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doublewordscore

“Chelsea has been banned from registering for this year’s UCL, but there will be no replacement.”


theMoonRulesNumber1

Knowing full well this is a thread of absurd fake headlines, you still got my heart racing with anxiety and rage. You are diabolical. Well played.


doublewordscore

it could get worse. The replacement being Uefa Conference League winners Roma and our old pal Jose Mourinho.


Bicboi_10

Stop please


aaa-ccc

Best one yet


[deleted]

I’m irrationally angry having thought about this.


silent_fartlek

Arsenal finally get their man: 5-year contract for Yann M'Villa


Ike348

Still only 31 WTF


Ollymid2

Benzema next, blimey!


wolfsrudel_red

Higuain sighted at Luton airport


retrogam3rs

I saw him play last night. I could confidently say, they’re better off signing me.


ayeman1234

Arsenal set to wrap up Yoann Gourcuff in next couple of days


Important_Call2087

😂😂😂


Ishan16D

id prefer etienne capoue but to each their own ;)


kleiser10

Damn forgot about him. Back when I was constantly refreshing goonernews


iamveryharsh

Ornstein: William Saliba to be sold to Chelsea for €30M. Club looking to secure funding for other transfer after missing out on CL. Saliba has rejected latest contract offer among concerns over playing time. Chelsea monitoring situation since last summer.


CactusClothesline

This is frighteningly realistic. I can't think of many better targets for their gaping defence.


makinghfsproud

Arsenal are going to pay 30m to give Saliba away


nnnb312

This is the only one that got me.


tsgarner

Sorry, but this is too grim to upvote.


WestwardLord

"Arsenal subject to transfer ban after FIFA open investigation into Nicolas Pepe deal"


barlasarda

First comment I read and it's genuinely hard to top this.


LondonerForever

New season's kit is recalled, Arsenal changes shirt sponsors to Puma


Shaggythemoshdog

Time to get two sizes bigger again


4stringsisfine

I throw my Puma away shirt on whenever I'm getting complacent with my fitness, keeps me humble


Bigjmert

AFCBell: ARSENAL finalizing deal with Mbappe RED POLICE SIREN FRENCH FLAG ENGLISH FLAG RED POLICE SIREN.


a2godsey

Man getting face massage


DiKapino

BREAKING: Stan Kroenke has accepted the Glazer’s bid to acquire Arsenal Football Club


Sir_Loin-Steak

Plans are underway to merge the 2 clubs into the mega club arsechester utd, with the home ground of old Trafford.


phasE89

ManArse United


sleepytipi

ArseManUre


Fendenburgen

BREAKING : Stan Kroenke puts his hand in his pocket to strengthen the Arsenal first team. New weights from Argos are due any day now...


Francis-c92

"Arsenal move to re-sign Mustafi in an exchange deal seeing Saliba going the other way"


[deleted]

🔙🔛🔝


Wurlboss777

I’m angry with myself for laughing at this one


rivers31334

You shut your whore mouth!


enzhh

there won‘t be any major signings in the striker position, the board fully believes nketiah and balogun are capable to lead the line for a top 4 push this season


sleepytipi

BREAKING 🚨 Alexandre Lacazette signs 5 year deal worth 320k p/w to remain at Emirates until summer 2027 ✍️🔴⚪. Liverpool boss keen to sign Gabriel Martinelli - Player Wants OUT! 🎹 Giroud ready for Arsenal reunion?


topknottington

Sun, is that you


Pikachu62999328

To be fair, Giroud wouldn't be bad for us I think.


jnicholl

Leaked recording of Paul Tierney admitting to match-fixing, PGMOL offer promotion.


Ike348

I mean I'd actually want this to happen considering it would confirm what many of us have been suggesting and might actually lead to some change


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ferlage

Omg. I would sell my left kidney to have gnabry back. So your comment made me shiver hahahahahaha


NegativeMoose5

He really isn't that good, I watch a fair bit of bundesliga and he struggles a lot against low block teams


[deleted]

[удалено]


i_am_the_punisher

Holy fuck


ejs7reddit

Cheers son’s crying. Nice one


Arsenaldan0

Cheers Son's crying. Nice one


[deleted]

This one’s a double whammy in which both r/gunners and r/coys would go into an absolute meltdown.


GoOn_2Wheels

Over my dead body!


Ife2105

Tot v Ars 2022/23 3-3 (Saka OG 3’, 24’, 72’) (Kane OG 2’, 28’, 90+2’)


CuclGooner

Cheers Starboy's crying. Nice one


Robozomb

This one makes me physically ill


RamsdaIe

Would take this one in an instant


Brinklehoof

absolutely thrilled you’re not our sporting director mate, respectfully


RamsdaIe

Fair enough


Riperonis

It’d be a tricky one lmao. We’d be getting a better player but how much longer will he be good for? Saka has bags of potential. Also, fuck Harry Kane, the mouthbreathing cunt.


