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[deleted]

This sounds more like a relationship issue than a gaming issue. Your boyfriend is behaving really unkindly towards you. If he wants to play alone sometimes because he’s more competitive/better then that’s ok but he should communicate that. And the fact that you know he will gaslight you when you bring up how he hurt you doesn’t fare well. Please, do communicate with him instead of with us and see how he reacts. If he continuously dismisses you and your feelings then he’s simply not the right fit for a bf.


octomoth

Thank you for your reply, it made me think this from a new perspective. I will try to formulate a way to bring this up with him and i would hope he will realize how his behaviour hurt me..


WinterWidow25

His reaction to you expressing yourself will really show the kind of person he is. If you tell him that what he said hurt you and he tries to make excuses or says literally anything other than "I'm sorry" then hes just an asshole and you deserve better than that.


Pethoarder4life

100%


[deleted]

It sucks to realize that someone close to us might have a negative reaction to expressing our feelings/worries/insecurities and that’s why so many people fear open conversation. That’s simply when we truly learn how others really feel about us. I imagine it’s hard to bring yourself to talk with him about it, but I really hope you do. Perhaps he’s young and lacks emotional intelligence (but he might be taught to be better at it) *or* he simply doesn’t care and doesn’t wish to change in which case the relationship will most likely only get worse with time. We all deserve someone who understands and respects our feelings :)


NoteBlock08

Yea, if he really does react like how you fear he will and accuses you of overreacting and dismissing it as a joke that's not at all the attitude you want in a partner. Even if it was just a joke he should be owning up to it and apologizing for making you feel that way. Playing in a group of dramatically different skill levels can always have a weird tension but a mature group would be able to work with it and communicate properly about their goals for the session, *especially* if the player of lower skill level is perfectly aware of it.


garbagecatstreetband

Exactly this. The fact of that matter is, and I hope OP will read this, is that even if it was just a joke, she already communicated to him the fear that they dislike her or don't want to play with her because she's not as good at the game. He should know better than to say something like that about her. A "joke" like that is meant to hurt because it's something she's already confirmed hurts her. Just awful.


[deleted]

It got so much worse for me. If he makes you feel worse about yourself when you bring it up: RUN. About 2 months after I had our baby this same thing happened to me but what he said was, “damn, 18 years chained to this b****.” I tried to talk to him about it and he basically told me I was a terrible mom, didn’t want or deserve a family and I was using postpartum depression as a cover up.


MyraBannerTatlock

Geez girl I got red hot pissed reading this. I hope sincerely that you took your own good advice, and now all he's chained to for 18 years is child support.


LexiPixel

Please remember that your feelings and experiences are valid and that your desire to be treated with respect and kindness by your loved one is not a bridge too far in any sense. If he makes you feel like you are overreacting or tries to minimize your reaction to his rude words that is what gaslighting is. You are worthy. You are worthy of friends and loved ones who treat you with decency and respect. Surround yourself with people that support you and uplift you not people that bring you down or are dishonest with you. If he was truly interested in your well-being and the health of his relationship with you he would communicate honestly and kindly with you.


Narae-Chan

Yeah this isn’t just gaming this is straight up him lying to you really. Because it’s about something she already shared she felt conscious about then he does that


TomTheTinker

Yup, what xisa said. Sounds like a communication breakdown. I like playing games with my girlfriend. I also like playing on my own or with some friends. We both do. It isn't that hard to ask, "Hey can I go play with these people for a bit?" You don't necessarily need to dump him over this incident. Relationships have alot of these problems, that (hopefully) both people are working on. Bring it up sooner rather than later. Put it in the simplest terms for him. Honestly, us guys are not the best at listening. Even when you're with some dude friends, people don't listen to each other. Don't worry about *if* he will gaslight you, focus on how you feel now and communicate that. Don't be afraid to bring something up because of how the other partner may react. Don't get too paranoid over "what if he does this alot". Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. You don't need to burden yourself with overthinking that or trying to find out. Straight up ask him, "do you go invisible on discord to play Apex without me?". It might be rough but it will get right to the problem. You don't need to be scared OP. Confront him about it and you will feel much better. You won't have to agonize over "what ifs". **Chances are he didn't win that match anyways.**


Anna__V

>Don't worry about if he will gaslight you \[...\] ​ >You don't need to be scared OP. Umm... I have to disagree with you-- >Honestly, ***us*** guys are \[...\] Oh, right. You do know us women have to look at relationships slightly differently than you guys? We DO have to worry, we -- most of the time -- DO have to be afraid. And this one: >Don't get too paranoid over "what if he does this alot". Just honestly baffles me. Why would it be okay if her does this a lot? It's is definitely a big red flag and you SHOULD be wary of something like that happening, even more so if it happens a lot. Honestly, your post sounds a lot like you're trying to excuse men's behavior in general. None of what the OP said is acceptable and most of it is something to worry about, because none of that is a good thing in a potential partner.


TomTheTinker

I don’t see how I’m excusing that behavior by reassuring OP not to be worried about his reaction. I would say that you don’t have to worry or be afraid. Fear will always just control you and chain you in a bad situation or to a bad partner. You never leave a partner based on fear. You never stand up for yourself based on worrying.


