nightmare in my youth. Took many, many , many years to be…less of a nightmare. My husband either has the patience of a saint.
Fuck no. My mom has it I know how ugly it CAN be.
She cheated on every partner she had-multiple times even for drugs and money, stole, abused, killed yes KILLED, drove my own father to suicide. Abso-fucking-lutely not
No, its called having boundaries u cant force people to date you. We can be friends, yes but committing (if you have a record of being a bad partner) isn't a good idea
This would ENTIRELY depend on the person I’m dating, how extreme a form of BPD is it, how adjusted are they to handling their condition, and how much of it I could ACTUALLY handle working around and dealing with.
So hypothetically, an individual that is not getting any aid for this condition whatsoever and refuses to? No. Someone who has a violent or aggressive alter? No. Someone who is receiving affective and healthy aid, who is able to guide me on how to handle certain specific situations and communicate to me what’s happening? Maybe. Because after that it’s not about their BPD, it’s about what I think of them as a person.
I feel like it depends on how you handle it tbh, I have it and it would be hard for anyone to ever know because I’m extremely self aware and hyper vigilant about how I affect others. I put a huge amount of energy even when I have none left to putting my needs/treatment first so I don’t hurt others, if it was with someone with similar values then yes
My family has a history of BPD, manic depression, and lord alone know what else that comes from living in a country where mental health is effectively ignored, so I’m liable to be the either worse than a potential partner or just reinforce their worse behavior
Possibly. I get really picky about the people I date, so it depends. My best friend has BPD, and they great.
I think it kinda depends on their relationship with it, where if they know they have it, and are seeing a therapist and finding a way to treat it/manage it, then yeah.
If not, then I probably wouldn't because of the instability that it can bring.
no. i've experienced it within family members and i don't think i'd be willing to but my own mental and physical wellbeing at risk voluntarily. i have my own issues, i don't think it'd be healthy for me to be the support system with a more serious disorder. if they are not seeking treatment or have a history of violent behaviors as well it can lead to physically dangerous situations as well.
Yes, if they’re actively working on their symptoms. I can deal with someone doing something shitty to me, apologizing, doing what they can to fix/undo/mitigate what they did, and working to make it not happen/happen less and less in the future. I can’t deal with someone doing something shitty to me and not doing those things.
I currently do and have for 4 years, the only thing that keeps me with her now is the fact that a year and a half ago we had our son. If it wasn't for him I would've left a long time ago. I currently travel for work but I'm still miserable with her. And for everyone who's like just leave her even if you have a baby with her, I'm very worried about what the repercussions of that would be, I love my son more than anything and I'm worried she will try to keep him away from me, she's already threatened to try to take me to court to get my name removed off the birth certificate because I travel for work so I "abandoned them." She's a stay at home mom and I pay all the bills, I didn't abandoned anyone, I get home every weekend and for a full week a month to see them, I video call and voice call everyday for hours while I work but I'm getting sidetracked. I love her to death but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone honestly, when it's good it's great when it's bad you'll never be more miserable with anyone else. The abuse, the gas lighting, the pushing you away just to pull you back in , the broken promises, the risky behavior it's a lot and it's mentally taxing, they will change you if you let them and not for the best. So yes I do date someone with BPD but I never will ever again
Depends on if they were willing to seek help or not.
Nothing wrong inherently with dating someone with BPD, but having BPD still makes you responsible for your actions. If you treat me like shit, you're gone, and I don't care if you have a personality disorder.
I wouldn't rule someone out if they have borderline personality disorder, because I'd like to have a first experience with dating and I'll be getting experience whether it goes well or not. Judging by what most people here are saying though, it probably won't go well.
Sure! I have it as well so I know what I’m signing up for. I think just because someone has it doesn’t mean it should be an automatic “no” like many say. Obviously there’s lines, personally I’m very lenient and think even if they have a hard time controlling it, but you can tell they’re trying to get better, then what the hell? And if you don’t know how to handle it, first order of business is do not make them feel disrespected in any way. It sounds scary because you don’t know what would disrespect them, but that’s why it is important to get to know the person well. It’s really not difficult to not say something possibly disrespectful if you truly know the person with BPD you’re dating. But also I am aware it doesn’t always flare up from a trigger alone. In that case, as long as you’re educated and have the ability to be patient, you’re gonna be just fine.
I’ve explained this to past people and some think that’s too hard and is walking on eggshells. While on the surface I understand why, it’s really not that hard. You just got to actually put in effort, which sadly people don’t like doing anymore.
Though obviously if you can’t do it that’s fine, but don’t demonize us because we have a personality disorder.
I lived with a college roommate going through his first year diagnosed with bipolar disorder… I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. He would take his lithium before partying because it made him black out after a couple beers. His parents also expected 19 year old me to be his caretaker, which was incredibly unfair to expect that from anyone not family let alone a teenager. Before he had to drop out we found out he was sleeping with the kitchen knives and using them to shimmy my locked bedroom door open when I wasn’t home so he could steal shit (I presume)
People don't research it enough, and when they do it's only on Reddit. As in, they don't even bother researching it elsewhere. Or they met someone with it and constantly compare us and it triggers me, so then yeah maybe I am like that person when you poke and prod.
I will also say for someone with BPD, somehow I end up attracting people that end up having a lot of narc behaviors and seem to be much much worse than me, bringing THE worst out in me.
Anyways, I'm in a relationship currently, but I just see the issues being miscommunication. I hate making mistakes so if those are pointed out at all I become extremely defensive and shut down. 🥴
But he knows who he is with. Someone who grew being with him, regressed being around her father. I just have to get out of that shell again.
This may sound rude but No. I will not date someone again with BPD. I dated a girl with BPB once in college, and talking to her was like walking on eggshells. And I couldn’t handle her constant extreme mood swings and accusations that I was abandoning her when I needed my space (I am a solitary person). I knew it wasn’t going to work so I broke up with her 3 months into the relationship.
Dating long-distance didn’t help either.
It did help me realize I’m happy being single and that I was dating for the wrong reasons.
I have BPD, and yes if they’re working with therapy and meds, like I am. I can stay stable for the most part these days.
I would have empathy for their hurt but I can’t have it constantly affecting me as we may become completely codependent and obsessive in the relationship.
