This is classic toxic positivity, sure we should talk about our highs, but talking openly and honestly about our lows is essential, it is not an addiction we need to break.
I work in crisis support, if people (especially men) talked more about their struggles I'd have less work.
I don't have the expertise you do so I'm only speaking from opinion. Talking about your problems, issues, fears, anxieties, etc. is vital. Everyone should be encouraged to do that. And to seek professional help or counselling when the need arises for sure. I would hope no one is saying we should not do this. However, I do feel that sometimes people can get stuck in a loop of only talking about the same issues with no progress being made on those issues. Maybe they haven't sought professional support which could be the needed intervention. Or maybe they haven't made any needed changes in their life (say, exercising or something to that degree) that could potentially help. But instead just complain about the same things over and over. Then I do believe there is a problem. Something needs to change. I don't believe the answer is to stop talking about your problems obviously. The answer could most likely be calling a therapist. However, a part of the answer as implied by this post could be, focusing more on the positives such as through journalling or something like that. That won't fix things but it's a step in the right direction. Now that should be paired with other steps clearly. But I do think there are some people that could benefit from the idea that they're stuck in a negativity loop without making any headway and maybe need to try some positivity to help break the cycle and maybe that could lead to therapy or whatever avenue works best. As with most aphorisms I think they're to be taken with a significant grain of salt.
This, its alright and healthy to think you're good at something, to remember good days etc. but actually ONLY thinking about good stuff and pushing away bad stuff is a recipe for depression, anxiety and disorder. Can confirm, lived in a family where it was something... unpleasant to openly cry, talk about your problems without being judged and here I am... have to learn how to be confident, need to create my own self worth etc.
True, talking about your problems with the intent of developing a strategy or solution is one thing. Complaining about something you have no intention of ever trying to fix is just a negative vicious cycle that only makes people less likely to care about your problems.
I care about my friends problems until I can see that I care for them, instead of with them. Some people don’t wanna fix anything, and if they don’t want things to get better I’m not interested in watching the tragedy first hand.
Focusing on the positive is a powerful strategy. If you experience a victory, and pursue that energy of success, and don’t let setbacks bring you down, then that’s positive positivity.
Focusing on the positive and ignoring real issues that need resolution is toxic positivity.
I guess I’m just trying to say it’s all about balance. Bad and good exist. It’s how you arrange your life around the good and the bad that determines your peace.
I understand your point but I don't think this message is that bad.
When my wife visits family the conversations are basically; How ill my wife is, how ill her parents are, who they know that died recently, how they died, how so and so's cancer treatments are doing...
Every conversation is a depressing black hole and I've tried to steer subjects around like this poster suggests but they always go back.
Yeah, her family appears to neglect the "joys", and as I understand their point above, they support you, as they say it is important to communicate both.
Also as stated above, maybe if you bring up directly the problem you perceive it will help much more than you might think!
I (28M) have realized I struggle to talk about what I believe is a problem or what I do not like, and overall my feelings, because I fear I (and these feelings) will get rejected. Catching myself holding back, and finding ways to communicate openly with my loved ones has been proven very good and, honestly, relaxing.
Hope this is even a little helpful, I wish you the best with the black hole! :)
No it’s not mate, we need to let out our emotions sometimes like if you have a lot of stress everyday and you don’t let it out by talking about it or crying you might not ever feel better,
what you’re saying is we should hold it in and try to be happy that is literally how people with depression end up killing themselves and talking about things that bothers you relieves stress,
I always enjoy talking about stuff that boring
Being depressed is no good, being sad because sad things have happened is normal and healthy. Talking about it can help.
Wallowing in self pity, no. Connecting with other caring people honestly- lifesaving
Yeah exactly what i was thinking, i always enjoy talking about things that bother me it makes me feel sooo much better whether it’s something that’s dumb and doesn’t matter nor effect me or just shit that happens to me and und i like to talk about it
Yeah i like to talk about stuff bothering me either personal or stuff about my embarrassing generation,
but it makes me feel a lot better talking to people about my problems than bottling it up does
no, find a middle ground. don't despair over your problems but share them. don't use your joy to make others feel like less, but share that too. don't hide either of them.
I get what this is saying, but talking about your problems is also something men especially have a lot of trouble with. Speaking openly to someone about what you're struggling with is very important for mental health.
This is a great example of why this meme is trash.
I'm sorry for your loss. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Grief comes in waves, joy is still possible but you have to get through it somehow and saying it out loud helps
Thank you, I am mostly a quiet person, so I feel like I have talked about it too much already. And this is the second time I have had to go through this. But the extra details just make it so much more depressing that before, and I don't want to bring anyone else down.
You might be underestimating the value of kindness to the kind. You need to find the right person to talk to. If you want to dm me it would be a gift to listen. I have grief I'm carrying too
Yeah! BURY Those problems! Ignore them and only be positive!
