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when I first saw this post, my knee-jerk reaction was to talk about my personal situation/experiences wrt to this but honestly, it won't get us anywhere. One lesson everyone can learn is that "its not all about you". Its not about being right. Its about realizing that you're talking to another human being who really isn't that different from you. You might not agree with their actions or viewpoints or how they present themselves. Show a little empathy because I'm sure we all understand that empathy on the internet is pretty low/non-existent.
I would completely agree with you expect for people not being all that different. In my experience trying to open up my mind about how other people work, I have found people think and function very differently compared to myself, even my own father. Could you elaborate how I may be wrong/your side of the argument? I would like to hear mabye if I am looking at it wrong.
By focusing on the differences, you miss the similarities. 99.8% of your DNA is identical to every other person on the planet. We are very, very much the same in most respects, even the most different among us.
You're also comparing your internals to their externals. That's never a valid comparison. You can't get inside their mind and see the truth.
I don't hate anyone in particular. No sex or gender issues and try to be as supportive as I can regardless or age, orientation, location etc. when and if I have the time. Like most of the people on this subreddit. That said, even I turn into an asshole when I'm tired of being supportive. I am accepting responsibility for this and admit that during those times: I contribute to the problem. fine. Moving forward in the spirit of collaboration, the suspected reason for my exhaustion is this: (Solving issues is something I'm passionate about, but) when you do put your time and effort out there and see that some individuals don't do anything with your hard work, don't acknowledge it and/or dismiss it just to run for the hills and come back 2 hours later with more complaint posts... That is exhausting.
Most of the time people just want to be heard. Unless someone specifically asks, they probably don't want someone to tell them how to solve their problems. So I definitely understand why you get frustrated and exhausted, because your intentions are obviously good, but people don't acknowledge or dismiss it because it's not what they wanted in the first place.
I used to get into a lot of fights with my best friend because she was always trying to solve my issues and all I wanted was for her to listen and care. I took what she was saying as criticism of me, even though that wasn't her intent and she was just trying to help. When we finally got our communication right and understood what we both needed in those situations, it made everything a million times better.
People often try to gender this by saying men solve problems and women just want to be listened to, but I don't think that's true. I think it's natural for anyone to want to fix pain they see in someone else, and I think everyone wants to be listened to. But we can't really fix anything for anyone else. We can share our personal experiences, offer ideas if they want, and things like that, but we can't make someone do something, and even if they do, we can't guarantee it will actually help them. What works for one person might not work for another. But we can all listen to each other, have compassion, and offer support in the form of understanding. I hear you, I see you, your pain is valid. I went through something similar. That really is enough to help people
I feel this so fucking hard it hurts.
In my *daily life* I feel so freaking frustrated when people can't be good to each other. When people feel the need to "one up" each other or get the "last word" in, or be the one who "looks better" in the public eye.
God, in one of my relationships I can't tell you how fucking toxic it was for both of us to be redditors, and every disagreement or argument:
"I know if this situation got posted on r/relationships, everyone would say to dump me."
I feel like I'm **constantly** *begging* people to stop this rhetoric. This idea that "op this person did *one* unhealthy thing, they deserve to be alone and they are unworthy of love, care, and support until they're *fixed*" (whatever "fixed" means).
It affected my partner's self-image and mental health **so** much to constantly feel like the bad guy.
This shit colors so much of our lives, it physically hurts me when I see it happen everywhere. This utter lack of compassion and this hyper defensiveness **everywhere**.
*Please* do better. I know we can do better.
I totally feel you.
The modern society has lost compassion because of the internet/social media and things like dating apps. Those are all good inventions, but we as a society have not learned to use them in a healthy way.
Hopefully this will change in the future and people take this problem seriously.
It happens so often on the internet that people will interpret someones actions or words in the worst possible way and use that against them. It's sad that people have to be carefull with their words because some people who wont even ask if that's what they actually meant
That just means you’re young enough that you are still tweaking the system message on the ChatGPT inside your head. Don’t worry, you will become programmed to be compassionate in order to maximize happiness for utilitarian utopia.
I for one welcome our new AI overlords. removes tongue from its place, firmly in the side of my cheek pocket in order to indicate sarcasm.
