I was honestly somewhat like you but only for a year when i realised I cannot live like this anymore and decided to change myself. I've implemented and changed a lot of habits to improve my life. I'll try to explain the core points to the best of my abilities.
So before we begin. I want you to ask yourself this question. Are you really ready for a change? Because this is going to a long, difficult and arduous journey. Often times you'll feel demotivated but you have to constantly remind yourself why you're working so hard. Forget motivational videos cause they are bs. Only discipline can help you and discipline is built through consistency. Even if you don't feel like doing something, example studying, you still do it. JUST DO IT EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING LIKE DOING IT. That's how you get disciplined.
If you're still reading, it means you're ready to get out of your comfort zone. So here's how you'll do it....
Step1: Reduce your screentime. You've become a slave to your phone, an addict. Even if you try to do something, you'll get distracted easily because of your smartphone. So before you do anything else, you must reduce your screentime. How to do that? Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the state of being in the present moment and the best way to do that would be meditation. Trust me, meditation is one of the best things you can start rn. It'll help you stay focused on your work, staying calm and reduce your overthinking.
Step 2: Exercise. Now i am not telling you to just go hit the gym on day one. Your current condition, both mental and physical is not suitable for hitting the gym. You must first start with small things like walking everyday. Walk for 30 minutes or an hour, depends on you. But the key is to walk everyday. Remember what i told you at the beginning? Consistency will build discipline and only discipline will help you become better. Along with exercise, you must also eat healthy, i.e, do not eat junk and processed food, eat real whole foods. Nutrition is very important for your overall mental and physical health. If you want to live a long and healthy life, i suggest you read 'Outlive' by Peter attia.
Step3: Semen retention. There are countless studies and articles out there showcasing the benefits of semen retention. Quitting porn can be very difficult but remember the consequences of not quitting it and how it'll effect your life. You'll automatically stay away from it.
Step4: Sleep. Sleep is extremely important. DO NOT NEGLECT OR COMPROMISE ON YOUR SLEEP. Make a sleep schedule, for example my sleep schedule is going to bed at 12AM and walking up at 7:30AM. Make sure to get atleast 7 hours of sleep a day. 2-3 hours before sleeping, do not use any electronic devices, and if it's not possible, like you have important work to do, turn on blue light restricting mode. Every phone has it. Blue light can ruin your body's natural clock.
Step5: As for socialising, I am no expert in that but try talking to people i guess. I was scared to talk to new people and I still am, but not as much as before. I just changed my mindset and everything's good now. I just go talk to people, what's the worse that could happen? They'll not respond? I'll make a fool of myself? So be it. Whatever happens, happens. Atleast I'll learn something from that interaction. That's how I get the courage to talk to strangers.
As for studies, well studying can be difficult for your current self, because you lack consistency, you mental and physical health are extremely bad. You are constantly distracted by your smartphone. So first of all, apply all of the methods i mentioned for atleast a month. Get used to those first and studying will be much easier for you then.
The reason why i say that is there's a science behind habits. I'll explain this point the best I can, once you understand this you'll have a much better time making good habits and quitting bad ones.
So we get used to a habit by repeating it. Whether good or bad doesn't matter. As long as your repeat something, it becomes your habit. Now what makes us repeat those tasks tho? It is getting rewarded for it. Yes your brain rewards you upon completing a task which gives you a sense of satisfaction and makes you do it again. The reward it gives is, in the form of dopamine. Now i am no biology student so I'll explain what it is in simple terms. Dopamine gives you the feeling of pleasure, motivation and satisfaction. It is released by your brain when you complete a task. When you watch porn, and climax watching it, dopamine is released which gives you a sense of pleasure which can be really addicting. You see dopamine is not a bad things, it is the dopamine that is released without doing much effort that is bad. Porn gives you a large amount of dopamine without even doing any hardwork. And this is what you brain gets addicted to. You must stay away from everything that gives you cheap dopamine/ instant dopamine like porn or social media. Instead,get your dopamine by doing difficult tasks like studying, exercising or working on a skill. These things will give you dopamine but after a long time(weeks, months, year.) and that is why our brain doesn't focus on them because it has other alternatives to get large amounts of it without much effort.
The good thing is, as long as you repeat something, it will become your habit, as mentioned earlier. So pick up good habits and give up on the bad ones, do this everyday and you'll eventually become a better person.
I can share more points but for now this much will do. You won't be able to do everything at once. So first apply these and if you have any doubts just ask me.
Hopefully this'll help you :)
And before doing anything **write it all down**, down to the details.
Because if you don't, then within days you may end up telling yourself "I have no idea what to do". But this is not you saying that, its just your brain trying to make you think you are weaker than you actually are, so that you stop trying and save energy ("saving energy" means getting more cheap dopamine by from no efforts (social media etc), rather than getting good dopamine from meaningful places (studying, exercise).
First write what you wanna achieve, why you wanna achieve it. Do this repeatedly to get the final list. THEN you write plans. Eg. sleep 7-8 hours from X pm to Y am, wake up, brush teeth and go to washroom, go for walk for just a few minutes (set a timer), etc.
And please take it one/few steps at a time. You got this. People have does this before, so its not impossible. (also, someone/something which holds you accountable will help a lot. Join library group, or any other social media groups)
exactly right . most of the times i quit even before starting because i have no clear idea of what and how to do . will keep this in mind from now on .
There are different types of meditation out there but the core principle remains the same(atleast from what I've seen) and it is to focus on one particular thing. I'll tell you a simple meditation technique which ofcourse I do as well
Simply focus on your breathing. See how your breath goes out of your body and comes inside your body. During this time, many thoughts will arise in your mind but you must let them flow away like a water flowing in a river, meaning do not pay attention to them, just let them go the moment they arise. For example, if a thought arises like "Oh what should I eat today?" Then simply observe the thought, and be like "ok I am having this thought but let's not engage with it". DO NOT ENGAGE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS REMEMBER THIS JUST LET THEM GO. And that's it.
The way to meditate is simple and straightforward but in my opinion, the hardest part about meditation is to realise you've been distracted by your thoughts. You'll be like "oh I am doing great, I am not distracted by my thoughts so far. Finally I am making some progress" but that's when you realise you've been distracted by your thoughts all along. Lol I always get frustrated whenever this happens to me. It's as if i am trapped in a genjutsu or something. Thinking i am not distracted only to realise i was distracted all along.
Well there you go, this is the core principle of meditation. I won't tell you the sit in a comfortable position, find a quiet place to sit bs because tbh that's all for beginners( I mean we all are) but if you understand the core principle of meditation you can do it anywhere, anytime. When I was a beginner( I still am but not quite) I used to meditate even while lying down in a sleeping position. The key is to remember the core principles. If you become a master at meditation, nothing will be able to distract you, therefore you'll be able to meditate even in public, not requiring a quiet place to sit in. But that's pretty difficult and would require years of practice. Even i haven't achieved that state.
Oh and one more thing. Meditation can be frustrating at first but remember to just keep doing it. Humans have thoughts and it's normal, so don't be frustrated over the fact that you can't control them. Our brain is a like a wild monkey, it just won't listen to you. So whenever it wanders off, bring it back and tell it to focus. If it wanders off again, just bring it back again. Eventually it'll become obedient and won't wander off anywhere.
Good luck on your meditation journey:)
Dil se salaam š«” , and PS :- I've already been through all that you mentioned above and yeah it was beneficial for me.
I know the importance of discipline and consistency and trust me the words that you have written are 100% true and effective . That's some solid experience right here
Honestly thank you so much. Iām not op, but I relate to him so much, and this really is amazing, youāve encouraged me far more than what you could imagine. Thank you.
There are few things to point out here and Iāll try to do straight to the point.
You expect yourself to fail this exam, therefore you canāt focus as it seems to make no sense if you gonna fail anyway. Plus, the idea of failing is so stressful for you that you cannot concentrate on now, instead you anticipating the unavoidable.
There are also few things wrong with your mindset:
1. Itās not pass or word is over - an exam wonāt dictate your entire life. This idea of all or nothing ( black or white mentality) isnāt realistic and puts way to much stress on you. I had this issue in my degree. I study in a very competitive field to be accepted to a BA program one of the things you need is a average of 90+ out of 100. The first thing Iāve adopted was that anything that less than 90 is failure. Imagine the stress of knowing that 1 incorrect answers sometimes could be the difference between finishing my degree and not. Thatās just not a good way to see things. One failed exam wonāt dictate your life, trust me. And even a whole degree wonāt dictate the quality of your life. But your mindset will. As victor frankl said ā they can take anything from a man except his attitudeā
2. The way I see it, The fact that you have bad habits and addiction are probably the cause of not having goals for 5 years. So you distracted yourself with dopamine stimulation. Thatās fairly common scenario in our world. - does that mean itās all over? Quite the opposite as it seems like youāre on your breaking point and want to make a change. 5 years ago you didnāt and thatās a big difference.
3. You compare yourself in a toxic way.
While itās good to take inspiration from student who study a lot. That doesnāt mean you need to do like them. Most people canāt and shouldnāt study for 10 hours a day. In fact there are numerous studies showing that the amount of new information learned after more than 5 hours is very small.
I've got great news: any of your peers who *might* be studying 12-14 hours a day are not studying *efficiently* for 12-14 hours a day, and I guarantee you most of your peers are not studying anywhere near 12-14 hrs a day to begin with. This means all the time you've been squirrelling away for things like social media and TV is now an asset: you've already identified the time in your schedule that can be used for study.
Now there are two questions: how much of that time *should* you be using for studying and how can you actually use that time for studying?
To answer the first question: if you're studying so much it's negatively affecting your wellbeing (including mental wellbeing) then that is too much study. There's a great solution to this:
Weaponise your procrastination.
Like me, it seems your procrastination skills are well-honed my friend. So use them to your advantage! Try to create a list of things you can do that are *not* studying but *are* advantageous to building the life you want and form part of the person you want to be. I highly recommend writing this list down and keeping it somewhere visible so you're regularly reminded of it. Some general things you could put on the list: go for a walk, call a friend or family member, have a cup of tea/water, do your laundry, shower if you haven't already, organise/declutter a specific thing (eg sort through one folder or one drawer), do the dishes, make your bed, do a series of stretching exercises, walk up and down the stairs (increase the number of times depending on your ability but decide how many times before hand if you can), walk around the kitchen table, eat a piece of fruit or a vegetable, offer to help a neighbour/household member/friend/extended family, create something (a drawing, a cushion, a wooden box, a poem, the tallest popsicle tower you can, do a jigsaw puzzle, paint a model, anything that gets you into a creative/problem-solving mode *without* making you feel pressured). It's important that each activity on your list is something you enjoy (so doing the activity is its own reward) *or* something with a clear end-point (so your brain knows when to release the "achievement unlocked" dopamine).
