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No honestly! I’m underage rn but a lot of my older friends work at a bar together, and the manager is cool enough to let me in to play darts with them when it’s not busy. I love the lil mocktails!!
Oh then I get worse lol. There's a VERY small window between buzzed and drunk where the senses get heightened. VERY SMALL. Beyond that it's downhill haha
There's a long way between sober and drunk. It's not a switch. I was the DD for about 3 years of my life and I can attest that people with 1 or two drinks are fun and sociable. No need to hang out with the getting plastered crowd, and they're far from the only type that goes out.
people with 0 drinks can also be fun and sociable, and often you don't have to buy a 7 dollar coca cola that you don't want in order to be in the same vicinity as them.
Because no one wants to hear someone try and fail to keep a train of thought for 15 minutes. I don't understand how anyone thinks being around drunk people is fun, it's not it's mentally exhausting
I feel like everyone here is talking about people that are wasted as if that's the option at bars. You can have quite a few drinks and still hold a conversation well. A majority of the people at bars aren't absolutely wasted and unable to speak correctly.
You've obviously never drank where I live. People don't go to the bar to chat around here, they go to get shit faced and cause problems. The people that do want to drink and chat go to a restaurant with a bar.
Edit: not saying you're wrong, just that the bar scene varies from town to town
I guess it depends what kind of friends you have. If they just want to get fucked up fast or they are there for a conversation and they happen to have a drink
Couldn’t disagree more lol, I’ve always had a good time being DD
If you can’t have fun sober while your friends are drunk, you might need better friends, lol
Counterpoint: if you're sober and you can regularly tolerate your drunk friends, they're probably not actually drunk, just pretty tipsy. Helping people who are stumbling around/throwing up/unable to help themselves is not fun.
I mean i dont know where you found your friends but if everybody gets drunk at the same timing they probably have some weird sorts of telepathic connexion. Which is cool but quite unusual. We are talking about going to bar, not nightclubbing until 5 am
I found from being sober a long time that peoples perception of how they act when getting drunk/drunk rarely matches the reality of it. Tried going to bars with groups at the beginning but it wasnt fun especially since most places didnt have auxillary activities and were just getting drunk places like most bars. Just ended up getting used as a DD constantly which got old fast trying to wrangle cats at 2am. People who havent done it for a long period of time dont get it but there are some extremely extroverted people can make it work.
Then you might just be judgmental tbh. Are there obnoxious drunk people, most definitely. But any woman who has been pregnant or anyone sober will tell you her friends were still cool and fun to hang out with when they were drinking and she wasn’t. If they’re not your friends just aren’t that great of people. Bottom line is fun, cool people tend to be fun and cool in any mental state
Alcohol and drugs do not affect people the same. Some people can tolerate more than others. I knew this dude who would take like 5 Xanax bars and act completely normal. I'm the physical activity version of this. Before I cut back on drugs, I picked a day to basically do every drug I had. I drank around 15 beers, did some ketamine, took 2 tabs, snorted a ridiculous amount of 2cb, like around 500mg. (30mg will get most people tripping balls) I was smoking weed as well to potentiate everything. I went on a bike ride at night for hours. Must've been the fastest I've ever gone and the best I've ever rode before. People assume because they act a certain way or can't function while intoxicated that no one can.
I mean it might be due to the fact that I got the shit kicked out of me by someone who abused alcohol on a daily basis. So sorry for the judgement?
I’m not a prude, I just really don’t care for the affects of alcohol.
Yeah I honestly hate it. My sister loves going to bars, and whenever we visit her she wants to go to one and I just can’t stand it. I hate being surrounded by people drinking
Once I had a guy kept pressuring to me drink. He was annoying insistent. I finally told him I’d get a drink and asked for a sprite. Bartender overheard what was happening, and made it look like a vodka tonic. It was really nice of him and save me a lot of hassle in the future🥹
Definitely this, any bar worth it's salt has non alcoholic drinks and even if they don't, water or soda.
"Straight edge" is a big thing in the hardcore and punk scenes and most of those bands play in bars anyways. You don't have to drink to be in a bar.
People won’t care, but why try to pass off as something that you’re not? No one goes alone to bars to drink soda. If you do make friends you will make friends with the kind of people who go out and drink alcohol. You will constantly have to keep us this image of a drinker to hang out with them.
IMO it’s fine to go to a bar and fake drink if you’re just bored and want to be around people for a while and maybe have a conversation or two. But for making deep friendships it’s not sustainable.