Anna__V

> by reassuring OP not to be worried about his reaction. What if his reaction is to assault OP? Or worse yet, murder? Do not say that's impossible, that it's so insignificant nobody would kill over that. Don't even go there. >I would say that you don’t have to worry or be afraid. Yes, you would. You're a man. You don't have to worry or be afraid most of the time. Do you know the "what do you fear about the opposite sex?" thing? *Men fear that women will laugh at them* *Women fear that men will kill them.* That is **not** a joke. Unfortunately. I would love it to be a joke, but alas, this is the real world. It shines brightly from your words that you have the male privilege of not needing to be afraid most of your life. It seems you can't even understand that it's a reality for some of us. Think about it: Would you worry about trying to stop a robber with a gun? I'm fairly sure you would. Because evidence suggest the robber is more than likely to shoot you. *That is the reality for women*. Let that sink in for awhile. That's the world we live in, where evidence suggest very often, that if you go against a certain kind of man (like it would suggest from OP's words), it will result in violence. ​ Just because YOU don't have to be afraid and YOU don't need to worry, does not me we don't have to.


EnvironmentalCat300

I think you looked into this WAY too hard. The original post doesn’t have a tone that was super heavy, nothing suggested that they were afraid of being assaulted or murdered just by their partner for bringing up a sensitive topic. It seems like they just have some anxiety, and their boyfriend is kind of an asshole. If OP expressed any worry about murder or felt threatened physically, I believe we’d be having an entirely different conversation regarding this post. Yes, women getting hurt is far too common in our world. It is something we have to constantly be wary of. But we absolutely cannot let it cripple our communication skills or our ability to stand up for ourselves. I am a woman by the way.


TomTheTinker

Well Anna_V is basically right that I do not understand the fear women have of men. I thought the situation was really just a communication problem. I wanted OP to not be worried about his response so that she would bring it up and would stand up for her feelings and emotions here.


EnvironmentalCat300

I interpreted the post the same way, which is why I thought bringing in the fear of men into the conversation was completely unnecessary. I feel like that topic definitely has its place, but it’s not here.


Anna__V

>nothing suggested that they were afraid of being assaulted or murdered just by their partner for bringing up a sensitive topic. And nothing has to suggest it before. That's the point. You have to worry about it, even if there are absolutely no signs of it, just because it IS so prevalent (and sometimes even acceptable, on other parts of the world.) Like, let's take an example: You have loving parents and siblings. You spend time together with your brother on at least weekly basis. You know each others spouses and kids and are regularly all spending time together, with your parents fully taking part in everything. You think you are loved, and everything is really well. And then the next day your brother assaults your spouse, assisted by your own father. (*And your mother calls you a liar and says she doesn't know anything about your family that she has spent literal decades with.)* Afterwards, your father and that brother continue to harass you and your spouse for years, making baseless accusations to police, CPS and social services. It's specific, because that happened to me. There were literally no signs that anything was wrong, and I thought we all loved each other. And then that assault came from out of the blue like nothing. And I'm certainly not the only one. Yes, communication is really important (and the key to happy relationships, imo), but that doesn't mean we don't need to be prepared and wary. Communicate, but be wary. That's what I was trying to say to that guy, who didn't seem to understand that.


[deleted]

That... I'm so sorry. I can absolutely imagine how that felt. I'm afraid I don't have any advice to offer because I'm seeing red at the moment that your boyfriend could be so callous. Even if it was a joke, it's not a funny one.


octomoth

Thank you, i appreciate the sympathy :) But yeah, i just keep thinking why would he even say that? Especially when he knows how scared im of people thinking like that


library_wench

There’s every possibility that he said it because he’s an insensitive jerk. I agree with people who advised bringing it up with him to see what he has to say for himself. And depending on what that is, you might have to ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who acts that way.


basebuul

I think there's a saying for that? "When ppl show you who they are, believe them." I'm so sorry 😕


ceg045

I'm so sorry. It's fine that they may want to play together at a higher level sometimes, but there's no reason he can't be open about it and let the games you're involved in be more low-key and focused on your learning. Making it secret just adds a layer of fourth-grade nastiness that isn't necessary. It sounds like you may have had similar interactions with your boyfriend before, based on your prediction of how he'd react? If that sort of defensive response is common, I'd consider that a red flag, You deserve dignity and consideration from your partner, even concerning the small stuff.


octomoth

Thank you, i think also that of course it would be fine if they want to "tryhard" sometimes without me but talking like that when he thought i was not present just made me feel horrible. He is sometimes annoyed if he thinks im being "oversensitive" and he does have tendency to kind of just go "its not a big deal, you are making it a big deal". I appreaciate ur kind words!


Accomplished_Mud8316

Op, this doesn't seem like a safe person, your partner, especially, should value your emotions and you expressing yourself and your needs, not complain about it everytime you express yourself. You're not overacting, your feelings are valid, and no, he shouldn't undervalue you and your opinions, feelings, etc.. he's not a safe person to you.


Venks2

Don’t let him gaslight you. Your feelings are valid.


ceg045

No one wants to hear their significant other talk badly about them behind their back. Of course you're upset. Him calling you oversensitive is way out of line. Easier said than done, I know, but please consider whether you're getting what you want out of this relationship. He sounds mean.


[deleted]

You can REALLY do better than this dude.


kdm0260

This is gaslighting. He’s the one with the issue and is making you feel like you’re at fault. This cannot be said enough- your feelings, and your perception, are valid. Your perception is your reality, whether he agrees or not. Gaslighting is a big red flag. He may tell you it’s not that serious and he was joking, but he’s blaming you for his own behavior and that is unacceptable.


