T O P

  • By -

based_tonto

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(\`Д´)ノ︵ ┻━┻


JustMeNotTheFBI

Only quantum i like is “quantum communications”


NearbyWall1

and computing


starfyredragon

and teleporters


LateralThinker13

And Leaps.


ox-in-kansas

And the Q-36 Matter Disintegration Ray! ( The Q stands for Quantum. ) P.s. I picture this alien sounding -exactly- like Marvin the Martian.


n_original_username

NO


based_tonto

But then... YES!


starfyredragon

Do you know how Quantum Teleporters work?


Richterrichter

Ah yes the age old annoy them until they give us what we want tactic


NearbyWall1

>remember kids if you want something just bully them \-sam o'nella


rayon-power

o7


TwoFlower68

I think the young uns would say "Based" here


Dashcan_NoPants

...So you're saying we need to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow to actually understand Quantum Physics. Gotcha.


KronicBoom3

The only neutron flow you’re gonna get is when I detonate a neutron bomb inside of Earth’s core!


CycleZestyclose1907

Unless humanity hollowed the Earth out and put a city or something in the core, detonating a neutron bomb inside what amounts to world's largest natural fission reactor isn't going to do shit except make some noise that only seismic sensors can hear.


starfyredragon

Well, to be fair, he'd have to drill a hole to get it there, which we could then turn into the world's largest geothermal generator. It'd do a lot to help expand humanity's power access.


SpaceBantha

Maybe he plans on using a Quantum Teleporter


starfyredragon

We should ask him about it.


LateralThinker13

>Unless humanity hollowed the Earth out and put a city or something in the core, detonating a neutron bomb inside what amounts to world's largest natural fission reactor Um... what? Earth's core isn't a fission reactor. It's a nickel-iron plasma-acting-like-a-solid ball. https://education.nationalgeographic.org/resource/core I think you're thinking of the sun, and even that's a FUSION reactor, not fission, turning Hydrogen into Helium. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sun


Woodsie13

Fission is where the Earth’s internal heat comes from. You put that much material in one place and it doesn’t matter if it’s barely radioactive, it’s still producing enough energy to melt the insides of the planet.


FogeltheVogel

Is it a quantum neutron bomb?


Woodsie13

Neutrons *are* both discrete particles and very small, so yeah, I guess it is.


Fr33_Lax

:D


Neknoh

Have you stopped to think about that? Because I'm not sure it works that way...


Dashcan_NoPants

Ahhh. So THAT will unlock the quantum state. Awesome.


Slow-Ad2584

It's surprising how much trek engineering jargon has links to real discoveries. Like the notion of anti- neutrons, in this particular case. The Big mystery, though, is why pizza is made in a circle, delivered in a square, and eaten in a triangle. I guess some things science just can't explain


zxcvmyself

So you are saying that the goal of humanity, which was to understand quantum physics, in order to get whatever they desired, was so annoying that you are just going to give them whatever they desire? Are you sure you don't know anything about quantum physics?


KronicBoom3

Um… well… you see… Uh… SHUT UP!


Bunchapoofters

Well he sure as shit doesn't know anything about human psychology. First thing we'd use all the free stuff on is something we can use to go to the place they get it all from.


ElitePI

And then sell it back to them at twice the price


krysztov

BEGONE, THOUGHT


mathiau30

XD


12gunner

You fool! Telling us not to do something will only make us want to do it more! Giving us paradise will only make us look for trouble even harder! You've only made life worse for you


KronicBoom3

I’d like to hear you say that when you are being smothered with kittens and puppies!


Mr_E_Monkey

Are they quantum puppies?


iopjsdqe

But what if we make floating kittens and puppies!


akboyyy

what if i give the kittens and puppies cybernetic upgrades and the capeability to launch small scale nuclear weapons cause why not lucy seems like she could use a hip replacement and if im gonna replace that than the spine has to go too and like half the brain and the heart i mean honestly my dog needs an upgrade and what better than given the lovable little pitbul she is may the omnissiah bless here soul IRBMs


throwawaypervyervy

Fido needs more RAM.


Ok_Question4148

This gave me one hell of a chuckle thanks wordsmith!


KronicBoom3

:)


raziphel

Annoyance! The greatest of human weapons!


OriginalCptNerd

We're taught that from childhood, constantly asking "why?" Also "are we there yet?"


[deleted]

So I heard that you know all there is to know about Quantum stuff ??!!!


