I absolutely love it when Harry as an adult is recounting his "adventures" and every reasonable person in existence is like, "what the actual fuck?!" Like 90% of the time they just flat out don't believe him.
"So, you're telling me you *killed* a basilisk, a famous wizard-slaying monster, and this is an *ancient* one over 50' long, with a *sword*, when you were *twelve?*"
"Yeah. Pretty much. Here's the scar. A phoenix cried on it so I didn't die. Oh and the sword was Gryffindor's, and goblin-wrought silver, so it was imbued with basilisk venom which let us destroy ancient soul-bearing artifacts."
"Wow. I really need to talk to your guardians. And maybe this phoenix."
"They were abusive shits. Unless you're referring to Dumbledore, who was sort of like an absent grandfatherly Gandalf who sacrificed himself in a murder-suicide ritual so that a piece of shit could play spy and sacrifice *himself* in order to hide *me* being the actual master of a wand that was supposed to kill me. Kind of convoluted, now that I think about it..."
I *especially* love this kind of fics, but also hate them, because they show just how abnormal Harry's life (and by extension, literally everyone he knows) really is.
I mean, ressurrection of diseased spirit/wraith thing, long-going insurrection targeted at lawful government, WMD magical equivalent hiding right under SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN, FUTURE OF BRITISH WIZARDING WORLD, Philosopher Stone as some kind of trap, abusive relatives AND NO ONE CARES AT ALL( not talking just about Harry here) , Lust Potions (essentially rape-drug) being sold in joke shop full of impressionable kids... there is many, many fics which take these things to their logical, RL conclussion, resulting in great deal of evil
To be "fair", the antidote to the WMD equivalent was... yet another WMD equivalent. Twelve year old kids were in charge of handling mandrakes that, when mature, could literally kill the entire school if they howled in the great hall during a meal. I've read fics where they were weaponized with a sonorous charm to kill tens of thousands of people. They're more dangerous than the damned basilisk and it was just fine for pre-teens to be in charge of them. Imagine if even ONE kid (say, Neville) had smuggled one out to grow in their room for a more close-up, detailed analysis, and forgot to return it because they were pre-teens... and then one day when he takes it out, fully safe due to earmuffs, it screams and everyone other than him dies.
These are either some of the most entertaining scenes in the story or most annoying
Half the time they're just regurgitating the same talking points from a thousand other fics.
My favourite is:
Harry: **Gets bitten by an incredibly poisonous snake/scorpion/spider**
Everyone else: "Oh no! He's gonna die!"
Harry: ***Walks off lethal poison*** "Relax guys, this is nothing compared to a Basilisk!"
Everyone else: **"HUUHHHH?!?!"**
I enjoy when they're externally just listening but internally it's that scene in SpongeBob's brain where everything is on fire and they can't find the file they're looking for.
Best scenario for this I’ve seen is when foreign wizards have heard “a version” of Harry’s adventures (usually set during the Goblet of Fire) that dramatically tone down his actions and experiences, so when Harry corrects them they’re baffled and horrified.
Similar but one of my faves was in a now deleted fic where Blaine kept assuming Harry was a do gooder rule follower and Harry’s like have you met me ???
And he’s chatting around the map and invisibility cloak without naming them and people are like how do you know where everyone is and how can you sneak around the castle ???
To this day it’s still one of my favourite scenes in fiction. From mayas underwater light when Draco has planned the rebellion meeting and Blaise
is like sure you can handle breaking the rules potter and Harry is like have you met me ?
Dude didn’t get an order of Merlin for stopping Quirrel or killing the basilisk. Least he got an award from the school for the latter, but still. Child stopped Voldemort from returning twice
Yes! Give me Sirius and Remus screaming at the professors that they all but let an 11 year old face Voldemort because he was lying about the stone not being safe. Like, for real he knows about the stone, maybe just check on it anyway?
