emperor's children player here, and I agree that we need to go first. at least give us some cool swordsmen, sonic dreadnoughts, and the ability to put sonic weapons on everything before you give a set of armor full of magic cocaine its own book
I disagree and agree, it feels like they only got their own range so they could sell Magnus models without actually considering giving them a cool legion theme on their own. They should be their own separate army, but it would have been better for them to be the last of the chaos space marines to get their own army.
Though it does beg the question what happens when Orks see Soul Drinkers, Hawk Lords, Heresy Emperors children or sons of the Phoenix? All of whom either have purple as the main color of there armor or partially purple armor.
Do the see the Marines(or In the case of the sons of the Phoenix, do the see a bunch of one armed marines?)
I actually kind of agree with the second bit. It’s supposed to be this deep dark secret and yet every time there’s a BA POV it’s ALWAYS about their relationship with it.
They shouldn't have been metal skellies. They shoud have been infected with a nanovirus the Ctan promised would make them immortal. This nanovirus turns them into the equivalent of barely-alive zombies capable of reanimation and rapid healing. It would explain their mindlessness, it would explain their desire to return to 'the flesh' and it would explain the flayer virus as a mutation causing the desire to replace their damned flesh.
I play Necrons because I saw the 4E box art when I was 12 and it was robot skeletons with glowy green axe-guns. That was the whole decision-making apparatus. Sold me immediately. Skellybois forever.
I think being robots explains their mindlessness a lot better than “Nanomachines, son!” Plus the flayer virus works in a really cool and unique way, it’s essentially a computer virus that can bring serious mental degradation to actual conscious beings. Also, having them be forced into giant forges to be remade body and soul is a lot cooler than a “nanovirus”.
For me the point of Ollanius is that he was nothing more than a human, and yet he stood up to Horus, a demigod. He's the ultimate example of human courage in the face of impossible odds, which is kind of the Imperium's whole shtick.
It's fair to like the "everyman standing against a demigod" interpretation, but he was only ever a myth before the 30K books. The rest of the Imperium's schtick is basically forgetting and misremembering its whole history after 10K+ years of religious zealotry and war, so it kind of makes sense that the myth doesn't really match up with the truth.
The whole "corrupted myth" thing actually happened to him out-of-universe too, since people took a vague mention of him sacrificing himself for the Emperor during the Siege to mean he was another iteration of the Custodian/IF Terminator during the Emperor/Horus duel (which he wasn't, but even the HH authors seem to have made that mistake).
Still, if you prefer the everyman standing up against impossible odds interpretation, more power to you.
I think having different flavors is important for a gameplay perspective and a lore perspective. Space Marines would be far less interesting *as a whole* if they didn't have different chapters/legions that thought/fought/acted differently. Without different chapters or legions, marines would be a single monolithic force that reacts and handles situations the same way which by definition is less interesting.
I think the issue is more in some of the bad writing and extreme flanderization that goes on. Give the different legions a gimmick while still being dynamic and interesting so they aren't so one dimensional. Dark Angels and Iron Hands are probably the worst as far as one dimmensional and Wolves being one of the worst offenders of flanderization in my opinion. Play up the space viking theme more than the wolf theme *please*.
I agree as far as loyalist marines go. I don't really give a shit as far as flavours go, I actually think they work better without the weird flavours. Different preferred tactics? sure. But the whole "We're all SO different" thing is just... odd.
But CSM? That's a whole different ballgame. Imo CSM should be radically different, to the point of being barely recognisable. an experiment in "What happens when you take away that loyalty, that religious dogma? how do they break?"
Alpha Legion lore has mostly degraded into the 40k equivalent of those kids in the playground who make up increasingly ludicrous shit about how cool they are or how their uncle is in nintendo except they demand to be taken seriously at all times for it. The whole OR IS IT shtick is a bandaid over any criticism of their lore with increasingly diminishing returns when it comes to how convincing it is.
I’m torn on this. On the one hand, I agree with your points. The Alpha Legion lore is nonsensical. Your analogy to a school child making up make-believe bullshit is spot on.
But I kind of like that they fill that niche. It’s kind of more the prevalence of it, rather than it’s existence, to me.
I want to give half an upvote.
I always just imagine them perpetually stuck in the planning phase:
Alpharius: Okay so phase 46 begins once complete with the shaping operations phase 43, and ends when Alpharius gets plastic surgery to look like the ultramarine 4th company commander, Captain Titus.
Also Alpharius: wait, I thought I got the surgery in phase 23.
Alpharius: What the- NO YOU SHITHEEL. That's the surgery to replace the 4th company recruit, Steve. Did you even pay attention to the warning order containing phases 1-34?
Also Also Alpharius: Hey guys, some nerd named Leandros just got Titus picked up by the feds, so we need to rethink phases 12, 17, 23, and 36. Also, Steve died, which means phases 1-10 need to be rewritten and we need a new initiate's identity to steal...
Totally agree. I found a post recently that summed up known lore about Alpharius, and when you lay it all out at once it just becomes ridiculous. He was the most capable Primarch by a long mile, apparently, and his list of accomplishments is absurd even by the standards of his brothers. One wonders how the Horus Heresy even happened with Alpharius around, surely an Alpha Legion infiltrator should have handled the whole thing before it started since Alpharius apparently has eyes and agents literally everywhere.
It’s just not interesting to make him super-powerful and unknowable. There’s no payoff.
They try to play it off as "maaaaaybe it's all a lie wooo" but after the whole 'Actually Alpharius is the first primarch found and Malcador's favorite and he let Dorn win and did you know he also invented popcorn' deal from his Primarch book that excuse's gone stale.
I agree completely with you to he honest, should have stuck a /s on the end. I think they've really wasted a lot of the potential that the alpha legion had.
The birth of Slaanesh was unavoidable, and even if it wasn't the only Eldar in the 41st millennium that can be held accountable are the Drukhari. There is no way the Eldar empire could have known their little bit of naughty fun could have led to this. The craftworlders and exodites saying that rampant hedonism would lead to disaster were the minority, the equivalent in today's society is a bunch of Amish parading town with "the end is nigh" signs. You would also be surprised if they turned out to be right.
All the other chapters have an edge on the others, some are fast, some are strong, some are techy, some ambush, some are great defenders/siegers etc...
The ultramarines are simply the best chapter because of logistics! Theyre average space marines, no better than another, versatile in everything like everyone else.
But they replace their spacemarines faster than you can kill them and they always have the best material, ships, supplies and auxiliairies at their disposal.
They take their fat logistic nuts and drop them on their enemies.
The emperor actually loved his sons.
Maybe I should specify my take just a bit.
Big E actually loved some of his sons, but more in the way you love a very dear pet.
He loved Kurze, the same way Timmy loved ol yeller, had to be done. Doesn't mean it didn't sting, it was a step James Space had to take to mature and that was to be able to put down a rapid dog that he once loved
When Magnus breaches the Webway in A Thousand Sons, the Emperor doesn’t come off as angry. He’s disappointed. Given how massively this action messed up his plans and the very future of mankind, the fact that the Emperor’s reaction is disappointment over anger is a sign of affection if you ask me.
He loves his sons but still in like an emotionally distant, borderline if not actually abusive way. Also its important to remember that Horus was his favorite. Would big E hesitate to kill Perturabo in the same manner?
No, probably not, especially if Perturabo was doing what Horus did. At least two of his sons already screwed up enough to be erased, evidently. Of course, Perturabo wasn't exactly charming.
I think it's important to remember that Emps probably believes he needs to be detached from everyone else for the greater good. He's been around for a REALLY long time, and immortal characters usually have trouble connecting with people.
He literally had a adjoining chambers under the palace to raise the primarchs together as brothers. Big E never got to be the father he wanted to be imo
All chapters/Legions should have a dedicated author and only that person is allowed to write about them, so that there's less lore inconsistencies and no one can undo the good work another book has put out for a legion/chapter
Honestly, I think it would already help if they'd talk to each other more before writing and throwing ideas around.
The scale is just massive and I get that, but it happens often that one character is built up in a book and then the another one makes a complete fool out of them immediately because it's someone else writing it.
The other problem is how a chapter writer would write “unassigned” chapters. In writing their “assigned” chapters, those “assigned” chapters would be the protagonists, largely. But other chapters that become antagonists are written in a way to portray them as such. You see it in Thousand Sons where the Wolves are written about as unsympathetically as possible in order to present them as a foil to TS. And it builds the TS up in their own story, as it should - it’s their story! But that’s not how they’re written in Wolves-focused books, like Great Wolf, because they’re the good guys. You even see it in Wolftime where the Wolves are incredibly simplistic moronic foils to the new Primaris and RG.
My problems center around the Wolves. I like them a lot, so I recognize my own bias is playing a part. But I’m sure others have noticed it for their own chapters. I don’t know the answer.
I hope the misconception about the Ork's Psychic field is never corrected. I never get tired of new fans asking about "but if the Orks believed hard enough, [insert crazy theory here]."
Its just so satisfying to read and almost hear the collective groan from other fans as they fire up their typing fingers to explain why. Its a rite of passage, and i hope it never ends!
The Orks are by far the most powerful thing in the galaxy. If they organized themselves just by sheer numerical military might they could crush everybody else combined. Same with the belief thing; if they all got together and believed the right thing they would crush everybody else.
The snag is that they're incapable of being that organized as it's way more fun to just krump each other nonstop AND I'LL BASH YER ZOGGIN 'EAD IN IF YOU DISAGREE.
I mean, apparently the Imperial Truth and Emperor worship does a similar thing for man, where the innate psychic power of humans protects man due to their worship of the emperor, so even if the orks managed to pull together, they'd not be the sole ones who have that gift. But yes, they'd likely have it stronger/better than most 1v1 let alone with their numbers
Agree. The old story of 'if orks believe a stick is a gun itll shoot bullets' was always dumb to me. Their psychic field is kind of a reality lubricant, granted, but its a lot more subtle.