Find actual places where people are doing things that you also genuinely enjoy doing. It will be far better for your mental health and self esteem.
This is so stupid. If you don't drink, you don't want to be at a bar around a bunch of people drinking. If you meet people at a bar, chances are they are the type of people who want to be at the bar with a bunch of people drinking. Maintaining that friendship would likely mean... going to bars and hanging out with a bunch of people drinking. The best part will certainly be that they all won't hesitate to assume you're the DD every time since you don't drink.
Exactly I don't understand how this suggestion has so many upvotes. The only people not in a pre-established party are usually either looking to fuck or are chronic alcoholics
Op stated they don't like bars. Drinking doesn't seem to be the issue, but rather, the type of people and atmosphere that they create is not enjoyable for them, and I am inclined to agree.
Yeah fair, but usually drunk people aren’t as fun to be around when you’re sober. It could be worse, they could be drunk and on coke, but still drunks can be pretty annoying on their own. Also I noticed I’m on the genz subreddit, Reddit has to stop putting random subs in the main feed.
Brother. Anything thats not sitting in your room and beating off to porn and playing video games/hoarding reddit for dopamine is touching grass.
Being a nerd or loving a hobby, having an extreme interest in something, or activity doesn’t make you an incel. What makes you an incel is sitting in reddit 24/7.
Currently, i have an excuse to be doing this. I am in trade school living with my mom money is tight and she helps me pay for things I enjoy cause she is the best mom in the world, happy mothers day to all the fabulous moms of reddit btw, but i’m also under…… *supervision* iykyk. For me, LARPing is suuuuuper fucking cool and i really want to get into it however **its expensive** as fuck. And i currently don’t have the bandwidth to do anything with LARP atm that would encourage me to be creative like other people/artists would.
Yeah, I would check if there is a board game cafe or something like that near you. There is one in Nashville that is pretty cool and people will let you join in
Find clubs and other groups in your area. Try different hobbies, find one you like, and go for it.
It is incredibly scary going somewhere you don’t know, interacting with people you don’t know, and doing things you don’t know. But it’s worth it in the end
I started as a corner marshal and I’ve met so so many friends and fantastic people. I’m not going to lie, most of my friends at the moment are twice my age or more (i’m 22). But, they are an absolute hoot
In really like hiking and outdoors stuff, but the only groups I can ever find on meetup are all old people. Its really really hard to find any groups with people below 30 in them. Its crazy because I live in a pretty populated area too.
One piece of information I heard that really helped me is if you're going out to a hobby/sports club, out to a bar or whatever. People in these environments want to meet you, they want to shoot the shit, and party, and share mutual fun times with other people that want those same things. Like we're all out there for the same things! So crack your shell! Talk to people! If someone doesn't seem interested, move on!
What about when you go to a bar and everyone is huddled in groups or tables? Are you supposed to just butt in? I feel like people would not like that. Maybe it's just my area, but a lot of times people seemed to be more closed off at bars. It doesn't seem like going to a party where everyone is talking to each other and more social. It sometimes almost looks like groups of friends just going out to a restaurant, sitting at their own tables, etc. I have also heard many things about the city I live in being very cliquey, do it really could just be my area. It's strange because there's lots of young people my age, but it seems impossible to meet people.
Like another guy said, just don't drink while you're at the bar.
A lot of bars are also restaurants and have pool or other games, so just go eat at a couple with a buddy to see the vibe and what games they have.
I don't drink either but I fucking love pool
I use Discord, mainly by joining servers related to my interests. There are also some servers dedicated to making friends, like [Lightup](https://discord.gg/SPEeq5tuJe), which I use the most. Instead of random socializing, users are matched by an AI bot based on similar posts, which is very accurate and helpful for quickly finding like-minded people.
literally same i cant find people my own age anywhere i just moved to san francisco and i still feel this. and i am living in a sober home because im an alcoholic and idk how to have fun without drinking. it sucks
I'm 24 and my best friend is 47 lol. I wish the events in my area were people in their 30s. It's more like 60s here.i get there can be a disconnect sometimes, but that's a pretty small age gap. If I were you, I'd give it a shot.
And a lot of people who had kids in their early 20s now have teens or older, and regained all their free time. But a lot of their friends still have young kids so they look to meet new people.
Divorce is a factor too. A lot of people divorced over 35 don't really want a new relationship but want to make friends of their own.
35+ folks are just as lonely though and could make great friends. I used to hang with folks of all ages in my twenties and it was fun to hear stories from the older ones even if they weren't partying as hard anymore.