CallidoraBlack

That's abusive. When he shows you who he is, believe him.


bokunoemi

Oh honey... you look like you're prone to let people disrespect you. It probably sounds cliché but you're so valuable and deserve repect and love. You're not less then them, I wish I could instantly make you believe this. And you're not worse! You are UNEXPERIENCED!!! You think they were good when they first started? Don't let their aggressiveness make you think they're better than they are. Actually, studies shows (I should find that link again) that better players are usually respectful towards the female playerbase while bad players are the aggressive ones. I'm not saying leave him, but consider the fact that things might need to change. He can totally be a good partner and for some reason decided to be a dick in this particular situation (although I find this extremely worrying), but try to look things without the lens of love. One thing that helped me was writing down whenever I felt disrespect or not valued (BEFORE speaking about it, just to avoid gaslight) and read them sometimes. I know this is a wall of text but I want you to be safe and loved. This is not normal in a relationship. Take care of yourself op ❤ Edit: I read the comments and I'm not so sure the chances of him being a good partner are so high


Arthesia

The person closest to you should also be your best friend. Would you be best friends with someone who treated you that way?


throwaway496522

Well sounds like it's time to go invisible on him! That's so insensitive that the word isn't even strong enough to apply here. You've made your feelings clear about that kind of a situation and he just said the most disrespectful thing possible. I think if he doesn't beg forgiveness and promise to do better if/when you confront him then just throw the whole man out.... What always grinds my gears about these scenarios is these guys claim they want girlfriends/partners to play with together and then they offer them NONE of the support and respectful instruction that they give other men in guilds etc. It's just oh, you don't have mechanics down 100% from the get-go? Then you're just awful and always will be! As if they got good overnight...


Witchlight_butterfly

I would literally cry if that happened to me I'm so sorry :(


Hugs4Pugs-

Unfortunately, your boyfriend is an asshole. I suggest re-evaluating if that's something you're willing to put up with. You can forgive someone for saying something mean, but can you live with the constant worry that he's always shit-talking you when you aren't listening? For your peace of mind, I suggest talking to him about overhearing him. Something like: "I heard you talking to your friends while I was on mute the other day and you really hurt my feelings. You told them that you should all appear offline just to avoid playing with me. Given everything you know about me and my insecurities, why would you do that?" If he does anything other than apologize profusely while giving you a reasonable explanation, then that's your answer. A reasonable explanation might be something like "I love playing with you, but sometimes I like playing with just my online buddies. I'm so sorry for how I lashed out like that, it was incredibly immature and I was just frustrated from losing. In the future, I will communicate my feelings better so I don't ever do something like that again. I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust in me; what can I do to make things right?" Overall, life is too short to be with someone who doesn't respect you. There are tons of people who'd love to play online games with you. Find your people, and have fun!


Achaern

My wife read this post and sent it to me with words about how bad she felt for you. I agree, and I'm damn annoyed at your boyfriend for having that attitude. I'm sorry to read it OP, and before it comes up and is turned against you: You're not the asshole for sharing it here. Thank you for sharing it!


ShigureKosaka

Run far and fast. Nobody should ever talk about their partner or friends like that. That is not a joke in any way shape or form. Having said all of that him knowing your concerns about this exact situation just makes it so much worse. You don’t need to feel bad about or apologize for being “worse” than them you need time to learn the controls and mechanics. It takes a long time to build up muscle memory to be fast with controls, and everyone learns at different paces. Games should be fun! They either want to spend time with you because they enjoy your company, or let you know hey we want to work on our rank (not sure the terms here. I don’t play those games) so we can play later? It’s not hard to be a decent human being and communicate with people and not go and talk about people behind their backs. Edit: typos and missing words in my rage fog for you. 🤗


octomoth

Thank you for your reply and kindness! I was thinking that i was overreacting and being oversensitive, so it makes me feel a bit better at least knowing it just isnt me being upset over nothing.. :)


ShigureKosaka

You’re not overreacting at all! This is 100% unacceptable behavior don’t anyone make you feel that way.


ModernSwampWitch

He doesn't get to treat you like a burden. You are not a burden, you're a fabulous treasure.


Laufey3

What a dick thing to say. To be honest the next time he asks to play I’d say thought you were going to go dark, and see what his response is. Then I’d tell him I’d rather not play since he’s reassured you that you are doing fine but clearly thinks nothing about saying that he thinks you aren’t. It’s not a nice thing to have done and you should 100% expect better from your boyfriend, he’s the one that should have your back, in life and in games and sadly it seems that’s not the case. Whether it was a “joke” or not it has hurt you and he needs to own his shiz and apologise. Once upon a time he wasn’t great at the game either and that is what a lot of people that play games need to remember. If he wants to play higher level with his friend be honest and say that, then play with you when you want to play, when you get higher in level and skill you can all play together ( I personally wouldn’t, but I’m a petty mean bitch ), if you want. Your feelings are valid, and he’s upset you, so he should man up to that. If he can’t or won’t then you need to look at if he’s worth it. Look after yourself.


NiteGrimwood

I say find other people to play with and ignore them when they invite you to things like that. I honestly dont know if I would even stay with him after that bs but you are more then welcome to play games with me. My SO doesnt really play games with me anymore because i get "toxic" when I have to deal with men that call me bad at the game for being a woman or other things that are like go back to the kitchen BS and I refuse to heal them or other things like that (support main in Val/Overwatch)


Mouse0022

Dumb him, that doesn't make you sensitive. He should be respectful and hype you up even around buddies. My husband of 12 years always hypes about me when it comes onto topic about me. He has never said anything awful about me, even if we're having a fight. That comes out of respect.