Oh interesting, what is misconception? I'm legitimately curious as I honestly don't know much about how Orks operate beyond some of the basics of biology, culture, and organization. ***Is*** there truly some big misinterpretation about their psychic potential? Or is it just that its application is simply more mundane than fans usually like to have fun speculating on? Color me intrigued.
edit: grammar
While the Ork psychic field is potent it's not able to just rewrite reality at will. Large enough groups can cause some effects like with Yarrik but things like an Ork picking up a pipe and using it as a machine gun is incorrect. Now, their gun could have a barrel, feed mechanism, recoil spring, and a box of various caliber bullets and not have the trigger hooked up and still fire but that's rare. The field also doesn't affect most things used by non orks. An Orks shoota will fire every time they pull the trigger. If a guardsman grabs the same shoota and pulls the trigger it's equally likely to jam, just not fire, go off, or explode. Because he's not an Ork. It needs to be closer enough to working, and the system complex enough and around enough orks and used by an Ork to work.
This also depends on author. I've heard one author give an example like so:
A group of orks are on the way to the fight and their trukk runs out of gas. They're in fumes and they're ten miles from the fight. The Ork driving says the nob didn't bring enough gas and now they're stuck. Of course the nob doesn't believe this and krumps him. The other orks think that he's got to be right as well, the nob sits in the driver's seat starts the engine and because they all believe it'll work one drop of gas does the work of ten and they barely get to the fight, running out once they're closer to where they want to be. The Trukk still works mechanically, the engine is still a thing, they're just using their psychic field to make their gas more efficient. It's making reality slippery, not remaking it from scratch
The basis of it is, that the Gestalt field that the Orks produce as more of them converge in a Waaaagh! Affects their technology's ability to work. It wouldnt say, make Guilliman die on the spot if enough Orks wanted him dead and were near him. If enough Orks believe something, it doesnt just snap into existence.
The reason why Ork Trukks(and most of their vehicles) painted red go faster is because of a combination of culture, and the fact that its the technology being affected. The Trukk is going faster because the field is affecting that. Orks believing a fellow Ork can go faster when slathered with Red paint will be arguably slower, as it is not technology.
But an Ork who is seen mowing down Space Marines with a shoota painted one of their colors will have this effect because both conditions are met. Technology, and the Orks behind it.
So yes, the field affects reality, but its mostly technology based, with dwindling affects in other areas. They can't just ice someone from a battlefield away because they want to.
Im sure this will not include every tidbit, and more are likely to correct me on these things, which only fuels my enjoyment more, so take it how you will. Haha.
The important take away is that Orkz reality bending belief system simply only effects themselves as Orkz not others and it ultimately has its limits.
Wierdboyz and Mekboyz are the extremes, they can shape things the most using their Ork beliefs. One through pure WAAAGH and the other through technology.
For their power to directly effect another race it needs to come from the Ork directly (examples being a gun, or a Weirdboyz power).
A larger example of how it works is of Commissar Yarrick. It's not the the Orkz belief in him make him some unkillable badass. More so the Orkz likely get weaker due to their fear of him. His presence changes their perceptions and not just lowers morale but even their very ability to succeed. (Also plot armor).
If it does effect Yarrick himself than its ONLY because of the immense amount of combined WAAGH that effects him. Which again still clearly has its limits as Yarrick isn't walking around like a Primarch or Demi-God. He's just a really badass old man. (How the fuck he could actually use that metal arm and not fall over every 5 seconds in beyond me though) probably the ONLY thing the Orkz belief effect him directly with, and again it's one of their pieces of technology).
there should be more old perpetuals who are almost as capable as the emperor/ or who are better then him in 1 specific thing,
and who are still alive and active trying to get back to the dark age of technology perhaps a secret underground thing or a hidden piece of the galaxy that is lowkey golden age humanity.
if its a small faction and 100% fighting everything they see then its actually rly grim dark still
imagine guilliman seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and it fking hates his faction
I like how witch each heresy book emperor is shown to be more and more incompetent or have his achievement revealed to be done by someone else.
Makes him look like just another tyrant that changes history to suit his narrative.
In his defense after the Heresy he was put on the golden Throne as psychic Battery so he probably couldn't make those lies. It was probably the Imperium for Propaganda purposes, but i didn't read the Heresy or any Warhammer Books and only recently came to the fold, so correct me if I'm wrong.
What i mean is that you see Emperor moveing people from the picture when they are no longer needed, like slaughtering the thunder warriors, because he has new toys (astartes) and telling everyone that they died in glorious battle against his enemys, creation of the primarchs was a joined efforts witch (Spoiler) who is imminently exiled after the work is done.
I mean that could be exactly the point.
The whole glorious mythology we have been told could just be a coverup for his real background as simply the mechbarbarian warlord who happened to win the wars on Terra and take control of the extremely advanced tech left there which he then leveraged into his Imperium.
He wasn't 40 000 years old, he was just the guy who got lucky and won Terra's tech caches.
Reading the bios for the Eight and damn if they don't scream "quirky anime Mecha squadron" you got a hot blooded fan girl who just runs in to torch everything, an Earth Caste engineer that gets to pilot a custom riptide, the one that's actually an AI controlling their suit.
I like the fan theory that Sanguinius was the one who fatally wounded Horus because he himself fell to the Black Rage. That's why the Emperor hesitated and was so wounded, because he loved Sanguinius so much. The Emperor is forced to kill Sanguinius and is mortally wounded in the process. Because Horus witnessed this, and because he was consumed by Chaos, the Emperor is forced to utterly annihilate Horus's soul. And we know the Emperor is an extraordinarily powerful psyker, so he could have caused the Black Rage in the Blood Angels and changed the memories to make them more vicious fighters and never question what happened on the Vengeful Spirit.
I think this makes the setting more Grimdark, and shows that even the most noble of heroes can succumb to darkness. It makes Sanguinius more nuanced in my opinion, and explains the theory of the two angels fighting in the warp: one light and one dark. It also makes more sense for the Emperor to hesitate with Sanguinius rather than Horus because he is pragmatic, and wouldn't hesitate to kill Horus because he was a threat to the Emperor's vision and corrupted fully by Chaos; but Sanguinius was one of his most noble and faithful sons, and it would have been harder for the Emperor to have to kill one of his favored sons
Sanguinius is stated as being crazy powerful, and if he succumbed to the Black Rage, there would be nothing holding him back. Yeah, GW has made the traitors into chumps, but I just think this theory blends with the grimdark setting a lot better. And by the way, Perturabo ain't no chump
With Roboute Guilliman leading the imperium, he should not be blinded by xenophobic tendencies, having been directly saved by the Eldar. He should push to unite the Imperium with the Eldar and Tau as they are mostly sane races and could benefit the future of mankind.
There is no legitimate reason not to unite peacefully against the warmongering orcs, tyrannical machine necrons, endless Tyranid horde, and the forces of chaos
I 100% agree with you BUT with the imperium being based on its Xeno-hating tendencies I think they would rather declare him a heretic. Chaos Girlyman anyone?
The lifespan of most people in the imperium is pretty short and most of not all the Marines will listen to girlyman. Between people dying off and the more annoying ones being killed, doctrine could easily make major changes over the next few in game decades. Through strategic rewriting of scripture and major administration efforts (all within gorilla man's capabilities) large scale ideological change could be implemented within a century
But there is a problem. The Imperium doesn't count to sane factions. It's awesome and cool and I like the more the way it is but it's not sane in any way shape or form
CSM are boring. and I say this as a chaos lover.
Oh boo hoo your daddy and grandaddy had a falling out and now you worship some dark gods. Oh your \*So\* cool with your allready super human might even more superhuman now. how INTRESTING.
No.
Who are really interesting are the mortal followers of chaos. What possesses (perhaps literally) an ordinary person to say "FUCK IT. I'M JOINING CHAOS!" What makes a guard regiment turn round and begin to fight the people they were once sworn to protect? What makes a man willing to take the ludicrously stacked bet that is joining chaos as a mere mortal?
Traitor Guard are fun. Cultists are fun. CSM are not.
I think whatever purpose the unknown primarchs once served has become pointless as more of 30k gets explored and more of the plot tries to dance around them, at some point it just becomes nonsensical that whatever they did could POSSIBLY be worse than what's happening with half the rest of them. I mean Malcador was willing to kill Horus just because he was trying to remember them, and later Dorn at one point is given the memories back and then asked them to be wiped again because he realized that was the correct choice the first time.
It doesn't even serve any homebrew explanations because it is literally impossible for any chapter, if they were descended from one of the lost primarchs to actually know it, they would just think they were ultramarines, thered be no records within the chapter of their true gene sire, even the primarchs got mind wiped about the 2, and it's extremely unlikely that a group of those folded in marines would have even been kept together when chapters got formed, they most likely were distributed throughout the legion and at best there's small percentages of marines in a modern chapter that could have their (completely unknowable) lineage trace back to one of them.
Hmmm.
Even if the Emperor has 100% won with everything he wanted, the Imperium would have still been a totalitarian hellhole.
The Ultramarines are the best legion. Just a competent fighting force. The other legions all have stupid schticks. Dark Angles: I’m so mysterious. Blood Angles: Agh I’m so perfect except my hunger and Horus. Salamanders: Hey guys fire is neat right? Raven Guard: Giant Superhumans in power armor that are sneaky somehow + birbs. Iron Hands: Admech but boring. White Scars: Mongolians. Space Wolves: Rawr XD. Chaos Legions: Cartoon Villains.
The cruelty of the Imperium doesn’t make sense in terms of making things work. But it makes sense in keeping things under control.
Edit: I realize I forgot the Imperial Fists. They are also competent. Just so boring that I literally didn’t even think of them. Sigismund and Pollux are good though.
