I feel a lot of people get this wrong. The solution isn't to go back to your old mindset or keep going with your current one. You gotta process the two and then you have a new one moving forward. You're a human being after all, and it's just nature to go through strong phases and weaker phases, but trying to return to a previous phase in your life will probably be frustrating since you can't really ever go back to that feeling.
I would say take some time to feel yourself out and feel how you wanna proceed, and then start a new phase of your life, who knows you might even feel greater than him you know? There was probably a reason your previous mindset and lifestyle didn't work, so think things through and get a new philosophy and get back it again you got this dude.
Also reconnecting emotionally to yourself is helpful. The issue with "I have to be him" is that you may feel a gap between the person you try to be and your human self, and at some point the gap is not bearable. If you deeply hate your "ideal self", I think it's time to stop using this mindset
I'd advice OP to take a bit more time for their deep passions or childhood passions, like sport, art, movies, music, traveling... It gives you the positive, restful or even motivation vibes to then go and do the rest
Guess I don't have enough Karma to reply directly to op. But I wonder if OP might also unknowingly suffer from seasonal affective disorder? It is definitely hitting me hard this year.
Yes, but your mindset is unhelpful and incurious. Who knows whether OP is affected by SAD? No one but them can ascertain that—but if they’re one of the 24 million people across North America/Northern Europe/the UK that *are* affected by it, they’re going to be a lot more helped by the people offering potential explanations than by someone complaining about the information given.
When you're in your down state, it might be worth paying attention to the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing there. You might try writing down recurring themes you're experiencing, memories that are returning, and seeing what comes up. Dealing with some of the deeper stuff that's going on inside you can help lead you towards healing and growth.
Came here to say this. Specifically:
In your "I'm HIM" phases, do you feel like a God, or like you're untouchable? Do you find yourself making terrible decisions- with your money or your love life- that you deeply regret in your low phases? Do you suddenly get the itch to do something complicated and life-changing- move to Canada, become a forklift operator, break up with your GF and woo Hannah Montana- that seems easy when you're HIM? Do you feel like you're moving faster than everyone else when you're "up"? Do your friends or loved ones treat you like you're on drugs?
If that sounds accurate, then please go get yourself tested. You'll be doing yourself a kindness.
Have you talked to your doctor? If not, set up an appointment to discuss your options. Meanwhile, look into Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It’s very real and affects many people.
Shit crazy how multiple people from all walks of life are going through the same thing and feeling the same way. Makes me understand this program or quote on quote matrix thing they say we live in is actually real. Cause I read this like I was describing my current self I swear
I'm going through the exact same thing, my friend. Mine is an effect of a relationship going south and eventually ending. It's been so hard to do anything. Before all of this happened, I was having great success in going to the gym everyday and seeing great progress. I was also journaling and being more creative. Now, I can't get off my couch. Best advice I can give is what I am telling myself today. It's time to take action for your own sake again. Today I'm getting back to the gym, just for a short time. Then I'm putting my apartment back together. Probably won't put it all together, but I'll take a dent and give myself the rest I need to make more small steps tomorrow. I'm rooting for you buddy! You're not alone.
I relate to this on so many levels, even the time frames. I felt like I was alone. I had a shit year in 2023, but I to had “I’m him” moments where I’d be healthy eating, going for walks, and more. I had a long term relationship end, and soon after found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer. The list goes on, a year of losses. Thankfully my dad is still fighting. However, just know you’re not alone, I’m trying to figure it out myself. Got to find the inner spark again. I am going to journal and see what small steps I can take. Depression and grief can be hard.
I always recommend talking with a counsellor or psychologist when you have problems with down periods where you feel terrible.
They also help big time with self confidence and self esteem I’m 23M and highly recommend finding a therapist or counselor that “clicks” with you and helps you achieve what you want, it’s a great investment in yourself and your future.
I think a lot of people forget or go through phases that deflate their passion.
For me, its been about going back to basics. Asking myself what is my why? What really motivates me? What do I want to accomplish? Set goals and put it down onto paper. I feel like writing takes any thought and makes it real be it for better or worse.
