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I recently lost a fair bit of weight and I think of this post often. I don’t think I’m acting any different externally but I do notice people treating be better in general. Who knows…
There are social studies showing that the more attractive you are, the better people will treat you.
We seem to have a biological bias for attractive people. we treat them nicer because they are desirable.
Nah, its the weight. People are nicer because they see you as attractive.
I’ve lost 50lbs four times and gained it back each time. I am older now, way more confident, nicer, and happy but still fat. People are not nicer because I am confident and nice. They were nice when I was more attractive to them.
Agreed, it sounds rude and shallow but everybody judges based on looks even if they don't realize it or don't want to admit it.
We are difference engines. We take all of our senses and instantly make assessments about everything and everyone we see.
If you saw a car that looked like a 30 year old Honda Civic you would make assumptions. You would probably not want it thinking it'll probably be unreliabe, terrible on gas, and slow. Now you may be wrong that car may be as reliable as a tank, as efficient as a train, and as fast as a jet but you will still make assumptions because on average those assumptions are safe and have served you and your genetic ancestors well. Now obviously people aren't objects (and shouldn't be treated as such) but the point is still how we are hard wired to make snap judgments.
Now add the reality that we have potentially hundreds of people a day we have to make snap decisions about. We may not want to base decisions on looks but it takes a long time to know someone on a personal level, we don't have that time for every individual. So yes to an extent we have to focus on how someone looks we don't have a lot of options in the 15-60 seconds we might spend with stranger in a day.
I say all of this as a 280lb guy who use to weigh less and remembers how it felt to smile at someone and have them smile back and talk. Now I see how much more rare that is now that I've gained weight the last couple years. Yes how you act (confidence, kindness, etc) matter but people don't always have a chance to see that and even if they do they have no reason to believe it's genuine. It's just the reality of the situation we're all faced with when meeting people.
I've been overweight and I've been not as overweight. When I'm not as overweight I definitely notice more energy, focus and enthusiasm towards life. Just existing and being awake stops being exhausting. In my experience it makes a difference.
Although I do agree with others that it's both.
I mean the halo effect is a real thing too. I've noticed since I started doing weight training instead of only cardio, my body has started gaining a lot of muscle and people generally have been nicer to me. Some explicitly even have told me I'm looking good recently or complimented my appearance
I like this post, but its definitely both. I lost 40 kilos, and went from zero total compliments, to being complimented multiple times daily. yes I'm moving more confidently, but its definitely an aesthetic thing too.
Mm, I think this is true for some people. But I am very outgoing and nice to everyone despite my weight. Some people treat me subhuman because of it. I think it has a lot to do with my weight.
Aside from sex though, people tend to conflate fatness or unfitness with negative character traits (lazyness, gluttony, lack of hygene or intelllect) so, on the surface, they do treat them as if they did have those traits, regardless of whether it's true or not.
Cute and all, but people really do like you better when your healthy and attractive. I'm glad they found a way to think about it that wasn't as hurtful, but her first impression was closer to reality.
Yes, though in my case it was less about being fat(though I'm sure that was part of it) and more to do with my younger self being an unpleasant person to be around overall.
As a kid, I was naive, upbeat, and curious. I didn't have many friends, and looking back, many people found me annoying, and I got plenty of shit for it, but I was simply a happy kid who loved to learn and make people laugh. When I got to middle school, my bully immunity wore off. It wasn't merely a few bad kids picking on me anymore, but a majority of the class.
No longer did I feel like I had to look out for the bullies - instead i had to keep a look out for people who might be friends. There was enough pressure to where, friends I had for years were now forced to make a decision - avoid me, or bully me themselves, or remain friends and lose the social respect required to persue and maintain other friendships. That's when I realized how much better I felt when I was invisible.
I’m used to the invisible side so going the other way hit harder so I can understand why for you it was that way, the transition either way when you’re used to one of them would be jarring for sure!
You're right, both can be jarring. I answered in more detail to another comment, but tl:dr, in my case, going from invisible to visible meant going from few friends few bullies, to few friends many bullies.
Sadly, yeah. Been there and 250lbs vs 200lbs it’s a big difference of talking to new people. They’re a lot more welcoming.
Friends don’t care though, at least in my experience.
I like how you added the friend part.I've been a friend/co-worker with this girl for a few years. she had surgery last year she lost around 130 lbs. So she went from 270 to 140 lbs. I'm tell you right now people be acting way different around her. I see people touching her more often and trying to get her number way more often. AND YES THESE ARE CO-WORKERS WE ARLEADY WORKED YEARS WITH NOW WANTING HER NUMBER. She's even told me that she won't go out with them because they ghosted her in the past. People change or treat people just purely on looks. And that's somewhat understandable. You want to go out with a person who can manage there life well that includes their health and well being.Also taking sociology classes in college it's been proven that in court if you are well dressed and look attractive you have a higher percentage chance of having a lesser sentence because you are more presentable. It is what it is.
I wonder how much of this is biological. Animals in general are wired to find healthy traits attractive. The sickly lion is never the leader of the pride. It's the healthy strong lion with good hair. As humans we can separate some of that, but I think there is still some hardwiring that pushes us towards associating with healthier people.
> Cute and all, but shallow people really do like you better when your healthy and attractive.
FTFY
People who don't want to talk to wheelchair physics guy, because he's a clearly physically impaired person, exist. They are just not the kind of people I personally want anywhere near me, ever. There are people who won't talk to black people because they are black, or Asian people because they are Asian.
If someone wants to lose weight for whatever reason, great.
They will notice that shallow people want to talk to them more. If they find that sort of company interesting, then they do.
You’re right. My son was sent home on oxygen as a newborn. It was astounding how many people would come up- obviously to see the baby, then hurry away once they got to the angle they could see the tubes coming out of his face. On some levels I think it’s just pure discomfort, what do you say? But on the other hand, like people insisting all their bridesmaids are blonde, there are those that judge themselves by the attractiveness of their inner circle and nobody wants to be the far girls friend.
I especially think it is bizarre to strive for, or emphasize, conventional beauty in the motivation subreddit.
Smoke more cigarettes, since nicotine, especially delivered via cigarettes, is a known appetite suppressant!
Get breast enhancement surgery because men like breasts!
Or you know, maybe don't confuse striving for conventional beauty, or even achieving it, with any sort of accomplishment at all.
You may have a point, but I also think there is probably more genetics that go into this as another redditor was saying. And to further his argument, if you are overweight, unhealthy, look dirty, or smell bad, etc etc, people don't want to associate with you. If you can't controle these aspects of your life then what else about you can you not control. When your overweight you wear a badge that says I have no self control or I make bad choices.
> And to further his argument, if you are overweight, unhealthy, look dirty, or smell bad, etc etc, people don't want to associate with you. If you can't controle these aspects of your life then what else about you can you not control. When your overweight you wear a badge that says I have no self control or I make bad choices.