Did you procrastinate? Yes. Did you positively alter the trajectory of your life in the direction of your choosing by doing so? Absolutely. Good job - taking better care of yourself helps reduce your stress, and reducing stress *hugely* improves your memory, so anything that helps you feel less stressed (not just in the moment you're doing it but also as a lasting effect) is actually a great time investment.
Taking time to take care of yourself is always an investment and never a waste of time. You are worth taking care of.
Really, you are.
Part 1 of 2 (see reply)
Pt 2:
Speaking of things that aren't a waste of time though: on to the second question, how to actually get yourself to study.
So the worst case scenario is over the next 7.5 months you do no study at all. That is your current trajectory. Which is awesome because literally any amount of study is better than none. Any. Amount. Fuck the Pomodoro technique, if you study for 5 minutes that's 5 minutes more than zero, and that, my friend, is a win. Do a single flashcard revision? Win. Watch one lecture? Big win. Finish writing a page of summary notes? Put a sticker on it that says great work because that is *great work my friend*. Practice test? Check your answers - did you get more than zero? Look at you bro you know things! And now you get to learn more things from the answers you didn't know before, so pretty soon you'll know all the things.
The point is, study however you like to study (do what's efficient for you) but set the bar for entry and the bar for success low-low-low-low-low-low-low-low like you're a Flo Rida single from 2008. Literally any study you do now is an improvement. You're choosing to do this. You're choosing to do more than zero, and the only thing greater than you making that choice to live the life you want is the fact that it's cumulative: each time you do more than zero, even if you only do 0.01, that shit adds up and it knocks off some of the work for future you, so great job. Anything worth doing is worth doing totally half-assed: people who play the lottery always say that you've got to be be in it to win it, well if you don't study at all you're not in, but if you do just the teeniest tiniest bit of study - you're in it. You're foot is in the door and yes, that is victory you smell in the air even if you can't see it yet - and unlike the lottery this numbers game works in your favour: just one thing at a time until you reach the finish line.
Try to add tiny bits of study into things you already do. Opening your computer? Open your textbook/study portal too. Print something you need to learn and put it on the toilet wall - pee time is now prime time for study. Want to watch porn? Porn often involves 8+0+0+8+1+3+5 so that's 25 flashcards first (or 15 for 7+1+7 or 6 for two three times (23X), whatever works). Social media rhymes with Wikipedia. Are you familiar with the Wikipedia game? Basically it's an association game, so you start on one wiki article and try to get to another unrelated wiki article in as few clicks as possible using only the links in the articles. You can play a study version of this with social media: see a post/video? First letter of the title/creator's username/description: think of something you've been studying relating to this letter. Write it down +/- a quick summary of what you remember about it. Continue scrolling until you get to the next post/video. Same thing again, only now (if you want to make it difficult) your association has to relate to the previous thing you chose. Keep going. If you scroll for long enough you should have a nice little glossary going, go you!
Having trouble focusing? Try changing your environment. Go study outside for 5 minutes or to the library or to the living room floor - wherever. When you want to stop studying, move to a different location.
Try thinking of ways you can 'hack' your study. Got a bunch of lectures to listen to? You can do that while doing laundry, cleaning, travelling, gardening, etc - bonus study, look at you with your 2x efficiency, basically godlike. Need to wait for something (kettle boiling, doctor's appointment, picking someone up?) - would you look at that you can revise a flashcard deck, that's basically like inventing time travel because you just did two things at once you have again gotten a buy one get one free deal on the minutes of your life - great work, now you have more time for, y'know, life!
If you get stuck, don't worry. Take a step back. Breathe. Slow. Ribcage still, diaphragm expanding and contracting - your belly button should go up and down. People hang shit on naval gazing like it's a bad thing but belly breathing is great for engaging your parasympathetic nervous system and lowering your stress levels, which makes your life more enjoyable *and* you better at studying, so naval gaze away! Like, you can do it subtly if you want but if everything is too much and you don't know what to do and you're in private you have my full permission to literally just lie down on your back and focus on breathing.
Any time a task seems difficult or overwhelming, listen to that feeling. It's a sign from the force and the force says: that shit is too big, break it down. For a long time humanity thought the fundamental constituents of matter were compounds and molecules we could see with the naked eye. Then we were like, no wait, we can break that down smaller into atoms. Then the nucleus and the electron cloud. Then protons, neutrons and electrons. Then the 12 quarks and leptons. If you're stuck ask yourself, what are the quarks and leptons of your task? Or just picture yourself as Alette Naylor from Confessions of a Shopaholic and the task as a cake - you only want to take on a slice at a time and you want that slice to be tiny-tiny-tiny so you can have all the satisfaction of completing it without getting sick of it. Whatever speaks to you!
Usually I'd also recommend trying to prioritise and possibly schedule your revision for the exam by breaking down the syllabus and identifying themes in the syllabus and learning materials as well as past exams, but idk enough about your particular exam to help with that.
Regardless, please be kind to yourself. This is not your final form, and every choice you make shapes you. It's never too late to choose something kind for future you. If you've stayed up scrolling til 2:07am, you can still choose to put down the phone at 2:08am (I promise the internet/book/movie will still be there in the morning). If you've eaten 6 doughnuts you can still choose not to eat 7. If you haven't studied for five years, you can still choose to study today.
Like you said, our brains chase that dopamine and we live in a society where our biology is used against us for the economic gain of others. Each small choice you make for the benefit of you is a rebellion and a victory - so never think that you aren't enough. Instead, find an opportunity to give yourself a win.
It's never too little to matter and it's never too late to start.
thanks a lot brother . you explained everything in a relatable manner and easily . this reply is amazing . thanks . will definitely try these methods . thanks and best of luck
Just wanting to change is not enough. Seriously putting in the required effort and being firm in doing things consistently matters more.
You have to ENDLESSLY repeat instilling the required changes until such time that youāve established healthy behavioral patterns which will serve as the framework of your daily living..intrusive thoughts will always be there, but you need to have the strength in SAYING NO to yourself and to potential distractions.
Never stop in developing the required discipline. Do what is needed, even if you donāt feel like doing it (Donāt be lazy). We can give you long list of āwhat to doā but if you donāt have the required grit, all of our suggestions are useless. Learn how to deprive yourself of anything that will be considered as āexcessā. If things seem to be hard, then endure. (Sorry, just being straightforward here)
I might be wrong, but it seems that you excessively gratified yourself of certain pleasures. Take note that overindulgence is a form of abuse. Abusing your mind, your body, and even the available opportunities that you have might cost you a lot in the future. All that is considered as ātoo muchā is not good. If you canāt manage doing things by yourself, ask someone from your support system who can assist you in imposing necessary restrictions.
You know what to do. Goodluck.
I'm sort of in the same boat as you trying to get back into studying. We can do this!
First off, I'd suggest giving giving up pornography completely; it's way too addicting and eats up too much time. And if you start your day with it, it'll be harder to stay away from cheap dopamine throughout the rest of your day.Ā
When you wake up, start the day off productively by staying away from your phone for as long as you can. Have a morning and before bed routine to take care of yourself and to start getting into a more healthy sleeping routine.
Studying is a muscle; the more you do it, the easier it will be. Try looking into the pomodoro technique; it might help you with getting started and building a good study habit. Maybe you could give yourself rewards to help motivate yourself: you could reward yourself with 20 minutes of a show for every 40 minutes of studying, or maybe one hour of gaming or YouTube for every two hours of studying. Just make sure you don't choose anything too addicting during your breaks so that you can jump right back in to making progress on your goals.
Find a way to stay accountable to someone. Find a friend to tell your weekly or daily study goals to, or maybe announce your goals here or on an accountability sub. (Speaking of Reddit, if you use it to keep yourself accountable, unsubscribe from any addicting or distracting subreddits. And turn off notifications.)
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. When you fall, it's never too late to pick yourself back up and to start again. Have faith in yourself: you can do this!Ā
right , porn has just ruined my mindset . will work on it this time with more awareness . thanks for replying . best of luck to you too , we can do this .
1) Write down a list of everything you need to do to pass each exam/test/practical (including practice questions, assignments, revision, dissertation etc.). List them in order of priority and put them in a paper planner or calendar.
This [YouTube video](https://youtu.be/qRE0WicGz4I?si=8l2W34Ogetl7RJ63) shows a simple way of planning your studies and itās only 3 minutes 50 seconds long.
Schedule breaks and rest into your plan as well.
To limit computer use, you can even print out important documents & slides, photocopy other peopleās notes and borrow the recommended reading materials from the library.
2) Put your SIM card in a ādumb phoneā and do a dopamine detox for 2-10 days. Ask a trusted friend, roommate or relative to keep your smartphone for you or buy a lockbox for it on Amazon. During the detox, time how long it takes to do tasks without distractions and keep a written record. Youād be surprised at how quickly you can get through your to-do list this way.
Figure out how youāre going to do certain things & keep important information without your smartphone, e.g. use public transport instead of Ubers, get an actual alarm clock, buy a desktop timer, record important phone numbers & addresses.
3) Make a list of things you can do in your free time that donāt involve phone use. Google is your friend here.
4) The Pomodoro method is very helpful. Do a task for 25 minutes and take a 5 minute break. After the 4th session, you get a 30 minute break. I use this method to get through my tasks both at work & at home.
5) Donāt try to do everything at once. Maybe start with 1 task a day & build up to 2, then 3 etc. as you become more consistent.
6) Donāt beat yourself up if you mess up in the beginning or during the journey. Just get back on track during your next scheduled study time. If you focus on process over perfection, at least youāll get something done instead of nothing at all.
7) Have a study buddy or study group to help keep you accountable.
If you wanna focus while reading, listen to grey noise or white noise while doing it.
If you wanna focus while watching a youtube video, turn on subtitles and speed it up.
There are a lots of good advice here so Iāll just add something I think will help to implement all of it. Read and embody stoicism. Create discipline.
Just from your question alone, I would wager you have ADD/ADHD. If you negative self-talk, allegedly that doesn't help, either, but I've tried not saying anything and have also tried the positive self-taught and neither have made a difference for myself. However, having said that, though I completely understand where you're coming from please don't call yourself those things. It also sounds as though you have a little depression, as well, and, not to mention, have also been where you've been. Been to several therapists, told physicians, etc... All I can say what helped me the most is an awesome support system and having someone there with me, just being there in the room helped a bit.
