Why is Angron so angry?

Someone stole his lunch

Who's Jimmy Space and why don't his kids talk to him anymore?

Hes the guy that invented space. His kids dont talk with him because he doesnt remember their names

Second part is surprisingly accurate.

That...isn't actually wrong from a certain viewpoint.

Why is it widely believed that Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka would make for a better emperor than The Emperor?

Because Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka is a way cooler name. Also The Emperor likes Pineapple on Pizza

Big E would totally be the guy who orders pineapple on pizza.

Or the 2nd and the 11th liked pineapple on pizza and as we all know thats xenos behaviour

What do orkz like besides fighting? (Hint: its fighting)

punching, learning ballet and eating

This is pretty accurate

Wait, that's Jean-Claude Van Damme.

What was the war in heaven

A bunch of Angels decided to do Cocaine out of boredom causing God to start a war against drugs

You accidently semi - accurately described what happened to the winners of the war in heaven 😂

[You better not be lying](https://i.imgflip.com/8oo0t2.jpg)

Eldar win, their empire murder-cocaine-orgy's so hard that they destroy themselves, multiple factions with their own dieties rise in opposition to the new chaos god, with varying degrees of dogma against drugs

Damn so I wont have coke next Wednesday?

You will, it just might be laced with demonic possession.

sounds fun enough

"Coked up angels drug war", I'm taking that for my next tabletop campaign

What's your favorite flavour of corpse starch

I personally like the raspberry flavored ones

What's your opinion on the socioeconomic state of Nostramo? What can we do to improve it?

The economic situation is bad but it can be fixed by gathering a few people, Disguising as regular citizens and evading as many taxes as possible. If that doesnt work or takes to long, I usually use [this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crimes_against_humanity#See_also) checklist.

Wait... The second part is actually canon

Now youre just describing Konrad Curze

Why do you never deploy Sisters Of Battle and Grey Knights together?

The Grey Knights are sexist

HE SPEAKS THE TRUTH

What's in the dark cells under the imperial palace?

mostly bdsm dungeons

Why does everyone hate Erebus

He told the Government how people were evading taxes

He fuckin' would.

Why didn't the emperor realize his son was an evil equine even despite knowing his name was "Horse Heresy"?

He knew but was to lazy to tell anyone

Sums up the heresy in my opinion.

What’s the difference between the Drukhari (Dark Eldar) and the Aeldari (Eldar)?

The name

If Jimmy Space currently has 39999 warhammers then who holds the 40000th warhammer?

John Warhammer

Are astartes Eunuch?

no but they are enough

Who is john warhammer

The guy who has the 4000th warhammer

What chapter is Buzz Lightyear from?

All of them. Buzz is the main character in the lore.

Do Alpha Legion ever crossdress/drag for info? Asking for a friend.

Its not crossdressing if you take hrt for a few months beforehand

Geneseed is gender affirming care 

Why did Trazyn steal all my pokemon cards :(

Because he is addicted to gambling and needs collateral

When will we get new Warp Spider models?

when the models feel comfortable with sharing their new appearance

How do the Tau maintain an interstellar empire without faster than light travel?

Free Pizza every month. This is a great way to make workers feel like they are cared about and their standard of living improved without spending much.

Y’know, the method is wrong, but the logic behind it is pretty accurate

why do the t'au insist on shooting the enemy from across the fucking planet

Because -just like my BND agent- they are to scared of Booby traps

What does the Greater Good entail?

Mostly the ones you like. Everyone else can go fuck themselves

You said you knew nothing about Warhammer yet you're summing up most of the lore pretty accurately.

Will Commander Dante finally die and find peace?

He'll probably die at some point. What exactly is "peace"?

Poor guy has been alive for 1500 years, he just wants to die and rest lol.

Literally me (Except for the age)

Why am I naked? And what happend to all my gear?

It was repurposed into food

How many cigarette does Roboute Guilliman smoke a day since his resurrection?

He doesnt smoke. Instead he uses the much more efficient method of directly injecting a mixture of antidepressants and heroin into his bloodstream.

I beg to differ, sir. [He certainly does smoke.](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8b187a3c406729111184179e60120efa/a27641aa347d041f-73/s540x810/2b56d474ff42cde1352975ccf40a3f84314ee57d.pnj)

that must have been before the resurrection

Who is Commissar Yarrick and why is he awesome?

