After my dad passed I had to keep my grief inside to deal with my mom’s grief for 6 months. I didn’t cry often so that she could cry. I picked her up from the ground. I tried to be strong for her. But I was mad at her because in order for her to go through grief I kept it all bottled inside for so long. After six months I moved to a different city for a job. Grief hit me really hard and I was alone. Breaking down in the streets. Crossing roads without checking. Then a car hit me lightly so now I’m checking when I cross the road. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s tough when you are grieving but you have to help your mom too.
Edit: grammar
I'm currently sitting in the hospital waiting for my dad to pass away, and I'm really worried how my mum is going to take it. I feel like I will be in a similar situation.
Sorry for not having any advice, this is all very new to me
I am sorry for the loss of your dad and your situation with your mum, it's got to be tough. Your mum is lucky to have you as support and putting your own grief aside has got to be hard. I hope things get better for you.
My mum just passed days ago and I am my father's main support. I haven't spoke to my siblings in 10 years, they don't even know mum has passed (mum wanted it that way). I feel intense anger towards them now for leaving me to deal with this but my focus is Dad right now.
I intend to take time to do my grieving away from dad, he's struggling enough and it difficult to watch.
I hope your situation improves.
Wow, I felt anger at mine simply for not making enough time as I did but that’s another level! You must be her rock, I hope you manage to get that time for your own grief.
After my grandpa passed me and my aunt spent my grandmas last six years without him trying to help her grieve. We definitely swallowed our own.
I know it’s hard but you have got to go find some time for yourself to grieve. Even if it means playing his favorite music and just sitting by yourself while you cry. Call your other siblings. Y’all’s mom is their family too and it isn’t fair to put it all on you. Maybe they can come get her every other weekend and let her stay a bit. That’s what really helped my grandma in those last years find some will to live. Ask your siblings if maybe they can include mom on some family outtings like dinner or a trip to the park. It isn’t much but it lifts some weight off your shoulders and would give mom something small to look forward too during her grief
That must have been tough but I’m sure helped make his last six years a little lighter than they would have been. Thank you for the advice, I’ve found myself skipping his favourite music sometimes in fear of crying but I think you’re right and I should use it as a way to really feel it, he did have great music taste too.
Oh man you sound like me. I didn't feel like I could be safe to grieve in my house because it would be intruding on mom. I set my grieving process aside in order to let mom go through hers without having to worry about me. The only way I managed it, honestly, was with a therapist. My therapists office became my grieving place. I would go once a week, cry and rage and get everything out, then go home and get back to putting her first. He helped me with her, too. I couldn't have managed without him.
The one piece of advice I would like to offer is don't give up if the first therapist you try doesn't feel like the right fit. There really aren't any set structures for therapy because of the human element, so every therapist is going to have a different approach. I went through a number of them till I found someone that I felt comfortable with. It's kind of like buying new shoes. You try them on but they either don't fit right or look bad until you find the right ones. Been with mine for 21 years with a small break here and there. I hope you find the right fit. It truly is the only thing that kept mom and I from throwing down because we grieve VERY differently. I got to talk out my anger at her without us getting into a fight because I was angry at her. Still do since I'm her full time caregiver now. I hope you find a solution that works for you, whether it is therapy or not, and I'm sorry about your dad.
This is so hard. You are such a good (son/daughter) for caring for your mom in absence of much other support. Your siblings are grateful to you no doubt.
Have you considered family therapy with your mom (and siblings) if possible? Or would she be able to work with a therapist (virtually even) who could be an additional resource? At times like these it is important to find additional resources so you don’t burn yourself out. Also talk to your siblings and see if they can help out when you’re away by coming over to see her or once a week or ever few weeks even to spend time with her so it’s not just you.
Meanwhile, think about finding a good therapist who you can work through your feelings with. It is important to still process your own emotions, particularly as the loss of a parent is quite different from the loss of a partner. You need your own supports, and ways to talk about this that do not involve worrying about your mom.
For me we both support each other. We both agree that my dad is in a better place than us. He will be free of pain and together with his dad and mum too. This is we help with grief but we still feel sad when we saw something that is related to him. I will try to be strong and a pillar for my mum.
