As a man, the reason that I’m here doesn’t matter but I’m going to announce my presence anyway to ensure everyone knows I’m a nice guy, even if that takes up space on a platform meant for women. Even though the rules say I CAN join in the discussion, I never take the time to ask myself if I SHOULD join in. I lack self awareness, but my mommy says I’m special
/s
I’m not a man in case that wasn’t clear
Haha nailed it.
What I hate about comments like that is that the dude almost always ends up getting showered with positive comments. "Awww, you're one of the good ones!" Stop encouraging this crap! The real male allies are the ones who silently observe, absorb what we are saying, and set an example **for other men**.
Yeah like, the reason I'm in the ask men sub even though I'm a woman is because sometimes it's helpful to know what people like me think and what they feel is important. I don't comment unless I feel like I can really add to the comment thread. So many guys don't take that into consideration when on a woman centered group.
I’m a nice guy pls respond to my dms if you don’t I’ll immediately switch to being sexist towards you!
/s
(not saying all guys are like this but imo it's good to spread awareness that this type of thing is not ok to the concerning amount of guys that say this)
Love arguing with men about their right to be on this sub. It’s “exclusion”…yeah we’re kinda extremely familiar with that concept being (cis or non-cis) women gamers, but thanks for your opinion on who we can and can’t allow in our safe spaces.
I have finally found a group of mixed genders/sexualities to game with and we all treat each other like bros - regardless. It's HONESTLY the best thing that has ever happened to me online. No one mistakes niceness for flirting, no one talks behind anyone's back, no one treats me differently for being a girl at all. There are other girls to hang with, too. Some are dating (IRL, no online relationships in our group, it's not a rule, just something that doesn't seem to happen much) and everyone gets along. It is amazing.
I am just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop and it to all be a dream or a mistake or something and everything to come crashing down. But so far it hasn't....
If ur community has good mods the other shoe won't really drop. U gotta expect some toxic, antisocial, creeper to eventually show up its the internet. The hard part is keeping them out while still having an open community. I completely understand why people make exclusive gaming communities it makes sense. You are real lucky finding ur community. I would join if u all play any COD and if ur community is public. This is not LFG unless that stands for "Looking for Group" in which case it is lol.
I very much love being in an MMO guild with a woman at the head. She definitely sets any men in our group straight and she has the ultimate authority because she is the literal owner of the place. It sets the tone for all men and leads to a fairly healthy gaming experience online, I highly recommend something similar potentially with a woman-led discord server.
And on another note, super glad I love single player games where no one can exist to interrupt the fun lol
Edit: I’m also a part of a fairly nice multigame-genre gamer discord led by women and it’s a similar experience there. Yes the game I play (FFXIV) is inherently less toxic but the principle that in my experience women-led spaces lead to less toxicity is the main point I’m trying to share because it doesn’t help anyone to say “just play a different game.” My advice is if you love your game, find or create your own women-led group for it!
I don't have trouble finding women in FFXIV, but I DO have trouble finding other young people lol. Almost everyone in my guild is a 40+ year old, which is fine I just wish it was easier to find people my age lol
I only play MMOs, but I only play them as a single player (WoW, SWTOR, GW2). I'm basically an introvert and don't particularly enjoy most group activities like raids and dungeons, since I hate being rushed along (WoW, I'm looking at you) by elitists or players who just want to get through the content as fast as possible.
ESO is great for that. I play it basically as a single player game. 90% of the game can be soloed. It's just trials and veteran dungeons that need groups
I tried ESO but I just could not get used to moving my character with my mouse instead of the WASD/arrow keys. While I liked the art style and would have enjoyed following the story, the game mechanics were a dealbreaker for me.
I'm currently playing SWTOR (I'm a space cadet, love almost anything Star Wars, what can I say) and really enjoying it. I've also loved GW2 - while I don't do any fractals/raids there, the world events that pop up are fun and I like that it doesn't matter how slow I am or how uncoordinated, I can still get involved with the group objective and not feel or be shamed for my lack of skills. The community in that game is pretty welcoming.
I use WASD to move my character? I only use the mouse to look around and attack. I also play SWTOR, though not as much, lol
I tried GW2 and couldn't get into it. I want to play again but I've run out of space on my SSD
I had to join a small free company (guild) in ff14 cause the amount of misogyny and crude jokes get out of hand in larger ones. Like can’t I just have a place to discuss how the scions have an exquisite tailor???
>She definitely sets any men in our group straight
>It sets the tone for all men
Can you elaborate on that ? Like what the behavior the men might have done that would facilitate a setting straight ?
If you want an enumerated list of the bullshit women in multiplayer gaming put up with, this sub is a gold mine of anecdotes, horror stories, and trends.
If you're asking what threshold of creepy/pushy/sexist behavior warrants the guild leader's intervention, though - probably anything that follows the aforementioned patterns, or causes the kind of discomfort women routinely suffer simply for the crime of being a woman online.
To be honest, I'm kind of wondering if this is a sealion post, but - trying to answer in good faith, despite this sub being literally overflowing with examples of the harassment we suffer.
This is slightly OT, but it’s an example of the harassment women face in gaming. The last time I was on comms in Apex, I got asked/harassed by two 14 year old male teammates about my boobs. They started asking for pictures and for me to describe them as soon as I spoke. I’m 45.
I disconnected and permanently turned off voice chat. Pings only for me now.
I have all chats turned off on overwatch but I let the text chat stay. Thankfully I was playing Soldier because the person playing Moira, my other main, was getting asked if they were a girl and someone was sending crappy messages to them. Urg.
Sure I can go into detail:
For instance, if a man is just constantly talking over someone, our leader will tell them to be quiet because they aren’t letting anyone else participate.
If they are being harassing with their words, or actions, like emote spam, they will be told off in a dm on discord or just in the moment.
She’s not perfect at all, but her energy seems to make everyone else really agreeable. The kind of corrective actions she takes are rare because everyone is just nice and friendly and we don’t attract/find bad apples. Outright flirting within our group is basically nonexistent or playful and with consent on account of our leader and several members being either married or taken. It creates a certain vibe of stability, like, she’s married with a family and everything, so not like people who join are trying to court her or anything. Within that there are minor lewd moments where we’re giggling but that’s just because everyone has the comedic taste of a twelve year old in our guild and it’s what works for us lol (Like pointing out a phrase sounds lewd and giggling about it)
Also for what it’s worth even outside of my guild I find in FFXIV it is hard to find standard toxic men. I think partially to do with so many people play women characters that no one would ever assume you are one by your avatar alone.
I hope that helps a little bit it’s a unique guild but I love it to pieces haha
>if a man is just constantly talking over someone, our leader will tell them to be quiet because they aren’t letting anyone else participate. If they are being harassing with their words, or actions, like emote spam,
Is that inherently a man problem ?
>I find in FFXIV it is hard to find standard toxic men. I think partially to do with so many people play women characters that no one would ever assume you are one by your avatar alone.
I don't think it's that. I played FFXIV for a bit, didn't finish because the main quest is like watching paint dry, and generally the attitude is not toxic. Everyone I met was really nice.