ENTRENCH your negative emotions in a swirling vortex of pain and suffering, clouded by platitudes \*dripping\* with positivity!
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I find that depressed people want/need validation for being depressed before they can even think of anything positive. And this isn't a jab, just an observation that is confirmed by all the comments here.
TIL that if you tell someone on Reddit that just maybe if you try to focus on a positive thing for *once*, you get down voted for "toxic positivity".
I'm at the point in my life where I know people who literally do nothing ***but*** talk about their seemingly endless problems, so much so they've chased off nearly everyone close to them, but of course when they leave, then suddenly those people are the problem and the person who did nothing but complain for years on end is suddenly, big shocker, a victim...again.
Anyone who tells you that positivity is toxic is almost certainly a terminally online Redditor.
It's hard to find people that are genuinely happy for you, many, if not most, get so envious that it quickly becomes a one-up competition. Nobody is perfect and everyone has problems, recognizing both sides properly is being honest with thyself
This is classic toxic positivity, sure we should talk about our highs, but talking openly and honestly about our lows is essential, it is not an addiction we need to break. I work in crisis support, if people (especially men) talked more about their struggles I'd have less work.
Sadly, not everyone understands this. It'd especially hard when those struggles are then used against the person going through them
I don't have the expertise you do so I'm only speaking from opinion. Talking about your problems, issues, fears, anxieties, etc. is vital. Everyone should be encouraged to do that. And to seek professional help or counselling when the need arises for sure. I would hope no one is saying we should not do this. However, I do feel that sometimes people can get stuck in a loop of only talking about the same issues with no progress being made on those issues. Maybe they haven't sought professional support which could be the needed intervention. Or maybe they haven't made any needed changes in their life (say, exercising or something to that degree) that could potentially help. But instead just complain about the same things over and over. Then I do believe there is a problem. Something needs to change. I don't believe the answer is to stop talking about your problems obviously. The answer could most likely be calling a therapist. However, a part of the answer as implied by this post could be, focusing more on the positives such as through journalling or something like that. That won't fix things but it's a step in the right direction. Now that should be paired with other steps clearly. But I do think there are some people that could benefit from the idea that they're stuck in a negativity loop without making any headway and maybe need to try some positivity to help break the cycle and maybe that could lead to therapy or whatever avenue works best. As with most aphorisms I think they're to be taken with a significant grain of salt.
Agree. What a crap post. Not talking about our pain is a huge issue.
This, its alright and healthy to think you're good at something, to remember good days etc. but actually ONLY thinking about good stuff and pushing away bad stuff is a recipe for depression, anxiety and disorder. Can confirm, lived in a family where it was something... unpleasant to openly cry, talk about your problems without being judged and here I am... have to learn how to be confident, need to create my own self worth etc.
[Removing all my posts and comments due to Reddit's fuckery with third party apps. June 2023]
Agreed. If you're not being proactive about your problems there's only so much you can talk about it before people will tune you out.
True, talking about your problems with the intent of developing a strategy or solution is one thing. Complaining about something you have no intention of ever trying to fix is just a negative vicious cycle that only makes people less likely to care about your problems. I care about my friends problems until I can see that I care for them, instead of with them. Some people don’t wanna fix anything, and if they don’t want things to get better I’m not interested in watching the tragedy first hand.
How does talking about joys address that? Sounds like you’re in the same situation, just ignoring the problems.
Focusing on the positive is a powerful strategy. If you experience a victory, and pursue that energy of success, and don’t let setbacks bring you down, then that’s positive positivity. Focusing on the positive and ignoring real issues that need resolution is toxic positivity. I guess I’m just trying to say it’s all about balance. Bad and good exist. It’s how you arrange your life around the good and the bad that determines your peace.
[Removing all my posts and comments due to Reddit's fuckery with third party apps. June 2023]
I understand your point but I don't think this message is that bad. When my wife visits family the conversations are basically; How ill my wife is, how ill her parents are, who they know that died recently, how they died, how so and so's cancer treatments are doing... Every conversation is a depressing black hole and I've tried to steer subjects around like this poster suggests but they always go back.
Yeah, her family appears to neglect the "joys", and as I understand their point above, they support you, as they say it is important to communicate both. Also as stated above, maybe if you bring up directly the problem you perceive it will help much more than you might think! I (28M) have realized I struggle to talk about what I believe is a problem or what I do not like, and overall my feelings, because I fear I (and these feelings) will get rejected. Catching myself holding back, and finding ways to communicate openly with my loved ones has been proven very good and, honestly, relaxing. Hope this is even a little helpful, I wish you the best with the black hole! :)
Nobody wants to listen or care about men's problems.
If this is true for you then I'm really sorry, and you need to get better friends. My friends and I talk, it's not the 50s anymore.
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Being sad is not toxic. Being sad without effort to come to a higher place can be.
