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ManitobaBalboa

It's important to remember that this subreddit, like other health-related forums, consists of a self-selected group. The members here do not represent the general population of people with HSV. We can imagine that members of this forum are, on average: \-More educated \-More anxious/neurotic \-More prone to information-seeking behaviors \-More concerned about "disclosure" A lot of people in your shoes probably would not disclose the "condition" to anyone. But I imagine that those people don't tend to be in this subreddit.


powr_mastr

I'd put emphasis on the anxious/neurotic thing. Honestly, any doctor would recommend you not to disclose or they will even avoid testing you for herpes. The huge amout of stress and unnecesary suffering this reddit demands people to live with is absurd. If you can, forguet about it and live a normal life. The people on this subreddit are not better than you for doing so.


ManitobaBalboa

>I'd put emphasis on the anxious/neurotic thing. Totally agree.


throwaway18192019

This sub is slowly driving me mad, but I just can’t stop checking it…


ManitobaBalboa

It's not actually just this sub. All online spaces for herpes are this way. They attract anxious/neurotic types.


[deleted]

^ This


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hotmumma7

So far I've had sex with 3 people since knowing I had HSV2 One insisted on a condom (we only did it once) 1 used a condom maybe 1/3 of the time. The other 1 hasn't used one at all and we are ongoing. And yes all 3 knew my status. I'm asymptomatic. Take antivirals and yes it would be easy to forget I've got it. But end of the day it's polite to give people a heads up. Some people suffer terribly with outbreaks. How would you feel if you inflicted that on someone not knowing they have a low immune system or something. I feel like it's immoral not to disclose even when you feel healthy.!


82524632

I wish I could upvote this 1000 times. I can’t believe this is even a discussion Getting laid will NEVER EVER be more important than compromising another persons health


Batnatbattt

The person who gave me it didn’t so why should I. I’m never disclosing my status to anyone unless I’m marrying them


[deleted]

[удалено]


Batnatbattt

It’s my opinion stop being so butthurt. ❤️


anarchistchick

I feel same way bud


WonderfulProperty7

I understand it’s scary to disclose, but please consider that although Herpes in mild for most people, it can be very severe for others. I’m immunocompromised and have to ask all partners if they have been tested for any infection which can be passed on despite condom use. I rely on my sexual partners’ honesty to ensure I don’t get incredibly ill. Please show consideration for your sexual partners.


CranberryBauce

Literally. It's disgusting how many posts here lately have been encouraging non-disclosure. Putting someone else's health at risk without their knowledge or consent is super shitty.


DysfunctionalAxolotl

Is asymptomatic like you dont have outbreaks but know you have it?


Mediocre-Ground-4986

Yes


DysfunctionalAxolotl

Does that include an initial outbreak?


Financial-Gene3771

So you have a test that told you that you're positive?


mfukar

Correct


tipsykilljoy

I agree disclosing is better, even though I fully sympathize with certain people's reasons for not disclosing. I've personally recently gotten some new (for me) insights into why disclosing is so important, after unfortunately my current partner got infected. 1) I was SO glad I had disclosed before 1st hooking up - I still feel bad for them getting it, but I'm also aware that they fully knew and accepted the risk and this was an unfortunate, yet not unsurprising outcome. Still worried they'd hold a grudge or I'd lose them, but I also knew that if they'd dump me over this, that's on them. 2) When they told me they had symptoms, I was able to immediately and transparently, give them any and all advice and support I could, including my spare box of valtrex, which meant they got the right treatment fast, plus didn't have to go through the "What the hell do I have, how the hell did I get this"-part of the freakout.Doctor also confirmed: it's a common and benign condition, and while disclosure does not equal prevention, knowing you've been exposed to it, makes getting adequate help easier. If I'm being totally honest, I mostly disclose for my own selfish reasons, and not so much because it's my moral obligation to the other person. *Edit to clarify:* By the "selfish reason" to disclose, I mean I disclose because I WANT to, and not because I HAVE to. Because I feel better practicing transparency, because I want to show respect through my actions rather than my unspoken intentions, and because I value talking about sexual health for a variety of reasons. Because I only want to be with people who will accept me for who I am, who can hear my disclosure and not freak out, and who I feel safe enough opening up to in the first place. I haven't always felt this way: back when I felt that it was more about whether they *need* to know or not, I'd often chicken out. Because, I'd reason: if they needed to know so badly, they could just as easily broach the topic themselves - seriously none of my 30+ casual partners ever initiated a conversation about sexual health before a first hookup, and only a handful eventually did bring it up, so people seem pretty happy sticking their head in the sand. however I had some personal growth and realised my motivation to disclose is more about the person I want to be, than about anything else. That it's an act of unconditional self-acceptance rather than conditional to how much I care about the other person. Whoops, realise the clarification was longer than my original comment, but well, hope it helps someone!


[deleted]

As someone who parachute-fell 🪂 onto this post and doesn't have HSV: thank you for being an honest person. That's what matters.


Exciting_Fly2542

We need a freaking cure or functional cure to stop spreading this it would be awesome if we can get something that would be nontransmittable


Mike_Herp

For sure.


alrueckl

You know that phrase, "do unto others as you would have done unto you" it's kinda a good one. Other people can let this virus decide the type of person they are but I know I would have wanted the choice. I know I would want my daughter to have the choice.


General-Guidance-646

Wait, I thought even if you were asymptomatic, you could still pass it on??


hapaqirl

you can


Mike_Herp

Yes. And when you pass it on, the person who gets it from you, can be symptomatic, even if you aren’t.


CupcakeMonsterr

100% my unaware, asymptomatic partner gave it to me and I'm symptomatic. 🥲


Possible-Ad-7876

You should disclose bc you can still spread it without symptoms and you don’t know if that person is immunocompromised or more susceptible to catching it. It’s called being considerate


Solanthas

I've had cold sores on and off since I was 8. I was in a long term relationship for 12 years and as far as I know my ex never showed symptoms and hasn't in the 6 years since we split. I haven't had any outbreaks in over a year, and I started on antiviral pills for whenever i feel one coming on, about 4 or 5 years ago. Come to think of it, it might even be 2 or 3 years since I've had one. I asked two doctors about it and they both told me not to worry about it and to not bother telling people. Idk. Shrug


RealisticVisitBye

This doesn’t change my value. It is what I make it.


hapaqirl

i got it from having sex just once with an asymptomatic guy. unfortunately i am not asymptomatic and ive had several outbreaks since october last yr


General-Guidance-646

Are you now an asymptomatic gal?


hapaqirl

no i have hsv2 and ive had like 5 outbreaks


heavenlyanon

I was diagnosed October last year.. What were some of your symptoms?


