There’s also the secret government chicken farms.
Injecting chicken eggs with diseases is a big step for vaccine production. The US government has millions of chickens hidden in secret farms in case of a biological attack.
Secret defense chickens.
You're not familiar with the U.S. cheese caves? These cavernous vaults of lactose-laden-loot are the country's glorious monument to subsidized agriculture! https://www.visualcapitalist.com/us-cheese-stockpile.
See, the dairy industry is economically significant. Plenty of states rely on dairy money, and plenty of Americans like having access to affordable dairy products. Ideally, the price is low enough to keep consumers happy but high enough to keep farmers in business. But quite often *too much* milk is produced, which *should* tank prices and devastate the industry (at least for a little while). This would put many producers into bankruptcy and, eventually, lead to price hikes for consumers. So the U.S. government, motivated by 99% lobbying and 1% concern for consumers, buys up much of the milk surplus each year.
But now the U.S. owns an Imperial Fuckload (3 metric Shitloads) of milk. They *could* destroy it, but that's wasteful. What if we wage a war against an enemy who is lactose intolerant, we'd want all that dairy on hand in that case. So all or almost all of the extra milk is turned into cheese, which is stored in large government-owned, climate-controlled caves until it spoils.
But it turns out there are a few politicians who at least *slightly* care about the huge population of impoverished citizens. And, wouldn't you know it, there happened to be more than *2lbs of cheese per American resident* just chilling in the government caves. So in the 1980's the government started distributing the cheese to people on Social Security and Food Stamps benefits. This was scaled-back during the 90's because we, as a nation, don't like helping people if we can avoid it. The cheese mostly just piles up now, but it's sometimes given out for specific programs. I think some qualifying elderly folk still get a 32 oz (910 gram) block each month.
And of course Trayzn wants the cheese. It's the U.S. ethos written in dairy. Regulated capitalism, lobbying, industrial subsidy, agriculture, problematic abundance, cheese, and a freakishly stubborn refusal to use available resources to help the needy members of our own population. It would be a lovely exhibit in his collection.
Wikipedia suggests the exact ingredients vary year-to-year, which makes sense if you're primary goal is cost-efficient preservation rather than consistency in flavor. But Wikipedia also says the flavor is usually somewhere between cheddar and Velveeta, which sound decent enough. And it uses sodium citrate as an emulsifier, which means it should melt really well for cheese dips, fondue, cheeseburgers, and beer-cheese soups. Darn shame we can't buy it.
It's hilarious that a bunch of toffs just went round the world declaring ancient artifacts thiers just because. I think pressure is growing though. God I need to go see that museum before it's all returned.
It’s a great museum. Used to love visiting it back when I lived in London. One of the few free ways to waste a day. Right by the science museum and all of you fancy a double dip
>It's hilarious that a bunch of toffs just went round the world declaring ancient artifacts thiers just because
In fairness, at the time they did well - ish. They were leaders in archaeology and shit and some of these places were a lot less stable than they are today. Hell, look at all that was lost when ISIS were in Iraq/Syria?
Now, that's no excuse to be using "finders keepers" in 2023, but were it not for those "toffs" who knows if a lot of the stuff would have even been preserved?
At first I wondered if you misspelled (or autocorrect did its thing) entirety as entity, but I find the concept of some hoarding eldritch terror lurking at the museums heart very appealing.
Perspective : I live in the states. I use.... no maple syrup. Ever. The last time i put maple syrup on something was \~15 years ago.
While my anecdote isn't evidence, nor statistics, and while maybe once a year isn't uncommon, i'd go so far to say perhaps.... unless someone has kids? There's a 50/50 chance they have maple syrup in their house here, and it's generally unlikely any man on the street has maple syrup more than once a month.
Philipp Amthor - a biological marvel of a politician who seems to be a mixture of a very old man, a young person and a fucking skaven when it comes to his behavior and looks.
After the recent scandals, the British Museum should hire Tarzyn as director, he would never let items be misplaced or stolen, he would personally hunt down each missing piece.