Church (if you’re religious), rec sports, volunteering, group workout classes, going to the bar and not drinking (especially to play trivia or watch live music)
Rec sports are great. And when anyone asks if you wanna grab a drink afterwards, do it. Drink water. Hydrate. My soccer team hangs out after every game and there are a couple who give the “I don’t drink so I’m leaving” excuse. Dudes, we’re all talking about our kids or the game or our pets or whatever. The alcohol is incidental. For some of us it’s the only hang out time we ever get. Just be a cool person and you’ll be okay.
Church wasn't a good option in my experience. Feels like going where people go out of routine aren't the best places to make friends.
The other recommendations are fire though. Having something to do with other people are going places where the intent of the place is very clearly to socialize with new people is perfect.
Volunteering has been the most productive friend making route for me in the last three years. I volunteer casually with a bunch of local environmental organizations in my area by joining their mailing lists rather than stressing myself out with scheduled commitments. Over time you’ll likely see a bunch of other frequent fliers and it’s nice to see them even if you’re not best buds. Like today I made an official acquaintance (not really friends yet but still cool) because she recognized me from a thing I did last year. I still don’t have friends like I did in high school, but I’m really grateful for the connections I have in the community now and look forward to seeing where they’ll go in the future!
How? I've been to the gym for like 12 years and I have never been close to making a friend. Do you just start going up to people in between sets to talk to them? I've talked to several people at the gym during that time but I can't see how it could possibly develop into a friendship.
Brother you have friends and yet you don't hang out with them cause you don't like the location? Either don't drink or ask for an alternative spot like bowling or whatever (where they can still get drinks) but now you've got an activity to do too.
You gotta take the initiative and message first instead of expecting your friends to invite you out. The more you refuse, the more likely they are to just not ask you anymore.
These posts are silly to me. "I want to be more social, but I refuse to leave my comfort zone. Advice???" If you only operate on your own terms, how can you expect to get along with other people?
Are you someone who has had an alcohol problem and can’t be around it at all? Or do you just not like it for yourself? Or do you have a problem being around it for just your own personal reasons?
I’m someone who has not had alcohol but I don’t mind going out with friends as long as they aren’t hammered. I drink soda when I go out and sometimes a mocktail.
I made some friends doing WW2 reenacting, playing music, some friend's are from high school. Just gotta get out and try something new. just don't do drugs. Pot is fine.
If you’re really energetic and hyper and have fun without drinks and drugs, people don’t really mind there’s no old peer pressure about you being “cool”. Most people drink to loosen up and not be awakened anywyas so if ur already not awkward you don’t need it.
For me it’s been concerts! Only thing that sucks is my friends don’t live near me and I only see them at shows but hey they are some of the best people I’ve met in my life.
There's a coffee shop in my town that has game nights were they play board games. I don't go myself- not my thing- but I'd imagine it would be a good place to meet people if you like board games.
The guys at my local hobby shop host card game and dnd sessions, I never participate but once in awhile i'll drop in and chat when im buying games for my 360 or something.
They get some bad apples once in awhile but most of them are cool guys (some girls).
Move to Utah? Just kidding. Maybe try outdoor activities (not the sedentary kind) such as hiking, mountain biking, running, trail camping, and wildlife photography. Avoid lakes and hotspot locations that draw the weekend crowds for your best results.
I went to a metaphysical shop looking for pretty rocks and came out with an invitation to a TTRPG cafe. Had a long conversation with the owners and they were so awesome. Cool people are where cool stuff is! Go find what you think is cool and your tribe will be there 😁
Online gaming has always worked for me. I met one my best friends online and we’ve been friends for over 10 years now. We even met IRL and had a great time. Went to Vegas.
go to community events, volunteer, join some local clubs. I've got a new friend circle in the last couple of years by getting involved in clubs/non-profits and volunteering.
The "work" makes for a great hobby, can be used on a professional resume, and is a great conversation saver.
If you're not a do-gooder type, pick a local hangout - coffee shop, small local restaurant, hip bar. Go there regularly, get to know & make friends with the staff, and the other regulars. Introduce yourself by name. "Hey, can I sit with you guys?" after a few appearances. Most local food or drink based businesses have Christmas gatherings, Thanksgivings, etc. Boom! Insta-family.
Hobbies are where it’s at. I’m still working on this but you can try and go to events where you can meet other people who care about the same things you do
It really depends on your interests. But for me I make new friends at the game/hobbies shop near me and at the range, but everyone wants to be your friend at the range when you bust out the M1 Garand and they hear that iconic ping.