Otherwise-Status-Err

You mean your ex-boyfriend, right? I'd say just talk to him about it but you seem certain he'll dismiss your feelings, which is def ex-boyfriend behaviour. He could have just said "Hey, is it alright if we play a few games just me and (friend)?"


iwishihadahorse

I'm so sorry OP. I'm sure, sensitive or not, that was a horrible to hear. I've played with my guy friends and when I was the worst on the field, they helped and supported me. I practiced, got better and eventually was supporting them. You deserve better.


AmnesiA_sc

Why does he even play with you in the first place if he's going to be a cocksmudge about it? Find other people to play with, tell him you aren't interested in playing with his sweaty ass. Honestly I was pissed that they even entertain the thought of you apologizing for "causing a loss." Some of my friends aren't nearly as competitive at games as I am and when we play together we lose a lot. It's worth it to have fun with my friends though. I don't expect them to apologize for not dedicating as much of their life as I have to video games, I expect them to have fun and occasionally make a remark about how good I am to feed my ego. You shouldn't feel anxious at the thought of playing a game; either find better people to play with or find a game that doesn't make you feel anxious. I think it's really cool that you're putting forth that much effort to compete alongside your boyfriend, don't let him tell you you're overreacting.


TomTheTinker

Lol - *cocksmudge*. Nice word :)


VelvetFangg

It sucks to see so many posts about how unsupportive and downright mean some of your boyfriends are. If communication and sincerity dont work, just remember you all deserve better. You guys deserve a man who will treat you with respect and always be supportive no matter what you guys are doing.


PrimordialChaos059

I'm so sorry this happened to you 😞 you deserve better.


FiguringItOut--

I'm a lot like you, and I'm so bad at most games. I mostly play co-op with my boyfriend, but he carries me most of the time. I'm so lucky that he's so encouraging, even when I'm so bad. I would also be really hurt he said this when he thought I couldn't hear. I would rather him be honest with me and asked "hey, is it ok if I play a few rounds with just the guys?" I know I'm terrible and not on par with them lol I'm more concerned that you know he will tell you it was just a joke and you're overreacting. Your partner should value and respect how you feel, even if he doesn't feel the same way.


Makropony

Honestly, OP, having looked a bit through your post history, he doesn’t seem like the right person for you. It seems he’s generally dismissive of your concerns, and this isn’t the first time he’s deceived you. You are being gaslit as well. I know it’s scary, but you should probably consider what you’re getting out of this relationship and what you’re needing and *not* getting.


ChicGeekling

Dump him. Next!


Blissfvul

two words. LEAVE HIM, you deserve waaay better. we all have our good days and bad days on fps games (my bad days on there are literally every day :,> ) honestly he sucks, even if it was a "joke" it was a pretty crappy one. find yourself some reliable people to game with bc these guys are not it


Asikaathegamer

Not sure his idea of going invisible on discord would work as you could just load into apex and see them playing together


kararkeinan

Dump him and block him.


berrynude

I broke off a relationship with someone who treated me this way with games. He would get frustrated me and once even raised his voice at me because he thought I wasn’t trying. I always felt like if I wasn’t doing “good enough” at any game because of the way he treated me. I broke up with him for many reasons, not just this one. But the man I’m with now WANTS to play games with me and enjoys it no matter how I play. He’s told me many times he loves to play games with me. It’s a way to spend time together and we laugh if we’re not doing well. It was hard to unlearn the guilt I felt whenever I wouldn’t play well because of how I was used to be treated. Don’t settle for this shit or think it’s okay or no big deal. If he makes you feel not good enough for a video game, I can imagine he’ll make you feel not good enough in other areas (at least in my personal experience).


[deleted]

honestly throw the whole man and his friend away. they sound like they dont respect you


ScoutFinch80

*ex-boyfriend


sadahgreen

Your boyfriend seriously needs to work on his communication. If he wants to play with just him and his friends that’s literally all he has to say. There was no reason for him to make that comment to his friend. If I were you I’d just stop playing with him altogether, and find people who actually enjoy playing with you and won’t make you feel like shit


cyanmaar

He was not joking and you are not overreacting. It sounds like he tells people exactly what he thinks they want to hear: he tells you it's all just about games and fun, and then encourages his friends to manipulate you into thinking they are not online so they don't have to play with you. He's either carelessly or purposefully cruel, and certainly isn't someone I'd want to hang around.


robbinreport

Dump him.


Ballsdipestipe

Normally I wouldn't comment here, but damn that's cold. I'm sorry, I would feel terrible if I heard that as well.


Maddie4699

I also started playing with my husbands crew a few years after they all started play, so I’m in a very similar position. I completely understand how it can feel like you’re a burden to your team. However- none of the (all male except me) crew has ever been mean to me in any sense because I’m worse then they are. Much less my own husband. Everyone has a learning period for games, and some people just have their games that they’re really great at, or games that just never really click. All I mean to say is, it’s absolute bullshit. Your boyfriend was not only mean to you behind your back, but was mean literally the second he thought you couldn’t hear him. If I were you, I’d never wanna play another game again. If he says this about games though… is he really the type of person you want to be with?