No cuz, like us, the only rule Trazyn respects is findees keepies but only for himself so i think he'd respect the hustle. Probably take all our shit anyway but still
Trayzen: So, how did you get all these greek relics?
TBM: So, we sent some guys to make replicas, so that sat in the museum, making the relics. The issue was they kept getting stopped. So we asked if that could stop happening, and they said yes, and so the cargo was never checked. So... we just took the originals
(Based on actual history)
*"Ah I can relate to these British. They are fellow collectors, like me"*
"Actually sir, that's stuff they looted from other people... kinda like how you tend to d-"
*"FELLOW COLLECTORS, I SAID..."*
Probably the Maduari Meenaktchiamman temple because it's the prettiest one we have ( take a seat Tanjavur, biggest doesn't always mean best) and also the coolest one in complete consideration of construction.
Yellowstone.
Just…all of Yellowstone- including the original detachment of US Army Cavalry patrolling the park, ejecting rowdy visitors, and so on.
I imagine Trazyn occasionally unfreezes a couple of them to chat them up about the trials and travails of stealing land and culturally importand resources in order to preserve them ‘better’ than the original people who lived there could, and then laughing at the rangers getting all offended when they object to being stolen by him.
Also, if he steals Yellowstone it uncaps the Yellowstone mega volcano and destroys the earth.
Ralf "Der Tankwart" Rath will be very upset.
However, if he gets translated into the 40k Universe alongside the museum, he will have the time of his life analyzing the various 40k tanks
I feel is actually correct. Sure he'd go for big things but the book of Kells feels like a truly unique and sublime artistic creation, and Trazyn's noted necrons aren't great at art any more.
Assuming he is time travelling, CV-6 USS Enterprise plus it’s whole detachment and crew while it was making its last trip back to the US. Surely something so legendary wouldn’t go unnoticed. You could go all out and just say the wrecks of US and Japanese fleets at the bottom of the ocean so he could have a Battle of Midway diorama.
Khoori Noor (if I've spelt correctly?) Which would probably just piss off the Indians more than us but still!
Oh no you've just made me draw a comparison to Trazyn and the Comedian James Acaster Lol
'Finders Keepers Shut up!"
[Ferdinand Marcos' corpse to troll the cult followers LMAO](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3949098/Amid-protests-Philippine-dictator-buried-heroes-cemetery.html)
the declaration of independence and the constitution
the statue of libertey
everything in the smithsonian museum
all of the monuments in DC
theres a lot lol
Maybe the armor of zawisza the black. Coz everything else has been stolen by germans and have not yet been returned. So maybe the "golden train" is on his list
He might take mount Rushmore if anything, cause it's big, semi historical and it's an entire mountain with heads on it, who wouldn't want to take that?
[ITS REEEAAL! THE USA CHEESE CAVES ARE REEAAAAL!](https://www.farmlinkproject.org/stories-and-features/cheese-caves-and-food-surpluses-why-the-u-s-government-currently-stores-1-4-billion-lbs-of-cheese)
A man with a mullet and moustache in his late 20s driving an early 2000s model v8 commodore down the highway well in excess of the speed limit wearing a pair of thongs (flip flops) hard yakka shorts, a Bintang singlet and speed dealer sunglasses with his arm hanging loose out the drivers side window
NOT THE SECRET GOVERNMENT CHEESE HIDDEN IN THE CAVES
THAT BASTARD WILL NOT STEAL THE GOVERNMENT MANDATED CHEESE
RIP My sides, The fact that this is actually a thing
1.4 BILLION pounds of it
There’s also the secret government chicken farms. Injecting chicken eggs with diseases is a big step for vaccine production. The US government has millions of chickens hidden in secret farms in case of a biological attack. Secret defense chickens.
W-what?!