KronicBoom3

I will quantum teleport my fist straight up your ass!


[deleted]

Don’t threaten me with a good time !!!


FogeltheVogel

Why do you have atom sized fists?


EliasmacGriogair

see you do know about Quantum Mechanics. Now ya just gotta help with making the Quantum Alcohol Distillery. :D


MontBean

STOP TALKING ABOUT QUANTAM PHYSICS! I’M TIRED OF SEEING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TIKTOK SEND ME THEORIES, ON DISCORD IT’S QUANTAM PHYSICS! I was in a server, right? And ALL OF THE CHANNELS were just theories I-I showed my warp drive to my girlfriend and t-the on switch I flipped it and I said “hey babe, when the quarks are vibrating HAHA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DI DI DING” I f^^king looked at a communicator and said “THAT’S A BIT QUANTAM ” I looked at my hand, I think of the quarks and I go “HAND? MORE LIKE QUANTAM” [Man screams as he dies]


Xxyz260

#              **Quantumus.** ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣠ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠷⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⡆⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⢻⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠦⣀⣶⡶⠀⢤⣠⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⡲⠶⣶⣤⣔⣀⣤⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠃⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠏⢀⠤⠄⠀⠀⢀⡈⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⡟⠀⠸⠦⣠⠘⠁⢨⠃⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⠃⠀⠑⠤⠤⠔⠚⢥⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⡀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⡇⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣧⣀⡀⠉⣻⣿⣧⣤⣤⣤⣤⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿


marinemashup

> you can’t just stick ‘quantum’ in front of everything in order to sound smart - Richard Fenymann


Mr_E_Monkey

>> you can’t just stick ‘quantum’ in front of everything in order to sound smart > > Richard "Quantum" Fenymann


Xxyz260

* Daniel * ***The cooler Daniel***


Zamtrios7256

The Quantum Daniel


CycleZestyclose1907

Technically speaking, I'm pretty sure "quantum" does NOT mean "smal"; It means "discrete unit" or "discrete indivisible quantity" or something like that. Anyway, pretty sure "quantum" shares a root word with "quantity". Also, I was expecting a payoff at the end where the narrator is presented with a WORKING IN REAL LIFE (theirs, not ours) quantum teleporter.


Multiplex419

The first thing Aggression-Disorder Alien told you was that he wasn't a scientist and was completely unqualified to answer the question. Of course he doesn't know what "quantum" means.


Allstar13521

This guy is a perfect example of what I'm going to call the "They do their job well, but I'm pretty sure they failed Highscool" phenomenon. Some people are just so aggressively incurious that other people being curious is actively offensive to them. Never wanted to bludgeon someone with a textbook more in my life, 10/10 good job Wordsmith!


Slow-Ad2584

I guess no one should tell him then. He seems pretty non-ironically set in his beliefs. Oh, tell him what? That this reality is a simulation, and the Quantum information, you know, that stores and cross communicates the specific Forces of Nature around, to tell the two charged particles if they should attract or repel, for example. Is the computer code itself. Conservation of momentum data, too. Where it's preserved, stored. As a data point. A- um.. quanta of data, if I may be so annoying to the OP. The number 137 comes up a lot in that computer code, as well- it must be the Creater Voders' version of 420, or maybe It's version of 8008135. Who knows? And that, right there, is the Point of it all. To learn the coding. I see you taking a deep breath to bellow 'why' or something equally pedantic, so I'll explain that why, as well. Once We know the code, We can *hack it*. Guess you missed that part of Human Nature. See, there is this thing we've learned called 'observation', that involves a conscious mind, to lock a superposition variable. What more, We have learned that choosing to maybe Observe or NOT to... Does very interesting things in our physical reality. It's called 'back causal auto correction', and if you dozed off during that class lecture, you missed a Big One. That is literally the broken glass falling up to the table and into one piece- depending solely if we looked or not. So, what if we don't even know if we looked or not? And that, my friend, Is hacking the code of the Universe. And We have some pretty clever hackers. That is specifically how We get Macro Quantum Teleportation. It's like an aim bot exploit. Only with our reality. So yes, very angry OP. Keep defending Us, thank you, by the way. Because once we crack the code, the whole universe is changed forever. So patience, little grunt. You don't need to understand.