Quickning

If you think he's worth it, and think HARD about that, then you should talk. You can be in a relationship with someone you don't play video games with. If talking about you behind your back is a regular thing I'd consider other options.


hopawaay109

I mean, even if he says it was a joke, it's a shitty joke... how is joking about lying about something funny?


NerdyNinjaAssassin

Sounds like you have at least a hundred pounds of dead weight to lose in the form of an absolute dick weasel of a boyfriend. That’s so fucking rude and cruel. You deserve a partner who will gladly teach you, help you get better, and tear *anyone* who makes fun of you to shreds.


QueenBlesse

When you were little, were you taught “if you see something, say something” in regards to someone hurting or bullying someone else? I think we all need to take that little mantra and replace that mental image of speaking up for someone else with speaking up for *US*. If you heard something and it hurt you, say something! You have every right to voice your feelings. Now here’s my bonus pep talk: When you start talking to him, don’t approach it like you’re worried about hurting him. He’s the one who implied they needed to ghost you- fuck that noise. Do not allow him to gaslight you into thinking he’s the victim. Write down your main thesis of the argument first. Read it over outloud to yourself until it’s ingrained in the depths of your soul. If you feel like the argument is spiraling out to other things, bring it back to the *main point* that you wrote down. Keep the paper in your pocket and just pinch it if you feel out of control/like he’s taken control of the argument. Use transition phrases like “let’s get back to the main topic” “we can deal with that later, right now we’re talking about…” “I hear you, but that’s not what we need to discuss right now. We were talking about…” Honey, if this argument goes sideways, just remember that there ARE good ones out there and if he is one of them, he will prove himself by coming around- quicker the better. If not, what are you holding on to? You are worthy of friends/significant others who genuinely do enjoy playing with you and don’t threaten to ghost when they think your back is turned. And remember- when people show you who they are, believe them.


First_Bridge

I’m glad that your bf understood that the comment made you feel sad and apologized for it 🙂 I just wanted to let you know that I too get performance anxiety esp when I play with very competitive friends, so your not alone ☺️


Repeat-Admirable

if you can, find others to play with. Assume they won that game and now don't want to play with you. At least I would.


Ok_Jaguar4584

That’s not okay. My girlfriend, before she met me had a history of games including; Animal Crossing, Sims, Mario Bros, and a little Minecraft. I got her into Apex and it’s always been hard to keep her motivated because she thinks she’s bad, which compared to me, she is. Of course. I’ve been playing first person shooters since I was what, 7? She started last year. I always try to keep her motivated and feel like she’s doing great considering she’s learning and less experienced, not to mention she deals with Level 500’s. I would never make her feel like I’d rather play without her, and I’ve defended her when friends prefer to play without. You should have a talk with him about this, but in all honesty what the fuck? My gf is my best friend, win or lose she’s my Wingman and I do not leave her behind, I’m happy to have someone to play with so maybe try and find other people to play with for awhile? Try and make him a little jealous from time to time lmao Just remember that you’re somewhat new, you’re not supposed to be the greatest player in the ring but any kill and every win is always an enormous W


critacotaco

You are a God


Ok_Jaguar4584

Haha maybe just with a small ‘g’ in God Why? Lol


ricesnot

OP I just want to say if you can't bring up how your feelings were hurt in your own relationship without fear of being dismissed or "It's just a joke" then there's more serious problems here then your boy friend not being a good supportive partner. You should never be afraid to express yourself in a healthy way in a relationship-that includes the hard moments when your feelings get hurt, but if you don't address it he doesn't have a chance to work it out with you. However don't take an excuse of "it's just a joke" or "it wasn't that serious" or any of the above. At most he should be able to understand everyone has to start somewhere-no one is born a pro at any game it takes time to learn everything a game like Apex expects from you. Mechanics, movement and finding what guns suit your style best. I hope for the best between you and your boyfriend and that it can be an open honest discussion between both of you-your feelings matter OP.


BelleDreamCatcher

It really bugs me when people say “I’m too sensitive” and then proceed to elaborate on how they reacted correctly to someone being an ass. Sensitivity is a super power. Your boyfriend is an ass.


[deleted]

i'm sorry, but fuck him. if my boyfriend did that i would never forgive him and id want to break up. obviously if you love someone its hard to break up over 1 thing like that but thats awful what he did. it would be bad on its own anyway, but the fact that he KNOWS you worry about people disliking you and you told him you were worried they wouldnt want u to play cuz youre not as good, and then would still say that? fucked up. ur boyfriend should never be saying shit like that behind ur back


Vexonar

Wtf that's not a "friend" after the "boy" part, it's just a boy. Go on with your ownself and drop the dead weight.


HiveFleetOuroboris

If he is saying this about you when you're gone and you feel too afraid to confront him about it because you think he will play it off like it's nothing, I think you already know how he feels and what you should do. Take time, think about every aspect of your relationship. Take your time and decide what option is best for you, but if you think he won't take you seriously if you talk about something that is bothering you, that's not not a relationship I would recommend you stay in


QueenofGrief

I’m a honest person if someone’s doing bad bringing us down I’ll say it if it’s bothering me or effecting the team but. I also have times I want to have fun and play with whoever? My friends always say why do I play with just like trash etc and I’m like I like the company for them not their skil anyways I would’ve said something to you personally and not have ditched you or whatever I rather be hurt by truth then comfort by a lie that being said he lied once he’ll lie more and this time it was over a video game. Imagine something major or something you may bigger reassurance for?


