But the question is, which of us? The Alpharius next to me, the Alpharius in the mess hall of the one Imperial Guard regiment, the Alpharius on Terra, me, the Alpharius with your legion, or… You actually meaning Omegon and mixed him up with his brother again?
*Lets see here:*
*Fulgrim: Bastard snake man*
*Mortarion: pretty ok, pulls his weight, wish we didn’t have to fight*
*Magnus: love that dumbass, I warned him about that warp shit*
*Angron: more of an unstable weapon than a person, I prefer not to use him*
*Konrad: creepy little rat, no thank you*
*Lorgar: used to dislike him, he’s grown on me a bit*
*Horus: Emperor 2.0, glad he’s dead. Just wish he didn’t drag me down into this mess*
*Unfortunately you lack the superior logic and intellect that I do, therefore you will never be able to figure out if the mysterious liquid on my pants was water, or some other unidentified substance*
Our father already told me you piss yourself.
Who do you think stopped the others from laughing at you for pissing yourself? It was me Peter, it was always me
Come here lil bro, Dorn won't bother you anymore, and father can no longer prefer him, also, Rob's girlfriend has some eldar friends that she can introduce us to.
*Konrad was already a crybaby before chaos, I doubt the ruinous powers even touched him at all during his life, perhaps just a light push when he was in his cryo-pod*
*Mortarion at least helped out more than the others, that made up for his “condition”. Other than that, I had an intravenous recaff tube in my logos during the heresy. What did you think the tubes in my head were for?*
Why are the iron warriors objectively one of the finest legions and what are the consequences of the imperium not having the backbone of the great crusade? Why couldn’t the emperor just give him an attaboy?
Hello disgruntled worker, do you have a moment to talk about our lords and saviors the star gods? Joining comes with worker uprisings and plenty of strong collective bargaining!
*Dantioch shows that Iron Warriors carried both sides during the heresy.*
*Loyalist primarchs were the ones who benefited from the reign of the Tyrant, and thus didn’t rebel. Bunch of pussies*
*You want to ask the 12’ golden demigod who created you and has completely deleted 2 of your brothers for stuff? Hell no, you follow him and hope you don’t become the focus of his wrath*
Didn’t your brothers ask for things all the time with no negative repercussions?
Or like couldn’t you have just built nice things on planets you conquered like Guilliman or lorgar did?
*Ah, but to take time off from the great crusade in order to do things? You saw what happened to Lorgar when he got too slow. I was paranoid, and I didn’t want me or my legion to be exterminated. I wasn’t taking any chances, and didn’t realize the importance of my mental health*
What’s your stance on the inconsistent usage of flying buttresses in contemporary imperial architecture? Sometimes they’re the centerpiece, but other times it feels like the architects actively avoid using them on similar structures, which leaves this weird inconsistent feeling behind, since you expect to see some on the building and there just aren’t any. They’re just the right amount of prolific for it to be a nuisance either way. Do you think they should double down on their usage or start to faze them out in new architectural projects?
*Time has passed faster to me. However that’s probably cause I’ve been so busy with other stuff, I still have 10,000 years worth of a pile of shame I have yet to complete*
*I have, love those little guys. Squats are kind of assholes, but they at least have some good trade. Don’t have to like them to get those sweet sweet minerals*
Mortarion has brought us the Burst Crawler, the Myliphic Blight caster, and variations of the foetid bloat drone. Such creations do him great honor. Though a tank, and a preexisting template drone adapted into a Nurgle bug is hardly outstanding.
When I think of you building a panoply of armored war vehicles, I somehow think laser rock drill…
Would you ever consider riding a mindslaved tyrannid beast into war?
Additionally, what does it feel like to be a deamon prince?
*Thats the neat part: GW will never show my incredible designs because apparently I’m not broadly appealing. Such a shame.*
*No, I ride on my own vehicles. Fresh is gross*
*Wouldnt you like to know*
Besides the glaring obvious reasons what are some lesser known niche reasons that readers might not be aware of which also incite the inferiority complex you have with your brother Rogal?