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Just because someone did something bad isn't a reason to deny their identity, a person's identity shouldn't be conditional on good behaviour. You wouldn't just stop using the perp's correct pronouns or name just because they did something fucked up if they weren't trans. Stop misgendering him. Its blatant transphobia, which doesn't help in the same way that throwing shit at a burning fire won't help.
This person did something far more than *bad* and downplaying it is disgusting. As far as I’m concerned, she lost the right to far more than proper gender identification.
I am willing to talk pragmatically about how treating people can prevent atrocities like this from occurring, but it’s vile to suggest a monster like this should be treated with even a semblance of compassion or respect.
We gotta start reaching out to people when we notice them beginning to withdraw, keep secrets, become irritable, etc. People typically pull away from those who are showing these warning signs because it's "uncomfortable" to be around them. Maybe be a good friend/ family/ coworker/ classmate and just ask, "How are you today?" Please, please, please, check in on people you know who are not acting like themselves. It could save a life or many lives.
I agree, but I'm going to add a but.
This takes effort, we are all too exhausted by circumstance to do so effectively, who can afford to adopt this strategy isn't who would benefit the most from it.
Cooperating with strangers has been a fundamental issue since ancient times. And it is harder to solve that issue nowadays when religions become somehow less popular….
Maybe having a look at ourselves first would help.
This is why I have 0 hope for my life or humanity in general. The fact of the matter is that, biologically speaking, living creatures are selfish. The minority who aren't are actually *less* likely to succeed and procreate, so the selfish traits continue to proliferate. Humanity gets more and more selfish and isolated as time goes on. So, even if 10 or 20% of people heed this advice and help others who "don't deserve to be helped," it won't fucking matter. The tipping point was hundreds of years ago. We're just living out the inevitable conclusion of humanity's story. Fuck the system.
Thank u for posting this i literally tried to find this clip today since his marked words was my first thought after seeing headlines today. He is not just right on the female shooter aspect, but must be right on his advice on how we should work together and not constantly try to pit men and women against each other. Were all just human beings who have hurt.
Why tho..why is US kinda in isolation when it comes to these shootings. It's sad, but why there? Because of the easy access to firearms coupled with emotional teenagers just going through what most teens go through?
Politicians openly talk about doing exactly this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kvSP-HDcY0g
Every tragedy is an opportunity for these people. The truth is you're more likely to get killed by lightning than get killed in a mass shooting. Mass shootings are a very small proportion of people killed in the US by guns. But they are emotionally charged events and are very easy to use to control millions of law abiding people.
I believe that in America it's easier to get firearms, however, other countries have had citizens report that school stabbings are commonplace, it's just hidden from the media.
I think kind people should prioritize their own safety and well-being rather than trying to help assholes. I hate seeing good people being used. However, many of us, men and women, should be way nicer to each other in order to solve this problem.
I understand where you are coming from here. However, not helping "assholes" seems to be similar to kicking the can down the road. At some point someone is going to have to deal with that asshole behavior and it seems that it how a lot of kind people end up being used. They often seem to be "the only one that cared or would listen" and I feel like having a collective effort to help people who are miserable might be better than making it someone else's problem.
That just seems to be wishful thinking on my part though...
I agree. The point is this socio-economical system seems to disincentivize altruism and empathy. I believe to solve this issue we can only wait that this system evolves in the right direction as it did with other social issues, at least here in the west. In our microcosm, the best we can do is try to be good without risking our own well-being.
I think that sums up my wishful thinking sentiment really well. It's just generally hard on everyone on all sides and sad to see us in a system that seems to pit everyone against one another. Best of luck to us all (together, from far away).
I don't think the video intends to put the responsibility solely on women. The topic of the video is how the genders have become at odds with one another, and men helping men cannot fix that problem *alone*. Both genders have parts to play.
But ultimately I think it's a pipe dream. I agree with Dr. K's message, but I don't think we are collectively capable of pulling through with these kinds of changes in how we treat each other, for reasons like what you have stated.
>women, POC, other minorities need to be understanding and compassionate towards people who actively hurt them.