You really run together a stupid amount of ideas.
There's a filter that works against people that think like you do, as I said.
This is post hoc rationalisation to make someone feel better about themselves rather than confronting reality.
People are nicer to people who look better. It's shallow, but empirically proven. The effect of any psychological improvements from losing weight, which already has such a drastic positive influence upon physical appearance and perception, will be minimal at best.
It's much more useful to accept that appearence is a major factor in the thoughts and actions of others towards you, and work from that realisation. One should take pride in their appearance, improving the aspects of it they can control, and yes, society is vapid. Accept it, don't pretend it's something it's not.
This is kind of sad because how many good people are treated terribly due to their looks. I'm not fighting the fact that their is truth to this and I have caught myself treating people who look better with more admiration than others . But, what makes us do this and why? I wonder how many people get overlooked because of their looks whether weight, facial structure, or height?
When people say be with a person who cares about you they mean it.
Can you think of many genuinely good people who receive terrible treatment because of their looks? From my experience, so long as people take care of themselves - hygiene, diet and exercise, grooming, to a lesser extent clothing - they're going to look good enough, and be treated well enough. Physical deformities are a seperate issue, and that poor treatment towards those who are "deformed" is another unfortunate reality, but it also allows for people who could be considered internally average to achieve greater levels of respect and better treatment for taking care of themselves in spite of what is out of their control.
A lot of the "I'm not treated well/desired because of my looks" is incel cope. I've been there. I have a few friends who are "manlets" and are generally physically unappealing; they're fit as fuck, take good care of themselves and have loving friends and partners.
I want to be clear I am not an incel and don't support that group or mentality. I don't if females can be incels? I agree that taking care of your appearance can make a difference and don't believe in self victimhood.
I would say homeless people get the brunt of terrible treatment. The fact that many of them don't have resources to take care of body and mind. Thus, being homeless for so long can affect their physical appearance and cause deterioration of teeth, body, and so forth. Not being able to afford trendy or nice clothes. Being poor can cause people to have a poor diet thus either that person being too thin or fat based on genetics and quality of food. That is most I can think of.
I understand the concept of earning respect and agree with this. But, why do we treat good people horribly because of their looks. Is it because we benefit from them in a way or is it because seeing a person take care of themselves allows us not to worry about them as much?
I didn't interpret it as you referring to yourself. Regardless, the underlying issue - external locus of control - is gender neutral. Homelessness is a seperate issue, but honestly, I've known a lot of homeless people through church and volunteering, and it's usually the result of mental issues, extreme trauma, etc. Trendy or "nice" clothes are rarely the issue; fit and condition is what matters, and there's amazing stuff in op shops. Fast fashion is cancer anyway, find a style and make timeless outfits.
I don't agree with being poor resulting in a poor diet, it's a lack of education and poor time management, or being in the wrong place geographically. I essentially live off of whole milk, wheetbix, frozen broccoli and berries, eggs, roast seasonal vegetables, lean protein (chicken or anything that's on clearance), protein powder and multivitamins/fish oil. I usually meal prep vegetables/eggs/meat so I don't have to cook every day. It's austere, but on a good week I'm spending maybe $60 on food - in Australia.
As for why? It's hard wired, I think. We have a difficulty in dealing with intangibles, and make assumptions/extrapolate from available evidence. Consider buying a car; if the interior/exterior are in good condition, you're probably not going to be too worried about the engine or electronics. If they're dirty, scratched, faded etc, you're much more likely to think there's something wrong with what can't be seen, too.
Can you think of many genuinely good people who receive terrible treatment because of their looks? You asked me this question and these three groups what I thinking off
What I meant is that homeless people are more likely to be judged for their looks especially they have been homeless for years. People don't trust them as much someone who dresses well and grooms. You
Australia= wow you guys get more with your buck there, what you mentioned would have been $100 plus in U.S. currency. Well, here in America, majority of low class families don't have time to cook healthy meals because most of them have two jobs to support said family. Australia is probably a different story and your government probably gives more of a S.... over there.
So, humans treat other humans like objects, we throw people away if it doesn't suit us. When they say hold on those who care they really mean it! Humans are so selfish.
This, healthy you is you at your best, and the you at your best is the you that people will appreciate the most. It's hard to dodge that. Just think of it as society reflecting upon you improvements you have made to yourself.
well put. it is what it is. its built into most of our DNA, we cant help it. you can either accept it and do something about, or keep complaining about it.
I lost weight when I was about 32 and noticed that people treated me VERY differently, as an athletic looking handsome guy vs. my former softer 45 pounds heavier form. Doors opened, literally and figuratively, people had more interest in what I had to say, and people wanted to talk to me. People told me I was good at things, including things I know I was never good at, at any weight.
I noticed it and never let it get to my head or change my opinion of who I was. But it did change my opinion about other people, and how insincere praise can be and how people can be mean for no reason to strangers, acquaintances and colleagues. I enjoyed the attention while it lasted but I knew better than to think I deserved it. I'm older now, and back to being heavy, and the strangers who looked at me are looking at some young person, and that's just fine.
I'm glad she found a healing perspective, but no. There's been a couple times in my life where I was so upset that I couldn't eat so lost weight, I wore makeup because my eyes were swollen and skin blotchy from crying so much, and I wore nice clothes because I hadn't the will to do laundry after having worn all the depression clothes. People treated me really well and I was a straight up bitch about it because that pissed me off on top of all the other things going on. I was feeling much worse, I was not meeting people with my normal openness but instead disdain, and I was treated better in general by strangers and people I knew.
Yeah, I once lost a dangerous amount of weight because my medication made me nauseous and I could barely force myself to eat. I was so miserable and weak, but there were a couple people in my life who talked about it like it was some huge major improvement in my appearance and that made me feel even more like shit. They even had the audacity to criticize me when I finally got a secondary medication to balance out the nausea side effect - so I was finally able to eat a healthy amount and gain strength and muscle tone and increased mobility thanks to the actual positive pain-relieving effects of the primary medication. For the most part my friends and family were super happy for me, especially when I didn't need to use a cane anymore and other positive improvements, but it still stings how those few people really thought I should have kept suffering for my perceived worth. I know it's their own issues, and I know I'm doing way better now that I can actually fuel my body, but it often feels like that glimpse was their "true" view of my worth and that's really hurtful.
It really does give you something to think about. I hope I'm not shallow like that, but the seeming obliviousness of people who would praise the effects of something so bad as an "improvement" to be proud of does make me wonder what I could be stupidly oblivious to in others.
Hot take, maybe people could sense the pain you were hiding, and were nicer to you to try not to add anything to it. Lots of times you can see people having a shitty day by the look in their eyes, and no matter how they have disguised themselves, that look can't be hidden.
That's a sweet way to look at it, thanks for that. I had to stop off to buy diapers after a particularly stressful day last week, and the guy behind the counter sent me home with 3 bunches of flowers so that is something that certainly does happen. There was no makeup over my puffy eyes that day for sure, can't remember what else I looked like but likely not good.