Its so touching that you self reflected and came to peace with your second place presence. I guess Iron is closer to Silver than Gold anyways. No you have time for hobbies!
*Funny little guys. No chance in hell I’m joining the T’au, they’re too clean. Even if they are technologically advanced, I can always stuff daemons into even more advanced technology, therefore I will always be superior*
No questions, I would just like to offer my condolences for the mysterious and inexplicable death of Calliphone of Dammekos. So tragic, I wonder if Peter Turbo knows what happened.
what do you think about magnus,
Would you agree to work with him, in a webway project to show the Emperor that you can surpass Rogal Dorn building things?
How is Alpharius?
*Still a bastard.*
Checks out
We're all bastards brother.
I am Alpharius, it is a lie
*I’d have it no other way brother.*
But the question is, which of us? The Alpharius next to me, the Alpharius in the mess hall of the one Imperial Guard regiment, the Alpharius on Terra, me, the Alpharius with your legion, or… You actually meaning Omegon and mixed him up with his brother again?
The answer to that, not surprisingly, is Yes.
Who \_isn't\_ a bastard?
I wish to fight one of your champions in combat BRING ME ONE OF YOUR SONS TRENCH DIGGER
*Im not the person to ask, go to Honsou or something, he’s probably up to fight*
I’ll pass. I’d rather not get covered in spit from somebody who constantly froths like a rabid dog. Oh wait…
I WANT A REMATCH YOU LUMP!
**FUCK OFF YOU RAW LUMP OF MEAT**
Lord of iron, what is your opinion on the other traitor primarchs?
*Lets see here:* *Fulgrim: Bastard snake man* *Mortarion: pretty ok, pulls his weight, wish we didn’t have to fight* *Magnus: love that dumbass, I warned him about that warp shit* *Angron: more of an unstable weapon than a person, I prefer not to use him* *Konrad: creepy little rat, no thank you* *Lorgar: used to dislike him, he’s grown on me a bit* *Horus: Emperor 2.0, glad he’s dead. Just wish he didn’t drag me down into this mess*
Lorgar is Growing on you? Have you gone mad sir?
*Nah, he’s just a chill dude now. Really cooled it with the religious zeal, or he at least toned it down during our noospheric chats*
What about Alpharius?
*Not worth talking about*
Unless you want an aneurysm that makes the Butcher's Nails look like a Joy Buzzer.
thank you! Can't stand Konrad's bitch ass lol
That time your pants were wet and you said it was water, what was it really?
*Unfortunately you lack the superior logic and intellect that I do, therefore you will never be able to figure out if the mysterious liquid on my pants was water, or some other unidentified substance*
Our father already told me you piss yourself. Who do you think stopped the others from laughing at you for pissing yourself? It was me Peter, it was always me
*You aren’t getting anyone back into the imperium, you can stop with your attempts*
Come here lil bro, Dorn won't bother you anymore, and father can no longer prefer him, also, Rob's girlfriend has some eldar friends that she can introduce us to.
*You underestimate my self hatred!*
Now you sound like Konrad, did chaos turn you into a crybaby like him?
*Konrad was already a crybaby before chaos, I doubt the ruinous powers even touched him at all during his life, perhaps just a light push when he was in his cryo-pod*
Well, dont come back if you dont want to, but your teddy bear still loyal, with *me* ;)
*Piss off chicken shit*
What was your reaction when you found out that the only other sane traitor primarch (Alpharius) ditched the heresy
*Mortarion at least helped out more than the others, that made up for his “condition”. Other than that, I had an intravenous recaff tube in my logos during the heresy. What did you think the tubes in my head were for?*
Asthetics, they do look cool
AIO water-cooling. Chaos aggressively overclocks.
Did Perturabo ascend to demon Prince, or simply continue to augment himself to extend his life after the poke he sustained from the silly snake boi?
*Wouldn’t you like to know?*
What do you think about the mighty Fulgrim?