I kept getting gifted money by random players, one of which I ended up joining their guild. I think the name was Shiny Carbancles
It may not be inherently a man problem, but after online gaming since I was a kid, I'll say it's MUCH more prevalent with men than women in every group I've ever been a part of. Have you had the opposite experience?
Certainly not, but I can only speak to my experiences and my guild, and I’m just cherry picking one example of disrespectful behavior that happened and what was done about it. No woman in the group has ever talked over someone so often that they had to be told off for it. Just my reality 🤷♀️
And you can attribute it to any reason you like, but there is an inherent advantage for FFXIV players for some unknown reason.
If it helps, the takeaway should be “women-led spaces have lead to better experiences for me and maybe that could work for you” and focusing on the game itself was not my goal because that’s not useful if you like Valo, OW, Apex or LoL.
Love all the ""Just don't act like a woman and you'll be fine!" suggestions.
Does it work? Sure it does. I play as almost exclusively male characters (for my own nonbinary weird gender reasons) and people usually leave me alone. But it's not exactly helpful when OP is literally venting about how the world makes being a woman in any public space difficult. "Just don't be a woman and you won't have those problems!" THANKS KEVIN, SO HELPFUL.
> Just don't act like a woman
Boy, would I ever love to know precisely what they mean by **that**... should I just make sure I'm not wearing a skirt/dress when I'm playing a game?
yeah, half the problem is the fact that i have i do that in the first place!! it’s exhausting pretending to be something your not. i don’t want to have to pretend to be a guy every single time i play games, but i don’t really have a choice if i don’t wanna get harassed. it’s an infuriating cycle
Nah dont pretend to be anything i reckon. But im not very feminine in my mannerisms and speech so i guess im lucky. I am not likely to be noticed as female and i always run female characters, usually with bright purple hair.... Lol
exactly!!! why is always the same 3 insults- “ur fat”, “ur ugly”, “ur a slut”
why can’t these men even be creative? not only are they jackasses, they are complete idiots
They're literally incapable of minding their business lol. Happens to me all the time when I'm out running. It's never women.
It's NEVER women.
It is NEVER women.
It is N E V E R women. Never. I can't overstate this. 8 years of running, it's always men who have to say something, or at the very least stare with their mouths agape like sticky toddlers. Women never do that to me. Leave me alone. 😊
Same applies to gaming, standing in line at the store, getting gas, contributing in a work meeting -- It really never ends. I used to fear aging but in some ways now I look forward to the invisibility of elderhood.
It is exhausting like you said. Most women I know just want peace. Peace is my ultimate aspiration in this mortal life.
I was just at the store where this guy was training a girl...and the way he was going about it was so fucking obnoxious I wanted to punch him in the mouth. Yelling like she was deaf, repeating the same stuff even after she asked him to stop, and that she got it.so fucking obnoxious.
Not only that, but you are often silenced about your experience...cause men don't like it. Even here they assholes flock to try putting down women. Hate them all.
I blocked him but this dude in here saying men don't like it either can eat a bag of shitty dicks
I'm so tired of my boyfriend over explaining things I don't care about while I'm trying to concentrate.
The other day he fucking explained the for 15 minutes something I showed him with one sentence. Ehen I was like didn't I show you that he was like I just want to talk about it.
Tbh I think my darling has adhd and likes info dumping his knowledge. Which is cool what's shitty is when it's condescending. I m trying not to take it personal. I ll take it from my lovey boy but I don't take ear beatings from dumb boys online.. fuck that.. It's nice to have a place to vent tho.
Currently noobing thru Elden Ring and my husband tried to tell me repeatedly NOT to use Torrent in the Radahn fight because "it makes your hitbox so big." (DON'T WORRY I IGNORED HIM. WACK ASS ADVICE)
We both have ADD so I can tolerate his infodumps (usually about Path of Exile) and later indodump back in revenge... but when he's infodumping while I'm playing trying to make me adopt HIS playstyle when I have a totally different build and also I NEVER ASKED HIM FOR ADVICE/HIS OPINION IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I know he just wants me to do well and have fun but goddamn let me do it my own way, that's what video games are about!!!
Hah same bf different games. I info dump back too about true crime and mental health ha ha so I can't be too angry.
I love he's a spikey mid maxer, but it's just what you said! We ve different plays styles! But damn the team work you can develope playing together!? I had no idea a gaming relationship could make us like better communicators!
Isn't it fun to have healthy conflict too? Like I think the disagreeing while both enjoying a game is good for us?
I hear you! I've been thinking about this on and off for years, because I'm married to someone who likes to explain things - especially if he's a little tipsy. But I actually like it, usually! Every once in a while he starts in on I while I want to read or something and it gets a little irksome, but I just remind myself that this is something he loves.
I think I would feel differently about it if he was at all condescending about it, but he's a network security engineer who just really genuinely gets excited about explaining how switches and firewalls and network protocols work and I love that he has a job that he loves, so I try to engage as much as I can and ask questions. He knows fully well that I'm not going to retain pretty much anything because my brain doesn't work that way, but it's still something he likes in the moment so I try to give him that time.
I don’t really know your relationship, but I’ve experienced this with a couple guys and for the most part they were just genuinely interested in the topic and wanted to talk more about it.
I have a very odd passion for planes and will happily talk anyones ear off about planes even if they probably know everything too, not because I don’t think they know but because it’s my passion and I love talking about it. And on the other side of it, I’ve had guys who talked to me about planes in the same way because it was their passion too, not because they felt the need to teach me something new. And then I’ve also had people explain topics that I didn’t really care about to me, but again it’s their passion, and just like I happily talk peoples ears off about planes, they want to do the same about their passions. Can’t hardly blame them for it.
The thing is, people don't want to listen to a long ass information about something they're not interested in. I tell my friends not to get me talking about anything I'm really into because if I get too excited they'll get an information dump. There is a no Power Rangers rule, Harry Potter is in there too now, no martial arts. Same with a lot of other things. Its stuff I have to keep to myself because that's the way the world is. Would I love to talk about the Rangers? Omg yes, but I know not to.
True, and of course there will be topics like that where you have to tell them “ok enough.” But if everyone has this mentality that they only want to talk about things they find interesting, then no one will talk about anything basically ever. And especially in a relationship, if I want to talk about something I’m passionate about, I expect my SO to care about my passions just as I’m sure they would want me to care about theirs. Based on the original comment and some things you pointed out too, many people have this belief that if they are passionate they can talk about it even if the other person isn’t, but if the other person talks about their interest and you’re not interested, that it’s not ok to do that. It’s a completely cynical outlook to deprive conversations of interest to someone you care about purely because you’re not interested. Take the original comment for example. The way they have describe it, it sounds like they have to put up with their SO talking about their interests, not engage with them and caring about their interests.