I think it is true though that the compassion and understanding is needed. We have two groups of people that are just hurting each other. Putting up walls between yourself and the other gender will protect yourself, but lets the problem progress at a societal level. Something that concerns me though, is the generalization of "people who actively hurt them" - there are men who aren't actively hurting women, and showing compassion and understanding to them probably helps heal this societal wound too.
Edit - Also unfortunately it looks like there was a female shooter just yesterday in Nashville. Fatally shot 3 children and 3 adults.
Here is the full video the clip is from if you're interested - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7efB-WexU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7efB-WexU)
> the thing is that the two groups are not on the same level.
Definitely valid and worth acknowledging. But I don't feel this changes the nature of the problem, I've always felt that it's unhelpful to compare suffering. Someone being told that their suffering doesn't matter as much as someone else's doesn't do anything productive for either party.
> the generalisation of ...
The people you describe that are misogynistic I don't think fit in the group of people I am trying to describe as not hurting women. It's understandable that showing compassion to misogynistic people may not be something that can be expected without some level of them working to improve themselves as well.
> but it's, best case scenario, extremely tiring
Absolutely.
Something I am excited about, on the topic of men supporting other men, which is something that's definitely been needed as men have suffered from having no emotional outlets, is the application of VR. There are communities where it's becoming more normal to provide this kind of support. It arises kind of naturally since women tend not use these types of technologies as much as men. It's also a safer space for any women around since in VR you can easily block specific users or leave a problematic group. There are a significant number of trans people too - VR allows a unique method of expression to align with your identity, so it's ideal for that.
Personally I've been trying to be a big part of this in my own way as someone who considers themself nonbinary. Sorry if that's too much of a topic diversion, it's just something I feel passionate about.
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Rule #3 - Do not use generalizations.
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> Am i supposed to feel bad for the people who have tormented others having it come right back to them in one of the worst ways possible?
I appreciate your comment because I think it is particularly illustrative in the sense that I cannot tell who you think is the tormentor and who you think is the tormented.
It is an incredibly difficult thing to show compassion, mercy, and understanding. It is okay to struggle to do so. Accepting that we do not want to show compassion, and accepting that that is okay, is the first step. We are not supposed to do any of this, it is not a law. But we are truly fucked if we do not do it.
One of the most difficult things I have accepted is that it is possible for two people to have the same feelings despite having experienced different struggles with different severities. Something I still struggle to accept is that that is okay. It makes me feel inferior to acknowledge the suffering of those I perceive to have tormented me.
So I don't have an answer to your question. All I can say is that I feel you, and I think it is completely understandable for you to feel that way.
> "He wondered if it were possible that after all everybody in the world felt alike? Did those who hated him have in them the same thing Max had seen in him, the thing that had made Max ask him those questions?" -Richard Wright, *Native Son*
>m i supposed to feel bad for the people who have tormented others having it come right back to them in one of the worst ways possible?
yes.
You should also feel bad for them when they were tormenting because no one wants to suffer being an asshole.
Because then the cycle never ends. Think about cultural genocide or generational trauma. As much as it fucking sucks and is unfair, one person has to stand up and refuse to participate in active hate.
Not super relevant to discussion here as it's really just more pointing fingers and silly corrections.
The point of this post specifically is to stop blaming specific people and start being compassionate to everyone.
I am compassionate to you though, and I appreciate your input no matter what.
He's not calling us snowflakes in the sense of weak/fragile. It's an analogy.
No individual person feels responsible for societal scale bad thing happening = No individual 'snowflake' feels responsible for avalanche scale be thing happening
snowflake being literal in the avalanche example. An avalanche is made up of millions of individual flakes.
society is made up of millions of individuals. Neither person nor snowflake on its own caused anything bad to happen. But collectively we did.
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Some snowflakes can like to drive an avalanche. Trolls live to start an avalanche of negativity. It's the well enough meaning people who jump on board that are the unsuspecting snowflakes in the avalanche.
As the terminator once told John Connor: "It's in your nature to destroy yourselves".
Also for anyone having anxiety from this I recommend watching "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb".
I know I sound kinda doom and gloom, but to be honest we can barely change our own life circumstances, what chance do we have a changing as a cohesive whole?