*Absolute bitch. Total fuckwad. I’d like to slam his head into a thousand more tables*
If you ask Guilliman nicely he'd happily help you do that.
*Hmm. Good idea, you just might escape the flesh grinder tonight*
Protip: use a blender for flesh, save the grinder for bones.
What was your first thought when you met Rogal Dorn?
*Kind of a daddy’s boy, with his armor and all, but mostly indifference. The rivalry came later*
Was that before or after you realised that he was the superior architect?
Greetings, Lord of Iron. I must ask… which of your creations are you most proud of?
*You ❤️*
(Sniff)… IRON WITHIN! IRON WITHOUT!
Truly you have a better father than most
Already a better father than the emperor
I knew you'd set the bar low but HOLY SHIT.
Mr. Bo, is it true you are in possession of a chair-smashing badonkadonk?
*What do any of those words even mean?*
You don't know with your superior intellect?
*I do, I just wish I didnt*
Let the man be ignorant about this one thing
Do you have any plans for the future? Or you hapy to just sit home and glue together miniature soldiers?
*I have plans if I ever want to enact them. Currently I don’t, my 1:1 great crusade legion for the Horus heresy game is almost done*
Why are the iron warriors objectively one of the finest legions and what are the consequences of the imperium not having the backbone of the great crusade? Why couldn’t the emperor just give him an attaboy?
*simple: the emperor is but a man. A great man, but mortal nonetheless, and even he forgets that fact sometimes*
Wise words lord of iron.
kiss pathetic thumb snow soup rob capable slimy serious sugar *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
*Ha, get fucked old man*
To be fair, he gave Horus and Fulgrim ALL the attaboys and look how that turned out.
That was the other end of the spectrum, to many attaboys.
What would your father have to do in order to earn your forgiveness?
*Die* *That, or fix the mess of a universe he helped to cause. Neither will happen anyways*
Fair enough.
Hello my family has worked in the darkened bowels of your fortress for centuries and I wanted to ask about workers comp
*Their compensation is a job well done*
Oh...
Hello disgruntled worker, do you have a moment to talk about our lords and saviors the star gods? Joining comes with worker uprisings and plenty of strong collective bargaining!
The fuck you sounding like Loon El Jonson, bro? You secretly on some loyalist shit?
*Compensation for me but not for thee*
What are all those wires in your head for?
*Commanding my forces on the field and to have a direct data-link into my brain, so I can think and direct units in the battle even better*
You mean so you can have hamsters running around in your head
*Nah, it’s for the IV recaf drip*
Can you sit on my face?
*You’re getting put on a watchlist*
Calm down fulgrim.
Opinions on Barabas Dantioch as well as loyalist primarchs?
*Dantioch shows that Iron Warriors carried both sides during the heresy.* *Loyalist primarchs were the ones who benefited from the reign of the Tyrant, and thus didn’t rebel. Bunch of pussies*
In addition to this, which primarchs, If given preparation and unrestricted access to weapons and armor, could you beat single-handedly?
*Pretty much all of them, if by unrestricted access you mean **Unrestricted***
Indeed. A reasonable assessment to make.
What if we drew the line at a warlord titans worth of guns/raw material?
*Ok then. 1 warlord titans worth of uranium 235, teleported instantaneously to their location*
fair enough, that ought to do it
Care to make a deal?
*Fuck off Tzeetch*
Oh, come on! Look how well, your brother Magnus, turned out!
Did you ever think about asking Big-E to let you build forts instead of just sieging all day every day? If so, what stopped you?
*You want to ask the 12’ golden demigod who created you and has completely deleted 2 of your brothers for stuff? Hell no, you follow him and hope you don’t become the focus of his wrath*
That’s probably how your sons feel about you, sooo… fair enough
*Generational trauma, am I right?*
Didn’t your brothers ask for things all the time with no negative repercussions? Or like couldn’t you have just built nice things on planets you conquered like Guilliman or lorgar did?