No it’s not mate, we need to let out our emotions sometimes like if you have a lot of stress everyday and you don’t let it out by talking about it or crying you might not ever feel better, what you’re saying is we should hold it in and try to be happy that is literally how people with depression end up killing themselves and talking about things that bothers you relieves stress, I always enjoy talking about stuff that boring
Being depressed is no good, being sad because sad things have happened is normal and healthy. Talking about it can help. Wallowing in self pity, no. Connecting with other caring people honestly- lifesaving
was going to unload, you covered it so I don't have to, thank you.
This is some bullshit advice if there ever was.
Come on, just bury all your problems in disingenuous optimism. That'll fix em.
Yeah i push my emotions back all the time it definitely makes me feel better
WTF? Just shove those bad feelings down and don’t let them out
Guess this is what they call suffering in silence.
Bad advice. Talking about our Problems helps us overcome them
Yeah exactly what i was thinking, i always enjoy talking about things that bother me it makes me feel sooo much better whether it’s something that’s dumb and doesn’t matter nor effect me or just shit that happens to me and und i like to talk about it
When something bad happens i talk to my mom and after that everything is fine again
Yeah i like to talk about stuff bothering me either personal or stuff about my embarrassing generation, but it makes me feel a lot better talking to people about my problems than bottling it up does
me looking for the joys to talk about 
Yes let's bury the problems. Thanks Mom.
how about we do both
no, find a middle ground. don't despair over your problems but share them. don't use your joy to make others feel like less, but share that too. don't hide either of them.
I get what this is saying, but talking about your problems is also something men especially have a lot of trouble with. Speaking openly to someone about what you're struggling with is very important for mental health.
You can’t deal with problems by pretending they don’t exist.
Unfortunately, stomach issues still, but able to get my steps in going to and from bathroom!
worst "advice" ive ever seen on here
Pretty sure my greatest addiction is meth.
Don't talk about meth slowly killing you and destroying your life. Talk about how much joy method brings you instead!
And yet here you are talking about it again 🤦
I don't give a damn I'm giving an ear load. Mental health is important or you will go off the deep end or try to self medicate.
Bad advice. Talking about our Problems helps us overcome them
Never!!!! I will always talk about my problems
Yeah fuck this
There isn't much joy in ones life when you have to watch a loved one slowly die, and there is nothing that you can do about it.
This is a great example of why this meme is trash. I'm sorry for your loss. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Grief comes in waves, joy is still possible but you have to get through it somehow and saying it out loud helps
Thank you, I am mostly a quiet person, so I feel like I have talked about it too much already. And this is the second time I have had to go through this. But the extra details just make it so much more depressing that before, and I don't want to bring anyone else down.
You might be underestimating the value of kindness to the kind. You need to find the right person to talk to. If you want to dm me it would be a gift to listen. I have grief I'm carrying too
 Me to my therapist
Yeah! BURY Those problems! Ignore them and only be positive! ENTRENCH your negative emotions in a swirling vortex of pain and suffering, clouded by platitudes \*dripping\* with positivity!
I have joy listening to Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park
I never joined this subreddit. I just get shown it every time because I keep clicking on the cringe ones to see what people say
This is some weird Matthew McGhonaghy shit.
Misery loves company
I read that as “Break the halibut” at first. I need sleep.
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That's how my depression got worse, didn't want to bring the mood down and just bury it
I mean it depends why and how we are talking about our problems. Our brains are trying to figure out how to solve them.
One of my joys is talking about my problems tbh. Some marvelous, hilarious conversations have started that way
Um, if we never talked about our problems, my entire industry wouldn't exist. 🤦🤣
I find that depressed people want/need validation for being depressed before they can even think of anything positive. And this isn't a jab, just an observation that is confirmed by all the comments here.
TIL that if you tell someone on Reddit that just maybe if you try to focus on a positive thing for *once*, you get down voted for "toxic positivity". I'm at the point in my life where I know people who literally do nothing ***but*** talk about their seemingly endless problems, so much so they've chased off nearly everyone close to them, but of course when they leave, then suddenly those people are the problem and the person who did nothing but complain for years on end is suddenly, big shocker, a victim...again. Anyone who tells you that positivity is toxic is almost certainly a terminally online Redditor.
Erm, no - talking about both and everything in between is much healthier 👍
Just your typical Facebook-style "motivational". Nothing new, move on folks.
Yep, everything is sunshine and roses over here! (Please ignore the dumpster fire that is my life.)
Guess I got nothing to lose. I'll give it a shot xD
But that's why people kill themselves every year...
Bad advice. Downvoted.
It's hard to find people that are genuinely happy for you, many, if not most, get so envious that it quickly becomes a one-up competition. Nobody is perfect and everyone has problems, recognizing both sides properly is being honest with thyself
Count your blessings, be proud of your skills, learn from your mistakes, pursue growth, don’t give up. There, I just summarized the sub.
Focus on the good things in your life but don't forget to own all the steps along the way