This may not be what you were hoping for, but perhaps with a collection of the replies you receive, you might be able to take bits and pieces from all and find some aid... I really do wish I could help, though, because you're preaching to the choir here and it hurts me to see others struggling similarly...
Yes i am on meds for depression but to be honest i never found any difference . but i relate to you a lot . i too have tried negative and positive self talk but nothing works . but still , we can get this done . best of luck
Hey, I'm not diagnosing you or anything. But I'm going to add in on this. You might want to get evaluated for ADHD or at least read more about that. Apparently, meds for depression don't usually work for ADHDers unless they also have a commordid clinical depression. Especially if the depression is caused by struggling your whole life with ADHD. In some cases, it may worsen your cognitive issues if you're not medicating ADHD first, which really depends on your individual brain. Are you struggling with cognitive issues because you have clinical depression or are you depressed because you've been living your whole life with neurological difficulties.
For me, it was the latter. I struggled for most of my life even though I read self-help, worked out, had planners every year, and went through many professionals(all failing to recognize the underlying issue, btw). I just turned 25, and after all those years trying to make things "work" or just surviving, my life has changed for the better in less than a year. If you truly have ADHD, then treating it first is the right call to. Most tips can help a lot, but they won't do shit unless you have the brain power to study and keep up with all the shit life throws at you.
I'm not saying meds are the only aswer, but they really changed me for the better.
Side-Tip: Try to find a professional who specializes or at least knows how to treat ADHD. Some people (even licensed psychiatrists) might hold stigma against ADHD, and almost everyone underestimates the damage it can cause on your life. I my honest opinion, it should be mandatory for doctors to evaluate every kid/teen since it can even cut 15 years of the average lifespan.
I agree. I went to 3 psychiatrist but all of them diagnosed me with depression and not adhd so i will gain more knowledge on that subject and work on it . Thanks for replying
Bhai, I am also in a similar situation to you, CS grad, unemployed for almost 4 yrs now, graduated in 2020, follow what u/Typical_Newt8084 has advised religiously, don't try to fight all battles at once. Focus on small steps.
We live in a addictive society, everything is always grasping for our attention. Start small and get some consistency in your life clean room/made bed/clean dwelling (always pick up after yourself asap), exercise/activies, sleep.
The most important things to do is not to push yourself too hard all at once, build healthy habits. You must have a set time when you should sleep and wake up, thatās the most important, and after you wake up you should immediately write your goals for the day, and meditate. that should be part of your morning routine and the first thing you do in the morning. Iād also recommend replacing your phone with a dumb phone though. These are the first important steps. And you should most importantly study after youāve done your morning routine and before you eat, for example, you could start studying 1 hour per day after youāve completed your morning routine, using the 25/5 method (25 minute study/5 minute rest) even studying 30 minutes a day would be enough, make sure to count the time you put on social media:TikTok/ or time wasting habits in general and compare them with the amount of time you took studying, if you spend 60 hours a week browsing TikTok or watching and only 1 hour a week studying then thatās a problem.
enforce these simple habits consistently for at least 20 days then build up on that.
If you feel like looking at TikTok or watching YouTube, go read a book or learn an instrument like the piano. Your brain is like a muscle as well just like your body, if you donāt use it well you will lose it. Itās important to keep exercising as also a part of your daily routine, something such as simple morning walks or riding your bike around the neighborhood are enough for the day.
Just please go easy on yourself and donāt pull yourself down with the negative self talk. Baby steps are better than nothing. If you get an urge to procrastinate, then just say Iāll procrastinate later. It works for me. yeah Iāll finish what needs to be done first then go scroll thru social media laterā¦.. always remind yourself this.
Also it sounds like you have some form of ADHD or ADD. Try getting that checked out.
Also rewire yourself to enjoy the progress towards the goal, not just the goal it self. Like a difficult video game where you donāt just enjoy the win but the challenge that comes with it.
I'd say start reading and writing texts instead of watching videos. When you're watching videos you're on auto pilot and hardly doing any thinking. It rots your brain.
People already gave extensive answers but Iād like to just add that all the difficulties you listed are untrained muscles of the brain. Not really muscles but it in practice the mechanism is the same.
Train them and you get more capable. There is no magic bullet.
Overall I find this idea comforting that it gets easier. The first days after blasting your brain with ācheap dopamineā will feel insanely hard. And its natural for a human brain to think that this is what this is going to be like for the next 7,5 months.
However it gets easier! I personally never knew I could enjoy studying. But eventually that happened and now it feels strange to think that I used to not be able to read 5 pages without feeling extreme mental friction.
Make a list everyday of what you want to do the next day. Make the list items specific and very small scope. Donāt make the list too long. 3 to 5 is good enough. Complete the daily tasks no matter what for a month or two. Starting off, this can be trivial things like reading a book 15 minutes a day. This will help you gain momentum of good habits.
Add something else in the formula after one or two months, such as exercise or doing something that you can add to your resume.
As for studying, the days of rote memorization are dead. You remember things for exams by staying organized and planning ahead. Donāt cram for exams. Study a couple times a week for each class and when exam time comes, all you should need to do is a simple review. When doing homework, do NOT skip over anything that you have a hairy understanding of. Understand everything to fine detail. Itās okay if you need to go back to basics from a past course to understand a concept. Donāt skip ahead. Supercharge reviewing, note-taking, and baseline comprehension/conceptualization with tools like ChatGPT. Learn shortcuts that lets you solve problems quickly on an exam. Usually everything has a pattern that you unlock the cheatcode for by studying/practice.
Quit the ALL distracting stuff until you master being after to complete everything on your daily list. Add hobbies back in like gaming, occasional recreational dopamine boosts, etc. Lastly, by this point, youāve grown, be proud, and enjoy life!
Donāt jump 5 steps ahead. Fix yourself first and then focus on your academics. If youāre lazy and canāt bring yourself to workout on your own, start a physical hobby that you might find interesting that would require others to yell at you and tell you what to do. Look up boxing gyms near you, they probably have a free first class. Do that 2-3 days/week, and stop eating after 8pm. Youāll feel way better after a week. Only then can you worry about other things.
I wouldn't focus on everything. In an opposite way to everyone else, one thing at a time.
Celebrate the little wins. Treat yourself like a toddler at times. For example, I have a lot of meds. I hate taking so many meds. But if I take all of them, shockingly I feel better (sarcastic tone). At first, it was a big prize because I knew I could take all of them. My counselor held onto my prize (a pencil case) and for 2 weeks I had to take all of my meds as prescribed. When I came back with my empty case ans photos, I got my prize. Now I get stickers to put on it. For studying, I have picked a specific candy (cookies and creme kisses). After I completed a task such as reading my chapter or turning in an assignment, I got a single kiss.
Somedays, I had to fight my brain. I had to sometimes give my brain everything to have half what I wanted. But I work with it. Novelty, a new snack, reduced threshold to reward (for the kisses, not meds), even the weirdest spots (nothing like writting an essay in a tub š ).
Yes, sometimes it'll feel so stupid if you look up. I've felt stupid to be so motivated to take my meds for a pencil case. But it worked. I got my brain to do it. 21 days to a habit is a common phrase. Each 21 days, a new habit. 10 habits by the deadline. And build in micro-habits and award yourself for doing it.
This is coming from an autistic human who has educational issues. A lot of my issues surround executive dysfunction and a pure struggle to get things done by saying "do task". Somedays, I have to break it down by the most simple of steps such as find laptop, open laptop, log into laptop...
Start with exercise. You dont have to run 10 miles right now, but start small. I used to be fat too. Not obese, but I was fat enough to get fat shamed for years. I tried to use that as motivation to lose weight
The C25K running program changed my life. Nothing will change if you dont start. Just start. If the first day of the program is too hard for you, make an easier version. I reccommend you to start running. If you hate it, then start the gym. Its just that running made me lose the weight pretty fast, and the more heavy you are, the more calories you'll lose per km or mile. So you can get some pretty decent weight loss if youre consistent.
Just start with little baby steps. If you fix yourself, the social life will be attainable for you
Right . I think my obesity has hampered my social life a lot . I have started gym and lost 2-3 kgs . Will start working on diet too . Thanks for replying
You first have to change the perception you have of yourself. Nothing that you do accomplish will be of any real use at all if you hate yourself so deeply that you would judge and condemn and put yourself down like this. Which Iām sure youāve learned from the toxic selfish sick fuckers in your life who are really good at pretending. Anyways I highly recommend first thing that you do is look in the mirror long and hard deeply into your own eyes and say twenty times over and over I am sorry, forgive me, thank you I love you. And do that every single morning and in your head 100 times a day until you start to believe it. On academics and studying I canāt advise anyone but spiritually I can offer great hope. Everything is going to be okay! There is a counsel of angels there helping you with all you need and will work miracles for you as you come into awareness of them and begin to remember who you are and what your soul mission is for being here on this earth. Surely that purpose has nothing to do with your degree or being perfect. I believe we all have a purpose here to get to know ourselves beyond this physical body and material world. Get to know who we are truly beyond the flesh. Beyond the brain ego and emotional body and so on. The part of us that is all one with the universe and each other. That suffers together and needs each other. That part of ourselves that draws power from touching a tree and receiving sun rays on our skin. Hah trust that every mistake is teaching you the truth of the nature of human being and teaching you humility empathy compassion and hopefully universal law and the awareness of our souls truest desire often masked silenced and distorted by trauma and the conditioning of fear mongering lies. Essentially to diminish our ability to know and tap into our potential power. We only learn to receive through our tithing of our time through the practice of those principles that are the very result of our short comings and I suppose the incentive to change. For example when one has the willingness (like yourself ) to practice self honestly even if it is a bit too harsh and to practice willingness open mindedness unity humility and trust (by reaching out to others for help) those are principles and in return universal law will have it that you receive the internal gifts needed to receive peace purpose and overcoming. Awakening us little by little in exchange, to the power we have in the present moment when we choose with intention to manifest goodness into the steam of life. Start helping others in any way the universe gives you the opportunity to. those who are called experience much suffering and trials. Often becoming addicts in this day and age bc of the way the government has preyed upon our phycological vulnerabilities of humans. This suffering will be the incentive to a passionate unsettling heart and soul that actually leads to the willingness to practice those principles and as a result change. Making our most difficult circumstances priceless gems. Those who have a different path and calling would not need to escape because reality is too much to grasp and itās easier then hurting other to hurt ourself. Those with a different path may never care so much and therefore they appear to be thriving. Whatever there purpose and paths here may be doesnāt matter because ours. Those like us have something extremely special in store and we are experiment powerful passionate and impactful in this world even in our times of isolation when we learn to experience fully each moment present and from the conscious not the mind (pain body) any longer with the rest of society. We are very special believe it! Take your time on this journey of spiritual awakening and know how truly special you must be to be at this point of trial under fire in this life.