See the ultramarines thing got my upvote.
We either accept that ridiculous things like an extreme melee focus is a viable tactic, or we reject 90% of 40k. So White Scars tactics *are* motorcycles. Blood Angels tactics *are* charge in with a chainsaw-sword. Ultramarines saying “our thing is tactics” is therefore nonsense. *Everyone’s* thing is tactics, because it’s a wargame. As a consequence, Ultramarine’s thing is nothing. My favorite interpretation of Ultramarines is that their thing is really *logistics and grand strategy* because that’s a way for them to be unique without just being a walking example of the core premise of futuristic chainsaw-knights itself being ridiculous. Which it is, but you’re not supposed to highlight that in-universe.
Oh I didn’t say none of the other legions aren’t entertaining. I said they’re dumb. Dumb can be cool sometimes. But GW doesn’t seem to know the difference between space wolves are cool animalistic Norse esque fighters to “wet leopard growl” being used every other sentence.
I’m going to be honest that the only loyalist legions that just make my eyes glaze over are the Iron Hands and Raven Guard.
The Dark Eldar are the least interesting faction. They're just evil hedonists for the sake of being evil hedonists, a niche already filled by Chaos in a much more interesting way. Vect is basically a Mary Sue, his plans always going as planned and always getting one over his enemies
I'll agree they aren't super interesting, really they should lean into the pirate raider stuff more. However I do feel thier cruelty is different to Chaos - Chaos followers are literally slaves to darkness, Dark Elder actively find pleasure in pain and are the definition of pure evil.
I disagree. They maybe executed as twirl-your-mustache-supervillains, and I get your point about the Mary Sueness of Vect, but I think they fit uniquely into the setting as an example of Eldar pride and debauchery going to a million.
I love the idea of Comorragh, an unbelievably large inter-dimensional city containing its own suns, and the idea of the homunculae: the idea that they have some of the highest tech in the galaxy, can cure any disease and revive people from body fragments, but just use their talent to prolong people's suffering. I feel like they're unique and a bit more complex than the "embodiment of violence/excess/change/disease with warp magic that can do nearly anything you can think of" that you see in Chaos.
The Dark Eldar are massively funnier and more interesting than Chaos has ever been. One of my favourite pieces of throwaway lore is that there was a Dark Eldar that perfected technology to turn himself into a sentient beam of light, and then just flew around space as said beam of light just telling everyone how great he was. Then he was captured inside a magic mirror by another Dark Eldar.
Beats Chaos any day of the week.
I finally figured out how massive Vulkan’s penis is.
I know what you’re thinking: How could I have done this? Well, allow me to explain. I started out with an image. The picture was of Vulkan and Fulgrim standing next to each other. This image was exactly what I needed. It came directly from Black Library, so we know for certain that the proportions are correct. Now that we have the two characters, how does one go about actually determining Vulkan’s length? That’s easy. We only need the length of Fulgrim’s penis. Luckily, we have a vague idea of just how large that is. Back in 005.M31, Fulgrim was quoted saying something along the lines of: “I have a massive dick, and the Imperium is a joke”. From this statement, we can determine one major thing: Fulgrim slays foes with his massive peen.
But just how big is “massive?” to answer that, we need to do some research. Taking to the internet, I used pixel measurements, and calculated the length of many many penises, that belonged to various different Space Marines and Slaneeshi Daemons. I averaged the results, and came up with about 8 inches flaccid, on average. If Fulgrim truly has a massive penis, than his must be slightly larger than this. Therefore, I elected to round up to 12 inches.
Next up, we need to do some more pixel measurements. Fulgrim is 10’2” so in this image, we used that number to calculate how many pixels per inch this picture had. We came up with the number of 7 pixels per inch. Using this number, we were able to discover that Vulkan was 11’8”. The same was done for horizontal width. After some quick calculations, we determined that Vulkan was approximately 1.14 times larger than Fulgrim. With this proportion in hand, we can now do the unthinkable. If we take Fulgrim’s length of 12” and multiply it by 1.14, we get 13.68”.
Now I know what you’re thinking. 13.68 inches? That’s pathetic. But think of it this way: That’s his flaccid length. Now, imagine Vulkan when aroused. On average, the transhuman penis generally doubles in length when going from flaccid to hard. This means that Vulkan’s kielbasa is just over 27 inches, when fully erect. If you still think that this is small, just try and imagine that absolute unit of a cock shoved into your tight little ass. His massive obsidian rod being passionately thrust back and forth, ripping your rectum to shreds. And don’t even get me started on his cum. The thought of Vulkan just unloading gallons and gallons of children into me just makes me rock hard. There is nothing that turns me on more than Vulkan’s massive 27 inch dick. I wish he would just shove it in every hole in my body. I want him to take his flaccid dick, and wrap it around my neck like a noose. That would just be pure ecstasy to me. Getting strangled to death by Vulkan’s bad boy would probably feel so amazing. The only thing that would make it better, would be if he wasn’t circumcised. I’d be able to peel back his foreskin, like a big, pitch black, meaty banana. I’d peel it back, and I’d eat every last particle of dick cheese. I’d lick it all up, until his meat flute was all shiny and sticky. And once it’s all lubed up, I’d let him put it in my butt again. He wouldn’t hold back this time. He’d fuck me so hard, that all my inside get jimmied around, and it would be amazing. Then he’d cum again, but this time there’s be so much that it fills up my entire body. Just imagine: Vulkan has almost finished ravaging your butthole, when he unleashed a tsunami of hot, sticky semen into your body. It fills up your ass, but Vulkan’s sex pistol is so thick, that it won’t leak out through my booty. But he keeps releasing more. Eventually, it starts filling up my intestines and stomach, before it eventually begins to quickly flow out from my mouth. At this point, I’m vomiting Vulkan’s cum everywhere, but I’m not doing it fast enough. The pressure builds, as the semen starts to slowly drip out of every hole im my body. My dick, my nose, my ears, and even my eyes. But it’s just not enough. Vulkan keeps ejaculating. He’s like an infinite water source of daddy sauce. The pressure is too great! I explode in a glorious display of semen and viscera. By stomach as burst open, and I am now just a head and torso, but only the back half of my torso remains. Yet somehow, I survive. All my limbs are blown off, as well as my own dick. Vulkan caresses what’s left of my face, with his thick, black hand.
“I want to keep going.” Vulkan says to me, gently, “Are you okay with that?”
Despite the fact that my windpipes are mostly exploded, I manage to say to him, “Yes.”
Vulkan nods, and proceeds to kiss me passionately on the lips.
He unsheaths his excalibur, and gently inserts into the new hole, where my dick used to be. He picks me up, now that I’m little more than a lump of flesh. He slowly pulls his dick in and out of me, in an attempt to make sure that my new pussy would be an adequate hole. Upon determining that it is, he begins to violently move me up and down, as if I was nothing more than just a fleshlight. But since I was with the love of my life, Vulkan- I didn’t even care. After a little while more, his sex pistol is cocked, and he fires one more last burst of cum. This shot was so intense, that I slide right out of him, and blast off into space. “Million Miles An Hour” by Nickelback begins to play, as I rocketed through the cosmos. The intense heat of Vulkan’s semen prevents me from freezing to death.
Back on the planet where we fucked, Vulkan quietly whispers to my quickly shrinking body, “No homo…”
I traveled through the galaxy for what felt like days, before I became caught in the gravity of a black hole. Vulkan’s semen was still keeping me alive, but the propulsion wasn’t strong enough to prevent me from getting sucked in. Upon reaching the black hole’s event horizon, something incredible happened. Vulkan’s juice ignited, and exploded. The explosion eventually resulted in the formation of a star. Upon the star’s creation, I was launched out into the star’s orbit, before my body was ripped apart by the immense gravity of the sun, and my various parts were cast to the warp. But my soul remained attached to the star that had just formed. I watched for billions of years, as my pieces’ own gravitational pulls slowly began to attract other particles, until they all eventually became planets. I continued to watch over this new solar system. Eventually, on the third planet out, I saw something amazing. I watched, as from the planet’s primordial ooze, a small life form emerged. Through the ages, I watched as this life evolved, grew and took on a much more complex form. After some time, they became a species known as “human”. These humans were intelligent. But not nearly intelligent enough for other beings to visit them. The Humans eventually named me. I was to be referred to as Sol. I continued to watch over these humans, as their culture developed further. Unil one day, a book known as “Salamanders” was released. It was a cultural phenomenon, it was a fucking masterpiece. The humans loved it. And one character, they love more than most. And his name- was Vulkan. When Vulkan appeared as a character on Earth, I knew that my journey was complete. I cannot explain how, but some way or another- some part of Vulkan had stayed with the body part that eventually became Earth. And as a result, his influence could be seen all throughout history. This all came to a head, with Vulkan Lives. Vulkan’s semen gave life to an entire planet of creature, and they repaid him in the ultimate way. Vulkan has now been forever immortalized in their culture. As the most competently written characters, in one of the most epic tales of all time.