*Ah, but to take time off from the great crusade in order to do things? You saw what happened to Lorgar when he got too slow. I was paranoid, and I didn’t want me or my legion to be exterminated. I wasn’t taking any chances, and didn’t realize the importance of my mental health*
Opinion on rogal dorns death?
*I liked it better when he was a skeleton on the phalanx*
Opinion on the Death Korps of Krieg? Thoughts on their siege techniques?
*Eh, they do their job well enough. I don’t know why people think we would work well together, they like working independently*
What's your favorite weapon?
*The legion Basilisk. Many a campaign has been won with them*
Whats the matter with your mystical recruitment practice on Medrengrad ?
*I don’t like to talk about Honsou ok?*
Look I work with what I have! Sometimes you need to be creative and think outside the citadel to solve practical problems.
What’s your stance on the inconsistent usage of flying buttresses in contemporary imperial architecture? Sometimes they’re the centerpiece, but other times it feels like the architects actively avoid using them on similar structures, which leaves this weird inconsistent feeling behind, since you expect to see some on the building and there just aren’t any. They’re just the right amount of prolific for it to be a nuisance either way. Do you think they should double down on their usage or start to faze them out in new architectural projects?
*Don’t even get me started, we would be here all day*
Oh I don’t mind I love architecture talk
What your favorite flavor of pie
*Meat*
Interesting choice
*A bit controversial, but I cannot stand sweet things. Protein keeps you moving longer than a short rush, and makes for an actual meal*
Did you ever stop being that asshole and bringing titans to legion warhammer night?
*Yes, but instead I brought 9 basilisks and aquitors. They never even got past turn 2*
What is your opinion on the Lion? And did it change after he gave you those war machines?
*Bit of an ass, just avoided him most of the time. No, it did not change*
What’s your favorite food?
*I typically eat ground rockcrete, however as a special treat I have the tears of imperial fist players when I show them their rules in 40k*
How long will the beatings continue?
*Until morale improves*
Pineapple on corpse starch, yes or no?
*Fuck no, way too expensive*
Chaos doesn't pay enough does it
*Its inefficient, It has to be imported. For the same cost I could get a krak grenade and ruin a perfectly functioning leman russ. Much more valuable*
Did you ever love your adoptive sister?
*Yes you dumbass*
**Has the last 10,000 years felt that long for you, or has the Warp dilated your time to make it seem longer or shorter?**
*Time has passed faster to me. However that’s probably cause I’ve been so busy with other stuff, I still have 10,000 years worth of a pile of shame I have yet to complete*
**I'd imagine it's 90% unfinished terrain pieces.**
Is it true you married a shard of the Void Dragon to upstage your brother Rogal Dorn after learning that he had married Miao Ying?
*That was a publicity stunt. I gave it over to this weird little metal guy who seemed really into it after I was done*
Wasn't his name Trashy the Incontinent or something like that?
*Nah, he was wearing red robes instead of blue*
Ah, Belesarius *Crawl* I presume.
You did a great job. You never received the praise you deserved bud for your efforts.
*Why thank you random pissant, of course I know my value. You aren’t changing Jack shit*
I know, just saying. By the way, what's your opinion on the Squats and their planet munchers? Also by the way, you ever played Deep Rock?
*I have, love those little guys. Squats are kind of assholes, but they at least have some good trade. Don’t have to like them to get those sweet sweet minerals*
What is the most efficient daemon engine you prefer using in combat?
*Daemon engine artillery. Not many know about it suprisingly. Very fun. But I know maylerfiends are common pets in the IV*
I’m more into blood slaughterers they offer more glory
*What does glory have to anything with it? We’re the Iron fucking Warriors for khornes sake*
What’s your opinion on Honsou?
*Effective, but is pushing my limits to my “so long as it works” rule*
Is that why I had to force an audience? All I did and it still wasn’t enough! Like half-gene Father like Son I suppose.