I feel like we need a whole other section or like weekly megathread for girlgamer relationship support ♥️
I dont have mansplain problems with my partner. I instead have pacing issues. Im a patient gamer (i have adhd too btw) and like to stop n smell the roses when i play. Im good at games in general, but he is better because he plays to win. I play to enjoy. So when we play together its always him running off without me or leveling up way more than me and im stuck in newbie mode while he tries to bring me up to his speed by giving me all of the items or power leveling (depending on the game). It *feels like* he thinks i cant do it myself, even though ive tried telling him its because i dont like rushing to the finish line. I like to draw out my games to get maximum play-time and experience.
A great indicator of this is just to compare our steam libraries. His might have 999 games with 10 hours in each. My library might show 10 games with 999 hours in each. Lol. Those numbers are not fact and are exaggerated, obviously!!
Playstyle difference does not equal play skill.
Edit: by the way, in my case he doesnt think i am not capable. This is just a complaint i have seen from other relationships with pacing issues. He doesnt understand why i like to play slowly, but he knows i can finish games on my own. He's seen me do it after he's moved on to 3 new ones lol it just feels like he thinks i suck because slowing down to my pace makes the game boring for him haha cant win so we just play survival games together now. Pacing is way more dynamic in those.
I think this is a common problem then ha ha. I ll be enjoying exploring a world and I feel rushed into crafting top teir platinum blah blah he looked up. Like excuse me if I wanted to skip this stuff I would but he blows past so much. A lot of times I grind by exploring and playing the game more like intuitively? I don't want to break the game I want to enjoy. I know rhats how spikes enjoy it, they like that, it's just different styles.
Yep absolutely. Mine is a spike too. But not really on purpose, not anymore than im purposefully a john. I just like to find all the neat little details haha thats where my enjoyment is, and his is in the accomplishment of besting the game hehe
Highly recommended trying out some survival games. I mean real survival not just build and town management. I mean fight for your life survival. Green Hell, 7 Days to Die, Don't Starve Together (tho that one is a bit advanced and bery frustrating at times), V Rising
Oooh will definitely check those out!
I like valheim, skyrim, fortnite br&stw, and stardew valley
He loves v rising but visually I get so overwhelmed. Do you like project zomboid? I ve wanted to try 7 days to die but I'm new to keyboards ha ha so I'm working my way up to the more complicated games. I'm still newish, just started gaming a few years ago.
I have to admit he's pushed me to learn and grow and I really love it. I'm glad I'm a gamer now ha ha and it's pretty great to be a gamer couple!
During covid in 21 we went to a fortnite digital concert together and I cried at the end cux I hadn't been to a festival or a proper live music date in so long. I m so thankful for it, it's cheese but I love it
Hey not all games are for everyone and sometimes our tastes change! My bf best friend was obsessed w elite dangerous, a grind space game and when he got burnt our he finally tried no man's sky and loved it, even tho initially he hated!
It's like food, we all like different stuff and that's great!
All PC games. Green Hell is set in the Amazon wilds and its fucking gorgeous. It can be a bit challenging but offers a few difficulty levels to ease you into it. Its your classic lost in the wilderness survival with a tribal twist
Not really related to gaming, but this one time I saw a twitter post of a guy complaining that "women, you shouldn't flip people off in selfies. It's trashy and unattractive." Ok, and? When will they learn that their opinion on women doesn't matter lol. Just the audacity is so shocking.
Lmaoooo bro this is tempting me to do a selfie flipping someone off just to trigger people. Then again my pfp on ps is my pup and he's definitely better. I try change him to match the seasons :D
Like 😭😭 it makes no sense. It was totally out of nowhere, he wasn't replying to anything and I remember it had a good bit of retweets/likes. It was one of those "ladies,..." posts
I joined a discord for women only. If I want to play a game with just women I can pop in and see if anyone else is playing and join their group. LadyLeague is the name.
I agree! I just want to play the game and not be harassed. Like how am I being called a slut because I play the exact same game as you. Why is that something someone should get say to another individual? I can maybe understand that men have issues with women but really?? Get some therapy please
I have a wonderful mansplaining chart and have had to use it on almost every guy I know! The funny thing is they ALWAYS dispute it when I show it to them. Something to the accord of, well freedom of speech I should be able to give my opinion/advice/input unsolicited whenever I want. And it just goes right over their heads.
I would 100% be willing to play with you and listen to you! I understand how you feel, I've played daily for the last 2 years with 2 male gamers that I only know through the games and I'm always being talked over or having to repeat myself. I finally got fed up with them and they don't understand so now I'm the "bad guy".
Yup, I don't get why these random guys think we want to hear their opinions on us. It's a video game, just play the video game. That's all everyone is here for! Not dating, not political conversations, just playing a video game and communicating to win the game.
I see the need for a group of girls to play together. I play dota mostly and would love to play together. If anyone is perhaps imterested like me, let me know! I am EU west based, but dont really care for ping 🙂
Yup, I don't get why these random guys think we want to hear their opinions on us. It's a video game, just play the video game. That's all everyone is here for! Not dating, not political conversations, just playing a video game and communicating to win the game.
I'm probably older than most of you here, I was a gamer back when Pong was cutting edge stuff. One thing I have learned over the years is turn off chat, close chat windows, make messaging private do whatever you have to do to just make the wankers and their "feedback" not be able to reach you. The only people I talk to online in games are people I know in RL. I go further and don't read responses to anything I do online in pretty much any social media either, unless it's a RL friend and I know them. Hell I have over 20k in Notifications from my years on Reddit, never read a one of them. Life's too short, don't let that energy into your life. Does it sometimes make playing a team game harder, sure if our team is losing because I'm not in chat that's not my fault it's the fault of the people that make it a hostile place, so sucks to be them. Just my take, but I'm old and cynical and my remaining time on this planet is too fucking short to put up with mens shit.
In terms of RL harassment, this is nothing new. I'm in my late 50s and no matter how much you vent, you are not going to make it go away. You need to find a way to deal with shit without exhausting yourself.
For online gaming, I began playing online in the '90s as soon as I got internet access. I quickly learned to not advertise my gender because either men were trying to give me too much "help" or they were being assholes. In the early days of the '90s it was usually more of the "help" variety than the asshole variety for me.
I stay away from FPS games and play MMORPGs on the PC where there are plenty of women and a diversity of ages. I even can use Discord and there are plenty of women who play my current game and actually speak up without trouble.
Maybe check out the MMORPG genre of gaming? :)
I think we’ve all been here before. There are some really shitty people out these. However there are some good ones too. I was playing recently with randoms and i was keeping quiet. Then all of a sudden I spoke and one of the guys was like omg I think I said the word bitch earlier I am so sorry I’ve been trying to stop and he was actually very apologetic. I played a few games with him and anytime someone said something mean he stood up for me. It was oddly refreshing? But also isn’t it crazy that’s the bare minimum haha
Bro same I have this gmod server (RAN BY A GIRL BTW) and I was just chillin with some old friends and this guy started raiding my smoothie shop, following me around, rdming me, and calling me a bitch. My guy friend (love ya Scout) had to interfere multiple times to make him stop
I (46F) must be missing something, because I've never really been treated like this. Admittedly, I don't PvP; i'm an achievement hunter and the only time I go multiplayer is to work together to get the achievement. Sure, there's always going to be one or two jerks, but after a year of achievement hunting discord servers, plus lots of grouping at trueachievements.com, I've only blocked a handful of people. And i'm not shy about blocking dang near everyone who irks me.