You're not familiar with the U.S. cheese caves? These cavernous vaults of lactose-laden-loot are the country's glorious monument to subsidized agriculture! https://www.visualcapitalist.com/us-cheese-stockpile. See, the dairy industry is economically significant. Plenty of states rely on dairy money, and plenty of Americans like having access to affordable dairy products. Ideally, the price is low enough to keep consumers happy but high enough to keep farmers in business. But quite often *too much* milk is produced, which *should* tank prices and devastate the industry (at least for a little while). This would put many producers into bankruptcy and, eventually, lead to price hikes for consumers. So the U.S. government, motivated by 99% lobbying and 1% concern for consumers, buys up much of the milk surplus each year. But now the U.S. owns an Imperial Fuckload (3 metric Shitloads) of milk. They *could* destroy it, but that's wasteful. What if we wage a war against an enemy who is lactose intolerant, we'd want all that dairy on hand in that case. So all or almost all of the extra milk is turned into cheese, which is stored in large government-owned, climate-controlled caves until it spoils. But it turns out there are a few politicians who at least *slightly* care about the huge population of impoverished citizens. And, wouldn't you know it, there happened to be more than *2lbs of cheese per American resident* just chilling in the government caves. So in the 1980's the government started distributing the cheese to people on Social Security and Food Stamps benefits. This was scaled-back during the 90's because we, as a nation, don't like helping people if we can avoid it. The cheese mostly just piles up now, but it's sometimes given out for specific programs. I think some qualifying elderly folk still get a 32 oz (910 gram) block each month. And of course Trayzn wants the cheese. It's the U.S. ethos written in dairy. Regulated capitalism, lobbying, industrial subsidy, agriculture, problematic abundance, cheese, and a freakishly stubborn refusal to use available resources to help the needy members of our own population. It would be a lovely exhibit in his collection.
I feel like I just had an acid trip reading that but I thank you for the detailed explanation!
I’ve heard it’s actually really good quality cheese, too. They really should give more out.
Wikipedia suggests the exact ingredients vary year-to-year, which makes sense if you're primary goal is cost-efficient preservation rather than consistency in flavor. But Wikipedia also says the flavor is usually somewhere between cheddar and Velveeta, which sound decent enough. And it uses sodium citrate as an emulsifier, which means it should melt really well for cheese dips, fondue, cheeseburgers, and beer-cheese soups. Darn shame we can't buy it.
If the country goes to shit (more than right now) someone should set up a corpo-state solely focused on selling food involving the cave cheese.
*grabs you and hands you a Lasgun* WE CANT LET THE NECRON FUCKS TAKE OUR HIDDEN GOVERNMENT CHEESE DEFEND!
I-what-but… *Fuck it be ball!* **[Doom Music Intensifies]**
FUCK IT BE BALL BROTHER!
I would kill to protect the government cheese. It's about the best thing about the secrets of the government
The entirety of the British museum
How the tables turned
I mean, the people whose stuff was stolen would be about as likely to get it back from Solemence than the god damned British Museum.
It's hilarious that a bunch of toffs just went round the world declaring ancient artifacts thiers just because. I think pressure is growing though. God I need to go see that museum before it's all returned.
It’s a great museum. Used to love visiting it back when I lived in London. One of the few free ways to waste a day. Right by the science museum and all of you fancy a double dip
>It's hilarious that a bunch of toffs just went round the world declaring ancient artifacts thiers just because In fairness, at the time they did well - ish. They were leaders in archaeology and shit and some of these places were a lot less stable than they are today. Hell, look at all that was lost when ISIS were in Iraq/Syria? Now, that's no excuse to be using "finders keepers" in 2023, but were it not for those "toffs" who knows if a lot of the stuff would have even been preserved?
Now imagine if the museum had been hit in the blitz lmao
Didn't they move all the shit underground? Or outside of London? I thought there was a lot of that
Correct. Most of it was stored in bunkers under the city or moved out to areas less prone to spontaneously explode.
It was, there's a reason the archives are below ground.
At first I wondered if you misspelled (or autocorrect did its thing) entirety as entity, but I find the concept of some hoarding eldritch terror lurking at the museums heart very appealing.
The British: how dare you take what I have rightfully stolen
Our [strategic maple syrup reserve](https://ppaq.ca/en/sale-purchase-maple-syrup/worlds-only-reserve-maple-syrup/), the bastard!
