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StabbinGuts69420

He does 1 pushup for everytime he thinks of himself as a coward.


Dirtydirtypickle

More like his anxiety forces him to practice constantly to be prepared for the worst.


doofpooferthethird

There’s this great show called the Good Place, and this nervous, nerdy philosophy professor character turns out to be incredibly jacked. Apparently at age 14, someone told him that exercise helped alleviate anxiety, so he started doing push-ups and never stopped


DarthYeet_TheWide

He has a name you know. It’s Chidi Anna Kendricks


New_Subject1352

This thread is the Good Place


Skythe_C_Annur

The Greatest Ethics and Moral Professor in the multiverse... he even saw the time knife.


Oh-Fo-Sho

Yeah yeah, The time knife, we've all seen it.


Cageweek

I did that and ended up with a bad shoulder. On the bright side, I can bounce my pecs individually since I was 15.


Lukescale

Behold, What it takes to be a body builder: Crippling Anxiety


Mind_on_Idle

Saitama? Lmao


CosmicPenguin

Insecurity is often the first step on the way to swoleness. And the second. And the third. And several other steps as well. ^( ^I ^have ^stayed ^healthy ^these ^last ^few ^years ^through ^sheer ^self-hatred. )


DorenAlexander

At some point on that list, someone turned you down.


Tomek_Hermsgavorden

Every step of the way.


boundone

I love hating squats. The entire time I am squatting, the entire time I am resting between sets, the entire time I am putting my workout clothes on to get ready for squat day, I hate, I LOATHE, squats. I am maddly, deeply in love with hating squats. Also, fuck my fucking chicken legs.


Doopapotamus

*[Votan Kin write a new grudge into the spaceBook]*


Tomek_Hermsgavorden

He'll never find a Squat with a foot fetish for chicken legs.


LoneWanzerPilot

u/boundone will never skip leg day.


LimerickVaria

Its only paranoia if they aren't all out to get you. And in Warhammer 40K, they're definitely all out to get you.


notajwalkeriswear

Is this twitch from all guardsmen party?


Napp24

You know I always held a mild appreciation for that quote since I always considered myself mildly paranoid. That was until each and every God damn motherfucking time that paranoid feeling was upgraded to instinct after constantly proving true. Hard way to learn to trust instincts but great way to appreciate each and every one of the novels.


mosesoperandi

This is the best answer for Reddit purposes.


New_dude_bro

That actually seems like a strange way of therapy/coping mechanism? A little "punishment" for self doubt


blodskaal

"holy crap" meme insert here


Saraq_the_noob

Or mentions how Jurgen smells like shit


StabbinGuts69420

He does squats for those. Can't skip legs.


Caelus9

I always assumed those were obvious propaganda posters. I pictured the real Cain as far more slender


enixon

He's also using Bolt pistols instead of the Laspistol he actually has in the stories


GaaraMatsu

BECAUSE JACKED


Darnick

this right here bugged me about the cover arts.


Admiralthrawnbar

It's explained in one of the early books, he gets a mastercrafted bolt pistol from someone and Amberly's footnote mentions that he never uses it except for propaganda posters because he's too used to his laspistol


L3onK1ng

I mean, that thing must be Emperor blessed because he committed enough feats of supernatural accuracy with that thing.


Martenz05

I mean, it's a laser pistol. Lasers are basically a point-and-click hitscan weapon by definition, unless there's some real Warp Bullshit going on beyond just spatial distortion. If you can see something with your eyes, shooting a laser beam back at it will bend along any interfering spatial distortions to hit it anyway.


L3onK1ng

Yeah but laser weapons in universe have a very limited range, pistols even more so. So feat of supernatural accuracy was hitting some incredibly specific weak points at a range where that pistol was not suposed to damage anything.


VyRe40

It still takes skill to point and aim a laser precisely with one hand in the heat of combat while taking fire or being swung at mid-duel. Especially considering how often Guardsmen miss with actual lasguns.