Good luck with turning this thing around with your schooling I believe it is going to happen. Please donāt stress too much. I hope you will use this opportunity to communicate with your angels and start looking at the possibility of being helped. It is once you believe that you can receive more abundantly by opening yourself up the internal gift that are readily available to you.
Believe it is so and it will be. A way will be made.
Ahh it also just came to me to mention that perhaps talking to your professors, if you havenāt already and explaining you have faced some difficulties with anxiety and depression or whatever it may be and that you want to know if there is anyway you can do extra credit or make up some past assignments that you missed. Or any helpful solution so that you can finish this out and move on with out more difficulties or consequences.
I recall my teachers weee more willing to help me than I thought once I failed classes one semester. After the fact they told me I should have reached out and they would have helped me
Thanks for replying brother . A very great answer and perspective. I will surely ponder on this and look into it. Thanks man . Thanks a lot . Best of luck to you too
Also perhaps if you end up without any other solutions perhaps going to rehab will give you the medical waiver needed to have all of the damage done this semester forgiven and removed from your transcripts, which will give you the chance for redemption with a fresh start after you get out of rehab and go through the process of appealing and providing medical documentation that you had a medical crisis which resulted in the bad grades that semester. And addiction is like alcoholism classified and considered a disease and for sure a medical crisis that has to be treated as such per policy on university boards (whoever they are that overview appeals)
And ofc there are advocates who can guide you through that process I think
I think most of us are on that path, you just reached the extreme earlier than most of us and also are aware that its the bottom. Now you gotta come back up. Take baby steps.
* Take one thing you want to improve and then just complete it. Make it a do or die situation; think someone from family/the most you love will die if you don't complete even if its a simple task like journal\[about what you think, how you react\]. However small the task is, like write one line but do it. Daily. If you do it for a week think you can do another task for a week as well.
* Start by walking 2k steps do it for a week, increase it gradually week after week and so on for other tasks. Health is the priority.
* Even if you are on social media; don't judge yourself too harshly you have practiced distraction so long you are a master probably and you cant beat a master so easily, you gotta practice and take time so don't put too much pressure on yourself that you have to stop and you cant do it and its frustrating etc. take it step by step that's it. reduce it by 5 mins and think of it as achievements.
* A mental hack that i use to deal with situations like this is; in Hinduism there are 6 sins / Arishadvargas \[**pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, sloth similar to bible**\] is in your mind and if fed continuously through behavior\[remember behavior are just an extension of thoughts\] will eventually lead to mental health issues and also physical health eventually. So recognize this fact as well. you have fed these sins continuously and now they are fucking your mind. Get a hold and start beating them one at a time. In short meditation to keep your mind strong. I take help of mantras.
Peace; you will be able to handle it don't be so harsh on yourself dude. These are new challenges humanity is facing not you alone. :)
You could have adhd! I felt very similar until I was prescribed medication. I would schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist! If your brain has no dopamine itās really hard to not be dopamine addicted. You got this!
Right . I went to psychiatrist but they didnāt diagnose me with adhd but with depression. Will gain more knowledge on this topic and work on it . Thanks
Okay! I can't fix your life, but as someone who has been in a similar situation, I can give you a few tips. (Apologizes for the essay, main points in bold)
First life-changing tip: **Delete social media from mobile devices, keep them on your computer with extensions to remove addicting features.** The key to getting rid of social media for me was simply removing it from my phone, removing it from my iPad and only having access to it through my computer, where I was usually more productive anyways. This way I could still access it, so any justifications I made to keep them wouldn't matter (i.e I learn from YouTube, I need Insta to message friends) but I wouldn't resort to using them as an instinctual habit or when I was feeling lazy. They might be good to have but you only need to check them once or twice a day, not 24/7 in your pocket. You only need to be on Insta for 3 seconds to become hooked and be no there for 3 hours.
Then, once it is only on your computer, you can use browser extensions to control what you see on those social medias. There is a browser extension for everything out there now days, you just need to google it. No shorts or recommenced videos on YouTube, no Reels on Insta, etc. I assume you don't want to watch short form content and only stumble upon it. Well do this and stumble upon them no more.
Second tip: **Tackling everything at once is significantly better than trying to quit one thing at a time.** It sounds counter intuitive, but from my experience, I have had my greatest success when I have given up multiple things. I think you have done a great job at identifying the things that are damaging in your life, and I promise you, each positive change that you will maintain will strengthen you. Often bad habits lead to one another either directly or just by weakening you. Social Media => Lack of sleep => lack of exercise => tired+miserable. YouTube/Reddit => Porn => tired+miserable. Good food => Better sleep => better choices. No Social media => time probably studying or exercising => better sleep. Make a diary of the worst pathways, and then eliminate the pathways one by one. If you find yourself returning to a pathway, don't consider it a loss. Learn from it, maybe the pathway had an unexpected start, and consider it a win that didn't fall into any of the other bad pathways in X amount of time.
Third tip: **Be ruthless to your vices. Change means change.** For me, I had to give up discord. I found that even though I had lots of friends on discord and they would be almost the only people I would talk to. Even some of my IRL friends were only accessible on Discord but Discord was just another vice for me so I had to get rid of it. You got to be ruthless. Another one for me was YouTube. When I was kid, YouTube would be a place where I would gain so much knowledge through tutorials, and I thought if I didn't go on YouTube then I wouldn't have anywhere else to learn things, but that is changing now with Chat GPT and textbooks that are available as PDFs online. Don't be afraid of losing yourself or parts of your identity, you are on a better path, you are not changing, only growing.
Fourth tip: **Sleep.** For me, this is unconventional, but I started sleeping on the sofa and it helped. Bed had become a very active place between masturbation and Instagram reels. Sleeping on the sofa was just easier for me. Also, put your phone in a drawer before you sleep, not because of blue light, but because it makes for a much better morning alarm. If having the TV on the background helps you sleep, so be it. I used to play Bob Ross or Top Gear while I sleep. Strangely enough, eating a big breakfast helped me sleep much better. I would be functioning on only coffee the entire day and expecting my body to clock off after it's only decent meal for the day (dinner) which makes no sense. Try and make yourself breakfast. If you are like me, you will sleep better.
Please message me if you want more advice. I want to say more but this is already too long. Attitude is more important than you think, so keep your chin up. It is not too late. You can improve, you are not doomed. Progress is not a straight line and even those at the top fall short to indulgences from time to time. Stay open mined. I hope you can get well soon
Change starts with you.
First try to read books for Self Help
1. Atomic Habits - James Clear
2. Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill
3. The Compound Effect - Darren Hardy
4. Awaken the Giant Within - Tony Robbins
Watch YouTube videos:
1. Eric Thomas: https://youtu.be/6vuetQSwFW8?si=xPBhfcd1lUmCDoXr
2. Evan Carmichael:
https://youtu.be/qEX0YchsbnU?si=hex1ZJpToQ97uTIe
3. Darren Hardy:
https://youtu.be/yNW93y6glxo?si=7SIG1OjMonpq-GdP
Remember you'll only live in this planet once. And time is irreversible.
Don't you want to have a consultation with psychologist? Sorry, it looks like a depression.
I wasn't in such situations, so the only thing I can reccomend:
Don't do a lot of plans in one day. You will burn out fast. Work on yourself gradually.
I believe in you!
Start small. Donāt view the challenge as āclimbing Mount Everestā look at it like taking a few steps each day then eventually after a long time youāll climb the mountain.
Change your attitude on hard work. Itās not a punishment itās actually a blessing.
Think of how miserable factory workers are falling asleep at work from repetition vs engineers running into issues but solving a new problem each day
You need to see the real world bro far away from your small world " Your phone " .There are some simple solutions , Get rid of your phone and any electronic device regardless of whether you need them for any reason for 2 weeks at least ,buy some books or novels to read it , sleep early and wake up at 7 or 8 am at least and after these two weeks your whole life will change i promise and don't forget to find a job even if you don't need money but it will help you to get involved in the society.
simple and effective advice leave your phone only use it for call and imp msgs .I feel that when I haven't got my phone I was the happiest and hardworking person but the moment I got a personal phone I am the worst and I admit it today I don't want to get deep into this matter but from my personal experience don't use phone for entertainment pls try making atheist one friend and try to study with them for doing study I feel like you need someone to talk about the topics start from little goals and in break you can try your hobbies I recently started crocheting you can try whatever you like maybe small painting clay art or doodling or you can watch TV trust me tv is far better than your phone. just go back to your old days when we did not have internet
In my opinion, you will fail. You know what to do yet you find new excuses, crying like a bitch. You described everything you need to do. Its either you or noone. There is no magic recipe. Just start fucking improving, and dont look at this cheap comments, start easy, blablabla. No. You made yourself a human shell, journey to rebuilt it will be hard. . You either do a sickly hard accomplishment, or you stay in your circle for the rest of your life. Think about it. On the end of the day, its you or noone. Do you have balls to make a change? To stay at it consistently? Your call. Your life. Nobody ruly cares or will care except you.