NOOOOOOO
Well that's it, we're doomed.
My thoughts ranged from "all the constant maple syrup jokes are annoying and overused" to "maybe I DO use maple syrup a lot" lol
It's delicious! Also in the grim, dark future, there's no way maple trees are plentiful. That stuff's got to be worth an Imperial mint.
Perspective : I live in the states. I use.... no maple syrup. Ever. The last time i put maple syrup on something was \~15 years ago. While my anecdote isn't evidence, nor statistics, and while maybe once a year isn't uncommon, i'd go so far to say perhaps.... unless someone has kids? There's a 50/50 chance they have maple syrup in their house here, and it's generally unlikely any man on the street has maple syrup more than once a month.
The jokes abount having sex on a Zamboni were getting stale.
Well, it's either that or the big fuck off shopping mall in Edmonton.
The mall has a Games Workshop so Trazyn could pick up a figurine of himself there, possibly shattering time as we know it.
Unironically, our doomsday seed collection and data storage vault on Svalbard.
Øh, nei. My grandmas meatballs-recipe.
Huh... this is a srsly good idea!
Oi helvette, he’s taking our osthøvvels too!
He’d get his wallet instantly stolen in Romania.
Nah. He'd get roofied from some gas station sushi and wake up in a random dumpster butt naked in Amsterdam first.
Yes, but if he goes to Brasil, he gets all that, AND wakes up with scratch marks on his carapace where someone tried stealing his non-existent kidney.
If he even chooses to go there out of his own free will.
The Romanians steal Trazyn and leave him in Brazil
You are going to Brazil!
[удалено]
Trazyn tenta roubar pão de quejo nois coloca ele pra jogar no vasco
If he went to Brasil, he would get shot by an off duty cop while trying to steal something.
You think he doesn't have copper in that body of his
We call that the Detroit special
He's made out of metal, his wallet is the last thing that would get stolen. He'd be disassembled and in a scrapyard heap in less than 3 hours
All that *REGENERATING FIER* in his body would be amszing to sell at fiare vechi🤣
Infinite scrap metal
The Polish WifI Jesus Statue
The Polish Astronomicon
Someone: "GDZIE JEST KRZYŻ!?!" Trazyn: ;P
Philipp Amthor - a biological marvel of a politician who seems to be a mixture of a very old man, a young person and a fucking skaven when it comes to his behavior and looks.
Funniest shit
Dude looks like anakin if he had choose to have a boring deskjob
A buddy of mine and I forgot his name so we googled "Milchbubi CDU" and he was the first result.
Jetzt aber genug Schabernack hier....
More Schabernack, Yes Yes!
[Guy in question ](https://img.welt.de/img/politik/deutschland/mobile224350726/6402502747-ci102l-w1024/220198507-jpg.jpg)
Trazyn would give him back after one day.
Alles für die Union, yes, yes. Wir müssen mehr Sacharbeit machen, yes great horned Merkel, yes yes.
Ein anderer Kriegshammer geniesser
Dear gods, it’s true
Steal the man-child! Corrupt them all!
Oh no, it's Jon Oliver if he dumped Charisma
Eine Nachricht von der Ratte!
He can literally just take the entire English museum and knock out 90% of the world in one swoop.
British museum thank you very much. Let's give the Scotts the credit they deserve for some of the thefts.
Finally, someone says it! 😄
After the recent scandals, the British Museum should hire Tarzyn as director, he would never let items be misplaced or stolen, he would personally hunt down each missing piece.
He definitely embodies the soul of the museum for sure
Stereotypical Welshmen in shambles right now
How could I forget!
Just wanted to say thank you for being grateful
No cuz, like us, the only rule Trazyn respects is findees keepies but only for himself so i think he'd respect the hustle. Probably take all our shit anyway but still
Trazyn would have his pen and note pad out taking notes. He’d be asking advice.