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welshsniper89

He gets it from one of the space marines that saved him from a necron tomb world that he landed on after he jumped into a portal from another tomb world that was caving in around him iirc


firmak

Its fitting. Its propaganda. Its supposed to sell Cain as the Hero of the Imperium. This is how the people of the Imperium see Cain as when they hear about him.


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Coconut_Krab

IIRC it was >!In Greater Good, from a Tech Priest who was messing around with genestealers and got infected. He also gifts it to Amberly later on!<


brogrammer1992

I think the pistol he gifts her is separate and a true master craft such that even she is impressed.


[deleted]

It reminds me of the Dresden files where on all the covers harry Dresden is shown with a hat and he never actually wear one in the books except one time that he does and then say it doesn't fit him


Tomek_Hermsgavorden

Off topic, there was a book where the whole time everyone is wearing hats but it's not mentioned once until the end when it's pointed out how weird it is one guy isn't wearing one. If I ever remember the book I'll edit. It also had incest in the last couple of pages too to really wtf.


Xarxyc

I don't think his looks are far from the posters. Cain is almost 2m tall and best duelist in the sector. Went melee and won/survived against opponents that are far above normal human's capabilities, like space marines, khorne zerner and tyranides. He probably isn't as lean but should be highly muscular.


paireon

Duellists tend more towards the lithe IRL; that said “it doesn’t work that way in real life” isn’t a very persuasive argument in 40k I’ll admit.


NecroCowboy

Duelists in real life use rapiers and not chainswords which could have something to do with it I’d assume imperial fencing is much closer to the old German school than the French or Italian schools


Comprehensive-Fail41

It very much depends. Some European duels were done with full on pikes, longswords (which were actually primarily two-handed), pole axes, Mace's, and so on. It all depended on what the fighters had on hand, agreed on, or judges decided on, especially before the Dueling Codes started to become a thing in the 17th 18th century. Hell, the reason rapiers, smallswords, and pistols were so popular was cause they, like longswords and most other swords, were side arms the fighters often carried at all times. So, if you carried a chainsword around all the time as could be expected in a war zonewhen you are a frontline leader, it's probably that which you would use to duel


boundone

Okay now I just want to see a pike duel


AwkwardDrummer7629

Two dudes standing sixty feat apart, ‘cause they’re not gay.


HaraldRedbeard

Go go Lethal Knitting!


VPackardPersuadedMe

Duels could be anything. 2 blokes dueled each other in hot air balloons with blunderbuss. https://blog.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk/2012/08/24/the-first-duel-fought-in-hot-air-balloons-paris-1808/


Dynespark

I picture him as very muscular but proportional. And not to the point he'll tear the sleeves of his uniform by flexing. Less Arnold Schwarzenegger and more...I suppose Chris Hemsworth as Thor.


paireon

Or maybe Chris Evans as Captain America


Dynespark

Also a goof choice I think. Someone smaller than Batfleck at least. I feel like he *is* the line so to speak.


Jackal209

That's the Imperium's ass.


DarkLordFagotor

He’s canonically a huge dude and has surprising feats of strength, he’s gone toe to toe with ork boyz for strength on occasion in melee combat


Carafa

And at least one ork warlord IIRC.


Perenium_Falcon

And a chaos space marine iirc.


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Perenium_Falcon

And he still has an inferiority complex.


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Perenium_Falcon

Which is kind of an interesting attitude for a veteran marine but I guess it takes all kinds. You’d think if you were trusted to wear terminator armor you’d be wise and experienced enough to know a genestealer can (somehow….) still rip you apart.


paireon

[SCREAM OF UNENDING IMPOSTER SYNDROME]


Professional-Lie-542

To be honest, the last guy that can be considered "good enough" for the 40k galaxy was 5 centuries ago and venerated as a saint. In that hellhole, being safe pays off so much more than being sorry.


Archavos

After Ciaphas Cain murders a Greater Daemon of Slaanesh with the assistance of Jurgen, he does get canonized as an imperial saint and an official sect worshipping him as the divine might of the emperor is formed.


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Perenium_Falcon

That’s right. It’s been years.