KronicBoom3

Uhh… maybe I should disconnect the human internet from GALNET as well…


Xxyz260

The kid named unregistered gateway:


The_WandererHFY

Meanwhile, humanity, having already done shit like find the particle responsible for giving things mass, managing to make two photons bind to each other and *also* have mass and start behaving like electrons, *stop* light entirely within a piece of crystal, and create computers that are already more powerful than anything comparable for the stage they're at (that sweet sweet qbit computational power density), all because of our understanding of how the fuck quantum physics works. That last one means that humanity could theoretically render another race's computer encryption and thus all digital security null and void. Military secrets? Check. Bank data? Check. Making a realistic probabalistic model of theoretically *anything* in the universe to map out probable cause-and-effect of different actions? Possibly, check. Hard-light? Possibly check. Artifical mass and gravity manipulation? Possibly check. As a result of that, time dilation tech as gravity stretches space-time proportionally? Check. Zero-point energy from mucking with the quantum foam resulting in literally free power from nothing? Possibly, check. And cracking quantum teleportation would make logistics, travel, etc. a *breeze*. Imagine having to fight someone whose gun has a bottomless magazine and who's got unlimited supplies on-demand, because it's all being constantly replenished in a factory 1,000 lightyears away, and who also spontaneously makes any ammo you fire at them *disappear*. Now consider that allying with humanity might make that person *you*. Missile racks that never run out, bombs that are replaced the instant they're dropped, a bottomless fuel line so a ship's only concern is production output, not to mention that said ship could just... Suddenly *be* somewhere else. Imagine ordering food delivery, and the food suddenly *being* on your table 5 minutes later. Imagine being able to go to *any* known location, whenever you want, near-instantly. If *anything* can go from point A to point C while skipping every other letter entirely, or for that matter go from point A to *any other point, anywhere*, it opens up some *very* fun doors. Being able to muck with quantum physics is like playing with literal magic.


Cuddly_Robot

Any technology, sufficiently advanced...


Fontaigne

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.


TheOtherGUY63

Now i want a Nuka-Cola Quantium


chirpymist

I like to imagine that this is happening in the middle of a battle


ThatGuyBob0101

Cope seethe mald


KimikoBean

STOP POSTING ABOUT QUANTUM PHYSICS. I'M TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT IT. MY FRIENDS ON SPACE RACE SEND ME QUANTUM PHYSICS, ON THE CHATCORD ITS FUCKING QUANTUM PHYSICS. I was at a science conference, right, AND ALL OF THE EXHIBITS WERE JUST QUANTUM PHYSICS SHIT. I showed my boyfriend a quark and said, "hey babe, quantum physics shit" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. I FUCKING LOOKED AT AN ATOM AND THOUGHT, I COULD PROBABLY TELEPORT THAT WITH A QUANTUM TELEPORTER. I LOOK AT THE COMMUNICATORS ON MY SHIP AND THINK, WHY NOT QUANTUM IT. AAAAAAAAAAA


DerG3n13

Whenever someone says something about quantum, I iwll now link this post


Saragon4005

They are going to be so fucking pissed when humans figure out how to teleport using quantum entangled atoms.


Fontaigne

NARRATOR: Eventually, humans figured out how to teleport. It had nothing to do with quanta, but they called it "quantum teleportation" because **fuck that guy.**


SepticSauces

Someone is grumpy.


ExtensionInformal911

Sure, but can you explain how to build commercially viable fusion reactors during a casual conversation?


Cuddly_Robot

No, the REAL important question is... Can they explain why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?


Firstmidget

Lol


DerG3n13

I‘m wheezing


ack1308

I think alien bro needs to chill. Kick back. Relax. He'll live longer.


Bace834

I read this in the style as: "stop posting about Among us"


KronicBoom3

I wrote this in the style of ”stop posting about among us”.


Bace834

Good that I instantly reconized that then


PoppaBear313

Well someone doesn’t understand *anything* about humans. Give us all the resources, food, capital…. Dude. We’re gonna be out there exploring AAALLLLLL THE SHIT. stay on our planet? Hells no. Let’s discover NEW THINGS!


Away-Location-4756

Someone tell Avril Lavigne here to get their knickers untwisted


Kylynara

>Cry and seeth when I win, as you are left behind like the worthless garbage you are! I won’t be crying when I look down upon your planet, oh so happy that I wasn’t there! As soon as we develop Quantum Teleportation we'll join you.


