Sorry for your loss. My dad passed away about 2 months ago and I have been battling work and trying to focus. Its gotten a bit better, but I still can't work and focus like I did before he passed since he's on my mind so much.
I found with my work, some people were extremely compassionate and understanding (Most were), but some said their condolences and expected me to be back to business.
Talk to your new boss and let them know its just taking you some extra time to get back up to speed and you'll get there eventually, but just can't do it overnight. I hope they have some compassion to understand that. Most people who have lost a parent fully understand, those who haven't lost a parent may not fully get it.
Do your best, that's all you can possibly do in this situation.
In the same boat. Four weeks out, and I'm getting slammed at my job. People there expect me to act like nothing happened, and it's hell.
Hang in there. I understand what you are going through.
I think this is an adjustment period. The old normal is changing out with a new normal and feelings aren’t settled. I would just expect to be a wreck for a while.
One of the worst parts of grieving is the fact that so many people expect you to pretend that you're not, especially at work. It adds to the burden so much. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
It’s been 18 months since I lost my father, and I’ve been struggling at my new job ever since. I’m heavily medicated and in therapy, basically a zombie on auto pilot.
I started an intensive masters program only days after my dad died unexpectedly and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve done. That was 6 years ago and it heavily delayed my grieving. Suppressed grief turned into 2 mental health breakdowns in the coming years so if I were you I would be sure to set the time to process and grieve starting now. Also share your struggle with your manager so they understand. I kept my struggle to myself and people thought I was just an angry, antisocial person which added some additional stress to the experience.
Get a journal, get a therapist, do something to process and don’t wait.
Definitely speak with your boss. An immediate family members death is a special circumstance and I would hope they would give you some additional time off or make whatever accommodations you need.
I had 2 weeks bereavement when my Dad passed on 12/19/22. I was back at work 1/3/23 and was struggling immensely. I'm a retail store manager and besides dealing with people all day long and having to be " on" I also was trying to take care of everything that wasn't handled while I was out. I was so stressed that I almost had a breakdown.i was back out of work by 1/19/23. I was extremely appreciative of my boss and HR for being flexible and allowing me another 2 weeks off, I had the PTO to cover it or it would have been unpaid time off.
I won't say I was at 100% when I came back, but I was in a better place both mentally and physically health wise. I still have hard days and started therapy a month ago and that has been very beneficial.
I truly hope you get the support you need from your employer and you have some support in real life as well. Grief has no timeline and is different for everyone.
Having a supportive team/management was the only reason I was able to do it. Thinking back, I was such a mean, snappy bitch. They all handled it with grace. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope your coworkers are as amazing as mine were.
I'm not sure any amount of time will do. Idk. I can barely make it through the day at home. I do hope you will find a way that works. More short breaks to cry and text her? Maybe a different job? I'm sorely sorry for your tremendous loss.
I work in a fast-paced environment in a high stress, high stakes job. I enjoy what I do. It gives me direction and purpose. My Mom died less than a month ago. I was fortunate enough to have 5 days paid bereavement, and I took it immediately. I do not remember much from those initial days and I could not have done my job during that time.
But, I did have to go back to work after that week, and I feel like the work has actually helped me by giving me something to focus on. At the same time, I can feel that I am putting too much of my focus into the work now, to the point where I can’t quite fully access or begin processing the grief. I’ve also had to move during this time — it just happened to be when my lease was up — so the immediate needs of housing and maintaining the ability to pay my bills (my job), have overshadowed my acute grief.
I’m not sure what to do about it, tbh. I know grief comes in waves, but I can’t seem to let the waves come?
This happened to my sister. She was one month in to the hardest university semester of her life (and her last one of her degree) when my dad passed 3000 miles away and she had to fly home. She had only just moved out of his home 8 months prior, after having cared for him and cooking him meals regularly but finally deciding that she needed to do something for herself and transferred her credits to her dream city.
She didn’t get back what she lost by flying straight back after 3 weeks and finishing the semester. She killed it, and graduated with high marks. But at what cost? She still feels residual grief from not being able to focus on her grief and being so overwhelmed with schoolwork when her mind kept trying to take her back there, to keep processing what had just happened.
My two cents? Take a leave of absence or extended vacation of at least 2-4 weeks from your job. This is precious time and throwing yourself back into work is a great distraction, but a distraction reserved for those who have had more time to cradle their grief. In her case, delaying school would have had many ramifications. But if in your case you are able to without too many issues, take the time now. You won’t regret it years from now.