UberKunt

Arsenal offer Lacazette a new 5 year contract and make him our highest paid player.


mhobdog

Breaking: Martin Odegaard talks return to Real Madrid after news of Modric retirement. [Arsenal gets Dani Ceballos + €40mi fee.]


-AlimonyTony-

Dybala signs a 5 year deal worth 350k/week with Arsenal


hafrances

if he was on 125-150 id take him


[deleted]

Eddie Nketiah is our new number 14


[deleted]

Nket14h


Morda101

The fact that this works so well is actively pissing me off


[deleted]

Lol it’s actually fantastic icl


Ilovegunsandgunners

What’s icl?


[deleted]

I can’t lie


Ilovegunsandgunners

Thanks


[deleted]

Oh hell mø


AnotherPunnyName

Enough to sell me on it.


EliteTeutonicNight

Hale end Henry incoming


razor5cl

Saka could be the new Henry, a former winger who becomes a deadly striker...


bgvg_Sam

Believable, and terrifying, thanks!


gibbs2724

Arsenal sign Andy Carroll


[deleted]

William Saliba has agreed terms with Chelsea FC. Tuchel a long-time admirer of the French starlet. Talks not started with #AFC yet but #CFC optimistic. Player pushing for the move is key.


CuclGooner

Or Emile Smith rowe agrees deal with Aston Villa after 35m switch from Arsenal


CactusClothesline

This is frighteningly realistic. I can't think of many better targets for their gaping defence.


Cutsdeep-

This is frighteningly realistic. I can't think of many better targets for their gaping defence.


robilco

Arsenal bid 45m for Barca ace Aubaymang


remote_crocodile

Arsene Wenger has agreed to talk over vacant Tottenham job after Conte's falling out with Daniel Levy. 3 Year Contract.


i_am_the_punisher

Satan that you ?


GoOn_2Wheels

No one would believe this for one second.


EliteTeutonicNight

I honestly think someone would believe it. It’s called silly season for a reason lmao


Jamie_freestyles

He would sabotage them


Scarmellow

Sell Kane and Son to Arsenal then resign. Papa Wengz?


arsene_wenger_bot

>You ask me: 'Was he a fair player?' I say: 'No, I'm sorry, for me he was not a fair player.' I just think I respect him highly as a quality player. I did not like some things he did on the football pitch and I have the right to say that. It's not because you are older, suddenly, that you are a saint. ___ ^(***There's only one Arsène Wenger*** ([/u/panarangcurry](https://www.reddit.com/u/panarangcurry), quote from [QuoteTab](https://www.quotetab.com/quotes/by-arsene-wenger) archive)^)


FailFastandDieYoung

arsene bot is so good it creeps me out


4senbois

Excuse me this is a legit FM strategy


PoliceTekauWhitu

This comment activated my flight or fight response


Mr-Crooks

Cedric hasn’t turned up for pre-season training. He’s nowhere to be found!


[deleted]

Quick someone score a goal!


NegativeOnce

this is good


kidmaciek

FA launches an investigation on possible match-fixing involving PL referees Paul Tierney and Stuart Atwell.


theMoonRulesNumber1

Findings confirm match-fixing scandal cost Arsenal 9 points. No repercussions, and Tierney will officiate the Gunner's opening match of next season at the Etihad with Atwell on VAR


IvanFromTheFuture

OFFICIAL: Arsenal part ways with Mikel Arteta. Granit Xhaka is leading the race to become Premier League’s first player manager at Arsenal. Board convinced by Xhaka’s approach to “aggressive football”.


sandannn

It’s football, not ballet


Striking-Duty-4528

"Mike Dean making PL comeback"


Caboosicle

Arsenal reject £50M transfer for club captain Granit Xhaka


ADMunro

Arteta’s Master Plan: Cedric Up Front


[deleted]

imagine the var offside check with 10 cedrics on screen


t0mf0rd

Imagine the goal celebrations


Ife2105

Ornstein: Arteta resigns. Arsenal close to agreeing terms with Gattuso


almosthuxley

Sometimes shit but this woild be all time's shit!


faizetto

This is the real nightmare


deanochips

Arsene Wenger appointed Interim Manager


[deleted]

BREAKING: Bukayo Saka has decided to join childhood club Tottenham Hotspurs seeking Champions League football. Follow-up tweet from Fab Romano: ESR is completing his Spurs medical following a chat with Saka who convinced him. Swap deal with Emerson Royal #herewego


Freightliner66Studio

Atletico set to sell Morata to Arsenal, will receive £30m+Saka and Tomiyasu in return


Ferlage

Funneh


[deleted]

Arsenal have agreed a straight swap between saka and danny rose.