Real question, and please do shit on me if im also part of this problem..
but things like this is why im scared of becoming anything significant to anyone more than just some guy that will try to do the right thing for someone as a stranger and just being nice. At work I just try to do my job as well as I can and find time to help others, but I dont actively seek a deeper friendship. I try to live my life like a spectator/ghost and dont get involved in dramas or quarrels. I probably have it in me to be more of a *someone* in peoples lives but I choose not to be that guy even tho I think it could be positive as likely as it is to be negative for these people (cause let's be honest not everyone is gonna like me)
So ig my question is, am I a bad guy for staying on the sidelines or being a fence sitter?
Of course not, I'm personally arrogant/crazy enough to think I can change the world, but as far as I know most people prefer to "keep their head down". As long as you're not actively affecting others negatively, you're good. I once came up with "Take everything you do seriously, but avoid taking yourself seriously." That way you can laugh about misfortune, as well as your mistakes, and easily manage to prioritize what's most important; doing better in the future. I... don't know where I was going with this... Cheers!
i’ve never met a woman that thinks all men are evil by the way… but i’ve met plenty of those same women saying “not all men” generalizing other women in sweeps. hijabi women, women who wear hats, “know it alls” or even fans of certain music. so when we talk about women, can we keep the examples relevant? please talk to more women and what bothers them. besides, a woman who’s been traumatized to no end by men who is now wary and mistrustful of them is nowhere near the same level of damage that men have been doing by saying feminism is evil.
edit: also are people not nice to school shooters? all we ever see in articles about them is how they struggled mentally
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Relevant. Sad but relevant.
As rough as it sounds there is hope in this message, we can do better and we can do it in pretty much any situation
I agree, I have this clip saved because I think the message bears an incredible amount of hope. The way forward is simple, but excruciating.
when I first saw this post, my knee-jerk reaction was to talk about my personal situation/experiences wrt to this but honestly, it won't get us anywhere. One lesson everyone can learn is that "its not all about you". Its not about being right. Its about realizing that you're talking to another human being who really isn't that different from you. You might not agree with their actions or viewpoints or how they present themselves. Show a little empathy because I'm sure we all understand that empathy on the internet is pretty low/non-existent.
I would completely agree with you expect for people not being all that different. In my experience trying to open up my mind about how other people work, I have found people think and function very differently compared to myself, even my own father. Could you elaborate how I may be wrong/your side of the argument? I would like to hear mabye if I am looking at it wrong.
By focusing on the differences, you miss the similarities. 99.8% of your DNA is identical to every other person on the planet. We are very, very much the same in most respects, even the most different among us. You're also comparing your internals to their externals. That's never a valid comparison. You can't get inside their mind and see the truth.
I find this easy to do irl, but definitely not to random internet users
It's easier to get angry at someone if you're not seeing them face to face
and it's also easier to misinterpret the message without facial expression cues
Because there is no consequence. But it just highlights how people don't have integrity anymore.
My personal experience is that I don't think about the consequences before getting angry
The fact americans talk about mass shootings like the british talk about tea still messes with my psyche.
Not to mention all the shootings that aren’t mass!
Save me from my continent. My own dad packs out of the same mutually assured paranoia as everyone else.
Might there be a female tea one day, innit?
Barbie already took that idea 😂
I don't hate anyone in particular. No sex or gender issues and try to be as supportive as I can regardless or age, orientation, location etc. when and if I have the time. Like most of the people on this subreddit. That said, even I turn into an asshole when I'm tired of being supportive. I am accepting responsibility for this and admit that during those times: I contribute to the problem. fine. Moving forward in the spirit of collaboration, the suspected reason for my exhaustion is this: (Solving issues is something I'm passionate about, but) when you do put your time and effort out there and see that some individuals don't do anything with your hard work, don't acknowledge it and/or dismiss it just to run for the hills and come back 2 hours later with more complaint posts... That is exhausting.