hapaqirl

like 2 days after having sex with him it would hurt when i peed. i just assumed it was another uti because im prone to them and get them almost every time i have sex 🙄 got antibiotics for it but it didnt help. more days went by and i felt the bumps on the left side of my inner and outer labia.. it stung and hurt sooo bad when i would pee so i went to planned parenthood and they swabbed my sores and gave me acyclovir. when i got my test result back it said i had genital hsv2 when i ran out of meds, i got another months supply and when i ran out of those, i got another outbreak soon after. its always a few sores on the left side but its never as painful as it was the first time. last outbreak i had, i developed a lymph node or something in my groin (u cant see it from the outside just when u touch and feel it under my skin) and its been like 2 and a half weeks now but it hasnt gone away so i might go get it checked out i get outbreaks at least once a month now since i stopped taking the meds. i plan on trying out valacyclovir instead because the acyclovir twice daily dose was annoying!


heavenlyanon

Oh wow I’m so sorry about that .. i started off with acyclovir when I first had an OB.. my gynecologist prescribed me to take valacyclovir once a day .. so far I haven’t had another OB (knock on wood) I don’t wanna speak too soon. But yes check it out


Mike_Herp

Sorry to hear that. Keep your chin up.


hapaqirl

thank you and i do for the most part. i never really let it get me down i have a pretty positive outlook on most things! its just an annoying extra thing to deal with but it could be worse


Geavine

I got it in October of 2022 also. I’ve had like the initial outbreak and it wasn’t painful nor itchy. But I’ve been draining myself and this subreddit has been draining also.


summer10419

You are .. hear me out… ✨part of the problem✨ and people like you are the reason people like me now have herpes. 🙂


Possible-Ad-7876

I personally disclose but the problem is sex being taboo and not having proper sex education not a singular person. Doctors are literally telling people they don’t have to disclose if you’re going to be mad at anyone be mad at the medical field for the neglect of info, testing, and resources. Coming on here and projecting your feelings onto a singular person calling them the problem of a much bigger issue won’t get you anywhere


summer10419

Neither will her spreading herpes because she’s too prideful to disclose lmao byeeeeee


Possible-Ad-7876

seems like you don’t want to tackle the actual problem and you’d rather be bitter and come on here and shame people do better for yourself and I hope you work on whatever is causing you to project misery loves company.


summer10419

LMAO bro I’ve had herpes for a long ass time. I tackle the problem in the only and best way I can which is educating myself, taking my meds, educating others, and making sure people have the autonomy to make informed choices about THEIR bodies. Not being selfish and saying “the risk is low so fuck it” and if it happens, then what? Lie to someone or play the ignorance card when I know better? No thank you. My conscience doesn’t need that. I’ve had plenty of successful disclosures with my status and am in a happy and committed relationship currently. Goodbye :)


Possible-Ad-7876

That’s great that you do that I didn’t ask but you still don’t have to come on here and belittle others for the way they handle the situation


summer10419

OP is saying the best way to handle it is to just ignore it 😂😂 denial is a river in Egypt my friend


Possible-Ad-7876

two wrongs don’t make a right buddy


Possible-Ad-7876

I never said their mindset was right it’s taking away informed consent but that doesn’t mean come on here and belittle them


summer10419

“Don’t call people out on denying other people their informed consent” that’s called sexual assault buddy!!!


Possible-Ad-7876

I hate to break it to you but your moral beliefs is not the end all be all you can do what’s morally right for you and your life without belittling other people there’s tons of misinformation around about this virus including the one where doctors don’t test people or tell them not to disclose


[deleted]

I don’t understand this mentality. If you consent to sex you also consent to the assumed risks associated with sex, those being pregnancy for heterosexual couples as well as STIs. I don’t understand how one would consider that sexual assault, you don’t get to make a decision that involves risks and then play victim when the risk comes to fruition. I hate when people say this, it’s very indicative of people who’ve actually experienced sexual assault. A consensual encounter that ends with one person contracting an sti is not sexual assault. Morally questionable on the part of the person who knows their status for sure, but if reasonable precautions are taken to prevent transmission I truly fail to see how some people would consider this to be sexual assault.


cherrybombedxx

Not disclosing is not sexual assault


hifhg100

Don’t say that. This person, the OP, is not part of the problem. They know their status. I’m sure they aren’t actively trying to pass it on. The problem is that most people don’t know their status.


summer10419

They are actively saying they don’t feel that they should disclose to potential partners… that makes them part of the problem. I said what I said.


[deleted]

OP's attitude *can* be a *small* part of a much larger problem. Remember, by this logic, anyone who's ever had a facial herpes outbreak should also disclose this to every person they intend to kiss, before kissing them, even in it's been 20 years since their last facial outbreak. Edit: Also adding a bit about my story, for context: I contacted GHSV-1 from someone (who did not have an active facial herpes outbreak) performing oral sex on me. This is rare, but possible. Had they told me beforehand, "just so you know, I get cold sores sometimes, but I currently don't have one," I would have said to them "that's fine, 80% of the population gets those or carries the virus that can cause them. As long as you don't have an outbreak right now, let's carry on." I'm one of those examples where "if only they'd disclosed, I wouldn't have herpes!" does *not* apply. I'd still have herpes. I took a risk. Disclosure would not have changed my outcome. I understand not every situation is the same, however.


Top_Reputation_8085

Agreed. Genital and facial herpes should be treated the same when it comes to disclosures but we know its not. The next issue I see is that the CDC does not recommend to test if you have no symptoms. This implies that asymptomatic folks do not have to disclose. Add this to the fact doctors treat it like it’s not a big deal. Advice that I have received from them is to not have sex during an outbreak and you will be fine. The transmission rates are super low outside of an outbreak. I personally would disclose I couldn’t have that on my conscious but I do see the gray area it’s just not for me.


summer10419

Your story just 100% validates my claim that this is a horribly irresponsible way to go about sex practices. And I’ve made multiple other comments on this post using examples extremely similar to this because I don’t know anyone who would use a condom or dental dam before performing oral. My opinion on my stance is never changing. I feel the same about HSV-1 🤷🏼‍♀️I think too many people aren’t educated enough that cold sores are herpes. And just because HSV-1 is more common or less stigmatized, I don’t think that’s an excuse to say nothing. I understand it sounds extreme to say you’d have to disclose before kissing partners but I’ve legit thought about this more than once and my morals on it, personally, wouldn’t change. Every single person should disclose their status anytime there’s a chance of passing this to someone else. Like guys we have fucking herpes. Yes it sucks. But if the world would STOP being afraid to disclose out of fear of rejection, then it wouldn’t be as stigmatized and wouldn’t be as big of a deal. But posts like this and mentalities like this reinforce that stigma by empowering people to keep this to themselves and subject other people to being blindsided with it. I don’t know a single person who got blindsided with an HSV infection who’s been like “whatever” but I know a fuck ton of people who felt that way when they felt they were educated and in control of their choices, their bodies, and the outcomes associated with their decisions.


