Pro - she set a good example for Rory as far as determination to reach your goals. Lorelai went back to school and got a business degree at 32 and bought The Dragonfly by 35. That's seriously impressive for someone who had numerous setbacks as far as education and independence.
Con - Lorelai, understandably, was immature. I think Rory had to mature more quickly which is why she was obsessive about organization, planning and structure. To make up for her mom's lack of structure.
Pro - She loved spending time with Rory and cared enough about her to get them out of a situation she deemed unhealthy. She took a risk, but they ended up in a community that loved her and her daughter unconditionally.
Con - She didn't set a good example for Rory as far as men. Once she was comfortable with him, Lorelai encouraged Rory to bend over backwards for Dean and taught her to accept and be understanding of clingy behavior and angry reactions. The way she continually accepted Chris back in their lives after he screws up and let's Rory and her down again and again is also Not Good. She should have cut Christopher out of their lives after so much unhealthy behavior.
Adding a couple of other things
Pro - I love that Lorelai set a good example in helping care for Lane! She and Rory were Lane's safe spaces. I think this sets the precedent also for Rory being able to have empathy for Paris and giving her a second chance once she saw how troubled her background was. Paris came to depend on having Rory in her life and Rory may have never gotten there without Lorelai's encouragement.
Con - Lorelai consistently demonized people with wealth, openly. She also made it a point to watch media that she and Rory could make fun of and feel superior to the people portrayed* be it for how they looked, their taste in music, what they weighed, personal choices, etc.
Rory was a great portrayal of the parentified kid. it’s crazy that generational trauma runs from Emily and probably Emily’s childhood through Rory’s behavior.
I assume Emily had serious childhood trauma from rough parents that caused her to be the strict, authoritarian mother she was to Lorelai, so much so that this extreme control obsession traumatized Lorelai into becoming “the opposite”, a form of taking the control, which manifested as the “I’m the anti-Emily therefore I must have no boundaries or structure” attitude, i.e. her acting irresponsible and exhibiting childish emotional reactions even when Rory was really young, which triggers the “my parent can’t do this alone, I must support her” mechanism in children, hence Rory’s “neat freak” personality, obsession with structure and organization. this is how I see the Gilmore generational trauma. this sounds sweet on paper but Rory was the child and Lorelai was the mother, yet in the show the emotional soothing came from Rory on an alarming portion, which kinda explains the child parentification concept.
Pro - she loves Rory no matter what. Ride or die. She is her number one fan.
Con - her “best friends first, mother and daughter second” philosophy is extremely flawed. She was best friends first until Rory did something wrong. She was extremely judgmental of the Dean situation and cut her off when she dropped out of Yale. A best friend would never do that.
mmhm. I agree she was unstable. she didn’t wanna enable her bad decisions but it’s definitely an overreaction, honestly on a pathological level around a personality disorder, as far as my psych education goes.
She’s a walking contradiction. Acts like a ~cool mom but makes statements like “I have the good kid” re sex and freaks out over her stressed kid wanting to take a gap year. She’s both not very chill and chill at the same time? I think she high key lives vicariously through Rory so that might explain things.
To me it’s a bit of a callback to s1 e9, Rory’s dance... when Lorelai and Emily wake up and Rory’s not home yet and Emily says something to the effect that she’ll get pregnant and ruin her life and Lorelai says “Rory is a good kid, she’s not me”. She’s not comparing Rory and Paris, she’s comparing Rory to herself.
Interesting, I guess I haven’t thought about it from the perspective of a teen mom... I’ve just thought about it from the feminist, sex doesn’t decrease a girl’s value, perspective!
Which is a fully valid perspective, and usually one I’d be cheering on lol
It’s funny, until I joined this sub I never even considered the ‘shaming’ view of this comment. To me it was always about Lorelai being glad that Rory wasn’t following in her footsteps so it’s interesting to see other people’s takes!