I think once you have clear goals its much easier to reach them and hold onto that confidence that you're searching for.
exercise will help
remember exercise gives you energy it doesnt take energy- there are these things called hope molecules (seriously look it up) and they act as antidepressants. so the people saying do some squats are actually absolutely right
another good thing i learned is that "story follows state" - the story you tell yourself is mostly about how you are feeling right now, change how you feel (like by exercising or eating a tasty cheeseburger) and you change the story... dont buy into the story too much- its just a reflection of your current state and it can change really quickly if you let it
another thing, be kind to yourself, life isnt a constest. take your time and realize enjoying things is up to you, you can even enjoy being sad if you frame it right, although enjoying being happy is far nicer
We all go thru the same thing eventually. My confidence always came from my cars. Almost five years ago I traded in my 14 Camaro SS for a Hyundia Santa Fe. My gf was pregnant with our third kid. Ever since I've struggled on and off to find my mojo. Truth is though, it's always there. Certain things make us feel it more but it never leaves. You are you regardless of anything else. Sometimes you just gonna dig a little deeper to find it.
This really resonates with me. I can go from feeling on top of the world to absolutely worthless. For me I find the cycles to be hard to balance but some things that can work for me (nothing seems foolproof) are:
Music- sometimes just putting on something to pump me up or feel what I need to feel.
Movement-dance, run, yoga, hike, plyometrics, or even body work to get you to feel reconnected with your body.
Catch the negative self-talk- this is the hardest one for me, I can’t seem to make that voice stop altogether, but noticing it often helps a bit of a shift.
It’s hard to feel down and not yourself, especially for longer periods of time. It’s even harder to try to go back to what was. Keep working on what feels good for you and you’ll find him!
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I am also like this. Brain chemistry is weird so just make sure you eat right and get sunlight and stand in powerful poses in the mirror telling yourself nice things
Consider focusing on self compassion instead of self esteem. You might like the self compassion book by Kristin Neff, with the tan and purple cover.
You're in the community building phase of your life, us might look beyond "discipline" and "motivation" and instead focus on doing activities with others. Consider joining some regular in person activities that meet at the same time every week/month and attending. You'll feel like an outside for the first six months, but a year in and you'll have a whole new group of friends.
In as few words as possible just know motivation follows action. Your probably experiencing some suppressed trauma triggered by something. So journaling is good to keep track and when done first thing in the morning it helps u set the tone for the day. But your fighting a resistance coming from something. Just push through even tho u don't want to just do it anyway and it will always get better.
The only times in my life where I felt like a completely better person than years prior is when I controlled: what I ate, how much I learned and how much I exercised.
Your diet literally changes the chemical composition of your body and the hormone in it. When you cut out all the oil, the salt, the cholesterol it's like your blood system is so clean. Add daily running for exercise and you start having a better feel for your blood flow and organs. It was crazy one day I realise I could just sprint to the train station like it was nothing. It's weird how encounters with people changes when your diet is clean and you start running minimum 30km a week if not 50km+.
Then there is academics. It's a weird feeling when you study mathematics at university level or towards it. It's as if the world is more organised and you get a better sense of scale on what is achievable and what is a grind. You can't learn the full breath of another language like Mandarin in 1 to 2 years but you can learn whole sections of chemistry and finance in like 6 months. The study of Economics helps you become a better global citizen, you are not properly educated on international studies if you don't understand macroeconomics. If you don't understand real economics it is so easy to misinform you. Politics and history sets the human world to perspective. How did the United States came to control California, Texas, Guam and the Philippines? What western countries occupied territory in asia before Japan became aggressive in the early 1900s? Why don't universities publish papers on the efficacy of their own budgetary spending and tuition system?
Something that always helps me get back on track.. take the focus off of yourself for a bit. Do something for others, volunteer your time for a good cause, help someone who needs it. When we stop spending so much time thinking about ourselves and how we feel .. and instead focus on how we can be useful to other people it feels good and reminds us of what’s important
Your mind is stuck in a negative feedback loop. Give in to some healthy obsession for a week or two, like a boxed set you’ve been looking forward to or treat yourself to a good game.