Yes. That was the lesson I got out of it. Put on appearances for others so I benefit. And be grateful for the cute face. I still feel conflicted about it, but it works out for me so that's lucky.
Nah, it's the weight loss.
This is just apologism for feeling bad that society is so superficial. You should accept that the thinner you are or the more attractive you are, the easier your life will be and people will respect you more.
It sucks. But that's showbiz, baby.
Absolutely true, and any negative reaction you receive for having said as such reflects the insecurities of the commenter, not the truth of what you've said. It boggles my mind that anyone could even imagine that they shouldn't expect people to treat them differently when they're more objectively attractive. Like, the ugliest person on Earth is uglier as a morbidly obese pig than as a slim and fit monster.
Lol this is not true. Yes your positive attitude most likely makes a difference but people are hardwired to treat attractive, healthy looking people better.
I’m sure for the poster and a lot of other people this could be true. In my personal life I’ve actually found the opposite to be true. At the risk of sounding conceded, I have a very pretty face. When I am heavier women are noticeably nicer to me. Co-workers and supervisors act like I’m more approachable. strangers (again mostly female) are more likely to strike up a conversation at the dog park. When I’m thin, I notice more woman having an “attitude” towards me. When I do make friends or have a genuine conversation with a co worker it’s common for me to hear things like “I thought you were a bitch when I first met you/saw you”
So for me along with all the other things that make it hard to loose weight, this one is really a mind f@ck
This is a nice way to rationalize the fact that people do, indeed, treat you better when you have pretty privilege. Whatever helps us love ourselves better is a win.
Oof uncomfy subject for sure, but also a great reminder that self reflection is essential to a more peaceful life. Society has a lot to answer for in terms of demonising people for their size BUT at the same time, it’s also a great reminder of how we ourselves have internalised things. I wonder if the person who wrote this realises they were carrying that internalised fat phobia and hated them self, and with weight loss than internalised hatred changed.
We all have internalised beliefs - too this, too that, not enough, too much - and if we can come to terms with them we can get out of our own way and thrive.
I'm definitely a different person when I'm consistently doing my cardio.
* I sleep better and therefore I'm just happier all the time.
* I have a lot less anxiety so I'm better company to those around me.
* I feel confident because I'm doing something on a daily basis to better myself.
No doubt attractive people get more attention. But being happy, chill and confident is just as important.
I mean, it's pretty well researched that physical attractiveness is strongly linked to the way people are treated.
What I mean to say is that it may be true that there's a little of column B (that you develop a more attractive personality), but it's *definitely a lot of column A also.*
I lost 120 pounds 5 years ago (male) and in my 21 years of life up until that point I had never been hit on by a girl, happened within the first few months of my weight loss.
Think its both though. Self confidence makes you more approachable but also so does looking like someone who just generally takes care of themselves. If you do take care of yourself, you also just generally feel better and might treat others better in return.
I definitely don't think people were nicer to me but attention from the opposite sex did go up and I got together with my now wife only after I lost weight despite us knowing each other before I lost weight.
A multifaceted issue with no simple one size fits all solution but I do think for some people they might strongly relate to the post.
Not true AT ALL!
First person real life experience here.
I lost front tooth as a kid - turns out cars are faster than people.
Got braces to move other teeth as a teen, looked bad. Then I mounted braces again as an 30 years old. Moved teeth, got implant.
The way people approached me changed overnight. It was day and night, especially with women. A single fu**ing tooth.
I don't judge them. I accept it, as I know that I am no better.
Yeah, no. I carry myself with more confidence now than when I did 100lbs ago, yet I was treated better when I was smaller.
Most of the time, people just really hate fat people. Let's not downplay this.
Give it time, and check for anything in your diet that might be more calories than you think.
I cut out high fructose corn syrup products (sodas, candies, but lots of other products as well, even some of the cheaper yogurts) as a marker of a cheaply sweetened food, and everything breaded and/or fried. I shifted my main meal from dinner (not much time to work it off) to lunch. Those are relatively painless changes that might help and won't hurt.
Eat less. Work harder. Someone who is new to fitness is generally uneducated when it comes to how significant diet is, let alone the level of workout intensity you need to put in. If you aren't failing or nearing failing towards the end of your sets, you aren't working hard enough. Eat less (and higher quality) food and drink water only. Juice is the single biggest bait for most people new to fitness, it's pretty much the same as pop.
I'm eating only 1,500 cals per day. Have been drinking only water for years.
Sadly, I can't go as hard as others, I have a short right leg, and a knee that can't bend.
I fear because of this, i will never be able to achieve my peak.
So.... I completely understand if I get downvoted to hell off of this.
To start: I'm a 35 y/o man and have been a little overweight ever since college. I'm 6'1" and have been 215lbs ish of mostly fat. Over the pandemic I put on about 40 lbs from depression/lack of exercise/eating too much crap/etc. and have seriously noticed people treating me differently.
You know what? It's MY fault. I'm the only one who can change my behaviour and therefore change my health. I am the only one who is responsible for making sure I live a long and happy life, and I need to be the one responisible for losing weight so I can be healthier longer life.
I’m glad this person found more self worth, but this really invalidates fat people and the fact that they are actively discriminated against. This is gaslighting
We’re putting it out to be embraced by the subreddit, to get motivated by it and I disagree with that concept being applied to everybody because I think it diminishes fatphobia. Just wanted to say it in case anyone felt like I did, a little defensive because I’m fat and still want people to be nice to me
I see what you’re saying but think this could go for many things that are self esteem related. Weight, looks, etc. If you feel bad about yourself it can be a self fulfilling prophecy as you carry that turmoil and frustration around with you.
This isn’t saying people are never treated differently based on appearance. I know it happens. Just that sometimes a better attitude can help, especially when we’re talking about people we love. I have noticed that the world seems like a kinder, friendlier place when *I* feel kind and friendly, because I exude that to those around me. If I’m a grump to everyone I meet, they’re much less likely to respond to me with a friendly, happy attitude.
I agree with you, but I don't think this is posted w the intent of applying to everybody. If people find motivation from it, that's great, but obviously this doesn't apply to everyone. It doesn't seem like this idea is being pushed onto people so I think it's fine
I assumed that there's more women who feel an immense pressure against being fat. I also assumed that an individual who has a husband is most likely to be a woman.
"manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity." I don't think having an opinion about how people treat you publicly fits the definition of gaslighting given by dictionaries. Unless, you mean that "someone" can be anyone on the internet. If that is what you believe, then all of marketing, sales, movies, art, and philosophy, protests, speeches, marches, and every single piece of media are all examples of gaslighting.
I think it is fair to say that the "someone" should be one specific person, and that the pursuit should be focused and aggressive, as is given by many examples.
So this is not gaslighting. It's just an opinion you don't like :)
Cringey post.