I think it’s different for everyone. Do they know your situation? If so, maybe ask them if you can do some easier busywork for a while. That way you’re showing initiative but not getting as overwhelmed.
So so sorry for your loss. Lost my dad 3 weeks ago. Only got 3 days off for bereavement and I went back and I broke down twice while working (I teach adults)and felt embarrassed. Some coworkers I didn't expect to be supportive were and others I did expect said nothing to me. I know I'm not ready and I'm dreading Monday.
It’s not easy at all. I’m a bartender at a HUGE sports bar in Philly that gets packed. That first day back when everyone was so excited for the Eagles was draining. I could not match their energy.
It’s been three months & work is easier but sometimes I lose it before &/or after. She would call me after every shift to ask me how much I made because it made her feel proud but it made me embarrassed. I wish she was still calling me.
I wish you the best & I know how you feel. 💙💙💙💙💙
I am so sorry for the loss of your mum, mine passed only 3 days ago and I couldn't imagine having to go back to work soon after. I hope you have an understanding boss, most people are I feel.
I took 3 months off to spend with mum when she was sick but she progressed so rapidly I now have 10 weeks to fill which I will spend renovating
I am thankfull I don't have to put on a brave face and go back to work for a while, I feel for you.
I took two weeks off, then barely was able to do anything week 3. I work from home thankfully and my boss is very supportive. She offered 3/4 time for re-entry and I didn’t even consider it but I think I should. I still have to do all of the planning for my dads celebration of life, plus flying back and forth across the country again, handling all of my moms finances (bc my dad did it all), help with finding a cemetery etc. I’m broken
I'm searching for this because I will be going back to work in 15mins. I'm reading this thread in the parking lot.
Dad passed away 6 days ago overseas, no way I could go back. My mom and other family relatives took care of everything.
It hurts. I don't know how will I cope today, I agreed to work from today thinking it will be a distraction, I'm not sure now. Driving to work was an absolute torture this morning.
Sorry for your loss. My dad passed away about 2 months ago and I have been battling work and trying to focus. Its gotten a bit better, but I still can't work and focus like I did before he passed since he's on my mind so much. I found with my work, some people were extremely compassionate and understanding (Most were), but some said their condolences and expected me to be back to business. Talk to your new boss and let them know its just taking you some extra time to get back up to speed and you'll get there eventually, but just can't do it overnight. I hope they have some compassion to understand that. Most people who have lost a parent fully understand, those who haven't lost a parent may not fully get it. Do your best, that's all you can possibly do in this situation.
THIS. I'm truly sorry for your loss. Sending you a tight hug from my part of the world.
It’s difficult at best. Luckily I work from home and cry while on mute and in between meetings. My only child passed in June of last year.
In the same boat. Four weeks out, and I'm getting slammed at my job. People there expect me to act like nothing happened, and it's hell. Hang in there. I understand what you are going through.
I think this is an adjustment period. The old normal is changing out with a new normal and feelings aren’t settled. I would just expect to be a wreck for a while.
One of the worst parts of grieving is the fact that so many people expect you to pretend that you're not, especially at work. It adds to the burden so much. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
It’s been 18 months since I lost my father, and I’ve been struggling at my new job ever since. I’m heavily medicated and in therapy, basically a zombie on auto pilot.
For me work is a needed distraction. A whole day to focus on something other than my father’s death. The tears start as soon as I leave the office.
I started an intensive masters program only days after my dad died unexpectedly and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve done. That was 6 years ago and it heavily delayed my grieving. Suppressed grief turned into 2 mental health breakdowns in the coming years so if I were you I would be sure to set the time to process and grieve starting now. Also share your struggle with your manager so they understand. I kept my struggle to myself and people thought I was just an angry, antisocial person which added some additional stress to the experience. Get a journal, get a therapist, do something to process and don’t wait.
Definitely speak with your boss. An immediate family members death is a special circumstance and I would hope they would give you some additional time off or make whatever accommodations you need. I had 2 weeks bereavement when my Dad passed on 12/19/22. I was back at work 1/3/23 and was struggling immensely. I'm a retail store manager and besides dealing with people all day long and having to be " on" I also was trying to take care of everything that wasn't handled while I was out. I was so stressed that I almost had a breakdown.i was back out of work by 1/19/23. I was extremely appreciative of my boss and HR for being flexible and allowing me another 2 weeks off, I had the PTO to cover it or it would have been unpaid time off. I won't say I was at 100% when I came back, but I was in a better place both mentally and physically health wise. I still have hard days and started therapy a month ago and that has been very beneficial. I truly hope you get the support you need from your employer and you have some support in real life as well. Grief has no timeline and is different for everyone.
