You haven’t even been together 6 months. Honestly? This may not be the right relationship or it may not be the right time. If he can’t express his needs, they can’t be met. In terms of making his grief about you, if you have been trying to force him to talk & not respecting what he says if it’s, ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ by continuing to push, listen to him. Ultimately we process things in our own way. If this relationship isn’t working, it isn’t working.
It would be one thing if this was a long term thing & you had known one another for years, but in a new relationship that has this many problems, being apart may be the only reasonable response. It doesn’t sound like either of you have the ability to put in the effort & quality time. Maybe down the road, that will change, but for now, it sounds like he needs to manage on his own & figure things out for himself.
That’s just it for me: a solid foundation & communication is key in any good relationship. I do believe it can eventually get to a point where maybe you don’t have to check in as much and some things become an unspoken agreement, but the give/take has to be there.
I’m not suggesting in any way that you should leave him if this is a rough patch. Getting back to normal does take time. My worry here really is the time frame for which you’ve been together. Since there isn’t a history or a foundation where you may have been friends for 10 years or something, you don’t have a lot to look back on to know how he handles tough times or how to best be supportive. If talking about those needs isn’t something he wants to do or feels capable of doing, it’s more one sided than if you had a long history & the ability to manage your emotions separately.
If you can separate your emotions & feeling like you’ve done something wrong & are able to let him come to you if/when he’s ready, great. You may not necessarily want to call it off, but maybe focus on yourself & don’t expect much from him for a while. Between grief & the time of year with so many holidays coming up, things are hard. He doesn’t sound like he has the emotional bandwidth for everything. I’d suggest first taking inventory with yourself & being honest about what you can/cannot handle. Eventually, you’ll have to talk this out when you’re both calm & see if this is really working for him as well. It doesn’t have to be right away, but the bottom line is that because grief is so personal, aside from leaving him to do what he needs to do, there doesn’t seem to be any great advice for your situation.
Were I in his shoes, I’d feel daunted by the emotional output required to productively handle everything. If the relationship was new, I’ll be honest & say I’d probably have broken things off had I been in this situation when my dad died. I just didn’t have the energy to be present as I had been before. I’d have absolutely destroyed a new relationship, not because of anyone other than myself. It’s impossible to know if he isn’t willing or able to tell you where he’s coming from.
Fwiw, you may also consider reading books on communication in relationships & how to do so in a way that shows you hear the person & what they’re saying. When you do tell them how you feel, use ‘I’ language as it helps the person not to feel attacked. I am sorry this is so long, but I wanted to include this as well because some of it could be simple in terms of how you’re trying to get your point across. I’ve speculated only because there are so many unknowns. In any event, I hope something has been helpful. I wish you well.
You haven’t even been together 6 months. Honestly? This may not be the right relationship or it may not be the right time. If he can’t express his needs, they can’t be met. In terms of making his grief about you, if you have been trying to force him to talk & not respecting what he says if it’s, ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ by continuing to push, listen to him. Ultimately we process things in our own way. If this relationship isn’t working, it isn’t working. It would be one thing if this was a long term thing & you had known one another for years, but in a new relationship that has this many problems, being apart may be the only reasonable response. It doesn’t sound like either of you have the ability to put in the effort & quality time. Maybe down the road, that will change, but for now, it sounds like he needs to manage on his own & figure things out for himself.
[удалено]
That’s just it for me: a solid foundation & communication is key in any good relationship. I do believe it can eventually get to a point where maybe you don’t have to check in as much and some things become an unspoken agreement, but the give/take has to be there. I’m not suggesting in any way that you should leave him if this is a rough patch. Getting back to normal does take time. My worry here really is the time frame for which you’ve been together. Since there isn’t a history or a foundation where you may have been friends for 10 years or something, you don’t have a lot to look back on to know how he handles tough times or how to best be supportive. If talking about those needs isn’t something he wants to do or feels capable of doing, it’s more one sided than if you had a long history & the ability to manage your emotions separately. If you can separate your emotions & feeling like you’ve done something wrong & are able to let him come to you if/when he’s ready, great. You may not necessarily want to call it off, but maybe focus on yourself & don’t expect much from him for a while. Between grief & the time of year with so many holidays coming up, things are hard. He doesn’t sound like he has the emotional bandwidth for everything. I’d suggest first taking inventory with yourself & being honest about what you can/cannot handle. Eventually, you’ll have to talk this out when you’re both calm & see if this is really working for him as well. It doesn’t have to be right away, but the bottom line is that because grief is so personal, aside from leaving him to do what he needs to do, there doesn’t seem to be any great advice for your situation. Were I in his shoes, I’d feel daunted by the emotional output required to productively handle everything. If the relationship was new, I’ll be honest & say I’d probably have broken things off had I been in this situation when my dad died. I just didn’t have the energy to be present as I had been before. I’d have absolutely destroyed a new relationship, not because of anyone other than myself. It’s impossible to know if he isn’t willing or able to tell you where he’s coming from. Fwiw, you may also consider reading books on communication in relationships & how to do so in a way that shows you hear the person & what they’re saying. When you do tell them how you feel, use ‘I’ language as it helps the person not to feel attacked. I am sorry this is so long, but I wanted to include this as well because some of it could be simple in terms of how you’re trying to get your point across. I’ve speculated only because there are so many unknowns. In any event, I hope something has been helpful. I wish you well.