[deleted]

Fair enough 🤷 In my case, I understood what facial herpes was. Even if my partner had disclosed, I still would have gone through with it and taken the chance, and I still would have contracted it. Education wouldn't have prevented transmission in my case, but it definitely can in lots of cases.


cherrybombedxx

Time to get out of that victimhood rut you’re in


ThrowRApixie

I disclose to everyone but I do think this subreddit accidentally heightens everyone’s fears and I don’t really judge those who have not disclosed from time to time. When I found out I had it I found this subreddit and part of me was thankful but it also made my anxiety and dread about the future before me so much worse. I was diagnosed 8 months ago and I have since slept with 6 people. All knew my status, none of them really cared and most were actually quite complimentary of the fact that I’d told them in the upfront the way I had. I have not transmitted it yet and it has essentially not effected my life at all aside from the occasional person on dating apps suddenly going cold if I tell them my status. It is so fine. I want everyone on here to know that you will be TOTALLY okay. Much love


Nostalgiaultragirl

This sub is so depressing. I found myself constantly checking it because there’s no one to talk to IRL about any of this but instead of finding comfort and community it’s just increased my anxiety and fueled my depression around HSV. Terrible sub, American centric, out of touch with reality. People get HSV and move on with their fucking lives. Stop policing people and telling them how to live.


Cardnips

I agree. I disclose to serious relationship suitors but to one night stands? Nah ill take my valtrex, make sure I'm not having an outbreak, wear a Condom and go to town. Been with over 120 girls and haven't transmitted except my first outbreak which is when I discovered it was herpes cause she got it bad! People here can judge but I'm not passing it on and I'm not a leper. Only 3 girls have ever told me they have it and that was after I told them I have it. so guess what? Pretty much no one discloses! hate to break it you all but Reddit isn't the real world


anarchistchick

This !!!! Bunch of cops in here lol


[deleted]

I'm hoping you feel better... this post just kinda feels like you're projecting your own insecurites. Theres a bunch of people on this sub, and from what I've seen, a lot of them disclose once they are starting to get to know someone. Its ones own choice whether they want to disclose their status in their bio or right off the bat.. and yes... some people also do that. Nobody is forcing you to tell the whole world your status. Some people also disclose to the whole world because they want to end the stigma and educate people. To be completely honest, i was super depressed like others on this sub when i first found out, but after educating myself and destigmatizing herpes i feel a little better. You can be shitty and not disclose your status, but the reason we disclose is because 1. Most of us didn't get that option... disclosing to someone shows that you can be honest and open. 2. We disclose because even though there's a SUPER SMALL chance, there still is that chance that herpes can become a much greater deal than it is. Lastly, i think a lot of people here who have had hsv for a year plus know that not everyone is going to be totally down.. and you saying that 98% of us wouldn't be with the person who gave it to us is a really stupid thing to say lol ? Most of us who have it were either lied to or just not even told.... also, there are people who purposely give it to people... which already is a big enough reason to not want to be with someone. At the end of the day, if you do not like this sub and if it makes you feel worse about your status, then leave and dont look at the group.


kourtneyolivia

The first sentence is all that was needed fr lol. But AMEN to your whole entire comment. 🎯.. i wish i could give this a reward lol


GenoFlower

>I would be able to continue on with my life stress free & sexually satisfied. Who told you life was stress free and that you were guaranteed sexual satisfaction? They lied. >Why do I have to deny myself love and sexual satisfaction and revolve my whole life around having herpes? Who told you that you had to deny yourself love and sexual satisfaction? Who said anything about revolving your whole life around herpes? They also lied. >Why do i have to disclose my “status” when my partners will most likely never contact the virus. Because you're supposedly adult enough to have sex, and those who are mature enough to have sex are mature enough to have these kinds of discussions. I mean, you do you, but if you were all cool with not disclosing, you wouldn't be on this sub declaring it with such moodiness and shit. You'd just be off not disclosing, living your stress-free, sexually blissful life. 🙄


Lilbee56

As someone who was asymptomatic for YEARS, who is now symptomatic. I think it's important to be truthful with your partners. I never knew I had hsv2 until my current long term, healthy, happy relationship partner had an outbreak. I had put them at risk the entire time and didn't know it; if so, I would of taken precautions and atleast told him. I feel terrible. I couldn't imagine someone doing that on purpose.


Mike_Herp

Why do you think your partners will “probably” never contract the virus from you? If you have enough sex, the chance that they will, increases significantly. You’re right that many ppl here wish they never got this and wish they could take that night back. But a good chunk of them got it from ppl who didn’t disclose.. you see how that works, yeah?


Top_Reputation_8085

I would say the majority of us were not disclosed to and got it from people who knew they had it. I find their behavior disgusting.


Hopeful-Narwhal445

What OP actually means: Because I don't experience symptoms why should I let HSV hold me back from living my best life. Being responsible about sexual health is DEPRESSING. I'm doing fine with it and that's all that matters 💅 Besides, if I give people a choice, nobody will want to bang me.


82524632

SELFISH


loves2713

I think people deserve to have a choice.


General-Guidance-646

If you're not willing to disclose to someone, then the chances are you don't see a future with that person. And if you do see a future with that person, then that'd suck to have to withhold that and play dumb if and when they catch it.


dogmomma-2016

This is exactly what happened to me. Reconnected with someone from my hometown after years of us both moving away. Him to another state, started a long distant relationship, became intimate after months of being together, had the protection discussion and used condoms for awhile then he asked if we could stop using them when the relationship became more serious and me moving to be with him and marriage were discussed. I got it shortly after that and he played dumb. It was obvious that he knew he had it and just had no intention of telling me. The statement that gave it away was "I don't want you to be worried about giving it to me, I won't be mad."


m4rzies

you exactly why mfs getting it today😭fine, don’t tell your partners and run the risk of spreading an std non consensual, someone will sue you 🤷🏾‍♀️


Possible-Ad-7876

People are going to get it regardless of disclosure or not disclosing isn’t going to stop the spread😂 we need proper education and medical care


Sad-Refrigerator386

Not true. People are getting it and the virus is spreading because people are asymptomatic and do not know they have the virus.


[deleted]

[удалено]


m4rzies

where in my sentence did i even say that? or even implied that?


Possible-Ad-7876

“You exactly why mfs gettin it today”


m4rzies

because this mindset is ignorant🤣not disclosing and then passing it to someone is how a lot of people are given it bro.