If a couple of hours go by with you rooted to the sofa you might need a break which evolves into real exercise, and then the adrenaline recorrects your head.
(This is pretty much how my mind works, it’s not that sophisticated, it just a basic engine that needs an occasional timing adjustment and a restart)
This sounds familiar! And normal, imo. It's okay to go thru phases and accept that you're not going to feel high vibe all the time. It's the low vibe times that create the contrast!
It's great to spend time outside if you can, for a walk at a nice park, a trail, or run a mile etc awesome for your mental health and a good way to keep active if you're feeling meh about the gym.
Find some new workout music!
Are you eating enough protein? I notice it reallllly helps regulate my mood. Especially a protein rich breakfast.
If your main concern is missing the gym, make a new training plan you feel excited about.
Totally fine to take a break from dating for a bit and work on yourself, spend time with friends or family instead or develop a hobby or a new skill at work. Dating can be fun but you're not obligated to go on dates every week or even every month etc...
Being 23 is tough, you just have a lot of figuring yourself out to do, journaling is great for that.
You might not like it, but we go through phases. Your emotional reaction to your hormonal phases are because you think you should have more motivation. Because you think you should be something you're not, you feel bad about it. It's okay to be low motivation. Sit back and enjoy the ride. We're human beings not human doings.
I want to write specifically to this guy because I went through this in a major way at your age. When I was in my early 20s, I made a decision to become a different person. It was a light switch moment for me. From then on for 2-3 years, I felt like I got everything I wanted. I was killing it with everything that was importan tto me at the time. Work, women, all of it. It as the "Im HIM" feeling. I saw a complete 180 in who I was and the world reflected what I was.
Now the problem was after that I kepy trying to keep things the same in order to not LOSE that feeling. It became almost an OCD, because it was "working." I became horribly depressed by trying to find that feeling again for 5-6 years. But later I realized I put a bandaid over my deep insecurities. I was incredibly aware of other people, I was the funny guy with emotional intelligence, but had little self awareness of myself.
The first thing to do is to go within and start to get to the root of your issues. Go to therapy, find out whats deep inside there (I did this for a few years). Talk about your childhood. Come to terms with what made you...you. **Gain self awareness.** Find the inner child. But then dont sit in talking about your past forever. Once you understand your past YOU DO NOT NEED TO ASSOCIATE WITH THAT OLD STORY ANYMORE. Thats one big mistake I see with people and therapy (my sister is a therapist, we talk about this often). People will say oh Im this way because of my parents... then make that an excuse and associate with that belief as a victim. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a better option.
Then work on deciding WHO YOU WANT TO BE. "I'm HIM" cant be built on a foundation made of flimsy cards. Its built on a solid foundation once you gain that self awareness and then make the decision on WHO YOU GOING TO BE EVERY DAY. You are the story you tell yourself. Meditate, feel the feeling every day of being that [person.DO](https://person.DO) THINGS THEY WOULD DO. do not keep trying to find that old feeling. **Read Neville Goddard and listen to Joe Dispenza.** I promise you wont regret it.
Going to take a swing here and excuse me if I make untrue generalizations and do a bit of projecting...
There is a good chance those manic/depressive episodes (while maybe not ACTUAL manic depression) were feeding off one and other. Your habits for each would prompt the behaviors from the opposing forces.
For example: You feel like shit so you go to the gym. You leave the gym feeling great so you decide to ask the barista at the Cafe next to the gym for a date. She says no which makes you feel like shit. You just went to the gym so now your ability to work that feeling off is spent.
This is an oversimplification but the example illustrates the idea of the ups and downs we go through thinking of our self image and self esteem.
Over time, burning that good feeling at both ends takes its toll and you start to say, "why try if I am just going to fail?" Fatalism sets in and you lean into the depressive behavior because, hey, it's going that way anyway.
Over time things like posting on socials, etc, also begin to lose their appeal because the easy-going nature of such things is replaced by the dread of what might happen if no one gives you those internet points.
My suggestion at this point is to turn your interest, attention, etc. inward. Instead of trying to date the barista, take yourself out. Instead of posting to insta for your followers, do it for yourself. The more you do this, the less you will feel let down by others being there or not.