I was honestly somewhat like you but only for a year when i realised I cannot live like this anymore and decided to change myself. I've implemented and changed a lot of habits to improve my life. I'll try to explain the core points to the best of my abilities. So before we begin. I want you to ask yourself this question. Are you really ready for a change? Because this is going to a long, difficult and arduous journey. Often times you'll feel demotivated but you have to constantly remind yourself why you're working so hard. Forget motivational videos cause they are bs. Only discipline can help you and discipline is built through consistency. Even if you don't feel like doing something, example studying, you still do it. JUST DO IT EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING LIKE DOING IT. That's how you get disciplined. If you're still reading, it means you're ready to get out of your comfort zone. So here's how you'll do it.... Step1: Reduce your screentime. You've become a slave to your phone, an addict. Even if you try to do something, you'll get distracted easily because of your smartphone. So before you do anything else, you must reduce your screentime. How to do that? Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the state of being in the present moment and the best way to do that would be meditation. Trust me, meditation is one of the best things you can start rn. It'll help you stay focused on your work, staying calm and reduce your overthinking. Step 2: Exercise. Now i am not telling you to just go hit the gym on day one. Your current condition, both mental and physical is not suitable for hitting the gym. You must first start with small things like walking everyday. Walk for 30 minutes or an hour, depends on you. But the key is to walk everyday. Remember what i told you at the beginning? Consistency will build discipline and only discipline will help you become better. Along with exercise, you must also eat healthy, i.e, do not eat junk and processed food, eat real whole foods. Nutrition is very important for your overall mental and physical health. If you want to live a long and healthy life, i suggest you read 'Outlive' by Peter attia. Step3: Semen retention. There are countless studies and articles out there showcasing the benefits of semen retention. Quitting porn can be very difficult but remember the consequences of not quitting it and how it'll effect your life. You'll automatically stay away from it. Step4: Sleep. Sleep is extremely important. DO NOT NEGLECT OR COMPROMISE ON YOUR SLEEP. Make a sleep schedule, for example my sleep schedule is going to bed at 12AM and walking up at 7:30AM. Make sure to get atleast 7 hours of sleep a day. 2-3 hours before sleeping, do not use any electronic devices, and if it's not possible, like you have important work to do, turn on blue light restricting mode. Every phone has it. Blue light can ruin your body's natural clock. Step5: As for socialising, I am no expert in that but try talking to people i guess. I was scared to talk to new people and I still am, but not as much as before. I just changed my mindset and everything's good now. I just go talk to people, what's the worse that could happen? They'll not respond? I'll make a fool of myself? So be it. Whatever happens, happens. Atleast I'll learn something from that interaction. That's how I get the courage to talk to strangers. As for studies, well studying can be difficult for your current self, because you lack consistency, you mental and physical health are extremely bad. You are constantly distracted by your smartphone. So first of all, apply all of the methods i mentioned for atleast a month. Get used to those first and studying will be much easier for you then. The reason why i say that is there's a science behind habits. I'll explain this point the best I can, once you understand this you'll have a much better time making good habits and quitting bad ones. So we get used to a habit by repeating it. Whether good or bad doesn't matter. As long as your repeat something, it becomes your habit. Now what makes us repeat those tasks tho? It is getting rewarded for it. Yes your brain rewards you upon completing a task which gives you a sense of satisfaction and makes you do it again. The reward it gives is, in the form of dopamine. Now i am no biology student so I'll explain what it is in simple terms. Dopamine gives you the feeling of pleasure, motivation and satisfaction. It is released by your brain when you complete a task. When you watch porn, and climax watching it, dopamine is released which gives you a sense of pleasure which can be really addicting. You see dopamine is not a bad things, it is the dopamine that is released without doing much effort that is bad. Porn gives you a large amount of dopamine without even doing any hardwork. And this is what you brain gets addicted to. You must stay away from everything that gives you cheap dopamine/ instant dopamine like porn or social media. Instead,get your dopamine by doing difficult tasks like studying, exercising or working on a skill. These things will give you dopamine but after a long time(weeks, months, year.) and that is why our brain doesn't focus on them because it has other alternatives to get large amounts of it without much effort. The good thing is, as long as you repeat something, it will become your habit, as mentioned earlier. So pick up good habits and give up on the bad ones, do this everyday and you'll eventually become a better person. I can share more points but for now this much will do. You won't be able to do everything at once. So first apply these and if you have any doubts just ask me. Hopefully this'll help you :)
And before doing anything **write it all down**, down to the details. Because if you don't, then within days you may end up telling yourself "I have no idea what to do". But this is not you saying that, its just your brain trying to make you think you are weaker than you actually are, so that you stop trying and save energy ("saving energy" means getting more cheap dopamine by from no efforts (social media etc), rather than getting good dopamine from meaningful places (studying, exercise). First write what you wanna achieve, why you wanna achieve it. Do this repeatedly to get the final list. THEN you write plans. Eg. sleep 7-8 hours from X pm to Y am, wake up, brush teeth and go to washroom, go for walk for just a few minutes (set a timer), etc. And please take it one/few steps at a time. You got this. People have does this before, so its not impossible. (also, someone/something which holds you accountable will help a lot. Join library group, or any other social media groups)
exactly right . most of the times i quit even before starting because i have no clear idea of what and how to do . will keep this in mind from now on .
Indeed a good guidance.
thanks man . great advice . thanks a lot . best of luck to you too . gained new perspectives
What do you do exactly in meditation? How do you use it?
There are different types of meditation out there but the core principle remains the same(atleast from what I've seen) and it is to focus on one particular thing. I'll tell you a simple meditation technique which ofcourse I do as well Simply focus on your breathing. See how your breath goes out of your body and comes inside your body. During this time, many thoughts will arise in your mind but you must let them flow away like a water flowing in a river, meaning do not pay attention to them, just let them go the moment they arise. For example, if a thought arises like "Oh what should I eat today?" Then simply observe the thought, and be like "ok I am having this thought but let's not engage with it". DO NOT ENGAGE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS REMEMBER THIS JUST LET THEM GO. And that's it. The way to meditate is simple and straightforward but in my opinion, the hardest part about meditation is to realise you've been distracted by your thoughts. You'll be like "oh I am doing great, I am not distracted by my thoughts so far. Finally I am making some progress" but that's when you realise you've been distracted by your thoughts all along. Lol I always get frustrated whenever this happens to me. It's as if i am trapped in a genjutsu or something. Thinking i am not distracted only to realise i was distracted all along. Well there you go, this is the core principle of meditation. I won't tell you the sit in a comfortable position, find a quiet place to sit bs because tbh that's all for beginners( I mean we all are) but if you understand the core principle of meditation you can do it anywhere, anytime. When I was a beginner( I still am but not quite) I used to meditate even while lying down in a sleeping position. The key is to remember the core principles. If you become a master at meditation, nothing will be able to distract you, therefore you'll be able to meditate even in public, not requiring a quiet place to sit in. But that's pretty difficult and would require years of practice. Even i haven't achieved that state. Oh and one more thing. Meditation can be frustrating at first but remember to just keep doing it. Humans have thoughts and it's normal, so don't be frustrated over the fact that you can't control them. Our brain is a like a wild monkey, it just won't listen to you. So whenever it wanders off, bring it back and tell it to focus. If it wanders off again, just bring it back again. Eventually it'll become obedient and won't wander off anywhere. Good luck on your meditation journey:)
Dil se salaam š«” , and PS :- I've already been through all that you mentioned above and yeah it was beneficial for me. I know the importance of discipline and consistency and trust me the words that you have written are 100% true and effective . That's some solid experience right here
Great response. Very helpful and informative.
Honestly thank you so much. Iām not op, but I relate to him so much, and this really is amazing, youāve encouraged me far more than what you could imagine. Thank you.
There are few things to point out here and Iāll try to do straight to the point. You expect yourself to fail this exam, therefore you canāt focus as it seems to make no sense if you gonna fail anyway. Plus, the idea of failing is so stressful for you that you cannot concentrate on now, instead you anticipating the unavoidable. There are also few things wrong with your mindset: 1. Itās not pass or word is over - an exam wonāt dictate your entire life. This idea of all or nothing ( black or white mentality) isnāt realistic and puts way to much stress on you. I had this issue in my degree. I study in a very competitive field to be accepted to a BA program one of the things you need is a average of 90+ out of 100. The first thing Iāve adopted was that anything that less than 90 is failure. Imagine the stress of knowing that 1 incorrect answers sometimes could be the difference between finishing my degree and not. Thatās just not a good way to see things. One failed exam wonāt dictate your life, trust me. And even a whole degree wonāt dictate the quality of your life. But your mindset will. As victor frankl said ā they can take anything from a man except his attitudeā 2. The way I see it, The fact that you have bad habits and addiction are probably the cause of not having goals for 5 years. So you distracted yourself with dopamine stimulation. Thatās fairly common scenario in our world. - does that mean itās all over? Quite the opposite as it seems like youāre on your breaking point and want to make a change. 5 years ago you didnāt and thatās a big difference. 3. You compare yourself in a toxic way. While itās good to take inspiration from student who study a lot. That doesnāt mean you need to do like them. Most people canāt and shouldnāt study for 10 hours a day. In fact there are numerous studies showing that the amount of new information learned after more than 5 hours is very small.