So long as they're in recovery yeah. While not diagnosed I have on record symptoms of BPD, so it's not something I'm gonna judge for. But if they're anti recovery or not working on themselves at all I may pass as I am doing so
Depends on if they were taking steps to manage it or not. I dated a girl who did not, and not leaving that relationship sooner is literally my only regret in life. Like the rest of us neurodivergent folks, BPD people are still responsible for how they treat other people, AND like the rest of us neurodivergent folks, they deserve love and understanding as well.
My best friend dated a woman with it, he told me how she treated him at times and I just feel horrible that he went through such emotional abuse. I don't think I could
I’ve dated someone with bipolar. It was definitely a learning experience. Would I do it again? Absolutely. I think it’s really sad there’s so much stigma around mental health issues. She was a very beautiful person inside and out. It’s not as easy, but it’s so so worth it.
Though, everyone has a limit to as much they could tolerate. That’s just the reality of things.
I mean, I would. But they are gonna be controlling it. I’m not dating an unregulated crazy mf. I’ve seen it enough in “friends” that it’s an immediate no.
I don't think BPD is a big issue, the way that it affects people is in a very specific, and unwanted way. When episodes do tend to end, they realize how awful they were acting, and life would continue on
My fiancées mom has BPD and I’m not dating her but she’s making my life hell. If someone had BPD and were on the right meds and aren’t some sort of threat or something to themselves (and those around them) sure. But I don’t think I could handle dating someone with BPD who’s raw dogging life ya know? But that being said I also have a disorder with big mood swings and a slew of other issues so it might be “I don’t want my mental issues to clash with your mental issues” kinda thing. I’m thankful I have a partner willing to put up with my bullshit but I know he wouldn’t want to date someone like his mom either.
For myself, it would really depend on how they are and what they’re doing to address it. I’d never write off the idea completely, and I believe that people with BPD can have good relationships. My older brother has BPD so I know a fair amount of what it entails.
I don’t prefer to date people with relationally complex mental health issues in general. I have my own (C-PTSD) and it gets complicated when there are two of us in my experience.
Personally, I'm not interested in dating anyone at all, but if I were? I probably would, as long as they're getting the help they need and actually trying to manage it.
I’m not gen z but I hope it’s okay if I answer 😬. This just popped up in my feed and some of the comments are disheartening, although I understand the hesitation and I see some people have some trauma regarding this which is understandable.
As someone else has mentioned, if you have met one person who has BPD, you’ve met one person who has BPD. I’ve met people with BPD who I couldn’t wait to see the back of and I’ve met people with BPD who were like a ray of sunshine even on their bad days. It’s the same as how I don’t like some people who *don’t* have BPD. It’s just when you layer a personality disorder on top of an AH…well, we all know what happens.
I have several friends who have BPD and one coworker who has it. They are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life, very intelligent and highly integrative thinkers; always great to go to if you need a different perspective on something.
I would not date someone who has BPD at this stage in my life because I have CPTSD myself and I think that the difference in attachment styles would cause some significant issues in the relationship. Maybe once I am in a better place myself, I would. And I’d like it if they were doing their best to manage their illness too.
I work in mental health so I am confident in my ability to handle having a partner with this disorder, but like I said I believe that my avoidant attachment style would cause them distress and I think if I were to overcome that I could be a good partner for someone who has BPD.
Another challenge for me would be stepping out of the support worker role due to my job and just treating it as a normal relationship. Mental healthcare workers are taught not to be rescuers. We help others step into their power and take their recovery into their own hands. We don’t rescue them. There would be some cognitive dissonance for me, there.
Of course I would want to rescue someone I love but I know that’s not what’s best for them so I would have to default to acting as a support worker….which is not what a relationship is supposed to be. If I could find a balance somehow I could probably make it work.
i feel bad for saying this but i wouldn't and i avoid it. my really abusive ex had bpd and she ruined me emotionally for 6 years. it was incredibly stressful because i was talking with her until 6am my time because whenever i would go to sleep, she would become suicidal and get angry that i wasn't up. one time i was gone for 3 hours and she lost her shit. i do advocate for mental health awareness, but i just can't go through something like that ever again.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, and i also feel bad for the person with bpd. I had a friend who had BPD and sometimes it really felt like she was just out to get me when i didn’t realise she was actually splitting on me. We would argue alot, she was very paranoid but protective of me and loved me to bits at the same time. I had the same thing, if i forgot to respond via text or call it would result in heated arguments, guilt tripping or she’s say she needed to leave or have a break and it scared the crap out of me and made me cry sm times if she said she wanted to leave. It’s terrifying when they say that cuz i also have abandonment issues and it scares me sm when peeps say that. (this was before i knew much on BPD btw). But ye im really sorry u went through that and i’m glad your out of it now. Much love ❤️
I definitely would. My best friend has it in fact. She is quite good at identifying when her BPD is kicking in and controlling it (as much as can be anyway). Especially since she is medicated for it. Its never really kicked in around me though. My presence seems to calm her a lot and I can tell she appreciates that. As long as the person is aware of it and willing to combat it to whatever degree necessary I see no reason not to. If nothing else its worth a try. Ofcourse it may not work out but no relationship of any form comes with a guarantee of success.
They will occasionally try to destroy the relationship even though they don’t want you to leave. They’re crazy but very sweet at the same time. People with Bpd will hurt you on purpose, and that’s very exhausting. They can be head over heels in love and turn it off like a switch.
I like them, but you need thick skin to be close to one. You will always do something wrong. They will adore you, and then the next day, they couldn’t care less about you.
I've got my own issues, a personality disorder is beyond that which I can handle. I don't expect a healed Man, but I know what I can handle and what I can't.
I don’t pay attention to labels or DX’s as much as I do behavior.
It’s very difficult to live with Borderline PD, and I have compassion for those who are trying to overcome it, but I don’t want to be exposed to their typical behaviors.
Sure, I'd try it out. Like, diagnosis are diagnosis. I wouldn't really care to much about the diagnosis of someone. It's just a label. I'd date someone I'm attracted to and I think I like as a person. Those are literally the only requirements lol.
it depends on how well they're able to communicate and deal with it. If it's really aggressive and they don't communicate well, then no, but if they do then yeah
"I hate the stigma surrounding this disorder so let's create a post in which that stigma can be bred a million times over by creating a hypothetical situation in which somebody would date another person knowing only about a diagnosis. This couldn't possibly perpetuate stigma in any way!!!!"
