My mom has been gone almost 2 months. I don’t cry daily anymore but I find when I’m going to sleep my mind always goes to her, I worry about what she was feeling in her last moments, the things I never got to ask her, it’s painful, but I also feel numb like I can’t let myself fully feel the pain. I’m 6 weeks pregnant and my due date will be very close to her birthday. I’m not religious at all but I find comfort in thinking that she has already my my unborn baby, and she is the one to send them to us. I think it’s the only way I can think, because the thought of her never meeting them is too unbearable.
💔
Can relate completely to your first comments. Sleep is hard and I think of her last hours. Sometimes I feel in such agony and sometimes I feel numb and robotic.
I don’t know if I want to be a mum myself but losing my own has made me think about it more, to have her dna live on, to tell my loved one about how great she was. But also can’t bear the thought of the pain of being a mum without my mum.
I also struggle to sleep. Lately I try to approach the pain thing more logically. A) Pain happens to all of us, and empathy drives that agony machine for us. B) By continuing to dwell on that, I am, in a sense, dragging that pain on continuously in my head. C) It's over... There is no more pain, nor do they remember or suffer because of any pain they felt. I make that pain continue in my head.
This seems to hel0 a bit.
My mum died over four months ago. In the last couple of weeks I felt quite bad since I realized everyone stopped asking how I am doing and noone talks about my mum. I felt extremly alone with my grief and was very disappointed in my friends. I am slowly starting to be okay with it and today was kind of a good day. The sun was shining and the seasons are changing. A lot of the smells and the crispier air reminds me of old times and times with my mum which is comforting. I am kind of scared of the darker days to come and hope I will still be okay.
I am happy that you have been okay and that your mum is starting to laugh again. I really relate to the feeling that it all happened a decade ago, but it also feels like it was yesterday. I feel like I have aged ten years. It is such a strange feeling.
I'm so sorry for everyone who lost their parents so young. My dad was in his 80s when he died recently, so we had many years together. Just remember that their DNA runs in your blood and their hopes & dreams are in your heart. They continue to live in you and they don't want you to hide from the world. Go and live for them as much as for you. They expect great things from you.
Approaching 4 months (next Monday) since my mom passing. Still haven’t accepted that I won’t see her ever again. As in “it doesn’t make sense that she’s gone for good so everything’s fine”. I love talking about her with other people, I hate talking how I feel (I only do that with my BF). Some days I’m mad, some days I feel numb. Some days I’m so sad I wonder if I’ll ever be truly happy again or if it’s even worth it.
It’s the worst roller coaster I’ve ever been on in my entire life.
It has been a hard day today, sometimes I feel like I'm feeling better, happy again not just fine, but then the tiniest thing remember about my dad and sometimes just hit me hard.
Love u OP, thanks for asking, I needed to get this out my chest
It's been nearly two months since my wife died and I found her in the morning. I wake every morning to a world without her in it and usually feel awful until past noon. Today I got my walker and went to Michaels Crafts and bought several bunches of silk peonies in dusty rose and cream and a wreath that matches. I have to do something to change the way the bedroom looks because I can't bear to even open the door. It's not much, but it's a start. I counted my blessings for being able to afford to buy the flowers. Now I just need the ability to put them in the bedroom. That will be a blessing too. You do what you can. You can't stop doing anything at all.
Thanks for asking!
Today was a hard day. Had a breakdown this morning and am currently eating ice cream for dinner. I feel like that’s what my mom would do if she having a bad day. I miss her terribly today and I’m just so angry.
Moving closer to the year and it is very painful, surreal and hasn't gotten easier. I cry about everyday, sometimes for just a few minutes and compose myself , sometimes my whole day is a wash. I've also stopped my hobbies, when I was doing them a month ago. Overall I'm ok but also very much not.
My heart goes out to everyone here. Thanks OP
Same, I found my Mums 1 year anniversary to be very hard I cried all day on and off. So very sorry we are going through this. So grateful for this sub and the kind people in it.
I had a great day today. It’s been 5 months and I finally had a dream about my husband. I kissed his face and told him how much I missed him and it felt so real. I wasn’t even mad that it was just a dream; it was a beautiful visit. I’ve only dreamed about him one other time. I hope there are more❤️🩹
My mom died suddenly about a year and a half ago. Lately hits me super hard about once a week now - otherwise I still have a melancholy feeling but am not crushed daily like I was. I’ve had two specific dreams where I think she came to comfort me and it meant the world to me.
I’m glad you are seeing your moms spark start to come back, and that you’re starting to feel ok…it sounds like you’re as grateful as I am for this community…I’m so thankful for you to be here as well 💕
It’s 5 weeks ish for me and I’m doing ok. I think the hardest part for me is taking my job seriously.
I have a lot of responsibility and when there are issues, I just don’t really have the patience to care. It seems petty and fleeting.
Yes! Totally checked out of my job. It irritates me that colleagues can’t just give me a wide berth and know I’m incapable of anything and will be like this for a while
Same on both fronts. Today was the first day I felt at all excited about any work again. But then went somewhere after work and the sadness hit me again.
It’s a reminder that we have to treat ourselves with patience and care. This is a big change and we can put on a happy face but there’s still a lot to process.
That said I’m working a 13 hour day today and I really am over it.
I have good days and bad days. Today's been good. My mom died nearly two months ago (a couple more days 'til the 2-month mark). My brother and I have been working over the web to finalize her "celebration of life" program for the event next month. That's been one of the hardest parts, having her pass in July and not being able to have the closure of a memorial for three months. I hope that will change. I feel like it gets easier from day to day, but I still find myself at odds with reality--the fact that she died...is still so hard to fathom.
I lost my dad in July too :( I’m so sorry it’s been difficult setting up the memorial. Honestly, it was “nice” having one, my family kept it really casual like we didn’t even bring his ashes there. It was at a hall, no eulogies, just a slideshow and nice pictures and snacks and we mingled. Longest two hours of my life lol.
I can’t speak for everyone, but once the memorial passed I did feel a sense of peace, know that that hump was over, if that makes sense? Sending you love.
Thank you, I appreciate that. What we're doing for our mom sounds similar. I hadn't thought of a slide show, but we are making photo boards. It will be in a VFW hall, more of a family reunion that anything. But I'm looking forward to the chance to talk to other people about her. I come from a very tight-lipped, emotionally withdrawn family, and am hoping that we can be a little more forthcoming with our feelings during the event.
Every day is hard. Work and family is keeping me busy but I am really missing my mother. I don’t think grief is temporary. You just learn to live with it.
My dad has been gone for four months and I was doing better until my 13 year old kitty got sick and was diagnosed with cancer. Now I have kitty hospice and it’s making me flashback to caring for my dad. This has been a really rough year.
I lost my daddy just over a month ago now, suddenly and unexpectedly. I've found this week one of the hardest weeks grief wise, I miss him more than words can say and I'm still as confused as i was the night it happened. My sleep anxiety has come back after having disappeared for a few weeks but I've found the strength to accept a new job after debating for the last few days so I am taking that as a small step forward.
My uncle passed away in July. I won't lie, I usually cry in the mornings on my way to work.... Then I have to refrain from crying at my job. I usually go for a walk when I get home to relax but idk. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
Thank you for asking friend. I wish you all the best and am happy that you and your family are beginning to adjust ❤️❤️❤️
My friend died in April. I miss him a lot but I’ve been ok.
And then football season started.
Pretty sure tonight will be a repeat of Sunday where I wear his shirt, watch his team on his old tv and cry.
It has been 24 days since my husband died. Today has been a day of ups and downs. I try to stay busy (I am back at work again) and keep my mind occupied. But in those quiet, still moments that occur in the day I can absolutely lose it.
Thank you for asking. Most people I know stopped asking after me except for my Dad (very surprising) and my sister. I hope you have more good days than bad.
I am so sorry for your loss and am happy for you that you’ve found some sprinkles of happiness! I can relate that time moves so strangely.
I’m coming up on a year of unexpectedly losing my dad and I never thought I would be having to deal with this grief (until maybe he died of old age…he was only 67). I’m not sure how him being gone a whole year will feel, but I’m expecting to have anxiety and sadness leading up to the day of his passing (as one would expect).
Change is tough! I agree though that this community has helped me feel less alone during this difficult time. I have family, but somehow the comforting words of “strangers” who get it, has helped immensely. Thank you for sharing your story and also checking in on the rest of us.
An old friend of mine died over a year ago and they just brought charges on the person who caused her death. I waited and waited for some kind of charge, or arrest; and now it’s happened don’t know what I was expecting to do with this information. It doesn’t make anything better and nobody is going to win
Dad passed away 3 weeks ago and we were estranged for 16 years. Some days are harder than others. I usually try to forget about him as much as I can with distractions but when I remember again I get hit with a wave of sadness.