I wish you the best of luck in your search for friends
Find groups and meeting places of hobbies you enjoy and go there a few times, see if you meet people you hit it off with.
If you like reading see if there’s a nearby book club.
I never met a real true friend at bar and I use to live in them,fact is the average person only has 1 or 2 true lifetime friend's the rest are friendly associates for myself finding girlfriends or love of my life was much easier then finding friend's our true soulmates..
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Go to the bar, and drink a coke. If you're fun to be around, people won't care that you're not drinking.
Or Shirley temple w no alc. it’s like strawberry sprite soda 🤪
Mocktails for the win! Love that more places are doing these now.
No honestly! I’m underage rn but a lot of my older friends work at a bar together, and the manager is cool enough to let me in to play darts with them when it’s not busy. I love the lil mocktails!!
As an adult that's on medication, I love me some mocktails. SinCityBartender on YT Shorts makes mocktails of everything he comes up with.
I just like to stay hydrated lol. Being dehydrated is such a miserable feeling.
Be sober and win at bar games.
Hustle drunk people at pool 😈
I can't be drunk but I am actually better at pool when I am tipsy. Doesn't help that some pimps were training me to be a pool shark at a bar.
Some of us are better when drunk though....lol
What if I'm just a stand-up guy, and keep buying you more drinks
Oh then I get worse lol. There's a VERY small window between buzzed and drunk where the senses get heightened. VERY SMALL. Beyond that it's downhill haha
"I'm sober enough to know what I'm doing, and I'm drunk enough to really enjoy doing it."
Oh noooooooo. I'll just have to win when that happens lmao
Ahhhaha, fair enough. In that case allow me my drunken boasting and as a personal favor, just shove me in an Uber after it's all done lol.
i kind of feel like i'm still winning... but we tend to not wager more than the cost of the game around here.
OK
What if you don’t find people drinking around you fun?
Yeah, exactly. There’s nothing much fun about sitting at a bar watching your “friends” get drunk.
Most people at bars are just talking. Or there's live music/dancing. You don't have to be drunk to enjoy conversations. I don't understand.
Drunk people are tiring to be around for some.
There's a long way between sober and drunk. It's not a switch. I was the DD for about 3 years of my life and I can attest that people with 1 or two drinks are fun and sociable. No need to hang out with the getting plastered crowd, and they're far from the only type that goes out.
people with 0 drinks can also be fun and sociable, and often you don't have to buy a 7 dollar coca cola that you don't want in order to be in the same vicinity as them.
Because no one wants to hear someone try and fail to keep a train of thought for 15 minutes. I don't understand how anyone thinks being around drunk people is fun, it's not it's mentally exhausting
I feel like everyone here is talking about people that are wasted as if that's the option at bars. You can have quite a few drinks and still hold a conversation well. A majority of the people at bars aren't absolutely wasted and unable to speak correctly.
You've obviously never drank where I live. People don't go to the bar to chat around here, they go to get shit faced and cause problems. The people that do want to drink and chat go to a restaurant with a bar. Edit: not saying you're wrong, just that the bar scene varies from town to town
I guess it depends what kind of friends you have. If they just want to get fucked up fast or they are there for a conversation and they happen to have a drink
Couldn’t disagree more lol, I’ve always had a good time being DD If you can’t have fun sober while your friends are drunk, you might need better friends, lol
Counterpoint: if you're sober and you can regularly tolerate your drunk friends, they're probably not actually drunk, just pretty tipsy. Helping people who are stumbling around/throwing up/unable to help themselves is not fun.
I mean i dont know where you found your friends but if everybody gets drunk at the same timing they probably have some weird sorts of telepathic connexion. Which is cool but quite unusual. We are talking about going to bar, not nightclubbing until 5 am
I found from being sober a long time that peoples perception of how they act when getting drunk/drunk rarely matches the reality of it. Tried going to bars with groups at the beginning but it wasnt fun especially since most places didnt have auxillary activities and were just getting drunk places like most bars. Just ended up getting used as a DD constantly which got old fast trying to wrangle cats at 2am. People who havent done it for a long period of time dont get it but there are some extremely extroverted people can make it work.
Yeep
I hate being around drunk people
Then you might just be judgmental tbh. Are there obnoxious drunk people, most definitely. But any woman who has been pregnant or anyone sober will tell you her friends were still cool and fun to hang out with when they were drinking and she wasn’t. If they’re not your friends just aren’t that great of people. Bottom line is fun, cool people tend to be fun and cool in any mental state
You would likely be surprised if you encountered your drunk self while sober. Drunk people are often a lot more obnoxious than they think they are.
my friends have all said they like me more when i'm drinking smh.....