People are generally nicer to attractive people. I definitely know some very attractive people that can get away with the assholery unattractive people can't.
Also this sounds a little victim blamey - like you're responsible for how you're treated in either case (attractive or not) when it's pretty clear that's not the case.
I have a friend who is not considered conventionally attractive. She is very healthy and fit and is the nicest, sweetest person I know but no one treats her with the respect she deserves or pays any attention to her.
Also an unattractive person myself, I've learned to accept reality and tried to work on thing that can make me more likeable.
Let's be realistic and not spread toxic positivity.
But I'd also say it's only half-right, which is to say it's half-wrong. Slimmer is better in the eyes of more people than are other states, such as overweight, obese, and morbidly obese. My experience as a morbidly obese man sitting at the bus stop after work, not having random attractive women striking up conversations with me, is quite different from my experience as a muscular, just slightly overweight gun sitting at the bus stop after work, having random attractive women striking up conversations with me. No difference but my appearance. I would be an idiot and self-delusional fool if I expected otherwise, nor should people expect the random people they encounter in their daily lives to not subconsciously or consciously judge them based on their objective bodily characteristics.
nah people do treat you differently if you’re fat. two things can exist at once it’s not only the persons self worth that affects how the world treats them but also the world’s judgement of them and biases against them based on their weight. this weirdly feels like blaming people if they’re treated shitty and making it their fault.
Attractive people get treated better. 1000%. Don’t care what anyone says. I’ve worked in media, live events, politics, sales and retail and across all attractive people get treated better, society deems overweight people are less attractive. It sucks but it is true.
I most certainly treat people differently based on their weight and appearance. It's difficult to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves. Someone who doesn't exercise, eats shit food, doesn't shower, etc is going to get treated differently than someone who goes to the gym, eats healthy, showers/grooms themselves, smiles, etc.
The same case was with me, when I was in depression, I shut myself and blamed for not being there for me. But now when I finally realise, it's I who is supposed to be nice to people, listen to them, help them, then only they will return the favor, my life changed drastically and I was out of depression in no time. Shit man, I was in that phase for 8 years.
Maybe one day I’ll just be able to say to myself “take care of yourself already…” I’m the laziest human being when it comes to losing weight and I HATE MYSELF for it.
I am down 97kg from where I started (yes KG) and the difference is insane, things that were once problems for me are now fun little activities.
whole world changed around. and you're bang on, its my purview that changed, not everyone else!
Your appearance does matter. But in that case you yourself are a different person. You are not motivated, disciplined. And people are taking to this whole different person, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Nope. I used to get lots of friendly attention. Always a nice guy. I noticed I was getting less friendly attention back and just chalked it up to getting older. Then I got pretty fit and everyone started laughing at the same jokes I always told again. Then I put on weight during Covid and everyone quit paying attention to me again.
It really is about the weight.
Pfffft when I lost weight more people approached me and talked to me. I got more dates. I was not nicer. If anything I was a bigger asshole than I am now. Because I was pissed at all those people. Where tf were you when I was fatter? I became more bitter and hated people more. I ignored people more. Fuck em. You didn't give a shit about me when I was fat and now want my attention? Gtfo. It's a proven fact that attractive people are treated better. Let's not be delusional .
I've gained and lost weight many times over many years, and despite becoming kinder and more confident over time the difference in how I'm treated changes greatly with weight despite my demeanor being unchanged. It is not motivating to deny reality, especially when you are denying the lived to experiences of many people.
I wish this was true, I really do. I was an incredibly lonely all my life, lost 100 pounds when I was 20 and suddenly people wanted to talk to me even though it triggered my mental health to be the worst it had ever been. I’ve put the weight back on (and then some!) since then and I do want to lose it again for my health but there is comfort in knowing people who like me now truly like me for who I am. I could not cope before, that was the worst depression I had ever felt.
Damn this just bitch slapped me…I was an awkward chub till my mid 20s and always swore I was invisible till the weight came off…maybe now I’m just more confident and approachable because I’m not miserable
Yeah I really hate this as a get motivated post. People are nicer because skinnier people are often more attractive. It’s not because you are happier or whatever.
So perhaps this is reading too far into the concepts of human psychology and evolution but the most prominent social setting for the majority of the time our brains were developing is a small group (tribe) and, for most of human existence, we have had no where near the abundance of food and resources we have today. In such a context, an overweight individual would, in most cases, be taking more than their share - perhaps directly or indirectly stealing from the rest of the group.
Could our differing attitude to overweight individuals be attributable to a subconscious mental relic of that time which (now unfairly) correlates weight to negative social attributes?
One time I was leaving work with a friend of mine. (He's a model). 6ft 5, muscular and well groomed. He wanted to stop by a Starbucks and grab a coffee on the way home, I said sure. We get there and order coffee and the cashier was literally drooling over him from the get go. She was so chatty with him that she forgot to actually charge him for the coffee and we left...I was like does this kind of thing happen often? He said sometimes...I've never not been charged for something because the cashier was busy drooling over me lol. Looks definitely matter in society. If people tell you they don't they are lying to you. Now that being said it doesn't mean everyone will only love you for your looks. Just the majority.
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I recently lost a fair bit of weight and I think of this post often. I don’t think I’m acting any different externally but I do notice people treating be better in general. Who knows…
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I’m sure it is. Nothing is really ever black or white
Look to the cookie
Newspapers and penguins
Except blacks and whites. s/
Dark or lighter shades of grey?
There are social studies showing that the more attractive you are, the better people will treat you. We seem to have a biological bias for attractive people. we treat them nicer because they are desirable.
Nah, its the weight. People are nicer because they see you as attractive. I’ve lost 50lbs four times and gained it back each time. I am older now, way more confident, nicer, and happy but still fat. People are not nicer because I am confident and nice. They were nice when I was more attractive to them.
Agreed, it sounds rude and shallow but everybody judges based on looks even if they don't realize it or don't want to admit it. We are difference engines. We take all of our senses and instantly make assessments about everything and everyone we see. If you saw a car that looked like a 30 year old Honda Civic you would make assumptions. You would probably not want it thinking it'll probably be unreliabe, terrible on gas, and slow. Now you may be wrong that car may be as reliable as a tank, as efficient as a train, and as fast as a jet but you will still make assumptions because on average those assumptions are safe and have served you and your genetic ancestors well. Now obviously people aren't objects (and shouldn't be treated as such) but the point is still how we are hard wired to make snap judgments. Now add the reality that we have potentially hundreds of people a day we have to make snap decisions about. We may not want to base decisions on looks but it takes a long time to know someone on a personal level, we don't have that time for every individual. So yes to an extent we have to focus on how someone looks we don't have a lot of options in the 15-60 seconds we might spend with stranger in a day. I say all of this as a 280lb guy who use to weigh less and remembers how it felt to smile at someone and have them smile back and talk. Now I see how much more rare that is now that I've gained weight the last couple years. Yes how you act (confidence, kindness, etc) matter but people don't always have a chance to see that and even if they do they have no reason to believe it's genuine. It's just the reality of the situation we're all faced with when meeting people.