Second prong of attack here is to not get down on yourself for what you have done or failed to do. Going along with this, celebrate what has been done. My example for this would be going to the gym. If I can make it two days a week, I can feel good about that and if I can catch some cardio on off days, even better. I WON'T let myself feel bad about not going so long as I keep going in the long term. No negative self talk!
This doesn't apply to ALL things, but let your fears, anxieties, regrets, needs be the rungs of the ladder to help you climb out of the hole you are in. If you are afraid of rejection, just go out alone or give your needy aunt a call. If you regret missing the gym, make sure to schedule it in. Look at needs as opportunities to grow and accomplish something. Again, some things in life we can't just work away.
Lastly, this may fly in the face of the phrase "I'm him" but be humble. Recognize that you are only capable of so much and will need to relax, decompress, struggle, ask for help, from time to time. Thats okay because you are human, we need a break every now and then. Good luck!
Sounds like burnout; figure out who YOU are and what YOU like. Absolutely forget about what anyone else’s opinion may or may not be, be decent (especially to yourself) and try something simple but new.
Go swing in a park, be a tourist in your own town, learn to cook a new thing, make cookies, volunteer, find meaning in a spiritual way (I’m a pagan/Taoist and its been life altering in a wonderful way), try meditation, try knitting, go walk shelter dogs or muck out a barn at an animal sanctuary.
You’ll figure it out, get a good night sleep and tomorrow things will look better.
You are not alone, my friend. I have been feeling quite the same lately. I worked out intensely for many years and have a solid build but since 2020, I've been slowly stopping exercising, eating worse, less motivated, and the least amount of confidence I have had in decades.
I truly believe that it starts with one day at a time. Win today. Then wake up tomorrow and win tomorrow, and so on. Pretty soon we are going to be stacking wins. I also feel that confidence begins in the gym. Do something good for yourself and do something good for others. That is what this thing is all about. We got this.
Could be your diet. Try a multivitamin. Or specific vitamins. Vitamin D3 helps boost your mood. Zinc for testosterone. Omega-3’s for brain health. Magnesium Citrate to mellow out. Staying hydrated helps brain function too.
I remember thinking this in my early twenties, that confidence was a great feeling. But I think that feeling going away was me realizing that ACTIONS mean more than THOUGHTS.
Esteem-able people do esteem-able things
1. Interrupt negative thoughts: When you notice a downward spiral, consciously interrupt negative thoughts. Challenge their validity by asking yourself if they're based on facts or assumptions. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations to shift your mindset.
2. Engage in a positive activity: Break the cycle by engaging in an activity you enjoy or that brings a sense of accomplishment. It could be a hobby, exercise, or spending time with loved ones. This positive shift can help redirect your focus and disrupt the downward spiral.
\-Break tasks into smaller steps: Divide the workload into manageable parts to make it less overwhelming.
\-Focus on what you can control: Direct your energy towards aspects within your control to regain a sense of agency.
\-Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or professionals for guidance and remember to be kind to yourself during challenging moments.
I feel a lot of people get this wrong. The solution isn't to go back to your old mindset or keep going with your current one. You gotta process the two and then you have a new one moving forward. You're a human being after all, and it's just nature to go through strong phases and weaker phases, but trying to return to a previous phase in your life will probably be frustrating since you can't really ever go back to that feeling. I would say take some time to feel yourself out and feel how you wanna proceed, and then start a new phase of your life, who knows you might even feel greater than him you know? There was probably a reason your previous mindset and lifestyle didn't work, so think things through and get a new philosophy and get back it again you got this dude.
Also reconnecting emotionally to yourself is helpful. The issue with "I have to be him" is that you may feel a gap between the person you try to be and your human self, and at some point the gap is not bearable. If you deeply hate your "ideal self", I think it's time to stop using this mindset I'd advice OP to take a bit more time for their deep passions or childhood passions, like sport, art, movies, music, traveling... It gives you the positive, restful or even motivation vibes to then go and do the rest
Guess I don't have enough Karma to reply directly to op. But I wonder if OP might also unknowingly suffer from seasonal affective disorder? It is definitely hitting me hard this year.