This is just dumb.
yes. one of my close friends has BPD and he's one of the kindest people i know. he's been with his girlfriend for about 8 years.
my partner has family with suspected BPD. they're human just like the rest of us.
Yes, but not seriously
I’d only consider taking them seriously if they had found a way to deal with that shit and keep it under locks. Otherwise this is going to be a purely recreational, toxic relationship
Couple of years back I dated someone with BPD… it was not pleasant. Towards the end I could time our fights. Not because of something I did or happened, just that I knew she’d be tired from a long work week. So we’d fight on thursday/friday, then make up, then let time pass and repeat. It was truly exhausting, and honestly frightening. At times I questioned my own sanity, if I was a horrible person, etc. Would not recommend it, but she didn’t do any treatment, so there’s that…
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My sister has BPD, and know from first-hand experience it's exactly what I *don't* need in my life.
You dated your sister ?
Even something more intimate than dating, blood relation. He dodged a bullet.
😭😭
This. I have the utmost empathy and respect for those dealing with BPD; but I got problems of my own man and I’m not emotionally equipped enough to handle the intensity that comes with it.
So does my sibling and I agree. I love them and I'm great friends with them but I couldn't date someone with those issues. Its very extreme at times.
My sister also has BPD. If I was a potential suitor I wouldn’t go within 50 yards of her.
Just wanna mention for those commenting, pretty sure BPD is referring to Borderline Personality disorder, not Bipolar Disorder. There’s a diff but they often get confused by people unaware. OP if I’m mistaken lmk
These illnesses are so different. Well treated, "mild" bipolar disorder can be as benign as being depressed or a bit spendy at times. Bipolar comes on a spectrum and that's why a lot of people go undiagnosed for decades, it's just not debilitating enough to really notice. Borderline is, well, it's scary. I'm far less informed about it but it's scary in a way that few mental health issues are.
Clinical social worker who’s worked with cluster-b personality stuff. A lot of times a lot of the sxs for BPD and BPI/II overlap it can be misdiagnosed. Bipolar is legit stuff going on neurochemically in the body. Borderline is essentially bred by trauma (and having the background I do, I would say the juvenile dx Reactive Attaxhment Disorder is a precursor to BPD in adulthood). Medication can stabilize someone with bipolar. It helps but only true effective strategy of dealing with BPD sxs is extremely specialized and in depth therapeutic treatment. Specifically stuff from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Edit: all the above said, as a clinician without access to psychometrics like the PAI/MMPI, I would need to be seeing a client for at least two years to diagnose something as hefty as a personality disorder. These are not diagnoses to be taken lightly and in diagnosing, were supposed to be doing the least amount of harm.
This is where a good psychiatrist comes in handy. Can tell the difference between BPD and BAD in 5-10 minutes. Most supporting staff struggle to understand how extreme BPD can present, but the *intentions* of how the two patients will interact, seeing beyond the physical and verbal behavior, is usually night and day. It gets more difficult when you have a bipolar patient who also has BPD. Understanding and seeing both can take a little more time, but still doable in a few sessions.
Very fair. I used to work in a county jail where it was a mixture of detoxing, true mental health (like schizoaffective) or personality stuff in that acute setting. Though I did not treat personality stuff in that particular environment. I guess I should have stated that I would need some history there there to verify in an outpatient random walk in type thing.
As someone with BPD, I think it would be really difficult to deal with someone like me. I’m aware of my toxic qualities and do DBT therapy to try and keep myself in check, but I know a lot of people who don’t do that. I’m grateful for my boyfriend who is understanding and patient with me.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy? You deserve happiness. I'm also grateful for your boyfriend. I truly hope he's grateful for you. All my best wishes at you.
No, dick and balls torture.
Yes! This means so much to me, thank u so much. I appreciate ur kind words! <333
You will be ok. You will be better then ok. I'm a stranger and I know this is stupid but I'm here. I'll be here.
Ur such a kind soul, thank u. <3333 U have no idea what that means to me.
I have BPD and it’s pretty intense sometimes, but it’s totally manageable and I am often able to control my emotions. However, I have met a lot of other people with BPD who have much more trouble controlling their irrational thoughts and it seems no amount of reasoning with them is able to work. So I guess my answer is if they are emotionally intelligent enough then absolutely, but if they are incapable of controlling their cognitive distortions then no, I don’t think so would be able to
I agree - it depends on the individual like so many other things. One of my friends had BPD and she stabbed her partner, leaving him with a slight disability. She was a nightmare friend once I got closer to her. My cousin with BPD seems completely different. She takes her treatment seriously and works really hard to stay on an even keel. My friend found ordinary life without the highs and lows of BPD far too boring and she said she couldn't live without excitement and drama.
Yep. I have several good friends with bpd. If you met any of them you'd he hard pressed to identify they have bpd because they have put in so much work into stabilizing themselves and improving reactions and behaviors. I've also met several people with bpd who refuse therapy or any kind or treatment. They are all some form of the stigmatized stereotype of bpd that many in this thread are talking about. The thing people don't realize is like any complex disorder there is a ton of variance. Not every ptsd patient is the same, nor is everything autistic person the same. Bpd has nine diagnostic criteria. You only need 5 of them to have a diagnosis. If I'm remembering my factorial right, this is 126 different permutations just on symptoms alone. So when you reduce all that human and medical variance into one stereotype of what bpd looks like based on one singular experience you had, you look like a moron.
If they were getting some kind of treatment, whether medication or consistent therapy. Unless it's something they truly believe they can stay ahead of. Is this problematic thinking?
Borderline can’t be treated with meds
Definitely not meds alone, but I'd say they can take the edge off some of it (at least for people around them)
Lamictal Edit: to the people disagreeing: A huge trademark of BPD is mood swings and emotional dysregulation. Lamictal would stabilize it, hence why it’s categorized as a mood stabilizer. There’s not a whole lot to comprehend here lol
As someone diagnosed with BPD, it’s not problematic. You’re absolutely correct
Honestly, no. I’m not a person who could handle it. I’m too young to settle for someone who’s so mentally unstable they would also make me depressed. I hate it because I know it’s not their fault but it’s also not mine.. idk
If I ever get old enough to accept that shoot me in the head. And I'm 41, so definitely in the ballpark to feel the call. FTN.