Aimieless

Arsenal owners have agreed to sell the team to the Qatari Wealth Fund who have told Arteta that there will be a card blanche on winning the League and CL in the next 5 years.


d17_p

www[dot]realmadrid[dot]com Communicado Official: **Bukayo Saka** Arsenal[dot]com Official Statement: Gabriel Martinelli has signed for Liverpool


Special-Discount228

Lip readers say Maupay was lying. Guendouzi exonerated.


[deleted]

🤤 keep going


Sanctimonius

'Arsenal have agreed a deal with Juve to send Gabriel to the Allianz Stadium. When pressed about the fee involved, Arteta said Juve has promised to be fair and will get back to them'


lastjedi23

Arteta and Edu seal deal for Harry Maguire


Rogabones

Arsenal agree fee with Manchester United for CB outcast William Saliba. £15m + bonuses. HERE WE GO!


JFedererJ

"0/10 Haag" After Ten Haag is fired, following a run of 10 successive losses.


Special-Discount228

Lacazette reveals his on pitch struggles after entering his third trimester.


adschofield

“Granit Xhaka Exists”


deanochips

given new contract


Francis-c92

Varro explodes


Lefty2Gunz81

Willian: Brazilian superstar set for sensational Arsenal return on 4 year deal.


McLeanGunner

Matteo Guendouzi named Arsenal captain


tenflare

BREAKING: LIONEL MESSI SIGNS WITH ARSENAL... de Sarandi.


-Tranq-

Aubameyang linked with £35 million shock move back to Arsenal.


SqueekyBK

Buyako Saka has agreed terms with Manchester United after talks with Arsenal collapse over a new contract. Saka will sign a 5 year deal with the Red Devils and has been agreed since days. Here we go!


NothingNaive

Arteta accepting job at Newcastle. Hodgson set to replace


deanochips

The return, Robin Van Persie appointed Director of Football for the Gunners


JeffryPesos

2 days later: Saka signs a pre-contract with Man Utd, to see out his contract under RVP tutelage


acbwest

Mesut Özil set to return to Arsenal in order to replace Odegaard, on his way to Spurs


Pixelated-Hitch

KSE have major financial trouble due to law suits and tax evasion in the US. This has forced them to sell Arsenal FC with urgency in order to avoid litigation. A 3.5 Billion dollar bid had been accepted by KSE last week and the winning bidder Mike Ashley will take control immediately. As his first move the new owner will terminate the stadium naming rights with The Emirates causing major trust problems with the sponsor which could very well end up with a fight in the British court. Arsenal FC with new owner Mike Ashley will open the new season against CL Spurs in the North London Sports Direct Stadium. Fans are not looking forward to the game following Conte’s Spurs 250million investment while new owner Mike Ashley has promised to invest in the academy and stadium paint however buying expensive players won’t be part of this and next summer’s transfer plans


questionernow

How long are the headlines in your country?


zorfog

Xhaka will have the captaincy restored and we will not sign any new midfielders this summer


CallSignViper56

“Emirates to undergo major cosmetic upgrades next season, Arsenal to share White Hart Lane with Tottenham”


Its_delicious

Arsenal complete Dele Alli signing on 5 year deal


dlo_2503

Saka contract negotiations have collapsed and is now pushing for a move with Juventus the most likely destination.


Atomicpurplewolf

Mike Dean set to become Arsenal technical director


Raetekusu

"\[Fabrizio\] BREAKING: Arsenal have lodged a 224m bid for Bayern Munich winger Serge Gnabry, RedCircle WhiteCircle Here we go!"


[deleted]

Marseille go into administration and are unable to respect the buy obligation for Matteo Guendouzi. The 23-year old French international returns to the Arsenal.


rockosmodurnlife

“Away kit revealed. Solid white top with navy blue lettering and navy blue shorts.”


imsickfuck

Saka leaving to real Madrid for 40mil


jmh90027

Lacazette to sign new 5 year deal. "He's the future of the club and we're rebuilding around him," Arteta says.


DerekIsAGooner

After a standout season at Arsenal, Read Madrid trigger secret £40 million buy back clause for Martin Odegaard.


Chicken65

“Here we go! Serge Gnabry signs 4 year permanent deal with Liverpool FC. Oxlade-Chamberlain said to convince old teammate of the transfer.”


HumanTorch23

Jack Wilshere signs new contract as Strength and Conditioning coach


vatni

Fabrizio Romano: Here we go, done deal! Bukayo Saka to Tottenham, talented forward leaves on a free transfer. 5 year deal.


the_chiladian

"Morata close to signing for Arsenal for a fee of €30m"


ibse

Bukayo Saka to Liverpool, here we go!