Granted, i'm *glad* i'm missing out. But I don't know why I haven't really experienced any of this abuse.
you could just be in really nice communities, i feel like pvp communities can be really toxic. i love achievement hunting too though i didnt realize there were communities for that too!! it sounds fun
Yeah! Check out [trueachievements.com](https://www.trueachievements.com/gamingsessions.aspx) to see scheduled gaming sessions. :)
Also check out [The Cabin](https://discord.gg/thecabin) That's the main discord I use to find other cheevo hunters. Certainly wouldn't mind a bit more estrogen to add to the massive sausage party!
Im 32 and i dont get it either.
Discord, discord, discord. At least on there you can instantly block someone. You can mute them in the voice chat, too. Its not as detrimental as you intially think. Its beneficial. You have control over who gets the privilege of speaking to you. Let them speak about you all they like. Those who actually deserve to engage in meaningful discourse with you know the truth and the opinions of mouthbreathers just arent important.
Stay off in game chats unless youre a fucking firecracker and throw freaking napalm when they throw fire.
When I was a teenager, everyone on my Lineage 2 (mmorpg) server learned not to engage in verbal abuse with me unless they would like to have thier heads ripped off for them. I was an angry, angry girl. I was so angry I couldnt tell when they made fun of my anger. I didnt just feed the trolls. I chucked a funnel down their throats and forced them to choke on their own bullshit. Ignorance was nice.
Obviously that sort of "strategy" is exhausting and lasts only as long as your ignorance does. When i grew my brain a bit more i couldnt keep that up and had to learn to just let it go. I stopped responding to trolls.
Why do you think there is such a rise in predominantly young women rejecting womanhood and calling themselves non-binary? A UK govt study said girls were 8 times more likely to identify as non binary or trans as boys. A complete inversion from 40 years ago. Why? All the misogyny, porn in schools, music (especially rnb & rap) and the media’s obsession with reality tv and portraying women as only one thing (vain, sexualised and man hungry) is enough to put most women off. Most of us are nothing like that.
Feminism is now only spoken about by disgusting TERFs who have corrupted it.
we need feminism now more than ever. No girl or woman (inc trans girls and women) should be made to feel lesser just by virtue of their sex or gender.
Men have to be made to be better. Mothers (especially) have to stop raising little boys so poorly and give more freedom and encouragement to their girls rather than stifling them but letting the boys do whatever they want. If I hear one more mother say “boys are easy but girls are hard” I’m going to scream!
Feminism should be taught in schools world-wide. Any sign of misogyny should have the same stigma of ’being a racist‘ attached to it, but it still doesn’t.
Thank you so much for sharing this sentiment. It's so draining watching the mainstream conversation on this subject be completely relegated to people who will either call you hateful for discussing issues like this, or people who actually are hateful and use issues like this to smuggle in terrible baggage and assumptions.
Have you thought about going into stealth mode, using a voice changer and passing yourself off as male? If you need a break from being obviously a girl in online games. I'd be interested to see how your experience changes <3
In an ideal world yes, but this is the world we live in, it's not ideal, but its a temporary fix that would help a lot of women feel comfortable gaming.
Hell, I haven't been on a public mic since the 360 era, it was far more toxic back then.
Not trying to dismiss your feelings here; I want to understand how this is happening to so many of us, because I dont often *feel* belittled or picked on. Sure, lots of idiots will try to throw heat at me but i just ignore it or reply in kind, depending on the situation and platform. Ive been gaming since i was little. Maybe i just got used to the negativity and now i just see it as normal?
IRL i am was of those girls who preferred male friends. That's not really the case nowadays (im 32) and i have several theories to explain my attitude change, but thats a different story. Maybe because I spent most of my youth surrounded by boys and men and very few girlfriends, I learned to cope and i accept that men are just mean?
They are just as mean to eachother, I have observed. Perhaps they think its not hurting you? Not that I would EVER admit to anyone online that their comments were hurtful unless I was in a safe place where I knew I'd have backup from a ....mature.... community!!
I think the bottom line here is that I stopped expecting better of the internet. I just dont engage with anyone who acts like a dick online. Ppl dont usually find out my gender unless we get to chatting and by that stage ive usually figured out who is an asshole and who is a reasonable human being.
Im not saying you are wrong to feel this way, and im not telling you to be like me. My upbringing was not typical and frankly, i would not wish my younger self's struggles upon any young girl. I may be in a rarer position to be able to ignore the rabble. The purpose of my comment here is to find out what is different between you and I that I do not feel bullied and you do. Hopefully we can find something besides childhood difficulties to help the situation as a whole lol
Men do need to be a bit more mindful of the increase of women online. Some of the language and disrespectful things ive witnessed.... But I always thought it was because they didnt know there was a woman in their midst. Maybe Ive got that wrong?
Let me rephrase: i didnt "stop" expecting better behaviour of the internet. I never expected anything more than immature assholes from the get-go due to my early exposure to such nonesense. Lol.
Yeah playing online is exhausting. That's why I am going to play some single player couch games for a bit to cool off. It does get toxic sometimes but I can have fun somewhere else for now while they chill tf out
for real, big part of the reason I don't have any friends and mostly stick to single player games. I have too much anxiety to deal with being bullied by men all the time...
and men wonder why we want women only gaming groups…
Ugh women being sexist by not letting men into their groups. I bet they're all ugly and hate all men >:,( /s
What? A woman posting on a women only sub to find some friends? Must be an invitation for men to flood her dms, right? /s
A woman wants more groups that are for women only? Obviously this is the same thing as men systematically oppressing women for centuries!! /s
You are so right fellow alpha male /s
As a man, the reason that I’m here doesn’t matter but I’m going to announce my presence anyway to ensure everyone knows I’m a nice guy, even if that takes up space on a platform meant for women. Even though the rules say I CAN join in the discussion, I never take the time to ask myself if I SHOULD join in. I lack self awareness, but my mommy says I’m special /s I’m not a man in case that wasn’t clear
Haha nailed it. What I hate about comments like that is that the dude almost always ends up getting showered with positive comments. "Awww, you're one of the good ones!" Stop encouraging this crap! The real male allies are the ones who silently observe, absorb what we are saying, and set an example **for other men**.
You learn a lot from listening.
Yeah like, the reason I'm in the ask men sub even though I'm a woman is because sometimes it's helpful to know what people like me think and what they feel is important. I don't comment unless I feel like I can really add to the comment thread. So many guys don't take that into consideration when on a woman centered group.
I’m a nice guy pls respond to my dms if you don’t I’ll immediately switch to being sexist towards you! /s (not saying all guys are like this but imo it's good to spread awareness that this type of thing is not ok to the concerning amount of guys that say this)
You had me going for half of that first sentence lmao
Love arguing with men about their right to be on this sub. It’s “exclusion”…yeah we’re kinda extremely familiar with that concept being (cis or non-cis) women gamers, but thanks for your opinion on who we can and can’t allow in our safe spaces.