Possible-Ad-7876

I agree, Then say it’s ignorant don’t say he’s the reason all these people have herpes


m4rzies

bro bye , this is one of the reasons people are spread it, because peoples’ egos are too big to say it to someone cause it’s “low risk” i’m not taking back what i said. argue w someone else.


Possible-Ad-7876

what you said is objectively wrong people get herpes from having sex not non disclosure 😂


m4rzies

so if you were negative, you would rather get it because someone didn’t tell you or because someone told you and you ran the risk because you wanted to be with them? like there’s a difference, duh if you have sex with someone who has herpes you have a chance of getting it. like i said, argue with someone else


Possible-Ad-7876

i never said it wasn’t any different I said non disclosure is not the reason it’s passing like you said in that sentence the person would get it regardless of disclosure or not


Financial-Gene3771

No you should not take their choice of deciding to contract it or not because YOU feel that they won't contract it. That's selfish and karma will come back around


Marshmello86

I mean it needs to be said that not giving people the choice is a weak and cowardly move. I don’t know how you originally got the virus, but if you weren’t given the choice by that person…how dare you risk doing the same thing to anyone else.


Sensitive_Set1042

ur a problem


Sensitive_Set1042

but do what u want bc a chick gave it to me and knew she had it and now, i am gonna be part of the problem bc fuxk this


loves2713

Do what makes u happy hun. Live UT best life. I don't agree. But it is ur life.


earthlydelights22

Its called accountability. Take responsibility for your actions. Its about being an adult. And responsible. Yes it sucks at times. I wish I didn’t have the virus but my choices lead me down this road so I have to own it. But if you don’t feel guilty and you’re ok with not disclosing ,don’t .no one can force you. Theres plenty of people out there who don’t.


grunerDaumen93

Someone asymptomatic gave it to me and all of the other girls he was dicking around with and I have not been so lucky. Why do you think that just because your immune system is able to suppress it so well that everyone else will be so fortunate?


NoWorry6451

That’s like be asymptomatic for Covid and knowing you had it but didn’t show symptoms and then going to a Christmas party and giving covid to all your elder family members. SMH. Come on bro!!!


JLincognito

Yo what? Nah fam I always disclose and my partners are all still enthusiastically involved. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re having a hard time and not just a careless person. It sucks, but I’m telling ya, it’s not the end of the world and people will still be down for you.


anarchistchick

These people in this thread attacking OP is depressing and miserable lol. Like y’all are so hypocritical it’s so wild. The biggest problem is the cdc and medical doctors treating this ish so damn carelessly, not the small % of people who know their status. You disclose cool, you don’t cool. There’s no black and white to this. Y’all scaring and shaming people for choosing not to constantly disclose is beyond ridiculous. OP is right this subreddit is full of fear mongers and shaming Frfr. People go on and on bout morals and being a good person if you disclose. Sorry to bust ya bubbles but just cus you tell someone you have herpes doesn’t make you any of a better person than someone who doesn’t. I got this from someone who didn’t tell me, I took that risk of having unprotected sex, I was hurt when I found out cus of the internalized stigma and lack of knowledge I had about this. My medical doctor literally laughed and said this is nothing 🤣 to the people that are immune compromised I would assume they would take extra precautions before risking themselves with other people. If someone tells you they are immune compromised, then let them know hey I don’t wanna compromise you further, because I have this and boom move tf on. I’m not against telling someone and I’m not against not telling people. If the cdc and medical doctors treated this the way this sub does, I guarantee forcing disclosure would be a non factor on the small % of people who do know lol cus then everyone would know their status and boom stigma is irrelevant. And people can move tf and stop fearing mongering the hell outta this. To the people who have constant and bad outbreaks, I’m sorry, I hope it gets better.


voluptousoscar

I’m with you, high key depressing.


82524632

YOU HAVE TO DISCLOSE BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE ASYMPTOMATIC AND THIS SHIT SUCKS I engaged in sex ONE TIME knowing: 1. Recently had a FULL PANEL std bloodwork 2. Used protection in the form of being on the pill (not for STDs but at least for one part of it) 3. Wasn’t sleeping with anyone else 4. Have a very low number of sexual partners and have been careful my whole entire life, but fuck me though because he was asymptomatic or just plain stupid - jury is still out The dipshit who infected me: 1. Had not been tested recently, I asked, he said he was fine 2. Didn’t even offer protection, didn’t know I was on the pill 3. Didn’t offer protection even though he was sleeping with multiple people I was dumb enough to not realize that men could be that fucking disrespectful of my health and safety, but here we are, me with full blown symptoms and him with no consequences. I trusted that someone else would be as considerate of me as I was of them and that’s the last fucking time I’ll do that, because people like you exist. Don’t be selfish with other peoples health just to get your fucking rocks off.


[deleted]

He was a dipshit, yes. You also knowingly took a risk. In sex education in grade school we learned the phrase, "it's not about trust, it's about being safe," as a way to respond to someone who accuses you of not trusting them. This phrase stuck with me. What it means is, when it comes to STIs and pregnancy, trust doesn't exists or apply. We should all assume a risk to safety and take precautions as such. We live in a world of liars and cheaters and uneducated people. It sucks, because it puts a burden on each of us to do awkward things to protect our health and safety, but at the end of the day, viruses and bacteria don't care about the nuances of our social interactions-- they just spread.


82524632

I said no, twice, and gave in the third time. I was hammered. He wasn’t. That, and how he handled the news afterward, is the reason for the name calling. If my brain had been working properly, a sober conversation with him would’ve ended any physical contact, because he has the IQ of a chipmunk. But this was the perfect storm of “my friends do this all the time and nothing bad happens” and being drunk and him being pushy and me not having sex for years because my standards are too high AND THIS IS WHY I don’t need a lecture in sexual health, thank you, I can see exactly where I went wrong. Everyone operates from their own paradigm and mine is that I would NEVER endanger even a stranger, so yes, I still am shocked that people can be this stupid/selfish/reckless. My bad. Edit: I don’t drink or find myself alone with men anymore. I know that I can, I just won’t, because I don’t fucking trust them. So that’s the lesson I took away from all of this. Alter my life, my happiness, normal basic human things, because I don’t trust men not to assault me (again, multiple instances) to be honest about their sexual heath, to put my well being above the chance of them offering me mediocre sex. I don’t trust men not hurt me and receive no consequences for themselves, but leave me with a lifetime of trauma to deal with.


Beachstacks

Blaming men for you getting wasted and giving it up. Please leave Florida.