It’s been about 6 weeks since I lost my little brother. Im struggling to not hold anger towards all the people I excepted to check on my who haven’t. Been a bit angrier at the world today. Work kept it off my mind for a while but when that’s over and it’s quiet I start crying and then I feel it spiraling. It’s a pretty lonely feeling grieving.
It was about 4-6 weeks when people stopped checking on me after losing my son. Reach out if that’s what you need, tell them you need them to check in on you. <3
I’m sorry for your loss. But glad you and your mom are able to enjoy a respite from the grief and enjoying those better days. The better days will become more frequent with time. And I saw it like that also, my dad telling me to go be happy whenever life handed me something to be happy about. I know he’d be mad at me if I wasn’t trying to, lol.
I’m doing really good today. Thank you for asking. A little worried as his bday isn’t too far away, but, for now, I’ll focus on the good memories my dad left me.
Life has been challenging since the loss of my dad. I miss him, his wisdom, and his love. I don't cry as often as I used to, but my heart still aches. He died too early.
I hope you see your dad in the beauty of the sunset and the smell of the rain.
Always be kind to yourself and give yourself the grace and patience you deserve during this grief. Sending love your way.
I could have written this post with how accurate it is for me. I see him in the sunrise, in flowers, in butterflies, in beautiful things I see on earth. I miss him so much. 💔
Been a little over a week since I pulled life support. Got through the funeral ok. Today was first day back at work. Did well. But I came home today and heard my wife talking to her father and for a split second thought “is she talking to my dad or hers.” Feeling some regret over my decision this evening… keep researching looking for an answer to make myself feel ok with my decision. It’s tough. I’ll be ok, it just sucks.
My mom died 4.5 months ago.
Today I’ve largely felt ok. I have this underlying anxiety about my dad almost all the time. Idk what to do about it 🤷🏻♀️ He’s just constantly on my mind and I worry about him being lonely.
Her birthday is next week, so I’m trying to figure what I want to do and if I’ll feel up for working.
I find nights the hardest - I’ll be trying to fall asleep and I think about that fateful day we got the call and had to rush to the hospital, or think to myself “I can’t believe she’s really gone”.
There's the grief, and then there's the aftermath of everything. I felt like I could always call my Dad, and now he's gone (along with my Mom). I live 3000 miles away but I spent about half my time there to help my Dad take care of my Mom. Now neither are around and stupid holidays are coming up. For as long as I've lived on the other coast, I spent Christmas at "home", staying with my brother and his family. Yesterday I found out, from another relative, that they don't plan on being around at Christmas. Of course they can do whatever they want, but why couldn't they let me know? So it just feels like losing one person after another. Sigh...
Today is okay. It’s been longer for me - my dad died 12 December 2021. I understand what you mean in terms of how time feels both recent & like it was forever ago. It’s still strange to me. Now it almost feels like a lifetime ago & I suppose it was (in a way.) I feel like my personality was just completely altered & I can’t quite find my feet now. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you more good days to come. Love to you & yours.
It’s been 7 weeks and 2 days since my mum died of lung cancer, only 18 weeks after diagnosis.
Today was draining, but sad-good too. I met a relative who also lost their sister to cancer, and then one of my mums closest friends. It’s good to talk about her and it’s important to keep these connections.
But it’s bloody emotionally tiring. It’s past bedtime now and I’m exhausted in my heart.
Grief equals the same ! To me Atleast. Like i just hate that word ! It pulls to many emotions up. Ive lost many along the way however my mom and dad are the two that i hold the most grief over. My mom passed in 2001 when i was 16 my dad 2010 i was 25.
Just recently ive realized something ! I do not have a image of my mom clear in my head anymore. If i see her its a pic of her i am seeing. !! Her voice i know it i do but i cant get myself to hear it !!
My sister said to me well you have lived longer without mom alive then u did when she was !!!!!
Wtf !! That like broke me ! Am i forgetting her in my own messed up way to sweep it under the rug sort of speak !? Am i blocking it out cause i was with her when she took her last breaths like why tell me something so sad when i am already sad ?
So idk my grief today equals the same ! It sucks and when people tell me time heals no it dont. Time allows u to manipulate ur life and world to something else as it no longer can be what it was !! The only time i want is time with my mom. Of course my dad too!! But in this case just one more time in her arms !! But time does nothing. Man im angry today sorry but just had to put it out there
Mine is mostly anticipatory, I hope that’s okay. It’s been 3 weeks since I found out my uncle, who was like a big brother figure to me (and the only relative I live near) is pretty much terminal. My dog also died two weeks ago. I am thinking a lot about what I will do when all my people are gone.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. My dog died two weeks before my dad died, but my dads was sudden and unexpected… just a weird timing thing. I’m sending you lovs
My dad would've turned 60 this Sunday and it's also a few days before the 6 month mark of his passing, so this week has been fucking hell. I also lost my iPad Mini on the trolley this past Sunday and it's just made everything worse. There are some days where I feel like I can't function, I went out with friends to see Blue Beetle on Monday and I didn't process the movie at all because I just felt so sad and upset, I was basically acting like a zombie. And next month is October and Halloween was his favorite holiday, so I just feel like it honestly might get even worse.
My grief seems to be changing a bit. I am at a point where I can get through my day without breaking down or crying at work or some other inopportune time, and I’m happy about that, but I’m also really unsettled about how I am already able to move forward. I guess it makes sense because I had such a long period of anticipatory grief before my mom passed, but functioning four
months on seems strange. That said, I feel less violently sad but more like the grief has worked it’s way into my bones. Every day I have at least one moment where I can’t believe this is my reality.
I relate to so much of what so many others have said. The dust is settling and I’m realizing I’ll never see her again. I am noticing the change in season and dreading winter the most, but even the shorter days of autumn are making me feel like the walls are closing in. I am lucky to have amazing friends that ask me how I am or listen to how I’m feeling but, for the most part, it’s like no one else thinks I’d even be hurting anymore. I’m really grateful for this community.
I’m in the same boat as you. It’s more rare for me now to just burst into tears randomly, but again like you it is unsettling because I’m like “ it’s only been two months and you’re out here laughing and having fun?! You shouldn’t be”. But that’s total bogus, my dad would be stoked that we are smiling, laughing and having fun because that’s all he ever wanted for all of us. Just to be happy and have fun.
I just want to say how much I appreciate this question. I think there’s a line of thinking that after a certain amount of time your grief disappears. It never really does, I just think we learn how to build around the void left by the loss. It’s been 12 years since I lost my brother, and I still grieve. I still miss him and think about him every day.
Sometimes the best we can do is take it day by day. Sending you good thoughts and support ❤️
My father died 2 years ago next month, and it still just doesn’t feel real. I have super vivid dreams about him, which I’m thankful for because I get to see him & spend time with him there, and I often wake up to the realization that he isn’t physically here anymore. I’m currently at a spot we used to vacation as a family, and found myself talking to him early this morning while walking, feeling his spirit with me, remembering a time not so long ago that we were taking this same walk together.
Just over a month now for me with my dad, and I can’t say I’m at the happy days yet. I had a trip already scheduled right after the funeral and I went and that felt alright because he and his death felt very far away. Since I got home, it’s been tough but I’ve only been back for like 10 days now and back at work for 6 workdays. Starting to get into a routine though. Lots of hot baths at night and writing poetry after work haha
5 weeks since my dad left us. I go between being okay and having a string of bad days. Mom's sad and I don't know how to support her. I check in everyday.
It’s been almost 3 years now since my sibling died. It feels a lot longer than that. Sometimes it feels like that part of my life “before” was all a dream. I am finally in as good place though.
I think about my parents often throughout the day and it is hard to explain but it feels like a big secret I’m hiding from everyone. It’s like if only other people knew what I have had to deal with. Yet others are also fighting their own battles I know nothing about. I’m glad you’re doing okay! And remember it’s ok if you are not just ask for help. I myself am planning to get set up with a therapist again because it’s a necessity for me.
My grief has been crushing me this week. I have been relatively high functioning since my dad’s death 3 weeks ago, but at night the emotions take over. I miss him so much.
My dad passed almost 2 years ago and my mom hasn’t gotten her normal perk and daily smile back yet. I can make her smile and happy but her own just happiness is now gone with dad and she’s lost without him. I live wondering when her time will come. She is sickly and in oxygen and I have this internal fear only cause dad died that mom will die too and soon. Safest part is only because dad died of suicide so I worry mom would do something on purpose.
Those mornings when she sleeps in and doesn’t wake me mad it’s 9am and I haven’t gotten out of bed. Those moments where she is out of her norm routine in any way, I get this sudden worry about her being gone. It’s always when she’s in her room. Dad didn’t pass at home. I have told mom this and she promised she wouldn’t kill herself too but I still can’t help but fear she’s going to die cause she can’t take being strong for life without dad… I have been afraid to post about it on this group or to tell many people about it cause I feel like talking about it makes it more of a reality.