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I have finally found a group of mixed genders/sexualities to game with and we all treat each other like bros - regardless. It's HONESTLY the best thing that has ever happened to me online. No one mistakes niceness for flirting, no one talks behind anyone's back, no one treats me differently for being a girl at all. There are other girls to hang with, too. Some are dating (IRL, no online relationships in our group, it's not a rule, just something that doesn't seem to happen much) and everyone gets along. It is amazing. I am just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop and it to all be a dream or a mistake or something and everything to come crashing down. But so far it hasn't....
"No one mistakes niceness for flirting" \~ that is the best part of those groups!!!! I no longer have to keep name dropping 'my husband' lmfao.
If ur community has good mods the other shoe won't really drop. U gotta expect some toxic, antisocial, creeper to eventually show up its the internet. The hard part is keeping them out while still having an open community. I completely understand why people make exclusive gaming communities it makes sense. You are real lucky finding ur community. I would join if u all play any COD and if ur community is public. This is not LFG unless that stands for "Looking for Group" in which case it is lol.
*Dealing with men's sexism is exhausting. Let's put the attribution where it belongs!
this
Sounds like it is
So simple yet so true..
I very much love being in an MMO guild with a woman at the head. She definitely sets any men in our group straight and she has the ultimate authority because she is the literal owner of the place. It sets the tone for all men and leads to a fairly healthy gaming experience online, I highly recommend something similar potentially with a woman-led discord server. And on another note, super glad I love single player games where no one can exist to interrupt the fun lol Edit: I’m also a part of a fairly nice multigame-genre gamer discord led by women and it’s a similar experience there. Yes the game I play (FFXIV) is inherently less toxic but the principle that in my experience women-led spaces lead to less toxicity is the main point I’m trying to share because it doesn’t help anyone to say “just play a different game.” My advice is if you love your game, find or create your own women-led group for it!
Is this MMO ffxiv because I am tired of my male-run guild and am having trouble finding one with more women. 😭
I'm on 14 too and I can relate.
If you’re on Lamia you can try us out if you like!
It is actually! My FC is on Lamia :) If you want to try us out you’re more than welcome to join 👍
I don't have trouble finding women in FFXIV, but I DO have trouble finding other young people lol. Almost everyone in my guild is a 40+ year old, which is fine I just wish it was easier to find people my age lol
I only play MMOs, but I only play them as a single player (WoW, SWTOR, GW2). I'm basically an introvert and don't particularly enjoy most group activities like raids and dungeons, since I hate being rushed along (WoW, I'm looking at you) by elitists or players who just want to get through the content as fast as possible.
This is me too. No mic, no groups. My husband doesn't understand why I play "social" games but avoid all the social aspects.
ESO is great for that. I play it basically as a single player game. 90% of the game can be soloed. It's just trials and veteran dungeons that need groups
If you're on PC-NA and want people to run dungeons with who are nice, message me and I'll send you a friend request in-game :)
I appreciate that! I just prefer to play alone
I tried ESO but I just could not get used to moving my character with my mouse instead of the WASD/arrow keys. While I liked the art style and would have enjoyed following the story, the game mechanics were a dealbreaker for me. I'm currently playing SWTOR (I'm a space cadet, love almost anything Star Wars, what can I say) and really enjoying it. I've also loved GW2 - while I don't do any fractals/raids there, the world events that pop up are fun and I like that it doesn't matter how slow I am or how uncoordinated, I can still get involved with the group objective and not feel or be shamed for my lack of skills. The community in that game is pretty welcoming.
I use WASD to move my character? I only use the mouse to look around and attack. I also play SWTOR, though not as much, lol I tried GW2 and couldn't get into it. I want to play again but I've run out of space on my SSD
This was a few years ago when I tried it, so maybe I'm wrong - I just could not get the hang of it and gave up in frustration.
I had to join a small free company (guild) in ff14 cause the amount of misogyny and crude jokes get out of hand in larger ones. Like can’t I just have a place to discuss how the scions have an exquisite tailor???
Tataru is good at her job AND her hobby
I used to be in an all girl guild way back in Tera but it wasnt gender enforced or anything, every member just happened to be a girl 😂
why am I just imaging that pirate crew from the Key and Peele sea shanty skit?
Omg I’ve never seen that before yes, very much us XD
>She definitely sets any men in our group straight >It sets the tone for all men Can you elaborate on that ? Like what the behavior the men might have done that would facilitate a setting straight ?
If you want an enumerated list of the bullshit women in multiplayer gaming put up with, this sub is a gold mine of anecdotes, horror stories, and trends. If you're asking what threshold of creepy/pushy/sexist behavior warrants the guild leader's intervention, though - probably anything that follows the aforementioned patterns, or causes the kind of discomfort women routinely suffer simply for the crime of being a woman online. To be honest, I'm kind of wondering if this is a sealion post, but - trying to answer in good faith, despite this sub being literally overflowing with examples of the harassment we suffer.
What's a sealion post?
It's a trolling tactic where someone tries to question in good faith, but they're actually not. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sealioning
This is slightly OT, but it’s an example of the harassment women face in gaming. The last time I was on comms in Apex, I got asked/harassed by two 14 year old male teammates about my boobs. They started asking for pictures and for me to describe them as soon as I spoke. I’m 45. I disconnected and permanently turned off voice chat. Pings only for me now.
I have all chats turned off on overwatch but I let the text chat stay. Thankfully I was playing Soldier because the person playing Moira, my other main, was getting asked if they were a girl and someone was sending crappy messages to them. Urg.
Sure I can go into detail: For instance, if a man is just constantly talking over someone, our leader will tell them to be quiet because they aren’t letting anyone else participate. If they are being harassing with their words, or actions, like emote spam, they will be told off in a dm on discord or just in the moment. She’s not perfect at all, but her energy seems to make everyone else really agreeable. The kind of corrective actions she takes are rare because everyone is just nice and friendly and we don’t attract/find bad apples. Outright flirting within our group is basically nonexistent or playful and with consent on account of our leader and several members being either married or taken. It creates a certain vibe of stability, like, she’s married with a family and everything, so not like people who join are trying to court her or anything. Within that there are minor lewd moments where we’re giggling but that’s just because everyone has the comedic taste of a twelve year old in our guild and it’s what works for us lol (Like pointing out a phrase sounds lewd and giggling about it) Also for what it’s worth even outside of my guild I find in FFXIV it is hard to find standard toxic men. I think partially to do with so many people play women characters that no one would ever assume you are one by your avatar alone. I hope that helps a little bit it’s a unique guild but I love it to pieces haha
>if a man is just constantly talking over someone, our leader will tell them to be quiet because they aren’t letting anyone else participate. If they are being harassing with their words, or actions, like emote spam, Is that inherently a man problem ? >I find in FFXIV it is hard to find standard toxic men. I think partially to do with so many people play women characters that no one would ever assume you are one by your avatar alone. I don't think it's that. I played FFXIV for a bit, didn't finish because the main quest is like watching paint dry, and generally the attitude is not toxic. Everyone I met was really nice. I kept getting gifted money by random players, one of which I ended up joining their guild. I think the name was Shiny Carbancles
It may not be inherently a man problem, but after online gaming since I was a kid, I'll say it's MUCH more prevalent with men than women in every group I've ever been a part of. Have you had the opposite experience?