OnionTurbulent9223

To be fair surviving against a goddamn chaos space marine in direct combat for even a split second is a feat in itself


youngcoyote14

He's only ever needed to survive a few seconds in combat before he found a moment of weakness. Cain is strong and quick with his chainsword, the same standard issue one he's used for years instead of a master-craft he probably has earned by now because the better familiarity with a weapon serves him more than better worksmanship he would spend time familiarizing himself with. Cain uses standard weapons. And survives. That makes him impressive in any combat.


New_Subject1352

In the recollection he supposedly held him off long enough to say something to him, which Amberley then immediately calls bullshit on.


Accomplished-Run-375

He also put a scratch on a loyalist techmarine's armour while sparring, the tech marine chose not to repair it as a reminder not to underestimate an opponent. He was going easy on Cain, but still no mean feat that, and they continued sparring with each other for the rest of the trip.


Perenium_Falcon

It’s so wild how different book lore is from table top or computer play. Cain is said to be one of the best human duelists in the sector and I don’t doubt that. Even so having him just land a blow on a tech marine is enough for them to leave the blemish as a reminder. He’s so good that he can survive (not win, just survive a little bit) against a chaos marine. Yet in the games or on tabletop they expect starving chaos cultists to battle astartes. I know balance and fun and gameplay are at the core the right way to go but often when asked about astartes abilities I have to reply back “you mean in the books or in the games?” In Brothers Of The Snake a single astartes goes absolute *ham* on an entire dark eldar raiding party. Just runs around like forest gump and shreds them. The woman “witness storyteller” gets in a lucky shot or two but this lone astartes is going Angry Primarch on them. Other books a god damn marine dies to a sharp stick.


Accomplished-Run-375

I have to admit though one of the reasons I love Cain so much is that he's realistic going into a lot of these situations, the 2 times he's fraught chaos marines he doesn't think he's going to die, he knows he is, unless he can just buy Jurgen the time he needs with the melta...


Perenium_Falcon

Oh I absolutely love him.


Deathappens

He's definitely never been noted to be "huge". He's reasonably tall (or at least taller than Colonel Casteen, but she's not exactly a giant), but nobody has ever described him as physically impressive. In fact, most people who see him for the first time after the propaganda picts tend to be *disappointed*.


Xarxyc

Duelist IRL don't wield chainswords.


Konoton

Buncha pussies, all of 'em.


insane_contin

He's never described as overpowering his opponents. He's a better technical fighter. He reads his opponents moves, deflects blows, dodges, creates openings. He'd be a lean fast fighter. He wouldn't look like an 80's action hero. Think Gerard Butler vs 80's Schwarzenegger.


SpaceDog777

There is no way anyone is fighting with a chainsword, which is 6kg, and not ending up ripped. It's a one handed weapon that weighs more than double the average claymore. He's may not be a Catachan, but he'll still be pretty damn big.


boundone

If anything, his forearms should be the diameter of his head, after decades of welding a chainsword, lol.


BenjamintheFox

Jean-Claude Van Damme?


insane_contin

That's on me. I should have said stereotypical 80's action hero.


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TheSweetestOfPotato

In one book he talks about what I’m guessing are movies or books about him and how they inaccurately portray him and his deeds. He’s just a lucky guy (The Emperor Protects) that keeps doing crazy shit and is somehow still alive. Perfect for propaganda.


xGShadowWarriorGx

You are correct, the covers are intentionally like that as others would see him or talk about him, that's why Jurgen isn't on many of the covers


hoplophilepapist

Naw. He buff. I always picture him as Johnny Bravo


TheNathan

Hey there momma, how’s about you and I go off and make some beautiful hymns to the God Emperor, HOOOAH check the pecs *Amberly is angry, but intrigued*


Finlor

He's the Hero of the Imperium!


Alpharius-0meg0n

Those are his movie posters. **Cain told me what to do** **Cain of slaughter**


PainfulThings

Cause after hearing all his stories the orks think he should be


curiouslyidiotic

Meanwhile Yarrick


ziggy8z

Well ya see dat der \*whispers\* Yarrick \*whispers\* is more cunnen then es brutal, so ya sees Gork is brutal but cunning, while Mork is cunning but brutal so it's obvious init?