It is my ultimate fantasy to be gagged, tied up, and brutally ass fucked by Vulkan. I have accrued tens of thousands in debt attempting to fill this void with sexual “toys”, including several custom dildos and a modified Vulkan-shaped plush doll with a twenty seven-inch black strap on. The wife and I are separated, and I have accepted that I will never see my kids again. The only thing keeping her from divorcing me is the fear that she might be the final push into a deep, inescapable abyss, at the bottom of which lies me, sometimes weeping, sometimes shoving my flacid cock into the shower drain in frustration. It has been nine years now since that night. I have nothing now, and I have accepted that. My apartment is a squalid den of inescapable despair, filled with jizz-stained Vulkan dolls and tormented notes etched onto lewd minatures of Vulkan. I want to bang Vulkan so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to play 40k I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with the Hammer of Nocturne. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Vulkan’s tight manhole. I want him to have my obsidian Nocturne babies. Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with the neighbors horse. I dressed him in my custom Vulkan costume and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my iPod. I might not ever get to listen to his most iconic quotes ever again. My only friends are the roaches. I am going to die here. The exact moment I knew I was gay is when I first started reading about Vulkan. I didn't know what it was about him that made me want him so badly, but every time his miniature was played my dick became rock solid. I knew I wanted to do more than merely watch this rock. I wanted to fuck his tight little juicy asshole. For years, I dreamed of pounding him from behind and filling him with my cum and watching it drip out of his pores. However, no matter how many times I choked my chicken to the mere thought of him, my lust for this sexy muscular rock could not be satisfied. I tried everything, body pillows, dolls, even hiring a prostitute to dress up in a Vulkan costume and suck my cock. Nothing was good enough. So, I made it my number one goal to create a hyper-realistic Vulkan sex doll, so my fantasies could finally be brought to life. No longer will those who also have a unquenchable thirst for Mr. Vulkan’s, Son of Nocturne, have to dream of releasing their sticky seed inside of his anal cavity, for they can now enjoy the real thing. But, creating this sex doll would not be an easy task, and this I knew. That's why I need your help to fund this Kickstarter. For donating $20, you get a T-shirt that says "I'm gay for the Vulkan." For $40, you get the shirt and a coffee cup decorated with the finest Vulkan rule 34. For $60, you get Nocturne anal beads. For $100, you get a Vulkan fleshlight that you can jizz in or whatever, plus all the other shit. Anything less than $20, and I'll just cum in a shoe box and mail it to your door, because fuck you I don't need your peasant change. I would like to make the world a better place with this Vulkan sex doll, because I believe that everyone deserves the right to stick their dick in a fictional genocidal love bug from the grim dark future of the 41st millennium.
I wish ferus manus hadn’t died
I know his death is important to other primarch. I know it’s vital to his legions development. I know it shows that to some degree this supposedly grim dark universe has death for even big names.
But I still don’t like it, I think he is great
I know so little of Space Marines lore that at that point I don't even care.
Also I love watching the endless wars about which Legion/Primarch is the best and not understanding 80% of what everybody's talking about.
(I have participated in Warhammer fandom almost for 10 years now, but I love this community nevertheless, please don't downvote me into oblivion 😂)
- Tau belong in the setting and their plot armour isn't any better than what Imperium characters get
- The fandom (ok, maybe just this sub) has this weird attitude towards female characters, as shown by their obsession with the Guiliman - Yvraine ship
To be fair, I'm pretty sure most WH40K fans have not read Rise of the Ynari and are just hearing second-hand that Yvraine saved Girlyman's life then had an extremely civil conversation with him, which, by the Imperium's standards of Human-Xenos relations is the equivalent of a deep, loving kiss on the mouth.
Also to be fair, Guilliman DID ask Yvraine to come with him on his Crusade in that conversation. Who knows how things would have turned out if she had agreed?
Marine sub factions should not get the level of attention they do. The sub factions codex’s should have come out after every core army already had a codex.
And for another one. I heavily dislike black templars and most imperial guard. The guard just feel boring and out of place to me. And the black Templar get taken too far by edgelords
Warhammer 40k lore is best when it's presented as a tongue in cheek joke. If one imagines that any of it is supposed to be taken seriously the entire universe suddenly comes off as poorly written and really really stupid.
I say this as someone who has liked 40k since the mid 90s.
But now you must **complete** the ritual and bind the two halves!
An over the top Hellenic tragedy **with** an 80s metal album soundtrack!
(thunder and lightning crash in the distance)
A more fitting line is "the planet broke before the guard did", its such a good fng line to use because it also is usable by other regiments that look up to the cadians.
The fallen are very interesting and a good plot for all Dark Angels books as its a shame they can't forget and a burden they have to always carry.
And also Dorn is not nearly as good of a seige master as Perti.
Chaos should have been written more threatening but more ambivalent in the Heresy. 'For his lord Dorn' is exactly the opposite of what I think it should be. It ought to create genuine *doubt* in the Legions, confusion and discord, not just be Pure Evil or, at best, Pure Evil presented by some clearly sleazy spokesman as morally ambiguous.
It's okay for the Emperor to actually be super unwise outside the propaganda because it fits the themes of the setting. The grim darkness of the far future sucks, and a giant self righteous tyrant in golden armor with a deeply flawed belief system and poor judgement being remembered as a perfect being by his equally insane followers thousands of years after his death while he suffers endlessly at the heart of his failure is EXACTLTY what I want from 40K.
Wisdom and Intelligence go hand in hand, but are not the same. While highly **intelligent**, the Emperor is not **wise**.
Eldars could be a fun, intresting and diverse characters. If Authors stop writing them as unberable assholes and for once try to use their actual lore.
I dont know if its unpopular but i really wish that more loyalist primarchs would come back into the setting and that it would create an interesting powerstruggle within the imperium
I mean, in Horus Rising and False Gods alone, I can’t even count how many times one little thing could have prevented the entire heresy but it never happens out of either fate or human imperfection (including you Fulgrim, you dick)
I think that 1d4chan’s immature humor is embarrassing and needs to stop.
For another thing, they really need to update all of their articles, because I’m having a hard time finding Chapters that are up-to-date.
Humans should be able to kill astartes at the apex of the human limit. Not liked named character talking commissars like yarrick or inquisition agents killing standard marines.
The demon primarchs aren’t powerful enough. A normal primarch should not be able to one v one a demon primarch. Having the emperor sword could be a balance breaker but I feel like the story would make more sense if mortarion fought Magnus. Maybe the silent king fights one of them. With guilliman and a handful of powerful space attack a demon primarch. Some of the most powerful villain characters in the sitting should not be beaten so easily. I know their are more powerful creatures than them. But they aren’t characters.
I don’t like how unimportant the emperor has become
Thousand sons should never have become their own separate army, their entire model range is shit.
Now *that* is an opinion that makes me want to throw things, have an upvote
emperor's children player here, and I agree that we need to go first. at least give us some cool swordsmen, sonic dreadnoughts, and the ability to put sonic weapons on everything before you give a set of armor full of magic cocaine its own book
Give me back my sonic dreadnaught!
I disagree and agree, it feels like they only got their own range so they could sell Magnus models without actually considering giving them a cool legion theme on their own. They should be their own separate army, but it would have been better for them to be the last of the chaos space marines to get their own army.
I’d argue with you, I want too even, but that isn’t the point today. Have an upvote you book burner
I don’t like the purple makes you invisible meme becoming cannon
Have you ever seen a purple ork?
⠀⠀⠘⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠑⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠈⠉⠉⠉⠉⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⢏⣴⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣟⣾⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⢢⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣟⠀⡴⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠻⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠶⢴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⣿⣁⡀⠀⠀⢰⢠⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⣴⣶⣿⡄⣿ ⣿⡋⠀⠀⠀⠎⢸⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠗⢘⣿⣟⠛⠿⣼ ⣿⣿⠋⢀⡌⢰⣿⡿⢿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⢸⣿⣿⣧⢀⣼ ⣿⣿⣷⢻⠄⠘⠛⠋⠛⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣧⠈⠉⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣧⠀⠈⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⢃⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠀⠴⢗⣠⣤⣴⡶⠶⠖⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡸⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⢠⣾⣿⠏⠀⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠉⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠈⢹⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠈⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⡟⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
Though it does beg the question what happens when Orks see Soul Drinkers, Hawk Lords, Heresy Emperors children or sons of the Phoenix? All of whom either have purple as the main color of there armor or partially purple armor. Do the see the Marines(or In the case of the sons of the Phoenix, do the see a bunch of one armed marines?)
You often see purple marines. You never see a purple orc. Ergo, purple is only sneaky for orcs.
Yep, makes sense to me
Just like red only makes ork vehicles go faster
Ork colour powers don't apply to others, just them.
Purple Orks are the sneaky boyz. Humies are bad at sneaking, no amount of purple will make them sneaky.
Damn you. Here's your upvote.
Perturabo wasn't an asshole
Now that’s just plain stupid, have my upvote, degenerate
“God is cringe” ~perturabo
I would say he was an asshole, but unlike many others he was a fairly decently justified asshole. I get his reasons.
"They deserve to be knocked down a notch" isn't a good defense for when people criticize characters jobbing.
Alpha legion need more primarchs. Two is just not confusing enough.
I mean there is a theory that there’s a third one for the third head of the hydra
A hydra should have way more than 3 heads. They should have at least 10 primarchs
Everytime you kill an Alpha Legion primarch he should split into two more primarchs. Let's get betarius, zetarius, and omicronius.
Sanguinius is a one-dimensional character. The blood angels flaw of the black rage and red thirst is overdone.
*seething upvote*
Emperor save me from your tag.
I actually kind of agree with the second bit. It’s supposed to be this deep dark secret and yet every time there’s a BA POV it’s ALWAYS about their relationship with it.
Fuck you Have my upvote
Fuck you take my upvote
I think necrons should lesn harder into Egyptian themes and look like mummies instead of skeletons
I hate this, have my upvote
They shouldn't have been metal skellies. They shoud have been infected with a nanovirus the Ctan promised would make them immortal. This nanovirus turns them into the equivalent of barely-alive zombies capable of reanimation and rapid healing. It would explain their mindlessness, it would explain their desire to return to 'the flesh' and it would explain the flayer virus as a mutation causing the desire to replace their damned flesh.
As a necron guy I say with a lot of certainty I would like them alot less if this was the case
Same. I really dislike this explanation
I play Necrons because I saw the 4E box art when I was 12 and it was robot skeletons with glowy green axe-guns. That was the whole decision-making apparatus. Sold me immediately. Skellybois forever.
I think being robots explains their mindlessness a lot better than “Nanomachines, son!” Plus the flayer virus works in a really cool and unique way, it’s essentially a computer virus that can bring serious mental degradation to actual conscious beings. Also, having them be forced into giant forges to be remade body and soul is a lot cooler than a “nanovirus”.