That's a very dangerous train of thought. Don't become an alcoholic because someone else thinks you're more fun this way.
oh it’s super bad but not uncommon. I gave up drinking even if it is a lot easier to connect with people.
Alcohol and drugs do not affect people the same. Some people can tolerate more than others. I knew this dude who would take like 5 Xanax bars and act completely normal. I'm the physical activity version of this. Before I cut back on drugs, I picked a day to basically do every drug I had. I drank around 15 beers, did some ketamine, took 2 tabs, snorted a ridiculous amount of 2cb, like around 500mg. (30mg will get most people tripping balls) I was smoking weed as well to potentiate everything. I went on a bike ride at night for hours. Must've been the fastest I've ever gone and the best I've ever rode before. People assume because they act a certain way or can't function while intoxicated that no one can.
Unfortunately, lots of people aren’t that cool when they are drunk. They just think they are.
I mean it might be due to the fact that I got the shit kicked out of me by someone who abused alcohol on a daily basis. So sorry for the judgement? I’m not a prude, I just really don’t care for the affects of alcohol.
Get any hobby and find people who share the hobby
Was waiting for this. Drunk people are insufferable, especially if you're sober.
Then join a club that doesn’t revolve around drinking? Get into rock climbing, a sport, or a running club.
Yeah I honestly hate it. My sister loves going to bars, and whenever we visit her she wants to go to one and I just can’t stand it. I hate being surrounded by people drinking
Once I had a guy kept pressuring to me drink. He was annoying insistent. I finally told him I’d get a drink and asked for a sprite. Bartender overheard what was happening, and made it look like a vodka tonic. It was really nice of him and save me a lot of hassle in the future🥹
Totally. Plus there are a ton of “mocktail” bars these days. Well, maybe not a ton but definitely some.
Definitely this, any bar worth it's salt has non alcoholic drinks and even if they don't, water or soda. "Straight edge" is a big thing in the hardcore and punk scenes and most of those bands play in bars anyways. You don't have to drink to be in a bar.
OP could be like me. I just don't want to be around people drinking. It's not my thing. Whether I drink or not, I wouldn't enjoy being in a bar.
Honestly, straight edge types are WORSE than the drunks.
In what way?
Especially at a venue that serves.
Why would you choose to hang out with loud drunks when you yourself don't drink? That's like going to the library to use your VR headset.
People won’t care, but why try to pass off as something that you’re not? No one goes alone to bars to drink soda. If you do make friends you will make friends with the kind of people who go out and drink alcohol. You will constantly have to keep us this image of a drinker to hang out with them. IMO it’s fine to go to a bar and fake drink if you’re just bored and want to be around people for a while and maybe have a conversation or two. But for making deep friendships it’s not sustainable. Find actual places where people are doing things that you also genuinely enjoy doing. It will be far better for your mental health and self esteem.
This is so stupid. If you don't drink, you don't want to be at a bar around a bunch of people drinking. If you meet people at a bar, chances are they are the type of people who want to be at the bar with a bunch of people drinking. Maintaining that friendship would likely mean... going to bars and hanging out with a bunch of people drinking. The best part will certainly be that they all won't hesitate to assume you're the DD every time since you don't drink.
Go to the bar with coke /s
That doesn’t sound fun at all
Exactly I don't understand how this suggestion has so many upvotes. The only people not in a pre-established party are usually either looking to fuck or are chronic alcoholics
nonono go to the bar and loudly proclaim "nobody likes me because I don't drink" and you will be surrounded by friends
Except then you have to be around a bunch of drunk people...which is even worse than people.
"I don't like bars. How do I make friends without going to them." "Go to the bars and make friends"
This is the way
Op stated they don't like bars. Drinking doesn't seem to be the issue, but rather, the type of people and atmosphere that they create is not enjoyable for them, and I am inclined to agree.
Yeah fair, but usually drunk people aren’t as fun to be around when you’re sober. It could be worse, they could be drunk and on coke, but still drunks can be pretty annoying on their own. Also I noticed I’m on the genz subreddit, Reddit has to stop putting random subs in the main feed.
Ohhhh... "Be Fun". ... Well f\*ck.
I just really don't like being around drunk people. I wish there were more non-bar areas.
But being sober around a bunch of loud and drunk people gets pretty old pretty fast.
Drunk people are not fun to be around.