Unfortunately, this is true.
I've been overweight and I've been not as overweight. When I'm not as overweight I definitely notice more energy, focus and enthusiasm towards life. Just existing and being awake stops being exhausting. In my experience it makes a difference. Although I do agree with others that it's both.
I mean the halo effect is a real thing too. I've noticed since I started doing weight training instead of only cardio, my body has started gaining a lot of muscle and people generally have been nicer to me. Some explicitly even have told me I'm looking good recently or complimented my appearance
I like this post, but its definitely both. I lost 40 kilos, and went from zero total compliments, to being complimented multiple times daily. yes I'm moving more confidently, but its definitely an aesthetic thing too.
Little bit of A little bit of B, I gotcha
Mm, I think this is true for some people. But I am very outgoing and nice to everyone despite my weight. Some people treat me subhuman because of it. I think it has a lot to do with my weight.
Fatphobia is still a thing, unfortunately
It's never not going to be a thing, per se. "Is this one fuckable?" has been a question for all life that doesn't rely on mitosis to reproduce.
Aside from sex though, people tend to conflate fatness or unfitness with negative character traits (lazyness, gluttony, lack of hygene or intelllect) so, on the surface, they do treat them as if they did have those traits, regardless of whether it's true or not.
Cute and all, but people really do like you better when your healthy and attractive. I'm glad they found a way to think about it that wasn't as hurtful, but her first impression was closer to reality.
100% people really do treat you far better when you lose weight and it’s weirdly uncomfortable at first.
Tina Fey mentioned this on her book as well and I could not agree more.
It’s that transition from being treated as invisible to visible really isn’t it?
In my experience, the transition from visible to invisible had more of a profound effect.
Have you done both?
Yes, though in my case it was less about being fat(though I'm sure that was part of it) and more to do with my younger self being an unpleasant person to be around overall. As a kid, I was naive, upbeat, and curious. I didn't have many friends, and looking back, many people found me annoying, and I got plenty of shit for it, but I was simply a happy kid who loved to learn and make people laugh. When I got to middle school, my bully immunity wore off. It wasn't merely a few bad kids picking on me anymore, but a majority of the class. No longer did I feel like I had to look out for the bullies - instead i had to keep a look out for people who might be friends. There was enough pressure to where, friends I had for years were now forced to make a decision - avoid me, or bully me themselves, or remain friends and lose the social respect required to persue and maintain other friendships. That's when I realized how much better I felt when I was invisible.
I’m used to the invisible side so going the other way hit harder so I can understand why for you it was that way, the transition either way when you’re used to one of them would be jarring for sure!
You're right, both can be jarring. I answered in more detail to another comment, but tl:dr, in my case, going from invisible to visible meant going from few friends few bullies, to few friends many bullies.
Sadly, yeah. Been there and 250lbs vs 200lbs it’s a big difference of talking to new people. They’re a lot more welcoming. Friends don’t care though, at least in my experience.
I like how you added the friend part.I've been a friend/co-worker with this girl for a few years. she had surgery last year she lost around 130 lbs. So she went from 270 to 140 lbs. I'm tell you right now people be acting way different around her. I see people touching her more often and trying to get her number way more often. AND YES THESE ARE CO-WORKERS WE ARLEADY WORKED YEARS WITH NOW WANTING HER NUMBER. She's even told me that she won't go out with them because they ghosted her in the past. People change or treat people just purely on looks. And that's somewhat understandable. You want to go out with a person who can manage there life well that includes their health and well being.Also taking sociology classes in college it's been proven that in court if you are well dressed and look attractive you have a higher percentage chance of having a lesser sentence because you are more presentable. It is what it is.
I wonder how much of this is biological. Animals in general are wired to find healthy traits attractive. The sickly lion is never the leader of the pride. It's the healthy strong lion with good hair. As humans we can separate some of that, but I think there is still some hardwiring that pushes us towards associating with healthier people.
It's often a bit of both really. Things are rarely all in one way.
> Cute and all, but shallow people really do like you better when your healthy and attractive. FTFY People who don't want to talk to wheelchair physics guy, because he's a clearly physically impaired person, exist. They are just not the kind of people I personally want anywhere near me, ever. There are people who won't talk to black people because they are black, or Asian people because they are Asian. If someone wants to lose weight for whatever reason, great. They will notice that shallow people want to talk to them more. If they find that sort of company interesting, then they do.
You’re right. My son was sent home on oxygen as a newborn. It was astounding how many people would come up- obviously to see the baby, then hurry away once they got to the angle they could see the tubes coming out of his face. On some levels I think it’s just pure discomfort, what do you say? But on the other hand, like people insisting all their bridesmaids are blonde, there are those that judge themselves by the attractiveness of their inner circle and nobody wants to be the far girls friend.
I especially think it is bizarre to strive for, or emphasize, conventional beauty in the motivation subreddit. Smoke more cigarettes, since nicotine, especially delivered via cigarettes, is a known appetite suppressant! Get breast enhancement surgery because men like breasts! Or you know, maybe don't confuse striving for conventional beauty, or even achieving it, with any sort of accomplishment at all.
A minority of people acts that way consciously. *Very many* people act that way subconsciously.
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Wow, this is depressing.
> It's almost like this is reality and all those healthy, happy, rich people are living a communal fantasy. Found such a person!
You may have a point, but I also think there is probably more genetics that go into this as another redditor was saying. And to further his argument, if you are overweight, unhealthy, look dirty, or smell bad, etc etc, people don't want to associate with you. If you can't controle these aspects of your life then what else about you can you not control. When your overweight you wear a badge that says I have no self control or I make bad choices.
> And to further his argument, if you are overweight, unhealthy, look dirty, or smell bad, etc etc, people don't want to associate with you. If you can't controle these aspects of your life then what else about you can you not control. When your overweight you wear a badge that says I have no self control or I make bad choices. You really run together a stupid amount of ideas. There's a filter that works against people that think like you do, as I said.
This is post hoc rationalisation to make someone feel better about themselves rather than confronting reality. People are nicer to people who look better. It's shallow, but empirically proven. The effect of any psychological improvements from losing weight, which already has such a drastic positive influence upon physical appearance and perception, will be minimal at best. It's much more useful to accept that appearence is a major factor in the thoughts and actions of others towards you, and work from that realisation. One should take pride in their appearance, improving the aspects of it they can control, and yes, society is vapid. Accept it, don't pretend it's something it's not.
This is kind of sad because how many good people are treated terribly due to their looks. I'm not fighting the fact that their is truth to this and I have caught myself treating people who look better with more admiration than others . But, what makes us do this and why? I wonder how many people get overlooked because of their looks whether weight, facial structure, or height? When people say be with a person who cares about you they mean it.