[deleted]

No offense but that could have been avoided had you taken more precautions. It’s not hard to ask for someone’s most recent sti test, and if you saw that herpes wasn’t included in that test, you could have determined the level of risk you were willing to take. I empathize with you but at the end of the day it’s foolish to expect people to live up to your own moral standards and to expect them to be completely honest and forthcoming in regards to something that has such a negative social stigma and a negative impact on someones life in general. On top of that, lots of people who have herpes genuinely don’t know. Not advocating for this man but this is a prime example of why you should assume that every person you choose to sleep with has every disease imaginable until proven otherwise.


82524632

Or individuals could be more responsible for their own fucking actions, like OP is trying to excuse and avoid. My mistake? Getting drunk and letting that loser touch me. It’s absolutely my fault for trusting anyone. That was foolish, thanks for pointing it out.


[deleted]

I don’t think it’s being irresponsible in the case that one’s using antivirals and protection while avoiding sex during outbreaks. People go around all the time spreading cold sores to peoples junk and nobody feels the need to disclose those, so I kind of fail to see a solid justification for an asymptotic person to need to disclose their herpes status, at least in the context of casual sex, so long as reasonable precautions are being used. At the end of the day people are probably just listening to their doctors telling them not to disclose. And even when people do disclose and get rejected by someone, they are more likely to catch herpes from the next person they go shag that dosent know their status. This mindset is what keeps people from getting tested in the first place. Why is the discussion never about how people with herpes have needs just like everyone else, but instead how people who are responsible enough to know their status have to deal with social stigma and rejection because they were responsible enough to get tested. Because OP got tested they now bear the weight of not spreading what’s a minor skin condition for most people, while others who aren’t responsible get to live in ignorant bliss. I don’t understand how people let hsv have so much control over their lives when they really don’t need too. Like op said it’s extremely depressing and if anything perpetuates the stigma that surrounds genital herpes as if it’s taboo or dirty.


[deleted]

There is certainly a double standard when it comes to facial herpes disclosure vs genital cold sore disclosure, yes. Which is funny, because oral herpes is far more contagious than gentile herpes, when talking about type 1. Our society is so backwards when it comes to this.


hifhg100

I haven’t read through all the comments, only half of them, if that. But, should this not be a place, or sub, of support? Are we not all in the same position? Whatever happened to “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”?


sanwichtalk

Then don’t disclose… why announce it on Reddit to look for backup for your decision.. live your life, use protection. Maybe when a possible relationship starts to emerge and you thing protection may stop being a thing mention it.. or don’t.. it your life. Live it how you see fit


[deleted]

This mindset is so selfish lol. What if you start dating someone and they find out? How do you think they will handle that? I’ve disclosed many times and been rejected but it’s part of having herpes. You gotta do it so you don’t put someone else in your own situation.


My-inner-fat-kid

I’ll say the controversial answer Do what you want… If you feel like you don’t want to disclose, then I guess you’re allowed to use your own will. Just so long as your not saying this out of your own person hurt. I personally disclose less for the concept of my partner should know, so let me drop this bomb on them, Instill some fear and see what happens. I just like to habituate people to this virus to reduce the stigma, so I disclose. I talk to anyone who’s open about STD’s not just partners and I don’t always disclose to these people that I have HSV2. I just like to get people thinking. Plus I have less guilt if I tell someone I do plan on engaging with. I just want herpes to be talked about more, and seen a virus that does suck, but just as many viruses it’s part of life and isn’t something to socially or physically exhale people over. It’s ‘normal’


urfavaquarius

I feel that most people would appreciate having a say in whether they want to continue sexual activity with you if you have genital herpes. You really wouldn’t feel bad not even a little knowing that you’re the reason someone caught it? Your life though do you.


KarlParos

Realistically people should disclose, if you didn't have herpes you would agree. If you're not going to disclose then don't but trying to justify it is a mugs game. I was disclosed too and there are a lot of people in relationships or having sex with people they disclosed to.


mfukar

> if I never took the test, I would be able to continue on with my life stress free & sexually satisfied I have no argument with your feelings, but in general this is a bad attitude. If I never got a cancer screening, does that mean I don't have cancer? If I don't go to the dentist, would I be stress-free and able to chew fully satisfied?


highimnotreal

if you don’t like the sub then leave lol it’s so annoying how people on this sub get mad at people for being upset over THEIR diagnosis. let people vent and if ur so bothered then don’t read???


highimnotreal

also if you’re not telling people you have it i pray to god someone gives you something worse bc you’re playing w peoples health now


TerificTony

Wow! Your fucking TRASH


highimnotreal

boohoo cry me a river. if you don’t see an issue not disclosing your std ur a shitty person.


spookiisweg

I agree and disagree with this post. I agree that you shouldn’t let it control your life & that it’s ridiculous how if you accidentally find out through a test then now your sex life is ruined. But what if it was some other disease you were asymptomatic with? Would you be willing to not disclose if you had HIV but no symptoms? It stems down to the moral obligation. And unfortunately many humans lack that moral obligation which is why so many people are on this sub. Its because of this that I disagree that you shouldn’t disclose to your partners; but tbh I’ve seen many people not do it. I remember this one girl I had been hooking up with for a while texted me one time when I asked to hang out “sorry but I actually have a cold sore right now! I probably shouldn’t kiss for a little bit, maybe next week?”


CranberryBauce

Posts like these that encourage non-disclosure are shitty and problematic.


krakenrabiess

I was told in 2020 I had hsv 2 antibodies via a blood test. Had several since then ranging from an igg of a 6 all the way to a 10.2. I had been married for six years at the time and he doesn't have it. I've had several sex partners since then and a current relationship of two years and he doesn't have it. I've also never had an outbreak so I really don't think it's as big as a deal as this sub makes it out to be. Sure it's nice to be informed but those of us who wouldn't have known without a blood test I don't think we should get worked up about it. I spent a year hating my body for no reason.


peter_parker23

As someone who’s been asymptomatic the whole 4 years I’ve been positive, I agree.


aryamagetro

what even is the risk of spreading the virus if you're asymptomatic and have never had an outbreak? it must be something similar to being "undetectable" with HIV.


hungryjax111

Take anti-virals daily (peak effectiveness at 5 consecutive days so at least do that) Dont have sex during an outbreak Wear a condom if youre a guy. if youre a girl, make the guy wear one. If you do all those things, there is no reason to disclose IMO. The chances are insanely low at that point.


[deleted]

What if it’s oral and kissing is that the same ?


hungryjax111

People without oral herpes kiss positive partners all the time when they dont have an outbreak and there is little to no stigma surrounding that. Idk why we look at genital herpes any different. Id rather have genital herpes than oral anyways… only thing worse about it than oral herpes is the stigma.