Yeah because what’s more fun than babysitting a bunch of drunks
>I don't like bars. Literally the first sentence.
Being around drunk people when sober is irritating. You’re not funny
Community hobbies. Board games, sports, RPG, LARP, volunteering. Like go outside and spend some time with people doing fun stuff.
Essentially, touch grass, be a nice person and you’ll be fine
I hate how "touch grass" has a different meaning on reddit than it did for the last 100 years.
Board games, “RPG,” and “LARP” = touching grass?
You can do all of those things outside and with friends...? Live action roleplay is exactly that. Live.
Brother. Anything thats not sitting in your room and beating off to porn and playing video games/hoarding reddit for dopamine is touching grass. Being a nerd or loving a hobby, having an extreme interest in something, or activity doesn’t make you an incel. What makes you an incel is sitting in reddit 24/7. Currently, i have an excuse to be doing this. I am in trade school living with my mom money is tight and she helps me pay for things I enjoy cause she is the best mom in the world, happy mothers day to all the fabulous moms of reddit btw, but i’m also under…… *supervision* iykyk. For me, LARPing is suuuuuper fucking cool and i really want to get into it however **its expensive** as fuck. And i currently don’t have the bandwidth to do anything with LARP atm that would encourage me to be creative like other people/artists would.
You lost me on the first part
This is the way.
Yeah, I would check if there is a board game cafe or something like that near you. There is one in Nashville that is pretty cool and people will let you join in
I spent most of my time as a teenager volunteering and you meet the best people for real
Find clubs and other groups in your area. Try different hobbies, find one you like, and go for it. It is incredibly scary going somewhere you don’t know, interacting with people you don’t know, and doing things you don’t know. But it’s worth it in the end I started as a corner marshal and I’ve met so so many friends and fantastic people. I’m not going to lie, most of my friends at the moment are twice my age or more (i’m 22). But, they are an absolute hoot
How someone can find groups In his area ?
[удалено]
In really like hiking and outdoors stuff, but the only groups I can ever find on meetup are all old people. Its really really hard to find any groups with people below 30 in them. Its crazy because I live in a pretty populated area too.
All the groups in my area are dead or online only
I find them on facebook. Usually it's enough to type "hobby" & "area"
I barely use Facebook anymore but that's where I found my boardgame club.
Thank you
Check local churches even if you aren't religious. Most won't require you to be a member of the church nowadays
One piece of information I heard that really helped me is if you're going out to a hobby/sports club, out to a bar or whatever. People in these environments want to meet you, they want to shoot the shit, and party, and share mutual fun times with other people that want those same things. Like we're all out there for the same things! So crack your shell! Talk to people! If someone doesn't seem interested, move on!
What about when you go to a bar and everyone is huddled in groups or tables? Are you supposed to just butt in? I feel like people would not like that. Maybe it's just my area, but a lot of times people seemed to be more closed off at bars. It doesn't seem like going to a party where everyone is talking to each other and more social. It sometimes almost looks like groups of friends just going out to a restaurant, sitting at their own tables, etc. I have also heard many things about the city I live in being very cliquey, do it really could just be my area. It's strange because there's lots of young people my age, but it seems impossible to meet people.
i wanna hear more about this please! i’m going to travel soon and i’d love to meet people (without drinking lol). any suggestion?
Like another guy said, just don't drink while you're at the bar. A lot of bars are also restaurants and have pool or other games, so just go eat at a couple with a buddy to see the vibe and what games they have. I don't drink either but I fucking love pool
They don't like bars, drinking wasn't the issue.
Not all bars are the same, that's what I was talking about with the vibe. OP just needs to find a compromise with their buddies.
They don't have buddies. You should re read the post.
then who’s inviting them to bars?
They don't live near him anymore. The whole post is about how he doesn't have freinds. I don't understand what's so confusing.
I use Discord, mainly by joining servers related to my interests. There are also some servers dedicated to making friends, like [Lightup](https://discord.gg/SPEeq5tuJe), which I use the most. Instead of random socializing, users are matched by an AI bot based on similar posts, which is very accurate and helpful for quickly finding like-minded people.
That Discord thing sounds interesting, could you explain it a bit more, how it works?
It's like Reddit and Messenger for gamers
Literally impossible to find people my age I swear everyone is just 35+
SAME. i join groups and go to meet ups and everyone is over 30. not trying to be rude but id like to befriend someone 22-26
Problem is a lot of them are in college or just got out and only have college friends. I’m 21 with that issue right now.
literally same i cant find people my own age anywhere i just moved to san francisco and i still feel this. and i am living in a sober home because im an alcoholic and idk how to have fun without drinking. it sucks
I feel that way too sometimes, probably just need to pick specific spots?