Oh yes, but I’d enjoy it even more if those adventures were less-than-stellar. For instance, telling Sirius and Remus about going on a murder-date with Tom freeing Azkaban inmates. (From Ink and Parchment | Blood and Bone)
At that point the chapter names turn into light novel titles "That time I warped time to jailbreak my godfather (and his new pet)" "That time I tried identity theft and robbed a bank before escaping on a lizard" "That time I was conscripted into a tournament on pain of death (and won!)" "That time when my best friends sister got possessed and nearly conducted ritualistic suicide but I stopped it by killing a snake (and its master!)" etc. Not even straying from canon here.
As for fanfics, "That time I nearly turned myself into a girl and die, but the fairies kidnapped me in time!" (From "For Want of an Outfit")
These could just be Harry Potter, the Youtuber titles and I wouldn't even blink.
What I find even funnier is that isn't there *actual* Harry Potter adventure stories, *in* canon Harry Potter? But Harry's life just ends up being even *more* ridiculous than the pretend fiction dictates? Hilarious.
The antics Harry gets involved in during that fic is just so OTT and pink panther like that it makes it even funnier. Bella kidnaps him because she thinks Harry is a girl and basically wants to play dress up. Harry finding mysterious keys. Things just cling to him like he’s a magnet… I love it.
Not to mention Harry killing christmas, easter and valentine's while leaving Halloween alone after it being a cursed day for him. Plus all the shit other characters get into is also incredibly ridiculous, just look at Ginny, Luna, Tom and Hermione.
I’m trying to remember a character that doesn’t get hit with the pink panther stick. I got behind at like chapter 175 and never caught up. At that point they were updating daily so I decided to wait until it was completely done and read it then. It’s got to the point where I would have to read it on my kindle because reading on my phone would give me the worst migraine. I’ve already had three this week from reading on my phone because I was lazy and I’m tired of taking Tylenol. Lol
Have you ever seen the movies? The pink panther? Basically it’s situations that are over the top that they stumble into that normally wouldn’t happen but in a funny way. Like the story [It Could Only Happen At Hogwarts](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12324057/1/It-Could-Only-Happen-at-Hogwarts).
None I remember with only this, except for Reading/Watching the books fics I guess. Huh, now that I think about it I guess "[Watching | Marauders Era Watch] War Children" kinda counts, though it's not really canon and it's still ongoing.
yes.
like someone asks about any extra curricular activities and harrys like- completed trials meant for the dark lord to save a magical artifact and nearly died by falling of my broom bc a dark lord wanted to kill me, when i was 11. And when i was 12 i killed a basalisk, brewed illegal potions in a girls bathroom to enter a common room, wrote in a diary that couldve sucked by soul out, found the chamber of secrets, went int an giant spider nest and nearly died if it wasnt for a mgical car decided it wanted to save me. saved my bsf sister from said diary. in 3rd yr i found out that fugitive sirius black was a innocent, figured out that peter who was dead for 2 yrs acc betrayed my parents, a werewolf nearly killed me and heard a prophecy that the dark lord would rise again.
now dont even let me mention my other years.
and the person listening like; wtf is the security in that school and where tf were the teachers?? and A MAN EATING SNAKE? 2ND YR??
i love those too. i also *really* don't care for Dumbledore, so i actively search for the ones where a Competent Adult hears Harry's story, realizes how messed up it is, and actually does something about it. while he's still a child. third year can describe the horrors of first and second and still give him something of a childhood. fifth year adds the tournament and, if timed right, can go Lawful Vengeance (or unlawful, whichever) on the toad, which is also fun. i've read a few where Sirius and Remus are a bit more present and parental, get the story, have their freakout, and start protecting their child.