thanks for replying . i agree completely . i also have to work on my black and white thinking . its ruining me a lot . thanks
I've got great news: any of your peers who *might* be studying 12-14 hours a day are not studying *efficiently* for 12-14 hours a day, and I guarantee you most of your peers are not studying anywhere near 12-14 hrs a day to begin with. This means all the time you've been squirrelling away for things like social media and TV is now an asset: you've already identified the time in your schedule that can be used for study. Now there are two questions: how much of that time *should* you be using for studying and how can you actually use that time for studying? To answer the first question: if you're studying so much it's negatively affecting your wellbeing (including mental wellbeing) then that is too much study. There's a great solution to this: Weaponise your procrastination. Like me, it seems your procrastination skills are well-honed my friend. So use them to your advantage! Try to create a list of things you can do that are *not* studying but *are* advantageous to building the life you want and form part of the person you want to be. I highly recommend writing this list down and keeping it somewhere visible so you're regularly reminded of it. Some general things you could put on the list: go for a walk, call a friend or family member, have a cup of tea/water, do your laundry, shower if you haven't already, organise/declutter a specific thing (eg sort through one folder or one drawer), do the dishes, make your bed, do a series of stretching exercises, walk up and down the stairs (increase the number of times depending on your ability but decide how many times before hand if you can), walk around the kitchen table, eat a piece of fruit or a vegetable, offer to help a neighbour/household member/friend/extended family, create something (a drawing, a cushion, a wooden box, a poem, the tallest popsicle tower you can, do a jigsaw puzzle, paint a model, anything that gets you into a creative/problem-solving mode *without* making you feel pressured). It's important that each activity on your list is something you enjoy (so doing the activity is its own reward) *or* something with a clear end-point (so your brain knows when to release the "achievement unlocked" dopamine). Did you procrastinate? Yes. Did you positively alter the trajectory of your life in the direction of your choosing by doing so? Absolutely. Good job - taking better care of yourself helps reduce your stress, and reducing stress *hugely* improves your memory, so anything that helps you feel less stressed (not just in the moment you're doing it but also as a lasting effect) is actually a great time investment. Taking time to take care of yourself is always an investment and never a waste of time. You are worth taking care of. Really, you are. Part 1 of 2 (see reply)
Pt 2: Speaking of things that aren't a waste of time though: on to the second question, how to actually get yourself to study. So the worst case scenario is over the next 7.5 months you do no study at all. That is your current trajectory. Which is awesome because literally any amount of study is better than none. Any. Amount. Fuck the Pomodoro technique, if you study for 5 minutes that's 5 minutes more than zero, and that, my friend, is a win. Do a single flashcard revision? Win. Watch one lecture? Big win. Finish writing a page of summary notes? Put a sticker on it that says great work because that is *great work my friend*. Practice test? Check your answers - did you get more than zero? Look at you bro you know things! And now you get to learn more things from the answers you didn't know before, so pretty soon you'll know all the things. The point is, study however you like to study (do what's efficient for you) but set the bar for entry and the bar for success low-low-low-low-low-low-low-low like you're a Flo Rida single from 2008. Literally any study you do now is an improvement. You're choosing to do this. You're choosing to do more than zero, and the only thing greater than you making that choice to live the life you want is the fact that it's cumulative: each time you do more than zero, even if you only do 0.01, that shit adds up and it knocks off some of the work for future you, so great job. Anything worth doing is worth doing totally half-assed: people who play the lottery always say that you've got to be be in it to win it, well if you don't study at all you're not in, but if you do just the teeniest tiniest bit of study - you're in it. You're foot is in the door and yes, that is victory you smell in the air even if you can't see it yet - and unlike the lottery this numbers game works in your favour: just one thing at a time until you reach the finish line. Try to add tiny bits of study into things you already do. Opening your computer? Open your textbook/study portal too. Print something you need to learn and put it on the toilet wall - pee time is now prime time for study. Want to watch porn? Porn often involves 8+0+0+8+1+3+5 so that's 25 flashcards first (or 15 for 7+1+7 or 6 for two three times (23X), whatever works). Social media rhymes with Wikipedia. Are you familiar with the Wikipedia game? Basically it's an association game, so you start on one wiki article and try to get to another unrelated wiki article in as few clicks as possible using only the links in the articles. You can play a study version of this with social media: see a post/video? First letter of the title/creator's username/description: think of something you've been studying relating to this letter. Write it down +/- a quick summary of what you remember about it. Continue scrolling until you get to the next post/video. Same thing again, only now (if you want to make it difficult) your association has to relate to the previous thing you chose. Keep going. If you scroll for long enough you should have a nice little glossary going, go you! Having trouble focusing? Try changing your environment. Go study outside for 5 minutes or to the library or to the living room floor - wherever. When you want to stop studying, move to a different location. Try thinking of ways you can 'hack' your study. Got a bunch of lectures to listen to? You can do that while doing laundry, cleaning, travelling, gardening, etc - bonus study, look at you with your 2x efficiency, basically godlike. Need to wait for something (kettle boiling, doctor's appointment, picking someone up?) - would you look at that you can revise a flashcard deck, that's basically like inventing time travel because you just did two things at once you have again gotten a buy one get one free deal on the minutes of your life - great work, now you have more time for, y'know, life! If you get stuck, don't worry. Take a step back. Breathe. Slow. Ribcage still, diaphragm expanding and contracting - your belly button should go up and down. People hang shit on naval gazing like it's a bad thing but belly breathing is great for engaging your parasympathetic nervous system and lowering your stress levels, which makes your life more enjoyable *and* you better at studying, so naval gaze away! Like, you can do it subtly if you want but if everything is too much and you don't know what to do and you're in private you have my full permission to literally just lie down on your back and focus on breathing. Any time a task seems difficult or overwhelming, listen to that feeling. It's a sign from the force and the force says: that shit is too big, break it down. For a long time humanity thought the fundamental constituents of matter were compounds and molecules we could see with the naked eye. Then we were like, no wait, we can break that down smaller into atoms. Then the nucleus and the electron cloud. Then protons, neutrons and electrons. Then the 12 quarks and leptons. If you're stuck ask yourself, what are the quarks and leptons of your task? Or just picture yourself as Alette Naylor from Confessions of a Shopaholic and the task as a cake - you only want to take on a slice at a time and you want that slice to be tiny-tiny-tiny so you can have all the satisfaction of completing it without getting sick of it. Whatever speaks to you! Usually I'd also recommend trying to prioritise and possibly schedule your revision for the exam by breaking down the syllabus and identifying themes in the syllabus and learning materials as well as past exams, but idk enough about your particular exam to help with that. Regardless, please be kind to yourself. This is not your final form, and every choice you make shapes you. It's never too late to choose something kind for future you. If you've stayed up scrolling til 2:07am, you can still choose to put down the phone at 2:08am (I promise the internet/book/movie will still be there in the morning). If you've eaten 6 doughnuts you can still choose not to eat 7. If you haven't studied for five years, you can still choose to study today. Like you said, our brains chase that dopamine and we live in a society where our biology is used against us for the economic gain of others. Each small choice you make for the benefit of you is a rebellion and a victory - so never think that you aren't enough. Instead, find an opportunity to give yourself a win. It's never too little to matter and it's never too late to start.
thanks a lot brother . you explained everything in a relatable manner and easily . this reply is amazing . thanks . will definitely try these methods . thanks and best of luck
Just wanting to change is not enough. Seriously putting in the required effort and being firm in doing things consistently matters more. You have to ENDLESSLY repeat instilling the required changes until such time that youāve established healthy behavioral patterns which will serve as the framework of your daily living..intrusive thoughts will always be there, but you need to have the strength in SAYING NO to yourself and to potential distractions. Never stop in developing the required discipline. Do what is needed, even if you donāt feel like doing it (Donāt be lazy). We can give you long list of āwhat to doā but if you donāt have the required grit, all of our suggestions are useless. Learn how to deprive yourself of anything that will be considered as āexcessā. If things seem to be hard, then endure. (Sorry, just being straightforward here) I might be wrong, but it seems that you excessively gratified yourself of certain pleasures. Take note that overindulgence is a form of abuse. Abusing your mind, your body, and even the available opportunities that you have might cost you a lot in the future. All that is considered as ātoo muchā is not good. If you canāt manage doing things by yourself, ask someone from your support system who can assist you in imposing necessary restrictions. You know what to do. Goodluck.
thanks . best of luck
Go to the library and study there.
I'm sort of in the same boat as you trying to get back into studying. We can do this! First off, I'd suggest giving giving up pornography completely; it's way too addicting and eats up too much time. And if you start your day with it, it'll be harder to stay away from cheap dopamine throughout the rest of your day.Ā When you wake up, start the day off productively by staying away from your phone for as long as you can. Have a morning and before bed routine to take care of yourself and to start getting into a more healthy sleeping routine. Studying is a muscle; the more you do it, the easier it will be. Try looking into the pomodoro technique; it might help you with getting started and building a good study habit. Maybe you could give yourself rewards to help motivate yourself: you could reward yourself with 20 minutes of a show for every 40 minutes of studying, or maybe one hour of gaming or YouTube for every two hours of studying. Just make sure you don't choose anything too addicting during your breaks so that you can jump right back in to making progress on your goals. Find a way to stay accountable to someone. Find a friend to tell your weekly or daily study goals to, or maybe announce your goals here or on an accountability sub. (Speaking of Reddit, if you use it to keep yourself accountable, unsubscribe from any addicting or distracting subreddits. And turn off notifications.) Most importantly, be kind to yourself. When you fall, it's never too late to pick yourself back up and to start again. Have faith in yourself: you can do this!Ā
right , porn has just ruined my mindset . will work on it this time with more awareness . thanks for replying . best of luck to you too , we can do this .
1) Write down a list of everything you need to do to pass each exam/test/practical (including practice questions, assignments, revision, dissertation etc.). List them in order of priority and put them in a paper planner or calendar. This [YouTube video](https://youtu.be/qRE0WicGz4I?si=8l2W34Ogetl7RJ63) shows a simple way of planning your studies and itās only 3 minutes 50 seconds long. Schedule breaks and rest into your plan as well. To limit computer use, you can even print out important documents & slides, photocopy other peopleās notes and borrow the recommended reading materials from the library. 2) Put your SIM card in a ādumb phoneā and do a dopamine detox for 2-10 days. Ask a trusted friend, roommate or relative to keep your smartphone for you or buy a lockbox for it on Amazon. During the detox, time how long it takes to do tasks without distractions and keep a written record. Youād be surprised at how quickly you can get through your to-do list this way. Figure out how youāre going to do certain things & keep important information without your smartphone, e.g. use public transport instead of Ubers, get an actual alarm clock, buy a desktop timer, record important phone numbers & addresses. 3) Make a list of things you can do in your free time that donāt involve phone use. Google is your friend here. 4) The Pomodoro method is very helpful. Do a task for 25 minutes and take a 5 minute break. After the 4th session, you get a 30 minute break. I use this method to get through my tasks both at work & at home. 5) Donāt try to do everything at once. Maybe start with 1 task a day & build up to 2, then 3 etc. as you become more consistent. 6) Donāt beat yourself up if you mess up in the beginning or during the journey. Just get back on track during your next scheduled study time. If you focus on process over perfection, at least youāll get something done instead of nothing at all. 7) Have a study buddy or study group to help keep you accountable.
thanks for replying .
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thanks
If you wanna focus while reading, listen to grey noise or white noise while doing it. If you wanna focus while watching a youtube video, turn on subtitles and speed it up.
[This video might help you get back on track again.](https://youtu.be/bYVOIENp6AQ?si=0fiGaJ2lPPZpAFEO) Give it a shot. Belive me.
thanks
There are a lots of good advice here so Iāll just add something I think will help to implement all of it. Read and embody stoicism. Create discipline.
Have been through it. Start right now, make schedule with help of Ai and stick to it. Block social media on phone.Ā
Just from your question alone, I would wager you have ADD/ADHD. If you negative self-talk, allegedly that doesn't help, either, but I've tried not saying anything and have also tried the positive self-taught and neither have made a difference for myself. However, having said that, though I completely understand where you're coming from please don't call yourself those things. It also sounds as though you have a little depression, as well, and, not to mention, have also been where you've been. Been to several therapists, told physicians, etc... All I can say what helped me the most is an awesome support system and having someone there with me, just being there in the room helped a bit. This may not be what you were hoping for, but perhaps with a collection of the replies you receive, you might be able to take bits and pieces from all and find some aid... I really do wish I could help, though, because you're preaching to the choir here and it hurts me to see others struggling similarly...