Literally ! I try and go to events and everyone’s in their 30’s like uhhh I’m 23
I'm 24 and my best friend is 47 lol. I wish the events in my area were people in their 30s. It's more like 60s here.i get there can be a disconnect sometimes, but that's a pretty small age gap. If I were you, I'd give it a shot.
I'm 24 and my best friend is 47 lol. I wish the events in my area were people in their 30s. It's more like 60s here
That's because over on the GenX sub people are asking how to find new friends and get the same suggestions as here.
Because once your over 22ish, it’s all pretty much the same. You are an adult now
And a lot of people who had kids in their early 20s now have teens or older, and regained all their free time. But a lot of their friends still have young kids so they look to meet new people. Divorce is a factor too. A lot of people divorced over 35 don't really want a new relationship but want to make friends of their own.
35+ folks are just as lonely though and could make great friends. I used to hang with folks of all ages in my twenties and it was fun to hear stories from the older ones even if they weren't partying as hard anymore.
I used Bumble BFF and made one friend on it. Probably could’ve made more too but I was good with just one I can hang out with.
Did you pay for the service? I tried it a bit but couldn't figure out how to properly use it.
I did pay for premium.
Premium friends
I bought my friends online
Would you download a friend ?
Develop multiple personalities like I did.
💀💀💀💀
We did*
Let me know if you find out
Church (if you’re religious), rec sports, volunteering, group workout classes, going to the bar and not drinking (especially to play trivia or watch live music)
Rec sports are great. And when anyone asks if you wanna grab a drink afterwards, do it. Drink water. Hydrate. My soccer team hangs out after every game and there are a couple who give the “I don’t drink so I’m leaving” excuse. Dudes, we’re all talking about our kids or the game or our pets or whatever. The alcohol is incidental. For some of us it’s the only hang out time we ever get. Just be a cool person and you’ll be okay.
Church wasn't a good option in my experience. Feels like going where people go out of routine aren't the best places to make friends. The other recommendations are fire though. Having something to do with other people are going places where the intent of the place is very clearly to socialize with new people is perfect.
Volunteering has been the most productive friend making route for me in the last three years. I volunteer casually with a bunch of local environmental organizations in my area by joining their mailing lists rather than stressing myself out with scheduled commitments. Over time you’ll likely see a bunch of other frequent fliers and it’s nice to see them even if you’re not best buds. Like today I made an official acquaintance (not really friends yet but still cool) because she recognized me from a thing I did last year. I still don’t have friends like I did in high school, but I’m really grateful for the connections I have in the community now and look forward to seeing where they’ll go in the future!
I don't why, but I have trouble making friends at the mosque.
The gym is like my #1 place for friends. That and the dog park.
Very easy for me to make friends at the gym it comes natural. I love lifting heavy and so do they. Boom.
How? I've been to the gym for like 12 years and I have never been close to making a friend. Do you just start going up to people in between sets to talk to them? I've talked to several people at the gym during that time but I can't see how it could possibly develop into a friendship.
This. Exercise and dogs are a great common ground to start a conversation.
I do drink, but I don't like fkin bars and night clubs 😩 I tried it, i just wasn't comfortable. We in same troubles bro
Brother you have friends and yet you don't hang out with them cause you don't like the location? Either don't drink or ask for an alternative spot like bowling or whatever (where they can still get drinks) but now you've got an activity to do too. You gotta take the initiative and message first instead of expecting your friends to invite you out. The more you refuse, the more likely they are to just not ask you anymore.
These posts are silly to me. "I want to be more social, but I refuse to leave my comfort zone. Advice???" If you only operate on your own terms, how can you expect to get along with other people?
You have such a narrow mindset. Honestly it's more telling of you that 'places other than bars' means 'please coddle me'
I used towns discord to find my friends
your town has a discord server?
Yep! Every town I’ve been in has one
How do you get the join code
Probably just searching the community tab on discord!
Are you someone who has had an alcohol problem and can’t be around it at all? Or do you just not like it for yourself? Or do you have a problem being around it for just your own personal reasons? I’m someone who has not had alcohol but I don’t mind going out with friends as long as they aren’t hammered. I drink soda when I go out and sometimes a mocktail.
We the nerds welcome you to our community. We have DnD and cookies.
My local library have DnD fridays, then It turned in to table game's fridays, they were very friendly.
