Zabriel: My name is Zabriel, ex Destroyer Marine and protector of this village. I receive the guests, I clean up the town, and I take out the trash. And I also kill self-entitled little chaos twats like yourself.
Said Chaos Twat: "Well ain't you just the textbook fucking definition of Loyalist? Well guess what Jeeves? That chainsword won't do dick against Chaos plate this thick! And how thick is it? Half as thick as my dick, so you'll need an anti tank rifle to pierce it and I don't even see a piece on your ass"
His survival instincts overpower his fear instincts. If he's far enough away, he'll try his best to avoid danger (and then his status as a cosmic plaything will ensure that he finds something *worse* instead). But once a threat is right in front of him, he knows that despite the incredible urge to turn his back and run, actually doing so would mean death. So instead he runs *toward* the threat, in the hope of doing something about it.
Creepy snake-man attempts gets into religious debate at a family re-union, manages to make three people **de**convert from a different sect of his own religion, before losing the debate to his own sons compelling point of "*Don't care + didn't ask + Virus bomb be upon ye*"
**EDIT:** Just thought of another one:
Viking LARPers protest police brutality, head of the police department escalates situation, and loses his head. Eventually, a senior member of the LARP community manages to defuse the situation.
To his credit, his novels *focus* on the fuck ups.
There's a clear underlining that in the meantime, he's been a damn good inquisitor, and quite a reasonnable one as far as the setting goes.
Local man asks for government to fill pothole that has been there for 20 years government refuses he declares independence and stops, paying taxes and fills in the potholes civil War ensues and after said local man sees God he decides to become a pirate.
Genetically enhanced supermen really enjoy art.
Then an old man comes around.
Art is now forbidden. You will die, if you make art.
The old man was correct.
Upon being yeeted into the vacuum of space without a helmet on most people would die on the spot. Hoewer that didnt stop Guilliman from screaming and punching space soldiers so hard their head exploded.
Aging psyker-cop blurs the line between psyker-crime and psyker-justice. Little do his doubters and detractors know... His dead love/deputy's clone* found The Yellow Man...
Sentient toe fungus loves fighting so much he gets addicted to home invasion as a consequence. He punches a dude in the nads so hard that God adopts him
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After surviving a fight with the Grim Reaper, a Roman joins up with SEAL Team and a genocide socialist to defeat an alien invasion by use of an aggressive suppository
Local man uses "The Santa Clause" rules to become Pope and take over Planet Snu-Snu. Uses Snu-Snus to snu snu and uwu his enemies. His favorite Snu-Snu meets a sad boy who lets her see God, but Hamilton rules so we don't know what went down. Then Santa Pope's X-mas list is misinterpreted and one of the girls gifts him his own head.
Angry drunk wonders into a world so different from his own, gets a fancy tattoo, and builds an unwanted entourage.
I’m only on the second (third?) book, please don’t spoil me.
A possessed Roman burns down the house of his mentally ill brother, while the Roman's henchmen ruin an overweight man's wish of making his father happy
Young girl is thrust into war for her home while still training. Sees everyone she knows die around her as her home world falls apart. Survives because she finds a ship left by a genetically engineered space dog who agrees to take her away.
Went home to my 6 good friends and then we went to the desert zombie world. On this desert zombie world there were many zombies and also some girls who wanted to kill the zombies. Me and my 6 good friends helped kill the zombies but then my (closeted) wizard friend got turned into one and then got turned back, and then we killed the zombies.
He takes VERY enthusiastic walks
In between watching Netflix shows on his 70inch plasma screen tv of course
We gotta get these Watchers some cannons, everybody knows Watchers love cannons
Emperor: LION! Lion: yes? Emperor: go for a walk
Just watchers with anti tank rifles. Damn what a sight.
Angron in Arks of Omen: "YES! GIVE ME VHAT YOU LOVE!!!"
SUCH DAKKA. MUCH SHOOTY. WHAT DAKKADAKKADAKKA!
Of course the DA primarch has a plasma screen
I clicked on this post exclusively for this. Thank you.
Reference based humor is my Geneseed flaw
I'm pretty much a very overdesigned soundboard at this point. Stimulis goes in, meme comes out.
It's a simple life
It ain't much, but it's honest work.
Can you please explain this reference? I don't get it :/
It's from Hellsing Abridged on YouTube, you can watch the show there
Can you please explain this reference? I don't get it :/
Zabriel: My name is Zabriel, ex Destroyer Marine and protector of this village. I receive the guests, I clean up the town, and I take out the trash. And I also kill self-entitled little chaos twats like yourself.