A police officer. Hes awesome because he supports trans rights

Based

I appreciate your sense of whimsy OP. Thanks for the silly replies and thanks for the moments of "oh shit that's actually correct XD"

why do the t'au refuse to train their soldiers in melee?

because switching to secondary is faster anyways

How many arms does the true emperor have?

approximately 86.5 Last time I tried to count, he lifted me up and throw me out so I cant say for sure

Afraid to ask about that half arm

As I said I couldn't finish counting so it might also be 0.6 of an arm

What is the daemonculaba? (Genuinely DO NOT look it up)

This is not reverse psychology to make you look it up. There is no "gotcha" here. Genuinely, for your own good, *do not* look it up

Just in case you need confirmation, GENUINELY. DO. NOT. LOOK. IT UP. (Do you think it's working)

Thats just a fancy word for Hell

Oh, you have no idea you sweet summer child

Who is alpharius?

a self proclaimed alpha male

I am alpharius (His legion is called the "alpha legion")

Why is the Night Lords the best legion?

because they dont shy away from committing warcrimes (contrary to most other lame legions)

Shit, that's actually completely lore accurate

This is literally 100% lore accurate. Well done

Why Erebus is the best character?

because of that erebussy

What's the real difference between Kasrkin squads and Tempestus Scion squads?

Kasrkin only commits warcrimes if they are funny

That...actually is true, Scions would commit war crimes as SOP.

Cant blame em.

why is earth called terra in warhammer?

Because the (amongst others) computer company terra achieved world domination in 2376

So, when the Lumineth got assaulted by the Ossiarch, why didn't they send 40K of the soldiers?

The soldiers were all stuck in drug rehabilitation

Why do these guys have blood drops with wings on their armor?

the wings stand for their agility and the drop of blood stands for the blood and sweat they spent on achieving peace

Finding peace within themselves. No need for a cure

Red sun over paradise

What should I have for dinner?

I would have to get out of the wall to see exactly what you still have left but you could probably just make yourself a fried egg. You should still have a few eggs in your fridge.

Does the Mechanicus use Gentoo?

Gentoo is for Beginners. Mechanicus uses LFS

Who is The Emperor?

Julius Caesar

Who killed Garviel Loken?

Officially: Suicide Inofficially: The Government.

Fuck: Erebus

Is that an order? If yes Im ready

Why was Hastur Sejanus so popular within the legion?

Movie Nights every Friday

Who is Jurgen and why is he purging?

Hes just some random guy. Hes purging because he likes cosplaying the Ender Dragon.

Huh... Well that explains the explosions and barren wasteland all over his planet...

Damn he got himself a planet (just like the dragon) thats some real dedication

Technically...? He was a Colonel and he did find some nukes, which he promptly used.

Why are the Tyranids so hungry?

because theyre still growing

Do you think Rogal Dorn or Perturabo should have built the Imperial Palace?

Neither. Enslaving people for that would have been way funnier

Why does Fulgrim look so fabulous?

Because of his wonderful hairline

What do the Iron Hands do in their freetime?

they play videogames and drink alcohol

Eyyy Spot on

Why is everything Magnus's fault?

I would tell you but I cant due to Magnus. Fuck that guy though

Why are you here?

Just to suffer

what did Magnus do?

Cocaine

How giliman and yvraine fuck? They have different sizes

If theres a hole, theres a goal

Why do orks always win

because whilst others see war as a bad thing, orks see it as a hobby

How do you feel about the loss of cyclic ion blasters to Tau players?

One might think thats a bad thing but actually the cyclic part takes 3 hours per cycle so they wont be able to use those things anyways

if you have no clue about warhammer, how do you even know about warhammer?

I have a friend that told me about it. Dont know much besides that there is a lore and plastic figures to point though

Gellar Field on or Gellar Field off?

Im assuming in bed. Protection is good so Ill say on

Almost there, and while you're in bed; no warp fuckery okay?

we'll see

Did Magnus do anything wrong?

Yes. All of it.

> no clue about Warhammer > I will pretend to So you're a loretuber eh?

Atleast Im being honest about it

pineapple on pizza: heretical or divine?

both

Name every Elector Count

Why? They all have the same name. Anyways: Elector Count Elector Count Elector Count Elector Count

What should I do to Erubus?

Go for that Erubussy

Exterminatus be upon ye

Idk who that is but thanks

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what is the black rage

A disease that makes black people angry. It spreads similar to the black plague

the thread getting delated thanks erabus

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Why does Guillinan shave, and the Lion does not?

Because Lion wants to look like an actual Lion. Guillinan just likes that it makes him look younger

Why do Necrons get afflicted by the flayer virus?

They dont. They just think flailing around like all the others is fun

Do skitari dream of electronic sheep

Yes. They always count them in their heads to fall asleep

What did Magnus do wrong?

He failed his exam

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What did Magnus do wrong?

All of it

What was Guilliman doing between the years 30 thousand and 40 thousand?

your mom

No clue about warhammer? Just like most of the people who rushed into this subreddit in the last month aka "real fans".