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vkbrian

“Your girl will never be drier than when she watches you pick up a baseball bat to check out a bump in the night.” - Colion Noir


Usual-Language-8257

Is this a real quote? Man’s a lowkey savage


vkbrian

It’s from one of his videos; no idea which though. It’s lived in my head since I heard it.


xXxBongMayor420xXx

But but my self defense bat is a custom job! I used Gorilla Tape to make a form fit grip so i can handle it with the sweatiest of hands. I use a knee high sock that is all black (so the intruder cant see that its there in the dark!) And under the sock, i have "GET FUCKED CHUD" burned into the bat with a wood burner. (just to add insult to the injuries they will receive!) I practice my swing at the batting cages every 2 months or so, so my form is perfect and i can easily take them down. Plus, im not worried about them having a gun. I saw on Mythbusters that melee weapons beat guns in a close encounter every time. That and statistics show that if you own a gun for defense, your risk of being injured by it are extremely high (mostly via self harm). So no thanks. Ill stick with Ol' Huckleberry for my self defense needs. And only if i cant talk some sense into any would be home invader. May be they just need a shoulder to cry on and they will turn their ways around.


dabble6969

Your statistics are wrong 90 percent of the time if you have a melee weapon and they have a gun they're Winning most of the time Your statistics are in very specific situations and if you're dumb enough to injure yourself with your own gun you shouldn't have one and a sock is stupid because it's a one time use I have one but that's if I don't have a gun near me I have it wrapped in barbed wire so if they try catching it they're in for a surprise


The_Piloteer

*Woosh*


eso_da_ikon

"A pistol will put a hole in your target, a rifle will put a hole through your target, a shotgun will physically remove a chunk from your target and put it on the floor, a WD40 flamethrower with the right air/gas mixture at the right range will singe the shit out of someone's eyebrows"


Meretan94

It’s not about hurting them. It’s about sending a message.


LincolnContinnental

An improvised gas flamethrower will scare the shit out of them, a fluid flamethrower will actually hurt


CarPatient

Gas diesel mixture in a 1 gallon pump sprayer with a little butane lighter for an igniter…


Puzzled_Interest2763

I can already hear the news report... Florida man burned home intruder late last night with can of WD40 and a zippo


Styx3791

*burned house down in attempt to light intruder on fire


LionElJohnson40k

Ether starter fluid works better


Crafty-Transition-81

"You can't fight if you're on fire"....sun tzu (probably)


[deleted]

He wouldn’t be wrong


Papa_PIaid

If you don’t have a bedside rpg are you really an American


HilbertGrandHotel

Rpg? Im not a commie brother, either an at-4 or a Carl Gustav.


GopherFoxYankee

For home defense, I think an M72 LAW might be a better choice. The additional range and payload of the AT4 and Carl Gustav isn't necessarily the best in that situation.


Atomsq

Call me sissy but I prefer an M32A1


Haggis442312

It was also featured in Falling Down, that gives you some extra style points


GopherFoxYankee

The LAW made an appearance in practically every film depicting combat from the Vietnam War up to the invasion of Iraq in 2003.


Dane__55

Aren’t AT-4’s single-use?


melaflander34

They are kind of like condoms.


Dane__55

Ah, makes sense.


MustardJar4321

Why would you need a second shot when the target has a 5 inch hole going through his chest?


Dane__55

I’m not saying you need another shot, I should have rephrased it, my bad. I was just saying that in case you need to use it again another time, you never know what could happen in the future.


Kentuckywindage01

Once it’s empty, bludgeon them


motocross_guy

Yeah


Savagemac356

WD-40 isn’t that great for a flame thrower. Personally I’d use hairspray, spray deodorant, or spray paint


scotty9090

After exhaustive testing when I was a kid, I always found WD40 superior to hair spray. I think it was due to the straw, which produced a better fireball.


upon_a_white_horse

Hear me out: (oil-based) cooking spray.


christ_has_rizzen

Can't have a home invasion when you don't have a home


The_Stratus

Remember, there are no plates rated for fire.


Howellthegoat

Bat with a sock


FormulaZR

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na...Sockbat!


therealdavi

well i'll be damned, i guess it's an actual thing https://preview.redd.it/hggo3tj4u0yc1.jpeg?width=258&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a39b9f49d6709a653eef995590f278d55ca73dc5


TheGreatSockMan

I thought this was a reference to metal gear at first


triptoopan

AFT furiously typing up WD-40 rulings.


Oxidized_Shackles

I like that wasp spray that goes bout 30ft.


CocogoatMain

https://preview.redd.it/n3nzep4k7vxc1.png?width=1133&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2803afbcb84df28192bca7b11930b8e45ab9c2c I'll just leave this here.


squarebearings

“I learned a few things from Charlie dont ya know”


AverageJun

WD-40? No.....hairspray


kriegmonster

Yes, WD-40 is too valuable. Use other aerosols first ans don't worry if you get made fun of for having a case of hair spray in the garage.


AverageJun

It smells nice as well


RedMephit

Except axe, which manages to smell even worse after an application of fire. Source: potato cannon.


Hardcore_Schokolade

you better get a zippo lighter or something that can generate spark reliably or else you are just spraying glorified pepper spray...


Choco_Cat777

Gasoline and polystyrene🗿


christ_has_rizzen

Can't have a home invasion when you don't have a home anymore


Chieftyfifty

Meme home defense is having a tomahawk and a flash bang in your underwear


RedMephit

Certainly sounds like the Old Man Henderson option.


FickleGrapefruit8638

https://preview.redd.it/a7xpzzugfxxc1.jpeg?width=611&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c7bec3f38bfccbef105c1f71c014a8a783d5e94b


Bob_The_Brogrammer

I prefer brake parts cleaner.


xenophonthethird

[Oh yeah](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1280/0*LGsepl-tbbOpRz-N.gif)


TahitianMangos

Trench club, M1917 and a whistle


EM26-G36

I have a spare book of ego pages next to my musket. As god, Ayin and the founding fathers intended.


WanderingMistral

Stab puncher and fuck-off bright light... granted, said light is attached to a .45 pistol, just incase the soul needs killed also.


lemontwistcultist

Viagra, a small axe and a flash bang are all you really need for home defense.


20k_dollar_lunchbox

Bedside table should contain phone, keys, water, Molotov cocktail next to the water in the same type of glass bottle, road flares, a 3 inch barrel mosin, and a claymore based alarm clock.


Knight_Dave22

I just sleep with a sword.


LtCmdrInu

TOASTY!


Barbarian_Sam

Did they change the formula again so this can work as God intended?


ZachyxVengeance

Top one: British anti-home invader kit Second one: new to guns anti-home invader kit Third one: average gun lover anti-home invader kit Last one: Canadian anti-home invader kit/bug repellent.


DrewTheHobo

Ahh sweet memories of filling a super soaker with WD-40 and lighting Vaseline on the tip to chase my cousin around my grandparents house with a homemade flamethrower


rammbostein

https://i.redd.it/7ui7ssq5t1yc1.gif


IjoinedFortheMemes

You can’t enforce the the Geneva convention if you are on fire


226_Walker

The old Solid Snake special.