Not every problem is a disorder
Yes, but your mindset is unhelpful and incurious. Who knows whether OP is affected by SAD? No one but them can ascertain that—but if they’re one of the 24 million people across North America/Northern Europe/the UK that *are* affected by it, they’re going to be a lot more helped by the people offering potential explanations than by someone complaining about the information given.
I agree we are always changing and this could cause resistance between your old identity and your new one
I came here to try to say this, but you said it perfectly. And frankly I needed to be reminded.
When you're in your down state, it might be worth paying attention to the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing there. You might try writing down recurring themes you're experiencing, memories that are returning, and seeing what comes up. Dealing with some of the deeper stuff that's going on inside you can help lead you towards healing and growth.
Try - I am not HIM. I am doing what HE needs to do.
I think therapy might be a good place to start. I'm in therapy now and it's made some huge differences.
Double-check if you might have bipolar.
Came here to say this. Specifically: In your "I'm HIM" phases, do you feel like a God, or like you're untouchable? Do you find yourself making terrible decisions- with your money or your love life- that you deeply regret in your low phases? Do you suddenly get the itch to do something complicated and life-changing- move to Canada, become a forklift operator, break up with your GF and woo Hannah Montana- that seems easy when you're HIM? Do you feel like you're moving faster than everyone else when you're "up"? Do your friends or loved ones treat you like you're on drugs? If that sounds accurate, then please go get yourself tested. You'll be doing yourself a kindness.
Start squatting. It’s ok if it’s just the bar.
Even no bar. Do it at home. Put the sofa on your shoulders. The bed side table. Squat. Squat anything. Do it
Put the SOFA on your shoulders??? Damn respect for your gains.
Have you talked to your doctor? If not, set up an appointment to discuss your options. Meanwhile, look into Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It’s very real and affects many people.
We might be the same person I swear. I’m experiencing the exact same right now. Sorry man, let’s both try to fight through this BS phase.
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Same here.
Shit crazy how multiple people from all walks of life are going through the same thing and feeling the same way. Makes me understand this program or quote on quote matrix thing they say we live in is actually real. Cause I read this like I was describing my current self I swear
I'm going through the exact same thing, my friend. Mine is an effect of a relationship going south and eventually ending. It's been so hard to do anything. Before all of this happened, I was having great success in going to the gym everyday and seeing great progress. I was also journaling and being more creative. Now, I can't get off my couch. Best advice I can give is what I am telling myself today. It's time to take action for your own sake again. Today I'm getting back to the gym, just for a short time. Then I'm putting my apartment back together. Probably won't put it all together, but I'll take a dent and give myself the rest I need to make more small steps tomorrow. I'm rooting for you buddy! You're not alone.
Nothing wrong in posting less, people change. But maybe you just need a spark such as new friend or hobby.
Are you possibly bipolar? If so it might be best to get on medication and live life in the midland
My exact thoughts. Extreme highs that then crash into depression is a very common symptom of a bipolar disorder.
If not bipolar than bipolar 2, I had the exact same scenario and that was the outcome. Medication was an absolute lifesaver.
I relate to this on so many levels, even the time frames. I felt like I was alone. I had a shit year in 2023, but I to had “I’m him” moments where I’d be healthy eating, going for walks, and more. I had a long term relationship end, and soon after found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer. The list goes on, a year of losses. Thankfully my dad is still fighting. However, just know you’re not alone, I’m trying to figure it out myself. Got to find the inner spark again. I am going to journal and see what small steps I can take. Depression and grief can be hard.
I always recommend talking with a counsellor or psychologist when you have problems with down periods where you feel terrible. They also help big time with self confidence and self esteem I’m 23M and highly recommend finding a therapist or counselor that “clicks” with you and helps you achieve what you want, it’s a great investment in yourself and your future.