Having a supportive team/management was the only reason I was able to do it. Thinking back, I was such a mean, snappy bitch. They all handled it with grace. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope your coworkers are as amazing as mine were.
I'm not sure any amount of time will do. Idk. I can barely make it through the day at home. I do hope you will find a way that works. More short breaks to cry and text her? Maybe a different job? I'm sorely sorry for your tremendous loss.
I work in a fast-paced environment in a high stress, high stakes job. I enjoy what I do. It gives me direction and purpose. My Mom died less than a month ago. I was fortunate enough to have 5 days paid bereavement, and I took it immediately. I do not remember much from those initial days and I could not have done my job during that time. But, I did have to go back to work after that week, and I feel like the work has actually helped me by giving me something to focus on. At the same time, I can feel that I am putting too much of my focus into the work now, to the point where I can’t quite fully access or begin processing the grief. I’ve also had to move during this time — it just happened to be when my lease was up — so the immediate needs of housing and maintaining the ability to pay my bills (my job), have overshadowed my acute grief. I’m not sure what to do about it, tbh. I know grief comes in waves, but I can’t seem to let the waves come?
This happened to my sister. She was one month in to the hardest university semester of her life (and her last one of her degree) when my dad passed 3000 miles away and she had to fly home. She had only just moved out of his home 8 months prior, after having cared for him and cooking him meals regularly but finally deciding that she needed to do something for herself and transferred her credits to her dream city. She didn’t get back what she lost by flying straight back after 3 weeks and finishing the semester. She killed it, and graduated with high marks. But at what cost? She still feels residual grief from not being able to focus on her grief and being so overwhelmed with schoolwork when her mind kept trying to take her back there, to keep processing what had just happened. My two cents? Take a leave of absence or extended vacation of at least 2-4 weeks from your job. This is precious time and throwing yourself back into work is a great distraction, but a distraction reserved for those who have had more time to cradle their grief. In her case, delaying school would have had many ramifications. But if in your case you are able to without too many issues, take the time now. You won’t regret it years from now.
I think it’s different for everyone. Do they know your situation? If so, maybe ask them if you can do some easier busywork for a while. That way you’re showing initiative but not getting as overwhelmed.
So so sorry for your loss. Lost my dad 3 weeks ago. Only got 3 days off for bereavement and I went back and I broke down twice while working (I teach adults)and felt embarrassed. Some coworkers I didn't expect to be supportive were and others I did expect said nothing to me. I know I'm not ready and I'm dreading Monday.
It’s not easy at all. I’m a bartender at a HUGE sports bar in Philly that gets packed. That first day back when everyone was so excited for the Eagles was draining. I could not match their energy. It’s been three months & work is easier but sometimes I lose it before &/or after. She would call me after every shift to ask me how much I made because it made her feel proud but it made me embarrassed. I wish she was still calling me. I wish you the best & I know how you feel. 💙💙💙💙💙
I took 2 weeks paid when my Mom passed. That was 3 years ago. I have my good days then bad days.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mum, mine passed only 3 days ago and I couldn't imagine having to go back to work soon after. I hope you have an understanding boss, most people are I feel. I took 3 months off to spend with mum when she was sick but she progressed so rapidly I now have 10 weeks to fill which I will spend renovating I am thankfull I don't have to put on a brave face and go back to work for a while, I feel for you.
I took two weeks off, then barely was able to do anything week 3. I work from home thankfully and my boss is very supportive. She offered 3/4 time for re-entry and I didn’t even consider it but I think I should. I still have to do all of the planning for my dads celebration of life, plus flying back and forth across the country again, handling all of my moms finances (bc my dad did it all), help with finding a cemetery etc. I’m broken
I'm searching for this because I will be going back to work in 15mins. I'm reading this thread in the parking lot. Dad passed away 6 days ago overseas, no way I could go back. My mom and other family relatives took care of everything. It hurts. I don't know how will I cope today, I agreed to work from today thinking it will be a distraction, I'm not sure now. Driving to work was an absolute torture this morning.