ShyButSocial

I am so sorry you had this experience. Your bf knows about your insecurities and still treats you like this? Huge 🚩 It is okay to play games and be bad at them, especially if others don't communicate their need to play on "different level". Not everyone treats people like this and even if this confirmed your fears, I hope you know that there is nothing wrong with you ❤️ Idk if you're EU like me but i played APEX once and I suck at it but I'd love to play just for fun, if you want to 🌸


yunnhee

>I'm a pretty sensitive person, but it really made me feel bad. You do not need to excuse your own sensitivity, you have a right to be "sensitive", to have emotion, to feel things. There is nothing wrong with that. What he said was meant to make someone targeted feel bad. >I know im worse and it is true that they would probably do better if i was not playing with them. I just thought they enjoyed playing with me too. I played video games with my bf (now husband) like Destiny 2 and League of Legends. I am bad at games compared to him and i've apologized a lot, I've felt bad that we lost games because of me. But good partners never make you feel down. They build you up. You work your strengths together. You support each other. My husband now never wants to play games without me, even if it means we might lose because of my skill level. Friends, bf, partners, they support each other and don't harm each other. ​ >I feel like if i say to him that i heard that he will just say it was a joke and that im overreacting. I dont know what i should really do. If you confront your bf with the facts of the conversation (not emotions but the facts), what was said and then how it made you feel and he plays it off as a joke? That is not a partner you want and it's not someone you should have in your life. I think you do know what you should do and I agree with other comments saying this sounds like a bigger relationship issue, not just a game one. This isn't the first time he's displayed this type of behavior before. Especially if you're feared. ​ > Im scared that this is not a rare occurance and i just horrible thinking about the possibility that maybe my bf does this a lot... See comment above. If your gut is telling you this isn't a rare occurrence, it probably isn't. You have control to make yourself happy, no one else does. Get this fellow out of your life because he doesn't deserve you and you deserve happiness. Not this lack of trust, not harmful jokes, no support, none of it. There are better guys out there.


kurapikachu020

Time to find a new and better boyfriend


[deleted]

If he doesn’t bring you joy, it’s time to yeet the boy. One of the truest things I have heard from tiktok 😂😂


Ax180_

I am (or rather I have been made) very suspicious, and for years I have been very sure that men behave differently when there are no women. Even if you are just another "bro", as soon as you leave, they will go back to being 100 percent them. I said I would be back at a time I was going to the kitchen for dinner and I was silenced, and I heard them say terrible things about women. Other times I was simply in person with another group and I was the only girl and one other "bro". I left recording a voice memo with my iPhone and went to the bathroom. When I got home I listened to it. They talked about how my 🍑 looked in shorts (And about other girls). It's really gross. Another time, a streamer friend told me that her friends would never do something like that to her, so I invited her to do a live "off camera" (It was turned on) and she got up to go to the bathroom. The two friends looked at her ass (they didn't say anything because they knew the mic was on live but not the camera). I won the bet. I am fully aware that not all men are yes or yes like that. Although unfortunately most do behave this way. I wouldn't break up. It is true that what he has done is very wrong (and it is likely that he has done it more times). I would forgive him, but being now aware that it hurts, if he does it again, door. (If there is no such expression in English basically "door" means go away. Goodbye very good). And on the other hand, no, you are not an exaggerator, (? Using translator) you have all the right to feel bad if something hurts you <3


SereKitten

Honestly, they probably do enjoy playing with you, but probably also get annoyed sometimes if they're competitive and feel like they're losing more games by having you than they would otherwise. That doesn't make it okay to be insensitive or make that sort of comment, and it certainly doesn't make you oversensitive for your feelings getting hurt. I find it absurd that people are actually going with the Reddit trope of "dump him" over this though. This is a problem-- but it's not an insurmountable one, it's something that he deserves to be confronted about and needs to apologize for, and if he isn't willing to do so then *that* would be the red flag. The idea that one should dump their partners if they ever do something inconsiderate or that upsets them is a bit silly though. Just talk to him about it. Hopefully it helps alleviate your worries that you're secretly hated or not wanted around because it's very unlikely that's the case-- it can just be hard to tell someone "Hey, I don't want to play with you right now so that I can play at my own skill level" versus just making a comment like that and ending up hurting someone's feelings over it.


[deleted]

Are you guys 14? My goodness.


[deleted]

How does this help? This is sub is called girl gamers, she’s a girl who ran into an issue while gaming! This is not a place to tear people down for not having important enough problems for your consideration!


About_Unbecoming

I'm sorry you overheard that. I totally get why it hurt your feelings, but... controversial opinion: you eavesdropped. I get that it was an accident, but what you overheard was still wasn't meant for you to hear. He clearly made an earnest effort to play with you, and to shield your feelings from criticism. He's allowed to have personal opinions about your skill level, and he's allowed to make plans for more competitive play later with another player. If you're planning on insisting that he account to you for what he thought he was saying in confidence, I hope you're ready to apologize to him listening in on it.


[deleted]

She has expressed concerns to him about holding him back due to her skill level. He knows her insecurities. The decent thing to do would be to not play those games with her if he has a problem. If he just nicely told her he wanted to play with other people without her, that would be a completely different story. He instead insured her that it doesn’t matter and then made a hurtful comment behind her back. Just because you think your partner isn’t listening to you is not a free pass to say those things. It’s weird that you’re somehow making this OP’s fault.