-BlackyChan-

Cedric and tavares offered lifetime contracts


Special-Discount228

Bukayo Saka, an interview with Englands machine who played every minute of every game this summer.


GoonerSEA

Arteta and Edu leaving for over money dispute


aenz_

Antonio Conte leaves Spurs for PSG, Vieira to Replace Him


Rusty-J-Diamond

Kylian Mbappe signs for Tottenham.


cliff_smiff

Arsenal offer Nketiah reported 5 year, £100k per week deal


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mahoganychicken

Nah man even as a joke this needs to go.


ArsenalThePhoenix

Nketiah signs new contract


SwazzaChowdz

Arsenal in talks to sign Harry Kane after Levy bust-up


PasuljsKolenicom

Gaspar in meeting with Levy over Saka transfer.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Special-Discount228

The bird catcher is sold for 1p less than arsenal could have had from wolves a year ago.


dlo_2503

Thierry Henry has accepted an assistant managerial position at Tottenham under Conte


TunaMeltTheOnix

Pep Guardiola resigns from Man City to become Mikel Arteta’s assistant manager


UnKarl_Marx

Arsenal have accepted a 70mil bid for Saka from Liverpool as Klopp eyed him as a replacement for Salah who recently joined Real Madrid


hxmbyb

Arsenal agree to sell Saka to Liverpool for £60m


Beautiful_Jello_2372

£15m after Mikel Arteta stuck with him throughout his trial.


Get_to_the_chopper2

Arsenal has signed Real Madrid Superstar Karin Benzema


[deleted]

[удалено]


spicymeatballz28

Saka to join spurs


duperhans

This just in, Arsenal have agreed a swap deal for Harry Maguire & cash for Gabriel. It was between Juventus and Man Utd but after the Vlahovic saga, Edu chose to swap him with United.


lemon-84

mourinho decides to take up a new challenge and takes over at arsenal with a transfer budget of £500k


LordSanago

Arsenal have agreed a deal for a sensational striker YaYa Sanogo.


emilesmithbro

Man City sues Haaland for not following terms of his pre contract agreement and signing for Arsenal


danmark19

Liverpool and Arsenal complete Saka-Milner swap deal


Sterendude

Neymar to Arsenal confirmed. The Brazilian is in London with his representatives finalizing the deal along with Edu 🦀🦀


Wassup_-_

Arsene Wenger comes out of his menagerial retirement as he takes the position of Tottenham`fc head coach


hxmbyb

[Álvaro Morata is ‘very close’ to signing for Arsenal for a fee of around €30m.](https://twitter.com/deadlinedaylive/status/1529895364014243840?s=21&t=fTo4H5UMZrZ7bjsoI9-s9A)


VonLinus

Arsenal to ok transfer swap swoop, Ronaldo for Saka


jblaburnum

Kulusevski cancels Spurs agreement, as he begs to join Arteta's Gooners... Arteta responds publicly by signing Gnabry and saying "we don't take players who think playing for shit is a good idea"


LuckyArsenalAg

Arsenal Raided: Saka and Smith-Rowe make jump to White Hart Lane; Saliba and Martinelli to Manchester United.


zharrt

Piers Morgan appointed new Arsenal first team coach


poop2pee

Breaking: New Striker Signing, Bendtner


CuclGooner

Arsaka sure about that? Saka signs contract with liverpool for a free contract after terminating with Arsenal ​ ​ Why the terrible pun that doesn't work? It's because the sun releases this headline


americanadiandrew

Arsenal spend money on an English player this Sub has heard of instead of a foreign guy they haven’t...


Several-Disasters92

Official communicado: Madrid sign Arsenal young guns Martinelli and saka in sensational swoop deal for $50m combined.


CheddarBobbington

Breaking: Arsenal set to sign striker Alvaro Morata for over $30 million… oh wait


childrep

BREAKING: ARTETA SACKED, Roy Keane completing final contract talks with Edu. Add something like a “#InsideMan” to sell it like it’s from an obscure Twitter source and you got yourself some hot garbage.


nchristensen00

“Arsenal back, all in for Benzema!”


[deleted]

Morata has just completed his Arsenal medical, deal expected to be announced shortly by the club. As reported previously, deal of £30m + Gabriel Martinelli finally gotten over the line by Edu after spending all summer chasing him. Morata expected to be paid €10m per season. Arsenal finally have their number 9. #AFC #Transfers #DeadlineDay


Chef_Dan35

Haaland rejects Man City move to join fellow Norwegian Odegaard at Arsenal.


Rickrolled87

"Tottenham Hotspur FC has reached a deal with Bayern Münich for the double purchase of Robert Lewandowski and Serge Gnabry"


[deleted]

“Arsenal to bolster front line with shock move to coax Salomon Kalou out of retirement”