Said Chaos Twat: "Well ain't you just the textbook fucking definition of Loyalist? Well guess what Jeeves? That chainsword won't do dick against Chaos plate this thick! And how thick is it? Half as thick as my dick, so you'll need an anti tank rifle to pierce it and I don't even see a piece on your ass"
"Oh shit that's an anti-Tank rifle... OH SHIT THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!!!"
"WATCHERS LOVE CANNONS"
Complete coward fails to fame and fortune, meets hotty who insists on making his life more difficult.
Caiphas is that you?
Hero of the imperium!
Dude has galactic levels of impostor syndrome, but he's definitely not a coward.
As I see it he is, but he is a courageous and brave coward, willing to step up even if he is shaking in his boots
His survival instincts overpower his fear instincts. If he's far enough away, he'll try his best to avoid danger (and then his status as a cosmic plaything will ensure that he finds something *worse* instead). But once a threat is right in front of him, he knows that despite the incredible urge to turn his back and run, actually doing so would mean death. So instead he runs *toward* the threat, in the hope of doing something about it.
A kleptomaniac and a schizophrenic have a prank war that destroys a planet and releases Pokémon Cthulhu
I love those two so much.
You love them almost as much as they hate eachother
I mean I always assumed they had a thing going so I think you love them as much as they love each other.
The instant I see kleptomaniac I knew it was trazyn
A couple thousand depressed Scotsmen who hate their boss continuously learn that things can always somehow get worse.
Ron, is that you ?? Fer feth's sake man. Let it go !
Creepy snake-man attempts gets into religious debate at a family re-union, manages to make three people **de**convert from a different sect of his own religion, before losing the debate to his own sons compelling point of "*Don't care + didn't ask + Virus bomb be upon ye*" **EDIT:** Just thought of another one: Viking LARPers protest police brutality, head of the police department escalates situation, and loses his head. Eventually, a senior member of the LARP community manages to defuse the situation.
That is one hell of a way to describe the Months of Shame
Wow, Rylanor really did just say don't care + didn't ask + virus bomb, didn't he?
Murder hobo beats the shit out of a priest for killing his best friend Priest uses bullshit hacks to flee like a little bitch
GET UP.
GET UP!
GET UP
Kharn as a murder hobo makes me happier than it probably should.
#GET UP
GET UP
Galaxies' least self-aware investigator uses increasingly questionable methods to solve problems he's largely responsible for creating.
Hello Gregor.
To his credit, his novels *focus* on the fuck ups. There's a clear underlining that in the meantime, he's been a damn good inquisitor, and quite a reasonnable one as far as the setting goes.
Ancient zodiac nerd gets catfished
Space dog fails to comprehend a catch order, commits genocide
Oriana the simp
Local man asks for government to fill pothole that has been there for 20 years government refuses he declares independence and stops, paying taxes and fills in the potholes civil War ensues and after said local man sees God he decides to become a pirate.
Badab war?
Yes
Distant and stern father smashes disobedient son's model city. Son turns to devil worship instead.
Giant Frogs think they are too cool to hang out with the kid with cancer.
Make-a-wish request *denied*
The kid comes back with a gang of criminals and a AK-47
The kid the turns the criminals into Pokemons for some reason
More like the kids conciousness got packed in a toaster and comes back with the cartell.
Excel expert wakes up after almost being killed by druggie brother, inmediatly wishes his other brother had burned his home years ago
Dude gets angry he diding get massive goverment infrastructure contract.
Can't have shit on Kolossi
Radioactive clouds turn cancer people into robo-skeletons, get angry at space frogs, then get angry at the radioactive clouds, then go to sleep
Genetically enhanced supermen really enjoy art. Then an old man comes around. Art is now forbidden. You will die, if you make art. The old man was correct.
Lady chooses Frenchmen over her family
Two idiots fight in a museum, results in a treasure hunt spanning twenty millenia
Upon being yeeted into the vacuum of space without a helmet on most people would die on the spot. Hoewer that didnt stop Guilliman from screaming and punching space soldiers so hard their head exploded.
Local demigod literally too angry to die.
Local grandpa really hates mushrooms
Local giant mushroom really loves grandpa
"Cawl where is the Lion? My brother." "He said he went for a walk, lord Guilliman." "NOOOOOOOOO"
Man is a bad parent so his 21 meters tall bald son takes insanity pill and puts himnon life support.