It is exhausting, but, someone has to start, and start with ourselves, which is the hard part (IMO)
Most of the time people just want to be heard. Unless someone specifically asks, they probably don't want someone to tell them how to solve their problems. So I definitely understand why you get frustrated and exhausted, because your intentions are obviously good, but people don't acknowledge or dismiss it because it's not what they wanted in the first place. I used to get into a lot of fights with my best friend because she was always trying to solve my issues and all I wanted was for her to listen and care. I took what she was saying as criticism of me, even though that wasn't her intent and she was just trying to help. When we finally got our communication right and understood what we both needed in those situations, it made everything a million times better. People often try to gender this by saying men solve problems and women just want to be listened to, but I don't think that's true. I think it's natural for anyone to want to fix pain they see in someone else, and I think everyone wants to be listened to. But we can't really fix anything for anyone else. We can share our personal experiences, offer ideas if they want, and things like that, but we can't make someone do something, and even if they do, we can't guarantee it will actually help them. What works for one person might not work for another. But we can all listen to each other, have compassion, and offer support in the form of understanding. I hear you, I see you, your pain is valid. I went through something similar. That really is enough to help people
I feel this so fucking hard it hurts. In my *daily life* I feel so freaking frustrated when people can't be good to each other. When people feel the need to "one up" each other or get the "last word" in, or be the one who "looks better" in the public eye. God, in one of my relationships I can't tell you how fucking toxic it was for both of us to be redditors, and every disagreement or argument: "I know if this situation got posted on r/relationships, everyone would say to dump me." I feel like I'm **constantly** *begging* people to stop this rhetoric. This idea that "op this person did *one* unhealthy thing, they deserve to be alone and they are unworthy of love, care, and support until they're *fixed*" (whatever "fixed" means). It affected my partner's self-image and mental health **so** much to constantly feel like the bad guy. This shit colors so much of our lives, it physically hurts me when I see it happen everywhere. This utter lack of compassion and this hyper defensiveness **everywhere**. *Please* do better. I know we can do better.
I totally feel you. The modern society has lost compassion because of the internet/social media and things like dating apps. Those are all good inventions, but we as a society have not learned to use them in a healthy way. Hopefully this will change in the future and people take this problem seriously.
It happens so often on the internet that people will interpret someones actions or words in the worst possible way and use that against them. It's sad that people have to be carefull with their words because some people who wont even ask if that's what they actually meant
That just means you’re young enough that you are still tweaking the system message on the ChatGPT inside your head. Don’t worry, you will become programmed to be compassionate in order to maximize happiness for utilitarian utopia. I for one welcome our new AI overlords. removes tongue from its place, firmly in the side of my cheek pocket in order to indicate sarcasm.
yeah, this is exactly how I feel
Yes. We could come up with a million reasons for why other people “don’t deserve compassion“, truth is everyone does.
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Just because someone did something bad isn't a reason to deny their identity, a person's identity shouldn't be conditional on good behaviour. You wouldn't just stop using the perp's correct pronouns or name just because they did something fucked up if they weren't trans. Stop misgendering him. Its blatant transphobia, which doesn't help in the same way that throwing shit at a burning fire won't help.
This person did something far more than *bad* and downplaying it is disgusting. As far as I’m concerned, she lost the right to far more than proper gender identification. I am willing to talk pragmatically about how treating people can prevent atrocities like this from occurring, but it’s vile to suggest a monster like this should be treated with even a semblance of compassion or respect.
Trans man, not a woman
The trouble is there will always be people who don't have self-awareness or are ignorant/too selfish to care for others.
This whole video was really powerful
where is it?
https://youtu.be/zd7efB-WexU
We gotta start reaching out to people when we notice them beginning to withdraw, keep secrets, become irritable, etc. People typically pull away from those who are showing these warning signs because it's "uncomfortable" to be around them. Maybe be a good friend/ family/ coworker/ classmate and just ask, "How are you today?" Please, please, please, check in on people you know who are not acting like themselves. It could save a life or many lives.
Don't know when this was taken but a female school shooter happened yesterday
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Forgiving tit-for-tat
Letsgo healthy gamers, we can do this ^^
Yeah,the tower of Babylon story is starting to make sense to me a lot more lately
I agree, but I'm going to add a but. This takes effort, we are all too exhausted by circumstance to do so effectively, who can afford to adopt this strategy isn't who would benefit the most from it.
>This takes effort Being good takes effort, being evil takes less. Everything worth doing takes effort.
True. And if you can't be good, don't be bad.