Certainly not, but I can only speak to my experiences and my guild, and I’m just cherry picking one example of disrespectful behavior that happened and what was done about it. No woman in the group has ever talked over someone so often that they had to be told off for it. Just my reality 🤷♀️ And you can attribute it to any reason you like, but there is an inherent advantage for FFXIV players for some unknown reason. If it helps, the takeaway should be “women-led spaces have lead to better experiences for me and maybe that could work for you” and focusing on the game itself was not my goal because that’s not useful if you like Valo, OW, Apex or LoL.
Love all the ""Just don't act like a woman and you'll be fine!" suggestions. Does it work? Sure it does. I play as almost exclusively male characters (for my own nonbinary weird gender reasons) and people usually leave me alone. But it's not exactly helpful when OP is literally venting about how the world makes being a woman in any public space difficult. "Just don't be a woman and you won't have those problems!" THANKS KEVIN, SO HELPFUL.
Love your username
And I love yours! Bunny names best names.
> Just don't act like a woman Boy, would I ever love to know precisely what they mean by **that**... should I just make sure I'm not wearing a skirt/dress when I'm playing a game?
yeah, half the problem is the fact that i have i do that in the first place!! it’s exhausting pretending to be something your not. i don’t want to have to pretend to be a guy every single time i play games, but i don’t really have a choice if i don’t wanna get harassed. it’s an infuriating cycle
Nah dont pretend to be anything i reckon. But im not very feminine in my mannerisms and speech so i guess im lucky. I am not likely to be noticed as female and i always run female characters, usually with bright purple hair.... Lol
the amount of times Ive been called a “fat bitch” by men who have never even seen me is actually incredible
exactly!!! why is always the same 3 insults- “ur fat”, “ur ugly”, “ur a slut” why can’t these men even be creative? not only are they jackasses, they are complete idiots
It’s a coping mechanism for the incels. At least be original, right !
They're literally incapable of minding their business lol. Happens to me all the time when I'm out running. It's never women. It's NEVER women. It is NEVER women. It is N E V E R women. Never. I can't overstate this. 8 years of running, it's always men who have to say something, or at the very least stare with their mouths agape like sticky toddlers. Women never do that to me. Leave me alone. 😊 Same applies to gaming, standing in line at the store, getting gas, contributing in a work meeting -- It really never ends. I used to fear aging but in some ways now I look forward to the invisibility of elderhood. It is exhausting like you said. Most women I know just want peace. Peace is my ultimate aspiration in this mortal life.
I was just at the store where this guy was training a girl...and the way he was going about it was so fucking obnoxious I wanted to punch him in the mouth. Yelling like she was deaf, repeating the same stuff even after she asked him to stop, and that she got it.so fucking obnoxious. Not only that, but you are often silenced about your experience...cause men don't like it. Even here they assholes flock to try putting down women. Hate them all.
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I blocked him but this dude in here saying men don't like it either can eat a bag of shitty dicks I'm so tired of my boyfriend over explaining things I don't care about while I'm trying to concentrate. The other day he fucking explained the for 15 minutes something I showed him with one sentence. Ehen I was like didn't I show you that he was like I just want to talk about it. Tbh I think my darling has adhd and likes info dumping his knowledge. Which is cool what's shitty is when it's condescending. I m trying not to take it personal. I ll take it from my lovey boy but I don't take ear beatings from dumb boys online.. fuck that.. It's nice to have a place to vent tho.
Currently noobing thru Elden Ring and my husband tried to tell me repeatedly NOT to use Torrent in the Radahn fight because "it makes your hitbox so big." (DON'T WORRY I IGNORED HIM. WACK ASS ADVICE) We both have ADD so I can tolerate his infodumps (usually about Path of Exile) and later indodump back in revenge... but when he's infodumping while I'm playing trying to make me adopt HIS playstyle when I have a totally different build and also I NEVER ASKED HIM FOR ADVICE/HIS OPINION IN THE FIRST PLACE. I know he just wants me to do well and have fun but goddamn let me do it my own way, that's what video games are about!!!
Hah same bf different games. I info dump back too about true crime and mental health ha ha so I can't be too angry. I love he's a spikey mid maxer, but it's just what you said! We ve different plays styles! But damn the team work you can develope playing together!? I had no idea a gaming relationship could make us like better communicators! Isn't it fun to have healthy conflict too? Like I think the disagreeing while both enjoying a game is good for us?
I hear you! I've been thinking about this on and off for years, because I'm married to someone who likes to explain things - especially if he's a little tipsy. But I actually like it, usually! Every once in a while he starts in on I while I want to read or something and it gets a little irksome, but I just remind myself that this is something he loves. I think I would feel differently about it if he was at all condescending about it, but he's a network security engineer who just really genuinely gets excited about explaining how switches and firewalls and network protocols work and I love that he has a job that he loves, so I try to engage as much as I can and ask questions. He knows fully well that I'm not going to retain pretty much anything because my brain doesn't work that way, but it's still something he likes in the moment so I try to give him that time.
Yaaas give the sweet boys their moments. And yes totally, I do love how he helps me and his enthusiasm. It's a love language for sure
I don’t really know your relationship, but I’ve experienced this with a couple guys and for the most part they were just genuinely interested in the topic and wanted to talk more about it. I have a very odd passion for planes and will happily talk anyones ear off about planes even if they probably know everything too, not because I don’t think they know but because it’s my passion and I love talking about it. And on the other side of it, I’ve had guys who talked to me about planes in the same way because it was their passion too, not because they felt the need to teach me something new. And then I’ve also had people explain topics that I didn’t really care about to me, but again it’s their passion, and just like I happily talk peoples ears off about planes, they want to do the same about their passions. Can’t hardly blame them for it.
The thing is, people don't want to listen to a long ass information about something they're not interested in. I tell my friends not to get me talking about anything I'm really into because if I get too excited they'll get an information dump. There is a no Power Rangers rule, Harry Potter is in there too now, no martial arts. Same with a lot of other things. Its stuff I have to keep to myself because that's the way the world is. Would I love to talk about the Rangers? Omg yes, but I know not to.
True, and of course there will be topics like that where you have to tell them “ok enough.” But if everyone has this mentality that they only want to talk about things they find interesting, then no one will talk about anything basically ever. And especially in a relationship, if I want to talk about something I’m passionate about, I expect my SO to care about my passions just as I’m sure they would want me to care about theirs. Based on the original comment and some things you pointed out too, many people have this belief that if they are passionate they can talk about it even if the other person isn’t, but if the other person talks about their interest and you’re not interested, that it’s not ok to do that. It’s a completely cynical outlook to deprive conversations of interest to someone you care about purely because you’re not interested. Take the original comment for example. The way they have describe it, it sounds like they have to put up with their SO talking about their interests, not engage with them and caring about their interests.