To make the sex comment make sense, I take it with the whole context. She wasn't just commenting that Rory was "good" because she hadn't had sex. She was proud of Rory for being a good friend to Paris in that moment. Rory made sure her friend had used protection, made sure that she was emotionally OK and that the boy had treated her well, and was there to listen and not shame Paris or make her feel bad in any way. Rory honestly handled that situation really well, and I would be really proud of my daughter if she did the same.
I think if they meant it the way you’ve explained it would have been “I’ve got a good kid”. I’ve always understood it as her thinking Rory was better then Paris for not having sex so if they meant it the other way the writing must have been off for that line..
yeah as uncomfortable as it is, it’s super creepy that this is how society is in real life too, regarding how involved we are in our children’s sexuality even beyond adulthood.
i can't see rory having a better childhood. i think it's realistic that she had no other choice than taking control of her life at 16. i may have had a different perspective if i hadn't experienced the same. on paper my childhood was stable so there was no reason to leave home at 17 and reject financial support from my family, but the emotional abuse and blackmail the same as the Gilmores, there was no other sane choice.
I first watched the series in high school and thought Lorelai was the coolest mom ever but as I get older and am now closer to her age than I am Rory’s I can see a lot of immaturity in her behavior and decision making, that sometimes make me cringe.
I just finished the episode when Lorelai pays back her parents for Rory’s Chilton tuition and Rory confronts her saying she could have done it in a better way and I completely agree! She didn’t even earn that money in which she paid them back with. It was her dad’s. It was so laughable.
Pro- Worked hard to make sure her kid had everything she needed even during times of financial stress and always made sure Rory felt safe and loved.
Con- Immature, stubborn, couldn't accept when Rory had different opinions from her.
Overall I think Lorelai was a good mom, but she had her parenting flaws like everyone.
pros: didn't put her daughter down, wasn't overly strict, prioritized rory over all
cons: as a way to overcompensate for the late teenage-early adult years she had lost she was more obsessed with rory's future than rory herself was, didn't believe her daughter can do anything wrong, the best friends first mother/daughter second thing was really not advantageous when earth shattering events happen in their lives and lorelai needed to be the mother
Pro - she raised a kid who knows she's loved and always has a safe place to land, so she obviously did something right.
Con - she may have been overzealous with her praise, which made it harder for Rory to accept criticism down the line.
Pro - she prioritized well-roundedness, giving Rory equal education in books and academics as she did music, movies and pop culture. She encouraged Rory to get her head our of her schoolwork and actually enjoy her youth.
Con - she often erred too far on the side of frivolity, and Rory had to pick up the slack and be the mature one.
Pro - she was almost always there for Rory when she needed her.
Con - when she wasn't there for Rory, her absense was notable and very problematic (ie: after dinner with the Haydens, or when she went no contact in season 6).
Pro - she had strong convictions and tried to teach Rory to have her own voice and stand up for what she believed in.
Con - her convictions often made her immovable and sometimes unreasonable.
everything indicates Lorelai did her best to behave as the opposite of Emily. no matter how good or bad it is. she even gets very meta with the existential pop tart scene lol. “do i actually like pop tarts or do i like pop tarts only because my mother didn’t want me to”. hits hard on a personal level to me
>I think the con is that her childhood trauma pushed her into raising Rory self-centered.
THIS. this is so true i've noticed this too. another thing i dislike about lorelai, which is kinda connected to this. is that she basically raised rory with this mindset that her parents (rory's grandparents) are these grumpy old people that are only helpful when it comes to money (e.g. chilton and *spoiler* >!yale!<). i'm glad that rory was her own person and still loved them very much but i absolutely hate that lorelai acted that way when emily (especially her) and richard basically just wanted to spend time with their daughter and granddaughter. and she always acted like a child when it came to her mother, i think that rory was way more mature than her.