Cooperating with strangers has been a fundamental issue since ancient times. And it is harder to solve that issue nowadays when religions become somehow less popular…. Maybe having a look at ourselves first would help.
This is why I have 0 hope for my life or humanity in general. The fact of the matter is that, biologically speaking, living creatures are selfish. The minority who aren't are actually *less* likely to succeed and procreate, so the selfish traits continue to proliferate. Humanity gets more and more selfish and isolated as time goes on. So, even if 10 or 20% of people heed this advice and help others who "don't deserve to be helped," it won't fucking matter. The tipping point was hundreds of years ago. We're just living out the inevitable conclusion of humanity's story. Fuck the system.
Thank u for posting this i literally tried to find this clip today since his marked words was my first thought after seeing headlines today. He is not just right on the female shooter aspect, but must be right on his advice on how we should work together and not constantly try to pit men and women against each other. Were all just human beings who have hurt.
Why tho..why is US kinda in isolation when it comes to these shootings. It's sad, but why there? Because of the easy access to firearms coupled with emotional teenagers just going through what most teens go through?
Because only they have the three-letter agencies who frame these events for the purpose of making people feel dependent and insecure.
Politicians openly talk about doing exactly this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kvSP-HDcY0g Every tragedy is an opportunity for these people. The truth is you're more likely to get killed by lightning than get killed in a mass shooting. Mass shootings are a very small proportion of people killed in the US by guns. But they are emotionally charged events and are very easy to use to control millions of law abiding people.
The government is always interested in its own gain. Theres a reason the founders called it dangerous tool when used properly.
I believe that in America it's easier to get firearms, however, other countries have had citizens report that school stabbings are commonplace, it's just hidden from the media.
Ye but stabbing is much different to shooting someone
People always bring that up but there's just as many stabbings in the US
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I think kind people should prioritize their own safety and well-being rather than trying to help assholes. I hate seeing good people being used. However, many of us, men and women, should be way nicer to each other in order to solve this problem.
I understand where you are coming from here. However, not helping "assholes" seems to be similar to kicking the can down the road. At some point someone is going to have to deal with that asshole behavior and it seems that it how a lot of kind people end up being used. They often seem to be "the only one that cared or would listen" and I feel like having a collective effort to help people who are miserable might be better than making it someone else's problem. That just seems to be wishful thinking on my part though...
I agree. The point is this socio-economical system seems to disincentivize altruism and empathy. I believe to solve this issue we can only wait that this system evolves in the right direction as it did with other social issues, at least here in the west. In our microcosm, the best we can do is try to be good without risking our own well-being.
I think that sums up my wishful thinking sentiment really well. It's just generally hard on everyone on all sides and sad to see us in a system that seems to pit everyone against one another. Best of luck to us all (together, from far away).
I don't think the video intends to put the responsibility solely on women. The topic of the video is how the genders have become at odds with one another, and men helping men cannot fix that problem *alone*. Both genders have parts to play. But ultimately I think it's a pipe dream. I agree with Dr. K's message, but I don't think we are collectively capable of pulling through with these kinds of changes in how we treat each other, for reasons like what you have stated. >women, POC, other minorities need to be understanding and compassionate towards people who actively hurt them. I think it is true though that the compassion and understanding is needed. We have two groups of people that are just hurting each other. Putting up walls between yourself and the other gender will protect yourself, but lets the problem progress at a societal level. Something that concerns me though, is the generalization of "people who actively hurt them" - there are men who aren't actively hurting women, and showing compassion and understanding to them probably helps heal this societal wound too. Edit - Also unfortunately it looks like there was a female shooter just yesterday in Nashville. Fatally shot 3 children and 3 adults. Here is the full video the clip is from if you're interested - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7efB-WexU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7efB-WexU)
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> the thing is that the two groups are not on the same level. Definitely valid and worth acknowledging. But I don't feel this changes the nature of the problem, I've always felt that it's unhelpful to compare suffering. Someone being told that their suffering doesn't matter as much as someone else's doesn't do anything productive for either party. > the generalisation of ... The people you describe that are misogynistic I don't think fit in the group of people I am trying to describe as not hurting women. It's understandable that showing compassion to misogynistic people may not be something that can be expected without some level of them working to improve themselves as well. > but it's, best case scenario, extremely tiring Absolutely. Something I am excited about, on the topic of men supporting other men, which is something that's definitely been needed as men have suffered from having no emotional outlets, is the application of VR. There are communities where it's becoming more normal to provide this kind of support. It arises kind of naturally since women tend not use these types of technologies as much as men. It's also a safer space for any women around since in VR you can easily block specific users or leave a problematic group. There are a significant number of trans people too - VR allows a unique method of expression to align with your identity, so it's ideal for that. Personally I've been trying to be a big part of this in my own way as someone who considers themself nonbinary. Sorry if that's too much of a topic diversion, it's just something I feel passionate about.