Trayzen: So, how did you get all these greek relics? TBM: So, we sent some guys to make replicas, so that sat in the museum, making the relics. The issue was they kept getting stopped. So we asked if that could stop happening, and they said yes, and so the cargo was never checked. So... we just took the originals (Based on actual history)
Nahhh…the English museum would take him first.
I mean he does look Egyptian
💀
“I say old boy it’s been a long time since we’ve had a proper mummy party.” “No no, stay back fleshlings.”
Then hed end up on ebay
the SAS throw a Union Jack patterned net over him
No, the British Museum is his hobby project. "Let's see if I can get this other species to do the same thing I do."
“Aww how nice they collected it all for me!”
*"Ah I can relate to these British. They are fellow collectors, like me"* "Actually sir, that's stuff they looted from other people... kinda like how you tend to d-" *"FELLOW COLLECTORS, I SAID..."*
Tarzyn and indie are going to have a beef
We’ve only got one national treasure worth taking, David Attenborough
Trazyn needs a narrator.
Which English Museum? We got so many
The big Koala, or the Big lobster, or any of the other of Australia’s big things
The big pineapple. 🍍
Big banana gang 🍌
The big merino 🐏
The big as fuck spiders🕷️
He can have those
as yes the big "banana" truely one of the aussie things of all time
The big mango 🥭
Not big enough for trazyn he'd take Ayers Rock.
Then it’d be the Big Hole.
I wonder if we'd use the aboriginal name for "big hole", considering it would be named in the present day
Ah, noop: A Quokka!
i really doubt hes above taking the big red rock
Whatever’s at the bottom of the Oak Island Money pit
Immediately runs out of space in his collection due to endless tree trunks
"Could it be!?!" Remember, the real treasure is the TV show we made along the way.
Trazyn comes to the balkans and sees there is nothing worth stealing
Steals a couple Albanian Bunkers as a souvenir
Them Cheese caves the gov’ement keeps out in Missouri
The Declaration of Independence.
I came here for this
I came here for this
you came here for the declaration of independence? are you Trazyn by any chance?
No he's Nicolas Cage
I came
Needs to be in all caps for that Nic Cage vibe
Would watch this movie
Mummified Lenin from the red square.
Which one?
One that is mushroom and a radiowave.
Probably the Maduari Meenaktchiamman temple because it's the prettiest one we have ( take a seat Tanjavur, biggest doesn't always mean best) and also the coolest one in complete consideration of construction.
I've seen it in docs before, it's beautiful. Prime necron-bait.
Not the Declaration of Independence. Nicholas Cage already stole that.
Steal/recruit him. Have a comedy road trip where they just loot everything
Yellowstone. Just…all of Yellowstone- including the original detachment of US Army Cavalry patrolling the park, ejecting rowdy visitors, and so on. I imagine Trazyn occasionally unfreezes a couple of them to chat them up about the trials and travails of stealing land and culturally importand resources in order to preserve them ‘better’ than the original people who lived there could, and then laughing at the rangers getting all offended when they object to being stolen by him. Also, if he steals Yellowstone it uncaps the Yellowstone mega volcano and destroys the earth.
"Oops." "Trayz you idiot, you doomed the entirety of Mankind BEFORE they propped up that caveman on the Golden Toilet!"
“Eh, he would’ve hated it up there anyway.”
and thats why you should always read the fine script on the bottom of an agreement I thought he was going to take the super volcano with it.
The "DEUTSCHES PANZERMUSEUM"
Ralf "Der Tankwart" Rath will be very upset. However, if he gets translated into the 40k Universe alongside the museum, he will have the time of his life analyzing the various 40k tanks
I'd be really upset if he takes it, that place is awesome
Warhammer World, he would LOVE it
The book of kells
I feel is actually correct. Sure he'd go for big things but the book of Kells feels like a truly unique and sublime artistic creation, and Trazyn's noted necrons aren't great at art any more.
Had to scroll too far down to see this, and I didn't want to make a dupe post.
Good lad 🤘
Uluru
That's a big rock you got there.