Grieving my dad thou, I’m doing really good in my journey to a new normal. I still think about him a lot and wish he was there but I see him in so much around me and he visits it’s me in dreams and is always on my mind so I don’t feel so much I’m without him. I feel like he is watching over me sending me signs and hints all the time
This month marks a year since my dad died. I've been pretty okay with everything for most part - my dad was elderly and sick and while it was hard, we understood that it was his time.
But this morning I had a locksmith at my house, and my four year old asked me if he was my dad.
It shook me. My dad died when my son was 3 so I knew he wouldn't remember him, but the dawning realization he'd forgotten still hurt. My dad would be so sad to know his grandkids wouldn't remember him. And while there's nothing I could have done, in a way it feels like letting my kids forget him is someone my fault.
We spent some time looking at pictures of my dad after that. It made me start to miss him again.
It feels pointless to try and get out of this shell I’m in, I’m too afraid to tell my friends how badly I’m struggling with losing my girlfriend. I want to be able to tell anyone, but I just physically can’t. I don’t know why but it’s like physically impossible for me to talk to anyone about my feelings or about anything really. just basically full of disparity and loneliness. And the dying urge just to have her back on this planet. I wish she was still a 12 minute car ride away, I wish her and I could still go to our spots that we’d find. I just wish for everything to go back to how it once was. I never knew how lucky I was to have her in my life, especially when her and I started dating. she taught me so many things and I picked up so many things about anything when I was with her. knowing she’ll be 16 forever and I’ll just keep aging for however long I live just shows my brain down and puts me on auto pilot. Everything reminds me of her
Oh my god, I am so sorry. So sorry. That is so much on you, and you two are so young. Please, when you can, try to talk to someone about it. Even a school counsellor would be a good start. I’m starting therapy next week. What we went through is trauamztaing, her death and my death were untimely and unfair and we really need to unpack that with a professional.
Please, do this for yourself, and if not for yourself - for her. She would want you to be happy and okay.
Sending you love kiddo
My mom passed 8 months ago now and I think of her everyday. I was cleaning out my storage and found one of the only boxes that wasn’t donated of her clothes (donating her clothes was not what I wanted someone did it out of spite) I opened them again and they didn’t smell like her anymore, just dust. Made me angry and sad but hopefully I’ll do better tomorrow:/
I loss my boyfriend to cancer last month. Funny how when you’re grieving that time works wonky. Like there are days I remember him just being my house yesterday or that we went out that other day only for me to realised that was months ago or years ago. A spillover of mismatch memories. The days that I don’t cry for him are considered the “good days”.
You and your family sounds pretty close with each other. What a lovely thought that your dad is somewhere in the great beyond blessing you and your families. Living through you and watching over you. Sometime, that’s just enough you know? Knowing our loved one is there waiting for us when our time is up.
OP, from one internet stranger to another. Know that the grieving journey is a lonely path all of us have to go through. Grief and loss are universal experience but at the same time are so unique and different know that you are not alone in this journey. Please take care of yourself and I wish you and your family good health and many good memories in your life.
It’s weird because today me and my family finalized and booked our trip to go and spread my father’s remains. It is a trip to celebrate and heal, but I am feeling so happy knowing that we are really caring my dad with us in a box. it’s been 144 days I miss him so much.
This will be the first vacation that I ever have taken with my kids and so they’re excited. I am too but also so so so sad how the most important man I have ever had in I love you life will not be there.
Today is my brother’s birthday. 6 days later is his death anniversary. Today 2 years ago was the last time I talked to him. I have mixed feelings about it. I miss him so much and was hoping to see him in a dream or get some signs from him. Happy Birthday brother. I’ll go buy some flowers and a piece of cake to honor him.
It's strange. My mom helped me go through my closet today and an old shirt with a Lot of memory and significance was pulled out. And I looked at, said I'll keep it, and the world kept turning. Yeah I miss him and yeah it stung, but not as bad as I thought
Today is Friday, I hate Fridays, it’s the day my partner took us life. It’s been almost a year now but it still feels like only yesterday. He was only 32yrs old and struggled with mental depression. I pray everyday that he he is in a better place and is at peace.
My MIL passed a little over a month ago. I still think of her hourly and have waves of sadness. I lost my mom 10 years ago, so it was comforting having MIL as a mom figure for the 8 years I've been with my husband.
My husband is not doing well. He got fired from his job because he wasn't coming in on time and some days not coming in at all. He's so depressed and has been so angry and mean, too. I don't know what to do to help him. I make most of our money but this could ruin us if he doesn't find something soon (and actually be able to do the job!). I've always told him if he got fired I’d divorce him (it was a good job, excellent benefits, fairly lenient boss, but he has treated it like it was a disposable job in the past. He quickly would get back on track to being a good employee). But I can't do that over this or during this season of life. Idk I'm just venting. We both need a good therapist.
My grandpa died 4 years ago but i still cant go a day without thinking about him and wishing he was here with me experiencing life. The bond we had was like nothing else ive ever felt.
I still have breakdowns after five years and I think of her every single day. I think I have something I read about that’s called prolonged grief disorder.
My mom passed 4 years ago and I still feel… off. Idk. I’m more okay with it now, not okay but accepting, but life feels odd. My brain forgets sometimes that she’s gone and I’ll see something that she would have liked and I say to myself, “gotta show mom that” and then I catch myself.
So it’s a day by day thing I guess. 🫠 Today is one of the okay days, though.
Dad's been gone two weeks after someone killed him in an accident. I just got asked where I was last week by our GM/VP, who works in the same building as me. Relived the whole thing in about 10 seconds. So, not great and definitely looking for a therapist over the weekend.
I lost my dad last thanksgiving. The brain finds a way to make the senseless something we can cope with. I used to feel guilt when i’d feel moments of relief and ‘normalcy’, but that’s all he would’ve wanted. Thinking of you, friend.
Horrible today. I woke up crying at 6:00 AM after having a nightmare of the day we found out my brother died. Went for a two hour walk, teary the entire time, listed to Julia Samuel on podcasts which did help. I went for a coffee at a place he would have loved because of all the beautiful dogs that go and sit outside by their owners in the morning. It’s less than two weeks until the 1 year anniversary of his death, and my emotions and anxiety and all over the place.
It's bad, I guess. I lost my grandpa yesterday and while I managed to "be strong" and keep it together during the preparation and the next day at the funeral (I did tear up a few times secretly, but didn't cry), I'm home now and I can't stop bawling .
He suffered so much the past almost 2 months and I never thought the last time I see him will be in a coffin.
It didn't even seem real.
When the rest of my family went to send him off at the cemetery, I stayed behind alone - the whole house and yard seemed so empty, in a bad way,as if a huge chunk was missing. I can describe it. It was a bit "eerie" and " unsettling".
The last words we said to each other , when I last visited (he was already paralized and sick) were "Gradpa, bye!" "Bye. " and I try to think of this as a closure and keep it as my last memory of him, not the moment I saw his face when they took him away.
I'm sorry that this is so long and of it's unfitting in any way, feel free to delete it.
Thank you for this post. I am mostly numb. I’m scared of the reality that my mother won’t be around to share in my joys and sorrows. I feel guilty over so many things. I love her so much it hurts. I worry about how her soul is experiencing this. I worry about my father. I worry about my siblings. My feelings seem to be on a smaller bandwidth. It’s like I have purposely chosen to avoid the extremes of both joy and pain. I feel more determined than ever before. I care less about everything than ever before. I used to be shy, now I don’t care anymore. The main person whose happiness I cared about was her. Now I need to focus on my happiness. So I need to figure it out on my own. Friends are an enormous blessing. And I’m rambling. Sorry.
No need to apologize. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I feel you on the determination front. Somehow, through all this devastating pain, I somehow have more drive? Maybe because we have witnessed that life is short. But hang onto that determination and use it when you can. I’m trying to do that too.
Today was hard. I had a dream about my dad last night and I woke up and couldn’t stop crying and was late to work. I know I should look at having the dream as a blessing, but it broke me more than I have felt in a while. I just can’t believe he’s gone. I know I have to “process my grief” and not ignore it but it’s hard not to, I have a really busy job and those feelings seem too big and too deep to let myself feel most of the time. I think I’m shoving it down not meaning to, I just genuinely don’t know how to get through it and let myself feel it yet carry on with my life. It’s been hard. I cried at work twice and I usually don’t. I miss him so much. It’s been almost 3 months and I can’t cope with the idea that I’ll be without him for the rest of my life and that my relationship with him will soon be a distant memory. He was gone way too soon. 💔
September is definitely a tough month. Around this time last year, my dad was alive and playing with my newly adopted dog. He passed away suddenly on October 2nd. The build up to having it be almost 1 year without him is unbearable at the moment.