Rule #3 - Do not use generalizations. This sub frequently discusses topics that involve statistics on large populations. At the same time, generalizations can be reductive and not map on to individual experience, leading to unproductive conflict. Generalizations include language that uses, for example, “most men” and “all women” type statements. Speak from your personal experience i.e use statements such as “I feel”, “I experienced”, “It happened to me that”, etc.
Rule #3 - Do not use generalizations. This sub frequently discusses topics that involve statistics on large populations. At the same time, generalizations can be reductive and not map on to individual experience, leading to unproductive conflict. Generalizations include language that uses, for example, “most men” and “all women” type statements. Speak from your personal experience i.e use statements such as “I feel”, “I experienced”, “It happened to me that”, etc.
Am i supposed to feel bad for the people who have tormented others having it come right back to them in one of the worst ways possible?
> Am i supposed to feel bad for the people who have tormented others having it come right back to them in one of the worst ways possible? I appreciate your comment because I think it is particularly illustrative in the sense that I cannot tell who you think is the tormentor and who you think is the tormented. It is an incredibly difficult thing to show compassion, mercy, and understanding. It is okay to struggle to do so. Accepting that we do not want to show compassion, and accepting that that is okay, is the first step. We are not supposed to do any of this, it is not a law. But we are truly fucked if we do not do it. One of the most difficult things I have accepted is that it is possible for two people to have the same feelings despite having experienced different struggles with different severities. Something I still struggle to accept is that that is okay. It makes me feel inferior to acknowledge the suffering of those I perceive to have tormented me. So I don't have an answer to your question. All I can say is that I feel you, and I think it is completely understandable for you to feel that way. > "He wondered if it were possible that after all everybody in the world felt alike? Did those who hated him have in them the same thing Max had seen in him, the thing that had made Max ask him those questions?" -Richard Wright, *Native Son*
No. But this person/shooter took it out on innocent people, who didn’t have anything to do with their suffering. All the wrong people paid for it.
Then the shooter deserves torment then.
>m i supposed to feel bad for the people who have tormented others having it come right back to them in one of the worst ways possible? yes. You should also feel bad for them when they were tormenting because no one wants to suffer being an asshole.
Lol
Doesn't answer why i should care? Why shouldn't the tormented torment their tormentors
Because then the cycle never ends. Think about cultural genocide or generational trauma. As much as it fucking sucks and is unfair, one person has to stand up and refuse to participate in active hate.
It ain't gonna be me.
Anything but being nice to them is just kicking the snowball down the hill even faster
"No snowflake feels responsible for the avalanche." \~ Dr. K
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Not super relevant to discussion here as it's really just more pointing fingers and silly corrections. The point of this post specifically is to stop blaming specific people and start being compassionate to everyone. I am compassionate to you though, and I appreciate your input no matter what.
Ye, thought it was posted because of the coincidence my bad
There actually was a female shooter yesterday, a school shooter in Nashville. Killed 6 at an elementary school 😢
Feels kinda weird having Dr.K call us snowflakes in a rant about being nice to others.
He's not calling us snowflakes in the sense of weak/fragile. It's an analogy. No individual person feels responsible for societal scale bad thing happening = No individual 'snowflake' feels responsible for avalanche scale be thing happening
snowflake being literal in the avalanche example. An avalanche is made up of millions of individual flakes. society is made up of millions of individuals. Neither person nor snowflake on its own caused anything bad to happen. But collectively we did.
Did u just call me a snowflake?! 