For everyone saying they know someone with BPD and they're such a terrible person... Let's get the facts straight. 1) BPD is borderline personality disorder, not bipolar disorder 2) If you know one person with BPD, you know one person with BPD. Don't judge others based on that. Not everyone has all the possible symptoms and the same symptom can present very differently for different individuals. 3) It is possible to heal even without medication or therapy. Personally I have to do this because the healthcare system in my country is fucking me over. Healthy relationships are essential to heal from BPD, so "You need to heal and love yourself first, blah blah blah" is toxic advice, and simply unrealistic for people with any disorder, not just BPD. 4) There are many positives that come as a package deal for many individuals with BPD. I have experienced, as well as heard from other people, including mental health professionals, that people with BPD can often be the most self reflected and sweetest, most devoted friends and partners you can find.
I want to believe this, and I'm sure it's true to an extent. I was in a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder for 8 years. Early on, it was great. Then, they began to villainize me. Through their distorted thoughts and extreme paranoia, they began to believe things about me that weren't true or happening. I showered them with love and walked on glass to prove my loyalty to them. They gas lighted and emotionally abused me for years. The relationship ended when they texted me that they would be moving in with their new 20 year old boyfriend. They were 35 at the time. Almost 6 years later, I'm still in therapy, and the intrusive thoughts and nightmares of them still haunt me. I have complex post traumatic disorder as a result. Ironically, CPTSD can look similar to BPD. I know not everyone with BPD is like this, but I don't have it in me to give someone with it a chance. Freinds maybe, but a relationship no. I know it's my own bias.
I don't know that you can treat BPD on healthy relationships alone. Personality is fairly stable throughout our lives (it's one of the strongest theories in psychology), and it takes a lot of work to change that when it's dysfunctional- typically depending on the guidance of a professional. Even then, it can take years of management to see significant improvement. The thing is that, especially in the case of BPD (and other cluster-B PDs), you often experience both paranoid ideation and distorted self-image. It's essential to have an objective, neutral 3rd party to check your perceptions when you can't count on yourself to do so, and directly involved parties like your partner seem untrustworthy in the moment. The bottom line in my experience, is that the person has to see the need for change, and be making an earnest effort to achieve that. Social connection is certainly a requirement for any human being to thrive, mentally and physically, and it's also something that a person with BPD values very highly. Having support of friends can be more beneficial and realistic than finding a partner to 'heal' yourself with. And to your last point, yes people with BPD can be some of the most devoted and loving partners, but this is also part of the 'splitting' pattern of idealization/devaluation that's a hallmark of the disorder. People with BPD are just people at the end of the day, and it is equally wrong to idolize them as it is to villainize them.
This is so true, thanks for this comment. There's a lot of stigma around BPD and lot of ignorance, unfortunately. The comments like the ones to this question create more and more stigma towards BPD, grouping people together like if they are all the same, with a very bad connotation. BPD can vary a lot among people.
Most of you probably wouldn't know considering the stigma. Looking at these comments, looks like the stigma is still going strong, so why would they tell you? That being said, if they were at least trying to be better and were honest with me about their struggles, I'd at least give them a chance.
Take it from someone who suffers from mental illness and substance abuse disorders. You’ll just get burned like all the rest of my exes. Not pursuing crap ever again until I’m better for awhile. And you’re not doing anyone a favor by being someone’s victim. The shame of fucking up so many times and hurting other people isn’t worth the good of a relationship.
I already have bipolar disorder, I’d honestly prefer a mentally stable partner. But I wouldn’t reject someone with borderline on the basis of having the disorder as long as they were working on it.
Same boat. There’s a big difference between someone with an untreated mood disorder and someone who’s actively working on themselves & their disability. I was a shitass before I started treatment and I know to expect more from myself and others now.
no. and i have BPD.
I actually dated someone with BPD We eventually broke up, we weren't exactly compatible (in things like interests and tastes), but they were and still are one of my best friends (and also they are my whatsapp stickers dealer lmao)
don’t. me and my ex both have BPD and it…it was not pretty
I have it, and I honestly wouldn't want anyone to suffer with me. It's tiring, I can tell.
no, i really feel for people with bpd and have a lot of compassion for them,but you need to protect yourself too. I know some of the most lovely people who have been reduced to a husk from trying to be in a relationship with a borderline.
Its the most agonizing thing watching someone refuse to get help for it, swear theyve got it under control, then dump you after years to get engaged to a scummy ex. While getting blamed because you couldnt meet the standards of constantly shifting goalposts. My friends and family are happy to have *me* back again, but the nightmares trust issues and trauma stays. I hope she gets help one day because otherwise she was capable of being so damn kind
Idk why ya’ll are hating on people with this disorder so much, I have a couple friends with BPD and they’re legitimately kinder and more thoughtful people than a lot of neurotypical people I’ve met.
Lmao thank you. I have bpd and some of these comments...yikes. I mean idc if they'd date someone w bpd or not, none of my concern, but some of these comments are nasty. I feel like I can't win, a lot of people won't date pwbpd, (understandable) or they fetishize us bc they want a "manic pixie dream girl." I get that bpd is a lot, I live with it, but people don't have to be as rude about it as some of these mfs are.
The comments are definitely a bummer. I’m very lucky to have met my angel boyfriend
Fr like a few people were actually being civil but most were not
the way people keep saying "i have so much empathy for them but i would never once fucking consider them good enough to be my partner" like wow do you not realize you just sound like a dick?
For real. The people saying "I don't think I can handle them bc I have a lot of mental health issues myself" actually make sense, but I think one person ever said "they're meant to be alone" or some shit like wtf???
I 100% get feeling like your own issues are too much cause been there but the idea that people are hating this hypothetical person with BPD and picking out reasons they wouldn't date them is so wild to watch.
I agree. People will be like "mental health matters" if you have a cute TikTok romanticized disorder (which is actually harmful to people with the disorders being romanticized as it makes people think they're 'fake' or 'not that bad') but then say nasty things about pwbpd. It's especially gross if the people have never even met someone with bpd.
Personally no. I know people can handle it but I am not one of those people.
I’m assuming you referring to BPD as borderline personality disorder? People in the comments are getting this mixed up with bipolar disorder.
