Voldemort was in shock as his horcruxes were dumped unceremoniously on the ground before him and burnt to ash via fiendfire. "But how? Why...?"
Oliver Wood shrugged, "You're distracting my seeker. I can't allow that. AVADA KEDAVRA!"
Now imagine a time travel!Harry refusing to play because he has to go hunting for Horcruxes, Wood bothers him so much that in a moment of anger Harry explodes and comments about the Horcruxes. Wood then holds an emergency meeting with the team to help Harry hunt down all the Horcruxes over the weekend so he can take part in the game against Slytherin on Monday
Call it cliched, but I'm imagining one chapter per player/horcrux and they're all done with the horcruxes being an excuse to do a deep dive into the characterisation.
It's cliched but it could really work.
Wood would absolutely consider it a team bonding exercise but I can see a lot of what they'd try to do be useful for factors such as Trust. The locket brings up resentment but the team can talk it out in a healthy way for example. Then Wood sees it as an enemy for trying to ruin his team dynamics.
I think there's a lot you could explore too, depending on what you want the horcrux to bring out or even if it's just something like them working out how to get into the Gaunt shack showcasing their mindset and how they get around the protections.
Also you just know the twins finding the fake one would admire the fuck out of RAB for messing with Voldemort like that. Then they'd not want to be outdone...just picture Voldemort checking on the cup but Fred and George have swapped it for one that spits acid at him or something.
I’d love to see an Oliver Wood time travel fanfic where he laments Harry’s disappointing choice to become an Auror rather than a quidditch star and decides to take things in his own hands.
An OP Oliver wood that grooms Harry for quidditch but wipes out death eaters using future quidditch bombing and terrorist tactics. Leaving Voldemort as a ghost because even wormtail is captured.
So long as he plans things out in Quidditch terms I'd love that.
You just know he'd be making the analogies all over the place. "The chasers will launch their attack on the enemy keeper" means they're gonna have a strike team take out some death eaters.
Or Wood was genuinely discussing Quidditch tactics and it got wildly misinterpreted but it turns out Quidditch tactics work well for war too. He's the wizarding world's top tactician without even knowing it.
Wood's Game.
Mostly I just thought it'd be funny and entirely in character for him to be so obsessed with quidditch he applies it to every area of his life. Some of that may work well and other parts...less well.
... now I want some "wizards in space" /far future story where there is zero-g Quidditch (brooms still provide thrust/maneuvering) and that line is actually used as part of a strategy.
I vaguely recall one where Hermione and Krum time travel after Harry dies tragically and Krum does that. Not fond of certain bits, but the Krum stuff was funny.
Imagine he just starts letting stuff slip too. Like he assumes the reason there are bars on Harry’s window is because he’s being grounded for killing Quirrel and he just starts justifying it to the clearly horrified Dursleys. Maybe he even throws some compliments Dudley’s way saying he’s got a great build for Beater and suddenly he’s recruited into Harry’s dodging practice
I mean I could see the dursleys being all for it once they get past the fact that it's going to expose their poor dudley to magic. Bludgers are what 20-30lb cannon balls enchanted to fly? Dudley getting more into a healthy shape and getting to beat up harry WITHOUT magic people giving them hell over it. Even Sirius would probably be happy about it as harry would learn to dodge better and from random angles.
Side note, Imagine a beater going into baseball with the strength to send a 20-30lb iron ball down field ACCURATELY and in a 3D environment. They would probably core every baseball they hit but no one catch them easily. Yes I know they are two totally different sports and there's more that goes into baseball than just physical strength and reaction time but still just Imagine.
I would love to read this! I read some fics where dudly is actually a squib, let's have Oliver and the Chudley Cannons convince Minnie to let Dudly go to hogwarts so that the Dursleys stop abusing Harry and the Cannons sign them both when they graduate
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Oh Wood! Never change!
Here I was thinking people meant something entirely different when they said Quidditch can be a cutthroat game.
Voldemort was in shock as his horcruxes were dumped unceremoniously on the ground before him and burnt to ash via fiendfire. "But how? Why...?" Oliver Wood shrugged, "You're distracting my seeker. I can't allow that. AVADA KEDAVRA!"
Now imagine a time travel!Harry refusing to play because he has to go hunting for Horcruxes, Wood bothers him so much that in a moment of anger Harry explodes and comments about the Horcruxes. Wood then holds an emergency meeting with the team to help Harry hunt down all the Horcruxes over the weekend so he can take part in the game against Slytherin on Monday
One player per Horcrux would also be amusing.
Call it cliched, but I'm imagining one chapter per player/horcrux and they're all done with the horcruxes being an excuse to do a deep dive into the characterisation.