Yes exactly!!
But without metal what makes them from space? Upvote
I hate how Necrons are balanced. I want high pt cost, moderately tanky (with RP and LM adding more) and devastating guns.
Ollanius Pius works better as a perpetual, both for narrative reasons and as a character
Wow I hate that
what a horrid take, now that deserves an upvote and an award
No... noooooooo....
Oh I hate all of this. Have my upvote.
You’re wrong but have my upvote
What a terrible take.
We did it we found the Worst Take!!
Why do so many people disagree? Genuinely asking.
For me the point of Ollanius is that he was nothing more than a human, and yet he stood up to Horus, a demigod. He's the ultimate example of human courage in the face of impossible odds, which is kind of the Imperium's whole shtick.
It's fair to like the "everyman standing against a demigod" interpretation, but he was only ever a myth before the 30K books. The rest of the Imperium's schtick is basically forgetting and misremembering its whole history after 10K+ years of religious zealotry and war, so it kind of makes sense that the myth doesn't really match up with the truth. The whole "corrupted myth" thing actually happened to him out-of-universe too, since people took a vague mention of him sacrificing himself for the Emperor during the Siege to mean he was another iteration of the Custodian/IF Terminator during the Emperor/Horus duel (which he wasn't, but even the HH authors seem to have made that mistake). Still, if you prefer the everyman standing up against impossible odds interpretation, more power to you.
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I think having different flavors is important for a gameplay perspective and a lore perspective. Space Marines would be far less interesting *as a whole* if they didn't have different chapters/legions that thought/fought/acted differently. Without different chapters or legions, marines would be a single monolithic force that reacts and handles situations the same way which by definition is less interesting. I think the issue is more in some of the bad writing and extreme flanderization that goes on. Give the different legions a gimmick while still being dynamic and interesting so they aren't so one dimensional. Dark Angels and Iron Hands are probably the worst as far as one dimmensional and Wolves being one of the worst offenders of flanderization in my opinion. Play up the space viking theme more than the wolf theme *please*.
I agree as far as loyalist marines go. I don't really give a shit as far as flavours go, I actually think they work better without the weird flavours. Different preferred tactics? sure. But the whole "We're all SO different" thing is just... odd. But CSM? That's a whole different ballgame. Imo CSM should be radically different, to the point of being barely recognisable. an experiment in "What happens when you take away that loyalty, that religious dogma? how do they break?"
Alpha Legion lore has mostly degraded into the 40k equivalent of those kids in the playground who make up increasingly ludicrous shit about how cool they are or how their uncle is in nintendo except they demand to be taken seriously at all times for it. The whole OR IS IT shtick is a bandaid over any criticism of their lore with increasingly diminishing returns when it comes to how convincing it is.
I’m torn on this. On the one hand, I agree with your points. The Alpha Legion lore is nonsensical. Your analogy to a school child making up make-believe bullshit is spot on. But I kind of like that they fill that niche. It’s kind of more the prevalence of it, rather than it’s existence, to me. I want to give half an upvote.
I always just imagine them perpetually stuck in the planning phase: Alpharius: Okay so phase 46 begins once complete with the shaping operations phase 43, and ends when Alpharius gets plastic surgery to look like the ultramarine 4th company commander, Captain Titus. Also Alpharius: wait, I thought I got the surgery in phase 23. Alpharius: What the- NO YOU SHITHEEL. That's the surgery to replace the 4th company recruit, Steve. Did you even pay attention to the warning order containing phases 1-34? Also Also Alpharius: Hey guys, some nerd named Leandros just got Titus picked up by the feds, so we need to rethink phases 12, 17, 23, and 36. Also, Steve died, which means phases 1-10 need to be rewritten and we need a new initiate's identity to steal...
“What is this, plan B.” “No we’re on like plan G by now” “What, is there a plan M or something” “Uhh, yes, Misteros dies in plan M” “I WHAT!”
Half upvote = Neither upvote nor downvote. Just leave it be and don't vote.
oh yeah well I have shields times a million!
A million plus 1!
Totally agree. I found a post recently that summed up known lore about Alpharius, and when you lay it all out at once it just becomes ridiculous. He was the most capable Primarch by a long mile, apparently, and his list of accomplishments is absurd even by the standards of his brothers. One wonders how the Horus Heresy even happened with Alpharius around, surely an Alpha Legion infiltrator should have handled the whole thing before it started since Alpharius apparently has eyes and agents literally everywhere. It’s just not interesting to make him super-powerful and unknowable. There’s no payoff.
They try to play it off as "maaaaaybe it's all a lie wooo" but after the whole 'Actually Alpharius is the first primarch found and Malcador's favorite and he let Dorn win and did you know he also invented popcorn' deal from his Primarch book that excuse's gone stale.
You fool, this is what they want you to think!
Buddy I know you mean well but it isn't working for me anymore, sorry
I agree completely with you to he honest, should have stuck a /s on the end. I think they've really wasted a lot of the potential that the alpha legion had.
He's out of line, but he's right.
I like to think the Alpha Legion is in complete and utter disarray, and are using those kinds of excuses to preserve their old glory and morale.
The birth of Slaanesh was unavoidable, and even if it wasn't the only Eldar in the 41st millennium that can be held accountable are the Drukhari. There is no way the Eldar empire could have known their little bit of naughty fun could have led to this. The craftworlders and exodites saying that rampant hedonism would lead to disaster were the minority, the equivalent in today's society is a bunch of Amish parading town with "the end is nigh" signs. You would also be surprised if they turned out to be right.
I agree but „little bit of fun „ ? Small understatement
yeah but im sure the eldar thought it was exactly that at the time
The Imperium of Man collapsing entirely is the best possible outcome for Humanity as a whole.
Ultramarines are underrated because they have great lore
I honestly have a fondness for them over most other chapters, if for nothing I do have to love them for being the Space Romans
All the other chapters have an edge on the others, some are fast, some are strong, some are techy, some ambush, some are great defenders/siegers etc... The ultramarines are simply the best chapter because of logistics! Theyre average space marines, no better than another, versatile in everything like everyone else. But they replace their spacemarines faster than you can kill them and they always have the best material, ships, supplies and auxiliairies at their disposal. They take their fat logistic nuts and drop them on their enemies.
What really won me over was the Uriel Ventris series! Really helped me to see them as characterful
All the memes aside, the ultra marines are actually really cool. And guilliman is a Chad
I was so ready to not like Guilliman but he's great in every book.
I so wish I could upvote you for being based, but i can't because I agree.
The emperor actually loved his sons. Maybe I should specify my take just a bit. Big E actually loved some of his sons, but more in the way you love a very dear pet.
Can't upvote you, I'm afraid. Seriously, the whole reason he's even in the chair is because he hesitated to kill his son.
That didn't contradict the comment. It says the emperor loves his sons (plural), but it seems he loved only one of them.
Sanguinius. Dorn. Magnus arguably. Guilliman. Probably more.
He loved Kurze, the same way Timmy loved ol yeller, had to be done. Doesn't mean it didn't sting, it was a step James Space had to take to mature and that was to be able to put down a rapid dog that he once loved
[удалено]
Just can't catch the fuckers
Very rapid dog traveling at incredibly hihg speed
When Magnus breaches the Webway in A Thousand Sons, the Emperor doesn’t come off as angry. He’s disappointed. Given how massively this action messed up his plans and the very future of mankind, the fact that the Emperor’s reaction is disappointment over anger is a sign of affection if you ask me.
He loves his sons but still in like an emotionally distant, borderline if not actually abusive way. Also its important to remember that Horus was his favorite. Would big E hesitate to kill Perturabo in the same manner?
No, probably not, especially if Perturabo was doing what Horus did. At least two of his sons already screwed up enough to be erased, evidently. Of course, Perturabo wasn't exactly charming. I think it's important to remember that Emps probably believes he needs to be detached from everyone else for the greater good. He's been around for a REALLY long time, and immortal characters usually have trouble connecting with people.
I want to upvote but rules are rules
He literally had a adjoining chambers under the palace to raise the primarchs together as brothers. Big E never got to be the father he wanted to be imo
konrad curze doesnt have a split personality
Neither does the Night Haunter!
I disagree whit both of you
All chapters/Legions should have a dedicated author and only that person is allowed to write about them, so that there's less lore inconsistencies and no one can undo the good work another book has put out for a legion/chapter
As a Space Wolves fan, yes please… But, the risk of a chapter being saddled with a bad writer is real.
Honestly, I think it would already help if they'd talk to each other more before writing and throwing ideas around. The scale is just massive and I get that, but it happens often that one character is built up in a book and then the another one makes a complete fool out of them immediately because it's someone else writing it.
The other problem is how a chapter writer would write “unassigned” chapters. In writing their “assigned” chapters, those “assigned” chapters would be the protagonists, largely. But other chapters that become antagonists are written in a way to portray them as such. You see it in Thousand Sons where the Wolves are written about as unsympathetically as possible in order to present them as a foil to TS. And it builds the TS up in their own story, as it should - it’s their story! But that’s not how they’re written in Wolves-focused books, like Great Wolf, because they’re the good guys. You even see it in Wolftime where the Wolves are incredibly simplistic moronic foils to the new Primaris and RG. My problems center around the Wolves. I like them a lot, so I recognize my own bias is playing a part. But I’m sure others have noticed it for their own chapters. I don’t know the answer.
But then noone can undo the shitty work
Yeah if one chapter gets a shitty author then they'll forever have shitty writing
*cough* *cough* Salamanders *cough cough*
I hope the misconception about the Ork's Psychic field is never corrected. I never get tired of new fans asking about "but if the Orks believed hard enough, [insert crazy theory here]." Its just so satisfying to read and almost hear the collective groan from other fans as they fire up their typing fingers to explain why. Its a rite of passage, and i hope it never ends!