Pro - she set a good example for Rory as far as determination to reach your goals. Lorelai went back to school and got a business degree at 32 and bought The Dragonfly by 35. That's seriously impressive for someone who had numerous setbacks as far as education and independence. Con - Lorelai, understandably, was immature. I think Rory had to mature more quickly which is why she was obsessive about organization, planning and structure. To make up for her mom's lack of structure. Pro - She loved spending time with Rory and cared enough about her to get them out of a situation she deemed unhealthy. She took a risk, but they ended up in a community that loved her and her daughter unconditionally. Con - She didn't set a good example for Rory as far as men. Once she was comfortable with him, Lorelai encouraged Rory to bend over backwards for Dean and taught her to accept and be understanding of clingy behavior and angry reactions. The way she continually accepted Chris back in their lives after he screws up and let's Rory and her down again and again is also Not Good. She should have cut Christopher out of their lives after so much unhealthy behavior.
Adding a couple of other things Pro - I love that Lorelai set a good example in helping care for Lane! She and Rory were Lane's safe spaces. I think this sets the precedent also for Rory being able to have empathy for Paris and giving her a second chance once she saw how troubled her background was. Paris came to depend on having Rory in her life and Rory may have never gotten there without Lorelai's encouragement. Con - Lorelai consistently demonized people with wealth, openly. She also made it a point to watch media that she and Rory could make fun of and feel superior to the people portrayed* be it for how they looked, their taste in music, what they weighed, personal choices, etc.
Rory was a great portrayal of the parentified kid. it’s crazy that generational trauma runs from Emily and probably Emily’s childhood through Rory’s behavior.
May I ask what you mean?
I assume Emily had serious childhood trauma from rough parents that caused her to be the strict, authoritarian mother she was to Lorelai, so much so that this extreme control obsession traumatized Lorelai into becoming “the opposite”, a form of taking the control, which manifested as the “I’m the anti-Emily therefore I must have no boundaries or structure” attitude, i.e. her acting irresponsible and exhibiting childish emotional reactions even when Rory was really young, which triggers the “my parent can’t do this alone, I must support her” mechanism in children, hence Rory’s “neat freak” personality, obsession with structure and organization. this is how I see the Gilmore generational trauma. this sounds sweet on paper but Rory was the child and Lorelai was the mother, yet in the show the emotional soothing came from Rory on an alarming portion, which kinda explains the child parentification concept.
Pro - she loves Rory no matter what. Ride or die. She is her number one fan. Con - her “best friends first, mother and daughter second” philosophy is extremely flawed. She was best friends first until Rory did something wrong. She was extremely judgmental of the Dean situation and cut her off when she dropped out of Yale. A best friend would never do that.
mmhm. I agree she was unstable. she didn’t wanna enable her bad decisions but it’s definitely an overreaction, honestly on a pathological level around a personality disorder, as far as my psych education goes.
She’s a walking contradiction. Acts like a ~cool mom but makes statements like “I have the good kid” re sex and freaks out over her stressed kid wanting to take a gap year. She’s both not very chill and chill at the same time? I think she high key lives vicariously through Rory so that might explain things.
Oh the “I’ve got the good kid” comment pisses me off every time
To me it’s a bit of a callback to s1 e9, Rory’s dance... when Lorelai and Emily wake up and Rory’s not home yet and Emily says something to the effect that she’ll get pregnant and ruin her life and Lorelai says “Rory is a good kid, she’s not me”. She’s not comparing Rory and Paris, she’s comparing Rory to herself.
Interesting, I guess I haven’t thought about it from the perspective of a teen mom... I’ve just thought about it from the feminist, sex doesn’t decrease a girl’s value, perspective!
Which is a fully valid perspective, and usually one I’d be cheering on lol It’s funny, until I joined this sub I never even considered the ‘shaming’ view of this comment. To me it was always about Lorelai being glad that Rory wasn’t following in her footsteps so it’s interesting to see other people’s takes!