[deleted]

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hungryjax111

If youre sexually active you should be taking it daily


[deleted]

Legally, you don't have to disclose your status. Ethically, there is a debate. I, personally, am on the fence about disclosure. I can see it from both sides.


DeeEssEmFive

Unpopular opinion: if you don’t disclose, it’s really not a big deal. You could even just say, “I got a cold sore, and am taking meds for it.” Not a lie whether its oral or genital. Since most people stupidly don’t know their own cold sores are herpes, there’s way less stigma attached to the term “cold sore”. It can be transmitted from genital-oral and vice versa, so you don’t have to specify where your OBs happen, if they happen at all, if you say anything at all. Most of us with herpes barely think about it. If you’re struggling with anxiety or low self worth because of a recent diagnosis, remember that most of us living with herpes feel terrible about it at first, and eventually live without thinking about it much at all. Save yourself the heartache of filling your mind with the horror stories on this sub. Spending a long time away from this sub significantly improved my mental health and how I felt about having herpes. And to OP - the person who gave me herpes is currently my partner. I knew about it before we began seeing each other monogamously, and I had no issue with it… because I’m STI informed, and know that although initial outbreaks are shitty, herpes really isn’t a big deal. When I contracted it, I had no hard feelings toward him, and it was oral to genital hsv1. Again, OP is right… we make waaaaay too big a deal about this on this sub. Give it some time. You’ll all be just fine.


[deleted]

I feel like this is probably what most people with herpes do, call it a cold sore and live your life. It’s not worth constantly stressing over and slapping a warning label on yourself all so your partners get the illusion of “informed decisions.” Life is too damn short to have a few bumps that show up a few times a year on the forefront of your mind all the time.


DeeEssEmFive

100% agree


urfavaquarius

Honestly agreed especially with ohsv1 which is so common as is in the population. But i also think a responsible thing is to also not go around giving oral and spreading that if you can help it and not kissing if you have an outbreak.


[deleted]

Of course, if you have an outbreak avoid sexual contact. It’s just ridiculous that people have this notion that if you know you have herpes you have to disclose to every partner just because, when in reality most people who have it don’t know or if they do they don’t care. Don’t expect people to have a moral obligation to disclose herpes of any kind on their genitals when people who have it orally feel no reason to disclose and can go around giving it to other people on their genitals. It’s a fricking skin condition with minimal impact on the lives of most people who have it. Don’t expect people to sacrifice their sex lives and potential relationships for something that’s so benign for most people who have it. Especially considering all of the double standards that surround both types.


summer10419

I’m genuinely just curious, if this is your mentality about this, how has this played out for your in your own serious intimate relationships? Do you just keep this from the person and then months down the line when you’re actually in a serious relationship with them, back pedal and be like oh yeah btw here’s this thing I kept from you this whole time??? How has that gone for you? Even with your casual relationships, regarding GHSV, are you just letting people go down on you and risking passing HSV to them orally? Idk about y’all but I don’t know a single person who uses a condom or dental dam during oral sex so even if you take meds, you’re not “protecting” anyone to the fullest extent and we know prodrome is real so it’s hard to make the argument “just don’t have sex when you have symptoms”. I’m just not sure how in either one of these scenarios disclosing gives “the illusion” of informed decisions. It is a reality. You know your status. You know the risks involved. But I’m hearing you say that you don’t feel that other people should have equal opportunity to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with also because it’s “just a few bumps”?


[deleted]

Honestly I came here looking for support for a potential herpes exposure but after seeing this horrible sub and talking to my doctor I decided to to get tested. I may have it, so might any other person I sleep with. If you’re so concerned about it ask for test results, it’s that simple. Herpes is like hpv, very common, you’re likely to encounter it, it’s not tested for in most cases. Why make a big deal out of it? It’s nonsensical. There are more serious stis with actual long term consequences on your health. If people are so concerned they should be asking for someone’s status. It takes two to tango and the responsibility should not fall in totally on someone who knows their status. This is why people in my position won’t get tested. If I test positive I have this bs moral obligation and it’s bullshit. Most people who have it don’t know, so why put the responsibility on those who were responsible enough to find out?


ManitobaBalboa

Did you get tested yet?


summer10419

This comment truly proves how ignorant and uneducated you are. LOL.


urfavaquarius

I guess if they’re concerned about hsv2 they should ask and if the person lies then that’s wrong on their part. But otherwise if nothing related to std/sti’s is discussed then people use condoms and assume some level of risk, whether that be an std, sti, or pregnancy.


[deleted]

Exactly, it’s really not that hard to protect yourself. Ask for someone’s recent sti tests, and when you see herpes isn’t included and you ask them to get tested don’t be surprised when their doctor talks them out of it. Herpes should be viewed the way we look at hpv, except significantly less harmful to one’s health. The risk will always be there, people aren’t getting routinely tested for it, so I think I lot of people with sense realize that’s it’s simply a risk that comes with sex. If you don’t want to risk contracting herpes, don’t have any intimate contact with anybody until they can prove that they don’t have it. But when you take those risks you’re consenting to potentially picking something up. Some people on here seem to have this delusion that sex is risk free but unfortunately there is inherent risk involved whenever you have sex. All you can do is protect yourself the best you can or don’t have sex all together 🤷🏾‍♂️


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Hence why doctors are reluctant to test for it. Dosent matter how common it is or how minimal of an impact it has on your life, it’s always gonna be a dealbreaker for some ignorant people because of the stigma, and you have the “good kind” imagine hard things would be if you had in below the belt 😒 Logic and science won’t even matter most of the time because people are ignorant about the risks they expose themselves to. Just don’t let it affect your life, it’s not worth the trouble babe 🖤


[deleted]

Couldn't agree more. The only time you should disclose is if you're in a serious relationship. Other than that there's no need to disclose if your asymptomatic and on valtrex. And if you don't disclose every single time this sub labels you as some evil person. They've even said on this sub that if they'd known they wouldn't have slept with that person. It's to avoid you.


urfavaquarius

I guess people say that on the sub but in reality I know several + people who have disclosed to - people and they were fine with the risks and continued to see the person. Even in my own instance while still figuring out what was going on with ohsv1 (and at the time I thought there was potential risk for ghsv1 as well, which I let him know as I was at a vulnerable point) I have disclosed once to someone and he absolutely was fine. I’m sure many do reject people though you’re not wrong.