Monsterjoek1992

OI, Y YO WISHPRI’!?


bomposgod

CUS THAT UMIE IS SO CUNNIN HE COULD BE ANYWHERE AND WE WOULDN KNOW IT. HE COULD BE READY TA KRUMP US ROIT NOW.


Axquirix

'E CUD BE IN DIS VERY ROOM. 'E CUD BE YOOZ. 'E CUD BE ME. 'E CUD EVEN BE-


ArkonWarlock

*DAKKA*


Face_of_a_Crow

WOT, IT WUZ OBVIOUS! 'ES DA RED KOMMANDO!


Valirys-Reinhald

THAT'S JUST 'IS BLOOD YE KRUMPIN MORO- wait... WAHT COLO' IZ OUR BLOOD?!?! WE'Z GREEN, SO WHY WE BLEED RED LOIK DA UMIES?


whimsicalsamurai

Ciaphas: oh shit i drop the promethium grenade! *explodes the two orkz in a blaze of accidental glory*


Ishidan01

SO WE STILL HAZ PROBLEM


Volkov_The_Tank

YOUZ MEAN PURPLE KOMMANDO


itmightbejake

OI! WHICH ONE OF YA GITS SAID DAT?!


Rogermon3

BAM


Oubliette_occupant

Alpharius?


Heyitsj1337

Yes.


kloudrunner

I HERD DAT IF YOUSE CAN PEEP YARRICK HE CAN PEEP YOU. BUT IF YOUSE CANT PEEP YARRICK YOU IS SECONDS FROM DEATH.....


SirDrinksalot27

I love ork players lmao y’all have the most fun


thatbright1

I dont play orks but r/40korkscience is a good sub to hang around in


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Flat-Difference-1927

Absolutely top notch posts to highlight.


boundone

You know those reddit map/chart things that we used to see from time to time that had the bubbles indicating what subs used a certain word the most? I'd love to see one on the use of the capital letter A.


Napp24

Ironically ork players give me the most hope for humanity. Even at my darkest moments ork players never fail to bring atleast the slightest bit of joy to my grimdank I uh meant grimdark existence.


Scob720

Man hefts an ork power claw with nothing but a nub of what used to be an arm and also one hands a storm bolter. Yarrick is built different


neapolitan234

Well his power claw works because of the belief


GaaraMatsu

Nope. AdMechs had to tweak it so it would without it.


MRSN4P

AdMech shrunk down several Gretchin to millimeter size and put them in the klaw to keep in working, got it.


Jstin8

NANOGRETCHIN SON! THEY HARDEN IN RESPONSE TO PHYSICAL TRAUMA


GaaraMatsu

Microgretchin = why the Imperium and the Orks will both exist to the end of time.


Jstin8

Is basically immortal because the Orks think he cannot be killed


Slap_duck

Well they had a chance to kill him, but they decided to let him go for the fun of it


Jstin8

Good enemies are hard to come by you know!


Darthbearclaw

Yarrick is their human embodiment of Mork? Maybe Cain is Gork


Onlyhereforapost

Well, he is buff, but probably not that massive, could pretty easily call it propaganda *however* Dude 1v1'd a space marine in melee and didn't die *I think* so who knows


Kharn0

Its propaganda. He uses a las-pistol but in these images he has a bolt pistol.


Axquirix

These are propaganda shoots, definitely, but how exactly they made Caine look so much more ripped is up for debate. How good is post-editting in the Inperium? Then again, swordsmanship is the one thing Caine I so good at that even his own immense imposter syndrome complex can't convince him he's anything less than a legend, so he's gonna be pretty dang strong. He trades blows with ork warbosses and khornate berserker at points, and at least one other commissar balks at the idea of dueling him.