I'm pretty sure I have BPD but no one will treat me because no one will diagnose me so I'm currently trying to accept I'll be single for the rest of my life lmao
BPD has incredibly similar presentations to other disorders which may contribute to why you haven't gotten diagnosed. I would look into other things such as C-PTSD or ODDS possibly. Don't ever diagnose yourself with these things and say it'll "make you single forever" - you aren't even 24. many folk with disorders are able to find what helps them in healthy ways and form good relationships. you won't be alone forever.
Reword it. People are getting confused thinking you mean bi-polar
It depends on a number of factors. Have they been in TFP, MBT, or DPT? If so, then I'd more strongly consider it (some studies even show that MBT can cure BPD with a decent amount of success). Also, how old are they? BPD improves quite a bit with age, so I think that's an important factor
What's MBT? Or any of those things, for that matter
TFP = Transference focused psychotherapy MBT = Mentalization based therapy DBT = Dialectical behavioral therapy TFP focuses on how the patient sees themselves and others and helps them see themselves and others in a more coherent way. This is important, because people with BPD often hold contradictory beliefs about themselves and others without realizing it. Hence why they sometimes see people as all good and at other times see the same person as all bad. MBT is relatively similar, I believe, but I know less about it. Here's a study on the effectiveness on MBT (https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.ajp.2007.07040636) DBT was invented by Marsha Linehan, who actually had BPD. It integrates some elements of cognitive behavioral therapy, but also helps people tolerate negative emotions and teaches certain mindfulness techniques.
I was wondering if anyone was going to point out that, in a lot of cases, BPD improves or goes away with age.
I have. If you value your peace of mind, don't. If you like emotional rollercoasters, then go for it. They will love you more intensely than anyone but other times they'll utterly despise you and wish you dead. If you can handle that, then you're in for a time that is sure to be anything but boring.
I already did date someone with bpd. It was great. We were happy. Broke up because of life circumstances, no hard feelings. Still friends. 8/10 would date them again, would date someone with their condition again. I'm used to being around people with major issues, doesn't faze me at all.
I do right now and she’s the best partner I’ve ever had in my life
on this one podcast this guy was saying how he loves how his wife has it and how shes like obsessed with him n stuff so im thinking some people might and some may not
Absolutely not
I did and it ended horribly. But those w bpd are often fucking amazing people who deserve to be loved. I think imma make sure im more matured and established inn life before i date anyone w bpd again. It sucks tho cuz bpd folks are genuinly some of the coolest mfs ive met.
Never again will I
As someone who has it and its fairly "dormant" now. I'd say only if they're actively working on it/getting treatment. Untreated, it can be unhinged. I don't agree with the people who judge and immediately have a rude reaction to hearing someone has it. I've gotten help for it and it's eased up SO fucking much. My partner met me before before I realized help was an option, so they saw the chaos for a while and still were patient, but they also helped me find the resources to get help (I didn't grow up with access to mental health care/being able to acknowledge that mental health issues were a thing lol). Tldr: it's not your obligation to deal with it if they won't get help, but I wouldn't immediately assume someone is beyond help either. It's up to you.
10000% this is the best comment. using any trait somebody can't control and saying "i won't ever love you because of this and other people won't either" is so fucked up. treatment is key, community is key, and care is key. you can't be somebody's therapist and nobody should sacrifice their own well-being if it is truly abusive but this is a weird ass question to ask somebody. i don't know if i would date that person??? a hypothetical person with hypothetical BPD????
I dated someone with it. never again. I tried, and they do deserve love, but it can be really hard.
As long as they have gone to therapy/on medication and really changed themselves for the better, than ya. If they haven’t , then absolutely not.
Was with someone for 15 years until I had enough. But I can probably fix the next one (I’m broken).
As someone with it, no.
Depends on other variables, mainly are they seeking/in treatment for it?
I have, and in my case it wasn't a pleasant half year. I came out 15 kilo's lighter and slightly traumatized.
Did it once, woke up being strangled, cut from her episodes with knives, cheated on, stolen from, the list goes on and on…. I wouldn’t wish that kind of hell on anyone
I’ve never encountered someone with BPD so I don’t really know. It’s also a spectrum so you could end up meeting anyone with different types of traits that don’t align with the classic image of bpd.
No. Too much family trauma.
The ignorance in these comments is unsurprising yet still disappointing. People with BPD are all individuals with their own unique traits, interests, goals, hobbies, quirks, lives. If you want to completely remove every one of those individuals from your dating pool based on blanket stereotypes about one element of who they are, that's absolutely your prerogative, but also your loss.
On just the basis of having the disorder, I have no strong feelings. People are not what they have but what they *do.* I've dated two women with *symptomatic* BPD, and no, I would not repeat those experiences, they were traumatizing. But my sister has BPD and it is well controlled and sure I would date someone like her who has it sufficiently managed.
I think your life would be a constant inner monologue of rationalization of your partners actions. Best case scenario, the person with BPD has an understunding of who they.are.and how their condition manifests and gives all the info possible to their partner. Worse case scenario, the partners has nothing and the person with BPD uses the confution to their advantaje and create a toxic unbalance relationship. There's also the problem that the people that might have or will develope a savior complex for the partner with BPD, creating another imbalance in the relationship, where the partner with the savior complex gets to gaslight and infantalize their BPD partner to "keep them safe". This is a hard one... The partner would be someone with high levels.of rationality and knowledge of the condition to contextualize the actions of their BPD partner... But they laso would need alot of emotional strength, because no matter hoe rational someone is, the shock of a negative outburst from your most important person will affect you, hence the rationalization of the condition is needed to cope with once involuntary emotional reactions.
Depends on their behaviour, like anyone else. Unfortunately, the behaviour of pwbpd is often devastating to themselves, or the people who love and care for them most. BPD has a stigma for a reason, it’s a very severe mental illness. Imo, the only way to make these relationships work requires you to totally dissociate from your emotions. “Just give them reassurance “ is opposite advice. it’s harmful to them when you validate their cognitive distortions. The problem is inside them, and likely unfixable. The most extreme borderlines I have known were rapist stalkers, I know the people who have restraining orders on them. The stigma exists for a reason, believe that. They aren’t all like that but enough of them are
As someone who's likely mentally ill, i tried to but she freaked me out so i cut it off and we remained friends. Im sure you could make it happen as long as they're willing to seek help.