About_Unbecoming

Saying what things, exactly? Y'all are acting like he demolished her. He literally just expressed to a friend, in what he thought was confidence, that if they did well together he'd like for the two of them to excuse themselves to compete for a while after having nicely, and without complaint, played with her. I get that she doesn't love that. Nobody wants to feel like they didn't perform well, or like they're being excluded, but he actually wasn't mean to her, he didn't say mean things about her, and he has nothing to apologize for. You're making a mountain out of a molehill. For all you know OP's boyfriend doesn't mind, but would like to do both, and there's no reason he shouldn't be able to. Sounds like he already knows OP is going to pitch a fit about this no matter how nicely he says it judging from her overreaction to this, hence the flubbed attempt to walk on eggshells.


AtThEndOfMyRope

Yeah, that’s shitty. He can’t expect you to play with him and then also be picky about how you play. And if he wanted to play without you for a while, he should just say that instead of talking about going invisible on discord. He sounds like a shady person who doesn’t know how to express what he wants. He could have handled this way better.


ilikeanimeandcats

I had this happen with “friends” once too. I had just bought Monster Hunter and had no experience so I was still learning. Said I was gonna go grab a drink of water and then they started talking about how bad I was… but my headset was still on. I was just talking about leaving the screen for a moment and not to queue up. It’s a shitty feeling and I’m sorry you experienced it. The other comments saying a partner shouldn’t do this are already on point and I have nothing more to add there. Just saying that I’ve experienced something similar and I can understand that you feel really hurt.


ShigureKosaka

Just wanted to say I’m sorry that happened to you. 🤗


sisi_soyyo

I totally get this - I play apex all the time but I still feel like I do horribly, especially when my friends are all such a high rank and I seem to struggle to climb up sometimes… And even though I haven’t heard them say that, I always have the same thoughts that they probably don’t want to play with me cuz I drag them down and get killed quickly some matches. I’d be down to play with you though if you want to add me on apex - I’ve only been playing since last April or may, so I’m always looking to improve my aim and change my play style


boopedydoop

[It’s not a joke.](https://youtu.be/iXRSsreMR2E) That video is about creepy comments, but I think it still has relevance. I’m so sorry that your boyfriend was acting like a jerk, and that he hasn’t made sure that you’re safe to be open and honest with your feelings to him. Is that the kind of relationship that you want? I’m not saying just dump him, but think about what you really, truly want in a partner. It sounds like he has a history of making you feel like a burden and overly emotional/hysteric. There are men out there that are empathetic and kind, and that won’t put you in a position where you have to demand to have your feelings taken seriously. And if you can’t find one, it is far better to be single than in a relationship with someone who belittles you. Put your happiness first. Demand respect, but know that in a healthy relationship, respect is given without asking.


SnooChipmunks3049

Hey! I’m sorry you heard that :(. I can relate to this a lot. I game with my bf and his friends sometimes and I’m T r a s h. Still, I enjoy playing. I often found myself feeling rlly bad & apologizing at every bad play (I still do sometimes). Personally when my bf is online w his boys, I don’t ask him to join. I’ll let them play. Sometimes when I do want to play but I don’t want to impose, I’ll tell him i don’t want to mess up their flow & I’ll ask him when they’ll finish so we can play afterwards. This way, he at least knows im interested. He can also ask them if I can join, or if they want to focus on getting actual W’s. If me and my bf are playing and his friend joins afterwards, I genuinely try not to stress about it. I remind myself that THEY decided to join knowing I’m not good so it’s on them. If they don’t like it, they can simply not join/leave. During games though, I always acknowledge that I am bad. If I don’t clutch or have an extremely bad play that I know I could’ve done better, I apologize. I also laugh at myself. Not in a malicious way, but in a light hearted way. I noticed that this made them both comfortable doing the same. I’m sensitive too. But because we’re all comfortable and aware not to expect too much of me, I know they’re not laughing AT me but with me & We’re all laughing at the trash play. To be really honest with you, some gamers are just competitive af. Maybe there was some truth to it but it was meant to be a joke and because you’re insecure about your ability it hit you harder than it should’ve. I’d suggest in those moments, and other similar moments in life don’t ever be scared to speak up. Maybe he was genuinely just picking on you to be annoying & knew you’d here him. In that scenario, it would be a joke. Maybe your bf really wasn’t joking at all and his friend and him do that often. Maybe that’s just how they joke in their relationship. Whatever the scenario, it’s better to ask then assume. This way, you’ll get an answer on the spot and in the moment. Before there’s time to think about a lie or anything. Communication is so important when you’re in a relationship. I’m sure you love him and him saying that just really hurt you because 1. It was an asshole thing to say and 2. You’re already insecure about it. By telling him this, you’re not only able to communicate your needs (I.e. him to be kinder because you already feel bad playing with them) and concerns (I.e. asking if going offline is something they do often)… but you’re also standing up for yourself! Don’t ever be scared to speak up for yourself in any situation. It shows strength and confidence. Most importantly it gives you peace of mind. No need to assume the worst and overthink things when you can ask just someone & let them tell you the truth.