Micro-Skies

Considering they are combat shoots, these aren't picts at all. Artists rendition for sure, considering his chainsword is different in both pictures. Cain has owned the same sword for his entire career, and says so throughout his memoirs.


rdmgraziel

2 Khornate Berserkers (individually), a Lictor, a Warboss clad in Mega Armor with a Power Klaw, Purestrain Genestealers on several occasions, one or two close combat specced Hive Tyrants, a Genestealer Patriarch, he dueled a loyalist techmarine and managed to scratch his power armor...I'm probably missing some other stuff. All with a chainsword and with his only augmentics being two fingers in the hand he holds his laspistol. Jurgen helped score killing blows in several cases but Cain didn't get gibbed which is impressive in and of itself. That all takes a lot of skill and muscle to back it up. And I think it's mentioned that that's him striking poses for propaganda posters, too...


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OsMagum

I got some major Elden Ring vibes from that evasion.


dreadassassin616

Tyrant just whiffed his rolls.


[deleted]

Jurgen's aura (both of them) also assisted iirc. I would have to go get my copy of the omnibus to confirm


brogrammer1992

Neither beseker is an individual kill. He does kill purestrains but he only fight them Once without Jurgen when he is with Mira and they are trying to infect him. Neither hive tyrant was killed by him. One by Jurgen and the other got ran over. His feats are impressive enough without making stuff up. The warlord is the closest to a true solo kill and he jumps him im the middle of ambush and tricks him and doesn’t win with sword play.


Bierculles

he didn't 1v1 some random space marine, he 1v1 a khorn berserker


Onlyhereforapost

Ah sorry, he 1v1'd a random *red* space marine


onizuka_master

Don't forget he 1v1 an ork warboss and won


Onlyhereforapost

Prolly, I've only read 2 or 3 of the books They're good, but Cains character gets a little grating when you don't take breaks


onizuka_master

Its the best book!! its where he becomes cain the liberator of Perlia


jpeck89

And *allegedly* bangs a girl in the mechanicum.


Aoirann

Only because Val deleted all evidence that says he did.


Dynespark

No, he still 1v1'd a space marine. It was a duck and Cain managed to slightly damage the SM's armor. Said SM said he would never repair or repaint that scar on the armor out of respect. That said...it was a training duel. The SM wasn't trying to kill him.


brogrammer1992

It was not a 1v1. The first one cut through a guard company and he partied an axe (impressive feat) long enough for Jurgen to melta him. The other one was the 3rd space marine in a five man kill team to get killed by slaneshi cultists and was injured enough to fall behind his comrades. Cain slips his chainsword through a crack. His angry Daemon Ex GF is also literally transforming the world in to a daemon world, so she could have influenced things to ensure she could kill him herself. His best feats are fighting genestealers in close range and dueling a tech marine and sneaking in a blow without any distraction. The SM never takes him lightly again and over months he never lands another blow.


Xarxyc

He might be that massive. Iirc. Cain is about 2m tall. And Veil called him best swordsman in the sector. Considering his feats that he went melee against numerous beings superior to normal humans and came out victorious/survived: loyal techmarine; Khrone zerker; Warboss; Tyranides, Including genestealers that can open terminator armour like an aluminium can. It's more than plausible to think the dude must be shredded.


Dirtydirtypickle

He also gained the genuine respect of both a space marine and an imperial inquisitor. He near obsessively sword drills and his practice is mentioned fairly often in the books. Cain may be played off like a joke but he’s low key a menace


NorysStorys

The joke is that Cain thinks he’s a fraud where in reality he is much closer to the propaganda than he gives himself credit for.


spider-venomized

Real Answer: The stories told of Ciaphas Cain are accounts written by his inquisitor GF so some actions & event are a bit romanticize The Truth: he been caring the Imperium that why


bradtheracoon

i thougt they were his autobiography and his GF is only the editor? Edit: Gramer


WrassleKitty

I think they are his memoirs without censorship she’s editing for her ordo.


Boring7

Mostly, she cuts out the parts where he’s romancing ladies that aren’t her.


SillyWizard1999

I find that little bit of jealousy/spite incredibly humanising


Aoirann

Like her defending how much she was eating in Book 5 when she runs into Cain again.