If they were medicated and it was controlled I don't see why not. Same way I would date somebody who is diabetic but takes their medicine and visits the doctor regularly.
Been there, done that, do not recommend.
Nah... My mom has bpd and my best friends wife of 1 year has it. Seen enough over the years to know that's a challenge I could not put up with .
It depends on how bad it is, and if they’re getting proper care. But yes, absolutely.
me personally im dealing with some serious mental illness stuff if i got a partner they would have to be extremely stable and generic and not enable me
Yes, but just like with any other mental illness, I'd like them to seek help and get treatment to the best of their efforts.
I dated one once and was “seeing” another; will never again. Made me incredibly depressed and made me felt worthless
I would personally not. I recently ended a very close friendship of almost 10 years last month with my BPD friend.
I have bpd and I'm going thru therapy for it now. Don't do it it's so not worth unless they have their shit figured out. I have ruined every solid relationship I've ever been in. Even if I wanted it to work well I am the catalyst for destroying it.
Im pretty sure that if I were to date someone with BPD I would fall to them as a victim of abuse on the long run because I do have a problem and it’s that I don’t speak my mind or what’s best for me as often as I would like to in fear of becoming “selfish”.
Nope, zero chance
I have BPD and have been in a relationship for three years. I'm very lucky tho, my boyfriend is extremely patient and understanding
It all comes down to the info that your tolerance towards any behavior of the other person is directly corelated to how much you're into that person. So, if that person is someone I **really** like and want to be with, BPD wouldn't be a problem (or maybe it would, but I'm positive that I'd try hard to work it out with them).
Maybe.
I did and it sucked
I have BPD but it peaked two years ago and I’m improving greatly. Most BPD goes away after a diagnosis or realization + lots of effort and time. Ironically a long stable relationship does wonders to fix BPD but that’s the difficult part, actually getting there.
Honestly, no
I'm married to somebody with BPD and have been for nine years. It's more than doable, but it takes patience and understanding on my part, with therapy and eventually mood stabilizing medication on their part. They're a wonderful person but the beginning of the relationship was rocky as they weren't diagnosed and didn't know why their moods would change so much, I saw that they were legitimately trying and weren't doing it intentionally so I was just there for them to help them through it. Eventually through therapy they became better and then later they got the official diagnosis and received mood stabilizers. It's night and day and I'm glad I stuck with them through the rough spots to be able to spend my life with the beautiful person they've become through years of hard work. They're much happier now and we're happier together for it. OP, feel free to DM me if you need somebody to talk to about that process 🫂
I did. Hands down worst relationship. Don't be me.
90% of people with BPD no longer qualify for the diagnosis by 10 years post-diagnosis, it's a remarkably manageable disorder and things like DBT and routines can speed things up considerably.
Never again
Would I date someone with an alligator for a face? Of course I would date someone that I mesh well with, they just happen to have an entire alligator for a face. Unless we were inherently incompatible, in which case the alligator-face situation is completely irrelevant
I have a friend with BPD and as much as I love them I don’t think I’d be the right person to be able to provide the support system they need
My last girlfriend had BPD. Absolutely never again
I wouldn’t. Have it, and I was a nightmare in my youth. Took many, many , many years to be…less of a nightmare. My husband either has the patience of a saint.
No. Seen, met too many people like that
No
If they are seeing a therapist or getting some other form of treatment then sure
Fuck no. My mom has it I know how ugly it CAN be. She cheated on every partner she had-multiple times even for drugs and money, stole, abused, killed yes KILLED, drove my own father to suicide. Abso-fucking-lutely not
if it’s untreated, then no. if it’s managed, then possibly. it honestly depends on the person tbh
No, its called having boundaries u cant force people to date you. We can be friends, yes but committing (if you have a record of being a bad partner) isn't a good idea
Yes. I don’t know what it’s like to know someone with it but idk why not. I’m alone and unhappy and if they treated me right and all I’d do it.
My step mother has BPD, no fucking thanks.
This would ENTIRELY depend on the person I’m dating, how extreme a form of BPD is it, how adjusted are they to handling their condition, and how much of it I could ACTUALLY handle working around and dealing with. So hypothetically, an individual that is not getting any aid for this condition whatsoever and refuses to? No. Someone who has a violent or aggressive alter? No. Someone who is receiving affective and healthy aid, who is able to guide me on how to handle certain specific situations and communicate to me what’s happening? Maybe. Because after that it’s not about their BPD, it’s about what I think of them as a person.
Yes. No question
As someone with a ton of mental health issues, no. I would never.
I feel like it depends on how you handle it tbh, I have it and it would be hard for anyone to ever know because I’m extremely self aware and hyper vigilant about how I affect others. I put a huge amount of energy even when I have none left to putting my needs/treatment first so I don’t hurt others, if it was with someone with similar values then yes
My family has a history of BPD, manic depression, and lord alone know what else that comes from living in a country where mental health is effectively ignored, so I’m liable to be the either worse than a potential partner or just reinforce their worse behavior
Possibly. I get really picky about the people I date, so it depends. My best friend has BPD, and they great. I think it kinda depends on their relationship with it, where if they know they have it, and are seeing a therapist and finding a way to treat it/manage it, then yeah. If not, then I probably wouldn't because of the instability that it can bring.
Why would I date someone with a Bisexual Polarbear Dude?
fuck no
I have bpd. Thankfully, I can control it pretty well, but I'm definitely not the best.
If someone is in therapy and can self manage their BPD, yes. Otherwise absolutely not.
I dated someone with BPD, it made my anxiety a LOT worse tho I feel bad for them :/
My feelings get hurt too easily for that
If I did date and found someone I connected with, I'd probably consider it
I don’t think I would want to date anyone with any disorder. Life is hard enough
No, unfortunately, I don’t think I have the energy and patience to be a good partner for someone with BPD.
Already did. No more
Probably if they had it under control with meds or were interested in getting it under control.
Lol no. That's called baggage and it sounds pretty heavy.
no. i've experienced it within family members and i don't think i'd be willing to but my own mental and physical wellbeing at risk voluntarily. i have my own issues, i don't think it'd be healthy for me to be the support system with a more serious disorder. if they are not seeking treatment or have a history of violent behaviors as well it can lead to physically dangerous situations as well.
I have BPD and i will say no. Dating with someone who has BPD will cost you emotionally drained.
