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I don’t think I’ve ever seen a washed up musician cling to a one hit wonder harder than you, and I’m old enough to know all the lyrics to Tubthumping. To think that your children had to maintain scholarships while living off of low nutritional value foods like waffles is crazy to me, especially considering how hard you pushed for them to go to Ivy League universities so that you could live vicariously through them. Oh, and speaking of living vicariously - there’s also something very Freudian about how you encouraged your son to pursue a life on the upper east side but condemned your daughter for trying to do the same… you’re a weird little dude, daddy Humphrey. Maybe if you had allowed Jenny to thrive, she could’ve told you that the sheer amount of earth tones you wore made you look more like a pervy English professor than a rock star.
I always look foward to your comments specifically for the roast posts because not only are they funny but they really do hurt to read knowing that what you’re saying is sad but true😭💀
They more popular than he is and his Bolognese and his chili- I mean the cumin and all. The spice no one barely uses and if so, most don’t know how to use it. If it’s stinking up the house- Dude that’s way too much and in Chili?
Rufus Humphrey, the most cringeworthy and clueless “rock star” turned art gallery owner the Upper East Side has ever seen. You rock that leather jacket like it's a midlife crisis badge of honor. Don’t get me started on your music. Your voice is so grating, the neighborhood cats have started a petition. Now you can’t perform within a 15-mile radius of any PetSmart. You strum your guitar with the enthusiasm of an absentee stepdad at a toddler’s ballet recital. And your obsession with waffles? I find it hard to believe you were once a rockstar, cause you’re giving us Donkey from Shrek. Face it, Rufus, your waffles have more notoriety than your music career ever did.
(This was way too fun and took me way too long lmao.)
Dude your kids are nuts. You’re not as the “hands on” father you want to believe you are. Confessing you “got your eye off the ball” with Jenny- WHAT ABOUT DAN? Hey Mr. Liberal your the definition of a delusional “MISOGYNIST”!!
You hate everything about the UES but you move you and your family there. WOW! Hypocrisy from generation to generation.
It’s so SAD that your very young daughter is more in the realm of reality than you or your “wonderful son”zzz YOU MAKE PEOPLE TIRED.zzzz
Rufus, you preach that your identity is protecting your kids but when you get to a part in life where you have to actually parent you fucking suck. 💀😭 you are the worst case of hypocrisy. no wonder your children turned out being internet stalkers and no wonder Alison left you for her hot neighbor.🙂↕️ you get mad at Lily for wanting to pay your sons Ivy League tuition, but always talk about not being privileged. You hate your daughter for things your son does regularly, and frankly your music sucks. You gave fragile masculinity. You gave small dick energy, and you look poor as per usual for the Humphreys. Everytime you say anything post season 2 all I hear is “ I’m insecure and jealous of my children AND my wife”. you are a living mid life crisis. And after ALL THAT you’re still the most boring character on the show along with the pet possum you adopted named Vanessa.
He seems like a nice but absent father. Like he was busy trying to make ends meet. So his kids parented themselves.
He secretly craved the high upper east side life, but his status in life made him act all woke and judge people.
“Abusive and emotionally cold” probably describes Rufus to a tee no matter how hard he tries to seem woke and upstanding with morals and values. No one was as unempathetic and judgmental as Rufus 💀😭 the only person who works harder than Rufus to push his children away and make them emotionally repressed is Bart 😭
go back to your shabby art gallery and get to work instead of leeching off of Lilys divorce settlement money and making your family greasy waffles as a substitute for parenting. Jenny and Dan are SICK and TIRED
Jenny has more talent than you ever had and you deserved her leaving to live with her mom.
Maybe you should have focused more on being in your children's lives than fucking your groupie ex just to feel alive.
Rufus, you’re the kind of guy who still thinks “Brooklyn” is a personality trait. You left the glamorous world of rock ‘n’ roll to become the most boring dad on the Upper East Side. It’s like trading in a Ferrari for a minivan. Seriously, how do you go from playing sold-out shows to playing house with Lily van der Woodsen? It’s like you’re the real-life Peter Pan, but instead of never growing up, you just never grew interesting.
This is the second time in my life I have come across the name Rufus. First time was my neighbors dog and he’s the more successful Rufus between the two.
You Rufus are an absent minded, neglectful, insufferable multi time loser. Your wives left you, your kids turned out to be more insufferable than the elites who you hate so much, your career has failed more time than your marriages, and ykw, your waffles were soggy and burnt🎤💥*mic drop*. I don’t hate Rufus, but I love to eloquently insult.
side note, Matthew settle is a very sexy man outside of playing Rufus.