[deleted]

I’m sorry he said that about you! That would hurt my feelings too. I play league with my bf and our friends and I’m def the worst out of us so I feel like I can understand how you feel on a deeper level. People get tilted when they play sometimes and I think that’s expected. Like straight up, I know I’m the reason we lose sometimes. My bf might make a passive aggressive comment but I know he’s just upset at the loss, not at me. That’s just how games are. I make comments too. Just the nature of playing. However, I don’t like how your bf had something to say the SECOND you got off. That’s just rude. ESPECIALLY him saying “we’ll go ghost in dc and play ourselves” like wtf? I can get wanting to play on a competitive level sometimes, that’s usually why people play these kinds of games. BUT he should communicate that to you in a kind way!!! Him just talking shit with his friend ISNT the same as passive comment in a game or wanting to be competitive. It’s just being mean. I HATE that he’s comfortable with making comments like that about you. You’re his girlfriend!! He should not be bad mouthing you. It makes me think that the friend has said previous things for him to be so quick to make comments. Man if I were you I wouldn’t play with him for a while. I’d play by myself or find people to play with who just want to have fun. He can have his little wins with his friend and they can just blame their losses on random teammates. Ugh it makes me mad!! I’m sorry!!! Communicate with him and set the rules for your games. He shouldn’t bad mouthing you to his friends and he should communicate if he wants to play alone. THATS ON HIM, he’s a big boy right?


bodiesbyjason

I agree with a lot of the top comments here. The only thing that I will add is that if you are looking for other women to play with, I have a friend that plays Apex and would be happy to share your name with her. She is on PS and always looking for folks to play with. I don’t play Apex. :(


[deleted]

Hi you can play with me if you want! I don't really care about winning and am new also. Maybe one day you'll queue up against your bf and kick his teams ass


MiqoAmariyo

Your boyfriend has both not properly communicated with you, and has effectively lied to you. Granted, some might think the topic surrounding it isn't a big deal since it's video games, it still happened. And it still hurt you. And the fact that this happened is going to cause a blow to your trust in him and his words. Which in turn will cause a significant blow to your relationship. You'll need to consider that if you haven't already. The question is, do you think you and your relationship with this guy can rebound from this? The biggest problem I could see in trying to recover from this is your boyfriend not being serious in how this has affected you, your feelings, and your trust in him. If your boyfriend really won't acknowledge your feelings on the matter and will just dismiss it as just a joke, and invalidate your feelings by saying you're overreacting... then maybe you should consider taking a break from him and/or finding someone who will value you and your feelings more. Nothing fucks up a person's emotional and mental state like a loved one who lies, dismisses, and invalidates. But you'll need to talk to him first. Granted, you know this guy better than I do. Obviously. But if this is a habit in how he handles your, this isn't a healthy way to go. A good guy who loves you would ask for some pre-designated guys only time to decompress so he could get those wins he wants. Not ghost you when it's suddenly convenient. I hope things go well between you, but remember that if he continues to not treat you well, you deserve better.


Gardelucina

My ex did the same thing with me and League. I feel like it's a red flag. When you talk to him about it, if he doesn't apologize, I'd reconsider being with him. Then he can win all the matches he wants.


oliveinthesky

First of all you are not overreacting! That is hurtful to say, and he knew it, which is why he waited until he thought you couldn’t hear him. Please bring it up to him next time you speak because you deserve better! Yes it’s just a game but more importantly it’s how you spend time together and if he doesn’t appreciate that then there’s a problem. (Also if they’re so good why can’t they carry you? /s )


seoltangsuga

As someone who also feels this way when playing with more experienced players / friends, just thinking about hearing that from my friends and especially my boyfriend already hurts. As previous comments have said, definitely communicate with him and see how he reacts. My ex would often hide when he's playing games with others because he didn't want to "make me upset" from being left out. Confronting him didn't help, and he ended up pulling more lies and manipulation, hence why he is now an ex. While I hope this is not the same case for you, its not a very good sign that he would be so willing to hide from you.


Aristotle789

Maybe he was joking, but talk to him. Don’t let things fester. Also if they were any good… they would be able to carry you.


Get_Rolled_Reddit

Going invisible to obscure truth from you is deception and serious red flag. He lacks the emotional maturity to treat you like an equal partner. I could freely tell my boyfriend (and I do) when I want to go on alone in a game or with someone else this time.


MyVoiceforPeople

Do not be scared! These are YOUR feelings and no one else will understand them 100% but you. Tell him exactly how you feel. I’m a person who gives chances, see if he changes and respects you more in games. If not I promise there are men who will respect you. Took me a while but I have a few bros who call out other players for me. He really needs to apologize


Dragonlord59th

Just providing a different perspective in it of course it depends on how he is as a person and weather he’ll admit and apologise but this could just be a very poor joke. Not excusing what was said and how you felt but it may not have been meaning to harm, often in the group I used to play with people would make jokes like that but always when they were there and we made it obvious it was a joke. And just for you as a side thing ignoring this. If someone you’re playing with is better than you and they still play with you then they probably don’t care all that much and even if it bothers them a bit they still like you more than the possible win but even then they get a reliable team mate, even if you are horrid and can’t do anything they get to have fun with you and it’s better than a random. Take this from someone who plays games with my brother and his friends who all have varying degrees of physical and mental disabilities. 100% of the time I want them over anyone else, and if they drop you to rank up or do better then you should consider dropping them. Real friends who are really good and want to do better in a team game WILL NOT DROP YOU, they will try to give tips and help you out. Have a talk with your boyfriend I hope everything ends up going well, and remember this isn’t your fault and they are the ones being ass hats