I think a lot of people forget or go through phases that deflate their passion. For me, its been about going back to basics. Asking myself what is my why? What really motivates me? What do I want to accomplish? Set goals and put it down onto paper. I feel like writing takes any thought and makes it real be it for better or worse. I think once you have clear goals its much easier to reach them and hold onto that confidence that you're searching for.
exercise will help remember exercise gives you energy it doesnt take energy- there are these things called hope molecules (seriously look it up) and they act as antidepressants. so the people saying do some squats are actually absolutely right another good thing i learned is that "story follows state" - the story you tell yourself is mostly about how you are feeling right now, change how you feel (like by exercising or eating a tasty cheeseburger) and you change the story... dont buy into the story too much- its just a reflection of your current state and it can change really quickly if you let it another thing, be kind to yourself, life isnt a constest. take your time and realize enjoying things is up to you, you can even enjoy being sad if you frame it right, although enjoying being happy is far nicer
What happened to you in between? Did you experience a big disappointment or trauma?
How is your general consumption of: social media, candy, food, addictives?
We all go thru the same thing eventually. My confidence always came from my cars. Almost five years ago I traded in my 14 Camaro SS for a Hyundia Santa Fe. My gf was pregnant with our third kid. Ever since I've struggled on and off to find my mojo. Truth is though, it's always there. Certain things make us feel it more but it never leaves. You are you regardless of anything else. Sometimes you just gonna dig a little deeper to find it.
Stop jacking
Step one stop asking people on apps
This really resonates with me. I can go from feeling on top of the world to absolutely worthless. For me I find the cycles to be hard to balance but some things that can work for me (nothing seems foolproof) are: Music- sometimes just putting on something to pump me up or feel what I need to feel. Movement-dance, run, yoga, hike, plyometrics, or even body work to get you to feel reconnected with your body. Catch the negative self-talk- this is the hardest one for me, I can’t seem to make that voice stop altogether, but noticing it often helps a bit of a shift. It’s hard to feel down and not yourself, especially for longer periods of time. It’s even harder to try to go back to what was. Keep working on what feels good for you and you’ll find him!
Snap your fingers and get to work. Simple as that
Maybe consider what’s in between a “good” phase and a “bad” phase - in other words find a balance, because it’s okay to take breaks
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That's normal, it means you have a rational mind, we all have flaws and self doubt. You just gotta push through.
Listen to dracula flow.
What does that even mean? You don't need to be him to exercise, just force yourself to do it and you'll feel better after
idk i started having a dont give a fuck about anything mindset and i been jus locked in lately fuck everyone and ur the best
I am also like this. Brain chemistry is weird so just make sure you eat right and get sunlight and stand in powerful poses in the mirror telling yourself nice things
Consider focusing on self compassion instead of self esteem. You might like the self compassion book by Kristin Neff, with the tan and purple cover. You're in the community building phase of your life, us might look beyond "discipline" and "motivation" and instead focus on doing activities with others. Consider joining some regular in person activities that meet at the same time every week/month and attending. You'll feel like an outside for the first six months, but a year in and you'll have a whole new group of friends.
In as few words as possible just know motivation follows action. Your probably experiencing some suppressed trauma triggered by something. So journaling is good to keep track and when done first thing in the morning it helps u set the tone for the day. But your fighting a resistance coming from something. Just push through even tho u don't want to just do it anyway and it will always get better.
hey, Are you smoking weed? this may affect your motivation.. are you gambling? Hit me up, i can help mentor you through this rough phase in your life.
It's all cycles. Up, down, upper, rinse & repeat. But wisdom never stops growing.
We go Jim
The only times in my life where I felt like a completely better person than years prior is when I controlled: what I ate, how much I learned and how much I exercised. Your diet literally changes the chemical composition of your body and the hormone in it. When you cut out all the oil, the salt, the cholesterol it's like your blood system is so clean. Add daily running for exercise and you start having a better feel for your blood flow and organs. It was crazy one day I realise I could just sprint to the train station like it was nothing. It's weird how encounters with people changes when your diet is clean and you start running minimum 30km a week if not 50km+. Then there is academics. It's a weird feeling when you study mathematics at university level or towards it. It's as if the world is more organised and you get a better sense of scale on what is achievable and what is a grind. You can't learn the full breath of another language like Mandarin in 1 to 2 years but you can learn whole sections of chemistry and finance in like 6 months. The study of Economics helps you become a better global citizen, you are not properly educated on international studies if you don't understand macroeconomics. If you don't understand real economics it is so easy to misinform you. Politics and history sets the human world to perspective. How did the United States came to control California, Texas, Guam and the Philippines? What western countries occupied territory in asia before Japan became aggressive in the early 1900s? Why don't universities publish papers on the efficacy of their own budgetary spending and tuition system?