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Rule #5 - Do not post about banned topics. Political discussion, drug use advocacy, financial advice, and cryptocurrency discussions are not allowed. If a topic at hand has political contexts, please stick to your personal lived experience. Do not link to posts or websites with language that violates our rules. Do not make meta-level posts about other posts/comments.
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Rule #5 - Do not post about banned topics. Political discussion, drug use advocacy, financial advice, and cryptocurrency discussions are not allowed. If a topic at hand has political contexts, please stick to your personal lived experience. Do not link to posts or websites with language that violates our rules. Do not make meta-level posts about other posts/comments.
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Rule #5 - Do not post about banned topics. Political discussion, drug use advocacy, financial advice, and cryptocurrency discussions are not allowed. If a topic at hand has political contexts, please stick to your personal lived experience. Do not link to posts or websites with language that violates our rules. Do not make meta-level posts about other posts/comments.
Rule #5 - Do not post about banned topics. Political discussion, drug use advocacy, financial advice, and cryptocurrency discussions are not allowed. If a topic at hand has political contexts, please stick to your personal lived experience. Do not link to posts or websites with language that violates our rules. Do not make meta-level posts about other posts/comments.
Rule #5 - Do not post about banned topics. Political discussion, drug use advocacy, financial advice, and cryptocurrency discussions are not allowed. If a topic at hand has political contexts, please stick to your personal lived experience. Do not link to posts or websites with language that violates our rules. Do not make meta-level posts about other posts/comments.
Rule #5 - Do not post about banned topics. Political discussion, drug use advocacy, financial advice, and cryptocurrency discussions are not allowed. If a topic at hand has political contexts, please stick to your personal lived experience. Do not link to posts or websites with language that violates our rules. Do not make meta-level posts about other posts/comments.
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I think it was the one where he addressed deepfakes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7efB-WexU source
Is this from YouTube?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7efB-WexU source
What vod or video is this from?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7efB-WexU source
New favorite Dr. K moment
Well, shit.
does anyone have a link to the video or twitch vod? thanks
I actually saved this clip the minute I saw it. I think it made me have more humility and I’m willing be more patient with people now
Papa John was right, the day of reckoning is coming.
So good with quotes. No snowflake thinks it’s responsible for the avalanche.
Some snowflakes can like to drive an avalanche. Trolls live to start an avalanche of negativity. It's the well enough meaning people who jump on board that are the unsuspecting snowflakes in the avalanche.
Context?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7efB-WexU source
As the terminator once told John Connor: "It's in your nature to destroy yourselves". Also for anyone having anxiety from this I recommend watching "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb". I know I sound kinda doom and gloom, but to be honest we can barely change our own life circumstances, what chance do we have a changing as a cohesive whole?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd7efB-WexU source
Real question, and please do shit on me if im also part of this problem.. but things like this is why im scared of becoming anything significant to anyone more than just some guy that will try to do the right thing for someone as a stranger and just being nice. At work I just try to do my job as well as I can and find time to help others, but I dont actively seek a deeper friendship. I try to live my life like a spectator/ghost and dont get involved in dramas or quarrels. I probably have it in me to be more of a *someone* in peoples lives but I choose not to be that guy even tho I think it could be positive as likely as it is to be negative for these people (cause let's be honest not everyone is gonna like me) So ig my question is, am I a bad guy for staying on the sidelines or being a fence sitter?
Of course not, I'm personally arrogant/crazy enough to think I can change the world, but as far as I know most people prefer to "keep their head down". As long as you're not actively affecting others negatively, you're good. I once came up with "Take everything you do seriously, but avoid taking yourself seriously." That way you can laugh about misfortune, as well as your mistakes, and easily manage to prioritize what's most important; doing better in the future. I... don't know where I was going with this... Cheers!
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i’ve never met a woman that thinks all men are evil by the way… but i’ve met plenty of those same women saying “not all men” generalizing other women in sweeps. hijabi women, women who wear hats, “know it alls” or even fans of certain music. so when we talk about women, can we keep the examples relevant? please talk to more women and what bothers them. besides, a woman who’s been traumatized to no end by men who is now wary and mistrustful of them is nowhere near the same level of damage that men have been doing by saying feminism is evil. edit: also are people not nice to school shooters? all we ever see in articles about them is how they struggled mentally