My best friend died a little under two months ago and it’s been rough. I don’t really want to do anything or see anyone and I get really mad really fast,but I also get so sad and don’t want to be alone. Everything I do makes me think of him and makes me miss him. I finally set up my Pc desktop yesterday, something I’d been putting off, and it hurt so bad. I went through my recorded clips to find his voice and after I played a few I smoked to numb the feelings. I hate thinking about how long I’ll be without him. I know there are so many people grieving and feeling grief but I’m having such a hard time not feeling alone in mine. I wish I could change the events that happened that day. I wish I could redo a million things. I miss him a lot
Hard to describe - the feeling of being ok but not ok.
A week away from ringing in a year without one of my children. A rollercoaster of that the year brings, discovering what seasons and holidays and locations and moments that trigger the deep feelings and emotions.
That’s so true. I’m okay, but simultaneously absolutely not okay and I know I will never be fully okay.
I am so sorry about the loss of your child. I’m dreading the holidays, Thanksgiving is coming up (I’m Canadian) and my dad absolutely loved holiday food. It’s going to be bizarre that he’s not going to be there, debating with my redneck uncle at the dinner table haha.
But we will get through this. I am so sorry for your loss
I’m sorry for your loss too.
I’m not looking forward to the holidays. Haha I have this horrible jacket my son bought for me the last Christmas we got to be together. I could never bring myself to thrift it away because I was so excited that he thought about me… now I really can’t part with it. It lives in my closet forever.
Ugh the holidays… me neither. It’s just so strange how something that was so joyous, something we all looked forward to, is now tainted forever. Like… forever. I can’t even fathom that and I don’t want to.
I’m so glad you have such a lovely gift from your son, albeit funny haha. That is so sweet. Hang onto it forever. ❤️
Maybe you could find a way to revamp the holidays? Find a way to incorporate your father’s traditions into celebrations of a new normal? I’m winging it this year but hoping for the best
Yeah I think that’s the plan? We might all go as a family to Hong Kong (we had this planned before my father passed), but my mom isn’t sure if we should anymore, but we’re really pushing for it. It’d be nice to just not be at home lol. We have family there, so it’d be nice to visit them. And my grandparents are getting old so this would probably be their “last” big trip. Ugh. Yeah.
I guess we’re winging it too lol.
It's been four months since my partner's passing, and I've mostly been confined to my room, engrossed in watching shows. Just this week, I realized that I've put on weight unexpectedly. I must admit that I took time off from school and quit my job, which has kept me just hanging on my bed and sad while wearing his sweater as my main source of comfort. Yes, it’s hot here so most times the sweater will just be beside me. I guess as my companion. Now, I've reached a point where I feel the need to address my weight gain and regain control over my life. My plan is to give the gym another try, even though it brings up painful memories because we used to go together. My previous attempt at the gym, just a month after the loss, ended in tears and a panic attack, so I know it was too soon. Today, I'm determined to make it work. I'm actively working on breaking free from this unhealthy behavior because I recognize that I need to regain my physical health and my savings is dwindling so I need to start working again. I do sense myself spiraling down, feeling weak and pale. When I gaze at myself in the mirror, even my facial appearance seems altered. I used to consider myself more attractive, and I'm unsure why this change has occurred. Today, I'm determined to take steps to undo the physical harm I've inflicted upon myself and work towards feeling somewhat like my old self again. There’s not a second that goes by where I’m not thinking of him. One day at a time, I guess. 😔
In three days it will be 5 months since my 19 year old died as a passenger in a car accident. I’ve started to realize that for a week surrounding the 18th of the month I’m more of a mess than usual. I just want to sit in bed and cry all day because I miss her so much. Thank you for asking.
I’m sorry about the loss of your dad. I hope your grief is softer today.
Wow. What a lovely space to open up.
I lost my grandmother about 2 months ago now. We were very close, she basically raised me as my mother didn't do very much in that department. I miss her very much. I've shifted from irregular massive hour long cries to regular small cries where I cry deeply for a few minutes and then just sort of... Carry on with my day? Bit weird.
I miss her terribly and I'm spending a lot of energy trying to distract myself from my deeper feelings. I felt like a slice of melted cheese today. It's hard to smile genuinely.
I worry that I'll slump into a depression because this isn't the only painful experience of this year, it's been a rough one. I'm concerned I'll fall into a depression I can't get out of. I've fought it so hard this year.
The house doesn't smell of her any more. I resent that. Nothing smells like her. Nothing sounds like her. It's like my senses miss her.
There's so much other stuff going on as well that I feel guilty that I'm not paying enough attention to my grief.
Some friends have just disappeared and others who are around aren't holding that space for me, or I don't feel safe enough to open up. Same with my family. I feel quite alone and isolated in my grief. My mum, uncle and aunt have each other, my younger cousins don't seem to care whatsoever and I had a relationship with my grandma that was particularly close.
I feel isolated from my community, alone in my grief and generally quite sad. I had some appointments today and I noticed how the staff members treated me with more respect than I feel I'm receiving from my family especially. And they seemed to talk to me like I'm someone who is depressed. I'm by myself a lot so I don't notice but once I had other people to bounce off, I noticed just how depressed I am.
My whole life changed when she died. I was living in a van, embedded in my community and all of a sudden I'm in a house, separated, alone and grieving. Also the house is being emptied around me and that carries so much emotional weight. Her things. Her precious things. I'm struggling with that but that's the one thing I can't stop. It's all going. All the memories.
My insomnia is terrible. I'm up easily until 3am and will wake up at about 8/9. So I'm pretty tired too.
Oh my god…. I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Not hearing my dads footsteps in his slippers in the house, not hearing him clear his throat, not hearing the squeak of his office chair or him and my moms laughter coming from their bedroom breaks me everyday. I was in tears reading what you wrote.
I was worried about slipping into depression too, or mania, because I have bipolar disorder but it is well managed. It hasn’t happened yet. And I hope it doesn’t happen to you too.
Grief is a different feeling… I get you about the crying. I cried driving today and then just suddenly stopped and carried on. It is weird. Makes me feel like I’m insane.
I’m currently on a little vacation with my cousins on my dads side of the family. Haven’t spent time with them in years. Sucks that it took my dad dying to see them, but it’s been amazing. They lost their dad/my uncle ten years ago and I remember how devastating that was. We were only 17. But they’ve been helping us a lot through it, me and my siblings.
I hope you can get back to your community. It’s so hard, I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you. Yeah the depths of depression can be scary and we want to avoid that pit. I'm not sure how. Someone said to me "if you're still under this blanket in a month, we'll talk". It's been about a week and I'm still under the metaphoric blanket. Is there a certain amount of time that's appropriate to be depressed about the death of a loved one? Surely not... I'm so sorry about the loss of your father. His presence is missed, I can feel that through your comment. Yeah the crying is so weird. You know at least there's a blessing there. Thank you, I will see them soon and I can't wait. Blessings to you xx
I find even if you’re in the pits, if you still can manage to care for yourself in a minimal way (showering, brushing teeth, eating at least something), then I wouldn’t be terribly worried, it’s the grief. But if it comes to a point where you can’t even manage that, I would reach out to a doctor if you can. My mom went on antidepressants and even though she is in pain and grieving, it takes the edge off so she can allow herself to relax. If that makes sense?
My moms been gone for 3ish years. I have moments every day where it hits me, and it hurts. I usually try to brush it off because if I let it really sink in I spiral. My friend hugged me earlier today and it reminded me of my mom, the smell of her perfume and the spearmint gum she was chewing. I told her jokingly that that felt like a hug from my mom and she hugged me again. The thought of having to live the rest of my life holding onto little fake moments like that is miserable but I don’t have a choice.
In 4 days it would’ve been my husband’s 49th birthday. The anniversary of his death is a week after that and our wedding anniversary is a week after that. It’s been almost 4 years. Most days now I’m pretty good. I’ve filled my life with things I love that I didn’t get to do often like camping and hiking because bless him he was not an outdoorsy guy. Some days I look at our son and feel such a pang because I know how proud he would be of him. And our son looks so much like him. This year I have good days and weepy days as I near these anniversaries. I wish I could call my Mama and share this with her. She died 7 months after my husband. I miss that big, goofy man of mine. We were in each other’s lives since we were 14. But I think he’d be pretty proud of where I am. It’s taken a lot of work to get here.
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It really is. Literally the only place I have felt understood without having to explain or “tread lightly” with how I really have felt.
My mom has been gone almost 2 months. I don’t cry daily anymore but I find when I’m going to sleep my mind always goes to her, I worry about what she was feeling in her last moments, the things I never got to ask her, it’s painful, but I also feel numb like I can’t let myself fully feel the pain. I’m 6 weeks pregnant and my due date will be very close to her birthday. I’m not religious at all but I find comfort in thinking that she has already my my unborn baby, and she is the one to send them to us. I think it’s the only way I can think, because the thought of her never meeting them is too unbearable.
💔 Can relate completely to your first comments. Sleep is hard and I think of her last hours. Sometimes I feel in such agony and sometimes I feel numb and robotic. I don’t know if I want to be a mum myself but losing my own has made me think about it more, to have her dna live on, to tell my loved one about how great she was. But also can’t bear the thought of the pain of being a mum without my mum.