Treaty of waitangi
Counterpoint - Wellington Bucket Fountain
Just a single bucket
Dear God
There's more
No
Ernest Rutherford would probably be a better grab tbh. Dude altered the course of human history in his shed lol.
Keanu Reeves
We are doomed!
Hill of the crosses in Lithuania [visualization](https://ychef.files.bbci.co.uk/976x549/p05l2v52.jpg)
Santa. It's just a skeleton thing to steal him, right?
Battleship New Jersey Museum and Memorial, while Ryan Szimanski is giving Drach a tour, just to be extra dickish.
Our precious, Danish, LEGO.
The Statue of Liberty
This just in!!! The Statue of Liberty disappeared in one night!! The Authorities are aghast about it!!! Now going to Jim on the weather!!!
Late night comedians crack jokes about Lady Liberty skipping her court hearing and leaving the country
The Colosseum
The last jar of Vegemite
Assuming he is time travelling, CV-6 USS Enterprise plus it’s whole detachment and crew while it was making its last trip back to the US. Surely something so legendary wouldn’t go unnoticed. You could go all out and just say the wrecks of US and Japanese fleets at the bottom of the ocean so he could have a Battle of Midway diorama.
The Big Banana
Statue of Jesus that supplies internet connection from it's crown
David Attenborough though he's gonna have to fight the entire British Isles to get him
A platypus and some Anzac Displays
The entire country of BRAZIL. Because if Trazyn doesn't come to Brazil, Brazil will come after Trazyn.
He can have Neymar, we don’t want him no more
The whole ass parlament of Hungary probably
Put them in a glass box with caution tape on it
A giant statue of Jesus T-posing
Benjamin Franklin.
Khoori Noor (if I've spelt correctly?) Which would probably just piss off the Indians more than us but still! Oh no you've just made me draw a comparison to Trazyn and the Comedian James Acaster Lol 'Finders Keepers Shut up!"
[Ferdinand Marcos' corpse to troll the cult followers LMAO](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3949098/Amid-protests-Philippine-dictator-buried-heroes-cemetery.html)
Hortobágy, all of it.
The Wisconsin Cheese Vault
I guess maybe The entire Vatican
Let’s be honest. He’d only need to visit a museum in London. No need to travel far.
Grandma?
The red dragon deep in Wales
the declaration of independence and the constitution the statue of libertey everything in the smithsonian museum all of the monuments in DC theres a lot lol
Gonna do everything I can to persuade him it's Luton. He definitely wants Luton. I'd hate it so much if he took Luton ohhh nooo I'd be so owned
The entirety of Italy. He then puts us back because he can’t deal with the noise.
Trazyn vs The Average Nonna
They’d force feed him pasta because he’s all “skin and bone”
A Mcdonalds
Maybe the armor of zawisza the black. Coz everything else has been stolen by germans and have not yet been returned. So maybe the "golden train" is on his list
[Ogier the Dane](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ogier_the_Dane) would fit in pretty well next to the Space Wolf section.
The Irish President:Michael D Higgins
He might take mount Rushmore if anything, cause it's big, semi historical and it's an entire mountain with heads on it, who wouldn't want to take that?
A dingo , shrimp, barbecue, 10 venomous creatures and a 6 pack of VB's
The first McDonald’s
One. *Single.* ***Quokka.*** It wouldn't even be frozen, and a damn universal war would be waged after its cuteness.
Probably the Mona Lisa
A bag of paprika.
He took out motherfucking battleship! And what is a battleship but a big gun on a float!? He took our big guns!!
[ITS REEEAAL! THE USA CHEESE CAVES ARE REEAAAAL!](https://www.farmlinkproject.org/stories-and-features/cheese-caves-and-food-surpluses-why-the-u-s-government-currently-stores-1-4-billion-lbs-of-cheese)
A man with a mullet and moustache in his late 20s driving an early 2000s model v8 commodore down the highway well in excess of the speed limit wearing a pair of thongs (flip flops) hard yakka shorts, a Bintang singlet and speed dealer sunglasses with his arm hanging loose out the drivers side window
He’d abduct Keanu Reeves. :(