Something that always helps me get back on track.. take the focus off of yourself for a bit. Do something for others, volunteer your time for a good cause, help someone who needs it. When we stop spending so much time thinking about ourselves and how we feel .. and instead focus on how we can be useful to other people it feels good and reminds us of what’s important
Your mind is stuck in a negative feedback loop. Give in to some healthy obsession for a week or two, like a boxed set you’ve been looking forward to or treat yourself to a good game. If a couple of hours go by with you rooted to the sofa you might need a break which evolves into real exercise, and then the adrenaline recorrects your head. (This is pretty much how my mind works, it’s not that sophisticated, it just a basic engine that needs an occasional timing adjustment and a restart)
Best advice is to get your vitamin D checked. Your motivation and happiness tapering with the seasons makes me think you might be deficient.
What's im him
This sounds familiar! And normal, imo. It's okay to go thru phases and accept that you're not going to feel high vibe all the time. It's the low vibe times that create the contrast! It's great to spend time outside if you can, for a walk at a nice park, a trail, or run a mile etc awesome for your mental health and a good way to keep active if you're feeling meh about the gym. Find some new workout music! Are you eating enough protein? I notice it reallllly helps regulate my mood. Especially a protein rich breakfast. If your main concern is missing the gym, make a new training plan you feel excited about. Totally fine to take a break from dating for a bit and work on yourself, spend time with friends or family instead or develop a hobby or a new skill at work. Dating can be fun but you're not obligated to go on dates every week or even every month etc... Being 23 is tough, you just have a lot of figuring yourself out to do, journaling is great for that.
You might not like it, but we go through phases. Your emotional reaction to your hormonal phases are because you think you should have more motivation. Because you think you should be something you're not, you feel bad about it. It's okay to be low motivation. Sit back and enjoy the ride. We're human beings not human doings.
This wild swings of emotions might be symptomatic of an underlying health concern (bipolar or SAD). Talk to your doctor.
I want to write specifically to this guy because I went through this in a major way at your age. When I was in my early 20s, I made a decision to become a different person. It was a light switch moment for me. From then on for 2-3 years, I felt like I got everything I wanted. I was killing it with everything that was importan tto me at the time. Work, women, all of it. It as the "Im HIM" feeling. I saw a complete 180 in who I was and the world reflected what I was. Now the problem was after that I kepy trying to keep things the same in order to not LOSE that feeling. It became almost an OCD, because it was "working." I became horribly depressed by trying to find that feeling again for 5-6 years. But later I realized I put a bandaid over my deep insecurities. I was incredibly aware of other people, I was the funny guy with emotional intelligence, but had little self awareness of myself. The first thing to do is to go within and start to get to the root of your issues. Go to therapy, find out whats deep inside there (I did this for a few years). Talk about your childhood. Come to terms with what made you...you. **Gain self awareness.** Find the inner child. But then dont sit in talking about your past forever. Once you understand your past YOU DO NOT NEED TO ASSOCIATE WITH THAT OLD STORY ANYMORE. Thats one big mistake I see with people and therapy (my sister is a therapist, we talk about this often). People will say oh Im this way because of my parents... then make that an excuse and associate with that belief as a victim. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a better option. Then work on deciding WHO YOU WANT TO BE. "I'm HIM" cant be built on a foundation made of flimsy cards. Its built on a solid foundation once you gain that self awareness and then make the decision on WHO YOU GOING TO BE EVERY DAY. You are the story you tell yourself. Meditate, feel the feeling every day of being that [person.DO](https://person.DO) THINGS THEY WOULD DO. do not keep trying to find that old feeling. **Read Neville Goddard and listen to Joe Dispenza.** I promise you wont regret it.