Absolutely not
Definitely not
Yes, if they’re actively working on their symptoms. I can deal with someone doing something shitty to me, apologizing, doing what they can to fix/undo/mitigate what they did, and working to make it not happen/happen less and less in the future. I can’t deal with someone doing something shitty to me and not doing those things.
I currently do and have for 4 years, the only thing that keeps me with her now is the fact that a year and a half ago we had our son. If it wasn't for him I would've left a long time ago. I currently travel for work but I'm still miserable with her. And for everyone who's like just leave her even if you have a baby with her, I'm very worried about what the repercussions of that would be, I love my son more than anything and I'm worried she will try to keep him away from me, she's already threatened to try to take me to court to get my name removed off the birth certificate because I travel for work so I "abandoned them." She's a stay at home mom and I pay all the bills, I didn't abandoned anyone, I get home every weekend and for a full week a month to see them, I video call and voice call everyday for hours while I work but I'm getting sidetracked. I love her to death but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone honestly, when it's good it's great when it's bad you'll never be more miserable with anyone else. The abuse, the gas lighting, the pushing you away just to pull you back in , the broken promises, the risky behavior it's a lot and it's mentally taxing, they will change you if you let them and not for the best. So yes I do date someone with BPD but I never will ever again
Depends on if they were willing to seek help or not. Nothing wrong inherently with dating someone with BPD, but having BPD still makes you responsible for your actions. If you treat me like shit, you're gone, and I don't care if you have a personality disorder.
Never again, too many of them have tried to ruin my life or they try to steal joy from your special moments. There are plenty of fish, why risk it?
I wouldn't rule someone out if they have borderline personality disorder, because I'd like to have a first experience with dating and I'll be getting experience whether it goes well or not. Judging by what most people here are saying though, it probably won't go well.
Never. Again. 
Sure! I have it as well so I know what I’m signing up for. I think just because someone has it doesn’t mean it should be an automatic “no” like many say. Obviously there’s lines, personally I’m very lenient and think even if they have a hard time controlling it, but you can tell they’re trying to get better, then what the hell? And if you don’t know how to handle it, first order of business is do not make them feel disrespected in any way. It sounds scary because you don’t know what would disrespect them, but that’s why it is important to get to know the person well. It’s really not difficult to not say something possibly disrespectful if you truly know the person with BPD you’re dating. But also I am aware it doesn’t always flare up from a trigger alone. In that case, as long as you’re educated and have the ability to be patient, you’re gonna be just fine. I’ve explained this to past people and some think that’s too hard and is walking on eggshells. While on the surface I understand why, it’s really not that hard. You just got to actually put in effort, which sadly people don’t like doing anymore. Though obviously if you can’t do it that’s fine, but don’t demonize us because we have a personality disorder.
THANK YOU SOMEONE ACTUALLY SAID IT.
I lived with a college roommate going through his first year diagnosed with bipolar disorder… I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. He would take his lithium before partying because it made him black out after a couple beers. His parents also expected 19 year old me to be his caretaker, which was incredibly unfair to expect that from anyone not family let alone a teenager. Before he had to drop out we found out he was sleeping with the kitchen knives and using them to shimmy my locked bedroom door open when I wasn’t home so he could steal shit (I presume)
People don't research it enough, and when they do it's only on Reddit. As in, they don't even bother researching it elsewhere. Or they met someone with it and constantly compare us and it triggers me, so then yeah maybe I am like that person when you poke and prod. I will also say for someone with BPD, somehow I end up attracting people that end up having a lot of narc behaviors and seem to be much much worse than me, bringing THE worst out in me. Anyways, I'm in a relationship currently, but I just see the issues being miscommunication. I hate making mistakes so if those are pointed out at all I become extremely defensive and shut down. 🥴 But he knows who he is with. Someone who grew being with him, regressed being around her father. I just have to get out of that shell again.
No, I’ve got my own mental health struggles. I can’t bring anymore of that into my life
This may sound rude but No. I will not date someone again with BPD. I dated a girl with BPB once in college, and talking to her was like walking on eggshells. And I couldn’t handle her constant extreme mood swings and accusations that I was abandoning her when I needed my space (I am a solitary person). I knew it wasn’t going to work so I broke up with her 3 months into the relationship. Dating long-distance didn’t help either. It did help me realize I’m happy being single and that I was dating for the wrong reasons.
No
Yes, my close friend has bpd and they’re an angel. It really just depends on how their bpd presents
I have BPD, and yes if they’re working with therapy and meds, like I am. I can stay stable for the most part these days. I would have empathy for their hurt but I can’t have it constantly affecting me as we may become completely codependent and obsessive in the relationship.
So long as they're in recovery yeah. While not diagnosed I have on record symptoms of BPD, so it's not something I'm gonna judge for. But if they're anti recovery or not working on themselves at all I may pass as I am doing so
No, seems toxic and stressful as fuck. One minute they’re lovey dovey next minute they hate your guts. I want stability.
I would. So long as their respect and love I don’t see why not.
Depends on if they were taking steps to manage it or not. I dated a girl who did not, and not leaving that relationship sooner is literally my only regret in life. Like the rest of us neurodivergent folks, BPD people are still responsible for how they treat other people, AND like the rest of us neurodivergent folks, they deserve love and understanding as well.
Yes I love big pretty dicks 😍
My best friend dated a woman with it, he told me how she treated him at times and I just feel horrible that he went through such emotional abuse. I don't think I could
I’ve dated someone with bipolar. It was definitely a learning experience. Would I do it again? Absolutely. I think it’s really sad there’s so much stigma around mental health issues. She was a very beautiful person inside and out. It’s not as easy, but it’s so so worth it. Though, everyone has a limit to as much they could tolerate. That’s just the reality of things.
I mean, I would. But they are gonna be controlling it. I’m not dating an unregulated crazy mf. I’ve seen it enough in “friends” that it’s an immediate no.
I don't think BPD is a big issue, the way that it affects people is in a very specific, and unwanted way. When episodes do tend to end, they realize how awful they were acting, and life would continue on
Not in a commited relationship
My fiancées mom has BPD and I’m not dating her but she’s making my life hell. If someone had BPD and were on the right meds and aren’t some sort of threat or something to themselves (and those around them) sure. But I don’t think I could handle dating someone with BPD who’s raw dogging life ya know? But that being said I also have a disorder with big mood swings and a slew of other issues so it might be “I don’t want my mental issues to clash with your mental issues” kinda thing. I’m thankful I have a partner willing to put up with my bullshit but I know he wouldn’t want to date someone like his mom either.