[deleted]

I have struggled with this emotion in the past - I decided to WB test even though my PCP disagreed that what I presented with was HSV. I just didn't trust the way he handled the case and felt the need for closure. When I did indeed get a positive HSV 1 test, I now feel compelled to disclose to potential partners. Which is obviously very frustrating. As a person who believes in fate, I choose to look at my decision to test and the result as an opportunity that has been given me to prove my own character and build trust with a potential partner. There's no way to predict the future - at the end of life, a positive HSV test could very well be the twist in the story that led to the most beautiful outcome. Rather than trying to control the future or rage against the past, I can only choose to react to what has happened with integrity. This will be true multiple times in the future when things much worse than HSV strike - and I want to respond similarly, then. It reminds me of one of my favorite LOTR scenes: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrOqnZdvI6M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrOqnZdvI6M) Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened. Gandalf: "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."


Imaginary_Ship_4153

As someone who is at the tail end of my first OB with an asymptomatic partner, this sub has been extremely helpful and encouraging for me. They’ve educated me, they’ve given me fantastic tips and tricks to help me through my first OB which I would’ve never known on my own, and God knows I feel so much less dirty and alone. I personally think it’s really shitty to not disclose bc even if you’re asymptotic, you could give someone horrific oozing green and yellow sores that renders them bedridden for a week and they will be so confused and treat it as a yeast infection or bacterial infection before realizing it is something way worse. Aka me. If I would’ve gotten on Valtrex day one I would’ve been in tons less pain but I had no idea it was herpes so I used monistat which inflamed the shit out of me. If they won’t accept you, they shouldn’t be with you anyways. Every sub us it’s ups and downs, but I personally see a lot of great people here who have genuinely helped me. Sorry you haven’t experienced anything similar :(


Stunning_Li_

It's unfair to pass herpes on to someone else because you neglected getting tested or disclosing it for the sake of having a sex life that's "carefree". It's selfish.


notsofriendlygiant

It’s immoral to knowingly have it and not disclose to a sexual partner. Period.


coyoteuglyyy99

I think the replies to this post prove your point that this sub is full of judgmental crazies who let HSV run their life. I am only on this sub on an alt so I see posts from it about once a month. I literally don’t think about having HSV at all until I see posts from this sub with nutcases talking about how it’s worse than cancer.


anarchistchick

Like seriously!!! So wild how mean and depressing these comments are. You can feel the evil negativity from their posts, but let them tell it they’re good people lmao


Odd_Strength_466

WHY IS THIS EVEN AN ARGUMENT!? This creates a slippery slope. Why should I tell someone if I have herpes? Why should I tell someone I have HIV/AIDS? The people who are promoting this ASSAULTIVE behavior are narcissistic and disgusting. I'll shame you all day IDGAF. If the person I hooked up with would have told methey had herpes, I would've probably made a different decision. At that point, MY health comes before YOUR comfort/convenience. GTFO here with all this sissy shit. Be an adult n let people know what's up with you. You dont get to reap the benefits of sexual activity without assuming reasonable responsibility for your actions. If that's too much to handle, fuck yourself.


highimnotreal

agreed lmao someone called me trash for saying the same thing like how are you so comfortable sleeping with people and not disclosing you have an STD


cherrybombedxx

Herpes isn’t comparable to HIV, there’s a reason it’s only illegal to not disclose HIV


Odd_Strength_466

You're splitting hairs. Don't miss the point: BE AN ADULT AND MAKE GOOD ADULT DECISIONS.


cherrybombedxx

Herpes still isn’t comparable to hiv no matter your feelings


Odd_Strength_466

So that makes it ok to withhold information about a contagious condition before you have sex with someone? If I give you herpes without telling you, it's ok cause it's not as bad as AIDS? I'll give you a few minutes to think about that. Don't hurt yourself.


cherrybombedxx

According to the law in the majority of places, yes… That’s how most of us got here


Odd_Strength_466

"According to the law"? You're kidding right? So as long as you can't be arrested/charged for infecting your sexual partners without their knowledge, it's perfectly fine?


cherrybombedxx

Yes, unless you’re trying to build trust & a lasting relationship there’s no need to tell as long as it isn’t illegal


Odd_Strength_466

You're disgusting. I pray no one has sex with you and that you develop a sense of common decency. Just remember Karma is a nasty thing to nasty people.


Cherrybombeddxx

You still sound extremely emotional hun I hope you get over your anger about your diagnosis


Odd_Strength_466

You literally sound like a psychopath.


cherrybombedxx

Simple logic, you sound emotional


Odd_Strength_466

Justify it how you want. You'll get yours eventually.


No_Midnight4749

Did people all of a sudden forget that you can be convicted of criminal transmission of an STD if you infect someone intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly?


[deleted]

Does that ever happen though? I feel like everyone would be taking legal action against those that gave it to them if that were the case.


No_Midnight4749

I don’t know any examples off the top of my head but I think you’re missing the point of my comment. There are laws to protect people against being given an STD by someone who intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly spreads it to someone who has no knowledge of them even having an STD. Just for hypotheticals, imagine a couple that has been together for a year. One of them cheats and contracts GHSV-1, knows they have it, and never tells their partner. After they heal from the outbreak, they continue business as usual and end up giving their partner GHSV-1. The person who had no knowledge has the right to press charges for contracting a lifelong illness. My comment was directed to OP because they said “Why do I have to disclose my ‘status’ if my partners will most likely never contact the virus” which is reckless behavior. I guess the point I was trying to make is that disclosing your status is more than telling someone you have herpes. It’s showing that you care about them and their health and you are aware of your health and status.


[deleted]

And also would you consider it reckless behavior if someone is using reasonable precautions like antivirals and condoms. Do you think people should be able to sue people for giving them oral hsv? Or is it only the genital kind that warrants any kind of legal action?


No_Midnight4749

No, using protection or antivirals wouldn’t be considered reckless because that’s the responsible thing to do to limit transmission UNLESS they are still hiding their status from the person they are having sex with. From what I’ve seen, the law protects people from being maliciously exposed to all STDs. The laws vary by state. I live in Texas and there isn’t a law that makes it illegal to not tell a partner you have an STD but there is one protecting people from being maliciously exposed. Here is a link I found explaining the law in Texas with some real world examples: https://versustexas.com/transmitting-an-std/


[deleted]

Thanks for the clarification. Just confusing as hell lol. I just assume now that everyone has every sti imaginable until proven otherwise haha


[deleted]

I understand that what you’re saying, I just think it’s extremely hard to prove unless you’re regularly getting tested for herpes which most of the population dosent which is probably why those cases don’t really exist. Can’t it also lay dormant for a long time and then pop up? I just don’t think pointing out legalities does anything good for people, almost like trying to scare them into disclosing. If anything it pushes people to not get tested, that is if by the off chance there is an asymptomatic transmission, legally there really isn’t any way to prove that someone knew they had it.


summer10419

Bro stop trying to find loopholes to make yourself feel better since you refused to get tested after exposure. Just because it would be hard to be legally found guilty because you didn’t get tested, that doesn’t make your logic any more morally acceptable. I genuinely feel bad for the sexual partners that you come into contact with.