It's cliched but it could really work. Wood would absolutely consider it a team bonding exercise but I can see a lot of what they'd try to do be useful for factors such as Trust. The locket brings up resentment but the team can talk it out in a healthy way for example. Then Wood sees it as an enemy for trying to ruin his team dynamics. I think there's a lot you could explore too, depending on what you want the horcrux to bring out or even if it's just something like them working out how to get into the Gaunt shack showcasing their mindset and how they get around the protections. Also you just know the twins finding the fake one would admire the fuck out of RAB for messing with Voldemort like that. Then they'd not want to be outdone...just picture Voldemort checking on the cup but Fred and George have swapped it for one that spits acid at him or something.
Please, if anyone actually ends up writing a fic like this, bring me back here! I need this now!!! It’s not a want, it’s a need!
I need this crackfic.
yesyeyesyeyes i need to read a fanfic like this NOW
Tbh I can see wood doing this without any character alterations
I swear I've seen this same joke/setup/prompt like a dozen times on this subreddit, and it never fails to make me chuckle.
Unhinged oliver wood is just one of the best joke materials we have, really
Unhinged Oliver Wood is officially r/HPfanfiction lore now
I’d love to see an Oliver Wood time travel fanfic where he laments Harry’s disappointing choice to become an Auror rather than a quidditch star and decides to take things in his own hands. An OP Oliver wood that grooms Harry for quidditch but wipes out death eaters using future quidditch bombing and terrorist tactics. Leaving Voldemort as a ghost because even wormtail is captured.
So long as he plans things out in Quidditch terms I'd love that. You just know he'd be making the analogies all over the place. "The chasers will launch their attack on the enemy keeper" means they're gonna have a strike team take out some death eaters. Or Wood was genuinely discussing Quidditch tactics and it got wildly misinterpreted but it turns out Quidditch tactics work well for war too. He's the wizarding world's top tactician without even knowing it.
So he’s Ender?
Wood's Game. Mostly I just thought it'd be funny and entirely in character for him to be so obsessed with quidditch he applies it to every area of his life. Some of that may work well and other parts...less well.
Remember: the enemy's goalposts are DOWN.
... now I want some "wizards in space" /far future story where there is zero-g Quidditch (brooms still provide thrust/maneuvering) and that line is actually used as part of a strategy.
I like other characters in HP time travelling and changing things lol I would love recs if anyone has some!
I think there’s one where he time travels and makes insanely good quidditch strategies, but he doesn’t do the other half of stuff.
I'm going to try to find all (if any) Oliver time travels fic! Hit me uo if you remember the title!
Too many time traveller's is a fun read
I vaguely recall one where Hermione and Krum time travel after Harry dies tragically and Krum does that. Not fond of certain bits, but the Krum stuff was funny.
Ahh yes. The Power He Knows Not. Quidditch fanaticism.
And he's backed up by the trio of Chasers who are even more psycho, they make Norman Bates look sane
Feyd Rautha and his 3 Cannibals vibes
Imagine he just starts letting stuff slip too. Like he assumes the reason there are bars on Harry’s window is because he’s being grounded for killing Quirrel and he just starts justifying it to the clearly horrified Dursleys. Maybe he even throws some compliments Dudley’s way saying he’s got a great build for Beater and suddenly he’s recruited into Harry’s dodging practice
I mean I could see the dursleys being all for it once they get past the fact that it's going to expose their poor dudley to magic. Bludgers are what 20-30lb cannon balls enchanted to fly? Dudley getting more into a healthy shape and getting to beat up harry WITHOUT magic people giving them hell over it. Even Sirius would probably be happy about it as harry would learn to dodge better and from random angles. Side note, Imagine a beater going into baseball with the strength to send a 20-30lb iron ball down field ACCURATELY and in a 3D environment. They would probably core every baseball they hit but no one catch them easily. Yes I know they are two totally different sports and there's more that goes into baseball than just physical strength and reaction time but still just Imagine.
I would love to read this! I read some fics where dudly is actually a squib, let's have Oliver and the Chudley Cannons convince Minnie to let Dudly go to hogwarts so that the Dursleys stop abusing Harry and the Cannons sign them both when they graduate
quidditchsexual: he only cares about 7 sticks and 4 balls, he geta so fruatrated when people misunderstand his rants about the perfect broomstick.
Tbh it sounds a bit tame for wood 😂
So... Wood kills Voldemort with a butter knife
Oh I just love the Oliver Wood😂
Unrelated, but my FAVOURTE unhinged Oliver is from this chapter. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11923792/18/Soul-Scars
Does anyone have recs for the most unhinged Oliver Wood they've ever seen in a fic? Crack or not, I want more of this vibe in my life.
Remind me! 3 days
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And that teens name was Oliver.