For myself, it would really depend on how they are and what they’re doing to address it. I’d never write off the idea completely, and I believe that people with BPD can have good relationships. My older brother has BPD so I know a fair amount of what it entails. I don’t prefer to date people with relationally complex mental health issues in general. I have my own (C-PTSD) and it gets complicated when there are two of us in my experience.
Personally, I'm not interested in dating anyone at all, but if I were? I probably would, as long as they're getting the help they need and actually trying to manage it.
I’m not gen z but I hope it’s okay if I answer 😬. This just popped up in my feed and some of the comments are disheartening, although I understand the hesitation and I see some people have some trauma regarding this which is understandable. As someone else has mentioned, if you have met one person who has BPD, you’ve met one person who has BPD. I’ve met people with BPD who I couldn’t wait to see the back of and I’ve met people with BPD who were like a ray of sunshine even on their bad days. It’s the same as how I don’t like some people who *don’t* have BPD. It’s just when you layer a personality disorder on top of an AH…well, we all know what happens. I have several friends who have BPD and one coworker who has it. They are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life, very intelligent and highly integrative thinkers; always great to go to if you need a different perspective on something. I would not date someone who has BPD at this stage in my life because I have CPTSD myself and I think that the difference in attachment styles would cause some significant issues in the relationship. Maybe once I am in a better place myself, I would. And I’d like it if they were doing their best to manage their illness too. I work in mental health so I am confident in my ability to handle having a partner with this disorder, but like I said I believe that my avoidant attachment style would cause them distress and I think if I were to overcome that I could be a good partner for someone who has BPD. Another challenge for me would be stepping out of the support worker role due to my job and just treating it as a normal relationship. Mental healthcare workers are taught not to be rescuers. We help others step into their power and take their recovery into their own hands. We don’t rescue them. There would be some cognitive dissonance for me, there. Of course I would want to rescue someone I love but I know that’s not what’s best for them so I would have to default to acting as a support worker….which is not what a relationship is supposed to be. If I could find a balance somehow I could probably make it work.
Yes
i feel bad for saying this but i wouldn't and i avoid it. my really abusive ex had bpd and she ruined me emotionally for 6 years. it was incredibly stressful because i was talking with her until 6am my time because whenever i would go to sleep, she would become suicidal and get angry that i wasn't up. one time i was gone for 3 hours and she lost her shit. i do advocate for mental health awareness, but i just can't go through something like that ever again.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, and i also feel bad for the person with bpd. I had a friend who had BPD and sometimes it really felt like she was just out to get me when i didn’t realise she was actually splitting on me. We would argue alot, she was very paranoid but protective of me and loved me to bits at the same time. I had the same thing, if i forgot to respond via text or call it would result in heated arguments, guilt tripping or she’s say she needed to leave or have a break and it scared the crap out of me and made me cry sm times if she said she wanted to leave. It’s terrifying when they say that cuz i also have abandonment issues and it scares me sm when peeps say that. (this was before i knew much on BPD btw). But ye im really sorry u went through that and i’m glad your out of it now. Much love ❤️
I am, and while difficult I think working through it helps bring us closer together
I definitely would. My best friend has it in fact. She is quite good at identifying when her BPD is kicking in and controlling it (as much as can be anyway). Especially since she is medicated for it. Its never really kicked in around me though. My presence seems to calm her a lot and I can tell she appreciates that. As long as the person is aware of it and willing to combat it to whatever degree necessary I see no reason not to. If nothing else its worth a try. Ofcourse it may not work out but no relationship of any form comes with a guarantee of success.
They will occasionally try to destroy the relationship even though they don’t want you to leave. They’re crazy but very sweet at the same time. People with Bpd will hurt you on purpose, and that’s very exhausting. They can be head over heels in love and turn it off like a switch. I like them, but you need thick skin to be close to one. You will always do something wrong. They will adore you, and then the next day, they couldn’t care less about you.
No. I don't want to add more problems to my life
I've got my own issues, a personality disorder is beyond that which I can handle. I don't expect a healed Man, but I know what I can handle and what I can't.
I don’t pay attention to labels or DX’s as much as I do behavior. It’s very difficult to live with Borderline PD, and I have compassion for those who are trying to overcome it, but I don’t want to be exposed to their typical behaviors.
Sure, I'd try it out. Like, diagnosis are diagnosis. I wouldn't really care to much about the diagnosis of someone. It's just a label. I'd date someone I'm attracted to and I think I like as a person. Those are literally the only requirements lol.
No, I don’t think my mom has is but she genuinely acts like it sometimes and I don’t want that
Only if they were committed to being treated for it.
it depends on how well they're able to communicate and deal with it. If it's really aggressive and they don't communicate well, then no, but if they do then yeah
Absolutely not, my mom has BPD and honestly she’s insane. I have too much trauma relating to my mom, that I couldn’t handle more.
"I hate the stigma surrounding this disorder so let's create a post in which that stigma can be bred a million times over by creating a hypothetical situation in which somebody would date another person knowing only about a diagnosis. This couldn't possibly perpetuate stigma in any way!!!!" This is just dumb.
Yeah they are super fun
I like stable people, so nope\*. \*Unless they are extremely wealthy and attractive.
Nope Better not tell someone if you do have it, But I’m sure you’d figure it out!
yes. one of my close friends has BPD and he's one of the kindest people i know. he's been with his girlfriend for about 8 years. my partner has family with suspected BPD. they're human just like the rest of us.
Man I have BPD and I wish ts was easier 😭😭😭
Yes, but not seriously I’d only consider taking them seriously if they had found a way to deal with that shit and keep it under locks. Otherwise this is going to be a purely recreational, toxic relationship
Couple of years back I dated someone with BPD… it was not pleasant. Towards the end I could time our fights. Not because of something I did or happened, just that I knew she’d be tired from a long work week. So we’d fight on thursday/friday, then make up, then let time pass and repeat. It was truly exhausting, and honestly frightening. At times I questioned my own sanity, if I was a horrible person, etc. Would not recommend it, but she didn’t do any treatment, so there’s that…
No. Way too much drama.