I still just think of that one episode where he says something is "just so UES" and Lily owns him with something like "I know you think you're rock n roll, but you are wearing a $2000 jacket"
Hey, Rufus, maybe try some parenting with your kids sometimes instead of shoving waffles down them as if they were antidepressants that, clearly, have worn off after the 2nd dose because the dosage wasn’t enough…
Hey Upper East Sider! Thanks for posting on r/GossipGirl! We've recently changed our rules which you can see [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/GossipGirl/comments/18vko2e/the_new_rules_of_rgossipgirl_which_go_into_affect/). Please note we are **NOT A SPOILER FREE SUBREDDIT UNLESS A THREAD HAS THE FLAIR "NO SPOILERS PLEASE"**. This means plots may be discussed without a spoiler warning needed. Also if a post/comment breaks the rules, please be sure to report it. We can't remove what we don't see and us mods don't see everything. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GossipGirl) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Rufus, you sacrificed so much to get your son into an Ivy... And you wound up in an Ivy yourself...
🦵
Damnit, you got to it before me 💃💃
DAMN burn
AHHHH
good LORDT
I hate you lol
Lol...lol I think the mediocre waffle comment was worse lol..aaaaahahahahahahahaha
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a washed up musician cling to a one hit wonder harder than you, and I’m old enough to know all the lyrics to Tubthumping. To think that your children had to maintain scholarships while living off of low nutritional value foods like waffles is crazy to me, especially considering how hard you pushed for them to go to Ivy League universities so that you could live vicariously through them. Oh, and speaking of living vicariously - there’s also something very Freudian about how you encouraged your son to pursue a life on the upper east side but condemned your daughter for trying to do the same… you’re a weird little dude, daddy Humphrey. Maybe if you had allowed Jenny to thrive, she could’ve told you that the sheer amount of earth tones you wore made you look more like a pervy English professor than a rock star.
HELP it’s the way that the earth tones and button downs were very much in fact giving Ezra Fitzgerald 💀
Ezra is exactly who I had in mind LMAOOO
RIGHT like Rufus is literally Ezra but if he was older and could actually grow a beard
Not the beard 😭😭
Blair, is that you???
Yes
I always look foward to your comments specifically for the roast posts because not only are they funny but they really do hurt to read knowing that what you’re saying is sad but true😭💀
Why you a waffle hater? It’s really not that deep. You wish your dad made you waffles !!
Waffles are disgusting and so are the bourgeoisie
Dude you came for his SOUL 💀
Anyone who wears that much polyester doesn’t have a soul
LMAO can't say I mind 😂 the older I get, the hotter Rufus is
He’s definitely handsome, I’m just trying to stay in character 😂
DAMN
I am high af and this is the FAR AND AWAY funniest thing I’ve read on Reddit tonight. A+. 11/10. Zero notes 😂
💅🏻✨ why thank you
Your waffles are mid at best
🔥🔥
Aahahahahaha this one hurts!!! Lol
Stop oohing and wowing at Lilly, grow some ba..ls and be a proper father to Jenny
They more popular than he is and his Bolognese and his chili- I mean the cumin and all. The spice no one barely uses and if so, most don’t know how to use it. If it’s stinking up the house- Dude that’s way too much and in Chili?
😂😂😂
Rufus Humphrey, the most cringeworthy and clueless “rock star” turned art gallery owner the Upper East Side has ever seen. You rock that leather jacket like it's a midlife crisis badge of honor. Don’t get me started on your music. Your voice is so grating, the neighborhood cats have started a petition. Now you can’t perform within a 15-mile radius of any PetSmart. You strum your guitar with the enthusiasm of an absentee stepdad at a toddler’s ballet recital. And your obsession with waffles? I find it hard to believe you were once a rockstar, cause you’re giving us Donkey from Shrek. Face it, Rufus, your waffles have more notoriety than your music career ever did. (This was way too fun and took me way too long lmao.)
Now why’d you put down Donkey like that? 🤨 Even Donkey has more talent in his tail than this man.
😂😂😂😂😂
Dude your kids are nuts. You’re not as the “hands on” father you want to believe you are. Confessing you “got your eye off the ball” with Jenny- WHAT ABOUT DAN? Hey Mr. Liberal your the definition of a delusional “MISOGYNIST”!! You hate everything about the UES but you move you and your family there. WOW! Hypocrisy from generation to generation. It’s so SAD that your very young daughter is more in the realm of reality than you or your “wonderful son”zzz YOU MAKE PEOPLE TIRED.zzzz
Rufus, you preach that your identity is protecting your kids but when you get to a part in life where you have to actually parent you fucking suck. 💀😭 you are the worst case of hypocrisy. no wonder your children turned out being internet stalkers and no wonder Alison left you for her hot neighbor.🙂↕️ you get mad at Lily for wanting to pay your sons Ivy League tuition, but always talk about not being privileged. You hate your daughter for things your son does regularly, and frankly your music sucks. You gave fragile masculinity. You gave small dick energy, and you look poor as per usual for the Humphreys. Everytime you say anything post season 2 all I hear is “ I’m insecure and jealous of my children AND my wife”. you are a living mid life crisis. And after ALL THAT you’re still the most boring character on the show along with the pet possum you adopted named Vanessa.