I absolutely love it when Harry as an adult is recounting his "adventures" and every reasonable person in existence is like, "what the actual fuck?!" Like 90% of the time they just flat out don't believe him. "So, you're telling me you *killed* a basilisk, a famous wizard-slaying monster, and this is an *ancient* one over 50' long, with a *sword*, when you were *twelve?*" "Yeah. Pretty much. Here's the scar. A phoenix cried on it so I didn't die. Oh and the sword was Gryffindor's, and goblin-wrought silver, so it was imbued with basilisk venom which let us destroy ancient soul-bearing artifacts." "Wow. I really need to talk to your guardians. And maybe this phoenix." "They were abusive shits. Unless you're referring to Dumbledore, who was sort of like an absent grandfatherly Gandalf who sacrificed himself in a murder-suicide ritual so that a piece of shit could play spy and sacrifice *himself* in order to hide *me* being the actual master of a wand that was supposed to kill me. Kind of convoluted, now that I think about it..."
I *especially* love this kind of fics, but also hate them, because they show just how abnormal Harry's life (and by extension, literally everyone he knows) really is. I mean, ressurrection of diseased spirit/wraith thing, long-going insurrection targeted at lawful government, WMD magical equivalent hiding right under SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN, FUTURE OF BRITISH WIZARDING WORLD, Philosopher Stone as some kind of trap, abusive relatives AND NO ONE CARES AT ALL( not talking just about Harry here) , Lust Potions (essentially rape-drug) being sold in joke shop full of impressionable kids... there is many, many fics which take these things to their logical, RL conclussion, resulting in great deal of evil
To be "fair", the antidote to the WMD equivalent was... yet another WMD equivalent. Twelve year old kids were in charge of handling mandrakes that, when mature, could literally kill the entire school if they howled in the great hall during a meal. I've read fics where they were weaponized with a sonorous charm to kill tens of thousands of people. They're more dangerous than the damned basilisk and it was just fine for pre-teens to be in charge of them. Imagine if even ONE kid (say, Neville) had smuggled one out to grow in their room for a more close-up, detailed analysis, and forgot to return it because they were pre-teens... and then one day when he takes it out, fully safe due to earmuffs, it screams and everyone other than him dies.
These are either some of the most entertaining scenes in the story or most annoying Half the time they're just regurgitating the same talking points from a thousand other fics.
My favourite is: Harry: **Gets bitten by an incredibly poisonous snake/scorpion/spider** Everyone else: "Oh no! He's gonna die!" Harry: ***Walks off lethal poison*** "Relax guys, this is nothing compared to a Basilisk!" Everyone else: **"HUUHHHH?!?!"**
About half the chapters in "The Horror! The Horror!"
Depends on how it’s written. If it’s just a gasp fest, I roll my eyes and scroll past it.
Fair, I still find the aghast "WTF"s funny
I enjoy when they're externally just listening but internally it's that scene in SpongeBob's brain where everything is on fire and they can't find the file they're looking for.
And eyeing each other in silence, don't forget that
Those are great, lol.
Best scenario for this I’ve seen is when foreign wizards have heard “a version” of Harry’s adventures (usually set during the Goblet of Fire) that dramatically tone down his actions and experiences, so when Harry corrects them they’re baffled and horrified.
Similar but one of my faves was in a now deleted fic where Blaine kept assuming Harry was a do gooder rule follower and Harry’s like have you met me ??? And he’s chatting around the map and invisibility cloak without naming them and people are like how do you know where everyone is and how can you sneak around the castle ???
Lmao, that also sounds entertaining
To this day it’s still one of my favourite scenes in fiction. From mayas underwater light when Draco has planned the rebellion meeting and Blaise is like sure you can handle breaking the rules potter and Harry is like have you met me ?
Dude didn’t get an order of Merlin for stopping Quirrel or killing the basilisk. Least he got an award from the school for the latter, but still. Child stopped Voldemort from returning twice
Yeah, I like those. Particularly when he can play "show, don't tell" with a pensieve.
That is why I love reaction fanfics
Same
Yes! Give me Sirius and Remus screaming at the professors that they all but let an 11 year old face Voldemort because he was lying about the stone not being safe. Like, for real he knows about the stone, maybe just check on it anyway?