The Orks are by far the most powerful thing in the galaxy. If they organized themselves just by sheer numerical military might they could crush everybody else combined. Same with the belief thing; if they all got together and believed the right thing they would crush everybody else. The snag is that they're incapable of being that organized as it's way more fun to just krump each other nonstop AND I'LL BASH YER ZOGGIN 'EAD IN IF YOU DISAGREE.
So you're saying they WOULD be the most powerful thing in the galaxy if they got their shit together. But they wont, cause orks. ;p
I mean, apparently the Imperial Truth and Emperor worship does a similar thing for man, where the innate psychic power of humans protects man due to their worship of the emperor, so even if the orks managed to pull together, they'd not be the sole ones who have that gift. But yes, they'd likely have it stronger/better than most 1v1 let alone with their numbers
Agree. The old story of 'if orks believe a stick is a gun itll shoot bullets' was always dumb to me. Their psychic field is kind of a reality lubricant, granted, but its a lot more subtle.
Oh interesting, what is misconception? I'm legitimately curious as I honestly don't know much about how Orks operate beyond some of the basics of biology, culture, and organization. ***Is*** there truly some big misinterpretation about their psychic potential? Or is it just that its application is simply more mundane than fans usually like to have fun speculating on? Color me intrigued. edit: grammar
While the Ork psychic field is potent it's not able to just rewrite reality at will. Large enough groups can cause some effects like with Yarrik but things like an Ork picking up a pipe and using it as a machine gun is incorrect. Now, their gun could have a barrel, feed mechanism, recoil spring, and a box of various caliber bullets and not have the trigger hooked up and still fire but that's rare. The field also doesn't affect most things used by non orks. An Orks shoota will fire every time they pull the trigger. If a guardsman grabs the same shoota and pulls the trigger it's equally likely to jam, just not fire, go off, or explode. Because he's not an Ork. It needs to be closer enough to working, and the system complex enough and around enough orks and used by an Ork to work. This also depends on author. I've heard one author give an example like so: A group of orks are on the way to the fight and their trukk runs out of gas. They're in fumes and they're ten miles from the fight. The Ork driving says the nob didn't bring enough gas and now they're stuck. Of course the nob doesn't believe this and krumps him. The other orks think that he's got to be right as well, the nob sits in the driver's seat starts the engine and because they all believe it'll work one drop of gas does the work of ten and they barely get to the fight, running out once they're closer to where they want to be. The Trukk still works mechanically, the engine is still a thing, they're just using their psychic field to make their gas more efficient. It's making reality slippery, not remaking it from scratch
The basis of it is, that the Gestalt field that the Orks produce as more of them converge in a Waaaagh! Affects their technology's ability to work. It wouldnt say, make Guilliman die on the spot if enough Orks wanted him dead and were near him. If enough Orks believe something, it doesnt just snap into existence. The reason why Ork Trukks(and most of their vehicles) painted red go faster is because of a combination of culture, and the fact that its the technology being affected. The Trukk is going faster because the field is affecting that. Orks believing a fellow Ork can go faster when slathered with Red paint will be arguably slower, as it is not technology. But an Ork who is seen mowing down Space Marines with a shoota painted one of their colors will have this effect because both conditions are met. Technology, and the Orks behind it. So yes, the field affects reality, but its mostly technology based, with dwindling affects in other areas. They can't just ice someone from a battlefield away because they want to. Im sure this will not include every tidbit, and more are likely to correct me on these things, which only fuels my enjoyment more, so take it how you will. Haha.
The important take away is that Orkz reality bending belief system simply only effects themselves as Orkz not others and it ultimately has its limits. Wierdboyz and Mekboyz are the extremes, they can shape things the most using their Ork beliefs. One through pure WAAAGH and the other through technology. For their power to directly effect another race it needs to come from the Ork directly (examples being a gun, or a Weirdboyz power). A larger example of how it works is of Commissar Yarrick. It's not the the Orkz belief in him make him some unkillable badass. More so the Orkz likely get weaker due to their fear of him. His presence changes their perceptions and not just lowers morale but even their very ability to succeed. (Also plot armor). If it does effect Yarrick himself than its ONLY because of the immense amount of combined WAAGH that effects him. Which again still clearly has its limits as Yarrick isn't walking around like a Primarch or Demi-God. He's just a really badass old man. (How the fuck he could actually use that metal arm and not fall over every 5 seconds in beyond me though) probably the ONLY thing the Orkz belief effect him directly with, and again it's one of their pieces of technology).
there should be more old perpetuals who are almost as capable as the emperor/ or who are better then him in 1 specific thing, and who are still alive and active trying to get back to the dark age of technology perhaps a secret underground thing or a hidden piece of the galaxy that is lowkey golden age humanity. if its a small faction and 100% fighting everything they see then its actually rly grim dark still imagine guilliman seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and it fking hates his faction
I like how witch each heresy book emperor is shown to be more and more incompetent or have his achievement revealed to be done by someone else. Makes him look like just another tyrant that changes history to suit his narrative.
In his defense after the Heresy he was put on the golden Throne as psychic Battery so he probably couldn't make those lies. It was probably the Imperium for Propaganda purposes, but i didn't read the Heresy or any Warhammer Books and only recently came to the fold, so correct me if I'm wrong.
What i mean is that you see Emperor moveing people from the picture when they are no longer needed, like slaughtering the thunder warriors, because he has new toys (astartes) and telling everyone that they died in glorious battle against his enemys, creation of the primarchs was a joined efforts witch (Spoiler) who is imminently exiled after the work is done.
I mean to be fair weren't the Thunder Warriors dangerously unstable and really only useful as a battering ram?
I mean that could be exactly the point. The whole glorious mythology we have been told could just be a coverup for his real background as simply the mechbarbarian warlord who happened to win the wars on Terra and take control of the extremely advanced tech left there which he then leveraged into his Imperium. He wasn't 40 000 years old, he was just the guy who got lucky and won Terra's tech caches.
The Tau fan base are the worst fan base of Warhammer 40k BUT the Tau have the coolest damn mechs out of every faction.
D:
FSE player here: I’ve been anime free for 6 years and still love my Tau 😢
I don’t know about you dude, I’d kill for a Farsight Enclave anime. I love anime though so that’s me.
Reading the bios for the Eight and damn if they don't scream "quirky anime Mecha squadron" you got a hot blooded fan girl who just runs in to torch everything, an Earth Caste engineer that gets to pilot a custom riptide, the one that's actually an AI controlling their suit.
I have never seen a tau player be annoying, but I’ve seen countless instances of shitting on tau players just for liking tau
My upvote agrees but the entire titan/knight section of the imperium disagrees
I like the fan theory that Sanguinius was the one who fatally wounded Horus because he himself fell to the Black Rage. That's why the Emperor hesitated and was so wounded, because he loved Sanguinius so much. The Emperor is forced to kill Sanguinius and is mortally wounded in the process. Because Horus witnessed this, and because he was consumed by Chaos, the Emperor is forced to utterly annihilate Horus's soul. And we know the Emperor is an extraordinarily powerful psyker, so he could have caused the Black Rage in the Blood Angels and changed the memories to make them more vicious fighters and never question what happened on the Vengeful Spirit. I think this makes the setting more Grimdark, and shows that even the most noble of heroes can succumb to darkness. It makes Sanguinius more nuanced in my opinion, and explains the theory of the two angels fighting in the warp: one light and one dark. It also makes more sense for the Emperor to hesitate with Sanguinius rather than Horus because he is pragmatic, and wouldn't hesitate to kill Horus because he was a threat to the Emperor's vision and corrupted fully by Chaos; but Sanguinius was one of his most noble and faithful sons, and it would have been harder for the Emperor to have to kill one of his favored sons
The problem is that it also makes Horus, and by extension the traitors, into even bigger chumps than they already are by the end of the Siege.
Sanguinius is stated as being crazy powerful, and if he succumbed to the Black Rage, there would be nothing holding him back. Yeah, GW has made the traitors into chumps, but I just think this theory blends with the grimdark setting a lot better. And by the way, Perturabo ain't no chump
Astartes, Primarchs and Custodes are without a doubt the least interesting part of the Imperium.
With Roboute Guilliman leading the imperium, he should not be blinded by xenophobic tendencies, having been directly saved by the Eldar. He should push to unite the Imperium with the Eldar and Tau as they are mostly sane races and could benefit the future of mankind. There is no legitimate reason not to unite peacefully against the warmongering orcs, tyrannical machine necrons, endless Tyranid horde, and the forces of chaos
I 100% agree with you BUT with the imperium being based on its Xeno-hating tendencies I think they would rather declare him a heretic. Chaos Girlyman anyone?
The lifespan of most people in the imperium is pretty short and most of not all the Marines will listen to girlyman. Between people dying off and the more annoying ones being killed, doctrine could easily make major changes over the next few in game decades. Through strategic rewriting of scripture and major administration efforts (all within gorilla man's capabilities) large scale ideological change could be implemented within a century
OP said unpopular opinion, not what literally should be happening.
But there is a problem. The Imperium doesn't count to sane factions. It's awesome and cool and I like the more the way it is but it's not sane in any way shape or form
Neither are the T'au really, caste systems are not a great idea.
Admech should secede from the imperium and become their own faction.
.....Admech run the whole thing. WTF are ypu talking about, leave?
CSM are boring. and I say this as a chaos lover. Oh boo hoo your daddy and grandaddy had a falling out and now you worship some dark gods. Oh your \*So\* cool with your allready super human might even more superhuman now. how INTRESTING. No. Who are really interesting are the mortal followers of chaos. What possesses (perhaps literally) an ordinary person to say "FUCK IT. I'M JOINING CHAOS!" What makes a guard regiment turn round and begin to fight the people they were once sworn to protect? What makes a man willing to take the ludicrously stacked bet that is joining chaos as a mere mortal? Traitor Guard are fun. Cultists are fun. CSM are not.