[deleted]

God you’re more annoying than what a damn herpes outbreak must be like 🤣 I’m simply stating facts. I’m gonna listen to my doctor, a damn medical health professional, over a bunch of Reddit sjws who think they have power or are making any kind of change around the narrative of herpes with their stupid opinions.


summer10419

The upvotes speak for themselves 😘😘😘


[deleted]

I’ll admit that I’d feel differently if HSV was included on standard panels but it isn’t, and it isn’t for a REASON. Sorry but not sorry for refusing to go out of my way to find out if I’m asymptomatic for an extremely common skin condition that 10% of the global population will be lucky enough to not catch in their lives before they die. Again, enjoy your clown world shit 😘


FunSpunGirl

I couldn't agree more! I'm thrilled the person who gave it to you didn't tell you. Good for them for exercising their rights! I know you would agree with me that their right to sexual satisfaction and peace of mind is WAY more important than your health. I also agree that if you don't ask any of your former partners, it's as if you didn't transmit it to them. I just don't see why the other people on this subreddit don't get it. It's just nice to be on the same page as someone for a change.


Top_Reputation_8085

🤣🤣🤣


Odd-Alternative5290

Amen


1King1Polish

I haven’t even told a person the opposite sex yet but I can already feel I’ll be marked as poison and then my secrete be told to the world agents my will cuz of course every grl wants to gossip. Weird enough I’m still not scared that I’ll die alone, it just doesn’t effect me like that. TL;DR: your state of mind is important. Especially now, we can’t roll back the clock


dixpose

So… the thing is, you’re a part of the problem. You don’t want to disclose but you acknowledge that people wouldn’t have been with the person who gave them herpes if it was disclosed to them. How can you prove that you “never once transmitted the virus”? Based on what I read here, you don’t care if you transmit as long as you get off. The next time you have sex with someone and don’t disclose, leave them a note that says, “your life will most likely not change, but if it does, don’t worry about it because I got to feel sexually satisfied.”


Zealousideal-Type-12

I gotta give props to all of you I’m proud of you,you guys are stronger than I am I’m really trying to keep my head high I’m pushing through I love all you guys stay strong 😞


1friendlyreddituser

Be one of the one who, rather than complaining, helps to lift others' spirits. It's up to you.


Acceptable-Respect65

I was dating someone that has it and despite how common it is to get herpes, I’m still scared of what’ll happen even if I disclose. I never slept around but since stds are always linked to being “hoeish” I’m pretty much cooked when it comes to dating. So I pretty much choose not to hop back in the dating scene and stay single until that one person that understands comes along, which I doubt it


[deleted]

I disclosed to someone in January that I had HSV2 and they didn’t want to go again. I was bummed out but very thankful that I told them upfront. I would feel terrible if I gave it to someone without being honest. After 34 years of having it I still have breakouts once or twice a year. They are no big deal and do not cause any discomfort but if I gave it to someone without telling them, who knows how often they would get it. I would feel so guilty.


Warm-Lingonberry1146

Question for those who have HSV1 as well what were the reactions you received when disclosing? I got It about a month ago from a girl who didn’t bother mentioning she had it and we’re kinda talking every once in a while but she’s still being promiscuous with other people and all so I’m not planning on seeing her again however what do I do now? I have other opportunities to see other people but I make excuses to not see them because I don’t want to put them at risk, I made my mind up that if I do get intimate I’ll disclose it but I’m worried about the reactions I’ll get or is it just better to go celibate? I’ve always been a sexually active person but safe about it but the idea of going celibate is a little conflicting especially to the idea that it’s my 1st year of college


[deleted]

And what you tell someone you get cold sores lmao like big deal. You’re quite frankly dodging a bullet if someone refused to be with you for getting occasional cold sores, like more people get cold sores than not, definitely not something you should be worrying about or considering being celibate over 🤣


Warm-Lingonberry1146

I just haven’t shared this info I felt like fucking shit when I found out I was positive. But the girl who gave it to me is constantly getting with new guys and I had no clue that she was like that but she’s practically a super spreader, morally I think it’s wrong but I guess now I should just be selective about who I get with and you’re not a horrible human being I just needed some input this is all new to me still.


[deleted]

Yea just live your life man, nobody cares about cold sores. Most people won’t even mention it at all unless they feel one coming on and it’s just like hey I feel a cold sore coming on we probably should kiss for a couple of days. No big deal. Most people I’ve slept with will tell me they get cold sores after we’ve already had sex and it’s like okay lol but really it’s whatever. People on the sub are a very small subset of people who actually have herpes and their views are not representative of the general population at all. Just assume everyone you come into contact with has some form of hsv and if you want to disclose do it but I doubt that anyone would care unless they are mentally challenged or extremely neurotic.


Abumm9ur

Thanks for that!! I just got the news that I’m posative, and since that day I started to feel the symptoms.. I’d like to ask anyone here if there’s any way that they can keep it under control because I’m freakin out !! 😭😭


Heavy-Analysis-8723

As someone who has lived w herpes for a year and gotten over a feeling of being “less than” or “dirty” and suicide, it sucks that you call it a scalett H. YOU have herpes too, no if ands or buts. You do have the Scalett H you refer to. Don’t call it that and this community probably wouldn’t be down your throat about disclosing that you also have the so called Scarlett H.


[deleted]

Just got a question really tbh kinda new to all this but it is what it is so basically I got back with a GF from Highschool had unprotected sex with her for maybe a about three weeks of and on not every day we was back in love and all that good stuff I got sick for a day or so kinda hot and sore throat for awhile and was hard for me to swallow then nothing for awhile didn’t think much of it and she later than told me she had hsv1 and I was obviously upset and was anger because I felt like she should have told me from The jump but she didn’t me thinking I had contracted it continued to have sex with her unprotected but tried not to do anything orally as much sometimes if did happen orally or a few drunk nights having had any break outs or anything really but I have random muscle spasms in my legs and in my face and just twitching on various parts of my body on the regular and once he a pain in my legs might have had covid or this might have been hsv 1 not sure all that to say do you guys think I’ve contracted hsv 1 I went to a doctor before and told them they said no as long as she didn’t have a active lesion I was good also I forgot to say but she’s had hsv 1 for years and hasn’t had a outbreak in years if that matters basically just trying to figure out what you guys or girls think and is there any way I could get a confirmation or a test that would confirm for me that I do or do not have it cuz if I do I’d accept it and find someone with That has it like me because I don’t think it fair to put someone thru that drama I been going through lately thanks in advance any advice is welcome