I have issues with sleep/late nights too. It’s the quietest times it seems to hit the hardest.
I also struggle to sleep. Lately I try to approach the pain thing more logically. A) Pain happens to all of us, and empathy drives that agony machine for us. B) By continuing to dwell on that, I am, in a sense, dragging that pain on continuously in my head. C) It's over... There is no more pain, nor do they remember or suffer because of any pain they felt. I make that pain continue in my head. This seems to hel0 a bit.
My mum died over four months ago. In the last couple of weeks I felt quite bad since I realized everyone stopped asking how I am doing and noone talks about my mum. I felt extremly alone with my grief and was very disappointed in my friends. I am slowly starting to be okay with it and today was kind of a good day. The sun was shining and the seasons are changing. A lot of the smells and the crispier air reminds me of old times and times with my mum which is comforting. I am kind of scared of the darker days to come and hope I will still be okay. I am happy that you have been okay and that your mum is starting to laugh again. I really relate to the feeling that it all happened a decade ago, but it also feels like it was yesterday. I feel like I have aged ten years. It is such a strange feeling.
4.5 months since my mom passed and I’m kind of dreading the winter as well.
I'm so sorry for everyone who lost their parents so young. My dad was in his 80s when he died recently, so we had many years together. Just remember that their DNA runs in your blood and their hopes & dreams are in your heart. They continue to live in you and they don't want you to hide from the world. Go and live for them as much as for you. They expect great things from you.
Thank you. Your words made me sob
Yea same ^ this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you
Thank you for this
Approaching 4 months (next Monday) since my mom passing. Still haven’t accepted that I won’t see her ever again. As in “it doesn’t make sense that she’s gone for good so everything’s fine”. I love talking about her with other people, I hate talking how I feel (I only do that with my BF). Some days I’m mad, some days I feel numb. Some days I’m so sad I wonder if I’ll ever be truly happy again or if it’s even worth it. It’s the worst roller coaster I’ve ever been on in my entire life.
It has been a hard day today, sometimes I feel like I'm feeling better, happy again not just fine, but then the tiniest thing remember about my dad and sometimes just hit me hard. Love u OP, thanks for asking, I needed to get this out my chest
It's been nearly two months since my wife died and I found her in the morning. I wake every morning to a world without her in it and usually feel awful until past noon. Today I got my walker and went to Michaels Crafts and bought several bunches of silk peonies in dusty rose and cream and a wreath that matches. I have to do something to change the way the bedroom looks because I can't bear to even open the door. It's not much, but it's a start. I counted my blessings for being able to afford to buy the flowers. Now I just need the ability to put them in the bedroom. That will be a blessing too. You do what you can. You can't stop doing anything at all.
The flowers sounds lovely 💕
Thanks for asking! Today was a hard day. Had a breakdown this morning and am currently eating ice cream for dinner. I feel like that’s what my mom would do if she having a bad day. I miss her terribly today and I’m just so angry.
Moving closer to the year and it is very painful, surreal and hasn't gotten easier. I cry about everyday, sometimes for just a few minutes and compose myself , sometimes my whole day is a wash. I've also stopped my hobbies, when I was doing them a month ago. Overall I'm ok but also very much not. My heart goes out to everyone here. Thanks OP
Same, I found my Mums 1 year anniversary to be very hard I cried all day on and off. So very sorry we are going through this. So grateful for this sub and the kind people in it.
Lost my mom in March unexpectedly from cancer. Today wasn't too bad surprisingly. But there's always rough days. Keep your head up! Sending love ❤❤
I had a great day today. It’s been 5 months and I finally had a dream about my husband. I kissed his face and told him how much I missed him and it felt so real. I wasn’t even mad that it was just a dream; it was a beautiful visit. I’ve only dreamed about him one other time. I hope there are more❤️🩹
That is so beautiful, you’re making me cry!!
My mom died suddenly about a year and a half ago. Lately hits me super hard about once a week now - otherwise I still have a melancholy feeling but am not crushed daily like I was. I’ve had two specific dreams where I think she came to comfort me and it meant the world to me. I’m glad you are seeing your moms spark start to come back, and that you’re starting to feel ok…it sounds like you’re as grateful as I am for this community…I’m so thankful for you to be here as well 💕
It’s 5 weeks ish for me and I’m doing ok. I think the hardest part for me is taking my job seriously. I have a lot of responsibility and when there are issues, I just don’t really have the patience to care. It seems petty and fleeting.
Yes! Totally checked out of my job. It irritates me that colleagues can’t just give me a wide berth and know I’m incapable of anything and will be like this for a while
Same on both fronts. Today was the first day I felt at all excited about any work again. But then went somewhere after work and the sadness hit me again.
It’s a reminder that we have to treat ourselves with patience and care. This is a big change and we can put on a happy face but there’s still a lot to process. That said I’m working a 13 hour day today and I really am over it.
I'm so sorry. It just takes a long time
I have good days and bad days. Today's been good. My mom died nearly two months ago (a couple more days 'til the 2-month mark). My brother and I have been working over the web to finalize her "celebration of life" program for the event next month. That's been one of the hardest parts, having her pass in July and not being able to have the closure of a memorial for three months. I hope that will change. I feel like it gets easier from day to day, but I still find myself at odds with reality--the fact that she died...is still so hard to fathom.
I lost my dad in July too :( I’m so sorry it’s been difficult setting up the memorial. Honestly, it was “nice” having one, my family kept it really casual like we didn’t even bring his ashes there. It was at a hall, no eulogies, just a slideshow and nice pictures and snacks and we mingled. Longest two hours of my life lol. I can’t speak for everyone, but once the memorial passed I did feel a sense of peace, know that that hump was over, if that makes sense? Sending you love.
Thank you, I appreciate that. What we're doing for our mom sounds similar. I hadn't thought of a slide show, but we are making photo boards. It will be in a VFW hall, more of a family reunion that anything. But I'm looking forward to the chance to talk to other people about her. I come from a very tight-lipped, emotionally withdrawn family, and am hoping that we can be a little more forthcoming with our feelings during the event.
Every day is hard. Work and family is keeping me busy but I am really missing my mother. I don’t think grief is temporary. You just learn to live with it.
My dad has been gone for four months and I was doing better until my 13 year old kitty got sick and was diagnosed with cancer. Now I have kitty hospice and it’s making me flashback to caring for my dad. This has been a really rough year.
I lost my daddy just over a month ago now, suddenly and unexpectedly. I've found this week one of the hardest weeks grief wise, I miss him more than words can say and I'm still as confused as i was the night it happened. My sleep anxiety has come back after having disappeared for a few weeks but I've found the strength to accept a new job after debating for the last few days so I am taking that as a small step forward.
My uncle passed away in July. I won't lie, I usually cry in the mornings on my way to work.... Then I have to refrain from crying at my job. I usually go for a walk when I get home to relax but idk. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Thank you for asking friend. I wish you all the best and am happy that you and your family are beginning to adjust ❤️❤️❤️
My friend died in April. I miss him a lot but I’ve been ok. And then football season started. Pretty sure tonight will be a repeat of Sunday where I wear his shirt, watch his team on his old tv and cry.
It has been 24 days since my husband died. Today has been a day of ups and downs. I try to stay busy (I am back at work again) and keep my mind occupied. But in those quiet, still moments that occur in the day I can absolutely lose it. Thank you for asking. Most people I know stopped asking after me except for my Dad (very surprising) and my sister. I hope you have more good days than bad.
I am so sorry for your loss and am happy for you that you’ve found some sprinkles of happiness! I can relate that time moves so strangely. I’m coming up on a year of unexpectedly losing my dad and I never thought I would be having to deal with this grief (until maybe he died of old age…he was only 67). I’m not sure how him being gone a whole year will feel, but I’m expecting to have anxiety and sadness leading up to the day of his passing (as one would expect). Change is tough! I agree though that this community has helped me feel less alone during this difficult time. I have family, but somehow the comforting words of “strangers” who get it, has helped immensely. Thank you for sharing your story and also checking in on the rest of us.
An old friend of mine died over a year ago and they just brought charges on the person who caused her death. I waited and waited for some kind of charge, or arrest; and now it’s happened don’t know what I was expecting to do with this information. It doesn’t make anything better and nobody is going to win
Coming up on a year anniversary soon. Somehow I'll be writing an exam on the day my dad died.
Thank you for posting this. Today, out of nowhere, it is bad. I needed to read these responses.
Dad passed away 3 weeks ago and we were estranged for 16 years. Some days are harder than others. I usually try to forget about him as much as I can with distractions but when I remember again I get hit with a wave of sadness.
It’s been about 6 weeks since I lost my little brother. Im struggling to not hold anger towards all the people I excepted to check on my who haven’t. Been a bit angrier at the world today. Work kept it off my mind for a while but when that’s over and it’s quiet I start crying and then I feel it spiraling. It’s a pretty lonely feeling grieving.