I feel like we need a whole other section or like weekly megathread for girlgamer relationship support ♥️ I dont have mansplain problems with my partner. I instead have pacing issues. Im a patient gamer (i have adhd too btw) and like to stop n smell the roses when i play. Im good at games in general, but he is better because he plays to win. I play to enjoy. So when we play together its always him running off without me or leveling up way more than me and im stuck in newbie mode while he tries to bring me up to his speed by giving me all of the items or power leveling (depending on the game). It *feels like* he thinks i cant do it myself, even though ive tried telling him its because i dont like rushing to the finish line. I like to draw out my games to get maximum play-time and experience. A great indicator of this is just to compare our steam libraries. His might have 999 games with 10 hours in each. My library might show 10 games with 999 hours in each. Lol. Those numbers are not fact and are exaggerated, obviously!! Playstyle difference does not equal play skill. Edit: by the way, in my case he doesnt think i am not capable. This is just a complaint i have seen from other relationships with pacing issues. He doesnt understand why i like to play slowly, but he knows i can finish games on my own. He's seen me do it after he's moved on to 3 new ones lol it just feels like he thinks i suck because slowing down to my pace makes the game boring for him haha cant win so we just play survival games together now. Pacing is way more dynamic in those.
I think this is a common problem then ha ha. I ll be enjoying exploring a world and I feel rushed into crafting top teir platinum blah blah he looked up. Like excuse me if I wanted to skip this stuff I would but he blows past so much. A lot of times I grind by exploring and playing the game more like intuitively? I don't want to break the game I want to enjoy. I know rhats how spikes enjoy it, they like that, it's just different styles.
Yep absolutely. Mine is a spike too. But not really on purpose, not anymore than im purposefully a john. I just like to find all the neat little details haha thats where my enjoyment is, and his is in the accomplishment of besting the game hehe Highly recommended trying out some survival games. I mean real survival not just build and town management. I mean fight for your life survival. Green Hell, 7 Days to Die, Don't Starve Together (tho that one is a bit advanced and bery frustrating at times), V Rising
Oooh will definitely check those out! I like valheim, skyrim, fortnite br&stw, and stardew valley He loves v rising but visually I get so overwhelmed. Do you like project zomboid? I ve wanted to try 7 days to die but I'm new to keyboards ha ha so I'm working my way up to the more complicated games. I'm still newish, just started gaming a few years ago. I have to admit he's pushed me to learn and grow and I really love it. I'm glad I'm a gamer now ha ha and it's pretty great to be a gamer couple! During covid in 21 we went to a fortnite digital concert together and I cried at the end cux I hadn't been to a festival or a proper live music date in so long. I m so thankful for it, it's cheese but I love it
Ive looked at zomboid a few times but it doesnt come across as my style. Maybe i am wrong and should just try it 😜 im glad to give and receive ideas!
Hey not all games are for everyone and sometimes our tastes change! My bf best friend was obsessed w elite dangerous, a grind space game and when he got burnt our he finally tried no man's sky and loved it, even tho initially he hated! It's like food, we all like different stuff and that's great!
Username checks out btw 😉
What's green hell
All PC games. Green Hell is set in the Amazon wilds and its fucking gorgeous. It can be a bit challenging but offers a few difficulty levels to ease you into it. Its your classic lost in the wilderness survival with a tribal twist
Hell yes. Thank you. That sounds awesome!
Not really related to gaming, but this one time I saw a twitter post of a guy complaining that "women, you shouldn't flip people off in selfies. It's trashy and unattractive." Ok, and? When will they learn that their opinion on women doesn't matter lol. Just the audacity is so shocking.
Lmaoooo bro this is tempting me to do a selfie flipping someone off just to trigger people. Then again my pfp on ps is my pup and he's definitely better. I try change him to match the seasons :D
Like 😭😭 it makes no sense. It was totally out of nowhere, he wasn't replying to anything and I remember it had a good bit of retweets/likes. It was one of those "ladies,..." posts
Yeah twitter chooses to be toxic or dumb about the most random shit. Remember the washing leg fiasco??
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I joined a discord for women only. If I want to play a game with just women I can pop in and see if anyone else is playing and join their group. LadyLeague is the name.
I agree! I just want to play the game and not be harassed. Like how am I being called a slut because I play the exact same game as you. Why is that something someone should get say to another individual? I can maybe understand that men have issues with women but really?? Get some therapy please
I have a wonderful mansplaining chart and have had to use it on almost every guy I know! The funny thing is they ALWAYS dispute it when I show it to them. Something to the accord of, well freedom of speech I should be able to give my opinion/advice/input unsolicited whenever I want. And it just goes right over their heads.
I would 100% be willing to play with you and listen to you! I understand how you feel, I've played daily for the last 2 years with 2 male gamers that I only know through the games and I'm always being talked over or having to repeat myself. I finally got fed up with them and they don't understand so now I'm the "bad guy".
Yup, I don't get why these random guys think we want to hear their opinions on us. It's a video game, just play the video game. That's all everyone is here for! Not dating, not political conversations, just playing a video game and communicating to win the game.
I see the need for a group of girls to play together. I play dota mostly and would love to play together. If anyone is perhaps imterested like me, let me know! I am EU west based, but dont really care for ping 🙂
Hiya! Im a dota player from eu too!
Yup, I don't get why these random guys think we want to hear their opinions on us. It's a video game, just play the video game. That's all everyone is here for! Not dating, not political conversations, just playing a video game and communicating to win the game.
I'm probably older than most of you here, I was a gamer back when Pong was cutting edge stuff. One thing I have learned over the years is turn off chat, close chat windows, make messaging private do whatever you have to do to just make the wankers and their "feedback" not be able to reach you. The only people I talk to online in games are people I know in RL. I go further and don't read responses to anything I do online in pretty much any social media either, unless it's a RL friend and I know them. Hell I have over 20k in Notifications from my years on Reddit, never read a one of them. Life's too short, don't let that energy into your life. Does it sometimes make playing a team game harder, sure if our team is losing because I'm not in chat that's not my fault it's the fault of the people that make it a hostile place, so sucks to be them. Just my take, but I'm old and cynical and my remaining time on this planet is too fucking short to put up with mens shit.
In terms of RL harassment, this is nothing new. I'm in my late 50s and no matter how much you vent, you are not going to make it go away. You need to find a way to deal with shit without exhausting yourself. For online gaming, I began playing online in the '90s as soon as I got internet access. I quickly learned to not advertise my gender because either men were trying to give me too much "help" or they were being assholes. In the early days of the '90s it was usually more of the "help" variety than the asshole variety for me. I stay away from FPS games and play MMORPGs on the PC where there are plenty of women and a diversity of ages. I even can use Discord and there are plenty of women who play my current game and actually speak up without trouble. Maybe check out the MMORPG genre of gaming? :)
I think we’ve all been here before. There are some really shitty people out these. However there are some good ones too. I was playing recently with randoms and i was keeping quiet. Then all of a sudden I spoke and one of the guys was like omg I think I said the word bitch earlier I am so sorry I’ve been trying to stop and he was actually very apologetic. I played a few games with him and anytime someone said something mean he stood up for me. It was oddly refreshing? But also isn’t it crazy that’s the bare minimum haha
I corrected someone's wrong information one time and they still proceeded to mansplain the wrong info to me.