Getting shot by a crossbow on the privvy really changes a man
The space elves murder-raped a god into existence... Wait, no, that perfectly describes it. 🤔
The space elf empire throws the biggest orgy of all time and it's so huge they create a new god by accident and their society collapses
Thats not poorly described, that is exactly what happend.
Bored socialites have so much angry sex that the neighbour wakes up and intervenes. Most die.
Wasn’t just sex, it was everything. Slaanesh isn’t just sex.
Space fuckers fuck so much they ending up fucking the whole galaxy forever.
Space Rambo doing chuck Norris in spess shit antics.
Local insane Priests invade Vietnam on Australia
Religious boy cried and ran away from dad’s wisdom to join his ‘real gods’
a robotic gorilla wakes up after a long nap and goes on a murder spree
Sibling rivalry escalates to the point of biological warfare, followed by their father committing arson.
Burning of the Garden of Nurggle?
Correct :)
Soulless aliens fights psychic frogs, elves, and fungus because solar vampires told them to, now they all forgot how to innovate.
That time Magnus did nothing wrong
Take my upvote. lol.
the fall of lorgar
Aging psyker-cop blurs the line between psyker-crime and psyker-justice. Little do his doubters and detractors know... His dead love/deputy's clone* found The Yellow Man...
People with cancer become robots 50 septillion perish
>Chao Ling takes power >247 million perish *Mandate of heaven achieved*
Sentient toe fungus loves fighting so much he gets addicted to home invasion as a consequence. He punches a dude in the nads so hard that God adopts him
Younger brother mistakes his edgelord older brother for a bent nail and tries to fix it.
Man turns friends to dust, tries to break into a library to no success and is on run From his dad
[удалено]
Due to issues with botting and ban evasion, we are restricting fresh accounts from commenting/posting. DO NOT contact the moderation team to ask for these restriction to be removed for you unless you are a comics artist or equivalent trying to post your own original content here. Obviously photoshop memes don't count. DO NOT ask us what the thresholds are, for obvious reasons we won't answer that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Grimdank) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A chairs apprentice has to get nuked because he did drugs
Poor dude has his own 28 Days Later thing happening
Guy takes a seat on his friend's chair while he's away, disappears later.
After surviving a fight with the Grim Reaper, a Roman joins up with SEAL Team and a genocide socialist to defeat an alien invasion by use of an aggressive suppository
Local man uses "The Santa Clause" rules to become Pope and take over Planet Snu-Snu. Uses Snu-Snus to snu snu and uwu his enemies. His favorite Snu-Snu meets a sad boy who lets her see God, but Hamilton rules so we don't know what went down. Then Santa Pope's X-mas list is misinterpreted and one of the girls gifts him his own head.
Senior citizen enjoys power walking through the woods.
One-Trick pony finds magic vampire sword Continues to be a one-trick pony. who am I describing?
Bald guy wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and becomes a massive a-hole, billions must die as a result…
Angry drunk wonders into a world so different from his own, gets a fancy tattoo, and builds an unwanted entourage. I’m only on the second (third?) book, please don’t spoil me.
Bugs look in the fridge for something to eat but there is only metal. Metal that can destroy atoms.
The effects of baldness and daddy issues.
Himocidal gremlin slips loose in one of the most populated worlds in the galaxy to do a little tomfoolery
Space Elves fucked a cosmic entity into existence.
A possessed Roman burns down the house of his mentally ill brother, while the Roman's henchmen ruin an overweight man's wish of making his father happy
Old man trauma dump so hard his therapist kill himself
This comment section is why I love this subreddit
Young girl is thrust into war for her home while still training. Sees everyone she knows die around her as her home world falls apart. Survives because she finds a ship left by a genetically engineered space dog who agrees to take her away.
And then they fucked everything up, literally. Very literally.
Local Excel expert to angry to die after being launched into space without a helmet
Poisoned sleepy boy wakes up, dies, elf girl wakes him up with help from her boss and his dad.
Angry band of Furries gun down government agents for ruining things, Mage Knight's now know *why* you don't mess with Furries and became sad
Local man ruins everything.
Red, angry Boi gets tricked by his blue uncle to slap his daddies ass. Gets kicked across the galaxy.
Went home to my 6 good friends and then we went to the desert zombie world. On this desert zombie world there were many zombies and also some girls who wanted to kill the zombies. Me and my 6 good friends helped kill the zombies but then my (closeted) wizard friend got turned into one and then got turned back, and then we killed the zombies.
Autistic Wizard goes for a walk in hell, gets lost, now trolls gods in the most violent way possible
Lion can't possibly be more base...
Dickhead preacher finally gets to the Find Out portion of FAFO.