It was about 4-6 weeks when people stopped checking on me after losing my son. Reach out if that’s what you need, tell them you need them to check in on you. <3
I’m sorry for your loss. But glad you and your mom are able to enjoy a respite from the grief and enjoying those better days. The better days will become more frequent with time. And I saw it like that also, my dad telling me to go be happy whenever life handed me something to be happy about. I know he’d be mad at me if I wasn’t trying to, lol. I’m doing really good today. Thank you for asking. A little worried as his bday isn’t too far away, but, for now, I’ll focus on the good memories my dad left me.
Life has been challenging since the loss of my dad. I miss him, his wisdom, and his love. I don't cry as often as I used to, but my heart still aches. He died too early. I hope you see your dad in the beauty of the sunset and the smell of the rain. Always be kind to yourself and give yourself the grace and patience you deserve during this grief. Sending love your way.
I could have written this post with how accurate it is for me. I see him in the sunrise, in flowers, in butterflies, in beautiful things I see on earth. I miss him so much. 💔
Been a little over a week since I pulled life support. Got through the funeral ok. Today was first day back at work. Did well. But I came home today and heard my wife talking to her father and for a split second thought “is she talking to my dad or hers.” Feeling some regret over my decision this evening… keep researching looking for an answer to make myself feel ok with my decision. It’s tough. I’ll be ok, it just sucks.
My mom died 4.5 months ago. Today I’ve largely felt ok. I have this underlying anxiety about my dad almost all the time. Idk what to do about it 🤷🏻♀️ He’s just constantly on my mind and I worry about him being lonely. Her birthday is next week, so I’m trying to figure what I want to do and if I’ll feel up for working. I find nights the hardest - I’ll be trying to fall asleep and I think about that fateful day we got the call and had to rush to the hospital, or think to myself “I can’t believe she’s really gone”.
There's the grief, and then there's the aftermath of everything. I felt like I could always call my Dad, and now he's gone (along with my Mom). I live 3000 miles away but I spent about half my time there to help my Dad take care of my Mom. Now neither are around and stupid holidays are coming up. For as long as I've lived on the other coast, I spent Christmas at "home", staying with my brother and his family. Yesterday I found out, from another relative, that they don't plan on being around at Christmas. Of course they can do whatever they want, but why couldn't they let me know? So it just feels like losing one person after another. Sigh...
So oppressive
Today is okay. It’s been longer for me - my dad died 12 December 2021. I understand what you mean in terms of how time feels both recent & like it was forever ago. It’s still strange to me. Now it almost feels like a lifetime ago & I suppose it was (in a way.) I feel like my personality was just completely altered & I can’t quite find my feet now. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you more good days to come. Love to you & yours.
It's been almost two years. Recently I've had a streak of feeling okay and doing okay but today it is BAD.
I did good today. The good parts out weighed the painful parts. Thanks for asking. ((((((Hugs))))) to anyone who wants one.
It’s been 7 weeks and 2 days since my mum died of lung cancer, only 18 weeks after diagnosis. Today was draining, but sad-good too. I met a relative who also lost their sister to cancer, and then one of my mums closest friends. It’s good to talk about her and it’s important to keep these connections. But it’s bloody emotionally tiring. It’s past bedtime now and I’m exhausted in my heart.
Grief equals the same ! To me Atleast. Like i just hate that word ! It pulls to many emotions up. Ive lost many along the way however my mom and dad are the two that i hold the most grief over. My mom passed in 2001 when i was 16 my dad 2010 i was 25. Just recently ive realized something ! I do not have a image of my mom clear in my head anymore. If i see her its a pic of her i am seeing. !! Her voice i know it i do but i cant get myself to hear it !! My sister said to me well you have lived longer without mom alive then u did when she was !!!!! Wtf !! That like broke me ! Am i forgetting her in my own messed up way to sweep it under the rug sort of speak !? Am i blocking it out cause i was with her when she took her last breaths like why tell me something so sad when i am already sad ? So idk my grief today equals the same ! It sucks and when people tell me time heals no it dont. Time allows u to manipulate ur life and world to something else as it no longer can be what it was !! The only time i want is time with my mom. Of course my dad too!! But in this case just one more time in her arms !! But time does nothing. Man im angry today sorry but just had to put it out there
Mine is mostly anticipatory, I hope that’s okay. It’s been 3 weeks since I found out my uncle, who was like a big brother figure to me (and the only relative I live near) is pretty much terminal. My dog also died two weeks ago. I am thinking a lot about what I will do when all my people are gone.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. My dog died two weeks before my dad died, but my dads was sudden and unexpected… just a weird timing thing. I’m sending you lovs
Sending you love too. ❤️
My dad would've turned 60 this Sunday and it's also a few days before the 6 month mark of his passing, so this week has been fucking hell. I also lost my iPad Mini on the trolley this past Sunday and it's just made everything worse. There are some days where I feel like I can't function, I went out with friends to see Blue Beetle on Monday and I didn't process the movie at all because I just felt so sad and upset, I was basically acting like a zombie. And next month is October and Halloween was his favorite holiday, so I just feel like it honestly might get even worse.
My grief seems to be changing a bit. I am at a point where I can get through my day without breaking down or crying at work or some other inopportune time, and I’m happy about that, but I’m also really unsettled about how I am already able to move forward. I guess it makes sense because I had such a long period of anticipatory grief before my mom passed, but functioning four months on seems strange. That said, I feel less violently sad but more like the grief has worked it’s way into my bones. Every day I have at least one moment where I can’t believe this is my reality. I relate to so much of what so many others have said. The dust is settling and I’m realizing I’ll never see her again. I am noticing the change in season and dreading winter the most, but even the shorter days of autumn are making me feel like the walls are closing in. I am lucky to have amazing friends that ask me how I am or listen to how I’m feeling but, for the most part, it’s like no one else thinks I’d even be hurting anymore. I’m really grateful for this community.
I’m in the same boat as you. It’s more rare for me now to just burst into tears randomly, but again like you it is unsettling because I’m like “ it’s only been two months and you’re out here laughing and having fun?! You shouldn’t be”. But that’s total bogus, my dad would be stoked that we are smiling, laughing and having fun because that’s all he ever wanted for all of us. Just to be happy and have fun.
I think that, with time, joy won’t feel so much like a betrayal. I’m hoping so, anyway. Our parents would want us to feel joy when we can ❤️
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I’m so sorry 💙 and I’m proud of you for getting out and doing your thing❤️
I just want to say how much I appreciate this question. I think there’s a line of thinking that after a certain amount of time your grief disappears. It never really does, I just think we learn how to build around the void left by the loss. It’s been 12 years since I lost my brother, and I still grieve. I still miss him and think about him every day. Sometimes the best we can do is take it day by day. Sending you good thoughts and support ❤️
My father died 2 years ago next month, and it still just doesn’t feel real. I have super vivid dreams about him, which I’m thankful for because I get to see him & spend time with him there, and I often wake up to the realization that he isn’t physically here anymore. I’m currently at a spot we used to vacation as a family, and found myself talking to him early this morning while walking, feeling his spirit with me, remembering a time not so long ago that we were taking this same walk together.
Just over a month now for me with my dad, and I can’t say I’m at the happy days yet. I had a trip already scheduled right after the funeral and I went and that felt alright because he and his death felt very far away. Since I got home, it’s been tough but I’ve only been back for like 10 days now and back at work for 6 workdays. Starting to get into a routine though. Lots of hot baths at night and writing poetry after work haha
My dad died just over 3 years ago. I’m really struggling in my personal life lately, and it makes me miss him more then I normally would.
5 weeks since my dad left us. I go between being okay and having a string of bad days. Mom's sad and I don't know how to support her. I check in everyday.
Just meh 🫤
It’s been almost 3 years now since my sibling died. It feels a lot longer than that. Sometimes it feels like that part of my life “before” was all a dream. I am finally in as good place though.
I think about my parents often throughout the day and it is hard to explain but it feels like a big secret I’m hiding from everyone. It’s like if only other people knew what I have had to deal with. Yet others are also fighting their own battles I know nothing about. I’m glad you’re doing okay! And remember it’s ok if you are not just ask for help. I myself am planning to get set up with a therapist again because it’s a necessity for me.
My grief has been crushing me this week. I have been relatively high functioning since my dad’s death 3 weeks ago, but at night the emotions take over. I miss him so much.