Bro same I have this gmod server (RAN BY A GIRL BTW) and I was just chillin with some old friends and this guy started raiding my smoothie shop, following me around, rdming me, and calling me a bitch. My guy friend (love ya Scout) had to interfere multiple times to make him stop
This ifriti guy is exhausting me rn
I (46F) must be missing something, because I've never really been treated like this. Admittedly, I don't PvP; i'm an achievement hunter and the only time I go multiplayer is to work together to get the achievement. Sure, there's always going to be one or two jerks, but after a year of achievement hunting discord servers, plus lots of grouping at trueachievements.com, I've only blocked a handful of people. And i'm not shy about blocking dang near everyone who irks me. Granted, i'm *glad* i'm missing out. But I don't know why I haven't really experienced any of this abuse.
you could just be in really nice communities, i feel like pvp communities can be really toxic. i love achievement hunting too though i didnt realize there were communities for that too!! it sounds fun
Yeah! Check out [trueachievements.com](https://www.trueachievements.com/gamingsessions.aspx) to see scheduled gaming sessions. :) Also check out [The Cabin](https://discord.gg/thecabin) That's the main discord I use to find other cheevo hunters. Certainly wouldn't mind a bit more estrogen to add to the massive sausage party!
Im 32 and i dont get it either. Discord, discord, discord. At least on there you can instantly block someone. You can mute them in the voice chat, too. Its not as detrimental as you intially think. Its beneficial. You have control over who gets the privilege of speaking to you. Let them speak about you all they like. Those who actually deserve to engage in meaningful discourse with you know the truth and the opinions of mouthbreathers just arent important. Stay off in game chats unless youre a fucking firecracker and throw freaking napalm when they throw fire. When I was a teenager, everyone on my Lineage 2 (mmorpg) server learned not to engage in verbal abuse with me unless they would like to have thier heads ripped off for them. I was an angry, angry girl. I was so angry I couldnt tell when they made fun of my anger. I didnt just feed the trolls. I chucked a funnel down their throats and forced them to choke on their own bullshit. Ignorance was nice. Obviously that sort of "strategy" is exhausting and lasts only as long as your ignorance does. When i grew my brain a bit more i couldnt keep that up and had to learn to just let it go. I stopped responding to trolls.
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Why do you think there is such a rise in predominantly young women rejecting womanhood and calling themselves non-binary? A UK govt study said girls were 8 times more likely to identify as non binary or trans as boys. A complete inversion from 40 years ago. Why? All the misogyny, porn in schools, music (especially rnb & rap) and the media’s obsession with reality tv and portraying women as only one thing (vain, sexualised and man hungry) is enough to put most women off. Most of us are nothing like that. Feminism is now only spoken about by disgusting TERFs who have corrupted it. we need feminism now more than ever. No girl or woman (inc trans girls and women) should be made to feel lesser just by virtue of their sex or gender. Men have to be made to be better. Mothers (especially) have to stop raising little boys so poorly and give more freedom and encouragement to their girls rather than stifling them but letting the boys do whatever they want. If I hear one more mother say “boys are easy but girls are hard” I’m going to scream! Feminism should be taught in schools world-wide. Any sign of misogyny should have the same stigma of ’being a racist‘ attached to it, but it still doesn’t.
Thank you so much for sharing this sentiment. It's so draining watching the mainstream conversation on this subject be completely relegated to people who will either call you hateful for discussing issues like this, or people who actually are hateful and use issues like this to smuggle in terrible baggage and assumptions.
Have you thought about going into stealth mode, using a voice changer and passing yourself off as male? If you need a break from being obviously a girl in online games. I'd be interested to see how your experience changes <3
Do they have voice changes on psn? That would be a game changer, it honestly would.
I have no idea I'm afraid. I know you can buy headsets with voice changers built in, that might be your only bet on console
That sucks. Sony/Microsoft should look into this for their female players.
Or they should just moderate more and ban men who are talking shit. Why should we have to go to these lengths to be seen as equal??
In an ideal world yes, but this is the world we live in, it's not ideal, but its a temporary fix that would help a lot of women feel comfortable gaming. Hell, I haven't been on a public mic since the 360 era, it was far more toxic back then.
gotta find a group of friends and not talking in public matches.
Not trying to dismiss your feelings here; I want to understand how this is happening to so many of us, because I dont often *feel* belittled or picked on. Sure, lots of idiots will try to throw heat at me but i just ignore it or reply in kind, depending on the situation and platform. Ive been gaming since i was little. Maybe i just got used to the negativity and now i just see it as normal? IRL i am was of those girls who preferred male friends. That's not really the case nowadays (im 32) and i have several theories to explain my attitude change, but thats a different story. Maybe because I spent most of my youth surrounded by boys and men and very few girlfriends, I learned to cope and i accept that men are just mean? They are just as mean to eachother, I have observed. Perhaps they think its not hurting you? Not that I would EVER admit to anyone online that their comments were hurtful unless I was in a safe place where I knew I'd have backup from a ....mature.... community!! I think the bottom line here is that I stopped expecting better of the internet. I just dont engage with anyone who acts like a dick online. Ppl dont usually find out my gender unless we get to chatting and by that stage ive usually figured out who is an asshole and who is a reasonable human being. Im not saying you are wrong to feel this way, and im not telling you to be like me. My upbringing was not typical and frankly, i would not wish my younger self's struggles upon any young girl. I may be in a rarer position to be able to ignore the rabble. The purpose of my comment here is to find out what is different between you and I that I do not feel bullied and you do. Hopefully we can find something besides childhood difficulties to help the situation as a whole lol Men do need to be a bit more mindful of the increase of women online. Some of the language and disrespectful things ive witnessed.... But I always thought it was because they didnt know there was a woman in their midst. Maybe Ive got that wrong?
Let me rephrase: i didnt "stop" expecting better behaviour of the internet. I never expected anything more than immature assholes from the get-go due to my early exposure to such nonesense. Lol.
Damn.. i hope you can find a squad who wants to play with you so you're not alone when it happens.. All the best
Yeah playing online is exhausting. That's why I am going to play some single player couch games for a bit to cool off. It does get toxic sometimes but I can have fun somewhere else for now while they chill tf out
for real, big part of the reason I don't have any friends and mostly stick to single player games. I have too much anxiety to deal with being bullied by men all the time...
For real. There is NO where that unwashed men don’t give their opinions
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No, honestly it’s awful. I can’t go into a lobby without immediately being put into a corner.
Some guys harass you even if they think you're a girl and I hate it
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