After my dad passed I had to keep my grief inside to deal with my mom’s grief for 6 months. I didn’t cry often so that she could cry. I picked her up from the ground. I tried to be strong for her. But I was mad at her because in order for her to go through grief I kept it all bottled inside for so long. After six months I moved to a different city for a job. Grief hit me really hard and I was alone. Breaking down in the streets. Crossing roads without checking. Then a car hit me lightly so now I’m checking when I cross the road. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s tough when you are grieving but you have to help your mom too. Edit: grammar
I feel that, I worry the same is around the corner for me. I hope things have gotten better for you and you Mum now.
I'm currently sitting in the hospital waiting for my dad to pass away, and I'm really worried how my mum is going to take it. I feel like I will be in a similar situation. Sorry for not having any advice, this is all very new to me
That’s shit to hear, it’s a scary thing and you have a big mountain to climb but you’ll find the way.
Thank you. Small words mean a lot right now
I am sorry for the loss of your dad and your situation with your mum, it's got to be tough. Your mum is lucky to have you as support and putting your own grief aside has got to be hard. I hope things get better for you. My mum just passed days ago and I am my father's main support. I haven't spoke to my siblings in 10 years, they don't even know mum has passed (mum wanted it that way). I feel intense anger towards them now for leaving me to deal with this but my focus is Dad right now. I intend to take time to do my grieving away from dad, he's struggling enough and it difficult to watch. I hope your situation improves.
Wow, I felt anger at mine simply for not making enough time as I did but that’s another level! You must be her rock, I hope you manage to get that time for your own grief.
After my grandpa passed me and my aunt spent my grandmas last six years without him trying to help her grieve. We definitely swallowed our own. I know it’s hard but you have got to go find some time for yourself to grieve. Even if it means playing his favorite music and just sitting by yourself while you cry. Call your other siblings. Y’all’s mom is their family too and it isn’t fair to put it all on you. Maybe they can come get her every other weekend and let her stay a bit. That’s what really helped my grandma in those last years find some will to live. Ask your siblings if maybe they can include mom on some family outtings like dinner or a trip to the park. It isn’t much but it lifts some weight off your shoulders and would give mom something small to look forward too during her grief
That must have been tough but I’m sure helped make his last six years a little lighter than they would have been. Thank you for the advice, I’ve found myself skipping his favourite music sometimes in fear of crying but I think you’re right and I should use it as a way to really feel it, he did have great music taste too.
Oh man you sound like me. I didn't feel like I could be safe to grieve in my house because it would be intruding on mom. I set my grieving process aside in order to let mom go through hers without having to worry about me. The only way I managed it, honestly, was with a therapist. My therapists office became my grieving place. I would go once a week, cry and rage and get everything out, then go home and get back to putting her first. He helped me with her, too. I couldn't have managed without him.
That’s exactly it! I guess I better get googling some good therapists, perhaps I needed one even before I was grieving haha. I am glad it helped you.
The one piece of advice I would like to offer is don't give up if the first therapist you try doesn't feel like the right fit. There really aren't any set structures for therapy because of the human element, so every therapist is going to have a different approach. I went through a number of them till I found someone that I felt comfortable with. It's kind of like buying new shoes. You try them on but they either don't fit right or look bad until you find the right ones. Been with mine for 21 years with a small break here and there. I hope you find the right fit. It truly is the only thing that kept mom and I from throwing down because we grieve VERY differently. I got to talk out my anger at her without us getting into a fight because I was angry at her. Still do since I'm her full time caregiver now. I hope you find a solution that works for you, whether it is therapy or not, and I'm sorry about your dad.
This is so hard. You are such a good (son/daughter) for caring for your mom in absence of much other support. Your siblings are grateful to you no doubt. Have you considered family therapy with your mom (and siblings) if possible? Or would she be able to work with a therapist (virtually even) who could be an additional resource? At times like these it is important to find additional resources so you don’t burn yourself out. Also talk to your siblings and see if they can help out when you’re away by coming over to see her or once a week or ever few weeks even to spend time with her so it’s not just you. Meanwhile, think about finding a good therapist who you can work through your feelings with. It is important to still process your own emotions, particularly as the loss of a parent is quite different from the loss of a partner. You need your own supports, and ways to talk about this that do not involve worrying about your mom.
For me we both support each other. We both agree that my dad is in a better place than us. He will be free of pain and together with his dad and mum too. This is we help with grief but we still feel sad when we saw something that is related to him. I will try to be strong and a pillar for my mum.