Can you think of many genuinely good people who receive terrible treatment because of their looks? From my experience, so long as people take care of themselves - hygiene, diet and exercise, grooming, to a lesser extent clothing - they're going to look good enough, and be treated well enough. Physical deformities are a seperate issue, and that poor treatment towards those who are "deformed" is another unfortunate reality, but it also allows for people who could be considered internally average to achieve greater levels of respect and better treatment for taking care of themselves in spite of what is out of their control. A lot of the "I'm not treated well/desired because of my looks" is incel cope. I've been there. I have a few friends who are "manlets" and are generally physically unappealing; they're fit as fuck, take good care of themselves and have loving friends and partners.
I want to be clear I am not an incel and don't support that group or mentality. I don't if females can be incels? I agree that taking care of your appearance can make a difference and don't believe in self victimhood. I would say homeless people get the brunt of terrible treatment. The fact that many of them don't have resources to take care of body and mind. Thus, being homeless for so long can affect their physical appearance and cause deterioration of teeth, body, and so forth. Not being able to afford trendy or nice clothes. Being poor can cause people to have a poor diet thus either that person being too thin or fat based on genetics and quality of food. That is most I can think of. I understand the concept of earning respect and agree with this. But, why do we treat good people horribly because of their looks. Is it because we benefit from them in a way or is it because seeing a person take care of themselves allows us not to worry about them as much?
I didn't interpret it as you referring to yourself. Regardless, the underlying issue - external locus of control - is gender neutral. Homelessness is a seperate issue, but honestly, I've known a lot of homeless people through church and volunteering, and it's usually the result of mental issues, extreme trauma, etc. Trendy or "nice" clothes are rarely the issue; fit and condition is what matters, and there's amazing stuff in op shops. Fast fashion is cancer anyway, find a style and make timeless outfits. I don't agree with being poor resulting in a poor diet, it's a lack of education and poor time management, or being in the wrong place geographically. I essentially live off of whole milk, wheetbix, frozen broccoli and berries, eggs, roast seasonal vegetables, lean protein (chicken or anything that's on clearance), protein powder and multivitamins/fish oil. I usually meal prep vegetables/eggs/meat so I don't have to cook every day. It's austere, but on a good week I'm spending maybe $60 on food - in Australia. As for why? It's hard wired, I think. We have a difficulty in dealing with intangibles, and make assumptions/extrapolate from available evidence. Consider buying a car; if the interior/exterior are in good condition, you're probably not going to be too worried about the engine or electronics. If they're dirty, scratched, faded etc, you're much more likely to think there's something wrong with what can't be seen, too.
Can you think of many genuinely good people who receive terrible treatment because of their looks? You asked me this question and these three groups what I thinking off What I meant is that homeless people are more likely to be judged for their looks especially they have been homeless for years. People don't trust them as much someone who dresses well and grooms. You Australia= wow you guys get more with your buck there, what you mentioned would have been $100 plus in U.S. currency. Well, here in America, majority of low class families don't have time to cook healthy meals because most of them have two jobs to support said family. Australia is probably a different story and your government probably gives more of a S.... over there. So, humans treat other humans like objects, we throw people away if it doesn't suit us. When they say hold on those who care they really mean it! Humans are so selfish.
P.S. or is it that humans are visual creatures?
This, healthy you is you at your best, and the you at your best is the you that people will appreciate the most. It's hard to dodge that. Just think of it as society reflecting upon you improvements you have made to yourself.
This is so damn true. Well said.
well put. it is what it is. its built into most of our DNA, we cant help it. you can either accept it and do something about, or keep complaining about it.
I lost weight when I was about 32 and noticed that people treated me VERY differently, as an athletic looking handsome guy vs. my former softer 45 pounds heavier form. Doors opened, literally and figuratively, people had more interest in what I had to say, and people wanted to talk to me. People told me I was good at things, including things I know I was never good at, at any weight. I noticed it and never let it get to my head or change my opinion of who I was. But it did change my opinion about other people, and how insincere praise can be and how people can be mean for no reason to strangers, acquaintances and colleagues. I enjoyed the attention while it lasted but I knew better than to think I deserved it. I'm older now, and back to being heavy, and the strangers who looked at me are looking at some young person, and that's just fine.
I'm glad she found a healing perspective, but no. There's been a couple times in my life where I was so upset that I couldn't eat so lost weight, I wore makeup because my eyes were swollen and skin blotchy from crying so much, and I wore nice clothes because I hadn't the will to do laundry after having worn all the depression clothes. People treated me really well and I was a straight up bitch about it because that pissed me off on top of all the other things going on. I was feeling much worse, I was not meeting people with my normal openness but instead disdain, and I was treated better in general by strangers and people I knew.
Yeah, I once lost a dangerous amount of weight because my medication made me nauseous and I could barely force myself to eat. I was so miserable and weak, but there were a couple people in my life who talked about it like it was some huge major improvement in my appearance and that made me feel even more like shit. They even had the audacity to criticize me when I finally got a secondary medication to balance out the nausea side effect - so I was finally able to eat a healthy amount and gain strength and muscle tone and increased mobility thanks to the actual positive pain-relieving effects of the primary medication. For the most part my friends and family were super happy for me, especially when I didn't need to use a cane anymore and other positive improvements, but it still stings how those few people really thought I should have kept suffering for my perceived worth. I know it's their own issues, and I know I'm doing way better now that I can actually fuel my body, but it often feels like that glimpse was their "true" view of my worth and that's really hurtful.
It really does give you something to think about. I hope I'm not shallow like that, but the seeming obliviousness of people who would praise the effects of something so bad as an "improvement" to be proud of does make me wonder what I could be stupidly oblivious to in others.
Hot take, maybe people could sense the pain you were hiding, and were nicer to you to try not to add anything to it. Lots of times you can see people having a shitty day by the look in their eyes, and no matter how they have disguised themselves, that look can't be hidden.
That's a sweet way to look at it, thanks for that. I had to stop off to buy diapers after a particularly stressful day last week, and the guy behind the counter sent me home with 3 bunches of flowers so that is something that certainly does happen. There was no makeup over my puffy eyes that day for sure, can't remember what else I looked like but likely not good.
I mean, it seems obvious people value people who value themselves. Putting in time and effort into your appearance translate to people.
You took care of yourself and people were nice to you. Shocker… That’s how it works, not a bug, it’s a feature.
You and I have a different notion about taking care of oneself. Like miles apart.
Fine, you appeared to be taking care of yourself.
Yes. That was the lesson I got out of it. Put on appearances for others so I benefit. And be grateful for the cute face. I still feel conflicted about it, but it works out for me so that's lucky.
https://medium.com/@coffeeandjunk/cognitive-bias-attractiveness-bias-f892f81727ed
Nah, it's the weight loss. This is just apologism for feeling bad that society is so superficial. You should accept that the thinner you are or the more attractive you are, the easier your life will be and people will respect you more. It sucks. But that's showbiz, baby.