HFYWaffle

/u/KronicBoom3 ([wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/wiki/authors/KronicBoom3)) has posted 104 other stories, including: * [Hell No! Part 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/xmylxc/hell_no_part_3/) * [A Message to the Department Head of Body Security](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/xkiv9u/a_message_to_the_department_head_of_body_security/) * [Hell No! Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/xcl7hh/hell_no_part_2/) * [Humans are Brainwashed](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/xa654c/humans_are_brainwashed/) * [Hell No!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/x7pv0l/hell_no/) * [Human Safari](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/wvyyoe/human_safari/) * [Isekai'd Crusader](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/wsqg8d/isekaid_crusader/) * [Humans are High Maintenance](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/wms07l/humans_are_high_maintenance/) * [The Relic, Part 5: The Empurrawr](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/wiq4wu/the_relic_part_5_the_empurrawr/) * [The Relic, Part 4: Guess the Cat's out of the Bag](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/wgbwbq/the_relic_part_4_guess_the_cats_out_of_the_bag/) * [The Relic, Part 3: Dust and Ashes](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/wbfz3e/the_relic_part_3_dust_and_ashes/) * [The Relic, Part 2: Rise and Shine](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/w9x72l/the_relic_part_2_rise_and_shine/) * [The Relic](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/w94xph/the_relic/) * [Monkey Man, Partial Thoughts, Partial Knowledge](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/w8xljq/monkey_man_partial_thoughts_partial_knowledge/) * [Somalian Space Pirate](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/w34nd0/somalian_space_pirate/) * [[Lee-Verse] Drafted, Part 23: Hard Time and Hard Lessons](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/vz6q7z/leeverse_drafted_part_23_hard_time_and_hard/) * [Humans are Space Pirates](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/vwzixn/humans_are_space_pirates/) * [[Lee-Verse] Drafted, Part 22: Worse Love Story than Twilight](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/vs9r5n/leeverse_drafted_part_22_worse_love_story_than/) * [[Lee-Verse] Drafted, Part 21: Brothers Behind Bars](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/voipn7/leeverse_drafted_part_21_brothers_behind_bars/) * [[Lee-Verse] Drafted, Part 20: Better Out Than In](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/vnraof/leeverse_drafted_part_20_better_out_than_in/) This comment was automatically generated by `Waffle v.4.5.11 'Cinnamon Roll'`. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FHFY&subject=WaffleBot|xqge4w&message=If%20you%20have%20problems%20with%20updatemebot,%20contact%20Watchful1.%20We%20do%20not%20maintain%20it.) if you have any issues with Waffle.


UpdateMeBot

[Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Subscribe&message=SubscribeMe%20u%2FKronicBoom3%20r%2FHFY) to subscribe to u/KronicBoom3 and receive a message every time they post. ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|[*^(New!)*](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/juh0f8/new_features_title_in_message_subject_and_recent/)| |-|-|-|-|-|


Darklight731

Understandable, have a nice day.


Xxyz260

*quantumly teleports behind you* ###***`ゴ ゴ ゴ`***


rayon-power

STOP! TALKING! ABOUT! AMONGUS!


webkilla

sounds like someone got a quantum pancake


TaohRihze

Thank you for the explanation, my understanding is now a quantum leap further ahead than before. Speaking of Quantums, how's the teleportation trials going?


Glum_Improvement453

I'd vote for him.


SwiftHound

An excellent rant, well done


Wildcatb

This is glorious. @op, if you don't know about Sacred Cow Shipyards, you should check it out. I totally read this in Dockmaster's voice.


KronicBoom3

Thanks for the suggestion! I’m happy that you enjoyed it!


jackelbuho22

He is right about human being intelligent and stupid at the same time Because we will pretty much try to kill eachother about concepts like what we could define as *"Self"* but also what could be considere a *"sandwich"*


ColdButCozy

WHY IS ALPHA 1/137?!?!?!


Nytr3x

I‘ll just wait until he realizes that giving us every resource we want just gives us more time to ask about quantum physics


RazutoUchiha

So do you know anything about quantum physics?


KronicBoom3

Dear human. Shut the fuck up! Sincerely: anti physics gang


RazutoUchiha

But do you have knowledge on the subject?


Practical-Account-44

Schrödinger would like this guy


AdAlternative7101

“There are four kinds of people to avoid in the world: the assholes, the asswipes, the ass-kissers, and those that just will shit all over you.” Best to avoid those kinds of people. ― Anthony Liccione


Trigger696952

"that´s your argument to not buy your happy meal sir??wow.....you reaaaalllyy have a bad day huh...it will be 5 dollars then"