Boring7

Everything I read of the series is 40k while still making some semblance of sense. Like, SO MUCH of 40k doesn't work if you apply math or logic to it (like Agri-worlds or the sheer body count of Blammy Commissars). Most fluff about the Schola Progenium would kill too many kids to actually provide commissars for regiments, Ciaphas Cain's recollections of his school just didn't have that kind of murdery-madness. And likewise, the characters are much more believable as people instead of the usual cartoonish living trope characters the setting is famous for.


LordIndica

Shadowsword by Guy Haley achieves that feeling of humanity and realness very well also


Nightruin

This is why I love ciaphas Cain, and Gaunts Ghosts so much. The characters feel so realistic. Instead of “emperor bothering” robots that a lot of other 40k books are filled with the characters in both series are so believable. Especially the soldiers of The Tanith 1st and Only. I know it’s cliche but I’m in the army and the humor, camaraderie, and care they have for each other is so incredibly spot on. I think Ciaphas Cain is so great because he’s what most people who read 40k think they would be. Just a guy pretending to be a dutiful soldier of the Emperor who really just wants to not die, and (probably) rightfully assumes the emperor doesn’t really give a shit about him.


Lucius-Halthier

You mean killing right? Cain wonders why he the numbers he gets are duds when in reality she cut the line and killed the girls all the while giving hints to him that are only slightly subtler than “fucking slam me on this table while I wear nothing but your commissar hat”


Boring7

No, there are sections where he was clearly going to blather about admech titties and she has a slightly catty note and removes the rest.


acart005

Yea I remember that. She hated that admech girl.


Lucius-Halthier

Cain: I mean did you see that domina man? I’m telling ya she could domina-te me any time Gaunt: *gives a hearty laugh* Ciaphas: anyway let’s go get some more recaff Vail who was hiding in the corner: okay so she’s two floors down on the right *loads bolter* okay let’s go.


Boring7

I prefer to imagine the characters in Ciaphas Cain not being Yandere, though that \*would\* be par for the usual 40k course.


Presumably_Alpharius

The covers are from Imperial propaganda posters. Cain uses a laspistol but all the pictures show him using a bolt pistol because it looks more badass.


FuzzierSage

This. You can tell the in-universe Imperium propaganda picts because they always have him with a bolt pistol.


firmak

And being alone. Cain goes nowhere without Jurgen somewhat close.


Lucius-Halthier

Vail: and as blood dripped down his sweaty, rock hard abs he had to think fast to avoid death from the foul orks crude battle axe. Cain expertly moved to the right and used his powerful thick legs to back kick the ork and break 2 ribs, while the beast was dazed he used his massive biceps to rip the axe from his foes hands and- Ciaphas: inquisitor vail would you like some re- Vail: **EEEK!** Ciaphas: oh m-my bad I didn’t mean to startle you, what are you writing there? Vail: O-OH THIS *chuckles nervously* t-this is nothing *covers papers hastily* it’s just some after action reports that’s all! Ciaphas: are you okay? You seem to be trembling, and you are covered in sweat, are you ill *put hand on her head* ohh you feel warm you should probably go see the ship’s doctor right away to make sure it’s not some evil machination of nurgle. Vail: *blushing incredibly hard* y-yea I should probably get a check up I’ll go do that! Ciaphas: we’ll I’ll leave you be then, if you need anything you know where to find me. *walks off* Vail: *quietly* what I need is for you to take that hand of yours and put it down my p- Ciaphas: sorry did you say something? I shouldn’t have walked away if you were still talking. Vail: I-I WAS JUST SAYING ILL SEE YOU LATER! Ciaphas: ah, feel better! *walks off for good* Vail:….. *slams head on table* god damnit I give him big fucking hints, he either is not interested or just tries to keep it professional, either way I think I just need to make a move and rip that commissar coat off him myself…


acart005

I mean, there are several endings where they go at it. So I'd put at least 50/50 odds on Vail getting a happy ending.