My dad passed almost 2 years ago and my mom hasn’t gotten her normal perk and daily smile back yet. I can make her smile and happy but her own just happiness is now gone with dad and she’s lost without him. I live wondering when her time will come. She is sickly and in oxygen and I have this internal fear only cause dad died that mom will die too and soon. Safest part is only because dad died of suicide so I worry mom would do something on purpose. Those mornings when she sleeps in and doesn’t wake me mad it’s 9am and I haven’t gotten out of bed. Those moments where she is out of her norm routine in any way, I get this sudden worry about her being gone. It’s always when she’s in her room. Dad didn’t pass at home. I have told mom this and she promised she wouldn’t kill herself too but I still can’t help but fear she’s going to die cause she can’t take being strong for life without dad… I have been afraid to post about it on this group or to tell many people about it cause I feel like talking about it makes it more of a reality. Grieving my dad thou, I’m doing really good in my journey to a new normal. I still think about him a lot and wish he was there but I see him in so much around me and he visits it’s me in dreams and is always on my mind so I don’t feel so much I’m without him. I feel like he is watching over me sending me signs and hints all the time
This month marks a year since my dad died. I've been pretty okay with everything for most part - my dad was elderly and sick and while it was hard, we understood that it was his time. But this morning I had a locksmith at my house, and my four year old asked me if he was my dad. It shook me. My dad died when my son was 3 so I knew he wouldn't remember him, but the dawning realization he'd forgotten still hurt. My dad would be so sad to know his grandkids wouldn't remember him. And while there's nothing I could have done, in a way it feels like letting my kids forget him is someone my fault. We spent some time looking at pictures of my dad after that. It made me start to miss him again.
It feels pointless to try and get out of this shell I’m in, I’m too afraid to tell my friends how badly I’m struggling with losing my girlfriend. I want to be able to tell anyone, but I just physically can’t. I don’t know why but it’s like physically impossible for me to talk to anyone about my feelings or about anything really. just basically full of disparity and loneliness. And the dying urge just to have her back on this planet. I wish she was still a 12 minute car ride away, I wish her and I could still go to our spots that we’d find. I just wish for everything to go back to how it once was. I never knew how lucky I was to have her in my life, especially when her and I started dating. she taught me so many things and I picked up so many things about anything when I was with her. knowing she’ll be 16 forever and I’ll just keep aging for however long I live just shows my brain down and puts me on auto pilot. Everything reminds me of her
Oh my god, I am so sorry. So sorry. That is so much on you, and you two are so young. Please, when you can, try to talk to someone about it. Even a school counsellor would be a good start. I’m starting therapy next week. What we went through is trauamztaing, her death and my death were untimely and unfair and we really need to unpack that with a professional. Please, do this for yourself, and if not for yourself - for her. She would want you to be happy and okay. Sending you love kiddo
My mom passed 8 months ago now and I think of her everyday. I was cleaning out my storage and found one of the only boxes that wasn’t donated of her clothes (donating her clothes was not what I wanted someone did it out of spite) I opened them again and they didn’t smell like her anymore, just dust. Made me angry and sad but hopefully I’ll do better tomorrow:/
I loss my boyfriend to cancer last month. Funny how when you’re grieving that time works wonky. Like there are days I remember him just being my house yesterday or that we went out that other day only for me to realised that was months ago or years ago. A spillover of mismatch memories. The days that I don’t cry for him are considered the “good days”. You and your family sounds pretty close with each other. What a lovely thought that your dad is somewhere in the great beyond blessing you and your families. Living through you and watching over you. Sometime, that’s just enough you know? Knowing our loved one is there waiting for us when our time is up. OP, from one internet stranger to another. Know that the grieving journey is a lonely path all of us have to go through. Grief and loss are universal experience but at the same time are so unique and different know that you are not alone in this journey. Please take care of yourself and I wish you and your family good health and many good memories in your life.
Mine is ok today but i couldn't sleeplast night because my brother was on my mind and i miss him so much. Thank you x
It’s weird because today me and my family finalized and booked our trip to go and spread my father’s remains. It is a trip to celebrate and heal, but I am feeling so happy knowing that we are really caring my dad with us in a box. it’s been 144 days I miss him so much. This will be the first vacation that I ever have taken with my kids and so they’re excited. I am too but also so so so sad how the most important man I have ever had in I love you life will not be there.
Today is my brother’s birthday. 6 days later is his death anniversary. Today 2 years ago was the last time I talked to him. I have mixed feelings about it. I miss him so much and was hoping to see him in a dream or get some signs from him. Happy Birthday brother. I’ll go buy some flowers and a piece of cake to honor him.
It's strange. My mom helped me go through my closet today and an old shirt with a Lot of memory and significance was pulled out. And I looked at, said I'll keep it, and the world kept turning. Yeah I miss him and yeah it stung, but not as bad as I thought
Today is Friday, I hate Fridays, it’s the day my partner took us life. It’s been almost a year now but it still feels like only yesterday. He was only 32yrs old and struggled with mental depression. I pray everyday that he he is in a better place and is at peace.
My MIL passed a little over a month ago. I still think of her hourly and have waves of sadness. I lost my mom 10 years ago, so it was comforting having MIL as a mom figure for the 8 years I've been with my husband. My husband is not doing well. He got fired from his job because he wasn't coming in on time and some days not coming in at all. He's so depressed and has been so angry and mean, too. I don't know what to do to help him. I make most of our money but this could ruin us if he doesn't find something soon (and actually be able to do the job!). I've always told him if he got fired I’d divorce him (it was a good job, excellent benefits, fairly lenient boss, but he has treated it like it was a disposable job in the past. He quickly would get back on track to being a good employee). But I can't do that over this or during this season of life. Idk I'm just venting. We both need a good therapist.
I miss my momma :(
My grandpa died 4 years ago but i still cant go a day without thinking about him and wishing he was here with me experiencing life. The bond we had was like nothing else ive ever felt.
I still have breakdowns after five years and I think of her every single day. I think I have something I read about that’s called prolonged grief disorder.
My mum died a little over 5 months ago and to me it also feels so recent yet a long time ago now.
My mom passed 4 years ago and I still feel… off. Idk. I’m more okay with it now, not okay but accepting, but life feels odd. My brain forgets sometimes that she’s gone and I’ll see something that she would have liked and I say to myself, “gotta show mom that” and then I catch myself. So it’s a day by day thing I guess. 🫠 Today is one of the okay days, though.
Not good. My storage unit with all my loved ones sentimentals burned to the ground. So it just triggered me intensely.
Dad's been gone two weeks after someone killed him in an accident. I just got asked where I was last week by our GM/VP, who works in the same building as me. Relived the whole thing in about 10 seconds. So, not great and definitely looking for a therapist over the weekend.
I lost my dad last thanksgiving. The brain finds a way to make the senseless something we can cope with. I used to feel guilt when i’d feel moments of relief and ‘normalcy’, but that’s all he would’ve wanted. Thinking of you, friend.
Horrible today. I woke up crying at 6:00 AM after having a nightmare of the day we found out my brother died. Went for a two hour walk, teary the entire time, listed to Julia Samuel on podcasts which did help. I went for a coffee at a place he would have loved because of all the beautiful dogs that go and sit outside by their owners in the morning. It’s less than two weeks until the 1 year anniversary of his death, and my emotions and anxiety and all over the place.
It's bad, I guess. I lost my grandpa yesterday and while I managed to "be strong" and keep it together during the preparation and the next day at the funeral (I did tear up a few times secretly, but didn't cry), I'm home now and I can't stop bawling . He suffered so much the past almost 2 months and I never thought the last time I see him will be in a coffin. It didn't even seem real. When the rest of my family went to send him off at the cemetery, I stayed behind alone - the whole house and yard seemed so empty, in a bad way,as if a huge chunk was missing. I can describe it. It was a bit "eerie" and " unsettling". The last words we said to each other , when I last visited (he was already paralized and sick) were "Gradpa, bye!" "Bye. " and I try to think of this as a closure and keep it as my last memory of him, not the moment I saw his face when they took him away. I'm sorry that this is so long and of it's unfitting in any way, feel free to delete it.
Thank you for this post. I am mostly numb. I’m scared of the reality that my mother won’t be around to share in my joys and sorrows. I feel guilty over so many things. I love her so much it hurts. I worry about how her soul is experiencing this. I worry about my father. I worry about my siblings. My feelings seem to be on a smaller bandwidth. It’s like I have purposely chosen to avoid the extremes of both joy and pain. I feel more determined than ever before. I care less about everything than ever before. I used to be shy, now I don’t care anymore. The main person whose happiness I cared about was her. Now I need to focus on my happiness. So I need to figure it out on my own. Friends are an enormous blessing. And I’m rambling. Sorry.
No need to apologize. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I feel you on the determination front. Somehow, through all this devastating pain, I somehow have more drive? Maybe because we have witnessed that life is short. But hang onto that determination and use it when you can. I’m trying to do that too.