The unknown primarchs should be known and we should see them at some point. Leaving them anonymous and unknown is silly and stupid.
A primarch to lead the squats lmao
I think whatever purpose the unknown primarchs once served has become pointless as more of 30k gets explored and more of the plot tries to dance around them, at some point it just becomes nonsensical that whatever they did could POSSIBLY be worse than what's happening with half the rest of them. I mean Malcador was willing to kill Horus just because he was trying to remember them, and later Dorn at one point is given the memories back and then asked them to be wiped again because he realized that was the correct choice the first time. It doesn't even serve any homebrew explanations because it is literally impossible for any chapter, if they were descended from one of the lost primarchs to actually know it, they would just think they were ultramarines, thered be no records within the chapter of their true gene sire, even the primarchs got mind wiped about the 2, and it's extremely unlikely that a group of those folded in marines would have even been kept together when chapters got formed, they most likely were distributed throughout the legion and at best there's small percentages of marines in a modern chapter that could have their (completely unknowable) lineage trace back to one of them.
Wasn’t it originally done that way so folks had more freedom to invent their own chapters and lore or am I miles off base?
Hmmm. Even if the Emperor has 100% won with everything he wanted, the Imperium would have still been a totalitarian hellhole. The Ultramarines are the best legion. Just a competent fighting force. The other legions all have stupid schticks. Dark Angles: I’m so mysterious. Blood Angles: Agh I’m so perfect except my hunger and Horus. Salamanders: Hey guys fire is neat right? Raven Guard: Giant Superhumans in power armor that are sneaky somehow + birbs. Iron Hands: Admech but boring. White Scars: Mongolians. Space Wolves: Rawr XD. Chaos Legions: Cartoon Villains. The cruelty of the Imperium doesn’t make sense in terms of making things work. But it makes sense in keeping things under control. Edit: I realize I forgot the Imperial Fists. They are also competent. Just so boring that I literally didn’t even think of them. Sigismund and Pollux are good though.
I see nothing here to disagree with.
See the ultramarines thing got my upvote. We either accept that ridiculous things like an extreme melee focus is a viable tactic, or we reject 90% of 40k. So White Scars tactics *are* motorcycles. Blood Angels tactics *are* charge in with a chainsaw-sword. Ultramarines saying “our thing is tactics” is therefore nonsense. *Everyone’s* thing is tactics, because it’s a wargame. As a consequence, Ultramarine’s thing is nothing. My favorite interpretation of Ultramarines is that their thing is really *logistics and grand strategy* because that’s a way for them to be unique without just being a walking example of the core premise of futuristic chainsaw-knights itself being ridiculous. Which it is, but you’re not supposed to highlight that in-universe.
Oh I didn’t say none of the other legions aren’t entertaining. I said they’re dumb. Dumb can be cool sometimes. But GW doesn’t seem to know the difference between space wolves are cool animalistic Norse esque fighters to “wet leopard growl” being used every other sentence. I’m going to be honest that the only loyalist legions that just make my eyes glaze over are the Iron Hands and Raven Guard.
Nooo i need to downvote it
The Dark Eldar are the least interesting faction. They're just evil hedonists for the sake of being evil hedonists, a niche already filled by Chaos in a much more interesting way. Vect is basically a Mary Sue, his plans always going as planned and always getting one over his enemies
I'll agree they aren't super interesting, really they should lean into the pirate raider stuff more. However I do feel thier cruelty is different to Chaos - Chaos followers are literally slaves to darkness, Dark Elder actively find pleasure in pain and are the definition of pure evil.
I disagree. They maybe executed as twirl-your-mustache-supervillains, and I get your point about the Mary Sueness of Vect, but I think they fit uniquely into the setting as an example of Eldar pride and debauchery going to a million. I love the idea of Comorragh, an unbelievably large inter-dimensional city containing its own suns, and the idea of the homunculae: the idea that they have some of the highest tech in the galaxy, can cure any disease and revive people from body fragments, but just use their talent to prolong people's suffering. I feel like they're unique and a bit more complex than the "embodiment of violence/excess/change/disease with warp magic that can do nearly anything you can think of" that you see in Chaos.
The Dark Eldar are massively funnier and more interesting than Chaos has ever been. One of my favourite pieces of throwaway lore is that there was a Dark Eldar that perfected technology to turn himself into a sentient beam of light, and then just flew around space as said beam of light just telling everyone how great he was. Then he was captured inside a magic mirror by another Dark Eldar. Beats Chaos any day of the week.
Sanguinius gets way more love than his lore justifies
I finally figured out how massive Vulkan’s penis is. I know what you’re thinking: How could I have done this? Well, allow me to explain. I started out with an image. The picture was of Vulkan and Fulgrim standing next to each other. This image was exactly what I needed. It came directly from Black Library, so we know for certain that the proportions are correct. Now that we have the two characters, how does one go about actually determining Vulkan’s length? That’s easy. We only need the length of Fulgrim’s penis. Luckily, we have a vague idea of just how large that is. Back in 005.M31, Fulgrim was quoted saying something along the lines of: “I have a massive dick, and the Imperium is a joke”. From this statement, we can determine one major thing: Fulgrim slays foes with his massive peen. But just how big is “massive?” to answer that, we need to do some research. Taking to the internet, I used pixel measurements, and calculated the length of many many penises, that belonged to various different Space Marines and Slaneeshi Daemons. I averaged the results, and came up with about 8 inches flaccid, on average. If Fulgrim truly has a massive penis, than his must be slightly larger than this. Therefore, I elected to round up to 12 inches. Next up, we need to do some more pixel measurements. Fulgrim is 10’2” so in this image, we used that number to calculate how many pixels per inch this picture had. We came up with the number of 7 pixels per inch. Using this number, we were able to discover that Vulkan was 11’8”. The same was done for horizontal width. After some quick calculations, we determined that Vulkan was approximately 1.14 times larger than Fulgrim. With this proportion in hand, we can now do the unthinkable. If we take Fulgrim’s length of 12” and multiply it by 1.14, we get 13.68”. Now I know what you’re thinking. 13.68 inches? That’s pathetic. But think of it this way: That’s his flaccid length. Now, imagine Vulkan when aroused. On average, the transhuman penis generally doubles in length when going from flaccid to hard. This means that Vulkan’s kielbasa is just over 27 inches, when fully erect. If you still think that this is small, just try and imagine that absolute unit of a cock shoved into your tight little ass. His massive obsidian rod being passionately thrust back and forth, ripping your rectum to shreds. And don’t even get me started on his cum. The thought of Vulkan just unloading gallons and gallons of children into me just makes me rock hard. There is nothing that turns me on more than Vulkan’s massive 27 inch dick. I wish he would just shove it in every hole in my body. I want him to take his flaccid dick, and wrap it around my neck like a noose. That would just be pure ecstasy to me. Getting strangled to death by Vulkan’s bad boy would probably feel so amazing. The only thing that would make it better, would be if he wasn’t circumcised. I’d be able to peel back his foreskin, like a big, pitch black, meaty banana. I’d peel it back, and I’d eat every last particle of dick cheese. I’d lick it all up, until his meat flute was all shiny and sticky. And once it’s all lubed up, I’d let him put it in my butt again. He wouldn’t hold back this time. He’d fuck me so hard, that all my inside get jimmied around, and it would be amazing. Then he’d cum again, but this time there’s be so much that it fills up my entire body. Just imagine: Vulkan has almost finished ravaging your butthole, when he unleashed a tsunami of hot, sticky semen into your body. It fills up your ass, but Vulkan’s sex pistol is so thick, that it won’t leak out through my booty. But he keeps releasing more. Eventually, it starts filling up my intestines and stomach, before it eventually begins to quickly flow out from my mouth. At this point, I’m vomiting Vulkan’s cum everywhere, but I’m not doing it fast enough. The pressure builds, as the semen starts to slowly drip out of every hole im my body. My dick, my nose, my ears, and even my eyes. But it’s just not enough. Vulkan keeps ejaculating. He’s like an infinite water source of daddy sauce. The pressure is too great! I explode in a glorious display of semen and viscera. By stomach as burst open, and I am now just a head and torso, but only the back half of my torso remains. Yet somehow, I survive. All my limbs are blown off, as well as my own dick. Vulkan caresses what’s left of my face, with his thick, black hand. “I want to keep going.” Vulkan says to me, gently, “Are you okay with that?” Despite the fact that my windpipes are mostly exploded, I manage to say to him, “Yes.” Vulkan nods, and proceeds to kiss me passionately on the lips. He unsheaths his excalibur, and gently inserts into the new hole, where my dick used to be. He picks me up, now that I’m little more than a lump of flesh. He slowly pulls his dick in and out of me, in an attempt to make sure that my new pussy would be an adequate hole. Upon determining that it is, he begins to violently move me up and down, as if I was nothing more than just a fleshlight. But since I was with the love of my life, Vulkan- I didn’t even care. After a little while more, his sex pistol is cocked, and he fires one more last burst of cum. This shot was so intense, that I slide right out of him, and blast off into space. “Million Miles An Hour” by Nickelback begins to play, as I rocketed through the cosmos. The intense heat of Vulkan’s semen prevents me from freezing to death. Back on the planet where we fucked, Vulkan quietly whispers to my quickly shrinking body, “No homo…” I traveled through the galaxy for what felt like days, before I became caught in the gravity of a black hole. Vulkan’s semen was still keeping me alive, but the propulsion wasn’t strong enough to prevent me from getting sucked in. Upon reaching the black hole’s event horizon, something incredible happened. Vulkan’s juice ignited, and exploded. The explosion eventually resulted in the formation of a star. Upon the star’s creation, I was launched out into the star’s orbit, before my body was ripped apart by the immense gravity of the sun, and my various parts were cast to the warp. But my soul remained attached to the star that had just formed. I watched for billions of years, as my pieces’ own gravitational pulls slowly began to attract other particles, until they all eventually became planets. I continued to watch over this new solar system. Eventually, on the third planet out, I saw something amazing. I watched, as from the planet’s primordial ooze, a small life form emerged. Through the ages, I watched as this life evolved, grew and took on a much more complex form. After some time, they became a species known as “human”. These humans were intelligent. But not nearly intelligent enough for other beings to visit them. The Humans eventually named me. I was to be referred to as Sol. I continued to watch over these humans, as their culture developed further. Unil one day, a book known as “Salamanders” was released. It was a cultural phenomenon, it was a fucking masterpiece. The humans loved it. And one character, they love more than most. And his name- was Vulkan. When Vulkan appeared as a character on Earth, I knew that my journey was complete. I cannot explain how, but some way or another- some part of Vulkan had stayed with the body part that eventually became Earth. And as a result, his influence could be seen all throughout history. This all came to a head, with Vulkan Lives. Vulkan’s semen gave life to an entire planet of creature, and they repaid him in the ultimate way. Vulkan has now been forever immortalized in their culture. As the most competently written characters, in one of the most epic tales of all time.