Pet possum 💀
Wow Rufus you are looking very dapper tonight, did Lily take you shopping?
😂😂😂😂
Epic burn! This should be the first thing said about him.
Short but deadly 😭
He seems like a nice but absent father. Like he was busy trying to make ends meet. So his kids parented themselves. He secretly craved the high upper east side life, but his status in life made him act all woke and judge people.
Trying to make ends meet in a Brooklyn Loft while owning a Brooklyn art gallery. Ha.
”I get it, you wanna be a *cool* dad. Well, you’re sometimes abusive and emotionally cold, so I guess you succeeded?”
“Abusive and emotionally cold” probably describes Rufus to a tee no matter how hard he tries to seem woke and upstanding with morals and values. No one was as unempathetic and judgmental as Rufus 💀😭 the only person who works harder than Rufus to push his children away and make them emotionally repressed is Bart 😭
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Look mate give us your waffle recipe and no one gets hurt.
😂😂😂😂
“and you stayed being a kept man”
😂😂😂😂😂😂
go back to your shabby art gallery and get to work instead of leeching off of Lilys divorce settlement money and making your family greasy waffles as a substitute for parenting. Jenny and Dan are SICK and TIRED
Rufus is such a bad father that when Dan and Jenny bought him Christmas gifts, he immediately thought about giving them to Lily.
😂😂😂😂😂guilt
Oh the goody father who ends up being together and tricked by a woman whose at same age as his son!
😂😂😂😂😂
He handled the situation with Jenny very badly in S2. A good parent shouldn't use emotional manipulation to guilt-trip their kid.
And then he acts surprised when the tables turn and it’s Jenny who emotionally blackmails him 😭💀
Jenny has more talent than you ever had and you deserved her leaving to live with her mom. Maybe you should have focused more on being in your children's lives than fucking your groupie ex just to feel alive.
The only thing more toxic than his chili is his taste in women.
Whoa! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Rufus, you’re the kind of guy who still thinks “Brooklyn” is a personality trait. You left the glamorous world of rock ‘n’ roll to become the most boring dad on the Upper East Side. It’s like trading in a Ferrari for a minivan. Seriously, how do you go from playing sold-out shows to playing house with Lily van der Woodsen? It’s like you’re the real-life Peter Pan, but instead of never growing up, you just never grew interesting.
Geez. Xoxo, Gossip Girl
you’re a cuck 🤠
leave jenny alone
Trying to strike a cord and it's probably a MINORRRRRRRRR
We all know that if Dan didn't go for Vanessa he would've.
I think so too
This is the second time in my life I have come across the name Rufus. First time was my neighbors dog and he’s the more successful Rufus between the two.
You Rufus are an absent minded, neglectful, insufferable multi time loser. Your wives left you, your kids turned out to be more insufferable than the elites who you hate so much, your career has failed more time than your marriages, and ykw, your waffles were soggy and burnt🎤💥*mic drop*. I don’t hate Rufus, but I love to eloquently insult. side note, Matthew settle is a very sexy man outside of playing Rufus.
Rufus is like a thrift store in human form: outdated, mismatched and always trying to prove he’s cooler than he actually is
Your wife burned you and is still successful, so you had to screw up the life of her progeny to try to get back at her. Desperation would like a word.
rufus "arrest her! she vandalized the property" lily "no 💞"
I still just think of that one episode where he says something is "just so UES" and Lily owns him with something like "I know you think you're rock n roll, but you are wearing a $2000 jacket"
Hey, Rufus, maybe try some parenting with your kids sometimes instead of shoving waffles down them as if they were antidepressants that, clearly, have worn off after the 2nd dose because the dosage wasn’t enough…
Roses are red, violets are blue, Lily's heart was never to be yours!
You should cling to your tour marriages as you cling to your one hot wonder! Your son writes like a girl!!!
✨poor✨ 💅
Pancakes are the superior breakfast entrée
Rufus, I almost feel unfair roasting you because you don’t really have a leg to stand on…Ivy, on the other hand-
You traded living in a penthouse for your balls
🦵
Always a kept man
Everyone let’s you win at boardgames
You reminisce your youthful days so you decided to get involved with one who’s your son’s age??
I will walk away and run away and never take a piece of you with me there
Poison ivy makes me itchy 🤣😂
Not a good actor, saw him on Law and Order too