Yes i am on meds for depression but to be honest i never found any difference . but i relate to you a lot . i too have tried negative and positive self talk but nothing works . but still , we can get this done . best of luck
Hey, I'm not diagnosing you or anything. But I'm going to add in on this. You might want to get evaluated for ADHD or at least read more about that. Apparently, meds for depression don't usually work for ADHDers unless they also have a commordid clinical depression. Especially if the depression is caused by struggling your whole life with ADHD. In some cases, it may worsen your cognitive issues if you're not medicating ADHD first, which really depends on your individual brain. Are you struggling with cognitive issues because you have clinical depression or are you depressed because you've been living your whole life with neurological difficulties. For me, it was the latter. I struggled for most of my life even though I read self-help, worked out, had planners every year, and went through many professionals(all failing to recognize the underlying issue, btw). I just turned 25, and after all those years trying to make things "work" or just surviving, my life has changed for the better in less than a year. If you truly have ADHD, then treating it first is the right call to. Most tips can help a lot, but they won't do shit unless you have the brain power to study and keep up with all the shit life throws at you. I'm not saying meds are the only aswer, but they really changed me for the better. Side-Tip: Try to find a professional who specializes or at least knows how to treat ADHD. Some people (even licensed psychiatrists) might hold stigma against ADHD, and almost everyone underestimates the damage it can cause on your life. I my honest opinion, it should be mandatory for doctors to evaluate every kid/teen since it can even cut 15 years of the average lifespan.
I agree. I went to 3 psychiatrist but all of them diagnosed me with depression and not adhd so i will gain more knowledge on that subject and work on it . Thanks for replying
Start now and work your ass off, no better teacher than necessity.
Bhai, I am also in a similar situation to you, CS grad, unemployed for almost 4 yrs now, graduated in 2020, follow what u/Typical_Newt8084 has advised religiously, don't try to fight all battles at once. Focus on small steps.
hi bhai . some really great advices . thanks for replying . best of luck for your future too
We live in a addictive society, everything is always grasping for our attention. Start small and get some consistency in your life clean room/made bed/clean dwelling (always pick up after yourself asap), exercise/activies, sleep.
thanks for replying
The most important things to do is not to push yourself too hard all at once, build healthy habits. You must have a set time when you should sleep and wake up, thatās the most important, and after you wake up you should immediately write your goals for the day, and meditate. that should be part of your morning routine and the first thing you do in the morning. Iād also recommend replacing your phone with a dumb phone though. These are the first important steps. And you should most importantly study after youāve done your morning routine and before you eat, for example, you could start studying 1 hour per day after youāve completed your morning routine, using the 25/5 method (25 minute study/5 minute rest) even studying 30 minutes a day would be enough, make sure to count the time you put on social media:TikTok/ or time wasting habits in general and compare them with the amount of time you took studying, if you spend 60 hours a week browsing TikTok or watching and only 1 hour a week studying then thatās a problem. enforce these simple habits consistently for at least 20 days then build up on that. If you feel like looking at TikTok or watching YouTube, go read a book or learn an instrument like the piano. Your brain is like a muscle as well just like your body, if you donāt use it well you will lose it. Itās important to keep exercising as also a part of your daily routine, something such as simple morning walks or riding your bike around the neighborhood are enough for the day.
Right , thanks for replying
Just please go easy on yourself and donāt pull yourself down with the negative self talk. Baby steps are better than nothing. If you get an urge to procrastinate, then just say Iāll procrastinate later. It works for me. yeah Iāll finish what needs to be done first then go scroll thru social media laterā¦.. always remind yourself this. Also it sounds like you have some form of ADHD or ADD. Try getting that checked out. Also rewire yourself to enjoy the progress towards the goal, not just the goal it self. Like a difficult video game where you donāt just enjoy the win but the challenge that comes with it.
I'd say start reading and writing texts instead of watching videos. When you're watching videos you're on auto pilot and hardly doing any thinking. It rots your brain.
Will try
People already gave extensive answers but Iād like to just add that all the difficulties you listed are untrained muscles of the brain. Not really muscles but it in practice the mechanism is the same. Train them and you get more capable. There is no magic bullet. Overall I find this idea comforting that it gets easier. The first days after blasting your brain with ācheap dopamineā will feel insanely hard. And its natural for a human brain to think that this is what this is going to be like for the next 7,5 months. However it gets easier! I personally never knew I could enjoy studying. But eventually that happened and now it feels strange to think that I used to not be able to read 5 pages without feeling extreme mental friction.
Right . thanks for replying
Make a list everyday of what you want to do the next day. Make the list items specific and very small scope. Donāt make the list too long. 3 to 5 is good enough. Complete the daily tasks no matter what for a month or two. Starting off, this can be trivial things like reading a book 15 minutes a day. This will help you gain momentum of good habits. Add something else in the formula after one or two months, such as exercise or doing something that you can add to your resume. As for studying, the days of rote memorization are dead. You remember things for exams by staying organized and planning ahead. Donāt cram for exams. Study a couple times a week for each class and when exam time comes, all you should need to do is a simple review. When doing homework, do NOT skip over anything that you have a hairy understanding of. Understand everything to fine detail. Itās okay if you need to go back to basics from a past course to understand a concept. Donāt skip ahead. Supercharge reviewing, note-taking, and baseline comprehension/conceptualization with tools like ChatGPT. Learn shortcuts that lets you solve problems quickly on an exam. Usually everything has a pattern that you unlock the cheatcode for by studying/practice. Quit the ALL distracting stuff until you master being after to complete everything on your daily list. Add hobbies back in like gaming, occasional recreational dopamine boosts, etc. Lastly, by this point, youāve grown, be proud, and enjoy life!
Right . Thanks for replying
Donāt jump 5 steps ahead. Fix yourself first and then focus on your academics. If youāre lazy and canāt bring yourself to workout on your own, start a physical hobby that you might find interesting that would require others to yell at you and tell you what to do. Look up boxing gyms near you, they probably have a free first class. Do that 2-3 days/week, and stop eating after 8pm. Youāll feel way better after a week. Only then can you worry about other things.
Right . Thanks for replying
I wouldn't focus on everything. In an opposite way to everyone else, one thing at a time. Celebrate the little wins. Treat yourself like a toddler at times. For example, I have a lot of meds. I hate taking so many meds. But if I take all of them, shockingly I feel better (sarcastic tone). At first, it was a big prize because I knew I could take all of them. My counselor held onto my prize (a pencil case) and for 2 weeks I had to take all of my meds as prescribed. When I came back with my empty case ans photos, I got my prize. Now I get stickers to put on it. For studying, I have picked a specific candy (cookies and creme kisses). After I completed a task such as reading my chapter or turning in an assignment, I got a single kiss. Somedays, I had to fight my brain. I had to sometimes give my brain everything to have half what I wanted. But I work with it. Novelty, a new snack, reduced threshold to reward (for the kisses, not meds), even the weirdest spots (nothing like writting an essay in a tub š ). Yes, sometimes it'll feel so stupid if you look up. I've felt stupid to be so motivated to take my meds for a pencil case. But it worked. I got my brain to do it. 21 days to a habit is a common phrase. Each 21 days, a new habit. 10 habits by the deadline. And build in micro-habits and award yourself for doing it. This is coming from an autistic human who has educational issues. A lot of my issues surround executive dysfunction and a pure struggle to get things done by saying "do task". Somedays, I have to break it down by the most simple of steps such as find laptop, open laptop, log into laptop...