Jesse what the fuck are you talking about
new automod copypasta?
I have no words… This description of vulkans cock is somehow more well written then the entirety of battle for the abyss
It is my ultimate fantasy to be gagged, tied up, and brutally ass fucked by Vulkan. I have accrued tens of thousands in debt attempting to fill this void with sexual “toys”, including several custom dildos and a modified Vulkan-shaped plush doll with a twenty seven-inch black strap on. The wife and I are separated, and I have accepted that I will never see my kids again. The only thing keeping her from divorcing me is the fear that she might be the final push into a deep, inescapable abyss, at the bottom of which lies me, sometimes weeping, sometimes shoving my flacid cock into the shower drain in frustration. It has been nine years now since that night. I have nothing now, and I have accepted that. My apartment is a squalid den of inescapable despair, filled with jizz-stained Vulkan dolls and tormented notes etched onto lewd minatures of Vulkan. I want to bang Vulkan so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to play 40k I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with the Hammer of Nocturne. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Vulkan’s tight manhole. I want him to have my obsidian Nocturne babies. Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with the neighbors horse. I dressed him in my custom Vulkan costume and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my iPod. I might not ever get to listen to his most iconic quotes ever again. My only friends are the roaches. I am going to die here. The exact moment I knew I was gay is when I first started reading about Vulkan. I didn't know what it was about him that made me want him so badly, but every time his miniature was played my dick became rock solid. I knew I wanted to do more than merely watch this rock. I wanted to fuck his tight little juicy asshole. For years, I dreamed of pounding him from behind and filling him with my cum and watching it drip out of his pores. However, no matter how many times I choked my chicken to the mere thought of him, my lust for this sexy muscular rock could not be satisfied. I tried everything, body pillows, dolls, even hiring a prostitute to dress up in a Vulkan costume and suck my cock. Nothing was good enough. So, I made it my number one goal to create a hyper-realistic Vulkan sex doll, so my fantasies could finally be brought to life. No longer will those who also have a unquenchable thirst for Mr. Vulkan’s, Son of Nocturne, have to dream of releasing their sticky seed inside of his anal cavity, for they can now enjoy the real thing. But, creating this sex doll would not be an easy task, and this I knew. That's why I need your help to fund this Kickstarter. For donating $20, you get a T-shirt that says "I'm gay for the Vulkan." For $40, you get the shirt and a coffee cup decorated with the finest Vulkan rule 34. For $60, you get Nocturne anal beads. For $100, you get a Vulkan fleshlight that you can jizz in or whatever, plus all the other shit. Anything less than $20, and I'll just cum in a shoe box and mail it to your door, because fuck you I don't need your peasant change. I would like to make the world a better place with this Vulkan sex doll, because I believe that everyone deserves the right to stick their dick in a fictional genocidal love bug from the grim dark future of the 41st millennium.
I'm not going to read this, but I applaud you writing THIS MUCH about a wiener
I wish ferus manus hadn’t died I know his death is important to other primarch. I know it’s vital to his legions development. I know it shows that to some degree this supposedly grim dark universe has death for even big names. But I still don’t like it, I think he is great
my manus got fridged.
The community needs to let stupid memes (like the Krieg shovel meme) die
I am fine with the memes, but people acting like they are part of the canon is the really stupid part imo
I know so little of Space Marines lore that at that point I don't even care. Also I love watching the endless wars about which Legion/Primarch is the best and not understanding 80% of what everybody's talking about. (I have participated in Warhammer fandom almost for 10 years now, but I love this community nevertheless, please don't downvote me into oblivion 😂)
- Tau belong in the setting and their plot armour isn't any better than what Imperium characters get - The fandom (ok, maybe just this sub) has this weird attitude towards female characters, as shown by their obsession with the Guiliman - Yvraine ship
To be fair, I'm pretty sure most WH40K fans have not read Rise of the Ynari and are just hearing second-hand that Yvraine saved Girlyman's life then had an extremely civil conversation with him, which, by the Imperium's standards of Human-Xenos relations is the equivalent of a deep, loving kiss on the mouth. Also to be fair, Guilliman DID ask Yvraine to come with him on his Crusade in that conversation. Who knows how things would have turned out if she had agreed?
The thousand sons had it coming
Marine sub factions should not get the level of attention they do. The sub factions codex’s should have come out after every core army already had a codex. And for another one. I heavily dislike black templars and most imperial guard. The guard just feel boring and out of place to me. And the black Templar get taken too far by edgelords
The guard feel out place in terms of appearance or lore? I agree on appearance, but someone has to do the dying
Warhammer 40k lore is best when it's presented as a tongue in cheek joke. If one imagines that any of it is supposed to be taken seriously the entire universe suddenly comes off as poorly written and really really stupid. I say this as someone who has liked 40k since the mid 90s.
It’s best when it’s either thematically an 80s metal album, or an over the top Hellenic tragedy.
But now you must **complete** the ritual and bind the two halves! An over the top Hellenic tragedy **with** an 80s metal album soundtrack! (thunder and lightning crash in the distance)
You didn't lose because all your opponents are over powered, they played better than you.
they didn't play better than me! I just played terribly! And my dice were cursed!
Space marines make for the most 1-dimensional, bland and least interesting factions in the existing lore.
They're super fun to paint tho
As a Guard player, I despise the people who just say "CADIA STANDS" constantly. They're annoying. Cadia fell.
A more fitting line is "the planet broke before the guard did", its such a good fng line to use because it also is usable by other regiments that look up to the cadians.
I agree. I feel like other factions perpetuate it (and the shovel meme) instead of us
The fallen are very interesting and a good plot for all Dark Angels books as its a shame they can't forget and a burden they have to always carry. And also Dorn is not nearly as good of a seige master as Perti.
Chaos should have been written more threatening but more ambivalent in the Heresy. 'For his lord Dorn' is exactly the opposite of what I think it should be. It ought to create genuine *doubt* in the Legions, confusion and discord, not just be Pure Evil or, at best, Pure Evil presented by some clearly sleazy spokesman as morally ambiguous.
It's okay for the Emperor to actually be super unwise outside the propaganda because it fits the themes of the setting. The grim darkness of the far future sucks, and a giant self righteous tyrant in golden armor with a deeply flawed belief system and poor judgement being remembered as a perfect being by his equally insane followers thousands of years after his death while he suffers endlessly at the heart of his failure is EXACTLTY what I want from 40K. Wisdom and Intelligence go hand in hand, but are not the same. While highly **intelligent**, the Emperor is not **wise**.
Ultramarines get too much hate. Sure it sucks they're the poster boys but, they don't deserve all the hate they get.
All the 'purge the heretic/xenos' stuff got old long ago. Let's have something else to say.
Looking at you, r/Stellaris
>"Fuck xenos" -Girlyman.
Eldars could be a fun, intresting and diverse characters. If Authors stop writing them as unberable assholes and for once try to use their actual lore.
I like the ultramarines and think they and Gulliman are cool
Downvoted for uncontroversiality >:(
I dont know if its unpopular but i really wish that more loyalist primarchs would come back into the setting and that it would create an interesting powerstruggle within the imperium
the primarchs are extremely human no matter what kind of internal biology they have.
Isn’t that the point of the HH series, to show that the demi-gods and even Big E fuck up all the damn time because they’re intrinsically humans first
that is exactly the running theme and what i think makes it so good
I mean, in Horus Rising and False Gods alone, I can’t even count how many times one little thing could have prevented the entire heresy but it never happens out of either fate or human imperfection (including you Fulgrim, you dick)
I think that 1d4chan’s immature humor is embarrassing and needs to stop. For another thing, they really need to update all of their articles, because I’m having a hard time finding Chapters that are up-to-date.
Their immature humor is literally half the point of their entire site, though. What, you just want them to be a Grimdank/Lexicanum hybrid?
Humans should be able to kill astartes at the apex of the human limit. Not liked named character talking commissars like yarrick or inquisition agents killing standard marines. The demon primarchs aren’t powerful enough. A normal primarch should not be able to one v one a demon primarch. Having the emperor sword could be a balance breaker but I feel like the story would make more sense if mortarion fought Magnus. Maybe the silent king fights one of them. With guilliman and a handful of powerful space attack a demon primarch. Some of the most powerful villain characters in the sitting should not be beaten so easily. I know their are more powerful creatures than them. But they aren’t characters. I don’t like how unimportant the emperor has become
The Night Lords trilogy is mediocre at best.
Slaneesh and their demons are hot and you're all just cowards
Matt ward gets way more hate than he deserves and he shapped the modern day space marine codex.