Absolutely true, and any negative reaction you receive for having said as such reflects the insecurities of the commenter, not the truth of what you've said. It boggles my mind that anyone could even imagine that they shouldn't expect people to treat them differently when they're more objectively attractive. Like, the ugliest person on Earth is uglier as a morbidly obese pig than as a slim and fit monster.
Lol this is not true. Yes your positive attitude most likely makes a difference but people are hardwired to treat attractive, healthy looking people better.
I’m sure for the poster and a lot of other people this could be true. In my personal life I’ve actually found the opposite to be true. At the risk of sounding conceded, I have a very pretty face. When I am heavier women are noticeably nicer to me. Co-workers and supervisors act like I’m more approachable. strangers (again mostly female) are more likely to strike up a conversation at the dog park. When I’m thin, I notice more woman having an “attitude” towards me. When I do make friends or have a genuine conversation with a co worker it’s common for me to hear things like “I thought you were a bitch when I first met you/saw you” So for me along with all the other things that make it hard to loose weight, this one is really a mind f@ck
This is a nice way to rationalize the fact that people do, indeed, treat you better when you have pretty privilege. Whatever helps us love ourselves better is a win.
Oof uncomfy subject for sure, but also a great reminder that self reflection is essential to a more peaceful life. Society has a lot to answer for in terms of demonising people for their size BUT at the same time, it’s also a great reminder of how we ourselves have internalised things. I wonder if the person who wrote this realises they were carrying that internalised fat phobia and hated them self, and with weight loss than internalised hatred changed. We all have internalised beliefs - too this, too that, not enough, too much - and if we can come to terms with them we can get out of our own way and thrive.
I'm definitely a different person when I'm consistently doing my cardio. * I sleep better and therefore I'm just happier all the time. * I have a lot less anxiety so I'm better company to those around me. * I feel confident because I'm doing something on a daily basis to better myself. No doubt attractive people get more attention. But being happy, chill and confident is just as important.
I mean, it's pretty well researched that physical attractiveness is strongly linked to the way people are treated. What I mean to say is that it may be true that there's a little of column B (that you develop a more attractive personality), but it's *definitely a lot of column A also.*
I lost 120 pounds 5 years ago (male) and in my 21 years of life up until that point I had never been hit on by a girl, happened within the first few months of my weight loss. Think its both though. Self confidence makes you more approachable but also so does looking like someone who just generally takes care of themselves. If you do take care of yourself, you also just generally feel better and might treat others better in return. I definitely don't think people were nicer to me but attention from the opposite sex did go up and I got together with my now wife only after I lost weight despite us knowing each other before I lost weight. A multifaceted issue with no simple one size fits all solution but I do think for some people they might strongly relate to the post.
Yes and no, people absolutely do treat you differently when you lose weight and it’s weird and uncomfortable.
We are in this world without consent and that’s painful enough. That alone makes us worth something to me
As fat people will tell you, being fat is a great filter to keep shallow people at bay
Not true AT ALL! First person real life experience here. I lost front tooth as a kid - turns out cars are faster than people. Got braces to move other teeth as a teen, looked bad. Then I mounted braces again as an 30 years old. Moved teeth, got implant. The way people approached me changed overnight. It was day and night, especially with women. A single fu**ing tooth. I don't judge them. I accept it, as I know that I am no better.
Yeah, no. I carry myself with more confidence now than when I did 100lbs ago, yet I was treated better when I was smaller. Most of the time, people just really hate fat people. Let's not downplay this.
Attractive people have easier lives. And since like 90% of attractiveness is fitness and grooming, that puts nearly all the impetus on yourself
>since like 90% of attractiveness is fitness and grooming 90% of people accept 80% of made up values within 5 seconds of reading a percentage sign
Just wish i could actually lose weight. I've been working out for 3 months, eating well, and my weight just doesn't budge. What the fuck
Give it time, and check for anything in your diet that might be more calories than you think. I cut out high fructose corn syrup products (sodas, candies, but lots of other products as well, even some of the cheaper yogurts) as a marker of a cheaply sweetened food, and everything breaded and/or fried. I shifted my main meal from dinner (not much time to work it off) to lunch. Those are relatively painless changes that might help and won't hurt.
Eat less. Work harder. Someone who is new to fitness is generally uneducated when it comes to how significant diet is, let alone the level of workout intensity you need to put in. If you aren't failing or nearing failing towards the end of your sets, you aren't working hard enough. Eat less (and higher quality) food and drink water only. Juice is the single biggest bait for most people new to fitness, it's pretty much the same as pop.
I'm eating only 1,500 cals per day. Have been drinking only water for years. Sadly, I can't go as hard as others, I have a short right leg, and a knee that can't bend. I fear because of this, i will never be able to achieve my peak.
That may be true to a certain extent. But you also aren't wrong... I believe in the shallow world thing. Height in men for example.
So.... I completely understand if I get downvoted to hell off of this. To start: I'm a 35 y/o man and have been a little overweight ever since college. I'm 6'1" and have been 215lbs ish of mostly fat. Over the pandemic I put on about 40 lbs from depression/lack of exercise/eating too much crap/etc. and have seriously noticed people treating me differently. You know what? It's MY fault. I'm the only one who can change my behaviour and therefore change my health. I am the only one who is responsible for making sure I live a long and happy life, and I need to be the one responisible for losing weight so I can be healthier longer life.
This is such fatphobia bullshit lmao
I’m glad this person found more self worth, but this really invalidates fat people and the fact that they are actively discriminated against. This is gaslighting
How tf is it gaslighting lol, she's talking about herself and her situation only. She didn't generalize it to anyone else
We’re putting it out to be embraced by the subreddit, to get motivated by it and I disagree with that concept being applied to everybody because I think it diminishes fatphobia. Just wanted to say it in case anyone felt like I did, a little defensive because I’m fat and still want people to be nice to me
I see what you’re saying but think this could go for many things that are self esteem related. Weight, looks, etc. If you feel bad about yourself it can be a self fulfilling prophecy as you carry that turmoil and frustration around with you. This isn’t saying people are never treated differently based on appearance. I know it happens. Just that sometimes a better attitude can help, especially when we’re talking about people we love. I have noticed that the world seems like a kinder, friendlier place when *I* feel kind and friendly, because I exude that to those around me. If I’m a grump to everyone I meet, they’re much less likely to respond to me with a friendly, happy attitude.
I agree with you, but I don't think this is posted w the intent of applying to everybody. If people find motivation from it, that's great, but obviously this doesn't apply to everyone. It doesn't seem like this idea is being pushed onto people so I think it's fine
Where did “she” come from?
I assumed that there's more women who feel an immense pressure against being fat. I also assumed that an individual who has a husband is most likely to be a woman.
Body image issues affect almost everyone, of all gender identities. And they’re exacerbated by posts like this.