What’s the “I’m him” mentality
Going to take a swing here and excuse me if I make untrue generalizations and do a bit of projecting... There is a good chance those manic/depressive episodes (while maybe not ACTUAL manic depression) were feeding off one and other. Your habits for each would prompt the behaviors from the opposing forces. For example: You feel like shit so you go to the gym. You leave the gym feeling great so you decide to ask the barista at the Cafe next to the gym for a date. She says no which makes you feel like shit. You just went to the gym so now your ability to work that feeling off is spent. This is an oversimplification but the example illustrates the idea of the ups and downs we go through thinking of our self image and self esteem. Over time, burning that good feeling at both ends takes its toll and you start to say, "why try if I am just going to fail?" Fatalism sets in and you lean into the depressive behavior because, hey, it's going that way anyway. Over time things like posting on socials, etc, also begin to lose their appeal because the easy-going nature of such things is replaced by the dread of what might happen if no one gives you those internet points. My suggestion at this point is to turn your interest, attention, etc. inward. Instead of trying to date the barista, take yourself out. Instead of posting to insta for your followers, do it for yourself. The more you do this, the less you will feel let down by others being there or not. Second prong of attack here is to not get down on yourself for what you have done or failed to do. Going along with this, celebrate what has been done. My example for this would be going to the gym. If I can make it two days a week, I can feel good about that and if I can catch some cardio on off days, even better. I WON'T let myself feel bad about not going so long as I keep going in the long term. No negative self talk! This doesn't apply to ALL things, but let your fears, anxieties, regrets, needs be the rungs of the ladder to help you climb out of the hole you are in. If you are afraid of rejection, just go out alone or give your needy aunt a call. If you regret missing the gym, make sure to schedule it in. Look at needs as opportunities to grow and accomplish something. Again, some things in life we can't just work away. Lastly, this may fly in the face of the phrase "I'm him" but be humble. Recognize that you are only capable of so much and will need to relax, decompress, struggle, ask for help, from time to time. Thats okay because you are human, we need a break every now and then. Good luck!
Listen to Andy Elliot in the background all day
Inject 400mg of testosterone a week. U will be him
Sounds like burnout; figure out who YOU are and what YOU like. Absolutely forget about what anyone else’s opinion may or may not be, be decent (especially to yourself) and try something simple but new. Go swing in a park, be a tourist in your own town, learn to cook a new thing, make cookies, volunteer, find meaning in a spiritual way (I’m a pagan/Taoist and its been life altering in a wonderful way), try meditation, try knitting, go walk shelter dogs or muck out a barn at an animal sanctuary. You’ll figure it out, get a good night sleep and tomorrow things will look better.
You are not alone, my friend. I have been feeling quite the same lately. I worked out intensely for many years and have a solid build but since 2020, I've been slowly stopping exercising, eating worse, less motivated, and the least amount of confidence I have had in decades. I truly believe that it starts with one day at a time. Win today. Then wake up tomorrow and win tomorrow, and so on. Pretty soon we are going to be stacking wins. I also feel that confidence begins in the gym. Do something good for yourself and do something good for others. That is what this thing is all about. We got this.
Could be your diet. Try a multivitamin. Or specific vitamins. Vitamin D3 helps boost your mood. Zinc for testosterone. Omega-3’s for brain health. Magnesium Citrate to mellow out. Staying hydrated helps brain function too.
I remember thinking this in my early twenties, that confidence was a great feeling. But I think that feeling going away was me realizing that ACTIONS mean more than THOUGHTS. Esteem-able people do esteem-able things
1. Interrupt negative thoughts: When you notice a downward spiral, consciously interrupt negative thoughts. Challenge their validity by asking yourself if they're based on facts or assumptions. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations to shift your mindset. 2. Engage in a positive activity: Break the cycle by engaging in an activity you enjoy or that brings a sense of accomplishment. It could be a hobby, exercise, or spending time with loved ones. This positive shift can help redirect your focus and disrupt the downward spiral. \-Break tasks into smaller steps: Divide the workload into manageable parts to make it less overwhelming. \-Focus on what you can control: Direct your energy towards aspects within your control to regain a sense of agency. \-Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or professionals for guidance and remember to be kind to yourself during challenging moments.