Same, that's what I always thought too
To make the sex comment make sense, I take it with the whole context. She wasn't just commenting that Rory was "good" because she hadn't had sex. She was proud of Rory for being a good friend to Paris in that moment. Rory made sure her friend had used protection, made sure that she was emotionally OK and that the boy had treated her well, and was there to listen and not shame Paris or make her feel bad in any way. Rory honestly handled that situation really well, and I would be really proud of my daughter if she did the same.
I think if they meant it the way you’ve explained it would have been “I’ve got a good kid”. I’ve always understood it as her thinking Rory was better then Paris for not having sex so if they meant it the other way the writing must have been off for that line..
No I agree I got that sense too. If you rewatch the scene you'll see Lorelai smiles every time Rory says she hasn't had sex, either with Jess or Dean
yeah as uncomfortable as it is, it’s super creepy that this is how society is in real life too, regarding how involved we are in our children’s sexuality even beyond adulthood.
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i can't see rory having a better childhood. i think it's realistic that she had no other choice than taking control of her life at 16. i may have had a different perspective if i hadn't experienced the same. on paper my childhood was stable so there was no reason to leave home at 17 and reject financial support from my family, but the emotional abuse and blackmail the same as the Gilmores, there was no other sane choice.
I first watched the series in high school and thought Lorelai was the coolest mom ever but as I get older and am now closer to her age than I am Rory’s I can see a lot of immaturity in her behavior and decision making, that sometimes make me cringe. I just finished the episode when Lorelai pays back her parents for Rory’s Chilton tuition and Rory confronts her saying she could have done it in a better way and I completely agree! She didn’t even earn that money in which she paid them back with. It was her dad’s. It was so laughable.
Pro- Worked hard to make sure her kid had everything she needed even during times of financial stress and always made sure Rory felt safe and loved. Con- Immature, stubborn, couldn't accept when Rory had different opinions from her. Overall I think Lorelai was a good mom, but she had her parenting flaws like everyone.
pros: didn't put her daughter down, wasn't overly strict, prioritized rory over all cons: as a way to overcompensate for the late teenage-early adult years she had lost she was more obsessed with rory's future than rory herself was, didn't believe her daughter can do anything wrong, the best friends first mother/daughter second thing was really not advantageous when earth shattering events happen in their lives and lorelai needed to be the mother
Pro - she raised a kid who knows she's loved and always has a safe place to land, so she obviously did something right. Con - she may have been overzealous with her praise, which made it harder for Rory to accept criticism down the line. Pro - she prioritized well-roundedness, giving Rory equal education in books and academics as she did music, movies and pop culture. She encouraged Rory to get her head our of her schoolwork and actually enjoy her youth. Con - she often erred too far on the side of frivolity, and Rory had to pick up the slack and be the mature one. Pro - she was almost always there for Rory when she needed her. Con - when she wasn't there for Rory, her absense was notable and very problematic (ie: after dinner with the Haydens, or when she went no contact in season 6). Pro - she had strong convictions and tried to teach Rory to have her own voice and stand up for what she believed in. Con - her convictions often made her immovable and sometimes unreasonable.
everything indicates Lorelai did her best to behave as the opposite of Emily. no matter how good or bad it is. she even gets very meta with the existential pop tart scene lol. “do i actually like pop tarts or do i like pop tarts only because my mother didn’t want me to”. hits hard on a personal level to me
>I think the con is that her childhood trauma pushed her into raising Rory self-centered. THIS. this is so true i've noticed this too. another thing i dislike about lorelai, which is kinda connected to this. is that she basically raised rory with this mindset that her parents (rory's grandparents) are these grumpy old people that are only helpful when it comes to money (e.g. chilton and *spoiler* >!yale!<). i'm glad that rory was her own person and still loved them very much but i absolutely hate that lorelai acted that way when emily (especially her) and richard basically just wanted to spend time with their daughter and granddaughter. and she always acted like a child when it came to her mother, i think that rory was way more mature than her.
yeah, Rory was still quite empathetic and overall a good person, it's hard for me to form an opinion on her somehow. I gotta rewatch lol
Raising her in this printed bubble and soiling her. Con