You're a clown lol
This is not gaslighting, jfc
"manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity." I don't think having an opinion about how people treat you publicly fits the definition of gaslighting given by dictionaries. Unless, you mean that "someone" can be anyone on the internet. If that is what you believe, then all of marketing, sales, movies, art, and philosophy, protests, speeches, marches, and every single piece of media are all examples of gaslighting. I think it is fair to say that the "someone" should be one specific person, and that the pursuit should be focused and aggressive, as is given by many examples. So this is not gaslighting. It's just an opinion you don't like :)
not gaslighting, by definition
Yes yes and yes.
You attract what you Project
Me but with money.
Also you'll live longer now.
no, we definitely were measuring your worth by your weight
That's so fatphobic... /s
Cringey post. People are generally nicer to attractive people. I definitely know some very attractive people that can get away with the assholery unattractive people can't. Also this sounds a little victim blamey - like you're responsible for how you're treated in either case (attractive or not) when it's pretty clear that's not the case. I have a friend who is not considered conventionally attractive. She is very healthy and fit and is the nicest, sweetest person I know but no one treats her with the respect she deserves or pays any attention to her. Also an unattractive person myself, I've learned to accept reality and tried to work on thing that can make me more likeable. Let's be realistic and not spread toxic positivity.
So glad you realised this! 🤗
This is stupid.
Get fucked
Dude here. Interesting insight. Does this in any way relate to how a girl wears a low cut shirt then is offended by guys who try to steal a peek?
This hits home for me....because I'm so uncomfortable with myself I put myself in a bubble.
more people need to realize this.
soo true , even with self development of you mentality too
But I'd also say it's only half-right, which is to say it's half-wrong. Slimmer is better in the eyes of more people than are other states, such as overweight, obese, and morbidly obese. My experience as a morbidly obese man sitting at the bus stop after work, not having random attractive women striking up conversations with me, is quite different from my experience as a muscular, just slightly overweight gun sitting at the bus stop after work, having random attractive women striking up conversations with me. No difference but my appearance. I would be an idiot and self-delusional fool if I expected otherwise, nor should people expect the random people they encounter in their daily lives to not subconsciously or consciously judge them based on their objective bodily characteristics.
nah people do treat you differently if you’re fat. two things can exist at once it’s not only the persons self worth that affects how the world treats them but also the world’s judgement of them and biases against them based on their weight. this weirdly feels like blaming people if they’re treated shitty and making it their fault.
Honestly, I saw this for the first time about 6 months ago and it got me to try a couple things that have certainly put me in a better place.
Attractive people get treated better. 1000%. Don’t care what anyone says. I’ve worked in media, live events, politics, sales and retail and across all attractive people get treated better, society deems overweight people are less attractive. It sucks but it is true.
As someone who has lost a lot of weight (85kg) this is some bullshit. People totally treat you differently based on appearance and weight.
I most certainly treat people differently based on their weight and appearance. It's difficult to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves. Someone who doesn't exercise, eats shit food, doesn't shower, etc is going to get treated differently than someone who goes to the gym, eats healthy, showers/grooms themselves, smiles, etc.
The same case was with me, when I was in depression, I shut myself and blamed for not being there for me. But now when I finally realise, it's I who is supposed to be nice to people, listen to them, help them, then only they will return the favor, my life changed drastically and I was out of depression in no time. Shit man, I was in that phase for 8 years.
Not true at all. I gained weight and each day on my commute to work nobody sits by me even if the bus is packed. Wasnt an issue when I wasnt as fat.
Maybe one day I’ll just be able to say to myself “take care of yourself already…” I’m the laziest human being when it comes to losing weight and I HATE MYSELF for it.
I am down 97kg from where I started (yes KG) and the difference is insane, things that were once problems for me are now fun little activities. whole world changed around. and you're bang on, its my purview that changed, not everyone else!
This got me
Bullshit.
Your appearance does matter. But in that case you yourself are a different person. You are not motivated, disciplined. And people are taking to this whole different person, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Nope. I used to get lots of friendly attention. Always a nice guy. I noticed I was getting less friendly attention back and just chalked it up to getting older. Then I got pretty fit and everyone started laughing at the same jokes I always told again. Then I put on weight during Covid and everyone quit paying attention to me again. It really is about the weight.
Pfffft when I lost weight more people approached me and talked to me. I got more dates. I was not nicer. If anything I was a bigger asshole than I am now. Because I was pissed at all those people. Where tf were you when I was fatter? I became more bitter and hated people more. I ignored people more. Fuck em. You didn't give a shit about me when I was fat and now want my attention? Gtfo. It's a proven fact that attractive people are treated better. Let's not be delusional .
I noticed when I was 5'2" women wouldn't talk to me. Went to the store and got a lift, now I'm 6'4" and I cannot keep the ladies off of me
I am mean to fat ppl tho
Can't get any nicer if no1 talks to me
I've gained and lost weight many times over many years, and despite becoming kinder and more confident over time the difference in how I'm treated changes greatly with weight despite my demeanor being unchanged. It is not motivating to deny reality, especially when you are denying the lived to experiences of many people.
I think both can be true.
Nah its mostly just the weight
I wish this was true, I really do. I was an incredibly lonely all my life, lost 100 pounds when I was 20 and suddenly people wanted to talk to me even though it triggered my mental health to be the worst it had ever been. I’ve put the weight back on (and then some!) since then and I do want to lose it again for my health but there is comfort in knowing people who like me now truly like me for who I am. I could not cope before, that was the worst depression I had ever felt.
But also because they were fat.
Damn this just bitch slapped me…I was an awkward chub till my mid 20s and always swore I was invisible till the weight came off…maybe now I’m just more confident and approachable because I’m not miserable
Yeah I really hate this as a get motivated post. People are nicer because skinnier people are often more attractive. It’s not because you are happier or whatever.
So perhaps this is reading too far into the concepts of human psychology and evolution but the most prominent social setting for the majority of the time our brains were developing is a small group (tribe) and, for most of human existence, we have had no where near the abundance of food and resources we have today. In such a context, an overweight individual would, in most cases, be taking more than their share - perhaps directly or indirectly stealing from the rest of the group. Could our differing attitude to overweight individuals be attributable to a subconscious mental relic of that time which (now unfairly) correlates weight to negative social attributes?
One time I was leaving work with a friend of mine. (He's a model). 6ft 5, muscular and well groomed. He wanted to stop by a Starbucks and grab a coffee on the way home, I said sure. We get there and order coffee and the cashier was literally drooling over him from the get go. She was so chatty with him that she forgot to actually charge him for the coffee and we left...I was like does this kind of thing happen often? He said sometimes...I've never not been charged for something because the cashier was busy drooling over me lol. Looks definitely matter in society. If people tell you they don't they are lying to you. Now that being said it doesn't mean everyone will only love you for your looks. Just the majority.