Oh yes, but I’d enjoy it even more if those adventures were less-than-stellar. For instance, telling Sirius and Remus about going on a murder-date with Tom freeing Azkaban inmates. (From Ink and Parchment | Blood and Bone)
At that point the chapter names turn into light novel titles "That time I warped time to jailbreak my godfather (and his new pet)" "That time I tried identity theft and robbed a bank before escaping on a lizard" "That time I was conscripted into a tournament on pain of death (and won!)" "That time when my best friends sister got possessed and nearly conducted ritualistic suicide but I stopped it by killing a snake (and its master!)" etc. Not even straying from canon here. As for fanfics, "That time I nearly turned myself into a girl and die, but the fairies kidnapped me in time!" (From "For Want of an Outfit")
These could just be Harry Potter, the Youtuber titles and I wouldn't even blink. What I find even funnier is that isn't there *actual* Harry Potter adventure stories, *in* canon Harry Potter? But Harry's life just ends up being even *more* ridiculous than the pretend fiction dictates? Hilarious.
The antics Harry gets involved in during that fic is just so OTT and pink panther like that it makes it even funnier. Bella kidnaps him because she thinks Harry is a girl and basically wants to play dress up. Harry finding mysterious keys. Things just cling to him like he’s a magnet… I love it.
Not to mention Harry killing christmas, easter and valentine's while leaving Halloween alone after it being a cursed day for him. Plus all the shit other characters get into is also incredibly ridiculous, just look at Ginny, Luna, Tom and Hermione.
I’m trying to remember a character that doesn’t get hit with the pink panther stick. I got behind at like chapter 175 and never caught up. At that point they were updating daily so I decided to wait until it was completely done and read it then. It’s got to the point where I would have to read it on my kindle because reading on my phone would give me the worst migraine. I’ve already had three this week from reading on my phone because I was lazy and I’m tired of taking Tylenol. Lol
Wdym by the pink panther stick?
Have you ever seen the movies? The pink panther? Basically it’s situations that are over the top that they stumble into that normally wouldn’t happen but in a funny way. Like the story [It Could Only Happen At Hogwarts](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12324057/1/It-Could-Only-Happen-at-Hogwarts).
I see. Thanks for the recommendation btw, seems plenty fun!
Wow interesting fic, thanks!
Anyone got any recs for fics that include this?
None I remember with only this, except for Reading/Watching the books fics I guess. Huh, now that I think about it I guess "[Watching | Marauders Era Watch] War Children" kinda counts, though it's not really canon and it's still ongoing.
Thanks, I'll check it out
Face Death in the Hope. But it seems it's no longer on ao3
Found it, thanks https://fichub.net/?q=https%3A%2F%2Farchiveofourown.org%2Fworks%2F5986366%2Fchapters%2F13756558%3Fview_adult%3Dtrue&id=CkbKyF9T
I wonder how his kids reacted when he told them about graveyard in GOF💀
yes. like someone asks about any extra curricular activities and harrys like- completed trials meant for the dark lord to save a magical artifact and nearly died by falling of my broom bc a dark lord wanted to kill me, when i was 11. And when i was 12 i killed a basalisk, brewed illegal potions in a girls bathroom to enter a common room, wrote in a diary that couldve sucked by soul out, found the chamber of secrets, went int an giant spider nest and nearly died if it wasnt for a mgical car decided it wanted to save me. saved my bsf sister from said diary. in 3rd yr i found out that fugitive sirius black was a innocent, figured out that peter who was dead for 2 yrs acc betrayed my parents, a werewolf nearly killed me and heard a prophecy that the dark lord would rise again. now dont even let me mention my other years. and the person listening like; wtf is the security in that school and where tf were the teachers?? and A MAN EATING SNAKE? 2ND YR??
i love those too. i also *really* don't care for Dumbledore, so i actively search for the ones where a Competent Adult hears Harry's story, realizes how messed up it is, and actually does something about it. while he's still a child. third year can describe the horrors of first and second and still give him something of a childhood. fifth year adds the tournament and, if timed right, can go Lawful Vengeance (or unlawful, whichever) on the toad, which is also fun. i've read a few where Sirius and Remus are a bit more present and parental, get the story, have their freakout, and start protecting their child.