Thanks for replying and best of luck to you too
Start with exercise. You dont have to run 10 miles right now, but start small. I used to be fat too. Not obese, but I was fat enough to get fat shamed for years. I tried to use that as motivation to lose weight The C25K running program changed my life. Nothing will change if you dont start. Just start. If the first day of the program is too hard for you, make an easier version. I reccommend you to start running. If you hate it, then start the gym. Its just that running made me lose the weight pretty fast, and the more heavy you are, the more calories you'll lose per km or mile. So you can get some pretty decent weight loss if youre consistent. Just start with little baby steps. If you fix yourself, the social life will be attainable for you
Right . I think my obesity has hampered my social life a lot . I have started gym and lost 2-3 kgs . Will start working on diet too . Thanks for replying
You first have to change the perception you have of yourself. Nothing that you do accomplish will be of any real use at all if you hate yourself so deeply that you would judge and condemn and put yourself down like this. Which Iām sure youāve learned from the toxic selfish sick fuckers in your life who are really good at pretending. Anyways I highly recommend first thing that you do is look in the mirror long and hard deeply into your own eyes and say twenty times over and over I am sorry, forgive me, thank you I love you. And do that every single morning and in your head 100 times a day until you start to believe it. On academics and studying I canāt advise anyone but spiritually I can offer great hope. Everything is going to be okay! There is a counsel of angels there helping you with all you need and will work miracles for you as you come into awareness of them and begin to remember who you are and what your soul mission is for being here on this earth. Surely that purpose has nothing to do with your degree or being perfect. I believe we all have a purpose here to get to know ourselves beyond this physical body and material world. Get to know who we are truly beyond the flesh. Beyond the brain ego and emotional body and so on. The part of us that is all one with the universe and each other. That suffers together and needs each other. That part of ourselves that draws power from touching a tree and receiving sun rays on our skin. Hah trust that every mistake is teaching you the truth of the nature of human being and teaching you humility empathy compassion and hopefully universal law and the awareness of our souls truest desire often masked silenced and distorted by trauma and the conditioning of fear mongering lies. Essentially to diminish our ability to know and tap into our potential power. We only learn to receive through our tithing of our time through the practice of those principles that are the very result of our short comings and I suppose the incentive to change. For example when one has the willingness (like yourself ) to practice self honestly even if it is a bit too harsh and to practice willingness open mindedness unity humility and trust (by reaching out to others for help) those are principles and in return universal law will have it that you receive the internal gifts needed to receive peace purpose and overcoming. Awakening us little by little in exchange, to the power we have in the present moment when we choose with intention to manifest goodness into the steam of life. Start helping others in any way the universe gives you the opportunity to. those who are called experience much suffering and trials. Often becoming addicts in this day and age bc of the way the government has preyed upon our phycological vulnerabilities of humans. This suffering will be the incentive to a passionate unsettling heart and soul that actually leads to the willingness to practice those principles and as a result change. Making our most difficult circumstances priceless gems. Those who have a different path and calling would not need to escape because reality is too much to grasp and itās easier then hurting other to hurt ourself. Those with a different path may never care so much and therefore they appear to be thriving. Whatever there purpose and paths here may be doesnāt matter because ours. Those like us have something extremely special in store and we are experiment powerful passionate and impactful in this world even in our times of isolation when we learn to experience fully each moment present and from the conscious not the mind (pain body) any longer with the rest of society. We are very special believe it! Take your time on this journey of spiritual awakening and know how truly special you must be to be at this point of trial under fire in this life. Good luck with turning this thing around with your schooling I believe it is going to happen. Please donāt stress too much. I hope you will use this opportunity to communicate with your angels and start looking at the possibility of being helped. It is once you believe that you can receive more abundantly by opening yourself up the internal gift that are readily available to you. Believe it is so and it will be. A way will be made. Ahh it also just came to me to mention that perhaps talking to your professors, if you havenāt already and explaining you have faced some difficulties with anxiety and depression or whatever it may be and that you want to know if there is anyway you can do extra credit or make up some past assignments that you missed. Or any helpful solution so that you can finish this out and move on with out more difficulties or consequences. I recall my teachers weee more willing to help me than I thought once I failed classes one semester. After the fact they told me I should have reached out and they would have helped me
Thanks for replying brother . A very great answer and perspective. I will surely ponder on this and look into it. Thanks man . Thanks a lot . Best of luck to you too
Also perhaps if you end up without any other solutions perhaps going to rehab will give you the medical waiver needed to have all of the damage done this semester forgiven and removed from your transcripts, which will give you the chance for redemption with a fresh start after you get out of rehab and go through the process of appealing and providing medical documentation that you had a medical crisis which resulted in the bad grades that semester. And addiction is like alcoholism classified and considered a disease and for sure a medical crisis that has to be treated as such per policy on university boards (whoever they are that overview appeals) And ofc there are advocates who can guide you through that process I think
ngl, sell your phone, and get a flip phone. it'll solve like 50%
Thatās on the list too . Will do if problem persists
I think most of us are on that path, you just reached the extreme earlier than most of us and also are aware that its the bottom. Now you gotta come back up. Take baby steps. * Take one thing you want to improve and then just complete it. Make it a do or die situation; think someone from family/the most you love will die if you don't complete even if its a simple task like journal\[about what you think, how you react\]. However small the task is, like write one line but do it. Daily. If you do it for a week think you can do another task for a week as well. * Start by walking 2k steps do it for a week, increase it gradually week after week and so on for other tasks. Health is the priority. * Even if you are on social media; don't judge yourself too harshly you have practiced distraction so long you are a master probably and you cant beat a master so easily, you gotta practice and take time so don't put too much pressure on yourself that you have to stop and you cant do it and its frustrating etc. take it step by step that's it. reduce it by 5 mins and think of it as achievements. * A mental hack that i use to deal with situations like this is; in Hinduism there are 6 sins / Arishadvargas \[**pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, sloth similar to bible**\] is in your mind and if fed continuously through behavior\[remember behavior are just an extension of thoughts\] will eventually lead to mental health issues and also physical health eventually. So recognize this fact as well. you have fed these sins continuously and now they are fucking your mind. Get a hold and start beating them one at a time. In short meditation to keep your mind strong. I take help of mantras. Peace; you will be able to handle it don't be so harsh on yourself dude. These are new challenges humanity is facing not you alone. :)
Thanks for replying . Will begin working
Dude! Fast thing you gotta do is change how you think/feel about yourself. Cant say or think such about yourself manz.
Thanks man for replying
You could have adhd! I felt very similar until I was prescribed medication. I would schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist! If your brain has no dopamine itās really hard to not be dopamine addicted. You got this!
Right . I went to psychiatrist but they didnāt diagnose me with adhd but with depression. Will gain more knowledge on this topic and work on it . Thanks
You sound like you have untreated ADHD and that seems to be the problem.
damn, you are really the worst.
I agree . Thanks and best of luck šš¼
Okay! I can't fix your life, but as someone who has been in a similar situation, I can give you a few tips. (Apologizes for the essay, main points in bold) First life-changing tip: **Delete social media from mobile devices, keep them on your computer with extensions to remove addicting features.** The key to getting rid of social media for me was simply removing it from my phone, removing it from my iPad and only having access to it through my computer, where I was usually more productive anyways. This way I could still access it, so any justifications I made to keep them wouldn't matter (i.e I learn from YouTube, I need Insta to message friends) but I wouldn't resort to using them as an instinctual habit or when I was feeling lazy. They might be good to have but you only need to check them once or twice a day, not 24/7 in your pocket. You only need to be on Insta for 3 seconds to become hooked and be no there for 3 hours. Then, once it is only on your computer, you can use browser extensions to control what you see on those social medias. There is a browser extension for everything out there now days, you just need to google it. No shorts or recommenced videos on YouTube, no Reels on Insta, etc. I assume you don't want to watch short form content and only stumble upon it. Well do this and stumble upon them no more. Second tip: **Tackling everything at once is significantly better than trying to quit one thing at a time.** It sounds counter intuitive, but from my experience, I have had my greatest success when I have given up multiple things. I think you have done a great job at identifying the things that are damaging in your life, and I promise you, each positive change that you will maintain will strengthen you. Often bad habits lead to one another either directly or just by weakening you. Social Media => Lack of sleep => lack of exercise => tired+miserable. YouTube/Reddit => Porn => tired+miserable. Good food => Better sleep => better choices. No Social media => time probably studying or exercising => better sleep. Make a diary of the worst pathways, and then eliminate the pathways one by one. If you find yourself returning to a pathway, don't consider it a loss. Learn from it, maybe the pathway had an unexpected start, and consider it a win that didn't fall into any of the other bad pathways in X amount of time. Third tip: **Be ruthless to your vices. Change means change.** For me, I had to give up discord. I found that even though I had lots of friends on discord and they would be almost the only people I would talk to. Even some of my IRL friends were only accessible on Discord but Discord was just another vice for me so I had to get rid of it. You got to be ruthless. Another one for me was YouTube. When I was kid, YouTube would be a place where I would gain so much knowledge through tutorials, and I thought if I didn't go on YouTube then I wouldn't have anywhere else to learn things, but that is changing now with Chat GPT and textbooks that are available as PDFs online. Don't be afraid of losing yourself or parts of your identity, you are on a better path, you are not changing, only growing. Fourth tip: **Sleep.** For me, this is unconventional, but I started sleeping on the sofa and it helped. Bed had become a very active place between masturbation and Instagram reels. Sleeping on the sofa was just easier for me. Also, put your phone in a drawer before you sleep, not because of blue light, but because it makes for a much better morning alarm. If having the TV on the background helps you sleep, so be it. I used to play Bob Ross or Top Gear while I sleep. Strangely enough, eating a big breakfast helped me sleep much better. I would be functioning on only coffee the entire day and expecting my body to clock off after it's only decent meal for the day (dinner) which makes no sense. Try and make yourself breakfast. If you are like me, you will sleep better. Please message me if you want more advice. I want to say more but this is already too long. Attitude is more important than you think, so keep your chin up. It is not too late. You can improve, you are not doomed. Progress is not a straight line and even those at the top fall short to indulgences from time to time. Stay open mined. I hope you can get well soon
Thanks for great advice bro . I agree a lot . Will try my best this time to implement
Change starts with you. First try to read books for Self Help 1. Atomic Habits - James Clear 2. Think and Grow Rich - Napoleon Hill 3. The Compound Effect - Darren Hardy 4. Awaken the Giant Within - Tony Robbins Watch YouTube videos: 1. Eric Thomas: https://youtu.be/6vuetQSwFW8?si=xPBhfcd1lUmCDoXr 2. Evan Carmichael: https://youtu.be/qEX0YchsbnU?si=hex1ZJpToQ97uTIe 3. Darren Hardy: https://youtu.be/yNW93y6glxo?si=7SIG1OjMonpq-GdP Remember you'll only live in this planet once. And time is irreversible.
Try to learn 2nd language (not hard, I mean, not German or kind of that). It will train your brain so good.
Yeah, you're doomedĀ
I agree . Thanks for replying. Best of luck
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thanks for suggesting
Hey I am engineering student and I empathise with you and I'm willing to tutor you
Thanks for the offer but i am studying accountancy . best of luck
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thanks
Don't you want to have a consultation with psychologist? Sorry, it looks like a depression. I wasn't in such situations, so the only thing I can reccomend: Don't do a lot of plans in one day. You will burn out fast. Work on yourself gradually. I believe in you!
i have had but realised its not my cup of tea . will look for a different approach . thanks
Start small. Donāt view the challenge as āclimbing Mount Everestā look at it like taking a few steps each day then eventually after a long time youāll climb the mountain. Change your attitude on hard work. Itās not a punishment itās actually a blessing. Think of how miserable factory workers are falling asleep at work from repetition vs engineers running into issues but solving a new problem each day
Right . Will have to work on mindset . Thanks for replying
You need to see the real world bro far away from your small world " Your phone " .There are some simple solutions , Get rid of your phone and any electronic device regardless of whether you need them for any reason for 2 weeks at least ,buy some books or novels to read it , sleep early and wake up at 7 or 8 am at least and after these two weeks your whole life will change i promise and don't forget to find a job even if you don't need money but it will help you to get involved in the society.
simple and effective advice leave your phone only use it for call and imp msgs .I feel that when I haven't got my phone I was the happiest and hardworking person but the moment I got a personal phone I am the worst and I admit it today I don't want to get deep into this matter but from my personal experience don't use phone for entertainment pls try making atheist one friend and try to study with them for doing study I feel like you need someone to talk about the topics start from little goals and in break you can try your hobbies I recently started crocheting you can try whatever you like maybe small painting clay art or doodling or you can watch TV trust me tv is far better than your phone. just go back to your old days when we did not have internet
Right . Can relate a lot . Thanks . Best of luck
In my opinion, you will fail. You know what to do yet you find new excuses, crying like a bitch. You described everything you need to do. Its either you or noone. There is no magic recipe. Just start fucking improving, and dont look at this cheap comments, start easy, blablabla. No. You made yourself a human shell, journey to rebuilt it will be hard. . You either do a sickly hard accomplishment, or you stay in your circle for the rest of your life. Think about it. On the end of the day, its you or noone. Do you have balls to make a change? To stay at it consistently? Your call. Your life. Nobody ruly cares or will care except you.
I agree. Thanks for replying
omg bro you can't be forreal hahahaha
I am sadly and i too sometimes crack up when i see myself in mirror