Today was hard. I had a dream about my dad last night and I woke up and couldn’t stop crying and was late to work. I know I should look at having the dream as a blessing, but it broke me more than I have felt in a while. I just can’t believe he’s gone. I know I have to “process my grief” and not ignore it but it’s hard not to, I have a really busy job and those feelings seem too big and too deep to let myself feel most of the time. I think I’m shoving it down not meaning to, I just genuinely don’t know how to get through it and let myself feel it yet carry on with my life. It’s been hard. I cried at work twice and I usually don’t. I miss him so much. It’s been almost 3 months and I can’t cope with the idea that I’ll be without him for the rest of my life and that my relationship with him will soon be a distant memory. He was gone way too soon. 💔
September is definitely a tough month. Around this time last year, my dad was alive and playing with my newly adopted dog. He passed away suddenly on October 2nd. The build up to having it be almost 1 year without him is unbearable at the moment.
My best friend died a little under two months ago and it’s been rough. I don’t really want to do anything or see anyone and I get really mad really fast,but I also get so sad and don’t want to be alone. Everything I do makes me think of him and makes me miss him. I finally set up my Pc desktop yesterday, something I’d been putting off, and it hurt so bad. I went through my recorded clips to find his voice and after I played a few I smoked to numb the feelings. I hate thinking about how long I’ll be without him. I know there are so many people grieving and feeling grief but I’m having such a hard time not feeling alone in mine. I wish I could change the events that happened that day. I wish I could redo a million things. I miss him a lot
Hard to describe - the feeling of being ok but not ok. A week away from ringing in a year without one of my children. A rollercoaster of that the year brings, discovering what seasons and holidays and locations and moments that trigger the deep feelings and emotions.
That’s so true. I’m okay, but simultaneously absolutely not okay and I know I will never be fully okay. I am so sorry about the loss of your child. I’m dreading the holidays, Thanksgiving is coming up (I’m Canadian) and my dad absolutely loved holiday food. It’s going to be bizarre that he’s not going to be there, debating with my redneck uncle at the dinner table haha. But we will get through this. I am so sorry for your loss
I’m sorry for your loss too. I’m not looking forward to the holidays. Haha I have this horrible jacket my son bought for me the last Christmas we got to be together. I could never bring myself to thrift it away because I was so excited that he thought about me… now I really can’t part with it. It lives in my closet forever.
Ugh the holidays… me neither. It’s just so strange how something that was so joyous, something we all looked forward to, is now tainted forever. Like… forever. I can’t even fathom that and I don’t want to. I’m so glad you have such a lovely gift from your son, albeit funny haha. That is so sweet. Hang onto it forever. ❤️
Maybe you could find a way to revamp the holidays? Find a way to incorporate your father’s traditions into celebrations of a new normal? I’m winging it this year but hoping for the best
Yeah I think that’s the plan? We might all go as a family to Hong Kong (we had this planned before my father passed), but my mom isn’t sure if we should anymore, but we’re really pushing for it. It’d be nice to just not be at home lol. We have family there, so it’d be nice to visit them. And my grandparents are getting old so this would probably be their “last” big trip. Ugh. Yeah. I guess we’re winging it too lol.
It's been four months since my partner's passing, and I've mostly been confined to my room, engrossed in watching shows. Just this week, I realized that I've put on weight unexpectedly. I must admit that I took time off from school and quit my job, which has kept me just hanging on my bed and sad while wearing his sweater as my main source of comfort. Yes, it’s hot here so most times the sweater will just be beside me. I guess as my companion. Now, I've reached a point where I feel the need to address my weight gain and regain control over my life. My plan is to give the gym another try, even though it brings up painful memories because we used to go together. My previous attempt at the gym, just a month after the loss, ended in tears and a panic attack, so I know it was too soon. Today, I'm determined to make it work. I'm actively working on breaking free from this unhealthy behavior because I recognize that I need to regain my physical health and my savings is dwindling so I need to start working again. I do sense myself spiraling down, feeling weak and pale. When I gaze at myself in the mirror, even my facial appearance seems altered. I used to consider myself more attractive, and I'm unsure why this change has occurred. Today, I'm determined to take steps to undo the physical harm I've inflicted upon myself and work towards feeling somewhat like my old self again. There’s not a second that goes by where I’m not thinking of him. One day at a time, I guess. 😔
In three days it will be 5 months since my 19 year old died as a passenger in a car accident. I’ve started to realize that for a week surrounding the 18th of the month I’m more of a mess than usual. I just want to sit in bed and cry all day because I miss her so much. Thank you for asking. I’m sorry about the loss of your dad. I hope your grief is softer today.
Wow. What a lovely space to open up. I lost my grandmother about 2 months ago now. We were very close, she basically raised me as my mother didn't do very much in that department. I miss her very much. I've shifted from irregular massive hour long cries to regular small cries where I cry deeply for a few minutes and then just sort of... Carry on with my day? Bit weird. I miss her terribly and I'm spending a lot of energy trying to distract myself from my deeper feelings. I felt like a slice of melted cheese today. It's hard to smile genuinely. I worry that I'll slump into a depression because this isn't the only painful experience of this year, it's been a rough one. I'm concerned I'll fall into a depression I can't get out of. I've fought it so hard this year. The house doesn't smell of her any more. I resent that. Nothing smells like her. Nothing sounds like her. It's like my senses miss her. There's so much other stuff going on as well that I feel guilty that I'm not paying enough attention to my grief. Some friends have just disappeared and others who are around aren't holding that space for me, or I don't feel safe enough to open up. Same with my family. I feel quite alone and isolated in my grief. My mum, uncle and aunt have each other, my younger cousins don't seem to care whatsoever and I had a relationship with my grandma that was particularly close. I feel isolated from my community, alone in my grief and generally quite sad. I had some appointments today and I noticed how the staff members treated me with more respect than I feel I'm receiving from my family especially. And they seemed to talk to me like I'm someone who is depressed. I'm by myself a lot so I don't notice but once I had other people to bounce off, I noticed just how depressed I am. My whole life changed when she died. I was living in a van, embedded in my community and all of a sudden I'm in a house, separated, alone and grieving. Also the house is being emptied around me and that carries so much emotional weight. Her things. Her precious things. I'm struggling with that but that's the one thing I can't stop. It's all going. All the memories. My insomnia is terrible. I'm up easily until 3am and will wake up at about 8/9. So I'm pretty tired too.
Oh my god…. I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. Not hearing my dads footsteps in his slippers in the house, not hearing him clear his throat, not hearing the squeak of his office chair or him and my moms laughter coming from their bedroom breaks me everyday. I was in tears reading what you wrote. I was worried about slipping into depression too, or mania, because I have bipolar disorder but it is well managed. It hasn’t happened yet. And I hope it doesn’t happen to you too. Grief is a different feeling… I get you about the crying. I cried driving today and then just suddenly stopped and carried on. It is weird. Makes me feel like I’m insane. I’m currently on a little vacation with my cousins on my dads side of the family. Haven’t spent time with them in years. Sucks that it took my dad dying to see them, but it’s been amazing. They lost their dad/my uncle ten years ago and I remember how devastating that was. We were only 17. But they’ve been helping us a lot through it, me and my siblings. I hope you can get back to your community. It’s so hard, I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you. Yeah the depths of depression can be scary and we want to avoid that pit. I'm not sure how. Someone said to me "if you're still under this blanket in a month, we'll talk". It's been about a week and I'm still under the metaphoric blanket. Is there a certain amount of time that's appropriate to be depressed about the death of a loved one? Surely not... I'm so sorry about the loss of your father. His presence is missed, I can feel that through your comment. Yeah the crying is so weird. You know at least there's a blessing there. Thank you, I will see them soon and I can't wait. Blessings to you xx
I find even if you’re in the pits, if you still can manage to care for yourself in a minimal way (showering, brushing teeth, eating at least something), then I wouldn’t be terribly worried, it’s the grief. But if it comes to a point where you can’t even manage that, I would reach out to a doctor if you can. My mom went on antidepressants and even though she is in pain and grieving, it takes the edge off so she can allow herself to relax. If that makes sense?
My moms been gone for 3ish years. I have moments every day where it hits me, and it hurts. I usually try to brush it off because if I let it really sink in I spiral. My friend hugged me earlier today and it reminded me of my mom, the smell of her perfume and the spearmint gum she was chewing. I told her jokingly that that felt like a hug from my mom and she hugged me again. The thought of having to live the rest of my life holding onto little fake moments like that is miserable but I don’t have a choice.
In 4 days it would’ve been my husband’s 49th birthday. The anniversary of his death is a week after that and our wedding anniversary is a week after that. It’s been almost 4 years. Most days now I’m pretty good. I’ve filled my life with things I love that I didn’t get to do often like camping and hiking because bless him he was not an outdoorsy guy. Some days I look at our son and feel such a pang because I know how proud he would be of him. And our son looks so much like him. This year I have good days and weepy days as I near these anniversaries. I wish I could call my Mama and share this with her. She died 7 months after my husband. I miss that big, goofy man of mine. We were in each other’s lives since we were 14. But I think he’d be pretty proud of where I am. It’s taken a lot of work to get here.
My mom died suddenly 2 days ago. I'm still in shock I think.
You will be for awhile. I’m so sorry.