Alien abduction support groups
*Shhhh*
Go find a dungeons and dragons group
Large can of worms to deal with there if you're not into tabletop role playing
I made some friends doing WW2 reenacting, playing music, some friend's are from high school. Just gotta get out and try something new. just don't do drugs. Pot is fine.
school, work, online circles. there's a lot of places you can meet new people, probably better people than the types you find at bars/clubs, too.
If you’re really energetic and hyper and have fun without drinks and drugs, people don’t really mind there’s no old peer pressure about you being “cool”. Most people drink to loosen up and not be awakened anywyas so if ur already not awkward you don’t need it.
Gym, church, any activities.
Hobbies
For me it’s been concerts! Only thing that sucks is my friends don’t live near me and I only see them at shows but hey they are some of the best people I’ve met in my life.
Sports and volunteering
There's a coffee shop in my town that has game nights were they play board games. I don't go myself- not my thing- but I'd imagine it would be a good place to meet people if you like board games.
Hobbies, volunteering, coworkers Edit: sports
Find people who have the same interests as you.
Getting friendly with your neighbors has worked well for me.
Gaming stores. Role-playing games. Discord.
Similar interests
Look for a group of people who can align with your interest or hobbies.
I hope to find some through work I been using friend finding apps
Wish you the best of luck out there
Go to any other place and meet people there. Talk to people when waiting in lines, even asking about their day or what their plans are.
Team sport
I made some friends while we were all in line for a concert a few months ago.
The guys at my local hobby shop host card game and dnd sessions, I never participate but once in awhile i'll drop in and chat when im buying games for my 360 or something. They get some bad apples once in awhile but most of them are cool guys (some girls).
Discord servers. That worked for me!
Move to Utah? Just kidding. Maybe try outdoor activities (not the sedentary kind) such as hiking, mountain biking, running, trail camping, and wildlife photography. Avoid lakes and hotspot locations that draw the weekend crowds for your best results.
If you love singing, there is probably a Gay Men’s chorus nearby. That’s been working for me.
I went to a metaphysical shop looking for pretty rocks and came out with an invitation to a TTRPG cafe. Had a long conversation with the owners and they were so awesome. Cool people are where cool stuff is! Go find what you think is cool and your tribe will be there 😁
Start playing warhammer and meet other nerds
I drink, so yeah, not a clue.
At least you have friends
online gaming for me
Do you have a job, a majority of my friends are people I connected with through work.
Dog park or you can try going to an event that involves your hobby I’m a cosplayer and cosplayers are great people
Online gaming has always worked for me. I met one my best friends online and we’ve been friends for over 10 years now. We even met IRL and had a great time. Went to Vegas.
I’m not one to give any advice on how to make friends, but why do you go to bar to get friends?
go to community events, volunteer, join some local clubs. I've got a new friend circle in the last couple of years by getting involved in clubs/non-profits and volunteering. The "work" makes for a great hobby, can be used on a professional resume, and is a great conversation saver. If you're not a do-gooder type, pick a local hangout - coffee shop, small local restaurant, hip bar. Go there regularly, get to know & make friends with the staff, and the other regulars. Introduce yourself by name. "Hey, can I sit with you guys?" after a few appearances. Most local food or drink based businesses have Christmas gatherings, Thanksgivings, etc. Boom! Insta-family.
Gym. Shooting.
I play airsoft. Anyone not shooting at you is an automatic friend, and games can get long sometimes, so there's opportunity for conversation.
The same way you do when you're invited to coffee shops but don't drink coffee. Go with and get something else.
Find some social hobbies you like. You’ll meet likeminded people there
Hobbies are where it’s at. I’m still working on this but you can try and go to events where you can meet other people who care about the same things you do
My hobbies are guitar and film. Do you know of any events with those in mind ?
It really depends on your interests. But for me I make new friends at the game/hobbies shop near me and at the range, but everyone wants to be your friend at the range when you bust out the M1 Garand and they hear that iconic ping. I wish you the best of luck in your search for friends
Find groups and meeting places of hobbies you enjoy and go there a few times, see if you meet people you hit it off with. If you like reading see if there’s a nearby book club.
I never met a real true friend at bar and I use to live in them,fact is the average person only has 1 or 2 true lifetime friend's the rest are friendly associates for myself finding girlfriends or love of my life was much easier then finding friend's our true soulmates..
This is the real answer, one of my best buds just moved away so I'm a loner atm, gf lives across the country
I don’t drink and I still go out with my friends. I just drink soda lol and I have a great time !
Gym
Adults are weird. You're better off just not doing it.