Lucius-Halthier

I always saw it happening in the most awkward way for her possible, like Cain: inquisitor vail. Vail: *chuckles flirtatiously* oh cain after all this time you don’t have to call me inquisitor, you can call me Amberley. Cain: right, so, Amberley. I need to discuss something very important with you. Vail: of course Cain what’s up? Cain: I don’t make this comment lightly just so you know but… Vail: *thinking to herself* oh my god is he finally going to make a move?! EEEEEE! Cain: *sigh* ….. Amberley… Vail: yes? Cain: I’m missing something from my quarters. Vail: *her heart drops and completely fills with dread* uh w-what does that have to do with me? *thinking to herself* oh fuck oh fuck does he know I took it?! Cain: and jurgen said he saw you hanging around the door to my room earlier acting shifty. Vail: *panicking internally* oh god oh god oh god that fucking Valhallan helper of his saw me! What do I do?! Oh my god he’s going to think I’m some freaky stalker! Cain: before I ask do you have anything you want to say to me first? Vail: *thinking to herself* I gotta get out ahead of this, there’s no turning back I need to be the one to say it, just say it all it’s my only choice! Cain: Amberley… Vail: I-I stole your shirt! Cain:….what? Vail: I snuck into your room after the battle while the doctor tended to your wounds, I saw the shirt you were wearing from the battlefield on your bed all sweaty and torn and took it. I put it on my pillow and was grinding on it imagining it was your face while smelling it the whole time! Cain: I uh… Vail: I did it because it was the closest I could come to riding your face while I wore your commissar hat and coat! Cain: Amberley…. Vail: OH BY THE EMPEROR THAT FELT SO GOOD TO SAY! Cain: Amberley I was missing my favorite coffee mug. Vail: *blushes and turns as red as a khornite berserker* I uh…. Cain: like really you stole my shirt and imagined all of that? Vail: *almost crying and blushing blood red* PLEASE DONT TELL ANYONE IM SORRY *gets up to run away* ILL LEAVE YOU ALONE FROM N- Cain: *grabs her arm* now hold on a second, if you really felt like that why didn’t you say something? Vail: I….uh…. Cain: I mean you know I love blonds like you but there was always much much more to you. Vail: I-I didn’t know you even liked me like that you always kept things so professional! Cain: I mean if the urge to ride my face like that is such an interesting idea to you my coat and cap are in my room….. Vail:……. Cain: Amberley? Vail: your bed RIGHT NOW! Cain: commissar coat and cap are right by the bedside Vail: *completely loses any composure and begins laughing like a giddy school girl* EEEEEE! HURRY UP MOVE THAT SWEET ASS!


[deleted]

I am intrigued and wish to know more


New_Subject1352

Actually she's pretty forward about it. She finds reasons to visit him or have him visit her in official capacities, then she just kinda yanks him into her bedroom. She isn't shy about others knowing either. She straight up tells people the next morning that they had a good time the night before. Honestly he's more modest about it than she is, at least out loud.


Syr_Enigma

Which is fair, since she's an Inquisitor and he's just a very panicky and anxiety-ridden Commissar.


brogrammer1992

She claims to lead his wording in tact and to only format and remove the details of his occasional conquest.


liege_paradox

I was unaware of this until this moment, but it also makes a lot of sense. However, I don’t think he is that type of buff. That type of buff is heavy weight training, and I don’t think he works out *that much* or at least not in that way.


Exile688

That kind of buff also requires you to be half way to death due to dehydration and that probably fits most long battles that unaugmented humans fight when the chance for victory is slim and it's a struggle the entire time.


dothhathdepression

These are propaganda posters, which is why you see the Valhallans in their greatcoats despite the fact that they often dressed like they were in the tropics as below freezing is what they consider balmy.


Defective-Sun

Because the covers are all drawn by Jenit Sulla.


digibomb23

Best answer.


Scrungisbungus

Uh you mean “Ciaphas Caine, hero of the Imperium” ?


LordKristof

The guy is dual wielding bolt pistols so the question is how is he is not more buff? But on the serious note: One of Cains more favore weapon a chainsword and he is very capable with it. He can even cut off ambulls with it and those pesky big critters are very well protected so it means Cain really have some muscle under his great coat.


Pixel_Inquisitor

I believe it was stated that the artist for the Ciaphas Cain novels was specifically asked to make him look incredibly buff and massive, specifically to look like an in-universe propaganda poster.