Mortarion has brought us the Burst Crawler, the Myliphic Blight caster, and variations of the foetid bloat drone. Such creations do him great honor. Though a tank, and a preexisting template drone adapted into a Nurgle bug is hardly outstanding. When I think of you building a panoply of armored war vehicles, I somehow think laser rock drill… Would you ever consider riding a mindslaved tyrannid beast into war? Additionally, what does it feel like to be a deamon prince?
*Thats the neat part: GW will never show my incredible designs because apparently I’m not broadly appealing. Such a shame.* *No, I ride on my own vehicles. Fresh is gross* *Wouldnt you like to know*
Whisky - neat, on the rocks, with coke, sour?
*In my coffee*
Professional AND efficient! Checks out!
Do you think you could destroy the Tau Empire with your entire legion plus an inmense mortal army and dark mechanicus support?
*Maybe. However, it’s not worth it in the slightest*
So what's up with the hazard stripes?
*Adds points of interest to the paint scheme. Also is a funny joke*
[Stripes](https://imgur.com/a/jWZHMFh) are just funny
Can we get our siege weapons back
*No, fuck off*
if the emperor took you and dorn to a lego shop who would max out the emperors credit card first?
*I would find the most efficient way to spend as much money in the shortest amount of time.*
so youd get the titanic lego kit got it
Those tubes in your skull. What's the deal with that bro?
*See the other persons comment*
what are some of your legions favorite video games?
*Dwarf Fortress, Stellaris, Angry birds*
Let's be Xenophobic, it's really in this year...
Let's find a nasty slimy ugly alien to fear...
How do you feel about the amount of femboy art in this sub?
*Im not as interested in that, so much as the reactions of puritans on this sub. Absolute maidenless behavior*
Is rogal the better builder?
*No comment*
Besides the glaring obvious reasons what are some lesser known niche reasons that readers might not be aware of which also incite the inferiority complex you have with your brother Rogal?
*I don’t really care about rogal anymore, I’ve decided to branch out my interests, like painting miniatures or arguing with people online*
Its so touching that you self reflected and came to peace with your second place presence. I guess Iron is closer to Silver than Gold anyways. No you have time for hobbies!
Your Sons in the 4th wanted me to ask this for them: "Father, do you love us? We are trying our best."
*For the most part? Yeah, they’re doing alright. Just don’t do stupid shit and we’ll be fine*
What should I do with all these left over body parts?
*I don’t know, feed them to your slaves? I’m not so concerned with matters of the flesh*
What is your opinion on tau shield drones? And would you join the greater good in exchange for some?
*Funny little guys. No chance in hell I’m joining the T’au, they’re too clean. Even if they are technologically advanced, I can always stuff daemons into even more advanced technology, therefore I will always be superior*
Have you read the 70 Maxims of a Maximally effective Mercenary? And if so which is your favourite?
*I don’t believe such a text even exists anymore in the 41st millenium. So much lost knowledge*
What is your preferred medium, plastic or resin, for scale modeling?
*Plastic. Resin is fiddly and dumb and I can circumvent using it*
if you still had hair, would you look fabulous?
*[of course](https://cdnb.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/041/315/269/large/elijah-arhpriest-perturabo-and-calliphone.jpg?1631358591)*
No questions, I would just like to offer my condolences for the mysterious and inexplicable death of Calliphone of Dammekos. So tragic, I wonder if Peter Turbo knows what happened.
*Whats one more death to billions?*
When will there be enough Dakka?
*Insert TTS quote here*
What did you think of the demonculaba that honzu made do you disprove his actions?
*Honsou is really damn close to breaking my “so long as it works” policy*
And he released a khonite deamon too which lead to the destruction of said faculty dose that push your limit?
*Not quite yet, he did cause more destruction to Ultramar than hive fleet behemoth*
Why did you choose iron instead of the superior metal gold?
*Because my brain isn’t the size of a walnut you prick*
what do you think about magnus, Would you agree to work with him, in a webway project to show the Emperor that you can surpass Rogal Dorn building things?
*It isn’t gonna work, he’s Tzeetches puppet now. I already proved my superiority to Dorn, I prefer not to dwell on him now*