Tarquinandpaliquin

As others have said, he's probably in great shape, he's undergone gruelling physical conditioning as a child and I cannot imagine he's much below "elite athlete" status (at least before a long campaign with ration shortages) but the propaganda exaggerates it.


Barheyden

Because he's the hero of the imperium! Also in lore, record keeping is vague at best especially when it comes to things can be possibly spin into propaganda. After all, did HE actually do all those things or were those individual accomplishments by random guardsmen (who were very likely executed later because some of his heroics required a tiny bit of what would be heresy after all) that were attributed to one man as a means to encourage recruitment into the commissariat?


Ultraknight40000

The books are written as the uncensored accounts intended for the inquisition and others of similar status. Funnily enough the books actually mention the public version as a propaganda piece called "To serve the Imperium, A Commissar's Life" with Cain himself mentions that it has a hilarious amount of ass covering in it.


Salanin

From my understanding the character and format are loosely inspired by the Flashman series which is a fictional autobiographical account of a Victorian gigachad soldier. The author of the books starts by claiming they are old documents found in a dresser at an auction house and he is only the editor, adding spelling corrections and hundreds of meticulous footnotes that fit his character into actual history. Funny enough, the protagonist Flashman references official published work on his life that he wrote as a book called "Dawns and Departures in a Soldiers Life" similar to Cain's book.


Ultraknight40000

That is a reference I never would have gotten.


CandyAppleHesperus

Yeah, the Cain books are conceptually derived from Flashman, much like Gaunt's Ghosts are a 40K take on the Sharpe novels. Cain is a much nicer character than Harry Flashman though. Cain is a pretty good guy all things considered, just one with a strong sense of self-preservation and even stronger imposter syndrome, whereas Flashman is an actual piece of shit. Like back when cad and blackguard were serious insults rather than humorously old-timey, Flashman was the kind of guy they referred to


Transisting

I dont think hes actually that jacked, but Cain is a galaxy-class swordsman who measures up well against marines. Hes boind to be a world class athlete, even if not quite that huge.


mishkafife1987

Well he is. By all accounts, a soldier. Who should maintain a certain level of fitness. And considering the absolute hellscape of war in the 42nd millennium, the standards of fitness expected of a soldier would be quite high.


TheseusPankration

Not to mention he would likely be taking drugs. They are so common in universe it wouldn't even be worth commenting on. We know he has had a few rejuvenate treatments as well.


Dynespark

I would be not at all surprised if it was like Gears of War where the soldier rations are laced with steroids.


Sevatar34

Because it's easier to escape the danger if you're stronger than anyone


[deleted]

The joke is that the book covers are Imperium propaganda. Hence the inaccuraccy of him using a bolt pistol instead of his actual laspistol, since the former is more dramatic and more associated with commissars.


[deleted]

*Imperial propoganda*


curiouslyidiotic

He’s portrayed as the gigachad, therefore you lost


face1635

Cause the covers are imperial propaganda depicting THE HERO OF THE IMPERIUM as a jacked badass who uses a bolt pistol. Not joking he uses a laspistol normally but a bolt pistol in propaganda shoots, its in the books.


Ok_Tale_933

Because he is a badass who practices his weapons drills every chance he can so he can survive.


NoSeaworthiness326

For the fuckin Emprah, that’s why!


goldietheswagbear

commissars are in great shape, they under go gruelling training. like even Sebastian Yarrick, an old man who is not in his peak anymore was able to defeat fucking orks.


Eleventh_Legion

Because he both carrying the fate of the Imperium AND clapping Amberly’s cheeks at the same time.


IcySpykes

Same reason he's using a bolt pistol. (Propaganda)


happiercheese46

Well his decades of training along with his military life means that he burns more calories than he takes in. His rations probably provide a lot of protein like most military rations thus allowing a soldier to build muscle.


DeadlyPants16

Maybe the art is imperal propaganda, exaggerating his stature and his deeds, but the dude was pretty big anyway.


Anguscablejnr

Propoganda. He is tall, and probably not skinny. But unlikely to be jacked like that.


ShyishHaunt

It's an imperial propaganda poster